The way I am OBSESSED with idiots to lovers I eat this shit up every damn time and you, my friend, have provided a feast. They're both so god damn stupid I love it đ Him for thinking that asking to fuck someone until they cry is asking them out and her for thinking all these romantic dates were just anything anything other than dates, but god I felt seen lol
cry baby
bucky barnes x fem reader
words: 7.3k
warnings: **18+ ONLY** smĂŒt, ed*ging, overstimulation, crying during s*ex, mentions of flushed cheeks, friends to lovers, misunderstandings, lapslock.
a/n: this is arguably one of my absolute fave fics i've ever written. she is near and dear to my heart :') i've provided the link for ao3 if you prefer to read it there! it's originally posted in two parts but i've combined them here. any and all mistakes are mine. feedback is encouraged & appreciated âĄ
âthe boys are running late,â natasha informs you when you make your way to the table sheâs conquered in the busy cafe. âsam texted a couple minutes ago and said he and bucky got stuck in traffic.â
itâs the second tuesday of the month, which means itâs brunch day. itâs a running tradition thatâs stood for the four of you since your college days. the time and place has changed over the years, but everyone does their absolute best to attend every time. these tuesdays are your favorite, naturally.
you plop into an empty chair across from her with a heavy sigh. âgood, that means i have time to bitch about how fucking horny i am before they get here.â
she snorts, taking a delicate sip of her latte. âwhatâs new?â she wonders sarcastically.
âyou donât understand,â you begin, leaning into the table, gripping the edge tightly. âitâs been months, and not like, a few, i mean itâs coming up on a year.â
natashaâs eyebrows shoot up in surprise. âa year? what about that guy you went on a few dates with a while back? didnât anything happen with him?â
âno,â you grumble, sitting back in your chair and crossing your arms. you huff. âand even if something had happened, i doubt it would have been satisfying. i can probably count on one hand the amount of times sex has been even kinda pleasurable for me.â
âsounds like youâre picking shitty partners.â
you scowl. âi know that, but itâs not my fault. all these stupid men keep promising theyâre gonna fuck me ten ways to sunday and not a single one of them can even get me to wednesday.â
natasha laughs. âyou poor thing.â
âyouâre really not helping me here,â you whine with a pitiful pout on your lips. âyou are getting routine dickings, you have sam! i am not so lucky here.â you notice her attention flicks to somewhere behind you, but youâre not finished with your rant. ânat, iâm serious. all of my sex encounters are the equivalent of asking someone to scratch my back and then they scratch literally anywhere but the spot that itches. i want to be fucked so good that i cry, justâcompletely reduced to tears. is that too much to ask?â
nat is hiding her smile behind her hand, amusement painted across her sharp features. someone clears their throat behind you and you pinch the bridge of your nose. sam and bucky occupy the empty seats, sam next to natasha and bucky next to you. theyâre both sporting wide grins, looking far too pleased about stumbling into this conversation.
sam opens his mouth, no doubt to make a smartass comment, but you cut him off before he can get a good inhale in.
ânot a fucking word,â you grouse with a finger pointed in his direction.
he presses a hand to his chest, expression offended. âi would never make a joke about your truly tragic excuse of a sex life.â
bucky snickers quietly, but turns into a cough at your glare.
âiâll murder you,â you promise.
âleave her alone, boys,â natasha says, rolling her eyes, though sheâs visibly biting back her own laughter.
you huff, digging your wallet out of your purse. âi hate all of you,â you announce before getting up and going to stand in line to order.
bucky follows a moment later, coming to stand at your side and throwing an arm around your shoulders.
âthat bad, huh?â he asks.
you donât have to look at his face to know heâs probably smirking right now.
âfuck off,â you retort, not bothering to push his arm away since you know heâd only put it right back.
âaw, come on, donât be like that,â he jests, âyou know we just like to poke a little fun.â
you roll your eyes, throwing him an exasperated look. âyeah, but that was something only nat was supposed to hear. i hate talking about sex with you and sam because you two wouldnât understand.â
âthatâs not true,â bucky insists, which makes you roll your eyes again. âitâs not!â
âfirst of all, samâs got natasha, so we both know theyâre more than satisfied.â bucky tilts his head in acquiescence. âand you donât have to worry about if youâre gonna have an orgasm when you hook up with somebody. men have it so easy.â
itâs probably not the best thing to talk about in line of a busy cafe (especially since you havenât decided between a blueberry muffin or the ham and cheese croissant, and thereâs only one person ahead of you now and youâd really rather not be discussing your lack of sex in front of an innocent barista) but it sort of feels good to get this off your chest, even if itâs to bucky.
