#I think it's because I can imagine how she acts and her demeanor and everything but trying to portray it visually is hard

[spoiledskullz]

Welkin expressions

#spoiled art #welkin the wolf #I saw art from 2021 and 2020 I did of her and got so angry by how bad it was LOL #Like I can not for the life of me portray my own sonic oc correctly? #I think it's because I can imagine how she acts and her demeanor and everything but trying to portray it visually is hard #She's supposed to be kinda #“Angelic” and “graceful” and calm #And her name and appearance are supposed to reflect that? Idk man #Crying on the floor #sonic fan character

[radioisntdead]

I don't mean to be dramatic, but the degree to which I need to know what Velvette does to shy singer reader the next day verges on pathological.

Good evening my dear! You are so real for that, I hope you enjoy!

Don't go wasting your emotion

Velvette x reader

Warnings: Power inbalance, things get wonky at the end because I was sleep deprived while writing, kinda trying out a format no idea if that's obvious or not.

Part two to this

Song used

Velvette took pride in her accomplishments,

she had a strong hold on hell's fashion industry, she had a HUGE following on all social media platforms, she was the youngest overlord, she was the self-proclaimed backbone of the Vee's, if she wanted something she would get it.

And what was something she wanted?

You! How unfortunate, or fortunate depending how you look at it.

"I wasn't jealous before we met,"

After your little stunt of practically serenading her and teasing her with the act of an almost kiss, the Vee became rather enamored with you.

Imagine her delight when you came into work the next day fully prepared to get a sort of revenge on you, although you were in a complete different outfit then the one you wore the night before, gone was the striking red and pink two piece, you now wore a muted green cardigan, blouse and some business casual work pants, the complete opposite of the night before.

If she hadn't seen you that night she might've have a tough time believing it was you.

"Now, every woman I see is a potential threat,"

Velvette kept tabs on you throughout the morning waiting for the right moment to corner you.

Unfortunately the morning was busy since a certain moth that should've gotten taken out by exorcists ages ago had another temper tantrum and wrecked havoc upon her floor, tearing apart a few models.

And that meant it took longer then she would've liked to talk to you.

"And I'm possessive, it isn't nice,"

She was extra snippy with everyone who interacted with you, her poor assistant who just needed to give you a run down on what clothes to pack and transport to a shoot next week got absolutely flamed, a coworker that held the door open for you was almost fired, another coworker that accidentally tripped you and apologized was fired.

"You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice,"

Finally right before the clock stuck noon she managed to catch you alone, you were at your desk writing something down.

"But now it isn't true,"

You let out a squeak as your chair, with you in it, was spun around.

Velvette stared down at you.

"Now everything is new,"

You were a complete and utter fool to think she wouldn't recognize you, and now you were paying the price for your foolery.

"And all I've learned has overturned,"

Cold panic filled you, immediately assuming she wanted to end your afterlife, you managed to duck under her arm, slide out of your chair and what I can only describe as a sad attempt at an army crawl mixed with an undignified shimmy but it got you free.

Temporarily anyways.

"I beg of you,"

Velvette quickly caught you pinning you against a wall, your eyes darted around as you felt her fingers gently hold your chin like you had done to her the night before.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

She leaned in.

"Lay all your love on me,"

And planted a kiss right on your pretty lips.

"It was like shooting a sitting duck,"

That kiss is what sealed your fate, because from that day Velvette began showing clear favoritism for you.

"A little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck,"

Coming to visit you whenever she had free time, or on your breaks, demanding that you go on lunch dates with her.

"I still don't know what you've done with me,"

She somehow found your awkward demeanor to be rather charming, sure it would be nice for you to ditch the whole timid thing but that wasn't a deal breaker, perhaps within time you'd become that confident person she saw on stage that managed to completely and utterly enamour her full-time.

"A grown-up woman should never fall so easily,"

Velvette showed up for each and every one of your performances, causing a racket in order to show up if needed.

