#'actually no woman has ever done anything wrong ever i will explain (1/36)'

[cinnamonest]

Plsss!! You gotta do some more Modern Au albedo/Xiao/Kazuha ur literally the best at it 😭😭❤️❤️

I loved those posts, these atrocious boys with their (involuntary) gfs.

For this post I included some more general stuff (and I'm repeating/expanding upon previously mentioned things), but after rereading part of the camgirl post where it mentions promising to be a good bf,  it got me thinking so I wanted to focus on the concept of each boy trying to be a "Good Boyfriend".

I'm also going off of the dynamics/darlings in these posts and mention some past ideas from them, but I made it so that you could either read it as those darlings or just a default darling, so you don't need to read the other posts, but I'll still link them:

(Xiao)

(Albedo)

(Kazuha)

Also preemptively yes they all have the same general reasoning for keeping you locked up, the boys think alike I stand by this

//also heavily gendered, some mildly sexist stuff bc modern AU incel culture (you know I'm right when I say Xiao probably pays for 4chan Pass and kazuha would be a white knight bless him), brief discussion of theoretical homicide

-------

When you first woke up here, Xiao promised to be a good boyfriend, and he tries his best to make good on that promise.

What do good boyfriends do? Well, he's been on the internet long enough and seen enough media to have some general idea. Good boyfriends buy gifts. Good boyfriends make food for their girlfriend. Good boyfriends make their girlfriends cum.

He gets you plenty of gifts. As soon as he brought you home, in fact, he bought a ton of various costumes and lingerie sets off the internet. He's spent a ton of money on it all, which you're supposed to, in turn, recognize the contributions he's put in for your sake and be happy.

He doesn't make food (he doesn't know how), but he always asks you what food you want delivered and always goes with what you want, so, same idea. A lot of girls on social media (he has gone out of his way to browse and gather observational evidence) seem to be fixated on the idea of breakfast in bed, so, he takes it upon himself to get some of those frozen sugary carbohydrate-packed breakfast packages you pop in the microwave from the store, and has them ready as you're waking up one day. He doesn't have a tray or plates, though, so he just has to take apart the cardboard box they came in and use that as a substitute, but it works.

And you do get to cum. He stakes a great deal of his own pride on that... so he makes sure it's lots and lots of times per day. Even if you protest at first, even if you say you can't anymore. It's still a good thing, so, even if you're not wanting it in the moment, he's supposed to do that anyway, that makes sense. He should be recognized for his efforts, really, because he refuses to use any aid of anything that isn't attached to his own body, only fingers and tongue and cock and never anything that isn't attached to his own body.

Granted, there are other pieces of advice commonly suggested as components of being a "good" boyfriend, like... letting you be independent, listening to your side of arguments and not interrupting.

But his favorite frequented forums have very specifically made it clear that this is beta male behavior. So, no way is he going to engage in such a thing. If you want to be listened to, don't say dumb things. Simple. He would listen to you and not interrupt you if you weren't being dumb and wrong and bringing up things he specifically told you not to. Why do you do that? You're supposed to not do things when he says not to.

It's sort of a cognitive dissonance, but he tends to take things he's read online on completely opposite ends of the spectrum and use both as guidelines. Yes, he's supposed to do all this stuff for you, and buy you things and be nice to you and compliment you (he manages to do so, albeit stutters and can't look you in the eye to do so), and all that. But at the same time, he has had enough of... unpleasant content funneled into his brain from years of being chronically online, to the extent that he also engages in complete opposite behavior too.

You've gotten into quite a few arguments over time pertaining to why you can't be allowed to go out. You even have the audacity to want to go out by yourself, claiming that since he is so averse to going outside, he might as well just stay in while you go for a walk and question why you can't do so, if you have something tracking you.

Well, for starters, even if he could trust you not to go to law enforcement, you would probably cheat with some random stranger. Not that you can be blamed for that, it's like animal instinct in some people, but unfortunately you are just especially impulsive. Of course, you argue against this and say that's preposterous, but this is because likewise, you are naturally inclined to lie. And when you get increasingly frustrated at these statements, that is due to you being overly-emotional and far too sensitive. Typical. But you see, that is why he has to do the best thing for you, even if you're upset about it, and keep you inside.

In fact, a significant portion of being a good boyfriend means sometimes doing things that make you upset, because it's what's best for you. This can be difficult, as it invokes overreactions from you and you get very mad and mean.

It's quite unfair, really, that being a good boyfriend requires so much effort. Being a good girlfriend is so easy. Being nice and sweet and never ever disagreeing with anything he says and never being mean and having sex at any moment takes so little effort. But he does it out of love, which makes the burden worthwhile.

You clearly do a lot of things voluntarily, though. He never told you you have to clean, but you nonetheless do on your own volition. One day (a good behavior day, being allowed to roam the whole apartment) you stomped into the kitchen and returned with a trash bag, and began shoveling all the empty bottles and takeout boxes and plastic forks and disposable chopsticks and crumbled papers and old receipts and empty packages and amazon envelopes and... well, you get the idea. All the accumulated stuff, and you got it all into a few trash bags. Of course, he had to hover over you the whole time, making sure you didn't dispose of anything important--

Don't throw that away. I need it.

It's literally broken in half.

I can still use it.

--And that you don't waste anything--

Don't. There's over half the bag left.

They were on the floor and already opened. The expiry date is from last year.

They're still good. I'll eat them.

No you will NOT.

--But eventually, you get it all cleaned up. It feels like having a new room... you can see the floor now.

He likes the domestic vibe of having you cleaning and all, but it also gets a bit irritating when you start nagging about it. But still, he tolerates that, because that's what he's supposed to do, it's part of good relationships and stuff. He also tolerates a surprising amount of things, increasingly so over time, provided you frame it as concern.

You've forced him into a somewhat consistent sleep schedule, albeit not a healthy one, but still, you made him agree to a standard of not staying up longer than 24 hours at a time. As well as a couple other standards that you insisted were out of concern, and, well, when you put it like that, you're trying to be good for him and showing concern for his well-being which is very nice, so if he tries his best to abide by your wishes, then that should make you pleased. Showering at least every other day, limiting the caffeine consumption (in truth, he often just drinks it while you're asleep, but you don't know that so it doesn't count), and not eating perishable food if he can't remember how long it's been sitting out.

It's not pleasant, and it's frustrating to have to abide by such arbitrary regulations, but you're trying your best to be good and do your part and care for him. If he didn't show some appreciation for that, you would be more likely to not put in any effort to be good in other matters. So, it's best to comply. Besides, it's kind of nice when you tell him that this or that isn't good for his health or organs or whatever, it sounds like you really do care, which is a pleasant thought. It also puts more pressure on him to continue to be good so that you continue to be good, he views it like some sort of back-and-forth exchange, a calculated effort.

And with that, there's one other thing, though, that's bothering him. One facet that he keeps ignoring, despite knowing it's standard for "good boyfriend" criteria.

Good boyfriends plan out and pay for dates.

Which he has neglected, for obvious reasons. But no one is perfect, right? You're mean sometimes, so you're not exactly being the ideal girlfriend either. And he's done a pretty good job with everything else.

But you bring it up. You keep begging to go outside, say you won't try anything, that it doesn't matter if it's just for a few minutes, that you're going to go insane if you have to stay in here much longer. While this is obviously exaggeration due to hysteria, seeing as he never leaves and he's perfectly fine, it does stay in the back of his mind that appeasing this desire of yours might earn favor from you and make you happy, which in turn has benefits on his end. Eventually, the more you ask, the closer you get to him giving in, until one day he finally does, much to your surprise.

Fine. There's a cafe type of place at the bottom of the apartment complex. You can go there together, for a short time. Not very long. And... you have to wait a few days, because you have no clothes that aren't far too obscene to wear in public, so, he'll have to order something off the internet for you. But no talking to anyone the whole time, and if you try anything you'll go back immediately, and so on and so on, all these regulations he keeps repeating over and over.

You're too ecstatic to really listen. You didn't actually think you'd get this far... and in truth, you know better than to try anything to escape or something like that, you're just genuinely happy to get out. You practically go bounding down the hallway when that day comes. It almost doesn't even feel real, you've been away from public so long that it almost feels foreign... but here you are.

It's one of those versatile places, with coffees and teas and fruit drinks and cream sodas and pretty much anything you could think of. He tells you to get whatever you want (this will in turn lead to increased happiness, whereas denying you anything could potentially upset you and thereby ruin the purpose of the venture), so you intend get something you really like in the largest size possible. He trails right behind you the whole time.

You can be the one to talk to the cashier. I'll allow it.

Aren't you just saying that because you don't want to?

Just do it.

He doesn't really like tea or coffee or anything of the sort, so, he grabs one of those little box containers of sweetened milk with the bendy straws they have for kids. And scowls when you cover your mouth and chortle at it.

You can tell he's extremely uncomfortable. You can imagine a shut-in would be. There's bright daylight all around, there's people all around. He still doesn't sit down, instead following you over to the counter where they have all the extra packets of cream and sugar and straws and napkins and stuff, clinging to your sleeve. It feels less like a date and more like having a shy kid following their big sibling around, even as you go to sit down.

He stays jittery, uneasy. Shifting around awkwardly, looking all around. You quietly wait for the complaints and grumbling to begin, knowing full well this was just to placate you.

But those complaints don't come. He just sits there quietly. Lets you talk. Doesn't say much himself, he's far too uneasy and nervous and overwhelmed by the noise and crowdedness for that, but doesn't complain about any of it. Doesn't start pushing you to go back within a few minutes, which you were expecting and prepared yourself for. Just quietly shifts around and looks around, responding to you with one-word answers and nods.

You don't talk about anything in particular, the sort of empty conversation (if it can be called that, with you doing the entirety of the talking) that you will forget within a few hours. You almost expect something to go wrong, even, as if someone you knew from before will show up and recognize you, or something will happen to cause a scene, but nothing does. And likewise, you find yourself pleasantly surprised by the lack of grouchy commentary you had anticipated.

It's because... you look really happy. You really brighten up and seem so much more energetic than you normally do. In truth, it does hurt a bit that you seem so much happier right now than you do the rest of the time, but normal people are like that, he thinks, they need to go out and do stuff like this to be content. So, maybe if you do this regularly enough, you'll even be happier when you are back at home, in the comforting familiar dark environment.

Maybe he doesn't even need the transactional benefits he initially had hoped for... the thought of you being happier because of something he did is enough to be satisfied. It makes him feel all warm and fuzzy that you're smiling and chattering away and sound so happy.

...But, uh, you've been here an hour now. Being around so many people is draining him like a dying battery. He still doesn't say anything, but you can see the fidgeting. You would like to stay longer, but... you're in a good mood now, and that makes you less argumentative and bitter and stubborn than you usually would be. Not to mention, this whole thing has admittedly greatly diminished your resentment, so you do have more empathy for him that you usually would, so you take it upon yourself to say well, I guess we should be getting back... You've never seen a person move so fast to get out the door of a public place.

And it works. You are happier, even when you return. You don't even go over to the other side of the room and lay down, instead choosing to come over to the desk and sit on his lap (!!!), facing towards him and resting your head on his shoulder (!!!!!), wrapping your arms around his body (!!!!!!!!), and all that. You sit quietly for a while. You're nervous to ask, almost don't want to out of fear of a negative answer, but finally manage to force yourself to ask if you can ever do this again sometime.

But he sighs, grumbles, but still says fine. Just not more than like, once a month or so. Maybe twice. But he can't handle more than that. It would probably kill him from the spike in heart rate and blood pressure. No that's not being dramatic and it's not an exaggeration, people do die that way you know. It could happen. You're laughing. He could literally, realistically die, and you're laughing. Ugh.

-------

Kazuha really cares about being a model boyfriend.

He already tries to be and considers himself a really good guy, which is already an advantageous trait, he thinks. Most guys are really awful, but not him! He's one of the good ones. He would never ever be mean to a girl, doesn't engage in tasteless jokes, doesn't talk badly about any girl. Girls are great. They're strong and smart and smell nice and are all so pretty and have nice thighs and chests that are nice to look at (in a respectful way and not an objectifying way!) so of course he's very very kind to all.

He's nice and not sexist because he's just a good person like that and not at all out of desire for brownie points and favor from you. And for that matter, he has ALWAYS stood up for random girls online as any good person would do. Being called a simp is just a way to know you're doing the right thing.

This all puts him far above the average guy (the average man is horrible for a ton of reasons that don't apply to him because he is Not Like The Other Guys and thereby better, which is something he can be proud of). He is very adamant to remind you of all of this.

Even now that you don't really have any other options anyway, trapped in his living space. Still, it can't hurt to ensure you know that he cares so much and is fully dedicated and loyal because that could earn some favor from you. After all, there's a chance you could get the wrong idea about all of this, and think of him as some sort of selfish, deranged pervert -- and he can totally understand how you could misinterpret it that way! Really, yes, it's understandable that you might come to that conclusion at first, but that actually is not the case at all and he wouldn't want that misunderstanding to occur. He's actually very selfless and has only your best interest in mind.

Which is why he has to be really good to you. Not that he wouldn't anyway, but he's just focusing on that to ensure you don't accidentally think badly of him, or think that taking you away and keeping you here is an act of selfishness on his part (because it's actually the opposite).

So he has to try very hard to be the ideal boyfriend. He, too, bases this concept on what he has read and otherwise seen presented as such over the years.

Firstly, making time for you, and ensuring you're his priority. His routine varies due to having a class schedule. You've learned the pattern that on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays he leaves a lot earlier than he does on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and he has short breaks throughout the day in between classes, unlike with someone who works a straight 9-5 or the like. So, he comes back a few times a day, rather than just being gone all day and returning in the evening.

Even if the gap between the class he just got out of and the next class is over half an hour, he'll come back to see you, since he lives right next to the campus. You'll be going about your day doing whatever you're allowed, hear the door creak open, and he comes rushing down the stairs. Even if it's just for five minutes, he'll still come back to you, talk to you until he has to leave again. Making sure you feel paid attention to.

And he knows that the place he lives in itself is a bit dreary. It's actually probably more spacious than the average college student's apartment, but that positive is very quickly outweighed by the lack of windows, being a basement. He tries to make up for this by having those strip-tape colored LED lights all over the place (they look cool right??) and leaving the TV running for background noise quite often. Making sure you have entertainment and light is only the least he can do to express his care for your mental health.

Oh, and of course, he makes or brings you food every day. He's gotten really good at making breakfast foods, usually prepares them ahead of time, and makes smoothies and the like, and he does always get you one too (yours is not the same thing though, his is special... he's been making the protein smoothies for months, so any day now he's going to get big muscly arms like he's been hoping to. You'll see).

Gifts are important. One of the more problematic factors in this is that he's kind of... broke. So, he does what he can, although in his head it does make him paranoid that he feels like he's not doing enough, not buying expensive enough things. Still, he scrapes his funds together for gifts, although you might not see it that way. Sure, he does get you some things like clothes and cute things (you eventually had to tell him to stop getting you stuffed animals after he brought home so many you don't have space for them). But a lot of his gifts are fun things you can use together, AKA just vibrating toys he buys online and a wide variety of high-quality S/M paraphernalia that he may or may not have drawn money out of his savings account for.

He can make up for his lack of significant funding, though, with other means. There are lots of things that go into being a good boyfriend. Like, uh... well, he did used to like every post you made on social media, but you two came to a mutual agreement together after a lot of healthy calm discussion like a good boyfriend would engage in, that it would be for the best if you don't have a phone anymore.

He explained his reasoning very politely and respectfully, that it's not good for your mental health. Lots of bad news out there in the world that would just be depressing, and even if he cancelled your actual phone service, there are just so many apps out there these days that allow you to communicate with people online and contact people and there's no way he could ever find every single one to block your access, so, since you're impulsive and might talk to people and tell them very personal things that shouldn't get out, it's for your own good. Oh, and the blue light too, not good for your eyes you know.

You didn't necessarily agree with his reasoning, and complained quite a bit, got yourself all worked up. And he did listen to you, of course, not interrupting or talking over you like bad guys tend to do, and uh, what's the terminology people use...? Right, he, ah, validated your feelings, gave you room to speak your thoughts, made sure to communicate healthily (not that he's entirely sure what that means, but he was honest and kept calm so that probably qualifies). The things you're supposed to do.

But that doesn't necessarily mean he has to give in or compromise or anything. No, technically, that would be a bad boyfriend too, if he just let you do whatever you wanted, when what you want is not what's best for you. The term is "tough love" or something like that. But you did eventually accept it which means you at least agree to the condition, even if you don't agree with the reasoning.

It just took time and continuously explaining the reasoning to you even when he already did that a hundred times and you won't stop bringing it up and one day he's finally had enough of it so the only way you'll get it through your head and stop throwing tantrums is to make you understand.

Well, no, no, he would never really hurt you. This is just corporeal punishment, and while it's not nice, it's ultimately out of love, such things are necessary sometimes. And besides, the tools he bought are intended for this exact purpose, so its appropriate and not something risking injury, although it does leave welts and bruises. Still, it's out of care, and he holds you close and kisses your forehead and rubs your back while you cry afterwards.

And to make up for the times when he has to be mean (only because you force him to be), he tries his best to make you happy because that's what's really important. And what's more fun than spending a lot of time together?

You would call it being smothered, though, although you're never really in the mood to try and be mean to him about it and risk having welts for a week... again. Besides, it offers some entertainment from the otherwise dull, boring hellscape that is life whenever he's gone. At least when he's here, it makes things a bit more interesting than watching stuff alone.

A rather cute thing (at least, it would be if things were normal) is that he tends to have very clean, and sometimes juvenile tastes in media. He prefers games, movies and shows that have very low content ratings for age-appropriateness, rarely anything that you wouldn't be comfortable showing a ten-year-old. His shows of preference are usually those "cartoon intended for kids but gained a solid adult fanbase as well" types of shows, and the games he plays are usually simulators and strategies rather than anything particularly violent.

None of that is a bad thing, of course, but it can get a bit dull over time, and you do sometimes express a desire to do maybe something a little different. Which he happily complies with, of course, because it would be terrible of him to be so selfish as to not be willing to let you share your interests. So he often lets you pick what to watch for the evening. One time you forced him to sit through a horror film and you're pretty sure you scarred him for life, seeing as he was the one clinging to you throughout most of it.

Perhaps the most important aspect of goodness, though, is your interactions. Those are paramount, ensuring that every talk you have is, uh, healthy... is that the word? Pretty sure that's the word. He's seen people say that before.

He's very nice. Listens to you even when you're being mean. That's part of the deal, right? That he's supposed to listen and hear you out even when he'd rather not because you don't deserve it and you're being ridiculous-- but still, he listens, because he's just really, really good and so much better than anyone other person you could have, who would probably have shut you up several minutes ago but here he is clenching his jaw and fist and forcing himself to let you talk anyway because he's so so so good and has so much self-control and would never be one of those guys that would lose his temper so easily! Haha.

Not that he has no limits, no, not if you just keep going and going being so mean and mouthy and eventually you cross some line or push him over the edge. But he's not someone who would yell or anything, no, he's better than that. He's very collected and firm about it, doesn't have some outburst or explosive anger, just... does what he has to. You're all worked up and have all this pent up emotion and stress and frustration and maybe another caning or fucking your throat will help you get that out cathartically. Again, you may not like it, but it's about what's best for you overall.

It's also very very important to take care of you afterwards. He gets you baths and food and gives you words of comfort. See, that's another area where he's definitely doing better than other guys who are selfish and lazy.

...And likewise, he also realizes that he's missing the critical element of going out. The best boyfriends (as per his analysis from lots of past social media scrolling) usually plan really nice dates and stuff, there's all sorts of popular forms of this, like movies and fairs and zoos and coffee shops and so on.

Unfortunately, that's... well, that's just not realistic. You're just not ready for that yet. Maybe one day you will be! Just... very, very far off in the future. He would like that one day, you could go do fun things. But for now, he has to prioritize your health and well-being, and make judgements based on that, so, although it pains him, he's willing to stay home all the time since it's what you really need, even if you don't understand that.

In the end, he's actually probably the least compromising on that regard. But that's fair because he compromises all the time.

Compromises have to be made sometimes on your end, right? And, well, he's been doing so good in all other areas, putting in so much effort, that it's only fair you compromise with him every now and then. That's... that's part of relationships, isn't it? He's always heard that said. He gives into your wishes a lot, so... you know, he's not being demanding or controlling or anything like that, no, he's just asking that you compromise this time around.

And try to be understanding, see things from his perspective and really listen, be entirely honest... the way he always does for you.

------

On the far opposite end, Albedo has never really placed any importance on conforming to societal expectations, or the cultural standard of "good." He prefers to approach things in a manner based on the conclusions he forms himself, after reflecting on the matter for a while.

He's always been so busy, never had time to have a relationship before, so he does have to really think through the matter, as it's new to him. He does care for you, of course, so his primary desire is for you to be healthy and avoid unnecessary distress or pain. Granted, when going through the matter in his head, he does feel that he would like for you to be happy, but... well, he realizes that it's probably a bit too early to have that as a goal, because if he aims for that now, he's bound to end up disappointed, given how resistant you are.

Besides, to care for another's wellbeing is the basis of affection, isn't it? So even if it takes some time, you will understand his efforts to care for you as such. That's all he really needs to do, follow his own guidelines. Societal and cultural ones are pointless, and he doesn't feel any guilt or like he's doing something incorrectly by not doing so (unlike the aforementioned individuals).

In fact, that ties to another aspect of his personality. He's one of those people that can be very quiet for a long time, but if you prompt him to speak on a topic of interest, he can suddenly go on a whole long spiel... and one thing he could ramble about is a distaste for modernity and common culture and social settings.

People are so obsessed with material things, hedonistic tendencies, a culture that encourages rapid consumption of new things and riding out thrills only to discard them when the newness wears off... including people.

He's quiet enough that people tend to disregard his presence if he's just sort of quietly going about his work, which has allowed him to overhear a lot of conversations regarding the messy, dysfunctional relationships of some of the people he works alongside. A lot of them get abandoned by significant others, very few seem to be in relationships that last, it's mostly just people hopping from one person to the next... is that really normal for, you know, normal people? If so, you've probably been influenced by that too, probably had friends like that or seen it happening around you and it's been normalized to you.

