#...to hell and wants to get baptized and all that stuff

[neofelis----nebulosa]

KInda having some issues with something my friend said last night and i want to move past it but cant stop thinking about it

#so basically my friend who ive had since freshman year of hs said something on the phone that really doesnt sit right with me #shes gotten into christianity and she didnt grow up christian but she met some christian friends who have kind of gotten her into it #and she talks about it a lot #i dont know much about the actual church itself but it seems to me like theyre sort of pressuring her into it and dare i say... #...indoctrinating her #like i dont get it she was never particularly religious but now shes getting all serious about this stuff and how she doesnt want to go... #...to hell and wants to get baptized and all that stuff #shes also alluded to this churchs interpretation of scripture as not lgbt friendly #from what shes said it very much gives love the sinner hate the sin vibes #and the issue at hand here is that they believe that conversion is possible and necessary in order to live a life free of sin or something #at least this is what i get from what shes told me #and she was telling me about how people get baptized and say they arent gay anymore and i just said i dont believe that for a second #and she said well its true #and i told her that i believe these people SAY that they arent gay but theres no way they were actually converted its not possible #and explained basically that people can lie about their sexuality and often do out of pressure to perform heterosexuality #but tbh i was kinda thrown off so i dont think i was particularly well spoken in explaining and the examples i gave from my own life didnt. #...really illustrate what i was trying to say and i didnt do a great job of making that connection between my examples and the point i was. #...trying to prove #tbh i didnt think much of it at the time i just kind of moved on but today i cant stop thinking about it #its so frustrating to me how she just takes things at face value and doesnt think to look below the surface #ive been waiting for this whole christianity thing to run its course with her and at one point it seemed like she was done with it but... #...shes gone right back #and now shes telling my about considering becoming baptized and stuff #and how her parents dont approve and all that stuff #and im just like i feel like shes being lost to conservative christian ideology #even though she doesnt seem to recognize it as such #but like idk what to even say or how to confront her #she doesnt even know my sexuality and i dont want to out myself in explaining why these things from the church are harmful to me as her... #...friend #she knows im not straight i came out to her as asexual back in high school

[everydayyoulovemeless]

Oooh you do yandere stuff?? Can I please have something for yandere Joshua Graham, either headcanons or the alphabet would be great!

Yandere Joshua Alphabet

➼ Word Count » 1.7k ➼ Warnings » yandere themes ➼ Genre » Romantic, Yandere

Affection - How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Joshua shows his affection through how he shelters you. He hates it when you leave the camp without him, and does everything he can to ensure you won't end up being a target for the White Legs or any other Legionary assassin that may come for him again. He's fully aware of the influence Ceasar has and would take this aspect of your relationship very seriously. You won't leave without someone else going with you. He simply won't allow it.

Blood - How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

In a normal relationship, Joshua would be more hesitant to show how violent he can get. But, in this situation, all the drive to hide who he really is goes out the window. He's willing to go as far as he needs to when it comes to you. Anyone necessary. The tribals, your companions, and even Daniel. He'd slaughter them all if it meant you'd be safe. He'd even do it in front of you.

Cruelty - How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

No. He thinks it's rude. It's not your fault that you aren't as experienced as he is. In fact, the whole reason he'd abduct you is to be able to keep a better eye on you. Making fun of you for something that was inevitably going to happen isn't something he's prone to doing.

Darling - Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He's going to have you baptized, whether you want to or not, but besides that, he wouldn't dream of forcing you to do anything you didn't want to.

Exposed - How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

There are times when it feels as if you don't even know the man. He's quiet and incredibly closed off, even to you. He'll try to discreetly tell you about himself through bible verses or poetic words, but other than that, he's not jumping for you to learn about his past with the Legion any time soon. He wants you to love and trust him, not despise him.

Fight - How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He understands it. This world is harsh, of course, your instinct is to fight him. However, after the first week of staying with him, he hopes you’ll calm down and finally just accept that you’ll never get away from him.

Game - Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

He won’t. If you try and escape the humble home he’s managed to set up for you both in Zion, he’s going to be upset. Even with all the knowledge he’s told you about the White Legs and all those around who want to hurt you, and you still want to try your luck? He’ll be disappointed, to say the least. He expects you to have more instinct than that.

Hell - What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

He's always taken his philosophies seriously, even when he was in the Legion. So, if he ever overhears you saying something he deems to be blasphemous towards his religion, you're going to have a very hard time calming him down. He'll force you to pray out loud to the Lord and ask for forgiveness until he's satisfied. It doesn't matter to him if it takes hours, he refuses to let you be shunned to Hell for a sorry mistake such as the one you committed. What kind of husband would he be if he didn't seek to save you from God's wrath?

Ideals - What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

If he had it his way, you’d be the perfect housewife, staying home to cook and clean while he went out and did whatever. Some Legion habits never left him, and coming back to a loving spouse who’s prepared to comply with his every whim is one of them. Just the perfect nuclear family.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He gets very quiet when he's jealous, preferring to be silent rather than blatantly lashing out at whoever is triggering these feelings. He thinks it's stupid that he gets so upset at the tribals for simply being around you. It's not like you'd leave him - not like you could - so why is he so stressed? He'll pray and go on walks to try and combat his jealousy, it's one of the only things he actively tries to work on.

Kisses - How do they act around or with their darling?

He acts as any spouse would. He kisses you on your hands or on your cheeks to greet you, rests a gentle hand on your lower back when you're near him, and does everything he can to take care of you.

Love letters - How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

As he believes any man should: with trinkets and thought-out dates. He wants to court you the right way, even if you’re aware from the start that you’ve got no other choice other than to accept his advances.

Mask - Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

On the outside it doesn’t appear as if anything has changed, however he feels different. There’s an urge now, something that tells him to kill. He’s felt it before during his peak in the Legion, but now it’s come back and he’s not sure what else to do than to quench the thirst of fear that floods him by ensuring your safety. Maybe it’s God's will that’s enforcing him to protect you.

Naughty - How would they punish their darling?

He’d shout and maybe grab your face, but he couldn’t imagine going any farther than that. If he wants to get his point across then he’ll just let you feel the raw fear that getting chased by Legionaries gives you (only once, he doesn’t want you to be actually harmed), but enough to get you to listen.

Oppression - How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He’ll take away your right to leave the tribes camp, your right to your weapons, your right to your opinions, your right of religion - there’s not much he doesn’t have control over.

Patience - How patient are they with their darling?

Joshua thinks he's patient, but he has a clear temper. He'll be kind one moment then angry the next. Although he does his best to not take it out on you, it's still terrifying to witness. Sometimes you wonder if it'd just be best to listen and avoid his fits altogether...

Quit - If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

No, he’s got it in his mind that God assigned him specifically to defend you and keep you safe, so if he ever were to fail that, he’d feel as if he were betraying the Lord's trust.

Regret - Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

How could he? You're better off this way. He's sworn to care for your every need. He'll feed you, give you access to water, cloth you, comfort you, bleed for you, house you - why should he feel guilty about doing you a favor? For loving you?

Stigma - What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Joshua has always had this need to worship in his life. It could be seen with how devoted he was to the Legion and the will of Caesar, then with God, and now with you. There's a primal urge within him to commit himself to wherever he feels most desired, and that just happened to be you.

Tears - How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

It shatters him, especially if you're acting like this because of something he did. He'll sit beside your curled-up form and whisper Bible verses and scriptures as a way to encourage and reassure you.

Unique - Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Vice - What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

His religion is a massive weak point, and if you can somehow convince him that it was God's will for you to go elsewhere, he may just let you go. Granted, you'd have to be really good at persuading people. He's a logical man and won't just take your word for it so easily.

Wit’s end - Would they ever hurt their darling?

Not intentionally, but sometimes he forgets his own strength when it comes to handling you. He likes to brush it under the rug though, best not to think about it.

Xoanon - How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

In his mind, he's already won you over. Of course, he'll still go through the process of romancing you and won't ever stop doing that, but his delusions tell him that you've already fallen for him. One thing about Joshua, however, is that he almost sees you as a second Christ. If you ask him to do something, he'll do it no questions asked. But, in the same sense, he's paranoid that you'll be crucified just like the Lord and is constantly looking out for that certain 'Judas' that will betray you.

Yearn - How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Like a day. The second he feels different around you compared to others, he's got it in his head that you're a divine being or, at the very least, someone God wanted him to meet.

Zenith - Would they ever break their darling?

He hopes to 'break you in' to his way of life, but he hopes that it won't have to be violent or over the top in any way. He's certain you'll come around to his way of thinking soon enough, even if you need a little shove.

