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dnightshade0 · 2 days

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Voltron: mermaid mischief

I wrote this skit based off of SquemonWrites fanfic Lured. I thought it would be a really funny little klance moment between Lance and Keith. Lance is a siren (type of mermaid). This skit takes place after Keith and the gang rescued shiro and Lance. Lance is recovering in the dolphin tank.

Keith decides to try and feed the siren. He figured Lance hasn’t eaten since they rescued him and brings out a bucket of fish.

Along with the fish, Keith also brings out his lunch. He figures he can eat while the siren eats. (His lunch consisting of a cheeseburger and fries.)

He puts down the bucket and to-go bag at the edge of the deck and starts wiggling his fingers in the water to get Lance’s attention. Lance pokes his head out of the water and looks at Keith.

Keith: hay! Come get some food!

The siren is hesitant at first but then swims up to Keith, looking at him suspiciously.

Keith: I brought lunch. here, Have some fish.

Keith takes a fish out of the bucket and hands it to lance. After that he pulls out his cheeseburger and unwraps it.

Without looking away from Keith, Lance takes the fish and chucks it. It lands a few feet behind Keith.

Keith: wtf? What’d you do that for?

Maybe Lance doesn’t like that particular type of fish?

Keith puts down his burger, takes out another fish and hands it to Lance. And again without looking away from Keith, Lance chucks the fish, it lands two feet away from the other fish.

Keith: seriously?! Why are you throwing your food? Don’t you like those fish?

This keeps going on a few more times. Keith hands Lance a fish, and Lance throws it away behind Keith. When the bucket is empty, the deck is littered with fish. Keith sighs and gets up to go pick up all the thrown fish. It takes him awhile because Lance had thrown all the fish in different directions and they were scattered all over the deck. Keith grumbles as he picks the fish up. When he has half of the fish in the bucket, he turns around to scold Lance for throwing his food around but stops cold.

Lance has dug into the to-go bag and is eating Keith’s cheeseburger.

Keith: HAY! GET OUT OF THERE! THATS MY LUNCH!

Keith runs to save his lunch but Lance sees him coming and swims off carrying the stolen cheeseburger in his mouth. After reaching the center of the dolphin tank, Lance turns around starts eating the cheeseburger happily.

Keith: you. Cheeky. Son of a bi-

—————————————————————

Yeah, the thrown fish was all apart of Lance’s elaborate scheme to get the cheeseburger. Lol

I highly recommend reading SquemonWrites voltron fanfic Lured. It is an awsome fic and I honestly want to find out what happens next. Check out their story and support them by leaving comments on their fanfic.

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #voltron keith #keith kogane #Keith #SquemonWrites #fanfiction #fanfic #mermaid lance #siren Lance

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dnightshade0 · 11 days

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Chapter two is up. Enjoy!

Voltron alien defenders (aka the reality where lance is a mermaid)

A voltron AU where the paladins of voltron are actually all aliens. Well, all except for shiro, he’s the only human on the team.

Shiro- human

Keith- galra

Lance- Mer

Hunk- Balmeran

Pidge- Olkari

In this reality, The paladins don’t find the blue lion together and get taken to the castle of lions. Nope, in this reality, they each find their own respective lions on their own and are brought to the castle.

The first chapter tells how Lance the Mer finds the blue lion.

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dnightshade0 · 13 days

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A Karen horror story

Karen and the pelt

It was a nice quiet suburban neighborhood by the ocean. All the neighbors knew each other, had get togethers, had neighborhood barbecues and all that.

This one couple in particular was quite nice. Everyone liked them. This story is about them.

one day, a new person moved into the house on the end of the street.

This new neighbor was Karen.

Everyone was friendly and welcomed her. Even the married couple were kind to her.

One day the couple had invited Karen over to their house for lunch. They sat, talked and ate.

Then Karen asked if she could use the bathroom. And they told her where it was. She went to the bathroom but when she left it, she passed the couple’s bedroom on the way and noticed something laying on the bed. She walked into the bedroom and marveled at what she saw.

A beautiful brown fur pelt.

She picked it up and looked at it in wonder. Could it be real?

Then the wife walks in apparently having wondered what was taking Karen so long in the bathroom.

She sees Karen holding her pelt and gets unnerved.

“Karen, can you please put that down. I don’t like anyone touching my pelt!”

Karen looked over at her while still holding the pelt and inquires.

“Is this real?”

The wife hesitantly says yes and again asks that Karen put the pelt down.

But Karen doesn’t listen and instead goes on a tirade about how horrible and vulgar it is to keep an animal pelt. That the wife is a horrible disgusting person for owning real animal fur. The poor animal who died to make that pelt.

It is at that time, the husband comes in hearing all of Karen’s ranting and see her holding his wife’s pelt.

He immediately tells Karen to drop the pelt now and that she is no longer welcome in their home. He asks her to leave.

Karen gives a humf! Throws the pelt on the floor and walks out.

As she leaves, she says “I’ll make you sorry!”

The couple was left with a very unsettling feeling.

Two days later go by and they don’t hear anything from Karen. But they do hear from their neighbors. The neighbors inform them that Karen had gone on a tirade throughout the neighborhood telling everyone about the couple owning animal fur.

