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mushroomhattime · 1 year

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Befriending Loki

-Fluff with teasing

-mentions of poison, age difference

-1282 words

-If you’d like an x reader version of this comment below or pm me and i’ll post one

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"Jarvis, are all books present?" She questioned the A.I. System that she had come to adore as much as her father did. "Your favorites, Twilight, New Moon, and Breaking Dawn have been taken out Miss. Stark." He responded sarcastically, but monotonously, like always. "May I ask by whom?" An amused smirk framing her face as she scanned the walls for her desired section. "By Mr. Odinson, Miss. Stark." Jarvis replied. Her smile reappeared as she thought about what Thor might think of them. The only reason she had those at all was because she refused to believe a book was bad until she'd read it herself. And unfortunately, the negative hype surrounding the series was anything but false. "Aha, here we are." She climbed the ladder up to the section full of outdated vocabulary and skimmed through titles she thought to be appropriate. "No, not Edmund... Norton... Wyatt... maybe Drayton," the mutters continued until the target was found. "Ah, Shakespeare! There he is!" She started snatching plays off the shelf and placing them into a makeshift basket she made with the front of her sweater. "Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, The Taming of The Shrew, Julius Caesar, and Comedy-of-Errors. That should keep him busy for a month or so." She clasped the hem of her shirt in her teeth to keep the contents from spilling out and slid down the edges of the ladder before hurrying out the door and to the elevator. The trip to his cell was unnecessarily long, especially when she stopped to make tea, which proved to be difficult when refusing to put down all the books. But nevertheless, she prevailed and took the reading material and thermos' to the fiftieth floor and into a section of the laboratory. Eventually, she stumbled into the room where his cell was and began the hike over to the door. He watched her closely, highly amused by her state. Her stomach was visible from pulling up her sweater for the books, and under both arms were cups that he found unfamiliar and suspicious. "What are you doing, mortal? You look ridiculous." His face exerted smugness, but that was never unusual for him. "I'm being nice to you, so you damn well better appreciate it, Asgardian." She commanded sarcastically, struggling to type in the password and give a thumbprint as she did so. Thankfully, the door opened without any further obstacles and she crashed in, the entrance closing behind her. "Here." She placed the tea gently into a corner and dumped the literature into his lap. "What is this?" He questioned, examining each cover of the five. "Those are called books, love." She cracked a small smile and plopped down in front of him, sipping her tea. "I'm well aware. What I was insinuating was why have you assumed I could possibly appreciate Midgardian literature?" He much enjoyed teasing her and waiting impatiently for her to throw it back in his face with her witty comments and comebacks. "Because I've listened to the way you and Thor seem to formulate sentences, and the vocabulary you use. It is remarkably similar to the regular speaking patterns of Midgardians in what historians call the Elizabethan Era. These are all written by a man called Shakespeare, who lived in England over 400 years ago, he wrote plays, 43 to be exact. Nowadays we've dubbed your speech 'Ye Old English', an unofficial term used to describe the language difference from then and now, also more formally known as Shakespearean... is that enough information, or shall I continue?" She rambled satirically. "I think that is enough for now." He stated, flipping through The Taming of the Shrew carelessly. "I didn't know what genre you preferred, so I grabbed a variety. I've read all of these ones and I think they're nice. I thought you would like them more than modern books." Her nerves set in, regretting her act of kindness, but she wouldn't dare show them.

He glanced over at her, studying her awkward actions. Her sleeves pulled over her fists, which were resting uncomfortably in the small space on the floor between her crossed legs. He was about to express his thanks when she flung herself to her feet dramatically. With haste, she bent down and snatched the second thermos, then slid on her belly over to him. He hummed a tiny laugh as she reached out her arm with the cup to him. "I made you tea, drink it and shower me with compliments about how good it is." She said. "Yes of course... but are you sure it isn't poisonous?" Loki gave her a knowing glare and a smile.

"I am sixty-five percent sure that it isn't, but you should be fine. That is unless Asgardians are prone to floral allergies." The woman raised her eyebrows sassily at him.

"I am a god. Gods do not have such pathetic internal weaknesses." He scoffed and sipped his tea (after fumbling quietly with the lid in confusion during the majority of the conversation.)

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say Magic-Man... You know, you don't HAVE to act as if you're SO above me all the time. You and I both know that we're equal in intelligence and technically the same age." She had changed her position while talking to have her legs straightened and propped up against the wall with her back and head on the floor next to Loki.

It was obvious that the god was unaware of one of those two presented points because he nearly spit out the tea everywhere. "You and I being the same age is literally impossible. I am thousands of years old and you are eighteen." He looks down at her skeptically; wiping the dribbled tea with the back of his hand.

"Wouldn't it only make sense to assume these two different realms of existence that are billions of lightyears away from each other probably have differing concepts of time? If not because of vastly contrasting histories, then possibly for different distances from their respective suns and moons? How long is a day in Asgard vs. Earth?" She talks with her hands and makes eye contact while still on the floor, happiness emanating from her because of the obvious irritation building in his face. Loki does not like to be shown up or proven wrong, albeit he's never lashed out at her for doing so for some reason.

"Even so, how do you know that we're the same age on earth terms? there are no specifics about that in your kind's Norse literature." He was quite curious now; this could really end up working in his favor.