#fallout new vegas #fnv #joshua graham x reader #joshua graham x courier six #joshua fnv #joshua graham fnv #joshua graham #yandere joshua graham #joshua graham headcanons #yandere fallout #yandere fallout new vegas #joshua graham x courier 6 #joshua x courier #yandere alphabet

[igotanidea]

Sous chef : Sam Winchester x reader cook AU (part 1)

sous chef fr): works directly under the head chef 

Request: Sammy has his own restaurant, he is a Chef, he works in the administration almost always and usually cooks once a week at the place, he falls in love with the reader. Age gap but everything legal, he cooks for her, she falls in love with his food! and the excellent sex with him (played with it a bit, hope you'll like it anon :)

***

Before we start this story we have to make one thing clear.

Y/N was not a silly teenage rom-com heroine.

Did she watch them? Yes. Did she read them? Yes, absolutely.

But only for the funsies.

It was not like the “To all the boys I’ve ever loved” plotline.

Not like she was only living the fantasy inside her head, too scared to act on her own feelings.

It was not – god forbid – like the After plotline and Y/N was not the good girl focused only on her school stuff not wanting to have anything to do with the bad boys and boys at all.

No way in hell.

She had her own amount of love drama and with the slightly wild character she was more than ready for a new chapter in her life.

College.

Parties, boys, skipping classes and making out in the toilets, sneaking under the professors’ nose.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk reality.

She was a nice girl. A kind spirit. A dreamer.

With a vision, sharp tongue and good priorities.

Not a pushover but also not the most popular. Not the sharpest crayon in the box, but street smart. If you asked Y/N Y/L/N how she classified herself she would probably answer in the middle. She could get lost inside her own head trying way too hard to figure things out instead of just letting it unravel and go with a flow. Dead set on putting some sort of label on herself to find out where she belongs. Which was still  bound to happen.

She has just moved to the new city to college and what was better way to get acquainted with the surroundings and fellow students than –

- having a little trip? (I’m pretty sure you thought party, huh?)

 In her defence – she tried partying, but seeing her college friends drunk dancing and throwing up because they actually wanted to let loose and have a big opening of the year was a bit too much. Therefore, she grabbed her girls, completely ignored their whining about ruining the mood and baptized as Y/N, the destroyer, dragged them out into the city.

That’s how they found this little nice restaurant in the suburbs. Nothing too fancy nor too expensive for a students’ budget but good enough for a group of young adult women who just started living (almost) on their own.

It was nice to have a ladies’ night. At least until the door to the restaurant opened and a representative of the opposite sex entered causing all the females to raise their gazes. A little rascal definitely noticed the sudden commotion in the henhouse cause he shot them a teasing gaze and winked in a flirtatious manner before heading towards the counter smiling widely at the other man standing there.

“Is he gay?” Y/N asked, barely holding back a chuckle, while observing the whole scene

“Who?”

“That guy who just entered!”

“What?” her friends laughed  collectively “Dean Winchester being gay? Damn Y/N. He had more girls in his bed in last two months than any of us will have in our whole life!”

“Are you a lesbian then, f/n?”

“What?”

“You said he had more girls than any of us-“

“oh shut it! Slip of the tongue, you know what I mean!”

“so not gay?”

“definitely.”

“who’s the other one then?” Y/N took a sip of her drink pointing out behind her back.

“He?”

 “yes he! Do you see any other good looking guys around?”

“That’s Sam.” f/n replied and went quiet teasing Y/N on absolute purpose.

“Care to elaborate or are you too busy foaming at the mouth while checking out that Dean guy?”

“Can you blame me? Damn, have you seen his-?”

“f/n!”

“face! Have you seen his face?” Y/N rolled her eyes in frustration. “they are brothers. Obviously. Sam’s a chef and Dean ... well, I am not sure what he does for a living but I’m all up for the bad boy style and attitude.”

 “dare I ask?”

“you better not. I see that little blush on your face so enjoy your little teenage rom-com moment.” f/n laughed sipping her drink though the straw purposefully making it loud to get the man’s attention and be the eyecatcher on Y/N’s behalf.

“stop it!” Y/N shushed suddenly feeling eyes on her back, almost burning the hole and – ironically – do making her blush.

“and what if I don’t?”

“you’re crazy!”

“and you’re too shy for your own good. Come one, live a little. Have a hot, steamy romance. Free yourself! Burn the bra!”

“What?”

“It’s a figure of speech!”

“I know what it means!” Y/N laughed and shook her head at her friend’s stupidity. However, instead of leaving or making  a scene she just raised her own glass in a celebratory gesture “cheers!”

And now – tell me, in your honest opinion, don’t you think that few  young woman in an almost empty restaurant at the very late hour, laughing and acting the way young carefree girls should, would get some looks, even if covert?

***

Once the academic year got off the ground the time seemed to pass in an accelerated speed. Before anyone noticed the beginning of October turned into November and then everyone started slowly thinking about actual work and getting some work as a source of income.  

Y/N was no exception to this rule. Between mingling, being a  socially engaged person, going out with friends, studying, preparing for exams, finding little time for her hobbies and currently fighting for an internship, her life was simply crazy.

So she wandered around the city alone to get at least a bit of peace of mind. Not having any specific destination in mind, just letting her feet lead her to whatever place she might find herself in. Just being and floating in space, allowing her imagination and creativity run free, unrestrained by a rigid schedule.

The old bookshop looking like it was taken straight from the Harry Potter universe might have been a spot where she’s been spending most of her time, to such extend that the owner learned her name. moreover, she even started helping him in running the business which was quite good practice given the fact she was studying business and economics. And for one more reason too.

***

“I’m here, sorry for being late! Bus was delayed due to the weather and –“ she walked through the door shaking of the snow not realising that there was a client present and Bobby was nowhere to be found. That meant she was supposed to serve the man standing by the counter, whose face she could not see at the moment. “Morning sir. What can I help you with?” swiftly she hung her damp coat and hat on the hanger and approached him. “Sam?” the name escaped her before she bit her tongue.

“Hi. Do I know you?” the man frowned in confusion, but it was not a confused expression of someone offended by being called by his given name, rather a sympathetic question of someone trying hard to refresh his memory.

“No.” she shook her head with a smile of embarrassment “no you don’t, not really. But my friend got eyes for your brother, you should warn him about a feisty female sharpening her claws.”

“I am pretty sure Dean can handle- wait, you’re that girl from the restaurant.”

“Good memory. Surprisingly good, actually.” She reached her hand towards him “I’m Y/N Y/L/N. It’s only fair to tell you my name since I already know yours.”

“Nice to meet youY/N. You work here?”

“More like volunteer. Full time student, part time bookseller. Doesn’t seem like a match made in heaven, does it?”

“Well, I bet you wouldn’t expect to see a chef searching for a book, will you?”

“I’m not judgmental.” She shrugged taking a look at the pile of volumes in his hands “but choosing modern sci-fi crime and mythology books is a bit surprising. For a guy in general.”

“It’s just side interest. And actually I was hoping Bobby would find something that would be more complex than a manifestation of the author's exuberant and non-realistic imagination”

“Wow, now that’s the wording.”

“for a chef?” Sam smirked.

“For a person. Anyone else would just say the book was fucked up.”

“Thought you weren’t judgmental?”

“I wasn’t.” Y/N shrugged and grinned at him “till you said that you’re pretty much looking for fantasy book with no fantasy in it.”

“Then why do I get the feeling you know perfectly where to find one?”

“Challenge accepted Mr. Winchester.”

#sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x y/n #sam winchester fic #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester smut #supernatural x reader #supernatural x you

[kaddyssammlung]

My thoughts about the new messages part 3

“From the flesh and bone that binds us, I believe that those gaps in our understanding are still wide enough to cast doubt on such conclusions.”

I'm not sure I fully understand this. Many doubt many things. That's all I have on this right now.

“I believe that those gaps are yet wide enough, for our souls to fit through and drift onwards into some new realm.”

Not sure if that is how I see this. To me my soul guides me if I let it guide me. I always had great intuition and that got even better. The question is what gave me that intuition? Was it a part of me? My infinite self? If my soul is just drifting around doing some other things then maybe I should try to guide it back to me?!

Not sure what he means. Let's say my soul, meaning my infinite self, is guiding me to new realms then. (I hate you Vessel....I mean I love you but you get it....right?!)

“To argue the existence of anything beyond death is to reject the idea of death itself.”

I never saw it like that but it makes sense.

“Death is not the opening of some eternal door.

