#(me its me im the one longing)

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[catmask]

does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.

#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like #completion consistancy i am thinking for with this #personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥 #i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional #i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic #but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one #it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played #however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music #because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do #so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan #very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay #TO ME 🤫 #if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead

[bacchuschucklefuck]

soon it'll be dawn again

transcript under the cut ⏬

page 01

Fig: no way? - you're still up?

Riz: Wh– yes?

Riz: Why'd I not be.

page 02

Fig: I me~~ean - that took.

Fig: whole day.

Riz: Yeah?

Fig: 'm beat.

Riz: you should sleep.

page 03

Fig: nah. my guy's still up

Fig: I wanna hang out.

page 04

Riz: That's really nice.

Fig: Hah! - Nobody ever expects an Archdevil rockstar to be nice.

Riz: … yeah. - 's just budget work tho. (the stuff I'm working on) - I've heard it's boring.

page 05

Fig: yeah, but you do it…

Riz: It keeps things going, right? - Nothing happens if nobody sits down and - does the thing.

Fig: That's right… - though. Yeah.

page 06

Fig: sometimes it's someone else who - doesn't want the same thing to happen.

Riz: … - mm.

page 07

Riz (off screen): …It took me a long time to get that not everyone likes doing what I do. - 's probably because you guys are so nice– - or. - kind.

Riz (off screen): to anyone too, not just. - the people you /love/.

page 08

Riz: that's not how it is elsewhere. - The world's– not. hostile. - but 's not like it's kind.

Riz: So I'm doing as much as I can now… 

page 09

Fig: Hey.

Riz: ?

Fig: Go dig some dirt with me.

page 10

Riz: [blank speech bubble] - oh you meant like - actual dirt. (not incriminating information)

Fig: o yea.

Fig: there's clay in the backyard soil. - sometimes when I'm sun deficient or something I go touch dirt for a bit.

page 11

Fig: here u go

page 12

Riz: uh

Fig: now we make a thing! - 'm pretty good at freehanding a bowl.

Fig: I'll show u

page 13

Fig: just– yep, flatten that out as evenly as u can, then–! - actually ur nails'd be so good at cutting out the strip. [larger than usual space] wait. - wait. wait u can carve patterns with them! we HAVE to try

Riz: uh - What. do I carve?

Fig: anything!!!

page 14

Fig: and– yep just seal the inside uh. seam?

Fig: yep that works - okay time's up! all contestant hands up

Riz: [blank speech bubble] - okay - wh. what's next?

Fig: haha - watch this.

(sound effect text): FWOO—MP

page 15

Riz: WH– DON'T JUST DO THAT???

Fig: Now it's fired!

Riz: THAT WAS NOT SAFE

Fig: (actually it's just dry. if u add water rn it'll dissolve)

Fig: ok catch!

Riz: [blank speech bubble] - careful!!

Fig: dw no need haha

page 16

Riz (thought bubble): oh - it's warm…

Fig: now I want you to throw this.

page 17

Fig: u gotta do it - c'mon

page 18

Riz: wh– - It's like 3AM right now

Fig: oh it's not /fired/ fired it's not gonna make a loud noise

Riz: And then just? leave a pile out here?

Fig: pour water over it & it'll be gone I told u

Riz: but

page 19

Fig (off screen): RIz.

page 20

Fig: I've done all this before.

Fig: Can you trust that at least?

page 21

Riz: no, I– - I do. - I trust you.

page 23

Riz: okay what happens now

(sound effect text): glob

page 24

Fig: we do it again!

page 25

Riz: wh. [larger than usual space] What do you mean. (this clay's too wet also)

Fig: see! you're already learning

Fig: [blank speech bubble] - there are flows that are futile to fight. - The world changes.

