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mytrashcanlife · 3 years

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Ashes to Ashes Jasper X Reader Part 5

It took four days. Four day for the venom to take over. Four days of absolute anguish for the Cullen family. But when you did wake up, it was so much worse than they imagined. You didn’t panic at first. They weren’t expecting denial, or a sense of calm. You jolted awake and immediately sat up. You look around and notice that you are no longer in the kitchen where you remembered fainting. Rosalie is the first speak to you in your confusion.

“(y/n) you’re awake. Thank god, I’m so sorry this happened.”

“What? Rosalie it’s not your fault I fainted. I was probably just dehydrated. I forget to drink water sometimes. I’m sorry I scared you, but really I’m fine. How long was I out? A few minutes?”

“Four days.”

“What? No. If I was in a coma Carlisle would have taken me to the hospital.”

“Oh no.”

“Rosalie what’s wrong?”

“Carlisle!”

“Why are you calling him?” Carlisle and the rest of the family come upstairs to see you.

“She’s awake! Oh, thank god.”

“She doesn’t know.”

“What? What don’t I know?” Carlisle looks at you with guilt in his eyes.

“ (y/n) something happened.”

“Yeah I know I didn’t drink enough water I over-heated and I fainted. It happens all the time. You know this. Carlisle I’m fine just thirsty. See?”

You grab the water bottle you keep on your bedside table and try to drink it, but you move a little too fast and know over the lamp. “Sorry. I’m a little clumsy when I’ve been unconscious for a few minutes.” You take a sip of the water, but the second you try to swallow it you throw it right back up. Violently coughing on the liquid as it makes its way back up your throat. “Okay maybe I am a little sick. That’s weird.” Rosalie leans over to your desk and grabs a mirror.

“(y/n) I’m going to show you something, but I need you stay calm okay?”

“Rosie what is going on?”

She held up the mirror and you saw yourself, but it wasn’t you. Your skin was much paler than usual, and all signs of your usual acne were gone. You looked like you had died, but then you saw your eyes. Red eyes staring back at you instead of (e/c) ones, and you lost it. Your scream frightens even Emmet.

“CARLISLE!”

“Why does everyone always yell at me?”

“Carlisle my eyes are red! I look like a damn ghost, something is wrong! You’re a doctor fix me!”

“(y/n) I can’t fix this”

“WHY NOT?”

Jasper was behind the others in the doorway. He could feel the fear coming off of her in waves.

The others were obviously not prepared for this conversation. He thought about joining in, but Edward gave him a look and he decided to let the others try first. Edward decides to try calming her down.

“Okay (y/n) I need you to calm down. You want Carlisle to fix the problem right? To do that he has to diagnose it, so what are your symptoms?”

“I…I fainted in the kitchen and then apparently I slept for four days. I feel dehydrated and hungry, but I can’t even swallow water. And my eyes are red. And everything is so loud, and bright. This feels like a bad hangover, but worse.”

“Okay. Now tell me where have you heard those symptoms before? Red eyes, thirst, aversion to light…”

“Edward you aren’t making any sense. That sounds like a…” You look up at Carlisle wide eyed and trembling. You shake your head furiously “No…Don’t say it”

“Yes.”

“I’m a vampire? No! no that’s not possible. Vampires aren’t real. They’re horror stories you tell children, so they won’t sneak out after dark, they don’t exist.”

“They do. We are a family of them.”

“But nobody bit me.”

“You are correct nobody bit you, because we never had any intention of turning you, but you don’t actually need to be bitten you just have to get venom in your bloodstream, and it will take over from there.”

“So, if none of you bit me then how did I end up with venom in my blood?”

“You remember that necklace Jane gave you?”

“Yeah, I broke it. It was so fragile I didn’t realize, I cut my hand on it trying to pick it back up and that’s when…I fainted. NO. You can’t be telling me I turned because I cut my hand on glass that had Venom on it. You can’t!”

“I do believe that’s what happened yes.” You sat there in bed for a few moments in silence.

“I don’t believe you. I’m going for a walk.” You stand up to cross the room but you’re down the stairs before you can blink, with the rest of the family right behind you. “What was that?”

“That was a small demonstration of the speed you now possess.”

Jasper could feel the fear rise up again as the realization of what had happened finally hit you.

“So, you’re all vampires? That’s what you’ve been hiding from me? That’s what all this was about you didn’t want me to know?” Edward answers you

“Yes (y/n), you have to understand, we never wanted you to turn, and we aren’t allowed to tell humans about us unless we intend to turn them.”

“So, what you just thought I was never going to figure it out? You thought I’d grow old get a husband and some kids and never noticed my family wasn’t ageing?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then what was the plan? If you weren’t going to turn me exactly how did you think I was never going to catch on?”

“You were going to college”

“So what? You think I wouldn’t visit?” You look around at Your family as they look down with guilty expressions on their faces. Your eyes widen once more in realization “I was never going to get to visit was I? You were planning to never see me again after I left. You were planning to abandon me?” Jasper was concerned now. In the past few months he’d seen you feel a lot of emotions, fear, joy, sadness, but not this. This was pure Rage.

Carlisle tries to defend himself.

“It’s not like that”

“Yes it is Carlisle. You were going to abandon me like everyone else does. Fine then, I’ll just go.”

Alice finally returning from her trip had picked a very bad moment to walk through the door.

“Guys I’m ba-oh my god, (y/n) what happened?”

“Don’t worry about it. I was just leaving.”

You ran. You ran into the woods, and climbed cliff sides as fast as you could. You knew they’d send somebody after you but at that moment you didn’t care. If they were just going to leave you then you might as well save them the trouble. Alice turned to Jasper in shock.

“I didn’t do it.”

Rosalie jumped to his defense for once.

“He didn’t. The Volturi did. Sneaky little bastards.”

“What happened? I was gone for a week and I come back to this? This was not the vision!”

“Yes, it was Alice. You just didn’t realize it.”

“Well someone has to go get her before she hurts someone!”

Carlisle spoke up “I’ll go get her. This is my fault anyway.”

Jasper had enough, “No I think you’ve done enough.”

While they were arguing they failed to realize that Emmet was already gone. He was barely behind you for miles.

“(y/n) please just stop for a minute and talk to me. It’s me. Emmet, Your big brother.” You stopped and turned around

“You lied to me. You were going to leave me.”

“No (y/n) we hadn’t thought this through. You remember how you came to us in the first place right? We got into this situation and put our own lives on the line to help you because we couldn’t just leave you. I know you’re starving, and you’re scared but please just come home.”

You were about to listen to him when a man walked by. It happened so fast you barely had time to register what you were doing before you draining the poor man. The hunger was too much, but once it subsided you were left cowering on the ground with the corpse of an innocent and your hands covered in blood. Emmet tried to pull you off of him, but you sent him flying backwards into a nearby tree. Carlisle Caught up to you and looked down at you in disappointment, and pity.

“(y/n) it’s okay.”

“NO THIS IS NOT OKAY!”

“Do you understand now? Do you understand what you are?”

“I’M A MONSTER”

“No. You are not a monster. You are new to this. It’s going to be okay. Please just come home we can help you.”

Emmet joins Carlisle and reaches his hand out to you. You reach to take it but hesitate and pull back. You look down and shake your head.

“I can’t-“

“You can. I did. We all did. Even jasper did. You wanna know why he acted like he did? It’s because he is new to our lifestyle. We don’t feed on humans we survive on animal blood alone. Jasper is new to that. You were a constant test for him. That is why he was so cold around you. He did it. So, can you.”

You look up at the mention of his name. You pause a moment to think.

“Okay.” You grab Emmet’s hand and the three of you rush back to the house.

The second you enter the house the whole family is staring at you. Rosalie and Alice help you clean up and get some new clothes on. Burning the bloodied ones in the process. You wait until midnight to go to Jasper’s room. You knock on the door

“Come in” shut the door behind you and lean against it.

“I need to talk to you. Somewhere the others can’t hear.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

The two of you leave through the window in his bedroom and run off into the forest. You follow him until he climbs up to the top of a tree in the center of the forest. He sits at the top leaning on one branch and you sit on another branch across from him.

“What do you need to talk about?”

“Carlisle said something when I ran off…He said that you were also new to their lifestyle and that the only reason you were cold to me was because you had to try really hard to not kill me.”

“That was part of it”

“If you were afraid to hurt me, why did you pick me up from that gas station?”

“Because you were scared, and I knew I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“How did you know that though?”