âokay, definitely not true,â he replies with a frown. âiâm not always guaranteed an orgasm.â
you give him a skeptical glance. âi find that hard to believe.â
this time, itâs bucky who rolls his eyes. âwhatever, whether or not i come when i have sex with someone isnât what i was gonna talk about when i came over here.â
the person in front of you finishes their order and then youâre stepping up for your turn.
âhi, what can i get you today?â the young barista asks with a smile.
âa large mocha iced coffee with sweet cream and a blueberry muffin, please.â you pause, contemplating, then add, âand a ham and cheese croissant.â
if you canât get fucked within an inch of your life then food will become your lover, you reason.
âjust a black coffee for me, please,â bucky tells the girl, taking his wallet out of his back pocket and handing over his card to pay before you can stop him.
âi couldâve paid for mine,â you mumble.
âyou also could just say thank you,â he replies with a short laugh as he ushers you to the side to wait for your order.
you pinch his hip, pouting. âthank you.â
âwhy does your gratitude come with violence?â he asks, rubbing the sore spot.
âyou know how i am when people do nice things for me.â
âyou should be used to it by now,â he points out.
âwell, iâm not,â you huff. âanyway, what did you come over here to talk about then?â
bucky reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, uncharacteristically shy all the sudden. âuh, well. i dunno, i just thought⊠you know, since youâre notâi mean, not that you couldnât be, justâyou havenât been, so maybe⊠fuck.â
âspit it out,â you say with a giggle, wondering what in the worldâs got him so tongue-tied.
âwhy donât you let me?â he blurts, averting his gaze immediately after.
you tilt your head in confusion. âlet you what?â
he sighs heavily, working his jaw in frustration. âyou knowâŠâ he begins, digging his thumbnail into a knick on the countertop in front of you. âlet me fuck you until you cry.â
âwhat?â
just then, your order is called. bucky quickly grabs it and turns to make his way back to the table, but you grab his arm to stop him.
âi donât think so, you come back here right now and explain yourself,â you demand.
his eyes lift heavenward. âitâs just an idea, okay?â
âbucky, youâre talking about crossing a huge line. you canât just throw that out all willy nilly!â
âi know,â he replies earnestly. âand itâs notââ he grimaces at the phrasing, âwilly nilly. youâre one of my best friends. i wouldnât jeopardize that for anything, and i wouldnât offer this if i thought that it could. this is something thatâs obviously affecting you negatively in your life and iâm willing to help. i trust you, and iâm pretty sure you trust me, yeah?â
âof course i trust you,â you say, frowning.
he shrugs. âso, then itâs just⊠a friend helping another friend.â
âyou make it sound so simple,â you muse in wonder.
âthink about it?â he implores.
you swallow roughly, biting the inside of your cheek. âfine. iâll think about it.â
he nods and walks back over to the table where sam and natasha are waiting. you hesitate for only a split second before following.
needless to say, youâre distracted for the rest of brunch.
***
you: what even makes you think you could fuck me until i cry anyway?
itâs been nearly a week, and as much as you hate to admit it, youâre actually considering taking buckyâs offer. itâs all you can think about since he brought it up. you canât lie, youâve always thought bucky was attractive, but ever since you were gently but firmly placed in the friend category back in university, you never allowed yourself to think of there ever being more between the two of you. heâs a wonderful friend to have and youâd have been an idiot to pass it up. bucky is kind and generous and just enough of an asshole to keep things interesting without it being a problem.
but this⊠this has left you reeling. why would he make such an offer after only ever keeping things strictly friendly and platonic in your relationship? and more importantly, where does he get the confidence to think he could follow through?
bucky: experience?
you make a face at your phone, furiously typing your reply.
you: ew. do you realize how douchey that sounds?
bucky: well, itâs not douchey if itâs true.
you: says you
bucky: and a few other people :)
bucky: youâd know it too if youâd let me fuck you
you exhale harshly through your nose, tapping your foot on the floor anxiously, carefully thinking of what you should say next.
you: itâs apparently a tall request, and thus far, nobodyâs been able to deliver. you can understand my skepticismâŠ
bucky: if i donât leave you shivering and twitching with aftershocks of pleasure, in a mess of sweat and come, and tears stained on your cheeks, then i will have failed you.
your thighs squeeze together at the mental image that brings you. jesus christ, if heâs half as good at fucking as he is dirty talking then he just might do as heâs promising.
bucky: so? what do you say? wanna give it a try?
biting your lip, you give yourself a moment to weigh the pros and cons in your mind one last time.
it doesnât take you very long to make your decision.
you: okay. weâll try.