Death does not confer transcendence of any kind

To make such assertions is to act as though we do not know death”

Who says that?! That part has my so confused. I'm scratching my head thinking who says stuff like that? Makes me think about the church that I live next to. Gotta love living next to a church but not even being Christian. You can leave church where I live. And you can also redo being baptized. I left. You can believe me that. The funny thing is. What I found is a true connection to “God” or “the source of all being”. It's something that I can feel within me. Idk...I don't mean to sh*t on anyone who is religious. I respect that. It just wasn't for me. That's all.

“As though we do not spend our lives trying to drag forth some semblance of meaning from beneath death's thick dark shadow.

As though we have not also inflicted it.

No less that we sometimes revel in it.”

idk....like what I said earlier?! Trying to as many things as possible just like society wants us to because we are running out of time?!

Death can mean many things. Ego death or a part of you that no longer is. A new begging....I guess he means physical death though.

“It is only the certainty of death that provides us with the darkness against which we all glow defiantly.”

You mean you can't have one thing without the other?! Two sides of the same coin? The opposite of death to me is just being born and not being alive nor living.

“Life without death knows no form, no boundary.”

“Without death and our finite nature it would be stripped of all meaning.”

Why?! Because you would not be afraid of it anymore? Whenever you are deeply afraid of something then someone else can use this against you.

That's coming from my BPD experience.

Not sure I'm fully getting this. Of course life and death still belong together. Being able to allow a great loss in your life in is important. You do that by not fighting against it but by accepting it. Of course this means that you are sad though..

Big topic...

“Left to wander as little more than endlessly rotating gears in the quiet engine of a cold hell.”

a cold hell...just very interesting.....

Makes me think about reincarnation.

The vicious cycle was over.....

“But we do not die because it gives our lives meaning.”

Some live like that. Many actually do. “I need to buy more things before I'm dead. I need to visit this and that place...”. Nothing wrong with all of that but when this is the only purpose that you see then.....

“We die because this is the way of all things and in the end is that not all we are?”

Nothing to add. Yes.

#sleep token #sleep token lore #coming from the queue

[broken-academia]

I’d like to preface this by saying please don’t like rip me to shreds here for what I’m bout to say. On to my statement:

So I honestly find myself envying Christians, specifically Catholics, a lot lately. Like y’all seem to have such a firm grasp on yalls worldview and it sounds so comforting. Y’all are so sure what’s gonna happen to y’all when you die and that’s wild to me. Plus that whole constantly feeling loved by God and stuff sounds great too. But at the same time, being an ex-catholic, I remember how I felt when I was a member of the faith and it was nothing like what y’all talk about. I mean, I was SURE I was going to hell by the time I was 11 or 12 and that sucked. I never felt loved by God. Quite the opposite, I felt he hated me. Plus I’ve always been intensely curious so, naturally, I went to science to explain how the universe worked and it seemed to make more sense than the explanation that “God did it”. I mean we have an extensive fossil record showing the evolution of man, and I didn’t and still don’t know how to refute that in favor of the creation story. I’m getting off point here but basically all I’m saying is I wish I had that certainty that y’all have. And that feeling of unconditional love y’all have. I’ve never felt unconditional love, and frankly I’ve begun to think it doesn’t exist. Anyways, have a good evening and pray for me if you want to of don’t if you don’t want to.

Hey there! First of all, this was a lovely ask and not at all I would rip someone to shreds over. :) And even if it's hard to believe, I understand where you're coming from.

When I was younger, specifically before the age of about 13, I was more or less neutral toward my faith. Sure, I was raised in it, baptized and confirmed, but if we didn't go to Sunday Mass I didn't lose sleep. If I didn't say the rosary for a month, no biggie. I was a huge science nerd, a Math Camp kid, and a couple months away from starting my first year in college.

But strangely, as I dove more into science, the more I was drawn to the compatibility between Science and Religion. it was one thing after another, Georges Lemaître, the founding father of the Big Bang Theory, turned out to be a Catholic priest. The argument that there must be an origin for matter in the universe:

I researched the different Catholic views of Evolution, including developmental creation, also known as theistic evolution. I read articles like this one, which argues from an intelligent design standpoint, but points out the complex and guided designs that Man has noticed since the very beginning. From Aristotle's "guided" theory to Heroclitus' Logos, Man has always looked at Nature's symmetry, to our very DNA, and something has told them "this wasn't an accident".

I also read articles like this one, which considers and explains the Catholic relationship between Faith and Science.

I read Pope Pius XII's Humani Generis, which contains quotes such as this:

In the end, Pope Pius XII says it all, Catholics are free to believe in evolution, as long as they believe it was set in motion by God, and that, when the time came, God Himself immediately created the souls of Man.

But most interestingly, the final nail in the coffin that brought me away from my apathy toward Catholicism was not science, or reason, though it walked hand and hand with me. In part, it was realizing that Catholicism was one of only two religions that can trace itself to the first breaths of history, the other being Judaism. It was realizing the depth of the Prefigurements of the New Testmant in the Old, seamlessly connecting God’s promises to His fufillments. But the final thing, that last thing I couldn’t ignore, was Love.

It was Love Himself. It was the Real Presence of God in the Eucharist. It was words like this: 

It was the supernatural presence of God that lives still now, shown in miracles like the Incorruptible Saints, Our Lady of Guadalupe’s tilma, the testimonies of those in Purgatory, it was that clear day in October of 1917, where atheists, agnostics and theists alike witnessed the Miracle of the Sun, documented in the Portuguese newspaper Ilustração Portuguesa:

It was, finally, God’s presence in my own life. It’s not an understatement to say I had a truly horrible childhood, and throughout it all, when I asked, He was there. I cannot tell you how many times my prayers have been answered beyond belief. When my self-hatred would tell me that God doesn’t love me, I would visit the Eucharist. And something would tell me that I was lovable, and someone loved me so much He died for me.

My life, by and by, hasn’t been a happy one. Religion doesn’t stop the sufferings on Earth, it gives you the reason for these sufferings. Suffering has meaning, a trial by fire; the daily duties of the day have meaning. Every day is a chance to be more compassionate, to be more mindful, to love others more. To love God more, that God who has never asked anything of me that He Himself has not already done. 

This got much longer than any of my other asks, but I want you to know that I’m so deeply praying for you, and I hope you pray for me. God loves you unconditionally, and He would make the universe a thousand times over just for you to see it. ♥️

#catholic #2022 #ba reads #asks #ask #ba essentials #theology

[cyeayt]

Mormon Hell!

I have stuff to do tonight but why would i when i could make a post explaining the mormon afterlife (as i was taught it)

prelife

we all lived with god in heaven in our heavenly bodies, until lucifer and the exodus n all that

we travel through the veil and lose our memories of our heavenly families and bodies

earth

we have free will! yipee! you have a few different options here. live according to the principles of the gospel, be baptized at 8, be a missionary and a productive worker and raise children after being sealed with your spouse in a temple, teach and lead if you get the chance. do all that but with less enthusiasm dont get sealed. be aware of god and be baptized and be mediocre. be baptized and leave the church. be baptized, leave the church and disavow it, dedicate your life to disproving it, torment members of the faith. die before you're 8. die before you learn what mormonism is. know what mormonism is but never participate and be a decent person. know what mormonism is but never participate and be a bad person. die and get baptized by your descendants after death.

die. what happens next?

purgatory. or spirit prison. theres two versions. one is where you just chill (and i once heard you get to be a holy ghost and help guide people), or go to jail where they teach you how to be good and you have the change to redeem yourself.

the second coming! mormons will never take any war or disaster seriously or try to do anything about it, because strife and hardship mean the second coming is near!

zion! (yikes) 1000 years of heaven on earth, the resurrection of christ was like a free trial of this. everyone is alive again and everything is perfect. supposed to happen in the garden of eden, which is in missouri. yeah i know. the church is helping fund the genocide in palestine also. we suck, go to protests n keep posting.

judgement day!

where can you be judged to?

the celestial kingdom! beautiful sunny top tier heaven, for eternal families sealed together in the temple! people who go here are the ones who will supposedly eventually get to be gods of their own universes.

the telestial kingdom. second tier heaven. kinda boring, better than earth and you get to talk to jesus but not god. you go here if you were pretty good but never got sealed with an eternal family. i assume that unbaptized babies and people who were baptized after death also go here.

the terrestrial kingdom. third tier heaven. basically more zion. no jesus or god but maybe angels. i think most people go here.

and finally

perdition! the outer void! eternal suffering! well actually as i was taught, eternal suffering is only for the souls who followed satan out of heaven in the exodus before any of our lives on earth. even if you really really sucked, youd get thrown into the outer void, which to me always meant your soul getting ripped apart by the vaccum of space and your eternal spirit ceasing to exist. you have to be really really bad to get here. even like murderers and whoever get to go to the terrestrial kingdom. so, souls who followed lucifer out of heaven, and people who were allowed to be born but who dedicated their lives to serving satan. souls here are the only ones who will not be allowed to receive the glory of god, even after they are resurrected.

in other words, who wants to be a child of perdition with me?