“Because I never wanted you to be one of us. You were bright, and happy. You embodied the opposite to everything we are.”

“But you didn’t have to turn me. You could have just killed me.”

“I wouldn’t do that. I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

“But Carlisle said-“

“Carlisle is wrong. Why did you ask me all the way out here for this?”

“I didn’t. There’s something else I need to ask you.”

“Ask.”

“You never lied to me right?”

“Of course not.”

“Good. Don’t start now. How hard is it?” Jasper looks at you with a sadness in his eyes, while he thinks for a second about how to answer that. Finally, he leans forward and looks you In the eyes.

“It hurts like hell. It’s agonizing. You want human blood so much you’ll go through a hundred lions and it won’t be enough to satiate you. You’ll want to give up and run away, but don’t. Because once the withdrawals subside it gets easier. It gets better.”

“one more question.”

“shoot”

“Will I be okay?”

“Yes.” You lean over to his side of the treetop and he envelops you in his arms. You both stay there for a bit. Sometimes people just need a hug, at midnight.

“Okay. Let’s go home. And don’t tell anyone about this.”

“My lips are sealed.” You looked jasper in the eyes, those golden eyes, and smile. The two of you sneak back in through the same window and Jasper distracts the others while you sneak up to your room. You lay down, knowing you won’t be sleeping again, but as you look up at your ceiling you feel like everything is going to be alright.

#jasper #jasper cullen #jasper cullen x reader #twilight #twilight fanfiction #twilight renessaince #twilight renewal

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thisspaceintentionallyleftblank · 5 years

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Try, Try Again (pt. 2)

Hi all! Chapter 1 of this fic got a really positive reception, so I’d like to make sure I thank everyone that left a like or a nice comment. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well!

Also, I’ve got an AO3 account now, so this fic should be available there as well sometime soon.

(Chapter 1)

Chapter 2 (2847 words)

“Ok, good buddy,” Rex gestured down the ship’s cavernous hallway. “Let me give you the tour.” Emmet nodded mutely, and the two began walking deeper into the bowels of the ship.

It was a truly awesome sight. Emmet felt like he couldn’t even begin to describe how incredibly cool this ship was. Everything around him seemed to whir and buzz and shine. Even the floor beneath him hummed in time with the heartbeat of the engines, their electrical power streaking around him in bundles of glowing conduits. High above them, the looming ceiling was nearly obscured by a network of criss-crossing catwalks, upon which amorphous, shadowy figures were moving quickly back and forth.

“Are those,” he asked dumbfoundedly, “real velociraptors?”

“Oh yeah.” Rex replied with a sly smile. “Turns out, raptors make a killer spaceship crew. You’ll get the chance to meet most of them while you’re here.”

Emmet squealed in excitement. “Really?!”

“Yup,” Rex answered as they turned a corner, entering an even larger room. “This,” he explained, “is the main hangar bay.” Around them, multiple small spacecrafts sat scattered about, all of them in various stages of completion. Huddled around one of them was a group of raptors, clearly hard at work repairing the little ship.

“Could I- Can I go meet them?” Emmet asked, pointing as subtly as he could towards the dinosaurs.

“Of course! Why don’t we get some introductions out of the way?” Rex clapped a hand onto Emmet’s shoulder and steered him over towards the maintenance crew.

“Emmet,” Rex started, “I’d like you to meet Reacher, Mace and Jean-Claude.” He turned to the raptors. “You three, I’d like you to meet Emmet.”

The raptors screeched back various greetings; although, the one wearing a welding helmet, presumably Jean-Claude, was rather muffled.

“Hey everybody,” Emmet gushed. “I’m like, super pumped to meet all of you.”

The raptors smiled up at Emmet as friendly as they could. Being velociraptors, their smiles consisted mostly of bared serrated teeth and a sense of predatory instinct, but Emmet didn’t really seem to mind.

“Alright, time to move along.” Rex began leading Emmet out another door in the hanger bay. “Keep up the good work, crew,” he shouted over his shoulder as they exited.

“Where are we heading now?” Emmet asked.

“The main surveillance room. It would take to long to show you every place on this ship, so I figured we could save sometime by heading there.”

At the end of this hallway sat a set of elevator doors. Rex pressed the button marked “up” and, no sooner than he had done so, the doors flung themselves open. Stepping inside, Emmet could see yet another raptor. Eagerly he hopped into the elevator carriage to introduce himself.

“Hey, there!” Emmet crowed. “My name’s Emmet. What’s yours?”

“SHARON.”

“It’s super nice to meet you, Sharon. Where do yo-” Emmet choked mid-sentence, as the elevator had begun ascending at an incredibly rapid pace. Above the door, the floor numbers were dinging on and off in a frenzy. Trying not to fall over, Emmet reached out, grabbing onto Rex’s vest.

Rex, who was seemingly have no issues maintaining his balanced, chortled. “Sorry buddy, probably should have warned you about the Veloci-Lifts, huh?”

Emmet didn’t trust himself enough to open his mouth, so he settled for a few, vigorous nods.

When the elevator finally stopped, Emmet staggered off, still clutching onto Rex with one hand. Behind them, Sharon pressed another button inside the lift and the thing took off with a tremendous whoosh, soaring still higher into the ship.

Once he’d regained his bearings, Emmet began to notice that this floor seemed to be filled with nothing but large, swiveling monitors, each of them twisting to look at the two new arrivals. In the center of the room, another raptor sat comfortably in a desk chair, munching away on a doughnut.

“This is the surveillance room?” Emmet asked in a subdued whisper.

Rex nodded, and pointed Emmet towards one of the larger screens. The image was kind of grainy, but he could still make out a room filled with shelves and cabinets that the raptors were navigating around with mixed success. “This here is weapon hangar 37, where I keep all the laser guns that go ‘pew-pew’, and this,” he tapped at the screen and the image flickered to a slightly different room, “is weapon hanger 432, where I keep the laser guns that go ‘neee-yow’.”

“An important distinction,” Emmet concurred heartily.

Rex tapped the screen again, and this time the image shifted to show a large auditorium. A wide, blank screen hung in front of the cushy-looking seats, most of which were filled with members of the crew.

“A movie theatre?” Emmet asked eagerly. “Do you guys have the film adaptation of ‘Honey, Where Are My Pants?’”

“That’s a hard no.” Rex shot Emmet a sidelong glance. “We only stock cool, mature films. You know, PG-13 kinda stuff.”

“That’s pretty hardcore.”

“Heh, not as hardcore as this!” The image changed again, revealing a smaller room stocked with a variety of workout machines and dumbells. Raptors in headbands and legwarmers were diligently lifting their weights and helping spot each other.

“Man,” Emmet muttered as he leaned in to look at the monitor curiously. “Those raptors must be really strong.”

“Pshh, not really,” Rex explained. “I had to get rid of all my really heavy weights because they were making it too hard for the ship to take off.” Rex flexed, displaying his substantial biceps and inadvertently leaning against the screen.

“Wow! Do you really have a slide in here?” Emmet cried, staring at the new image with eager fascination. “How fun is it?”

“Excuse me? Nothing on this ship is fun, kid. That right there is a tactical chute, which is way, way tougher than a slide.”

Emmet didn’t look particularly convinced. “What exactly makes it tougher?”

“I painted flames on the side.”

“That doesn’t-”

“Moving on,” Rex pressed the screen more forcefully than was perhaps necessary. “Here’s the barracks.” On screen, a number of raptors were shown sleeping peacefully in their bunks. The resolution wasn’t the best, but Emmet thought one might have been holding a teddy bear. He leaned in to look closer, but the image changed again too quickly to tell for sure.

“What’s this one?” Emmet asked. The new room had been nicely furnished with a sitting area, a kitchenette, and a few vending machines. It looked almost out of place considering the other rooms he’d seen.

“Oh, that’s just the break room.” Rex grumbled. “It’s super un-tough, so you won’t spend much time in there.”

“Why do you have it?”

“Eh, it was one of the raptor union requirements.” Rex shrugged half-heartedly. “I didn’t want to fight them on it. Plus it got Conan to stop using my mini-fridge.”

Emmet nodded seriously. “I see. I see.”

“Oh, here we go,” Rex declared as the image shifted into an aerial view of a huge room, filled to the brim with dinosaurs working at computer stations. “This is the main control bridge. We’ll be heading up there next.”

Emmet groaned. “You mean we’ll have to take the elevator again?” Rex just laughed in response and started pulling Emmet back towards the lift doors.