Fig: Things change.

page 26

Fig: I've learned my lessons with "forevers". - But - as an artist

Fig: I can give you one thing: - You can always do it again.

page 27

Fig: most of everything depends on the rest of the world, - but this. - making new. - that's yours as long as you want it.

page 28

Fig: So?

page 29

Riz: Yeah. - Yeah! - let's make another one.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #riz gukgak #figueroth faeth #technically no spoilers in this comic but listen. I Will be gloating in tags. I will Never Shut Up #for the record!! this was fully conceptualized and sketched Before the finales. I started sketching this after the boat fight #and when murph closed riz's arc this season with ''maybe it's okay to change and welcome new things'' I pogged irl #I am simply the best at reading comprehension what can I say! (<- grown ass man with roughly the same perspective on teenhood as the player #fucked up that this became so long (almost 30 squares lol) that it took me this long to finish #lmao I say all that but. genuinely I am delirious and my feelings abt riz's arc this season are so big... I was getting psychic backlash #for a While lol. it was scary!! #had to sit down and do therapy on my own ass for a bit. the teenage apocalyticisation is real. that word isnt tho Im pretty sure #truly anything you do at that age feels like that's it that's all you've got going on forever. and its not true! its simply not true #you'll be okay my guy. you love your friends so so much but also there will be more to love out there #this one goes out to fellow aroaces and also folks leaving somewhere theyve called home for a long time #nothing lasts forever but that means new things come by too! ur ability to make new is infinite!! #there's no magnum opus people leave but new people come by too etc. I am too sleepy to remember what I wanted to say uhhh #well. thank u for looking at my art. I think thats the one pack it n ship it boys

[improvapocalyps]

You have 90 minutes to complete. (original poem: r.a.)

In participation of the MCYT Recursive Exchange 2024 hosted by @mcytrecursive!

Inspired by know that all my love will be your breath (i will save you when your lights go out)

[text under cut]

1. Have you ever been in love? (Please circle your answer.) a. It's me and him b. Our hearts beat in sync c. Our lives intertwined

2. Do you understand what you’ve done? (Please circle your answer.) a. I couldn't do anything b. I lost my balance c. I doomed us both

3. It's been god knows how long since you felt phantom hands on your neck and there is no one in sight. If you were soul-bound to him and both of you died at the same time then why are you still waiting in the void? Please answer clearly, in full sentences. (Not a correct answer：I just wanted to see him one more time).

4. Define two (2)： Fate | The feeling of his forehead against yours Curse | The moment you realise he isn't linked to you anymore

5. True or False： i. It was your fault. ii. You wish you had met him under different circumstances. iii. You can’t regret a single moment that you had him. iv. You would do it all over again if you could. v. It ended long before either of you said anything.

thumbnails:

sketch cover thing for imgur link:

#team ranchers #team rancher #rancher duo #jimmy solidarity #tangotek #trafficshipping #mcyt recursive exchange #events #fic fanart #my art #“canary has butterfly-shaped wings it cant do a dramatic spread like that” watch me. (draws dramatic wings) (sorry) #“you have 90 minutes” have been rattling in my brain for so long ever since i suddenly remembering a web weave using it (yes the beeduo one #very glad i can release it (using it in art) from its confines (my mind) #hm i suppose the title would be more in theme if its abt limited life ranchers #← havnt watched limlife yet #but! happy with what i come up with. lil bit proud even #had so much trouble with the panelling and layers in p2 cause it looks too busy (explodes) #also punching the floor bc i only noticed the “yes-no” pair(?) in the original poem when im already half-done w/ the comic #me when making silly comic makes you do poem analysis #i dont even go there ← does not have enough poetic braincells

[hadrassians]

restless dead

composition & pose inspired by the consolation by j.c. leyendecker

#the magnus archives #magnuspod #tma fanart #tma #gerard keay #gertrude robinson #hear me out. tmp is great but what if they just stayed miserable forever instead #crawling out of my cave with one (1) painting n its literally a redo of a piece from last yr..... #i had a really cool idea to animate parts of this but alas. id already spent too long on it + im lazy ☹️ #my art #illustration

