littlemissmarvelous

[littlemissmarvelous]

Bakery Bliss

Bucky A/U - Sergeant Barnes for the police department and you own a bakery

Summary: You and Wanda have a bakery so you visit the local police station with a box of treats and the date of your grand opening. A certain Sergeant takes notice and stops by for some treats....and maybe something more...

Content Warning: I can't think of anything, fluff...

This was it, the day before your grand opening. You had poured your heart and soul into your bakery, obsessing about every detail, menu item, look, price you were going to charge, and it was finally happening. You were a baker from an early age, starting off in your Nana's kitchen while she looked after you, helping her with cookies and treats, and of course your mom's kitchen. You would watch them for hours making pies, cakes, tarts, cupcakes, cookies, taking in their technique, observing their measuring process, and watching them create tasty treats from scratch.

You went to pastry school and most recently completed your business degree so you would have an idea on how to run a successful bakery. You knew it would be successful because of your strong social media pages. You started off baking in your kitchen, then renting commercial kitchen space when there were bigger orders or holidays, and now, you had your very own space to bake and sell from.

You chose a location that was on a fairly busy street. The bakery was sandwiched in-between a yoga studio and an insurance business. There were a few smaller shops across the street with good foot traffic and on the other side of the insurance business was a small police station. You figured with the coming and going of the people in the yoga studio and insurance business would be good for you, the police station and the officers working there would be a bonus.

You had been open for a few weeks, with a few of your online followers stopping by to check out the bakery, but you were planning a grand opening with more of a celebration, offering free coffee and cookies as a thank you to everyone who stopped by. You figured if you offered a few items for free, it would entice people to buy a few other things you had. You went all out, baking and prepping for the opening, your friend and co-owner Wanda helped you with the planning, decorating, and setting up of the bakery and you couldn't thank her enough.

"Do you think we'll have enough?" asked Wanda while she wiped down the counter for the hundredth time. 

"Of course, we will, and if not, then people will just have to come back to get more".

You had been baking up a storm, from cookies, to cupcakes, to tarts, you had managed to prepare a lot of items as you were expecting a large crowd of people. Wanda's brother was super efficient at getting your website set up, in addition to your social media pages, it was drawing a lot of attention online.

"I'm going to box up a few of these treats and pass them out to our neighbours. Remind them about our opening".

You grabbed a few of the boxes and started filling them up with a variety of treats, a handful of flyers, and then you were headed to the yoga studio, then the insurance business.

They were grateful for the treats and had left a few of your flyers at their front desks while you made your way back to the bakery. 

"Going to the police station?" Wanda asked. 

"Yeah, I may as well" you made up a few more boxes to leave with the officers.

You walked down the street to the police station, up the stairs, and were about to open the door when a young officer came up behind you and opened the door for you. 

"Thanks" you smiled. 

"You're welcome" he blushed. 

His name badge said P. Parker on it, and he looked like he should still be in high school. He shuffled past you and went to his desk but kept his eyes on the front. You stood in the small station, noting the desks with folders, coffee cups half drank, filing cabinets that seemed to be overflowing with files, offices with doors closed and opened, and overall quiet chaos of it all. You re-arranged the boxes of pastries in your arms and walked to the front counter where a red headed female officer greeted you.

"Can I help you?" she asked from the counter. 

"Oh, um, I'm Y/n" you smiled. 

"I own the bakery down the street. I came by to drop off some treats. It's our grand opening tomorrow and I just wanted to say hi and officially introduce myself" you shuffled the boxes around. 

Just as you were about to put them down, a large dark-skinned man came from behind a desk and smiled. 

"Officer Romanoff, who do we have here?" he asked looking you up and down. 

"Oh, Hi, I'm Y/n" you smiled. 

"Pleased to meet you. Detective Wilson but you can call me Sam" he shook your hand. 

"Wilson!" bellowed a gruff voice from behind one of the closed doors. 

The detective rolled his eyes and huffed out his breath a little and the red headed officer let out a little chuckle. 

"What did you do now?" she asked. 

"Honestly, I have no idea this time?" he winced a little.

One of the closed doors whipped open revealing a large man on the other side of the door. His face was stern looking, had a strong jawline that had a bit of stubble on it, his dark chestnut hair was neatly trimmed but a little wild looking, he was tall and a little mean looking. He noticed the three of you standing at the counter, so he made his way over. You watched him take long strides and heard his heavy feet on the floor and you took a step back from the oncoming presence. 

"Ma'am" said the large man as he looked deep in your eyes then sneakily looked you up and down like he was evaluating you. 

"H-Hi" you stammered and blushed a little.

The man had the clearest, bluest eyes you had ever seen. You couldn't help but get lost in them, so you looked down at your feet, hating your face for betraying you while it beams a new shade of red.

"Wilson, get me the Dixon case file you and Rhodes were working on," said the large man. 

"On it. Pleasure meeting you Y/n. I'll see you tomorrow" Sam said, and he left. 

The sergeant gave the detective a weird look before turning his attention to the officer for clarification. 

"Sergeant Barnes, Y/n here is from the bakery down the street. Came by to let us know of the grand opening she's having tomorrow and to drop off some treats" Officer Romanoff said.

So, the large man was a Sergeant you thought to yourself. As soon as Officer Romanoff mentioned that the Sergeant's whole demeanor changed. His blue eyes softened, and his face seemed to relax a little. 

"Yeah, our opening is tomorrow. Made some treats for some of our neighbours on the street and figured I would drop some off here for you all to enjoy" you smiled sheepishly at your boxes.

"Well, isn't that nice of you" he smiled. 

His smile almost knocked you down. He was perfect.

"I'm sure the gang here will be by lots as they've been talking about it non-stop since the sign went up" he eyed up the box. 

He lifted the lid and a small smile appeared on his face. 

"I brought a variety of things" you casually said, but instantly felt like an awkward dork. 

"I can see that" said the Sergeant with a smirk. 

You were a little, no a LOT flustered from the looks he was giving you. 

"Let me get the rookie to bring these to the breakroom" he said. 

“Ok”.

"Parker!" Sergeant Barnes barked. 

The younger officer who helped you before came running up to the counter. 

"Yeah Sarge?" he asked. 

"Take these to the break room for everyone to enjoy".

He handed him the boxes with the lid of one of them popping open. 

"Really? This is awesome!" he beamed then headed to their breakroom. 

"Well, I should go, you know, baking things to get back to" you quietly said. 

Why am I such a dork?

"Thanks for stopping by Y/n, it was nice meeting you," said the Sergeant. 

You smiled and blushed hard, then left the building. You needed some air after that you thought to yourself.

"So, meet any handsome officers on your delivery adventure?" asked Wanda as she was re-stocking the tart tray. 

"Huh?"

You came back around the counter to get a bottle of water. 

"C'mon Y/n, you're all flustered and you were gone a little longer than usual. See any cute officers at the station?" she asked again. 

"Oh, well, they're all cute in their own way wearing their uniforms" you said as you turned around to head to the kitchen. 

It always amazed you how Wanda always seemed to know what you were thinking. 

"C'mon, we have to prepare for tomorrow" you waved her to the back.

You woke up early on the Saturday and headed to the bakery. Wanda met you outside and you walked in, prepared to start the busy day. You filled the display cases, made sure there was plenty of coffee ready, and did a quick clean before turning on your open sign and welcoming the small crowd that was already waiting outside.

Wanda's brother was there, doing lots of social media posts with Wanda helping. You were in the back filling more trays when Wanda called you to the front counter. 

"Hey Y/n, you have a visitor" she called. 

You walked up to the counter and noticed Sam was there, eyeing up the display case. 

"Hi Y/n!"

"Hi Sam, thanks for coming by" you smiled. 

"Well, the treats you brought by yesterday went so fast, I had to have some of my own" he said as Wanda handed him a coffee and cookie. 

You chatted briefly and he bought a boxful of treats to take to his sister's house for dinner that night. 

"See ya around Y/n!" he called, and you waved to him. 

"Who was that?" asked Wanda. 

"Oh, that's Sam. He's a detective at the station I met yesterday" you casually said while re-filling the coffee station. 

"Hmm" Wanda rolled her eyes. 

"What?"

"Didn't meet any handsome officers, eh?" she mumbled to herself. 

You shook your head and chuckled.

"He's a Detective, there's a difference" you corrected her. 

She rolled her eyes at you and laughed.

Throughout the day, you couldn't help but look over at the door every time it opened, and the bell dinged thinking it may be the handsome Sergeant from the station. He was probably very busy working, or at home with his wife, or girlfriend, or whatever as you thought more and more about it. Plus, he never said he would come by, only thanking you for coming by the station and dropping off the treats.

The day went by surprisingly fast, serving customers, welcoming new ones, re-filling the display cases, and getting new orders for deliveries and pick ups. You were proud of yourself for what you and Wanda had accomplished and were happy with the turnout to the official opening. It was almost time to close the Bakery when the bell on the door dinged, alerting you to the front to serve a customer. You were in the back, re-organizing one of the cooling carts you had extra pastries on when Wanda called you to the front for assistance. You had butterflies in your stomach as you immediately thought of seeing the Sergeant. You walked out and noticed a handsome blonde man eyeing up one of the display cases. 

"Can I help you?" you asked as his head shot up from the case. 

"Everything looks delicious" he smiled brightly at you.

"Hi, I'm Captain Rogers, but you can call me Steve. My fellow officers suggested I come by and visit. Told me about the treats you brought over to the station yesterday. I was in a meeting but got to sample a few things when it was done. I must say, I'm impressed" he said with a warm smile. 

"Thank you. Well, take a look at the cases and if there's anything you see you want, let Wanda know and she'll box things up for you". 

Wanda smiled and proceeded to get a box ready for the Captain's selections. You noticed the front door open again and it was the Sergeant from the station. 

"Good to see you again" said the Sergeant whose bright blue eyes locked on yours. 

"Hi" you blushed hard. 

If heart eye emojis could pop out of your head, they would. He was dressed in dark blue jeans and a grey hoodie and sneakers. 

"Hey Buck".

"Hey man" the Sergeant said to the blonde. 

Both men started chatting, clearly knowing each other and are good friends. 

"Told you this place would be awesome" said the Sergeant as Steve was paying for his order.

"So, what do you recommend?" he asked with a wink. 

This man is dangerous using that wink you thought to yourself as you tried to be cool. 

"Well, Sergeant, we don't have much left from the rush earlier, but I would suggest the tarts for something fruity, or maybe even the mini pies. Those have been selling like crazy today." 

"Sure, I'll take six fruit tarts and six mini assorted pies and please, call me Bucky" he smiled, and you couldn't help but blush again. 

Damn this man for making you blush like a schoolgirl you thought to yourself as you filled his order.

"Going to your parents tonight?" asked Steve. 

"Of course," Bucky smiled. 

You boxed up his order and he paid for it. 

"Well, see you around sweets".

Bucky gave you another flirty wink as him and Steve proceeded to leave the shop. 

You smiled and thanked them for stopping by. 

"Is there something in the water at the station I don't know about?" asked Wanda as she wiped down a table at the front. 

You chuckled.

"All of those men are like Greek Gods" she gushed. 

You turned the open sign over to closed and proceeded to start the closing tasks.

The following week was another busy one, with many repeat customers, some new ones, and lots of officers from the station. Of course, Sam came by everyday for his coffee and muffin combo as well as Peter, the rookie. He couldn't get enough of your iced coffee and hazelnut creampuffs. They would make small talk with you from time to time, but the Sergeant, or Bucky as he preferred you call him, hasn't been around since the grand opening. 

"Every time that door opens, your neck snaps to it. You're gonna need a massage soon" Wanda chuckled at you. 

"It does not" you scoffed. 

"Waiting for someone special to stop by? Perhaps a certain Sergeant?" she teased. 

You threw a cloth at her and walked to the back room, turning on some music and starting on some mini pies.

"I'm going to head home a little early today. Only a half an hour until closing so you should be able to manage on your own" Wanda stood in-between the kitchen and front counter. 

"Sounds good Wands. I'll come to the front soon. See you tomorrow" you called from the back cooler. 

You heard the door ding as you gathered another tray of cookies to bring to the front and package them up. You carried the tray through the doorway when you noticed a large body bent down in front of one of the display cases. He must have snuck in when you were closing the cooler in the back. 

"Um, can I help you?" you asked the figure. 

He popped his head up and it was the Sergeant.

"Hi sweets" he smiled brightly at you. 

"Oh, hi Bucky" you blushed but noticed his eyes light up when you called him Bucky. 

He had on dark blue jeans, a blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows showing off his impressive forearms, and his police badge was clipped onto his black belt. 

"What can I get for you?" you asked. 

You noticed he had a beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hand, and you suddenly felt a little deflated. He was probably on his way home for a date you thought to yourself, as you winced slightly. 

You glanced at the bouquet again in his hand and then back to the counter you were wiping down, giving your hands something to do to release your nervous tension.

"Here, these are for you".

He reached across the counter and held out the bouquet for you to take. 

"Wow, these are beautiful, thank you" you said, admiring the flowers.

Now it was his turn to blush. 

"Can I ask what these are for?"

You found a large glass to put them in and display them. 

"Do I need a reason to give you flowers?" he cheekily replied. 

"Um, no..." you blushed again. 

"Actually, I wanted to give them to you, as a welcome to the neighbourhood kind of deal, and a thank you for the complimentary treats the other day" he smiled. 

"Oh, well then, you're welcome and we're happy to be here".

The two of you stood there staring at each other for a few minutes. 

"Can I get you anything?" you asked, breaking the silence. 

Bucky looked over the display cases, taking his time looking over the treats while tapping his finger to his chin in thought. 

"How about your number?" he asked with a wink. 

Your eyes bulged out in your head at his bold request. 

"Oh, well, um..."

You fumbled at finding one of your business cards. 

You found one and wrote your personal cell number on the back of it with a smiley face. 

"Here".

You handed him the card. 

"Thanks Y/n" he pocketed the card. 

"I'll take a dozen of those mini pies" he winked at you.

[littlemissmarvelous]

My Sun, My Star

A/N: I'm so weak for Winter soldier Bucky. I cant wait to write more of him, I love this sad guilt ridden man.

Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Reader

Words: 6756

Warnings: Breaking and entering, Minor violence, Injury and Blood, Winter soldier Bucky, GN reader but also Pregnant reader, mild language, I'm not sure if this is fluff or angst or both??

Summary: You wait up late for your boyfriend Bucky to return from his mission, but it isn't Bucky who finds you.

Bucky Masterlist

Like what I do? Consider buying me a Coffee!

________________

Your eyes blinked slowly, heavier with each passing second, yet you still managed to open them once again. Glancing at the bright white numbers of the digital clock you watched it change to 1:46 AM, causing a groan to pull from your lips. Bucky was supposed to be back tonight (yesterday technically) from his latest mission, but he still had yet to show up at your shared flat. 

You checked your phone again, the lack of notifications mocking your tired eyes. You let out one more sigh before you turned off the mindless babbling of the TV and stood up to get ready for bed. You were sure Bucky wouldn’t want you waiting up so late in your current condition anyway, he had been harping you about getting enough sleep and water and everything in between.

“I’m only four months pregnant, Bucky. I’m fully capable of staying up late” You had said to him. 

“Five months, Doll, and it’s about your cortisol levels. It’s not good for you or the baby, and it could lead to them being underweight” he said, reciting exactly what the doctor had told him during your last checkup. 

“Four and a half,” you argued as you stuck your tongue out at him, “and she was talking about getting chased by a bear kind of stress, not staying up to watch Bake Off.” 

You snorted at the memory of just earlier that week, a small smile coming to your face as you went through your nightly routine. You continued to check your phone here and there as you went, “Did you get back safe? How’d your mission go?” you had texted two hours ago, yet it still remained unread and unanswered.  

‘Maybe one more quick text wouldn’t hurt,’  you thought to yourself as you typed out the simple message and hit send. 

“Stay safe, okay? I love you.”

You sighed as you set the phone down, “it’s okay, everything is okay,” you assured yourself as you pulled one of his large hoodies over your head, enjoying the way the hem brushed against your bare thighs and the sleeves threatened to swallow your hands. “He’s a former assassin and a super soldier! Nothing is going to happen that he can’t handle,” You stated firmly to your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes remained unsure despite your voice’s conviction, but you did your best to ignore it, focusing instead on the achingly tired look they held. 

“Yes, I know. It’s finally time for bed, little one,” you mumbled sleepily as you felt your baby kick against the walls of your protruding belly, being quick to climb between the layers of blankets and lonesome sheets. “Fuck, that's cold…!” you swore quietly as your bare legs hit the icy fabric- having gone unwarmed by your personal space heater and super soldier.

Thankfully sleep came easily, the thought of waking up to Bucky’s sleepy, scruffy face only further urged your body to wind down so the moment would come sooner. 

----

Bucky’s phone buzzed again in his bag, lighting up with your smiling face as your text displayed on the screen, but nobody reached down to check it, as everyone found themselves in a far more urgent situation. 

“Keep him busy, Rodgers! I just need one more minute!” Tony yelled as he dug through the equipment in the quinjet, “For fuck’s sake, who organized this last?” 

“What do you think I’m doing…!” The blond grunted with a justified hint of frustration,” Sam? Any help??” He shouted with a pointed look, telling more than asking as he struggled to restrain his thrashing friend. A swift metal fist flew toward his already battered face, barely giving him time to duck out of the way and attempt to restrain it again. 

“Honestly? Seems like you’ve got this one,” Sam said, holding up his hands.

“SAM.” 

“I’m coming..! God, can’t either of you old men take a joke?”

No one knew exactly what happened, Bucky had gone off on his own in the Hydra base they were exploring. It was supposed to have been recently abandoned, something about the agents leaving in an urgent rush that left files upon files sitting out in the open. It was supposed to be a simple mission; everyone goes off in teams, gathers what they can, and makes sure there are no surprises. But Bucky assured them that he would be fine to go on his own, he hadn’t had a sign of relapse in over a year, and he would only be picking up what looked important. A simple job.

He should’ve listened. 

It was when he didn’t return to the jet with the rest of them that they started to get worried. 

“So, where’s the Manchurian candidate?” Tony jested, looking at his watch. They were supposed to leave maybe 10 minutes ago, not terribly late by any means, but enough to start getting worried about Bucky’s quietness over the coms.  

“Man, come on.. ” Sam sighed at Tony’s joke as he crossed his arms. 

“Bucky?” Steve tried calling over the coms, ignoring both of his teammates, but the line remained all too quiet. 

They found him finally in the basement level of the office building, old discarded computers lining the walls along with cabinets upon cabinets of old files and other equipment. He hadn’t even realized it was a trap until he stepped right into it, triggering a switch that had the computers and hidden speakers flashing images and sounds that assaulted his senses with fragmented memories long forgotten. 

He should have listened. 

Sam had found him first, on his knees in the middle of the floor with hands desperately covering his ears, trying to block out the incessant noise. Hauling his teammate to his feet, he rushed back to the jet, calling everyone off from their search before anything else could be sprung. 

At first, they thought he might be fine- quiet, but fine. He had given them a small smile and a wave of his hand as everyone tried to check in with him, taking a seat as the jet took off to go home. It had all seemed relatively normal until they were halfway back and the unseen battle inside him must have taken a turn. 

“Got it!” Tony yelled as he pulled out the dart gun, aiming quickly as he fired two shots into Bucky’s chest, readying a third as he waited and watched for the tranquilizers to finally take effect. It was slow as Bucky continued to struggle against the drug’s drain, his body and mind turning into slow-moving molasses. Low grunts emanated from his throat as the last of his strength ebbed away, leaving nothing but forced sleep in its wake. 

“Was two really necessary?” Steve asked as his shoulders finally relaxed, the strain and worry now temporarily over. 

Together they dragged the drugged-up assassin into the jet’s small quarantine area for the remainder of the trip, satisfied only when they heard the mechanical locks slide into place. It wasn’t much, and they knew that and if he really wanted to there would be no stopping him from getting out, but it was something- enough to give them a few seconds of preparation if nothing else.  

“I’m not giving a super soldier only a single dose, you two metabolize things like this way too fast and I’m not taking any chances with the Tin man over there.”

Bucky- no, the Winter Soldier, seemed to still be out of it when they finally landed, sat up and leaning against the wall, head slumped forward just as they had left him. 