Which is how he explains his justification for keeping you, when you start to argue against it. All things considered, stable relationships are better in the long-run, but you're very unwise and impulsive and would just make mistakes you'd regret (like leaving him for someone else) if he were to extend any autonomy to you. Well... more realistically, the primary issue is you'd go to the police, but he's talking in hypotheticals and the bigger picture of your life and all that. Maintaining control over you may upset you, but it's in your best interest, which you're incapable of making decisions for yourself.

He has no desire to follow norms. Not in terms of a relationship, nor any official acknowledgement of a relationship either. What matters is the strength of care and affection and unity between two people, and his for you is to the utmost, so that's all that really matters.

Being what the current culture considers a "good partner" would require a lot of compromising and sacrificing to meet you halfway and give in to some of what you want, among other things he has no intention of doing. He's content with the idea that showing affection in his own way will gradually lead you to accept him more. No need for the additional effort of jumping through arbitrary hoops to earn some recognition or gratitude -- which you probably wouldn't give anyway. Even if he did put in all that effort (which, by the way, would also mean swallowing quite a bit of pride to "compromise" with you), you would still keep a bad attitude for the time being, he's fairly certain.

And another matter, the reason he can't "compromise" with you is simply that his decisions are right and yours almost always tend to reflect on your complete lack of understanding of things. Why would he compromise with you when you're simply wrong? That's unreasonable.

Besides, given the... nature of your relationship and dynamic, being so different from that of two normal people, it goes without saying that you can't apply unfitting rules to a unique situation they don't align with. For example, one common standard is going out on dates, presumably that he'd pay for... but, that's not exactly feasible, for obvious reasons, even aside from his dislike of such environments.

Rather than being lazy and careless, he instead puts a lot of effort and finances and care into ensuring your security and well-being, investing a lot of money into a unique security system that cost great deal more than average due to very advanced features. Cameras, sensors, and most importantly, an alert to his phone every time a door or window to the outside is opened. Gets good food for you to make (please, he's very very busy, it would be nice and give you something to do too, he's sustained himself off of microwave food for years now due to lack of time so having you to do so is really helpful...) and admittedly does spend generous amounts of money on things for you to do to occupy your time. So in terms of domestic matters, he would say he's meeting what he thinks is good.

The social norms for courtship are also largely pointless. What, go out on dates? To do what? Most movies are mindless entertainment and not worth wasting time on. Pretty much any other venue is going to be loud and crowded. There is absolutely no reason you can't experience the exact same bonding, perhaps more even, inside in the nice, quiet environment of his apartment.

That environment becomes suffocating for you, though. You go through a regular routine. He gets one of those stipends to fund his expenses, so he doesn't have to work a separate job, thankfully. Lab research has set times, though, so it's sort of like working, he's just gone for a portion of the day and comes back in the afternoon. Then, it's just doing whatever for the rest of the day, usually you trying to entertain yourself while he works and types away.

It's not always work, though. One rather unpleasant thing you really wish he wouldn't do is that he seems determined to scour the corners of the internet for anything related to you. He already stole your phone when you were brought here, got all your logins and accounts to all sorts of websites, your search history, everything, and now stays logged into your accounts on his computer (via VPN, of course, he's not so careless as to risk someone taking notice and being traced back to him).

He just goes through everything. Everything. Every little comment you've ever made across different websites, everything you've ever searched, every site you've ever visited, people and accounts you followed. It feels very uncomfortable, a violation of privacy. And, well, who hasn't made at least one comment on an anonymous site that they'd be embarrassed to have attached to their real selves? Unfortunately you never realized just how many until now, that he keeps bringing them, along with other snippets from your digital footprint, up to you.

I see that on September 6th of last year, it seems you posted this rather vague statement to your account. What did that mean exactly?

I'm cross-referencing your following list across a few different platforms and noticed an outlier you only have added to one account. Who is this?

The app won't allow me to scroll back any further in this conversation you were having. Is there a way to view even older messages or...?

You always grind your teeth. It's not even important!, you say. It really isn't. None of this information is anything particularly relevant to... well, anything. Sure, you already knew he's sort of obsessed with learning about your life prior to him, but he already learned everything you would have thought important ages ago. All the major details of your life, where you went to school and who your friends and family members and all that are and your relationship to most people you regularly spoke to, he already has all of that. At this point he's just going through pointless details. Why on earth would he care about the random searches you've made, or a comment you left on a video years ago?

It just interests me.

So he says. While it baffles you, you have to deal it, and with the irritation of being frequently asked questions about meaningless searches and comments and posts dating back years. You've gotten over the initial embarrassment of it, now it's just annoying. He questions you about things as if you would remember why you made a search for this or that five years ago. Always asking who people are and what was your connection to them. Criticizing your viewing habits - you wasted so much time watching pointless videos. You eventually it's better not to argue against that, lest you get the speech on how such stimuli will ruin your attention span and slowly kill your brain or something like that, you don't really know, you always stop listening after a while.

That ties into another very, very, very quickly irritating thing: he cannot intake any piece of media non-critically.

He's actually rather pretentious about it, but in a subtle way. He'll come back in the afternoon to you watching whatever show you've chosen to stream as your daily entertainment. He walks through the door, leans over and looks at the screen for a moment.

Yeah, that does seem like something you would enjoy.

What? What does that mean?

Oh, nothing.

You have to learn to bite your tongue. Sometimes you try to get him to relax instead of being so stressed out from working, get him to actually watch something with you, but he tends to be critical of that too -- one of those people that feels the need to point out physics inaccuracies in everything. You tend to get a bit worked up over the irritation. Yes I know it doesn't work like that, it's not supposed to be accurate it's supposed to be entertaining! Just watch the damn movie! Ugh!

Not that it's the only matter he can be pretentious about. Even that one time you tried to be nice (as part of the 'I'm never getting out of here so I might as well try to bond' mental crisis process you go through a few times a day) and asked him about the research he's always working on.

Well, this is the sort of thing that would be over your head. You'd just get confused if I tried to explain it to you.

You scowl and groan. He just sighs. He's just being honest, you know.

See, like everything else, part of being "good" per the standards of current popular culture would be to be mindful of and navigate around your tendency for sensitivity. Which is nonsensical. There's no point in sugar-coating things when communicating directly and straightforwardly works more efficiently.

He doesn't really make an active effort to do the opposite, no, it's not like he's coarse and abrasive, but he just makes no effort to adjust his tendency to be somewhat blunt when discussing various matters. He already has to do enough of the whole overly-cautious, careful with every word thing in the professional setting all the time. It's nice to have someone he can just be very straightforward with, which is what comes much more naturally to him.

Besides, having to walk on eggshells and watch everything you say around the person you're partnered to would be exhausting. And... it's dishonest, you know? No matter how you look at it, dishonesty is poor behavior. Honesty is a better, more respectable quality, even if you might not like honesty all the time.

The unfortunate thing is that him having no filter on what he says means he can be a bit condescending. It just comes out naturally.

He likes you, of course, but at the end of the day he still has this mentality that seems so condescending, like you're dumb and emotional. He once told you you were being hysterical when you were having one of your regular episodes of crying and sniffling whilst trying to argue about your situation, and admittedly the resulting outburst you had probably didn't help change his mind. It's a cycle; being treated in such an infantilizing way often makes you more upset, thereby more emotional, and then your emotional outbursts thereby only validate and justify treating you as such.

He tends to assume a lot of things about you, too. You complain about being bored? Well, you're probably used to instant gratification and stimulus, probably addicted to your phone and social media and the like. It's doubtful that you've ever really been all that productive. It's a very common phenomenon these days, people who don't really do anything important (like you) get swallowed up into mindless entertainment.

Luckily for you, he provides you with a lifestyle where you don't have to be productive, which is quite benevolent. And you're now whining about being assigned to some task? Well, you've probably never had to really work for anything before. After all, you could always just get anything you want handed to you by being sweet and nice, surely you would never understand what it means to have had to put effort into anything. And any emotional reactions or outbursts you have in response are basically just confirmation that he's right, you know.

This bluntness, though, does end up causing one particularly upsetting incident. You've been in a bad mood, are getting so exasperating again with how you're being grouchy and mean and resentful. You're mad at him for doing something or another, and you do what you always do when you're mad -- resort to not-so-subtly implying the future spells an end for him. In truth, it used to bother him a lot, it would make him paranoid, which you probably picked up on and is why you continue to do it, always going for the same lines each time. One of these days, someone's gonna come knocking on that door, one day someone will find me--

And you're at it again, even more whiny than usual, pacing around the room while he works on some paper or another. You've been on this campaign lately to try and get him to let you search your name online, see what is being said by your local news and the like. Perhaps telling you that there hadn't been anything published in a while, and thereby accidentally inadvertently admitting to regularly performing that exact search himself, was a poor idea, as you caught it and have refused to let the matter go ever since. And he's trying to concentrate on his own work, and perhaps that's why he's a bit even more unfiltered than usual.

People are still looking for me! I know my friends and family would never give up trying to find me. They're looking for me.

The keyboard keeps clacking, but he doesn't miss a beat.

Your body.

You pause for a moment.

...Huh?

He speaks very matter-of-factly, fingers tapping away on the keyboard as he speaks, not even looking up at you.

They're looking for your body. They've most likely changed their search locations by now to nearby areas that would be ideal for someone to dump human remains.

For a moment, you just stand still, slack-jawed and wide eyed before finally losing your temper--

You're horrible! How can you say something like that?! I... I...

--but you quiet down, biting your lip, sinking downward and pulling your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. A few more seconds pass.

Statistically speaking, it would be very unlikely for you to be alive at this point.

I know.

So from an outside perspective, it would simply be a more realistic use of time and resources to--

I get it!

You have to bite your tongue when he sighs, as if you're being unreasonable. You let a few more seconds pass, grinding your teeth at that annoying keyboard sound until you speak again.

Are you trying to get me to be grateful? Feel like I'm lucky because you *aren't* the kind of psycho to kill me?

He just shrugs, still doesn't look up.

No. You ended up here with me, so you certainly aren't very lucky at all.

You groan, letting your head fall down onto your knees. At least his honesty is consistent.

#kzha fighting for his life in the replies section of an OF egirl's twitter defending women #'actually no woman has ever done anything wrong ever i will explain (1/36)' #pickme boy fr fr #also xao unironically thinks of himself as a sigma male im not apologizing for being right #and frequently uses incel lingo in real life verbal conversations #has definitely called you a normie but over something very concerning like the fact that you want daily showers is normie behavior to him #.x #.al #.kz #.modern #oh and im alive! #I would say 'alive and well' but im not actually well bc it turns out my kidneys arent functioning which is kind of very not well #but it turned out to be entirely treatable so soon it will all be over and i'll be back to normal #the universe thinks a little organ malfunction is going to stop me from posting?? hah

[the-fiction-witch]

NSFW 100 : Whitey Winn

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger?

Uuuhhh I don't really think about stranger's.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW?

Now is good. All times are good none better then the other. But I do like mornin's before y/ns properly awake shes so much louder when she's sleepy.

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced?

I like when y/n starts hintin' it's so cute because she starts blushin' and gettin' all embarrassed for askin'

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work?

Ummmm... well did Imagine handcuffin' my little darlin'to the bars and stripping her naked leavin' her there all day so I could come back and fuck her whenever I wanted

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance?

Noooo... I do not want to do that!

6. What do you do when you get horny in public?

Go jerk off. Or hide in the office till it goes down, or call y/n over.

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom?

No that's disgustin'. My house or the river that's it... or outside y/ns window before we where married.

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself?

I don't really think of odd thin's I kinda just imaginin' y/n,

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off?

A Sponge... I was in the tub and I maybe have uhh tried to see what it felt like, it didn't feel that good but I got off so I was happy.

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused?

Not really I remember the first time I kinda felt with being horny but it happened so often I just kinda ignored it until I jerked off for the first time.

11. Who gave you your first orgasm?

I did I was curious so I did and I've been a dirty little pervy boy ever since.

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like?

Ohh I remember it like it was yesterday, it felt so good so amazin' I can't describe it and that was with my own hand I can't even begin to explain the amazin' waves of pleasure from her hand, her mouth, her pussy the first times I ever got those.

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew?

Nope that seems like a werid thing to do.

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie?

The gratification. And if course gettin' to secretly ruin my darlin'

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done?

Lettin' y/n lock me up. And lettin' her do whatever she wanted to me. I was a little worried but my God it was fun.

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers?

Noooo the teacher in la belle before his dunn was.... Not good.

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks?

Not strangers just y/n.

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them?

Of course I do, I can't help thinkin' of fuckin' her every time I see her.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?

No. And as the options in la belle are the drygoods man, the funeral director, the bar keep, or bill... I do not want to.

20. What inspires you to make the first move?

Hormones mostly. But y/n made the first move with us just sittin' down the river and she nuzzled into my neck and gave my cheek a little kiss so I kinda have her lips a little kiss back and now she's my wife.

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed?

To make your partner happy.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself?

No! Anyone who has I will personally shot your dick off ya don't deserve a beautiful woman if ya can't 'help yourself'. I have the most beautiful, intelligent, sexy woman in the world that I love very dearly why would I ever want anyone else much less betray her trust and cheat on her she's my wife why would I do that?

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush?

What! No? Who has? That's a dickhole thin' to do to someone especially someone ya love? Why would ya do that?

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

Just imaginin' my sexy little darlin' strippin' for me and rubbin' soapy bubbles all over her sluttyy body.

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Lookin' at y/n. That's all that make me hard

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

Not on purpose sometimes they shut when I feel good?

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Many times I like handcuffs not so much blindfoldin'

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

Depends what's bein' said I think I like sayin' it more then listenin' to it.

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex goddess?

Humm... I'm sure my sexy little darlin', but if ya wanted to try I don't mind sittin" with ya lettin' ya try and talk dirty too me? Maybe I'll slap ya sexy ass when you've gone wrong and I'd ya get me hard enough ya can jump on my cock for a while?

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

"Whitey I want you to cum so deep inside me that you get me pregnant"

I think it's sexy as hell but also kinda frightin', to be fair I did edge her for an hour so it was expected she'd go a little crazy.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

No... why does this stuff?

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

No and I don't ever want to

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

What kinda couple? Because if it's two girls then... maybe. But I don't know Id think about it, depends who it was

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

"Uuummm it's so sexy and big I don't ever want you do not be inside me"

I am very proud of myself that she said that to me.

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I don't get sexy dreams that much I think about sex durin' the day like sexy say dreams but never at night.

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

I imagine very fun atleast for me just bein' able to torcher as many people as I wanted but I think I'd rather just snuggle with y/n after all she knows what I like.

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

No, why would I do that.

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

Some good forplay, some nice kinky sex and a cuddle in the mornin'.

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Mostly it's fourty five minutes but it depends on what's bein' done for example a blowjob I'm done in like five minutes.

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

The weirdest? I guess baths? They make me hard.

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member?

I did about y/n before we got together. And maybe a couple times about louise but that was before y/n.

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

No, not my pillow I've woken up humpin' y/n but I can't help that.

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

In my sleep? I don't think I've ever done that? Maybe I jerk off too much?

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

The incident. Okay we kinda where foolin' around in the office one night and I let her handcuff me inside the cell and then uhh... bill came in while we where naked and we couldn't find the key.

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Not really, because why would I be doin' it in front of her surely if she's there we should just have sex? But if she wanted to watch I wouldn't tell my darlin' no.

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

I hate not. I got a note that said go to her house she was waitin' does that count?

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Uuuh... I guess lookin' thought y/n's window while she's havin' a bath is kinda amateur porn?

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

I don't really care, it's a blowjob in happy just be receivin' one at all.

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Uhhh dominate I guess, I kinda switch but Dom if I had to choose

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

Nothin' that's goin' to hurt like spankin' is one thing but I'm not goin' to like slap her face or choak her

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Ummm comin' home from work to see my little y/n all dressed up for me in her undergarments, her runnin' me a hot bath and scrubbin' all over me with her soft hands then givin' in and climbin' in with me

52. How many people have you slept with?

Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhh... one I think. Yeah I never did anythin' with Louise so one and that's y/n.

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

On my horse.

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Her legs or more specifically her thighs I don't know why I just think there sexy especially when I'm runnin' my hands all over them.

55. Have you ever had anal sex?

Yes, but I didn't enjoy it all that much and I know y/n didn't either.

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose?

Oooohh well nothin'.

But if I had to choose her a beautiful outfit I would probably pick, those thick ridin' boots with her fishnet stockin' then her big brown skirt with the huge slit and her little shite shirt that has the lace all the way across and shoes off her chest and shoulders.

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

Well... my cock of course I like when my darlin' decides to start touching me but also hair I like her playin' with my hair while we snuggle

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

In our bed I think. Or in the river.

59. When did you first had sex?

The first time was actually in the office bent over the desk one night we got a little drunk

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

Our weddin' night, by God I was exhausted but it was all soooo good.

61. What's your favourite position?

Bent over!! Just bend her over the nearest thin' and get goin'

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Yeah bill caught us in the office a few times, Maggie has many many times, some guy caught us down the river Last week but I kinda like the idea someone could see us they could watch us havin' amazin' sex watch her sexy naked body scream for me as she cums make sure the world knows shes my little darlin'

63. Do you watch porn?

I do... some would call it peepin'.

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

Window

65. How often do you masturbate?

One a week I'd say now I have my darlin' but before I was fuckin' her on the regular I was like six times a day.

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try?

I would like to try on the side even though it seems complicated

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

I love receivin' but I gave a very good girl who gives it to me

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

So many times, she looks so good climbin' out the water naked I'd skinny dip with y/n everyday if it weren't so dam cold in there.

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

I have up countin' all I know is I couldn't cum for a four days after this day but to be fair it was our weddin' after all

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex?

Loud! I want her to squeal, scream, be' for me, and I want her to force the noise of off me I don't care if la belle hears us I wanna destroy her with all of them listenin'

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay?

We tried honey once...it didn't go well. So dam sticky.

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone?

How much skin there showin', how much leg, how much of the breasts, luckily if I wanna see any I just rip y/ns dress off her

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I like restrainin' to the extent sometimes she doesn't even want it when I start but I'll just handcuff her or make it so she has no escape and fuck her till she agrees she won't deny me again and she'll bend over wherever I want her too

74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

I would go all the way If my little darlin' let me but so far just teasin', tiein' up Maybe a little torcher

75. What's your favourite toy?

Hummmm? Well my favorite of course is my little darlin' but to use on her? Umm I love handcuffs I love cuffin' her to our bed she she can't try and run away from me and all the things I'm gonna do to her

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

No... I like those post cards the miners used it get with the ladies in there underwear?

77. Have you joined the mile high club?

No but I would be thrilled to.

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands?

I bet a hundred dollars I could, and I would enjoy every moment of tryin'

79. Would you say you're kinky?

I would say I am? Some would probably argue and say I'm just a dirty bastard?

80. Do you enjoy shower sex?

We do not have showers? We have baths? I do like bath sex just an extra excuse to get y/n naked

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?

Down by the river I guess... maybe the woods?

82. Do you like to be spanked?

I do not. However I'm not apposed to givin' my darlin' a spankin' if she's been a naughty girl.

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex?

No, why would I need to fantasie when I have a sexy little darlin' bouncin' on my cock?

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish?

I'd sit there and keep jerking while I looked at her maybe ask her to take her pretty dress off? Or maybe pull her to sit on my lap and deal with it for me either way I'd finish.

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

Uuuuhhh... I don't think so.

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex?

No, my eyes watered once... when I had just had my fourth orgasm In a row when we where playin' torcher does that count?

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

I'm not that bothered I'm not I to it but I don't mind either way, I do like when my little darlin' makes eye contact when she's suckin' on me especially if she makes that innocent little gave she does...ummm it makes me wanna fuck her pretty little mouth.

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

There is a time for kisses durrin' sex when ya gettin' heated up or when ya coolin' down but once ya inside it's no time for slow little kisses

89. Do you get tired after sex?

It depends what we did if I just spend and hour roughly havin' sex then yeah I might get a little tried but usually orgasms just make me wanna cuddle someone

90. How many positions do you think you've tried?

All of them! I think maybe we've missed like one or two but I doubt anymore then that.

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

On week. And I only did that because y/n was havin' her womanly time. It doesn't bother me I was happy to continue as normal but she said no so one week and I don't indent tryin' any longer then that.

92. How high is your sex drive?

Do I really need to answer this or does ^ and ↓ answer question?

But pretty high.

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Look at me. Suggest sex. Take off ya clothes? I guess

94. Sex with lights on or lights off?

On, why would I wanna miss a moment of the sexy lady takin' her clothes off for me? And lettin' me inside her? No lights on I wanna watch my cock slippin' in and out of ya drippin' pussy darlin'

95. Do you like dirty talk?

You tell me darlin' ;)

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners?

I actually prefer lon' term. Ya can get much more used to a person what they like what you like and that makes overall just better sex

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?

Depends on mood, and how lazy I feel that day if it's been a lon' day at the office maybe I'll be on the bottom, or if it's early and I can't be bothered to get up yet but other then that top so I can do whatever I want

98.Rough or romantic?

Rough, so we can have some dirty smutty times

99. Quickie or marathon session?

Quickie everyone's happy and satisfied, why go for hours when ya can rock each of for a few minutes and both be equally happy

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?  

The fact it's constant and amazing darlin' ya my pretty little wifey that I can make love to whenever I want it means so much more to me then just sex it's makin' love to ya my darlin' and maybe soon we can fool around that special way so we can plan for Jr.

[heauxplesslydevoted]

The Delivery

Summary: Naomi goes into labor in unexpected circumstances. You can read the first part here

A/N: Oof, this is incredibly long and pretty angsty. Please be advised that there are strong mentions of pregnancy complications. As always, enjoy! Like, reply, reblog, all that good stuff :)

“Can you tie my shoelaces?”

Ethan looked up from his file and saw Naomi struggling to tie her shoes. He chuckled as she maneuvered her body and attempted to bypass the large bump taking up most of her front.