#tdlr hell is the cold black void of space #exmo #mormonism #religion #the more you know #this could all be inaccurate and different to what youve heard before #the mormon education system is held together with duct tape #a combination of older books and materials that might no longer be officially supported #the material the official church authority endorses which is sparse and a hodge podge mix of older doctrine and newer revelations #and random stuff that people tell their kids or that gets tossed around long after the church has scrubbed it from their websites n stuff #like kolob #no one officailly teaches kolob and it isnt in any books or magazines #but most of us have heard some variation of it from somewhere at least once #this is information i remember from the one year of seminary i was forced to take sprinkled with some tidbits from my childhood #also #fuck mormonism fuck zionism free palestine #i wanna make a sons of perdition patch for my battle vest

[tomwambsmilk]

I am now realizing I don't think I've ever really explained my Succession-Inferno analogy but it is something near and dear to my heart so. Buckle up I guess!

The whole thing is premised on the idea that Logan holds a lot of characteristics traditionally ascribed to the devil in literature. He's an excellent liar (far better than anyone else on the show), he goes out of his way to destroy relationships between other people because he can't stand it when people love others more than they love him, he presents himself as "uncle fun" to outsiders, he actively revels in sowing discord and conflict and betrayal whereas everyone else merely tolerates it. At the same time everyone around him treats him like a god. He deserves all their love, he is The Father who has created all they see, reality is manifested by his will and is simply whatever he wants it to be, he is all-knowing and all-powerful. But because their god is actually. you know. evil. the fruit of his continued power (and their continued worship of him) is nothing but misery and lies.

In Dante's Inferno, Dante goes on a journey through Hell, guided by Virgil. Virgil represents two things: the knowledge of morality necessary to understand what's happening in Hell and avoid being taken in by it, and the moral support and courage necessary to complete the journey. Dante journeys through nine circles that are meant to represent sins of increasing moral degradation. The first is limbo, who's actually just people who weren't bad at all but were never baptized and so can't go to heaven. That's where the pagan moral philosophers - including Virgil - are. After that, it's Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Wrath, Heresy, Violence, Fraud, and finally, Treachery. The order is very intentional, and rooted the belief that the early sins (sins of the flesh) are the easiest ones to fall into and ultimately are not as serious as the others - but, they also serve as gateways to the more serious sins. Each circle has sinners being punished in ways that are metaphors for the impacts of their sins. The devil sits in the ninth circle of hell, Treachery, where everyone (including the devil himself) is frozen in ice. The devil has Brutus, Judas, and Cassius in his mouth, and he chews on them for all eternity. Everyone around him betrayed someone they had an obligation to; the worse the betrayal, the closer to the devil they are frozen. The furthest away are those who betrayed their families (Cain); then those who betrayed their countries (Antenor); those who betrayed their guests and those who sheltered in their homes (Ptolemy); and finally, those who betrayed their masters, lords, and benefactors, which includes the three in Satan's mouth.

If Logan is Succession's Satan, then two things follow. First, Waystar becomes a metaphorical Inferno, where climbing the ranks to get closer to Logan requires climbing through the circles of hell and participating in greater and greater moral degradation. I think the character this most applies to, because we actually get to see his corruption arc over the course of the show, is Tom. And his arc, I think, arguably fits with that journey into hell. Season 1 gives us Gluttony and Greed, especially in 1.06 when he takes Greg to the restaurant and gives his spiel about how great it is to be rich. We also get his general obsession with nice things and with stuff, something which the Roys don't have, and something that seems to fade in Tom as his arc progresses. Season two gives us Wrath and Violence (Safe Room etc.), and Fraud (the cruise line scandal coming out). And then finally, at the end of season 3, we get Treachery. And I find it very very interesting that immediately before committing the act of Treachery, Tom asks Greg if he wants to make a deal with devil - something which turns out to mean both a deal with Logan, but also the act of betraying Shiv. Up until this point, you could argue that Greg had been riding along on Tom's coattails on this journey-through-hell - but the line "What am I going to do with a soul anyways?" means that, for the first time, he's actively consenting to what's happening. Sure, he doesn't know what's going on - but the line itself implies that it simply does not matter to him.

The second thing that follows, though, is that while Tom and Greg and the old guard have journeyed down to where Logan is, his children have been there all along. They grew up in a world characterized by Treachery, Fraud, Violence, Wrath, Greed, and Lust. Their arcs aren't about them becoming corrupted; their arcs are about whether they can escape the corruption they've always lived in. Everyone is frozen in that same ice together, but the ways they got here were very different.

Finally, the Virgil character is very important, because he doesn't have a corollary in the Succession half of this analogy, and that highlights what none of these characters have. None of them have a strong moral compass, and even if they did, none of them have the kind of support and moral courage to resist the allure of temptation. This is far more devastating for the Roy kids, though, because they've never had the opportunity to encounter a Virgil, whereas everyone else had to pass through Limbo - where Virgil is - before they could start going through hell. Or, in other words, with Tom et al. at some point there was an active choice to reject the moral compass and reject the moral support, which the Roy kids never had. But once you reject your moral compass it's hard to get it back again, hence why the further you get from Limbo the harder it is to find your way back.

#succession #didnt include this in the main post bc I didnt want it to be too long BUT #I also think there's an interesting tomshiv angle here #where. if shiv has been immersed in this world of corruption and moral degradation her whole life (ie frozen in that ninth circle) #is there really a world where they can be together and tom doesn't end up in that same corruption? #shiv isnt the one who corrupted him. not at all. but her whole world is corrupt and so entering into it is the only way to get close to her #its not her fault he entered into it in the first place bc he clearly did before he met her #but once he marries her he ends up even more committed and its even harder to get out #I also think there's an interesting angle re: dante journeying through hell to get to beatrice #who represents true pure selfless love #BUT he can make it through hell bc he has Virgil. so he DOESNT get sucked into the corruption and he DOESNT get stuck in the ninth circle #and HE gets to pass through the other side of hell and head towards heaven #I have a creative writing piece I started forever ago where tom has to take a dante class in college and over the course of the show begins #rationalizing his choices as part of a journey through hell where on the other side is beatrice ie: love #bc he's so invested in being in this world and his marriage is part of the world #and then finally realizing oh fuck actually im in the ninth circle and there is no beatrice on the other side #there is no redeeming quality here and I dont think my marriage can be saved #and that leads into to the choice to betray shiv #because you're already in the devil's domain and you have no virgil to help you out. what else can you do #not that the situation justifies his actions. but it creates the moral apathy required to go through with it #bc genuinely I do not think he would have betrayed shiv like that in season 1 or season 2 #so the question is what about him changed #and I think the progression of his corruption arc is a big part of the answer to that question #not the whole answer but it is important #maybe I'll finish it one of these days lmao

[aprillikesthings]

s5 ep2 Launch

ey did you see I posted some cosplay progress

I am v excited :D

anyway time for more She-Ra re-watch

My semi-frequent reminder that these are a re-watch, spoilers ahoy, I make a lot of dumb jokes and talk about other stuff

eugh

man I know I keep saying this but they REALLY lean into the allusions to Christianity, like he straight up says "remade in my image"

"But first, you must prove yourselves worthy. Your leader, your...She-Ra, she would see you suffer in darkness for her sake" okay Satan in the Garden of Eden

"Cast aside this false hero and deliver her to me" like is he talking about She-Ra or is he Pontius Pilate talking about Jesus (...actually a better analogy is probably Pharaoh talking about Moses)

"Prime sees all. Prime knows all. They will not escape my judgement"

OKAY not to get into religion TOO much, but I keep wanting to point out that the version of Christianity they're repeatedly and non-subtle-y alluding to is absolutely one that exists and gives people a shit-ton of religious trauma. The writers etc are clearly doing this in response to that kind of Christianity. We know Nate grew up in that kind of church.

BUT. It's just so foreign to me.

Like, I've talked to a lot of my friends about how I have what feels a lot like survivor's guilt, because I didn't grow up religious at all--much less in a high-control church. (I was baptized in one, but we left before it could do any harm.) My personal experience of Christianity in the churches I've attended has been really good, non-judgey, and full of queer folks.

