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spicyvampire · 3 months

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Okay so after the whole Sakuna/Wansarut and Phaya/Tharn "characters description" fighter (protector)/healer+protector(mediator) post, now imma talk about about our resident Snake (PhD), Doctor Chalothorn being a fighter and well how do you convince a fighter to not fight?

I've already made a whole gifset about this but I needed to put the stuff into words cuz u just can't say everything in a gifset so this post is gonna be about a few things, first of all, the way Charlothorn's goals shifted in the last 2 episodes, from wanting to kill Phaya so he can have Tharn, to wanting to save Tharn and Phaya's end not really mattering anymore, and second of all Tharn's role in this shift and where have we saw something similar to this shift before aka Wansarut and Sakuna and how Wansarut even did that

Same disclaimer as the last one applies : pulling this out of my ass from watching the show, these are raw out-of-order thoughts, ill try my best to separate but like the last post because I'm going to have to go back and forth between Wansarut (love of my life, talking about Wansarut has to be my favorite activity rn), Sakuna, Tharn (smooching him smooching him), Phaya and Chalothorn this might get hard to follow but hey that's what it's like inside my brain so welcome to the mess

Putting it under keep reading

So like I said in the last post, Chalothorn is a fighter, like you can't get more fighter than this, the man is literally the prince/ruler of Nagas and he is right in the middle of the battle field anytime there is a fight to be had, and like I said in Sakuna's part of the post he is a level that can probably can only be rivaled by Sakuna's brother, you can't be a higher level of Naga fighter from what I understand, so like how do you fight this man if you are Wansarut and Sakuna? (ep. 8)

Keep in mind that : the answer is that they never were supposed to fight Chalothorn

SCENARIO 1 : Chalothorn wins

This is what we've seen in the show, Sakuna/Wansarut/Phaya/Tharn would never win against him in a fight because they just aren't strong enough to began with, Sakuna and his Garuda were not Chalothorn's level when he was alive, Wansarut is a healer/protector not a fighter, Phaya can only do ✨Sparkles✨ of Garuda powers as of rn and while Tharn can do some powerful protecting he is of the gang the person who is the less in contact with his past and magical self (other than for protecting Phaya magic, we have not even seen his Naga in this lifetime) and also his past self wasn't even a fighter, so it makes sense that Chalothorn just keep killing them and every single one of their reincarnations, he kills them so much that it was destroying his own soul (ep. 8) because surprise he is getting affected by the little cyclic karma thingy they got going on too, this isn't just about Wansarut/Sakuna and PhayaTharn, Chalothorn is trapped in this shit too

Clearly fighting is not the answer, because even if you win, which Chalothorn has been doing a lot of, you still lose, Chalothorn is losing control of his Naga form, not only does it destroy his soul (ep. 8) but he might just not be able to turn into his human form anymore aka would be forced to be a Naga forever (ep. 9)

Another lost of this is that he keeps losing Wansarut and having to wait for the cycle to start again so he would get another chance, like the level of psychological damage getting done to him because he kills the one he loves and he is always left behind alone to wait is enough to drive anybody insane (ep. 11)

And I think that's one of the reasons why it took him so long to understand that he should let Wansarut/Tharn go, because when you do something so despicable and keep doing it over and over again you have to justifies your bad actions to yourself so you don't break and the more you justifies them the harder it becomes to see clearly through them, so you just keep doing it, like Chalothorn probably hates himself more than he even hates Phaya or love Tharn at this point because he keeps killing reincarnations of Wansarut, like this is his reaction to killing Wansarut the first time, falling to his knees screaming and everything (ep. 8), the cognitive dissonance in that man's brain must be insane

SCENARIO 2 : Phaya wins

Now let's imagine for a second there that they did win, Phaya succeeded in killing Charlothorn, and then what? Isn't Charlothorn just gonna reincarnate and come back for them again? Like yes it might take some times but it will happen, and then Phaya and Tharn would be the one destroying their souls and making their karma worst, that's just not a solution

Also we saw with Narong's case part of the show that "victim turned attacker" is not the answer (anyways that's what the show says), when Tharn and Phaya are talking to the abbot at the end of episode 5 the abbot keep repeating that over and over again killing is not the answer