Fortunately, no one payed any mind and ignored Karen’s rants.

Karen’s attempts at trying to turn the whole neighborhood against the couple had backfired. All she managed to do was turn the neighborhood against her.

Then things escalated real fast.

One morning, the husband was drinking his morning coffee when a horrified shriek startled him. He ran up to their bedroom to find his wife crying.

He asked what was wrong and was shocked to find out that his wife’s pelt had been stolen!

He comforts her and reassures her that they will find who did this.

Fortunately, the husband had the hindsight to install security cameras around their house. They check the feeds to find none other then Karen breaking into their house and stealing the pelt.

They rush over to Karen’s house to confront her. Banging on her door.

She comes out and demands to know what they want. They tell her that they know she stole the pelt and they want it back.

Karen simply scoffs and says “fine you can have it back!” Then she goes into her house and comes back with said pelt, but the state of it leaves the couple in shock.

It was covered in paint, burn marks and was shredded terribly.

“Good luck wearing that around in public!” Karen sneered proudly. Seeming to be proud of the damage she had done to the poor animal pelt.

The wife was in tears as she took back her pelt and hugged it.

The husband was angry and turned to Karen and said “you have no idea the big mistake you just made! You just signed your own death warrant.”

Karen merely sneered at them, disregarding the threat and slammed the door. Not giving them another thought.

Later that day, in the evening, when the sun was setting… there was a knock at Karen’s door. She huffed and opened the door to see who was bothering her at this hour.

It was a police officer.

“ Ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to place your hands behind your back, you’re under arrest.”

Karen was stunned, she tried to argue with the officer but he was having none of it. He handcuffed her, dragged her to his car and threw her in. She tried to demand why she was being arrested for but the cop merely said that her crime would be revealed to her soon enough.

She ranted and raved the whole ride, making demands and threatening to have his badge for arresting her. But the cop ignored her.

They finally make it to their destination, but the location puzzled Karen. This was not the police station, this was a warehouse…

The cop pulled her out of the car and dragged her inside. Once in the building, he sat her in a chair were she was cuffed and tied down.

“You should have left well enough alone Karen… now you’re going to pay the price…” a voice said.

She looks up to find none other than the husband standing over her. On a table nearby lay an assortment of torture devices.

Karen panicked. She turned to the cop and asked if he was really going to let this madman hurt her.

To this the cop merely said “you had no problem hurting one of our own. Really, you have only yourself to blame for this. You mess with one selkie, you mess with all of us!”

This statement puzzled Karen. So the husband clarified. “Really? You don’t know what a selkie is? Let me educate you. A selkie is a mythical creature that is able to transform from human to seal by putting on and removing their pelt.” He watched Karen’s face for a reaction and continued.

“My wife is a selkie! What you destroyed was her pelt! Without her pelt, she cannot change back into a seal! She cannot return to the ocean without her pelt! What you did was a serious crime against selkies. Stealing a selkie’s pelt, destroying it, preventing one from being able to return to the ocean! In other words… you fucked up BIG TIME!… now all of us selkies are going to make you pay… didn’t know did you? That this was a neighborhood of selkies! Everyone here is a selkie! Including this cop here. And now you are going to face the wrath of the whole selkie community…”

As he spoke, more people came out of the shadows. It was all the neighbors. Everyone Karen tried to turn against the couple was there. And they were all seklies.

Karen paled. For she just realized how royally fucked she was. She had just stirred up a huge hornets nest and they were going to make her pay for her arrogance in The worst possible way.

She tried to plead and beg for mercy but no one was listening. They all slowly creeped up on her, all holding a weapon of some kind. bats, golf clubs, shovels and other blunt object. And they were all going to use them on her.

The last sound that was heard that night was Karen’s terrified and pain screams as she was tortured to death by a horde of angry selkies.

(One month later)

The house that Karen was living in was up for sale and the realtor was showing it off to a new couple who were interested in buying it.

The realtor turns to the couple and asks them if they have any problem with people who owned real fur pelts.

The couple shakes their heads and say “um, no, I myself have a mink coat. It was a family heirloom from my great grandma.”

The realtor smiled and said “that’s great cause everyone in this neighborhood owns a fur pelt. I think you will fit in just fine here!”

The end.

———————————————

Was reading some selkie stories and got to thinking “what if a Karen got ahold of a selkie’s pelt?”. So I came up with this idea for a story.

Don’t worry, all in all it’s a happy ending. The evil Karen gets what she deserves.

As for the poor selkie wife. Don’t worry, they take care of her pelt, they wash out the paint, sew up the cuts and after a while of wearing the pelt, the burns and stuff heal and she can still become a seal and return to the ocean again.

Like I said, it’s a happy ending. ^_^

#selkies #selkie #Karen #scary stories #Karen stories #mythical creatures

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dnightshade0 · 27 days

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Voltron: Mexican stroganoff

Lance’s wife Elena was in the kitchen making stroganoff. She just got done browning the hamburger and felt the need to go to the bathroom. So she turned off the burner and left the kitchen.

A minute later, Lance comes home and sees what’s cooking on the stove.

Lance: mmm that smells good. Is she making tacos?

He picks up the ladle and samples the meat.

Lance: hm it’s missing taco seasoning. I think I’ll help her out with the cooking. She works so hard after all.

