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Filling Empty Spaces (Amy/Mitch), part 229

Mitch and Amy find an unexpected connection due to absent lovers. Set around season 11->.

A/N: I didn’t have a beta for this story, so hopefully there won’t be too many grammar errors.

****

The next day, when Mitch was washing his truck, he noticed Lou driving in again. Even though his days had not been the lightest lately, Lou's arrival had made him realize it could still get heavier than this as he knew that dealing with her was going to feel like a chore.

It felt like she enjoyed making it so, for some reason.

Mitch continued hosing his truck with water when Lou stepped out.

"You haven't called", Lou stated before closing the car door behind her. "I was on my way to the hospital, so I decided I'd come and check if you've made up your mind yet."

Mitch walked over to the switch to turn off the water and shrugged tiredly.

"I haven't called because I have nothing to say to you. I haven't changed my mind. In fact, it feels like... you're using my vulnerability to score points in Amy's eyes - and, who knows, maybe you even enjoy seeing me suffer like this", he said, then sucking his cheek. "I don't know... But I refuse to play along."

Lou nodded, understanding that.

"Actually... about that... I couldn't really sleep last night, so... I thought about what you said. Or more like, I couldn't stop thinking about anything else than what you said", Lou admitted.

It was one of those moments where Mitch realized why it was so frustrating to interact with Lou; when she insisted on being right, she made him feel anxious, because he always tried his hardest not to escalate things despite her knowing which buttons to push, but it was also when her tone turned soft and she was willing to meet him half-way, that Mitch felt like he was being tricked into something by this type of sweet-talking, because that was usually how it went.

There was never a time where he felt at ease with her.

Back in the day, he had thought that had somehow been linked with passion - the way she drove him crazy - but turned out it had simply been a sign of their incompatibility.

"About happiness and me standing in my own way", Lou continued. "And... you're right. You're absolutely right."

Mitch collected the hose next to the wall and listened.

Well, this was new.

Still, she kept him on his toes.

"I'm a big self-sabotager, always have been", Lou stated. "I'm not going to get more into that, but I just wanted to say that I realized that even if I would take you to see Amy, it wouldn't take away the blame; I did what I did and nothing changes that. I mean, going through her phone is basically a crime--"

Mitch nodded, walking closer to the porch where he kept his water bottle. Being in the sun had made him thirsty.

"It is a crime", he muttered, barely audible to Lou.

"So I can't be the convict and the judge at the same time - that's not how it works", Lou recapped her late night thought-process. "What I did is between me and Amy, I shouldn't have involved you into it."

Mitch looked at her, surprised how Lou was actually taking some accountability over her actions. He took the water bottle, opened it and took a swig.

It sounded like this was going somewhere, so he let her talk.

"So... I just wanted to come here and offer to take you to the hospital, no strings attached", Lou spoke, seeming like she was trying to stand tall even though the sleepless night and worry was clearly taking a toll on her. "I'll take Amy's wrath when - if - the time comes."

Mitch fiddled the cap between his fingers, trying to see the next steps Lou no doubt had already figured out by now.

"Why...?" Mitch wanted to understand as he was trying not to get ahead of things. Lou's offer sounded too good to be true - again.

"Because it's the right thing to do", Lou summed up, looking at Mitch. "And if I keep making mistakes like this, it'll bleed into everything else too, and I will - once again - lose everything."

Her eyes were tired but also full of clarity, desperation even, but not the way they had been yesterday. It helped Mitch to believe she was actually trying to be sincere.

"I mean, being back to square one with Amy in a hospital, and me taking care of things after getting back home from New York has really made me rethink what do I have to show for this last decade. A lot of things have happened, but I feel like I've also lost so much during that time", Lou sighed, shaking her head. "I can't help but wonder how much of that I self-sabotaged. So, I need to stop - this can't keep happening. Which means I have to change things, go to the opposite direction, against my first instinct."

Mitch closed the cap and set the bottle aside, thinking about it.

"Okay.... I hear you. But before I agree into anything, I need to make sure that you will come clean about what you did to Amy when she wakes up", he checked, choosing to believe that she would come back to them at some point.

Lou nodded, knowing it was going to be tough, but there was no way around it if she wanted to be more authentic.

"I will. I promise. And if I won't do it, you have my permission to tell her", Lou swore.

Mitch shook his head, raising his hand a little bit.

"No, no. I won't get involved in that part; this is your mess to clean, you gotta follow through. -- Now, if Amy asks anything about it, I won't lie to her. That I can promise you."