When Phaya Says "Those victims are left with no choice but to fight back in order to survive. They have to kill." The abbot answers "The basic code of moral conducts for human beings like us is the 5 precepts. One should be abstained from killing other living beings. These precepts can bring peace and happiness to your family and the society. Undertaking the 5 precepts will benefit not only yourself but also the people around you." Basically straight up telling them that [not killing] is the only answer that will bring peace to everyone

Also so many parallels can be made between Narong and Chalothorn (which is probably why it was easy for Chalothorn to possess Narong to attack Phaya but let's not get into that), because like isn't this Chalothorn? (ep. 5)

His mind is so clouded by anger and wanting to kill Phaya and getting Tharn that he is obsessed with it, he literally do not see anything else, specially if Phaya is in the room and/or mentioned, like I said a bit higher in this post, he hates Phaya, but he probably hates himself too, and so much hate and anger just blinds people

Also sidenote that I'm not really gonna dive into : How do you think Tharn would feel about Phaya killing Chalothorn, knowing what u know about him? like Tharn loves Chalothorn as a friend, and that's even if Chalothorn is responsible for all the bad things in his life (ep. 12)

Tharn may be looking at Chalothorn saying this but he said "Please stop killing each other." he could not be more clearly talking to both of them, he doesn't want Chalothorn to kill Phaya but he also doesn't want Phaya to kill Chalothorn

SCENARIO 3 : Tharn Wins

Now lemme say this, you can literally never convince a fighter by fighting him, like if you've ever had a fight/argument with someone you know that you cannot reach a compromise in the heat of the fight when everyone is angry and losing the control of their emotions, it just doesn't work, but what does work in the context of the show?

Wansarut and Sakuna

And now I'm back to Wansarut (<3<3<3<3<3<3) and Sakuna because well Wansarut did change a fighter's mind before already, this is part of Wansarut's power that's why I also describe Wansarut as a mediator, and what did Wansarut do exactly?

Well Wansarut healed Sakuna, even if he is from the enemy side, and took care of him and acted in a way that was protective of him, even if again Sakuna is an enemy of Wansarut's people (literally brother of the Garuda king) because that Wansarut's character, Wansarut is a healer/a protect/a mediator that's how Wansarut fights (ep. 8)

Then Wansarut tough Sakuna about Naga culture (Naga offering and breathing fire to pay respect to Buddha, on the 15th nigh of the 11th waxing moon)

And while being in love with each other did facilitate this change of view in Sakuna (which would later turn him a bit into a protector of Wansarut), you really do not need to be for this to work, like the best way to change people views on some things truly is just to expose them to the thing from the POV of the people living it, when nobody is in any immediate danger

And that is exactly how Tharn succeeded in convincing Chalothorn that the love between Phaya and him is good, by being there for Chalothorn and taking care of him, and being patient, until Chalothorn was ready to let him go on his own, not in the heat of of fight when everyone is angry and putting the blame on each other, which was again so healer/ protector/mediator of him like I talked about in my other post

Tharn and Chalothorn : the final

So with Wansarut and Sakuna we saw how Tharn could change Chalothorn's mind and what really does work, now imma dive into the last 2 episodes of this show aka the shift in Chalothorn

So in episode 6, Chalothorn says this

And at that time I think those words were true cuz that's literally what he has been doing isn't it? Like everytime he lost, both Wansarut and Sakuna's reincarnations died, so he was "okay" with killing Wansarut, as long as it meant that Sakuna was also dead and they weren't together (crazy way to fight cognitive dissonance if you ask me) but then something changed around episode 11 because Chalothorn started saving Tharn even if Phaya was still alive? (Ep. 11) (ep.12)

The importance of Chalothorn saving Tharn those 2 times, is that 1) now Tharn knows what the fuck is going on and 2) (like I said in the other post) Tharn end up understanding that Chalothorn can be talked too and reasoned with (the abbot would call it enlightenment), because in that 2nd saving he told Chalothorn to not kill Montee, and Chalothorn listened