“Alright, let's just get him into one of the holding rooms for the night. We’ll work on resetting him-” Tony lifted his hands as the two men glared in his direction, “- on ‘fixing him up’ as soon as he’s been secured.” 

Sam shook his head as Tony corrected himself, taking notice of the lit-up phone in Bucky’s bag, buzzing with an only recently delivered message. Sam had quickly become one of your closest friends after you were introduced to the team. He was one of the few people Bucky trusted with his life and between his sarcastic jokes, his incredibly loyal nature, and his willingness to give Bucky shit whenever he deserved it, you knew very quickly how great a friend he would be. 

But now his stomach twisted as he saw your name flash across the screen, the alert quickly minimizing itself as it joined the other messages you had sent that night. How was he gonna break this to you? The last thing you needed was a bunch of unnecessary stress on your shoulders, but it’s obvious you were beginning to worry over their late return. Sliding the phone back into its rightful place Sam told himself that he’d call you once they had things more figured out.

“Heart rate still seems to be resting. With any luck, he’ll remain knocked out until we get inside,” Tony relayed as he monitored the Soldier’s vitals and pressed the button to open the heavy quarantine doors.

The doors slid into their resting positions with a soft click. 

As soon as that click landed on sensitive ears, vibrant blue eyes shot open. Sparing not even a second, the Winter Soldier surged forward from his seat, not nearly as far gone as he left them to believe. With the element of surprise, the Soldier easily knocked past his teammates, throwing his body weight against them and knocking Sam and Steve off balance, leaving him a good headstart as he dashed out the jet’s open door.

“Fuck, Bucky- Wait!,” Steve swore as he stumbled out behind him, having to use his super soldier speed just to keep pace. But between the settled darkness of the night, and the winding alleyways the brunette stuck to, Steve was left falling behind in no time. “Shit,” Steve swore as he slowed to a stop, looking around for any sign of his compromised friend. 

However, the streets lay barren, the fluttering of moths in the streetlights the only sign of life on the entire block.

---

The heavy thud of his boots echoed against the alleyway’s pavement. He wasn't sure where exactly he was headed as his silhouette slunk between the warm light of the streetlamps, but part of him- a currently repressed part of him- knew that safety was bound to be just ahead. 

His heart beat smoothly as he kept his pace, every other step falling in time as he rounded the corner. Blindly, he let himself be led by instinct and his feet maneuvered the city’s countless paths with a mind of their own. They slowed before a little apartment building and as those emotionless eyes looked up, he knew this was it.

The lateness of the hour had almost assured that no one was around as he slipped inside, footsteps padding up the stairs before stopping at the third floor. His heavy boots left nothing but wet prints in their wake as he wandered down the hall, impossibly silent, as even the notoriously creaky boards dared not announce his presence. 

The closer he got, the more the back of his mind itched, as if something- someone- was begging him not to go any further, but he refused to listen; he knew this was where he was meant to be and where he would find what his body was so inexplicably drawn to.

With each step his head turned on a swivel, looking for the sense of safety and familiarity that the other half of him seemed to find here- and desperately wished he wouldn’t discover. Just as his foot was about to take another step he stopped. ‘No. Here.’ His gut told him, turning to the door. 

His door.

Your door.

The former assassin bypassed the lock with ease, quickly slipping in before shutting the door behind him. A dim light illuminated the living room, the little lamp you left on for him casting its orange glow over his surroundings as he surveyed them.

A few mugs stand beside the sink, framed photos dot the wall and side tables, and a veritable nest of blankets lay across the couch. It was obvious someone had been here, and recently. A deep breath pulled into his lungs, causing his head to tilt to the side in contemplation as an unfamiliar scent hit his nose, something just as earthy as it was sweet and speckled with distant notes of… him?

“Hmmph”  

His sensitive ears picked up the soft grunt from down the hall immediately. His shoulders squared and tensed as his body leaned into a defensive position. Cautious fingers pulled the knife from his boot, ready for whatever may come at him as he approached. 

The sounds of soft breaths lead him to a door left ajar. Light just slipped past the curtains into the darkened room. Badum… Badum… Badum… a heartbeat pulsed in his ears as he took a step closer, leaving the door open and letting further light fall onto the source of the noise. 

His wolfish gaze ran down your form as you lay there on your back, swallowed in the extra fabric of the old sweatshirt. Your hand rested casually over your stomach as your other one squished gently against your cheek. Your legs lay bare to the world after having kicked the overbearing sheets away, leaving just a glance of your underwear for him to take in.  

“Mmph” You grunted again as you shifted, your face now turned to him as that earthy scent of yours gripped him like a vice and refused to let go.

Your sweet sleep became interrupted though- much to his dismay- as the phone on your nightstand began to light up and buzz incessantly. Still, as a statue he watched as you groaned, propping yourself up on your elbows as you went to check what your device could possibly want at this ungodly hour. 

With one loose fist, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes away, blinking consciousness back into them until you saw Bucky’s illuminated figure before you, standing tall and quiet as he watched you intently. 

“Bucky..?” You couldn’t hide the grin that spread across your face as you saw the familiar face of your lover lit up by the bright light of your phone screen. But the longer you looked the more you noticed.

His eyes were all wrong, his gaze was devoid, that’s the only way you could put it. Devoid of meaning and humanity, it seemed every gaze- every movement- was a means to an end. Empty… save for a flicker of fear; It was probably the only thing in those eyes right now that registered as human. The fear of someone who was lost, unknowing of their purpose, and confused as to why your gaze was made his cold heart falter.

His expression was flat and stoic, save for the knit of confusion that pulled his brows together. His stance was tense and prepared, the discrete knife still glittering in his hands as he took another step forward, his head slowly shaking in response to your question. 

A gasp caught in your throat as you finally understood. Glancing at your phone you saw it was Sam who was calling, undoubtedly trying to tell you what you now already knew.

“Soldat…” You whispered, trying to hide the way his name sent shivers across your skin. Your phone went black then, as you didn’t pick up in time and you were left blind by the sudden darkness.

 You and Bucky had talked about what to do if you found him like this, “You call Sam and Steve, Okay? You find a place to hide and you stay far away, no matter what you hear. There’s no reasoning with him,” He had told you.

So much for that

Your phone lit up again with Sam’s urgent call, its revealing light sending ice down your spine as you saw the man nearly standing over you now, just a hair’s breadth away.

Your hand rose slowly, shaking as you tested a reach for your phone, stopping dead in your tracks as he let out a disapproving grunt. Your head nodded slowly as you gulped, returning your hand to your stomach as you watched his gaze finally shift away. 

With unbothered calmness, he looked toward your phone to see Sam’s face and name scrawled across your screen. Wordlessly he reached over and pressed the ‘decline call’ button, cutting the call short and leaving you two in perfect silence once more. 

Panic began to rise in your throat as his gaze turned back toward you, darkened now only by the lack of light. With slow movements the Winter Soldier reached out, putting the knife away as he crouched down, as if trying to attract a skittish animal. 

Your whole body tensed as his reach came closer, eyes screwing shut as you waited for the worst, “Please… Just don’t hurt her…” You whispered, fear and desperation rattling your voice, just as it did your anxiety-filled body. 

But the pain never came. Instead, the cool touch of metal fingers ran down your cheek, barely denting your flesh as he relished in its softness. Your eyes peeked open cautiously, as his fingers moved along the slope of your jaw, tilting your head up as he came to your chin. 

His eyes had changed, you noticed, instead of being a harsh blizzard, they had now settled into something more human, something warmer and… yearning? 

“Soldat..?” You questioned as you watched his lips part, his senses focused only on the way your body reacted to his touch. You were sure he could hear the rapid pattering of your heart beneath your ribs, its pace only increasing as his fingers moved down your neck and to the exposed collarbone in your loose neckline.

“Красивый [Beautiful]...,” was all he could reply. It came out so soft you weren’t sure you heard it at first, it’s quiet reverence meant for your ears and your ears only. “Из-за тебя он чувствует себя здесь в безопасности...? Замки дерьмовые, видимость слишком высокая, но ты… [Are you why he feels safe here…? The locks are shit, the visibility is too high, but you…]” He continued, quiet and unbothered as if he assumed you couldn’t understand him. 

“He’s been bugging me to get better locks all week…” you replied with a huff, quickly shutting up as his stare found your eyes again. Between Bucky’s ramblings in the night and Natasha’s tendency to only gossip in Russian, you had made an effort to learn it; You were still learning, and your pronunciation was shit, but your understanding had gotten far better. 

“And you have a good ear…” He spoke in English this time, the vague hint of an amused smile pulling at the assassin’s stern lips. You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever done that before. If that odd little smile had been seen by anyone else- anyone still living that is.

A breath of relief left you as your lips stretched to mimic his, the tension easing out of your body a little by little.

His metallic touch continued to linger, running down your covered chest until it settled on the waistband of your underwear, the cool metal trailing across your ticklish skin. 

“Ah, wait, Sol-” You jumped at his touch, grabbing his wrist, despite knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to stop him if it’s what he wanted.

But instead of dipping his fingers lower, he simply tugged the oversized hoodie up, gathering it over your chest and exposing the firm baby bump concealed below. His head tilted to the side as he listened to the tiny heartbeat that fluttered in your belly as well as the thuds of its little movements against your skin. Slowly, still with that inkling of a smile, he turned to look at you, his hand hovering just above your vulnerable midsection as if awaiting permission. 

Heat rose to your cheeks as you hesitated. On one hand, you felt a surprising amount of calm under the assassin's touch, his need for your approval only increasing your sense of security. But on the other hand, Bucky would never be able to live with himself if something happened to you or the baby, accident or not. 

“Oh. I-” 

CRASH.

You nearly jumped out of your skin as were cut short by the loud noise. The door to your apartment slammed open, surely breaking the hinges with the sheer force of it. Over a dozen heavy boots stormed into your apartment as the lights turned on, flooding your senses and forcing the Soldier’s attention elsewhere. 

Your hand found his instantly, the heat of his calloused skin a comfort to you just the way Bucky’s was, especially as it squeezed around yours just the same. Sitting up properly now your sweatshirt swallowed your pregnant form once again and you peeked out to see just what was going on. 

Through The Winter Soldier’s defensive stance in front of you, his knife is now drawn once more, you watched a small armed group, covered in black tactical gear raid your home, all guns pointing towards you- or more accurately- the former assassin attempting to shield you. You recognized the symbols on their vests as the team’s secondary security force, having even met a few of them over the years. But where was the rest of the team? Where was Sam, and Steve, and Tony?

“Step away from the civilian!” “Put your hands in the air!” “Sir, drop the knife!” They all shouted, overlapping with each other as each of them rushed out their demands. 

“Don't shoot! It’s okay! It’s okay!” You rushed.

You tried to slip your hand from his, but he only held fast, “Soldat, please… It’s okay, just do what they say… They don’t want to hurt us. Please,” You urged, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, 

His defenses faltered as he listened to you beg him to stand down. It wasn’t the usual begging he heard in his line of work, and coming from your lips had his walls cracking in an unprecedented way. 

He shouldn’t have looked back at your eyes, wide and pleading, as they shook his walls further. Moving slowly he turned, kneeling before you despite the way the armed group yelled at him not to. You just held up your hand to them, pleading for them to be as gentle with him as he was with you. 

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” The warm flesh of his hand came up easily to cradle your face and a small smile pulled at him again as you leaned into his large palm. “Я только что нашел тебя. Я не потеряю тебя снова так быстро[I’ve only just found you. I will not lose you again so quickly]. ”

Your heart both swelled and pained for your Soldier. You looked into his eyes and saw a sense of certainty, a sense of knowing, you hadn’t seen from him earlier. “Oh… my soldier, my star,” Your fingers entwined with the hand holding your cheek, ”You can not lose me in any way that would last…” You whispered to him past the shouts, the commotion, and the tension, like you were the only two in the room. 

“Sir, put the knife down!” A young squad member called again, his voice far more concerned than his superiors. You didn’t recognize him or his number and you figured he must’ve been new. His gun trembled in his hands as he shouted again, but as the Soldier failed to move and the kid’s finger unexpectedly twitched, there came a sudden- 

BANG.

“Ah-!” Your face twisted with pain as you pulled away, “Fuck…!” Your hands instinctively grabbed your leg, clamping over the shooting pain in your calf that hit you- well- like a bullet. 

You winced again as you pulled one of your hands back, the raw skin of your leg angrily letting you know that it did not like being brushed against. Warm, wet crimson covered your fingers as you looked down, becoming slightly dizzy at how much had already covered your palm. You were thankful it only seemed to be a graze, but the burn you already felt and knowing you were losing blood had your stomach lurching in uncomfortable ways. 

Concern painted the assassin’s expression as you recoiled away from his doting touch, but as the unmistakable warm, metallic smell curled into his nose, his expression darkened dramatically. What was once kind, curious blue eyes now saw nothing but red as he caught sight of the wound slashing across your skin. His jaw set firmly, almost audibly grinding his teeth as he stood and turned to the young kid. 

You looked back at the newcomer as you tried to breathe through the pain, the horrified look on his face telling you that he knew he was a dead man walking. His face went ghost white as the super soldier stalked toward him and through even worse trembling hands he raised his gun to shoot again. 

“No…!”

A sickening thud rang out as the bullet hit the assassin square in his good shoulder, getting lodged in the muscly flesh. His shoulder jerked back at the force, but it wouldn’t stop his stride as he closed the gap. Another shot rang out, but with the solid vibranium arm now covering the barrel it did little to help this poor dumb kid. Snatching him by the neck, you watched as your assassin held him up until his feet kicked uselessly in the air. 

Every gun immediately trained on him and with their proximity you knew they wouldn’t miss a fatal shot if it came to it.

“Stop! Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! Soldier, put him down!” You yelled as you maneuvered towards the edge of the bed. “Please, don't shoot, I can fix this!” you continued, trying to convince yourself as much as you convinced them. Familiar voices joined in on your plea as Sam and Steve finally entered the picture, urgently trying to talk down both the Winter Soldier and the secondary security team. 

“Bucky, It’s okay... Just put the kid down, alright?” Steve tried to reason with him, “He’s new, he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet.” Steve tried his best to stay calm and patient, but the young man was beginning to change colors now. “Bucky, put him down before you do something you can’t come back from.” But Bucky’s ears were deaf to the outside pleas and the Winter soldier refused to listen.

“Ah..!” You whimpered as you tried to stand and approach the commotion. The pain in your leg reached new heights as you tried to put weight on it, causing you to tumble to your knees almost immediately. You clutched your belly, hoping the sudden jostle wouldn’t upset the baby too much as you tried to get up again. 

“Hold on, Y/n. Stay down for a minute so we can wrap your leg…” Sam asked of you, moving over to help as soon as he saw the blood on your hands, “You’re losing plenty already.”

“No, I have to…. I can’t let him get hurt,” you argued, pushing away his helpful hands as you tried to stand again. You heard the crashing thud and rushed voices as you shakily got to your feet, leaning all your weight on your good leg. As you looked up again you came eye to eye with worry-filled icy blues.

“Sol-”

“Мое солнце  [My Sun]...” He interrupted, his metal arm snaking around your waist to pull you in possessively and away from those who threatened your safety. On the other side of the room, the nervous kid now coughed and wheezed for breath, but you were just happy to see he was still alive. 

“Please just listen to them. You’re already hurt, don’t get yourself killed…” you pleaded, your hand barely brushing over his bleeding wound before pulling his hand to your rounded belly. He tried to keep his expression steady, but you saw the way his eyes widened slightly as he looked down. “She needs someone looking out for her and I can’t do this on my own. I can’t keep away all the dangers of the world…” Your forehead rested against his as you tried to shift your weight, whining as you gave up and moved back. You couldn’t deny that this part of Bucky was her father too, even if he had been hidden away for ages, she was still his too. Whether Bucky would see it the same way you weren’t sure, but right now you were just concerned with making sure he got out of this alive. 

“I can’t do this without you…” 

The silence felt deafening as he considered. He never had to think about other people relying on him, not like this. His orders had always been to leave no threats, to finish his job and move on, no matter the cost to him. But the pain in his soft, fleshy shoulder was getting harder to ignore. The way his blood-soaked shirt clung to his arm now climbed to the forefront of his mind as he watched your big eyes stare back at him, desperate to understand. He was between a rock and a hard place. 

“I’ll be right beside you the whole time..” You assured him, “We both will, but please let everyone get us some help.” 

A gentle nudge pushed against his palm as his thoughts swirled around him, snapping him back to a single line of thought and he knew then. Defeat laid heavy on his shoulders as they slumped, accepting what must be done., “Мое солнц [My Sun] …”, He said, “Если вы так хотите, то я не буду жаловаться [If it is what you wish, then I will not complain].” 

You couldn’t tell just how long you had been holding the breath you let out, your muscles relaxing as he finally held his hands up. The security squad began coming forward with an array of cuffs, but it was Sam who stopped them this time, glancing back at you for confirmation as he assured them that they could take it from here. Despite the arguing and the hesitation, they seemed to relent, shifting their focus now to their injured colleague. 

Both Sam and Steve looked tired but relieved as they turned to the two of you, bloody and pained in your current state. Though they weren’t quite better; both of them looked like they had been the unfortunate punching bag of a certain super soldier mere hours before. Sam had bruises lining his arms from where he was surely blocking blow after blow and Steve smiled a bit with his busted lip, dried blood still stuck in the corner of his mouth.

“Let’s get you two to the tower…” 

----

The journey to the tower was quiet, your soldier never letting you out of arms reach as you all boarded the armored truck, and made your way up the tower and to the lab. 

Doctors tried to treat the both of you, but as soon as anyone dared to come close your assassin was right there to growl them back. They’d hardly be able to get past his possessive hands even if they could manage to get close, his touch keeping you pulled beside him at all times.

“Soldat…” you warned him, but he was too preoccupied gathering the medical bag they had been dropped. Coming over to you, there was no warning as he scooped you up from the ground and set you on a table to get to work. 

“Oh-!” You exclaimed as you held onto his strong shoulder, quickly getting plopped back down on the corner of the cold metal table. A shiver ran down your skin as you shifted against the sleek table, watching as practiced hands scoured through the medical bag, producing everything he needed as he went about fixing up your leg wordlessly. 

You were beyond thankful for the haze of the (baby-safe) painkillers as his fingers slid over the raw flesh. Despite the gentle numbing of the painkiller your fingers still lay tangled in his hair as he worked, only tugging in discomfort as the gauze wrapped tightly around your leg.

"Thank you..” You said when he finally finished, moving back to appreciate his work before giving it a satisfactory nod. His eyes had grown distant again, bits of confusion and uncertainty swirling in the storm of his eyes, and you reached out to stroke your thumb across his cheek. His stony cool expression remained as you touched him, his mouth staying a firm line as he instinctively leaned into your palm. You watched him for a moment before you continued, knowing that his thoughts must be far away.

“It's your turn now, big guy.... your shoulder is still seeping and you can’t keep losing blood like this," You urged him just as you had on the ride to the tower. He had refused to listen then, letting nothing else occupy his mind until he knew you were fully taken care of. But now as you sit safely before him, the only looming threats being Sam and Steve who seem to haunt the hallway outside, he finally relented.

You moved to stand, needing the angle to effectively dig out the bullet still lodged in his muscles, but he held you still with a single large hand on your shoulder, "Stay," he urged you with that low rumble of his. His eyes lingered on yours, ensuring you would do as he asked before he began to move again, gathering the supplies you would need.

He slid his bloody shirt off, revealing the weeping wound beneath and the scars of many wounds past. You expected him to stand in front of you, maybe sit so you could take care of him, but that didn’t seem to be the important thing right now.

He climbed up onto the cold table where you sat, curling onto his side with his back facing the door so his wounded shoulder sat closest to you. His head lay in your lap with a look of unmatched serenity as he pressed his forehead against your rounded belly. And there he rested, quiet and unmoving as he took his quiet moment. But he was far too exposed like this, far too trusting of “threats” lurking outside, and he almost reminded you of Bucky again. Was Bucky fighting to come back…? Was the Winter Soldier trusting you to watch his back? … or was he accepting of something you weren't sure he knew yet?

"Are you sure? It's going to be harder to take the bullet out this way. I don’t want to hurt you more than I have to," you tried to explain as you pulled out the forceps.