Lou sighed. "Fine. Fine", she replied, pursing her lips together and blowing out air through her nose.

"Okay..." Mitch said, only now allowing himself to actually take it in that he was on his way to see Amy. "I'll just get changed before we go. Wait here."

Lou nodded. "I'll be in the car."

****

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, Mitch hurried back to Lou and climbed on the front seat. Even if he knew that Amy was still in a coma, he still didn't want to smell sweaty or have dirty clothes on.

"So... how's the family been...?" Mitch asked when Lou started driving toward the hospital.

Lou shook her head. "Shocked. I mean, it's not the first time this has happened to Amy, but doesn't make it any easier. In fact, the doctors wonder how this will affect her brain, seeing she's hit her head so many times in the past. There's only so much head trauma anyone can take."

"Yeah, I know something about that... I've played sports with some guys who banged their heads pretty bad few times", he spoke. "They had to retire playing altogether."

Lou nodded, sighing. "Yeah... But they still can't say anything for sure, not before she actually wakes up."

"So... they're hopeful she will wake up...?" Mitch checked, trying to get straight answers instead of reading between the lines.

"For now. The swelling is healing, slowly but surely. But we are taking it day by day", Lou confirmed. "We take turns staying by her side, even though when it's time to bring her back, it'll be done with meds and staff around, so it won't be a surprise like in the movies. But we just don't like the idea of her being alone in there."

"I'm sure she'd appreciate that..." Mitch said, feeling a little bit touched by the way the family cared for each other through the rough times.

"In a way it's strange to just... keep going while all of this is happening", Lou spoke out her feelings. "But we still have our lives to run, not to mention poor Lyndy is confused about both of her parents being gone, so we have to keep things going - for her."

Mitch nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'm just glad she has all of you", he admitted.

When thinking about Amy, he couldn't have helped but think about Lyndy as well and how things were with her. She was still young, and thankfully probably didn't understand a lot of this, but at the same time that was the tricky thing too.

How do you explain something like this to a child when even the adults didn't know how to make sense of it?

They drove in silence for a while, both in their own ways getting ready for what was about to happen and what they were about to witness.

Mitch was still holding his breath about actually being able to see Amy, because even if he was in Lou's SUV, being driven to the hospital, there were still few steps that needed to be taken before he would actually stand next to Amy.

And if that did eventually happen, how would he feel about it?

It was going to be strange to see Amy hooked up in all the machines. In his mind, she was surrounded by horses or lit by the sun setting behind her or something equally romantic.

This was not going to be it.

Meanwhile, Lou was trying to prepare herself in other ways to face the facts that she could no longer deny.

"So... you and Amy", Lou began, trying to get used to the idea. "It's serious...?"

Mitch glanced at Lou's way, but then turned his head to look at the changing scenery outside as he felt so vulnerable about that.

In the past, whenever he had let Lou close, she had ended up hurting him, and even though this wasn't about his relationship with her anymore, it was still very delicate subject for him.

"I mean... I'd say so", Mitch just replied, not knowing if Amy would agree.

He hoped she would, but at the same time it had felt like they had been holding back a little bit till they could be more upfront about their status with other people.

As if they didn't have a permission to dream too much in advance yet and therefore not many things had actually been vocalized even if they had been felt.

But, of course, now, who knew what was going to happen.

"And... if Amy wakes up and she's... I don't know, paralyzed? Has a major brain injury that'll alter her life, what happens then?" Lou had to ask.

The older Fleming sister knew that she had said she'd try to step back a little bit, but at the same time she had to make sure that Mitch was aware that even if Amy did wake up, the future might not look the same for them as they had once pictured.

Mitch swallowed dryly. Of course that thought had crossed his mind too, but he had tried not to let it take over as he couldn't predict the future.

"It's up to her", Mitch said. "I will be there for her, no matter what. And if she doesn't want me to be, then... I'll respect that."

Lou wanted to challenge and test him with different scenarios, because when things had gotten rough between them two, he had taken off - and that had been nothing compared to this.

But maybe she had been playing the role of the Mean Sister enough for today, so Lou decided to give it a rest.

Only time would actually tell.

And if Mitch was going to break Amy's heart, at least she would be by her sister's side. Perhaps by then Amy would understand what she had been trying to warn her about...

"Okay", Lou remarked, nodding. There was a beat. "How did this even get started? I mean I know that you've been spending a lot of time together, but--"

Mitch scoffed. "You really want to know that...? Why?"