Sidenote : Wansarut also did tell Chalothorn to not kill Sakuna and Chalothorn did listen that time too, like Wansarut has a BIG influence on this man (wish we saw their relationship before the mess), the only reason why the fight did continue was because Sakuna did not let Wansarut go

Why did he listen then? because he loves Wansarut, it really is as simple as that, and that's why he also listened to Tharn with Montee, because our chronically involuntary celibate man is head over dick for Tharn (valid and relatable)

So remember when I was talking about cognitive dissonance and stuff, well by ep 12, Chalothorn cannot justifies killing Tharn anymore, he is tired, he is turning into a Naga, and he cannot stand seeing another reincarnation of Wansarut die again, but most importantly he cannot stand to see Tharn die by his own hands

It's easy to concentrate on Phaya's distress in this scene but Chalothorn is in as much distress as Phaya, you can hear Chalothorn's voice break when Tharn is dying in both Phaya and his arms after asking them to stop killing each other, they are both screaming Tharn's name, and this time Chalothorn just listen because this is too much, his hatred for Phaya is just not important anymore, killing Phaya is just not as important anymore because anyways Tharn did choose him didn't he? isn't that what he wanted? even if Tharn clearly is in love with Phaya, Tharn did choose to come with him, so in a way none of this shit even fucking matters anymore

So for the 3rd time, he saves Tharn, this time by literally giving Tharn his soul so he would live (wish we saw him breaking down over Tharn dying in his arms in the Naga caves until he ended up giving Tharn his soul tbh), Chalothorn chooses to save a life instead of ending one and thus ending the curse on his part

#the sign the series #the sign #mjtag #tagging you mj cuz u liked my chalothorn gifset so you might like this #hope this makes sense i kinda did not re-read after i was done writing it #my only critic of this show is that i needed them to huminaze chalothorn more #by showing me wansarut interacting with chalothorn before the whole sakuna situation #and also by showing me chalothorn crying/breaking down/panicking over Tharn dying in his arms in the Naga caves #until he decides to just give Tharn his soul #this show needed to be 14 episodes SO bad #i ended up not putting my critic in this cuz it was just too long #but what i just said in the tag is basically it my critic is that it needed to be 14 episodes #i can elaborate in an ask if asked about it #anyways this show really makes my psychology and character lover brain tingle

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trunklewunjle · 3 months

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I did some twists and turns to the Dreamtale I included in the server me an my friends rp in, and I’ve been kinda hyper fixated so I did a little thing

I don’t like perspective but im going to have to eventually learn, soul shattering I will never be the same once i dominate it

Yea the fucking tree told him to shoot night because everyone is so mean to him so I just yknow she might as well also be mean to a fucking seven year old who knew no better

Dreamtale (Dream and Nightmare) Belong to Jokublog

#undertale au #utmv #dream sans #nightmare sans #dreamtale #wow jaja im actually normal for once?? I don’t have anything to bark at but WROFO WROOF AUUUUUUUU howling in pain for them they are devasta #I love them sosososo much I have been putting Dreamtale animations on loop and songs that remind me of them I love them I want to hold them #and give them hugs and tea and give their little heads little kisses and and show them that they both deserve to be loved #I want to show Dream how to read and write and I want to comfort nightmare i want to tell him that he’s capable of being loved too and he #deserves the world #I cried I cry I always cry when I think of them I will always cry for them I will always mourn for them they have my entire being and soul #would kill for them please be nice to them they have done nothing but suffer and cry and be angry I need them to be happy please let them b #happy please I cannot explain how much I want to scream and bang my head on a wall when I think of them and their relationship I break and #cry urgrurghr why why why why why I have such a brain rot I just want to see them hangout and smile and call each other brothers and call #each other family I need them to gossip and pinky promise and cook together I need nightmare to teach dream to read and write and dream to #teach nightmare how to have fun and heal their inner child I need them to do brotherly things and cause destruction together

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zebratimw · 1 year

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Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

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stiffyck · 6 days

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People who make posts about important topics and do not make any paragraph breaks make me so mad like I WANT to read your fucking post I wanna SEE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. IF ONLY YOU DIDNT MAKE IT SO DIFFICULT. I CANNOT FOCUS AND READ THIS NOW. IM NOW NOT READING YOUR POST.

