#I could listen to those two albums and only those two albums for the rest of my life (yes I'm calling 1981 an album shush) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ghostofwriting · 2 months

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Kildare Split Part Three: Bleach

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Chapter 3: Bleach

Note: Hi! I love you all so much, thank you for reading and being absolutely wonderful. Here is Chapter Three, it covers the smau basically up until Rafe blocks Topper. Still no answers on that 💋

Warnings: none, not edited, angst, swearing, sadness, julio.

Word Count: 5,343

Synopsis: Everyone has noticed that there's been a shift in how Kildare Split acts around each other. Rafe and Y/N used to be so close, they were always pictured together, and always shared stories of each other and for the last few years, there has been nothing from them. A behind-the-scenes look at what went down between everyone's favourite band.

Chapter Three: Bleach

That didn’t go how he planned it. He hurt her inconceivable amounts and it’s not going to be easy to get her to forgive him. He needs to work for it, he knows that. Hearing her say that she meant nothing to him when she meant the world to him hurts more than he could have ever imagined. He’s so mad at himself for ever saying those same things to her. He doesn’t deserve her. He knows that too. He’s always been selfish when it comes to her though, he needs her back. He needs to figure out how to talk to her first.

“Let me get this straight, you told her to listen to your album for what?”

“To understand what I’m feeling.”

“Rafe, the girl doesn’t need to understand what you’re feeling, she needs you to apologize to her.” His dad’s voice comes through the speaker. He was getting ready for bed when Ward called.

“The album is like an apology.” He tells his dad like it’s obvious.

“Unless you have a song in that thing that says ‘Y/N I’m sorry,’ for 3 minutes straight, she’s not going to hear it as an apology. She’s going to take it as an excuse.”

“I’m just so ashamed, I don’t know how to approach it.” he stares at the phone screen, a picture of his dad and Wheezie stares back at him.

“I miss you, dad.”

“I miss you too, son. You’ll be home soon and we’ll go golfing, how about that?” Rafe smiles softly.

His relationship with his dad hasn't always been this good. When he chose music over a ‘real’ career, his dad almost disowned him. Y/N had been the one to talk Ward out of it. Giving him a plan that if they didn’t make it in two years, she would drag him back by his ear and make him take over the company. They had to work their asses off but it happened, and Ward had accepted it. It had been a long road, they spent a lot of time not speaking to each other, communicating through Sarah. Ward hadn’t been to a single show before their first album was released. He remembers seeing Ward walk in next to Sarah and feeling his five-year-old self again, prepared to put on the best show for his dad to finally be proud of him. And he was, at the end of the night he hugged Rafe and told him everything he had ever wanted to hear from him. That he was proud of everything he had accomplished, that he was meant to perform, and that he loved him.

And he owed it all to her. It always goes back to her.

“That sounds great, Dad.”

“Have you talked to Sofia about this, you know girls, she might have some insight you don’t.”

“I don’t think Sofia’s up to giving me advice about Y/N.

“Rafe, this is only to get her back as your friend, correct? You and Sof are good?” Ward asks, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah, of course. Sof and I are great.” Denial. Always in denial, Rafe Cameron.

“Okay well, I wish you luck with all of that. Get some rest. I’ll be out in a couple of weeks.”

“Bye Dad, love you,” Ward tells him he loves him too and hangs up.

+++

Kiara of all people tells her to listen to his album. As if everyone else who’s telling her isn’t enough.

“Hold on, I thought I got you in the divorce?” Kie laughs at her joke.

“You did, but I think you should listen to what he has to say.”

“Kie, he hasn’t even apologized in person, why should I?” She’s playing with the thread that’s hanging off of the comforter.

“Because he’s always been better at explaining himself in song.” She says matter of factly.

“This is unbelievable.” Kie groans on the other side of the phone.

“Look, he’s a piece of shit and he was horrible to you. I know that, but god can he write.”

“I know he can. I work with him.”

“Y/N.”

“Kie.” She mocks

“Just listen.” She’s shaking her head and rolling her eyes, glad that Kie can’t see her.

“Okay, whatever, I don't want to talk about this anymore. What happened between you and jayj?”

“Ha! Nope.” She whines, wanting to know the drama between her two friends.

Sarah walks in with Penny in her arms. They had gone for a walk, Y/N citing vocal rest to skip going out in the rain.

“Vocal rest but you’re talking on the phone?” Sarah calls her out.

“My baby!” Sarah drops the small dog on the hotel bed, Penny running into Y/N’s arms.

“Thanks, Sarah.” She pouts at her.

“So what are we talking about?”

“Trying to get Y/N to listen to ‘Angel.’” Kie’s voice cuts through the speaker.

“Absolutely no use. She won’t.” Sarah says. She nods along agreeing with Sarah.

It’s not that she can’t listen to the album. She doesn’t want to. Why should she care about whatever he said in the album when he can’t tell her directly? The last time they talked he didn’t say sorry, albeit she didn’t let him say sorry with her whole speech she had been internalizing for three years. Even still, if he had just opened with ‘sorry’ she might have been more inclined to listen to his stupid album. She already knew it was about her, what more could she possibly learn?

So why can’t she get the thought of listening to it out of her head? She’s alone now, her dog next to her, sleeping tucked between her pillow and her neck. Sarah went back to her room a few hours ago and Y/N’s been trying to go to sleep to no avail.

So she plays the stupid album that she told Rafe to shove up his ass.

By the end of the album, she’s angry again. It’s great. Of course, it is. It’s him and he’s amazingly talented. Everything he touches turns to gold and she despises him for it. The chord progressions the tempos, the synths. Everything is amazing. Even the stupid lyrics that she wishes she could hate. How dare he be so talented and make her hate him just a fraction less?

The lyrics bother her. ‘I bought a house to live in but you’re the home I’m missin'?’ His fault. ‘I watched the weeks fly by, I’m not myself when you’re not there.’ His fault. Again. ‘I’m not a sentimental guy, I need you in my life.’ Well Rafe Cameron, why do you think she’s not in your life? It’s like he’s trying to hide the fact that he completely obliterated her heart and is pretending that she just walked out on him.

Fuck you, Rafe. You don’t get to pretend.

+++

She hears Topper in the lobby of the hotel. He’s most likely the first one down here, waiting for the rest of them to wake up so they can take the car to the arena.

She stands off to the side, their manager Ash, handing out their backstage badges. She sees Topper take two from Ash out of the corner of her eye.

He extends the badge out to her for her to take and offers her a smile.

“Thanks.” She tells him.

“I know this is probably a long time coming and not the best place to have this conversation but I’m sorry.” She looks at him eyes wide, she tries to hide her shock, a small frown still visible on her face.

“Thanks.” She says again, not knowing how to respond to him.

“I know I’ve been a shitty friend. I didn’t know how to act when everything went down. I knew about Sofia and I felt like I betrayed you. You were so hurt and I didn’t deserve your friendship. I let you isolate yourself and I’m sorry. I should have done better.”

She feels her eyes welling up. She won’t let herself cry. Not where anyone could see them.

“Yeah, you have been shitty.”

“Is it too late for you to forgive me?” She shakes her head, launching herself into his arms. Strangely it feels like coming home. She is finally hugging her best friend again. The guy who used to want to fight anyone who even looked at her wrong.

“I missed you.” she breathes into his shoulder.

“I missed you too, I’m sorry.” She lets go of him sniffling. She sees unshed tears in his eyes too.

“It’s going to take some time for me to trust you, but I’ll work on it.”

“I will get on my knees, beg, and cry if you need me to.” She laughs

“I’ll let you know.”

As soon as the other two arrive, their badges are given to them and they all walk towards the car. She usually opts for sitting in the front ever since everything happened between them. She thinks that this time she can sit next to Topper.

“Hey, Ash?” She calls for her manager's attention, “Mind if you sit in the front this time?” Ash looks at her surprised but nods her head anyway.

“Of course, go.” She motions for Y/N to step into the car, Rafe and Barry look at her questioningly from the very back. She smiles at Topper and sits directly next to him, he offers her one of his airpods and she takes it. He’s listening to something she’s never heard and she doesn’t mind at all. For the first time in a long time, she doesn’t feel like the loneliest person in the car.

Rafe burns holes into the backs of both their heads. What the fuck is going on?

+++

“So are you going down there for your anniversary?” He hears Sarah ask. She and Y/N are getting their lunch.

“Ya, it works out perfectly with the tour ending just in time,” Y/N responds,

“So are you expecting a ring?” His ears perk up at the question, willing everyone around him to shut up so he can hear her answer clearly.

“I wouldn’t be opposed.” Y/N has a teasing tone to her voice and he feels like throwing up. He gets up from the table where he’s eating with Barry and Topper. His fork clanged against the plate as he stood up and stormed off. He can’t eat with the bile already rising in his throat. What’s wrong with him?

+++

He notices as Topper and Y/N fool around during their private soundcheck. They’re playing off each other, Y/N messing with his guitar as he sings into her microphone. He notices that it’s a little awkward but it’s better than it has been in years. He gives Barry another questioning look and Barry just shrugs. He makes a note to ask Topper what happened.

“I can’t hear myself in my left ear, I just hear Barry’s excessive screeching,” Y/N speaks into her microphone at one of the sound techs.

“Oh, I’m sorry we can’t all be professionally trained singers, princess.” Y/N scoffs.

“You’re in a band Barry, maybe learn how to sing.”

“Why are you being such a bitch right now?”

“Hey!” Topper yells turning towards Barry, “cut that shit out.” Barry makes a face at Topper but drops it.

“What the fuck is going on with you two?” Rafe asks, done with waiting to ask Topper after soundcheck.

“Just have her back, man.”

“Since when?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Since he apologized, maybe you should learn how to do that.” She purses her lips and instead of being annoyed, he can’t stop thinking about how cute she looks.

“I tried to apologize and all you did was yell at me for 10 minutes.”

“You didn’t try to apologize, Rafe! You tried to get me to listen to your album.”

“If you would have just heard me out.”

“What? I would know that you’re so apathetic it’s pathetic but you need me now? Or how about that you’re down on your hands and knees Beggin' me please, baby.”

“You listened.” He feels a sense of relief overtake him which is quickly washed away by her tone.

“Under duress.”

“What did you think?”

“I think it’s bold to sing songs about me when your girlfriend is ready to marry you.” He wants to deny that any of the songs are about her. It doesn’t work like that. Everyone knows. Instead of denying it or calling her conceited for thinking it’s about her, another question rises up and out of his mouth before he can stop it.

“Are you?”

“What?” She asks, confused. He wants to keep his mouth shut. Why does he need to know anything, why does he want to hurt his feelings so badly?

“Ready to marry him?” Oh, he’s so stupid.

“Yeah.” There is no hesitation in her answer and his heart breaks a little.

“Great.” He says shortly.

“Great.” She turns away from him and back to her microphone, talking to the tech until he gets the volume in her left ear right. He storms off the stage shoving his guitar into Topper’s chest, narrowly missing Topper’s guitar.

+++

“What’s your problem?” They’re waiting to be called to the stage for their second soundcheck with the fans.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You have been insufferable all day, more than usual. I can usually ignore you, I’ve been doing it for a really long time but you’re all pouting and grumbling. What’s wrong with you?”

“How could you forgive Topper and not me?”

“I haven’t forgiven Topper, but he apologized for everything, it’s more than you have ever done.”

“I’m sorry.” He blurts out.

“Rafe. Stop.” She goes to walk away but he grabs her arm, stopping her.

“What? You beg me to apologize and now you don’t want to hear it?”

“I didn’t want to beg you for it, I wanted you to apologize because it’s the right thing to do.”

“I know that I haven’t been a good friend to you. I’ve been so absent from our friendship. I let people get in the way of us and I self-sabotaged and pushed you away.”

“Rafe please.”

“I think that I pushed you away because I couldn’t be with you but I couldn’t be your friend.”

She holds her breath, waiting for what he says next.

“I couldn’t be just your friend because I was in love with you.”

“And I’m stupid okay? I’m the biggest idiot in the entire world for saying the things that I said to you.” He pauses to gauge her reaction. She’s looking directly at him, her gaze not faltering.

“You were never just someone I fucked. You weren’t some girl or someone who didn’t mean anything to me. You are the girl, you mean everything to me. You always have. And I am sorry. I am so sorry that I ever said those things.”

“Why did you?”

“I was terrified. It’s an excuse I know. The way I treated you should have never happened but- I just- I was so scared to ruin our careers and take away what we had been working for since we were practically babies. The work that you put into the band and I was just being so careless with it, I could have ruined everything. I didn’t know how to deal with that and being in love with you and high all the time. I couldn’t do it.”

“You got clean right after.”

“I knew that sabotaging us was the first step to me ruining everything else and I needed to make the sacrifice worth it so I got clean.”

“I’m a sacrifice. You sacrificed our friendship to keep the band but if you had just talked to me we could have decided together. We could have made something work.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” They hear the five-minute to curtain call announcement and Y/N sighs.

“Do you think you could ever forgive me?” He asks her, hopeful.

“I don’t know. You hurt me more than anyone ever has.” She shrugs.

“fuck, b- Y/N I’m so sorry. You have to believe me.” She nods.

“I think I do. I need time. I need to get used to the idea of letting you back into my life before I do.”

“Okay, yeah. What can I do?” He feels hopeful for the first time since he started trying to get her to talk to him.

“Just give me space for now. I’ll let you know.” She walks past him towards Topper. That’s a good start, he thinks.

+++

“Baby!” She yells as she gets off stage, running into Julio’s arms. His flight had been delayed so she didn’t get to see him before the show.

His arms wrap around her waist as he lifts her off the ground, spinning her around.

“When did you get here?” She asks him, kissing his lips before he answers.

“Just as you started the second song.” He pulls away to answer but buries his head in her neck, kissing her.

“Thank you for coming. I missed you so much.” She tells him, still not letting go.

“Always.” He pecks her lips again as the rest of the band comes up behind her.

“Hey, guys.” Julio greets them the best he can with a Y/N-sized necklace still hanging off him.

“Hey, man!” Topper taps him on the shoulder as he passes by him. Barry mumbles a ‘hey’ and Rafe just nods, his jaw tight.

+++

Julio had only been here for one night and already he knew everything that Rafe had told Y/N, Which is how he found himself sitting alone with the man in the green room.

“Y/N told me what you told her last night.” He really doesn’t want to have to explain to Y/N why her boyfriend is on the floor bleeding but if he throws the first punch, Rafe is only defending himself.

“Yeah?” He looks up from his phone and at Julio.

“Look, you hurt her. A lot. To the point where she thought she had no one because of you. She cried herself to sleep every day because of how alone she felt.” Rafe’s stomach churns at his words.

“I’m going to make it up to her.” He puts his phone down next to him.

“And you better mean it. Don’t lead her on. Be honest with her. Do not hurt her again.”

“I won’t.” He assures him.

“Good.” He thinks the conversation is over but Julio speaks up again.

“Rafe, I know how you feel about her. You need to back off. I love her. And she loves me. I will be here until she no longer wants me. Please don’t get in the way of that.”

“I’m engaged.”

“That doesn’t change the way you look at her. Your heart isn’t in it. Respect my relationship and I will respect you.”

“You don’t have anything to worry about. I just want my friend back.” It’s not like she would take him back anyway. Even if he wanted to.

“Okay.” Cleo and Pope walk in to save him from the awkward silence.

“I’m going to head out.” He picks up his phone and stands up from where he was sitting on the couch.

“Nice talking to you,” Julio calls.

“Yeah, you too.” He all but runs out of the room on a mission to find Sarah.

+++

Sarah Cameron is not one to spread rumours. She’s very much the type to wait for confirmation. She blames the circumstances and constant stress she’s under juggling her brother’s stupid feelings with Y/N’s and vice versa.

There has been way too much talk about marriage, Sofia finally arrived and all she can talk about is wedding dresses and the caterer and the first dance and Sarah is exhausted. And of course, Rafe is panicking about things he really shouldn’t be worried about like ‘Oh is Y/N getting married? Sarah, she said that she was ready.’ and Y/N herself teased that she wanted the ring and she wouldn’t say no if Julio proposed. So what is Sarah supposed to think when she hears Y/N squeal from her dressing room as she screams “Yes! Of course, I’ll marry you.” Sarah is tired.

She should have known there wasn’t an actual proposal when it happened in the dressing room of all places. She knows Julio, he’s a romantic guy, thinking back on it, there’s no way he would have proposed like that. Again, Sarah’s tired and she’s not thinking and she needs to tell someone and the first person she sees. Barry. Bad idea.

“Julio just proposed to Y/N and she said yes.” The information spills out of her mouth, it takes Barry a moment to process what she said but once he gets it he’s laughing.

“Shit. That’s going to kill him.” Fuck. Rafe. She hadn’t even thought of her brother’s reaction. She wants to be the one to tell him but he’s out with his trainer. She has to make sure no one tells him before she does.

“Topper!” She runs down the hall towards him.

“What’s up, why are you like sweating?” She waves him off.

“When does Rafe get back?”

“An hour still.”

“Shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Y/N just got engaged and I need to be the one to break the news to him.”

“Holy shit. Good for her. Where is she?” Sarah shakes her head at him.

“That’s not the point, I need you to find out where Rafe is training so I can find him.”

“He’s probably running laps outside or at a nearby park.”

“Do you have his location?”

“No, security list.”

“Oh my god! I hate that you’re all famous sometimes.” She says through gritted teeth.

“I need to find John B. Make sure Rafe doesn’t find out!” She says running off down the hall again.

“Find out what?” Sofia’s voice comes from behind him.

“Jesus, Sofia, be louder next time.”

“Sorry. What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing. Y/N just got engaged and Sarah doesn’t want anyone to know yet.’

“Fun! Congratulations to them, that’s so exciting!” He sees her pull out her phone and walk in the direction of the busses.

“See you, Top!”

“On the bus?” He asks her.

“Yeah.” She gives him a toothy grin.

Shit. Topper thinks. She’s going to tell Rafe.

+++

Kyle had just made him run way too much. Keeping up his stamina was important to perform every night. This time though Kyle really wanted to kill him.

“You hate me, man.” He says opening up his phone. Kyle laughs.

“You did great.” He tells him as they start their walk back to the arena.

He has a few notifications from Instagram from friends back home sending him reels and Wheezie tagging him in stories. He swipes out of Instagram and goes on to his Twitter quickly checking to see if the lineup for the show had started already, trying to see which way they took back to the arena without being seen.

Something catches his eye as he scrolls past it, he scrolls back up trying to find the pink icon.

‘@KSUpdates: 💍💍💍’ He reads through the other tweets wondering what that’s all about, were they promoting something he forgot about? He keeps scrolling until he sees someone say that Y/N’s engaged. He stops where he is, Kyle looking at him questioningly.

“You okay?” His head is spinning, his heart is racing faster than when he was working out, and he feels like throwing up. No, he’s not okay.

“I need to go.” He starts booking it to the arena, Kyle trailing behind him.

He has three unanswered texts from Sarah, a call from Topper, and one from Kelce by the time he makes it back to the arena. He says bye to Kyle and rushes to the bathroom. He’s going to throw up, he feels lightheaded.

He didn’t realize how not okay he was with losing her forever right until this moment. He couldn’t face it for the longest time. He loves Sofia. He does. She has been important to him, his growth, and his life, she’s been an amazing partner. But that’s all she’s been. A friend. Because he couldn’t give her his heart. Not when Y/N was out there already walking around with it. She had never given it back. She owned it, owned him. He knew that now. With every fibre in his being, he knew that he was still in love with her. And she was marrying someone else. He was losing her.

His breathing feels laboured. He feels the room continue spinning, he slides down the bathroom wall trying to keep the panic attack at bay. How could he be so stupid? How could it take him so long to realize that he couldn’t live without her no matter how hard he tried? It would always be her.

He hears his phone ringing again but ignores it. He needs to get his breathing under control before he can talk to anyone. They can’t know he’s losing it.

He needs to do something. He needs to get his shit under control and talk to Y/N. He hasn’t had a panic attack in so long. He’s not used to dealing with it. He needs to find Barry first.