His eyes went to Lou who was - thankfully - looking at the road and the awkward eye contact could be avoided.

"I don't know. I guess I just... I'm trying to understand", she told him, but at the same time didn't know why exactly was she looking into torturing herself with any type of details; but for whatever reason, she was. "I mean... are you attracted to her because she's... my sister or--"

"Jesus..." Mitch cut her off, sighed, and changed his position, trying to get comfortable, but there was nothing that could have actually helped him right now. "You said it yourself; you two couldn't be more different. So, no, I didn't fall--"

He was about to say it out loud, but caught himself - just in time.

But that didn't slip pass Lou.

"--find her attractive because of her relation to you", Mitch tried to continue. "She's her own person. It just so happens that you two are sisters."

Lou barely heard the rest of his sentence as her mind was racing.

"Wait, what were you going to say...?" she asked.

Mitch played dumb, keeping his eyes directed ahead. "What do you mean?"

"Earlier. When you said how different we are", she circled back.

"Oh... I-I don't remember", he tried, shrugging.

"Were you..." Lou began, wondering if she was right. "Are you... in love with her?"

A heavy silence fell into the car.

It would have been easy for Mitch to deny it, but at the same time what would be the use of lying? It was going to be evident eventually. And he didn't want to pretend his feelings weren't what they were. Loving Amy was a big part of the reason why these last few days had been agony, after all.

Still, he would have wanted Amy to be the first to know.

But now Bryce knew and Lou had pretty much guessed it...

"I haven't... actually told her yet", Mitch finally replied, feeling disappointed with himself all over again. "But... yeah."

Even though Mitch had feared to admit it out loud - especially to Lou - he now felt relieved. It was exhausting to be silent and hidden.

"Oh my god..." Lou whispered, digesting it. "I didn't realize this was so serious... I just-- I feel like I've missed out a lot."

Mitch tried to cover his heart as quickly as possible now that it had been opened unexpectedly and began to steer the conversation elsewhere.

"Well, you've had your life in New York", Mitch pointed out. "I heard you have some guy there too, so maybe you've been busy focusing on your own love life. It'd be weird if you wouldn't have, right?"

Bringing up Lou's guy was not something he had expected himself to do on the way to the hospital.

But maybe there was a part in him that feared that Lou would somehow find a way to blame him for moving on now that she knew how he felt about Amy, even if she had done the exact same thing.

Lou glanced at Mitch. "Oh, so you've heard about it?"

"Uh-huh", he hummed and nodded nonchalantly.

"And how does that make you feel...?" Lou was curious to know. "Knowing I have someone in New York."

He frowned. It was obvious she was fishing a certain type of answer.

"I'm glad you've been able to find someone?" Mitch offered. "I mean, what else should I be feeling?"

Lou felt awkward.

"Well, I don't know. I just-- when we broke up, I felt like... maybe you wanted more", she spoke.

Mitch thought about that.

She wasn't completely wrong.

"I did", he admitted after a beat. "But... let's face it; I was never going to get it with you, and you weren't going to get what you wanted with me. There was never going to be a happy ever after with us. It did hurt at the time, I won't deny it, but... I think I've had enough space to realize and admit that we were chasing something that only had one ending - the one that it did."

Lou was surprised to hear him say that. "You really think so...?"

"Yeah", Mitch confirmed. "And I'm not saying this to hurt you, Lou, but the more I am with Amy, the more I realize how unfulfilling the relationship you and I had was. Not just for me, but for you too. I'm sure you can understand. You probably feel it with your guy too; when it's right, it's right. It doesn't need that much work."

Even if it did bruise Lou's ego a little bit, she also knew there was truth to what Mitch was saying.

Things were so different with Henry. The devotion they shared with one another was nothing like she had experienced before.

"I guess..." Lou said, right now realizing just how much she had been holding onto something that had apparently ceased to exist not long after she had left Hudson to live in New York.

It was somewhat devastating to realize what a waste of energy guarding her former romantic relationship with Mitch had been even after they had broke it off when she should have been fully focused on Henry.

"So... you said you're taking turns at the hospital?" Mitch changed the subject when they were getting closer.

Lou nodded, trying to focus. "Yeah."

"Who's there now...?" Mitch asked.

Who was he going to have to face?

"Georgie. But don't worry, I'll handle her", Lou said.

#heartland #fanfiction #filling empty spaces

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heartlandians · 8 days

Text

Filling Empty Spaces (Amy/Mitch), part 228

Mitch and Amy find an unexpected connection due to absent lovers. Set around season 11->.