She personally designed clothes for you to wear during your club performances, making sure they fit you perfectly and that they were flexible enough that you could move around with ease.

"I feel a kind of fear,"

It sent tingles down her spine whenever you got on stage and switched from the timid little thing you were normally into someone beaming of pure confidence, she loved when you would blow kisses or anything of the like to her from your place on stage.

"When I don't have you near,"

She would film your shows and post them over her socials, often posting pictures of the two of you, particularly with her arm wrapped around you in some way, she quite liked having her arm wrapped around your waist.

"Unsatisfied, I skip my pride,"

Velvette would often take you out on all types of dates, her favorites were shopping ones, she could spoil you with anything your little heart so desired, or at least she could try too, you had a way of uno reversing her and paying for her instead.

Thank goodness you got paid for your little singing performances because you'd be screwed otherwise.

"I beg you dear,"

Was there a large power inbalance between the two of you, as not only an overlord and an average sinner but as Employee and Boss.

Yes, yes there was.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

But did Velvette care about that at all?

"Lay all your love on me,"

No she didn't give a shit.

But your coworkers did!

"Don't go sharing your devotion, lay all your love on me,"

You weren't naive towards the whispers and pointed or concerned looks directed towards you, you were pretty sure some of your co-workers and friends had a mock funeral for you.

Velvette quite liked you and she refused to let you leave.

"I've had a few little love affairs,"

Sure she had a couple of flings here and there, both when she was alive and after she died, but no one was quite like you, timid and awkward in the daylight and a shining ball of confidence in the night.

Like hell's version of Hannah Montana or a werewolf.

"They didn't last very long, and they've been pretty scarce,"

It went without saying that Velvette was a very jealous woman, she was never one for sharing

Not clothes, not items, and especially not you!

"I used to think that was sensible,"

Sure she technically shared things with the other Vee's like living space, utilities, employees that weren't you.

"It makes the truth even more incomprehensible,"

She didn't like that whenever you performed on stage others looked at you with such lust and desire that it would make the radio demon himself run away with disgust.

"'Cause everything is new,"

She made a point to post pictures of the two of you, together, usually with her hand, arm, leg or something of hers on top of you, just to show all of hell that you belonged to her.

She had you in her sinstagram bio and everything.

And she made you put her in your sinstagram bio despite you barely using the media.

"And everything is you,"

Brushing over that, Your relationship with her was filled with rather sweet moments.

"And all I've learned has overturned,"

She made matching outfits for the two of you, mostly tailoring to her own styles and colors as opposed to yours, it's not her fault she liked seeing you in her colors!

"What can I do,"

She practically moved you into the Vee's tower, making sure you were no more then a three minute walk away.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

Valentino once asked if he could borrow you for a film, saying that you could be a star, after all some people had a thing for dorks like you!

"Lay all your love on me,"

She ended up chasing him down with a fork.

"Don't go sharing your devotion,"

And ended up posting a few videos of his little temper tantrums much to Vox's chagrin, that was not good for the Vee's reputation!

"Lay all your love on me,"

But it did make a point to the other two Vees that you were off limits, Although Vox did try to get you to agree to sing a jingle for a product of his.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

You were back at that same club you managed to seduce Velvette at, singing another song you enjoyed while alive.

"Lay all your love on me,"

You wore a sparkling pink outfit, heart motifs were evident on it, Velvette stared at you from across the club with pride.

Look at you! Singing your heart out while wearing one of her outfits.

"Don't go sharing your devotion,"

You leaned against the mic stand, half lidded eyes on her.

"Lay all your love on me,"

She had taken to keeping a safe distance away from the stage during your performances, not wishing for a repeat of your nimble fingers under her chin as you sang to her.

She'd rather keep that in private.

"Don't go wasting your emotion,"

you blew a kiss at her.

"Lay all your love on me."

What Velvette wanted, she got.

And she got you, and you supposed you had her as well, who would've thought that performance of yours would've resulted in this?