“I told you it was time to switch to slip-ons,” Ethan teased. At 36 weeks pregnant, Naomi was still as stubborn as ever, despite her very large, very round baby bump.

“These are my comfy shoes. Please?” Ethan got up from his seat and walked over to the couch Naomi was currently occupying. She lifted her feet up for him to grab her shoes. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, my love. Is your back still hurting?”

Most days, Naomi enjoyed being pregnant. She didn’t have much morning sickness, and she had tons of energy. Her husband and friends spoiled her rotten, caving in to her most ridiculous whims. She never had to wait in line in the cafeteria, because who would dare keep Ethan Ramsey’s wife and child waiting? And she loved the fact that she was growing a little version of her and Ethan, a concept that made her smile and buzz in excitement when she stopped to think about it.

But there were days where pregnancy was hard. Her body swelled uncomfortably, her boobs were ridiculous, sometimes it was hard to breath because of how the baby was positioned, and her hormones were constantly changing. Some days she wanted to tear Ethan’s head off in a fit of rage for the littlest thing, and 2 minutes later, she wanted to have sex in an on-call room. It was annoying.

Naomi had been complaining about back pain for the last few days. She insisted it was nothing until she couldn’t stand to walk (waddle) any more, and had to take a quick break in his office. That was over 20 minutes ago, and since then she’s made no effort to move.

“Yeah, but that’s just par for the course. I’m petite and your daughter is heavy.”

“My daughter? Just mine?”

When they found out they were having a baby girl, Naomi was excited but Ethan was over the moon. The idea of having a daughter, an adorable little girl that looked like Naomi was a dream.

“Yup. Just yours.” Ethan placed a hand on Naomi’s stomach and was instantly greeted with a kick. “See? She’s a daddy’s girl.”

“Can you give your mother a bit of reprieve, little one?” Ethan asked, gently stroking Naomi’s belly. “Ease up on her.”

“Tell her to take her foot out of my ribs, too.”

Ethan looked up at Naomi, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “Excuse me, this is a private conversation between me and my daughter. You aren’t allowed.”

Naomi rolled her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” Ethan stepped back and lifted Naomi up. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? You could always leave early, I’m pretty sure your boss will allow it.”

Naomi giggled. “My boss lets me get away with a lot of stuff. But no, I’ll be fine.”

“How much longer do you have on your shift?”

Naomi checked the time on her watch and groaned. “5 hours.”

“I’m off now, but I can stay around if you’d like.”

“No. Go home.”

“Well, you can set up shop here for the rest of the day if you’d like.”

“Really?” Naomi’s eyes lit up. “I get unlimited access to your coveted office?”

“Yes. Don’t go crazy in here though.”

“No promises.”

Ethan gently kissed his wife’s forehead before dropping another onto her lips. “Have a good rest of your shift. I’ll see you when you get home.”

~~/~~

A few hours later, Naomi was still hiding out in Ethan’s office. It was late in the evening, all of her patients were accounted for, and she was using the peace and quiet to catch up on paperwork. With her maternity leave starting in a few short weeks, she was trying to get as much done as she could before she handed her patients over to another doctor.

Her back was still killing her unfortunately, much to her annoyance. “You just won’t give me a day of peace, baby girl. Why do you enjoy being lodged into my spine?”

The baby kicked her sharply in reply and Naomi chuckled. Her daughter wasn’t even born yet, and she had quite the personality already.

“Well why don’t we go on a walk,” Naomi suggested, drumming her fingers along her belly. “Maybe your uncle Bryce is doing a cool surgery. Or auntie Aurora is yelling at her interns again.”

Naomi reluctantly pushed herself out of Ethan’s plush leather chair and was instantly met with a sharp pain in her stomach. Gasping, Naomi clutched the edge of the desk to steady herself. Surely, she couldn’t be in labor. It was too early, she had 4 weeks left. Maybe it was Braxton Hicks contractions, but were Braxton Hicks contractions supposed to hurt?

Another burst of pain rippled through her core, this time actually bringing her to her knees. She hadn’t been in this much pain since she fell down the stairs in the atrium all those months ago and bruised her ribs.

Afraid of trying to stand up again, Naomi turned around and pressed her back against the edge of Ethan’s desk, using it to keep herself propped up. She’d try to get up in a few minutes once the pain subsided.

She placed a hand on her stomach. “You’re okay, baby. You’re okay. And you’re not coming out tonight, so don’t go getting any ideas.” 

A few minutes passed, and the stomach pain lessened, just enough to the point where Naomi actually wasn’t afraid to move again. She sighed, relieved that the pain was no longer holding her in a vice-like grip.

But before she could celebrate, a gush of wetness pooled between her legs, and Naomi looked down. Her usually blue scrub pants were now a deep shade of red. Blood.

Digging into the pocket of her white coat, Naomi pulled out her cell phone. With trembling fingers she dialed for her OB/GYN. 

“Hello, Doctor Brenda Forbes speaking.”

“Brenda, it’s Naomi.”

“Hi, Naomi.

“Are you at the hospital?”

“Yes, I’m in my office right now. Why?”

“I’m in Ethan’s office and I need you to come down here quick. Somethings wrong.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. My back has been hurting all day and I got these really sharp pains in my stomach, and it hurts to move. And I’m bleeding through my pants,” Naomi explained, her voice cracking. “I think I’m in labor.”

“Are you having contractions?”

“I think so, I don’t know.”

“Is it stomach pain or pressure?” Brenda asked. Naomi could hear shuffling in the background and she assumed Brenda was moving around. “Does it feel like menstrual cramps?”

Naomi shook her head even though Brenda couldn’t see her. This was a pain unlike anything she’d ever felt. “No, not at all. It’s pain, stomach pain, I’m sure.”

“Okay. Is the door to Ethan’s office unlocked?”

“Y-yes.”

“Is he with you?”

“No, he’s at home.”

“Naomi, I know it’s easier said than done but I need you to relax. I need you to breathe. You have to stay calm for the baby. Can you feel the baby moving?”

“Yes, she’s still moving.”

“Good, that’s good.” The door opened and in walked Brenda and one of her residents, who was pushing a wheelchair. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is the pain?”

“9.” Brenda gently lifted Naomi up and helped her get in the wheelchair. “What’s wrong? Do you think my baby’s okay?”

“We have to run some tests before I can give you an answer. Do you want me to call Ethan for you?”

“No, I can call him.” Picking up her phone again, Naomi dialed Ethan’s number. He picked up after a few rings.

“Miss me already?”

“Ethan, I need you to come back to the hospital.”

Ethan could hear the urgency in his wife’s tone. “Naomi, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, I’m having some pain and–”

“I’m on my way.”

~~/~~

Naomi usually found comfort in Ethan’s warm hands on her, but she couldn’t shake her anxiousness. Every nerve in her body was on high alert and she couldn’t fully relax.

Neither of them knew what to say while Brenda performed her ultrasound, the spacious birthing suit was extremely silent. “Okay, I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is that the baby isn’t in any distress and her heart rate sounds good.

Ethan gripped Naomi’s hand tighter and kissed her knuckles. “Oh thank God.”

“And what’s the bad news?” Naomi asked.

Brenda sighed. “You’re experiencing placental abruption, which means it’s detached itself from your uterus, and this baby has to come out tonight.”

“No.”

Ethan turned to his wife, “Naomi–“

“No, it’s too early,” Naomi said. “I’m supposed to be pregnant for 4 more weeks.”

“I know it’s scary, but delivering at 36 weeks is more common than you think.”

Naomi wrapped a protective arm around her stomach. “And there’s nothing we can do?”

Brenda shook her head. “Unfortunately not. It’s a complete detachment, which means the baby isn’t receiving nutrients, and you would just hemorrhage more blood. Prolonging your pregnancy would do more harm than good at this point.”

“Will I have to have a c-section?”

“Actually no. Your vitals and cervix look good, and the baby isn’t in distress. We’d actually prefer vaginal birth if it’s an option.”

Naomi turned to Ethan, hoping he’d have some answers for her. “What should I do?”

“You’re the one delivering the baby,” Ethan pointed out. “And I doubt you want an unnecessary surgery.”

“You’re right.” Naomi turned to Brenda and nodded, determined. “I’m delivering naturally.”

“Great, I’ll get a nurse to come in and administer the misoprostol and pitocin, and hopefully the labor starts soon.”

“How long will it take? For the pitocin to kick in?”

“It just depends because every woman’s labor experience is different. We don’t want it to take too long though, and we’ll be monitoring the baby’s heart rate closely.”

“If it takes too long, will I have to have a c-section?”

“Yes.”

Naomi could feel herself getting overwhelmed by all of the information. This was a lot to take in at once. She held her stomach even tighter, wanting to keep her baby as safe as possible. “Okay.”

Brenda smiled sympathetically at her patient. “I’ll be back soon to check on you, but call me if anything happens.”

“Thank you, Brenda,” Ethan said.

“Of course.” Brenda left Naomi’s room without another word.

“Is there anything I can do right now?” Ethan asked. Surely there was something he could be doing to make Naomi more comfortable.

“Where’s my phone?”

Ethan grabbed the plastic bag given to them upon check in and handed it to her. It was full of her personal things: cell phone, her engagement ring and wedding band. “Here you are.”

“Thank you.” Naomi unlocked her phone and dialed her mother's number. 

“Hi, sweetheart!” Naomi’s mother, Dorinda greeted.

“Mom,” Naomi started, her voice cracking. “Mom, you and daddy need to some to Boston right now.”

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Naomi tried to keep her composure as best as she could, but she broke, the stress of the situation finally getting to her. “I’m in the hospital, they’re inducing me.”

“What? You aren’t due until next month! What’s going on?”

“I have placental abruption, the baby needs to come out tonight.”

The line went silent for a while, and Naomi could hear her mother yelling at her dad, telling him that they needed to get to the airport. “Okay, what’s happening now?”

“I’m just waiting for the nurse to come in with the pitocin.”

“And how are you feeling right now?” Dorinda asked. “Are you in pain?”

“I’m really scared,” Naomi confessed, tears fully falling from her eyes at this point. She didn’t bother wiping them. “It’s too early, she’s not supposed to be here this soon.”

“I know it’s scary, but she’s going to be fine, and so are you. You’re in the best hospital in the country, receiving the best care.”

“Can you just get here soon? Please?”

“Of course. We’re already on our way.”

“Good.”

“Where’s Ethan?”

“He’s sitting right next to me.”

“Can I speak to him?”

Naomi handed the phone to Ethan. “She wants to talk to you.”

Ethan put the phone between his ear and his shoulder. “Hello, Dorinda.”

“Hi, Ethan, how are you?”

“Hanging in there.”

“Steven and I are on our way, we’ll be booking the first flight available.”

Ethan sighed in relief. He had never been more grateful for his in-laws living in D.C. which was only a 90 minute plane ride away.

“If you need any help with that, just let me know.”

“Thank you for offering, but it won’t be necessary. Just...take care of my daughter, Ethan.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” 

Ethan hung up the phone and turned back to Naomi, who was fully sobbing at this point. His throat tightened at the sight. He hated seeing her cry.

“I don’t want to do this,” Naomi cried.

Ethan gently climbed into the bed with Naomi and cradled her in his arms. He tried wiping her tears, but they were coming down uncontrollably at this point.

“I know. I know it’s scary and it’s not what we planned, but she’s coming whether we like it or not. So we just have to roll with it and be strong, for her.”

Naomi knew he was right, but she still didn’t like this. “Give me two minutes. A two minute breakdown, and then I’ll rally.”

“Two minutes,” Ethan repeated. “Deal.”

~~/~~

While the thought of giving birth was terrifying, Naomi was grateful her mom was able to make it to the hospital before she had to start pushing. Yes Ethan was the best husband in the world, but she needed her mother.

Steven and Dorinda Valentine showed up at Edenbrook in a flurry. She was still wearing her silk pajamas and a red Versace bathrobe when she stalked through the halls, but Dorinda was still intense and no-nonsense. Within 5 minutes of being there, she had conferenced with everyone who had come into contact with Naomi from her OB down to the janitor. Steven lingered in the private waiting area along with the rest of Naomi’s friends who were anxiously awaiting news on Baby Ramsey.”

Naomi’s labor progressed quicker than anyone could have anticipated. With two hours, she went from 1 to 10 centimeters dilated.

She quickly realized that labor fucking sucked. Moving too quickly, Naomi wasn’t able to get an epidural and the thought of having to push an entire human out of her body sans drugs scared her. 

“Can I get you anything?” Ethan asked as a particularly strong contraction hit Naomi. She shook her head and just squeezed his hand.

“Stop...talking.”

Dorinda ran her hands through Naomi’s hair. “Sweetheart, you are doing so good.”

Naomi dropped Ethan’s hand and moved her head out of her mother’s path. She didn’t want anyone touching her.

“Okay, Naomi it’s time to push,” Brenda said. “You ready to meet your baby girl?”

“Yes,” Naomi replied, almost desperately. “Yes!”

“On your next contraction, I want you to push and hold it until I tell you to stop,” Brenda instructed. Naomi nodded.

On her next contraction, Naomi pulled herself up and gripped the bedsheets so fiercely, her knuckles turned white.

“That’s it, Naomi, you’re doing great,” Brenda coached. “And release.”

Naomi fell back onto the bed with a tired sigh. She closed her eyes, hoping to get a moment’s rest.

But before she could even get comfortable again, another contraction hit, forcing her upright. This time as she pushed, she grabbed on to her mother’s hand for support.

After pushing for 25 more minutes, Naomi was officially ready to quit. This baby was refusing to vacate her body and she was over it. So she refused to push.

“I’m not doing this anymore,” Naomi said, defiantly. “You can reach into my vagina and pull her out for all I care.”

“Naomi, that’s not how this works.”

“I can’t take another second.”

Ethan crouched down and gently started playing with Naomi’s hair. Her long and full locks were originally in a professional looking top knot, but hours into labor didn’t do the hair any good. It was now matted to the side of her face, but Ethan didn’t care.

“Sweetheart,” he started, “we are so close to the finish line.”

“I don’t care.”

“Our daughter is almost here,” Ethan added.

“You want her so bad, you can push her out yourself.”

“Alright.” Ethan stood up. So husband mode wasn’t working, it was time to change tactics. “Rookie, you’re being ridiculous.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me loud and clear, Valentine,” He continued, using his authoritative tone with her. “You’re in labor, the baby has to come out. Stop being so petulant and spoiled, and push when Brenda tells you to.”

Naomi glared at Ethan fiercely. How dare he use his doctor voice to scold her while she was in labor? She clamped down tightly on his wrist, twisting it. “Ethan Jonah Ramsey, I don’t know who the fuck—”

Another contraction hit, cutting Naomi off. She clenched her jaw tightly as the pain rolled through her lower back.

“You can yell at me all you want, but why don’t we meet our daughter first?” Ethan suggested.

“Fine.”

Ethan bit down on his lip to keep from smirking. Mission accomplished. “Thank you.”

“Naomi, you’re so close!” Brenda exclaimed. “The baby is almost here. You have to push.”

Dorinda grabbed one of Naomi’s legs, helping her daughter stay braced in the position. Naomi leaned forward, tucking her chin into her chest as she pushed.

“I can see her head!”

Dorinda moved from her position next to Naomi next to Brenda. “Oh my goodness, Naomi, she has hair.” She let out a breathy noise from the back of her throat, similar to a chuckle. “My granddaughter has so much hair!”

She didn’t know why, but that minuscule detail gave Naomi a quick burst of energy. On her next contraction, she pushed as hard as she could.

Suddenly, the pressure in her lower half was gone. Brenda held up a wriggly little baby. “It’s a girl!”

Ethan cut the cord and the nurses quickly whisked the baby away, cleaning her off and warming her up.

The silence in the room sent a feeling of panic through Naomi. “Why isn’t she crying?”

“She’s a bit premature, remember?” Brenda said. “Her lungs aren’t fully developed yet. We’re going to take her to the NICU and put her on oxygen.”

In the distance, Naomi could hear a faint whimper. It wasn’t the full blown cry she wanted, but her baby was breathing.

She sank back into her bed. She was so tired, the exhaustion heavy in her bones. She just wanted to sleep.

Ethan gently cradled her face in his hands, showering her with kisses. “Rookie, you were amazing. You do it!”

“I did it,” Naomi confirmed, struggling to keep her eyes open. God, why was her energy so low all of a sudden?

“Naomi?” She could hear Ethan calling her name, but he sounded so far away, like he was in a different room. “Naomi, can you hear me? Naomi!”

Ethan looked down and saw Naomi’s hospital gown and blanket now soaked in blood. He may not be an OB, but he knew that wasn’t a normal amount, by any means. “Oh my God!”

Dorinda could sense the urgency in her son in law’s voice. She stopped taking pictures of the baby long enough to turn and see Ethan attempting to shake Naomi in an attempt to keep her conscious. That’s when all of the monitors started going off, the room much louder than it was just a few seconds ago.

“Brenda!” He called out. “Brenda, what’s going on?”

“BP’s crashing!” A nurse said, checking Naomi’s vitals. “Her heart rate is accelerated!”

“Postpartum hemorrhaging due to the placental abruption,” Brenda said, mostly to the nurses. “Put an oxygen mask on her right now! And prep the first available OR!” She turned to Ethan and Dorinda. “You guys need to leave right now.”

“No!” Ethan shook his head. “No, I’m not leaving her. What’s going on?”

“Ethan, you need to back up and let me do my job.”

Not giving him a chance to argue, a nurse gently ushered Ethan and Dorinda out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

They walked for a while, dazed over what just happened. They didn’t even realize that they wandered into the waiting room until Sienna’s cheery voice broke the silence.

“Ethan! Missus Valentine! Has Naomi had the baby yet?”

Ethan blinked at Sienna, not even fully registering that she was speaking to him.  He looked around and saw all of their friends and colleagues sitting around. Sienna, Jackie, Elijah, Bryce, Aurora, Rafael, Kyra, and Naveen. Even Ines and Zaid were there. Everyone had heard that Naomi was delivering prematurely, and they wanted to make sure she was alright. “What?”

“Is Naomi still in labor?” Sienna asked, her eyes bright and hopeful.

“Um…” Ethan struggled to find the words. “Naomi had the baby, a girl.”

The gang all burst into cheers, excited about the newest member of the gang. The cheers all stopped when they noticed that Dorinda and Ethan were not sharing in their joy.

Naveen was the brave soul to ask, “Ethan, what’s wrong?”

Ethan could still see it clear as day. The blood, so much blood. Naomi’s usually golden brown skin was pale and clammy. And the noise. After 13 years of being a doctor, Ethan was no stranger to chaos and patients going into distress, but to see it happen to his own wife nearly made him sick to his stomach.

“We don’t know,” Dorinda answered simply, trying to keep her own emotions in check. “After Naomi had the baby, she lost a lot of blood and we were kicked out of the room. We don’t know what’s going on.”

The waiting room grew incredibly silent. Jackie inhaled sharply and clutched her own stomach, as if she had been punched.

They were all in shock. Naomi was the glue to their entire group, nothing was supposed to happen to her. 

Ines stood and reached out, going to comfort Ethan, but he took a step back. “Oh Ethan, I’m—”

“If you all will excuse me, I’m going to get some air,” Ethan said. He coughed loudly, trying to mask the fact that he was getting choked up. He walked off, quickly leaving the waiting area.

His feet led him outside and he inhaled the frigid Boston air. It was freezing outside, but he didn’t care. He slumped down onto the cold concrete and put his head in between his legs, trying to regulate his breathing.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Naveen staring down at him. “Keep breathing. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Just keep breathing.”

Ethan followed the doctor’s instructions and looked down at a crack in the concrete, trying to use the image to ground himself. “Focus on the crack, Ramsey,” he thought.

He counted to 10 in his head and slowly lifted his up, ignoring the throb at his temple. “My wife and child are fighting for their lives and here I am, having a stupid panic attack.”

“It’s not stupid,” Naveen argued.

“Well I feel stupid. Who am I to be having a panic attack? I’m not the one fighting for my life.”

“You’re human. It’s a stressful situation.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We were supposed to have another month. Naomi was going to be comfortable at home when her water broke and we’d come here for a completely uneventful delivery. And then we’d leave with our baby a day or two later. Instead I have a daughter in the NICU and my wife—” Ethan shook his head, unable to complete the sentence.

“Naomi is a strong young woman,” Naveen said. “One of the strongest I’ve even known. She’s smart, and scrappy, and resilient. Hell, she has to be to put up with you.” That managed to get a small chuckle out of Ethan. “She’s going to be just fine, and she’s going to come back from this, guns blazing.”

“I wish I had your optimism.”

“I’ve stared death in the face, Ethan. If I can come back, I know for a fact Naomi will be fine.”

Ethan wiped a tear from his eye. “I love her so much. She’s my entire life, I would cease to exist without her.”

Naveen sat down next to his protege and sighed heavily. “You have a new thing to live for. A baby girl, who I’m certain is very beautiful. Naomi is her mother, after all.”

“That is true.”

“So...have you called your parents? Do they know that their granddaughter has made her grand debut?”

“No. In the stress of the day, I completely forgot.”

“Well, I think they should be alerted to the good news.”

One of the first things Naomi did when she and Ethan started dating was make him reach out to his parents. She said life was too short to be harboring resentment, and he needed to at least try to make things right. Thankfully his parents were receptive to a reconciliation, and they made up. And they obviously loved and adored Naomi.

Naomi was the best thing that ever happened to Ethan. Without her, he would have never been brave enough to call his parents. It was one of the best decisions he had ever made.

“I’ll call them when I have an update on Naomi.”

Naveen nodded. “Fair enough. Do you want to go back inside?”

“Not yet.” Ethan inhaled deeply. “I just need a few more minutes.”

“Very well.”

After a few more minutes, the doctors head back into the hospital. They’re instantly stopped by an older nurse, a woman by the name of Lily. She’d been working at the hospital longer than Ethan had his medical license.

“Dr. Ramsey, your daughter is settling quite well in the NICU. Would you like to see her?”

“I can see her?”

“Yes.”

Naveen pushed Ethan forward. “Go on!”