[bloominglegumes]

i love normal guys doomed by the narrative

#either that or hilariously dysfunctional or both #tf one #orion pax #d 16 #megop #megatron #optimus prime #my art #saw one post pointing out in the trailer that a like5 frame shot of megatrons cannon that was snuck between their mahoushoujo type transfor #mations and like.messed up deeply messed up u see how goofy best friends orion and megsy are theyre just silly guys but in every telling of #their story they always end up enemies ok like in a meta multiverse hopping way think about it.like oh my god prewar tfp megop was already j #juicy and earthspark divorced-remarried megop is like.RGHFH tf one is going to destroy me bc this is what they had Before do u get me #before the war before they fell apart before friends became enemies and hands were stained before the beginning of the end im so so normal #like ok.this silly tight goofy buddy dynamic thats shown in tf one so far is.is what they had before. its what they could have kept if only #if only things turned out differently. but in every world optimus prime and megatron end up leading opposite sides of the bloodiest war ever #ok.its a universal fact and everyone who knows any transformers knows this BUT THE CHARACTERS DONT THEYRE POWERLESS TO PREVENT IT #ill clean up these tags in the morning but like im so.so normal about fictional robot guys #anyway i was intending to draw a background for this but i got lazy and also spent too long on the hands!!!!so whatever

[petricorah]

scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]

#zukka #zukka fanart #sokka #sokka fanart #zuko #zuko fanart #atla #atla fanart #avatar the last airbender #zukka fic rec #myart #yall. yall. dani. this FIC #first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec #it is SO GOOD #your prose? amazing #your insights on grief? life changing #THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust #'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis' #ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT #i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were #the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so #cute with their relationship?!!?! #'oh so you think i'm beautiful too' #GOD #i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy #also #'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone' #fuck. had me crying AGAIN #seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer #the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece

[toytulini]

okay

#toy txt post #toy poll post #polls #flowers #i dont think i have ever beem able to smell specific flower scents but i think i just never noticed it? #but i Definitely noticed it when i was posting pictures of the lemon tree blossoms and ppl were like 'ohhh those must smell amazing!' #and i was like. idk they smell like flowers to me. #and other ppl were like ohhh they smell like. a little hint of lemon essential oil and so sweet and light and nice and i was like #sniffs again. yeah not getting all that bud. but i let everyone have fun imagining that in the comments #but idk they all just kinda smell to me like. i would describe it as a pollen scent? #it gives pollen vibes #and like i can smell Plenty Of Other Things like i feel like im very susceptible to noticing the smell of this sat in the washing machine #too long. etc. and its not from the One Time i caught covid either. cos it was before that #seems largely fine but you know how we aroaces like to make posts like man i thought yall were just exaggerating about this for yrssss #thats how im feeling about the flower smell i think. are yall really smelling differences or is this some wine tasting placebo shit

[idledee]

oh how i adore you!

#original characters #doods #pov ur in a boring ass yaoi liker contest and ur opponent is me #but anyways im really proud of this one!! i like the lineart and colors a lot! its been a long time since i liked something so much :')

[cloudyydraws]

more mario and luigi doodles but i took their mouths away

+ extra unfinished stuff under the cut

#the dear doppelganger weeg one is purely self indulgent bc ive been playing it on loop recently im normal #and i know doppelganger is a different whole thing than what he has but. hey its ok we ball #more spm on the way (i hope!!!!!! as long as i dont get distracted by avemuji or sekai for a bit) #most of this was practicing mario bc i still dont like the way i draw him tbh but i think we're getting somewhere #shoutout priv twt oomfies for dealing with my mario fix bullshit youre all so real #drawing these little guys is so much different from my other little guys i think thats why ive liked drawing them so much constantly #it just feels fresh for me!! i just get to fuck around when i draw them its fun to experiment again #ok done talking i like them a normal amount #mario and luigi #mario #luigi #super mario bros fanart #super mario bros #super mario fanart #spm #super paper mario #mr l #starlow #smb #super mario brothers #mario bros #mario fanart #art #fanart #my art #cloudy draws #nintendo #nintendo fanart

[stil-lindigo]

PALESTINIAN ESCAPE FUNDS (TRY TO DONATE AT LEAST $5 TO EACH)

1. Help Renad & Her Family Evacuate Gaza - £4,090 / 25,000 2. Help little children of Gaza stay safe and alive! - $1,278 / 35,000 3. Help Evacuate My Family from Gaza to Safety - €6,235 / 70,000 4. Urgent Appeal: Save Little Yusuf and His Family Amidst Gaza - €€30,901 / 85,000 5. Help Marah reunite with her family and save them - €7,994 / 55,000