PARAGRAPH BREAKS ARE NOT THAT HARD OH MY GOD.

#like its just gonna give me a headache and its gonna make me frustrated because i just cannot read a big block of text #i struggle with long passages of text as it is so if its just made harder for no reason i stopped even trying #like im sorry but i dont have the energy to reread your post 4 times and constantly look for where tf i am in the text #not to mention its also hard to comprehend for me #english isnt my main language and if i see a big block of text with no breaks my brain will just not. get. it.#so no information is being processed #anyway oh my god people do you know what a paragraph even is.#if its a joke post? fine idc i dont need to read it #but if its a more serious post i WANT to read it #idk man #stiff talk #delete later #probably

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harmonysanreads · 13 days

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Wow....wow....wow....

#hsr spoilers #idk what to feel anymore #i thought 2.1 turned my brain into mush i was clearly naive #i followed the quest through a playthrough and i'm already having an existential crisis #wonder how everyone else is doing #it's relieving to know that aventurine is safe but sunday.............#will need extra time to organize my feelings and thoughts for him #now don't misunderstand the quest made me love him even more it's just... his story really is sad #i sure do hope they give him closure and a chance #my favorite moments has to trailblazer gaining the harmony path and the last cutscene where robin saves sunday :(#you can't enjoy the penacony story if you play with a speedrunning mindset #take breaks and let the acquired information soak #and the fact that there's still more left phew...#harmonysan.txt

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vaguely-concerned · 3 months

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I've been devouring the first few seasons of star trek deep space 9 recently and folks... after several false starts we might finally have found the trek that will take my brain down like the weak gazelle of the herd. I love this shitty little space station and the cast of exclusively weirdos that inhabit it so much

#star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #so begins the great game of 'which tags are gonna stick for me here'#I have watched a lot of TOS and enjoyed it (the search for spock especially Did things to me)#but not like in a brain eating way. not like this hfjdska #I tried tng for at least half a season and I retain absolutely no memory of it at all I am sorry. fully head empty #these fucking weirdos immediately resonated with me though there's not a one of them I didn't vibe with on sight #I think I just needed a more cramped shitty everything-breaking-down environment to really thrive and ds9 is giving that bless #will I finally reach the full sci-fi trinity. will I reach the gate the wars and the trek of it all at long last and know enlightenment #(also will the occasionally overlapping but often diverging sci-fi nonsense words and concepts break my brain? we'll see!)

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i-wiggle-i-squirm-bc-i-am-a-worm · 1 year

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So I got distracted while re-reading One Does Not Love Breathing by @wackus-bonkus-maximus (seriously go read it if you haven’t yet, it’s fantastic <3) and I got itching to draw this scene from chapter 5 sdfghjhgfdshg I sWEAR it breaks my heart

but anyways...

go read it go read it go read it-

#now I can finally get back to reading once I finish studying #this fic has me in a chokehold #I hope it's ok that I posted w/o asking lol #I usually always ask fic writers permission before I start drawing but my brain just needed to draw this sdfghjhgfds #and then I remember we were mutuals (the highest honour when your fics literally started me on interracting with the fandom lol)#and I was like!!!! I can post!!!!#miraculous ladybug #miraculous lb #odnlb #adrien agreste #ml ladybug #marinette dupen chang #ladrien #techically this scene is???#being on break let's me shower this fic with as much love as I've been itching to give it #I don't always have the energy lol but better late than never right?#wigglys art

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bogkeep · 2 years

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you're killing me. BONUS lycanthropy arc doodle

#s and d tier #alex s tier #morgan d tier #lighthouseraiders #art #digital art #fanart #needed to give my brain a lil art + podcast break :')#also obsessed w alex doing that pose #when i wrote cursed sword au i was wondering if i was leaning TOO hard into 'yeah morgan is risking the curse just for laundry'#but recent development is proving that no that was entirely the correct amount of desire for someone else to do the laundry #theyre both such a disaster and i love them so much.