So I'm fully aware that the lines about "I see everything and I'M JUDGING YOU (and you are going to special space hell)" is referencing the way a lot of churches portray God. And I'm just like...but that's....not the God I know. That's not the God my church teaches.

But also UGGGH there's a ton of churches that DO portray God this way and I don't want to diminish the harm they do by pulling some "Not All Churches" bullshit! D:

I'm not doing a good job explaining myself. Blargh.

relatable.

OH HEY they fixed Mara's ship

Daci and I had a conversation just last night about how, of the few times I have actually yelled at them, it was because I was trying to sleep and they were being noisy, and now if I'm trying to sleep and other people are being noisy Daci will shush them.

The only thing that excites Entrapta more than robots is space, apparently

But yeah everyone has a conversation about how she did betray them to join the Horde and it's reasonable to worry she might do it again.

LOL

don't be a creep, Catra

okay I can't get a representative screenshot, but the bit where Horde Prime takes over a clone's body to in order to tell Catra I'M ALWAYS WATCHING YOU is creepy as SHIT

Anyway he grabs Glimmer and walks off which can't be good

The way Mermista keeps calling Entrapta "geek princess" is kind of cute

ANYWAY Horde Prime is laying it on thick again. "Worlds I brought into my eternal light."

"I take no joy in destruction."

BLEHHHHHHH

Glimmer lemme use your weapon. If everyone is fuckin' dead there will be peace and won't that be nice :D

I'm...horribly reminded of my Dad's opinion of the middle east, which was "just kill them all and let God sort them out." He was only slightly joking. Ugh.

...and this is how she finds out her Dad is still alive D:

Yeah, I'd feel like shit too

Anyway she says she won't help him, but shattering the pretty globe was unnecessary

True story: I was on a leash for a bit as a kid. I'm actually not mad about that at all--I had a tendency to wander off (...I still do) and one of my very earliest memories is realizing I was lost in a mall, and going into a hair salon to tell them I was lost because that's what Sesame Street said to do--tell someone who works there. But my memories are still from a toddler's POV--everything in the salon is HUGE and I could stand under the counter.

Anyway leashing Entrapta was a good idea

LISTEN. I know I've made this joke before. But Entrapta has absolutely made herself robots for sex reasons.

Either that, or she's made Hordak role play. Possibly both.

😬

And Entrapta's response of genuine surprise and "are you all...mad at me??"

I remember it was this scene, the first time through, that made me really realize: oh it's not just my headcanon that she's autistic. This was intentional, from the start.

Honestly this whole scene is just too good:

Mermista: "You’re seriously just realizing that? Yeah, we’re mad!" Perfuma: "You don’t consider how your actions affect other people! Even people who are supposed to be your friends." Frosta: "Like us. The ones getting beat up by your dumb bots. And whose kingdoms you almost destroyed." Entrapta: "I’m not good at people. But I am good at tech. I thought maybe if I could use tech to help you, you’d like me. But I messed that up, too. (she runs off) Mermista: "Entrapta, no! I said we have to leave! Can you listen for once in your life?" Entrapta: "I’m sorry I’m bad at listening! I’m sorry I mess everything up!"

Mermista: "You’re still trying to get the signal?" Entrapta: "Of course. Glimmer needs us."

OH GOD it's so funny Entrapta walks up to a structure made by Horde Prime and does sexy-voice "ooooh what's inside of youuuu" then slaps herself with her own hair LOLOL

Anyway she figures out where Horde Prime's ship is but also finds out they're sending more ships to Etheria

it's like the dream she keeps having but she's awake!!

too many damn portals in this show

something about how leaving high-control religious groups sucks because for a lot of people it feels like losing your sense of purpose (I'm mutuals with a bunch of exvangelicals on twitter okay)

"It wasn’t my destiny to be She-Ra, was it? It was random. Light Hope brought me through the portal because she needed to use the weapon. That’s the only reason I’m here. I don’t know what my destiny is anymore. But I know my friends need my help. I guess I’ll just figure it out from there. Thanks for everything."

OH she was asleep after all.

(I hate it when I have those dreams where I get up and start getting ready for my day and then realize I'm still actually asleep. I've had dreams where I do it over and over, too! Not restful at all!)

LOL

Adora: lol I feel great damn Bow: oh thank god BECAUSE WE HAVE TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW AHHHH ALSO THE SHIP IS WORKING AND WE FOUND GLIMMER BUT YEAH WE GOTTA GO RIGHT THIS SECOND

I love Mermista

Also, show of hands, how many of us were weird fucking kids and would've killed for someone in our peer group to tell us "you being weird is a good thing"

Thank God for adulthood and finding people who like me the way I am

(but also thank God for learning some social skills)

yeah. I know that feeling. ;_;

LOL

but yeah Adora, Bow, and Entrapta take off on the ship :D

aaaahhhh the moment when Glimmer asks Catra to stay. "Just...for a little." And Catra's tiny, quiet, "...okay."

AND END OF EPISODE, ROLL CREDITS

MAN. this is such a turning point for Glimmer and Catra.

Because at the end of s4 we had this:

Glimmer: "Guess you wanted all my attention for yourself. Your troops are gone. You're all alone. You've lost." Catra: "What are you waiting for? Do it. Looks like we're both alone, Sparkles."

But as she'd just said to Scorpia--"We're the good guys, remember?" So she doesn't hurt Catra. And instead they both get raptured onto Horde Prime's ship, and here they are.

Most of this post is about Shadow Weaver, but I think he's right:

I think it's less "mental gymnastics" and more that she'd literally just been asked by Scorpia not to hurt her and did the "nah, we're the good guys" line. I do wonder if she regretted not doing it at any point, but I think she's too eaten up by the fact that she set off the Heart of Etheria to worry about whether or not she should've murdered or imprisoned Catra.

But at this point (in s5) they're both terrified: Horde Prime could just kill both of them any time he wanted. He doesn't actually need either of them after all. They're just bait at this point, hoping to get She-Ra, and he's pretty sure either of them will work. (Though does Adora even know Catra is on the ship? I don't think so???) But if it hadn't been for Mara's ship he would have eventually found Adora, at least.

But yeah Glimmer and Catra are both just scared and lonely and and even an enemy is better than no one if they're someone familiar (and not trying to hurt you).

UGH THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD

#april rewatches spop #launch

[officialyourdailyinspiration]

We are going to look into the Gospel as recorded by Luke and the third chapter. Luke 3:16

I suppose most of us can quote John 3:16 without looking at it. How many of us can quote Luke 3:16? If the first verse is for the lost. The second verse is for the church.  It's the other side of the coin, it should be as well known. Well, here it is in the good King James version.

Luke 3 verse 16: "John answered, saying unto them all, I indeed baptize you with water; but one mightier than I cometh, the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to unloose: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost" and in this version, "and with fire:"  

Because God is a consuming fire.

The Holy Spirit is a Spirit of fire. And Jesus said, "I've come to bring fire on earth." There is no escaping fire. This is a kind of a cliché of mine, but I still get a lift out of saying it, I believe that tonight the world is going to hell fire because the church has lost Holy Ghost fire, it's as simple as that.

Between Malachi and Mathew you've got four hundred years of blackness without any prophetic light.

Four hundred years of stillness without any prophetic voice. And then suddenly, dramatically, unexpectedly this strange man, John the Baptist, came streaking across a sky that was totally black. The Word says he was a "burning and a shining light." Jesus, the greatest character in history, says, "There was no man comparable to John Baptist." Not Isaiah not Jeremiah not any of those towering saints. He is a very, very remarkable character.

John the Baptist appears in the wilderness. It was not only a wilderness geographically,      it was a wilderness morally,      it was a wilderness politically,      it was a wilderness religiously.

You see, you go back in the Scripture and you read about Ezrah and Nehemiah. They established a governership over Israel made of a hundred and twenty priests and rulers. These priests and elders ruled over Israel. Four hundred and fifty years they dominated that nation. I say: this was a jungle, theologically.

In 170 BC there was a man with the strange name of Antiochus Epiphanes. You need to look up his name and his relatives. He took over Jerusalem, he polluted the temple, he made the Jews sacrifice to idols, he built a statue of Jupiter where the altar of the burnt offering should have been. He burnt the Scriptures publicly. He prohibited the worship of Jehovah. And all this horrendous stuff went on. In 37 BC came Herod the Great. He betrayed the nation to the Romans. He fostered immorality. He massacred the noble people.

Now with this horrendous background of murder and rape and debauchery and suffering and agony, John Baptist steps on the stage. A remarkable character.