#altogether donating $5 to each would be $25 #which for me is about the price of two bubble teas. maybe one book. #its a small amount comparatively but it'll go a long way if multiple people show up for this #(also if a single person tries to pontificate in the tags about whether this sort of post guilt trips ppl who dont have money im blocking) #i really dont have patience for that rn #palestine #free palestine #free gaza #donations #free west bank #fundraiser #rafah

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

come get yer juice (aka some 'stocks i never posted </3)

#throws this at you all and runs #IM WORKING ON NEW SCRIBBLES POST-UPDATE ITS JUST. SLOW GOING #spoons are gone you see! #wait actually. the repressed one i doodled last night #BUT OTHER THAN THAT ITS SLOW GOING #but ohhhhh im so ill. theyre so real. #before i was skeptical but the Evidence Is Stacking Up All Too Well. #might make a post about it bc there's. so much #scribble salad #laughingstock #barnaby x howdy #howdy x barnaby #ive been in the trenches for so long... so so long.... #AND I WILL CONTINUE TO BE HERE. #im still so insane about them yall dont even KNOW #by the time this posts i will be At and In My New Job #may these sillies keep me going through the day...

[doodlingleluke]

🍳🍲 🍞

#idk why its taken me so long to draw one of these Ive been wanting to do it foreverrrrr #prediction for 2023: im definitely going to draw more mini rooms this was a lot of fun #artists on tumblr #digital art #pay no mind to whether or not this would actually work as a kitchen this was all about the ~vibes~

[ruporas]

tri-trans! happy#tdov 💘

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #meryl stryfe #available as a print also in the little heart #<-- guy who needs to work on promoting. but i just drew this for fun and for my own self happiness... #i drew an one piece vers of this before and i remembered it today while scrolling thru twitter #and knew i had to make a vers for them.... SOON MILLY WILL JOIN THEM TOO!!! love and peace!!! #they just make me sooo happy and its like. most ppl i interact with tends to hc them as trans so naturally. also the way nightow just #designed them. SO trans coded. sometimes i think about vash's design -- look at his little earring his hair his long red coat with the dips #it gets me every time. and meryl and wolfwood and milly... and actual trans canon chara elendira my love <3 #anyway. im just happy being trans on this day. and everyday! it's been pretty rough but it's always nice to celebrate just being here #and with everyone else #ruporas art

[obsob]

there he is......the man of the house

#mine #ough hello not posted in a while!! #im busy doin portfolio stuff so . not much cat drawinign going on THO i will. hopefully do one tomorrow hehe #i was gna get stickers for my next shop update but its hurting me head so. gna order new prints hopefully!! this week and then #do stickers n postcards next time. i am so low on stock sihfdkggwe #need 2 buy envelopes also....my least favourite thing 2 spend money on #what hve i been up to ....i made a blanket!! maybe i will post picture. it was gna b a cardigan i started it like last year #n then i went 2 sew it together n was like. this pattern is insane also this wool is too thick so. blanky :) #its very good. good lap blanket!! #what else what else....been re reading lotr. im reading it on ebook i lov ebook sm. i love printed books but i jus absolutely cannot #read them. dyslexia gang rise up !!!! #im reading it so much quicker tho n also actually remembering it ....would die for gimli #also started rewatching cr2 >:) i dont . actually like th new campaign so KSDFKJDN rewatch it is #even tho i dont like molly. not that thats gna b an issue for long sifubshbhebwj #im so seepy...so cold.....gna rest now probably n play skyrim hehe #cat drawings tomorrow >:) #okay bye

[98chao]

doodles for today

#its 12am and im really tired but i spent a long time on that first one lol #sonic the hedgehog #sonic fanart #barbie the movie #monster high #bratz #lalaloopsy #<- those are where the outfits are from #amy rose #blaze the cat #rouge the bat #cream the rabbit #surge the tenrec #metal sonic #shadow the hedgehog #metadow #the ending of their story in sonic rivals 2 is really funny to me #why did he rip that chaos emerald out of his chest for shadow with no hesitation #my art #ms paint #2023 #1k