So he grabs the taco seasoning and start adding it in.

As he does, Elena walks in and sees what he’s doing.

Elena: what are you doing?!

Lance: um, just helping you with dinner?

Elena: why are you adding taco seasoning in?!

Lance: uh, aren’t you making tacos?

Elena: no, I’m making stroganoff!

Lance: ooooooh… I’m so sorry babe. DX

Elena looks at the now taco seasoning infused meat and sighs.

Elena: well I’m not throwing out food, so it looks like we’re having Mexican style stroganoff tonight.

So she continues making the stroganoff and a while later, they sit down to eat. She takes a bite of the stroganoff and hums in surprise.

Elena: woah! This… this actually tastes pretty good!

Lance: it does?

So he takes a bite.

Lance: wow it does!

Elena: I never thought taco seasoning could make this taste so amazing. LANCE YOU ACCIDENTAL GENIUS YOU!

She leans over, grabs Lance’s face and gives Lance a big kiss on the lips.

———————————————————————-

This bit was based off an idea I got while making stroganoff. My mom and I were browning the hamburger and she added onion and garlic powder in. I glanced over at the taco seasoning we keep on the stove and got to thinking. ‘Man, what if Lance had thought Elena was making tacos and decided to help out by adding taco seasoning. Lol I wonder how stroganoff would taste then.

So after we made the stroganoff, I started to get curious and added some taco seasoning to my plate and tried it. And surprisingly enough, it tasted great! I discovered Mexican style stroganoff!

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #incorrect voltron quotes

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dnightshade0 · 1 month

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Voltron: werewolf whisperer

This is set in an AU were Lance is a werewolf and the team finds out. They get used to Lance in his wolf form. They enjoy having him run around being a cute silly wolf. But something still nags at hunk.

Hunk and lance are sitting on the couch in the lounge room chilling.

Hunk: you know it sucks that you can’t talk in your wolf form. How are we gonna be able to communicate on the battlefield if your fighting in wolf form and can’t talk to us?

Lance hums in thought.

Lance: I don’t know man. It’s not like there’s an altean universal translator that can translate werewolf.

Hunk jumps up.

Hunk: that’s it! A translator! We can make a translator that we can put around your neck and it can translate everything your saying while your in wolf form!

Lance opens his mouth to say something but hunk jumps off the couch and runs off. He runs right past shiro as he walks in the lounge room.

Shiro: woah! Where’s the fire?!

hunk: excuse me, I gotta go make a translator!

He turns to look at Lance.

Shiro: what’s he gonna do?

Lance: he’s gonna go make a translator for me so I can talk while in wolf form.

Shiro: oh…. Wait what?

(A while later)

Hunk comes back with his finished creation and stands in front of lance.

Hunk: it’s done! My werewolf translator is finished! Quick! Transform into a wolf so we can test it!

Lance: ok ok I’m going lol.

So Lance transforms into a wolf and sits there while hunk fixes the device around his neck.

Hunk: alright then we put on the device, we turn it on and there! Ok Lance, tell us what you’re thinking!

Lance barks.

Lance: I want hamburgers!

Hunk: …what?

Lance: hamburgers! hamburgers! hamburgers!

Hunk: ok lance, I want you to nod or shake your head for me. Were you thinking about hamburgers just now?

Lance shakes his head.

Hunk: no? ok then, back to the drawing board!

(A while later)

Hunk tries again, putting the translator device around Lance’s neck.

Hunk: ok lance, speak!

Lance gives hunk a deadpanned look that says ‘really? speak?’

Hunk realizes what he said.

Hunk: sorry… ok um, go ahead and say something.

Lance barks.

Lance: braaaaaains!…

Hunk: …uh…

Lance: I want to eat your brains!

Hunk: OK THATS NOT IT EITHER!

This goes on a few more times. And each time the translator says something else ridiculous.

Hunk: ok how about now?

Lance: te amo mi amigo.

Hunk: ok what the heck?! It’s speaking Spanish now?! HOW?!

Hunk walks off with the device trying to figure out what’s wrong with it. Meanwhile pidge who had walked in halfway through these test runs, looks over at lance who had just transformed back into a human and is now snickering and giggling.

Pidge: what do you find so funny?

Lance: oh nothing hehehe.

Pidge: ………. That translator does work doesn’t it? You’ve just been messing with him this whole time.

Lance: yep lol

Pidge: he’s gonna kill you when he figures it out.

Lance: but in the meantime it‘ll be entertaining for us lol.

Pidge: what are you gonna say next?

Lance: I don’t know.

Pidge: can I make a request?

Lance: shoot.

Pidge: say “give me your soul. I hunger for teddy bear!”

Lance: lol will do.

——————————————————

Got this inspiration while reading some werewolf lance fanfics. I got to thinking that team voltron would have some really good funny moments with Lance as a wolf. Then thought of how inconvenient it was that Lance couldn’t talk as a wolf, then I remembered Steve cash’s video on getting his dog to talk through a voice box. After that, it all fell into place. Lol

Here’s a link to Steve cash’s video were he makes his dog talk. God rest his soul! We miss you Steve!