Good evening folks! My apologies for this being delayed! I hope you enjoyed it! Also as the song was selected per the poll and this one won, y'all picked good because the other two of the other options were going to be angsty, anywho!

as per usual thank you for tuning in! Hope you tune in tomorrow for Wednesday angst with a certain Angel!

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #velvette x reader #hazbin hotel velvette x reader #hazbin Velvette x reader #velvette x you

[elliesstrapon]

False Accusations

✧˚ · . Oblivious Ellie Williams x Devoted reader

"I was all over her.." ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

✧˚ · . Summary: In which your feelings couldn't be reciprocated.

✧˚ · . Warnings: Swearing, Friends to lovers, slow burn, light make outs, Ellie isn't in love with you, childhood friends, dorm mates, cheating

✧˚ · . Part 1

Your heart belonged with Ellie Williams.

You knew that for the longest of time now. You strived to be in her presence, to hold her when you saw her after a long period of time. You wanted but nothing other than to kiss her, and tell her your otherworldly thoughts you had about her late at night.

And yet, you didn't. You never did because Ellie always had someone. You'd never once a day in your life ever gotten much as close as a peck on her lips. Other than being her best friend, you were nothing more than another one of those girls who were head over heels for her, and reasonably so. Her lips were a peachy wonder, her fuchsite colored eyes better than any of the planets the world knew of, her freckles painted like stars, and her auburn hair soft, not to mention, you'd felt her arms more than a million times, they only got more muscular over the years, and her stomach was so toned, you were lucky you were the only other person in the world besides Ellie's constant line of "the one's" to see it.

It was nothing new to you when she'd come to you again, ranting about how shitty another one of those girls had been to her after she'd given them everything they asked for, her head layed gently on your lap, your fingers tangled in her messy bright hair. "I mean, 'fuck was she thinking." she fidgetted with her hands, groaning at her once again failed relationship. " 'm so done with these whores." She complained. "Then why are you still bothering?" You subconsciously rolled your eyes, your mind fogging with the jealousy. "Just fucking drop them" you bit your lip, fisting at the sheets of your bed in the palm of your hand, angrily.

" 'm over it" she sighed, watching you grab your flip phone. "who's' it?" She raised a brow, "just Jesse, wants to know what I'm doing." You replied, your fingers still twirling her hair softly. "Tell'im your busy" she grabbed the miniscule device, typing out the sorry reply and throwing your phone to the dark corner of your guys's room, it landing just barley on the sofa chair. "What the hell, Ellie?" You furrowed your brows at her, " 'm talkin' to you, he can' wait" her voice was low, begging for your attention. You didn't understand sometimes why she always came to you with her bullshit, she had everyone in your friendgroup to go to, and you were always the one who had to comply. "He gives me shit tomorrow, I'm putting the blame on you." You stopped playing with her hair. "See how it plays out for'im" she grinned, "yeah, whatever" you chuckled. Your gaze not leaving hers, the sounds of only your breathing filling the dimly lit room, the light reflecting off the millions of photos hung up on the wall. It was the moments like these ones that compelled you. Her lips and demeanor utmost hypnotizing, her eyes acting like a wormhole, swallowing your dignity, the irresistible urge to confess to her right then and there eating you alive, all while she unknowingly complained about all those nobodys you were oh so envious of. You imagined what it was like, her ruining you in bed, whispering the sweetest things into your ear, and then after taking care of you like a pitiful worthless princess, you dreamed about it so often, you knew the plot of every one of them that repeated night after night, yearning for it to all come true. "Movie?" She asked, her plush fingers tapping your hand that rested on her shoulder motionless. Her light eyes looking up at you, " 'k." You replied vaguely. Moving from beneath her head, you walked to the square shaped television, "which one?" You picked up the dvds uptop the disc player, squatting down, showing her the options. " 'Dunno..." she scanned the movies, "Laura" she hummed, watching you slip the dvd in, the disc player eating it. You grabbed the half empty bag of potato chips that had been on the night table for three nights already, plopping down next to Ellie, her head resting on your shoulder, her breaths calmly blown onto your bare skin, making the hairs on the scruff of your neck stand up, and the butterflies in your lower abdomen picking up like a migration. You left the chips between the two of you, her hand reaching frequently to grab a handful.