A/N: I didn’t have a beta for this story, so hopefully there won’t be too many grammar errors.

****

The silence lingered as Mitch expected Lou to expand her reasoning a bit more while she expected him to immediately say yes.

"Just like that...?" Mitch asked, sensing that this wasn't going to be as easy as Lou made it sound.

Still, she insisted sticking to that narrative.

"Just like that", Lou repeated, spreading her arms a little to gesture exactly how easy it would be for Mitch to accept the proposal.

Mitch walked closer, starting to get frustrated. This was a matter of heart, and he didn't appreciate when others didn't show these type of situations the kind of respect they should be given.

When he got nearer, Lou's body stiffened and she brought her arms back to her chest in order to appear more intimidating.

"Come on, what's the catch?" he demanded to know.

"There's no catch", Lou insisted, looking him dead in the eyes.

Even though she probably thought herself to be a good liar, there were tells Mitch could read. The tone of her voice, the defiant look on her face and even the way she stood in front of him.

He held her gaze for a while, then shaking his head.

It was clear she wasn't going to be honest with him, so Mitch didn't want to waste any more of his energy.

"You know what, I'm good", Mitch said as he started making his way to the house, pass Lou.

It wasn't that he didn't want to see Amy desperately, but he didn't like that this would no doubt make him indebted to Lou. He had decided to cut ties with her - several times already - and he wanted to stick to it.

Otherwise she would never stop dragging him into some sort of dramatic situation he wanted no part of.

"What...? Seriously?" Lou seemed surprised, turning around and digging her heels into the gravel.

"What is this?" Mitch finally spat out, turning back to face her. "Is this some sort of game? Revenge? Power trip? Are you here to torment me because you don't approve of us and somehow that's my fault? Because I can tell you, I'm at the end of my wit right now and I want nothing to do with this - whatever this is!"

Lou seemed shaken, but it wasn't because of what Mitch had said. It appeared something else was eating her up inside.

"Okay, fine", she finally decided to come clean. "Maybe I need... to redeem myself, or something."

Mitch narrowed his eyes. "What does that mean?"

No matter how much Lou tried to explain herself, it seemed like he was always left with more questions than answers. It was probably deliberate too.

"Okay - well, in my defense - I was trying to make things right. You know, call clients who needed calling, cancel appointments that needed cancelling, inform people who needed informing", Lou began.

She seemed tense, but then sighed and rolled her eyes; Mitch knew right then and there that she was going to get sidetracked and stall the story.

"Maybe I should curse myself for actually being able to push Amy to use the calendar on her phone instead of the paperback she used to have at the barn office, but--"

"Lou, just spit it out!" Mitch demanded when he wasn't sure if this rambling had any point to it.

The older Fleming sister blushed out of guilt and swallowed with difficulty. Her gaze began to wander.

"I needed to access Amy's phone - her calendar and contacts - so I used her fingerprint to unlock it, and... yeah, I checked her appointments and cancelled them, but... I also... might have taken a look of other things as well", she finally admitted.

Mitch pinched the bridge of his nose as he realized what she was confessing.

"Wait - you went through her phone?" Mitch checked if he was understanding this correctly.

His eyes rose slowly up after being closed, just in time to see Lou's simple, embarrassed nod.

"Lou!" Mitch let out. "That's--that's invasion of privacy!"

Lou let out a dramatic sigh, like she was gasping for air as Mitch pointed out the obvious.

"I know! Trust me, I know! -- What I don't know is what got a hold of me, but I just couldn't stop myself, it was all right there, and I..." Lou continued, holding the sides of her head like she could no longer keep it in.

Mitch began to walk in circles, feeling so angry on Amy's behalf.

Lou continued: "The point is, I want to make things right. And there's not much else I can do right now, with her being in a coma, but maybe... she would like it if you could come and see her."

Mitch needed a pause to collect his thoughts.

It wasn't that their messages with Amy had been that risqué or that there were pictures or conversations he wouldn't want others to see simply because they were meant for just the two of them, Mitch thought, but who even knew what Amy had in her phone otherwise. She was allowed to have that privacy, and now Lou had invaded that space.

Letting out few breaths, Mitch tried to reel back his exasperation.

"Look, I don't know what you've gone through in her phone, maybe some stuff that involves me, but when-- if she wakes up, you have some apologizing to do", Mitch preached, trying not to fall apart because he still wasn't sure if Amy was even going to make it, no matter how much the hospital staff was trying to help her.