Not needing to be told twice, Ethan followed the nurse to the NICU. After thoroughly washing his hands and checking in, Ethan was led to an incubator in the center of the room. There was a tiny label that said ‘Baby Girl Ramsey’, and inside was a tiny little thing. 

“She’s so tiny,” Ethan said, mesmerized.

“6 pounds, 2 ounces, 19 inches long,” Lily recited. “I suspect she’ll be tall like her dad.”

Ethan ran his hand along the incubator. “How long will she have to be here?”

“Depends on the progress she makes,” Lily answered. “Right now she’s not breathing on her own, and we want her to gain a bit more weight, but I am optimistic. You have a very tough little lady on your hands.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Would you like to hold her?”

“I can do that?”

“You can even do skin to skin contact. Just sit down and unbutton your shirt.” Ethan did as he was told. Lily carefully took the baby out of the incubator and placed her on Ethan’s chest. “It’ll help her heart rate and regulate body temperature. It’ll even calm you down. I’m sure it’s been a stressful day.”

“That’s putting it lightly,” Ethan said, stroking the baby’s cheek.

“Why don’t you get some bonding time with your baby, and I’ll see if I can get an update on Naomi?”

Ethan looked up, his eyes hopeful. “Yes, please.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I have more info for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” Lily quickly left the NICU, leaving Ethan in a room full of sleeping babies and noisy monitors.

Ethan stared down at the baby on his chest. Her eyes opened for a brief second and Ethan saw a flash of the most striking blue, similar to his own.  “You have my eyes. Well, you have my eyes for now, they may change as you grow up. But everything else is your mother’s. Lucky you. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”

“Happy birthday. You weren’t supposed to be here so soon, but I guess you were too excited to meet us. But while I’m glad you’re here, don’t ever scare us like that again, young lady.” The baby moved slightly against Ethan’s chest as if she was replying. 

“I suppose I should tell you a little bit about myself. I’m your dad, Ethan. I’m 39 years old, I enjoying reading, and I absolutely hate small talk. And I never thought I’d be blessed enough to have you. Not that I didn’t want children, I just never saw myself settling down and starting a family. We have a dog named Jenner, and man is he going to be tickled by you. He wouldn’t leave your mother alone when she was pregnant. Always following her, cuddling with her, sleeping with her. Jenner is extremely protective, and I’m sure the two of you will be fast friends.”

“And your mother, wow. You got the best mother in the world. She’s incredibly smart, and compassionate, and kind, and funny. She loves corny jokes, so you’ll probably spend a lot of time rolling your eyes and groaning in embarrassment. And she’s stubborn, the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met. She refuses to let things go, and to give up. It’s a blessing and a curse, to have someone care so much. She’s always going to do what’s right, even at her own expense.”

“She absolutely loves you,” Ethan continued. “Since we found out she was pregnant, you’ve been her main focus. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night, and find her reading pregnancy books and online shopping. She was always talking to you and stroking her stomach. She also loves singing to you, even though she’s a horrible singer. But that doesn’t stop her from singing, loudly and off key.” He laughed softly. “She’s the most amazing woman I know. And I know she’s fighting hard to be with us. She’s a fighter. You’re a fighter as well.

“And you have tons of aunts and uncles out there who can’t wait to meet you. And grandparents. Your grandma Dorinda probably has matching Gucci pajama sets already.”

“Burberry, actually.” Ethan turned his head and saw Dorinda and Steven in the doorway. “We don’t mean to interrupt, but the nurse said we could visit.”

“No, it’s fine. Come on, come meet your granddaughter.”

Dorinda stepped up first, peering down at the baby curled up on Ethan’s chest. “I know most newborns look like little blobs, but not this one. She looks just like Naomi, it’s almost scary.”

“Spitting image,” Ethan agreed.

“I wonder what she’ll be like,” Dorinda said, stroking the baby’s cheek. “Naomi was a very energetic baby. Never cried, very noisy. She was always babbling and yelling.”

“And she hated naps,” Steven added with a chuckle. “Even as a baby, she was so alert, so curious.”

“That sounds like Naomi.” Ethan looked down at his daughter and back up at Dorinda. “Would you like to hold her?”

“Yes, please.” Ethan slowly stood up and Dorinda sat in the seat he was previously occupying. “I’m a grandma! You’re my first grandchild, I’m going to spoil you rotten.”

“I hope your condo has plenty of closet space, Ethan,” Steven joked. “Dory here knows how to shop.”

“A baby girl as perfect as this one deserves to be spoiled,” Dorinda cooed.

“I agree.”

Ethan felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Brenda standing behind him.

“Ethan,” she greeted. “Mister and Missus Valentine.”

“Brenda, do you have news on Naomi?”

Brenda took a deep breath and signed. “Yes. She lost a lot of blood and we had to rush her to emergency surgery, but we stopped the bleeding and she’s stable. She’s being moved to recovery right now.”

Ethan’s knees buckled at the words. “She’s okay? She’s going to be okay?”

“She’s going to be okay. She’s a little weak right now, we had to give her a blood transfusion, and the surgery is going to make her sore for a few weeks, but yes, she is going to be okay.”

Ethan flung himself forward and wrapped Brenda in a tight hug, tears spilling from his eyes. “Thank you. Thank you so much for saving my wife,”

“Of course. Naomi is a dear colleague, and a friend.”

“I owe you my entire life.”

“I did what I had to do, Ethan. Think nothing more of it.”

“Can I see her?” Ethan asked once he broke the hug.

“As soon as she’s settled into her room and the nurses check over her vitals, you can visit.”

Ethan let out a sigh, a weight lifted off of his chest. His wife and his daughter were both going to be okay. He could breathe again. “Thank you.”

“You are very welcome.”

~~/~~

A few hours later, Naomi woke up, groggy and confused. Her head felt foggy and her body was incredibly numb.

“Mhmmm.”

Next to her, Ethan lay uncomfortably on a small couch, watching her like a hawk. At the sound of her voice, he jumped up. “Naomi? Naomi, can you hear me?”

“Ethan?”

“I’m here, Rookie.” He gently stroked her hair. “I’m here.” Naomi gently ran her hand across her stomach and panic coarser through her veins when she was met with the flat surface. She tried to sit up, but it was too painful. “Whoa, whoa, whoa slow down!”

“My baby! Ethan, where is my baby?”

“She’s fine,” Ethan assured her. “She’s fine, I promise. She’s with your parents in the NICU. They were in here earlier, but they are absolutely enamored with her.”

“What happened?”

“You bled out after the delivery and nearly went into shock. Your blood pressure dropped, your heart rate was through the roof.” Ethan’s voice cracked. “Naomi, I nearly lost you, don’t you ever do that to me again.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. I’m sorry.”

Ethan kissed Naomi’s forehead. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I don’t know what happened. Everything with my pregnancy was going fine, how did it end so horribly?”

“I don’t know. I can’t dwell on that though, all I care about is that you’re healthy and our daughter is healthy.”

“When can I see her?”

Ethan scanned all of the monitors that were hooked up to Naomi. “Your vitals look good and you don’t have a fever. I’ll call a nurse to get you a wheelchair.”

A few minutes later, Ethan was wheeling Naomi into the NICU. It was quiet and pretty empty, save for a few nurses, some parents, and Dorinda and Steven.

Their eyes lit up upon seeing their daughter. “Naomi! Ethan, why didn’t you tell us she was awake?”

“She just woke up,” Ethan explained. “The first thing she wanted to do was come here.”

“Thank God you’re alright.” Dorinda kissed her daughter. “You gave me quite the scare, young lady. If I wanted this type of drama, I’d watch Grey’s Anatomy.”

Naomi noticed the baby bundled up in her dad’s arms. “Is that her?”

“Yup.” Steven placed the baby in Naomi’s arms.

“Oh my goodness, hi. I’m your mommy and it is so nice to finally meet you.”

Dorinda tugged on her husband’s hand. “Let’s give the new parents a moment alone. You’re buying me some vending machine cookies.”

“Yes, dear.” Naomi’s parents quickly left the NICU, leaving Ethan and Naomi with their daughter.

Naomi couldn’t believe it. She and Ethan made this perfect little human. “She’s so beautiful.”

“She takes after her mother.”

“Maybe she’ll have your charm.” Naomi smiled at the baby. “I love her.”

“I do too.”

“Like, I love her so much, it hurts. I’d snap someone’s neck Mortal Kombat style for her if I had to.”

Ethan laughed. “I don’t doubt you at all.”

“This has been a long and horrible day. Went into early labor, gave birth with no medication, and I nearly died. But I’d do it all over again for her, without a second thought, without changing a single thing.”

“Thankfully we don’t have to do such a thing.”

Naomi leaned forward, pressing the baby closer to her, not able to get enough. “What are we going to name her? We hadn’t even thought of names yet. I want to give her something good.”

“What about Valentina?”

“Valentina,” Naomi repeated slowly.

“Named after you, of course.”

“You’re so sweet.” Naomi bit her bottom lip, mulling it over. “Valentina Ramsey.” She looked down at the baby. “Do you like that? Valentina Noelle?”

“Noelle?”

“My mom’s middle name,” Naomi explained. “And it flows. Valentina Noelle Ramsey.”

“I love it.”

“I do too.” The baby gripped Naomi’s finger tightly. “I think she’s a fan as well.”

“So it’s settled. Our daughter has a name.”

“The perfect name for the most perfect little girl.”

Ethan smiled. His heart had never been more full than it was in that moment, that perfect moment. He kissed the crown of Naomi’s head. “I love you, Missus Ramsey. Thanks for making me a daddy.”

Naomi giggled. “I love you too, Mister Ramsey. Thanks for making me a mommy.”

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #choices: open heart #open heart #ethan ramsey #dr. ethan ramsey #ethan x mc

[ice-cream-beat]

Title: Calling

Author: マサラ Circle: うたかた日和。

Series: Tales of Zestiria Main characters: Sorey, Alisha, Mikleo, Rose, Edna Ships: Sorey/Alisha; Mikleo/Alisha; Mikleo/Edna (these are the author’s listed ships, but they’re all super light and can be taken platonically)

Content rating: G Warnings: None Pages: 36 Ease of reading: you don't even need to read | super easy | know some grammar first | tricky | advanced | this was really heckin hard

Summary:

This one’s actually made up of five short stories! Separated by ships, basically, so I’ll also break up the summary accordingly.

Story #1: Calling

This is set right after Alisha first becomes Sorey’s Squire, as she finds herself too tired to sleep after all the excitement that’s happened. She gets up for a drink of water, reflecting on how eerily quiet the inn is, when she’s suddenly grabbed from behind and screams.

Skip ahead a couple minutes and Sorey’s laughing at having spooked her, but he quickly apologizes when she acts miffed and admits he didn’t think he’d scare her that badly. Alisha, being Alisha, feels ashamed as a knight for scaring so easily and admits as much, but Sorey admits that he likes seeing a different side of her--a side that’s more relaxed, a “normal girl” instead of the Dignified Princess behavior he’s used to. She gets a bit flustered and starts to say that she’s concerned about her dignity as a knight, but Sorey interrupts and tells her “It’s not about dignity--because I know that who you are as a knight and princess has no bearing on the Alisha I want to know as a normal girl.”

She’s surprised at being thought of as a “normal girl.” Sorey suggests that, even if it’s just in front of himself and the others, she might enjoy letting her guard down more often. He mentions that he previously had a similar serious mindset, and once said out loud that he needs “to act more like a Shepherd,” which only made Mikleo angry. Alisha’s amused by the thought since it’s easy to picture.

Sorey asks her what she thinks of Mikleo and Lailah, since she saw them for the first time today. She fawns over them quite a bit, saying they’re as beautiful as she imagined, like angels, just like the tales she heard as a child depicted them... She really goes on and on about it, lol. Even Sorey finally cuts her off (”That’s too much praise, Alisha”).

She asks if all seraphim are as lovely as those two, to which he says no and explains that Gramps is an old man. They start talking about Elysia and Alisha’s surprised to learn that there were a lot of seraphim whom she couldn’t see. As honored as she feels to have been to their village, she also feels guilty for disrespecting them with the way she “ignored” them at the time. Sorey assures her that his family took no offense, and then offers that they go there together again one day so she can meet them all properly, as his Squire.

“And this time, I can introduce you to Gramps!”

She says she’s afraid of being a nuisance, but he promises that he and Mikleo will vouch for her.

And then they promise to return together via another pinky-swear, right in my feels, thanks

Story #2: Dreaming Girl

Alisha confronts Sorey and admits that she’s been wanting to try on his Shepherd’s mantle just once. She apologizes for being so selfish, since it is his gift and all, but he of course agrees and tells her she can wear it as much as she wants. She’s excited and grateful and promises to clean it after she’s done, but he tells her not to worry about it.

She tries it on, asking if she looks like a Shepherd now, and he tells her she looks fantastic and that it suits her--but he also points out that it’s pretty baggy on her, and can’t help laughing at the way the back drags on the ground. When it makes her self-conscious, Sorey just points out that she’s small and dainty--which makes her more self-conscious, and she tries to argue that she does in fact have some muscle on her. Sorey humors her and asks to see, so she lets him feel her arms while the two of them sit on his bed (in an aside comment, he’s impressed by how toned her arms are lol).

Naturally, that’s right when Mikleo walks in. He of course gets the wrong idea and starts yelling at Sorey, Alisha tries to explain that this was all her fault, and Sorey finally realizes what he’s implying and everyone’s just yelling and embarrassed.

"You’ve got it wrong, Mikleo!”

Story #3: Show some more!

Mikleo and Alisha are in a library, wondering when Sorey and the others will return from shopping, when she catches a glimpse of his circlet through his bangs. He explains that he’s always worn it since he was little, and when she asks if it’s a memento, he admits he doesn’t know since Gramps never told him anything about it. He just knows it’s important, so he always keeps it close. Alisha likens it to her armor, and they both agree they would like to know the truth one day.

She wonders why he always hides it behind his bangs, especially since it’s so pretty, and Mikleo admits that, as a guy, he thinks he’d be laughed at for wearing something girly. (whispers also his blush is the cutest thing)

“Important or not, you don’t think I’d be laughed at for wearing something made for a woman?”

Alisha decides to try and cheer him up by asking to see it, but he refuses, and they go back and forth a bit until she finally pushes his hair back herself to look at it. There’s an awkward pause as they both blush now, with Alisha realizing how much she’s encroached on his personal space--although he’s puzzled as to why she’s embarrassed.

Story #4: 3:00 snack for you

Edna pokes Mikleo and tells him to go make her some snacks since he’s not doing anything else.

“That’s not how you use an umbrella!”

He yells at her for half a page, ultimately telling her to go make it herself, but she says it’s too much trouble and that her cooking efforts aren’t super great, anyway. That surprises Mikleo, who points out that she just admitted in a rather roundabout way that his cooking is good--which annoys her, and she barks at him not to keep a lady waiting. He gives in, but not before sarcastically addressing her in an obnoxiously formal manner, which gets him smacked again.

Cut to later and he sets a dessert in front of her. She’s surprised that he can make something other than ice cream (he tells her it’s bad to have cold snacks all the time) and that it’s marron glacé. Mikleo awkwardly explains that he figured he should make her favorite dish to be sure she would actually eat it. Edna admits that it was a (surprisingly) clever idea and tries it--and tells him that even though he has a ways to go before he can compare with Eizen’s cooking, it’s still really good.

Mikleo: “As honest as ever, huh.” Edna: “Aren’t we both?”

Story #5: Wonder

Alisha bursts into Rose’s room and asks if she’s seen a notebook anywhere. Rose gets curious and wonders why she’s so distressed over it, and teases her by asking if there might be a picture of the person she likes in there. (Alisha’s hilarious response is just “Oh, be quiet! It’s nothing like that!”)

Alisha leaves and runs into Sorey, who happened to pick the book up earlier. Before Alisha can feel too relieved, Rose pops up and takes it from him, wondering again what’s inside it and admitting that she knows that Alisha’s been writing in it every night. After some curious-but-respectful prodding from Sorey, Alisha finally admits that she’s been keeping a diary of the party’s journey, and that she thought it would be embarrassing if someone read it.

But Sorey is excited and proudly shows her his Celestial Record, which he’s also been using as a diary on their journey.

“Here’s mine, too!”

Rose proposes that instead of Alisha writing about everyone else on her own, they all pitch in on the writing effort and eventually exchange diaries. She starts thinking of good titles that would sell (”A Record of the Lord Shepherd and His Party”), and Sorey points out that she’s going to make Mikleo mad again. (the “again” made me laugh, ngl)

This cheers Alisha up and she thanks them both, saying she’s looking forward to seeing everyone’s diary after the journey’s over. Rose teases her some more, saying she’ll want to sneak peeks at her diary from now on; when Sorey says that he will, too, Alisha objects and confuses him, while Rose seems to catch on to something she isn’t saying.

Impressions:

I love this art style!! It’s so clean and pretty and expressive! And looks better than some of the official artwork if I’m being totally honest, lol. The stories are super cute, and even though it’s SorAli focused, I really like the screentime that other characters/relationships get. The way each ship is kept pretty light so you can take them as either shippy or platonic is pretty neat, too.

The first story is adorable with Sorey being his usual supportive self, + yassss more Elysia family talk, even if it makes me sad for several reasons :C

The second story is so cute I could die. It’s just so wholesome and precious and happy and I love?? these two?? so much??? I would take a bullet for their relationship it’s so pure

I wish the Mikleo/Alisha one had been longer!! I do have what few MikAli doujinshi exist, sans the lone R18 one which appears to have been lost to time, so I can’t really complain BUT STILL Also I am 110% accepting the headcanon that he hides his circlet because he’s embarrassed by it. (first impressions: he wore it openly as a kid because he didn’t realize/care it was “girly,” and then cared as a teenager because Awkward Years, and then got over it after meeting Muse 👀 )

The Mikleo/Edna one is cute! I don’t actively ship it, but I can get behind it, albeit more so as an epilogue thing. (I do have a few doujinshi for them, since they’re more back-and-forth tsundere humor than real “romance,” which I can definitely appreciate.) Otherwise their grudging friendship is ridiculously cute and I love it.

Sorey and Alisha stood out the most in the fifth story, imo. (ngl I am really hard-pressed in finding accurate fan depictions of Rose; I’ve seen some good ones in gen-based and Rose/Dezel doujinshi, but in Sorey/Alisha and even the few Sorey/Rose ones I’ve come across, she tends to be... ehhhnotsogood.) It was still a cute three-way friendship to show off, though! gimme those double Squire AUs pls

#jay reviews doujinshi #LONG ONE #tales of zestiria #sorali #nerd otp #mikali #abandon(ed) ship #sorey #alisha diphda #mikleo #edna #rose #mikuedo #lol idk the english version of this ship name #mikedna #?? #doesn't flow as well rip

[smnthchrstn]

All that you haven't answered!

i am much too lazy to go through and see what i haven’t responded to, so i’m just gonna do them all.

1. Are looks important in a relationship? Nope

2. Are relationships ever worth it? Probably

3. Are you a virgin? Okay see my other answers, this is a very long very rambly answer. 

4. Are you in a relationship? Nope

5. Are you in love? Nope

6. Are you single this year? I spent a chunk of it in a relationship.

7. Can you commit to one person? Yep

8. Describe your crush I have two. And one’s old enough to be my mom and the other my much older sister. (Does this mean I have a chance with Kate McKinnon?)

9. Describe your perfect mate Someone who is kind, loyal, shares common interests with me, can enjoy a good meme and shares my love of food/can make a grilled cheese please I’m begging you. I just want a decent grilled cheese.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope, not one bit

11. Do you ever want to get married? Probably if the right person comes along

12. Do you forgive betrayal? No I don’t

13. Do you get jealous easily? No I don’t

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? I answered this above ^

15. Do you have any piercings? Nope

16. Do you have any tattoos? Nope

17. Do you like kissing in public? I live in a republican area so it scares me.

20. Do you shower every day? Yep

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Hard no.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe my cat if I’m lucky.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Absolutely

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No, but let fate change my mind. 

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? This year? Hard pass. Next year? We’ll see.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? No.

28. Have you ever been cheated on? I have

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Not on my body, but my hair I have.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Of course

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Nope

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? See here. 

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yep

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Many

41. Have you had sex so far this year? “Sex”? No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? My hands are always moving.

43. How long was your longest relationship? Like seven months, but it wasn’t “official”. So like, maybe four months?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? This question is complicated because I had a lot, but some of my most serious relationships haven’t had a label on them. I’ve dated like officially maybe four people? Unofficially maybe like seven? Six or seven? - three boyfriends and a partner.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? One.

46. How many times did you have sex last year? See my above answers about sexuality.

47. How old are you? 22

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I’m your mom, how dare you (to my cat. come on, i don’t give out these deets on tumblr)

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? I don’t have one :P

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? My first like actual love or my boyfriend? Because my first true love didn’t wrong me and my first boyfriend isn’t alive.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes, my friends. Specifically my best friend, Sabrina. Now she is a ride or die.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? I’ve given up on a lot of people. I’ve given up on some family this year and I’ve given up on the person I believed to be the love of my life because sometimes people hurt you and you think that’s okay because you love them and don’t want to hurt them. You’re basically sacrificing yourself for others and that’s not okay for you.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No, no one cares about what I do haha

54. Is there someone you will never forget? Always

55. Share a relationship story. This one time my ex partner drove me home on the fourth of July and no one else had been driving on the highway at that time. We were holding hands and listening to Celine Dion and I kept pointing out all the fireworks I could see from the highway with this childlike amazement. It was a movie moment and I have enough of those to fill a book. It was the beginning of a wild adventure, one that I’m sure I could’ve continued on for a very long time.

56. State 8 facts about your body 1) I have scars on my shoulders from a severe sunburn. 2) I have a freckle on my left wrist (heard from twitter that’s really gay) 3) I have a small triangular scar on my right hand from burning myself on the oven. 4) My shoulders are covered in freckles. 5) My eyes are “green with gold specks” 6) I’m somewhere around 5′7 or 5′8 7) My hair is naturally a dark blonde, but I’ve dyed it black and or brown for the past four years. 8) I had my hair chemically straightened when I was twelve. I did it twice, it was a long and painful process. I did it due to bullying and have since grown to learn how to deal with my wavy hair.