***
itâs a slightly overcast sunday when bucky comes over with the direct intention to fuck you. it should be weird, but strangely, all you feel is anticipation. maybe itâs because you know him so well and know that, no matter what, heâd take care of you.
(or, maybe itâs because those repressed college-aged feelings are doing their best to resurface, even though you steadfastly continue to ignore them.)
youâd taken a thorough shower earlier to ease the little bit of nerves you had when youâd woken up. cleaning up the small mess your apartment gathered over the last couple weeks helped, as well, and soon you found yourself standing in front of your lingerie drawer with your lips pursed.
you werenât sure if you should even bother with it, but it felt you wouldnât be putting in any effort into this encounter if you didnât at least pick out nice underwear. so, with a pleased nod, you settle on some simple black lace panties and a matching bralette. not too much, but enough to satisfy yourself, and hopefully bucky. you pick out a simple sundress to put on over it, since you wonât be wearing much of anything once bucky gets here. that thought has you flushing, but you ignore it to put on some makeup, just to freshen up your face.
by the time he knocks on your door, youâve already finished a glass of wine and are pouring yourself a second.
he smiles when open the door, a bit boyishly, greeting you with a quiet, âhi.â
âhi,â you return, just as soft. you open the door wider. âcome in.â
he walks passed you, stopping to toe his shoes off and hang his jacket on one of the hooks.
âdo you want a glass of wine?â you ask as you head to the kitchen to retrieve your own from the counter.
bucky follows, stopping in the entryway with his hands in his pockets. âno, thank you.â
you nod, taking a sip from your glass, trying to figure out what to say. the air feels a little awkward and youâre not sure how to fix it.
ânervous?â he wonders curiously.
you shake your head. ânot really.â
he quirks a brow. âthen whatâs wrong?â
âi donât know,â you murmur. âi guess iâm just worried weâre making a mistake.â
he hums. you take a larger sip of your wine.
with cautious steps, he comes closer to you. âwhat if i promise that things wonât be weird after?â
âyou canât really promise that, though.â
âsure i can,ïżœïżœ he says, smiling. âitâs me and you. weâve been friends for so long. plenty of people have sex and stay friends after.â
youâre not just âpeopleâ to me, you think.
you sigh, frustrated with yourself. you canât deny how badly you want this. itâs all youâve been able to think about since that day in the cafe. but the thought of losing bucky is heartbreaking, and you donât want your stupid horniness to be the reason that you ruin a friendship, even if he was the one to offer sex.
âwhy donât we go make out on the couch for a little while first?â he suggests after a momentâs pause.
you snort, in spite of your thoughts. âlike a couple of teenagers?â
his eyes crinkle on the sides when he grins. âyeah. weâll just see how we feel about that, and if it leads to more, thenâŠâ he trails off, shrugging.
âthatâs not a bad idea,â you concede.
âgreat! finish your wine.â
you laugh and do as youâre told, downing the little remaining wine in one go, sitting the glass down on the counter resolutely as you swallow.
âletâs do this,â you say, determined.
bucky huffs a laugh, grabbing your wrist and tugging you behind him as he makes his way to the couch. he settles slightly facing you as you tuck your legs under you beside him.
âdo you wanna talk, or do you want to jump straight into it?â
âif we talk anymore iâm gonna change my mind. just kiss me already, bucky.â
âyes maâam,â he sasses before doing exactly that.
he cups your cheek with one hand as the other is placed on your knee. he guides your face to his and kisses you chastely. youâre not sure where to put your hands at first, but you tell yourself to quit being a goober about it and place them on either side of his neck, your thumbs brushing under his jaw.
itâs an okay kiss, you have to admit, but itâs not really doing anything for you yet. he has soft lips, softer than you thought theyâd be. youâre beginning to wonder if maybe this confirms you shouldnât go any further when he tilts his head, and⊠hm.
he parts his lips, taking your bottom one between his, kissing it, then nipping it. you wouldnât say the sound you make is a gasp, necessarily, but itâs close. his tongue lightly caresses the seam of your mouth and you donât even think before you open up for him, letting his tongue sweep in, flicking against yours. you hum, scooting a tiny bit closer to him, chasing the feeling. his kisses turn insistent then, teeth biting at your bottom lip and tugging, soothing the ache with his tongue. he kisses you like a man quenching his thirst, like youâre the best goddamn thing heâs ever tasted, and itâs leaving you dizzy. you sway more into his space and he pulls away from your mouth.