Talking kitty cat 22 dogs can’t talk

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #voltron hunk #hunk garrett #hunk #voltron pidge #pidge gunderson #pidge #katie holt #werewolf lance #incorrect voltron quotes

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dnightshade0 · 1 month

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Voltron: tortillas

If you like this, leave a comment and/or send feedback.

Lance’s mom comes to visit Lance and Elena. They just return home from grocery shopping. Lance brings in the grocery bags, Lance’s mom is putting them away and Elena starts washing the vegetables. She’s in the middle of rinsing a tomato when she comes to a startling realization.

Elena: OH NO!

Lance: what’s wrong babe?!

Elena: I FORGOT TO BUY THE TORTILLAS! 😫

Lance: ok so we don’t have tortillas, it’s not a big deal.

Elena: it is a big deal! lance we can’t have taco Tuesday without tortillas!

Lance tries to calm her down from her ensuing panic attack when mama McClain comes to the rescue.

Mom: sweetie, why don’t you just make your own tortillas?

Elena: I don’t know how to make tortillas! 😫

Mama mcclain then places a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Mama: sweetie, I will teach you.

So mama McClain goes to teach both Elena and Lance how to make tortillas. Though while kneading the dough, Elena accidentally gets flour on her face and she sneezes. This makes Lance laugh and elena glares at him.

Elena: oh you think that’s funny huh? Well how do you like this?

She takes some flour and throws it in lances face. Lance blinks, then sneezes, making Elena laugh.

Lance: oh it is on!

Lance and Elena end up getting into a flour fight, both now covered in flour. All the while, mama McClain just stands there rubbing her temple.

Mama: dios mios, these two aren’t a married couple, they’re a pair of siblings! Dios, dame fuerzas! (god give me strength!)

(A while later)

Mama McClain: you two do realize that now we will have to go to the grocery store now anyway, WE ARE OUT OF FLOUR!… AND THE KITCHEN IS A MESS!

This piece is based off something that happened to me.

I had gone grocery shopping, brought the groceries in and began washing my vegetables when I suddenly realized that even though I bought all the taco fixings, I had forgotten to buy the tortillas.

I had told my mom and aunt this and my aunt suggested I try making my own tortillas. I replied that I didn’t know how to make tortillas. And she taught me how to make um.

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #incorrect voltron quotes

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dnightshade0 · 2 months

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Voltron: zombie outbreak! Fanfic

It started out as a simple infiltration mission on board a galra science station. They get in, get the intel and get out. Easy peesy right?

They didn’t expect one of the lab experiments to stow away on the black lion…

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dnightshade0 · 2 months

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Voltron alien defenders (aka the reality where lance is a mermaid)

A voltron AU where the paladins of voltron are actually all aliens. Well, all except for shiro, he’s the only human on the team.

Shiro- human

Keith- galra

Lance- Mer

Hunk- Balmeran

Pidge- Olkari

In this reality, The paladins don’t find the blue lion together and get taken to the castle of lions. Nope, in this reality, they each find their own respective lions on their own and are brought to the castle.

The first chapter tells how Lance the Mer finds the blue lion.

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dnightshade0 · 2 months

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Voltron: vampire lance trying to enjoy his blood.

I have this one Voltron AU where Lance ends up turning into a vampire and now has to adjust to his new life.

Important note: when this lance gets his blood, he gets it by catching wild animals, and carefully siphoning their blood through an IV into thermoses to drink later. without harming the animals. This lance has a bit of an issue when it comes to feeding. He doesn’t like the idea of killing for blood.

Lance is sitting on the couch in the common area drinking a thermos of blood when Keith walks in and sits down next to him.

Keith: hay, what cha drinking?

Lance: … um… blood?

Keith: no, I mean WHAT are you drinking?

Lance: … again BLOOD!

Keith: what life form did that blood come from?

Lance: ah, why didn’t you just ask that in the first place?

Keith: just answer the question.

Lance looks down at his blood, turning it in his hand and shrugging.

Lance: hm, meh idk some alien animal we caught back on the last planet we visited.

Keith: what did it look like?

Lance: idk some kind of weird purple hippo-like animal.

At this Keith gasps in anger.

Keith: WTF MAN?! HOW COULD YOU?

Lance: dude what’s your problem? Why are you getting so bent out of shape for?

Keith: HIPPOS ARE MY FAVORITE ANIMAL!

Lance: ok? And?

Keith: YOUR EATING MY FAVORITE ANIMAL!

Lance: omg are you serious right now?

Just then shiro and the others walk in, hearing all the commotion.

Shiro: hay, I heard shouting, what’s going on in here?

Lance: Keith is throwing a fit because I’m drinking his favorite animal!

Keith: HES DRINKING ALIEN HIPPO BLOOD!

Shiro looks so confused right now.

Shiro: … huh?

Pidge: only you two could create drama out of nothing.

Hunk: I don’t see what the big deal is. Lance has to eat too. And it’s not like he actually killed the animal to get its blood.

lance: THANK YOU HUNK!

Keith: still how would you feel if he drank the blood of something you liked? What if he drank the mice’s blood?

Pidge: Keith, the mice aren’t even large enough to serve as an hors d’oeuvre.

Keith: what about kaltenecker?! What if lance ate her?!

Lance: I would never drink kaltenecker Keith!

Keith: and why not?

