halfurganymede

[halfurganymede]

I dreamed we died in nuclear fire and the the last thing I did in this world was kiss you.

#Dreams #3am thoughts #poetry #love #apocalypse

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Finale

SPOILERS: The following contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

Back on the Unreliable, Max gently touched the captain’s elbow causing her to jump. She had been lost in thought since they left the hermit's hut, which would have been more of an issue had they run into any more trouble as they made their way back to the ship over Scylla’s rocky terrain. Even Nyoka had picked up on the captain’s mood, barely even complaining when they saw some primals roaming around off the road. Now that they were back on the ship, Max was concerned about her absent-mindedness. Perhaps the drugs had affected her more deeply than she cared to admit.

‘Captain? I was hoping for a word...’ Felix chose that moment to interrupt.

‘Hey captain? Since we’re on Scylla I was thinking...’

‘Felix can you just wait a minute?’ The captain pinched the bridge of her nose. Felix and the vicar exchanged a look. The captain never cut them off. To a fault sometimes.

‘It’s no bother captain.’ Max soothed. ‘I can wait. I’ll be in my room whenever you’re ready.’ When he turned for the stairs he could hear Felix explain, timidly, about an old friend that had gotten in contact with him and was apparently now based on Scylla. Max could tell from the captain’s tone as she coaxed Mr Millstone through his story, that she already regretted the way she had spoken to the young stowaway.

He climbed the stairs past the captains quarters then up the second flight to the crew’s. He almost immediately bumped in to Dr Fenhill, accidently knocking her shoulder with his own.

‘Fucking watch it vicar,’ Ellie scowled as she went to move past him.

‘My sincerest apologies doctor,’ Max replied, without a hint of sarcasm. Ellie looked at him strangely.

‘Are you feeling OK “Vicky”?’

‘Perfectly well doctor, thank you. And yourself?’

‘Captain!’ Ellie leaned over the railings to shout down the stairs. ‘Max is broken! Did he hit his head while you were out?!’

‘For the love of... he’s not broken Ellie he’s... enlightened.’ The captain yelled back.

‘If you’ll excuse me, Dr Fenhill.’ Max moved past her to go to his room.

‘Sure thing. See you later “Vicky”... are you really going to let me run with this “Vicky” thing?’

‘You may address me however you wish,’ he responded mildly.

‘Captain?! Are you sure he didn’t hit his head?! Do I need to check him for a concussion?!’

‘Leave him alone Ellie!’ Was the captain’s irritated response. Max ambled into his quarters and sat at his desk. He began to shuffle his papers frowning slightly as he realised what nonsense he’d gathered over the years. The accumulation of knowledge was never wasted, of course, but a lot of it had been... misguided. As he patiently waited for the captain, he began to reorder his books and journals, seeking to recontextualise a lifetime’s worth of work. It could take an age to sort it all. He began to hum to himself.

He was interrupted some time later by someone clearing their throat, making him pause as he was putting a book back into a space in his cabinet. It was the captain, hovering in the doorway uncertainly. She had changed out of her armour, wearing a loose fitting a shirt and casual trousers.

‘Please, come in captain.’ He slid the book back into place and closed the cabinet with a click as the captain stepped in and closed the door, but still she stood there, nervously fiddling with the cuff of her sleeve. ‘Captain are you sure you’re all right? Perhaps you should sit down.’ He reached to touch her but she withdrew , hugging her arms tight around herself. Max slowly lowered his hand, frowning with renewed concern.

‘Can we just... can you just say what you need to say and get this over with? Then I can drop you off wherever you want and we can be on our way.’ The captain was glaring at the floor, reluctant to look at him.

‘Captain... I... what? I’m sorry I don’t understand.’ Max was utterly baffled.

‘You,’ the captain swallowed hard. The vicar realised she was trying not to cry. ‘You’re leaving right?’ There was a pregnant pause.

‘Captain... why do you think I’m leaving?’ Max asked slowly.

‘Because you... you got wanted right?’ The captain swallowed again. ‘You got your answers. So you don’t... you won’t want to stay. That’s the whole reason you joined us on the ship in the first place, right?’ She risked a quick glance at him before looking back at the floor, shoulders tight. Max opened and closed his mouth silently for a moment.

‘Captain... do you have so little faith in me?’ He was quiet and hurt.

‘It’s not that Max it’s...’

‘Is it not?’ He cut her off sharply. She flinched. Max closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could hardly blame her, he realised. Before this endeavour he might have done exactly what she was accusing him of. He would have gotten what he wanted and left immediately to further his goals. Isn’t that what he’d done in Edgewater what felt like a lifetime ago? He had even considered that vey scenario once he’d realised how badly he’d hurt her in Fallbrook. But now, leaving the captain, and the crew, was unthinkable. Not like this.

‘No, captain,’ he said more steadily. ‘I’m not leaving you.’ The captain looked at him now, searching his eyes for the lie. He held her gaze firmly, his heart an open book to her now.

‘You’re really going to stay?’ The captain blinked and a small amount of tension left her shoulders. ‘Then what were you going to talk to me about? Is it about what happened back at the hermit’s place? I did notice you seemed a bit... at odds... with your family.’ Max shook his head. This was not how he had pictured this conversation. He thought it best to let this talk go whichever direction it was heading. Stop trying to control it, he thought to himself, with no small amount of amusement.

‘I wouldn’t say my parents disowned me, strictly speaking,’ his tone was more sombre now. ‘But before they died, they accused me of thoughtlessly abandoning them. I couldn’t understand it. I was only trying to make them proud.’ He went to sit on his bed, frowning at his hands. They used to be more calloused, softening now after years spent studying. ‘I was so certain my potential was wasted as a labourer. I was willing to risk everything just to prove them wrong.’ He shook his head, feeling the old ache well up in his chest. It was less painful than it had been but it was still there. It was going to be difficult to put that burden down, as that ghostly vision of Isadora had urged him to do. The captain came to sit beside him, resting her shoulder against his.

‘You should have heard my folks when I told them I was signing up to the colony ships,’ she said, softly. ‘ ‘“Disappointed” would have been a step up I think.’ She brushed her cool fingertips against his knuckles. He took her hand without hesitation this time, eliciting a smile from her.

‘I know it was just some weird, drug-trip vision thing,’ she continued. ‘But you could tell she loved you, Max.’ The vicar smiled sadly in response.

‘I know.’ They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, the captain absentmindedly entwining their fingers and running her thumb gently along his.

‘If that’s not what you wanted to talk about,’ she eventually spoke up. ‘Then what was it.’ He hesitated, then looked down at his fingers entangled with hers. Max took a deep breath and turned to face her, raising his hand to her face, tracing the line of her cheekbone with his thumb, then moving his hand down, lifting her chin. She started to say his name but he cut her off with a kiss. His lips met hers gently, closing his eyes, knowing that if she rejected him that he would need to savour this. She didn’t. As he pushed his hand into her hair she moved her mouth against his more firmly, tracing his bottom lip with her tongue. He groaned softly, the sound muffled by their kiss.

When they eventually separated, they were both breathless.

‘So...’ Max started, but was immediately interrupted by the captain putting her lips back to his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling their bodies closer together, only the frustration of clothes between them. He wrapped one arm around her waist and pushed her back onto the bed. When their lips parted, he moved his mouth to her neck, gasping her name as she shifted against him. He slid a hand under her shirt, tracing his thumb against her lowest ribs, desperate to feel her skin against his. As she began to strip him of his vestments, he surrendered completely to this perfect, chaotic moment.

THE END

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #fanfic #ellie #felix #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #romance #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 14

SPOILERS: The following contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

‘Thought we’d lost you for a second there,’ Max murmured, tucking a loose strand of hair behind the captain’s ear before letting his hand fall to her shoulder. His other hand gently gripped her arm in case it looked like she was going to faint again. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone pass out and remain upright before.’

‘I’m a woman of many talents,’ the captain mumbled, her eyes still a bit glassy. Max chuckled and pulled her gently in the direction of the door, but she resisted. ‘Wait... what happened?’ Max paused.

‘I... woke up.’ How to explain it all when he was still feeling the pieces fall into place? Or allowing the pieces to fall out of place rather? He tried to wrap his words around the concept. ‘The illusions I built for myself have fallen away. I’m no longer interpreting; I’m... experiencing. Everything is... perfect.’ He smiled at her, feeling the warmth of peace wash through him.

‘I’m glad you found the answers you were looking for, Max.’ But her voice was sad and she was turning away from him. He felt a twinge of fear marring his new found tranquility. He let it drift away from him. Whatever was upsetting her, they could talk about it back on the ship.  He wanted to tell her so many things now that he wasn’t rigidly confined in the cage he’d built for himself.

‘I am content,’ he said for now. ‘I have finally found what I was looking for, even though I was looking for the wrong thing. Come. Let’s get you some fresh air.’ This time she allowed the vicar (Could he even call himself that any more? Did it matter?) to lead her out of the room. She took a deep breath of relatively fresh air once the door closed behind them, more steady on her feet now that they weren’t inhaling the fumes rising from the censure. She pulled away from his touch and went to face the hermit, again contriving not to look at him. The old woman was sat at her small table with the hunter, listening in horrified fascination to one of Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth’s more colourful stories, leaning over to fill the hunter's mug with something from a nondescript bottle. The captain approached them quietly, not wanting to interrupt, eternally patient.

‘So,’ the hermit looked up at them once Nyoka had finished her tale. ‘Have you found your answers?’

‘Not so much found as... finally listened,’ Max smiled at the old woman who had hosted them. She nodded.

‘Yes, it’s quite the convoluted maze we build for ourselves isn’t it.’ She returned the smile warmly.

‘Existence is easier with your eyes closed,’ the captain said absentmindedly. ‘It takes courage to open them.’ They both turned to the captain in surprise, even Nyoka raised an eyebrow. The captain seemed a little flustered under the sudden attention.

‘Seems like you learned something in there as well,’ the hermit remarked with amusement.

‘Nah I already knew that,’ the captain shrugged awkwardly. ‘I was just having fun.’

‘Of course you were.’ Max voice was filled with such affection that the captain blushed.

‘Come on,’ she said, tapping Nyoka’s shoulder as she hid her flushed face from the vicar. ‘We should go. I’m sure we’ve imposed long enough.’ The captain turned back to the hermit and bowed her head respectfully one more. ‘Thank you so much for your help. Is there anything we can do for you in return? Is there any supplies that you need?’

‘I’m quite content thank you.’ The hermit waved her away. ‘But next time you’re on Scylla feel free to pop back in with your hunter friend. I’d love to hear more of your exploits.’ Nyoka saluted with her cup before draining the contents and standing to leave. As the captain and the hunter left the hermit’s home, Max lingered.

‘Thank you,’ he said seriously. ‘Thank you for helping remove the veil from my eyes.’

‘You’re welcome, Max.’ The hermit jerked her head in the direction of the door. ‘That captain of yours is a kind soul. Does she know how you feel about her.’ Max’s lips twitched downwards.