57. Things you want to say to an ex Yikes baby, you missed out on a lifetime of love and support. Big yikes. 

58. What are five ways to win your heart? 1) Trust. Being able to trust you and know you aren’t going to just up and walk away one day. Knowing I can count on you, that we will both be here and amp each other up or celebrate each other’s accomplishments. 2) Attentive. Listening to everything you have to say and you listening to what I have to say. 3) Learning and growing together. Someone who over time wants to grow with me, not against me or before me or worrying about my life or what my next move is. Let me grow and let yourself grow and we will grow beautifully together. 4) Loyalty. Betrayal sucks. 5) This sounds really dumb but common interests are super important. I hope the next person I date likes the same stuff I do. That’s always worked out for me. 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? I think two years. In my last relationship we were about 16 months apart in age. So I guess not quite two. But usually it’s two years older or two years younger.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Eyes and hair.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Sexiest? I’m answering these out of order but see the foreplay question.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Doing something that is intimate for you, the other person, or both of you together. It can be defined in so many ways.

64. What is your definition of cheating? It isn’t just physical, cheating can be emotional and I think a lot of people let that slide. If you’re engaging with another person in a romantic or sexual sense emotionally or physically, that is cheating.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Haha okay neck kissing. Neck kissing makes me weak. Certain places make me weak. Stomach, thighs, neck - yep. And for me on the other end, I like touching arms and shoulders and hands. 

66. What is your favourite roleplay? I have never done that. Never did that with another person in that way. Surprisingly. 

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? If you like the person enough literally any scenario will be a perfect date. 

68. What is your sexual orientation? My sexuality is lesbian and demisexual. And explained (for me) that means I’m gay and I won’t do anything intimate until I know the person’s soul and love them. (attraction develops with emotional bond for me)

69. What turns you off? Dirt under fingernails, overconfidence, instability toward others, impatience, mostly traits. 

70. What turns you on? Trust, loyalty, kindness, tattoos, sensitivity to feelings. 

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? No kinky wet dreams here.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? “I love you” preferably lol always need that #reassurance

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? I’m extremely easy to impress. Like a playlist is the best way.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? None.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Played me songs that reminded them of me or performed songs for me in the car that they meant for me. That used to be a favorite of mine.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I used to write my ex notes and stick them to their fridge or in their bag to read when I left.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? When the younger person is older it feels more idk acceptable to me. Like a teenager and an adult, that’s not a consensual adult relationship I don’t approve of, of course. But I love older women (all women tbh) and could see it happening once I’m a bit older.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? It’s not really a secret but I love watching people smoke because it’s the hottest thing ever, even though I know it’s terrible.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Some family members harassed me on Christmas Eve and it made me jealous that they always seem to get away with questionable behavior. (More agitated than jealous)

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? My friend on her birthday.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Sarah Paulson, Hannah Hart, Kate McKinnon, Kristen Stewart, and Courteney Cox.

82. Who is the last person you hugged? I have no idea.

83. Who was your first kiss with? My first boyfriend.

84. Why did your last relationship fail? The person I dated stopped loving me.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Yes

#long post #there's some not so suitable text in this but it is what it is #don't look if you don't want to see that #personal tag. #asks #thank you very much for asking this was a lot emotionally i didn't realize #alurous

[stillthewordgirl]

LOT/CC fic: Date Night (Ch. 1 of 5)

Len and Sara finally get that date. But nothing ever goes smoothly with the Legends. (Sequel to Second Chances. I recommend you read that one first to meet this Len Snart.)

Thanks to LarielRomeniel for the beta! Can also be read here at AO3 or here at FF.net.

This will be four chapters and an epilogue. And I'll actually be sticking to that for once, because the complete story is already done! Rated T mainly for language.

Truth be told, Sara had nearly forgotten about Len's offer/request that night in the brig.

Or perhaps it was more appropriate to say that she'd simply didn't think it would happen. They're busy on the Waverider after all. Down time is not something that happens very often. And since they've fallen into the same card-playing, often-flirting, occasionally drinking routine she'd had with the original Leonard Snart, well, perhaps she'd thought that was all he ever intended to pursue.

She'd been wrong.

"All right, folks," she says with a sigh, rising from the captain's chair once the Waverider's parked safely in Central City 2017 and the shielding illusion is up. "You have 36 hours. Use it wisely. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Mick snorts at that, stretching as he rises and causing an audible "crick" from his spine that makes Amaya, next to him, wince. "Seriously? You wanna tell this lot that?"

"OK. Don't do anything you don't want to have to explain to me later. Is that better?" With a smile, she turns away from his rejoinder (and the sound of the others comparing notes on the things they're going to do, family they're going to see, and non-replicator meals they're going to eat) and toward the corridor toward quarters, planning to spend this "shore leave" at the ship so the rest of the team can relax.

She semi-expects/hopes Len will stay too. But she doesn’t want to single him out and make him feel obligated, not when all the others are free to leave. If he stays, she wants him to want to.

And she’s probably making it more complicated than it needs to be.

Sara heads to her room; he’ll follow or he won’t. And she’s not going to stand there waiting for him. Any longer than a minute, anyway.

But that moment or two comes and goes, and she shakes her head, moving to her bed and stretching out, telling herself that she’s not disappointed, not at all, it’s going to be nice to have time to herself, she’s going to watch every stupid rom-com Gideon has on file and eat ice cream and …

There’s a rap at the door.

Len is there when she opens it, but he’s not wearing either his white, blue and black uniform or his habitual gray T and jeans, the equally habitual bottle of something in his hand. Instead, he’s looking dapper as hell, black dress pants and a sapphire blue button-down shirt, a look on his face that seems oddly tentative, hands shoved in his pockets and somehow still not spoiling the look.

Sara blinks at him, feeling like she’s missed something. “Yes?” she manages.

That gets her a Snart shrug and one corner of his mouth ticks up. “I think,” he says, in a tone that attempts to be smooth and doesn’t quite manage it—his ice isn’t anywhere near as thick as Earth-1 Leonard’s had been, and damn, that sounds kinda dirty, “we talked, once, about a date? For dinner?”

“Now?” Sara thinks back, startled.

He clears his throat. “Well. All that was mentioned was ‘sometime when we have some time.’ And a firm ‘we’ll see.’ But I was…hoping…”

The optimism in his eyes is rather charming, actually. Sara lets a smile cross her face, but there’s regret as well. “I would love to…but I promised to stay here so the others could go out…”

Now there’s a spark. “Way ahead of you, Captain,” he drawls, sounding like his doppelganger. “Mick agreed to stay tonight. For me. And you.” He considers. “Well. Maybe I bribed him. But that’s rather beside the point. So?”

She shouldn’t. “Just let me get dressed.”

Mick lets out a low rumble of laughter as Sara shows up on the bridge not long later, wearing something she hopes says “semi-casual first date with a former thief from another world”—and, boy, has her life gotten even stranger than expected. The noise manages to be both teasing and oddly affectionate, and Sara grins at him, moving over to bump his shoulder with her own.

“You have my number,” she tells her friend and unofficial second in command, who’s sitting in the captain’s chair with his legs stretched out ahead of him and a book in his hand. “I don’t know when I’ll be back, but sometime tonight. Then you can…”

But Mick’s rumbling again at her words, a knowing chuckle, and Sara folds her arms and glares at him good-naturedly. Len’s not on the bridge at the moment, so she doesn’t hesitate to puncture Mick’s apparently somewhat-misplaced expectations. (Best not to think about why she might have paused if Len had been there.)

“I’m not falling into bed with him after one date,” she hisses at him quietly. “Dinner. Maybe…I dunno…a walk or something. I’ll be back.”

Mick eyes her, grinning. “Not one date,” he corrects, sitting his book down on the arm of the chair. “Few weeks of card-playin’ and serious flirtin’ by this point. And if you count even of a fraction of what went down with our Snart…”

“Don’t.”

They both pause at the note of warning in her voice—a note Sara hadn’t intended to be quite so angry...or distressed. She starts to apologize almost immediately, but Mick holds up a hand, shaking his head.

“I get it,” he mutters, looking away, then back, meeting her eyes. “It ain’t him. Sara…” He almost never uses her given name. “…no one here knows better ‘n me that it’s not.”

“I know…” Sara sighs. “Mick. Maybe…maybe there’s something there. I mean, I like Len. A lot. I’ve enjoyed spending time with him. I’m…I’m attracted to him.” The other man grunts a little as he eyes her, and Sara shrugs. It’s not the kind of thing they usually talk about, but he brought it up. “But nothing…serious…is going to happen until I can look at him and see him. Not Leonard.”

After a moment, Mick sighs too. “Might be waiting a long time, then,” he mutters, but then leans back in the chair and shrugs. “Ain’t him. But this one, he’s a decent dude in his own right. Keep that in mind too. OK?”

What can she do but agree?

The look in Len’s eyes, when he arrives on the bridge to meet her, is gratifyingly rapt. Mick barks out another laugh as the other man stops dead in his tracks, trying very hard not to stare.

“You,” Len says smoothly after a moment, though, approaching, “look gorgeous.”

It’s just a pair of nice slacks and a golden silk top. Sara, feeling uncharacteristically self-conscious, reaches up to toy with the pendant of carved amber that’s hanging around her throat, just under Laurel’s necklace. “Not too fancy? You didn’t say…”

“Not at all.” His lopsided smile is utterly unlike anything she’s seen on that face before—no matter what owner it’d had. It’s an almost boyish expression. And while she knows he watches her a lot—any version of Leonard she’s ever seen has, frankly—it’s still a surprise when she catches him watching with that look in his eyes. The one that mingles fondness, respect, appreciation and, yes, desire, all in those blue eyes and…

Mick laughs again, and Sara realizes she and Len have been standing there staring at each other. She glares at Mick good-naturedly, but Len chuckles, stepping forward and offering Sara his arm.

After a moment, she takes it.

Len Snart is a realist. Really, he is.

OK, so that seems sort of weird, given how his recent life has gone. He’s a superhero now, or so he’s told. (He still prefers antihero, but whatever.) He’s acquired ice powers, which happened when his cold gun went critical during a fight. He’s gone drinking with aliens, snarked at the Dark Knight of his world’s Gotham City, and flirted wildly with an actual Amazon of Themyscira. Hell, he’s even on a bona fide different Earth right now, ever since the bad guy of the moment had opened that portal during a League mission.

Still, as weird as it’s all been, it’s a little more believable to him than that he’d be…here. Strolling down a street in Central City—not quite his Central City, but still—with one of the most remarkable women he’s ever met on his arm. For a date. An actual date. An actual date to an actual nice restaurant to which they have actual reservations. (This Earth’s Barry Allen, while aware there was an alternate Snart running around with the Legends, had been somewhat flummoxed when that Snart had called him up for dining recommendations.)

And this remarkable woman truly seems to like him. Well…she’d liked the him from this Earth, but by now, maybe him-him too? He thinks. Enough to do this crazy impromptu date thing, anyway.

He glances toward her as they walk. Sara, feeling the gaze, turns her head to return it. She smirks at him a little, but it seems to be an affectionate smirk.

His doppelganger here, he’s long since decided, was an idiot. Well, that’s not quite fair. From everything Mick’s said, and a crumb here and there from Sara, that man had been a lot more damaged. Lewis had survived a lot longer, for one thing, continuing to fuck up his children’s lives in new and more creative ways, and there’d been someone or something called “Alexa.”

Really, especially given all that, Len can only thank Earth-1 Leonard for being someone who’d managed to intrigue Sara Lance enough that she’d give him a shot.

“So, where are we going?” the amazing woman in question asks, and frankly he’s a little surprised she’d waited this long.

“Place called The Red Pepper.” He gives her a tentative look. “You said you liked Thai food. I was looking for a really good fusion place I remember from, ah, where I’m from, but it apparently doesn’t exist here. I’m told this one seems pretty similar, got a great review…”

“I love good Thai.” Sara’s voice is fervent. “And it’s something Gideon just does not manage well. Sounds fabulous.”

“Excellent.” He clears his throat. “Sorry, I’d have, ah, called a cab or something if it wasn’t a nice evening. But I thought the walk might be good.”

“You mean you would have hot-wired a car.”

Len starts to deny it, then eyes her as she laughs. “Well. Maybe….”

Could he have? Sure. Would he have? Honestly, it’s not so much his style when there’s an easier and less attention-getting way of accomplishing the same thing. Apparently his other self wouldn’t have…and hadn’t, in the past…hesitated.

He’s competing with a goddamned ghost.

But he swallows the sigh, and smirks at Sara instead. “Well,” he drawls a little, “it is a nice evening. So it doesn’t matter much.”

There’s a flicker in her eyes, and he curses himself for giving something away. Hell, he doesn’t want to remind her of the other him. But it seems there’s really no way he can avoid it, and he blunders again and again.

Best, perhaps, to just carry on and try to be himself, corny as that sounds.

Len casts about for a topic. They’ve talked a lot, the past few weeks, and they know a bit each other’s background. She doesn’t exist, on his Earth, so far as he knows. He knows a Black Canary, a Dinah Laurel Lance—hell, he’s fought with her, flirted with her a bit. But not much, because of her husband, the Green Arrow, his Earth’s Oliver Queen.

He hasn’t told Sara about that. And he probably won’t.

But Dinah doesn’t have a sister. He knows because he’d asked once. Mostly to irritate Ollie.

He sincerely likes Dinah; she’s badass and gorgeous and she’s got a sense of humor, but he likes Sara far more. There are more shadows to her, more edges, but a sense of something grounded, too, a basic practicality he doesn’t see often in the heroes in whose company he’s been finding himself. (Or the villains too, really. There’s often nothing less practical than the sort of person who, confronted with a costumed hero, decides to level up instead of getting the hell outta Dodge. Which might be a little pot-meet-kettle, really.)

“So,” he continues, studying the buildings of center city around them, the businesspeople headed home, the tourists scattered about, taking pictures of architecture and public art and each other. (Ah, that’s where the Flash Museum is located, on his Earth. The one here apparently hasn’t gotten quite that level of adulation yet.) “What do people on this Earth talk about, in normal first-date-kinda situations? Not that we’re either quite normal by most standards. And I know we’ve already talked quite a bit, last few weeks. But…well, what do you like to do, when you’re not being all badass captain of a time ship?”

Sara’s lips twitch. “Well, what you do when you’re not being all crook-turned-hero-on-another-Earth?” she returns. “Regular…stuff.”

“Like?” When she pauses to think about it, Len offers up something of his own. “I like cheesy sci-fi movies. Books. Most books.” He smirks. “Museums.”

“Uh huh.” Sara’s voice is dry. “Relieving museums of certain things…”

“I don’t do that anymore.” He tries to sound innocent and doesn’t quite manage it.

“Uh huh.” She laughs a little, glancing at him. “I like movies. Hmmm…hanging out with friends. I like to dance.”

“Aaahhh. So next time, I should take you dancing?”

His tone is teasing as he watches her, but then his gut twists as a shadow crosses Sara’s expression, her face falling a little. There’s no doubt at all why, at least in general terms. The ghost is there between them again.

“Never mind,” he backtracks immediately. “Never mind. I didn’t realize…that was one of your things. I didn’t think…”

He stops again. There’s really nothing he can say, is there?

It’s just going to happen again.

So many traps to stumble into. So many pitfalls to remind her of the Leonard she’d first known.

But Len is looking away, his easy gait now a bit stilted, tension in the arm where her hand is resting. She knows him well enough now to know that he’s bothered, and for a long moment, she wonders if this whole thing was a mistake. Maybe she shouldn’t even have agreed to this at all until she could get past more of the ghosts that hover there between them.

“No, it’s…” Sara sighs. “The first place we stopped, on the ship. St. Roch, 1972. Leonard, Mick and I, we left the ship and found a bar. Got some dollar beers; Mick put on the jukebox.” She smiles a little despite herself. “I asked Leonard to dance.”

“You did?” Len sounds intrigued despite himself. “All I’ve heard, he didn’t seem like, ah, the sort.”

“He wasn’t. Didn’t know him well at the time.” Her lips twitch a little. “He declined. Said he’d watch.”

She watches Len try to figure out how to respond to that without innuendo…and eventually simply give up. “Can’t say I blame him,” he drawls, eyeing her. “I rather like to watch.”

“Do you now.” It’s not a question. They smirk at each other a moment, awkwardness passed for now, and then Sara decides she needs to ask the obvious question.

“Do you dance?”

“Mmmm.” He looks though his lashes at her. “With the right partner.”

“Good to know.” She hesitates. “So…you’d take me dancing?”

“Captain Lance, I would love to.” Len smiles at her, one of those genuine smiles that are his alone, and Sara grins back, and maybe this will work out after all.

Of course, that’s when they hear the screams.

#date night #captain canary #legends of tomorrow #sara lance #leonard snart

[arconn]

I remember how much I used to do these in high school/my early 20s, I wish I could do an old one and compare responses. Here's one for today, 06/21/21

1) Sexuality? Pansexual, meaning I don't have a preference of what you're working with and I don't exclude those who identify as nonbinary/agender.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Russel Crowe

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. with a stock of white, forearms tattooed in black Borean ink- the black dragon that marks him as an outsider. - Witches of America by Alex Mar

4) What do you think about most? That people want to be good and be happy but also very much have the opportunity to cause the opposite

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? Hope you have today off...

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Usually with but it depends on what time of year it is

7) What’s your strangest talent? Being able to guess poeple's zodiac signs pretty accurately.

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence) should be treated the same

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Yes

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? I don't even remember honestly.

11) Do you have any strange phobias? Preying mantasis, they absolutely terrify me and are bore deep into my psyche

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes

13) What’s your religion? I identify as an omniest, meaning I find truth and beauty in all religions and also as a pagan witch- a woman who loves and respects the earth, her elements and the way it effects us. I read tarot and look for divine guidance primarily from a central collective consciousness/energy and divinity that is in us all.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Hooping, going on a walk

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Like a whole band with instruments and multiple musicians? Either Born of Osiris of August Burns Red

17) What was the last lie you told? That I was okay when I wasn't

18) Do you believe in karma? Absofreakinglutely

19) What does your URL mean? That I'm one tough bitch ;)

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My quickness to trust someone and be vulnerable and shutting myself off or down when I realize I shouldn't have. And loving other people and things, when I'm at my best I aspire to emulate loving goddess energy and make others feel safe and seen.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I honestly am not a big fan of most celebrities

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Honestly, no.

23) How do you vent your anger? Usually to a friend or through hooping

24) Do you have a collection of anything? Crystals, metaphysical books, tarot decks.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Through messenger

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Yes, though there is a lot I am still working hard on.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? The sound of people chewing or brushing their teeth and I love the sound of deep low frequency bass and my bunny Winston "purring"

28) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if a certain relationship worked out and I hadn't left and we stayed together

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I believe in the possibility of everything but also that anything can be debunked. I say yes to both.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Left- my phone, right-a bag of cashews :)

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? A candle burning nearby.

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Probably the part of Bahrain we got dumped in while waiting for our ship. Of course, at the time I had never been to or lived in Philly or Baltimore, but it was a lot and was absolutely not safe.

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? East coast, but I haven't been to the west coast yet.

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Anderson Paak *heart eyes* thats my BAYBEEEEE

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? See #13

36) Define Art. Expression

37) Do you believe in luck? I believe in divine blessing

38) What’s the weather like right now? Absolutely beautiful and 70 something outside

39) What time is it? 2:51

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, though I don't have a car right now. And no I haven't, only been rear ended once.

41) What was the last book you read? Been reading Witches of America by Alex Mar lately as well as some study astrology material.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? Love it.

43) Do you have any nicknames? Mana

44) What was the last movie you saw? The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It... it was absolutely amazing

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Dislocating my knee, it went all the way to the backside of my leg!!

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Oh yes

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Learning my job and getting better at it, smoking weed, getting these next couple milestones together that are coming up.

48) What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual, see #1 for an explanation

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Oh yes

50) Do you believe in magic? Definitely

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Nah, I wish I could sometimes, but I'm actually pretty bad at it, to my own demise.

52) What is your astrological sign? Aquarius sun, Scorpio moon, Capricorn rising

53) Do you save money or spend it? Spend it. UGH.

54) What’s the last thing you purchased? A smoothie

55) Love or lust? Love

56) In a relationship? Not currently, no.

57) How many relationships have you had? I don't even know anymore... that would be a lot to count out.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes

59) Where were you yesterday? Work and then home and in my bed sleeping for almost 13 hours.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yes, a hula hoop

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Nope

62) What’s your favorite animal? Rabbits and octopus

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Look at them very intently with my eyes and show genuine care/focus on them

64) Where is your best friend? I don't really have a best friend right now, my closest is in Maryland right now, but I haven't seen her in over a year.

65) Spit or swallow?(; Always swallow

66) What is your heritage? Irish/Scottish

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? DEAD ASLEEP

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name? Gon'getcha

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? What kinda question is this? Duh. Society is so weird about sexuality it's kind of gross. *shudders*

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yeah!

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Yell for help, save the dog. Take pictures once the rescue is a success and try and explain it to my boss, if they let me go, they let me go.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I tell everyone I care about, yes. I would spend the rest of my time with my family and saying goodbye to certain friends. I'd try to fit in as much live music as humanly possible as well and maybe take a few days trip abroad, probably somewhere where I could be on the beach.

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Love, because if it's true, you get both

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Touch by Hybrid Minds

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 1***

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, over communication, taking time for the cute and little things

77) How can I win your heart? ^

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Absolutely

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Letting things go in order to gain

80) What size shoes do you wear? 8 1/2 or 9

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY! C'MON! -WILL FERREL

82) What is your favorite word? Fuck

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Swell

84) What is a saying you say a lot? "The road to suffering is paved with expectations" -The Buddha

85) What’s the last song you listened to? Loan Shark by Commodo

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors? Lavendar, royal blue, deep purple, light magenta, neon red, burnt orange

87) What is your current desktop picture? $uicideboy$

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Oh boy, I don't think I'd want that to happen to anyone because they could be with other people like their family and shit. That would be so horrible.

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Haven't found one yet.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Slowly look around and see if I can find a weapon, then quickly get to it and make a quick exit, defending myself from the mummies if need be.