This time, Emmet managed to get ahold of the handrail before the lift started screaming its way upwards. Now that he wasn’t tipping over, the ride was a lot more enjoyable. It was a little bit like a roller coaster even.

Seeing the doofy grin plastered across Emmet’s face, Rex couldn’t help but think back to the first time he’d met himself. That version of Emmet had been just as impressed by the ship, the cool gadgets, and even Rex himself. It was validating in a way, to know that Rex had succeeding in becoming the best, the coolest, and the most ideal-est version of himself. For a brief moment, he considered the possibility of just staying on the ship with Emmet. Maybe this time, things would go right. This time, Emmet would see that Rex was right.

No, Rex thought, his smirk sinking into sneer. I won’t make the same mistakes twice. I’m Rex Dangervest. I don’t scare away from a tough situation or a risky plan. I’m tough enough to do this.

Eventually, the elevator came to a halt, and the doors hissed open to reveal the bridge. A few raptors looked over at their arrival curiously, but the majority remained focused on their work. Behind the rows of desks and computer monitors, the giant window displayed a picturesque view of the harsh desert outside.

“Oh my G-O-S-H gosh!” Emmet cried. “This is the coolest moment of my life. Which is saying something, because I once saved the world.”

Rex snorted, before quickly regaining his composure. “Emmet, I’d like you to meet the best pilots in the universe. I’d trust each and everyone of them with my life. Except for Rambo.” Rex turned to glare at a raptor standing at the water cooler who returned his gaze with equal animosity.

“Ooooo-kay, then.” Emmet sidled past Rex and began peering at the main console. “Man,” he exclaimed. “I never realized how many buttons a spaceship came with. Benny would love this!” He turned to look back at Rex. “Can I press any of them?”

“You can press any of them that you want. That’s part of being tough, Emmet. Taking control of a situation and just pressing every single button your little heart desires.”

Gleefully, Emmet practically danced up and down the dash, pressing nearly every button available. Each one seemed to beep or glow in their own unique manner, which only served to delight him further.

“Okay,” he panted. “What did I actually do?”

“Nothing.” Rex replied.

“What?” Emmet’s delighted grin dropped.

“The ship’s grounded, Emmet.”

“Oh,” Emmet chuckled, “I mean, yeah. I knew that. Obviously.”

The lift doors suddenly clattered open, interrupting Emmet’s poor attempt at saving face. A raptor stepped out into the room, carrying a bundle of something over to where Emmet and Rex were standing.

“Good work, Ripley.” Rex took the delivery from her, holding it up to reveal a dark blue uniform with a bright orange swatch across it.

“Whoa,” Emmet couldn’t help but admire how cool the outfit was. “What is it?”

“It’s your spacesuit, Emmet.” Rex rolled his eyes. “You can’t honestly expect to travel on this ship without one, right?” He pushed the suit into Emmet’s hands. “Now why don’t you go try it on?”

Beside him, Ripley screeched. “FOLLOW ME.”

“This is gonna look so awesome,” Emmet muttered to himself as he followed Ripley into the lift.

As he watched them leave, Rex’s smile faded, his expression quickly taking on a more serious complection.

“Bullet,” he called out, and a raptor with a clipboard and headset came over to stand by his side. “I need to talk to you about… The Contingency Plan.”

“THE ONE WHERE WE RUN AWAY, GET CONCEALING FACIAL HAIR, ADOPT NEW NAMES AND ACCENTS, AND BEGIN A NEW LIFE AS NON-TRADITIONAL COLLEGE STUDENTS, OR DO YOU MEAN THE OTHER CONTINGENCY PLAN?”

Rex stared blankly for a moment. “I- I obviously mean the other one.” He fixed Bullet with a scruntixing look, “Is that first plan even one I’ve ever suggested?”

“NO,” Bullet replied, “BUT I THOUGHT IT’D BE HELPFUL TO CLARIFY.”

Rex sighed, running a hand down his face. “Of course, you did.” He turned to face the raptor. “Could you just... write down the actual plan? I need all the raptor on board to be ready to go when I give the signal.”

“GOT IT, BOSS.”

Bullet walked back to her station, scribbling furiously at her clipboard and leaving Rex alone with his thoughts. Emmet seemed to be enjoying his time on the Rexcelsior, which was good. And the raptors had all been briefed on the general plan, so that they all knew what needed to be done in order to toughen Emmet up. This new plan for Our-mom-aggedon was perfect. Utterly flawless. Rex had only established The Contingency Plan because he’d more than learned his lesson about planning for unlikely outcomes. That’s why, he thought to himself. That’s the only reason.

“Hey, Rex!” Emmet leapt out of the elevator, and, watching him nearly bouncing in excitement, the smile came back to Rex’s face easily. “Rex,” Emmet asked, “do I look tough yet?”

“That’s an affirmative, buddy.”

Emmet beamed. “Do you have a spacesuit too? What does yours look like? Are you going to put it on?”

“Well,” Rex shrugged. “Mine’s pretty much the same as yours, except that I won’t be needing mine.”

Confusion twisted Emmet’s brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m afraid I can’t stick around, kid. I just came onboard to give you the tour. The raptors are gonna take care of the rest.” Rex smiled genially, hoping to less the disappointment.

“Oh,” Emmet’s face fell. “I was… really hoping that we’d hang out some more, that’s all.”

“Well,” Rex forced out an upbeat tone. “That’s just the way it’s gotta be. I mean, after all, someone’s gotta tell your friends that you didn’t just run off, right?”

“I guess that’s a good point.” Emmet’s crestfallen expression seemed at odds with his agreement. Once again, Rex entertained the tempting notion of staying on the ship. After all, training Emmet seemed a much more welcoming task than stepping foot into Apocalypseburg.

“Well,” Rex found himself saying. “Even though I can’t stay, we can still maintain communication with each other.” Striding over to one of the equipment cabinets bookending the dash, he opened the door and retrieved two radios.

“Here’s yours.” Rex passed one of the devices to Emmet. “The raptors all know how to use them so, uh, if you have any questions then just ask anyone.”

“Thanks, Rex.” Emmet looked down at the radio with adoration. Abruptly though, his expression shifted slightly as a new thought occurred to him.

“Hey Rex, uh, just for curiosity's sake, how long is the toughness seminar supposed to last?”

“A week,” Rex answered quickly. “Uh, give or take, that is. It depends on you really. But,” he grinned widely and leaned closer towards him, “you’re a pretty fast learner, right?”

“I’ll do my best!” Emmet returned Rex’s smile.

“I know, buddy.” Rex straightened himself and turned towards Ripley, who had been getting uncomfortable standing there unaddressed for so long. “Meet me in the super secret antechamber in two minutes. Bring the stuff.”

“ON IT, BOSS,” Ripley screeched and trotted out of the room.

“Hey, what was-”

“Emmet,” Rex interrupted. “I’m giving you free range of the ship starting now, okay?”

“Really?” His previous question vanished from Emmet’s mind, quickly superseded by the literal stars in his eyes.

“Really.” Rex gestured towards the elevator. “Now, why don’t you go make yourself at home.”

“Ok, Rex.” Emmet ran back into the elevator. “I won’t let you dow-!” His shout was cut off abruptly as the doors slammed themselves shut.

Taking a moment to steel himself, Rex began making his way to the super secret antechamber. The ship didn’t really have many private rooms, but this one had been necessary. After all, only a fool would leave relics lying out in the open.

With a practiced hand, Rex found the false panel in hallway 2-J and tapped out the intricate keycode. The panel receded into the surrounding wall, creating an opening into the dark room. As he stepped inside, the lights flicked on, revealing his motley collection.

The most prominent object, resting in the center of the room on a raised table, was a large permanent marker. The black, felt-tipped pen had been crucial for Rex’s transformation, but it wasn’t what he was looking for right now. Instead, it was a nearby tall plastic vial that housed the substance that Rex needed - yellow paint.

His hand steady, Rex dipped the applicator into the viscous liquid and, turning to a close by reflective panel for a mirror, applied the paint carefully, so as to hide his new facial features. With broad strokes he covered up his stubble, thinned out his eyebrows, and obscured his sharp cheekbones.

Next, he brushed his hair. He’d long since lost his hairbrush, so he used his fingers as best he could to part his disheveled mop of hair into the same, neat style he’d worn for so many years.

Moments later, Ripley entered the room, carrying with her the final piece of his disguise.