‘I’m not sure I know how I feel about her,’ he confessed.

‘I think you do.’ The hermit gave him a sharp look. ‘I think you should talk to her. Sooner rather than later my boy.’ Max nodded, thanked her again, and left to catch up with his companions. Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth had wandered ahead, perhaps hoping to catch a primal straying close to the road. The captain was waiting for him a little way from the door. His eyes softened and he felt his lips twitch into an easy smile. Yes, the hermit was right. He knew exactly how he felt about his captain.

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #vicar max #fanfic #female captain #maximillian desoto #ellie #nyoka #felix #parvati #slow burn #romance #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 13

SPOILERS: The following contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

‘Are you ready?’ The captain asked him, her eyes shimmering through the faint smoke coming from the censure. Max nodded, clearly looking more sure than he felt as the captain leaned over and inhaled the fumes. She stepped back, coughing and waved at him to proceed. He did as she bid him, breathing as deeply as she had. Immediately his head began to swim, the room flickering around them like a candle flame. For an aching, horrible moment, nothing happened.

‘Poor, poor Maximillian.’ The voice was gentle but clear, and definitely not the captain’s. Max whipped round, panic snapping at the edges of his mind. That voice. He knew that voice. It’d been years, decades, since he’d heard that voice. Out of the flickering walls, a figure stepped forward. She was indistinct at first but even before she had fully manifested before them, he knew who it was. Of course he did.

‘Maximillian, why are you still doing this?’ The figure cocked her head at him, her voice ethereal but, Architect help him,  as familiar as his own. Isadora. His father had called her Izzy. ‘You’ve been fighting against the world since before you left home. Haven’t you figured it out yet? That the more you fight the more pain you cause yourself?’

‘Mother? You... you can’t be here. You’re dead!’ His voice was ragged and felt harsh in his throat. Then that fiery rush of familiar anger. ‘I knew this was too good to be true! These are just cheap hallucinogens.’ He worked his jaw. His voice sounded strange to him. His mouth felt like it was a step behind his mind. ‘We... we’re being made fools of aren’t we? When I get out of here I’m going to show that hermit what you get for messing with me.’

‘Max,’ the captain groaned. ‘Will you please stop threatening to murder people and listen to what your mother has to say.’ That startled him. Could the captain see her too? No. No of course not. They’d both just taken some potent drugs and the captain was responding to what he was saying. Yes, that was the rational explanation. But the ghostly vision of his mother was shaking her head.

‘Maximillian.’ The disappointment in her voice. That was also, unfortunately, familiar. ‘Always so ready to give up, to lash out. Always searching for answers but always in the wrong places, never looking inside himself.’

‘We came all this way Max,’ the captain’s voice sounded just as far away as Isadora’s. ‘Let’s at least hear her out.’ Max clutched his head as his mother turned to the captain.

‘Thank you. It relieves me to see there’s at least one positive influence in my son’s life.’

‘I try my best ma’am,’ the captain responded meekly. Isadora turned back to face her son. Max felt like he was a child again, coming back in after another fight with blood on his knuckles and a fat lip, his head hanging low as his mother cleaned him up. She would never say anything but he could see the disappointment in her eyes. He could see it now.

‘I only wanted you and father to be proud of me! I was going to be the perfect vessel... I was going to um... be more full of the Plan...’ It sounded so foolish. So childish. He shook his head in frustration. ‘This here... it’s all coming out wrong! The Plan, it filled you with such joy, a joy I could never feel. I wanted it! And being a labourer made me miserable. I was better than that!’

‘You certainly convinced yourself that you were.’ Max flinched at his mother’s tone, but then her voice softened. Suddenly it felt like the words were coming from inside him, inside his very soul. ‘Don’t feel bad Maximillian. We continually lie to ourselves, weaving stories in a vain attempt to convince us that we are in control of... anything. These stories are how we try to make sense of our lives but they are not real. They are just... stories. You need to let go of your story to see the truth.’ Max was shaking... his head, his body, he didn’t know any more. The words felt like they were reverberating in his chest, hammering away at everything he was.

‘Your mum is right, Max. Your story blinded you the truth and landed you in prison.’ The captain sounded so sure. How could she be so certain about anything in these circumstances?

‘What the... fuck... are you talking about?’ He snapped.

‘Look where we are, Max! Trusting an unbalanced hermit with your sanity seem rational to you?’ Max opened and closed his mouth as he tried to order his thoughts.

‘No!’ He sputtered. ‘I just wanted to prove to my parents that... I... dammit! You... you’re right.’ Isadora smiled at him then. He’d missed that smile.

‘Max, you need to lay down the past.’ His mother’s voice was gentle now. ‘What happened with your father and I is long dead. To attain your goals, you must live in the chaos. Whether you resist it or not, it will take you wherever it wants, more assuredly than your fictional Architect’s Plan that you slave away to prove.’ That struck a nerve.

‘No! The basis of everything is order, not chaos! It’s true I know it is! Why are you denying it? Before you died the Plan made you happy.’

‘No, it didn’t. I made myself happy. There is nothing holding you back but you. Goodbye, Maximillian.’ He reached out as she faded away. He didn’t want to let her go. He didn’t want to hear her words. He’d been so certain, so absolutely convinced he was right. This... this didn’t make any sense. He turned to the captain who was staring at the space Isadora had occupied with a faintly nauseous look on her face.

‘This whole thing is... it’s just a farce right?’ He hated how weak he sounded, how much it sounded like he was pleading with her. ‘Just... just my own brain working against me?’

‘You couldn’t be more right.’ Both the vicar and the captain stiffened and turned towards this new figure, who was wearing a familiar smirk. ‘Hello Max.’ He felt like his heart was going to break out of the cage of his ribs. This new vision was wearing his face, but his back was straighter his face and countenance calmer. This new Max standing before him seemed more real, more solid than the vision of his mother had been.

‘Why... why do you look like me?’ The vicar managed to force out eventually. ‘Are you me?’ The vision cocked his head, mulling over the question.

‘Not really,’ he answered diplomatically. ‘I’m who you think you are. I am disciplined. Controlled. I have no doubts. And I don’t exist, yet you have judged yourself against me you’re entire life. Why? Why do you berate yourself for not being me?’

‘If he does, he shouldn’t.’ The captain’s voice was sharp and clear. She glared at this new version of Max, her nose wrinkled in distaste. ‘He’s a better man than he gives himself credit for.’ Max felt himself blush with the captain’s praise but doubts still nagged at him. He felt like he was spooling out from himself, unravelling like fraying rope. And this new Max before them was so solid and self assured...

‘I... I don’t know.’ Max swayed with the room around him. ‘Is it wrong to want to be a good-er... uh... better person than I am?’ The captain was looking at him with fire in her eyes. He wished he had her certainty. She was always so sure of everything. He wasn’t, of anything anymore.

‘But that’s not what you’re doing,’ the vision-Max responded. ‘You’re desperately trying to find a story to organise reality in your head, a story to control everything. A new story of the happy you. The contented you. Me.’ This new Max smiled and Max (The real Max? He didn’t know. He didn’t feel as though he was real anymore) felt the bottom drop out of his stomach.

‘That’s not... it can’t be right. I’ve been searching for the answer to the Equation. Because it will set us free... won’t it?’ Max was no longer as convinced of that as when he had first set foot on this asteroid.

‘How?’ His twin threw up their hands. ‘By removing the need to make any decision? To have your life completely controlled? The illusion of certainty? Your obsession allowed you to avoid the real question. Who are you?’ Once again, the words seem to come from within his chest, rattling his lungs and heart, shaking the very foundation of his being. He felt like he was choking, drowning.

‘I’m Max!’ He shouted desperately. ‘Me! I’m real! You can’t convince me otherwise... please... please don’t convince me I’m not...’ He was losing himself, he could feel it. Things were spiralling out of his control. He felt untethered and adrift. Then he felt the cool, familiar touch of the captains fingers. She entwined them with his, standing firm beside him like an anchor.

‘Stop, Max. Listen to what he’s saying,’ the captain urged.

‘Your individual “self” is not real. It is simply a concept.’ These words also rang in his chest but now he shook with them. He was breaking apart, the pieces of what he thought he was were drifting away from him but... he realised he was OK with that. He was loosening his grip on his ideals even as his fingers tightened around the captain’s. And this loss of control was... freeing.

‘By the Architect...’ Max laughed at himself. ‘Architect? How could I have believed in an Architect? We exist outside our thoughts, thinking we’re in control... that’s it isn’t it? We have no control, over anything! It’s all... lies. How could I not have seen this? But how do we escape... ourselves?’

‘I’m... not sure I followed all of that... but you’re doing great Max,’ the captain said, swaying beside him as the vision-Max faded away with a smile. ‘Do you think the hermit would mind if I threw up in a corner?’ As Max felt his mind unfurl, the captain's eyes rolled back into her head.

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #ellie #fanfic #felix #parvati #nyoka #slow burn #romance #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 12

SPOILERS: The following contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

‘Please tell me you’re here to rob me.’

‘I... what?’ The captain blinked rapidly as she was caught off guard by the question. The hermit sighed and rose from her seat at the small table littered with papers.

‘I tire of the truth seekers the solar winds bring to my doors. If you’re bandits here to kill or steal from me that would be much more exciting,’ the hermit’s eyes settled on Max and she sighed heavily. ‘But that’s not what you’re after is it.’ The question was directed at the vicar, but the captain answered.

‘We’re here to get this book translated. Max?’ He handed over the journal somewhat reluctantly. He’d had it with him for so long now. It was the symbol of everything he’d struggled for, every disappointment and trial he’d been through. To hand it over just like that was... difficult.

‘We’ve been told this was once yours,’ Max explained as the hermit leafed through its pages. ‘I believe it contains the answers I seek.’

‘I can translate it,’ the hermit conceded. ‘But it wouldn’t do you any good. I can see you’re a man in a hurry, and the insights in that book would take you years of study to fully comprehend.’

‘I have spent my life in contemplation,’ Max countered, gravely. ‘I believe my mind is prepared to receive the truth.’

‘We’ve come all this way,’ the captain interjected. ‘Please. Can you help us?’ The hermit turned to the captain, her eyes softening.

‘There is a way that can speed up the process. But I won’t lie to you, its not for the faintest of heart, or the unprepared, and it may prove fatal.’

‘I think Max is probably the most prepared man you’ll meet.’ The vicar almost smiled at the captain’s certainty but when the hermit turned back to him he kept his face straight, trying to convey how ready he was through expression alone.

‘Hmmm... I believe you may be right.’ The hermit’s eyes were piercing, making Max shift uncomfortably. ‘There is violence and peace warring inside you Max. This process can be extremely tenuous for one such as yourself.’ Max gritted his teeth.

‘I’m committed. No mater the cost.’

‘I’m in,’ the captain chimed.

‘Wait what?!’ Max turned sharply to the captain. ‘You’re not doing this.’

‘I am if you are.’ She crossed her arms stubbornly.

‘Did you miss the part where she said this could be fatal?’

‘Did you? I’m not letting you do this on your own. What if something goes wrong?’