+++

She’s in one of her moods again, every time Julio leaves she gets sad and it takes her a day or two to get back into the swing of things. It’s been a week since she had asked Rafe for space. She thinks that she’ll be able to work towards forgiving him or at least putting the past behind her. After talking to Cleo, Sarah, and Julio, they had all given her the same advice. Do what she believes is the best next step for her.

She notices Sarah hovering over Rafe like a mother hen, checking in on him, asking him if he’s okay every two seconds. She doesn’t know what happened but Topper had told her he went missing for the entire day until their show. And she’s pretty sure he showed up high. She’s scared for him. He’s been clean for so long that getting into drugs again now could shock his system. He’s not her responsibility anymore but she cares if he lives or dies.

That same day that Rafe went missing, everyone was congratulating her for being engaged. The updates account had hinted at her being engaged too, she doesn’t know where they got that information, she not only had to tweet, she had to tell the entire team that no, she was not engaged.

It had been a stupid misunderstanding that Sarah had apologized for a significant amount. Cleo had asked Julio how he would propose so Julio had set the scene for her and gotten down on one knee and Y/N had played along. Stupid and dumb.

She’s reading a contract for a new magazine shoot she’s doing when Rafe comes up to her.

“Hey.” He seems anxious. He can’t seem to stand still and his hair’s a mess.

“Hi, you good?” She asks him.

“No.” She gives him her full attention now. Wondering what he’s about to say to her.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m selfish.” She doesn’t like the tone he says it in. Like he knows he’s about to tell her something he shouldn’t.

“Whatever you’re about to say don’t.” She goes back to her contract, staring at it blankly.

“When I thought you were engaged-”

“Rafe. Enough.”

“I had never felt so heartbroken in my life.” She’s shaking her head at him, trying to get him to stop.

“And I thought, I have to stop this now. I have to do whatever I can to stop it before it goes too far and I have to ruin your wedding. Because I would. Because I’m selfish.” She doesn’t know what to say to that so she says the first thing that comes to mind.

“It’s too late.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” There’s desperation in his voice, his eyes glassy.

“You’re engaged!” She yells, getting up and in his face.

“No, I love you.”

“I love Julio.”

“I love you.”

“Stop!” She turns her back to him and tries to find her breath.

“None of that changes how I feel. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to figure myself out.” She feels him behind her, looming over her shoulder.

“Why are you telling me any of this?”

“I can’t lose you. And that’s what’s happening because I’m an idiot. But I can’t lose you and I’m going to fight for you.” She turns around to face him, taking a step back, creating distance between them.

“There’s no fighting for me. We’re done. We’ve been over for so long. For three years I only spoke to you on stage or in interviews! There’s no us.”

“Tell me you don’t love me.”

“Rafe.” Her voice is firm but he doesn’t care.

“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone and you won’t ever have to see me again.”

“Not possible. The band.” She doesn’t know why she needs to make sure the band is safe in this moment, so much has happened between them to keep it alive, it can’t be at risk now.

“Outside of that then. Tell me.” She stays quiet, shaking her head once more.

“Please.” She snaps.

“I was in love with you for years! Since I was 13 years old you have lit up my goddamn world and when you finally gave me that chance, when you started looking at me like we could be something you ripped it all away. You hurt me so much and now? Now is when you want to come back and tell me everything I’ve been hoping for for years. Now when you’re getting married and I’m in a happy relationship?” She finishes, her chest heaving anger leaving her body in droves.

“You’re not in a happy relationship.”

“Rafe.” Her tone is warning him to not continue.

“Come on! He doesn’t understand you the way I do! Doesn’t understand the life we live, and the sacrifices we have made to be where we are. He’s not good enough for you.”

“And you are?”

“No.” She throws her hands up, “but, I understand you. I know who you are at your core, baby.”

“Stop.” She’s sure she’s shooting daggers at him now.

“Why?”

“You don’t get to call me that.”

“No, why are you with him?” He’s close to her again, she can feel his breath hitting her face.

“Because.”

“Because what?”

“Because I love him!” Rafe’s face falls. She exhales. “I love him.”

“No, you don’t.” She stays quiet.

“You can’t.” He backs up a little, his head shaking, eyes sad.

“Rafe,” she says softly, stepping closer to him. She reaches out but pulls her arm away quickly.

“It’s too late.” She repeats her words from earlier.

“But I love you.” She doesn’t want to hurt him but she knows she has to put an end to this.

“I don’t love you.”

“I’m so stupid. Oh my god, how did I ever let you go? I’m an idiot th-“ she cuts him off putting a hand on his arm.

“Hey hey, stop. It’s okay. We’ll get through this.”

“How?” Tears are threatening to spill over now. His eyes are red. She doesn’t know if it’s from holding back tears or from smoking.

“By being friends.” His blue eyes pierce into hers.

“I’ll try.”

“Okay.” There are a lot of things left unsaid between them. She hugs him for the first time in years and he puts his face in the crook of her neck. She feels him crying. His tears soaking her neck.

“I love you.” She does too. Not in the way that he wants. Not anymore.

“I know.”

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wilwheaton · 4 months

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I have a small part in the 1987 television movie (failed pilot) version of The Man Who Fell To Earth. Lewis Smith played the titular character. Beverly D'Angelo played my mom, his love interest. (Fun Star Trek connection: Bob Picardo is also in it).

My character was a Troubled Youth, which I gotta tell you was not a stretch for me at all. I was deeply, deeply hurting at the time we made it. I was struggling not to suffocate on all the emotional and financial burdens my mom put on my shoulders, and fully aware of just how much my dad hated and resented me. You need a kid who doesn't want to be an actor, whose eyes can't hide the pain? I'm your guy.

Anyway, one of the scenes I was in took place in a record store, where Troubled Youth steals some albums, before he is chased by the cops and saved by the Man Who Fell To Earth, who uses a glowing crystal to save his life from ... some scratches on his face.

We filmed the interior of the record store at Sunset and La Brea, in what I think was a Warehouse, and at the end of the day, I was allowed to buy some records at a modest discount.

I was deep into my metal years, on my way from my punk years to my New Wave years, so I only bought metal albums. I know I bought more than I needed or could carry (I was making a point that I was allowed to spend my own money, mom), but the only ones I can clearly remember are:

Iron Maiden - Piece of Mind

Judas Priest - Turbo and Defenders of the Faith

W.A.S.P - The Last Command

(I know this was in March of 1987, because Turbo had just come out.)

Of those, Piece of Mind is the only one I never really stopped listening to, even through all the different it's-not-a-phase phases. I still listen to it, today.

Ever since I became an Adult with a Fancy Adult Record Player And All That Bullshit, I have kept my records in two places: stuff I want right now, and stuff I keep in the library because of Reasons.

Generally, records move in one direction toward the library, even if it takes years to happen. I just don't accumulate albums like I once did, because I'm Old and set in my ways.

Earlier today, I decided that I wanted to listen to an album while I cleaned up the kitchen, and because I wanted to make my life more interesting, I opened the library cabinet for the first time in at least five years.

There was the very same W.A.S.P album from that day in March, 1987. I don't have any of the others -- I looked -- but The Last Command was right there.

Before I really knew what I was doing, I put it on the Fancy Adult Record Player and dropped the needle.

I watched four decades of dust build up with a satisfying crackle, and there was something magical and beautiful about hearing all the skips and the scratches, realizing I remembered them from before.

The title track was just as great as I remembered it. It struck all the same chords in me that it did in the late nineteen hundreds. The rest of the first side was ... um. It just didn't connect with me, and for the few moments I spent trying to find a connection, I don't think it ever really did. I would remember.

But I did remember how much I loved making those mix tapes, and what a big part of them that song was. I did remember how empowering it felt to not just spend my own money that I earned doing work I didn't want to do, but to spend it on music my parents hated, right under their noses. I did remember how impressed Robby Lee was, when I showed him my extensive heavy metal album collection.

Remembering all of that, in one of those cinematic flashes of rapid cut visuals and sped up sounds, told me why I kept this record, while I gradually sold or replaced the other records I bought that day with CDs, then mp3s, then lossless digital files, before finally coming all the way back to records, where I started.

I didn't listen to the second side. I didn't need to. I took it off the Fancy Adult Record Player, and put it back into the library, next to the George Carlin records.

#music #memories #records #Youtube

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zivazivc · 27 days

Note

What kind of nu metal music fits Les's band?

First of all I gotta clarify that I sent this ask myself because I accidentally lost the original through constant editing and drafting. I realize I could just make a regular text post but I'm quirky like that, and a question is a nice little attention grabber for those who are interested.

Anyway...

It's hard to point at one song and say this is their sound, because A: I'm picky, B: the band's style changes over time, and C: I don't know what I'm doing lmao

This answer is very long uhh I don't seem to be able to form short responses, mi scusi 😅

Back at home the brothers' music and then also the first year on the road with Flea the band sounds like the albums Music and especially Grassroots by 311. (Grassroots is such a banger of an album, I listen to it all the time, really recommend.)

Hed's the main influence on the band's sound because he's the main vocalist, songwriter and overall the most invested in the band succeeding (Les's main concern is making ends meet, and Flea is just enjoying the ride lol). At the start Hed and Les have had basically no contact with Rock Trolls so even though they're both more metal/punk than regular rock, their "rock side" is softer at this point. Hed also grew up with hip hop because of his peers so there's a lot of rapping in his lyrics. And he also incorporates reggae into his style a lot because of his favorite uncle, Kymani (one of the guys who live with Ish) who is a Reggae Troll. Hed is pretty much a sponge when it comes to music, much like Floyd. The closest I can come to describing his genre is a fusion of Rap Metal and Reggae Rock which are both already fusion genres jskksdjsk

(The band 311 has two singers and oddly they both sound like Hed and Les to me. SA Martinez (the higher of the two voices) sounds 100%, exactly like how I've imagined Hed's voice in my head. For Les I have a different voice claim because Les's personal style of music is much different from the band, but Nick Hexum (the lead vocalist here) is still in the second place when it comes to voice alone. Imagine my enthusiastic surprise finding voices for both brothers in the same band 😄)

examples from the two albums:

youtube

...

While driving around and performing small gigs they come in contact with the alternative and nu metal scene and meet a lot of Rock Trolls (mostly various Metal Trolls) and other mixed trolls, and in the following couple of years their sound gradually becomes heavier (Hed rediscovers screamo lol) and they go from rock to metal.

A year into their "touring" is also around the time Hed meets and starts dating Liv and gets her to join the band. Liv's genre has the heaviest sound of all of them (Industrial/EBM), which influences Hed and the band too. And with Liv on the drums, Hed takes over DJ-ing and is also able to put more focus on the vocals, which also makes Les step down and only sing backing vocals with the rest of the band if needed.

The band in this era sounds like the album Revolution by Insolence and to some degree Introduction to Mayhem by Primer 55.

examples from the albums:

youtube

...

Two years into the bands existence is when Floyd runs into them. At first he's more just standing there, observing their practices and performances warily, because he's had bad experiences with Rock Trolls in his one year alone and metal music still kinda freaks him out at this point. But he soon starts joining in in melodic parts and then it progresses into him singing longer and longer segments because he has the strongest vocals of everyone. And once he saves enough of his earnings for a guitar he starts playing the rhythm guitar too. (The guitar he took with him when he left the Troll Tree got stolen before he met the band.)

I guess I should clarify: Flea is the lead guitarist, Les is the bassist, and Liv and Hed switch on the drums and DJ-ing depending on the track. At one point they also get a keyboard.

It's also not that long before Hed and Floyd start actively writing songs together, sharing each others notes, and they start to split the singing parts more evenly. Hed even teaches Floyd screamo techniques, because he thinks Floyd has a great voice for them (He is correct, Floyd has a mean scream 😁).

During this time the band still pretty much sounds like Revolution by Insolence but with more melodic singing parts from Floyd (and screaming/shouting lmao). I think Verge of Umbra is another good band to compare, it sounds more clean and Floydy but still Hedy. (Man, I should write scientific research papers skjdkjf)

youtube

↑↑↑ song with the lyrics from the drawing at the top

youtube

From here on out I'm a bit unsure how the band's sound develops, but I'm pretty sure Floyd would unintentionally infect them with a mild case of radio friendliness (Pop trolls can't help their in your face nature lmao 😞). So for now I'm stopping here...

This took me days of searching and writing so I would appreciate to hear any thoughts you have if you've come this far and given some of the songs a listen. :)

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supernovafics · 1 year

Text

𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍

pairing: professor!steve harrington x professor!fem!reader

word count: 6.8k words

summary: in which it had been twelve years since you last saw steve harrington. and you never thought about him, mainly because you’d forced yourself not to. but, suddenly, it was hard to avoid thoughts or reminders of him when after all of those years, you finally saw him again. it was an abrupt moment that oh so quickly brought back memories and old feelings that managed to do a number of things; confuse, scare, and worry you. after everything that happened between you two, you fully believed that you would never want to talk to him again. but maybe that was the exact thing that needed to happen.

warnings: explicit language, mentions of cheating, a bit of fluff, implied smut, a shit ton of angst but with a happy ending

author’s note: this took forever and it's insanely long but i love the way it turned out<33 the rest of the trilogy will be out next, so "august" and then "betty" coming (very) soon!! (full "folklore" album series masterlist here!)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“and when i felt like i was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said i was your favorite.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Fall Semester 1996

You rarely ever thought about your life pre-Rhode Island. Mainly because you never wanted to, but also because it felt so far in the past that there was never any reason to focus on what used to be.

You segmented your life into two phases. One, before you left your hometown, and, two, the moment you drove past the “Leaving Hawkins” sign and never looked back, refraining to listen to the part of the sign that told you to “Come Again Soon.”

It had been nearly twelve years since you left the small Indiana town, and there wasn’t one moment where you ran into anyone that you once knew from that “before” life, which, in turn, meant that you never had any reason to think about Hawkins.

Until you did run into someone. And it was probably the worst possible person you could’ve ever run into.

Steve fucking Harrington.

You would’ve rather seen Simon Gardener— your crush from sixth grade who you’d thrown up in front of when the two of you got paired up on a Science project— than Steve.

But, now here he was, standing barely twenty feet away from you. You’d nearly dropped the coffee you’d waited almost twenty minutes for from your favorite coffee shop. Instead, you spilled some on your hand and only inwardly winced at the feeling because you didn’t want to draw attention to yourself.

You almost turned around and walked out of the building you just walked into, but your office was right down the hallway that Steve was currently standing in the middle of along with the head of the English Department, Dan. And now that there was spilled coffee on your hand you really needed to go in there and rummage through the drawer of your desk that contained a bunch of leftover napkins from random nights when you’d order takeout to your office.

Before you could contemplate further about what your next course of action should be, Dan spotted you and called your name, waving you over to where he and Steve were standing.

“Hi, good morning,” You greeted him, expertly avoiding eye contact with Steve because you didn’t want to see his reaction to seeing you for the first time in what pretty much felt like forever.

“Let me introduce you to the new addition to the History department upstairs,” Dan said and then gestured to Steve, which forced you to finally look at him. “Steve Harrington.”

You could tell he was surprised to see you, but he hid that surprise by smiling at you, and you hated that even after all of these years, his smile still managed to do something to you.

Now that you were closer to him, you could see some minor differences about him. His hair was a bit shorter, nothing too crazy or dramatic, but you noticed how his “iconic” hair was a bit more tame compared to how it used to be. And somehow he managed to get a little taller, only a couple of inches, but still you noticed that too.

He overall looked older, which obviously made sense because twelve years would do that to a person. However, there was still something all too familiar about him. That same boyish presence that you had gotten so used to seeing still lingered on him. Behind his eyes, you saw exactly that boy you fell in love with that one summer.

The summer that you never really thought about; in fact, you’d forced yourself not to think about it. But, now with him right in front of you, random flashbacks to moments from that July and August, especially August, were the only things circling your mind.

Your loud laughs and wide smiles as you swam in his pool and let your body wrap around his underneath the water, your drunken talks until the sun came up, the makeout sessions in his car that almost always led to doing other things in his bed since his parents were never home.

You pushed those memories far away, just as quickly as they resurfaced.

“Hi,” You said to him and forced a small smile.

You could tell that he was studying you just as you had been studying him, taking note of what you looked like now and comparing that to the version of you that he used to know. Whatever differences you had, you felt like they were subtle like his were, and just came with the territory of aging twelve years, but maybe he saw something else. He was the only person who you felt was able to actually look inside of you; he had known the ins and outs of who you were.

“She’s a Professor in the English department,” Dan told Steve, and you were insanely grateful for Dan’s presence at that moment because you knew that it would be hell if you had been alone with Steve right then. “Oh, what happened to your hand?”

You looked down at your hand, somehow you had actually forgotten about the spill that happened only moments ago.

“Little coffee mishap,” You said with a small, awkward laugh. “I have some napkins in my office, though, so I’m just going to head in there.” You looked at Steve and directed another forced smile at him, you had a feeling you’d be doing that a lot now. “Nice to meet you.”

You mentioned something to Dan about seeing him at a faculty meeting later and then headed to your office, which was only about ten feet away.

When it was just you alone behind the shut door of your office, your brain could finally process everything that had just happened.

Steve was here. Not Hawkins, not Indiana, Rhode Island. And not only was he simply in Rhode Island, but he now worked at the college you had been working at for the past two and a half years.

The only word you could think of at that moment was “Fuck,” and then you couldn’t help but mutter it under your breath. You took a sip of your coffee and let the familiar sweet and slightly bitter taste soothe your nerves.

Barely thirty minutes later— after trying your hardest to finish up the planning for a lecture you had been working on for the past few days but failing miserably because your mind couldn’t help but wonder why Steve was here of all places— you were stepping out of your office and almost crashed right into him.

“Jesus Christ,” You yelped; once again so surprised to see him.

“I swear I was about to knock and this is just freakishly weird timing,” He quickly told you. “I wasn’t being a creep and waiting for you to come out.”

“Okay,” You said with a small nod. Somehow his nervousness at that moment made you feel less nervous. “Um, what’s up?”

“Can we talk, maybe?”

“I have a class in fifteen minutes, so I can’t now,” You told him as you glanced down at the watch on your wrist. “But, um, maybe soon, yeah?”

You were completely lying, there was no way you were going to talk to him soon; at least not about what you assumed he wanted to talk about. You refused to do that.

Luckily Steve couldn’t see through your lie, or if he did, he didn’t call you out on it. Instead, he nodded at your words before you walked away.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“'cause i knew you. steppin' on the last train marked me like a bloodstain. i knew you. tried to change the ending peter losing wendy.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Somehow, and much to your grateful surprise, you rarely ever saw Steve. And when you did, because he was only just upstairs so it was sort of inevitable, there were only quick passing glances shared between you two along with tight-lipped smiles and small waves; both of you too busy to have any kind of actual conversation with one another.

However, you did manage to learn a few things about him over the past month he’d been there. You heard through the grapevine— said grapevine being various faculty members that seemed to grow a quick liking to Steve— that he was taking over Tamara Wilson’s two Early European History classes for the rest of the Fall semester because she went on maternity leave, and in the Spring he’d be teaching it again along with a U.S. history course.

None of that information answered the one question constantly running through your mind, though.

What the hell was he doing here?

Because you had to admit, you were so curious to know about all of it. How he was here, why he was here, how this coincidence could’ve happened.

But, you also really didn’t want to talk to him because you had the strongest feeling that the conversation would also involve the past, that summer, and how much you didn’t want that to happen outweighed your curiosity.

Therefore, on the night of the college’s annual Winter Gala, the first instance that could actually allow you two to talk to one another, you still tried your hardest to avoid him.

You had always hated these kinds of events because they were solely used to schmooze alumni and other donors to get them to give the school money, and even though you understood the need for that, you still didn’t enjoy attending. However, you knew that you always had to show face, at least for an hour or two.

