#I do everything I’m told

[northwindow]

Megan Fernandes, from I Do Everything I’m Told

#megan fernandes #i do everything i’m told

[therainbowfishy]

Books read in February 2024

THE PRETTIEST STAR by Carter Sickels

POOR DEER by Claire Oshetsky

STAGES OF ROT by Linnea Sterte

SO LONG SAD LOVE by Mirion Malle

I DO EVERYTHING I'M TOLD by Megan Fernandes

THE TAIGA SYNDROME by Cristina Rivera Garza, Translated by Suzanne Jill Levine & Aviva Kana

SUITE FOR BARBARA LODEN by Nathalie Léger, translated by Natasha Lehrer & Cécile Menon

THE SKUNKS by Fiona Warnick

MAGNOLIA WU UNFOLDS IT ALL by Chanel Miller

A FROG IN THE FALL by Linnea Sterte

HOW TO END A LOVE STORY by Yulin Kuang

SLOW DANCE by Rainbow Rowell

#Books #a good reading month!! #mini books #fiction #comics #graphic novels #poetry #favorites were #the skunks #A frog in the fall #I do everything I’m told #magnolia wu unfolds it all #the prettiest star was also good and so sad

[ashtrayfloors]

Orlando

The few weeks I was pregnant, whenever people asked how are you, meg? I'd answer, oh ya know... with child which I thought was dead funny. I don't think about it now except sometimes in a fitness class surrounded by women trying to shed baby weight and I make the calculations (he'd be about fourteen by now) and then I look at myself in the class mirror while women squat and lift their legs and think, wow! I look so good for having a fourteen- year-old and then I'd think again, how if he were a reality, I'd say it all the time and embarrass him in front of his school friends and for some reason, I think he'd be a drummer and wear green. I have no regrets, but I wonder if he's waiting in the sky somewhere or doing blow in another dimension where he's a rocker and very much flesh. I don't believe in kin by blood, but I believe poems can give form to the formless, that one can resurrect roads not taken in a line and give it a name. It's a novel by Virginia Woolf, I'd say and rattle on and he'd wave me off but maybe read it one day in college and think about his young mother who wanted to be a writer and what she might have had to give up in order to raise him at twenty-three. He'd write me a song. He'd title it with my name.

—Megan Fernandes, from I Do Everything I'm Told (Tin House, 2023)

#poetry #megan fernandes #pregnancy #abortion #things that might have been #typography #i do everything i’m told #currently reading #this book is so good #but this poem in particular took me the fuck out #cuz like #if i hadn’t had an abortion at 22 #i too would’ve had a baby at 23 #i think of him often actually #though i also don’t regret it #dante (that’s what i named him) would have turned 18 this year

[fortheloveofgodsomeonepleasehelp]

One thing about coming from a tiny conservative town and becoming transgender at university is how quickly you find out that the “crazy liberal ideas” that you heard about at home are Not Enough. The “gender-neutral washrooms” that your parents were so up in arms about are so rare you might just end up using the one that aligns with your AGAB anyways. The “share your pronouns with the class” discussions that your family scoffed at back home are equally mocked here, and only make you uncomfortable. Somehow conservative media told you that everyone at university is gay and transgender, that it’s some kind of pandemic seizing the youth of today, but thats not what you find when you get here. You were told to be afraid of sharing your room with a trans person before you came to university, but now it seems more likely that your roommate is going to be a transphobe. You still haven’t changed your gender marker on the school website, although it’s technically easy - you have to worry if it will affect your housing, the resources available to you, the way that your seemingly-friendly RAs and RCs look at you.

#transgender #lgbtq+ #trans university experience #it doesn’t help that i am Never Coming Out #ppl say that trans ppl are so brave & all but im not. im scared of everything all the time #especially with housing shortages now what happens if I come out and have a roommate #does she move? do I move? where to? what if all the rooms are full? #last semester I got the Last room on campus (at least for a ‘female’ resident) & - #- what would have happened if I’d been out? would I have gotten a room at all? with a cis boy? lumped in with some other trans person? #with a cis girl who ‘doesn’t see me as a threat’ cause I’m AFAB? with a cis girl who isn’t even told I’m trans? with a cis girl who IS told? #vent post

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC ramble: Types of power

Now, in this particular fandom, there’s a tendency to make an OP Danny

That’s a neutral statement, a lot of people just happen to like and post OP Danny

For the most part, not my taste but it can be fun in some contexts, but overpowered Danny isn’t my default