‘Exactly! I am prepared for this captain. You are not. And if something were to happen to you... I will not have that on my conscience.’

‘You’re not doing this alone Max.’ She had that stubborn fire in her eyes and Max realised, with despair, that he wasn’t going to win this fight. He nodded reluctantly.

‘Well shit, we’ve come this far. If we die at least we’ll be hearing colours and seeing sounds,’ Nyoka said, happily.

‘No Nyoka, you’re staying here.’ The captain was firm. ‘If something does go wrong I’ll need you to help us out ok? Is it OK if she stays here with you?’ Addressing the hermit now. ‘She can regale you with some of her hunting stories while you wait.’ The hermit nodded her consent, eyeing Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth with bemusement.

‘When you’re ready, head into the meditation room and partake of the sacramental incense.’ The hermit gestured to the other doors in the small domicile, pointing to the room on the right. The captain nodded respectfully and moved towards the “meditation room”. Max followed, feeling uncertainty building up in his gut. What if this was all some cheap trick? What if, at the end of all this, he was still no closer to his answers? What if something went wrong? What if something happened to the captain? What if... what if... what if...?

‘Max?’ The captain was waiting for him. He shoved all his anxious thoughts back and stepped forward, once more, to meet her.

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #fanfic #ellie #felix #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #romance #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 11

SPOILERS: The following contains spoilers for the game The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

‘Heard Scylla’s crawling with primals. Think we can bag a couple while we’re here?’ Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth was leaning over the railings of the landing pad as she hungrily scanned the rocky terrain.

‘If we see some, yes, but we’re not going out of our way for them.’ The captain was surveying the rocks too, through her scope, before they took the elevator down. ‘It’s clear. Let’s head out.’ She was keeping her distance from Max now. He didn’t know if it was because she was still angry with him or if the moment they’d shared on the ship was weighing on her mind.

It was weighing on his. He’d never had much time for anything other than the Equation and the Plan. He’d never let anyone get too close, finding most other people in the colonies to be dull and closed minded. But the captain had managed to waltz into his life with her open heart and easy smile. Her curious questions and eagerness to learn. He’d grown closer to her than he had to anyone. And how had he thanked her for that? By lying to her and attempting to do something unforgivable.

The captain had still gone out of her way for him. She’d apologised to Nyoka for changing their plans so suddenly, assuring her that they still wanted to visit the information broker, but that something unforeseen had come up and that they were making a, hopefully quick, jump to Scylla. Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth had shrugged it off and said that as long as the captain kept her personal fridge stocked with alcohol then the hunter would go wherever they liked. The captain had attempted a smile at that but it had been muted.

I did that to her, Max had thought, hating himself.

And here they were on this abandoned hunk of rock, chasing another story. Max felt the all too familiar anger bubbling up again but he forced it back down wearily. What had his anger gotten any of them but heartbreak? His anger had no place here any more except on the battlefield. If he couldn’t use it as a tool to help them then he had no place on this crew anymore. If he couldn’t keep it under control he wouldn’t allow himself to hurt any more of his friends. Especially not the captain. If this “hermit” lead didn’t pan out he would quit the crew. He’d made up his mind when the captain had left him after their little chat. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, risk hurting her like that again. He’d realised that he cared about her too much.

As they picked their way over the rocky surface of Scylla, the captain kept ahead of them. Max knew that, if they asked her, she would say she had the sharpest reflexes so was taking point to better keep an eye out for danger. The vicar suspected that the real reason was that she was trying to keep her distance from him. He didn’t blame her... but it hurt.

It still came in handy when she dispatched the three Outlaws on their path before Max and Nyoka had even registered them. The scrap mechanical accompanying the bandits gave the crew a little more trouble, but a few well placed shots to the glowing cores on its legs left it a crumpled heap of cooling metal in front of them in short order.

‘You and me,’ Nyoka was panting a little breathlessly. ‘We’re going to have a talk about those “reflexes” of yours when this is over captain.’

‘Not much to tell,’ the captain dismissed as she checked the pockets of the fallen for ammo and bits. ‘Was in cryo-stasis for a while longer than expected. Now I can slow down time at will. Might as well rip that plaster off quickly.’

‘What? Skip-flu? Shit captain you could'a just said. I know a guy who’s cousin’s got that.’

‘Yeah? And how did that work out for him?’

‘Err... not great cap’ I’ll be honest with you.’

‘Tell me later, Nyoka. The mining outpost’s just up this road.’ The captain scanned the buildings quickly through her scope. ‘Looks like there’s some combat drones roaming about. Maybe a couple automechanicals. Thought I saw one go round the corner.’

‘Must have been left behind when they abandoned the site,’ Max speculated. The captain only spared him a glance before heading up the road. Nyoka gave him a sympathetic grimace as she followed and Max hurried after them. They dealt with the machines quickly, hardly worth breaking a sweat over, and soon they were in front of a small, unassuming building at the back of the complex.

‘This is where Chaney said she was.’ The captain inspected the entrance to the building. ‘And it looks like the doors are unlocked. You ready Max?’ He jumped at being addressed, given the cold shoulder treatment he’d been receiving since the ship, but then he paused.

‘I must admit I’m feeling... trepidation,’ he replied cautiously. ‘I might finally get the answers I’ve been looking for but... Will they be enough?’

‘I suppose they’ll have to be.’ The captain’s voice was quiet. She stepped up to the door, knocked sharply three times to announce their presence, and stepped through the entrance with her shoulders squared. Nyoka moved through as well, without hesitation. Max was less brave, standing on the threshold, teetering on the edge of his last hope for enlightenment. The captain’s head popped back into the door frame as she realised that the vicar hadn’t followed, her eyes softening as she saw his uncertainty. She offered her hand to him and he reached his fingers out to grip hers, allowing her to pull him through the door.

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #fanfic #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #ellie #felix #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #romance #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 10

SPOILERS: The following story contains spoilers for the game The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

They found Chaney’s room quickly enough in the middle of town, moving swiftly past Fallbrook’s patrons and SubLight employees. The doors parted for them but the room was conspicuously empty.

‘This is Reginald’s stuff all right,’ Max muttered, almost to himself. He raised his voice slightly. ‘Looks like he’s not home. We should search the room and try and figure out where he’s gone.’ He shuffled the papers on Chaney’s desk, setting aside the bottles of Spectrum Vodka and tastefully ignoring the look on Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth face as she eyed the bottles. He could hear the captain moving around behind him and her soft, thoughtful hum that indicated she’d found something. The vicar turned to see her holding a datapad in her hands, head cocked as she read. When she handed it over her expression was unreadable. He scanned the text quickly, hands gripping the pad so tightly the casing creaked.

‘Sounds like Chaney’s gone gold panning down on the river.’ Max was struggling to keep his voice even. When he looked up at the captain again she was watching him carefully. ‘Uh, I guess even scholars need to find ways to make ends meet in exile.’ He couldn’t meet her eye.

‘To the river then.’ The captain’s tone was light. He moved to the door but Nyoka cleared her throat.

‘A word cap’?’ The captain nodded and motioned for him to move ahead. He stepped out the door and turned his gaze up the road towards the river. Max was shaking now, finding it difficult to get himself under control. He could hear the women talking behind him but their voices were too low to make out. Just as the vicar was growing impatient, they emerged from Chaney’s room. The captain gave him a distracted smile but Nyoka’s gaze was dark.

‘Let’s go meet your man vicar,’ the captain said softly. She moved to touch his arm but he was already moving away from her and towards the river. Max strode with grim determination, barely allowing the women to keep pace with him. When he reached the water’s edge, he hesitated.

‘This way I think.’ The captain was slightly out of breath but she didn’t even pause before moving into the ankle high water. With a set jaw, Max followed her, Nyoka a silent ghost beside him.

And there he was. Surrounded by detritus and smoking a cigarette, a sour look on his stupid fucking face. He saw the captain first.

‘What do you want?’ The sprat asked, his voice sour. When he saw Max his tone changed immediately, lighter with a sharp edge of nervousness. ‘Oh... hey Vicar Max! What, uh, are you doing on Monarch? I thought scientitians aren’t welcome here.’

‘Haven’t you heard?’ Max snarled. ‘Everyone’s welcome here. It’s a fucking workers paradise. But you wouldn’t know anything about that would you? Never worked a day in your miserable life. You’re just a parasite living off of my good will. Well guess what? My good will is exhausted, along with my patience.’ Max took a step forward, his fists clenched as Chaney mirrored the motion backwards, panic in his eyes. Max was about to launch himself at the cretin  when the captain grabbed his arm hard enough to hurt.

‘Hey!’ She cried. ‘What’s are you doing?! Let’s all just calm down here.’

‘I lied about finding a scholar,’ he spat, never taking his eyes off Chaney. ‘This is the guy that told me about the book while we were in prison. And now I’m going to inflict massive amounts of pain on him.’

‘Maybe he didn’t’ know the book was in French.’ The captain’s voice was desperate as she continued to cling to his arm, barely holding him back.

‘Oh he knew. Didn’t you? Didn’t you?!’ Max took another step and Chaney went white. It was only the intervention of the captain that was keeping this piece of shit’s blood off of his knuckles.

‘OK, ok I admit it!’ Chaney held up his hands in defeat. ‘I was tired of all your high and mighty speechifying all the time! It was just a joke I swear! I didn’t mean nothin’ by it!’

‘You are not helping,’ the captain hissed.

‘See captain?’ Max gestured to Chaney with a harsh stab of his finger and the man before him flinched. ‘I’ve dealt with this swine before. I know how he thinks. Now where we’re we? Oh yes. I was about to beat you. Severely.’ Max took another step, knowing the captain’s fingers were going to leave bruises and not caring. Chaney’s back was against the steel wall that separated the Fallbrook river from the rest of Monarch.

‘Wait, wait, wait!’ The panic was squeezing Chaney’s throat now as sure a Max’s hands were about to. ‘I know who can translate the book for you!’

‘It’s too late for that. I threw my life away chasing fairy tales. Will punishing you fix any of that? Of course not. But by the Law it will make me feel a whole lot better.’

The captain stepped in front of him putting one hand firmly on his chest.

‘Max, stop, please.’ She was insistent, pleading now. He hesitated a moment. But a moment was all she’d ever needed to get under his skin from the first moment he saw her.

‘It’s not too late,’ she continued, her voice soft and tinged with desperation. ‘Maybe the answer you’re looking for is in that book.’ He took a deep breath, ready to explode at her, ready to vent most of a lifetime’s worth of frustration and defeat onto her. But when he saw that look in her eyes, the look of hurt, the look of betrayal upon the realisation that he’d been lying to her the whole time, he knew he couldn’t do it. Any of it. He couldn’t keep lying to her, he couldn’t pour his anger out over her, and, he realised, he couldn’t kill Chaney. He couldn’t live with how she would look at him then. When he let go of his breath, all his rage flowed out with it. Max’s shoulders slumped and he ran a hand over his weary face.

‘OK... OK. Talk Reggie.’