And you made it nearly an hour and a half without having to see Steve and you were almost certain that you actually wouldn’t see him. But, moments before you were about to make your final rounds and say goodbye to people, mainly Dan so you could prove to him that you’d shown up, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

It was almost too easy to know that it was Steve because it was only his touch that ever managed to send something equivalent to an electric shock through your body. And with the strapless black dress you were wearing, his hand making contact with your bare shoulder immediately made surprised goosebumps rise to your skin.

“Hi,” He said, offering a small smile. Somehow the first thing you noticed about him was the bow tie he was wearing. He was also wearing a black suit with a white button-up shirt, but the bow tie caught your eye first. You were immediately reminded of a memory of him saying how much he hated bow ties, but you had told him how great he looked in one. In this moment, you hated how right you still were.

“Hey,” You responded with a smile of your own, and you sincerely hoped he couldn’t see your nervousness through it. He opened his mouth to say something but you jumped in before he could. “How’s your first month here been so far?”

“Good,” Steve answered with a nod. “A little weird just jumping in at the middle of the semester and trying to go along with what Wilson already set on the syllabus. A weekly quiz was on there, and I immediately told the students that we wouldn’t be doing that anymore.”

“They probably love you for that.”

“Yeah, I got a round of applause on my first day.”

You couldn’t help but smile at that, you were only fifty percent sure that he was joking, but either way, the thought amused you.

You wanted to ask when he got into history and into teaching, but maybe that question would open a can of worms that would lead to other topics of conversation you wanted to stay away from.

“I can guarantee that at least half of them will want to be in your class next semester,” You said instead of asking what you really wanted. “You’re gonna be doing U.S. History, right?”

“Yeah, and I’ll still be taking over for Wilson, so I’ll have three courses next semester, which should be interesting,” Steve nodded, and then a look crossed his face as if he just remembered something. “But, that probably sounds like nothing to you because I heard that you’re currently doing four American Lit courses and one British Lit course. Oh, and you’re the only person in the English department teaching that many courses, which sounds insane but that’s also pretty cool.”

You pretended as if now knowing that he had asked about you didn’t affect you at least a tiny bit. And you also pretended that hearing the admiration in his voice didn’t affect you at all either.

“Yeah, I’ve only been teaching here for a little over two years, so I still get stuck with most of the basic courses. Which isn’t horrible, but it’s pretty boring and easy, so I always do a lot,” You told him with a small shrug. All of the work that had been on your plate for the past few years sounded like a lot— maybe even too much— but in your mind, it actually wasn’t as crazy as it seemed. Because you liked drowning yourself in your job, it made you feel useful, and you’d spent so much time before and right after you left Hawkins feeling the exact opposite that you’d do almost anything to make sure you never felt that way again. “But, next semester I’m doing an advanced Creative Writing course for the first time, in addition to only two American Lit courses, so I’m pretty excited about that.”

Steve smiled at you. “That’s nice.”

This small talk felt okay to you, it was bearable. It was also mundane and a little trivial, but you’d rather that than talk about the past. Apparently, Steve had other plans, though.

“I had no idea you moved here.”

You pulled your eyes away from his and focused on your half-empty flute of champagne that you’d gotten when you arrived at the event and was probably disgustingly warm by now. You contemplated for a few moments whether or not you should avoid Steve’s question or allow the conversation to go in the direction that it was inevitably meant to go in. Maybe it was stupid to think that you’d be able to pretend as if your past, which Steve was quite involved in, never existed.

“Yeah… I went to college in Massachusetts and then I went to grad school here in Rhode Island but in a different part of the state, a little more north. And I always just stayed here, always finding a reason to stay around, some small internship or job, and then I ended up at this college because a friend who was already working here recommended me. I had never done any teaching before, but I actually like it.”

You didn’t tell him that the main reason why you always found a reason— more so desperately searched for reasons— to stay in Rhode Island was so that you never had to go back to Hawkins. But, maybe that was obvious, at least to him, because he was a huge factor as to why you knew that you needed to leave that town and never look back.

You silently wondered if he had been gone from Hawkins for a long time too, and then you realized that with the turn the conversation had taken, you could actually ask that question.

“When did you leave Hawkins?”

“Almost ten years ago now,” Steve said, and you had to admit, you were kind of surprised by that answer. To you, he always seemed like the type of person that would want to stay in the small town. “Decided it was time for a scenery change and my parents, especially my dad, were more than happy to send me anywhere.” He let out a dry and slightly sad chuckle, and you were all too quickly reminded of why you had always despised his parents. “He pulled some strings at this small college in Ohio, so I went there and actually liked it a lot, and I haven’t been back to Hawkins since.”

You two were sitting at an empty table now, somehow silently agreeing to migrate to that spot as you continued your conversation. You placed the glass in your hand on the white tablecloth and turned to look at Steve.

“When did you get into history?”

“My first semester I had this professor for a World History class and he was really great; Richard James. It was probably the first class ever that I actually cared about what was going on because of how he was teaching everything and I became pretty interested in history. I took a couple more history classes with him and some other professors too, and still really liked it so I changed my major to it. And after I graduated I started TA-ing for some of the advanced classes he was teaching.”

There was a smile on your face that you wanted to get rid of but couldn’t because it was just so nice to hear how happy Steve was as he talked about the past almost ten years of his life. You hated to admit it, and you’d probably never do so out loud, but there was still a part of you that cared about him so much, and you were glad that he was happy.

“And then I ended up here because last month Richard was supposed to do a talk here, but he got sick last second and asked me to fill in for him. And for some reason, the head of the History department really liked me and offered me a job.”

You had never been the biggest fan of history so it wasn’t that surprising that you had missed the first time that Steve had been here, but your mind couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if your paths had accidentally crossed then.

“I want you to know, though, that if I would’ve known that you also worked here, I wouldn’t have taken the job,” Steve told you, somehow pretty much reading your mind and answering your unasked question. “Because I know you left Hawkins because of me. Because you never wanted to see me again, which I completely understand.”

His words right then surprised you and you had no idea what to say in response to that; your thoughts started running a million miles a second and you could only look down at your hands in your lap. But then you didn’t have to say anything because Steve kept talking.

“I’m still really sorry about everything that happened.”

You were so close to telling him to stop talking about it. You were fully ready to make up some lie about how the past was in the past, and how you were over everything that happened twelve years ago.

But, right then you actually didn’t want to lie and pretend that none of it mattered. You didn’t want to avoid the past like a plague, as you’d been doing for the past decade, and like you especially had been doing for the past month since Steve showed up in Rhode Island.

However, it couldn’t happen here. In the school’s basketball court that had been transformed for the evening into a ballroom-type of elegant space. No one was paying attention to either of you, but the potential for someone to come up at any moment while you were finally having this conversation with Steve worried you.

You finally let your eyes meet his again. “Can we talk about this outside?”

Steve nodded as you stood up and he followed you out the nearest door.

It was dark outside, the time now nearing on ten o’clock, but the many lamp posts brightened up the emptiness of the quad. You found a bench and sat down, the cool metal against your back calmed your nerves a bit.

You were suddenly reminded of the last time you and Steve talked to each other before you left Hawkins, which was about a month into Senior year at a random party at Rachel McKenna’s house. It was barely even a conversation because you refused to listen to him and his slew of apologies back then. And then you also refused to talk to him for the entirety of the school year.

You were still unsure if you had any regrets about that.

“I really don’t even know where to start,” You said now with a small sigh. “I always forced myself to never think about us; about that summer and the aftermath of it too. For the longest time I pretended as if none of it really mattered. Because I knew that we no longer mattered to each other.”

“You always mattered to me,” Steve told you and it was almost too easy to hear the honesty in his tone.

Still, you were quick to shake your head at him. “Stop, you can’t say stuff like that.”

“But, it’s the truth.”

You bypassed that softly spoken statement because even though you could hear that he was being honest, you didn’t want to acknowledge it right then. So, instead, you focused on something else that he previously said.

“You’re right. You were the main reason that I left Hawkins, not the only reason but definitely one of the big ones. But, it’s also funny because you were one of the reasons why I almost wanted to stay.” Your next words sat right on the tip of your tongue, but they were almost too hard to get out. You cleared your throat and took a quick breath before speaking. “Because I loved you, I literally loved you. So much. But, I knew that I couldn’t, or that I shouldn’t, because nothing could actually happen between us. That summer we were living in a dumb fairytale that could never become a reality. And it was so fucking stupid of me to ever think that we could actually be something real.”

“I wanted us to be something real,” Steve said and you had to bite back the scoff you wanted to let out in response.

“Yeah, weeks after you told me that what we were doing would have to be over because it was the end of summer and Nancy was coming back to town,” You said, trying hard not to let yourself get thrust back into that memory because the exact words he had said to you that day were still etched in your mind. “But, when we abruptly ended, it finally put everything into perspective for me. I felt like such a shitty person because of what we did and how it was a fucked up thing to do. And then immediately having to pretend as if none of it ever happened made it all feel so much worse. I hated you, but I hated myself so much more for everything that happened. That’s why I never wanted to see you or talk to you again, especially at that stupid party.”

You hadn’t realized you were crying until a soft look took over Steve’s face and you suddenly felt the wetness on your cheeks. You haphazardly wiped them away and averted your eyes from his, feeling immensely embarrassed because you hated that talking about all of that, things from years and years ago, still made you cry like you were that seventeen-year-old girl all over again.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry you felt that way,” Steve told you. “But, it was all so much more my fault than it was yours. I was the one that cheated on her.”

“But, I knew. I knew about Nancy, and I knew that what we were doing was wrong.” But, I still did it because I wanted you so bad, and I loved that you wanted me too. You didn’t say that part because you hated the way it would make you sound.

“Still, it will always be more my fault. I was such an asshole back then. All of that ‘King Steve’ stuff really got to my head and I did a lot of shitty things,” He said, and you could tell that he wasn’t proud of that part of his past and he really did feel bad about it. “But, I don’t regret you, or us, or that summer, though. And maybe that still makes me somewhat of an asshole, but that’s okay because it’s true. I don’t regret you. Not at all.”

Somehow hearing him say those words made you realize that you didn’t regret any of it either, which was a thought that actually made you want to cry harder. Because even though you should’ve regretted everything because of every single thing that happened after— the hurt and shame you felt so strongly for months after— you knew that you’d let yourself do it all over again.

You’d still stupidly talk to him for the first time ever outside “Ralph’s Sandwich Shop” after he mocked you on the fact that you liked to put potato chips inside your sandwich and then praised you once he tried it and realized how good it was. And you’d definitely still let him kiss you for the first while swimming in his pool in the middle of the night after whispering to him, “Are you sure?” and his answer being a small nod and his lips pressing against yours that led to the chain of events that brought you both to where you were now.

You wholeheartedly knew that you’d do it all over again. And because of that, it made you say your next statement.

“I don’t want to be angry and upset with you anymore, or pretend you don't exist. I want us to be okay with each other.”

“I want that too. I want us to be friends,” Steve said, and although being friends was a lot different from simply being okay with one another, it actually didn’t sound like too crazy of an idea to you.

You nodded at him. “Okay. Yeah, me too.”

You held out your hand for Steve to take, which he did, and the two of you shook hands to seal this “deal.”

Your gaze broke from his and you glanced down a bit. “Nice bow tie, by the way.”

“I remember someone told me that I looked good in them and I believed her.”

“She’s still right.”

“Good to know.”

You both smiled at each other and then laughed, and it may have taken twelve years, but it finally felt like the past was really in the past.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“but i knew you. dancin' in your levi's, drunk under a streetlight. i knew you. hand under my sweatshirt, baby, kiss it better.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Spring Semester 1997

It was during the most random of moments that you were startled by how close you were able to become with Steve again, and how almost too easily it was able to happen.

Joking around with one another actually felt normal to do, and even talking to each other about anything and everything somehow felt like second nature all over again.

Steve was the one person from your “before” life that you had wholeheartedly believed you never wanted to see again, and now you were glad that he was in your life again. Those stark lines between “before” and “after” that you had drawn twelve years ago were now completely smudged.

Sometimes when the two of you were in your or his office late at night simultaneously working on whatever you needed to while eating takeout from random places, you were hit with the thought, “Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m here with Steve fucking Harrington right now,” and when you would tell him that random thought, he’d laugh a bit and agree that this sudden turn of events did feel at least a little unexpected.

But, he liked how things changed these past few months, and you really did too.

Now it was you asking to use the shower in his hotel room that once again made you feel surprised by how comfortable you were with him.

“Can I use your shower? The one in my room doesn’t get hot for some reason,” You had said and then immediately laughed because of how insane the request was, but of course, Steve didn’t mind.

“Yeah, sure,” He answered with a nod of his head, opening his door further to fully let you in the room.

“Thank you,” You said, smiling at him as you walked in, a towel from your hotel room next door in hand along with a change of clothes. “I’m gonna tell the front desk about it tomorrow. I would do it now, but after the four-hour drive today, I actually feel disgusting and am in dire need of a shower.”

The two of you along with a handful of other faculty from the English, History, and Theology departments were in upstate New York for a small weekend-long conference. Things like that were definitely one of your favorite parts of your job. Hearing talks from the authors of books that you loved, and then being able to pick their brains afterward. It felt like you were a student all over again, but in a better way because you were only listening to the stuff you cared about.

It was also pretty endearing seeing how excited Steve was about everything too. He’d gone on and on about a lecture on World War II that was scheduled for tomorrow for at least an hour during your car ride together, and his happy rambling somehow made you want to go to it too.

“I haven’t taken a shower yet, so I actually don’t know if mine works either,” Steve told you as you headed toward the bathroom.

“Oh God, please don’t say that,” You responded and went to turn on the shower. You sighed in relief when you felt the water get warm on your hand. “Okay, we’re good!”

After your shower, you joined Steve where he was sitting at the foot of his bed. It probably would’ve made sense to head back to your room, both of you had to be up fairly early in the morning, but you didn’t necessarily want to leave just yet; even though the two of you had just spent the past four hours holed up in a car together.

He was clicking through channels on the small television placed atop the dresser, trying to decide on something to put on, before settling on a movie that looked quite familiar to you; Footloose. It was the movie that the two of you watched the first time you went over to his house that summer.

“Do you remember this movie?” He smiled at you and it was hard not to laugh at his question.

You met his gaze. “I definitely remember, but do you? Because you fell asleep during it.”

“I eventually got around to watching it,” He responded and you smiled at that.

“Good,” You told him as you pulled your eyes away from his and turned your attention back toward the television, the movie was close to the end.

When the credits started rolling ten minutes later, you were about to say goodnight to Steve and finally head back next door to your room, but he started speaking before you said anything.

“Do you ever wonder how different things would be now if we had ended up together back then?” He asked, and the vulnerability and genuine curiosity laced within the question made your heart constrict. “If I hadn’t been an idiot and gone back to Nancy at the end of the summer. If I realized earlier that I really wanted to be with you.”

His words actually managed to surprise you because, over the last few months of you and Steve becoming friends again, that part of your deeply intertwined past was something that neither of you talked about. What the two of you used to be to each other, so deeply and utterly in love, hadn’t once come up in your conversations. Maybe it was the elephant in the room that had yet to be addressed. However, a part of you also felt that it was unnecessary to talk about it because, just like everything else, that was also in the past.

“Things would’ve definitely been different,” You ultimately said, words feeling unsure because you now felt so confused. Your next statements came out rushed as you leaned back on the bed, your back hitting the comforter and your hands covering your face because you were purposefully avoiding eye contact with him. “Sorry, I don’t really know what to say right now. I didn’t expect you to say that, and now my mind is kinda spiraling a bit.”

The question became a broken record in your mind.

Do you ever wonder how different things would be now if we had ended up together back then?

You actually had never wondered about that because, for the longest time, you had forced yourself not to think about Steve, or that summer, or even Hawkins in general. But now your brain was spiraling in a thousand different directions with potential answers to the simply stated but insanely loaded question.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That was a stupid question. I don’t even know why I asked it, honestly,” Steve responded, words coming out rushed just as yours had. Something about his current sudden nervousness reminded you of the first encounter you two had in the hallway when you learned that he lived in Rhode Island. “Please forget I said anything.”

You didn’t want to forget, though.

“It would’ve been good, I think,” You said softly. You could feel Steve’s eyes on you, but you still didn’t want to meet his gaze. “I think we would’ve been really good together. I wouldn’t have spent almost every day working at the library, and instead, I would’ve gone to your basketball games and swim meets, and I’d actually enjoy it all because I was watching you. And we would’ve gotten drunk at parties on the weekends, and then the next morning you’d still drive me to my shift at the library and stay the entire time because there was nothing else that you wanted to spend your Sunday morning and afternoon doing. Maybe after graduating, we would’ve chosen colleges somewhere close to Hawkins, or even somewhere so far away from the small town. Probably someplace far away. But that part of it doesn’t really matter because we would’ve been together, and that’s all that would have mattered.”

There was really no doubt in your mind that that would’ve happened, or a different but similar version occurring that also included you and Steve simply being happy and in love with one another.

You felt the bed shift a bit after a few moments of your previous words lingering in the air of the hotel room and settling heavily over Steve, and you finally pulled your hands away from your face to look at him. He was now also leaning back against the bed and staring up at the ceiling.

“God, I was such a dumbass,” He muttered, and you could hear the sadness in his voice.

You turned on your side to face him. “We both were. I wish I let myself forgive you at that party.”

“I didn’t deserve your forgiveness then,” He responded as he turned on his side as well and met your eyes. “Sometimes I feel like I barely deserve it now.”

There was so much you could’ve said in response to that but words didn’t feel right in that moment. So, instead of saying something along the lines of, “Please stop beating yourself up about it. You’re a good person,” you shimmied yourself closer to him, closing the small gap of space between you two, and pulled him in for a hug.

The position was awkward, one of your arms was sandwiched underneath him and you knew that it would almost immediately fall asleep and cause some discomfort. However, any and all awkwardness faded away when you felt Steve reciprocate and his arms circled around you.

“It’s okay, okay? I promise everything is okay between us,” You whispered, almost certain that your words got lost in his neck, but when you felt him squeeze you tighter you knew that he was able to hear you clearly. And not only that, but he believed you.

And then it felt like almost second nature for you to make a joke to make things feel light again. “Actually, I’m still offended that you fell asleep during Footloose the first time we ever hung out. I don’t forgive you for that.”

You felt his body shake with laughter which made you smile, and after a few moments, you pulled back from the hug to find him smiling softly at you.

“I’ll redeem myself when the sequel comes out,” He said.

“It’s been twelve years, I think the sequel ship has sailed.”

He laughed again. “Okay, yeah, that’s true.”

You should’ve taken the newfound silence as your opportunity to say goodnight to him and head next door to your room. However, you couldn’t find the will to fully pull yourself away from him. His arms were still around you, like yours were, and your faces were dangerously close. But, the current proximity didn’t feel dangerous or worrisome to you. Instead, it simply felt right; which was an abrupt feeling that should’ve confused you, but somehow it didn’t.

“I really missed you,” He told you, breaking the silence with a statement that only cemented that “rightness” you were feeling at that moment.

“I missed you too.” Your four words somehow felt so effortlessly honest. Even though you had pretended that he and that summer never mattered by forcing your thoughts away from it all, Steve always still held a place in your heart. Deep down inside of you, something that resembled a yearning for him almost always lingered. “I constantly tried to tell myself that that wasn’t true, but I really did miss you… And I’m so glad we’re here right now.”

“Me too.” He looked at you so softly that you felt yourself slowly melting under his gaze.

In your mind, which now suddenly felt so clear and the farthest thing from confused, the next thing you wanted to do seemed like the best thing to do. In fact, it was something that you felt like you needed to do.

Your hand that was resting at the nape of Steve’s neck moved to his cheek as you dipped your head just a tiny bit closer to him.

Steve closed the small gap some more and his lips ghosted over yours for what felt like a fraction of a second before he pulled back a little and looked at you. “Are you sure?”

“Now that sounds awfully familiar,” You joked, referring to that moment in his pool all those years ago, and although he cracked a smile at your statement, you knew his question was serious.

You weren’t kids anymore. The two of you couldn’t just kiss and let it mean nothing in the end.

But, you truly didn’t want it to mean nothing.

You couldn’t have a good ending back then, but did that mean that you still couldn’t have one now?