But he simply shook his head, "I know my time here is short, my Sun..." he said with an even tone, no semblance of fear to shake his voice, "Please let me enjoy it like this…."

Your voice caught in your throat as he answered, his blunt acceptance and knowing catching you off guard. You wished beyond anything that you could soothe him, to tell him no one was going to hurt him or take him away again. But you wouldn’t lie to him, so instead you said nothing, Your words rasping as you replied, "Of course, My star…."

The room was quiet as you worked, the only noise the sweet mumblings from your boyfriend's lips as he filled your baby’s ears with loving promises. His body let out a grunt and a soft squelch as you finally tugged the crushed bullet out. Pain creased his brow but his words never faltered and neither did the nudges or kicks he got in reply.

Carefully you cleaned up the blood, packing the wound as best you could, but you were sure Tony and his team would be redoing it soon nonetheless.

A sigh escaped him as he heard you putting away your tools, "My Sun?" he asked.

"Yes?"

“Is it time…?”

You cast your eyes downward, looking into those confused and swirling blues as they watched you with unbridled hope.

You nodded, wiping away the tears that welled in your eyes, “It’s time…” you whispered.

He nodded, thinking quietly as he looked down at your belly again, his hand smoothing over the skin he’s exposed, “Will I see you two again…?” 

Your heart broke at the slight waver in his voice, “Oh, my star…” you said, resting your palm against his cheek, “It’s just like I said, ‘you can not lose me in any way that would last’. I’ll see you again and again, in this life and the next,” you assured as you leaned down to kiss his temple, a small smile forming at the corners of his lips. Tears blinked from your eyes as you continued, “I don’t know when, or for how long, but you will see us again. You can always come home to me, and I will always be there to welcome you.” You leaned, slow as not to scare him, and kissed him gently as he turned again to look at you.

 It was awkward at first, but you didn’t mind, you couldn’t imagine the last time the Winter Soldier had felt such gentleness, let alone a kiss. 

But the moment was ripped away as the door opened, Steve, Sam, and Tony all standing in the doorway. “We’re ready for him,” Tony said simply, “Let's get this started so my lab techs can go home….” 

-----

You watched behind thick glass as Tony and his team of technicians attached various wires and machinery to Bucky’s body. Sam and Steve’s hands lie on your shoulders, trying to comfort you as you watch them finish tuning and placing everything. You watched as his blue eyes stared vacantly at the ceiling, as still as a statue as he let them do their work.

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to watch this…” Steve tried to comfort you, but you only shook your head. 

“No… I promised I’d see him off,” you replied, then thought with a pause, “Despite all the warnings Bucky gave me I’m happy I got to see him face to face…” 

“Well, it helps that he wasn’t trying to beat the shit out of you…” Sam mumbled, getting an immediate nudge from you right in one of his bruises, “ Ow…okay, point taken.”

You smiled and shook your head. It was true though; despite the fear, blood, and death that dripped from his moniker, despite the pain you endured in his presence, you would do it all again. Bucky had hidden this part of him from you for so long, only ever showing you half of his face. And though you know he wouldn’t like it, you’re happy to finally see him in full light- to know and love him completely as he’s meant to be.

Tony says something that’s hard to make out through the glass, but you see him give a thumbs up to you all so he must have been ready. He moved to the switch, hesitating for a moment to let you say a quick goodbye. 

Your Soldier’s eyes found yours right away, but there was no trace of sorrow for you to see, no discomfort or fear. In fact, he seemed almost excited; excited and hopeful that when he saw you next he’d have a bundle of joy to look forward to as well. 

“Мое солнце [My Sun]...” you watched him say beyond the glass.

“I’ll see you again, My stars. I’m sure of it…” You replied with a soft smile.

He had just enough time to smile softly back at you, an image now pleasantly etched in your brain before Tony flipped the switch and the reset procedure began. 

You covered your eyes quickly as Bucky’s body began to convulse, his strained grunts and shouts breaching containment despite the way he tried to hold it all back. The sounds of pain continued for minutes, but it felt far longer. Though, it wasn’t until it got quiet that you began to worry. 

“Is it done? Is it over...?” You asked the men on either side of you, afraid to peek past your hands for fear of the worst.

“Doll…?” you heard the familiar voice call, gritty and rough from its recent use but still carrying that same soft tone he used with you.

Your heart swelled, “Bucky...?”

_____________

Taglist: @writingmysanity

It's been a while since I've written for our favorite sad man, so if I've missed you/you want to be added to the taglist, DM me to let me know!

[littlemissmarvelous]

Might f around and write for HOTD…

#house of the dragon #aemond targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen x reader #aemond x reader #aemond fic #rhaenyra targaryen #aegon x reader #house of the dragon fanfic #game of thrones

[littlemissmarvelous]

[littlemissmarvelous]

No Light, No Light

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: contains implicit mentions of suicidal ideation. Happy ending. Closer to fluff but given the topic also angst. Honestly not sure what this is but I really like it.

I am not sure where this came from, but I wrote it a while back, and I thought I would share it. The text is supposed to repeat itself, and the second section is meant to be a mirror of the first, I sadly cannot align the text to the right on Tumblr.

Summary: You have a plan, a clear and scheduled plan, yet Bucky seems to be in the way of it, and you cannot find the strength to tell him.

You hadn’t meant for it to go this far. You had promised yourself you would tell him during your first date, but then he made you laugh until tears covered your cheeks. Then you had decided to tell him the date after. Dinner. It was fancy, too nice for you to dampen the mood with the news. Bucky was smiling, smiling much more than you had ever seen him smile before. So you bit your tongue and kept it, just one more, you had promised yourself. 

You had met for coffee at the park, and you had barely been able to cover your enchanted look as he took off his sunglasses. It was the first sunny day of the year, and his eyes matched the sky perfectly. You tried to talk about it when he asked what plans you had for April, but something stopped you, your tongue twisting in your mouth. A selfish need for safety, you couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t want to see you anymore. 

No. It was wrong. He deserved to know. You owed it to him, but just as you parted your lips to say it in front of the door of your apartment, his hands found your waist, and he whispered two words that you had no idea could sound so beautiful, “May I?”

A yes left your lips instead of the truth, and then there was him. His delicious smell engulfing you, his arms wrapping around you, and his lips on yours, soft, too soft, sweet, painfully perfect. You pulled away. You couldn’t like it too much; it would soon be taken away. He didn’t seem to notice, his gaze stuck on yours, blue, so blue, like the early night sky that lingered above you. “Goodnight, see you soon,” he had whispered, stepping down the stairs and watching as you entered, “Goodnight.”

You had tried to tell him when he had asked if he could show you around that summer, take you on every date he had been thinking about for the past month. You had nodded insincerely, lips pressed together, a circled date shining in your mind as you looked down. He had noticed. He hadn’t said anything. Instead, he had asked what your favourite ice cream in the city was and offered you his hand. “Let’s go.” “It’s far away.” “And?” “I don’t want to bother.” “You never do.” You hadn’t thought about it as he kissed you, chocolate, coffee, his, yours. He sweetened everything bitter. 

You looked at the flowers that had been delivered to your doorstep and back at the calendar. Just enough time. You decided to cook for him the next night, one more night, and then you would tell him. You would let him go. You hadn’t cooked in months but bought just enough for one meal with him. Bucky had enjoyed the food, his blue eyes on you as he washed the dishes, “Where do I put the leftovers?” “I- leave them there.” 

“What happens on Friday?” 

And there it was. Unavoidable in front of you. 

---

You hadn’t meant for it to go this far. You had promised yourself you would tell him during your first date. My friends forced me to come. I didn’t want to be here. I’m not planning on sticking around for much longer. There is no need for you to waste your time talking to me. I am dying soon. I’m numb, done for… You were ready to speak them out loud, but then he made you laugh until tears covered your cheeks. I am not usually like this. This happy. I am sorry. I-

Then you had decided to tell him the date after. Dinner. It was fancy, too nice for you to dampen the mood with the news. Bucky was smiling, smiling much more than you had ever seen him smile before. Don’t make one more person sad. You will already make enough of them sad when you leave. The voice in your head had spoken as you tried to talk, to tell him. So you bit your tongue and kept it, just one more, you had promised yourself. 

Almost as if he had known you had been lying on the floor of your bedroom, incapable of sleeping, incapable of turning off your brain. He had texted you, 3 a.m. 

Coffe at 8? Yes, please.

 You had answered immediately, the phone shaking in your hands. You had met him for coffee at the park, and you had barely been able to cover your enchanted look as he took off his sunglasses. It was the first sunny day of the year, and his eyes matched the sky perfectly. You thought about how much you hated the night and how daylight seemed to live in his gaze. A thought crossed your mind: maybe you no longer had to fear the night. No. 

 You tried to talk about it when he asked what plans you had for May, but something stopped you, your tongue twisting in your mouth. A selfish need for safety, you couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t want to see you anymore.  

No. It was wrong. He deserved to know. You owed it to him, but just as you parted your lips to say it in front of your apartment door, his hands found your waist, and he whispered two words that you had no idea could sound so beautiful, “May I?” You had thought your heart had been ripped out of your chest, dead, numb, and yet you felt it in your ears at that moment. 

A yes left your lips instead of the truth, and then there was him. His delicious smell engulfing you, his arms wrapping around you, and his lips on yours, soft, too soft, sweet, painfully perfect. You pulled away, you couldn’t like it too much; it would be soon taken away from you. He didn’t seem to notice, his gaze stuck on yours, blue, so blue, like the early night sky that lingered above you. “Goodnight, see you soon,” he had whispered, stepping down the stairs and watching as you entered, “Goodnight.”  You had entered your apartment, stared at your calendar, and suddenly, the red marker around your chosen date did not seem as clear anymore. No, it was still there. You had decided. 

You had tried to tell him when he had asked if he could show you around that summer, take you on every date he had been thinking about for the past month. You had nodded insincerely, lips pressed together, a circled date shining in your mind as you looked down. He had noticed. He hadn’t said anything. Instead, he had asked what your favourite ice cream in the city was and offered you his hand. “Let’s go.” “it’s far away.” “And?” “I don’t want to bother.” “You never do.” You didn’t tell him that you hadn’t eaten ice cream in months, that you didn’t do that anymore. You didn’t deserve it. You simply grabbed his hand and felt the way your heart skipped a beat.  You hadn’t thought about it as he kissed you, chocolate, coffee, his, yours. He sweetened everything bitter. 

You looked at the flowers that had been delivered to your doorstep and back at the calendar. Just enough time. You wouldn’t leave the chore for anyone to clean them once you were gone. You decided to cook for him that night, one more night, and then you would tell him. You would let him go. You hadn’t cooked in months but bought just enough for one meal with him. Bucky had enjoyed the food, his blue eyes on you as he washed the dishes, “Where do I put the leftovers?” No, there were not supposed to be leftovers. Your fridge had been cleaned, and everything was prepared. “I- leave them there.” Panic. You looked at the ground. You would throw them away. It was Wednesday. The garbage truck would pass by Friday in the morning. You would do it in the afternoon. 

“What happens on Friday?” Panic.

“The trash gets picked up on Friday.”

“Is that why it is in red on your calendar?” He snorted a laugh and walked to you, his arms reaching for your waist. Blue so blue, everything was blue. 

“Yes.”  You stiffened, and he seemed to notice. Suddenly, the morning sky left his eyes, and it was night.  Panic. 

“What happens on Friday?”

“The trash is picked up.”

“There is no trash. No other plans in your calendar after Friday. What happens on Friday?”

You tried to pull away, the night in his eyes darker than the one you ran from, towards. He let go of you. Tell him, tell him. Coward. 

“I will take out the trash tonight.” He grabbed the calendar and threw it in the small bin.

“No. It’s okay-”

“I will.”

“Okay.”

“Dinner on Saturday?”

“I-” you felt tears in your eyes, barely keeping your gaze on him. His eyes violently clear. Night sky. You didn’t need to tell him. He knew.

He didn’t look away, so you did, “your fridge is empty. Let’s go get you some groceries for the next couple of weeks. I think the store next door is open until midnight.”

He held your hand and called your gaze back to him, and there was enough morning in the blue of his eyes to make you wish for many more. 

----

Liv's note: I really appreciate all your comments and reblogs. They are the best part of the writing process. Thank you for your support.

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[littlemissmarvelous]

Ahem-

[littlemissmarvelous]

I have so many drafts rn

#marvel imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #tony stark #james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky masterlist #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #steve rodgers x reader #bucky x female reader #steve rogers imagine

[littlemissmarvelous]

Daybreak

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x wife!reader

Warnings: none

Summary: You've tried to help your husband. Yet, you are forced to watch the wrong person getting crowned...

Wordcount: 1.9k

A/N: So, maybe many of you cannot relate to this. The idea came to me while I listened to the song 'Daybreak' by Dimash Qudaibergen. But I just had to write this because as someone who has to fight with very intense emotions, I can relate to this so unbelievably well. My heart broke for both Aemond and Aegon during the crowning scene. Aemond may be the villain of House of the Dragon, but it wasn't really his choice. No one gets born this malicious, one is made this way. And even when it actually is a deliberate choice at some point, growing up in a family like the Targaryen's only means that this attitude is forced upon you without a real chance to escape it.

English isn't my first language, please forgive any mistakes!

Stiffly, you stood together with your family-in-law on the podium in the Sept. Thousands of citizens were gathered in the hall, squeezing each other in order to get in to be able to see the crowning of Aegon II Targaryen. Your facial expression was completely blank and shock cursed through your body, causing to numb every emotion and dull every sense, and coldness slowly seeped into your bones. It's been three years now since you got married to Aegon's younger brother Aemond Targaryen. The both of you hadn't had a great start. Mean words and accusations had been thrown in both directions and you had actually hit him one or two times. He was the only person in this world that could get you riled up this much. And he also was the only person that you loved more than your own life.

You hadn't been able to avoid to fall in love with him. The both of you had partially been forced to spend time together and over the course of months, you had come to know Aemond better. You knew of his favorite things, of the things he hated, of his doubts and dreams. Especially his dreams. They were ones you shared. Having spent three years in his family, you knew as much as Aemond that he was a better man than his brother. He should be the one to be crowned today. Instead, he stood next to you, as stiffly as you yourself, his eye looking over the crowd with no emotion. Your fingers were intertwined with his and you could feel the warmth of his hand on your palm. Normally, it was reassuring and calming. But today, it did nothing to you.

You felt completely numb as you watched the kingsguard enter the Sept and build a corridor in the crowd for Aegon to go through. The tips of your fingers became cold and your breath slightly hitched in your throat, barely audible. One second later, you could feel the gaze of your husband on you, almost burning the right side of your face with its intensity. Of course he had heard you – he would always hear you, no matter where you were or how far away. It was your special bond that you both shared with each other after your Valyrian marriage; a bond that had developed with hate and rage, pain and tears, and that had turned into care and happiness, passion and love over time. The surroundings receded into the background, only noticeable at the edge of your field of vision as your empty eyes followed Aegon walking through the crowd. Somewhere distant in your mind, you registered that he seemed as unhappy and desperate as you felt right now deep down.

The events passed you by in a blur. You vaguely heard the Septon speak from far away, not able to follow the words that were spoken; you saw Aegon accepting his fate, the crown on his head, and you barely managed to hold yourself together as the searing pain that you had buried deep within you for today began to rise to the surface. But you held on. Because you knew that right now was not the time to lose it. You knew the pain Aemond held within himself that he never allowed to be seen. You knew of his childhood and youth, full of the bullying from his siblings and nephews, the lost of his eye, the expectations especially his mother had with him which he hadn't been able to meet, and his burning wish to follow his father on the throne after Viserys' death, to prove himself. Your hand that still held Aemond's became completely cold, even his warmth couldn't prevent it as you saw your meticulously detailed plan going down the drain right in front of your eyes. You knew that Aegon didn't want to be king, as much as Aemond and you didn't want him to be.

You couldn't explain when it all had started to go down the hill. Everything had been perfect. A few days before this important day, you had spoken to Aegon after having gone through everything with Aemond beforehand, how you wanted to do it. You had explained it in detail to Aegon and he had not hesitated to give his approval. One of the preparations had been to bribe the right people who you knew would support you to make Aegon disappear. They had agreed to help you because they had been able to see in Aegon's face and attitude that he did not want to be king. After everything was prepared, everything had gone smoothly today, almost as if everyone around you just wanted to play into your cards. Aegon had disappeared to hide above the dragonpit where no one would suspect him and would just have waited for an opportunity to board a ship to leave Westeros. Even when Aemond had come to you to tell you that his mother had sent out Ser Criston in order to search for Aegon, you had known that this wouldn't change anything.

And yet, here you stood, helplessly watching how the wrong man got crowned.

You could feel tears bubbling up in your throat and swallowed hard to keep them at bay. Still not the right time. You were thankful that Rhaenys Velaryon freed her dragon and disturbed the crowning ceremony, causing utter chaos and pain as her dragon hurt and killed people. You barely registered Aemond pushing himself in front of you to protect you, his hand on the right side of your hips to reassure himself that you were in fact behind him. You saw Rhaenys escape with her dragon as they tried to close the doors to prevent both her and the people from fleeing. But what happened next, you didn't know. You had a few flashing pictures of the kingsguard escorting you through the Red Keep to your chambers, which you shared with Aemond. The door was quietly closed behind you, but you didn't react at first. You still felt eerily numb, though the ripping pain was lurking beneath the surface, and you couldn't quite comprehend what had just happened during the last hour in your life.

Your gaze wandered out of the window at an extremely slow pace while your heartbeat started to quicken as your brain tediously began to catch up with what had happened. You knew that your emotions would nearly kill you the moment they would start to devour you. You tried to hold it back, to give yourself more time to maybe prepare a little bit for what was about to come. But you couldn't. The first sob escaped your throat mere seconds after you felt the barrier that you had built around your feelings begin to crumble down. The quite rustling of clothes somewhere beside you drew your attention and you saw Aemond standing a few feet away from you as your gaze flickered over to him, looking completely desperate, pained, and defeated.

It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair that the man you loved with every fiber of your existence had to suffer this much.

Something finally snapped somewhere in your mind. Burning pain ripped through you, hatred for Queen Alicent and her father melted your intestines and rage flowed through your veins like liquid fire. The first chalice crashed against the wall with a loud noise, accompanied by your furious scream. Everything had been perfectly planned, even Aegon had agreed to your plan and had supported you. And now, here you were, damned to see your soulmate suffer. The next chalices, glasses, and plates were thrown through the room, clattering to the ground and crashing against the walls, splintering into a thousand pieces just like your soul did at the sight of Aemond. You weren't able to hold yourself back; blankets, pillows, cups, plates, chairs, and books were thrown through the room by you while you simultaneously screamed your throat raw. For you, it was the only way to handle this all-surrounding pain, rage, and hatred within you that chewed venomously at you and devoured you whole. Tears were streaming down your face and your silver-blonde hair was an absolute mess, the long strands completely tangled, but you couldn't care any less.

Nothing was anymore where it had been before. Even the table had got toppled over by you in your rage. You didn't even really notice that you grabbed the glass vase that stood on the windowsill with pretty flowers in it – a gift from Aemond's mother yesterday. Now it seemed to mock you. Before you could do something more, your knees finally gave way due to exhaustion, but that didn't stop you. As soon as you were sitting on the ground, you slammed the vase onto the stone with your hand still attached. The physical pain that shot through your hand as a big piece of glass cut deeply into your palm, was what brought you finally back a little bit. Your voice went quiet and soundless sobs shook your whole body, big tears still streaming down your cheeks and dropping to the ground and on your dress. You could see the dark color of a pair of breeches as Aemond knelt on the ground next to you, carefully taking your injured hand into his own.

“Please,” you sobbed. Your throat was sore and hurt, your voice hoarse and raspy, cracking at the end and almost swallowing the next words you choked out, “Please, Aemond, make it stop. It hurts so bad.”

Another wave of tears welled in your eyes as you looked at him. New pain tore your heart to shreds the moment you saw the wet shimmer staining his beautiful face. “I know,” he whispered, his own voice breaking and thus barely audible. He looked down at your hand again, turning it around and inhaling sharply when he saw the large shard of glass that stuck in your hand, drawing blood that already started to drop to the ground, accompanying the new tears that streamed down your cheeks.

