sevenswifty

[sevenswifty]

I was crying yesterday to my therapist about how I feel so powerless and extremely dissatisfied with my life and how the future is hopeless and that I wish Putin would just nuke us already and he asked if there's anything in my life that I *do* have control over.

Me, with a raging eating disorder:

(I did not out myself you silly gooses)

[sevenswifty]

Really don't wanna ve alive right now, but my brother pulled the suicide card already, so I don't get to 👍🏻

[sevenswifty]

Hot girls hit parked cars in their new car 🥲👍🏼

[sevenswifty]

My therapist said my brain knows I won't see or talk to my brother ever again, but that my heart doesn't know it yet.

I'm not sure it ever will.

[sevenswifty]

Currently hung up on the fact that both my brother and Robin Williams were Cancer sun, Pisces moon, and Scorpio ascendant.

#suicide in astrology

[sevenswifty]

Another suicide in my mom's side of the family. It's the family curse.

Johnny, Diane, Keith, Shaun, and now Keith.

Keith and Keith even shared a birthday.

Sick to my stomach.

[sevenswifty]

Last night and today.

[sevenswifty]

All I do is cry about my brother.

And if I'm not crying, I want to cry, but can't because I'm at work.

[sevenswifty]

So I applied for a job, got through the second-round interview, only to find out that the interviewer contacted my current employer without my consent. Now I gotta hope I'm not fired, and also post a review on glassdoor letting people know about their shady recruitment practice. I'm so upset over this, I feel sick. How could you put someone's current employment at risk like that??

[sevenswifty]

I understand why no one asks me about my brother. I'm sure it's awkward and awful and uncomfortable for them and I'm sure they're trying to avoid making me sad, but I like it when people ask about him. A coworker today chatted with me for 20 minutes bc he was talking to a friend this weekend and apparently this of his friend knew my brother. So he started asking about my brother and what he enjoyed doing, and all the people who loved him, and it felt SO GOOD to be able to talk about him. I don't bring it up to my friends bc I don't want to make them uncomfortable by talking about my dead brother, but I didn't realize how badly I was wanting and needing to talk about him. It made me SO HAPPY to talk about him. It meant so much that this coworker was asking about him.

[sevenswifty]

Why do I put so much effort and love into friendships on the daily when it's obvious the other person has shown me they won't do that even in the worst of times for me?

You find out who your friends are, that's for sure.

[sevenswifty]

Currently snowed in. I actually can't open my front door, the snow is too high and too heavy for me to push it open. Sometime tomorrow my parents will come by my place to dig me out 🙃

[sevenswifty]

#no bc FOR REAL #literally catch me anywhere else than with you BUFFOONS #no time for that tomfoolery #wack

[sevenswifty]

Just something I wrote. I don't know why I'm posting, I don't like sharing my writing.

#mine #original poetry #original poem #poetry #poem #my poetry #my poem #iambic pentameter #writing #grief #loss #death #brother #for my brother

[sevenswifty]

[sevenswifty]

Why is this pic I took last night so aesthetic?

[sevenswifty]

So if they do a Burt Reynolds biopic... Pedro is gonna be cast right? Right??