“I’m so sure about this,” You told him and before he could potentially respond with anything, you let your lips find his, and how quickly Steve kissed you back nonverbally told you how he felt about it all too.

You were completely done for, you knew that for certain. There was nothing that could compare to this and there would never be anything that could compare to this— Steve’s lips on yours for the first time in years, but it feeling like the last time it happened was only yesterday. It was all so innate and easy, probably the easiest thing you’d ever done.

The way his hand found your waist to pull you even closer to him, which made you inwardly smile, and the way you let your fingers settle in his hair and lightly tug on the brown locks, which elicited a soft sigh in contentment from him— you still knew every part of each other so well.

Two people that had been apart for so long finally coming back together. It was a statement that technically summed up you and Steve, but in your eyes, that felt too simple and didn’t accurately summarize the hurt, pain, and turmoil that had accompanied the past twelve years. And it especially didn’t correctly encompass the current part of it all, the “coming back together” part.

Because that part felt indescribable.

A part of it felt similar to watching a movie that ended just the way you wanted it to, or having someone right there to help you get back up and patch up your wounds after you’d fallen off your bike. A feeling that said that even though everything had once felt so uncertain and the complete opposite of perfect, it wasn’t that way anymore.

Things quickly felt so good and right, and both of you were already making internal promises— promises that you’d later whisper to one another while wrapped up in the sheets of Steve’s bed— to never let each other go so easily again.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

“and i knew you'd come back to me. you’d come back.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

let me know ur thoughts<333

(read “august” here!)

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem!reader #stranger things fic #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #steve harrington angst #steve harrington one shot #stranger things imagine #stranger things smut #stranger things fluff

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comiicii · 2 months

Text

Backdrop: Life had been mundane until you met Clark Kent.

Pairing: clark kent x fem!reader

Warnings: None, probably some grammatical errors and a little sadness if you’re a sap like me.

A's notes: inspired by ariana grande’s new album eternal sunshine, i’ll be doing a series of one shots based on the songs. they’ll be in no particular order and will be written for other characters but some will be featured more than once if they fit the song i’m writing about. ‘we cant be friends’ has me crying whenever i watch the video and i tear up a lot listening to it so enjoy this train wreck of a story.

Word count: 3.8k

For as long as you could remember, life was nothing special. It wasn’t horrible but you woke up most days simply doing work and trying to advance your career. Your life was mundane and filled with memories of you alone after moving to Metropolis. That was until you met him. Clark Kent. You had bumped into each other on your way into the Daily Planet for an interview. Well, it was actually you bumping into his broad chest and him catching you before you hit the marble floor. The softness in his deep ocean blue eyes were what made your heart do something it had never done. It felt like a pull in your chest that you hadn’t felt before. As if the universe made sense. Once you finally registered his apologies, you came to your senses and tried to apologize for not watching where you were going. Then he smiled. Now your stomach fluttered. That was not something your body usually did when it came to people. After he introduced himself, it was as if the world had color to it again.

It would be an understatement to say that you fell for Clark Kent. You deeply fell for Clark. Words could not express the love you instantly felt for him. And he fell just as hard for you. When he revealed his true identity to you, it only solidified the endless bounty of your love for him since he was willing to trust you with every part of himself that he didn’t share with the rest of the world. Life seemed to finally be worth living and getting up for. Every morning you rose with the sun and slowly forgot about those meek feelings that used to fill your body.

It wasn’t hard for the two of you to make some of the happiest memories together. Your then-apartment had been littered with trinkets that marked your happiest moments with Clark. Like the teddy bear he won for you when he took you to a carnival in his Kansas hometown. Or the homemade picture frame that had a silly selfie Clark took of the two of you while at work. Once you moved in together, the apartment you shared was filled with more memories the two of you made together. As a house warming gift, he presented you with a beautiful pendant necklace with both your birthstones that came together to make a heart. It’s a necklace you wear everyday and became a reminder that someone loved you unconditionally. When he proposed to you atop the ferris wheel, the ring was designed to match the necklace. Your wedding was small and intimate with just friends and family in attendance on the Kent family farm. It was the highlight of your life to be marrying the man of your dreams.

Life wasn’t always perfect with Clark though. Sharing your boyfriend (and eventual husband) with the world was not the easiest task to undertake but when he came home to you, those insecurities subsided. But those pesky feelings still lingered. Feelings of being unwanted and insecurities plagued the back of your mind. Besides, the Daily Planet constantly wrote puff pieces of his alter ego - with a few being written by you. As time passed and the world became more cruel, it became harder to keep those thoughts hidden. Little by little, those insecurities reared their ugly heads that led to some of the lowest of lows in your life since meeting Clark. He didn’t seem to understand why you were feeling as such and justified his work that it was his life’s purpose. And you didn’t seem to understand why he couldn’t empathize with your feelings. You stood by him through thick and thin. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly that came with being Superman. You weren’t perfect either, though. You were an ambitious reporter and were climbing up in your career at the Daily Planet. Your work also came with some ugliness as you advanced in your career. This meant that the two of you were in the spotlight for your work. Two very different spotlights but spotlights nonetheless.

It hit particularly hard the one argument that ensued after he missed your first wedding anniversary. It was an important milestone that you had planned out for weeks. You had made reservations at the restaurant you had your first date on and he didn’t make an appearance until the morning hours of the following day. You had looked like a fool at the restaurant; patrons giving you looks of pity as you sipped on your water and twiddled your thumbs like a fool waiting for him. When he greeted you with a bouquet of lilies - the first drop of uneasiness touched your chest. You weren’t happy to see him. To see his sweet face you’d kissed good morning the morning before. To see his ocean eyes that carried such sincerity because he had broken a promise to you. He could see that he couldn’t avoid a fight with you because you didn’t look at him with love. Your eyes were filled with disappointment. The argument that ensued ended with him leaving for most of the day as you sobbed into your pillow. When he had returned you had awoken only to softly cry yourself to sleep again.

It took two days for the two of you to speak again and work through the argument. You both tried to be more mindful and quickly moved on from the unhappy moment. A part of you was content with the conversation and hopeful for what was to come with Clark. It wasn’t the first fight you two had but it was the first that hurt you so deeply.

Nothing could’ve prepared you for the day you had asked for a divorce from Clark. It wasn’t something you planned but it wasn’t something you hadn’t contemplated in the recent year after your third wedding anniversary. It had come out of your mouth after another argument that was going nowhere. You had argued about how you were growing apart - how you had taken time off after planning to go away for a small vacation just the two of you and he wasn’t putting in the effort. He had come home late but it wasn’t because of him being Superman. It was because he worked late with Lois Lane on a story after he had told you that morning he’d be home to go on the trip. You were prepared to forgive him if it was because of his Superman duties but this was the last straw.

You weren’t the jealous type but even at work, it seemed like the two of you barely spoke as the years progressed. He got paired up with Lois for more stories and you didn’t like the sinking twist of your stomach whenever you saw Clark with her. They looked cute together and probably the office assumed he was sleeping with her given how flirty they tended to be (at least she was). The first time he noticed how much it bothered you, he assured you with his words and actions that he felt nothing for the reporter. He went as far as to give you a passionate kiss in the middle of the office, in front of Lois, as you bid him goodbye to go to an interview for a story you were writing. It had made you weak in the knees and you were close to pulling him into the archives room to continue the passion but you simply blushed and told him you loved him with the most love struck smile on your face. That squashed those insecurities for a while until you started noticing how close they’d sit together while brainstorming or how he began to stay later with her to work on a story. You tried not to be the jealous wife but you couldn’t help the green monster that was building on your fears and insecurities. The few times you brought it up afterwards, Clark was dismissive about your feelings. It hurt you. Hurt how little he seemed to care about your feelings.

From there, arguments were becoming more common. Filled with silence or one of you leaving the apartment for some time. It had become common practice to not speak to each other and eventually move on from the argument. You hated that your marriage had come to this point. After the last argument, you had left the apartment this time. You checked into a hotel and went to the bar for a drink. You looked at your ring and a tear ran down your cheek realizing that it didn’t give you hope. It didn’t give you the feeling you were hoping for because deep down, you knew that you couldn’t continue in the marriage if it wasn’t going to be mended. You had run the course of the marriage and it pained you. When you returned two days later, Clark was making lunch for both of you. He was prepared to go on the trip and put the argument behind. Your heart was racing because you didn’t want to do this. You didn’t want to end something you had hoped would never end but it had to end. You needed to be the one to make Clark realize that the two of you weren’t going to get the happy ending. Not with each other. You were prepared for him to be upset and yell and express every reasonable emotion. When you uttered those terrible words, he simply froze and you could see his heart shatter from the look he gave you because he knew you were going to see the divorce through. The day ended with you packing your things and going back to the hotel, retaining a divorce lawyer and hunting for apartments. You had managed to find a job as a journalist for a small paper and put in your two weeks at the Daily Planet. By the end of it all, all you gave Clark was a letter asking for forgiveness for ending your marriage. Detailing all the love you had for him was genuine and would always remain but that for now, your paths had to separate. You ended the letter acknowledging that the two of you couldn’t be friends but that you’d wait for that day to come. Wait for the day that he’d like you again. You’d wait for his love again.

Clark’s heartbreak was just about close to unbearable as he didn’t pull his punches during missions and even Bruce had to pull him back from time to time. He had clung to that letter you wrote him and cried so hard the day he received it. Beating himself up for letting one of the most important people in his life feel the need to cut ties with him. Letting you feel like you had to end your story together. You weren’t fairing much better. For the first few months, you were crying yourself to sleep almost daily. Life had become mundane and when you thought of Clark, it became sad and lonely. You hated the pain you felt in your chest that had spread to your whole body.

A coworker at your new job had seen how sad you were about your divorce and handed you an ad about Wayne Enterprises having technology that claimed to erase people from your memory. A part of you didn’t think such a thing existed but you knew Bruce wouldn’t build something if it didn’t work. When Bruce Wayne saw your name on the list of possible subjects, he reached out to you. Meaning, he paid a visit at your current apartment that was now closer to Gotham. You had known Bruce through Clark and knew of his alter-ego as well. Batman had actually saved you a few times when you were in Gotham chasing leads and doing interviews. When he first met you, Clark and you had been together for a year and had been invited to one of Bruce’s fancy charity events. He had seen how in love you two were. He hadn’t seen Clark so happy before you came into his life and he could see the adoration you held for the Kryptonian. Clark had even said to him that night that he was going to marry you. It warmed his heart to see how happy you two had made each other in such a short period of time.

You had ironically decided to have the procedure done on what would’ve been your fourth wedding anniversary. You looked down at the box that contained every memory attached to Clark. The receptionist had handed you a clipboard with a waiver to sign; giving Wayne Enterprises permission to move forward with the process. A nurse came out to call your name and you handed her the clipboard. She brought you inside and took the box of your memories. You sat down and took deep breaths, the nurse giving you a few minutes as she left to get he others for the procedure. You looked around at the room, it was meant to look comfortable given the severity of the process. There was a mirror on the wall to your right. You figured it was part of the original room and that maybe on the other side were boxes of other people’s memories.

On the other side of the mirror, Clark stood looking at your nervous self that waited for the technicians to arrive. Bruce had elected to do the procedure himself for his friend after informing him that you had signed up for it yourself. Clark had come in on the same day per Bruce’s request since he figured it was best for it to be done on the same day for the both of you. Clark had come in with a box full of memories connected to you. Pictures that he had of you and different items you had gotten him through the years such as the bracelet you made for him while he was away on a mission with the Justice League. You had put beads with your initials on the bracelet and just like you wore your necklace, he wore his bracelet. The box also contained a picture he had taken of you out on his parent’s farm the weekend he brought you home to meet Ma Kent. The box unsurprisingly contained a great deal of pictures of you that he took. Some silly ones, cute ones, romantic and his most cherished one was at the top of the pile. It was a picture of the two of you kissing on your wedding day. Clark had taken it himself with his digital camera he carried everywhere with him. His other favorite picture was one of you under the covers, smiling and looking so peaceful and happy as he took the picture, wearing one of his flannels. It was taken the morning after he proposed to you. You had a picture of Clark in your box that you had taken a few seconds after he took that photo. He didn’t want to put anything in the box and be selfish but he knew for it to work, he had to follow Bruce’s instruction. The one item that wasn’t in the box was the letter you wrote him after your divorce. The one that solidified your parting of ways. He gave the letter to Bruce and told him wished he hadn’t made you feel so hurt that you had to do this.

With that, the billionaire decided to tell his friend that this wasn’t the first time the two of you had gone through this procedure. Two years prior to the two of you meeting, you both had been together for three years and had a great falling out that ended the relationship. It was enough to bring the both of you, at separate times, to him and ask to have your memories of each other erased. Bruce wanted to tell you but the sadness reflected in your eyes was enough to keep his mouth shut. Maybe deep down you knew that this wasn’t the first time you wanted to erase Clark from your life. You loved him so deeply that the only way for life to move forward again, he had to be erased. Clark didn’t realize he was crying as he heard his friend recount the first time you two had come in and watched you play with the pendant necklace he gave you when you moved in together. He still remembers how nervous he was to gift it to you; worried it was not going to be your style. He remembers how his heart leaped when you squealed with joy at the present. His heart felt heavy knowing you still wore the necklace despite being divorced. It was bittersweet hope that maybe you’d be able to try again without having to do this. He wanted to break through the window and beg you not to forget him but he knew that once your mind was made up, you saw it through. So, he sat down and asked Bruce to erase his memories of your relationship. All Clark wanted was for you to be happy. If that meant erasing him, he would learn to live with that.

As you closed your eyes, recounting the countless memories you had made with Clark for the last five years, it was hard to hold back the few tears that wet your cheeks. Your breathing got heavy as Clark disappeared from your life. Your fingers reached for your necklace - the remaining piece of the love you were erasing from your entire being. You looked at the nurses beside you, asking with teary eyes if you could keep just this one memory for yourself. You softly begged them as one nurse held your hand and told you that it was going to be okay, that the process was almost complete. You took in a shaky breath and closed your eyes as your fingers cling to the pendant; feeling the final memory of Clark’s ocean eyes fade.

When you opened your eyes again, you were slightly disoriented but greeted with the kind face of the nurse. She asked if you were okay and you smiled. You knew whatever just happened, it worked because there was a lightness in your chest. It felt as though you were brand new. As you stood from the chair, you thanked everyone. Without noticing, Bruce Wayne had come in to the room to congratulate you on the success of the procedure. You thanked the billionaire and went about your day. You took in the crisp afternoon air of Gotham and headed back your apartment. Clark came out the building a few minutes after you.

A few years later, life was certainly different. You had landed a job working for the Gotham Gazette as the lead investigative reporter and had made a name for yourself. You were content with life but there was something missing. At night, you found yourself out on dates that never led anywhere. On the nights where it was particularly bad, you phoned your billionaire friend Bruce Wayne whom you grew closer to in the following years with working at the Gazette. He became a confidant for your woes and wishes of your life. Bruce had come to deeply care about you after you had the procedure. Part of the reason was because Clark asked him to look out for you since he wouldn’t be able to. He couldn’t help to grow close to you because you were that type of soul that brought a warmth and comfort he hadn’t felt since he lost his parents.

Clark had focused on his work in the following years of his procedure. He had struck a relationship with his coworker, Lois Lane. They had been together for three years but it wasn’t working. Mainly because Clark hadn’t felt he could spend his life with her. She was beautiful, smart, ambitious and just about everything he could ask for in a partner but there was something missing. He couldn’t put his finger on it and quite frankly it killed him to continue in a relationship he knew wasn’t going to end in marriage.

Bruce had invited you to his charity event to raise money for the orphaned children of Gotham. He always invited you since he knew it could be good for networking for you and every now and then, you would get a date out of it. Clark and the other Justice League members were in attendance for this event as they knew this was an important cause for Bruce. Clark had just broken up with Lois the week prior and had been sulking, He originally wasn’t going to attend the event but Bruce and the others convinced him that a night out would be good for him.

A couple of hours into the event and you find yourself feeling out of place. Especially with the dress you chose; it was from a thrift shop you had found in Gotham and it had more of a bohemian look to it rather than the posh aura the other attendees wore. Bruce had checked in with you a few times to make sure you were okay; knowing how intense the scene of the Gotham elite could be and assuring you in the process of how beautiful you looked. You found yourself at the bar, grabbing what seemed to be your fifth flute of champagne for the night. Your spacial awareness was starting to go so it wasn’t surprising when you bumped into a large figure at your side, spilling some of your drink on him. You were a mess apologizing to the man. You were expecting him to make fuss but it was a pleasant surprise when you heard him softly chuckling at you. You were flushed with embarrassment but when you stared into the eyes of the man, your heart stopped. Meeting his deep blue eyes spread a warmth the champagne earlier hadn’t achieved. His heart also seemed to stop upon meeting your gaze. Your eyes made him feel like he had finally come home after a long journey of searching.

To continue having you in his presence, he joked that you owed him a dance in order to make up for ever so slightly wetting the sleeve of his navy blue suit. Hearing the slight mischievous tone only made you laugh in agreement, a sound he already found addicting. When he pulled you close to him, you hoped he couldn’t hear how hard your heart was beating. As you followed his lead, you relaxed and he took the opportunity to ask for your name.

��Y/N.”

“Clark.”

#clark kent imagine #superman imagine #clark kent x reader #superman x reader #clark kent fanfiction #superman fanfiction #henry cavill superman #henry cavill superman x reader #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill fanfiction #dc imagine #dc imagines #dceu imagine #dceu imagines #eternal sunshine series

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r0mantic-f00l · 1 month

Text

(sooo finally did it, sorry for posting late! just a fair warning, this is super sad, so read with discretion. also not proof read)

Just a Man

Sirius Black was pathetic.

Nothing more than a man who found delight in people's suffering.

In your suffering.

So you ended it with him. You did not know how, did not know where the strength and courage came from to put yourself first, yet you did know that the infatuation, the excitement that Sirius Black was, it faded. Like a mere illusion.

It was as if you woke up one day from a dream, or was it a nightmare? Is it possible for an experience to be both?

Every connection with him was cut off. You no longer talked to his friends, no longer possessed his shirts and vinyl albums and jewelry he had gifted you. You put it all in a box and left it outside his door.

It sounds as if it was easy, just leaving him in a heartbeat. Not loving him anymore. It was not easy, no. It was a battle. A battle with him, yes, because he refused to let go. But a battle with your heart too, because it refused to let go of him. Hope still lingered that perhaps all those things he would whisper to you in the midst of lust or drunkeness were true, were statements that he meant deeply.

You knew he didn't.

That's why you left.

But he couldn't leave you.

That is why Sirius Black was pathetic.

-♡-

The glow of the streetlight near to your apartment slid through the cracks of your window's blinds whilst you lied on your bed, reading a book that you had only begun a couple days beforehand.

Ticking of the clock that rested on your bedside table would distract you from your reading, reminding you that it was nearing midnight and you needed to get sufficient rest to make sure you would wake up the next day early enough to do everything you wanted to do.

However, the book was too captivating.

A knock on the door, followed by the shouting of your name finally dragged you away from the novel.

You knew who it was.

You hoped it wasn't him.

But you knew it would be.

You walked out of your bedroom and into the living room, where your front door was being abused by a repeated knocking.

Exasperated, you unlocked it and only opened the door by a smidge, a little crack showing two familiar faces.

Peter Pettigrew, holding up Sirius like a broken doll.

"No." You protested before Peter could even utter out a word.

The man sighed as he begged you silently with his eyes to listen to him whilst Sirius swayed where he stood.

"He keeps shouting your name."

"So?"

Peter scoffed.

"So he wants to talk to you, and he won't rest until he does."

"This is the fourth time this month, Peter." You spoke through gritted teeth, your patience running very thin.

"And it won't happen again. Promise."

It was an empty promise. Of course it was. Any promise made on Sirius' behalf always failed to come to fruition.

Yet before you could say anything further, Sirius murmured your name with his head hung low, seemingly too inebriated to recognise the door in front of him.