“It hurts,” you breathed. There was no need for you to explain to Aemond that you didn't mean your hand. Your other hand came up and the tips of your fingers grazed his hairline and the upper part of his forehead, lovingly and soothing. “I am sorry,” you whispered, causing his head to snap up again to look at you. “I have failed you, my love.”

You could see the pain in his eye as you said these words. “No,” he contradicted you and shook his head. “No, you didn't fail me, Y/N. You gave everything I could have asked for, and even more.”

“Avy jorrāelan, ñuhyz zaldrīzes,” you said weakly and finally started to calm down, exhaustion slowly settling in. “So much that it hurts.” (I love you, my dragon.)

“I know,” was all Aemond said to this. “I can feel it.” He grabbed the shard of glass carefully and started to pull it out, causing you to contort your face in pain. “We will fix this, byka mēre, I promise you.” (little one.)

“Okay,” you sniffed and wiped the tears from his cheek. All that you wanted was to see him happy, truly happy. It had become the center of your life the moment you realized that you loved this man that was still a broken little child deep down. You knew that sitting on the Iron Throne with that crown upon his head was what would make him truly happy.

And you would give everything to get him on that throne. In the end, even your own life.

Maybe one day, I'll write another part, but I just had to get that off my chest.

[littlemissmarvelous]

After The Beep

Bucky x reader

Warning: possible triggers, mentions of suicide, depression, angst, etc.

————————————————————————

“Leave your message after the beep!”

“Hey, it’s me. I know it’s late and honestly I shouldn’t be calling you but i really,” a sniffle and your nails against a hard surface. “I don’t know who else I could call. I have no one else to turn to, you know? I know you’re happy now, with her that is and I’m glad and hope i don’t ruin anything by calling you...but I just had to get this off my chest before i go.” There’s a shuffle and a deep breath on your end as you get ready to confess. “I hate how we ended up, but I guess that’s what happens when someone falls out of love with you and in with someone else. Though, even after everything and all this time passing I still love you. I tried to move on, went on a few dates, but no one is you and it’s damn awful. Everything has been so hard and god I miss everyone but I can’t see them. Not after what happened, after everything. They were your friends first. Oh god, I’m rambling. Look, the point of this is to tell you that I’m sorry, and that i love you. I hope you’re happy and will be happy, I really do. This is goodbye, Bucky.” Your voice stops and a beep sounds, signaling the voicemail is indeed over.

Bucky had rolled over in bed at the buzz of his phone, grabbing it to see who it was. Seeing your name, he freezes and lets it ring.

“Who is it?” Nat moans out sleepily from her side of the bed.

He lets it ring more, and eventually go to voicemail. “No one, just spam.” His chest is tight as he sees the notification of a voice mail pop up, but he ignores it and turns back into bed to wrap his arms around nat and try to sleep with his racing mind.

The next morning, he gets up and walks into the bathroom to shower. After getting clean, he comes back to the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. Nat is sitting up in bed reading and without looking at him she says, “check your phone, it’s been buzzing all damn morning.” He frowns and grabs his phone, checking his notifications. To count he had about 30 not counting your voicemail that remained unheard. Steve had called him ten times, texted him five. Sam and Wanda both sent 5, two from Scott, and two from pepper. And finally, a single one from Tony. Bucky knew if Tony texted him, it was something serious so he needed to check that first. Opening his phone, he opened Tony’s text which was simply, “Call Steve. It’s bad.” Gulping, he dialed Steve’s number and waited for an answer.

“Hell buck, I’ve been trying to call you.”

“What happened?” Bucky asked, “Tony texted me to call you and if he of all people is contacting me then something is really wrong.”

Steve sighed and nearly broke down again for the third time that morning. “It’s so bad Bucky. I can’t- I’m barely keeping it together here. I can’t believe she just-“ this time Steve can’t hold the sob in and now every hair on Bucky’s body is standing on end and his breathing picks up. Nat looks over at him in concern, putting her book down.

“Steve, what happened?” Bucky demands through his teeth.

“Bucky she tried to...she tried to kill herself. Y/n tried to kill herself and if Tony hadn’t randomly checked on her through Friday then...fuck I don’t even want to say it.”

Bucky’s blood ran cold and his breathing stops. “What?” Did he hear right?

“Sh-She slit her wrists and took a lot of pills. Like she wanted to make sure the job got done. There was so much blood Bucky, it hurts to even picture it again.” Steve sputters out.

“Oh my god.” Bucky sinks to his knees, tears now falling free down his cheeks. Nat rushed to his side and places a hand on his shoulder but Bucky doesn’t respond. “Bucky what’s wrong? What happened?” She asks. He just looks at her, tears falling down as he stayed silent. She sighs and grabs the phone to talk to Steve. Listening after demanding the information, her hand goes to cover her mouth and soon tears are falling just as fast down her face as well.

His phone is heavy in his pocket, your voicemail somehow weighing a absolute ton as they drove to the hospital. Neither him or nat spoke, almost afraid of what could be said. What was supposed to be said in these kind of situations anyways? His ex girlfriend just tried to kill her self and was in intensive care, and he was on his way with the woman he had left you for. His grip on the steering wheel was tight, knuckles turning white. So many emotions were passing through him on a loop and he couldn’t seem to get a grasp on a single one. He didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t stopped loving you, no that was impossible. He just thought him and nat were both broken, maybe they deserve eachother. More than he ever deserved your goodness. So he threw himself headfirst into Nat, leaving you behind in hopes you’d find someone in the light as well. Look at you now, he thought, what could have triggered a bright person like you to kill yourself?

Bucky always hated hospitals, maybe because he hated being pricked and prodded or maybe it was how he had only wanted you stitching him up. Other hands making him uncomfortable, even Nat’s. Though despite the internal screaming going on he still walked through the sliding glass doors of the hospital ER in search of a the tall blonde that gave him the news. He knows he should have listened to the voicemail before he came but there was no changing that now. His blue eyes scanned the waiting room, finally finding Steve’s large body sitting beside Peter, who’s face was pale as his eyes were glued to the floor. God he was just a kid and dealing with this, Bucky knew the kid looked up to you and thought of you as an older sister. Trudging over he stopped in front of them, Steve finally noticing that they had arrived. He hesitantly glanced at nat before locking eyes with Bucky before bringing him into a much needed hug.

“How is she?” Bucky asks as he pulls away.

Steve sighs and runs his fingers through his already messy hair. “She’s alive, at least I get to say that. But otherwise...they have her on what seems every machine in the hospital. She can’t breathe on her own yet and her brain activity is low, so she has a lot of tubes going through her to get her air and nutrition. Doctor told me they had to pump her stomach, and that she was lucky to be alive. He said they are monitoring her but there’s nothing they can really do much about her being comatose. Once she’s able to breathe on her own, that’s completely up to her.”

“Was there...was there a note?” Bucky asked breathlessly as his phone grew even heavier in his pocket. Steve shook his head and his eyes went to peter, his expression sad.

“No, I checked her place. Three times actually after trying to clean up. All she had was her phone.” Peter mumbled out, And if Steve and Bucky weren’t super soldiers then they would have missed it. It was hard to picture Steve and Peter having to clean up your blood off your hardwood floors, the very image making Bucky cringe. Nat stood silent still, taking the information in. Her eyes graced Bucky’s face, analyzing every emotion that passed his face. She knew this was a big deal, but something was weighing heavily on his mind and he wasn’t talking about it. Clearing her throat, all three men turned to her. “Bucky can I talk to you alone for a sec?” He nods and she pulls him outside. Immediately her arms cross and she stares him down, waiting.

“What?” Bucky asks nervously.

“Okay you have maybe fooled them but not me. I can read everyone like a book and you Bucky are hiding something. What is it.” She demands, her eyes cutting into him.

He sighs and leans against the wall and pulls out his phone. “She called me, last night. That phone call I said was spam? It was her. She left a voicemail and I...I haven’t listened to it.” She should be mad he lied to her but she was more concerned about the voicemail.

“Why haven’t you listened to it already?! Listen to it!”

Bucky’s blood runs cold and he whispers, “I’m scared to...what if it was a make or break message? And I didn’t answer?”

“We won’t know until you listen to it Bucky.” She says warmly. “Whatever happens we are here.” He nods and opens his phone, going to his voicemail box. Taking a deep breath he presses play and puts the phone to his ear to listen. Your voice comes on and your words pass into his ear like honey, you always sounded so sweet. Even if you were sad.

As he listened he could feel his heart beat faster and his head suddlenly feel like it’s going to fall off. Every limb was numb as your soft voice eventually stopped. Suddenly almost too soon the voicemail was over and the phone is now at his side.

She had left a note.

She had cried for help.

He just didn’t answer.

The breath is gone from his lungs as his hands nearly crush his phone. “Fuck.” He heaves out.

“What?” Nat asks curiously.

“She left a fucking note. Her voicemail was her fucking note. She was looking for one last reason to stay and I didn’t answer the FUCKING phone.” And suddenly Bucky is sobbing and hoping desperately he didn’t fuck this up for good. Nat is frozen, taking in his words. She pulls him into a hug then, holding him tight to give him the comfort he needs.

“We should tell them.” She whispers. He knows she’s right but he’s afraid. Nodding, he lets her pull him back inside and Steve looks at him worriedly. Tony and Pepper now sat with them and just at Tony’s presence Bucky tensed but he continued on. All he could hear was his shaking breaths and the beat of his heart, his anxiety blocking everything out. Nat’s mouth moves but he can’t hear so he looks at her confused. Closing his eyes, he grounds himself enough to hear her finally say, “it’s okay buck, go ahead.”

Clearing his throat, he looks at everyone and begins. “Last night, I got a phone call. Followed by a voicemail. Both from Y/n, but I didn’t answer and I didn’t listen to the voicemail. That was until just now and...” Bucky lets out another sob and takes a deep breath, “The voicemail was her note. Explaining, and saying goodbye. She said she didn’t feel right talking to any of you after our breakup so she was alone. I could have...I could have saved her if I had just answered the phone but I didn’t. I’m so sorry.”

The room is silent as every one of them processes the information. All faces still and bodies immobile in their seats, almost as if in shock. The first one to move was Tony, and it was to plant his fist against Bucky’s face. Chaos erupted and suddenly the others were seperating the two of them, but Bucky couldn’t help but think he deserved every hit that was thrown at him.

“Of course this asshole would pull something like this. For fucks sake he’s the reason she’s been out of sorts for almost a year now!” Tony yells.

This news hit Bucky like a punch to the stomach. Almost a year? “What do you mean?”

Tony pushed Steve’s arm away from him and pointed at Bucky in disdain. “Y/n has been depressed for a long while now but begged us not to tell you. This isn’t even the first time she tried soemthing you know? Which is why I patrol through Friday so much with her, she didn’t eat most times and barely slept. I had to have Helen go in and give her an IV drip just to keep her hydrated. Pepper has been holding her as she had her anxiety attacks, Steve has been going by her place with Peter every now and then while she was asleep to clean her place, and Wanda and Sam have both been making sure her fridge is stocked so when she did decide to eat there was food to eat.” Tony sighs and rubs his face in frustration. “All of us have been doing this because she wanted you to remain in the dark. To think she was okay so you could be happy in your new relationship because even if she was broken, she wanted you to be happy. That’s how much she loved you. And you know what? Look where that ended up for her. Look what she received back from you.” Tony scoffs then and sits back down beside pepper, squeezing her hand. “As much as I’d enjoy berating you further, soldier, unfortunately now is not the time.”

After Tony’s rant Bucky could bring himself to move. You had been like this for that long and hid it from him? Even after you built him up from the bottom when he was an even more broken man than now, and yet when you needed it...you didn’t come to him. All because you wanted him to be happy and continue thriving. God even when he broke your heart you were so good to him. What did he do to deserve you? His heart ached and his fingertips begged to trace your skin and feel you again and he feels almost ashamed when nat is right next to him. Peter speaks up and all turn to him, realizing the young boy is crying. Steve grips his shoulder in comfort, letting the boy know it was okay.

“I want to be mad at you so much Mr. Bucky sir. For all of it, because y/n was so sad and said things I wish I didn’t hear because it hurt. I want to hate you because she’s in there barely alive but I can’t. I can’t hate you because even though she hurt, she did everything she could for you out of love. She knew if she told you, that you’d be troubled with it and she didn’t want that for you. So I forgive you, because I know if she was awake she’d tell me do stop being an ass and understand where you were coming from.” He sniffles and wipes at his cheeks with a chuckle. “So can we please sit here and just, I don’t know...be together here for her? I think she’d appreciate it.” He didn’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness, Bucky thought to himself.

Steve smiles softly and turns to look at everyone else. “I think we can manage that.” There were nods, one stubborn one, but all in agreement.

A week passed. Then a month. Then three. By the third month you’re off the breathing tube and you’re breathing on your own, but they still monitor your brain activity which also increased but not as much as they would have hoped by now. Maybe you didn’t want to come back, the nurse had said to her fellow nurse as they sat at their desk. They didn’t know that Bucky sat not too far away hearing it all, their words slicing him open over and over. The others passed through almost as if in shifts to check on you and the never leaving Bucky. Everyone thought it was out of guilt but Nat knew they truth, Bucky was still hopelessly in love with you. He hid it well but not well enough to pass through the Natasha Romanoff fest. She was hurt, sure and she would definitely need to bring it up to him sooner or later but now wasn’t the time and she knew that. The doctors assured everyone that you were recovering, but at your own rate. Medicine indeed was doing its job, but your coma was something they said that if you wanted to be out of it then really it was on you now. Bucky promised himself that until you did finally wake, he wouldn’t move. He wanted to be the first person you saw, the first face when you wake up.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Three months turned into five and he sat by your bedside with nat to his left. It was quiet other than the beeping of the machines that surrounded you, almost eerie.

“Bucky we need to talk about...this.”

His eyes go to hers nervously. “About What?”

Nat sighs and captured Bucky’s hand in hers. “You and I, and whatever we have going on. It can’t continue when you are like...well like this actually. You’re still in love with her you just won’t admit it to yourself. But I can see it plainly, even if you try to hide it. Should know already it’s hard to fool me.”

Bucky lets out a sad chuckle and sighs sadly. “Should have known. I guess, I was trying to save her from myself so I distanced her from me. As far as I could, that is and buried my love for her so deep that it made it easy to be with you. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy our time together I-“

nat cuts Him off with a playful slap on the arm. “You’re not offending me in any way. You know I’m tougher than you think.”

Lord, the way he was able to hurt almost everyone in his life. “I just...I just... I don’t know I guess-“

“You were never in love with me. Not like that, and thought with our backgrounds that we could just get through this fucked up life together? And hope that will at some point bring peace and real happiness?” Nat finsihes for him and Bucky is at a loss for words. Nat chuckles. “Bucky I’ve known you haven’t been in love with me. That’s not our dynamic. I think you seem to keep forgetting that I can see right through you...you love her more than anything. That’s why you’re here and that’s okay. You just need to admit it to yourself.”

Bucky is always amazed at how well nat can read a person, never seeming to not throw him back. It’s why she was his best friend besides Steve for so long. “There’s only three people in the world who can read me. That’s good ole Stevie, you, and that girl right there.” His eyes shift to your unconscious body, a small smile growing. “She always knew what to do, you know? Before we ended, I always relied on her intuition because she somehow knew exactly what to do in every situation. I trusted her completely, and now she’s not able to tell me what to do and it’s driving me insane because i know for a fact she would have had a whole speech and plan already going if it wasn’t her in that bed. She would know exactly what to say, while I’m absolutely speechless.” Bucky’s eyes tear up and he squeezes them closed as he lets out a sad sigh. “It’s pathetic.”

Nat wraps an arm around his shoulder and squeezes softly, her next words coming out gentle and reassuring. “Hey, if she could talk right now she’d be threatening to kick your ass for talking like that. She can hear you, you know? Nothing that you’ve said is pathetic and your actions are normal in this situation. Don’t blame yourself and don’t bring your spirits down. Because that girl right there? She needs your spirits high and she needs to know that she’s not going to be alone when she wakes up.”

Bucky nods and wipes away stray tears, his eyes trained on your pale face at rest in your sleeping state. Reaching out, his hand cups your semi-cold cheek and tenderly caresses it. Nat smiles and whispers, “I’m going to go, take your time and let her hear what you have to say.”

Nodding Bucky replies, “Thanks Nat. For everything.” She nods with a smile and takes her leave, and at the end of their brief relations Bucky felt at peace. There wasn’t any drama and no bad blood. Letting go of your cheek his hand found yours and gripped it. “Well its just you and me now, doll.” Taking a deep breath he analyzes your entire body and his jaw clenched at the sight of the scarring on your arms that began. “I know I have been an absolute shit person for a while now and I honestly don’t deserve any forgiveness. I hurt you and then I continued to hurt you for so long and I didn’t even see it. I chose to ignore it and look where it got us. All I ever wanted to do was protect you, the light that was inside you because I was so dark. I hated the thought of smothering your light out so I thought by pushing you away I was doing the right thing. But now after realizing, I need you. I need you more than anything because you are what keeps me sane and brings me out of the shithole that my brain is in ninety percent of the time. You’re the warmth I crave against my skin, the light at the end of my tunnel.” He brings your hand to his lips and kisses it softly. “I just need you to wake up baby, so I can make up for all the bullshit. So I can tell you I love you, that I wanna marry you, and have so many babies with you. I promise I won’t make you wait, I won’t run, and i would never look at anyone else. You’re it for me and I’m not going anywhere.” Beeping and soft sobs are what take up the room as Bucky explains as best as he can in hopes that you’re able to hear him.

Minutes pass as he lets the words hang in the air, his hand still gripping yours. Maybe he had hoped during his speech you would have somehow have woken up, or even moved a little bit but to his disappointment you were still and your eyes still shut. Groaning, Bucky’s head fell down to lay on your forearm. The turmoil inside him was just too much. Though the fingers that were suddenly going through his hair were doing great at calming him down.

WAIT.

Fingers?!

Bucky’s head whipped up so fast that your hand fell with a wince from your mouth. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry but oh my god you’re awake!” Bucky’s on his feet pacing, the chair soaring backwards into the wall with due to his supreme strength. “I have to tell everyone, our friends ...oh god the DOCTORS!” You watch as Bucky sprints out of the room all while his voice boomed as he yelled for any doctors or nurses near. You smile, your eyes going to your hands and then to your scarring wrists. The smile drops and your eyes water as you realize the reality of the situation. The scars were red and angry and your body felt like it had been ran over a million times over, your throat sore and scratchy. You couldn’t believe he was here or rather that you were either. You had honestly thought there was going to be no chance of surviving, that you had really put the nail in the coffin...but here you were. You were confused and wanted answers. Bucky came back in as he hung up his phone along side a doctor who gave you a large smile.

“Well, look who woke up! How are we feeling ms. Y/l/n ?” The doctor asked as he flipped open his clipboard.

“Um, I’m pretty sore and my body is pretty tender.” You pause and think. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Five months.” Bucky says, his voice cracking.

“Yes, you have been in a comatose state for five months. It took three months for you to be able to breathe on your own again. But I’m looking at your chart and stats and it’s all looking good. We are just going to want to do a brain scan only to make sure that everything is absolutely normal okay?” He asks you as he closed his clipboard. You nod and he walks out leaving you with Bucky.

Noticing your broken expression he grabs your hand and asks, “you okay?”

“I was supposed to die, but I didn’t and I have no idea why. Then I was in a coma for five months, and now I’m waking up in a hospital bed with the scars to remind me that i failed.” You vent as you let out a breath.

“I’m extremely happy you’re alive. Just like I know everyone else is.”

“You know i was really surprised to hear your voice, I can’t tell you how long ago it was when i first heard it because time isn’t really exisitent in a coma but I was shocked. I thought you weren’t ever going to speak to me again.” You confess nervously.

He shakes his hand and squeezes your hand softly. “I was just doing this all for you, I need you to know and understand that.”

You nod. “I know, I heard you before I woke up. I wasn’t sure if it was real.” Your eyes cast Down to your joined hands and relished in the warmth almost like it was going to be taken away from you again.

“It was all real, I promise. I’m not going anywhere anymore and I’m done lying. I love you y/f/n y/l/n, and as much as I’ve tried there is nothing in the world that’s going to change that. I promise.” Your eyes meet his and find nothing but Warmth and love.