"I know, I know..." Lou kept repeating. "You aren't telling me anything I haven't already said to myself. But I can't change it now... The least I can do is offer you a visit to the hospital."

Mitch didn't know what to think. He wanted to go so badly, but at the same time, he didn't know if he liked that it would come at the expense of something like this.

Lou was to blame for her choices, but would it even be right to take advantage of this situation?

"So...? What's it gonna be...?" Lou asked, looking for her absolution.

"I need to think about this, I'm just... too mad right now. I do want to see her, but... not because you want to make yourself feel better about something you did", Mitch said, even if he felt like his only chance of getting to see Amy right now was slipping away.

But it just didn't feel right to do it like this.

"Okay", Lou could only accept that as she couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want. "Well, if you want to do it, just... let me know. I know you don't have my number, but... I'm sure you can find it online, if you really want to."

She began dragging her feet back to her SUV.

Mitch turned around again, feeling the tears stinging his eyes. He heard Lou open the car door, but then it sounded like she stopped.

"For what it's worth", Lou hollered across the yard, making Mitch seize.

What now...?

"I know I wasn't supposed to see anything on Amy's phone, and I know you think you might know what I think about you or... your relationship, but... from what I saw, Amy seems happy with you."

Mitch stood still, his chin feeling heavy as it began to quiver.

"And yeah, this might not be the most ideal setting, but I guess it doesn't matter, because my opinion shouldn't matter, but... I want my sister to be happy", she continued.

Lou stared at Mitch's back, not knowing how he was taking this, but at this point she felt like she had nothing to lose.

"I know Amy and I have different ideas about what we want from life, and I don't know that I will ever understand the way she sees the world, but... I know I have to respect that", she spoke. "I haven't been good at that, but... if I'm taking anything from this then let it be that I will no longer get involved with anything she decides ever again. I guess as a big sister I feel like it's my duty to guide her, but... It seems the more I tell her what to do, the more I will get ignored. So... what's the use? Still, the main thing I would want for her is happiness. And I think... she is happy with you."

Mitch turned around, almost as if to check if Lou was being serious.

It seemed like she was being genuine. For once.

Mitch didn't know if Lou's realization coming at the expense of this type of invasion of privacy was the only way it could have been reached, but at least it sounded like she wasn't trying to make things difficult for Amy anymore.

If it even mattered at this point...

Maybe it had been too little, too late.

"That's all I've ever wanted for her too - or for anyone. I know it isn't all up to me, but at least I'm not trying to add to her baggage", Mitch said back, not knowing what else there was to say.

He didn't mean to add to Lou's agony right now, but it seemed like she was taking the last part personally - based on her expression - even if it was not an intentional dig on his part.

Maybe the fact that it seemed to hit her so hard was that there might have been some truth to it - and she knew it too.

"I hope you allow yourself to be happy one day, Lou. I just don't think this is the way. I get sometimes we are our own worst enemy", Mitch continued. "This... self-sabotage isn't going to make you happy. You're smart enough to know that looking into Amy's phone wouldn't make anything better. Whatever the source of this urge is, find it and heal from it. For your own sake."

Lou had not expected any type of compassion from Mitch anymore, so she stood there stunned.

"I'll try", Lou promised, then stepping inside her car as she began to feel a little weak emotionally.

As she turned the key and steered away, Mitch was left standing alone.

His mind went back to his conversation with Leah, and the topic of healing, how tricky it all was. Even though he was mad at Lou and she often seemed to be able to push his buttons these days, at the same time he felt sorry for her.

It was obvious she, too, needed healing from something.

As it turned out, most people did.

Exhausted, Mitch dragged his feet and sat down on the porch, realizing how this emotional situation was taking a physical toll on him as well. These past few days had felt like a year, and he had no idea how long it would still keep continuing.

That was the hardest part - not knowing.

It was strange to miss Amy, as she was not here nor gone. In fleeting moments Mitch forgot she wasn't just at Heartland, helping horses, and he couldn't just text her, telling how he was thinking about her.

Even going through their messages to help him keep her close felt too much right now as he suspected some part of it would make him feel even worse; remembering how he had felt when writing something or thinking just how he had not known what was to come.

Not to mention, reading through them and thinking how Lou had potentially read them too would change the feel of them overall.

Rubbing his face in exhaustion, Mitch felt the tears come, again, and he let them.

#heartland #fanfiction #filling empty spaces

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