"I can't do this again, Peter. I want to move on." Subconsciously, you opened the door a bit further, the creaking noise gathering the attention of Sirius, who rose his head and widened his eyes when he saw your face.

He smiled widely, drunkenly, and cheered your name as if you were the answer to his prayers.

"I'll pick him up in the morning." Peter rushed his words out and left, making Sirius stumble in his footing and instead balance on the wall beside him, leaning against it as he grinned at you.

You sighed and fully opened the door, wrapping your arm around Sirius' back as you helped walk him into your apartment.

"Hello, my love." He murmured into your ear, the smell of vodka and cheap beer wafting into your nose as he leaned down to you.

You scowled and dropped him on your sofa, going to walk away to the kitchen to get him a drink of water before he held tightly onto your wrist.

"Where are you going?" Sirius pouted, like a spoilt child.

"Kitchen. Need to get you some water." You replied simply, and walked away when Sirius begrudgingly let go of your wrist.

The trinkle of water into the glass was not loud enough to cover Sirius' shouting as you stood by the sink, sighing as he spoke.

"Y-You would never beli-believed what happened to me tonight." Sirius slurred, turning around on the couch to face the kitchen.

"This girl, some random girl, came up to me and started- just started flirting!" He gasped out, shocked for some reason whilst you walked towards him with a glass in your hand.

"So, so I told her I have a girlfriend--"

"You don't have a girlfriend, Sirius." You placed the glass of water down in front of him and walked behind the couch.

The man grinned and rolled his head back, gazing at you with that typical arrogant, dangerous look.

"Yeah, but, I will do."

Your eyebrows furrowed as you crossed your arms.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Sirius leaned forward and took a sip of his water, humming as he drank it, and placed it back down as he turned to face you.

"Well, whatever thing you're going through now, you-you'll snap out of it soon." He smiled and ran his hand through his hair.

"And we'll be back together like nothing happened."

You scoffed and walked away from him, tired of his naivety.

"No, we won't."

Sirius chuckled and stood up from the couch, following after you.

"Hey, where you going, darling?"

"I'm not your darling!" You snapped, turning around to face him.

Rage filled your bones with the energy of your broken heart as you stared at Sirius, who only appeared perplexed, as if your reaction was unwarranted.

"I'm not your love, I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not your safety net to fall back on whenever you're bored and desperate and alone." You stepped towards him, watching as his eyes became clearer and his back straighter.

"I will never be any of those things ever again, because I don't love you anymore."

That hit something within him, Sirius appearing to become sober and shocked. And finally hurt by you. Finally he knew the feeling of rejection, of not being good enough.

"Y-you don't love me?"

You shook your head, willing away the tears building up in your eyes as Sirius' hands lifted to hold your face, but then staying in the air as if they did not know where to go anymore.

"I don't love you. Not anymore. Now that I know you're nothing special."

Perhaps that was too far, too cruel, but you wanted him to experience the same feelings you felt whenever he would complain about you to his friends, whenever he would flirt with other girls, whenever he would ignore you like you meant nothing to him.

You could see in his eyes that his would crumbled, could hear the shattering of his heart as he stumbled back.

"But you... you don't mean that." Sirius sniffed, chuckling dejectedly as he stated into your eyes. He half-expected you to laugh and say it was all a joke, or to beg for his forgiveness and hold him in your arms until the morning.

After all, he only came to your apartment for your warm and familiar embrace. An embrace that made him feel safe and loved.

"I do mean it. I've never meant anything more. I don't love you, and I want you to go."

Sirius shook his head, a tear slipping from his eye.

"No."

"Sirius, leave."

A sob broke out of him before he knelt on the ground before you and hugged your body, clinging desperately onto you as he cried.

"No, I don't want to leave, I-I..." He couldn't form words properly, sobbing with the overwhelming emotions of sadness overtook him.

"I can't leave you."

You shut your eyes, holding your head up as you fought the strong urge to sink to the floor and kiss away his tears.

"Please, Sirius. If you... if you feel anything towards me at all, please go away."

The man turned silent, his hold on your body slipping away slowly as he remained knelt on the floor.

The sight reminded you that he wasn't a saint, a god, a dreamer with the purpose of putting a little excitement into your life.

He was just a man. Nothing more. Nothing special.

Sirius stood up, his cheeks wet and his eyes red whilst he avoided looking at you.

He nodded, appearing to respect your wish as he began to walk away.

He took slow steps towards the door, leaving you frozen in place as you watched him walk away.

Before he opened the door, before he could go away for good, he turned back to you.

"I'm sorry."

Then the door opened, and shut.

And you cried.

You did not know why, perhaps it was the overwhelming emotions of relief and misery and love that made you crumble and cry, yet you did know that with every tear, every smile, every laugh and every frown; none of it would be as strong as it was with him.

-♡-

#marauders #marauders era #sirius black #sirius black x reader #angst #angst with no comfort #toxic relationship #Spotify

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smallestapplin · 1 year

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Emmet is the walking talking ‘right to the point’ type of man.

Just

“I will be confessing to you tomorrow night after work! Don’t be late!”

With a big smile on his face, and walking off like he didn’t just say that.

You’re left dumbfounded, until you’re on the subway having just got off work, meeting him just as he is too! Just outside gear station and he just

“Go out with me.”

In such a soft voice, looking at you so tenderly with a small bit nervous smile.

Realizing, oh shit he meant it-

Just, soft Emmet.

Cause yeah he’s a little chaotic, and his forwardness can be intimidating, and his bluntness could be seen as rude.

But he’s Emmet.

Dorky Emmet, sweet Emmet who’s smile quivers trying to work up the nerve to ask you out. Who remembers all your favorite things, remembers all those things you’ve infodumped on him.

Who lets out soft squeals when you do something nice for him, or even just give him a random gift cause it reminded him of you.

Soft Emmet who takes you out on a nice but cause date, and starts fiddling with his hands, blushing and not meeting your eyes before blurting out,

“Do you want to share a milkshake?”

His face bright red.

Only for his eyes to widen and practically sparkle when you say yes.

Soft Emmet who wakes you up late a night, just so you two can sit outside wrapped up in blankets, watching the fireflies before he has to get ready for work.

Soft Emmet who sets up the backyard for you two to sleep out there without a worry, only to end up looking at you more than the clear night sky.

Soft Emmet who is so bad with words, that he just cries because he loves you so much, and doesn’t know how to properly tell you that. (~~he cries to Ingo when talking about you, so his brother has to sigh and pat his back~~)

Soft Emmet who can’t leave the house before showering your face with his kisses.

Soft Emmet who runs and hugs you whenever you visit him at work.

Soft Emmet who gets upset if he’s had to stay for overtime specifically on y’all’s date night.

Emmet who has to treat you at minimum once a week to a nice date.

Of course then there is Ingo, who’s so scary looking, a stickler for the rules, and strict.

But he just, can’t help but talk about you, he always ends up bringing you up one way or another like ‘oh! My partner does that-‘

Soft Ingo who, if he leaves before you wake up, writes you a letter about how much he loves you and wishing you a good day.

Soft Ingo who, if he wakes up from a nap and you aren’t there, pouts and goes to look for you, looking so hurt that you left him.

Soft Ingo who prefers calming date nights, and uses them as a chance to make a new dinner with you.

Soft Ingo who likes to take you out to nicer places, or picnics that he made.

Soft Ingo and Emmet who have wallet albums of you.

Soft Ingo who refuses to watch a tv you both started watching until you’re with him.

Soft Ingo he likes to buy you both matching things, matching coffee mugs, matching aprons, matching tea towels, matching accessories, etc.

Soft Emmet who rests his chin on his hand as he listens to you ramble about something you’re passionate about.

Soft Ingo who loves making breakfast for you, but *adores* it when you cook it together.

Soft Emmet who likes your cup your face in his hands, and just kiss away, before resting his forehead against yours and just bask in your presence.

Soft Ingo who always kisses the back of your hand, before kissing you.

Soft Emmet who loves giving you bunny kisses before kissing you all over.

Soft Ingo who always pauses, lips barely brushing against yours before softly pressing them together.

Soft twins who never stop talking about their beloved.

Soft Emmet who smiles and giggles when you text him.

Soft Ingo who gave you a personalized ring tone, just so he knows it’s you and answers it instantly.

Soft twins who you always leave swooning, and staring lovingly at you as you head back home.

#my homie fell asleep while I was sending these headcanons to them #so now y’all get them too #pokemon submas x reader #submas #submas x reader #pokemon submas #submas emmet #submas ingo #pokemon ingo #pokemon #pokemon ingo x reader #pokemon imagines #pokemon x reader #pokemon emmet #pokemon emmet x reader #pokemon fluff

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evermoresversion · 11 months

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Nick dating a singer- this would be so cute because he'd show up to every performance always bringing you flowers backstage and after every performance running on the the stage lifting you up kissing you and spinning you around and the crowd filled with your friends would be so supportive they'd clap even harder and the days you have recording at the studios he'd always show up and hug you and little kisses in-between takes whilst whispering I love you in your ear and most of your songs being about him 💖 he's just so happy and proud of his girl <3

ㅤㅤ♡⃕ ﹙all of the girls you loved before, nick leister.﹚

A/N The desire I had to write this was impressive, thank u so much for ur request, nonnie.

y/n/n: your nick name.

PAIRING Nick Leister x Fem!Reader

TW/TAGS Established relationship, pure fluff.

SUMMARY Your dream was always to be a singer, and Nick always supported you in the process, being your biggest fan when you achieved your dream.

NICK'S MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST

Your dream since you could remember had been to be a singer.

Your parents supported you with this, taking you to singing, piano, guitar and some other instrument classes.

Nick knew you since you were both sixteen years old and all you did was sing some covers on YouTube and a couple of songs you wrote.

But two years later you were discovered for one of those covers by a manager.

At twenty-one you were already a world-renowned singer.

Your concerts were sold out in a matter of hours, your albums were sold in their entirety. You were being totally successful.

Today you were almost finishing one of your concerts, adrenaline and happiness filled your heart, accelerating it when listening to all those people singing your music.

"Say my name and everything just stops." you sang into the microphone, dancing to the little choreography that this song carried, standing on the edge of the stage, looking at Nick in one of the VIP seats above the other people. Along with him were your closest friends and your mother.

"y/n!" the entire audience yelled over the lyrics, making you smile, you could swear your eyes were shining with adoration. You looked away from Nick to continue singing.

"I don't want you like a best friend, only bought this dress so you could take it off."

At the end of the show, you walked backstage with your hair a little stuck to your forehead and sides of your face from sweat, when you saw Nick you smiled, jogging over to him to hug him.

"You did so well." he murmured hugging you tightly around the waist, while you smiled gratefully with your chin resting on his shoulder. You kept your eyes closed until you both broke away from the hug.

He offered you a beautiful bouquet of your favorite flowers and you smiled receiving them and hugging him again.

When the whole tour was over you took a little vacation with Nick, starting to write some songs for your new album.

Needless to say, most of these songs were about him.

You found yourself sitting on the bed in the main room in the apartment you and Nick shared. Your boyfriend was sitting next to you watching a movie on television while you were writing in your notebook that you had always used for compositions.

"What do you think about this?" you asked, adjusting yourself better to be in front of him still sitting on the bed and he paused his movie. "your past and mine, are parallel lines, stars all aligned, they intertwined." you sang softly, and Nick couldn't think of a time when you looked more beautiful, achieving what you wanted, fulfilling your dreams.

"It's beautiful, I love it." He nodded caressing your cheek and you smiled convinced.

"Alright, thanks."

He was always the first to hear your songs during the writing process and after it.

More of a year later having all the songs on the album written, you were in the studio with Nick, starting to record them.

"When you think of all the late nights, lame fights over the phone." you were so focused on putting your all into the song that you didn't notice the look of love and adoration Nick had on you as he sat in one of the individual couches in the studio. "wake up in the morning with someone but feelin' alone."

You opened your eyes for a moment and you could read an 'I love you' come out of Nick's lips, making you smile and you formed a heart with your hands.

"a heart is drawn around your name, in someone's handwriting, not mine." you took a quick breath. "we're sneakin' out into town, holdin' hands, just killing time." You smiled looking at your boyfriend, thinking that he was the muse for that song. "your past and mine are parallel lines, stars all aligned, they intertwined, and taught you the way you call me baby, treat me like a lady, all that I can say is."

Another deep breath

"all of the girl you loved before, made you the one I've fallen for, every dead-end street led you straight to me." you smiled at Nick once more. And he could see it and hear it in the lyrics. The song was for him. "now you're all I need, I'm so thankful for all of the girls you loved before." you took a short pause. "but I love you more."

At the end a few hours later, you left the recording booth to talk to Nick. Which received you with open arms, hugging you tight, kissing your face, jaw and lips repeatedly.

"I love you so much." You giggled, feeling your heart warm in your chest at his words.

"I love you even more."

Two months later you announced your next album, in which you would transmit in each and every one of the songs everything you feel for Nick.

A month later you announced the next world tour on behalf of the new album.

In the middle of the tour was the date of your birthday. Everyone in the stadium where you were doing a show was full of posters wishing you happy birthday, supporting you, etc.

"Secret jokes, all alone, no one's home, sixteen and wilde!" you sang along with the audience in unison, the support you had was getting bigger and bigger, and you couldn't feel more and more proud of it.

That part of the lyrics was a clear reference to when you met Nick, the love of your life.

"And just know that, it's everything that made me, now I call you baby, it's why you're so amazing." once again you found yourself singing to Nick, looking up at the balcony where his seat was located.

"teenage love taught you there's good in goodbye, every woman that you knew brought you here." you sang walking across the stage looking at all your fans, looking at all the billboards, feeling fulfilled. "I wanna teach you how forever feels like!"

An hour after the concert you were thanking everyone for the birthday wishes.

"I just wanted to thank all of you for the support my new album has had, this tour and the good wishes for my birthday, I don't know what I would do without you."

Everyone began to shout and clap. But all the cheering suddenly intensified, you looked back in confusion when you saw some fans pointing back. And you felt arms carry you from behind, spinning around and laughing, you quickly recognized his laugh.

You could honestly recognize his laugh in any crowd.

One of the people who worked with you backstage was walking towards you with a cake in his hands.

Nick took the microphone from your hand to ask the crowd to sing along with him the happy birthday song.

"Happy birthday, dear y/n/n, happy birthday to you." everyone cheered as you blew out the candles on the cake.

"Did you make a wish?" Nick asked into the microphone and you nodded with a smile, testing the frosting with your finger. "what you asked for?"

"If I say it, it won't come true." you sentenced taking the microphone from his hand and the shouts and applause continued to be heard.

After that Nick said goodbye to you with a quick kiss on the lips and waved goodbye to your fans.

"I love him so much." you admitted with a smile, and your cheeks were flushed.

You kept singing the songs that were all in his honor.

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the-stars-laureate · 2 months

Text

𝚂𝚘 𝙺𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝙼𝚎

steven meeks x fem!reader

summary: a cute study session between friends turns into a budding romance. Short and sweet. notes: My first dps fic!! hope you enjoy!!

The November chill infected the dorm room’s air as the two friends attempted to revise for upcoming exams. One, a dishevelled red-head, sat stooped over countless textbooks, notes, pens and paper, his round glasses nearly falling off of his nose. The other was his much less motivated best friend. She was sprawled out across a small but comfortable bed (which belonged to the aforementioned red-head) staring out of the rain splattering across the windows, instead of the chemistry notes in her hands.

“Stevie… I don't know if I can take much more of this nerd stuff. I’m cold! And bored!” The whine in her voice was desperate. Chemistry sucks.

“I'm nearly done, I promise. If you're that bored, why don't you listen to your music? And grab a jumper to warm you up.”

Using all the energy left in her body, she rolled off the bed and headed for Steven's wardrobe, found the comfiest looking jumper available and pulled it over their head.

“You know Steven, some might consider this a grandad jumper, I feel about eighty in it.” she teased, turning to the record player.

“It’s a good job you’re not one of those people then. Don’t let that get too loud, we’ll get in trouble” his voice was just above a whisper, thick with exhaustion.

No response was voiced, but the record player clicked on. Fingers sorting through the selection of vinyl, she came across the album ‘Sixpence None the Richer’. Carefully, she took it from its sleeve and let it begin to spin before flopping back on to the bed.

As the third song reached its middle, Steven suddenly stood up from the desk before dramatically flopping next to the girl on his bed. By the beginning of the fourth track, the pair had managed to sit up on the bed, facing one another.

“This one is your favourite, right?” Steven asked her. Of course he knew, he knew everything about her.

“It is, I'm sure you’re sick of it but I just can’t get enough.”

“If you like it, then i could never get sick of it,” He looked at her as if she was the most incredible thing in the world. To him, she was. If only he could tell her. “You look very pretty this evening, I'm sorry I've ignored you all night.”

“You’ve hardly ignored me, the whole point is that we were supposed to study, i just get bored easily,” Had she heard him right, had he really said that? “You think I'm pretty?”

Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

“Always have, just never had the guts to say it,” He leaned in close, sweeping a bit of hair behind her ear. At this distance, he could feel the warmth radiating from her heart.

“Stevie, listen to the song”

“Huh?”

“Kiss me, Meeks. Please.”

He didn’t even have to consider it. His slightly chapped lips were on her soft ones instantly, engaged in an intimate romance the pair had separately daydreamed of for years.

“Why didn’t we do this sooner?” He asked his love, before they began to kiss once again, passionate but slow.

Eventually, the pair fell into the bed, but their lips never parted for long. For the rest of the night, they shared languid kisses and a warm embrace, before finally falling asleep tangled in each other's arms. They’d have to discuss this new found adoration for one another in the morning, but until then, they slept safe in the knowledge that they had finally expressed their desires.

#steven meeks #steven meeks x reader #meeks #dead poets society #dps #dps boys #dps fic #neil perry #charlie dalton #todd anderson #fanfic #allelon ruggiero

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catherinnn · 4 months

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"Slut!" (Bad Omens part II)

Summary: Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Rockstar!reader. Despite what happened with Rudy, you and Eddie break up again to protect the band. Eddie moves onto a new relationship, but history repeats itself, causing strain within the group. Frustrated with the pattern, your bandmates threaten the future of the band. To add insult to injury, you're labeled as the "slut", with all blame directed your way —or so it’s claimed. Warnings: cheating, slut-shaming, a little smutty, a little angsty, a little fluffy, jealousy, mentions of Steddie x reader, y/n is used like two times sorry, I use a taylor song as if it’s corroded coffin’s so imagine it like rock, fighting, drinking, language Words: 7.1k a/n: please know that eddie is cheating on his girlfriend here, and it’s a happy ending for reader and eds, so if you don’t like that don’t read it. Also, this is like my fifth fic where there’s cheating I don’t know how to defend myself here, I promise I completely hate this irl, it’s just hot to write :)

part I: Bad Omens

Megan.

Eddie’s new girl.

Or as the headlines say: Eddie Munson’s New Hot Model Girlfriend.

Yes, she’s a model! Not a Victoria’s Secret model, thank God, that would be just what you needed to kill yourself.

She’s not actually “new” anymore, it has been a year already. Even a whole album in the middle, “kiss”. The one where you had to kiss Eddie on the mouth for the cover of it, that’s what everybody seems to care about anyway.

That’s not actually the cover though, it’s just Eddie sat on a chair covered in lipstick stains all over his face, neck and shirt. Then you with Gareth and Jeff behind him, each of you with a different lipstick color: you with red, Jeff with maroon, and Gareth with purple. Eddie has kisses of all those three colors all over him, but the one on the lips was red.

Anyway, they started dating over a year now. It was literal hell for you, watching her wait for him after shows in the backstage and once you go back there after finishing, watching her jump on him to congratulate him, watching them kiss, watching them dance at parties, her sitting on his lap all the time, listening to his god-awful comments or jokes with double meaning about what they did last night. But it was nothing, you two were just bandmates, best friends, he was to you just like what Gareth or Jeff were to you, the brothers you never had, right?

Only you’ve never kissed Gareth, nor Jeff. But you did kiss Eddie before, you’ve had sex with him, for God’s sake!

