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Something.

There's something about having a friend that makes all the difference in life. More than a lover or family, a friend offers a connection that can't be filled by romance or love. The absence of a friend, a compadre, even when there are other people all around you, can make life bleak and hopeless.

I never wanted to move through life feeling alone. Even with people around me, having people to talk to, for some reason the absence of that one friend, that special bond, makes me feel like life is a hopeless, dark spiral into the void.

I want to enjoy life like others do, but I am beginning to think that this is all I will ever have. The bleak, seemingly endless void that my life feels like.

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I won't even ask for kindness.

PeripheralPhantom.sarahah.com

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This is Gyeongbokgung, the original main imperial residence. This palace, like Changgeokgung, was completely burned to the ground during the Japanese invasion. It has suffered major devastation in it’s long history, and is not nearly as well preserved as Changgeokgung and Changyeonggung. I knew, before coming to Korea, that the Koreans hated the Japanese because of the invasion and colonization, but I thought that is was ridiculous to continue to hate a nation for a crime generations in the past. Coming to this place was the first times that I understood <i>why</i> they hated them and why they continue to teach their children to hate them. The Japanese didn’t didn’t just invade and rape the county, they desecrated Korean history.They massacred Korean pride, and wreaked havoc one national treasures. Gyeongbokgung will never be fully restored, even though restoration has been on going for over 20 years. This beautiful place is marred, forever. And the saddest part, is that I don’t think the Japanese feel remorse for their history. I truly doubt they care. 

If you ever find yourself in Korea, visit this place. It’s a tragic history, but one that everyone should see.    

#Gyeongbokgung #palace #korea #seoul #english #teacher #weekend #expat #lifeinkorea

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These pictures are from Changyeongung, the smaller palace located directly behind Changdeokgung. I don’t remember exactly, who stayed here, but it’s was occupied at once point. I didn’t have a tour for this one, and just wondered the grounds on my own. 

#Changyeongung #palace #Seoul #korea #english #teacher #weekend #lifeingkorea #expat

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Behind Changdeokgung occupying 2/3 of the palace grounds is the Secret garden. ‘Secret’, here, meaning ‘restricted’. This was the king’s personal garden, and only those with his permission could enter. It’s an Asian style garden, so there aren’t many flowers. It’s more or less just the wooded mountain area that the the palace sits butt up against. But don’t get me wrong, it is a beautiful place, and well worth the tour. Just make sure you buy the Palace pass, and not the regular admission. 

#Secret #garden #changdeokgung #korea #seoul #palace #english #teacher #weekend #expate #lifeinkorea

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Yesterday I decided to get off my lazy ass and go see the Seoul palaces. About time I did some of the bigger cultural stuff. All in all, I visited three palaces and toured the secret garden at Changdeokgung. 

These pictures are from Changdeokgung, which was the palace that became the main palace after the Japanese invaded. This one is a UNESCO world heritage site due to how well the palace has been preserved and restored, considering the two fires that burned it to the ground over it’s long history.  

#korea #seoul #palace #changdeokgung #english #teacher #weekend #culture #heratige #expat #lifeinkorea

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Comic Con came to town a week after I got back form vacation, and, of course, I had to go. There were a lot of great costumes, a couple panels with famous people, lots and LOTS of things to buy, and a wonderful geeky performance by White Lies Burlesque. I’m go glad I went, because I had a great time. It was well worth my time, and I got a great deal on a three day pass from a girl who was selling hers. All in all, a good way to spend my day. 

#korea #seoul #comiccon #comic #con #anime #costume #english #teacher #weekend #White Lies Burlesque #expat #lifeinkorea

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Our school is in the middle of summer camp right now, and the first week, we went on a field trip to the figure museum in Gangnam. I’m not really sure where this is, but it’s a cool little place to visit if you life comic books, anime, or figurines. They have quite an impressive collection, and some of the figures are amazingly detailed. Definitely a stop for the nerd in Korea.

#korea #gangnam #lifeinkorea #expat #english #teacher #seoul #summer #camp #hell #save me #figure #museum #children are monsters #figureine

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I had a week of vacation, so I flew home and went to the Grand Canyon. I had a lot of fun, and the canyon was an amazing sight. Arizona was also beautiful. 

#America #grand canyon #arizona #English #teacher #vacation

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ALERT!

Rapid fire posts. I have three weeks worth of posts. I haven’t had time to update, so they’re all getting posted today! 

#oops

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One day I will make posts on time. 

On this weekend, I went to two animal cafes. The first one was a meerkat cafe, but it had several other exotic animals. There were at least two kinds of foxes, a walabe, a ganet, a regular house cat, and the meerkats. The cafe didn’t actually sell any cafe style beverages. Instead, you had to buy a tiny 9-10,000 won beverage. A total rip-off, but the animals were adorable. 