âcâmere,â he whispers, gripping behind one of your knees to drag it over his hips so youâre straddling him. âmuch better.â
you donât have a chance to process anything about the moment, his mouth back on yours in a blink. your fingers wind themselves into his hair, getting a good grip on it as you lick into his mouth. he lets out a soft noise at that and you try your damnedest to pry it out of him again, pressing your chest to his so thereâs not even a sliver of space left between you.
his hands travel, down the sides of your torso to your thighs, back up to your hips where he holds on tight. it doesnât take long after that before you find yourself grinding into him. you both moan at the same time, breaking the kiss to pant for breath.
you swallow roughly. âokay,â you murmur, âi think itâs safe to say this could work.â
bucky laughs quietly. âyeah? wanna move to your bed then?â
your squeeze your thighs around him, shifting minutely on his lap and feeling the beginnings of his erection beneath you. âyes,â you breathe.
quickly, you rise from your position and step back, allowing bucky to stand, then grab his hand and lead him to your bedroom. once youâre standing beside your bed, you turn to face him. he meets your halfway, pulling you into another, filthier kiss. you reach for his belt buckle, unfastening it and sliding it through the loops, tossing it to your floor. next are the button and zip of his jeans, shoved down his legs until he steps out of them and kicks them and his socks aside. he obediently lifts his arms when you slide your hands under his shirt and begin pushing it up, breaking the kiss to nearly yank it off, making bucky huff in amusement. once itâs tossed with the rest of his clothes, bucky grabs fistfuls of your dress and pulls you into him.
âmy turn,â he says against your lips.
carefully, bucky helps you out of your dress, eyes raking over every bit of new skin shown to him. he bites his lip when he sees your lacy underthings.
âyou got all dolled up for me?â he asks.
shifting under his stare, you nod. âwanted to look nice,â you admit.
he hums. âbeautiful.â
he kisses you again, a little softer than before, but no less passionate. the urgency returns as he backs you up until your thighs hit the mattress. gently, he guides you onto your back, never breaking the kiss as he follows you down and settles over you.
you soon find yourself in need of air and pull away with a gasp. bucky is undeterred and instead presses his kisses down your jaw, to your neck where he decides to bite and suck until heâs left a mark youâll have to reprimand him for later. he licks his way up to your ear, sucking the lobe into his mouth, drawing a whine out of you.
âbucky,â you whisper, hands gripping his sides as you squirm below him.
âhm?â
you close your eyes tightly when he makes his way back down to your collarbones.
âplease,â you whimper.
âplease what, sweetheart?â he asks, pushing himself up to look you in the eye.
ât-touch me,â you beg, cheeks flushing.
his lips quirk into a smile. âi am touching you.â
âbucky,â you whine.
âwhere do you want me to touch you, hm?â he wonders. one of his hands trails across your shoulder and down the center of your chest. âhere? or⊠here?â
when his fingers glide, barely there, over your pebbled nipples, you push into the touch eagerly.
âorâŠâ he continues, his feather light touch making a path down your stomach. your breath quickens in anticipation. âhere?â he murmurs as his fingertips stop on your pantyline.
âyes, there, anywhere,â you agree hastily, âjust âplease. please, bucky, donât tease me.â
he kisses you again, deep, full of promise. âyou beg so prettily for me.â
he rearranges your positions until heâs between your spread thighs, sweeping his hands across the inside of them. he nods to your panties.
âmay i?â
âyes, please,â you reply, lifting your hips to help him take them off.
he doesnât give you a chance to close your legs in shyness, firmly grasping your knees in each of his hands and spreading them once again. the way heâs looking at you makes you feel unbelievably desirable, has excitement crawling up your spine.
âdonât forget,â you remind him, making his eyes flick up to yours in question, âyou better make me cry.â
a slow, dangerous smile graces his lips. your stomach swoops eagerly.
~
a whine, high pitched and drawn out, escapes your lips. after you unwittingly challenged him, bucky took it upon himself to torture youâwith sex. so far, heâs only used his fingers on you, in you, thrusting them steadily but never enough to bring you to climax. heâs taking his time and being a smug prick about it. you go to complain, again, hoping if you beg enough heâll let you come, but before you can do more than open your mouth heâs quickening his pace.