But you two are just friends, all the flirting is just for show. Or that’s what Eddie keeps telling Megan.

You’ve never had a friendship where you got mad at them for making out with their own girlfriend in front of you, and them actually saying sorry. But that actually happened between you and Eddie, he even dropped to his knees asking for you to forgive him, not having to give it a double thought as for why you were so jealous over her. You both knew. You just couldn’t do anything about it. That would put the band in too much danger, and the band came first, always.

But thanks to that little jealousy scene Eddie had to call Steve, who had told you he lost his job recently and was trying to figure out what to do with his life next, he was in no rush though, his family was filthy rich, so he could take all the time he needed. You had the amazing idea to invite him over for the rest of the tour, sort of like a little groupie of yours. You’ve had your short history with Steve the tour before this one, and also a shorter history involving you, Steve and Eddie, but that was before he got his own girlfriend.

Steve stayed touring with you guys all over Europe, but as you got back to the United States, Steve decided it was time to go back to his own life. You were sad obviously, understanding him but missing him nonetheless, it wasn’t like you two were much of a serious couple, again he was there as a groupie of the band’s lead singer. But he helped a lot as a distraction to forget about Eddie and Megan. And he obviously became someone important for whom you cared a lot.

Nowadays, it has been a few months since Steve left you guys, you were touring North America now. Megan couldn’t always be with you, she had to go back to LA for time to time to keep modelling, but she always flew to wherever you guys were to keep seeing Eddie.

She wasn’t with you guys currently, you were in New York having sold out two consecutive weekends, six nights in total that you were playing just in NY. You still had two more nights to end weekend one, but you still had a whole other week here. Next stop was LA.

The show was incredible, crowd went crazy as usual, and you all had an amazing night. With all that energy still in you, you guys went to an after party, and drank a lot to celebrate.

“Oh, there you are” Eddie says after he went to get more shots to do with you.

“Here I am”

“Ready for more?” Eddie asks and you nod.

“Always”

“Come here pretty girl” he demands and you both know that with that nickname you’ll do anything he asks for. “Open up” he orders right after holding you closer by the waist—and god you love the feeling of his hands on you. You open your mouth and he pours the liquid that was on the tiny cup, you swallow quickly and cringe at the strong taste of alcohol. “Good girl”

“It’s your turn now” you remind him.

“You wanna do it to me now?” he offers and you nod. He kneels in front of you, since he’s so much taller than you, so you can pour the cup into his mouth easily. You grin at the sight before you, Eddie on his knees, hands on your thighs now and his mouth wide open waiting for you, eyes locked on yours. You start pouring the liquid and he swallows it as if it was water.

“Good boy” you tease him back and he smirks.

He gets up not so smoothly this time, since he kind of stumbles almost falling onto you. He’s way closer now, eyes not leaving yours as if he’s mesmerized. “Hi”

“Hi” you giggle.

“You look really beautiful tonight” he whispers as if he was just thinking out loud.

“Yeah, I do?” you tease but he nods anyway.

“Yeah, and you were amazing tonight, so good, you’re always so good on stage” he keeps whispering.

“Thank you Eddie, you were amazing too,” you tell him, “and just between you and I… you always look so hot performing, playing guitar so I can sing with you…”

“Wanna kiss you” he practically whimpers getting so close to your lips they’re almost touching.

“Do it” you whisper on his mouth. You weren’t thinking, neither of you two was.

So he kisses you, his hand goes up to your hair and pulls you the centimetre closer that was left for your lips to touch. The kiss is passionate, hard, just what you two needed from each other. His hot tongue on your mouth make you sigh and instantly your tongue starts dancing with his. Your hands go to his hair to pull on it and he groans into your mouth. His hands go to your hips and he pulls you closer, you can feel the bulge in his pants against your tummy, and it turns you on even more.

“I need you baby” he says separating for a second just to keep kissing you.

“Need you too Eds” you whimper.

“Fuck-“ he takes a big breath an turns back to you. “Let’s go back to the hotel, please?”

You nod without even thinking twice about it.

“There’s still a few paps outside” he warns you, “ you go out first, I’ll be right behind you, we don’t want them to see this, right?” he signals his crotch and a chuckle escapes from your lips. You give him a good last kiss —well, for now at least— and you go outside, walk right into the car waiting for you, ignoring all the cameras and flashes that were also waiting for any of you to walk out of the bar. Eddie gets in after you and he wastes no time to attack your neck right after he closes the door.

“Back to the hotel” you tell the driver between giggles and he starts the car acting as if you two aren’t almost dry humping in the backseat.

The drive to the hotel passes by with moans and sighs between both of you, lots of making out and resisting the need to rip each other’s clothes off right then and there.

When the driver stops the car, Eddie grabs the first bill he finds in his wallet making sure it’s a good tip as a thank you for his professionalism. Thank God all the people that worked for you had to sing an NDA to get the job, otherwise your publicist would be ripping his hair out tomorrow.

There weren’t any paparazzi at the hotel thankfully, so you can get in and walk to the elevator in peace.

You press the bottom to your floor and the doors close as you feel Eddie pressing himself on your ass, you laugh and go back to kissing him.

When the doors open again you stumble until you get to the first room you see. Eddie’s room finally.

He closes the door by pushing you against it. His lips ghost over yours but he’s not yet closing the distance, grabbing you by the neck so you can’t kiss him. He gets his tongue out a little and you can feel the warmth over your mouth, but not the actual skin.

“Eddie” you whimper and he laughs at you.

“You’re so hot baby” he starts, “gonna let me fuck you, huh?”

He teases you but you nod nonetheless.

“You don’t know how much I missed kissing this pretty mouth of yours,” he stops for a second to give you a wet kiss, “had to hold myself back to not touch you all the time, not to feel you up in every little outfit you wear every night… but I missed this so much baby”

“Missed this too Eddie, please do something” you whimper again feeling so impatient for him. It’s pathetic how just a little fore play at the bar and in the car made you so dumb for him already. But then again, you haven’t had him in more than a year.

The night went on with lots more of teasing and need for each other. You filled the room with both of your moans and whispers claiming how much you missed each other and how glad you are to feel each other again. Not much thinking straight, just acting, doing what you waited so much to be able to do again.

And it was so good, you two always work so good together. The night ended late, after long rounds finally realising the need for each other where you were no longer drunk on the alcohol, but drunk on each other’s bodies and the love you have for one another. “I missed you”, “I love you” and “I need you” were the phrases you both kept repeating all night long. Not thinking of the consequences or what you’d do tomorrow, you just let go.

After what could be described as the perfect night because after sex you both went to sleep holding each other to then dream of each other, your morning started as the complete opposite. You were woken up by several knocks on the door.

“Eddie? Are you there, man?” you can hear the voice of Gareth making him guilty for the knocks that woke you up. You can also hear Eddie groan behind you, feeling his hold on your waist tighten to show he didn’t want to wake up yet, he wanted to stay like this with you for a few more hours—and so did you.

But apparently you weren’t the only one who heard Eddie because Gareth talks again, “Dude, is Y/n there with you? She’s not in her in her room”

“Yes!” Eddie shouts wishing that was all he needed to know so he could just fuck off and let you two sleep a little more.

“Okay good, we have to get down now, Rafe’s waiting for us to have breakfast and talk a little more about the new album or something” he informs you.

You both groan and complain a little, but then again, you’re used to this; being on tour does not equal having enough sleep.

“We’ll be there in a sec!” you inform Gareth so he can get going.

“Let’s keep sleeping” Eddie offers without even opening his eyes yet.

“No Eds, then they would just come to get us again, but this time angrier” you tell him.

“Fuck, fine” he sits up now, opens his eyes slowly to find you putting one of his shirts on. “Morning” he smirks and he feels his cock twitch at the sight of you with only his shirt on and nothing else, eyeing the glimpse of your ass cheeks showing under his shirt, also remembering what you have —finally— done last night.

You find your underwear but decide against putting them on again, they’re not in the best state after last night.

“Morning Munson” you say laughing at his state; his hair a complete mess, can barely open his eyes and his boxers do barely any work to hide his semi. “Come on, get dressed. I’ll go back to my room so I can find some new clothes”

“M’kay, but keep my shirt on, at least for breakfast” he requests.

“Fine, meet me in the hallway so we can go down”

“Yes baby”

You grab the rest of your clothes and check that nobody is the hall before getting out and quickly getting into your room.

While you get another pair of underwear and some jeans to put on, you start thinking about how calmed Eddie was this morning, you were slightly scared that he would wake up finding you naked and remember last night only to start freaking out regretting everything. But this only meant he meant everything he did and said last night, and you were glad.

You’ll figure out what happens with you two later today, but you needed to maintain calmed.

You met Eddie in the hall after getting dressed and you go to the elevator so you can get down to the dining room with the rest.

Little did you know that when you got there and walked to the table with rest of the band and your manager, a big fight would erupt.

Because just as you two sat down in front of the boys, Jeff started losing it.

“Uhh, hi?” his tone was angry.

“Morning” Eddie responds as if nothing.

“What did you two do last night?” he asked in between his teeth.

And with that, Eddie catches on too, you two look up at him with a guilty look on your face, neither answers his question and that all he needed to know.

“I cannot believe you two, you did this again?! Eddie, you have a girlfriend!” Jeff lets his anger out. “How the fuck can you be so calmed, coming down here covered in hickeys and you wearing his shirt?!”

“Jeff-“ Eddie started but he interrupts him.

“No, don’t Jeff me! What were you thinking?! What happens now, huh?! What the fuck is the plan?!”

“There is no plan” you say quietly knowing his response will be more screaming.

“Of course there’s no plan! You just act without even caring what happens next! What happens to the band now? Will you two just keep risking everything without a care in the world?! Need I remind you how your relationship with Rudy ended? That’s right, because you cheated on him with Eddie! And now you do the same with your girlfriend?! What the fuck is wrong with you two?!” He switches among talking directly to you, Eddie and both of you at the same time. You two catch up on it though, you both know what you did and the questions Jeff was asking were the same you two were trying to quiet down inside your heads.

Eddie is looking at him with an angry expression, as if he was ordering him to shut the fuck up. You, on the other hand weren’t looking at anyone, eyes locked somewhere down on the table, guilty expression on your face.

“I’m sorry Rafe, but if they don’t care about the band then neither do I” he finishes getting up and walking out.

The table now is even more uncomfortable, complete silence, no one knowing what to say next. Rafe sighs looking down, thinking hard but not saying anything. Gareth is looking at everybody quietly, he didn’t know what to do or if it was his place to say anything, so he decided to stay silent. Eddie was looking at you worried, you were still looking down somewhere at the table holding the tears.

Finally, after a few seconds, you decide to get up to leave too because you realize you won’t be able to hold back the tears much longer. “Not hungry anymore” your voice comes out week and shaky, letting the boys know how you feel, you slowly walk out of there too, going back to your room.

“Eddie,” Rafe is the next one to break the silence, “before I decide anything here, you and her should talk.” Eddie nods. “I knew this would happen eventually… you two clearly love each other and I need you to know that that’s not wrong, the band can still work but we need to be smart about how to handle this. I was just wishing you two wouldn’t do anything while being in a relationship with someone else… again”

“I know, I’m sorry” Eddie says and he decides to give you some more time before going up to talk. The three man have breakfast in silence, at least more calmed now after Rafe’s words.

What if all I need is you? –

Adorned with smoke on my clothes

Lovelorn and nobody knows

Love thorns all over this rose –

If I'm gonna be drunk

Might as well be drunk in love –

We'll pay the price, I guess

You stare at the words you just wrote on the little notebook. Instead of crying and overthinking everything, you stopped and decided to write the intense feelings inside of you, not caring if they made sense yet, not caring if they will ever end up in an actual song since how the band’s looking right now. Writing always helped you, it was like organizing your thoughts, organizing your head and your heart.

You get out of your head when you hear a soft knock on the door. “Baby, it’s me” you calm down when you recognize Eddie’s voice and you get up to open the door.

“I brought some food for you, you should eat something” Eddie softly tells you and you think you can feel your heart jumping, holding the need to hug him.

“Thank you baby” you think it’s either funny or dangerous how you two keep calling each other these kind of nicknames when everything is going to shit and it’s all your fault. It feels as if you’re having a warm cup of tea reading a nice book completely ignoring the hurricane that’s coming right behind you to destroy everything.

Eddie gets in and sits on the bed with you while you sip on your coffee realizing he prepared it just like you like it: more milk than coffee and four spoons of sugar. Sweet just like you is what Eddie thinks.

He finds the notebook and opens the page that was marked. He knew this was the notebook you wrote song lyrics on, so he knew he could open it without the fear of looking at something more private.

He read the lyrics and immediately a beat came to his head, he started humming it for you. It was slow and sweet and it fit the song perfectly. You were amazed at how he could just read your mind when you wrote songs. You just got each other when it comes to music.

“Sweetheart, don’t want you to be scared or nervous but we should talk” he almost whispers at how softly he’s talking to you. You nod understanding. ”Don’t want you to think of Jeff or the band for just a second, we should figure us up first”

“Eddie, what I feel for you is love. I’m completely in love with you, for years now. We both know this and it hurts so much to see you with her-“

“I don’t love her, you know that right?” he makes sure you know and you nod again. He knows the feeling though, it was how he felt with Rudy and then with Steve. It wasn’t simply jealousy, it wasn’t something dumb and possessive. It was the love you have to pretend you don’t feel for each other burning inside like a fucking mansion flaming to the bone. But you had to act as if it was nothing, as if you are just bandmates, best of friends.

Before you can start saying anything, you feel the tears building up again. He notices so he does the talking.

“Rafe said he knew this would happen eventually, we’ve always been in love sweetheart, it was bound to happen. He said the band can still work and I believe that too” he starts. “Baby, we didn’t want to be together in fear of risking the band’s future. It’s been years of being in love but not doing anything about it, and the love never went away. We’ve had big fights, we fucking dated other people but we still can’t get over each other. I think the band’s is in more danger if we keep this up, if we keep trying to just be friends than if we finally let go and let ourselves be in love”

Tears were already free running down your face. You nod at Eddie’s words. “I know; I think the same”

A few seconds pass where you keep looking at each other with soft smiles tugging at your faces, you both agree on what you needed to do, but could you finally do it?

“So we can be together? Finally?” his voice brakes on the last word and it make you cry harder. You get closer to him, sitting on him so you could give him a big hug, one that shows all the love and need you have for one another. Hugging him around his neck and legs around his waist, face hidden on his neck and he does the same, with his hands around your waist and face on your neck. Impossibly closer.

After some minutes like that, he talks again.

“I have to break up with Megan”

“Yeah”

“I still won’t see her for another week, when we finish New York and flight to LA”

“I think you should maybe call her, so she’s not surprised with the news. I think it would be even worse if you don’t say anything and the second you see her again stun her with the news that you’re breaking up” you explain.

“Ok, yeah I will”

“Eds, I also think it would be smarter of us if… we don’t make it public until we’re both completely sure we’re ready. Think we should be together and be in peace to see how we actually work… I- I’m not saying to keep it a secret because of anything bad, but-“

“I know what you mean, I agree. We should take our time together alone, without the opinions or thoughts of others until we’re ready”

“Exactly”

After finish breakfast, Rafe comes to get you again. Rehearsal starts in twenty minutes.

You change your clothes and put a little make up on, also making sure to cover the hickeys.

When you get down you see the car waiting to take you to rehearsals, but Rafe makes you wait for everyone in the lobby, not getting in the car yet.

Eddie, Gareth and you are waiting for Jeff to come down and for a few seconds you fear he won’t. But the elevator’s doors open and he appears.

“Alright, before we get in the car, you’ll listen to me. We’ll all talk later, the safety of the band comes first and we have to talk about that while we’re all in the right headspace, not while being angry or anything. So as for now, you’ll do the rehearsal for the show you have to give tonight and you’ll forget anything than happened last night or this morning. Only focusing on tonight, you’ve been doing this for years now and you know how to be professionals” he explains. “Now get in the car and don’t worry about anything that is not the show for now, please”

You all nod in agreement and then get in the car.

Once you get there, you start rehearsing the songs and the dialogs, the times between each song, and set list that you already knew by heart since you’ve been doing this show for months now.

When you finish you go backstage and order food for lunch.

Eddie and you come to the realisation that it’s time to talk to Gareth and Jeff now.

All four of you are already together, each in their own head, not exchanging a word. Eddie looks at you and nods, it’s time.

“Guys, can we talk?” you tell them ignoring the knot in your stomach from how nervous you are. Eddie gets up and stands next to you, Gareth and Jeff get closer, paying attention to you now. Jeff seems pissed yet, like he clearly didn’t want to talk to you two, but he had to be a professional to be in a band, not acting like child.

“Listen, Eddie and I talked this morning after- after everything, and we have decided something, hopefully you agree with us” you start and the knot becomes tighter realizing that is possible they won’t agree… what happens then?

Eddie and you tell the guys what you said this morning. After all the years trying to forget and move on from each other, and the love never went away. The fights and new people you’ve both gone through and it never broke you two apart. If you still loved each other after all of that, there wasn’t something that an actual relationship could do to make you separate. Everything you’ve been doing trying to get over the love and trying to be just friends was risking the band more than any relationship could. All the toxicity of actually seeing each other with someone else and not being able to do or say anything was worse than any fight you could have as actual lovers.

You explained everything to them and now it was their turn to say what they think.

“I’ve had to see you two wanting to kill each other and the people you’re with because of the jealousy. You’ve written songs about that, maybe the 90% of our whole discography is about this, about wanting to be together but not being able to. I think the love you have for each other is stronger than each of you and you should stop being afraid of what could happen to the band if you break up, and actually being fucking happy with each other. I’m sick and tired of the Megans and the Rudys or Steves, and the look on your faces when you have to act as if you’re just friends” Gareth explains. “Just fucking be together finally and pull yourselves and us out of that misery”

Eddie laughs at how Gareth puts it, and you smile.

You turn to look at Jeff and you think you’ve never been this nervous.

He sighs noticing all the eyes on him awaiting. “I’m really happy you can see you belong together. Don’t think that what I said this morning means I don’t love you two and you both being happy. I was just scared of what would happen to the band, because I fucking love making music with you three idiots. I agree with Gare, just fucking get together already and cut the shit”

You all laugh at Jeff’s words.

“So, does that mean the band is still good?” you ask him.

“With no end in sight” he confirms and you feel so relieved. You run to hug him and he hugs you back, the two boys behind you join the group hug and you confirm that the band’s never been better than what is to come.

After lunch you make sure to talk to Rafe too explaining everything. And he agrees on the idea to keep quiet on it for some time. But luckily he’s very supportive of you.

It’s Eddie time to call Megan now, and it’s safe to say he’s not really looking forward to it.

He dials her number and after a few tones, she picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Meg"

"Eddie, hi! Wasn't expecting your call so soon"

"Yeah, I know, but I felt like I should. Sorry for not calling after the show last night"

"No worries. How'd it go?"

"It was awesome. The crowd here is unreal. I’m looking forward to play again tonight"

"That's great! Did you go out after or stayed in?"

"W-we did go out, yeah"

"Oh, cool"

"Listen, Megan, there's something I need to talk to you about" he begins, not being able to keep the small talk any longer.

"Okay, sure" she responds, her tone growing serious as she waits for him to continue.

"When we get back to LA next week, I think... I think we really need to have a… conversation" he says, cringing at his choice of his words.

"...Okay. Is everything okay, Eddie?" Is it… It’s not good, is it?” she asks in a serious tone. Eddie takes a few seconds to answer again.

“…No… it’s not. I don’t want you to overthink anything, but I thought it would just be cruel to… I don’t know, take you by surprise with it when I come back”

Though Eddie can't see her, Megan nods, nervously biting her lip. They both understand the unspoken implications behind "we need to talk," yet they can’t voice it already.

She's somewhat grateful he called to give her a heads-up, as painful as it is. Compared to the other guys she's dated, who might have dumped her over the phone or pretended everything was fine until they met in person, all in all, Eddie's approach feels more considerate.