Letting out a trembling breath you say, “you left me once before. How can I trust you?”

“Well, If I mess up you can sic both Tony and Steve on me. Peter would probably love to help too in that situation.” He offered with a chuckle.

“Tony was doing surveillance on me that night wasn’t he? That’s why I was found?” You asked and Bucky nodded. “Should have known he’d do that. Even if I did come in later he always saw me like I was another Morgan. Who...who actually got me though?”

Bucky signed and replied, “Steve and Peter got you and cleaned up your apartment after the ambulance got you.”

Your heart dropped at the mention of the young boys name. Sure Steve probably had a rough time too, but Peter....he was just a kid for God’s sake. Your eyes welled up at the thought of him having to clean up your blood. “Is he- is he okay? You know? Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Another squeeze of your hand before he kisses it softly.

“He is okay, just worried about you. It did take a toll on him but anyone would do it for you. Everyone has been doing what they can to make sure that when you woke up, everything would already be situated. Don’t blame yourself okay?” He assures you warmly and you can’t help the tears that are falling down your face. “Can you tell me why? As in why you did it?” He asked.

Oh lord, you think, having to explain your depression to somebody was difficult. They either could understand or take it negative and miss the whole point. “Well, I have been depressed a long time. Since I was young actually. It’s been a rollercoaster full of up and downs that normally I had learned to weather. But sometimes our lives are made of glass, and cracks begin to appear. Little by little on all part of the glass until at one point a crack is too big and sets off the other cracks and the glass shatters. After what happened to us and my cat dying, I just couldn’t pull it together. I was too weak and so i called you, left that voicemail, and made my decision. I was ready and willing but I was still saved. I don’t know if I’m grateful or disappointed.”

Bucky was shocked. How had he not known when you were together? You never told him about it at all and never let him see any of it. “But, you never said anything back then y/n. I had no idea because you never showed me any of it.” To that you sent him a sad smile as you squeezed his hand this time.

“Bucky, you already had so much to deal with. You had your own issues and it wouldn’t have been right to put mine on top of that. So I dealt with it privately and was on medication for a while, but the medication made me into somebody that I didn’t know so I stopped. I wasn’t going to burden you with any of that.”

“But you helped me with my stuff! You let me lay my issues on you and you didn’t even care you just helped me. You got me through so much and I ...” Bucky suddenly lets out a dry sob, “I didn’t even see that you were in pain and I hurt you even more. I’m so sorry doll. Oh my god I am so sorry.”

You shook your head as more tears fall. “No Bucky babe, please don’t apologize okay? Me having my issues and what I chose to do wasn’t in any way your fault. It was all me. I lost the battle with myself that I had been fighting for years, and that’s completely on me. I let my depression win.”

“But it’s not even all your fault either, doll. You can’t control it, trust me I know. It’s not easy so I can’t have you out here blaming yourself for everything. It’s extremely hard to fight an opponent like depression on your own, it has its ways of getting under your skin and wrecking you from the inside out. Which is why it’s better to fight it with help and why I wish you would have told me sooner. I could have -“ another sob, “i could have prevented all of this. I needed to have answered my damn phone and listened to the voicemail.”

Your other hand goes to his hair and plays with it softly in an effort to calm his nerves. “Bucky...even if you had answered, I still would have done it. I wasn’t in the right state of mind. I need you to know that you couldn’t have prevented it so you can’t get down on yourself. Please.” You realize you’re begging but you don’t care. You would never want Bucky to hurt more than he already has, he deserved to be happy.

“Please say you’ll stay.” He begs. “Please stay with me.”

“You want me to stay with you?” You ask.

He nods. “Please. I just can’t live with myself knowing if I let you go, that it will be the last time I see you. I can’t let you go again.”

You pause, thoughts crossing your mind as you determine your next response. “I can’t promise all sunshine and rainbows anymore.”

“I don’t want all sunshine and rainbows. I want you and all that is you. So we can do this together.”

Your heart is beating out of your chest for this man and god all you want to do is kiss him after so long apart but you pause. “Do you promise? I don’t want to give in and you leave me again. I won’t go back to that.”

Bucky takes both of your hands in his and kisses both before looking you in the eye. “I promise. I won’t leave you ever again. It’s you and me for the rest of our lives If you let me.”

With that you forward in your bed and place your lips on his, the kiss soft and slow but full of love. Pulling away you smile warmly. “It’ll take me a while to trust you again but I wouldn’t mind a partner in this journey ahead of me. If you’d like the spot that is.” Bucky’s grinning and kissing you again but this time with more passion. He hit the jackpot, he won the lottery, he won at life.

“I will be honored to take that spot, y/n.” He gushes.

You’re both grinning like idiots and suddenly it wasn’t a dreary hospital room and it wasn’t all about your attempted suicide. No this room was bright and filled with reformed love that shone bright with the many colors of the rainbow. You weren’t ever going to be rid of depression completely but you know that with time comes healing and having someone by your side to fight those battles with you made all the suffering worth it.

“I love you.” You whisper.

“ i love you too.” He whispers back.

Life was suddenly beautiful.

#james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky masterlist #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #marvel imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x you

[littlemissmarvelous]

Long way home

Warnings: Angst, fluff, ex-friends to lovers??

Word count:3.6k🫣

A/n: So this was originally a piece I wrote for someone who wanted some college Bucky fic with this 5sos song and I wrote it for them (albeit late😅) but I couldn’t find their post again sooooo idk what to do. Hopefully they run into this. I feel like I kind of drifted from the song but you know.😭 not really anything Christmas specific in this because like the next holiday is Halloween and then thanksgiving (if you’re from the US) so like😋 Anyway I hope y’all enjoy. Beta’d by @soorwellystan ofc😝🫶🏻

Pairing: College!bucky x reader

——————————————

You wonder if he still remembers.

How much fun you used to have as kids. Not caring about parties or sex. You suppose that’d be too hopeful. You followed him because he asked. By some miracle you both got into the same school but the second a frat accepted him it was like you meant nothing.

Ok maybe you’re exaggerating. What can you say? School got the better of you. It was a constant cycle of studying. You didn’t have time for any of the parties he invited you to the first month, so he stopped. He would also reject any of you invites to hangout out so it didn’t make you feel too bad.

You didn’t think anything of it. Midterms were coming up after all. You had better things to do but it would be a lie if you said it didn’t hurt your feelings.

Eventually the texts became distant and so did your friendship. You made new friends though. Anyway it’s not like ALL forms of contact we’re cut off. There were still summer and winter breaks. It would be a bit hard to avoid him completely considering your parents were best friends. Which is how you ended up in this situation.

Winter break. With the fall semester over you decided to take a break from the heavy class flow and head back home for the winter. It was four hours from your university and the drive wasn’t too bad. That is until there was a knock on your door.

You get up to open it, freezing in shock at the person standing there.

“Bucky?”

He gives you a shy smile way different from his usual cocky one he’s adopted the past two years. “Heyyyy, y/n. Can I come in? I wanted to ask you something.”

The sound of the microwave beeping shakes you from your state of shock.

“Oh I’m, yeah, sure. Come in.” You lead him to the sofa offering him something to drink to which he declines.

You sit in silence for a while before he speaks “look uh. I- my ma mentioned you were headed back home for the break and I was wondering, if it’s possible- and you could totally say no, if I can hitch a ride with you.”

You stare at him for a bit. Not knowing how to respond.

“Don’t you have a car” your words shock you both

“Oh um, it’s in the shop” he lies not wanting to tell you about the girl who keyed it and slashed his tires after he drunkenly promised her a date and forgot. He knows you don’t agree with his “playboy” ways having made some snide remarks last Christmas “Look you know I wouldn’t ask if I had another choice.”

You interrupt him with a scoff and sarcastic smile “yeah, I know. Trust me”

A hurt look coming across his face “that’s not what I meant and you- look can i get a ride with you or not. My ma was really looking forward to seeing me and you’re my only hope for that. So please?”

You sigh, closing your eyes and nodding your head. “Yeah, sure. I leave in 4 days. Should give you enough time to pack, right?”

He does a little cheer before you both get up and lead him to the door. “Thank you, so much. I don’t know how I can repay you.”

“Pay for the gas on the way back and we’ll call it even.”

He chuckles “you got it.” He stands awkwardly at the door outside. Not quite knowing how to say goodbye. He tries to go in for a hug but before he can, you say bye and shut the door.

—————————-

The day is finally here and Bucky couldn’t be more nervous. It’s not the fact that he’s finally seeing his family after 5 months or the fact that he’s going back to his hometown. It’s you, or more so sitting in the car for 4 hours with you. He’ll be the first to admit that his feelings for you never fully went away. He tried to fill the void with girls and partying but there will always be a gap in his heart and he’s trying to come to terms with that.

He knows you can never feel the same way about him. Not then and especially not now. Before you only saw him as a friend, your best friend and he was ok with that for a long time but then once you left to university and declined all his invites to parties he realized how unimportant he was to you. He eventually stopped asking and stopped texting you all together once he realized his attempts were futile.

He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t miss you but no one has asked. I mean does occasionally interacting during Christmas count? That’s a yes in his book.

He honestly can’t place where things went wrong. You used to be his best friend. Better than Steve! You even followed him to his dream school. You helped him through so much and stuck by him through his awkward teen boy stage and his first break up. God he remembers that day, he swears you almost exploded when he told you Dot cheated on him.

“WHAT?!?”

“Look it’s not a big deal ok? She just-she didn’t feel the same about me. It’s fine really” he says in a sad voice

“No it’s not fine, Jamie! You don’t deserve that. No one deserves to be cheated on.” You sat on his bed and hugged him. His arms come around you holding you tight and sobbing into your neck

“I don’t know what I did wrong” he cries as your hands soothingly rub his back.

“Oh Jamie. You did nothing wrong honey. Dots just a bitch” he lets out a surprised laugh making you both smile at each other. His stare is full of admiration; it makes your heart skip a few beats.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what Jamie?”

“Make me feel better when I’m sad”

You coo at him, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “I’m your best friend Jamie. I know you”

A look of disappointment flashes across his face so quickly you think you imagined it

“Yeah- yeah best friends”

He remembers wanting to spill his guts to you that day. Just tell you how he felt and hope to hell you didn’t smack him. Maybe then this car ride wouldn’t be so awkward.

“So um, how have you been?” he asks, you turn your head to look at him and then focus back on the road.

“I’ve been fine, I guess. Lots of school work to complete you know” you clear your throat and shift around nervously in your seat. “W-what about you? How have you been?”

He scratches his neck “um it's been ok, I guess.”

Great conversation skills Bucky. You could win an award. He thinks to himself.

“Are you seeing anyone-”

“How’s your love life-”

You both speak at the same time, Laughing nervously “you could go first” he says

“Oh I was just going to ask if you know, your love life” you trail off, face heating up with embarrassment at the smirk on his face.

“Why? Your plan on asking me out?” He teases making you sputter out

“Um What? I- No! I'm just curious. Can’t I ask an old friend how things are going in that area? I mean geez, bucky I’ve known you my whole life. And you were going to ask me the same question so don’t get all smirky with me James Barnes.” You scold making him laugh

“Ok, Ok i'm sorry. I was just teasing you know. To answer your question there's not really much to tell. Most girls are ok with the whole one night stand thing and the others are always too willing to be with me for the sex and not just for me you know?”

“Oh bucky i'm so sorry, you deserve more than that”

“Meh, its fine honestly. Can’t say it's not fun you know…Anyway what about you?

“No” you laugh “No i'm just too busy you know. Very demanding major and it’s been tough. No one wants to spend time with someone who would rather study than party”

“Oh”

He goes quiet at your unintentional dig. Not realizing what you said you assume he’s just done talking.

“We're here. Can you-”

You blink rapidly when he leaves the car like a fire has been lit under his ass. Your houses being next to each other used to be an advantage in highschool. Now it only means more awkward interactions.

You wouldn't believe 18 years of friendship couldn’t make up for lack of awkwardness during that car ride. You can’t say your heart didn’t break a little when he practically threw himself out of the car. The holidays couldn’t go by faster.

Your parents decided to spend Christmas at the Barnes’ this year much to your disappointment. You were hoping you’d at least have your room to escape to if things get uncomfortable. Putting on your nicest clothes and makeup, you walk down to their house with your parents. It's a Christmas wonderland if you ever saw one. An excited Winnie Barnes opens the door and greets you with a tight hug.

“Oh honey, you look so beautiful!! Come in, Bucky is in the living room” at least that never changed. Winnie Barnes is as comforting as ever. Walking you all into the living area full of Barnes’ and old family friends, she sits you down a little too close next to Bucky who gives you a nervous smile and heads to the kitchen with your mom to check on the food.

Great you think. You greet everyone from your place on the couch. One of Bucky's little nieces comes up to you and gives you a big hug.

“Hi y/n I missed you”

You smile at her and tickle her belly making her laugh “I missed you too Lily. You’ve become such a big girl since I last saw you. Have you got your driver license yet?” You ask, making her laugh “No! Silly I’m only 6. I can’t drive a car”

“Oh my goodness I’m sorry I thought you were 16, you're so tall” you laugh with her. You hear a light chuckle next to you and turn to see Bucky laughing and smiling fondly at you and his niece. You smile back at him, forgetting how blue his eyes are they’re almost like-

“Y/n are you Uncle Bucky's girlfriend.” You choke on your spit head whipping around to stare at the little girl. Not seeing Bucky's sad face at your reaction.

“No, no, no. Me and Bucky are um- friends you know?”

She looks disappointed at this answer but brightens up when she sees Alpine walk into the living room. And runs to chase the cat around the house. There’s a quiet tension between you two now. “I’m gonna um, go help your mom” you stand up quickly and speed walk to the kitchen.

“Hi Mrs. Barnes, do you know where my mom is?”

“Oh sweetie you know you can call me Winnie. I’ve known you since you were a baby. Hell I was there when your mom popped you out.” you both laugh as you walk to the cutting board to help her. “As for your mother she went to go help George and your father with the bonfire” you nod and continue to quietly help her

“What’s going on with you and Bucky ”

You look at her nervously “what do you mean?”

She stops what she’s doing to give you an unamused look. “Honey, like I said I've known you since you were a baby. You two used to be best friends and now you can barely look at eachother.”

You sigh and walk up next to her. She pulls you into and hug and asks you what’s wrong

“I don’t know. It’s like ever since we got to college everything has changed. We don’t talk anymore. Did he tell you that?” Winnie looks shocked at this

“Oh no sweetie what happened?” You just shrug your shoulders because truthfully you don’t know what happened. You thought that your friendship could survive anything.

“You know ever since you were little I always thought you and Bucky would end up together” you pull away from her. Your expression, makes her laugh softly.

“It’s true. That boy was in love with you. The way he looked at you. The way he looks at you. There is no doubt in my mind that you two are meant for eachother. This is just… well I’m not sure but I know things will get better” she says with a comforting smile focusing back on the food. The kitchen goes silent but your mind is in utter chaos. Bucky in love with you?

—————

The next couple of hours in the barnes house are a bit uncomfortable. Luckily everyone moved outside once the bonfire outside started, leaving you to sit on the couch alone. Just thinking. How could you not notice? Of course he loved you. The boy only spent time with you other than Steve. He was never in a relationship too long and when you would ask why he ended it he would give you some vague answer. Did your cluelessness push him away? Maybe your mind is making things up. If he really loved you, why was it so easy for him to throw away your friendship? You hear footsteps coming your way, pulling you from your thoughts. Lifting your head to see Rebecca standing at the entrance.

“Becca hi When did you get here?” you stand to give her a hug

“Just now, I ask my ma where you were and she told me you were in here sulking over bucky” she wiggles her brows at you, making you scoff and roll your eyes

“I am not sulking over Bucky.” you so are

“Well considering you've almost downed half a bottle of wine alone id beg to differ”

You sigh and offer her the bottle. She takes it and drinks while sitting next to you. “Tell me what's wrong hon. Now I know you and Bucky don't really talk any more so what happened?”

“Did you know that Bucky was in love with me?”

“Yes” she says it as if it was obvious “He’s been in love with you since like middle school” she laughs at your shocked face

“Wait what?”

She rolls her eyes “Honey, Bucky has loved you for so long and I know you have felt the same about him since then too”

“Becca why didn't you say anything?!?”

“Because it's not my place” you rest your head back on the couch taking this information in “well he obviously didn’t love me the way i love him. He let our friendship go so easily”

Rebecca snorts “Honey, he would call me almost everyday crying about how much he missed you. None of this has been easy on him or you but you both had things to do and lives to live. It's normal, you know? You can't expect every friendship to last forever.” She sighs at your sad expression scooting closer and throwing her arm around you “Look Bucky is my little brother and you’re one of my best friends. What the two of you have is- I've never seen anything like it. You’ve both done some things you regret and that's ok. I'm going to ask you something and I want you to answer me truthfully.” you nod your head “Do you still love him?”

“Yes” you answer without hesitation. Rebecca goes to speak again when she's interrupted by a loud crash. Bucky standing in the doorway, wrapped gifts around his feet. He looks down at them before grabbing your keys from the hook and walking out the front door.

“Go after him!”

You shoot up from your place on the couch and follow Bucky

“Hey wait! Bucky!!”

He stops by your car and points at it.

“Get in. We’re going for a drive” he fumes

You gulp harshly and walk to the passenger side, shooting a text to Becca to let her know where you’re going.

——————

Bucky's knuckles are almost white with how hard he’s gripping the steering wheel. You need to say something.

“Bucky why are we-“

“Don’t” you blink in shock at his tone.

“I just want to know where we’re going”

“You’ll see when we get there” he says making you scoff

“Why are you being like that?“

“Like what? “

“A dick Bucky! These past two years you’ve just been ignoring me like- like our friendship meant nothing and I was fine with that. I figured you were too busy for me but now you’re mad at me?”

“IVE BEEN IGNORING YOU?? The only reason I stopped talking to you is because you kept denying my invites to hang out!!” Realistically you know this but you’re mad.

“Well excuse me for caring about my future and not wanting to fuck everything with a pulse”

“Oh fuck you for saying that. God you’ve become such a bitch”

You gasp and whip your body around to face him “don’t you ever call me a bitch James Barnes.”

“Yeah well you called me a dick first so”

You both continue shouting at each other until a loud noise comes from the hood of your car.

“Wait what the fuck was that? Bucky?”

“FUCK! Your car is backfiring.” The car comes to a full stop making Bucky bury his face in his hands.

“I’ll call the mechanic, hopefully they can come pick us up this late“ you pull out your phone, but stop when you hear the car door opening. “Wait where are you going Bucky? Don’t leave me alone here. You know I hate the dark“ he walks out into the empty road, his hands tugging at his hair, cursing up at the sky. You got out of the car with him walking up to him “are you OK? What’s wrong?” He says nothing, just looking up at the sky. You walk up to him “hey are you OK” He turns to look at you. “You really think I’m OK. I just realized these past two years have met nothing. I'm still not over you. I still love you like I did back in high school and maybe they were right. Maybe everyone was right that it’s pointless. That I’m too young for love and I don’t know what it is, but don’t I? I know what it’s like because I love you. Yeah it’s been two years but I still love you. I still know that you like your coffee the same way, I still know that you still sleep on the same side of the bed and still do that little freaking scrunch with your nose that drives me insane. I still remember every single thing about you and I’m constantly reminded of it and I do this to myself. I know I’m doing this to myself I know it’s not healthy to cling to someone who doesn’t want you and if I could I would beg for you to give me a chance, but it’s too late it’s too late and that’s my fault and I’ve just got to come to terms with that and then i hear you tell becca that youve always loved me and i just think. God how stupid can I be to not see that? How stupid can i be to just not tell you how i felt?“ you look at him, tears streaming down your eyes “Bucky” you say softly “please look at me please“ he looks up at you eyes rimmed red from his silent tears.