âoh!â you gasp, clutching the sheets in your hands.
bucky slides his hand down your thigh, bringing his thumb inward to swipe around where his other fingers are buried inside you to gather your wetness and using it to rub circles on your clit. your back arches, head thrown back against your pillows as you feel your orgasm build. itâs not tears, but damn, it feels good enough.
just as you start to clench around his fingers, legs spasming, he stops.
your eyes open in a hurry, brows furrowing in confusion. âno, please, donât stop,â you plead.
bucky smiles. âi gotta get the right build up.â
you groan in frustration. he laughs quietly and lets the inferno burning within you simmer down to embers, then starts inching his way down until heâs lying on his stomach, mouth poised above your pussy. the feel of his warm breath makes you shiver, and with no warning whatsoever, he leans in and sucks your clit into his mouth.
âfuckinââoh myâ bucky!â
youâre pretty sure you black out for the next several minutes, the only thing youâre aware of is the thudding of your heartbeat in your ears and the feel of buckyâs mouth on you. youâre lost in a mindless haze of pleasure, unable to think or feel anything else. you feel your orgasm cresting for the second time, and just as before, bucky pulls away before you can succumb to it.
âwhy,â you hiccup on a moan, wanting nothing more than to just come already, but heâs not letting you.
he shushes you, softly kisses your knee. sitting up to take his underwear off, bucky keeps his eyes on you, expression hungry.
âgonna take care of you, sweetheart,â he promises. âjust a bit more. youâre being so good for me, yeah?â
âplease,â you whimper, feeling completely pathetic.
he makes quick work of putting a condom on and then settles between your thighs. you sigh in relief when he wastes no time and pushes in, being careful not to go too fast. once heâs fully inside you, he pauses, wanting to give you time to adjust, but youâre back to whining.
âbucky, please, please justâfuck me,â you beg, squirming beneath him.
he takes mercy on you, finally, and sets a hard pace. your hands fly up to push against the headboard, moaning and gasping from his harsh thrusts, loving the stretch of him inside you. his thumb is back on your clit and you cry out, clenching hard around him, but his thrusts donât falter. all too soon, you can feel yourself getting close. you hear your own voice chanting please, please, please, mixed in with buckyâs grunts and the sound of him fucking you.
you whimper, eyes squeezed shut as your climax hits the point of no return, crashing over you in waves. you think you might scream, but itâs hard to pay attention to anything other than the overwhelming pleasure coursing through you. part of you thinks thisâll be it, bucky will come now and then youâll have had one of the best orgasms of your life and heâll be on his merry way home. but no, thatâs not what happens.
instead, bucky keeps thrusting relentlessly into you, dragging out your pleasure to the point of oversensitivity.
âsâtoo much,â you breathe, gasping for air.
bucky shakes his head, face contorted in concentration. âone more,â he tells you, voice gruff and deep.
unbelievably, you feel tears beginning to gather in the corners of your eyes. buckyâs still rubbing your clit, still keeping a steady rhythm of his hips, and fuck, heâs so beautiful. you watch him fucking you, wondering how the fuck you got to this moment, how you got lucky enough to bear witness to the sight of bucky fucking, let alone be the one he fucks. his body is ridiculous, looking like itâs carved from marble. you know how much strength it holds, as well, know that if he really wanted to, he could probably fuck you against a wall.
itâs with that thought, with the added bonus of the way bucky touches you, looks at you, like youâre something treasured and gorgeous, giving you such intense pleasure, that the tears threatening to spill over finally fall from your lashes.
bucky notices, because of course he does, and he thrusts into you just a little faster, a little harder, and your body seizes up and then youâre falling into another orgasm. it spreads through your veins, slow like honey, making sure this one settles deep into your bones. bucky groans as he, too, reaches climax, hips twitching into you in aftershocks until he stops moving altogether.
you both pant for breath, sweat gathered in every crevice on your bodies. you think you wonât be able to move for the rest of the weekend.
âneed to pull out,â bucky says softly, breaking the moment.
you nod and he carefully pulls his hips back, grunting. you poorly suppress a whimper and close your legs, already hating the empty feeling.
âwell,â he starts, plopping himself on his back next to you, âi think i deserve some kind of reward.â
when you turn to face him with an exasperated look, heâs got his arms crossed behind his head, a smug smile across his lips.
âhow about i donât kick you in the balls? howâs that for a reward?â
âi literally just did the impossible.â
âwhat, made me come twice? i can do that all on my own. youâre not special,â you retort with a huff.
he scoffs. âi fucked you so good you cried.â
âyou canât prove it,â you say to the ceiling.