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? It's a tie between teleporation and being able to heal others/myself.

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? My wedding day.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Early memories in the barracks at Fort Meade

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Al Ross or $crim

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? India

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? Not that I know of

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? Yup, but it was into a bag every time

98) Ever been on a plane? Many times

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY, c'MON!

[pafsins2]

Everything Wrong With Everything Wrong With Across the 2nd Dimension

…Well, this is different. Over on Deviant Art, I’ve started doing Sins post for Sins video/posts because why not. Also, it’s fun and I got the idea from CinemaSinsSins and others.

And since I’m the most sinful person I know, I figured I’d sin one of my posts. I did myself in general, but it’s time to attack a full post. I picked the movie since it’s longer and thus has more problems. Time to see how wrong I am!

(Posting it here instead of DA cuz why not)

ORIGINAL POST: https://pafsins.tumblr.com/post/146397916776/everything-wrong-with-across-the-2nd-dimension

 1.I messed up the formatting and instead of taking the time to fix it, I just linked to someplace else I put this up on. Fixing it turned out to be easy so why didn’t I  do here?

2.”Wasn’t a Goozim a lot smaller in Doof’s flashback, or are they just bigger in this dimmension?” Likely the latter. Either way, it doesn’t matter.

3.”That’s the most abrasive alarm clock ever” Not really, it seems like more of a light prodding. Besides, I’d love an alarm clock that does that, to be honest.

4.”Candace just forgot she put a picture on a beloved stuff animal?” A Flaky teenager forgot something? I’m so surprised.

5.”How many Platypus themed sports are there?” That’s the joke.

6..”Yikes, Monogram did not age well.”That is not a sin, that is stating the obvious.

7.”It’s set up like this thing with the saftey on will be important, but it never is.” Again, that’s the joke. Also, not really.

8.”A woman of science who hangs out with kids that frequently defy the laws of physics” Jokes, do you understand them?!

9.Also, you forgot the quote you’re replying to, anyone who hasn’t seen the movie or doesn’t remember the line won’t know what you’re talking about.

10.”This whole thing starts because Doof wants a couch” Besides that being the joke,not really. I imagine he would have stepped into the portal to see what is on the other side even if the couch wasn’t there.

11.”Ballon-y can be seen all over the place, even though he shouldn’t exist here since Doof made him because he he had no friends, and that didn’t happen in this world”.

When did they ever say that? We just know things went better for Doof-2 and he lost the train, but they never state that this exact thing didn’t happen. There’s plenty of reasons he could have better Balloon-y in this world.

12.”“Just in case, vending machines become the dominant race!” You know some nut out there actually thinks this, thanks to thism ovie” Funny joke but not a sin.

13.”I see they save the “charecter finds out the big secret” plot for this movie.” I get how the use of the cliche is a sin but how is saving it for the movie a sin?

14.“You could have been cleaning your litter box this whole time?” That’s one of your biggest concerns about this?” Joke, that’s the.

15.”I’m with Doof, something as simple as that caused all this?” Sigh.

16.”This bit with Phineas-2 and Perry is so sad it’s sin because shut up.” Translation: It’s been more than a minute without a sin so I listed a random thing as a sin because reasons.

17.”Don’t think you can outlaw a season. You can outlaw Summer vacation though. Choose your words carefully, guys.” Oh shut up, you’re just being pedantic.

18.”Perry could find a way to explain to Phineas why he’s doing this, but whatever, this works too.” Phineas didn't exactly give him much of a chance to do. That should have been the sin here.

19.”Once again, good thing a Tv was here so they could see the news update.” In this case, it’s the TV Turning on that was convenient, no the TV itself. Yes that’s pedantic, shut up.

20.”It’s convincent that time works the exact same way in the 2nd dimension, not a second off.” Spongey is fine with a parallel dimension, but when that parallel dimension’s time works the same, that’s crossing the line Dammit!

21.”Candace-2 is a dick to the first dimmension people.” That’s the point

22.”The first scene is repeated, but with dialogue that clearly wasn’t there before.” Do you get points and jokes at all?

23.”How do half of these dimensions even work?” Doesn’t matter, these are just quick gags.

24.”These Citizens see crazy crap all the time but a bunch of robots has them running?” Robots coming out a portal is more alarming than anything P&F have done.

25.”I’m not sure how to word this but I’m sure this whole bit where someone planned out all this crazy stuff in adance that will now help the heroes get ready for the climax is a cliché. It’s also convenient.” Yes, but given how they set it up by establishing they clone Doof’s inventions, it at least makes sense.

26.“But it was obvious in Retrospect” “Buford is now smarter than most of the other kids. Huh.” He’s shown to be slightly smart before and after, how is this a sin?

27.”Quickest Villain Reformation ever.” You know the drill.

28.”How did Monogram and Carl get here so dang fast without anyone noticing?” The first part is fine but the 2nd part doesn’t matter.

29.”. I’d iked to hear Doof’s thoughts on all this. Guess he doesn’t agree cuz he’s locked in that Hannib Lector thing” You just pointed out why this is not a sin.

30.”Both this and the other Vanessa scene feel like those kind of deleted scenes that wouldn’t affected the film all that much if they were left in. The nature of them makes me think they were made FOR this  DVD, almost.” But that would have made Wannessa’s absence later on even more of a sin.

31.”If this was in the movie, it would be the first sign something is up as Doof-1 is pretty okay with her boyfriends usually, while Doof-2 is the “Boyfriend hating Dad” cliché” Yes. You’re point is…

32.”Guess this explains why more memories weren’t erased, but are they really that stupid?…Don’t answer that.” Too Bad: Yes.

SINS POST SIN TALLY: 32

SENTENCE: …

BONUS ROUND: Spelling/Grammar Errors!

(Errors in bold)

33.“or are they just bigger in this dimmension?”

“Wait, so Phineasc just wars a bland shirt-”+2

36.“Phineas looks way older then he did in the Flashback-”

37.“spoiling the twist/joking-”

38.”I don’t to remind but I’ll do it anyway” (Missing the “Need” in there)

39.“It’s set up like this thing with the saftey on will be important, but it never is.”

40..“Ballon-y can be seen all over the place-”

41.“You know some nut out there actually thinks this, thanks to thism ovie.”

42.Too many dumb visuals refernces too count..+

43.“I can’t help but notice that you’re scar goes over your eyepatch”

44.“If he truly meant Leorzna Llamas-”

“I see they save the “charecter finds out the big secret” plot for this movie.” + 2

47.“Gee it’s Trap” (Should be  A trap)

48.“It’s convincent that time works-”

49.“Candace-2 is a dick to the first dimmension people.”

50.“The bat head being from another dimension makes to much sense”

51.“I’m not sure how to word this but I’m sure this whole bit where someone planned out all this crazy stuff in adance-”

52.“Somethng from outside is mistaken for 3D” cliché”

53.“Add a sin of the WOLVERINES bit being a reference-”

54.“(who now has a change of clothes for some reson)”’

55.“. I’d iked to hear Doof’s thoughts on all this. Guess he doesn’t agree cuz he’s locked in that Hannib Lector thing.”

56.“Damn it, I don’t it do this so soon after the last one but…”(Should be “don’t usually”)

SINS POST SIN TALLY: 56

SENTENCE: Eaten by a Goozim

…Well, that was different and fun. For those who don’t follow my DA, check it out for more Sin Sins. Otherwise, head on to SpongeBob Sins next week for the return of it.

#Sin Sins #phineas and ferb

[kookienomster3]

I Want The Headline (Pt. 33)

Written By: suga-of-daegu BTS Fanfiction Angst WARNING: MATURE CONTENT Mafia/Gang

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“Jeon?”

Jungkook took a deep breath in his sleep, mouth shutting. His eyes were still firmly shut as his body slept, no indication that he was cold from the icy breeze crawling along the rooftop. Even pressed between the heater unit and his body, you were feeling the chill. You turned towards him, debating on whether or not to move closer to him.

He would dislike it, right?

You frowned to yourself, gaze lowering to his arms crossed over his chest and legs lying straight down. He wasn’t exactly inviting. At least with Yoongi, he’d sleep on his side, slightly curled; the perfect position for you to squeeze into when you had a nightmare. And whenever you had done so he’d only yawn, resting his head against yours. Jungkook was flat on his back, straight as a board. Tentatively, you slipped your hand into one of his, pulling it away from his chest to try to make room.

His fingers suddenly curled around yours, halting your movement. Eye snapping back up to his face, you saw that Jungkook was quietly staring at you, the sleep seemingly evaporating as he focused on your face. He looked angry, you observed. This was indeed a bad idea. “What are you doing?” He asked hoarsely, gaze dropping to your cold hands. You quickly pulled your hand away, nervously looking at it,

“I-I was..I was trying to lay beside you.” You mumbled. He narrowed his eyes in confusion,

“You already are.” He observed. Shaking your head, you rolled onto your back, pulling the blankets up higher. Jungkook lightly tapped your thigh under the blankets, “What were you really trying to do?” He sighed heavily at your silence, “What’s wrong now?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Waking you.” You murmured, “You looked angry when you woke up after I touched you so I’m sorry..I won’t do it again.” He shook his head, crossing his arms once more,

“It’s not you..You…You just can’t wake up thinking that whoever’s waking you only wants to hold your hand.” He explained, “I wasn’t angry that you were waking me up.” Jungkook shifted closer, rolling onto his side and kissing the tip of your shoulder, “Now what did you really want, Jagi?” He rolled his eyes when you shook your head, still refusing to tell him. “I’m awake now.” he complained softly, “At least say something.”

“Can you tell me about your family?” You suddenly whispered, shifting your attention to him. He seemed to know more about your family than you did. It would be nice to know a little more about his. Hovering over you, Jungkook’s face was a couple inches from yours, his teasing expression wiping to a blank stare the moment your question left your lips. He drew back a bit, shrugging.

“My mom died in a fire Jimin started.” He huffed, “I was 11…what more is there to talk about?”

“What was she like?” You tried, “How did your dad die?”

He sent you an odd look, shaking his head, “My dad’s not dead.” Your eyes widened,

“He’s not? Oh, I’m sorry, Jeon. I-I thought..I don’t know what I thought, you just never mentioned him…I thought he died.” Your face flushed in embarrassment and he only ran the pad of his thumb along your cheek, feeling the warm growing there. You brushed his hand aside, embarrassed that you had assumed something so outrageous. “Where is your dad? Do you talk to him? What does he do? Is he in the Mafia too?” He smiled at you, slowly shaking his head,

“No..” He chuckled, covering his mouth with his hand, “No, he’s not in the Mafia, Y/N. He’s..” Jungkook’s laughter quieted, “He’s the mayor.”

“The mayor!?” You exclaimed. Jungkook’s dad was the mayor? The mayor was a graying man and Jungkook was so young, how was that possible? How old was his mother? “Wh- Why are you in the Mafia, then? I don’t..did you two fight after your mother died or something?”

His expression sombered, “No..He was having an affair with my mom when she got pregnant with me..He gave her the side girl special. Apartment on the opposite side of town, paid rent, all that.” He scratched his head, “He didn’t want anyone to know that he was having an affair; none the less a woman 10 years younger than him.” Jungkook waved off your horrified expression, “It’s not that bad, I think…Tae’s dad was fifte-no, twenty. He was twenty years older than his mom.” His face saddened,

“She was 16. Tae said one day in grade school he came home and his dad was there; after being gone since he was born..and his mom was gone. He said he learned everything he knows from his dad, but I never know if he’s proud or ashamed of that…they never got along. A few years back he found his mom. She’s got a husband and kids; she’s a nurse….I don’t know what happened between her and Tae other than she has a restraining order on him now.”

You wrapped your arms around Jungkook, burying your face into his chest, “I’m sorry.” He laughed lightly, rubbing your shoulder.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Why..why didn’t your dad take you in when your mom died? Have you spoken to him since? Wait, does he even know about you?” That would explain why Jungkook was in the Mafia in the first place. Surely the mayor of the city. despite his apparent stain of an affair, would take in his own son? His entire campaign was family focused. There was no way he knew about Jungkook and did nothing.

“He knows.” He stated, “I see him at speeches sometimes when Namjoon hyung wants to sit in on them. He looks at me..that’s about it.” Rubbing his nose, Jungkook shifted his legs, flinching at your cold toes brushing along his shins, “He was there..after the fire department came..He said he couldn’t pick me up with so many people to witness so he told me to wait in an alley across the street..” His arms wrapped around you tightly,

“I waited for three days, then Namjoon forced me to go back to the warehouse. But even then, I went back to that alley the next to wait and he didn’t show, so I left a note telling him I’d wait there from noon to sunset everyday and if he couldn’t get there during that time, I’d be at the warehouse. He..he obviously never showed and I stopped waiting for him.” You felt his lips press against your temple, “I’ve got an older half brother though.” He murmured humorously,

“He’s a police officer. He’s got a wife and two boys; I’m an uncle, Y/N.” He chuckled,“..He arrested me once actually! His oldest son is close to my age…I saw him trying to buy drugs from someone, so I called the police..I stayed around to make sure he didn’t buy anything and ended up getting arrested. He arrested his own brother for looking out for his son! But he doesn’t know me, so I can’t blame him. My stepmom is a housewife, she likes throwing parties.”

“How do you know all this?”

“I used to keep tabs on them.” He admitted, “..They’re my family, I guess..not my real family; not like Namjoon and Tae and everyone else. Namjoon’s done more for me than my mayor dad ever has. And Tae’s more of a brother than Mr Police Captain.”

He kept track of them, you wondered sadly. You felt your eyes water. How could he casually talk about observing a family that he should have been a part of? He could’ve been an officer too. He could have finished highschool and went on to college and been perfectly happy if his father was half the man he should be. Jungkook might’ve been engaged by now with a steady job and a home and real friends. Why didn’t Jeon hate him? “When did you stop keeping track of them?”

“After I met you.”

He grinned at your surprised look, brushing away your tears. Jungkook kissed you quickly, arms drawing you in closer, “You’ve taken up a lot of my time.” He joked. He felt you shiver in his hold and he curled around you, “Do you want to meet them? There’s a speech tomorrow, I think. We can stand in the crowd..He always spots me.”

“No.”

“No?” He echoed in disbelief. “I want to though…I want him to see you…to see I’m happy.” You shook your head furiously,

“No.” You cried, angrily wiping at your eyes. Why was Jeon trying to show his father he was happy? Jungkook didn’t have to prove anything to that man. The mayor didn’t deserve to know anything of whether Jungkook was happy or not. He didn’t deserve a son like Jeon. “I don’t want to meet or see the man who abandoned you. I regret ever voting for him.” You frowned, holding him tighter, “I’m sorry, Jeon.”

He sighed pleasantly, dabbing at your eyes with the hem of the blanket. While your constant and consistent concern for him made him feel truly loved, he didn’t understand sometimes. He thought you wanted to know about his family? All that talk about his dad wasn’t sad at all compared to his mom, he figured. Jungkook didn’t know his dad.. Yeah, he knew of him, but that personal connection, like he had with his mom, wasn’t there. Talking about his dad was just talking; there was no feeling. There was no need for you to be so upset. There was especially no need for you to feel the need to apologize. “Why do you keep apologizing? What are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry I can’t fix any of that..your mom, your dad, your nephew, this whole Mafia.” If anyone deserved a happy and carefree life, it was Jungkook. He deserved everything and it crushed your heart that you couldn’t give him any of that. You loved Jeon, but you couldn’t offer him one good thing. You were just you; and you were useless.

Pulling his head down to yours, you kissed him; surprising him with your sudden zeal. Jungkook sighed, quickly taking control. His hand cupped your jaw, holding you still as he tilted his head. You felt his leg press between your thighs as he rolled atop you, the weight of his body pressing into you. He angled your head towards his, switching the position of his mouth.

Your fingers dug into his broad shoulders, toes curling as he rhythmically pressed into you. His hand pulled your shirt up, and you flinched at the winter air seeping under the blanket and stinging your skin. Abruptly shocked from your daze to feel the throbbing of your leg, you pressed a hand against his hip, nudging him back. He propped his weight on his hands and knees, mumbling a curse to himself when he noticed you massaging your thigh. He had forgotten you were still injured and he had just put all his weight on you. What was he thinking?

Well, he knew what he was thinking, but why did he think now was a good time?

Rolling onto the mattress beside you, he placed his hands beside yours, soothingly working his fingers along the muscle. Your fingers intertwined with his as you softly apologized once more, “I’m sorry I can’t make your life better.” He looked at you in disbelief,

“You already have.”

#bts #kpop #BTS suga #BTS jimin #BTS jin #BTS jungkook #bts v #BTS rap monster #bts jhope #bts fan fics #btsarmy #angst #smut #IWTH

[artificialqueens]

Vanilla (Chapter 2) - Honey Blue

AN: Hey! I’ll be uploading this around weekly by the way, I forgot to say that last time. Comments and feedback really helps motivate me to actually write the ending to this! I have a drag race blog here if you’d like to talk to me in any sort of depth or if you’d like more frequent updates.

Summary: Trixie and Katya have been best friends for years. When a confrontation with Katya’s abusive boyfriend goes drastically wrong, they go on the run.

AO3 Link Chapter 1

The second time she’d met Trixie had been on purpose. They’d talked over text for a month.

Tricks (19:34): I’m outside, you dirty disgusting waste of space x

Katya smiled at her phone before texting back with her spare hand, other hand was nursing a beer.

Basically A Waste Of Lungs (19:36): I’m inside by the bar. I got my drink, you’re late. Beware of angering me, you would not care to do that x

Moments later, Trixie landed in the stool next to her.  They grinned at each other.

“So, do you come here often?” Trixie joked.

“That depends, what are you wearing?” Katya retorted. Trixie threw her head back laughing.

“You can fucking see me bitch.”

“No, I can see through you.”

Trixie shook her head, and put an arm around Katya. After a hug, Katya’s grin grew. There’s a moment of comfortable silence.

“Get me a drink,” Trixie ordered.

“Fuck off,” Katya responded whilst motioning to the bartender for another.

_________________

“Is that everything?” Trixie swallows. She looks at the torn-apart room and feels ill.

“Think so, come on. We’ll head to yours, grab your stuff and head off.” Katya doesn’t wait for a response, “We have our stuff. We have your car, which we’ll drive until we can find an alternative. We need money. We’ll pick a city and head there. People have money,” Katya concludes.  “We can get money from people.”

“All of the criminals in movies head to Seattle,” Trixie contributes.

Criminals. That slows down Katya’s thinking. Her eye hurts.

“Then we won’t head there. Chicago maybe?”

Going back to Boston crosses Katya’s mind, but she pushes it away. That’d be stupid. Obvious. And painful. If she’s going down, she’s not dragging her mama into this.

Trixie zips up Katya’s suitcase. It’s a carry on one, small enough for an airplane.

“I’ve always wanted to go to Miami?” Trixie suggests. She picks up the suitcase, forcing her fingers to obey her. Her body is shaking beyond control.

“Miami then,” Katya settles. Exhaling lightly, she tries not to look at his side of the room. Don’t panic. She looks at Trixie, “come on.”

Katya walks out of the room. As she walks past the kitchen, she closes the door. The amazement mixed with horror which is filling Trixie paralyzes her. She stops. After noticing the stillness, Katya turns, “what?”

The suitcase hits against Trixie’s legs as her arms shake,  “how the fuck are you this fucking composed Katya? I fucking killed your fucking boyfriend. Our whole lives just fell the fuck apart- Honest: how are you doing this? How the fuck are you doing this?” Trixie’s voice cracks. There are tears in her eyes again. Part of her wants to punch something, another part of her wants to curl up in a ball and stay there for eternity. She’d do anything to feel numb.

Katya swallows looking at only Trixie. Thoughts swirl so violently in her head that she’s surprised Trixie can’t hear them.  “It’s because I’ve got a job to do.”

It was the first time Katya had ever been in Trixie’s apartment.

“Are you seriously trying to tell me your family were spies?”

Katya laughed, her head rolled back against Trixie’s sofa.  They were both wine drunk, steadily becoming the best of friends.

“Obviously they weren’t. They just moved to the country. You know, work, life, opportunities, a willingness to fuck dogs.”

After snorting and nearly dropping her glass, Trixie giggled out “well, how the hell am I meant to tell? Everything you say is bullshit.”

Katya chuckled, before sticking her tongue out at Trixie, “what do you want from me? I am what I -”

“Please don’t start singing, you’re tuneless. I could use being able to hear tomorrow, I have work.”

Katya snorted, “you’re so mean to me.”

Trixie’s apartment was small, her living room was even smaller.  

“Seriously, how much of what you’ve told me has been lies?” Trixie asked.

Deflated, Katya answered, “some. My family aren’t spies. I’m not the most flexible woman in the world and I haven’t actually ever been in an orgy. I haven’t actually ever been a getaway driver. I also don’t have an IMDB page. I wasn’t in Star Wars.  My family also don’t like fucking dogs, that’s just me.”

Trixie laughed and placed a hand on Katya’s knee, “well, that’s disappointing.”

“Nobody is more disappointed about it than I am,” Katya joked. She started picking at her own finger nails, “I can start being more honest if you like.”

Grinning, “really?”

Katya smiled and poked Trixie in the side, “honest.”

_________________

Trixie’s apartment is organized. That makes life easier. It’s how it is whenever Katya walks into it. It smells the same. No metallic stench, no sickness.

It doesn’t feel the same. They both head to Trixie’s bedroom.

“Help me pack,” Trixie orders.

“Bring your makeup,” Katya adds. Trixie stops still, nearly falling. Katya whips around, she reaches out and grabs Trixie’s hand, “Come on, we’ve got to-”

“I’m not going to cosmetology anymore.”

The room turns silent. It isn’t comfortable. It’s aching, and awkward. Katya doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t know anymore.

After a small heart break, Katya tries squeezes her hand, “I’m sorry.”

Trixie snorts. There’s a headshake, a small recoil away from Katya’s touch. “It isn’t your fault. But that was my dream. I moved here for that opportunity. I left home for that. That-I almost had it.”

Their eyes meet. Trixie’s are red. Katya refuses to cry. Everything hurts, but she will not cry. Pain is seeping into the edges of her numb state.