Now, Danny is physically strong. His abilities are combat focused and he can hold his own in a fight. He probably has a little less physical strength than you’d think since he uses gravity nullification to lift heavy things, but it’s impressive regardless. He has a goodly variety of offensive and defensive abilities that make him formidable is a fight

But the strongest characters in DC aren’t necessarily strong in that way

Superman is physically very strong, incredibly powerful, but he’s still nowhere near the level of the actual strongest characters, because their power is a very different type

Like I’m talking reality manipulation, omniscience, abilities that involve power over people’s very souls (and a ghost is a human soul) and where they end up. Psychopomps and some much more. I’m talking about beings that can mold the flesh of humans to remove something like a cancer and repair damage with barely a thought

And they’re mainly held in check by rules, mostly just being polite, sometimes Divine laws

This is a type of power Danny is not equipped to handle

It’s a very different game than Danny is playing. He can physically throw down, he might have an army if it’s Ghost King AU, but this is “can kill you with a literal snap and the snap is just for dramatic effect” territory

Danny is playing high school American football, these characters are playing Professional soccer aka what every other country calls football

It’s a very different game, and if he’s trying to play with them, he’s going to struggle

And that’s fine, he can still be OP and not be playing on the same field as Lucifer, or the Spectre, or various demon lords and so on, because it’s a different kind of power

But just arbitrarily saying he’s more powerful really undersells why they are powerful. Being able to punch good is not the same as a character that can just send him to the afterlife. Someone being able to reshape Danny’s body at their will isn’t going to be concerned about his ecto blasts

A Tuna is a big fish, but the ocean is VAST and DEEP

All this to say you’d have to drastically alter Danny’s actual power set to make him able to compete, otherwise you’re just de-powering the actual strongest characters, which is less impressive since it missed the point of WHY they were strong

Just because you can solve a sheet of math problems doesn’t mean you’re going to be able to ace a three page essay on the poetry of Keats

This has been my thoughts on the matter, be sure to grab a souvenir from the gift shop

Also just going to sneak this in:

Danny should probably be more concerned about magic users

Magic clearly can affect him, just look at the Freak Show incident from season one, that’s not even getting into the reality gauntlet. Now add in the fact that there’s a variety of magic items/artifacts in DC and a slew other of magic uses and occultists that can summon and bind ghosts, spirits, and demons to do their bidding

Danny is firmly in the category of beings that magic specifically deals with, he should probably be a bit more concerned about magic users

#dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc prompt #dpxdc #dp x dc ramble #just some thoughts #I’m very much a show don’t tell kind of guy so I do get disappointed if I’m only told Danny is OP #since a lot of things are very powerful in very different ways #and being just told he’s more powerful just comes across as everything else was made weaker to accomplish it #and if you look into some of the actual most powerful characters in DC #you can see why Danny being more powerful is questionable #since it’s a different type of power we’re talking here #beings that can remove lung cancer from someone and reshape the flesh to repair it is def not the same as punching #it’s like intelligence #a person can be good at memorizing things #but that might not help in a puzzle solving competition #the difference between math homework and a three page literature essay #being good at one doesn’t mean you’re good at the other

[silverfoxstole]

Close-up of Paul’s new sonic screwdriver and a wider version of the shot we’ve already seen. From the Facebook of the team who made the sonic, Little Shop Props

#i always told myself i would never refer to it as a sonic #and now i’m doing it #paul mcgann #doctor who #eighth doctor #8th doctor #i’m still hoping we’ll get to see more of the photoshoot when the con is over #*crosses fingers toes and everything else*

[girlgerard]

mommm white people on tumblr are misconstruing my posts again despite the post being entirely about how important wording is + how i don’t feel comfortable posting large statements when i haven’t fully processed them yet.

#if you want to put me on a blocklist for loving netanyahu you can! i don’t! and no matter how many times i get told i do #i still don’t! #i literally said i hope his balls get cut off IN THAT POST #i don’t know how that read as unclear. #perhaps there are no hidden genocidal messages behind the wording of my tumblr posts - who knows! #when i said i cared about every single civilian living in that land i meant it. if you decide that i actually don’t that’s not my problem #if you somehow took my words and decided that what i really meant is that i’m a government bootlicker who loves murder #you can do that all you want. it won’t make it true and it won’t help save any lives #i was in ramallah and jerusalem six months ago. have you gone? #if the answer is no maybe think about that for a second #moreover if you’re viewing this from a purely racial or religious framework you have no idea how to navigate this subject #i don’t view israel and palestine through which government i want to back. why the fuck would i do that #palestinians and jews and everyone else in that land is who i care about. i care about gazans #if that’s not enough of ‘a side’ for you i don’t really think there’s much of a conversation to be had. #do you think i wake up every day NOT thinking about gaza? do you think i wouldn’t feel nauseous every second of every day because of gaza? #do you think that within everything i’m saying that the most logical conclusion would be to post all of my thoughts on tumblr? #because if you think any of that we’re not going to have a productive conversation. i don’t take kindly to being told my own emotions