âkeep up this attitude and i wonât do it again,â he threatens, poking you in your side.
you wiggle away from the ticklish touch while trying to tamp down on the hope bubbling in your chest.
âoh, weâre doing this again, are we?â you say as casually as possible.
he rolls his eyes. âof course we are. now,â he sits up in your bed, stretching his arms as he stands and picks up his underwear, âiâm starving. wanna order takeout?â
well, you guess if youâd been worried about any kind of awkwardness before, you shouldnât have. this is bucky, your best friend. heâd never let things change between you.
***
except, things kinda change between the two of you.
itâs not very noticeable at first, changes so subtle you miss them, until one day he showed up at your apartment and greeted you with a kiss. you stood frozen in your doorway as he rambled about how stressful his day had been as he kicked his shoes off. it was only when you heard him calling out from the kitchen that he was gonna eat your leftovers that you snapped out of it, yelling back that youâd kick his ass if he even touched your dumplings.
another day, he facetimes you and asks if you want to go to see that new movie youâve been talking about.
âoh,â youâd said. âare nat and sam coming, too?â
heâd given you a funny look, replied, âno, i thought it would just be us two.â
âoh,â you said again. âokay.â
so youâd gone to the movies, let him buy you buttery popcorn and peanut m&mâs and a soda bigger than your head. he shared with you, despite your protests, and halfway through the film you felt his hand settle on your thigh. you blinked and stared at it for a beat, turning to him in question. he only smiled at you briefly before focusing back on the movie.
in between all of this, you continued calling him over for sex. honestly, how could you not? as much as you didnât want to admit it to him, he was the best youâve ever had. and if heâs so willing, why shouldnât you take advantage while you can?
a week ago, though, youâd texted him and asked him to come over, replying to his question of what time and then started getting ready. youâd purchased a new piece of lingerie, a periwinkle babydoll nightie, that left very little to the imagination. it had a matching pair of panties and felt soft and luxurious on your skin. youâd taken extra time to do your hair and makeup, wanting to look like sex on legs, and youâre pretty sure you succeeded.
but when he got there and you answered the door in your sexy outfit, he didnât see it right away. in one hand he held his phone, typing something on it, and in the other hand he held a grocery bag that you eyed curiously.
âi brought stuff to make spaghettiââ
when he did finally look up, his eyes widened and traveled the length of your body several times. you bit your lip, trying and failing to hold back your smile.
âhow about we skip dinner?â youâd said, fisting his nice button-up shirt and dragging him inside your apartment. you grabbed the grocery bag from his hand and sat it on the floor, absently noting he was wearing his date jeans.
whoops, youâd thought, hope i didnât pull him away from someone important.
you hadnât let yourself dwell on it, standing up on your tippy toes and kissing him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. heâd returned the kiss, licking into your mouth, drawing your tongue out so he could suck on it and made you moan embarrassingly loud.
âwait,â heâd murmured, âwe should eat first.â
âor, you could eat me,â youâd retorted with a giggle.
he groaned like it pained him to say no, gripped your hips hard and put a tiny bit of distance between you. the look in his eyes had made you want to find the nearest flat surface and bend over.
âwhy donât you be a good girl for me, hm? let me cook dinner for us and after we eat iâll fuck you however you want me to. okay, sweetheart?â
you whined, but ultimately agreed, knowing heâd make it worth it.
and then thereâs tonight, where he came over unannounced, armed with groceries again and promising to cook you the best meal youâve ever had. to say you were confused would be an understatement, but you also didnât want to look a gift horse in the mouth.
itâs just⊠well, buckyâs not really acting like a friend with benefits. sure, you hung out alone with him all the time before, but he never once cooked you dinner, and he certainly never helped wash dishes after. you guess the hello kisses could be explained away as part of the new aspect of your relationship, but something about that didnât sit quite right with you.
after a truly delicious dinner, you find yourself on the couch with bucky as he scrolls through netflix to find a movie to put on.
âwhat do you want to watch?â he asks.
âmm,â you mumble, shifting closer to start kissing his neck, âdonât care.â
as he narrows down his decision and finally picks one, you make your way up to his jaw, sucking a small mark into the skin there.
âbaby,â he protests softly, âletâs just watch the movie, yeah?â
you pull back, confused. first at the pet name, then at his words. heâs never denied you before, which isnât to say that he canât, itâs just that heâs always seemed on board. and, you know, you thought that was kind of the whole point of this thing.