“It certainly isn’t yours,” Katya corrects her. “And I’m sorry, but the makeup is for me.”

Katya smiles. Trixie frowns.

“Why do you need it? Why now? You’ve always looked like this?” Trixie says.

After a beat, Katya laughs. The pain disappears before crashing back down.

“It’s for my eye,” Katya explains. “We’ll get questions if I look like I’ve just been to battle.”

Trixie’s blood runs cold again. With her free hand, she reaches up and strokes a thumb softly over the bags underneath Katya’s eye. The intimacy of the moment strikes Katya as strange. It isn’t something she’s used to. She leans into the touch for a second, before recoiling away.

“Katya, I-”

“Later, I figure we’ll stop at a motel. Proper ‘runaway’ style. I can’t do this now. But honest: we will,” Katya stands up. A sigh escapes Katya’s body, her heart beating hard in her chest. It hasn’t stopped beating at a million miles per hour.

Trixie stays looking up at her. “Leave your phone behind.”

_________________

“You have to be able to do makeup, you’re a fucking burlesque dancer.”

“Trixie Sugartits Mattel, Honey, do you really think they’re looking at my face?”

Trixie pulled the eyeshadow brush away from Katya’s face whilst she doubled over laughing. Katya swatted at her arm.

“Hurry up! I wanna hit the town,” Katya shouted.

With a shake of her friend, Trixie straightened up and started applying the eyeshadow again. Katya grinned at her.

“Stop looking at me!”

“You’re too pretty!” Katya giggled. “Maybe I don’t need to hit the town, I’ve got a fucking Miss Wisconsin in front of me!”

Katya reaches out to tickle Trixie, who pulls away from it.  Trixie started laughing again, “I require a drink and an engagement ring before you play any games with me Miss Boston.”

Nodding slowly, Katya hummed in contemplation, “how about no drink and the ring is one of those edible candy ones that kids choke on?”

Trixie snorted before giggling out, “sold. I’m yours.”

The makeup that usually took her twenty minutes to apply took her an hour. The laughter and alcohol had Katya’s heart thumping out of her chest, and she wasn’t complaining.

_________________

Trixie brushes the makeup onto Katya’s face as quickly as she can. There’s no laughter this time. Little strokes with unclean brushes. It sends her to her happy place for a second at least. She tries to not remember their old nights out. They could be about to go clubbing on a Tuesday, their shared evening off. It could just be a night full of laughing, crossing lines and fireworks of emotion. It could be one of those nights that Trixie would watch as Katya takes a lucky girl or guy home. Trixie wouldn’t carry a bud of resentment, but the lonely feeling would sink back in.

It could have been one of those nights, when their friendship was young and Katya still drank and they didn’t carry a single scar.

Isn’t it shitty how things change?

The hand on Katya’s jaw is shaking. Trixie hasn’t stopped shaking. She twists Katya’s head to check the job she’s done.

“It’s finished,” Trixie nods. She lets go.

Katya smiles at her. It doesn’t spread to her eyes.

_________________

Together, they gather just under $700 from their savings. They walk to the car in silence, the money in Katya’s purse. It should get them some of the way, but Katya’s mind is flying through where to go next.

_________________

“You’ve been quiet,” Trixie whispers.

They’ve been driving for two hours and thirty seven minutes. Trixie’s thinking too fast. She’s been counting time, watching the roads, and clasping too tightly to the steering wheel as she drives. Katya’s been reading the map for fourteen minutes.

“I’m sorry,” Katya says back. Her throat clears at the beginning of the sentence. “I’ve just been consumed by- everything? Thought? I don’t fucking know,” she crunches the map up in her hands and chucks it at her feet.

“You? Thinking?” Trixie jokes.

Smiling, Katya answers “I’ve been known to do it occasionally.”

Trixie’s grasp on the steering relaxes slightly. The sick feeling in her stomach remains still.

“I should do it more often,” Trixie sighs.

“You’re not stupid, don’t give me that shit.”

Katya looks out the window. Passing buildings that make no particular impact on her. She analyzes the faces of people they’re passing, none of them look even mildly happy. Everyone in this fucking world is miserable.

Trixie’s grip tightens again, “honest: If I wasn’t stupid, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Silence. Katya stares at her, her stomach flipping over and over. Slowly, a laugh escapes Katya. Trixie’s eyes widen.

“I hate that honest thing we do. How fucking elementary school. How do you know you’re being honest? How do you know you’re not wrong? And you’re not being honest, believe me, you’re not the stupid one.”

The words settle in Trixie’s mind. Her heart skips a beat. The car is warm. It’s starting to get dark outside. They’re in suburbs right now. There’s going to be a point where they have to start avoiding main roads, but for the time being they use them.

“You started the honest thing and I’m keeping it. And, honest: you’re not stupid Katya,” Trixie responds. She cringes after she says it, bracing herself for the response.  

Katya looks at Trixie, who looks dead ahead. Swallowing, she says, “we should keep driving tonight. I can drive when you get tired.”

A beat of comprehension.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

Katya lets her silence answer the question for her.

_________________

Trixie woke up on Katya’s sofa years earlier with Katya staring over her.

“Well, hey there,” Trixie said as she pulled herself up into sitting. Katya passed her a coffee as she sat next to her.

“Morning.”

“Morning,” Trixie replied. She rubbed at the ache in the back of her neck, “sorry for falling asleep here.”

“I don’t give a single shit Trixie,” Katya responded. Trixie laughed into her coffee as she attempted to take a sip.“I had a dream with you in,” Katya continued.

“Sexy or really sexy?”

“Sexy. We went on a holiday, like a road trip. I think you fucked a marine.”

Trixie nodded slowly to herself, “I have always had a thing for fish.”

Katya snorted, she grabbed Trixie’s thigh as she laughed. “Yeah! Crabs!”

_________________

Despite it all, Katya does fall asleep. Exhaustion creeps into her, lowers her defenses.

Trixie keeps driving. They used to want to do this trip. Go all over America, doing whatever they wanted. See sights and drink beer and kiss strangers.

She blocks words out of her head and vetoes thoughts. No mentions of body, or his name, or Katya’s bruises, or blame.

Trixie looks over occasionally at her friend, able to smile at the peace on her face; for this second, Katya is happy. She hasn’t seen Katya happy, or even restful, in far too long.

_________________

“Come on, you rotten carcass,” Trixie laughed. Katya was slung over her shoulders. They were making their way up to Trixie’s apartment, it’d been a long night.

“Listen! I’m not rotten! I’m dew-faced, elegant, ready to rumble and lonely!” she shouted before she fell into heaps of laughter. Rolling her eyes, Trixie pulled Katya along.

“You’re so drunk,” Trixie chuckled. They were nearly at the door.

Giggling, Katya kissed her cheek. Trixie’s smile grew. “You’re so special,” Katya said.

Trixie didn’t dignify it with a response, she opened her apartment door. Pushing past her, Katya rushed in and jumped on the couch with a loud scream of Russian.  

“You good there Katya?” Trixie checked, she flipped the light switch and relocked the door.

“Yeah.” the answer was drawn out. Laughing again, Trixie nearly tripped over.

“Honest?” Trixie asks.

There’s a break before Katya responds, “honest: No. Everything’s spinning?”

Shaking her head, “go to sleep,” Trixie ordered.

There was a mumble into a pillow, which earned a smirk from Trixie. Trixie walked to the kitchen. Whilst there, she filled two glasses of water and grabbed some paracetamol. She put one glass down on the side, and took the other to Katya.

Katya was asleep. Knocked out. Completely. Her mouth was open slightly, and her breath whistled. Shaking her head again, Trixie rolled Katya onto her side in case she threw up. She put the drink and the paracetamol on the floor next to the couch.

For a moment, Katya looked restful. That is the first time Trixie’s ever seen her sleep.

Walking out, Trixie wished her sweet dreams and turned off the light.

_________________

The world is in that weird transition between night and morning. Liminal space between today and tomorrow. Trixie’s wide awake. Her heart beats hard in her chest. She couldn’t sleep, she sees the blood every time a red car drives in the opposite direction.

Katya stirs, head turning further into the seat. Her black eye is starting to show again. Trixie doesn’t even know the extent of the damage. She’d seen less of Katya recently, but could she have imagined this?

If Katya never gets hurt again by that man, does Trixie even regret it? The guilt is clawing at her mind, scratching at sleep. Trixie didn’t mean too, she never intended this.

“Does that make it better?” Trixie whispers.

On time, Katya moans slightly into the back of the chair. Trixie smiles, she stares ahead at the road. Keep driving, head to Miami. Keep Katya safe.

#honey blue #vanilla #katya zamolodchikova #trixie mattel #trixya #fluff #angst #tw abuse #tw murder #tw blood #tw past addiction #rpdr fanfiction #submission #lesbian au

[crotchexplorer666]

A L L O F T H E Q U E S T I O NS

If I must, deary-

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

“I’m sorry I got you into this mess, @gamingkilledthecat!” Jenn exclaimed as she quickly rolled under the bed. That is where she stayed for many years in shame.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Uh...Um..Oh, wait, nevermind. I thought this was asking about my first kiss. My dad and I are cool. Not in the romantic way.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depends on whether or not it kills their personality. 

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

My last name is five letters.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober..

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

I messed up by not trying hard enough.

7. What does your last received text say?

“what the heck-i was literally about to say something and then i see this“- @gamingkilledthecat  (You caught me at a time in which I was speaking to her)

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

I give my dad a good night kiss every night.

9. Where was your last kiss at?

In the car when my dad dropped me off for school..?

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I just saw my brother 10 minutes ago.

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Coffee. Lots of it.

12. Where did you sleep last night?

In my bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

If you wanna keep it exciting, yes.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Mhmm.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

Stop bringing my father into this-

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny. However, I prefer either cold, cloudy, dry days or warm, summer nights. I tan too easily, and it’s natural for people to wish they looked tan when they are pale and pale when they are tan.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

DAVIDLEEROTHIS THE BEST SINGER

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Pajama pants.. C’mon, I wake up at 2 am. Don’t expect me not to be tired and uncomfortable after school.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Sure.

20. Does anyone like you?

Hard to believe, but yes.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Uh.. yeah..

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

No.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

Anyone who doesn’t like me for no reason.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Only a very small one on the shoulder.

25. In the past week have you cried?

Yes, a ton. c:

26. What breed was the last dog CAT you saw?

A domestic medium hair is all I can tell you. Brown tabby with yellow eyes, white underbelly, white chin, white mittens, and a huge tail. .w.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Out, but sometimes in if it’s too cold.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

I prefer the build of cross country runners.

29. Do you think you’re old?

Nah.

30. Do you like text messaging?

When I text I wish I could be with the person. I’d prefer to be there in person so that they can see my emotions or understand my jokes more, but texting is okay.

31. What type of day are you having?

I’m so happy it’s Friday! I’ve gotten about 5 hours of sleep every night for the past week-

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

I don’t find it very attractive, but maybe a very small, discreet piercing.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

I don’t like the sun. Warm weather away from the sun is nice. Cold weather without the sun is also nice. If it’s nice and cloudy, I gotta pick warm.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

I hang out with a lot of boys-

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

I could go either way, it depends.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I don’t think anyone is “simple.” Human beings are all very complicated organisms with their own thoughts and feelings, unlike most animals.

37. What song are you listening to?

“Hair of the Dog” by Nazareth. ;D

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yES.39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Nope.40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

I can’t explain it. Maybe we were just meant for each other in a way no one can put into words.41. When did you last receive a text message?

A second ago. x)42. What is wrong with you right now?

Many a things.43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

Enough to be her best friend if I only I knew her irl. ;0;44. Does anyone disgust you?

I shouldn’t say--45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

Yeah, sure. YOLO46. Are you in a good mood right now?

I’m never in a good mood, but my outgoing personality masks that.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

Madelynn. cx I go with her to the library on Fridays and play on my phone while she is tutored by a nice, lovely woman. Then we usually get fast food and I’m dropped off at my house.48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black and navy blue.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

I like to hear everything about people. 50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Uh, depends on what you mean by that.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

Not even close-

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

Nope. I don’t give up easily. c:53. Do you like rain?

I don’t really like being wet.. The ocean scares me.. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Only if they abuse me while they aren’t thinking straight.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Mhmm. 56. Do you like to cuddle?

When we’re alone.57. Are you shy?

Ye s. I only hide it well. 58. Do you get along with girls?

I get along well with anyone who is human..? Cats too.. C a t s , m o s t l y.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

Nope. I’d go out with anyone if they asked.  60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My phone, my phone charger, and five bucks. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

If it’s only fucking creepy and won’t actually hurt me in any way, hell yes. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

I can do many things.

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Nah. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

yES-65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

My cat. Every day.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

My dad is 57, my mom is 51, and Yearni is probably 17 by now-

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? 

DIY W/ JENNCOMING TO YOU IN THEATRES FAR AWAY   

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

Is neither an option? If I had to choose, it would be zebra print.69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

No..70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Uh, who are these people?!71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?    

I have Android, so that’s cool.72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Uh, maybe 2 years.73. Do you like diet soda?    

nO74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Green-ish.75. Are you 16 or older?    

I prefer not to tell my age. x)76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

Nah.77. Do you have a job?    

Nope.  78. What are your initials?    

J.W.79. Did you ever have braces?    

Nuh-uh.80. Are you from the south?    

Noooo

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

I’m too lazy to check. x-x82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

Nope.83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

Dad.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

I play a trumpet, I run, I draw, I do many things. Everything but those two and things that require being limber.85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

I don’t know. ;D86. Do you smoke?    

No, but I don’t hate all smokers. People need to realize that smoking was really popular in the 20th century, and once they gave in to peer pressure, they were addicted. Now they are hated and guilt-tripped for something they can’t control.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

Socks and sandals, FTW.88. Is your phone touch screen?    

Mhmm.89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

My hair is naturally curly. It dries differently every time I take a shower.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

Yes.91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

I’d rather stay dry, thank chu.92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

No.93. …Had sex in a car?    

No, thanks.94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

Fat, single, and ready for a Pringle. (Actually, I’m a bit underweight, but I’ll still take that Pringle.)95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

Sleeping so that I could wake up at 3 am.96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

Chinese New Year.97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

Sure.98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

No.99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

Never.100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

I’m not on Facebook much-101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

Nah.102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Probably “Blah Blah Blah.”103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

I tan too easily..104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

Sure, why not. That’s UT in Austin spirit, right there.

[mybumpbirthandbeyond]

The Big Day!!! (Part 1)

Here it is, my blog post on the big day itself, and what for me, turned out to be my baby’s due date! I’ve had to put this in two parts as I want to cover everything, but most importantly, want to be quite detailed to hopefully help those who may or may not know what to expect. The fear of the unknown was definitely real for me, so hopefully this will help some women in the same position. 😊

Less than 5% of women actually give birth on their due date but I was one of the lucky few. Busting the due date myth is the topic for one of the Positive Birth Company’s videos, but what I was conscious of was not being too hung up on the due date in case I was disappointed. 85+% of people had already guessed wrongly that I would go early due to the sheer size of me and how low the bump was. I have to admit I also thought I would go early, but there you go! 🤷🏽‍♀️

My last midwife appointment had been two weeks’ prior at my GP. Unbelievably, at that point I was booked in for my post date appointment and for two days after my due date!!! 😱🤯 This is when if you go beyond your due date, they book you in at the hospital so you can discuss your options such as induction, sweep, pessary etc to start labour. My midwife advised me that two months prior, it was the policy to book this appointment for the week following your due date, but that it had been changed to the week OF your due date. I was pretty gobsmacked but knew that if it came to it, I would be using my BRAIN and not accepting any unnecessary measures.

In those weeks leading up to my due date of the 7th of April, we started thinking ahead of what we could and couldn’t do, how far from home we could be and how much alcohol my mum and husband could drink on a day off in case we needed to get to the hospital!!! 😂🙈(Both were my birth partners). My hospital bag and baby bag had been packed since the start of March. My annual leave had already started as I had to take accrued holiday before going off on maternity. I worked right up until the 28th March, just 1 week and 3 days before my due date!! I’m quite lucky that I am home based and can do work online so that’s why I worked for so long. I’m not going to lie it became very tiring and uncomfortable even just sitting at a desk! However, it allowed me the maximum time for after the baby was born which was more important to me. Because my due date fell on a weekend, I could officially start maternity leave on the following Monday.

I didn’t really have Braxton Hicks contractions at all so had no idea of when it was happening. On the Saturday the 6th, my husband was off on rest days and went to play rugby. He told me he would leave his phone with the coaches in case anything happened. I was still walking the dogs, (albeit a bit slower by then) and I did get the nesting instinct which I had had since being off work. That night, as with practically every night of my pregnancy, I had a bath. It really helped to ease the ache of carrying a massive bump and helped me relax. 

People talk about the crazy things they do to get ready for when they’re in labour - fake tan, make up, get their nails done etc. I really wasn’t bothered by that but I did think to myself, ‘in case I go tomorrow or any time soon, I'll need to shave my legs!’. 🤣🙈 I washed my hair that night as well. I did my perineal massage as I had been doing since week 36 and went to bed. What I found strange, was my husband said “I think you’ve dropped even more.” I had been feeling the bump low for months but the fact that he remarked on it the night before I gave birth, I guess was the only indication that anything was about to happen. 

We had nothing planned on the Sunday and thank god! 6:30am I woke up feeling very uncomfortable. This wasn’t unusual given I was so big and rarely got a good night’s sleep between being up for the toilet three times at least and generally finding it very difficult to get comfortable! My husband was still asleep so I moved into the guest bedroom with my massive maternity pillow so I could try get into a comfortable position without disturbing him. I managed to fall asleep for what felt like no time, when I started feeling period like cramps. Sleep at that point was not going to happen so I got up and went to get breakfast. I fed my two dogs and had cereal in the living room watching TV. I was definitely have contractions and even my dogs were watching me very closely, as if they knew what was happening! My birth ball was pumped in the living room and bouncing on it lightly was how I felt most comfortable. 

Most people say why didn’t you wake your husband at this point? My answer is, I thought that if this was it, we don’t know how long it will be or what will happen so one of us needs to sleep as much as possible! At 9:30am, my husband came downstairs and gave me a funny look when he saw me on the ball. “You alright?” ‘Yeah I think it’s starting.’ “Oh, okay.” The most calm reaction ever!! I don’t know if he was panicking on the inside but he seemed unfazed on the outside, that’s for sure! He later told me that I seemed so relaxed that he didn't know if it really was it or not! We were going to walk the dogs and do the shop but understandably I asked him to do it - my main concern was getting food in the house in case people would be coming and we had nothing.

While he was out (I think that was the quickest dog walk and shop he had ever done!), my contractions were definitely more regular and more and more uncomfortable, so I ran a bath and took some paracetamol. As always, the bath was my happy place and helped massively. 🛁 I got into the comfiest clothes after (Alex’s rugby t shirt and joggers) and put the last things into the hospital bag that I couldn’t put in earlier (toothbrush etc). I still hadn’t phoned the hospital at this point and my waters hadn’t gone, nor had my ‘show’, or mucus plug. I think this is important to point out, as the antenatal classes often teach you that both are signs of labour starting. This will not always happen!!! Neither came away before my labour started and didn’t for a good while into my labour. 

An absolute godsend was the Freya app, the app I mentioned in the previous post. A product of the Positive Birth Company, the app has Siobhan Miller’s voice to talk you through relaxation, and then when you feel a contraction or surge, you press the button and her voice will talk you through the up breathing technique. When your surge has passed, you press the button again and the app will record each of your surges so that it can tell you when you’re in established labour. The app tells you that you're looking for 3 surges in the space of 10 minutes, each lasting approximately 60 seconds or more. I didn’t want to call the hospital until such times as I knew I was in established labour. I tried to eat lunch but that tasted like carpet and I was struggling a bit at that point. I stuck to my Lucozade Sport and when the Freya app told me I was in established labour, I decided to reset it because I wasn't convinced. You can reset the history so it starts from scratch. I actually did this 4 times!!! 🤣🙈After the first time I reset it, I told my husband and he asked me to reset it two further times to be absolutely certain. Thankfully each time it was the same and I called the hospital. I explained I thought I was in established labour. I was slightly concerned that the midwife on the phone wanted to consult her colleague but now I realise she was less experienced and second guessed herself quite a bit but was ultimately brilliant at her job and she needn’t have. What she didn't realise was, while she was consulting her colleague, I was doing my best to breathe through a contraction on the phone! 🙊She eventually advised me to come in and they could see what stage I was at. I advised her at this point that I wanted a water birth if the pool was free. She said she couldn’t guarantee it, but she would make a note and when the time came we could see if it was available. 

The hospital is 20 minutes from our house so we got everything together and phoned my mum on the way to tell her. We agreed we would let her know once I was told I was being kept in so she didn’t come all the way for nothing. Thankfully we had taken a drive to the hospital so we knew where to go, and the previous week my mum and I had driven together so she also knew where to go!! One thing I will say (and my friends will laugh at this), the roundabouts in labour were hellish!!! 😱🙈And on our route to the hospital there are a good 5/6 in a row 😖 I think this was the only time I shouted at my husband throughout my whole labour!! 

The maternity unit is uphill from the car park - not the best either when you’re in labour! 🙄 I got to the door and buzzed the delivery unit. I was lucky to be low risk so I was sent to the Midwife-led Unit. The day after I gave birth I heard a woman had arrived at the desk practically ready to give birth there and then. I joked to my midwife the hill isn’t the best. I asked if the lady was having her second child but it turned out it was her third! Not only did she have the hill to negotiate when she was ready to give birth any minute, she went to the wrong place and ended up taking the stairs and not the lift!!! It must have been torture!! 😱😣😳

An interesting thing I learned about where you give birth: you can actually look up the birth centre or hospital on Which? Birth Choice and find out the statistics associated with that place. It will tell you the percentage chance of medical intervention, c-section, facilities available, pain relief, eligibility etc. As always, being armed with as much information as possible definitely helped me, so worth checking.

I checked in with two midwives at the desk. One was the lady I had spoken to on the phone. While at the desk I was actually have contractions so had to stop mid-sentence and breathe through it. I apologised but the midwives told me not to apologise and I was doing great. That was the first sign of how amazing the midwives were! 