“Perfect,” Rex murmured as he took Emmet’s work clothes from her. “Excellent work.”

“OF COURSE.” Ripley screeched, and turned to leave.

It only took a few seconds for Rex to shrug on the new clothes, leaving his own in a heap on the floor. His new plan was finally beginning to come together now.

He stole one more look into the mirror before he left.

Emmet looked back at him with an unreadable expression.

We won’t have to do things the hard way this time, Emmet, he thought, not unless you force my hand again.

#the lego movie 2 #lego movie 2 #tlm2 #tlm2 spoilers #rex dangervest #emmet brickowski #more characters will show up next chapter I promise #also im serious about the nice comments and stuff #that really meant the world to me #<3

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davidcarner · 6 years

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Buy More High Ch 6, Emmett’s Revenge

A/N: Boy isn't everything going absolutely perfectly in this fic….Yep…Into every life some rain must fall…I must say, the one constant in this from the readers has been the question, where's Ellie. She's here, but….well…I'm sorry…Warning, some language, it's nothing you wouldn't hear at a high school, also it gets heavy…really heavy…Welcome to Ch 6, Emmett's Revenge

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, or Emmett, or Bryce Larkin, but I'm okay publicly flogging two of the three…

Chuck was on top of the world. It had been a wonderful weekend he had spent with Sarah Walker…his girlfriend. Sarah Walker, Chuck Bartowski's girlfriend. Chuck Bartwoski, Sarah Walker's boyfriend. That just sounded amazing.

"I can practically hear you squealing over there, Chuck," Sarah said, grinning.

"Sarah, I'm shocked the whole world can't," Chuck admitted, making Sarah's grin grow. "We're beating Emmett at his game, we're saving the arts programs, and we're dating, exclusively."

"Seem pretty proud of yourself, Bartowski," Sarah replied.

"Nah, it's just the love of a good woman pouring out of me," Chuck responded. His eyebrows shot up when he realized what he said, but Sarah was laughing, so he didn't worry about it. He wasn't worried about anything. He had Sarah, and that was all he needed. They pulled into the parking lot, entered the building, where they saw Beckman. She didn't look very happy.

"Mr. Bartowski, Miss Walker, my office please," she said, with a pained look on her face. They followed her, not sure what was going on. They entered the office and Emmett was already there, looking quite proud of himself.

"Steal another child's soul, Emmett?" Chuck asked. Sarah slapped his arm for him to behave.

"Mr. Bartwoski, are you and Miss Walker in a personal relationship?" Emmett asked.

"Most people have a personal relationship with other people, Emmett, it's called being friends, having a soul, you might try it," Chuck replied.

"Were you at Miss Walker's house Saturday morning?" Emmett continued.

"That's really none of your damn business," Chuck replied. "Besides, when I took this job, Principal Beckman told me she didn't care what I did on my own time, and to keep it appropriate at dances. We did."

"That was under a different administration," Emmett rebutted.

"Uh, no, you don't run the school," Chuck said, shaking his head. He stood up. "I have classes to teach."

"Sit down, Mr. Bartowski," Beckman said softly. Chuck looked at her.

"You have got to be kidding me," Chuck said. Sarah stared at Beckman.

"Sit down, Mr. Bartowski," Beckman said again. Chuck remained standing.

"You know what, no," Chuck said, making Beckman very uncomfortable. "This cannot be part of the deal. This is ridiculous, I have done everything and then some to try and make these kids lives better and you're going to let this asshole tell us what to do." Beckman's and Sarah's eyes nearly popped out of their head. Emmett grinned like a snake he was so proud of himself.

"You two are reassigned," Emmett said. Chuck laughed, straightened, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Fat chance," Chuck said. "You have no one to teach our classes."

"Oh, you're right about the classes you teach solo," Emmet said. "But I did what you said, I took the money donated by the family, and hired a teacher to teach those classes that you two taught together." Chuck looked at him.

"Okay," he said shrugging. "I get that, so do we have half the day off now?"

"Oh, no," Emmett said, quite proud of himself. "Miss Walker will be assisting Mr. Barker in English since she's a linguist." Chuck looked sick. Sarah stood, turned to Chuck, and took his hands. She looked him in the eyes to try to convey they would be okay. "Mr. Bartowski, you will assist Mr. Montgomery." Chuck nodded. "Also the new teacher I hired will run the school play and forensics. Miss Walker, you are out of the both. Mr. Bartowski, you will not be doing forensics. Miss Walker, you and Mr. Barker will chaperon dances together. Mr. Bartwoski, you and Mr. Montgomery will also chaperon dances together."

"I won't do the play," Chuck said.

"Then I guess we'll just put Bryce in charge of the flyers," Emmett said, grinning. Chuck looked over at Beckman.

"You're going to let this son of a bitch get away with this?" Chuck asked. Beckman didn't answer, she just looked away. "We built all of this Beckman, you asked us to, and now you're going to dump us?"

"Mr. Bartwoski," Emmett said, putting his hand on Chuck's shoulder. Before he could react, Sarah took his arm and twisted it behind his back.

"Keep your hands off of my boyfriend," Sarah growled.

"I see you wear the pants in this relationship, Miss Walker," Emmett said, in pain, but still taunting.

"Emmett, she can wear whatever she wants to," Chuck said, shaking his head at the terrified man. Sarah let him go, and came over to Chuck. He held her right in front of Emmett daring him to say something. "I'm disappointed Diane, I thought better of you than this." Beckman didn't answer, she just looked away.

"Now, I'd like to introduce you to your replacement," Emmett said, and walked over to the door. Beckman looked pale, and Chuck's mouth dropped when he saw the woman enter the room. "I'd like to introduce to you, Mrs. Bartowski." Chuck stared at his mother as the wheels turned in Sarah's head. "Just so you know, she is the one who helped me come up with the whole plan."

"I shouldn't be surprised," Chuck said, shaking his head. "She's all about the greater good and how the whole is more important than the parts. Great to see you, Mary," he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice

"It's Mom or Mrs. Bartowski," Mary replied.

"Nope, because you are neither one of those things," Chuck said. "It's no wonder dad left." Sarah put her hand to her mouth, stunned at Chuck. He always found the good in people, but this, this was something he had never seen.

"Watch your tone with me, young man," Mary snapped.

"What exactly are you going to do? Not be there for me? Tell me to broaden my horizons and learn how to do something myself? Put everyone else in front of your children?" Chuck asked. "I knew it was a mistake to ask for your help, you haven't changed a lick." He turned to Emmett. "I was wrong, Emmett. I don't know your mom, so I don't know if you're a son of a bitch or not, but I am." Sarah's mouth dropped, and Mary stiffened in shock. Chuck turned to Beckman. "It appears I've come down with something and instead of throwing up on you, I'm taking the day off," and he walked out of the office.

"Since I've been with him in every conceivable way for the past 48 hours, I've probably got it too," Sarah said, and followed after him.

"That went well," Emmett said.

"Get out of my office you slimy son of a bitch," Beckman yelled. Emmett fled. Beckman stared at Mary. "Did you learn nothing?" Mary gave Beckman a frosty look, turned, and left. Beckman sat there a minute and picked up the phone. "We have a problem," she said. "Will you help?"

Outside, Sarah was hurrying to catch up with Chuck. He was tall, pissed, and was covering ground in a hurry.

"Chuck, will you wait!" she yelled. Chuck turned, surprised to see her.

"Sarah, you have to go back. This isn't your problem." She caught up with him, with an eyebrow raised. An amused smile came to her face as she saw Chuck process the look on her face and rethink what he had said. She took his hands in hers.

"Chuck Bartowski, you are my boyfriend, and whatever problems are yours, are mine, that's the way things work," she said. Chuck nodded, and looked in the direction of the office he had just came from, anger covering his face.

"Yeah, I know that," he said. "I had to learn that on my own, since I had no one to teach me." Sarah wondered just what happened to him and Ellie. He looked down at her. "Sorry, when she's around it drags up old reflexes. Mine has always been to run. You know, it's funny, I want everyone to like me, except one person. The one who gave birth to me. I just want her to stay out of my life."

"Come'ere," she said, pulling him into a hug. "I don't know what you grew up with, you know a little of what I grew up with, but as long as we're together, my promise to you is this, your problems are my problems."

"Literally," he muttered, causing her to chuckle. He pulled away, cupped her cheek in his hand, and leaned his forehead against hers. "I make you the same promise. Now, I owe you a story, but not here, you mind taking me to that coffee shop you like?" He pulled away, she nodded, took his hand, and led him out of the school. They passed a senior who was just coming in, and she grinned at Sarah.