I also met Mike Chen, a real YouTube star, at this cafe. I was very excited to meet a real YouTuber. 

#korea #life in korea #expat #meerkat #serval #walabe #cat #animal #cafe #english #teacher #weekend #seoul

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I wish you well

So, I continued tying to get my friend to answer me about whether or not he was serious when he asked me about marriage and told me he loved me. He was evasive, and then said that we were friends, that it was a joke, and that he though we shouldn’t be friends anymore. So I wished him well and unfriended him. 

I hate this pain. I knew I would get hurt in this relationship, but I still hate this pain. My sadness that he’s gone isn’t even the worst part. The worst part is the profound loneliness that’s taken his place in my heart. The question of ‘will I really be alone for the rest of my life?’ Was this really what God intended when he made me? I’d like to think not.

#love #loss #loneliness

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Love and Marriage

I was playing Overwatch with my friend Monday morning. We were talking about potentially meeting, briefly, when I go home next month. During the conversation he asked me what I would say if while I was visiting he asked me to marry him. Unsure of what to say, I didn’t really answer. When he logged off, he told me he loved me and then left. That night, at around 4 in the morning I got a reply to the Ask Men post I made on reddit, where the guy was adamant that the question was serious, and thus sparked a panic attack that kept me up all night. And I finally had the push I need to confront him.

I mustered up enough courage, through my tears and my panic, to ask if he was being serious. He said yes, that he was curious about what I would say, and that he loves me. I told him that I couldn’t be the other girl. He told me that I couldn’t be the other girl because I’m across an ocean. He then said, more than once, that we were friends, that asking me about marriage was more of a joke, and that he tells all of his close friends that he loves them. He also said that I was making a bigger deal out of this than was needed, that I’m flipping out, and that he’d rather check what he says than us not be friends. 

I currently await his reply to my latest. I think it’s going to hurt. Deleting him off of fb is going to hurt. I don’t know what’s going to hurt the most, but something will definitely hurt when this is over. It’s already hurt, but I knew I would get hurt going in, so I guess this is my just deserts for not backing off sooner.  

#it'ssadbutistilllovehimanyway #evenifhe'sbeenplayingmethiswholetime

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Shaved ice desert in Korea. This is 50% shaved ice, but don’t be fooled, it is delicious, with the exception of the grapefruit, which was so sour and gross that even my friend couldn’t eat it. Just another reminder of why all grapefruits are lying oranges. 

The shaved ice is served with sweetened condensed milk on the side and underneath the ice. There is also a generous serving of ice cream on the top. It may be mostly ice, but it is certainly not healthy! In addition, the little signs with the cafe name are made out of chocolate. They certainly know how to present a desert. 10/10 though, a must try. 

#Korea #expat #life in korea #english #teacher #desert #shaved ice #ice #ice cream #fruit #food #chocolate #art

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Diclaimer: The watermarked photos do not belong to me, but they were taken on the trip I was on. They are the property of WinK Travels.

Hwanseon Cave. This was a very, very large and beautiful cave with a very, very painful walk up to the entrance that is not for the faint of heart, or legs. However, there is a railcar for an extra fee. This is a truly lovely place to visit, should natural attractions be your thing. 

#Korea #Hwanseon #cave #life in korea #expat #enlgish #teacher #weekend #WinK Travels

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Last weekend I went on a trip to the East coast with WinK Travel. On this trip we went cannuing in plexiglass cannues, which was amazing, we went to Heasindang Park, known among foreigners as ‘Penis Park’, we had a bonfire on the beach, and finished by going to Hwanseon Cave on Sunday. I don’t have many photos of the beach or cannuing that I can share here, most show my face, but here are a few. The photos from Penis Park will be in a seperate post because I’m going to 'Trigger Warning’ that one. The photos from the cave as well, are in this post. Any water marked photos are property of WinK, and the one’s that aren’t water markes will be labled at property of WinK. I do highly recommend visiting these places. They were fun and exciting, and the cave was simply wonderful to see. This was, so far, the best trip I’ve been on.

#korea #expat #life in korea #English #teacher #weekend #Penis #park #cannuing #cave #beach #bonfire #WinK Travel #Hwanseon cave #Heasindong park

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The Garden of the Morning calm. If you love gardens and flowers, then this place should be on your bucket list. There are flowers from around the world and even with tons a people walking round this place emanates a sense of calm a serene. It’s a beautiful place, but you need at least two ours to walk around and properly enjoy the whole park. Any less time and you’ll be rushing at the end of the walk. 

#korea #garden of the morning calm #garden #flower #flowers #expat #life in korea #english #teacher #weekend #floral