‘It was stolen from some sort of expert on Philosiphism.’ Chaney babbled. ‘Weird hermit lady on Scylla.’ He went on to explain that his father had stolen the journal from her while running supplies to the mining outpost, but had been unable to sell the book when it turned out that it was both in French, and banned as an added kicker.

‘I don’t think so,’ Max scoffed. ‘A crazed hermit on Scylla? He’s playing us for fools.’ The captain was giving the sprat a long, hard look. Chaney flinched but his glassy, twitchy gaze seemed to convince her.

‘We’re leaving now.’ The captain’s voice was cold. ‘But if we don’t find this hermit we’ll be coming back for you Chaney. And this time I won’t stop him.’ She jerked her thumb at Max. Chaney’s Adam’s apple bobbed and he nodded so rapidly the vicar thought his head might detach. The captain turned on her heel and stalked away. Nyoka, having not said a word the entire exchange, followed. Max, not sparing another look at Chaney, quickly hurried after them.

Now that the anger and the adrenaline had left his system he felt drained and more than a little ashamed of himself. The vicar moved as quickly as he could to his captain’s side. He reached our to touch her arm.

‘Captain? I has hoping I might...’

‘Fucking save it vicar.’ He reeled. He didn’t think he’d ever heard the captain swear, but the venom in her voice bit into his heart. She turned back to the road, heading for the Fallbrook landing pad. The SubLight thugs guarding it took one look at her expression and decided that they weren’t paid enough to deal with a force of nature. They didn’t say a word when she moved up the ramp to insert her data cartridge and recall the Unreliable. While they waited she stood as a statue, her expression still but her eyes alight with anger. Max chose not to say anything, standing with his hands clasped behind his back to prevent himself from fidgeting. Nyoka had affected a casual air, leaning against the railings, but she was continually giving her companions side-long looks. Max wondered if she regretted signing onto their motley crew now.

When the ship landed, the captain was climbing the ramp to the door as soon as it was lowered, the vicar hurrying behind her.

‘To your quarters vicar. I’ll talk to you in a minute.’ The captain wouldn’t even look at him. Max bristled.

‘You can’t send me to my room like a... like a child.’ Max sputtered.

‘That was an order DeSoto.’ He recoiled. He didn’t think she’d ever just called him by his last name. It felt like an insult, like a slap. He almost felt like protesting but instead he slunk up the stairs while a hovering Parvati (always close by the door given her preferred spot in the hold) swooped in to ask the captain what was wrong. Max didn’t hear her reply but he heard the captain’s tone. She was even snapping at Parvati now. What had he done?

Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth followed him up but he barely registered her, or cared about how lost she must be feeling on the new ship, retreating to his room to lick his wounds. When he turned to close his door she was standing there. She didn’t look lost, she was merely studying him with a critical eye.

‘I don’t need your judgement.’ Max tried to inject some bite in his voice but he just sounded tired. He felt tired. So often these days. That was what happened when you spent all of your energy fighting the Plan, he supposed, bitterly. Nyoka was shaking her head.

‘She knew you were lying to her.’

‘I... what?’

‘The captain. That’s what I was talking to her about back in Chaney’s room. I asked if she could tell if you were lying to her and she told me that she knew you’d been lying from the start.’ The hunter studied her nails. ‘Didn’t seem to care. Said that you were her friend and that she was going to help you. Don’t think she expected you to try and murder a man in front of her.’ Max sat down heavily on his bunk and felt misery over take him. It had all been for nothing. All the lies, fighting his affection for her, trying (and failing) to keep his distance. All of it for nothing because she had known he was lying the entire time and she’d helped him anyway. And now she hated him.

‘Friends,’ Nyoka was saying. ‘Friends like the captain, who would go to the end of the most Law-forsaken moon in this system for you, friends like that are rare as diamonds in raptidon shit. I don’t know you much, and I don’t know her much either, but I can tell she’s good people. Be a shame to throw all that away yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Max’s voice was quiet but the hunter heard him, and nodded.

‘Hey Nyoka? This is Parvati. She’ll show your room and help you get settled.’ Max sat up ramrod straight at the captain’s voice. Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth and the engineer moved away to the last room available. Max supposed their little crew was finally complete... apart from the ominously silent automechanical next to the stairs that no one but Parvati seemed to want to go near.

The captain stepped into his room and closed the door behind her. Max thought back to the last time that had happened, with a drink in her hand and an easy smile. Now, her face was stormy and he wilted under the anger in her gaze.

‘Captain I...’ She held up a hand to stop him. He fell silent as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

‘What on Earth were you thinking vicar?’ Max found himself wrinkling his nose at both her odd phrasing and her refusal to use his name. He wrung his hands.

‘I...’ he swallowed hard before continuing. ‘I owe you an apology captain. I’ve been so obsessed for so long... I couldn’t see anything else. You offered me a place on your crew, friendship... more than that! You’ve gone out of your way for me time and again and I used you to get to Chaney. You owe me nothing but... Please, I’m begging your forgiveness.’ He didn’t want to see the expression on her face but he forced himself to look up from his knotting fingers. She had one hand over her eyes, seemingly unwilling to meet his gaze either. To his surprise, she laughed; a horrible, bitter sound. Max flinched.

‘You know what the worst part of all of this is?’ The captain lowered her hand. Her eyes were hot steel, glowing with anger, tempered by sadness and betrayal. ‘The worst part is that even if you’d told me the truth, even if you had told me everything, I still would have helped you!’

‘You would have tried to stop me,’ Max mumbled. He lowered his head, feeling like a school boy in the principle’s office.

‘I fucking did stop you!’ The captain was shouting now. ‘For fucks sake vicar we’re not murderers!’

‘We kill people every day,’ he shot back, feeling a sudden flare of anger.

‘Marauders! Bandits! People who shoot at us as soon as look! Not unarmed men because, what? They pissed you off? Lied to you? ‘Cause that’s a dangerous road to be going down vicar, especially from your position.’ Max grimaced and that, looking away. The captain sighed and ran a hand through her hair. ‘What am I supposed to do about this? How am I supposed to trust you?’

‘All I can say is that I promise to be nothing but truthful from now on.’ The captain moved to sit beside him on the bed, elbows resting on her thighs and hands hanging off her lap, fingers entwined and shoulders slumped.

‘I wish I could believe that,’ she said. Her voice was, once again, soft. She sounded defeated. How could he possibly fix this? How could he make this right? Before he could speak, she asked him a question.

‘So... how was prison?’ That caught him off guard.

‘Oh exactly as you’d imagine,’ he responded grimly. ‘I can’t say I particularly enjoyed the stint but it did provide me plenty of time to think. The way I see it, the universe was snapping me back to where I needed to be. You stray too far from the course of your destiny, the world will try to correct for it.’

‘And now?’

‘I... I don’t know.’ The captain nodded slowly. She remained by his side silently for a while. Max busied himself with taking the bandage off his hand completely now. The cut was gone, only the faintest of lines to show that it was ever there in the first place. The captain reached out to take his hand from him gently. The vicar started at that and she held his hand loosely, giving him the opportunity to pull away. When he didn’t, she ran her thumb over his knuckles and Max suppressed a shiver, either at the cold of her touch or at something else that her touch brought out in him. He wasn’t sure.

‘Do you want to go to Scylla?’ The captain asked, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

‘I... I don’t know captain.’

‘It’s the next step isn’t it? Go to Scylla, find this hermit.’

‘If she’s even there. If she even exists.’

‘You have to have faith vicar,’ she smiled at him but it was tainted with sadness.

‘You’d help me? Even after all this? Even after everything I’ve done? After everything I tried to do?’

‘Oh Max,’ she sighed and raised one hand to his cheek, the other still holding his hand. ‘Of course I would.’ For an impossible moment, Max thought she might kiss him. Instead she just pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes. He followed suit. Max took a deep breath, inhaling her closeness, savouring it. When she moved away he almost pulled her back to him.

‘To Scylla then.’ The captain got up and moved to the door, leaving Max sitting on the bed.

Coward, he thought to himself, bitterly. He didn’t know if he was directing the sentiment at himself or the captain.

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #fanfic #ellie #felix #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #romance #angst with a happy ending #angst #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 9

SPOILERS: The following story contains spoilers for the game The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

Max woke up first, as was his want, feeling refreshed and more fit than he had the previous night. The hunter was still snoring, her arm thrown over her eyes as protection from the morning sun that hadn’t even breached their well protected camp. But it was the captain that caught his eye.

She was twitching on the bed violently, her hands digging so hard into the old fabric beneath that it was ripping under her fingernails. A plaintive cry escaped her lips and her legs kicked our involuntarily. He was quickly at her side but still he hesitated. If he woke her she might cry out. Given her current state, and the incredibly hostile nature of the wildlife, he didn’t want to attract any undue attention to their location. The captain whimpered.

Setting his jaw, Max made up his mind and knelt beside her. He placed one hand on her mouth and the other on her shoulder, shaking her once and sharply. The response was immediate, her eyes flying open and her muffled scream sounding under the skin of his palm. He felt a grim sense of satisfaction at that. Which was quickly snuffed as the captain’s fist hit his diaphragm. Max grunted as he fell back, winded.

‘Max?! Oh my gosh I’m so sorry.’ The captain scrambled to help him sit on the bed beside her. He couldn’t manage much more than a wheeze as she fussed and babbled a stream of apologies.

‘I’m fine captain, really,’ he managed eventually. He took as deep breath as he could before continuing with a more steady voice. ‘You were having a nightmare.’ He didn’t ask the question but he saw her flinch and she pulled back from him.

‘I... I’m fine.’ She couldn’t meet his eyes. He absentmindedly rubbed the sore spot on his chest and winced.

‘I could give you some pointers to improve your form, captain, but I fear it would be to my detriment.’ She laughed despite herself and he felt the tension dissipate as her shoulders slumped. She leaned forwards, elbows on knees and her face buried in her hands. Max realised she was trying not to cry. His hand automatically went to her back and she leaned into him, sitting back and resting her head on his shoulder. He leaned his cheek on her hair, momentarily shutting out and forgetting everything, focusing on their proximity to each other. The hunter snored on beside them.

‘If you want to talk about it, I’m here,’ Max murmured into her hair. He felt her take a deep breath.

‘I know that Max... thank you.’ She squeezed his knee gently and he swallowed hard at the sudden rush of emotion. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the moon wake up around them. Max closed his eyes and tried not to think of anything but this moment, the captain’s closeness filling him with a pure sense of lightness that he hadn’t felt before. But all too soon the captain was stirring at his side.

‘We should wake up Nyoka and get going. We’ve got a man to see about a journal right?’ She pulled back so he could see her smile but he froze.

‘Yes. We should be moving on.’ The vicar’s voice was suddenly cold and he saw confusion and a little hurt chase their way across the captain’s face as he stood up quickly and moved away. He busied himself with gathering together his affects as the captain nudged the hunter awake, cursing himself and Chaney, the captain for making him forget for one sweet moment. Himself for forgetting.