âokay,â you reply after a moment.
he gives you a smile and a sweet kiss, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his side to cuddle. you canât help but frown, feeling like youâre missing something, but not knowing what it could be.
it doesnât take long for drowsiness to creep up on you. before he showed up, you had planned on probably ordering out for dinner and going to bed early since youâd had a pretty rough day. in fact, you remember texting bucky about it just that afternoon. your eyelids get heavier and heavier, finding it harder to keep them open as the seconds pass. your head droops and in the next blink, youâve fallen asleep.
youâre not sure how much time has passed when bucky wakes you, but you groan, pouting and burrowing into his shoulder more.
he huffs a laugh. âcâmon, sweetheart, letâs get you to bed.â
âdonâ wanna move,â you mumble tiredly.
âiâll carry you,â he offers. âup you go, baby.â
you half heartedly argue about being jostled, but let him carry you to your bed where he carefully places you, helping you out of your sweatpants and pulling your blankets up around you. you sigh in content, feeling yourself already drifting back into sleep. you hear bucky shuffling, but think nothing of it until the bed dips beside you, then feel his warm body slide in underneath the covers and press in close.
âgoodnight, darlinâ,â he murmurs.
youâd ask him what in the word heâs doing, but sleep is just far too enticing to ignore. you fall into slumber with buckyâs warmth along your back, his arm draped over you.
the next morning, you wake to the feeling of his fingers playing with the tiny bow on the front of your panties and his lips placing gentle kisses on your shoulder. you hum, eyes still closed, in the back of your mind thinking this is a nice way to wake up. at the sound of you, his touches get firmer, more insistent.
âgood morning,â he rasps, breath tickling your ear.
you donât really get a chance to reply. he dips his fingers into your panties, making you inhale sharply, moaning as you buck into his hand. he fingers you for a while, kissing along the column of your throat, biting and sucking marks into the skin there. when youâre begging him for more, he relents, eases your panties off and lifts your leg to slide in from behind. the angle is so nice it has you gasping.
you clutch the sheets weakly, burying your face in your pillow and muffle your whines and moans. bucky keeps a slow, lazy rhythm, acting as if heâs got all the time in the world to draw this out. itâs good, so good, and you canât hold back your whimper when he kicks up the pace a little, tells you to touch yourself. you come seconds before he does, shuddering through it and humming happily.
as you both lie there and catch your breath, awareness trickles into your mind. you swallow roughly, staring blankly at the wall as you realize your feelings have grown far too much for this to be only casual anymore.
bucky kisses your shoulder again. âiâm gonna go make breakfast, okay? iâll call you when itâs ready.â
âokay,â you whisper, blinking rapidly to keep tears from forming.
hearing bucky bustle around your kitchen makes your heart clench with want; want for something you canât have.
***
bucky: dinner tonight?
you bite the inside of your cheek as you stare at the text. you know you need to cut things off with him before you get anymore hurt than you already are. itâs not fair to either of you if you continue with this arrangement when youâve caught real feelings for him. you have to tell him, and soon. with that thought in mind, you type out a reply.
you: sure. what time?
bucky: reservations are at 8pm, iâll pick you up by 7:45.
reservations? where was he taking you? you get another text before you can ask.
bucky: dress nice ;)
with a sigh, you text back an affirmative and try to start mentally preparing yourself for the conversation you dreaded having. you could only hope and pray that he agrees to still be your friend after.
by the time thereâs a knock on your door that night, youâve worked yourself up into an anxious mess. you open the door to see bucky standing there with a single peach colored rose and a bashful grin.
âhi,â he greets, leaning in to kiss you on your cheek. âthis is for you.â
he hands you the rose and you feel your heart crack in your chest. you muster a small smile.
âthank you. let me go put this in a vase and we can head out.â
he nods and waits patiently at the door. as you fill a vase with a little water, you take a deep breath, giving yourself a mental pep talk.
this was going to suck.
the drive to the restaurant doesnât take too long, and when you see where heâs taken you, your eyebrows shoot up. this is one of the nicer places in the city, definitely not on the affordable side. he helps you out of the car, leading you inside with his hand on the small of your back. youâre led to a small booth in a far corner with overhead lighting that feels too intimate. maybe youâd have to wait until you left to tell himâŠ
conversation is light, a bit surface level, and you get the feeling that bucky is a little nervous. you wonder if maybe heâs gonna let you down gently first, hoping that he doesnât, because youâd rather not cry in such a fancy restaurant.
after the waiter takes your drink orders, bucky sighs.