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beetlevsboy · 22 days

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I want to preface this post by saying that I love the cat king as a character, especially one that has such a major impact on Edwin and his relationship with his queerness and learning to be okay with it; HOWEVER, I also believe that everyone that genuinely believes he should be a love interest for Edwin should read this. (Also if you just like the cat king as a character and want to understand his character better and why his and Edwin’s relationship is not something that would be healthy or “real” for either)

#dead boy detectives #edwin payne #the cat king #i do not ship them but I don’t want to hate on those who do (mostly) I just want to kind of inform people of the creators meaning for their #Relationship because I keep seeing people saying they hope they get together in s2 and it’s really confusing to me #Their relationship stems from the cat kings own narcissism and predatory behavior and Edwin’s need for someone to push him into under #Standing that his queerness doesn’t have to be torture and can be something giddy #even if he doesn’t return those feelings #The cat king does like Edwin but he doesn’t know anything about him. He likes the game and then he likes the kindness he’s shown despite #Knowing the cruelty he’s presented to Edwin #Queerness and preformance always go hand in hand #He’s a older secretly insecure character #Edwin is the younger #genuinely kind character that shows him that projecting his hurt will never get him what he wants #It’s about the isolation of queerness and the walls put up and the coping mechanism used to protect yourself even at the risk of hurting #Those just like you. That kiss from edwin was to say “I’m sorry your loneliness had caused you to be cruel. It’s the easiest way to feel.#And while I cannot and will not give you what you want or need #you deserve to feel happy and not like you have to gain the attention of uninterested people #I can’t even explain all my thoughts about their dynamic it’s just so much it’s just about the predadation from older queers because of #The trauma they’ve endured and the cycle of hurt and the way we can break the cycle with kindness while also protecting our youths by #Healing those traumas #Something the cat king learns and accepts #Off topic but I don’t like people defending their age gap because #Yes; Edwin is 86 #but he died with a teenage boy brain and then spent 70 of those years in hell where he certainly was not getting his brain developed while #The cat king has possibly hundreds of years of sentience and experience. The power imbalance is not if y’all. And that part of their dynami #Is actually very clear I think but some people didn’t catch it?? Or didn’t care??? Idk man

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza 7 #yakuza like a drago #jo sawashiro #ichiban kasuga #snap sketches #ok i think my brain's done with jo fever. thats a lie LMAO #still obsessed with how he only ever smiles before he does something horrendous #on par with me drawing mine with a shadowed face except somehow creepier #theres a venn diagram here.... idk i just like giving my fave antags particular expressions ig #cant describe what TYPE of expression you'd classify them as- maybe 'rage but not rage yet' faces lmao #anyway i have one more reward to do i just needed a break so ima go finish that up #oh god wait i was supposed to make soup LMAOO LEMME DO THAT FIRST

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clone-anon · 1 year

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Can I get something soft for Commander Fox? Like going to a date or just generally roaming around

Absolutely! Fox needs to get out and have some fun. I wasn't sure where this was going, but then the story made its own decision.

Fox stood up right on time, ready to leave. He put up his hands at the troopers who walked through his door.

"No more flimsi. No more datapad." He shuffled past the men who showed up with last minute questions. "We are done for the day. Ask me when I get back."

He made his way to your apartment after putting on his best fatigues. He tried his hardest to mentally set aside work and focus only on you. As soon as you opened the door, he smiled as you kissed his cheek.

"Ready," he asked. You nodded and reached for his hand. Fox took it and gave it a gentle squeeze and kiss.

You wandered around, stopping for dinner at your favorite local spot. The food was always good and the people were friendly. You took your time, sitting close to each other and people watching through a window while eating.

You spent the rest of the evening walking around and window shopping. That is, until you came to one window in particular. You held his hand tight and pulled him into the store.

Fox laughed at your sudden joy and raised an eyebrow at the objects of your fascination. "What even are those?"

Your eyes danced as you touched them. Different animals, all plush. All soft. All round.

"They're called squishmallows," you replied, picking one up and holding it to him. "Feel."

Fox sighed but took the offering. It was soft. It was pleasant to hold and had a cute face. You handed him another one and he held one in each arm. He had to admit there was something appealing about holding them and he loved how much you seemed to love them.

"I'm buying these," you stated, taking two from the shelf and walking up to the counter to pay.