Lance: cause she is like family! I’d never feed on family! And seriously Keith, I can’t just decide not to feed on everyone’s favorite animal. If I did that then I wouldn’t be able to drink blood from anything period.

Keith: so your saying it doesn’t matter what animal it is, you’d eat it regardless?

Lance: ok let me stop you right there. I may drink animal blood but I do still have my standards. There ARE animals I won’t drink.

Hunk: like what?

Lance: I draw the line at bug-like, cute adorable and babies.

Then Keith mumbles.

Keith: I bet you’d eat a baby hippo.

Lance: NO KEITH I WOULD NOT!

Keith: just you wait lance, someday the universe will exact karma upon you for eating a hippo!

Lance: for the love of god Keith! First off, it’s not an actual hippo! It LOOKED LIKE A HIPPO! Second, I didn’t eat it! I just had it donate a few pints of its blood and it went on its merry way! STILL ALIVE AND VERY MUCH NOT EATEN!

Allura walks in.

Allura: paladins! Get your armor on. We have a diplomatic mission on the planet kolslac. The kolslacians wish to join the voltron coalition and are requesting an audience with us.

Lance gives a sigh of relief.

Lance: OH THANK GOD! Saved by the princess!

Shiro: all right team! Let suit up and go meet these kolslacian diplomats.

(Later planetside)

Lance stood frozen in horror at the sight that awaited team voltron on the planet kolslac. The kolslacians as it turned out were a race of purple bipedal hippo-like aliens.

Lance was mortified.

Lance: (whispers) you gotta be kidding me!

Hunk: (whispers) dude, are you ok?

Lance: (whispers back) no I am NOT ok! I’m surrounded by a race of alien hippo people! This is Keith’s fault! He wished this! He asked the universe to punish me for drinking alien hippo blood and now I’m in hippo hell!

Hunk: buddy calm down! I don’t think the universe is really punishing you.

Lance: oh are you really gonna tell me that after the insane conversation we had about drinking alien hippo blood, that us coming to a planet of actual alien hippo people is just some random coincidence?!

Hunk: …um.. ok I’ll admit that is one hell of a coincidence and it surprises the heck out of me too but still, I really don’t think you’re in any danger here. These guys don’t even know that you drank alien hippo blood. So I think you’re safe.

Lance: yeah unless some mullet goes and rats me out to his new alien hippo buddies.

Hunk: I don’t think Keith would do that.

Lance: you sure about that?!

Hunk: …um…

Hunk then turns to Keith and taps him on the shoulder.

Hunk: (whispers) Keith you wouldn’t tell these kolslacians about Lance drinking “you know what” would you?

Keith looks at hunk then turns his gaze towards Lance and give him the most evil grin.

Lance: I am so dead…😰

Fortunately, the alliance talks go over smoothly without incident and surprisingly Keith says nothing to the kolslacians in regards to lance drinking alien hippo blood. Everyone goes home happy. But Lance, the poor guy. He suffered through the entire thing freaking out about if the kolslacians will want to roast him on a stake or chase after him with alien versions of torches and pitchforks. Or maybe even a mob trampling him to death with their big hippo looking feet.

When it was all over and team voltron returns to the castleship, Lance gives a huge sigh of relief. But as soon as he sees Keith walking in, he turns to him and shouts…

Lance: I HOPE YOUR FREAKIN HAPPY NOW! I’M NEVER DRINKING ALIEN HIPPO BLOOD AGAIN!!!

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dnightshade0 · 2 months

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The time I told the neighbor girls that my grandma was a mermaid

A few years ago, I had a couple of neighbor kids living next door from me. Three girls and they were playing with their mermaid barbies. I told them that my grandma was a mermaid. They looked at me in surprise at that, but didn’t quite believe me.

Then I told them that my grandpa was a pirate.

They were a bit skeptical but then I began to tell them the story of how my grandparents first met.

As I was telling them the story, their eyes grew wide. Listening and hanging on every word I said.

———-

How my grandparents first met

My grandpa’s ship had just sunk. Grandpa being the only survivor, had managed to get aboard a dingy and drifted alone in the middle of the ocean. His only ration was a single chocolate chip cookie. He debated on wether he should just eat it or save it.

In the end he decided to use it as bait to try and catch fish, believing he would last longer if he had something bigger then a cookie.

So he baited his fishing hook, cast his line, and waited for something to bite.

He waited…

And waited…

Until suddenly something yanked on the line!

Grandpa grabbed the pole and started reeling in his catch. But that fish was tough! It was not letting up. That fish fought like it was some kind of whale! It had to be a whopper! Grandpa’s mouth was salivating at the thought of how big a fish this was, it would keep him full for a good while, maybe he could even use some bits as bait to catch more fish!

He battled that fish with determination, he wasn’t gonna let this one get away! No chance!

Grandpa and the fish fought in a game of tug-a-war which seemed like hours but was actually minutes. But finally after one final tug, grandpa yanked that fish out of the water!

After taking a few victorious breaths to get his second wind, he looked up to take in his prize.

But what he saw on the other end of that dingy was not a fish…

Sitting there in front of him was a beautiful mermaid, and that mermaid was glaring at him while clutching that cookie tightly to her chest.