In the second part I'll write about the rest of my labour and the birth of my gorgeous boy 💙👶🏼🥰

#newblog #newmum #firsttimemum #pregnancy #labour #birth #mybumpbirthandbeyond

[ivis-00]

I’m bored so here

Credits got to @booknrd and @redqueenfandom

Tag is here: https://booknrd.tumblr.com/post/169439591221/this-is-the-most-unique-one-ive-seen-please-yes

1)I don’t have iTunes so I just played my daily mix on Spotify on shuffle:

Body Gold by Oh Wonder

I Still Wait For You by XYLØ

Down in Flames by Ella Vos

We Won’t by Jaymes Young

Superstar by Broods

Phase Me Out by VÉRITÉ

2)My nephew. It’s been a year or so since he was born and I still have yet to see him in person.

3)Book: Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales and Poems, Short Story: ‘The Unparalleled Adventure of One Hans Pfaaall’, Quote: “April 8th.”

4)That’s a bit of a tough question. I guess it’s usually either my future (I’m a high school senior) and whether or not I’ll ever amount to anything, or about the state of the world (all the things going wrong, how we could have prevented or fixed them, etc.).

5)Lol no I’m not that special

6)Is being scared of just dragonflies a phobia? Like I know it’s pretty silly especially since dragonflies aren’t aggressive or anything but idk it’s a childhood trauma thing that I never got over. I’m less scared of them as the tears go by but still it gives me the creeps.

7)Don’t have one, but I’m very interested in learning about other’s religions.

8)Chilling. Just enjoying the fresh air. Maybe reading. But since it’s always hot here, I rarely go outside of my own accord. I hate the heat.

9)I’m just going to assume this means Western band: Panic! at the Disco

10)That I was gonna go back to sleep but I actually stayed up until 4am.

11)Yes and no. It’s a bit weird. Sometimes karma works magic, and other times it’s nonexistent. I don’t know whether to really believe it’s a thing or not.

12)It’s literally just my middle name and ‘the-fangirl’ written after it. It’s pretty self-explanatory. 👍

13)Greatest weakness is self-doubt. It’s stops me from doing a lot of the things I want to do. Strength is my stubbornness. I know that’s really contradictory, but once my mind is set on something, it’s very hard to convince otherwise.

14)I’m supposed to choose just 1? Cause that’s basically impossible. I’m just gonna day Jungkook from BTS cause he’s my ultimate bias (I know, how basic of me). Gotta represent my man y’all. But if I were to choose a female celebrity crush, for sure I’d say Halsey. Like damn.

15)For me, I always feel like taking out my anger physically through hitting and breaking objects (so that I don’t harm a anybody), or through screaming at the top of my lungs. It helps dispel all that energy so I’m too tired to even think about what I was mad about. But my Hispanic household is very strict on these types of things and I’ve pretty much had to force myself to adopt a passive-aggressive method of dealing with my anger. Just thinking of this makes me mad cause there’s so many things I’ve had to put up with in my family because I can’t express my anger to a figure of authority (since it’s seen as disrespect).

16)I used to have a seashell collection, but now I just collect books and like little memorabilia from different places and events that I feel have left some sort of mark on me.

17)No. I haven’t exactly accomplished any of my long-term goals. I’m pretty stuck since I don’t have complete control of my life with my mother always breathing down my neck.

18)I hate loud talking in quiet spaces, or even just senseless yelling. Many of my family members tend to yell as they’re “talking” on the phone whether they people involved in the conversation are hard of hearing or not. But I’m the bright side, I love the sound of rain and luckily for me, it tends to rain pretty often here (unfortunately that also means it gets really humid).

19)What if all my efforts amount to nothing?

20)I’ve never really seen any conclusive evidence that ghosts exist, so for right now it’s a bit of a middle point for me. Since we don’t exactly knows what happens after death either, there’s still the chance that ghosts can exist. Aliens is something I’m more open about. In a universe so big, I find it difficult to believe we’re the only living things in it. Aliens exist, but we just haven’t found them and they might have not found us. That’s just my personal take on it.

21)Right arm: my nightstand; Left arm: air

22)Coffee.

23)Any one of my family parties (except the one where I ended up winning 8 consecutive games of domino, that was awesome). Or even just a party with people I don’t know. Just parties.

24) 1-Brendon Urie. I just think he’s such a beautiful and genuine person. You don’t find many people that give off the good vibe he does. I admire is vocal skills like crazy, but I’m mainly drawn in by his personality. You can see that he really does care about his fans and appreciates everything they do for him. And he’s not bad on the eyes either. 2-Troye Sivan. He’s another individual that I find beautiful inside and out. His voice is so soothing and he has such a relaxing aura about him that I really like. And the blonde hair works for him like wow, end me. 3-Patrick Stump. Now some people (I’ll fight you), might disagree with my opinion since he’s put on some weight. I’m the kind of person that can find anybody attractive so long as they have a great personality. Patrick, to me, is a gorgeous human being and the fact that he’s chubby doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I find his cheeks to be adorable (which is odd coming from someone younger than him, but bear with me). It’s also comforting seeing someone that’s like me: not your everyday image of a perfect celebrity/person. He’s just an amazing person and I really admire him.

25)To become the best version of ourselves we can possibly be, and to serve others.

26)I’ve finally got my learners permit but I have yet to actually sit in front of the wheel. I’m a bit terrified considering the area I live in isn’t the safest place to drive.

27)I don’t remember the name but I know it was a movie about two lonely elderly people (a man and woman) who find comfort in each other’s company. It was really cute.

28)A broken arm when I was like a couple months to a year old. Not gonna get into details but just know that it was a long ass time ago and I haven’t severely injured myself since.

29)Webtoons

30)Not really.

31)Takes too much energy so no. Doesn’t mean I forget, though.

32)Pisces

33)A ticket to my school’s lip sync battle (students vs teachers). It was definitely worth it.

34)Why not both? 😉 (I lean slightly more towards love, but eh.)

35)No

36)A real, genuine relationship? One.

37)For guys and girls it’s different for me. I’m more shy around guys that I have a real interest in and tend to avoid them at all costs. So I’ve never actually been in a relationship with a guy. I’m slightly more forward with girls. In the end, I’m not too sure what kind of “secret weapon” I have since I’m pretty socially awkward and not typically seen as dating material.

38) My best friends are at their houses being just as unproductive as me.

39) Watching YouTube videos. I can’t even remember which ones.

40) If you’re looking for somebody that’s very spontaneous and blunt, I’m your gal. If not, keep walking. I like to think I’d be friends with me since I find similar qualities that I have in my friends (though that’s not to say I want my friends to be just like me; I need people with differing views to keep me grounded).

41) Fuck the job, I’m saving the dog. And if my boss had even the slightest bit of compassion, he’d understand why I was late.

42) I would tell the people closest to me (my mom, select friends, etc.). But I’d insist they not treat me any differently than if I were completely fine and not dying. I’d spend my remaining days just having fun and doing all the things I’ve ever wanted to do. If I have a month to live, I’m not gonna waste it moping and crying over my mortality. I would like to think that I wouldn’t be scared. Everyone dies at some point, some sooner than others. As long as I am willing to live my last days to their fullest, I’ll be fine with dying.

43) Heavy by Oh Wonder

44) Proper communication. If you don’t talk, then how are you going to work out problems and get anything done?

45) Just be genuine. I hate fake people. That being said, if your genuine self is disrespectful and mean-spirited, I want absolutely nothing to do with you.

46) I like to think it does since you’re in a state of mind that few people have been in.

47) I’d like to say becoming vegan. I feel happier with myself for it.

48) Died from meme overload. I just can’t take myself too seriously.

49) A beating organ. If you were expecting something cheesy, sorry to disappoint.

50) Black, white, gray, green (none of that neon bullshit).

51) The phases of the moon.

52) Tonald Drump (for those specific individuals, it’s Donald Trump)

53) Depends in whose asking me, it could be any question. If my mom were to ask me if I’m straight, I’d hesitate. Still, I would probably tell the truth.

54) Idk, money making power? (gotta pay that college tuition)

55) My time in the Colosseum. It was awesome.

56) Anything to do with my biological father.

57) If we’re talking sex, I’m inclined to not answer since I’m still a minor (*cough* Jungkook/Halsey*cough*), but if it’s like legit sleeping, I want to say Lana Del Rey. Idk why but these are the people that popped up.

58) My bitch ass is headed to South Korea. ✌️

59) Yes.

60) Not even gonna explain:

Jungkook

Halsey

Marina Diamandis

Hayley Kiyoko

Brendon Urie

[mergguest]

Pre-election 2016

A sermon by Meredith Guest

Delivered to the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Marin 10/9/16

Luke 6:27-36

 For many years I had the great pleasure of being a teacher of 4th, 5th, and 6th graders in a little Montessori school. After the students were gone, while engaged in the Sisyphean task of checking papers, I would occasionally find a student’s answer to a math problem that was not just wrong, but made absolutely no sense. It’s as if I’d asked for the square of 6 and they’d given me the time of day. Now I will confess to you that sometimes my response to these students was not especially charitable. “Sweet Jesus,” I was known to exclaim, “I’d have an easier time teaching math to the class guinea pig!” But, save for with my colleagues, I kept these thoughts to myself. The next day, I’d call the student over to my desk and, in my most neutral voice, ask, “Uh, can you tell me how you got this answer?” And after studying the problem for a moment, the student would invariably explain how they got this completely wrong answer in a way so logical as to be downright brilliant – wrong, but brilliant.

 Most of my friends are like you; they’re well educated, progressive, liberal thinking people. And most of them are apoplectic at the possibility that Donald Trump might be elected president. “What is wrong with these people?” they wail. “Are they just stupid?!” “Don’t they realize they’re choosing against their own self interests?!” And, for the most part, they do not keep these thoughts to themselves. Personally, I find it ironic that these mostly atheists are having a downright Old Testament experience: weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. What we haven’t done, it seems to me, is stop, take the time and exert the energy to actually listen to Trump’s supporters, and if we did, I think we would find – as with my students – there is a kind of logic here.

 This logic based on several things, and key to it is:

 Insularity.

 One of my sources for this talk is the book Deer Hunting With Jesus by Joe Bageant. I’ve also drawn from interviews with J.D. Vance about his book Hillbilly Elegy. I have not read Hillbilly Elegy but I highly recommend Deer Hunting with Jesus. Bageant grew up in a small town in Virginia. After high school he went off to college, became a successful journalist and lived from many years in New York City. When talking to his many liberal friends, he would often be asked why rural southerners so often voted in ways that were contrary to their self interests. Finally, toward the end of his career, he moved back to to his hometown to see if he could answer that question. Deer Hunting with Jesus is the result.

 When Bageant interviews his old classmates, one of the things he discovers is that none of them knows a liberal. Their own thoughts, their own views and opinions are constantly being reflected back to them and little or nothing to the contrary has a chance to get through. Their lives and the milieu in which they live are insular.

 But then, that’s not just true of conservatives.

 In the 9/19/16 issue of the New Yorker, the author observes: “Fewer than 1 in 4 Americans ever talk with someone with whom they disagree politically; fewer than 1 in 5 have ever met with people holding views different from their own to solve a common problem.” To which he asks, “What kind of democracy is that?”

 And social media, with a cheap, easy and convenient capability of bringing together diverse people and opinions, has only made the problem worse. I recently saw a FB post in which a person demanded, “Anyone voting for Trump, please unfriend me.” Pretty soon, we’ll all be living inside intellectual and ideological gated communities where the only people we talk to and hear from are those who think like us.

 When I came out some 16 years ago, I expected it to be harder for Caleb, my son, since high school boys are arguably more homophobic than girls, but Lia, his younger sister, had her own times of difficult misgivings. It was hard for her, too, and years later, Lia reported that the most annoying thing she had to deal with was, once she revealed that her dad was transsexual, not only did she have to explain what that meant, but that then, she had to assure them that I did not dress like a hooker.

 I tell that story to illustrate the power of the personal. In the abstract, to hear that Lia and Caleb’s dad dressed and lived her life as a woman was strange, to say the least. But once they got to know me, I wasn’t particularly strange. It’s by knowing one another we come to understand one another and while we may not agree, personal relationship is far better soil for the flowering of compassion than the concrete foundation of a gated community.

 One of the best things about being a financial failure as an author is that it forced me out into the world. Had I been successful, I would have sequestered myself in my cozy little study and spent my days happily writing lies. Even in retirement I have to work, and so, at least 3 days a week, I substitute teach in schools all over Petaluma from grades 3-12. As a result, hundreds of children get to see a real, live, breathing transsexual who, unlike the ones they see in the media, is not rich, famous or sexy. And I make it a point whenever I can, to interact with the kids in their Mossy Oak camo sweatshirts; not because I want to change their minds about anything. I just want to get to know them; I think they matter; I care about them. They don’t always like me or warm up to me. They can be cruel, though usually not overtly. But this is what I can do. In many ways, it’s all I can do. Perhaps it is enough.

 Insularity leads to:

 Uncritical thinking.

 Under the best of circumstances, even for well educated people, it is hard to be aware of and critical of our own presuppositions and the presuppositions of our group.

 I remember on day saying to a little boy in my class, When you meet the right girl… Later, I thought to myself, how do you know he’s not gay? It’s so hard to see those heteronormative presuppositions. Once I did, whenever I had cause to say something similar, I would say, When you meet that special person… It was easy to fix, once I recognized the presupposition.

 And what about the presupposition that all male babies grow up to be boys and men while females grow up to be girls and women. Clearly, that’s not true. I have a 7 month old grandchild, and what we know about my grandchild is that she’s female. It’s too early to tell whether she’s also a girl or not; but I hope so. Having a brain and a body at odds with one another is not something I would wish on anyone. I’m not suggesting we have to relinquish our presuppositions; I still speak of my granddaughter and refer to her with feminine pronouns. I just think it’s very important to be aware of them. Operating at the level of our unconscious, presuppositions can be damaging, even dangerous.

 Being an educator, I’m especially aware of the presuppositions that guide so much of our thinking about school.

 I once did a subbing gig in which I was the co-teacher in a high school English class.  The teacher, a lovely, very caring person, was exhorting her students to bring the rough drafts of their essays to her at the tutorial period to have her critique them. “Why do you think you might want me to critique your writing?” she asked. After a moment, a boy ventured, “So we can get a better grade.” “That’s right,” she agreed, and it was everything I could do not to cry out, “No, it’s so you’ll become a better writer.” School is about education; it’s not about grades; it’s not about college; it’s not about what job you’re going to have and how much money you’re going to make once you get out. It’s about becoming educated. It’s about learning how to think, to reason, to question, to grow, to become a lifelong learner.

 The poet, thinker and social prophet, Wendell Berry has said, “A powerful superstition of modern life is that people and conditions are improved inevitably by education.” (W. Berry, What Are People For, pg. 24) But that’s clearly not true. There are all sorts of successful people, some of whom have made tremendous contributions, who have not been well educated. Would they have inevitably been improved by education? I don’t think that’s a given.

 One unfortunate, even dangerous, consequence of this superstition about education has led to the denigration of physical labor.

I recently saw one of those inspirational posters hanging on the wall of a middle school classroom. It began: “I can be…” then went on to list a slew of possible occupations that were colorfully inscribed on a black background in the shape of a light bulb, symbolizing, I assume, that these were occupations of the enlightened or occupations that would bring enlightenment – or both. Here’s a quick rundown of the occupations listed: software developer, doctor, meteorologist, airplane pilot, anthropologist, microbiologist, epidemiologist, astronaut, cartographer, network analyst, medical scientist, computer programmer, veterinarian, zoologist, geographer, archeologist, architect, conservation scientist and so on down to chemist. I found it ironic that nowhere on this classroom inspirational poster did I find the occupation of – teacher.

 It makes me wonder if these educators ascribe to a philosophy I found in a Terry Pratchett novel. In the story, Death has decided he wants a new occupation; he’s just done with dealing with the dying and the dead, so he goes to a career counselor. After an extensive interview, the counselor says, “It would seem you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever. Have you ever thought of going into teaching?” Maybe they should hang that next to the “I can be…” poster.

 Our life on this planet depends on 6 inches of topsoil and the occupation most directly involved with the stewardship of this vital resource, farming, is not, and will likely never be, on the list of things our students might aspire to. But the truth is, we could lose every occupation on that poster, and we’d still survive, but without 6 inches of topsoil, we’re just so many skeletons littering the face of the planet.

 This kind of lazy liberalism that considers itself so enlightened as to have no unexamined presuppositions and certainly no superstitions is one of the things I like least about living in the Bay Area. And just like the unexamined presuppositions and superstitions held sacred by conservatives, ours are enabled, in part, by insularity and uncritical thinking.

 Anger and a desire for revenge.

 In Hillbilly Elegy Vance describes the Appalachian town in which he grew up. In the 70s and the 80s the industrial jobs began to disappear, jobs that made a middle class lifestyle possible to people with a high school education. Now the town is full of shuttered storefronts. More people die of suicide from drug overdoses than from natural causes, families are disintegrating, and single mothers raise the majority of children. Church attendance is at historic lows, high school graduation rates are dropping, and few students go on to college. There’s something “almost spiritual,” Vance says, “about the cynicism” in his hometown.

 Who speaks for these people; who represents them; who cares about them? I’ve heard liberals say things about Trump supporters, they would never dream of saying about Muslims, or immigrants, or African Americans, even though many within those groups also hold views liberals find abhorrent. Since when did it become okay to demean poor, uneducated white people? Since when did they become fair game for our ridicule? And make no mistake, I am not innocent here.

 You will likely recall when the North Carolina legislature passed the bill banning transgender people from using the bathroom that corresponds to their gender identity. When President Obama came out very publically against this bill and in support of transgender rights, he was applauded by rights’ groups, but I was suspicious. For one thing, it seemed out of character for this president who has been slow, almost timid, in taking sides on controversial issues. Also, North Carolina was already under tremendous economic pressure to repeal the legislation. It seemed to me the President’s public support merely hardened the resolve of the Right. Furthermore, what I was reading and seeing in the news about that time was that rural, white voters were beginning to sit up and take notice of the things Bernie Sanders was saying. Here was a Democrat and a liberal who was addressing the issues that mattered to small town people who had not that long ago been stalwart democrats. But when Obama, who they despise, threatened to cram transgender rights down their throats just like gay marriage had been crammed down their throats, this very effectively drove them back into the folds of the Republican party. This, I believe, was the intentional strategy of the Democratic establishment who, fearing a Sanders victory, decided Hillary wouldn’t need these voters to win, and so, rather than try to bring them back into the fold of the party, they wrote them off – again.

 The poet Adrienne Rich has said, “When someone with the authority of a teacher describes the world and you are not in it, there is a moment of psychic disequilibrium, as if you looked into a mirror and saw nothing.” This quote used to apply to me and to others in the LGBT community. But not anymore. Now our faces are everywhere you look, while the faces of working class Americans are disappearing, rendering them anonymous and their lives invisible.

 Nobody cares about them, about the rural communities they call home, about their traditions or their way of life. And nobody represents them, and they are angry and looking for revenge. That’s why whatever Trump says or does, however absurd, outlandish and mean, that sticks a finger in the eye of the elites who run the country, be they Democrat or Republican, the more they love him. In fact, you might say, through Trump the people who we don’t know, don’t like, and don’t agree with have slapped us in the face; and we have done everything but turn the other cheek. What do you suppose would happen if, rather than insult, malign, and demean, we did; we turned the other cheek?

 I once had a child in my class with severe cerebral palsy. She was my student in 4th, 5th and 6th grades. Her name was Johanna and she was a wonderful student. One summer just before the beginning of school, Johanna’s mother recommended I meet with an occupational therapist who they had been seeing. I agreed, and in our meeting he asked me to describe the classroom and Johanna’s place in it. After I did, he looked at me and said, “This child’s not a member of your classroom. She’s little more than a fixture. No meaningful interaction happens between her and the other members of the class…” This was a “take no prisoners” kind of guy, but I listened to him and came up with a plan. I cleared it with the mother and soon after school began, the class did a group challenge. Privately I gave Johanna information that the class had to get from her without the assistance of her aid or any other adult. Only when they got this information would they be allowed to go to recess. It wasn’t easy, but they got the information, went to recess and after we did a few similar things, pretty soon I saw students interacting with her in ways they never had before.

 It seems to me we, as a nation, have a similar group challenge. While the well educated, well connected and well endowed have enjoyed the fruits of the modern economy, Donald Trump has sounded a take-no-prisoners wake-up call for those with ears to hear and eyes to see that a whole group of others have been left behind. While technically part of the country, they are like the handicapped kid in the wheelchair who nobody ever talks to and everybody tries to ignore. But in this case, a lot more than recess is at stake.

 So I want you to imagine, instead of a sweet, bright child with cerebral palsy in that wheelchair, picture a laid-off West Virginia coal miner who dropped out of high school, lives in a dilapidated trailer with his girlfriend, her 2 snotty nosed kids and a pit bull. He owns an AR15 assault rifle, drinks Bud light, and hates Obama.

 And then, I want you to remember your first 2 principles: 1) The Inherent worth and dignity of every person; 2) Justice, equity and compassion in human relations – all human relations, both private and corporate.

 And I want you to hold that picture next to those principles when we sing our closing hymn, “We’ll Build A Land.”

           We’ll Build a Land

We’ll build a land where we bind up the broken.

We’ll build a land where the captives go free

Where the oil of gladness dissolves all mourning

Oh, we’ll build a promised land that can be.

 Chorus: Come build a land where sisters and brothers

Anointed by God may then create peace

Where justice shall roll down like waters

And peace like an ever flowing stream.

 We’ll build a land where we bring the good tidings to

All the afflicted and all those who mourn.

And we’ll give them garlands instead of ashes,

Oh we’ll build a land where peace is born.

Chorus

 We’ll be a land building up ancient cities

Raising up devastations from old;

Restoring ruins of generations,

Oh, we’ll build a land of people so bold.

Chorus

 Come build a land where the mantles of praises

Resound from spirits once faint and once weak;

Where the oaks of righteousness stand her people,

Oh, come build the land, my people, we seek.

Chorus