“It’s not too late. I know what I said in the car was horrible and I’m sorry but I only said it because I’m scared. Of what? I don’t know. You’ve always been Bucky Barnes, my best friend and I was afraid that if I told you how I felt you would hate me. And I was going to tell you. The second I figured out my feelings. I had it all planned out. I was going to walk up to your house. Knock on your door and confess my love to you, but when I went your mom opened the door and told me you weren’t there because you were on a date with Dot.” You scoff “god I hated her so much. She got everything I ever wanted and then just threw it away. I knew then I could never tell you how I felt because it seemed like whenever I was going to you had someone else. So I came to terms that I would forever be Bucky Barnes best friend. Nothing more. And then college came and you got into that frat and all you would do was party and i didnt want to do that bucky. I didnt want to but i didnt want you to miss out on all the fun of it so i stayed behind and i regret it so damn much because i miss you, i miss you so fucking mu-” youre interrupted by his lips on yours

“Buc-”

“Shh just be quiet and kiss me” you giggle and comply. Both of you smile into the kiss.

“What was that for?” you say smiling at him

“Like I said, I love you. I don't want to wait anymore, I don't want to not talk to you. You’re the love of my life, you always have been and I'm done waiting for the right time to tell you. Please forgive me for being such a huge dick?” He teases making you laugh again

“Only if you forgive me for being such a bitch” He laughs and kisses the tip of your nose and hugs you tight

“Always. I promise I'll never let you go again.”

[littlemissmarvelous]

Bucky x reader- super angsty but fluff ending

In a relationship, bucky doesn't want reader going on mission because it's a hydra Misson, they argue and don't talk to each other, bucky hears reader get hurt and he hears her say "im sorry buck, i love you" and then her comms go out and he can't do anything to help because he's pinned down and by the time he gets to her she's bleeding out and passed out and bucky is breaking down apologising and saying he didn't mean anything of what he said etc and I dunno how you would wanna end it

A/N: So sorry it took me so long to get to this request!! I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of blood, injuries, throwing up, lots of angst and fluff

“Bucky, stop it!” You shouted. “I’m going on this mission, okay? I can handle myself.” You had been having this fight all morning. The mission you were going on was extremely dangerous. You were basically marching right into the center of Hydra. 

“I am begging you,” Bucky pleaded. “I can’t let anything happen to you.”

“You do realize I’m a superhero in my own right? I don’t need you to protect me!” You snapped back. You knew he just wanted to protect you, but the fact that he acted like you weren’t capable of this made you angry. You had spent years fighting with the Avengers back when he was still the Winter Soldier. You had fought aliens and bionic humans and monsters. You didn’t need him to help you.

“I know but you don’t understand. They know we’re together. That means you have a target on your back. They’d do anything to hurt you because it would hurt me!” You almost felt bad but you had to stand up for yourself. You weren’t some helpless little girl.

“You’re being stupid! I thought you were smarter than this, Y/N. You’re acting like a child!” Bucky said, matching the stern tone of your voice.

“I don’t care! Let me be stupid then!” You left your room, slamming the door on your way out to go meet everyone at the jet. Bucky followed shortly after and the team got ready to leave. 

The two of you didn’t say a word to each other on the flight across the world to Europe. The tension between the two of you hung heavy in the air, casting a fog over the entire jet. Everyone could tell something was going on, but no one dared to ask. Your relationship was incredibly passionate - full of love that could burn the world down. But the same principle applied when you fought.

You were paired up with Natasha, splitting off from Bucky, Steve, and Tony when you arrived. You subtly snuck around the Hydra base, using your spy skills to remain hidden. You had been trained by the Red Room like Natasha, turning you into a silent killer full of stealth and surprises.

“Status?” Bucky spoke through the com device in your ear.

When you didn’t immediately make a move to respond, Natasha filled him in. “There’s agents everywhere. We’re hidden right now but we gotta make a move soon.”

“Same here,” Bucky answered.

An agent passed by but didn’t spot the two of you. All at once, you and Natasha passed, jumping onto the man's shoulders from behind and snapping his neck. “One down, a hundred to go,” you smirked at Nat. You could do this. You could prove to Bucky that you didn’t need his help.

Steve updated everyone, panting through the coms that they were deep into battle now. You and Natasha took a more subtle approach, trying to remain as hidden as possible before sneaking up and stealthily taking out agents as you could. Everything was going well. It was all under control.

Until you felt the gun against your head.

“Don’t move a damn muscle,” a low russian accent purred in your ear. “I’ve got you right where I want you,” he said, dragging the gun from your temple around to the base of your neck. Your arms were pinned behind you. You couldn’t move.

Natasha was too far away, locked into her own battle with an agent. A battle that she was winning but one that could easily go wrong if she turned her focus. You wanted to scream out but you were terrified that if you did, the man would shoot.

In the blink of an eye, the man who was holding you pulled out a knife and sliced your thigh deeply. You couldn’t help the cry that escaped your mouth as he did it, grabbing Natasha’s attention just as she finished off her victim.

“Y/N!” She ran over to you but was sidetracked by another agent stepping in her path.

“What’s going on?” Bucky’s voice rang out in your ears. “Y/N? Natasha?” Panic was evident in his voice. “Someone talk to me!”

“Bucky!” You cried out, hoping he would show up any second to save you. “Help me!”

The Hydra agent laughed, hearing your calls for the man. “You’re Barnes’ girl, aren’t you?” He laughed, coldly. “Oh, we’re gonna have fun.” His voice sent chills down your spine.

“Y/N, what’s going on? Where are you?” His voice came through your ear.

“I-I don’t know!” You answered. “He-has me!”

“I’m coming, baby, I’m coming. Are you hurt?”

You were still terrified each time you answered, expecting that the man would pull the trigger every time you opened your mouth. But if these were your last moments, you wanted to spend them talking to the love of your life.

“Y-yes,” you choked out.

“Alright, I think I’ve been nice enough to let this go on for so long,” the russian accent spoke before ripping the comms out of your ear and smashing it on the ground.

“No!” You cried out. The blood you were losing from your leg was already making you feel dizzy. A puddle of crimson from your body began to pool on the ground. 

“I was gonna shoot you in the head,” the man behind you whispered in your ear, making you feel sick. “But it would be such a shame to mess up this pretty face.”

Before you could even register what was going on, the gun was pressed to your back and a bullet was fired into your body. He shot you two more times. The man laughed as he walked away, leaving you to bleed out alone on the floor. Natasha had left, you had no idea where she had gone. She didn’t mean to abandon you, she really thought you’d be able to get out of your situation on your own while she completed the mission.

Across the building, Bucky was frantic. “Y/N? Talk to me! Where are you, baby?” He was panicking. One minute you were talking to him and then you were just…gone. His worst fear was coming true.

He sprinted as far as he could, dodging Hydra agents left and right, taking them out with the metal arm that they had put on his body.  He swore he had never run faster in his entire life. He knew back at their post, Steve and Tony were still fighting, yelling at him as he sprinted away. He knew he’d be in trouble later. But he didn’t care. He only cared about you.

But he was intercepted by more agents. Suddenly, he was pinned down, completely unable to move. “Y/N!” He yelled out again while he thrashed. He didn’t even care that these men would probably kidnap him again. Turn him back into the Winter Soldier. All he cared about was reaching you.

He tried as hard as he could, thrashing and squirming. Time was running out. He didn't know exactly what had happened to you, but he knew you didn't have long. Especially with the nature of the enemy you were dealing with.

After minutes of trying to escape the agent's grasp, he was able to free his metal arm, punching hard and knocking down the agent who had his legs. He was then able to use more strength to fight, taking down each person who had tried to separate him from the love of his life.

He was sick when he saw you, bending over to throw up at the sight in front of him. You were laying on the ground, still as a rock. Blood stained the concrete below you. He swore he had never seen so much blood come from one person at once. 

“Y/N!” He screamed out, running over to you. Your eyes were closed. “Y/N, wake up! Wake up, please!” He cried. “Oh my god, please!” He chanted over and over, trying to get you to open your eyes while putting pressure on you to stop the bleeding as much as possible. 

Suddenly there was a gasp from your frame. “B-bucky!” You called out weakly using every ounce of strength you could. “I love you.” 

“I love you, angel. So much. I didn’t mean a word I said! Please just hang on! Please! I can’t watch you die right now.” Tears streamed down his face as he spoke.

"So...tired," you said weakly, your eyes fluttering between opened and closed.

"I know, baby, I know," he stroked your hair. "But you gotta stay awake, okay? You gotta fight."

"What's going on, Buck?" Steve spoke in his ear.

"It's bad, Steve. I gotta get her to a hospital. Now," he said, through tears.

"Alright. It's clear now. You can take her."

Bucky swore time moved in slow motion as you waited for an ambulance. He held your hand the entire time, terrified every time your eyes closed for more than a second. You kept drifting in and out of consciousness even as the paramedics began to work on you in the vehicle. He couldn't believe this was really happening. If he lost you, his entire world would stop.

9 hours and an emergency surgery later, you were still unconscious but stable. He sat by your hospital bed, eyes red from crying, still holding your hand.

"Baby, I don't know if you can hear me right now," he said to your unconscious body. "But I need you to wake up. I need you to come back to me. I can't do this without you, I-" he paused as his voice broke. "I never thought I'd have any good in my life again. And then I found you. And I can't lose you. I don't know what I'll do. I don't know who I am without you." Tears wet his face as he spoke. "Please, baby. My darling. Please, come back to me."

He didn't leave your side all night. He waited and waited for hours, not sleeping or eating. He was terrified to not be watching you even for a second.

The sun was rising the next morning and he was exhausted and scared and he just wanted you. His head was in his metal hand as he cried, still holding yours with his flesh one, when he felt it. It was small, but he felt it. The subtle squeeze from your hand. "Y/N?" he said, immediately lifting his head.

You groaned softly, eyes still closed. "Am I dead?" You asked as you very slowly opened your eyes, trying to adjust to the light.

"No, baby," he sniffed, getting up and kissing your forehead. "You're not dead. You're alive. Oh my god, you're alive."

[littlemissmarvelous]

“Everything has changed” series 

 Aemond Targaryen x fem reader

summary: Y/N has spent the past thirteen years of her life in love with Aemond Targaryen. Going even as far as to be called his devoted puppy due to the fact that she falls him around the keep. She has always been devoted to him but when she reaches her breaking point and decides to focus on the prospects of being married to someone other than her Prince. Why is the Prince all a sudden pay attention to her as if he had never even thought to give the time of his day and would actively go out of his way to avoid her. Why now can't she seem to get rid of him? 

Prologue: Everything has changed (10/23)

Chapter One: I just want to know you better now (coming soon)

Chapter two: You'll be mine and I'll be yours (coming soon)

Chapter three: Flipped (coming soon)

Chapter four: All I know since yesterday (coming soon)

Inspired by the book "Flipped" by Wendelin Van Draanen and The song "Everything has changed" by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran

[littlemissmarvelous]

Divorce Came With A Price

~ gif not mine credit goes to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: it’s been 6 months since he last saw you.

Word count: 1295

Warnings: Angst, I’m sorry. Death, cancer, suicide – please don’t read if the warnings upset you.

A/N: my mum cried when she read this.

Masterlist

Part 1

It’s been 6 months since Bucky last saw you, he’s hated it. He misses you. He misses your beautiful face, the way your smile makes his heart tingle. Misses the way your eyes shines brightly when you’re talking about your hobbies and interests. Misses the feel of your soft skin under his calloused hands. He just misses the love of his life, his other half - his sweet perfect wife. 

He remembers how your smile dropped as he tells you he wanted a divorce. Remembers the heartbreakingly look in your eyes as he told he’d been having an affair. That one look has haunted his dreams, his every waking moment. He can still feel the acid in his throat as he wills himself to nod as you ask that one question. Nothing more nothing less. You just wanted that one question to be answered and he couldn’t even look at you let alone answer verbally. He didn’t even know you left the house until the divorce hearing; he watched you walk away with Matt and Foggy wishing he could say something but nothing comes out. He watched as your feet falter when you see Carly. He knows exactly what you’re thinking.

But It’s over now.

It’s over now and he can get you back.

It’s over now and he’s hoping and praying that you’ll understand and forgive him.

It’s over now and he’s going to move heaven and earth to have his love back in his arms.

He finds out you’ve been staying with Matt since he broke both of your hearts. How does he do this? How does he knock on the door hoping that neither one of you punches him in the face (not that he doesn’t deserve it) he just hopes you’ll listen to him.

Bucky walks into the florist to get the biggest bouquet of your favourite flowers he can get. 

The skies start to turn dark even with the sun shining brightly, if he didn’t know any better he’d think it was forewarning for what’s to come.

Knocking on the wooden door it’s Matt that greats him. “What? What are you doing here” if Bucky wasn’t a super soldier he’d be scared with the tone in Matts voice.

“I-um I need to see Y-Y/N. Please”

“She’s not here. She’s not here anymore” Bucky can’t understand why Matt sounds broken.

“Well um where does she live now?” He’s trying not to stumble off his words.

“No James you don’t understand” Matt looks up towards the ceiling then continues but doesn’t get the chance.

“What do you mean I don’t understand? Matt look I know you hate me for what I did to Y/N but I had a reason, I just need to see her to explain it to her. Please Matt just tell me where she lives”. He begging and pleading and it’s clear as day in the way his voice wavers.

Matt speaks in a fast manner “Get inside before Ms Jenson comes out and complains” 

The apartments a mess, there’s takeaway boxes laying around, the sinks full of pots and there’s trash overflowing in the bin. The apartment looks nothing like it did 8 months prior when Y/N and himself went round for a double date with Matt and some woman he can’t remember the name of. Matt sits down and lazily waves his arm round for Bucky to sit to.

“Matt wher-“ he doesn’t get to finish his sentence.

“James she’s gone, she’s dead.” The air is cut off. The room is spinning. His world has ended. He doesn’t know what to do or say so he stares blankly at Matt waiting for the punchline of a joke that isn’t even remotely funny. Matt understands he needs to say more so he does. “That day you told her you wanted a divorce to be with your side piece she’d been at the hospital for her results. It was cancer. Terminal. She’d been told she had about 6 months to a year left. Her insurance didn’t cover her medical expenses so she stopped treatment, I told her I would pay but you know what she’s like-was like. 3 weeks ago she made me go out on a date with Karen she said she’d be fine and made me promise I’d have a good time. I got home around 11 and went to bed. The next morning, I couldn’t hear her walking around, so I went into her room, she um she’d taken pills, enough to end her life. It was too late to do anything, they said she’d been gone for 18 hours. Id only been gone for an hour” tears stream down both of the men’s faces. Matt struggles to continues “she begged me not to say anything to you, she didn’t want to get in the way of your relationship. She thought if you knew you’d change your mind and not divorce her just because she was dying. Y/N begged me James so I couldn’t I couldn’t do that to her-“ Bucky cuts him off. 

“I didn’t have an affair. I swear. Hydra was after me again and I had to divorce Y/N so she wouldn’t get hurt. I told her I had an affair so she would divorce me, I knew cheating was a deal breaker so I lied. I fucking lied and she’s dead. I lied and she’s not even going to know the truth.” He tries so hard to continue but can’t his airway is closing up. He passes out.

10 years have been and gone, the pain of losing the only person he has ever loved didn’t stop not that he wants it to. Bucky wants to remember the pain. 

In the 10 years that have passed he’s visits your grave every Friday, wedding anniversary, the date you two got together, the date he proposed, your birthday and on Christmas. After the fifth year Steve told him he needed to move on, and well long story short they had a fight and Bucky cried saying he couldn’t move on. In the end everyone around him understood that he would never move on from the love of his life. He sits there no matter the weather and talks to you for hours. He told you Matt and Karen were having a baby girl, then told you they named her after you. Told you all about his cat Alpine. After every visit without fail or another thought he tells you he loves you and can’t wait to see you again.

It’s been 10 years 5 months 12 days since you passed away and Bucky’s on his way to see you.

He’s on a mission that’s gone horribly wrong he’s been shot too many times. He’s so tired and Steve’s trying to get him to stay awake but it’s no use.

“Stevie p-please stop. I w-wan-t to be w-ith my Y-Y/N I need to be with h-er” Even though Bucky gasps for breaths his voice is strong enough to let Steve and the team know that this is what he wants. Steve gives him a slow nod with tears sliding down his cheeks, he clasps hands with his best friend and keeps locked tight long after Bucky takes his last breath.

He leaves the world with a smile on his face.

You stand there waiting for him and as soon as you lock eyes with him you’re running. Jumping into his arms and before he can say anything you kiss him. Hard. After you separate you tell him you know the truth. You heard him every time he would visit your grave. You tell each other how much you love one another. You take his hand and lead him into your new life.

Tags: @learisa @bruher @pattiemac1 @kentokaze @almosttoopizza @yvessaintmuerte

~ banners credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

[littlemissmarvelous]

Rumours I modern!Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Prev I Series Masterlist

Chapter III: Dreams

Summary: As your band, Dragon Dreamers, start to take off, you find yourself in the middle of a foul divorce with one of your bandmates; guitarist, singer and songwriter Aemond. After spending 3 months apart, only communicating through solicitors, you reunite to go on your first ever national tour of Westeros. To boost sales, your management suggest you perform some of the new songs from your upcoming album Rumours. Heartbroken, you've channeled your grief into writing. So has Aemond.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI. AFAB reader, she/her pronouns, angst, smut, tags to be added for each chapter; oral (f receiving), orgasm denial, thigh riding, P in V, degradation, thumb in bum, spit kink

Word Count: 5200

Disclaimer; I do not own any characters from House of the Dragon or any songs by Fleetwood Mac, nor do I claim to. This is a purely fictional story depicting a fictional relationship between a fictional inbred dragon-riding prince and a fictional 'reader' character.

Dividers by Saradika

“This is the third day in a row that guy comes in here, orders a coffee, and pretends to work on his laptop as he stares at you”, Alysanne whispers in your ear as she motions toward the silver haired man sitting in the back corner of the campus coffee shop, clad entirely in black and long hair tied neatly in a low bun at the base of his neck. 

“You should go talk to him!”, she urges and gently pushes your shoulder. 

“What? No. He’s not been staring at me”, you retort, slightly embarrassed by your friend's pushiness. She was such a hopeless romantic; always convinced that the love of your life was lurking behind the next corner, always looking to involve you in a ‘meet cute’. 

“Oh, come on! He’s definitely been checking you out! Maybe he’s just shy?”, she argues, staring at the stranger unabashedly as he sips his coffee. 

“Aly, please, a guy like that doesn’t get shy. Typical rich fuckboy”, you say with a snort. He was certainly good-looking, and probably knew as well; his dark designer clothes a stark contrast to the surrounding patron’s jeans and sweatshirts. He looked to be around your age, a student as well, you guess. 

Alysanne hums in response as she moves to stand by the display of sweets by the register, picking up a cinnamon bun and placing it on one of the small dishes stacked on the counter. 

Before you have time to protest, she walks towards where the stranger is sitting, a wide smile plastered on her face. 

“Hi there! My lovely friend and coworker over there made these earlier today. Would you like one?”, she asks cheerily, placing the dish on the table next to the stranger's laptop. 

He looks up, nods stiffly in confirmation, quietly mumbling a “thank you” before he quickly returns to type on the keyboard, eyes again on the screen. 

“Would you like to talk to her? I can ask her to come over here”, Alysanne offers, voice still upbeat and filled with energy. 

The stranger seems slightly thrown off by her forwardness, looking up at her in surprise. 

Alysanne, determined to get you over before he has a chance to protest, turns around to face you, hand coming up to motion you over. 

From behind the register, you’d watched the scene unfold in horror, certain that your friend would embarrass you to the point where ‘rich fuckboy’ would tell everyone on campus about what a freak you were. 

You slowly make your way over, eyes boring holes into Alysanne’s as you force yourself to smile, turning to lock eyes with the silver-haired man. His face is even prettier up-close; high cheekbones, strong jawline, sharp nose, beautiful blue eye-. Your gaze stops at his left eye. The baby blue iris was covered by a thin mist of white, and a red, angry scar went through the socket, starting at his forehead and ending at cheekbone. 

“Hope you like it”, you blurt out, trying to grab Alysanne’s hand and tug her away from the unbelievably awkward interaction. She’s still smiling as she dodges your hand, attention still solely on the stranger in front of you. 

“Would you like her number?”, Alysanne presses on, causing dread to pool in your gut. God, she could be so forward it was disturbing; completely ignoring what you thought to be common social decency. 

Your heart is hammering in your chest as the stranger hums at your friend’s question, eyes never leaving your face. 

“Actually, I wanted to ask you about the open mic last week; did you write that song?” he inquires and your heartbeat continues to drum hard.