Grandpa looked her up and down, and was so takin in by her that the first thought that went through his mind was ‘I’m gonna ask her to marry me!’

And he did.

Her response…

She looked at him, looked at the cookie then looked back at him and said “if I marry you, will you let me have this cookie?!”

———————-

When I finished telling them the story, their jaws dropped down to the floor. But then they started to get skeptical again and began asking me questions.

“If your grandma is a mermaid, then were is her fin?”

I’d respond by saying “she gave them up for legs when she married my grandpa”

Then they’d ask “does she get her fins back when she takes a bath?”

“That’s only in salt water” I’d reply.

Though despite the story and questions, the girls were not totally convinced. So I said “ok, if you don’t believe me, you can ask them yourselves”

So I went into the house and told my grandparents that the little girls next door have a question they want to ask them.

My grandparents got up and we started walking out the door. As we were leaving, I turned around and told them “ now, when they ask you their question, just answer by saying “oh yeah”

This got a questioning look from both of them but they shrugged it off.

When we got outside, the girls were waiting and were standing in awe, looking at grandma.

My grandparents looked at me, then looked at girls.

I turned to the girls and said “go ahead! Ask um!”

The little girls were hesitant at first, but then one of them finally got up the courage, walked up to grandma and asked “were you really a mermaid?”

Grandma gave me a dirty look.

Grandpa just started laughing.

But in the end, grandma just said “oh yeah”

#mermaids #funny stories #pirates #mermaids and pirates

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dnightshade0 · 2 months

Text

Voltron: name that spice!

Lance, his wife Elena and hunk are at the grocery store shopping for ingredients for a meal hunk was planing for their next team get together. They enter the baking isle and Elena stops to look at the spices. Her eyes fall on one particular spice and she gets a mischievous grin on her face. She takes the spice off the shelf and turns to lance.

Elena: hay lance! What’s the name of this spice?

Lance looks and the label of the spice.

Lance: … um…. Anus?

Elena burst out laughing.

Lance: ??? What? What’s so funny???

Elena: hehe think about what you just said.

Lance: … all I said was anus. What’s so-OH OOOOH! lol that was genius babe! Hahaha

Hunk who had overheard the entire exchange, turns around and says…

Hunk: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ITS PRONOUNCED “ANISE”!

————————————————————-

This joke is based off of an incident that really happened to me in the store. I was looking at the spices and noticed the spice label “anise”. I really thought it was pronounced “anus” and started giggling. Then I showed it to mom and asked her what the spice was called. she thought it was pronounced “anus” too. Then we met an employee and he cleared up that it was actually pronounced “Anne-us”. We still had a good laugh about it.

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #voltron hunk #hunk garrett #hunk #incorrect voltron quotes

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dnightshade0 · 2 months

Text

Voltron: mama or papa? Part 2

After lance and Elena hear little Leandro say Quiznak, they are left wondering where exactly he heard that word.

They are at hunks house, sitting with all the paladins (shiro, hunk, Pidge and Keith) and talking about said incident.

Elena: I seriously can’t figure out where he even heard that word. Lance swears up and down that it’s wasn’t him.

Shiro: huh. who could it be then? Who have you left Leandro with?

Elena: well there’s you, there’s hunk, Pidge, coran…

Lance: don’t forget Keith.

Pidge: so basically, we all were around Leandro and any one of us could have taught him that word.

Elena: so it seems. Though honestly I can’t really imagine any of you had anything to do with it.

Lance: yeah, hunks too good a dad with his own kid, shiro’s always harped on us for using language, Pidge… ehh, Keith hasn’t even been around Leandro long enough for that word to come up in a conversation. Coran… maybe.

Elena: I’m leaning towards coran. He is altean and does use that word a lot.

While they were talking Keith is sitting nervously looking from lance to Elena.

(Cue flashback)

Lance: hay, I gotta go get some stuff out of the car, can you watch Leandro for me Keith?

Keith: wha? Me?! I-

Lance: thank man! BRB

Keith: NO WAIT! … Quiznak!

Leandro: … Quiznak!

Keith: !!! Oh no… uh hay, do me a favor, don’t go repeating that around your parents ok? Please?

Leandro: Quiznak!

Keith: nononono do NOT say that word. DO NOT!

Leandro: ……(giggles) K!

Lance: ok I’m back! Was Leandro good for you while I was gone?

Keith: … YES! Yes, he was very good. Very well behaved. Well I GTG SEE YEAH!

Then bolts out of there.

(End flashback)

Keith: yes, it totally had to be coran. Couldn’t have been anyone else… yep, I’m going with coran. 😓

——————————————————

Voltron mama or papa part 1 here

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #voltron keith #lance mcclain #lance #keith kogane #Keith #incorrect voltron quotes

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dnightshade0 · 2 months

Text

Voltron: lance the spider slayer

Lance is sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee when Elena runs up to him in a panic.

Elena: lance! I need you to get your bayard and go kill a spider!

Lance blinks in confusion.

Lance: um what?

Elena looks lance dead in the eye.

Elena: I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR BAYARD AND GO KILL A SPIDER!

Lance: … uh isn’t that a bit overkill? Wouldn’t a newspaper work just as well?

Elena: no, this spider IS HUGE! You’re gonna need your bayard. Now hurry up and get it!