"Get it, Miss Walker," she said, holding up her hand. Sarah high-fived her and looked over at Chuck who looked a bit proud of himself. They got in the car, drove to the coffee shop, ordered, took their seats, when Chuck hopped up and said he wanted to wash off his face for a second. He left his phone on the table. Sarah knew his code, he had given it to her. She never wanted to be that person, but she knew he needed someone more than her right now. She made a decision, right or wrong, picked up the phone, smiled at the picture of them as his lock screen, unlocked it, and made a phone call.

"Chuck, everything okay?" Ellie asked.

"Ellie, it's Sarah."

"Sarah…THE Sarah Walker?" Ellie asked. It sounded like she was vibrating, but that wasn't possible, was it? "Is something wrong?"

"Kinda, Mary was hired at the high school," Sarah began.

"Where are you?" Ellie asked. "Does he know that you called?"

"No," Sarah began.

"You did the right thing," Ellie told her. She really hoped Chuck saw it the same way. Sarah told her where they were. They disconnected, Sarah put down the phone, and waited. Chuck came out of the bathroom, sat down, and looked…well…flustered.

"I need to tell you a lot," he began. "I just have trouble doing it, Ellie should be here. I should call her."

"I already did," Sarah said, looking down and deciding to just plow through this. "I understand if you're mad at me, but I did it because I don't know what you're going through, and she does, and the way you talk about her, like she's your actual mom, but your sister, and-" Chuck laid his hand over hers, and she looked up at him. He had an understanding smile on his face.

"Thank you," Chuck said softly. It was a few minutes later when a hurricane blew in the door. Sarah was taken aback. Here was this doctor, woman who had been like a mother to Chuck, and from what Chuck had told Sarah had one of the kindest souls she had ever heard of. To top it off, Ellie was simply elegant. Beauty, grace, and Bartowski charm. Sarah stood to shake her hand, and was gathered in a full on hug.

"Thank you," Ellie muttered, pulled away, studied her, and smiled. "Chuck, you didn't do this woman justice."

"How do you really describe her?" Chuck asked. Ellie shrugged, having to agree with him. They all sat, Ellie beside Sarah. Chuck told Ellie what happened, with Sarah filling in when he got a little embarrassed with what he had said. Ellie sighed.

"So, I guess you need the full story to understand this," Ellie said.

"I mean, yes, but it's your story, the two of you," Sarah said. "It's not my place."

"Sarah, you're family," Ellie said simply. The grin on Chuck's face read, "don't even bother fighting her, you will lose."

"Okay," Sarah said, an amused smile on her face. Ellie nodded.

"Let's be fair, Mom has no business being a mother," Ellie began.

"None," Chuck agreed. Sarah watched and listened to the two. There was no bile or hatred, they were just stating facts.

"Mom was very good at teaching, I believe you call it pedagogy," Ellie said. Sarah looked at Chuck, her eyes narrowing.

"Okay, that makes sense," she muttered. Chuck looked away, his ears red.

"Oh, I know what he did that first day," Ellie said, smacking his arm.

"Ow," he said, rubbing it, but grinning at the both of them. Ellie wasn't mad, she was shaking her head.

"He reverts because of her sometimes," Ellie explained.

"Is it gonna be one of those conversations like I'm not in the room, because if so I can leave," Chuck said. Ellie and Sarah both glared at him. He gulped. "Right, shutting up."

"Mom's very…clinical," Ellie said. Chuck nodded. "She doesn't think Chuck can ever be an effective teacher because he cares too much, empathizes with his students."

"That's why they love him," Sarah said. "I'm sorry, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, how does she connect with them?"

"Mom, has these great projects that excite kids into learning, Chuck goes about it a different way," Ellie explained. "What Chuck, USUALLY," she said, turning to him and faux glaring. "Does, is try to reason with her there is no one way."

"He's right," Sarah said. "Some students do have trouble connecting with Chuck's way of teaching, but his enthusiasm and infectiousness usually makes all the students interested and want to try." Ellie beamed. Ellie looked over at Chuck, who nodded.

"Mom wasn't always this bad," Ellie began. "She met dad, who was a lot like Chuck in his affection for others." Chuck smiled and looked away. "Mom…tried. Even then she had trouble sometimes connecting with us, but she tried, really hard. She put everything into teaching and trying to be a good mom." Ellie sighed. "Of course she tried to do things very precise, exact, and with a schedule, and I flourished in that environment…Chuck…."

"Oh dear God," Sarah blurted out, causing both of the Bartowskis to laugh. "That must have been awful." Ellie smiled.

"He was more hardheaded back then," Ellie said, making Sarah wince. "But, it worked…until…" Chuck reached over and squeezed Ellie's hand.

"It wasn't your fault," he said softly. Ellie nodded, tears in her eyes.

"You have to understand, Sarah, back then, there wasn't a lot of stuff about mental health. There wasn't the training, and I know there's so little now, but teachers didn't have all the tools they needed," Ellie said. Worry began to gather in Sarah's stomach. "Mom was working with a student, and the student said she needed more time with her. I had soccer practice…." She trailed off, her eyes full of tears.

"When they found her the next morning," Chuck began. "Well…" Chuck turned away, tears in his eyes.

"Suicide?" Sarah whispered. Chuck nodded.

"It was an absolute tragedy, but Mom took it too far," Ellie said. "She pulled away from her family. She had been close with the student. The student wrote a note that basically said Mom was the last person who cared about her, but it was obvious her kids would always come before her students."

"She pulled away from us, from Dad, from her friends," Chuck said, looking down. "Suzy Mathis was my mother's favorite student, and she killed herself, and mom swore it would never happen again no matter what it took."

"We had been taught by her for years, we had a father, we were fine," Ellie said, mimicking their mother. "She needed help, Sarah, and she managed to hide it all by working so hard at school. All they saw was the best teacher they had turning it up another notch, losing herself in the work, but the school was winning awards." Sarah shook her head and blew out a breath.

"It was about a year later, dad gave up and left," Chuck said. "He tried to take us, but, she fought him and won. She was never there. Ellie had to raise me, because I was clueless. I mean let's be honest, I'm barely on solid foods myself, now." Both women laughed. Tears were still in everyone's eyes. "Thanks, Sis."

"Anytime, Chuck," she said, smiling. "You're Aces, Charles." Chuck smiled back at her. She turned to Sarah. "So, that's why I was so excited to find out about you two, and why he was hesitant to have you meet me, because we have a huge bond, but sometimes I have to explain it, and it scares people."

"What person in their right mind would run away from you two?" Sarah asked.

"She needs to heal," Chuck said softly. "I love her still, I'm just so angry."

"Chuck, you have to go back," Sarah said. "To the play."

"Sarah," Chuck began.

"Don't do what dad did," Ellie said gently. Chuck stopped moving, shut his eyes, and nodded.

"I need to stay for them," Chuck said.

"And for me," Sarah added, her voice full of life. Chuck looked at her. "Hey, I'm gonna toot my own horn, I basically did all the hard work, she's coming in and getting the glory, but whatever, we know who did the work. Make me look good, Chuck."

"Sarah, you don't need any help there," Chuck said. Sarah turned to Ellie.

"See, that's why I keep him around," Sarah said, grinning. She turned back to Chuck. "Now, don't worry about Cole, I promise he's got nothing compared to my boyfriend." Ellie beamed. "She does know we're dating…exclusively?" Ellie cleared her throat and Chuck grinned.

"What's the plan?" Ellie asked. Sarah shrugged.

"No plan," Sarah replied. "Our hands are tied. Emmett took the Carter's money and hired your mom with it, split us up, and fired us from the extracurriculars."

"Dr. Carter?" Ellie asked.

"I guess," Chuck replied.

"Okay, Dr's orders," Ellie said, grinning. "You two go enjoy the day, worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." Chuck and Sarah said their good-byes, and headed to their car. Ellie got in her car, pulled out her phone, and made a call. "Dr. Carter, Dr. Woodcomb here. I'm good, I just wanted to let you know what happened after you donated the money to what is now Buy More High. How? I'm Chuck Bartowski's sister. I'll be glad to meet you at the hospital," she said, and hung up grinning. "Nobody messes with my brother, Emmett," she said, as she drove off.