You see, today we try to organize. We try to get a bunch of people together. God never did that. God takes individual men. He takes Moses to the backside of the desert. John the Baptist was in the wilderness until the day of his showing forth.

Jesus, the Son of God who had left the Glory, spent thirty years in training to minister!      John Baptist thirty years in training.      The apostle Paul at least thirty years.      Moses at least forty years;

And we want to go to Bible School six months and come out like a super prophet! It's the time factor that kills most of us. Tell me how much time you spend alone with God and I will tell you how spiritual you are.

     Not how many meetings you go to.      Not how many gifts you have.      Not how many sermons you preach.      Not how many records you've made.

Tell me what time you spend alone with God and I'll tell you how spiritual you are. The Word here tells m e about this remarkable man, John the Baptist, that he was in the wilderness until the day of his showing forth. Going forth at the command of God Himself, of course.

[genderkoolaid]

Transphobia experiences

At the high school I went to, trans people weren't allowed to use affirming restrooms. Both my friend and I were threatened disciplinary action for using men's restrooms.

So I changed my legal name in high school, and I didn't tell my parents about it cause they're transphobic as all hell. So the day I turned 18, I had a friend take me to the courthouse to file the petition. I had a hearing a month later, at 9am on a school day, so naturally I skipped class for it. Because it was a hearing, it was supposed to be an excused absence. After everything was said and done, I told my parents about it, because they handled some of my legal stuff at the time, and I wanted to be sure they had a copy of it. The called the fucking school, and had them change the absence from excused to unexcused because they were mad I changed my name.

Once I turned 18, my parents threatened to take away my health insurance if I ever started testosterone or medically transitioned. So naturally as soon as I got to college, I started testosterone, and medically transitioned. They never found out because I cut them off when I was 20, but I had to pay for everything out of pocket even though insurance probably could have covered it.

I chose to get baptized about 6 months after coming out as trans, and I had asked the church to use my preferred name as my middle name (because my first name now is the masc version of my dead middle name) and my pronouns, and my father talked to the church leaders and asked them specifically not to do that. So I was they/themed for my fucking baptism. AND the morning of, before we went to church, my parents accused me of using the church for my own political agenda.

One time in high school I was on vacation in the Florida Keys with my family, and I was waiting to use a single person men's restroom at a Winn Dixie's. An old man stepped out of it, and wouldn't let me in, saying I was a girl, and should use the women's. I told him the women's was full, and he still wouldn't let me use it, and he followed me around the damn store to make sure I didn't use it.

When my mom found out I was bisexual, she took me to a therapist. We had a few sessions, but then stopped seeing him. She brought me back to him when I came out to her as transgender.

I wasn't allowed to watch any videos about "trans stuff" while at my parents' house, especially when my younger brother was home, because they thought it was too adult.

I did forensics my junior year of high school, and I made friends with a guy at a tournament from another school. The school hosting the tournament had multi-person gender neutral bathrooms. This guy and his friends started making fun of them while we were waiting for an event. I explained why bathrooms like that were fucking important, and how I wished I had one like that at my school, and came out as trans to him in the process. He did not talk to me after that.

One year for Christmas, a friend got me a shaving kit. One week, in March, I left it out after my shower. My parents found it and took it, and then were upset with me for owning it! And I was like "why", and they were like "shaving will make you grow a beard, and you're not allowed to change your body, I don't want my daughter to have a beard". Firstly, that's not true, and secondly, that is my body. I own it. I live in it. Also, those were my things, that I owned. In Kansas, minors legally own the things that are given to them or that they bought.

That same Christmas, I had asked a different friend to get me men's underwear, and my parents were upset about that too. They said some bullshit about it not giving enough breathing for your vagina, and they also said it was inappropriate for someone who wasn't my spouse to buy me underwear. But like, I didn't have a car, and they wouldn't have bought it for me, and it was boxer briefs, not fuckin lingerie.

A lot of kids at my high school didn't understand that you could be gay and trans? And like, I was both openly bi and openly trans, and most of them were in shock. I also was IDing as ace at the time, tho it was realistically just sex-repulsion from dysphoria. But anyways, I would get a lot of questions about how sex worked, or my favorite "Do you want a dick on you, or in you?" to which my response was "both". Tho realistically what I wanted was my dick in another man, but too late for that.

There were a lot of kids who were younger grades than I was in high school that were transphobic, and so they would misgender me a lot. But none of them knew my deadname, so they used my preferred name. So you got this stupid mix of calling me by both a masculine name, and she/her pronouns.

One of my friends in middle and high school was homophobic and transphobic when we were younger (he's better now), and there was a time where he said he wouldn't use my name/pronouns until I got bottom surgery. Again, he's better now.

On mission trips post-coming-out, I still had to sleep in the same sleeping room as women, but I was able to use the men's restrooms wherever we were.

For school trips overnight I always had to stay with girls, and it was very annoying.

The university I went to, the online username included your legal initials at the time you made the online account. I made my online account about a week before I legally changed my name. They won't let you change the online username, so I was stuck for all of university seeing my dead first initial as part of the username.

When I got top surgery, my university's accommodations department did not offer any support/accommodations for medical leave.

My university let you live with people of another legal sex if you asked them and were like "please I'm transgender", but you had to find a specific person's email, and then email them, and you had to know who you wanted to room with, and it was a long and exhausting process and you couldn't just use the housing portal.

My university's records page includes a blank for pronouns, but it didn't use that data anywhere else, so professors still didn't know what your pronouns were and you still had to come out to them.

I was in a spanish class in high school, and I got marked off for using the -o ending to refer to myself, so I had to come out to my teacher as trans so I could get full points on that assignment.

That's all I can think of right now. I went stealth in college, and am still stealth now, so most of the overt transphobia I faced was in high school, and between the years, the depression, and the ADHD, I don't remember a lot of it.

Transphobia experiences

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

#m. #ask box #experiences with transandrophobia

[em-bee-shoppin]

I am a Jew

I am a Jew. My ancestors are Lithuanian, Polish and Belarussian Jews. My dad's Biological mom is a Jew, likely orthodox. His adopted grandma was a Brooklyn born girl with a thick, Lithuanian accent. Ethnically, there is no denying that I am Jewish.

I spent most of my years in young childhood worshiping through Jusaism without even realizing. I knew all the stories of the holidays by heart. I could sing the Hebrew Alphabet. I prayed for bread and wine on the Sabbath. I loved my spiritual way of life. I love practicing Judaism, but the whole time I was a dedicated Jew, I thought I was a Christian. I believed in Santa, went on easter egg hunts, and attended my cousin's "communion". Yet I had no Idea what was going on. I didn't know who Jesus was, I'd never been in a church, I'd never even said a Christian prayer. Hell, I still can't spell Christian without autocorrect yelling at me. I ways today years old (fifteen, almost sixteen) when I realized, I WAS A JEW. I wasn't a Christian at all!

For some reason after my great aunt died, I was determined to start attending mass so that I could get into heaven. I was a child of god for years, and even got baptized at the age of nine. I grew to hate church, however, and completely lost my religion by the end of eight grade. I became a witch, and still am one. I always knew I was ethnically Jew, and could affirm that thought by looking in the mirror, but I never stopped to think about converting back to Judaism.

Today, I think I'm to far gone to worship Judaism again. I've spent so many years resisting God, that I don't know if I even want to follow that path again. I do however appreciate the Torah and Jewish teachings, and am so glad that I was able to embrace my Judaism.

Today, I am a Jew. I fit under every stereotype available (but will not be listing them because of all the Kanye stuff rn) and defend my people everyday, literally, because tenth grade history is crazy. I relate with my dad on the daily about our Jewishness through humor. I've had vivid dreams in which Hitler was coming for me. just the other night, In fact, I dreamt that I was being forced to board the train to Auschwitz, and was sobbing violently, clinging on to my Jewish friends. We have our old Menorah out in the house this holiday season. Everyday I'm trying to egg my sister on that we are a little more Jewish than she may think. I identify as a Jew. My spirituality is complicated, and so is my blood, considering my mom in a full Cristian. At the end of the day though, it doesn't matter what My qualifications are, because I AM JEW. and it feels so good to affirm that to myself after all these years of trying to suppress my culture and identity.

#jew things #judaism #jewish #jews and judaism #ethnically jewish #identify #jewish culture #jewitches #self identity #epiphany

[runawayfuture]

As someone who was raised Catholic, the term "Catholic guilt" never made sense to me. I was always taught that:

God's love is unconditional and infinite - we are his children and he wants us to be happy. He doesn't expect us to be perfect, he just wants us to do the best we can

Jesus died to save all our souls because he loved us so much that he wanted us to be able to be with God forever in a place of eternal joy.