"I'm serious, Meg. I don’t want you overthinking it” he insists

"Okay, I won't" she assures him. "See you, Eddie"

"Yeah... Bye, Meg" he says softly before they hang up.

He goes back to the guys with an expression you can’t really read.

“How did it go?” you ask.

“As good as it could, I guess. It was awkward and we didn’t really know what to say, I was trying not to say much so we can actually talk when I see her, but I didn’t want her overthinking why I’m breaking up with her… I don’t know, she didn’t say much either, there was a lot of silence”

“Yeah well, I’m guessing you’re not really someone she wants to talk to right now” Jeff says and Eddie nods.

“You ok?” you get closer to him; you didn’t like seeing him like this. A smile forms on his face, softening his features when he sees you worrying over him.

“I’m fine baby” he assures you but you hug him nonetheless, and he rests on the couch so you can cuddle.

The week flies by perfectly for both of you. New York is always a favorite, feels even more magical with Eddie by your side at all times. You seize every spare moment to soak up the city's vibes, wandering its streets hand in hand, delighting in each other's company.

If someone who didn’t know you two at all witnessed how you are privately, they would think you’re in a relationship of many many years. You’re always all over each other, touching in any way possible; you’re walking around the city and he has his arm around your waist, holding your hand or with his hand inside your pocket; you’re having dinner or driving somewhere and he has a hand on your thigh; you’re hanging out with the boys and you’re cuddling; you’re waiting for the elevator and you’re hugging him by his waist. Not to mention that you’ve booked two separate rooms but you’re only using one, since you’re sleeping together every night; and well, let’s just say that you’ve spend the week making up the lost time in the bedroom as well. Or as Gareth so kindly puts it: getting at it like rabbits.

But after you finish the three remaining shows on Ney York, it was time for LA, and you knew Eddie was a bit nervous about his overdue conversation with Megan, who technically was still his girlfriend.

The flight to Los Angeles passed by quickly since you slept the whole journey.

You had lunch and then rehearsal at the venue. In your way to the backstage one of the security guys tells Eddie that his girlfriend has arrived and is waiting for him.

“Okay, it’s time now… wish me luck” he says before heading to the room the security guy signalled.

He enters the room and sees Megan sat on one of the chairs.

“Hey” he greets her.

“Hi, how are you? How was the flight?”

“Fine, I just slept through it”

“Oh good, I heard a little of the rehearsal, you guys sound amazing”

“Thanks yeah, we changed the set list a bit so it’s not the exact same all the time” he explains giving in the small talk.

“Sounds good”

“How’s work?” he intends to ask her but she doesn’t answer his question.

“Eddie, can we just talk please?”

“Yeah, sorry. I um- I needed to talk to you because I have… fucked up a little” he finally says.

“What happened?” she asks but Eddie takes a few seconds to respond. Opens and shuts his mouth a couple of times until he says it. She has probably been wondering what actually happened ever since he called her.

“I cheated on you”

She nods her head, not looking at him now, eyes locked somewhere on the floor.

“With?” she asks and Eddie once again waits a few seconds until he tells her your name. She nods again, a sinister smile forming on her face.

“Is it funny?” he asks her now, frown forming on his face to show his confusion.

“No, just should’ve seen it coming” she says.

“I’m sorry”

“I bet you are. When did it happen?”

“Night before I called you” he can’t even look at her.

“So this whole week you spend it fucking her, didn’t you?”

“Meg…”

“No, what happened to ‘it´s all just for show’? All that flirting was actually real?” she’s accusing him but with a calmed voice that’s only freaking him out more.

“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t- I don’t even know what else to say. I shouldn’t have lied to you, I shouldn’t have even put you in the middle of all this. I’m really sorry” he says sincerely.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have, but you did. Just like you shouldn’t have fucked her while you we were still together!” she waits for him to say something but he stays quiet. “Well, say something!”

“What? What else do you want me to say? Want me to tell you how it happened?!” he asks sarcastically but she actually says yes.

“Alright, yeah. Fucking tell me”

“No, I’m not gonna-“

“Say it!” she orders and he knows she not going to let it go, so he sighs and starts talking.

“After the second night we all went out to the after party. Started drinking with her, a lot. Started… flirting with her, a lot. Then I kissed her. And then we both went back to the hotel and slept together”

“Okay so, you slept with her because you were drunk, but then you called me basically telling me we were braking up. So you didn’t regret it” she accuses him.

“What? If I had regretted it would you have forgiven me?” he asks her angrily.

“No, I wouldn’t have. But clearly it didn’t take a lot of convincing from her part to dump me and run to her!”

“Don’t- just be angry at me, not at her” he tells her and she can’t believe those words actually came out of his mouth.

“You’ve been in love with her all throughout our relationship, haven’t you?!” she realizes. And Eddie is left with no other choice than just nod his head in affirmation, she’s right and she caught him. She laughs.

“Okay… I’m gonna leave now, can’t really keep looking at you” she decides. She takes her jacket and before opening the door she speaks again. “Thanks for the complete waste of time that this relationship was”

Eddie thinks he could say the same to her, but obviously doesn’t say. He knows it’s all his fault.

While Eddie and Megan talked, the three of you waited in another room. More people of the staff started to arrive already, it was still a few hours until show time, but they needed to get everything set up.

At one point, one of the woman of the dressing department came up to you saying it was time to pick tonight’s outfit. You all followed her into the hall and she showed you different options.

Gareth and Jeff chose their clothes first, she left Eddie for later since he wasn’t here yet. She started showing you some dresses, some tops with pants or skirts. And as you evaluated the different options, you heard someone opening a door and storming out. When you lift your gaze to see who it was you’re met with an angry Megan and Eddie walking out behind her. She meets your gaze and she smiles, but it was not a ‘nice to see you’ smile at all.

“Look who it is! Are you picking the outfit for tonight, let’s see what would Eddie like the most?” she says sarcastically.

“Megan, leave her alone!” Eddie warns her, but she doesn’t stop there.

“Did you have fun fucking my boyfriend behind my back? I bet you really did, didn’t you?” she accuses you. “You’re such a fucking slut just begging for his attention”

You wanted to say something but words didn’t come out. You just froze looking at her offended.

“Alright, that’s enough. Everybody saw you little show, now leave!” Eddie gets in the middle of you two. But that doesn’t stop her either.

“You know she only did this so you’d look at her instead of me, right? But as soon as I leave she’s gonna dump you again, ‘cause that’s all she wants; your attention on her, but she doesn’t want you. She’s just a bratty slut only wanting the toy when someone else has it” she keeps accusing you, you’re frozen on the spot, not being able to walk out or say anything back at her.

“James!” Eddie calls the security guy while keeping Megan off of you. “JAMES!”

As soon as James gets there he asks Megan to leave the stadium. And don’t get me wrong, she is petty, but no so petty to have to be carried away by security, so she just laughs one more time at the situation and walks away to where James guides her. Not without insulting you once more screaming “bye slut” and then walking away.

—

“Flamingo pink, Sunrise Boulevard. Clink, clink. Being this young is art” you sing into the microphone, the crowd erupting into screams as they recognize the song. It's the opening night of the new tour, result of the hard work that you’ve put into the latest album. Touring remains your favorite part of this job. Yours and the whole band’s as well.

“Got lovestruck, went straight to my head, got lovesick, all over my bed, love to think you'll never forget handprints in wet cement. Adorned with smoke on my clothes, lovelorn and nobody knows, love thorns all over this rose. I'll pay the price, you won't” the pre-chorus begins, Eddie’s guitar guiding you on the times of the song, feeling the rhythm and energy coursing through the venue.

“But if I’m all dressed up they might as well be looking at us, and if they call me a slut, you know it might be worth it for once, and if I'm gonna be drunk I might as well be drunk in love” you playfully add a little embodying the lyrics' sentiment.

“Everyone wants him, that was my crime, the wrong place at the right time, and I break down, then he's pulling me in. In a world of boys, he's a gentleman” The chorus rolls in, and you can't help but revel in the lyrics, especially the line you know Eddie adores. You sing with a smile, amused by Eddie's attempt to hide his giddiness.

“This is luxury. You're not saying you're in love with me. But you're going to. Half awake, taking your chance it's a big mistake, I said ‘It might blow up in your pretty face’ I'm not saying ‘do it anyway’ but you're going to” Transitioning into the bridge, the words flow effortlessly. Singing this song feels like flirting with Eddie live in front of the big crowd. But then again, that’s just another Tuesday at work for you, and you’re far from complaining.

Eddie remains as your loyal supporter, amazed by the way you’ve turned a horrible experience with his ex into a beautiful piece of art. He will forever be your number one fan.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #rockstar! eddie munson x reader #rockstar!eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fic #eddie munson series #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson stranger things #rockstar!eddie x reader #rockstar!eddie munson x rockstar!reader

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jqhotchner · 5 months

Text

wedding bells

“…i don’t wanna love if it’s not you…”

that’s all he could hear. wedding bells as he falls asleep. he had lost the one woman he knew he should be spending the rest of his with. the only woman for him.

he hasn’t had a good nights rest since you’ve told him the news. since you’ve told him that he was losing you forever.

he had turned his phone off. he didn’t wanna talk to anyone. he didn’t wanna see anyone. all harry wanted to do was drown himself. god, he wished he could go back in time and kick the shit outta himself.

he had tried to write his pain down. but the only thing that came out was shit. he had broke you and now you had broke him.

unbeknownst to him his mother and sister were so worried they flew all the way to see him. they needed to make sure he was okay. they heard the news about your wedding. gemma and anne knew this would set him back again.

so hearing the knock on his front door he groaned. he just hoped that whoever it was would just go away.

“oh, baby brother.”

harry turns and sees his mom and sister. he couldn’t hold it in anymore. he cried loudly. anne walks over to his son and hold him tightly. harry holds his mom as he cried into her shoulders.

“she’s getting married in june mama. the month of our anniversary. she’s—fuck! i lost her forever.”

anne hold her son as he tears up. she felt for her son. you were the first woman harry’s truly fell in love with. one who loved him for who he was and not for his fame. when you lose your first true love it’s always heartbreaking. but you were his one and only. the girl he let get away because of his ego.

anne didn’t like the way he treated you. she understood why you left. but she still felt for her son over the years. all those sad ass songs he’s wrote. she listened and knew. she knew her son was broken and the only way to pick up those pieces would be you.

it’s one of the reasons why she told you to listen to his music. she pushed you into listening to harry’s albums over the years. only hoping that you’d see his truth. showing you how unhappy he was. she knew it was selfish on her part. but she also loved you as a daughter. you made her baby boy the happiest he’s been since being in that band. she hadn’t seen him smile that big in a long time. and she knew you were hurting as well.

she thought maybe this would push you together again. but when she heard you confirmed you were engaged to your current boyfriend she knew this would only set her baby boy back.

when she tried calling him and his phone went straight to voicemail she had to go see her son.

“i know it hurts baby. but hopefully this will be your closure. maybe this is what you needed to truly move on.”

“can’t mama. i love her. i love her more than anything. i can’t see her get married. i can’t see her marry someone else. i—it hurts.”

gemma watches her brother so broken. she knew he hasn’t eaten, bathed, or move much. her heart broke for her brother. she just knew she had to do something. she had to get her brother back.

so for the next two days she cleaned the house, got her brother out of bad, got him to eat and shower. she knew what she would do next would make or break him. but she had to. she had to do this for him. and hopefully it wouldn’t break him.

the day of the wedding gemma and anne got him to go outside. it was a struggle but they did what they had to do. harry had no idea where they were taking him but he knew he had to move on.

he had to let you be happy. even if that meant without him. when they finally got to their destination harry looked at the church. he looked at his mom and sister and shook his head.

“go get her baby brother.”

idk wtf this was but i just want to finish this story…😬🤷🏽‍♀️

#harry styles x black!reader #harry styles x reader #harry styles fake ig #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles imagine #harry styles

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gatorbites-imagines · 2 years

Text

Kinktober day 28

Kevin Moskowitz/The deep + Praise Kink

I know literally everyone in this fandom hates Kevin’s gills, but they have me in a chokehold. God, I need a new music album to listen to when I write I’m so tired of soviet soviet.

Reader is an op supe in this, cuz yes. Also the reader has completely escaped Voughts grip because he’s that op n shit idk lmao.

I did not proof read this, at all.

Kinktober list

If you asked Kevin not even two weeks ago what he felt about Superior, the uncontrollable supe as Vought called him. He would have told you with fake bravado that he didn’t fear the guy and that he could probably take him in a fight. In reality Kevin was scared shitless at the very thought of meeting the man. Superior was the name given to him by the public, not Vought. Because Vought had no control of him, nothing to blackmail him with, no family to threaten, nothing.

Not only that but he was more powerful than the seven combined. Anything from bulletproof skin, unbreakable skin, flight, super strength, water breathing, a hyper regeneration if he finally was wounded and so many more. It was like taking all The Seven’s abilities and more and shoving them into one person. A lazy and sluggish person, who walked around in sweatpants, baggy hoodies and sneakers that had once been white but were now brown and repaired with tape.

It had all started those two weeks ago when Vought had finally gotten Superior, (Y/N) as he told everyone to call him, to agree to meet The Seven. Kevin might not have been the smartest person, not by a long shot he could admit that, but even he could see that Superior was only playing along out of boredom. Homelander looked like he was about to burst a vein with how hard he was clenching his jaw, his eyes glowing the smallest bit red like he was fighting everything inside himself not to start lasering the other man.

Every member of The Seven were tense and nervous when Ashley brought in (Y/N), the man wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a half-unzipped sweatshirt, the white wifebeater underneath doing very little to hide the sculpted muscle of his torso.

Now, Kevin had never thought of being with a man before, especially someone who, if the rumors were correct, could defeat Homelander with one hand whilst playing candy crush on their phone with the other. But he couldn’t help but let his eyes run down the length of Superiors Adonis like body, wide shoulders, big pecs, thick muscular thighs, he couldn’t be surprised if the guy had an 8-pack under his layers. Glancing up Kevin’s eyes locked with the man he had been ogling, and when (Y/N)s lip twitched into a lazy smirk, Kevin was quick to turn away and lock his attention to the suddenly very interesting table in front of him.

The meeting went on as it always did, though this time Homelander looked closer to snap than ever before and Superior was sat back in an extra chair, feet up on the table and arms crossed behind his head. At some point (Y/N) had unzipped the rest of his sweatshirt and Kevin dared to sneak a peek. (Y/N) quirked a brow when their eyes met again, having caught the water-based hero looking, the smirk returning to his lips as The Deep was quick to look away again.

As the meeting came to an end Kevin stayed in his seat, trying his best to will away the heat that had been bubbling in his abdomen. It had especially gotten hot under his layers when (Y/N) removed his feet from the table just to push his rolling chair back and spread his legs as much as possible, as if he was inviting whoever was looking to crawl in between them and worship him.

When Kevin had left, he thought he was alone until (Y/N) had floated up beside him, as silent as the night, and started talking. The cocky grin on his lips made it obvious he knew completely the way that Kevin’s body had reacted, maybe he could even smell it with those insane senses of his. The overpowered supe had landed on his feet and started walking beside Kevin, his hand reaching up to settle on the lower part of the shorter man’s back.

The ocean hero tried his best to keep casual, though he knew he was failing with all his stuttering and how he would lose train of thought when (Y/N)s fingers brushed against the top of his ass and fingered at his belt just enough to be felt. As they reached The Deeps place, they had stopped outside the doors and Superior had leant in close, his eyes almost glowing but not with lasers but something else. His lips had just barely brushed against Kevin’s before the man pulled back, patting Kevin on the cheek, telling him he would see him soon with a wink and disappearing, likely teleportation.

Knees feeling shaky like they never had before, Kevin leant against his door and tried to comprehend what just happened. Fumbling with his hand he finally got the door open and stumbled inside, his pants feeling incredibly tight and constricting. Not even 15 minutes later found The Deep in his bed, on his knees and forehead pressed against the sheets as he fisted his cock like it was his life’s mission, mind full of images of the lazy cocky hero who had looked at Kevin like he wanted to eat him.

Kevin had come harder than he ever had before against his sheets, his hand tugging at himself until he was so sensitive, he sobbed into his sheets. Afterwards he found himself laying on his back and staring at the ceiling, chest heaving and legs feeling like jelly as he tried to understand what he had just done and what it meant.

The next two weeks passed with Superior hanging around The Seven more than he ever had before, though he mainly hung around The Deep. The stronger hero had turned down Vought’s offer to join them, laughing straight in their face when they tried to insist. Most of his time was spent following Kevin around, listening to the man talk in detail about sea life and how the mistreatment of the marine life at places like seaworld.

(Y/N) had even gone out to the ocean with Kevin and had swam with him, ducking into the waters and swimming to levels deeper than any human could ever achieve. Kevin hated to admit how his chest fluttered or how his cock perked up at the sight of the larger man coming out of the water, his wet clothes sticking impossibly close to his muscular frame.

After another swim in the ocean the two had returned to Kevin’s place, the two flying as (Y/N) carried Kevin in his arms. Entering through a window the two laughed together as water splashed all over the floors, the men still dripping oceanwater all over the place as Kevin was placed down on his feet.

“Im gonna go get cleaned up” (Y/N) said, motioning towards the bathroom to which Kevin nodded, trying his hardest not to imagine the other mans naked body. Kevin waited until he heard the water start up before he answered some of the marine life in fish tanks that had been trying to talk to him, whispering his flustered replies as one of the octopi mentioned how Kevin should just present himself to the strong man and let him take him.

“Its not like hed want to sleep with someone like me” he frustratingly whispered to the octopus, who almost rolled their eyes at him if that was possible. “He’s like a god, why would someone so hot want anything to do with someone like me?” he muttered, letting his eyes fall to the carpet as the octopus tried to point out (Y/N)s behaviors that meant the man liked him.

“What do you mean by `someone like me`?” (Y/N)s voice could be heard from the bathroom door, which Kevin now noticed was silent without the water running. Peeking over his shoulder he saw the door was wide open, the man of his desires leaning against the doorframe in nothing but a towel, hair still dripping as if he hadn’t dried it off enough. Kevin couldn’t stop but drink in all over the man’s body, gulping softly at the way his muscles pulled and stretched as he pushed off the doorframe and started making his way over.

Kevin tried to stutter an excuse or explanation, anything to get out of this conversation since he had pretty much confessed to wanting (Y/N) in a way that wasn’t acceptable, at least if you asked Vought. He soon found himself backed up against the aquarium, (Y/N)s wide frame caging him against the glass as he grabbed Kevin’s chin and forced him to look him in the eyes. Kevin wanted nothing more but to be swallowed up by the ground right then and there, or to just keel over and die on the spot.

That was when (Y/N) leant in and pressed their lips together, his eyes falling shut as Kevin’s widened, his hands dumbly flapping about before letting him come to a rest on the other man’s shoulders. Their lips gave a wet smack as (Y/N) pressed in deeper, a tiny moan leaving Kevin as the larger mans tongue brushed against his lips. Letting his lips part, Kevin shut his eyes and pushed his tongue against (Y/N)s, the grip on the other mans shoulders tightening as he let himself be devoured.

Shuddering at the wet slurp that left them as (Y/N)s tongue licked from one side of his mouth to the other, Kevin’s hips twitched forwards, already incredibly hard from just seeing the others body and kissing him. Pulling back from the kiss (Y/N) cradled the shorter mans face in his hand, looking at his face as if he was picking him apart. Before doubt and self-consciousness could start brewing though he leant in a kissed the tip of Kevin’s nose, muttering a comment about how pretty he was.

Leading them to the bed (Y/N) pushed Kevin down on his back, letting the man scoot up the bed until he was resting on his pillows. (Y/N) took a moment to look at Kevin again, tilting his head and squinting like he was taking him apart piece by piece and appreciating what he saw. “You truly are a sight” he muttered, reaching up to rub his hands up and down the other man’s trembling legs.

“Might wanna get these off” (Y/N) muttered, crawling up the bed to kiss at Kevin’s thighs, referring to the green pants of his hero suit. Kevin couldn’t muster up any words and simply nodded, reaching down to make quick work of his pants, almost ripping them off and throwing them to the side, his cock slapping against his still covered stomach and leaving a small puddle of precum.