A/N: Ooof….David giveth…David taketh away…sorry to be so heavy, and yes, I do know of a very similar story that happened…next time, we have a big fight coming to see who rules the school…(psst it's me, it will be alright)…til next time…hope you enjoyed it!

#Chuck #Sarah #Charah #fanfic #fanfiction #Buy More High School

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quarantinemansionofficial · 4 years

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Prologue

“Okay,” Principal Tucker started. “Let’s do a roll call to make sure everybody’s here?”

The eight boys nodded. They were all in the Principal’s office which they all barely managed to fit in.

Five minutes ago, they were all called to go there through the school’s intercom. But it was not explained why they were beckoned. Yet.

Principal Tucker cleared her throat and called, “Emalia, Mason?”

“Here,” replied a tall blonde, standing from his seat just to show respect. He wasn’t usually this polite. He was one of the troublemakers at their school. To prove it, he lit fireworks at their school’s pep rally “just to have a little fun.” If he wasn’t the star player at their basketball team, he would’ve been dismissed by Coach already.

“Jackso-”

“Hello!” waved a “unique”-looking boy who sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. He had piercings almost everywhere: two on his lower lip, a stud on his right eyebrow, three on his right ear, and five on his left ear. He was troublemaker number two, but different. Aside from helping Mason smuggle fireworks into school, he also helps him with “other situations.” Let’s just say that he’s a sly Beta who knows his way into every man’s undies. Rumor has it that he once slept with one of the teachers, who of which was at least three times older than him.

Principal Tucker cleared her throat again, trying her best not to get upset with how she was rudely cut off and called “Emmet, Lee?”

“Present!” replied a strawberry blonde-haired almost-midget in a small voice (he somehow managed to find a seat far away from the others where he could still be seen). He’s always been humiliated because of his appearance: small and dorky. But behind all that, he’s a genius with grades off the charts. His GPA may have been even higher than Jax on ecstasy. He was raised to act this way by his father, who he rarely talks about. Though everybody admired how far ahead he is academically, they wouldn’t think the same when it came to his personality. He could be a real jerk if you got on his nerves, but it would be hilarious if you blew his fuse. His voice would get all squeaky and high, like an angry mouse.

“Blueburn, Isaac?”

“Here!” smiled an adorable Omega who you would probably mistake as a peanut. He was the school’s sweetheart, the nicest person you’ll ever meet. He’s made friends with almost everyone in the building because he’s just too nice, it’s frightening. Lee somehow dislikes him, and Blue has no idea why.

“Otto, William?”

“Present, Ma’am,” answered a well-built senior who’d make you want to question why he was still in high school when he looked way older. Will was used to that. Plus, he couldn’t blame you for thinking that way because he did look at least thirty years old. This was because his hormones were… odd. They made him look older and manlier because he was a “pure” Alpha. But he wasn’t just all that. He was a decent human being who knew how to sympathize, empathize, and communicate with the people around him. He was friendly and loyal. Sure, he had abs that could bite, but he didn’t allow that to be the reason why he should be like the other Alphas who were oblivious and overcome with pride. He wanted to make sure that he would stand out and be good for not only his peers but also for himself. It was the least he could do.

“Otto, Caleb?”

The boys looked among themselves, but couldn’t find Caleb anywhe-

Just then, a boy in all-black raised his hand and cleared his throat. Everyone turned to where it came from: the darkest corner of the room. And there he was, sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees as he buried his face in them.

Caleb was a peculiar kid. He wasn’t Will’s biological brother. His parents only adopted him when he was eleven years old. Nobody knew where he came from or who raised him. All they knew was that he had a deeply cut wound in him that just kept getting bigger and bigger as he grew older. It didn’t even show that he was an Alpha anymore. If you tried to compare him to Will, you would see a big difference; it was obvious that they weren’t brothers. But Will tries his best to be a good big brother to him, and he appreciates that.

“Wyatt, Robinson?”

“Present,” smiled a tan young man with dark hair tied in a man bun. Robbie was a charming one. He was part-Filipino and for some reason, people found that attractive. If people weren’t crushing on Will or Mason, they would be crushing on him. One of the boys in the room has had a crush on him for a long, long time. Wanna know who it is? It’s-

“Grenfield, Caspian?”

“H-here,” stuttered our one and only Caspian Grenfield. He had disheveled brown hair, round glasses, the brains to get to Harvard, and anxiety that would probably kill him if he didn’t get out of there soon. He was a hard-working, determined student who did all he could to avoid trouble, and being here at the principal’s office scared him to death. Do you know what else scared him to death? Having to sit beside his childhood—and up to now—crush, Robbie. He didn’t want to end up beside him, and Robbie even had the choice to sit somewhere else; and he still ended up sitting right beside him. He ended up feeling light-headed and nauseated. His face heated up and his stomach felt funny. Let me die, let me die, let me die~ he kept repeating in his mind. It was almost unbearable.

“Seems like we’re all here, yes?” their Principal finally finished.

All the boys showed their signs of agreement; this was Principal Tucker’s cue to continue.

“Then let’s begin,” she said, straightening herself up. “I gathered you eight here today to discuss a rather unusual matter.”

“Excuse me, Miss?” Jax said, raising his hand to get their principal’s attention. “How unusual are we talking about here?”

“I guarantee that you’ll find out in a bit if you let me speak,” answered Tucker.

“Boom,” muttered Mason, jokingly.

“Oh, shut up, Emalia. I’ll be back for you later,” said Jax.

“Damn right you will,” smirked Mason.

“You sly-“

“Ahem,” coughed Tucker, sternly.

The boys straightened up and muttered a “sorry, Miss.”

“As I was saying,” Principal Tucker finally continued. “This concerns the upcoming prom and the charity funds.”

“Oh no,” Blue gasped.

“No, Blue, it’s good news,” Tucker clarified. “We recently discovered that we raised more money than expected and couldn’t find any other charities to donate to.”

“Nice,” Will said, grinning.

“Exactly,” Tucker agreed. “And that is why I called you boys in to ask if you could organize an event to use all that money for.”

“Wait,” Lee paused. “What?”

All eight boys were scratching their heads and replaying it in their minds. This was all too confusing because the prom wasn’t until a few more months. It was unusual indeed.

“Ma’am,” Robbie started. (Caspian could’ve sworn he felt his lungs stop functioning for a second.) “Couldn’t the school have just kept it instead as pocket-money or something?”

“Well,” Tucker said. “We’ve thought of that, but the school has had a good year. It was unnecessary to keep that much money in our hands. Plus, it might also get stolen. That’s why we decided to put it to good use instead.”

“Touché,” Blue shrugged.

“Anyways-“ Principal Tucker pushed herself back, rolling her chair farther away from her desk, and leaned down to pick something up. She got back up with eight yellow pieces of paper and handed them to the boys who got one and passed among their selves-“Those include anything else you have to know about this event and the permission slips you’ll have to let your parents sign. You can submit them to your homeroom teacher.”

“Excuse me, Ma’am,” Lee said, holding the paper. “But it says here that we will be staying at an Airbnb for a week. May I ask if that’s true?”

“Yes, Mister Emmit,” Principal Tucker chuckled. “You will be accompanied by Miss Sara Leslie at the Airbnb.”

“Why do we need to be in an Airbnb?” Mason asked, furrowing his brows.

“Have you tried studying in the library?” Lee blurted out, almost angrily. “It’s impossible to keep your thoughts straight.”

“Thank you, Mister Emmit,” Principal Tucker hushed.

Caspian scanned the paper. He couldn’t believe what he was reading. One week? Airbnb? With five more strangers? The thoughts circled his mind so intensely, it made him feel even more nauseated than before. He tried telling himself that he was overreacting and that he shouldn’t worry too much.

Was this really happening?

…And that’s how they ended up here, in front of the Airbnb.

next chapter in seven days...

-marothy

#quarantine mansion #gay #original fiction #lgbt+

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dancergurl3000 · 6 years

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My year in review! 12/31/17 (In books, the books that I have read in the year 2017). An essay.

In the year 2017, I have read 23 books in total. I will review some of them that I did like, and others, not so much.