[adrift-in-thyme]

Note to self: never again let it slip to an irl person that I write whump

#told two of my classmates today #I’m exhausted so it just kinda slipped out #plus I assumed they’d be at least a little ok about it #given that they’re into fandom stuff #but no #they definitely thought I was some kind of freak #and I wasn’t about to try and defend myself #‘writing this stuff is a kind of therapy for me I promise I’m not sadistic or creepy!’ #yeah that would’ve gone over wonderfully #*sighs* #figures that one of the only personal things I shared this whole semester gets this reaction #why do I even try #I never talk about myself #I let everyone else vent and tell me everything #and when I try to open up I screw myself #trin rambles #vent #ignore me I’ll be fine #it’s just a really yucky day today #I’m not in a great place mentally and that did nothing good for me #hopefully sleep will help #…if I manage to get any sleep that is #ugh #delete later

[perplexingly]

My coworker tells me that my linearting brush is weird with funny opacity, and I think at this point it’s a strong feature of my artstyle but the truth is I only started using it because I didn’t know how to properly recreate Photoshop’s basic round brush in Procreate and I just let it fundamentally change my art style lol

#it doesn’t feel good to do detailing with this brush so I also started doing everything softer/cuter #if you compare to my older art style or to what I do in the sketchbooks #I used to draw a bit more realistic and detailed #@ young artists who have been told that brushes don’t make an artist so stop asking more experienced artists what do they use #I’m so sorry they lied to you

[yourqueenb]

This is so stupid. Like this actually pisses me off

#choices bolas #choices blades #blades of light and shadow #choices stories you play #playchoices #I really don’t know why I’m pissed bc I was just talking about how the writers glossed over everything Valax did to MC #but it’s still so annoying and infuriating #not only was she not given the room to feel and address what happened #but she was also made to be a complete and utter dumbass #bc like Valax said she was honest from the get go #she literally told you what she was going to do!!! #you knew what it was from the beginning so why are we acting hurt and betrayed now #it’s completely asinine #choices #choices app #pixelberry studios #pixelberry

[xannerz]

Not feeling great. Left the vet with Vigo. Heart murmur is at 5/6. He’s gonna be on 2 meds. Hearts enlarged, not a lot of fluid in his lungs atm. The meds should help his heart not work so hard.

The vet said to give him a chance and see bc he’s still eager to eat, drink, walk (though I can’t do that with him anymore not to strain his heart which makes me sad), etc. I’m nervous bc I’ll be away next week. I’ll try to have him see the cardiologist in a month but may have to take him in to the emergency vet sooner.

Frankly I don’t wanna fight it if it gets to that point. I have nothing else I can give. I can't gamble w/ his qualify of life either. I’ll monitor him for this week and see what to do. Vet will call me abt his labs tmrw.

#idk. does anyone want like. a sketch comm? should I do that? should I do that now? #it’s funny I’ve told myself I’ll start selling resin crafts for months bc I need to. but I can barely get out of bed every day #I don’t wanna sound like a sob story. #or a broken record #everything feels like a chore #but everything is on me. emotionally financially everything. #my family tries but ultimately it’s on me. #idk. how much more crushed can a bitch get yk. I’m tired. #xangoeswah

[skyland2703]