“‘Planets of the Universe’? Um, yes, but it’s not really finished, um, I mean, I just sang it for fun, I was kinda drunk last Friday..”, you babble, feeling uncertainty wash over you. 

Had he wanted to talk to you just to criticise you on the silly song you’d performed because your friends were pushy and you were buzzing on way too many Gin and Tonics last weekend? 

“You’re not a guitarist, I assume?”, he asks and you notice the corners of his lips briefly turn upwards, as if to prevent a smile from breaking out. 

God, the audacity of this rich fuckboy. 

“No, but like I said, it was just for fun”, you bite back, patience running thin. You were not going to stand here and let a total stranger make you feel bad for your sub-par guitar skills. Does he not understand what ‘just for fun’ means? 

His gaze is still locked on you as he hums in response, staring with an intensity that leaves you feeling even more unsettled. “You’ve got a very unique voice”, he compliments and you feel your cheeks heat up. 

“My siblings and I play a bit of music on the side, for fun” he says with an emphasis on the last part, mimicking you. “I think your voice would go well with the sound we’re trying to create” he elaborates, sounding very matter-of-fact. 

“The song you performed has great potential, with a proper guitarist backing you up, that is. If you’re interested, we’re meeting up tomorrow night” 

You’re briefly lost for words, not expecting him to be so forward. Alysanne is basically buzzing with excitement next to you, glancing over at you expectantly. 

“Sure, I’ll stop by after work” 

Your infatuation with Aemond had started slow; him insisting that he needed to walk you home after band practice because it was late at night, him picking you up in his car when it was raining so you ‘don’t catch a cold’, him offering to help you with coursework and giving you detailed, hand-written notes. 

He was caring in such a genuine way, always asking you how your studies went, how work at the campus cafe was, if you’d eaten anything. Always straight-to-the-point. And when you answered, he listened to you with such intensity, you’d think whatever came out of your mouth was of grave importance. 

You soon found yourself looking forward to seeing him, heart skipping a beat every time he picked you up after you’d finished your shift at the shop. Which became more frequently.

When he asks you one day if you’d like to grab dinner after practice, you eagerly accept his invitation, trying your hardest to hide the excitement you feel as he says a quick goodbye to his brother and sister before leading you out of the studio you used for practice. 

That night, after sharing a bottle of wine, your face is warm and you feel filled with alcohol-infused confidence. As you're talking animatedly about your favourite musician, Aemond regards you with a small smile playing on his lips, intense eyes meeting yours to take in all your telling him. You feel a sudden urge to kiss him, and though it is chaste and unplanned; a result of your slight intoxication, you feel mortified as you pull back, ready to apologise for placing your lips on his without consent. Before you have a chance, he places a hand on your cheek and pulls your face back towards his, kissing you passionately, though his lips are soft and gentle. As you pull away, eyes still closed and basking in the glory of your first kiss, you hear Aemond murmur a quiet ‘finally’. 

As a partner, Aemond seems to study you just as diligently as he studies everything else. 

He quickly picks up on your favourite things; if you’d been admiring a particular flower when you passed by the flower shop on your way to campus, you’d later find a bouquet waiting for you at home. When you went to museums and exhibitions together, he’d lean in next to you and tell you everything he knew about the artist or artwork in front of you, later buying you postcards with the paintings you’d shown particular fascination with to put on your bedroom wall. 

Though he claimed that he only knew so much about art because he was a history major and ‘art is one of the greatest insights we have to previous decades’, you were convinced that he actually knew so much because he had a secret love for the arts; hidden away where he kept the more sensitive parts of his soul. 

Sometimes you were privy to that too. 

Like the time he wanted to take you out to a fancy restaurant downtown to celebrate your six month anniversary. Being a student, you didn’t really have money to spend on anything besides rent and food, meaning that you hadn’t been able to reciprocate all the lovely gifts Aemond had given you since you first got together.

Determined to give him something, you purchase a small frame from the local charity shop, print out some pictures you’d taken together from the university library, and put together a little collage of your time as a couple. 

You wrote a message on the back of it, thanking him for everything he’d done for you; for being such a caring boyfriend. As you timidly hand him your homemade gift at the luxurious restaurant, feeling a bit embarrassed about the fact that you couldn’t get him anything nicer, his eyes light up in a way you’d hardly seen before. He turns the gift over in his hand, admiring the photo collage and reading the little message on the back. 

He grabs your hand, looks into your eyes and says a quiet ‘thank you’, but the gravity and sincerity of his voice lets you know that he appreciates the simple gift more than he can put into words. 

The coming week you stick to the same set list; kicking off each performance with ‘The Chain’ and finishing with ‘Go Your Own Way’. You’d like to pretend that the performances got easier as time went on, but that would be a lie. 

Each night, you were forced to sing Aemond’s self-pitying words; ‘if I could, I’d give you my world’. You had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes each time. What made him incapable of ‘giving you his world’ when you were married? He made it sound like he had no part in your divorce, like all he did was try and love you while you broke his heart. 

Fuck that. 

He broke your heart. And he kept breaking it. Every fucking night he made you sing his martyr complex bullshit. 

That was always how it went when you fought as a married couple; he was upset with you for some stupid reason and when you tried to reason with him he shut you out, insistent that you were in the wrong and he was in the right. 

There was something about Aemonds attitude when you found yourselves in a fight. He could turn so condescending, berating you for your emotions. Like he was right just because he was able to shut himself off and you weren’t. But feeling strongly isn’t a weakness; caring isn’t a weakness.

He’d been overbearing as a partner, provoking you with his suffocating protectiveness, and as an ex, he’s attitude didn’t change much.

Aemond had been quiet for the entire trip back home, jaw shut tight and eyes refusing to meet yours. You knew something was off, but couldn’t for the life of you understand what he was contemplating. As you enter your flat, he finally breaks the silence. 

“Did you like that?”, he asks, voice cold. 

You step out of your heels and turn around to face him. “Like what? The party?”, you inquire, not sure what he’s referring to. 

His face is set in a frown as he irritably clicks his tongue at your reply. 

“You know what I mean, don’t play dumb”, he accuses and you can’t do much more than stare back at him in confusion. Was he mad at you? 

He sighs at the lack of answer and elaborates. “You liked all that attention, didn’t you?”  

Confusion leaves your face as you roll your eyes at him. “Oh come on, Aemond, this is great for the band! We’re getting recognition! We’re recording our first album!”

His expression is still stern as he approaches you, making you back into the wall behind you. “But did you like it? The way that guy from the record label was eyeing you?”, he asks again. 

You knew Aemond could be protective of you, fussing over you and insisting that you listen to him so that you wouldn’t end up in trouble. But you weren’t a little child, and he didn’t need to care for you as if you were. 

“Why would I like it?”, you challenge, meeting his eye as he moves closer. Now that he’s so close, you can see how blown out the pupil of his right eye is.

“I think you enjoyed it. I think you enjoy the attention”, he sneers. You have a hard time reading him; was he really upset about some guy innocently flirting with you? 

Yet, you couldn’t help but feel intrigued by his dark demeanour. What would he do if you pushed him? Just a little? 

“Maybe I did”, you tell him with a shrug of your shoulders, biting your lip to prevent a smirk from breaking out. 

Aemond’s eyes narrow as he glances from your face down to your body, arms coming up to cage you against the wall of your hallway. 

“You like tormenting me, is that it?”, he asks lowly as he presses the tip of his nose to the side of your face, trailing it down your cheek. 

Your hands come up to wrap around his neck as you lower your lips to press kisses onto his neck. “Yes”, you say against his skin, a light chuckle escaping your lips. He startles you by suddenly pulling away, grabbing you by placing one hand on each side of your waist and flipping your body so that you’re facing the wall. 

He rucks up the short skirt of your cocktail dress with much more force than necessary and a firm smack lands on your ass; sudden sting of pain making you inhale sharply. Before you have a chance to react, he drops to his knees behind you and pulls at the flimsy material of your lacy thong so aggressively it tears in two, falling to the floor. 

You feel heat creep up your body as a result of his insatiable display and desire quickly makes an ache between your thighs appear, beating as fast as your heart. 

He grabs the front of your things with both hands as he presses his face against your exposed cunt, wasting no time as he begins to lap at your already wet centre. You let out a moan as your forehead falls to make contact with the cool surface of the wall in front of you. 

He knows exactly how to work you; how to make you squirm and tense up and reach your peak in no time. As you feel the coil within your lower belly begin to tighten, Aemond suddenly pulls away, and you feel him wipe his face against the back of your thigh. You let out a frustrated whine, turning around to face him, still on his knees. 

“That’s just cruel, Aemond”, you complain as you look down at him. He looks so beautiful kneeling in front of you, long hair dishevelled and cheeks flustered pink. 

“Maybe I like tormenting you as well”, he answers, a playful grin spreading across his face. He stands back up, backing you against the wall once again as he towers over you. He leans in so closely that your body gets pushed into the wall behind you and he places one of his legs between your naked thighs. 

“Beg me to fuck you”, he demands as he starts to rock his jeans-clad thigh against your exposed core, blue colour quickly darkening from the stain of your arousal forming.

You throw your head back and moan at the pleasurable frictions, the harshness of the fabric providing wonderful relief to your aching clit. Your hips quickly meet the rhythm of his thigh, and when he lowers his face to bite at your nipple through the thin material of your dress, you feel your peak hurtling toward you again. You move yourself more forcefully against his thigh and as your movements start to get sloppy from the tightening inside you elevating, he pulls away again and leaves you without your peak, looking like a mess with your hair frizzy from the friction of the wall, spit covering the fabric over your nipple, and the lower part of your body fully exposed; upper thighs sticky from arousal. 

“Aemond, please”, you whine as he straightens up, face wholly entertained by your miserable state. 

“Beg me to fuck you”, he repeats, this time slower and with emphasis on each word. You bite your lip as you look at him. You can see the hardness of his cock straining against his jeans, but you know he’ll never relent; never give you what you want until you give him what he wants. 

“Please”, you plead, hands moving forward his zipper to undo his trousers. 

He tuts and slaps your hands away. “Beg”, he repeats, face returning to its previous, stern expression. 

You’d like to think you’re as good as him at playing this game. But you’re not. You don’t have the patience. 

“Please fuck me Aemond. Please make me cum, please make me feel good, please stretch me out on your cock, please-”, you give in, telling him anything he wants to hear. You’re cut off by his lips on yours, kissing you passionately while occasionally biting down on your lower lip, making you wince.

He pulls down the zipper of his jeans and takes his length in hand, rock hard and glistening with arousal. He pushes your body up against the wall and you quickly catch on, wrapping your legs around him as he enters you in one swift motion. 

“Fuck! Thank you!”, you cry out as he finally gives you what you want and he lets out an amused snort through his nose at your reaction. 

He wastes no time and sets a brutal pace, pelvis repeatedly hitting your bundle of nerves as his cock drags across your g-spot. You hold on to him for dear life, moans growing more urgent as your peak approaches you for the third time. This time, you didn’t want to be denied release, so you opt for a preemptive approach.

“Please, I’m so close. Please let me cum Aemond”, you plead, voice so needy you should feel embarrassed. 

His pace falters and you curse yourself, and him, for missing out for the third time. 

He turns you around again, but this time he presses your body against the small side table by the front door, pushing his hand on the back of your head so that the side of your face makes contact with the wooden surface, ass propped up and glistening entrance waiting for him. 

He presses his tip against you but stops there without entering. His large form hovers over you as his hand reaches for your face, thumb beginning to play with your lower lip, pulling it down to reveal your teeth. 

“Who do you belong to?”, he asks, voice low and calmer than before. You look up at him; at his lust-filled eye and kiss-swollen lips. 

You. Always you.

“You”, you reply, Aemond’s thumb still on your lower lip. He leans down further as he pushes his length fully into you again, making you let out a cry. God it felt so good. 

You see him purse his lips together, spit collecting between them as he slowly lets it slip down to where his thumb is; onto your lower lip, your teeth. He smears his spit around your lips and tongue with his thumb, pace of his hips picking up to thrust into you harder, table beneath you rocking against the wall aggressively.

“Would you let anyone else fuck you like this?”, he questioned while trailing his spit-soaked thumb down your body, stopping between your asscheeks to push at your puckered hole. “Never”, you whine, moaning when he pushes his thumb in, never ceasing the pace he’d set as he rutted into you. “Didn’t think so. You’re my little slut. Mine. No one else will ever see you as fucking cockdrunk as I do”. 

You can’t help yourself anymore, pleasure taking over your entire being, and as one of your hands finally snakes down to touch your clit, drawing firm circles in tandem with the rhythm of Aemond’s thrusts, you cum hard, mouth open and drool slipping out from the corner of your mouth, leaving a wet stain on the wooden table. 

You made it a habit to go back to your hotel room between the sound check and the show, not able to bear spending more time around Aemond than absolutely necessary. 

You’d both keep up with the cordial act whenever you have to interact, but even Erryk had caught on to how forced each of your interchanges felt. Whenever you or Aemond addressed each other, everyone around you seemed to tense up; waiting for what was bubbling beneath the surface to finally erupt. 

Tonight, as you were getting ready for the tour’s fifth stop in White Harbor, your nerves were getting the best of you, making your hands clammy and heart flimmer in anxious anticipation. You were finally going to perform one of your new songs for Rumours. 

What if the fans hate it? 

What if it sounds awful live? 

Recording separately meant that this would be the first time the band actually played the song, as opposed to each member recording their own part in solitude. 

The song sounded good in post-production; it’ll sound great live too.

You try to repeat the comforting phrase to yourself as you spot Aemond and Alys in your peripheral vision; her arms around his neck, his lips coming down to brush against her cheek. You don’t know if you’d rather barf or cry at the display, but when Aemond’s seeing eye briefly searches for yours, your stomach turns in disgust.

The intro of your new song starts to play and you feel your confidence grow. The song sounds good! This is your time to shine; your time to actualise the pain that’s been wearing you down for the last few months. To make it into something that means something; your music.

‘Now there you go again, you say, you want your freedom’

‘Well who am I to keep you down?’ 

You don’t want to look at Aemond, don’t want to mimic the staring contest he challenges you to each time he sings ‘The Chain’ or ‘Go Your Own Way’. You’re not doing this for him, you’re doing this for yourself. To make sense of the suffering he’s caused you. You’re doing it for the fans; all those who can resonate with what you’re singing.

‘But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness’

‘Like a heartbeat drives you mad in the stillness of remembering what you had’

‘And what you lost’

Oh but gods do you want to throw him a quick glance though. See hurt in his eye. See his jaw tick in anger at your words. 

‘Thunder only happens when it’s raining’ 

‘Players only love you when they’re playing’ 

Now you understand why he wanted you to do backup vocals on his new songs. You feel so powerful as you make him sing your lyrics, a sudden rush of hubris getting the best of you as you quickly look over at him as you sing,

‘They say women, they will come and they will go’

‘When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know’ 

You’re disappointed to find him in his usual state, stoic face turned away from you, showing little of what is going on on the inside. But as he sings along in the chorus, the recent rage-filled, passionate tone his voice had adopted is gone, he sounds just as calm and precise as he usually does. 

‘Now here I go again, I see the crystal vision’

‘I keep my visions to myself’

‘It’s only me who wants to wrap around your dreams’

‘Have you any dreams you’d like to sell?’

‘Dreams of loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad’

‘In the stillness of remembering what you had’

‘And what you lost’

Like the previous nights, you’re in a rush to get back to your hotel room as soon as the show ends. As are your bandmates; no one really enjoys the tension that seems to be a permanent feature whenever you are all in the same room. 

As you’re about to jump into a taxi with Helaena outside of the venue, you realise that you forgot the tote bag you keep your notebooks and music sheets in backstage. You tell her to go ahead and quickly make your way back to retrieve your forgotten bag. 

A security guard lets you back in and you spot your tote immediately, laying on one of the many cheap fold-out tables lining the walls of the room. As you make your way towards it, you hear someone clear their throat in the other corner of the room. 

You’ve no idea what he wants, but you turn around in an instance, leaving your bag on the table. 

Aemond is sitting by himself in a dark corner of the large room, stomping out a cigarette onto the silver ashtray he's holding in his left hand. He puts it down on the ground by the chair he’s sitting on and leans back against the backrest, meeting your eyes. 

“I never said that, you know”. 

His voice is low. He sounds tired. 

“Said what?”, you ask, surprising yourself by how irritated your voice sounds. He had a talent of bringing it out of you.

“I never said ‘women come and go’, or whatever. The reporter said it”, he explains, voice growing more irksome to match yours. 

Sure, he hadn’t said it, but he might as well have. “Whatever, Aemond”, you sigh, too tired to engage in a pointless discussion with him now. You turn to leave, reaching for your bag as he speaks up for a second time. 

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t perform that song again”.

You let out a startled, joy-less laugh at his audacity. “Too bad”.

“Then change the lyrics. It’s obviously about our… relationship”, you can sense strain in his voice. He’s holding something back.

Maybe you’d finally got to him.

“So are your new songs”, you counter, fighting the urge to roll your eyes at his hypocrisy; such a constant feature in your relationship. 

“I never say they are though. You’re quoting me, hard to assume it could be about anyone else”, his voice is low and dark, you have to focus to properly hear him. 

“Thought you didn’t say that?”, you retort with a sneer. You have to bite the inside of your lower lip to keep yourself from grinning as you add, “Maybe the song is about the reporter?” 

Aemond swiftly stands up, good eye dark and threatening as his voice grows louder. “My songs aren’t filled with blatant lies, you’re calling me names and shit”. His nostrils are flaring as he breathes heavily, hand flexing in an attempt to stifle his rage. 

You’d got to him. 

“You can’t be for real, Aemond! Every fucking time you perform your new songs you're staring at me on stage, singing about how I can ‘go my own, lonely way’! You have no right dictating what I write or how I express myself”. 

He’d gotten to you too. You can’t hide your irritation any longer, a whole week being in his insufferable presence was proving to be too much.  

It’s his turn to throw a condescending laugh your way. 

“Well, you’re the one who kept going on about how lonely you were”, he counters, eyes narrowing in challenge. 

When you fought as a couple, you often accused Aemond of never truly letting you in, leaving you feeling lonely in your relationship. But there was a difference between feeling disconnected from your partner and being unable to be on your own. 

“You couldn’t be alone for a second, Aemond, that’s how fucking lonely you are. How long did it take you to run to Alys? 3 days?”, you voice is so loud now it’s almost a scream. Luckily, you’re the only two present. 

“Because you left me!”, he shouts back. And there it is; the anger that he pretended he didn’t have within himself. The ugly, raw emotion he thinks he’s too good to let envelop him. 

“You chased me away with your fucking obsessive behaviour! You deserved to be left!” 

Sometimes when you fought when you were married, you’d hold yourself back, trying to protect his feelings to some degree by not purposefully hurting him just because you were angry. Well, not anymore. He grimaces slightly at your words and you feel a sick sense of satisfaction.

He deserves it. 

You can’t bear to look at his face anymore, you couldn’t tell if he’d responded either due to loud drumming in your ears. Your pulse was so high you could hear your heartbeat thumping in your ears; giving you a headache. 

You turn around, grab your bag in a haste and storm out of the door, rushing outside to get hold of a taxi on the busy street by the venue. 

You hold it together in the car ride back. You thank the driver and offer him a tip, you enter the building and go to the elevator, meet one of the neighbours and offer them a few polite phrases, smiling at them as they complain about the recent downpour. 

It’s not until you enter your hotel room and lock the door behind you that you allow the tears to fall. They seem to be endless and all you want to do is crawl into bed and sleep. 

Seeing the empty space, the empty bed, makes you feel so lonely a stinging pain goes through your chest. You're pulled back to the memories of living with Aemond, coming back home to him; sleeping in the same bed as him. 

You miss him so much it hurts. Not the person you’d just had a fight with backstage. You miss the Aemond he was before; your Aemond. 

You go to the closet, stretching your arm all the way to the back, rummaging around for what you know to be there. Your hand finds the soft sweatshirt and you pull it out from the dark corner you'd hid it in, quickly pulling off all of your clothes until you’re standing in nothing but your underwear. 

Aemond’s uni hoodie still smells like him. You cry harder, uglier, as you put it on, burying your nose in the fabric and inhaling deeply. 

Maybe the Aemond you miss still exists in your dreams. 