1. Kathy Griffin’s second memoir, “Celebrity Run-Ins, A-Z.” Last year I had bought this specific book as a Christmas present to myself. 2017 has been a totally shitty year for Ms. Griffin. In May, she posted to Facebook.com a picture of a Halloween mask with ketchup smeared all over it, and once it spread, it spread like wildfire. She lost a lot of her coveted jobs: CNN fired her the following week from the New Year’s Eve broadcast that she would do with Anderson Cooper, literally the only thing fun about New Year’s Eve was watching her make Anderson Cooper do weird shit in the freezing cold. It was a bad call, but not one I would say is on the same level with Kramer yelling the “N-word” to an audience member for heckling him at a stand up show. She’s literally on the FBI terror watch list now, lost her sister due to a significant and long battle with cancer, and cut all of her hair off. She’s Janice Ian in Middle School, with Trump being Regina George. It’s ridiculous, but if anyone can come back from a tasteless joke, it’s Kathy. Like Jane Fonda, she’s had (in Kathy’s own words mind you): “ a wall of shit fall in on her, and she’s survived, I dig her!” My sentiments on exactly on how I feel about YOU Ms. Kathy Griffin. What I hope for Ms. Kathy Griffin in 2018 is that she gets her revenge. Whether it’s a revenge body, or a revenge stand up set that knocks it out of the park, I would hope honestly that this isn’t the last we’ve seen of her, and that in 2018 she makes fun of the truly dumb as shit New Year’s Eve broadcast with cross-eyed as fuck Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper tonight. And no I am not watching it.

2. Charles M. Blow’s Memoir “Fire Shut Up in my bones.” The first ten pages of this novel made me want to scream into the heavens: “HOW COULD YOU?!” to his cousin, who he tells in intimate detail mind you of how his cousin raped him when he was a kid, and for most of his life, he tries to figure out why, and how in the world did he let this happen, and what he did to bring this on. In the first 20 pages of the novel, we see him struggle with maybe trying to kill his cousin for his crimes, as his cousin was never charged with sexual abuse. But the main problem I have with that was: his cousin was much much older than Charlie. And it damaged this particular writer for LIFE. I’ve read a lot about sexual abuse, and sexual abuse victims/survivors all say a variation of the same thing: that basically it affected them for life. He then goes on to become the first Black Historical writer for The NY Times, and finds himself struggling to tell people his secret, mainly the women he has sex with. Wouldn’t you?

3. TA- Neishi Coates Memoir “Between the world and Me.” In 2017, I FINALLY was able to read this novel. It’s the love letter of our time. It also proves to me at least, that even with 8 years of a Black President, cops honestly have some work to do with how they treat young black men in this country. And body cams don’t change behaviors.

4. Trevor Noah’s Memoir “Born a Crime.” This novel I bought in February after nursing a bad heart-ache for someone who had rejected me, and I wanted to honestly dive into Trevor Noah’s world for a while. And while he’s unfortunately no Jon Stewart, what he is is very funny. His stand up sets are exactly like this novel, and his work on the daily show right now is so necessary. We all need to be laughing more and more right now, and I appreciate Trevor to let his audience know: that it’s totally OK to be laughing AT Trevor, and WITH him. Please read this book.

5. “A horse walks into a bar” by David Grossman. I didn’t get this one. I finished it, but I didn’t really understand it.

6. “Sick in the head” by Judd Apatow. As probably the only man in Hollywood who literally HASN’T* pinched a woman’s ass on set, I appreciated Judd’s candor here, and his ability to basically get in the mind of a comic. He’s like the journalist who followed around rock stars in the 1970′s. Totally reminds me of the dude in “Almost famous” who interviewed rock stars, instead this guy just followed and stalked Jerry Seinfeld before anyone knew who Jerry Seinfeld was. (Side-note: Jerry in the 80′s never had any furniture in his NYC apartment).

7. “Difficult Women” by Roxanne Gay. This was the first novel I read by Gay, and it was awesome, sad, depressing, understandable, & relatable. I read it in March when it was too cold to do anything else but read, and it really took me on a journey of fictional women who have very difficult lives. It’s a modern take on what women go through every single day.

8. “All grown up” by Jami Attenberg, my first E-book! I bought this book for my phone, and devoured it, bit by bit, page, by page. It’s really a great book. It follows the main character in her 30′s: aimless, a bit of an alcoholic, and totally removed from anyone in society or her family. She’s a journalist or a writer in NYC, and her older brother has a child who’s dying. She’s drinking herself to death, and her mother just wants to know where she is at all times, and she’s like meh. No. I really liked it. It shows you what’s going on in someone else’s mind when they are just too caught up in their own problems to do anything about anyone else’s.

9. “The Refugees” by Viet Than Nguyen, yeah I read this one, but I didn’t love it, I liked it fine, but it didn’t have a rhythm to it at all. Wasn’t really all that much of a page turner, it’s not riveting enough.

10. “Evicted, Poverty, and Profit in the American City”, by Matthew Desmond. Now this book! This book was a page turner, might be one of my favorites of the year! I read it in April-May of 2017 this past year, and it honestly tells the tales of poor people in this country and what they will have to go through to keep a roof over their heads. It’s riveting, depressing, sad, and honestly? A necessary read in Trump’s world.

11. Augusten* Burrough’s “Lust and Wonder.” This book made me LAUGH. I read it in June, June of 2017, and Burroughs is really not known for being funny. He is known for being depressing and sad. My mom has read “Dry” like a zillion times! But this book was both funny, and heartwarming! It warmed my heart! Honestly was confused as to who wrote this one, it honestly could be confused with a David Sedaris novel because it is just so funny. I was laughing out loud literally the whole way through!

12. “La Fayette in the somewhat United States” by Sarah Vowell. I have wanted to read this ever since she came on the daily show, and this year I did! Lay Fayette really had a lot of political aspirations, not only that, but he is the man who truly holds American ideals, and American Idealism in the palm of his hand. I enjoy Vowell’s work. And she wrote this during the 2010 Government shut down, which is impressive, to say the least!

13. “The Princess Diarist” by Carrie Fisher.

14. “A $500 House in Detroit, rebuilding an Abandoned Home and an American City” by Drew Phillip. Good read, depressing though!

15. “Sweet bitter.” By Stephanie Danler, this is a necessary read if you want to make it* as a 20 something bartender in NYC.

16. Neil Degrasse Tyson “Astrophysics for people in a hurry.” A delight, a true delight! Made me want to be in Astronomy class all over again! Read it in a week in May.

17. “Hunger” by Roxanne Gay. Signed first edition, this was a necessary read. I literally had no idea about Gay’s back story, and I’m sure her parents had no idea either. She was gang raped by a boy she loved at 12, and went on to eat and eat and eat to then later cope with the PTSD and depression that comes after a significant trauma. I encourage everyone to read this book, not for the fact that she gained so much weight, but for the fact that she didn’t think she could tell literally anyone that she was gang raped.

18. “The blood of Emmet Till” by Timothy Tyson. Ugh. This book. It takes you through the journey of what happened to Emmet Till, and the people’s lives it affected, and the author spends some time with either the real woman who said that Till raped her, or wolf whistled at her, or her grand child. The takeaway for her was this: “yes he whistled at me, or yes I cried rape, but honestly?” “That boy did not deserve what he got for that.”

19. “Letterman, the last Giant of Late Night” by Jason Zinoman. This book was fun, and it showed what those TV wars between Leno and Letterman were actually like. He may be an asshole that David Letterman, but he keeps you laughing, so it’s less dangerous!

20. “The Daily Show, an Oral History” by Chris Smith. I am so glad I own this book. It’s 407 pages long, but it takes you behind the scenes of the daily show. Watching Jon Stewart’s last show, I own it, but I honestly can’t watch it without sobbing. It just can’t happen. “BULLSHIT!” “Is everywhere!” “Are the kids still here?!” “OK, we’ll deal with that later!”

END OF READING GOAL. BONUS: Read 5 more books!

21. “Standard Deviation” by Katherine Heiny. SUCKED.

22. Al Franken’s “Giant of the Senate.” Too long haha.

23. “I am the messenger” by Markus Zusack*, (comfort reading, I’ve read this book before).