To his surprise, and relief, Nyoka woke up quietly, her hand automatically going for her gun and scanning for threats before relaxing and groaning a muted protest about being woken up. Max supposed instincts honed over a lifetime spent on Monarch served her better than their more easily startled captain. She got up and stretched before complaining about the lack of booze available.

‘You only brought the one bottle?’ Max asked dryly.

‘Hard to carry a whole bar on your back vicar,’ she retorted. It was the captain to the rescue, pulling a bottle of Algae Larger from her pack and handing it over. Max rolled his eyes.

‘Captain, I would literally die for you,’ Nyoka said seriously as she cracked open the bottle. The captain laughed and handed out some food as well. She always seemed to have provisions on her, no doubt salvaged from the endless marauder camps they seemed to wander in to. Max had expressed his distaste for that once but, as the captain had pointed out, it was free food and that wasn’t to be sniffed at when they had more mouths than ever to feed back on the ship.

After breakfast they were ready to move on. Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth assured them that they were close. They just had to make their way back to the road and head south for a while, then cut more directly through a rocky outcrop and they would be there in no time. They got into very little trouble on the way, the only highlight being the captain dropping a Marauder Lookout and their tamed canid from a distance before Max and Nyoka had even spotted them on the proposed path. While the hunter was admiring the captain’s skills, Max was avoiding her eye. He was so close now. So close.

They were there so quickly that Max almost cursed their stop the previous night.

‘Fallbrook’s just across the bridge.’ Nyoka indicated the steel walls and imposing door set into the rock. The captain nodded at Max tensely and moved forwards. Practically vibrating with rage and anticipation, he followed her.

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #fanfic #ellie #felix #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt #romance

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 8

SPOILERS: The following story contains spoilers for the game The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

Max's determination to make it to the camp on his own only lasted a few steps before he was stumbling. The captain let Nyoka help him to the small circle of beds surrounding a burnt out campfire. She, on the other hand, held her long gun loosely in her hands as her sharp eyes scanned the horizon.

The hunter dropped him unceremoniously on one of the camp beds, which creaked ominously under his weight. He scowled but Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth had already turned away and was cracking open some Spectrum.

‘Did you bring enough for everyone?’ he snapped. The hunter didn’t even look as she held up her middle finger in his direction and look a long swig from the bottle.

‘None for you vicar.’ The captain’s voice was stern as she appeared at his side. ‘You shouldn’t drink with a concussion.’

‘Would you like a drink captain?’ Nyoka asked sweetly. Max glared at her as the captain rolled her eyes and waved her away.

‘Hand,’ she was addressing him now, holding clean bandages. The vicar hesitated before acquiescing. The captain undid the old wrappings quickly and chewed her lip as she studied the injury. It was almost fully healed now but he agreed when she posited that they keep the bandage on a little longer to keep it clean as it closed completely. She didn’t linger by his side after wrapping up his hand, deftly and neatly,  moving away quickly. Max suppressed a pang at that.

‘Get some sleep.’ It didn’t sound like a suggestion. He nodded, suddenly feeling incredibly tired despite the time difference from the ship to the moon. He lay down on his back and folded his hands on his stomach. The captain sat opposite from him, across the cold fire pit, and studiously began to clean her guns.

Nyoka had assured them that the hide was well protected by the craggy rocks surrounding them and that there was no need for someone to keep watch so she was determinedly trying to get to the bottom of the bottle, settling on a bed between her two companions. Max was not reassured but felt safer knowing the captain would most likely be staying up half the night anyway. He concentrated on his breathing, a meditation technique that he’d found worked well for drifting off to sleep... which he supposed was not the point but if it worked it worked.

In.... and out... in... and out. Deep and even.

The vicar almost managed to drift off.

‘So... you and Max huh?’ He almost sat bolt upright at the hunter’s voice, the implication, but quickly, and rationally, deduced that if she was talking about him in such a cavalier tone then she must assume him already asleep. Her voice had been lowered as if not to wake him. He kept his breathing steady.

‘What? No! I... we...’ The captain spluttered, not as successful at keeping her voice down. He simulated a slight stirring and a murmur to sell the illusion. Everything went deathly quiet until he seemed to settle down again. He listened intently.

‘No, Nyoka, it’s not like that.’ Max heard the captain shift, the gentle creak of the corroded steel bed frame beneath her. ‘You haven’t met the rest of the crew yet. We have Ellie, she’s our sawbones, and Felix who’s just... Felix. He’s going to love you. Going to think you walked straight out of the serials.’ Nyoka laughed and the captain suppressed a chuckle.

‘But Max and Parvati, she’s our engineer by the way,’ the captain continued. ‘They’ve been with me since the very beginning. Everything I’ve gone through in this place they’ve been right there beside me...’ she trailed off. Max could feel her eyes on him, light as her touch.

‘So what’s your story captain?’ Max had often wondered that himself. She’d say odd things sometimes and the way she reacted to things, her inflated sense of justice, the fire in her eyes that seemed to affect everyone around her. It didn’t seem possible sometimes that she was a product of the colonies. She’d tried to broach the subject with him once; mentioned something about the lost colony ship “The Hope”. She had quickly backed out of the topic, perhaps seeing the doubt creeping into his expression. He regretted letting his emotions show so plainly now. Perhaps he’d have a better grasp on where she was from. Or, at least, where she thought she was from.

‘It’s a long story and not a particularly happy one,’ the captain dismissed. ‘I’m still trying to work it all out for myself to be honest.’ She sounded lost. Max fought the urge to sit up again. Pressing down the desire, as hard as he could, to comfort her.

Focus on the breathing. In.... and out... in... and out. Deep and even.

Max heard one bead creak and someone moving, then the other bed creaking and someone else.

‘Thanks.’ That was the captain’s voice. He surmised that Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth had shared her bottle. Another set of creaking and movement as it was passed back.

‘What about you?’ the captain asked. ‘What’s your tale of woe?’

‘What makes you think its woeful?’

‘Seems everyone in this place has a sad story to tell.’ He could hear the sorrowful smile in the captain’s voice. Nyoka laughed but there was no humour in it.

‘I took to companionship with some friends for a while but... those days are long past.’ The hunter took a long draught from the vodka. ‘I don’t have a single spot you call home. Wherever I can sit in peace with a bottle is good enough for me.’ She waved the one clutched in her hand for emphasis (he could hear the swish of alcohol that betrayed how little was left now).

‘The Unreliable’s not what you’d call “homey”,’ the captain replied softly. ‘But there’s a place on it for you if you want one.’

‘You barely even know me captain.’ Nyoka’s voice was small.

‘Max has accused me of picking up every stray we come across.’ The hunter laughed and Max hoped the darkness covered the amused twitch of his lips. ‘I mean it Nyoka. We have a spare bunk and it’s yours if you want it.’

‘Heh. Thanks cap’.’ Max heard Nyoka drain the last of the bottle and set it down.

‘We’ll reach Fallbrook tomorrow, yeah?’

‘No problem. It’s just south of us now. Thought you wanted to get to Hiram though.’

‘I do, but Max has some business in Fallbrook so we’ll go there first.’

‘What kind of business?’ Max heard the captain hesitate. He kept his breathing steady but he could feel his muscles tensing.

‘He’s looking for someone and it looks like they wound up in Fallbrook before the Hazard Clause kicked in.’

‘Most likely still there then. Not exactly easy to hitch a ride off planet these days.’

‘Good. I just hope that...’ The captain left her sentence hanging in the night air.

‘What?’ Max strained his ears for the captain’s reply.

‘Nothing. Get some sleep Nyoka.’

‘Aye, aye captain.’ He heard the hunter settle down. She was snoring within minutes.

He heard the captain sigh and lie back on her own bed. Max knew she wouldn’t sleep for a long while yet.

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #fanfic #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #ellie #felix #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #romance #angst with a happy ending #angst #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 7

SPOILERS: This story contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

As soon as they left the relative safety of Stellar Bay’s walls, the stench of sulphur hit them, making the captain gag.

‘I see you’ve never been to Monarch before,’ Nyoka observed dryly.

‘The trick is to breathe through your mouth captain,’ Max advised.

When they were ready to move off again, they almost immediately ran into a pack of raptidons. And then canids after that. By the time they’d fought their way out of the ruins around the town they were already tired.

Nyoka had a “spray and pray” attitude to fighting which worked well with the captain’s more precise, “sharpshooter” approach and Max’s tendency to throw himself headfirst into the fray. In a few hairy encounters they were already beginning to gel well as a team. But Max was distracted. He didn’t need another person to connect to. Another friend to discard. Another heart to break.

He’d been trying to distance himself physically from them, just a little, not quite enough for the captain and Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth to notice that he’d pulled ahead. It was why he was in front when they came across the crates in the street. They’d stumbled upon litters of boxes like these before. It seemed when the corporations had fled Monarch they had simply dropped everything in their mad dash to escape the moon. There was nothing sinister in coming across them in of themselves. Which is why he wasn’t as on guard as perhaps he should have been when the bullet passed close enough by his ear to sting.

Instinct took over as he threw himself into cover behind the protective wall of a large steel crate. He heard the captain call out his name and he turned to see her and the hunter similarly hunckering down behind a road barrier behind and to the left of him. The determined rattle of machine gun fire kept him separated from the others and he cursed to himself. He looked over at the captain and even from here he could see the look in her eye. He knew that look all too well.

She waited for the briefest breath in the gunfire then stood up, faster than seemed humanly possible, before cracking off three impossibly precise shots, and then back down beside Nyoka before Max could blink.

‘What the fuck?!’ Was that the marauders or Nyoka? It was an appropriate reaction to seeing the captain’s unique abilities for the first time. Max used the opportunity afforded by the break in gunfire to advance forward, shotgun raised. Their assailants were struggling to regroup and his concentrated blasts sent them scrabbling for cover. By the time he reached the next crate he had to reload, ducking down again and calmly inserting the ammo as Nyoka made her move. Her wide spray of fire caught two of the marauders and, as they fell, the captain quickly dispatched two more with her rifle. They could hear at least one more fumbling around and cursing. Max cocked his gun and tried to work out their exact location in amongst the maze of crates.

There.

He lifted his gun to fire at the same time his intended target did, but he was quicker on the trigger. The vicar’s load hit the man full in the chest, sending him sprawling and causing his shot to go wide. The bullet missed Max, but unfortunately hit one of the more volatile crates on the battlefield.

He couldn’t have told you what happened. One minute he was dispatching a marauder, the next he was sprawled on his side, his gun skittering away from his hands, vision blurry, ears ringing. The captain’s face was hovering over him. He could tell she was trying to speak to him, he could see her lips moving, but all he could hear was a high pitched whine. Max sat up slowly, feeling the unconscious grunt of effort in his chest. He could feel the captain’s arms around him, helping him up, and for a moment he gave in and leaned into her. The vicar shook his head. His eyes were starting to clear although his head was still swimming. He didn’t feel as if he had any other serious injuries although his side ached from where he’d fallen. He could feel the vibrations in her chest as she spoke but he could only make out a muffled word that might have been his name. He worked his jaw and shook his head again. His ears popped.