"Well, it was excruciatingly easy when I had Thor on hand to tell me the average life expectancy of an Asgardian/Norse god and how old you were and the general synopsis of your guy's calendar. You compare those to a human's, specifically American's, then you come up with a medium level equation that can be checked by the two live-in geniuses and the supercomputer that encompasses this building. You, Loki Laufyson, are roughly seventeen and three-fourths old, which makes me approximately 3 months older than you in Midgardian years."

Loki had never seen her look so smug in his life and he despised it. "I despise you." He growled, almost a little too realistically.

"Doubtful, you looove me." An attractive and confident air surrounded her.

"I know." He murmured quietly, not quite ready to have this conversation with her.

"What was that hun?" Back to her considerate, usual tone.

"The tea is lovely, Eliza." Loki toned himself down to a sweeter, softer tone that only she and his mother were ever allowed to hear.

"Hell yeah it is."

#loki #marvel #fanfic #marvelfanfic #fluff #loki fluff #oneshot #jarvis

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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Ted: I can't do that - it goes against my moral compass.

Charlie: Your moral compass is a fuCKING ROULETTE WHEEL!

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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“Don’t be horny, do math.”

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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Ted v. Schlatt

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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This is a shitpost, don't come for me SMP Tumblr 🐑

I like BiG bOyS

iTTy BiTtY bOyS

miSSisSiPpi BOys

iNnER CiTY bOys

I LiKe tHe PreTTy bOyS,

WiTH ThE bOw tiE

gEt YoUr nAils DiD, LeT iT BlOw dRy

I LiKe A biG BeArd

i LiKE a CLeAn fAce

i Don'T diSCriMinAte cOmE aNd gEt A TasTe (of SMP culture you dirty minded fucks)

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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Thank you Ted for providing us with clumsy Carson content.

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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Crouch

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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TRAVIS IS BABY…

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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THESE IS THE SAME

Proof:

Uhh minecrafed

7

actually all rly young

kinda ugly but in a cute way

boy band pose pictures

newtons law: every member has an equal an opposite member

I have a probably unhealthy attachment to them

depression

weed

:)

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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i made a video. youtube wouldnt let me upload it. i uploaded it to google drive. please look at it. im in a lot of pain

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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shoutout to @cher-ii, @bigbastardenergy, @ted-nivison, and @connoreatspant for helping me w the biggest brain moment of this entire fanbase’s history

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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rip to smplive but we’re crying

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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have some photos of my favorite boys :)

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mushroomhattime · 4 years

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Reasons why Ed IV was a Shit King (according to me)

His father (Dick 2.5) begins the war of the roses with what I believe to be honest intentions. Daddy dies before the crown is won.

Ed wins the crown with the help of the Duke of Warwick, who is called Richard but we’re gonna call him Dick 2.75

Dick 2.75 thinks he’s gonna be pulling Ed’s strings and that works for a little while, but then

Ed meets Elizabeth Woodville (who we will now call Liz) and wants to fuck her REAL BAD

Liz, whose family fought against Ed in the war of the roses, says no sex until marriage. (She was widowed at this point with two sons)

Ed wants to fuck Liz so bad that he marries her in secret and doesn’t tell Dick 2.75

Meanwhile, Dick 2.75 is getting buddy buddy with Louis (who we will now cal Lou), king of France, trying to get a French bride for Ed

Dick 2.75 pretty much has a bride all lined up and Ed has to fess up to marrying Liz

Liz is coronated and she and Dick 2.75 immediately hate each other

Liz brings all of her family members (Woodvilles coming out of the woodworks) to court and starts giving them nice cushy titles

Ed does pretty much whatever Liz says because she has hot titties

Things escalate and Dick 2.75 gets mad. Real mad. So mad that he rebels against the crown and captures Ed

Dick 2.75 makes some bad choices and backs himself into a corner so he lets Ed go.

Dick 2.75 wants his daughter to marry Ed’s younger brother George. Ed says no.

Dick 2.75 does a little secret marriage of his own and has them married anyway

Ed accuses Dick 2.75 and George of treason

Dick 2.75 and George then flee to France to hang out with Lou for a little while

Ed is back in charge, except it’s still mostly Liz calling the shots. No one seems to like her family very much

Over in France Dick 2.75 is getting madder and madder. Lou is egging him on. The decide to invade England and put old King Harry back on the throne

Dick 2.75 works with the woman who killed his daddy (Harry’s wife Margaret of Anjou, we’ll call her Marg)

Dick 2.75 and Marg do a good job and Ed has to flee England this time. He goes out to hang out with Charles (Chuck) Duke of Burgundy

Ed and Chuck make a comeback and fight a big battle against Dick 2.75 and Marg. Ed and Chuck win and Dick 2.75 gets killed

Ed is comfy on his throne, and now that he doesn’t have to worry about Dick 2.75 anymore he can get back to drinking and whoring. Liz is still behind the scenes calling shots

At some point George finds out that Ed may or may not have married some other girl to get in her panties before he married Liz, so their sons might be bastards. Liz makes Ed kill George

Ed was so good at drinking and whoring that he has a stroke and dies. His two sons (the princes in the tower) should succeed to the throne with Mamma Liz as regent

BUT the sons might be bastards

There’s a big hullabaloo and Ed’s youngest brother, Richard (we’ll call him Dick 3) is appointed as the Dude in Charge while the princes grow up

Someone murders the princes (not Dick 3, shut up)

Dick 3 wasn’t prepared to be king (because he was the youngest brother out of 4) and makes some good and some bad choices

The battle of Bosworth happens and now it’s time for the Tudors

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