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platatoandsoquoquediscovern-blog · 6 years

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Soquoque discovers:

My thoughts while watching twilight breaking dawn part 2, in 100 sentences or less

1. WHY ARE THE OPENING CREDITS SO LONG?

2. Lol Bella is a vampire now, SURPRISE.

3. AAAAH CGI PANTHER IS CGI

4. Also, a panther? Really Bella? Way to overachieve

5. Ew ew, CGI baby is CGI and really fucking weird looking

6. Bella is about to beat Jacobs butt (also why does he take so long to tell her that he imprinted on her infant. Bruh this is not the moment to be vague)

7. Kristen Stewart angry is only slightly more expressive then everyday Kristen Stewart

8. Baby had feelings for Jacob in the womb

9. Ah no Seth… Sam..? the brown werewolf

10. Shortest fight EVER

11. Also, anyone notice how he calls her Ness once and then literally never again.

12. Aaaaah CGI baby is still heavily CGI

13. I feel like part of Bella’s reason for being in this movie is to just point out all the stuff about vampires we already know since this is the fifth fucking movie. E.g. “vampires don’t sleep”

14. Tbh this movie has a really good soundtrack, and a lot of sparkle effects

15. There she goes again pointing shit out “we don’t get tired” yeah Bella, we fucking know

16. Directors message to Jacob was “eat this sandwich and stare out of the window longingly” and Taylor Lautner was like “I got this”

17. Why didn’t Jacob know the entire plan? Like what did they expect him to do. I would totally go and wolf out in front of Bella’s father if I got this totally out of the blue news

18. I fucking love Charlie man. And Taylor Lautner’s work out programme.

19. Was the acting always this bad? Also did Edward always sound like he was from Boston, New York?

20. Lol these vampires seriously overestimate what we as a human species notice about each other. Move your shoulders so it looks like you’re breathing? You know how often I notice if people are breathing? Never

21. Carlisle got tan-ish. I like it

22. Kristen Stewart pretending to be Bella pretending to be a human-being-like Kristen Stewart is a sight and a half

23. Charlie took all of this crap a lot better than they gave him credit for. Also, was he even in the Part 1? Or is this whole concerned dad act only present when the script calls for it?

24. Bella makes promises she can’t keep

25. Bells? Bells? Nope don’t even try to pull that surprise nickname thing Chuck. Also, aaaaah CGI baby is back. Again I ask, why couldn’t they JUST USE A NORMAL HUMAN BABY. YOU MADE A SHIT TON OF MONEY TWILIGHT, BUT YOU COULDN’T SPRING FOR A ACTUAL BABY (ASSUMING THEY ARE ALSO PAIID ACTORS OBVIOUSLY)

26. The movie has time for a Bella vs Emmet arm wrestling match in case you forgot that new-borns are stronger than their aged vampire counter parts

27. “That’s right bitches, I sparkle too now” – Bella, circa 2012

28. “we shake hands now you forgive us for trying to kill the girl you loved and her baby. Yes?” “Yes.”

29. Also, wtf is Reneesme and why do we only see this really high jumping power once and never again?

30. Also, also, fuck Irina.

31. Also, also also AAAAAAAH CGI EIGHT-YEAR-OLD IS CGI

32. Yay, the Edward piano solo I was waiting for… said literally no one ever

33. Damn she got to Rome fast.

34. Also, the Voltari man. If you look up creepy old guys in the dictionary you will see their picture, posing like Charlie’s angels

35. Can we run through Alice’s plan really quickly? She has this vision that the Voltari are ‘coming for them’ and then she, the fucking future see-er just bounces? Leaving them all to their own devices? Like what a dick move Alice- and yeah yeah I get that she needed to go find that other vampire-human hybrid and shit but a heads up would have been nice

36. Also, “Vampire sex?” “No, too graphic.” “Throwing babies into fires?” “Yeah, that should be fine.”- the producers, probably

37. Does Rosalee… Rosaline… Nikki Reed’s character, only have like five lines in this entire movie?

38. Oh, look it’s those two shock ladies and that one brunette lady.

39. AAAAH CGI 8-YEAR-OLD- YOU GET THE POINT

40. Wow do all vampires overreact like this

41. she touches their faces and now everything’s fine (even though they tried to kill her like 2 seconds ago)

42. Yaaaaay Rami Malek. Look at the nature man go.

43. Benjamin is the bestest

44. Random safari ladies are fucking random… but appreciated

45. Mentions the unpredictability of the nomad Peter… nothing happens ever again

46. We have eighteen people, yay

47. You don’t want to fight Allister? Then why are you here dude

48. Its CGI jungle within a CGI jungle- its CGI-CEPTION

49. Ooooooh, she’s a shield…. We knew that but okay

50. The Russians are coming, the Russians are coming

51. I thought Jacob was supposed to be the smart wolf… why is he hopelessly jumping at trees he can’t climb?

52. Cedric Diggory: Hufflepuff, piano player, vegetarian, prize speech giver.

53. Lol Bella stood up like she has a choice in whether to fight or not. Its your child babe, you best fight.

54. Sudden introduction to Jane’s psycho brother Alec is sudden

55. You’re telling me the Voltari found this one chump who couldn’t get to Carlisle house in time? That’s convenient

56. And thus, commences Bella’s training, which lasts like five minutes before she totally has that shit down. And henceforth to the battlefield

57. Also, Edward and Emmet make this scene… and the entire movie really

58. Oh right, Reneesme is in this movie… forgot about her. Thanks for the bedtime story reading time thing twilight makers

59. Bella: new-born, question-asker, part time Sherlock Holmes. Also, Edward GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER MAN. YOUR CHILD’S LIFE IS AT STAKE

60. Ah Charlie, poor, hopeless, oblivious Charlie.

61. Bella sits in a restaurant while her child’s life hangs in the balance

62. Also, AH, ITS RACHEL ZANES FATHER

63. Bella has some seriously crappy handwriting… also goodbye Allister, we all knew you wouldn’t last

64. Look at that, Charlie has a girlfriend. And I don’t care

65. Uhm I got up and left for like 3 minutes and now… campfire? Okay cool.

66. These stories are really freaking depressing…. anyone know any good Dracula stories?

67. Father- son bonding moments for the win.

68. But side note, Edward never thanked Carlisle once for saving his life? Not even once? Dick move Cullen, dick move.

69. Dum dum duh dum… landscapes, snow, so…many…vampires

70. I love how they all stand in nice little groups just to really emphasise how pathetic the Cullen Army is compared to the monstrosity that is the Voltari

71. Remove the hoods of our coats so they know we mean business

72. Hey Carlisle, if you move closer you won’t have to yell

73. If there was ever a time to vampire speed run, IT WOULD BE NOW EDWARD

74. Question: what exactly is Aro’s ability again? He can read a persons past? Their minds? Their hands?

75. “Emmet, you and Jacob in the back. Edward and I will protect her from the side. Ready? Break” – Bella probably

76. Dude, I will never get over Aro’s creepy as shit laugh. Like we get it dude, you’re batshit crazy, no need to scare the kids.

77. These Voltari don’t play around… they brought torches and everything. Also, oh no that lady that betrayed the Cullen’s is dead…but on the plus side Bella is actually being useful for once so yay?

78. “Suck on my awesome shield making powers bitch”- Bella, probably again

79. Lol Aro stopped Alec from unleashing his slow ass fog on the Cullen’s like it was going to make a difference?

80. Such…a long…speech

81. Alice is back yay… took her sweet ass time getting here though. Also, WHY IS NO ONE VAMPIRE RUNNING?

82. Okay so a summary of the events taking place right now: everything is going to shit. Carlisle is dead (not gonna lie, the first time I watched this movie I lost my shit when that happened) and basically everyone is killing everyone. But obvs the Cullen’s have to win or else what is the point although all logic would say that they really shouldn’t because they have eighteen fucking vampires and the Voltari have like…a lot more than eighteen but hey, Cullen’s for the win

83. “Aaaaaaaaand it was all an illusion suckers. Fuck you for thinking we would kill Carlisle, we love that guy” – the maker of twilight, probably.

84. Hey there’s that Brazilian vampire-human hybrid dude that’s going to save the day. Woohoo

85. Oh, so NOW they vampire run. Fucking stupid ass Voltari

86. Lol another father-son bonding moment. Easy there son Jacob, respect your dad

87. Aww look at the happy family on the CGI beach.

88. And now folks, a recap of the past four movies… you know, just in case you missed it.

89. Is it just me or are they just making up Bella’s ‘abilities’ as we go along. What, now she can remove her shield and let Edward read her mind. Fuck off twilight people.

90. Also, AAAAHHHH its younger, creepier Edward

91. And just like that, the end of an era. So long you sparkly sons of bitches

92. So…many…end credits. (I do love this song though)

93. Wait, is Booboo Stewart related to Kristen Stewart? Please hold while I Google this

94. He’s not.

#twilight breakingdawnpart2 teamedward honesty funny allgoodfun

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caityamyvr-blog · 6 years

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My thoughts while watching Breaking Dawn Part 2: in up to 100 sentences