‘Is there somewhere near by we can take him?’ The captain was speaking to Nyoka who was hefting her gun and scanning around for any other opportunistic bandits, or wildlife attracted by the scent of blood.

‘There’s a hunter’s hide just up that ridge. We should be safe there for the night. I’ll scout ahead then come back and help you carry him.’ The captain nodded  in agreement and, with Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth’s help, hauled Max to feet.

‘I... I think I’m all right captain.’ He tried to pull away from the two women supporting him but found himself swaying slightly.

‘You got him?’ Nyoka let the captain take Max’s weight, his arm over her shoulders and hers around his waist. Again the captain nodded. His vision was starting to become clearer and he could see the hunter picking her way to where he assumed the camp was. He moved his hand to the shoulder closest to him in a small attempt to create some physical distance. He still wasn’t at full health but he was beginning to feel more steady on his feet.

‘Captain, I believe the effects of the explosion are beginning to wear off.’ The vicar attempted to move away but she caught his arm. She was achingly close, looking into his eyes with intensity and concern. Fighting off a childish blush Max looked away, but to his surprise her other hand came up to his cheek and turned him back towards her.

‘I need to know you’re OK Max.’ Her voice was as soft as her touch and filled with a warmth the belied the cold that seemed to permanently run through her veins. The moment hung in the air between them.

‘Looks like it’s clear guys. Follow me up.’ The captain let her hand fall from his face and turned to call up to Nyoka.

‘We’re right behind you.’ When she turned back Max took a step away from her and she let her other hand fall to her side. The vicar thought he saw a ripple of emotion cross her face but it was too quick for him to catch. Instead there was that easy, steady smile that settled on her lips but didn’t quite reach her eyes.

‘Ready?’ she asked him, stooping to pick up his shotgun and handed it to back to him. He nodded as he received his firearm, his face stone, betraying nothing. She started to pick her way towards Nyoka and he briefly closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. Don’t get attached. He was about to burn this all to the ground anyway. Nothing else mattered but his goal. He’d been telling himself that for so long, it had been true for so long. Who was she to come and divert him from that?

When the vicar opened his eyes again his two companions were looking back at him. With a determined set of his jaw he moved to meet them.

#the outer worlds #the unreliable #fanfic #vicar max #ellie #felix #female captain #maximillian desoto #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #romance #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 6

SPOILERS: This story contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

‘OK,’ said the captain. ‘We’re looking for a hunter named “Nyoka”. Supposed to be in the local bar. So I figure we should pick up your casserole, Parvati, then you can head back to the ship and Max and I can go find our guide. I think the kitchen’s this way.’ She set off with a confident stride, Miss Holcomb at her heels, bouncing with every step. Max followed at a more sedate pace, wrinkling his nose at the overwhelming smell of saltuna. It reminded him far too much of Edgewater. It was late afternoon, almost evening, on the moon. He wondered if he’d ever get used to the time differences between the various stations and planets they were hopping between, not to mention the simulated cycles on their own ship.

They found their chef in short order and although the captain narrowed her eyes a little at the (frankly extortionate) price of the casserole, she paid the bits, over Parvati’s protests. When it was done they sent the skipping engineer back to the ship as the captain smiled after her. Max, meanwhile, frowned at her retreating back.

‘You’re too kind captain,’ he murmured. ‘Almost as soft hearted as our young Miss Holcomb.’

‘You say that like it’s a bad thing vicar,’ the captain teased.

‘It will come back to bite you one day,’ he warned. The words tasted like bile in his mouth. The captain gave him a small smile and gently touched his arm.

‘Anything for family.’ He was glad when she turned away so that she couldn’t see the expression on his face.

They found the bar quickly and Nyoka easily after that. The drunken hunter was loudly recounting one of her exploits to the bartender who was wearing the expression of polite disinterest that spoke to the fact that they’d heard this story many times before. The captain waited until she had finished before stepping forward to introduce herself. Within about 5 minutes, Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth was laughing and calling her a charmer. Max reflected that the captain could truly get on with anyone given the opportunity.

After a small diversion at the local medical dispensary, they had a slightly more sober guide on hand.

‘So,’ Nyoka rolled her shoulders, seemingly uncomfortable in her sudden sobriety. ‘Where exactly were you guys wanting to go?’

‘First things first, Fallbrook,’ the captain held up a finger. ‘Then after that we need to see an “information broker”.’

‘Hiram? He’s running that radio tower at a place we call “Devil’s Peak.” Fallbrook’s on the way if you want to stop over.’ The captain smiled and held out her hand.

‘Welcome to the crew Nyoka. Glad to have you aboard.’

‘Pleasure “captain”.’ The hunter gripped her hand in response, but then jerked her head in Max’s direction. ‘And what about grumpy over there?’

‘That’s just his face.’ Ms Ramnarim-Wentworth burst out laughing as Max scowled. The captain rescued her hand and patted his arm companionably. ‘Vicar Max is our resident computer expert and spiritual advisor. Wouldn’t get on his bad side when he’s wielding a tossball stick... or any blunt instrument for that matter.’ The captain winked at him as Nyoka gave him a more thorough appraisal. He drew himself up straighter.

‘Well I’m sure the preacher can handle himself. And you don’t seem the type to run off and get yourself killed so let’s head out if your ready. We might have to make camp before we reach Fallbrook. Not opposed to sleeping rough are you?’ The captain shook her head and confirmed she was ready. They both turned to Max. He felt the excitement and the rage building up in his blood.

‘Let’s go,’ he said, grimly.

#the outer worlds #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #fanfic #ellie #felix #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #the unreliable #romance #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 5

SPOILERS: This story contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

Max retreated quickly to his room and picked up the journal with his un-injured hand. His knuckles tightened on the hard cover, turning white with the strain. The familiar anger boiled in his gut and he let it flood him, burning out the doubts and the sentimentality that had been clouding his mind recently. Almost his entire life he’d spent looking for the answers to make him feel complete. To make him feel happy. And Chaney had stolen that from him. That miserable leech and given him hope and then it had been so cruelly and callously torn from him. Max was going to make that hideous excuse for a human being pay for what he’d done, with his bare hands if necessary. He looked down at the neat bandage across his knuckles. 24 hours? Depending on how quickly they could fight their way to Fallbrook it should be enough time for it to heal. Even then did he really care if he split them open again on that cystpig’s face?

‘So what did the cabinet do to piss you off?’ Max nearly jumped out of his skin, which made Ellie laugh unkindly. She was looking at the cracked pane of glass, having correctly deduced that contact with it had resulted in his current injury.

‘Can I help you Dr Fenhill?’ he asked, acid dripping from his voice. She shrugged.

‘Captain asked me to keep an eye on you so that’s what I’m doin’.’ The vicar sighed and sat down at his desk forcing himself to loosen his grip on the journal and allowing it to fall with a deliberate thunk on the surface in front of him.

‘I do not need a babysitter.’ Ellie ignored him and dropped herself in the opposite seat, insolently pushing it back and raising her legs to place her boots on the table. Max bristled.

‘Put your feet down. You’re not a fucking child.’

‘You know, for a vicar, you sure do curse an awful fuckin’ lot.’

‘Look who’s talking,’ he snapped back, roughly pushing her feet off the desk.

‘Hey! Watch it!’ Max scoffed at her indignation.

‘What’s your fucking problem, Max?!’ Ellie leaped to her feet, fists balled. The vicar remained seated.

‘At the moment? You.’

‘Maybe not the smartest move to piss of the bitch that’s going to be sewing you up after a firefight,’ the doctor hissed. Max reflected how she looked like a small and angry cat, all puffed up and ready for a fight, and the image made him smirk.

‘Last time I try to check up on you. Fucking dickhead.’ Ellie stomped back to her own quarters in a cloud of hot curses and Max was once more on his own. He focused on his breathing and forced the now seemingly ever present guilt back down. Dr Fenhill was prickly for certain, but she had been trying to touch base with him... in apparently the most irritating way possible. He sighed to himself and closed his eyes. Perhaps he and the doctor were never meant to see eye to eye. Their personalities were just too prone to friction. She delighted in riling him up and he was always quick to anger. Felix and the captain seemed to take Ellie's jibes and insults on the chin, either laughing them off or quipping back at her, and the doctor didn’t even attempt that kind of banter with Miss Holcomb, knowing the all too kind engineer would just take the words straight to heart. But Max? He’d never been the most cool headed of people and Dr Fenhill had quickly picked up on how to push his buttons. He sighed and ran his hand over his hair, careful not to muss it up. He might be frustrated but he didn’t want to end up looking like Felix.

He distracted himself by reading until the captain returned, heralded by the clunking of the outer doors and ADA’s friendly chirp of greeting. Parvati and Felix thunked up the stairs, Miss Holcomb talking in a happy, unbroken stream while poor Mr Millstone was reduced to grunting responses with as much enthusiasm as he could muster in his current state. Max watched them pass his room and move on. He continued to read, shutting out everything. This crew was just a distraction, he told himself firmly. Chaney was his real goal. Everything else, just a tool to get there. He clenched his fists. At this rate he would have permanent half moon scars on his palms. Sentimentality and attachments were luxuries he couldn’t afford.

‘Preparing to skip to... Monarch,’ ADA’s voice echoed over the comms system.

Max braced himself in his chair and closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that he believed his own words.

#the outer worlds #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #ellie #fanfic #felix #nyoka #parvati #slow burn #the unreliable #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt #romance

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 4

SPOILERS: This story contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

‘Captain? Will we be leaving... right now?’ The captain had been about to depart to make some final checks but Miss Holcomb’s words stopped her.

‘Uh... yeah? I just need to talk call Doctor Welles and then we can head off. That OK?’

‘Well I was wondering if I could gauge your temperature on something real quick?’ Parvati glanced at Max then quickly looked away. The captain, taking the hint, moved them to Parvati’s “spot” in the hull, shooting a last, warm smile at him before leaving. Again, that horrible, traitorous, twinge of guilt. The overwhelming urge to pour his heart out. The spur of self destruction that had seemed to plague his life prodded him to reveal all his duplicity, his darkness and violence, the anger, hatred and murderous revenge that burned in his heart. He gripped the edge of the table for dear life and closed his eyes until the moment passed. He couldn’t blame it on the whiskey this time.

When he opened his eyes again he was alone but he could hear the doctor loudly insulting Felix until he begrudgingly agreed to vacate his bed. Max got up and refreshed the pot of coffee and washed out the doctor and Felix’s preferred mugs as best as he could while trying not to get his new bandage wet. By the time they both emerged, their mugs were set up in front of the steaming pot of caffeine. Mr Millstone poured himself a full cup and added a tooth ache inducing amount of sugar before retreating to the sofas to nurse his hangover. Ellie nodded her begrudging gratitude to the vicar as she poured her own.

‘OK, slight change of plan,’ the captain declared, returning to the kitchen with an engineer practically vibrating with nerves and excitement behind her. ‘We’ve got some shopping to do. Shouldn’t take more than ten minutes and we’ll head back for the ship, I’ll call Phineas, then we’ll make tracks for Monarch. Sound good?’