He chuckled and shook his head, placing the ones he held back on the shelf. After you walked out of the store and toward home again, you handed him the one that looked like a bantha.

"Here," you said. "I want you to have this."

Fox looked at you sweetly, held it gently, and replied, "A bantha. Like from your home planet."

"That's right," you said. "And I get the vulptex."

When you got home, you put on a holomovie. You sat down, each now holding your squishmallows and each other. He kissed your temple and held you close. The movie was soon forgotten as you both fell asleep.

#commander fox #tcw fanfiction #commander fox x reader #tcw fox #tcw commander fox #fox needs to rest #this is my first time writing fox #i always thought he needs a break but might have a hard time shutting his brain off after all the stress #but he would so love a nice night out with you #star wars fanfiction #commander fox x you #fox x reader #gn!reader #look i don't know how it happened but i just want to give all the clones squishmallows they deserve comfortable things #reader insert

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ritz-writes · 2 months

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if we dont finally see what happened between macaque and wukong in s5 i think i might actually explode

#lmk #lego monkie kid #saw an edit on tiktok and just #had to put it into words #there r 3 things i need in s5 #1: the truth between wukong and macaque's backstory (that one tweet about 'thats what mac thinks happened' is driving me NUTS)#2: wukong crying. let this man break. he needs a good ole breakdown. he has hundreds of years of repressed emotions. let him CRYY #3: a REAL HUG between mk and wukong. not a side hug or a short hug. a good long full body hug. specfically with wukong comforting mk #(ill also take a hug between mac and wukong. but that must also be a full body hug!)#also wanna see mk go ape shit (pun intended hehe)#AND AND AND more nezha and red son screentime #give my boys the spotlight please ;n;#okay thats all #back to the good omens brain rot i gooo #lmk wukong #lmk macaque

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dearmrsawyer · 26 days

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sawyer was sick over the weekend so we got some blood tests done and it turns out she is diabetic, she stayed at the vet a couple of nights, it was really strange to be alone in my room those nights. i spend more time with her than anybody. then we were supposed to pick her up thursday morning and they said to come in the evening instead because her glucose was v low. the vet asked me to find a glucose sensor to bring with me that evening, it was a public holiday so i had to find a pharmacy that was actually open. when we went to get her we waited 90 minutes and the sensor was being weird so they said come back later. finally brought her back home at 11pm and the sensor still wasn't working, had to go buy another sensor and bring her back this morning to switch them out, had to leave her there for a few hours so they could switch them and make sure the new one worked, then come back in the afternoon. i've had like no sleep at all this week, its a miracle i kept my eyes open to get training to give her insulin. she's so much better since she came home, even though she's not stabilised yet she very clearly feels heaps better ❤ it was such a relief to have her sleeping on my bed again last night. i was still up all night because i felt like i needed to keep an eye on her because i didn't have the monitor. we'll be in and out a lot over the next couple of weeks while they fine tune her dosage and monitor her levels.

#i want to know when i get a break #had planed to use this week to catch up on the prof development course i enrolled in months ago that started the day before nonna passed #i hoped it would be a chance to really apply my mind to something because i feel like my brain is utterly degenerated #after the time i took off this week for this i won't be able to do any of it before it closes i'll just have to download the modules #and read them in my own time without doing any activities/participating in discussions #have to keep canceling my dental check up because things keep coming up #i've also spent the last few weeks trying to link my online tax account to my government services account but it says all my info is wrong #no matter what i give them #what do i need to do #my life updates are so miserable. i delete so many of the posts i start because they just depress me #i deleted two earlier this week #feel like i need to get something out so i keep coming back to try #i still haven't asked hr about whether we have that counselling service thing because i keep forgetting bc i always have so much to catch u #on #i'll try to remember to do it next week #tp

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monards · 3 months

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Currently obsessed with thinking about Rhine and Alice meeting as teens... Alice watching her friend growing older and older than her until the cataclysm. Then she caught up to her... And then started surpassing her.

As much as it hurts her, she's long accepted that losing friends quickly is part of being around humans, but she never expected to have to be the first to die, and she knows rhinedottir won't take it as well as she would've.