…ok so I got inspired <3

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Thesis in the tags

#OKAY SO HEAR ME OUT #Amelia is probably the most jealous person to ever relationship. #but it comes naturally ONLY for Javi. she never got jealous while dating Ollie or any of the previous partners. #but when she started dating javi—something flipped a switch in her and BOI OH BOI DID SHE GET. JEALOUS. OF EVERYTHING. #which kinda sucks because Javi is a music sensation and POPULAR 😭 #and she’s Horny. SO. so. SO. horny. like. maybe it’s the Rafkonian biology but if he wakes her up in the middle of the night #saying ‘babe I’m horny’ she just. fucking. would go down on him. then and there. #LIKE SHE WOULD SEE HIM TAKING A PEACEFUL BATH AND GO ‘i wanna fuck you slide over’ #and the exhibitionist kink 😭😭 don’t even get me started on that. #Javi was always a mama’s boy so he is THE best at cooking. his mom is even better. (typical desi mom Rina 😭👍🏻) #and so he makes them food. and she does the dishes because his prosthetics don’t let him do watery work good. #Amelia isn’t good with lovey dovey words. Javi is a POET. #HE TOLD HER HE LOVED HER BY WRITING HER A SONG #AND TELLING HER ‘you are the very oxygen i breathe’. #and he waited for her confession for three years 😭 for her to fall in love with him and for her to tell him she loved him #and like #idk man #also she steals all of his clothes. #Javi got vvv annoyed once realising she doesn’t have ANY super loose sweatshirts and comfortable things to wear. not even pyjamas. #(she used to prefer sleeping naked) but ever since she discovered Javi’s oversized hoodies… that fit juuust perfectly. theresno going back. #ever #anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk :D #they’re sooooo in love your honor I cant~ #power rangers #power rangers dino fury #amelia jones #Javi garcia #cosmic fury #power rangers cosmic fury #dino fury

[ashtrayfloors]

To want the same things as you age is not always a failure of growth. A good city will not parent you. Every poet has a love affair with a bridge. Mine is the Manhattan and she's a middle child. Or the Sea Link in Mumbai, her galactic tentacles whipping the starless sky. When I say bridge, I mean goddess.

—Megan Fernandes, from "Letter to a Young Poet" (I Do Everything I'm Told, Tin House, 2023)

#quotations #poetry #megan fernandes #i do everything i’m told #letters to a young poet #currently reading

[reamed]

ya know what I’m deciding not to give a shit if my job doesn’t like me missing work bcuz I’m in agonizing pain

#txt #it is what it is #fuck it we ball #like idk what else to do #and it really erks me that my boss thinks she has the right to tell me I need to go to the doctor #because bitch I’ve been all my life I’ve been misdiagnosed with stomach viruses utis and it’s never that #I’m not risking being misdiagnosed again. I’m waiting for my gyno appointment bcuz it has fucking everything to do with my period/reproduct #REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS #like hire more people if it’s such a loss when I’m gone ?????? #don’t fucking text me telling me that “As a mom I’d tell my kid to go to the doctor😇 as if my parents aren’t fully aware of the pain I’m in #and have been fully aware since I was 10 years old #I know what’s going on bitch I don’t need to waste money at a walk in clinic for them to tell me I have a uti or my stomach is just hurting #u think jus fucking about with this shit. no I plan for this every month. usually it’s not terrible. this month has been hell #there’s nothing I can do to avoid it. I take meds and they barely do anything #i deserve to rest bcuz I’ve been busting my ass this year and last through this pain #i can afford to miss a few days off work. sorry yall can’t #I’m sorry for ranting this had jus been an issue my whole life. they used to grill me as a kid at school for missing #and it reminds me of that so much and it makes me feel like a child again #being told It’s JuSt period CrAmpS just TakE medicine #meanwhile I’m literally puking from pain #meanwhile my insides feel like they are blistering and on fire and my lower body is being yanked to the floor #ok sowwy I’m gonna go cry about it now

[seventh-district]

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :) #and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see- #-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out.. #the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!) #i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!? #they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow. #that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!! #not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

[lucielovekj]

When I was in uni we had to do a presentation on an artist chosen from a provided list and I chose Mark Ryden and the lecturer who I presented it to laughed and asked mockingly why I would make the presentation pink because it’s extremely unprofessional and I was like you mean this guy?

Why did I make a presentation on this guy pink???

#we were told the aesthetics didn’t really matter and to make them cohesive with the theme #and it was LITERALLY just a muted millennial pink background w white boxes and dark pink text #everyone else did black and white but we legit had people with dyslexia on our course so I didn’t wanna do that #AND other peoples were just as heavily decorated and coloured it was literally just the colour pink she bitched about #and I was like why? what’s the issue? it’s a major part of his work and it’s just a damn colour what’s your problem??? #in front of the whole class I was so mad and embarrassed but I was too annoyed to drop it #we were also in pairs and I ended up doing the whole thing for a lot of reasons and then my partner couldn’t even pronounce the words #so it was made extremely clear I’d done everything and for some reason this makes teachers assume YOURE the asshole #I’ve had it so many times where I’ve been that guy doing the whole thing and then those in charge are like #why are you being such a control freak and nasty to your group #like idk maybe because I’m the only one even remotely trying and I don’t want to fail SHARON