There was an assortment of non-committal grumbling from the less awake members of the crew but Max just stiffly nodded his ascent.

‘Felix, you’re with me and Parvati.’ That elicited a groan from the young man.

‘But the Grounbreaker’s so loud boss. Take the doc with you.’ The captain rolled her eyes.

‘Come on Felix. The walk will do you good. Grab a bottle of water and let’s go.’

‘This is all Max’s fault,’ the young man grumbled as he hauled himself upright.

‘So you’re mad the vicar drank you under the table.’ The captain observed flatly. Ellie burst out laughing and Parvati let out a giggle. Even Max found his lips quirking despite himself.

The captain put her arm around the protesting young man’s shoulders and steered him towards the stairs.

‘We’ll be back soon. Make sure Max doesn’t hurt himself while I’m gone doc.’ she called back to them. Max scowled at her back as she moved away.

‘I hadn’t eaten anything!’ Felix was blustering as they made their way to the door.

#vicar max #the outer worlds #the unreliable #slow burn #parvati #nyoka #maximillian desoto #female captain #felix #fanfic #ellie #angst #angst with a happy ending #guilt

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 3

SPOILERS: This story contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

Vicar Max was usually the second one awake. Miss Holcomb was almost always up before him, having found it difficult to shake off the rigid Spacer’s Choice structure that had dictated her whole life and “lie-ins” were an indulgence not afforded to the workers of the colonies. Max would rise next, never having been one for late sleeping. They were beginning to learn that if they saw Mr Millstone or Dr Fenhill before midday (If the captain didn’t have need of them) it was a minor miracle. And the captain? It tended to fluctuate. If she had managed to get some sleep then they didn’t have the heart to wake her, letting her slumber as long as she liked (although she still usually managed to leave her quarters before the lazier two members of the crew) but this happened rarely and more often than not she would rise just after the vicar. Today, both Parvati and the Captain were already seated at the table in the kitchen, the captain nursing a cup of coffee and the engineer taking gentle sips from a bottle of water. Parvati noticed him first, giving him a fragile smile.

‘Morning Vicar. Hope you’re... is your hand OK?’ He cursed himself silently and moved his crudely bandaged appendage behind his back. He’d honestly forgotten about it in his eagerness to leave this morning , given the captain’s indication that they would be moving off soon.

‘It’s nothing Miss Holcomb,’ he soothed, forcing a smile onto his lips. ‘A minor injury at worst. Not worth worrying over.’

‘Let me see,’ the captain was already leaving her seat and reaching for him. He reluctantly held it out for inspection and winced when he realised he must have reopened it while dressing because he was beginning to bleed through his makeshift wrappings.

‘Parvati could you fetch Ellie for me please?’

‘Sure thing Captain.’ The engineer scurried off to wake the doctor, ignoring Max’s protests.

‘Really captain this is entirely unnecessary,’ he said as she gently tugged him towards a chair. ‘As I said it’s a small wound, hardly worth the bother of waking Dr Fenhill.’

Behind him he could hear Parvati timidly knocking on the Doctor’s door.

‘Dr Ellie? Could you please help us... please?’

He could just about make out muffled curses from behind the steel doors and then a muted grumble as they slid open.

‘V-vicar Max needs your help ma’am.’

‘Well I don’t hear screaming so you can tell Max to fuck off.’

‘Ellie get your ass in here,’ the captain called out, mild irritation tinging her voice. She had already gently unwrapped his bandages and was inspecting the cut critically from the chair beside him.

‘Well I don’t think you’ll need stitches,’ she murmured, almost to herself. Once more, her fingers were soothingly cold against his skin.

‘What’s he done now?’ Ellie sloped into the room wearing a tank top, hastily shoved on trousers and untied boots, rubbing sleep from her eyes and glaring at the injured vicar. The captain got up and let the doctor take over, allowing Ellie to throw herself petulantly into the chair and grab Max’s hand roughly, eliciting a ragged grunt from the vicar. Ellie’s eyes flashed and for a moment he was convinced she was going to relish in causing him as much pain as possible, but the doctor began to probe his hand more gently, the consummate professional apparently taking over when there was work to be done.

‘He doesn’t need stitches,’ she confirmed , and the captain winked at him over folded arms and Ellie’s shoulder. ‘Captain? Can you fetch my bag for me? It’s on my desk.’ The captain nodded and moved away.

‘Not going to ask what you were doing Max,’ the doctor said, soft enough for the hovering Parvati to miss. ‘But there wasn’t anything wrong with your hand when we talked last night.’

‘An astute observation,’ Max responded coldly. Ellie’s eyes flashed again and he winced, about to apologise for what felt like an automatically combative response, when the captain returned, placing Ellie’s bag next to her.

 ‘A little Auntie-Biotic, a little Adreno, you’ll be back to punching marauders in the face in no time,” Dr Fenhill declared, quickly administering both, wrapping his hand in a clean bandage and instructing him to keep it on for the next 24 hours while the drugs did their work.

‘Now unless he wants me to kiss it better for him too, I’m going back to bed.’ Ellie stood up and stretched, but the captain interrupted her retreat.

‘Actually we’re about to skip soon. Heading out for Monarch as soon as. Can you lever Felix out his bed?’ Ellie groaned but agreed to do so after she was fully dressed. As she left for her room she loudly demanded that someone make her a gallon of coffee which made the captain laugh.

‘You know what this means Max,’ the captain moved to him and nudged his leg gently with her foot.

‘Captain?’

‘You owe her.’

‘Oh Law...’

#the outer worlds #fanfic #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #parvati #Ellie #Felix #Nyoka #Angst #angst with a happy ending #Guilt #romance #slow burn #the unreliable

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part 2

SPOILERS: This story contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

The captain was back later than the others and, Vicar Max hated to admit it, he was concerned for her. He knew she could handle herself in a fight, had witnessed that first hand in the fell clutch of circumstance, and she could usually talk her way out of difficult situations before it even got that far. Still, she was out on her own and he was worried. He’d tried to shake it off. She was an adult. She was grown and capable and if she’d wandered off on her own it was for a reason. When he’d questioned Dr Fenhill, who was helping an inebriated Miss Halcolmb to her bunk, Ellie had shrugged and said that the captain had claimed a personal errand to run before she left the Grounbreaker, but that her two companions should return to the ship given that Parvati had been so keen to message her perspective beau right away (and the poor engineer had been swaying slightly in any case). Once Ellie had gotten Parvati settled (while Miss Holcomb loudly proclaimed the doctor one of her best friends) she’d produced a couple of “Knock You Out” bars and shoved them awkwardly at the vicar.

‘What are these for?’ he’d asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Well “Vicky”,” Ellie had replied, testily. ‘They help you sleep.’

Max had merely given her a withering look in response and Ellie shook her head.

‘Cap’n insisted on paying for the drinks. You and I both know she don’t sleep well so I figured she might need something to help.’

The vicar merely raised his eyebrows but his silence only served to irritate the doctor.

‘Whatever, just make sure she gets them.’ Ellie had stomped back to her own room muttering something under her breath about Max being an asshole. Max smirked to no-one but himself and reflected that Dr Fenhill really did hate owing anyone anything. What she had said about the captain was accurate though. Max often lost track of time when reading, scribbling in his journal or reflecting on the nature of the Plan and the universe, so he was often up in the wee hours. The captain, looking for company, often came knocking at his door to talk. She never offered much about herself, preferring to lead him in to long diatribes about the Plan and the OSI. He often feared he was boring her but she seemed fully engaged in the conversation, interjecting with relevant questions and occasional light teasing, though she seemed to take care not to push too hard. Sometimes she asked him for advice on their current jobs, although she only occasionally took it to heart, often chiding him for his selfishness, or the way he would sometimes look down on those she felt were in need. For his part, he thought her heart was too open, that her attempts to please and help everyone would come back to bite her when someone took advantage of that.

Now that he’d thrown himself in with the crew of The Unreliable, the captain was the only one he felt he could converse with on an intellectual level he found stimulating. Miss Holcomb wouldn’t even meet his eye and merely mumbled back dissatisfying answers whenever he tried to engage her. Dr Fenhill delighted in trying to rile him and her remarks directed at him were always littered with insults. And their newest addition, young Mr Millstone, felt the need to accuse him of being a “tool of the establishment” every other breath. His late night conversations with the captain were the most enjoyable he’d had in years and certainly beat anything he had found during his tenure at Edgewater.

But he still couldn’t shake the feeling that she was just using him to avoid something. Insomnia or nightmares. Either. Both. Max looked down at the packets in his hand before moving to his own room and throwing them down on the desk. The captain would return shortly, he assured himself, but it still worried him that she’d chosen to go off alone on this “errand” of hers.

The vicar sat at his desk and opened up one of his texts but found himself unable to concentrate, drumming his fingers on the surface of the page and reading the same sentence over and over again. He slammed the book closed in irritation and mentally shook himself. This was foolish, and irrational. She was fine, and why should he care if she’d decided to stay out late on her own anyway?

He blamed the alcohol he’d consumed earlier with Felix. Max wasn’t the heaviest of drinkers although he’d been known to indulge in the odd glass of Iceberg Aged Whiskey, but the young stowaway had encouraged the vicar into “keeping up with him” as Felix had put it earlier and Max feared the alcohol had gone to his head, which was now presenting him with a multitude of ridiculous and unsafe scenarios that could have befallen the captain. His fist clenched automatically and he forced himself to relax.

Max, he reprimanded himself, don’t be so fucking stupid. Then again, he’d been with the captain when they’d descended into the back bays and met the crazy band of outlaws down in the bowels of the Grounbreaker. The captain had managed to talk her way around them but they had clearly not been the most stable of individuals. Or, thinking back to other jobs on the Grounbreaker, the mantipillars and malfunctioning mechanicals they’d met when they’d repaired the systems of the station. Even closer to the surface, when the captain had decided to investigate a hysteric note left behind by an excitable Mardet and ended up crawling through a removed panel on top of some bemused worker’s bunks. That particular feat of curiosity had ended up with her narrowly avoiding being crushed by a hulking mechanical and fired at by some enthusiastically aggressive Outlaws. Max swore his ears were still ringing from the bullets that had ricocheted off the panels much too close to his head for comfort. The point was that that the Groundbreaker was safe, but it wasn’t that safe, and she was out there alone.

He was on the verge of waking up the doctor, ridicule and insults be damned, and dragging her into the station to search for the captain when he heard the door to the Unreliable open.

‘Welcome back Captain,’ ADA chirped, and Max felt all his muscles relax. He couldn’t hear their conversation, although ADA’s voice carried better than the captain’s. Something about trying to get to a specific landing pad? Soon he could hear the captain’s boots on the stairs, treading as softly as she could on the harsh metal. The vicar found himself smiling.

Always trying to think of others, he mused to himself as his hand reached for the bars provided by the ship’s doctor, planning on moving down to her quarters to hand them over before she tried to settle down. But to his surprise her footsteps continued upwards. He smiled again and settled back down. She was coming to him.