Lance rolls his eyes, goes and grabs his bayard and follows Elena to their bedroom.

Lance: I’m the blue paladin, defender of the universe and now a spider slayer. Boy hunks gonna have a good laugh about this one.

Elena: oh don’t worry, your are definitely a real American hero here.

Lance: seriously? You know, usually you’re pretty chill when it comes to dealing with spiders. Your always all about not killing them and letting them go outside to eat all the bugs so they don’t come in our house. Why the sudden change of heart?

Elena: THIS IS A HUGE FUCKIN SPIDER!

Lance: riiiight…

They make it to the bedroom door and Lance walks in. After which, Elena promptly shuts the door. Again rolling his eyes, Lance activates his bayard and looks for the spider.

Lance: ok so where’s this spi-HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

Lance looks at the opposite wall to find a spider the size of a football!

Elena: I TOLD YOU IT WAS FUCKING BIG!

Lance: I THOUGHT YOU WERE EXAGGERATING!

Blam! Blam! Blam!

Elena: did you get it?

Lance: no. The little bastard is fast. How the hell can something so big be so damn fast?!

Elena: I thought you were supposed to be the teams sharpshooter?

Lance: even us pros have our off days!

It took a while, maybe 10 minutes, but Lance finally hits the spider, killing it. He walks to the door and tries to open it but Elena isn’t letting the door open.

Lance: babe, let me out. The spider is dead.

Elena: did you double tap it?

Lance: what?

Elena: DID. YOU. DOUBLE. TAP. IT?!

Lance: how do you even know what that means?

Elena: I watched zombieland! Now go make sure that little bastard is good and dead!

Lance: it’s on its back with its legs in the air, I think it’s obvious that it’s dead.

Elena: your really sure about that?! For all you know, it could be playing possum! Now I ain’t letting you out of that room until you make sure that damn thing is actually dead!

The next sound that is heard is a Blam! Then lance pipes up.

Lance: ok, it’s dead. NOW can I come out?!

————————————————————————————————

Now can you imagine if a black couple had to deal with this big spider craziness?

Wife: hun you need to get your gun and shoot that spider!

Husband: are you for real lady? What chu need a gun to kill a spider fo? I can kill that motherfu%#$# with dis here newspaper.

Wife: you can try but I guarantee your gonna want a gun when you see dat bitch!

Husband: alright whatever, watch, I’m gonna kill that little mf.

Goes into the bedroom.

husband: alright now where that little motherf%$##$ at-AW HELL NAH!!! WHAT THE FUCK?! Nuh uh you need to let me out right now!

Wife: I thought you said you could handle it? You said you could kill that little mf with that newspaper.

Husband: GIRL, YOU DIDN’T SAY NOFFIN ABOUT THE SPIDER BEING THAT BIG! Now let me out!

Wife: nuh uh.

Husband: you let me out right now woman!

Wife: nope. Come on boy, you supposed to be the man of the house. And you can’t kill a damn spider?

Husband: that’s not a spider! That’s some eight legged freaks level shit right there! No way! I’m gonna call an exterminator. Let them deal with this crazy shit! Damn man! What the fuck dis spider been eating? Some SpiderMan wheatys! No way, this spider gonna eat a can of spinach and go all popeye on my ass!-OH SHIT! NO NOOOO! Don’t you come on over here by me! Let me make you a deal! You Stay over on that wall and I stay over here, I’m not gonna shoot you and we’re not gonna be bothering each other. Live and let live. That’s what we’re gonna do alright! Alright? Cool cool. Honey! Please for the love of god, let me out of here and I swear I won’t offer up your ass in exchange for my life!

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #incorrect voltron quotes

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dnightshade0 · 2 months

Photo

The cub looks so done with dad’s shit lol XD

Awsome job taking these pictures. It takes alot of skill and patience to take motion photos and a really good camera too. 👍👍

#lions #lion cubs #funny animals

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dnightshade0 · 3 months

Text

Voltron: mama or papa?

Elena was sitting on the floor with little baby Leandro. Lance walks in and finds her talking to the baby.

Lance: what are you doing?

Elena: trying to get Leandro to say mama.

Lance: why?

Elena: in my family we have a belief that our babies can predict the gender of the next baby we have. If they say mama first, the next baby will be a girl. If they say papa first, it will be a boy.

lance: no way, that doesn’t really work.

Elena: yes it does. My grandma had five kids and all of them accurately predicted the gender of their younger siblings. Every. single. one.

Lance: … really?

Elena: yep.

Lance stands there for a full half minute before sitting down next to Elena.

Lance: ok Leandro, say papa!

Elena: oh no you don’t! We have a son already, I want a daughter! Say mama Leandro!

Lance: oh come on! Why not have more boys? Besides, he loves hanging with his dad, so he’s much more likely to say papa.

Elena: ha! Jokes on you. I have been trying to teach him to say mama since he was born. I’ve also been getting your mother and sisters in on this. Every time they baby sit, they’d sit down and do this with him too.

Lance: !!! That’s so underhanded! You sneaky vixen!

They keep doing this back and forth trying to get Leandro to say mama or papa. Leandro just looks from one to another, watching his parents getting hyped about this.

After a while Leandro starts to say something.