âokay, let me just⊠get this off my chest.â
oh fuck, here it goes.
âi know iâve never really come across at the most romantic guy, especially since iâve never felt the need to be.â he runs a nervous hand through his hair. âyouâve always been so important to me, and this last month has been so, so wonderful.â
âbuckyâŠâ you trail off, attempting to somehow stop him, but he powers through.
âi justâi never thought iâd find somebody, you know?â he says, earnest, gaze locked on yours. another crack in your heart. âespecially not somebody who was my friend first, that i already had a solid foundation with. the attraction had always been there, but the friendship meant more to me, and finally allowing that to blossom into this amazing, new, fun relationship has got to be the best decision iâve ever made.â
did he start dating someone and not tell you? oh god, has he been sleeping with someone else? at the same time? your stomach turns, eyes burning, hating yourself more and more as he speaks.
âso, i guess what iâm trying to say is,â he says, rolling his eyes at himself and smiling, âhappy one month anniversary, sweetheart.â
you blink, feeling a tear slip down your cheek. âwhat?â you croak, beyond confused.
bucky, however, looks concerned. âbaby, why are you crying?â
âiâŠâ you blink some more, eyes flitting around the room as if youâll get some kind of clarity that way to the situation currently happening. âwhat?â you repeat.
âdid i come on too strong?â he asks, looking embarrassed now. âi wasnât sure if youâd even want to celebrate, but iâve just been so happy with youâiâm sorry, baby, i shouldâve asked.â
âbucky, what are you talking about?â you finally manage, unable to keep the bewilderment out of your tone. âanniversary?â
bucky frowns. âi didnât get the date wrong, did i?â
âno, iâthis isnâtâiâm not talking aboutâugh, i mean, when did we even start having an anniversary to celebrate?â
buckyâs face goes blank, sitting back in his chair. your heart is pounding wildly in your chest, so fucking confused, so fucking hopeful.
âwe⊠weâre dating,â he says, slow, unsure. âarenât we?â
âsince when?â you ask probably too loudly, cheeks flushing.
he opens and closes his mouth a couple times. âwhen i asked you out?â
âbucky, oh my god, youâre gonna have to be more specific before i lose my goddamn mind. when did you ask me out?â
he huffs, his own cheeks flushing. âat the cafe! a month ago, at brunch with natasha and sam.â
your eyes widen in disbelief. âwhen you asked if you could fuck me until i cried?â you hiss, ignoring the scandalized look on the waiterâs face as he brings your drinks over.
smiling apologetically, you thank him and wait until heâs gone before sending a glare buckyâs way.
âthatâs not how you ask a person out,â you seethe.
âi asked if you wanted to give this a try and you said yes!â he replies desperately. âiâve taken you on dates!â
you pinch the bridge of your nose, thinking of all the times you thought he was being too romantic, more-than-friends type of behavior. youâre a fucking idiot, but god, so was he.
âat no point did you say anything even remotely close about us starting a relationship. i thought we were just fucking, bucky, i didnât realize it was more than that!â
âyou donâtââ he starts, then stops, looking down at the plate in front of him. âyou donât want to be with me?â
âi didnât know it was an option,â you say carefully.
âwell, it is.â he meets your gaze, cautious. âi just spilled my guts to you. you know how i feel now. how do you feel? about me?â
you lick your lips. âbucky, i⊠i was planning to end things with you tonight.â his expression drops, even though he tries to mask it, so youâre quick to explain. ânot because i donât like you, but because i do like you and i thought you wouldnât want anything more than just sex with me.â
âitâs never been and never could have been just sex with you,â he replies, quiet and relieved. he reaches across the table to take your hand in his. âi meant it when i said youâre the best decision iâve ever made. i want thisâthe sex, the dinners, dates, all the gross and sappy shit i never wanted before⊠i want it all with you, if youâll have me.â
you canât fight the smile spreading across your lips. âof course iâll have you, bucky.â
he smiles in return, a laugh bubbling out of him, which makes you giggle, until youâre both laughing so hard and loud that patrons from other tables are sending dirty looks your way, which only makes you laugh more.
âdo you wanna get out of here?â you ask, laughter dying down. âthereâs pizza and sex calling our names, i think.â
bucky moans dramatically. âi knew i liked you for a reason.â
he leaves money on the table and then the two of you quickly make your way through the restaurant, giggling and holding hands the whole way, even in the car.
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