Max had left his door open, a force of habit or perhaps feeling the need to back up his oft touted phrase “my door is always open”, so he could see clearly when she arrived. The captain soon appeared in the frame and smiled absentmindedly before holding up a finger (wait a moment) and moving towards the kitchen. Max frowned but she soon appeared back at his door holding a couple of glasses and a ¾ full bottle of Spectrum Red. She shook the bottle gently and raised her eyebrows in an unspoken question. He sighed like it was a great inconvenience to him but waved her in. She was grinning, not buying it for a second, seeing right through him (and didn’t that just inspire a moment of panic).

‘So what are we celebrating Captain?’ Max asked, clearing his books and papers from his small desk. ‘I’m assuming that Miss Holcomb has finally come around to the idea of pursuing her relationship with Captain Tennyson?’ The captain sat opposite him and poured out a generous measure of vodka for each of them.

‘Yes,’ the captain replied with a triumphant grin, raising her glass in toast. ‘She took a little convincing but Ellie and I managed to talk her ‘round’ Max lifted his own with raised eyebrows and a soft smile.

‘Well done. Although our dear engineer seemed a little worse for wear.” The captain set down her drink and threw up her hands.

‘She had one glass of wine and a beer!’ The captain shook her head and smiled, her affection for Parvati shining through her mock frustration. She picked up her glass again and took a large gulp of the alcohol, grimacing at the burn of the cheap vodka. Max took a more sedate sip and wondered whether or not to broach the subject of her late return to the ship.

‘Anyway, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about,’ said the captain leaned forward, a mischievous sparkle in her eyes, and produced a Nav key from her jacket.

‘Is that...?’ Max caught his breath as she nodded, feeling his lips form a wide smile in response to her own.

‘It was why I was late back,’ the captain admitted, tucking the key back into her pocket. ‘Figured I’d offload all that info we picked up in Roseway while we were on the ‘Breaker and the bits we made covered the cost of the key.’ She shrugged as if it’d been no big deal but Max knew all too well the struggles they’d gone through. Ellie still had the scar of an acid burn on her elbow from a Raptidon Spitter that had managed to catch them by surprise.

‘I talked to ADA,’ the captain continued, sitting back and taking another sip from her glass. ‘We can’t take the ship straight to Fallbrook but we can land in a town called Stellar Bay and make our way across from there. I figured we’d head out in the morning once Parvati’s recovered.’ She drained the rest of her glass and gave him a warm smile. Max’s heart began to hammer in his chest. Finally! He was so close! To Chaney. To revenge.

‘Well,’ he said as steadily as he could manage. ‘I think this calls for something a bit more special.’ He drained his own glass and stood up, moving to his cabinet that housed his collection of books and, of course, his bottle of Iceberg Aged Whiskey, which he now produced for the two of them to share.

‘You’ve been holding out on me vicar!’ Max smiled in response and poured them both a few fingers, but his mind was racing. Yes, he was one step closer to wrapping his hands around that miserable low-life’s throat, or perhaps just staving his head in, he hadn’t decided yet. He sat down and clicked his glass with his captain taking a long, slow drink, now running on automatic while his mind played out violent fantasies. He barely registered it when the captain tried to speak to him. It was only when she reached out and touched his hand with her impossibly cold fingers that he snapped back to reality.

‘I... I’m sorry captain, what was that? I’m afraid I wasn’t listening.’ The captain gave him a searching look but he couldn’t meet her eyes, pulling away from her cool touch to wrap his hands around his drink.

She pulled back in turn, her expression suddenly closed off and pensive. Max cursed himself. The captain was perceptive, he’d seen it often enough with others. It was almost uncanny the way she could see through some of the characters they came across, cutting through their bluster and misdirection’s with ease and getting right to the heart of the matter with sharp precision. He couldn’t afford to let his guard down for a second around her. Not now. He put on a false, easy smile and then winced apologetically. He found that the best lies always contained at least a grain of the truth so that was what he led with.

‘My apologies captain. I’ve spent most of my life searching for answers and now I’m so close I...’ he shook his head. He hadn’t realised that he his hands had balled up again until the captain leaned forward and loosened his fingers with her own cool ones.

‘Max.’ Her voice was soft and he was almost afraid to meet her eyes now, but he forced himself to look up.

‘I can’t guarantee we’ll find what you want.’ Her voice was so gentle, so sincere. It almost broke his heart. ‘But I’ll be with you every step of the way and I’ll help however I can.’

‘Th-thank you captain.’ He felt like he was tripping over his tongue now, fighting back the mad urge to blurt out truth. He shouldn’t have drank so much with Felix. He shouldn’t have had those last two glasses with the captain. He shouldn’t have done a lot of things. He raised the whiskey to his lips again.

Full of bad decisions, Max thought bitterly. He didn’t pull his hands away from the captain this time but she did, squeezing him gently then pulling back to take a measured drink of her own. The vicar’s fingers twitched towards hers but she didn’t seem to notice.

She sighed, stretched, finished off her glass with an appreciative hum and got up to leave. Again, the sudden mad urge to ask her to stay made him bite down so hard on his tongue he tasted blood. But she hesitated at the door anyway.

‘Hey Max?’ She half turned to him, framed once more in the doorway.

‘Yes... captain?’

‘I don’t know what’s going on with you and you don’t have to tell me,’ her voice was, one more, heart-breakingly soft. ‘But I just want you to know that I’ve got your back OK?’

He closed his eyes briefly and swallowed down the mighty surge of guilt.

‘Thank you captain,” his own voice sounded small in his ears. She hesitated a moment longer, perhaps waiting for him to speak. The moment passed and she nodded, began to move away.

‘Wait! Captain?’ She moved back to the door but her expression was unreadable. Max awkwardly grabbed the Knock You Out bars and stood up to hand them over.

‘Dr Fenhill recommended these to help you sleep.’ The captain smiled quizzically and moved close to take them from his hands.

‘That was kind of her.’

‘She said she owed you for the drinks tonight.’ That made the captain chuckle.

‘That woman,’ she mused. ‘She really can’t stand being in anyone’s debt, even for a couple of drinks.’

‘Apparently not.’ Max’s own smile returned as he remembered his reaction had been the same.

‘Thanks vicar,’ she said, tapping him lightly on the chest with the wrapped bars. ‘You get some sleep yourself OK? We’ll head out in the morning.’

‘I shall try my best captain.’ She left him with a final smile and the quiet woosh of closing doors. For a moment he stood where she’d left him, staring into the space she had occupied only moments before. He clenched and unclenched his fists, began to pace furiously. Then, abruptly, he swung at his cabinet, his fist connecting with one of the glass panes, cracking it in two.

Max slowly withdrew his fist, coldly noting the gash that now marred his knuckles. He sat back at his desk, poured himself another glass of whiskey and took a long sip before pouring a small amount on his wound, sucking in cold air through his teeth at the pain.

‘Fuck.’ The statement was directed at no one in particular.

#the outer worlds #fanfic #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #parvati #Ellie #Felix #Nyoka #slow burn #romance #the unreliable

[halfurganymede]

The Vicar's Betrayal: Part One

SPOILERS: This story contains spoilers for The Outer Worlds and The Empty Man (Max's companion quest)

‘And what am I supposed to be doing while you are on your, so called “girls night”?’ Vicar Maximillian Desoto's tone was sour. He was leaning, cross armed, against the entrance to The Unreliable's cafeteria, watching his captain get ready for her night on the Grounbreaker with Parvati and Ellie. He felt a small pang of jealousy that he hadn’t been invited along, but reminded himself that a night listening to the captain and the ship's doctor giving drunken relationship advice to Edgewater's erstwhile engineer was very much something that he didn’t wish to be a part of.

The captain was shrugging on a lightweight spacers jacket she’d picked up from some Law forsaken place. It wasn’t stained with blood and didn’t appear to have any bullet holes so it couldn’t have been from any of their recent, hard fought adventures.

‘You can spend the night with Felix,’ She smiled. ‘I’m sure you’ll both have fun.’

‘Really captain,’ Max grimaced in response. ‘I think I’d much rather remain in my quarters studying my texts. It will surely prove much more fulfilling.’

‘Come on vicar. It’s one night. And isn’t there a tossball match or something on? I know he’s a Rangers fan but you can always comfort him on his losses.’

‘Look how the last man ended up,’ Max muttered. That made her laugh and the vicar's lips twitched at her amusement.

‘I just don’t see why you feel the need to pick up every waif and stray we come across Captain.’ Max’s smile ran into a frown.

‘Don’t knock the system Vicar.’ The captain’s own smile was tight lipped. ‘It’s how we ended up with you after all.’

He scowled at that. As far as he remembered, he’d invited himself along on this grand misadventure with the understanding that the good captain would be helping him out with his own personal matter. He felt a sudden pang of guilt. He hadn’t been entirely truthful with the captain but after the revelation of that cursed journal... he couldn’t let her know his intentions. It wouldn’t sit well with the kind hearted captain. She might deny him passage to Monarch at all and it was going to be difficult enough to get past the blockade as it was. He thanked The Architect that her own personal quest seemed to be taking her to that backwater moon anyway so he hadn’t had to push her too hard.

 The captain absentmindedly ran her fingers through her hair and turned from the tiny mirror they had set up on the wall to face him.

‘How do I look?’ She gave him an awkward shrug and a bashful smile.

‘It’s nice to see you out of armour captain.’ The vicars tone was dry but he delivered it with his signature smirk. She laughed again and shook her head.

‘Can’t spend our whole lives running from gun fight to gunfight can we? Its good to have some down time Max, for all of us. Enjoy your night off.’

‘If you insist captain,’ Max conceded.

‘What’s taking so long cap’n?!’ Ellie's voice carried up the two flights of stairs, exuding irritability.

‘Jeez Ell, keep your shirt on, I’m coming,’ the captain yelled over Max’s shoulder. Felix poked his head out his quarters and gave the captain a large grin.

‘You guys have fun,’ he said. ‘Wish I was coming with you...’ He trailed off as the vicar turned his head to look at him. The young man was nervous of Max, the vicar could tell, but the hot headed stowaway would never admit it.

‘Don’t worry Felix.’ The captain returned his smile. ‘Max said he’d watch the tossball match with you.’ She tipped a wink at the vicar as he turned back to her and scowled, but Felix lit up.

‘Nice one!’ The young man made his way through, past the two of them and to the fridge for some Zero Gee. ‘No fun watchin’ a game on your own. You best be keeping up with me though preacher.’ Felix tipped the bottle in Max’s direction, tone and posture full of cheek and challenge.

‘Be nice,’ the captain warned, tapping Max’s arm on the way past. He didn’t bother suppressing his labored sigh. The captain’s laughter echoed through the ship as she made her way to her waiting friends.

#the outer worlds #fanfic #vicar max #maximillian desoto #female captain #slow burn #angst #guilt #the unreliable #Parvati #Felix #Nyoka #Ellie #fan fic writing #fan fiction