If you're sorry for the sins you've committed, God will forgive you. Confession is a way to make that "official"

Sin is anything that causes us to turn away from God. There are two types of sin, basically "mild" and "severe" - the worse type, mortal sin, is where we cut ourselves off from God completely. If you die in a state of mortal sin (and there are very strict parameters for what counts as a mortal sin) and you aren't sorry for doing it, then you go to hell, which is eternal separation from God, but

God doesn't send you to hell just for commiting small sins. He really doesn't want you to go to hell, because he loves you; it's not something to be paranoid about. The only reason you would go to hell is if it would actually be worse for you to go to heaven because you basically wouldn't be able to enjoy it knowing that you died in serious sin (like how in Genesis Adam and Eve were embarrassed to be in front of God after they ate the forbidden fruit because they had disobeyed him and they felt bad about it)

Likewise, purgatory is a place where you go to be cleansed of your sins so that you can be with God without dwelling on the bad things you did while you were alive

Anyone can go to heaven. Being baptized and going to church and praying and stuff just makes it easier to get there because you're knowingly accepting God's help

Our existence on earth should NOT be comprised entirely of suffering and unhappiness. The reason suffering can sometimes be a good thing is that it helps us remember that earth is not perfect like heaven is and gives us incentive to focus on the spiritual aspect of our lives, but it's also good to enjoy the things of this world because God created them for us and made them enjoyable on purpose

Like, none of that seems like something to feel guilty about? Maybe it's just different people reading different things into it, but to me it was always "you are infinitely and endlessly loved and all you have to do in order to be happy forever is to love back."

#religion #catholicism #catholic guilt #beep

[garbagefarm]

Garbage Farm (#43)

2023-03-31, Garbage Farm session #43, spanning from Summer 15 Year 4 to Summer 27 Year 4

Cast:

me (@mothmute)

E.B. (@salamand3rin)

Kimi (@2kimi2furious)

Highlights include, but are not limited to:

Garbage himbo hubbies droning in unison: It’s summer... That means the house is full of flies.

NOT AGAIN

also don’t you guys clean up at all?

Flat possum...

(he’s playing possum)

(E.B. is going to jail)

I crack my knuckles and start completely rearranging the storage system.

It was an over-complicated mess with too many categories, and I’ve learned how to do better

also, the workbench is extremely good and should be the centerpiece

Kimi walks in on the girls fighting (Dwarf and Krobus), ‘til daddy Wizard had to step in

barely make it back to bed after working on fixing the storage all day

Baby!!!

Theophania Garbage!!

E.B. comes over an baptizes her using her watering can, as is tradition

Growing pains learning to use the partially-reorganized storage system mean me and E.B. eat shit staying out too late, Marlon found both of us face down in the mud

(I teleport to the desert by accident, a classic mistake)

the oak trees I planted last time have grown, I can start tapping them for the resin I need to rebuild my kegs

The seduction of Krobus......

me and Kimi happen to meet by chance in the secret woods

Pierre’s Prime Produce now looms over us. it��ll be fine, right?

E.B. got some cherry bombs for me, left them in my fridge

Elliott tells me he couldn’t be happier :’)

(gently probing the skulls....)

should we keep the storage chest full of bones? (hell yes, bone chest)

Kimi finds some garbage cranberry sauce

we resign ourselves to the necessity of building a slime hutch

Pizza is a big boy now!!

strange sound in the night...........

Elliott tells me that Bartholomew called him da-da :)

blueberry harvest is here, that should deal with Pierre’s Prime Produce, right?

nevermind, he sucks! and only wants veggies! and blueberries are fruit!

I find Haley taking photos in the forest, she tries to ride one of Marnie’s cows and falls into the mud (but she takes it in stride)

There’s a weird alien egg thing on the farm!

What’s a little accidental horse theft between friends?

Marlon heard about our slime hutch and came by to get us started

he claims a slime took out his eye. how??

I got a letter from Krobus! It had the recipe for Dark Signs, which I’m now going to use everywhere

E.B. got a catfish from Linus

The Garbage Ducks are stubborn, and refuse to swim

Robin bombs Pizza’s outgrown crib

KIMI FINDS THE PRISMATIC SHARD WE NEED

I get stuck seeing Sam’s band, Goblin Destroyer

Penny calls me “an honorary member of the band”, that’s gotta be one of the most savage burns in Stardew

they weren’t very good, and I went home with my goblin fully intact

Big melon is here!!

aaand the slime hutch is gone. phew

Kimi is torn between cashing the prismatic shard in for the sword, or donating it to complete the museum

Kimi, I’ve already done that, I can just buy you one

E.B. wants one too, if it’s not cost prohibitive

Kimi wants one only if it is

Pizza has insomnia :(

new cow is born, Snurtie!

Museum is complete!! My head fills with thoughts of Garbage...

Kimi is Wild Possum’s favorite

I killed a frost jelly, and Marlon is very pleased

running into Kimi in the storage shed, both out too late to make it back, RIP

Time for some exit explosions

“gptte,”

E.B. was knocked unconscious.....

NEXT TIME:

oops, we forgot to take a picture with the big melon!

finish Pierre’s Prime Produce with some of the radishes, we’re bound to get enough, right?

Moonlight Jellies

Planting for fall!!

buncha cranbs, buncha punkins,

probably gonna plant a buncha other stuff too

Deluxe the ducks’ coop?

maybe if we add more ducks, they’ll be more likely to swim

I wanna learn about burglary......

I might get into some coffee-making around my house......

#stardew valley #garbage farm

[staringamassivemistakeintheface]

I’m in an “advanced” track of classes at my school, and the junior year class is Inquiry-Based Humanities. Basically, we as a class choose the curriculum and the coursework. Last years’ class chose to focus on existentialism. I should be so lucky.

Since there are only five people in the class and I didn’t have much of an opinion either way, we decided to focus on different murder cases.

We started mildly enough third quarter, looking at Gypsy-Rose Blanchard and the Jonestown massacre. (I say mildly. Heh, everything is relative, eh?) Plenty of stuff to discuss there as it is, but they’re pretty easy to categorize. Gypsy-Rose could be justified as self-defense, but misguided in who she went to for help. Jones was a megalomaniac, and charismatic enough to drag people in, and then force them to stay.

This quarter, we’re looking at the big cases, so to speak. I just finished the “Conversations With a Killer” miniseries on Dahmer. I really, really don’t know what to think, or feel. The things that he did are simply revolting, to the point where I struggle to find words to accurately describe the depths of depravity and carnage he descended to. His apparent lack of emotion throughout his interviews (interrogations?) made it even more jarring. He described the things he did in such a monotone, and the sheer loneliness he conveyed brought a half-second of some disgusted pity. The way he repeatedly mentioned not wanting his victims to leave was pathetic in some sense that I can’t really describe. There was some final twist of irony in his being baptized during his year or so in prison. (Given that I’m in a Catholic school, I know that there’s going to be a whole lot of discussion on that point tomorrow.) No matter what I’ve heard people say about the Church’s stance on repentance, I hope he’s burning in Hell.

What may be the worst part of the whole experience, on my end at least, is that I recognized some watered-down traces of his behavior in my own actions. Though my particular vice (fanfiction, of all things) is far, far less serious, I have gone to pretty desperate lengths to get onto AO3, doing more and more damage to my relationship with my mother for something that leaves me fundamentally unsatisfied, in the end.

I don’t know why I felt the need to say all this here. I just… needed to get it off my chest, I suppose, and where better a place to scream into the void?