You get under the duvet, nose still nuzzled in the soft fabric, body shaking from the violent sobs leaving your body, and fall asleep. 

A/N: Thank you for reading babes! If you enjoyed this chapter, please consider leaving a like, reblog or comment, I appreciate it so much! 🩵 Planets of the Universe is a demo song from the Super Deluxe version of Rumours; it was recorded in the 70's but never made it on the final album. In 2001, Stevie Nicks released an updated version on her solo album; Troubles in Shangri-La. I love the demo however, and the lyrics are so sad yet beautiful.

‘Now I know, I was wrong to live for a dream

If I had my life to live over

I would never dream'

Tag list: @watercolorskyy @nockerin @yazzzmints @mooncalvin @persephonerinyes @bellstwd @toodlesxcuddles @nsr-15 @daenerysqueenofhearts @aquakaris @targaryenmoony @ainhoamunson @wintrr13 @julczimozart @moonlightfoxx @sweethoneyblossom1 @boofy1998 @snh96 @iloveallmyboys

Bold; couldn't tag

[littlemissmarvelous]

angstober (4)

Prompt: "Just Breathe"

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

A/n: More angst!! I appreciate all the support for these little drabbles sooooo much!!

angstober masterlist here ♡

~~~

“Come on. Come on!” 

Bucky was panicking. 

How had you fallen so fast? So suddenly? 

One moment you were beside him, the next you were mixed between cracked concrete and metal pipes—falling, falling, falling. Who knew bridges were so unreliable?

“Wake up, sweetheart. Come on, please,” he pleaded. Begged. His hands kept moving, kept pushing life into your chest as tears mixed with the saltwater on his cheeks. “You don’t get to leave me.” 

Steve was somewhere near the shore, fighting off whatever creature had blown up the bridge. And thank god for Steve, because Bucky would sooner let the creature from space eat him before he left you. Before he let you die. 

In some cynical, self-hating part of his brain, Bucky registered that you were already dead. 

He pumped his arms more steadily, applying more pressure, willing your heart to start beating. You weren’t dead. You weren’t. Because if you were gone… well, Bucky felt the repercussions of such a thing as he stared down at your waning, wet skin. Your lips were turning an unnatural shade and Bucky felt the reality, this reality, sink into his very bones. 

Sand bit into his knees where the torn material of his pants failed him, but Bucky felt it like lidocaine had been injected right to the site. A sob wracked his chest, almost crippling him as he gave his breath to you, and Bucky decided right then and there that nothing in his life had compared to this. 

The way your body moved was making him sick. You only budged when he forced the motion into your limbs, your neck only turned when he tilted it up to try and save you. 

This was awful, unimaginable. 

“I love you,” he whispered, shaking hands coming to brush the hair from your forehead. You hated when it fell into your eyes. “I love you, honey. Please.” 

His words broke, so Bucky kissed your skin instead. Your cheek, your neck, your shoulder—he kissed you to quell the unevenness of his own breath, and then he restarted compressions. 

“You can’t—” he struggled. “—you can’t let a little water take you out. I love you so much, it doesn’t work like that.” 

But, in real life, it did work like that. 

There was nothing supernatural pumping in your veins. You were human, breakable, and while Bucky was used to this truth, he had never felt it as strongly as he did in this moment. 

Somewhere, Steve called his name. 

Bucky was only listening for one sound, and it wasn’t Steve. 

Grief invaded the deepest parts of him, and it was slowing him down. Bucky never felt slow. Bucky was a machine. He could fix things and make them right. He had strength and invincibility and power.

Bucky could fix you, too. He could make you right. 

Couldn’t he? 

His crying had turned unintelligible, just small words lost between tears and gasping breaths. You’d cried like this one time. Right now, Bucky couldn’t remember why, but he’d held you and told you he’d never leave you. He’d run gentle fingers across your temple and stayed awake when you fell into a fitful sleep. 

Bucky was alone as he cried. 

“I can’t do this without you. I can’t.”

You coughed. It started small and then grew into a hacking, choking sound. Bucky startled, took a split second to watch the way your chest moved on its own, and then he pulled you forward with vigor. Your chin slotted over his shoulder and his hand made an imprint in the wet material at your back. 

“Hey, hey,” he breathed, shaky and softer than he had ever spoken. “Just breathe. You’re okay. Breathe, I got you.” 

Your fingers curled into his shirt, ripping at velcro and kevlar as you fought for air. Bucky held you through it, pressed his nose to the warming skin of your head and rocked the two of you without realizing it. Grief was still pounding in his bones. He wasn’t sure if that would go away anytime soon. If the weight of you being dead was ever going to leave him, even as you sat in his arms and choked out breaths. 

“Bucky,” you eventually wheezed out, pulling back from his grasp. “I—” 

“Shhh,” he hushed. Because as much as he wanted to hear you speak, hear proof that you were lucid and knew him and loved him, you were struggling. “Don’t try to talk. You’re okay. You’re okay, right?”

It sounded like a question no one could answer. 

But you nodded, and Bucky pulled you back into his chest. “Just breathe, baby. You’re okay.”

[littlemissmarvelous]

Love Me to Death (masterlist) ♡

✧ Pairing — Avengers!Bucky Barnes x Siren!Fem!Reader

✧ Series Summary — The avengers compound receives a new recruit. She’s a siren who can make anyone fall deathly in love with her with one word. Bucky immediately takes interest in her as he discovers she’s mute, for good reason of course.

✧ Series Warnings — light angst, hints to past trauma, mentions of bucky’s trauma, hints to PTSD, hints of anxiety

(SERIES ONGOING)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | SERIES 18+

* You are responsible for your media consumption. Please do not proceed reading, if you have any kind of problem with any of the above written warnings.

✧ Chapter One

↳ The avengers compound receives a new recruit. She’s a siren who can make anyone fall deathly in love with her with one word. Bucky immediately takes interest in her as he discovers she’s mute, for good reason of course.

✧ Chapter Two

↳ coming soon.

✧ Chapter Three

↳ coming soon.

[littlemissmarvelous]

Affair Part 2

~ gif not mine credit goes to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader, Fem!Reader x ??

Summary: The aftermath of reader telling Bucky she’s divorcing him

Word count: 3157

Warnings: Bucky is a big huge gigantic humongous dumdum. Swearing, if there’s more let me know.

Translation: милая девушка - beautiful girl. ангел - angel.

Masterlist

Part 1

“I filed for divorce” kept playing on his mind for the rest of the night long after she had gone to bed. His phone kept going off nonstop, the messages and missed calls all from Sharon.

He stayed at the home he shared with his wife and children for four hours waiting, hoping his beautiful wife who he betrayed would come back down the stairs and tell him she forgave him.

It never happened.

He left, getting into the car his wife brought him, the same car he fucked his mistress in and went straight to Sharon’s. Knocking on the door he only had to wait for a few minutes before the wooden door came swinging open.

“You finally showed, I’ve been waiting for ages! We need to talk” Sharon stands there, red eyed as if she had been crying.

“She’s divorcing me” Walking past her and looking around the room he’d been in so many time before - double date nights, just seeing his best friend, cheating on his wife with his best friend’s wife.

“He’s divorcing me too” Her voice was happier than his. “Now we can be together, I had to cry in front of Steve pretending I cared. Then you wouldn’t pick up your phone I wa-”

“I don’t want you Sharon. I want Y/n. I want my children and my best friend back. Me and you biggest mistake I have ever made!” Cutting her off.

“You’re joking right? We are so perfect together not me and Steve and especially not you and that bitch!”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare call my wife a bitch” he seethes.

“Don’t act like you care now Bucky where was that caring nature of yours when you was sleeping with me for 8 months? And news flash she’s divorcing you she’s not going to get back with you!”

Having her remind him of the stone cold truth hit him in the gut. Sharon was right, his wife was divorcing him. She was never going to get back together with him.

“I don’t care if she’s divorcing me just don’t call her a bitch.”

“Okay, how about we don’t talk about them two okay? Here’s what I was thinking, I’m getting the house in the divorce so I’ll just sell it and me and you can get an apartment together? We can buy all new furniture and it can be a fresh start for us and oh I’ve already found -“.

As Sharon stands there rambling on he had the urge to ring his wife and tell her she was wrong. Sharon did want him now that they were divorcing, she’s even planned to sell her house so they can get an apartment together. Y/n was wrong about that Sharon and himself couldn’t run off into the sunset and live happily ever after because he stood there with his mistress in front of him and having to hear her rambling off about their new future together.

His wife who he loves more than anything in this world was wrong.

Because it wasn’t Sharon that didn’t want him now their affair was known to their spouses. It was him. He was the one that didn’t want her, he didn’t want the apartment with Sharon, he didn’t want a fresh start with his best friends soon to be ex-wife. No, he wanted his wife back. He wanted a fresh start with Y/n so he can get a second chance of being better. He wanted the love of his life back, and he wanted Steve back - he knew himself that Steve wouldn’t forgive him for his part of her affair.

“-Bucky? Bucky are you even listening to me?” Sharon’s voice cut his inner monologue off.

“Huh? Oh yeah sorry”

“You wasn’t listening was you? It’s okay silly bum I was just talking about an apartment I found the other day, oh Buck it’s beautiful and I honestly think it would be perfect for us” Her voice was hopeful and excited. He found himself comparing her voice to the one belonging to his wife when she found the house that became their home.

“Sharon this isn’t going to work”

“Of course it will, I love you and you love me”

“No Sharon I don’t. I don’t love you, I will always love Y/n”

“No! No you don’t James! You love me!” Sharon screamed at him.

Sighing “Listen Sharon I don’t love you, I never had. I have never been attracted to you-“

“Never been attracted to me? You’re joking right?”

“No”

“You prick!”

“We wouldn’t work anyway Sharon. You cheated on Steve with me and I cheated on Y/n with you. We would always accuse each other, we wouldn’t be happy I can promise you that”

“N-no you wouldn’t cheat on me though!”

“I cheated on my WIFE! You really think I wouldn’t do it to you? I love her for Christ sake, she’s the only person I have ever been attracted to! When I was fucking you I was thinking of her! C’mon Sharon don’t be so stupid, it doesn’t suit you” He’s only now regretting coming over here, at the time he didn’t know where else he could go.

“Yo-you ruined my marriage James” he watched her struggle to breathe for a moment “you ruined my marriage!”

“No I didn’t, you did. You are the one that made a vow to Steve not me. Like how I ruined my marriage with Y/n not you.”

“You-we made love James”

“We fucked. We didn’t make love Sharon” rolling his eyes at her petty attempt at making him change his mind.

“I-don’t-you don’t want me now? But you did earlier? You fucked me in your car, went home and get confronted by your wife, then you come here and tell me you don’t want me anymore? Is that what you’re trying to tell me right now?” Her anger and tears were on full display.

“I’m sorry. I am. It’s just I love Y/n more than anything. I’m going to go; I’ll see you around I guess” he was just about to touch the door handle when her voice stopped him.

“Fuck me one last time. Please James”.

And ever the fool, he did.

~~~

The months after she told him she had filed for divorce she flourished, no more crying herself to sleep, no more fake smiles and no more faking confidence. She was the happiest she had been since she caught her husband fucking a woman that was most definitely not her. Her and Steve’s friendship grew too, they became closer than ever. They were each other’s shoulder to cry on, they supported one another when they needed it.

But then came their divorce to being finalised, and that’s where Y/n struggled.

Nat had forced convinced her to go and see a therapist, Dr Grey was a lovely woman who didn’t care about telling her to stop putting herself down, happily called her stupid when she blamed herself for the affair. Dr Grey - Linda as she told Y/n to call her - became a good friend, a friend she needed and wanted.

In the aftermath of her divorce she became isolated, she didn’t want to see or hear anyone that wasn’t her children. Sam being the best friend that he is, would pick up the kids and take them to school and drop them back off. Nat would go to the shops and sometimes even cook them dinner. She felt like she was causing problems for Nat and Sam because they were spending so much time running around after her that they couldn’t spend any time together.

“Don’t be stupid Y/n. You know me and Sam love you, we are more than happy to help” Nat spoke one night when they were lying in bed together.

“I feel like I’m causing problems and I don’t want you two to argue becau-“

“Y/n stop! You’re not causing problems and we are not arguing, like at all. You know Sam loves them kids of yours, he actually loves taking them to school because and I quote ‘they make me feel cool’” both women chuckle at the red heads husband “so stop милая девушка, we are both here for you, I promise”

She cried herself to sleep most nights, cried for the loss of her marriage - for weeks she would find herself going to play with the ring that use to sit on her fourth finger only for her to look down and only see a fading white tan line. Signing her maiden name not married one took months to engrain as she was just so use to writing Barnes after her name. She would find herself reaching out to the other side of the brand new double sized bed searching for his warmth, always finding it empty, always leaving her feeling alone and cold.

She cried the loss of her friendship with Sharon. They had been friends for nearly three years prior to Sharon introducing her and Bucky to each other. She was the first person Y/n would phone whenever something good and bad happened, she was actually the first person to know Y/n was pregnant with her oldest child - hell it was Sharon that told her she was pregnant as she couldn’t bring herself to look at it. Y/n was always there for Sharon night or day she was there. The pain of her betrayal was almost more unbearable than Bucky’s.

Her mental and physical health took a toll too. Constantly blaming herself for not being enough for him, blaming herself for being tired sometimes to not have sex with him. Blaming herself was so much easier and safer for her than to blame the two people who hurt her. Her weight loss was concerning to Nat and Sam, although she would find herself hungry she just couldn’t stomach anything. Nat cleaned the house whilst Sam took the kids to the park as Y/n had a shower for the first time in nearly a month, she felt like she could conquer the world all because she showered, washed her hair and shaved.

Then she accepted the divorce. She accepted that she was no longer someone’s wife, she even (more dramatically) accepted that she’d be single for the rest of her life. With the help from Linda she accepted that Bucky’s affair was not her fault.

~~~

It had now been two years since they were officially divorced.

Y/n made a friend at work, Peggy. Beautiful, kind and the sweetest person. She had set her up with Steve to help him get himself back out there, they’d been dating for nearly a year. Y/n couldn’t believe how much happier he looked now, she was happy for him truly she was. She believed he deserved it.

Dating for her was, well….

“You’re absolutely glowing ангел” Nat whistled as Y/n walked into the kitchen.

“Stop flirting with me”

“I can’t help it милая девушка”

“Sam come and get your wife!”

“What’s going on?” Sam asks coming to where the women were, placing a kiss on Y/n’s temple then giving Nat a quick kiss.

“Your wife keeps flirting with me”

Wiggling his eyebrows “well things can be arranged”

“Samuel!” Both women scold him but shortly after burst out laughing.

“No but I was telling her that she was glowing” Nat informed.

“You are, you seem happier as well” Sam agreed.

“Well… ikindofmetsomeone”

“What!” Both Sam and Nat shout in unison.

“I met someone..”

“Who?” When? Where? How?” Y/n rolled her eyes at the pair talking in tandem.

“His name is Ari. I literally bumped into after I ran out of the cafe after setting Steve and Peggy up on their date”.

“Is he good to you?”

“Yeah, and he’s great with the kids”

“Wait…he’s met the kids?”

“Yeah it was an accident, James said he couldn’t take the kids because of work and Ari came to pick me up for our date but ended up staying at mine. The kids love him”.

“I can’t wait to meet him!” Nat smiles.

~~~

Bucky hadn’t seen Sharon after he left the next morning, he felt ashamed and guilty for sleeping with her. For some bizarre reason he thought it would be a great idea to go to Nat and Sam’s to talk to Steve.

“Absolutely not. You’re not coming in Buck”

“Please Sam I know he’s here, I jus- I just need to talk to him”

“About what? Jesus Bucky you were having an affair with his wife!”

“I know I just need to apologise” He heard movement behind Sam, when he saw Steve’s pained expression his heart sank.

“I don’t want to hear any apologies. But you will listen to me.” Steve gives Sam a small nod, stepped further out of the doorway. “I have known you since we were kids and not once have I ever not trusted you. Not once have an ever wanted to punch you as much as right now. But.. but I’m not going to, it’s not worth it. You betrayed me man! You knew how much I loved her! And there’s Y/n, you had this perfect woman and you cheated on her!” Slightly shaking his head “you-you had the perfect family and you fucked it up by fucking my wife! I was always jealous of you, did you know that? Sharon never wanted kids so when you told me Y/n was pregnant I was jealous. You two had this perfect relationship whilst me and her were arguing all the time, I was jealous” swallowing hard and taking a deep breath “but you see James as much as I wanted the life you had I would of never and I mean never of done what you have done!”

Bucky stands there with tears rolling down his cheeks, wanting to say something but the words just wouldn’t come out.

“You know when Y/n told me about the affair she couldn’t stop apologising, couldn’t stop crying, she even puked up. I had to calm your wife down trying to reassure her that what you did wasn’t her fault! And where were you huh? Screwing my wife!” Chuckling lightly to himself. “Me and Y/n deserve so much better than you two. I really hope it was worth it James because I can’t forgive you. And the fact you have the audacity to come here after spending the night with Sharon just proves how little you care” when he sees Bucky’s eyebrow twitch in confusion he laughs “I really can’t see Y/n giving you a hickey after she’s told your sorry ass she’s divorcing you. Goodbye James it was nice knowing you”.

Y/n was right, he was alone. He had no one in his corner. Going through the divorce process was difficult for him, like she said she wasn’t going to take anything from him. Custody had been split between them evenly as agreed. The part he was struggling with was, only being able to see her at the weekends, their conversations was just about the kids nothing more nothing less.

Then Sam started to do drop offs and pick up leaving him completely crushed. He no longer got to see her even if it was for 10 or if he was really lucky 15 minutes. The friendship he had with Sam and Nat became strained, he didn’t blame them. He did miss them though.

To deal with the loss of his marriage he turned to drinking. Sometimes he would come home from the bar and call out for Y/n, cry when he got no response, 9 out of 10 times he’d fall over and then fall asleep on the floor.

Then that dreaded day came.

Sam had long gone after dropping the kids off, he was in the middle of cooking dinner with his oldest talking about school when he heard a name he hasn’t heard before.

“Sweetheart what was that?”

“Me and Tommy and Billy are now best friends they’re new to school”

“I’m glad but not that bit baby, you said someone helped you with your homework?”

“Oh Ari, he helps me he’s so clever daddy”

“Who’s Ari?”

“Mommy’s new friend. We saw them kissing” giggling when her younger brother pulls a disgusting face.

Of course he knew that it would happen, her dating. Of course she would, she had every right to find happiness and love after he destroyed that for her. Any man would be lucky enough to be with her - she’s funny, beautiful, loving, kind and passionate, the list goes on - he should know, he was once that lucky man before he fucked it all up.

The knowledge of his now ex-wife is dating again broke something inside of him. What? He doesn’t quite know, he shouldn’t have felt anything other than happiness for her.

~~~

It was their son’s birthday party today, the squeals of close to 30 children running around the backyard full of sugar could be heard from down the street, most of their little faces decorated with face paint.

The birthday boy was currently bouncing around on the dinosaur themed bouncy castle - that he just had to have - after laying on the grass for 10 minutes complaining he was ill. Their oldest daughter was walking around showing the adults her butterfly wings that went with the butterfly paint on her face.

Y/n was rushing around making sure everything was okay and running smoothly as well and making sure everyone was having a good time. Bucky thought she looked absolutely breath taking in the white floral dress and white pumps. Her hair was up in two fishtail braids, just like his daughter.

It was the first time in two years that he saw Steve - like Y/n he looked happier, healthier, freer. The woman that was placed snuggly under his arm was beautiful and when Bucky noticed Steve’s hand position when talking to Sam he saw the pregnancy bump, Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his former best friend finally getting his dream of being a dad.

The cheerful scream pulled his eyes away from Steve to his daughter who was running past him heading towards the sliding glass doors. A tall, well-built man stood at the doorway with a huge smile on his face.

“Ari Ari - look mommy Ari’s here”

“I can see that sweetie-“

He started to struggle to breath, his own daughter was more happier to see this Ari guy than him, the smile that lit up Y/n’s beautiful face crushed him. Then it got worse for him. He watched as his former best friend go up to Ari and greeted him in the same way them two use to great each other.

~~~

Going back to the once lively and warm house that he once called home the realisation of how truly alone Bucky was, was a tough pill for him to swallow.

~ banner credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~