(Y/N) quirked a brow in a teasing display of interest as he pressed in close, pressing a kiss just below the head of the length, staring up at Kevin as he threw his head back and keened. Reaching up the bigger man wrapped his hand round Kevin’s length and slowly started moving it up and down, twisting his wrist in ways that drove Kevin crazy.

Kevin almost sobbed as (Y/N) started jerking him off, his hands gripping at the sheets as he tried to thrust up into the hold as (Y/N) muttered praise and compliments the entire time. But he was quickly ripped out of his euphoria as the other man slipped his hand under Kevins shirt, the man quick to freeze up and choke out a plea to stop.

He could feel his gills quiver under his shirt, not even an inch away from (Y/N)s fingers. Kevin gulped the spit that had gathered in his mouth, trying not to cry at the thought of the other man seeing the disgusting display that was his torso. When Kevin tried to explain how gross his torso was and how (Y/N) would hate it, the other man just rolled his eyes a smidge and leant in to kiss Kevin again. “You don’t think I already knew? I have X-ray vision too you know, there’s nothing wrong with you Kevin, I think your just as beautiful as always” he commented against the other man’s lips, as if the idea of Kevin being a monster was completely out of this world.

It took a moment but Kevin finally decided to say fuck it and got the top portion of his hero outfit off, throwing the still wet fabric off to the side and turning his head away, not wanting to see (Y/N)s reaction to his biggest shame. But instead of reacting with disgust (Y/N) just leant in a kissed the middle of his stomach, working his way up to Kevins chest and slowly pushing him back onto his back again as he muttered more compliments and lustful promises.

Soon Kevin didn’t even seem to notice he was shirtless anymore as (Y/N) started moving the hand around him again and sucking hickeys all over his chest. The ocean hero gasped as he felt the other man’s fingers brush against his gills, his eyes snapping open to look down at what was happening only to meet (Y/N)s eyes. (Y/N) smirked around one of Kevins nipples and gave the bud a good suck as he twisted his hand just right, making Kevin’s eyes roll and a loud moan tumble out from between his lips.

(Y/N) didn’t do more than just teasingly brush his fingers against the edges of his gills as pulled at Kevin’s cock, moving his lips up from his chest to suck hickeys against the skin on the other man’s neck. Releasing his grip on the sheets Kevin wrapped his arms around (Y/N) and held onto him, clinging to the man as his orgasm grew nearer and nearer.

When Kevin felt (Y/N)s fingers just barely push inside his gills and twist his wrist just wrist he came, let out a loud keening sob as he came all over the other mans hand and his own torso. His gills clamped down on the tips of the other man’s fingers, the action of being touched in and around his gills had never been something Kevin had enjoyed, but with (Y/N) it felt so much more intimate.

Leaning up (Y/N) pressed their lips together in a wet but loving kiss, the man mumbling praise against Kevin’s lips as he squeezed the last few drops of white out of him. The larger man snickered softly as Kevin laid there panting, his body buzzing and quiet whimpers leaving his mouth. “You know your gonna have to let me go at some point, right?” he said, just barely wriggling the fingers that were still semi trapped.

Kevin knew the other man could easily rip his hand to himself, but was deciding not to. It made something in Kevin’s chest warm up at the thought that (Y/N) didn’t want to hurt him. Still buzzing from his orgasm, it took a few tries before he could move his gills, letting (Y/N) free his hands which made the ocean hero receive a sweet kiss.

Relaxing into the sheets Kevin shut his eyes and tried to catch his breath, already dozing off as (Y/N) left the bed to return with a wet cloth to clean up their mess. Kevin was almost fully asleep when he remembered that his partner had never gotten off and had only been wearing a towel the entire time, and he wondered if the man had been affected by what happened at all.

The length that pressed up against his ass as (Y/N) crawled up behind him and spooned him told him all he needed to know, but it didn’t seem like the stronger man wanted to do anything right now other than cuddle and take a nap. So Kevin got comfortable in (Y/N)s arms and let himself drift off, being lulled off to dreamland by the sound of the other mans breathing and heartbeat.

#male reader #the boys #the deep #Kevin Moskowitz #the boys imagine #the boys headcanon #the boys x male reader #the boys x reader #the deep imagine #the deep headcanon #the deep x male reader #the deep x reader #Kevin Moskowitz x male reader #Kevin Moskowitz x reader #Kevin Moskowitz imagine #Kevin Moskowitz headcanon

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dapperhannah · 4 months

Text

Feeling Human Again (part 1)

Chan x Reader

Chan's been too invested in working on music that he's neglected almost everything. You are over waiting for him to finish and take matters into your own hands. Until he takes them into his.

content warning (this chapter but probably the next one): sex, oral, dirty talk, subxdom, please dont ever read this chan or i will jump into the moon

Somehow it had never gotten easier on Chan's studio days. He warned you off the bat that he was almost completely unreachable.

"I really focus on those days, babe. I need you to know it's kinda like I drop off the face of the earth for 12 hours."

"I'll be fine! I'll just text Felix to give me attention. He's pretty good at keeping me entertained with goofy videos or coming over to play games."

But when deadlines would get closer and closer, almost everyday was a studio day. A week would go by with the only messages you'd get from Chan were a good morning and good night both at the wee hours of the night. You knew it was taking a toll on him when you could see the dark circles under his eyes during the few moments you would get with him.

Today was going to be different. Chan's good morning text came around 6AM as usual, with the same kissy face emoji. Great, you think, He's in the studio. Mission is a go.

Sneaking into the studio wasn't very hard. Hyunjin, Felix, Minho, and Jeongin were all practicing in the dance hall. They didn't even question when you came through anymore. It was pretty normal just to come hang out while they rehearsed. They hollered for you to come hang out, but you waved them off.

Passing by the gym, you saw Changbin deeply focused on weight lifting while Jisung very leisurely walked on the treadmill, eyes closed and mumbling the song he was singing. It was always such a treat to see how each of the kids spent their freetime. The album was still a few weeks away, but their managers had them on a short break to catch up on just feeling human.

Chan's studio was right around the corner now. There was nothing in the way of you and distracting your man to feel that human way. But, of course, there was Seungmin.

It was no surprise to see him wandering the halls, but to bump right into him caused both of you to jump.

"Minnie!"

"Y/N!"

You comically clutched at your invisible pearls, Seungmin pretending to cover himself up as though you'd caught him in the shower, both laughing up a storm.

"What are you doing?" Seungmin asked, his little puppy head cocked to the side, "I'm just about to join the guys for dance practice if you wanna join!"

"Thank you, Minnie, but I've got... other plans." You eyed the door to the recording studio, the windows blacked out and the "DO NOT DISTURB" sign plastered on the outside.

Seungmin nodded knowingly.

"He's been in there so much recently. Even though we still see him every night at the dorm, it's like he's not even there. I miss him."

"Me too. I'm going to try and get him to come back to reality - even just for a bit."

The sweet puppy boy nodded again, a goofy grin spread across his face, before he ran off down the hall. It was both sweet as well as heartbreaking that the guys missed him. Whenever you'd text back and forth with Felix, it would eventually go from stupid memes to talking about Chan. You both really loved and admired him so it wasn't very hard to get to the topic.

Turning the door handle quietly, you slid into the dark room. The front room that was usually lit up and comfy was filled with shadows. A glow was emitting from the soundboard and you could see the shape of your favorite Aussie. His headphones were on so you knew he couldn't hear you, but it still felt necessary to tiptoe.

Chan's eyes were closed, lost in whatever music he was listening to. His outfit was lazy comprised of the same hoodie and sweatshirt you'd seen him wearing the last time you two had a whole day of rest together. It took everything in you not to pull open the door and jump on him.

But that wouldn't be necessary when Chan's eyes flashed open and glanced your way. You were in the dark, there's no way he could see you... right?

"You don't have to hide, I know when the door opens and closes."

You felt like a deer in headlights. You'd never bugged him during his producing session. It felt like a sacred time for Chan and who were you to intrude on that.

"Y/N, please. Just come here."

You sheepishly entered the soundboard room, head hung down, looking like a guilty puppy who just ripped up the couch.

"Babe, I just missed y-"

Before you could even finish, your sweet love wrapped you up in a tight embrace. It was warm, needy. The touch of someone who was so starved for any sort of affection.

"Miss you too. I'm sorry."

Pulling out of the hug, you can see the tears well up in Chan's eyes. You felt them in your own as well, overwhelmed by his and your own emotions.

"Baby, Chan, please. Do not be sorry. You've been busy."

"I know, but I've been neglecting everything. It's amazing I at least eat a little bit and shower."

You run your hands through his hair, absorbing the serotonin that just came from the fluff on his head.

"You need to take more breaks - and not just for me. The guys miss you too."

He hung his head down the same way you had before. You took his face in your hands, turning to face you directly.

"And don't give me that pouty face anymore please. I'm here now."

Wiping the wetness trapped in the corner of his eyes, Chan's demeanor changed. Something took over him in that moment that was so out of pocket.

"You are here, huh?" He whispered with a smirk. His arms wrapped around you, where they slowly melingered from your back to your waist to your butt.

"Yes... Chan, what's up? You know we're here. At your studio. With your management and other memebers literally down the hall."

The mischevious look on his face only intensified as you spoke.

"Well, this is a soundproof room. And the doors lock."

#stray kids fanfic #bang chan x reader #dont look at me #stray kids #bang chan

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holdinbacksecrets · 2 years

Text

your first i love you with seventeen

“maybe it’s cliche to say you know me best, but it’s true. maybe it’s cliche to say we only live once, but i spend my nights pondering those words, and every time my thoughts end up on you.”

seungcheol: “i told you i love you two years ago when i was drunk, and you never mentioned it. i didn’t forget. it was the first thing i thought of the next morning, and i could barely look at you. did you notice? i’m ready to say it now because i finally believe i’ll be ok if you don’t feel the same way, even though i hope you do.”

jeonghan: “my best friend slept over last night… you’ve met her... a hundred times it seems, but she started talking about you, and i wasn’t expecting her to. i felt this pride as if the words she used to praise you were somehow meant for me too. i’ve known how i feel, but that moment was laced with something more: something so assuring that the emotion is love. i’ve never known it like i do with you, and i’ve found myself wondering if this is it. it must be, certainly because i think of you with the same enchantment as my favorite things, and i don’t mean the chipped mug in my pantry or the blanket i’ve had for years. i mean the smell of the earth after rain, and the times the clouds absorb the color of a sunrise. my love for you is beyond what i thought was possible to hold in my hand, and yet…”

joshua: “i feel like i’ve loved you forever. i used to invite you over for dinner when we were just kids, and i’d smile to myself when i made a place at the table for you. i’d ask my mom for the blue cup because it’s the one you’d choose after school… i want that to be my routine for the rest of my life. i want to meet you at the dining table. those years weren’t nearly enough.”

jun: “you’re the only person who came to my university graduation. i love you. i knew when you fixed the tassel on my cap and kissed my cheek for a picture. i wanted more just because with no camera around. i love you.”

soonyoung: “your parents invited me into their home so sincerely. your mother held my face between her palms, and i had to close my eyes beneath the intensity of her gaze- her sweet gaze. you squeezed my hand when we filled the living room after dinner. i knew what it meant: a silent you did it, but it felt like the stars. i’m in love with you. i want to talk to your parents whenever they’ll have me. i want to look through all the pictures in their albums on the bookshelf. i want to wrap my fingers around blades of grass in the backyard, reminiscing that night with you beside me, sharing words and smiles in twilight’s breeze. it felt like heaven.”

wonwoo: “last night you held my hand when i was crying during the movie. i hadn’t realized you spent any time watching me. i swallowed the loudness because i didn’t want you to ask why i was crying harder, but your thumb rubbed my hand like you already knew. since the first day we met, you’ve seen me. it wouldn’t make sense for me not to love you.”

jihoon: “thank you for walking with me to the grocery store and remembering the things i forgot to add to my list. i love you, and that i’ll always remember.”

seokmin: “you invited me to the show. you looked at me with so much warmth when you told me you wanted me in the audience. i felt my hands cover my heart when your face consumed the big screen. i whispered my love for you among a sea of shouting, among a sea of people who would understand if i told them, without knowing how deep it goes, without knowing i’ve woken up to your face on a handful of my favorite mornings. i love you.”

mingyu: “we spent the entire day at the hospital, and i never saw you frown. you asked the questions i didn’t have the energy to. you looked at me after the doctor spoke for my reaction, to see if you needed to step in. i told you for days you didn’t have to come, and i was fine going alone, that i didn’t want to ruin your day off. you never listened. you told me you promised to go the next time you could, and i’m so glad. i wish it didn’t feel this hard to admit when i need someone, but it is. maybe that’s because i came to know the look of resentment in my parent’s eyes, and i’m terrified of you watching me like they have. for now, your eyes are warm, and i love you. i love you for so much more than what you did today, but the final piece slid into place when i saw you in my doorway this morning. you spoke so softly. i was just waking up, but you came over early, said you wanted time to make me tea… make sure i didn’t forget anything. i practiced the way it would sound in the shower: my first, true i love you. i whispered it into the stream.”

minghao: “my heart kind of hurts when i look at you, but i’ve decided i don’t mind because it goes away whenever you look back or say my name. i’ve come to love my name and brown eyes and you.”

seungkwan: “this isn’t the first time i’ve tried to tell you how i feel. it happened last year on your birthday. i bought one of those blank cards and filled its white with all the honesty in my heart. but i couldn’t give it to you. i couldn’t make your big day about me. i couldn’t write myself into your memory and tarnish the celebration if you didn’t feel the same way. i kept the card, and i’m ready to give it to you now. if anything, the love has grown, but the words are still… i would write the same ones in this moment for you.”

hansol: “you’ve eaten so many meals on my balcony; i love you.”

chan: “there’s something about seeing you do what you love… seeing you on stage. it all comes undone for me in those moments, and tonight was just the same. i have no idea who stood beside me, but i told them i love you. they said they do too, and it made me laugh. it made my heart burst. now it’s time to tell you. i’ve said it a hundred times already, but the meaning’s changed. it continued to grow and bloom, so now there’s all this love—petaled love, pollen love all over my fingers—i hope to share with you.”

#boyfriend things #seventeen scenarios #seventeen reactions #seventeen fluff #seventeen blurbs #seventeen imagines #seungcheol scenarios #jeonghan scenarios #joshua scenarios #jun scenarios #soonyoung scenarios #wonwoo scenarios #jihoon scenarios #seokmin scenarios #mingyu scenarios #minghao scenarios #seungkwan scenarios #hansol scenarios #chan scenarios

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imaginesfordifferentfandoms · 1 year

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Teardrops On My Guitar

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Prompt - ‘'I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night.’

Notes - Making my way through Taylor Swift’s albums so if you want a fic for any song that I haven’t done yet send me a message!🤎

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For as long as you could remember it had always been you and Peter, other friends came and went throughout the years but you and Peter had always been a constant in each other’s lives. You had gone through everything together, when your family’s business went bankrupt and you had to live with the Parker’s for a few months, when Peter’s parents died and he had chosen you to run away to. Every big moment, every little moment, no matter the memory Peter was almost always in it.

You never thought you’d have to imagine a life without Peter, it always seemed such an impossible thought. You were the best of friends, there were no secrets between either of you, you told each other everything.

Which was great for years, it worked well for the two of you, you knew the other better than you knew yourself. It was nice knowing you always had someone to confide in, no problem too big or small to share.

And yet now you hated the fact that nothing was kept a secret between the two of you, you hated the fact that you meet up with Peter every day before school, hated that it was so easy to forget that the rest of the world existed, right up until you walked through the doors and his gaze immediately sought her out.

Gwen Stacy.

Gwen Stacy who was top of every class, Gwen Stacy who was so stunningly beautiful you just knew you couldn’t ever even begin to compete with her. You didn’t stand a chance, not when you saw the way Peter looked at her, his expression completely softening, the way his lips pulled into an unconscious smile every time she walked into a room, the way he couldn’t walk into one without glancing around for her.

You didn’t stand a chance.

And because there were no secrets between you and Peter you got to hear all about his crush on her when he remembered you existed. Ok, so maybe that wasn’t fair, it wasn’t like Peter shut down on you whenever she was around but he always had an eye on her.

You and Peter always walked home together, usually hanging around in his bedroom since Aunt May was at work so it left the two of you alone. You didn’t know if you loved the alone time or hated it.

You couldn’t even remember when your own crush on Peter had developed, maybe it had always been there, there before you even really knew what a crush was, before you knew anything about relationships or love or any of those things. Maybe it had developed when you had a bad day and Peter was always there with open arms and ready to make a fool of himself if only to see you laugh again. Maybe it was in the way that there really wasn’t any distance between the two of you, whether it be with no secrets or the way you could crawl into the other's bed after sneaking in through the window and the other person didn’t react other than to make room and wrap their arms around the other. Maybe it was all the little things that seemed so insignificant to other people but you treasured so deeply that made you fall for him so easily.

It didn’t really matter when it happened though, only that it did. It happened and it hurt every day. You couldn’t even get a break on the weekends because whenever Peter came around Gwen always seemed to be the first topic on his lips.

And it wasn’t like you could say anything either, you couldn’t just demand he stop talking about her. Not without admitting you had feelings for him anyway and that wasn’t going to happen, not when you knew he didn’t feel anything for you. You would just have to sit and listen to him talk about her for hours at a time because you loved him and you couldn’t lose your friendship.

Still it hurt. It hurt when he asked you what you think he should do, how could he get her to notice him, what date ideas should he think of to ask her out. The worst of it was that you loved him so much you couldn’t even bring yourself to give him bad ideas, whenever he asked for your advice you gave him the best you could, gave answers you wished Peter would do for you, and you watched him use them on her.

You had gotten pretty good at faking a smile now around Peter, at pretending everything was ok until you were alone and you could let the hurt just hurt. It was so easy to picture you and Peter together too, nothing would change except the fact you’d know how his lips felt against yours, how his hand cupping your cheek to bring you closer would feel.

It didn’t matter how much you wanted to cry, not when you had to fake a laugh at his over dramatic love declarations that caused him to grin as he shoved you lightly, it didn’t matter because no matter how many damn stars you wished on nothing would change.

Sometimes you thought Peter knew, how could he not know that he was the reason you stayed up all night thinking about him, how could he not know that the reason for your tears was him, how was he so blind to the way you looked at him? If it were anybody else you’d think they knew but Peter wasn’t cruel, if he knew he wouldn’t be torturing you so much.

If you had thought things between you and Peter were hard when he was just pining after Gwen it was nothing compared to when he finally put all your advice to use and ended up getting together with her.

It was slow at first, you still saw Peter every day, still walked home together after school but over time it turned into less time together. You walked home together but after a few weeks Gwen joined you and you hated how kind she was, it’d be easier to hate her if she wasn’t so nice. Then it turned into you going straight home, not wanting to third wheel on them, not when it meant more time watching Peter look at Gwen like she was his whole world and you had somehow become nothing more than a passing thought, silently pleading for Peter to notice you.

It wasn’t much longer after that the time you and Peter spent together got less and less, no more hanging out after school, no more weekends together, no more sneaking into each other’s houses, no more sharing every thought that popped into your head.

That’s what hurt the most, the thing that left you crying silently to yourself each night. Peter had forgotten all about you and your heart hurt, it hurt so badly that you just wished you could stop feeling anything. It wasn’t even just Peter’s fault though, you wanted to blame him for it all but you were to blame too, you pulled away but Peter hadn’t caught you and pulled you back.

You hoped Gwen knew, you hoped she knew how lucky she was that she was the one that got to fall asleep in Peter’s arms, the safest place you’d ever been. You hope she knew how lucky she was that Peter had picked her to love, you hoped she would love him just as fiercely as he loved her, hoped she knew how lucky she was to be able to fall into those beautiful brown eyes and to know how his lips felt as he kissed her so softly like she was something to be treasured.

You really hoped she knew because you would never know.

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