(there are two wolves inside of me one wants to spoil rhinedottir and see her happy and the other one wants to see her break)

anon. oh my god. ANON WHO HURT. WHOM/. WHAHT AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i had to take a like. 15 minutes break after getting this, it hurt me so bad. but. we're back now.!!!!!!

I think the ambiguity around both rhine and alice's pasts is what makes them so fun.,,,, but oughhh boy does this take the cake. oh my god. head in hands as i scream.

I'm always sosooo weak to the growing old trope,, and this is just repeatedly stabbing and twisting blades into my heart. i think one of the most horrific things about the curse to me is ALWAYS gonna be the fact they're just stuck in time. they're always gonna be the same,, they can change their style, or whatever,, but they're always gonna be the them they were at the cataclysm... and the way that contrasts SO much which Alice and her almost ever changing enviornment,,, oh fuucjkkkk. Rhinedottir is her constant. Somebody shoot me in the head. I can't even BEGIN to imagine how horrific it'd for Alice to be the only one changing. for once. If they had meet as teens,, i wouldn't doubt Alice would've already been preparing to lose rhine (assuming that, if elves have 'elongated lives' that means they age weird or whatever that entails, and she would've already been through a few things by then to warrant her being a little more. well thought out) and then out of nowhere, after all this mental prep. everythings flipped upside down. and bam. she's not gonna lose rhine; rhine's gonna lose HER. Considering how sympathetic Alice clearly already is,,, that would've messed her up SO bad. oughhh boy i can't even imagine how unhealthily attached in some ways rhine could've grown during the cataclysm itself,, since when literally everything you have and loved is ripped away from you when you're hardly even a fully grown adult by then, i wouldn't blame if she sort of grew into thinking of Alice as the one thing she still had; so i can't even imagine how SHE'D react finally letting it sink in that Alice wasn't gonna be there eventually. ^ And if this actually WERE the case in canon sense (which. for my mental health im desperately gonna pretend it isn't.) ,, it'd make soo much more sense why Albedo goes to Alice with a letter, instead of Rhine communicating herself. Her trying to distance herself from Alice... because she's scared to lose alice while loving her and having her be sooo engrained in Rhinedottir's routine.. so she's trying to distance and separate herself... oughhh boy.

I'm. The entire second paragraph too,,, just about Alice herself being used to it, but not Rhine,,,, it's gonna KILL me. This is reallllyyyy feeding into my rhinedottir-humanization rants,, but dear god does it have to be horrific to experience every thing that humans were never designed to; and only adding to that list of scarring traumatic events its like, hey!!! you know the person you love???? who you sorta prepared to be with for the rest of your life?? well BOY do i have some news for you!!! -- and that makes me. So sad. so indescribably sad. Because realistically,, the average person can only go through SO much. And considering the fact I doubt rhine has really anybody who cares for her in that regard- especially after celestia effectively antagonized her to hell in back, and stuck a big red "sinner" sticky note on her head- i doubt she ever WILL again.,,, so uoghhhh her losing Alice... my heart... she'd be so fucked up after that. Like if anyone thought she went bonkers after elynas and durin got destroyed,, boy do they have something to learn. Especially with how embedded Alice is in her life already as much as she may not FULLY realize it,, they literally have a FAMILY. imagine how horrific it'd be for her to watch klee grow up, and then die too.??? the last part of alice in this world. gone. Oh my god. JEsus CHRIST. I can't emotionally recover from this idea head in hands.

anon you've officially ruined my mind. I will be thinking about this for next week. month. year. the rest of my life, actually. I will lay on my death bed and SOB over this. Thank you

#i broke down into genuine tears when i read this. and had to take a break before responding.#i dont think i will ever. emotionally recover #(give into the wolf that wants to see her break. do it. i dare you)#fuck this needs a special tag #crepe hall of fame #new and improved;#crepe hall of angst #i dont know who you are. or what you want. but i hope you know you've warranted my tears. and permenantly altered my brain #THIS IS MAKING ME SOO SIIICK OH MY GOD #hey guys. just saying i also accept explicitly angst stuff in my inbox too #i like crying #and having my day permanently altered #Rhinealice #rhine & alice #rhine hcs #rhinedottir #alice

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