Elena: OH! It’s happening! he’s gonna say mama!

Lance: no he isn’t! He’s totally gonna say papa!

Leandro: Quiznak!

Elena and Lance: …….

lance: uh… what’s the gender if he says that?

Elena: never mind that! Did you teach our son altean curse words?!

——————————————————————————-

This is an actual belief in my family. And it’s 100% true. I in fact have a grandma who had five kids and they all predicted their siblings gender. I don’t know if this belief would actually work for other families but it’s true in mine.

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #incorrect voltron quotes

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dnightshade0 · 3 months

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Voltron: first prize 😁

Lance’s wife Elena and his sister Veronica are hanging out at the store. (Having a ladies day out.) when Elena sees some first place ribbons for sale. She gets a mischievous look in her eye, takes a ribbon and puts it in her cart. Veronica looks at her puzzled.

Veronica: why are you buying that?

Elena: oh I want to do something funny with lance hehe.

Veronica: with a first place ribbon?

Elena: yeah, you see ever since we found out that you guys are part Scottish, I’ve been listening to this Scottish song called “the Scotsman” by Bryan Bowers. It’s a funny story in the form of a song. You see, a drunk Scotsman falls asleep next to the street. Then two young ladies walk by, see him and get a mischievous glint in their eyes. They wonder if it’s true that men don’t wear anything under their kilts.

Veronica’s eyes widen at that, realizing where this is going.

Elena: so they creep up on him, lift up his kilt and take a peek. They see his manhood in all its glory and marvel. Then they snap out of it and decide they need to get going, but not before leaving their sleeping friend a little gift. A while later, the Scotsman wakes up, feeling the need to use the restroom. So he walks to the bushes, lift his kilt and finds a first place ribbon wrapped around his dick.

Veronica’s jaw dropped.

Elena: he looks at it confused and says “lad I don’t know where you’ve been but I see you’ve won first prize!”

Veronica covers her mouth and start laughing.

Veronica: omg. And you are going to try to do this with lance?!

Elena: yep lol I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I do it. Hehehehe 😁😊

(Later)

the next morning Lance and Elena are in bed. Lance starts shaking Elena awake.

Lance: Elena! Elena! Wake up!

Elena: hm? (Yawn) what’s up sweetie?

Lance: a weird thing happened. someone broke into our house last night!

Elena: what?! What did they take?

Lance: nothing, that’s the weird thing. I think they must be some kind of perverted judge though.

Elena: why do you say that?

Lance: … they left a first place ribbon on my dick!

Elena: … (burst out laughing into her pillow) 🤣lol

Lance: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?! I THINK I JUST GOT SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY A HOME INVADER!

—————————————————-

This is a continuation of the “Voltron: Lance finds out he’s part Scottish…” post I did.

I thought about that song “the Scotsman” by Bryan Bowers and got this naughty idea of what if Lance’s wife decided to do something like that with Lance. Lol she’d think it’s so funny and sexy while Lance just gets totally confused and alarmed lol. The poor guy hehehe XD

If you’re curious about the song I keep talking about, here’s a link/video.

youtube

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #the Scotsman #Bryan Bowers #incorrect voltron quotes

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dnightshade0 · 3 months

Text

Voltron: Lance finds out he’s part Scottish…

Lance and his wife Elena are having lunch with Veronica (lance’s older sister) when the topic of the family name comes up.

Elena: hay McClain is a Scottish name. Are you guys part Scottish?

Lance: no, we’re not.

Elena: then where did you guys get the name McClain from? Someone in your family had to be Scottish.

Lance: I think if I was part Scottish, I’d know.

Veronica: now hold on, maybe she’s onto something. McClain comes from our dad’s side of the family so maybe we should look into our dad’s family tree.

(A while later)

They did some research and found that apparently yes, their dad’s dad was Scottish and their dad’s mom was Cuban, which made their father part Scottish and them a quarter Scottish. This revelation blew their minds.

Elena: HA! I KNEW IT! 😆

Lance: … I don’t believe it… we are part Scottish?

Veronica: technically, we are quarter Scottish. Hehe 😋

Elena: soooo, does this mean you will be trading your pants for a kilt? 😉 (gives lance a butt bump and a wink)

Lance: you will never catch me dead in a kilt. 😒

As lance walks away, Elena turns to Veronica with a mischievous grin.

Elena: oh I WILL see him in a kilt. Mark my words, someday lance is going to screw up. He will screw up and piss me off so bad to the point where he would have to make it up to me. And when he does, that kilt will be waiting for him in the closet. I WILL SEE MY HUSBAND IN A KILT! MUAHAHAHAHAHA XD

————————————

This skit was made based off of my theory post about lance possibly being part Scottish.

Honestly I can totally see his wife having a field day with the whole him being in a kilt. So much so in fact that she would want to take a picture of him in one.

While I was writing this skit I was also thinking about that song called “the Scotsman” by Bryan Bowers.

I can also see lance’s wife teasing him by playing that song to him and making him blush 50 shades of red.

Elena: hay lance, is it true what you don’t wear beneath that kilt? 😉

Lance: 😳

#voltron legendary defender #voltron #voltron lance #lance mcclain #lance #voltron Veronica #Veronica McClain #Veronica #incorrect voltron quotes

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