#just ranting #i have thoughts #and i dont like it #the topic was not my choice #dahmer series #not the one with the fandom #the fact that I didn’t lose sleep when I watched the first two episodes is legitimately surprising

[quinnfebrey]

Please I want ALL your thoughts from your initial stick season listen

omg okay it’s insanely long so i’m putting it under a read more but here you go!! a little bit of personal stuff a little bit of song parallels and just a lotta thoughts

also as a side note for anyone, azlyrics is way more accurate than genius

and above the cut i’ll just put my current top 5: she calls me back, strawberry wine, all my love, come over, orange juice

all my love:

ahh tears on song 1 ok so it’s like that

i needed this in late 2019/early 2020

no winter coat could keep out the cold of your atmosphere / and at the end of it all i just hope that your scars heal / we’d shake the frame of your car, now i know your name but not who you are / it’s okay, there ain’t a drop of bad blood / it’s still out here, you got all my love / i looked so confident babe i swear i was scared to death /

such a good song for having maybe a rough ending w someone but then getting older and realizing it was just the situation, had nothing to do with them, and being able to think abt them fondly

all my love & strawberry wine r holding hands <3 

she calls me back:

oh the production picks upppp

the pre chorus FUCKS

if only i could wake you up / if only i could fall asleep /

two parallel lines / - it’s like that artist’s drawing of different lines to represent different relationships??? like an x for a one night stand, a something like -o- for losing someone and then finding therm again. but parallel?? i’m gonna puke !

this is so :)))))) me and my childhood best friend in another universe!! could’ve had it All, but i guess it wasn’t in the cards for us this time. i think we deserved to have things work out but that’s ok. should i send this to her? no def not

there was heaven in your eyes / i was not baptized / - this is so me projecting but i’m not christian and she is/it was v important to her mom so that Hits

also there’s something to be said for being a kid and loving someone so much that it almost feels reverent. i always just felt so lucky to be around her and spend time with her and sometimes it was good and made me feel special that she wanted to be my best friend & sometimes it was bad and just made me feel unworthy

lost for a long time, two parallel lines / everything’s alright when she calls me back /

come over:

i’m in the business of losing your interesting and i turn a profit each time we speak /

the guitar tab line is gorgeous

but i promise you, darling, with the view in the morning, you won't ever go back /

this is a song for the kids in school that were friends Everyone and therefore they were also friends with No One

somebody i’m gonna be somebody people want / - i hope so!!

new perspective:

oh oh oh

first of all this song fucks

second of all i’m Sure this is a song he meant is a continuation of cape elizabeth

glue myself shut + new perspective

you and all your new perspective / i stared at your packed bags and asked what the hell you were meaning

wish i could shut it in a closet / all of your old clothes are still in the hall of my building

and drag you back down / + and if i glued myself shut you’d find your way in

this song is making me v emotional i think i’d be a wreck if i grew up in a small town

everywhere everything:

slow build but mmfff

we didn’t know that the sun was collapsing til the seas rose and the buildings came crashing /

ahhhh

you ever have smth end bc neither of you paid enough attention to making sure the problems didn’t take over bc you didn’t expect there to be any problems and then suddenly there were So Many and it was just Over

and so now you will forever over compromise by finding problems that don’t exist just to make sure you have a solution so it never happens again

hozier vibes

orange juice:

intro tab reminds me of caves

mmm no thoughts

ahhh the bridge okay okay i have thoughts and they’re giving maine

you said ‘my heart has changed and my soul has changed’ / are we all just crows to you now? / are we all just pulling you down? / we’re just glad you could visit /

(now that you made your change was your soul rediscovered was your heart rearranged? / are you still taking pills in the morning, and did you lose that longing now for a walk through an ocean town / and i hope that we make you proud / cause this towns just an ocean now)

not to be a swiffer but this song is in the dorothea/ttds universe 😪

strawberry wine:

ok well one of my fav songs is called strawberry sunscreen so i kinda hoped this would be happy but i’m crying lol

will try to keep this brief but in high school and for a time after i had a really complicated relationship w a girl who struggled w really intense mental illness. but we met & got involved Before any of it. we started off best friends so it really caught us off guard because we were so young and didn’t understand how serious the diagnosis was until it Was

remember telling me that you thought you were cursed /

pretty sure she used that exact word once 🙃 as you can imagine it took a toll on me & i didn’t handle it well and obviously it took a major toll on her & she didn’t handle it well either

light a cigarette i’ll watch it as it burns / all the time we used to have / those things i miss but know are never coming back /

yeah

but!! go from this into all my love n it’s ok :’)

growing sideways:

i have been listening to this song on tiktok for monthsssss

why is pain so damn impatient? / but i ignore things and i move sideways / i know there are worse ways to stay alive / if the engine works perfect on empty i guess i’ll drive /

hm. that might be me. like. right now. 🥴 time for self reflection?? later tho 😗🤙🏽

halloween:

Not To Be A Swiffer But noah would have fit as a collab on coney island so much better than that dude wow

too much to say rn and also my head is empty

the lyrics are teleporting me back to high school agghh

homesick:

oh she fucks in the chorus

the lyrics are so strong and so is the production

i’m so glad i Don’t relate to this song at all bc if i did i’d probably have a fucking panic attack

still:

i have this fun talent where i can make any song about my dead mother so 🤙🏽 that’s all i have to say

the view between villages:

this gonna be a grower for me but when it hits it’s gonna Hit

great closing track to the album, couldn’t have picked a better one

production wise such a banger i need this song while i’m driving the stretch right after you cross the oregon border into california

lyrics wise reminds me of homesick in that i think the lyrics are gorgeous but i just can’t relate

#asks

[doktordismemberment]

Roundup: Dec 27, 2023

Blah Blah:

Holidays are over and we’re back down to recording. I think the track we’re working on right now is my favorite thing we’ve come up with so far. Sounds almost like “Cop” SWANS meets super skuzzy early 90s DM meets the relentlessly rolling tribal toms from The Cure’s “Hanging Garden” shot through with eerily glowing veins of radioactive electronic noise.

Now the question is: Do we wanna buy a cheap telecaster and try to to do some really scratchy/ scrapey Santiago Durango type shit over top of a couple of songs? -

Muzak:

I have neither the time nor the patience to write about all of these albums individually right now, but I’ll do as many as I can before I have to put this down and go be productive… Long story short: It’s been a hectic week and the holiday season is always kind of a bummer for me so I’ve been retreating into a bunch of older favorites more than I’ve been seeking out anything new. -

SvartidauðI - Flesh Cathedral - This is a weird opinion founded in nothing but my own personal tastes, but I think Flesh Cathedral is probably my favorite Icelandic black metal record. Floored me so fucking hard when it came out back in 2012. Cavernous. Evil. Remember thinking it sounded like Deathspell Omega on steroids. -

Sinmara - Aphotic - Close second Icelandic BM album just behind that SvartidauðI. Sounds like nearly freezing to death before getting chucked into a fucking volcano. -

Godflesh - Godflesh EP -

Bathory - Hammerheart - “Baptized in Fire and Ice” is probably my favorite song of all time, period. Maybe tied with Venom’s “Manitou.” Whole album rules. -

Samael - Ceremony of Opposites -

Rotting Christ - Thy Mighty Contract - In my eyes Rotting Christ’s first four albums are absolutely unfuckwithable. I love how this album sounds really skuzzy, but still has all these soaring Maidenesque leads all over it. -

Starkweather - Croatoan - I‘ve had the creepy clean vocal “what makes love so frightening“ middle section of Silken Garrote/ Infinity Coil stuck in my head on and off for like the past month and a half.

https://starkweather.bandcamp.com/track/silken-garotte-the-infinity-coil-

Big Black - Atomizer - Top 5 favorite album of all time for me. Hard to even put into words why. Something about the willful nastiness of it all… And also that hearing a really fucked up sounding band use a drum machine made me think “oh shit I could totally get a drum machine and do this myself” back when I was a weirdo teenager that lived in the middle of nowhere and had no friends, let alone friends that played drums. -

Anorexia Nervosa - New Obscuratantis Order - Straight up, that album cover has always sketched me the fuck out, but goddamn... This album is just insanely fast in places. Scratches the trillion mile per hour icy-cold 90s black metal itch that I always feel so acutely this time of year. -

Alice In Chains - Dirt -

Lustmord - Heresy - The sound of a gaping hole in the earth that leads to a cold, lonely, hell. Bleak as fuck. -

Pitch Shifter - Submit Unholy - Gracefallen -

Video Games:

Warm Snow - Blood splattered samurai rogue-lite… Picked it up after hearing it compared to Hades cos I liked Hades way more than I thought I would. So far the combat feels fast and satisfying even if I can only get to the second boss before getting absolutely fucking bulldozed. -

Sanabi - Grappling hook cyberpunk ninja game with a 90s Image Comics meets 80s action movie style plot. Gameplay reminds me of a cross between Celeste, Speedrunners, and the old NES Bionic Commando. Pretty awesome. -

Reading:

The Elric Saga: Book 1 - Michael Moorcock - I keep starting this collection ‘cos I’ve really wanted to read the Elric stuff since I was a teenager, but every time I start the first chapter it seems like life gets super busy and I have to put it down almost immediately. Been forcing myself to read a couple pages before bed and feel like I’m finally making progress. -

Monsters in Print - Adam Benedict - Collection of old timey newspaper articles about monsters, pretty easy to read a few quick snippets and go on about your day. -

Tube:

I’ve had zero time to sit and watch movies this week… I think I’ve watched like half of two episodes of The Great British Baking thing that my wife is obsessed with, and that’s been pretty much it.