You were never this tense to her touch, you used to melt into it, absent mindidly excepting it. Now you were only overstimulated. The goosebumps spreading through out your body as her hands swiftly brushed past your hips, when she wanted you to move to the side at the gym. Or even when her breath tickled your lobe when she whispered nonsense into your ear during lectures.

You were naive.

Your mind only filling shamefully with the thought of her being yours and yours only, and in a way, she was... Platonically. The way you were the one she always came back to, or how you so innocently held hands in large crowds, or when you went out to clubs late at night, and then she'd ghost you, a limit of contact when she'd met another desperate woman, most of the time not on purpose, and others the women she dated pleading for her to cut contact with you out of jealousy.

"You feelin' alright'?" She raised her head, stretching her arms, a faint groan leaving her lips as her wife beater lifted so slightly, exposing her happy trail. "No, I'm fine," you shook your head. Your eyes fixated on her lower stomach "Why?"

"Well for starters, you' 'been starin' at everything' not the movie" she scoffed. "Was I?" You raised a brow, smirking playfully, "Yeah, you were'!" She chuckled. "Whatever, I'm fine, just tired." You stood up, "I'm gonna get ready for bed." You told her. "Y'sure?" She asked, concern masking her voice. "Yeah" you picked at the dead skin on your thumb. "Goodnight" she frowned slightly, still helplessly feeling worried, "g'night."

It must've been late when you finally managed to have fallen asleep that night. Ellie still managing to hover over your dreams, her painfully soft lips clouding your brain. Only waking up to your bed an uncomfortable mess, yet Ellie wasn't anywhere to be found around the dorm room. You messily grabbed your phone, flipping it open to see a few unread messages, 2 from Jesse, and another from the missing female that lived in your dorm.

"Told her he'd give me shit" you sighed, as for Ellie, she'd sent only a mere photo, she'd gone out for breakfast, to no surprise without you.

You got up from the lumpy mattress, lazily fixing the bed to look presentable, before moving to get ready, the thought of Ellie floating around in your head like a balloon, fixated on the again, repeated dream, the unreal words she'd said repurposing at the front of your thoughts. You brushed your teeth, rapidly doing your hair the way you always did, a hum of satisfaction slipping past your lips when you'd finished. You threw on a pair of low rise jeans, adjusting them around your hips in the mirror, a laced tank following, sticking to your figure like velcro. You finished up finally, zipping up your grey sweater only half way and slinked on your heavy tote bag over your shoulder.

You walked down from your floor, checking your phone again, texts from Dina popping up on the blurry screen.

Is Ellie with you?

Are you up?

Y/n?!

I'm only just leaving our dorm now, and no. Why?

You texted her back, drawing blood from your lip as you continuesly bit at it stressfully.

I thought she'd be with you since I hadn't seen her in English, earlier.

No she went out for breakfast without either of us, lol.

Why am I not surprised? Where are you?

You could already invision Dina rolling her eyes from behind the screen, making you grin widely, you wiped the blood off your lip, staining the cotton grey of your sweater, the dots of blood trailing around the wrist of your sleeve.

I'll meet you in the courtyard?

You texted, pausing at the door of the staircase to the first floor, patiently watching the dots dance around in a pattern.

See you there!!

You closed your phone, tucking it in the detailed back pocket of your jeans.

You thought it weird how Ellie would just leave for breakfast without you, or rather the idea itself wasn't so mindblowing, but rather she didn't wake you up, instead sending a measly single photo of some overrated restaurant down the street from your dorms, even her leaving so early, before you waking up, making you feel uneasy. Of course, you didn't control, and couldn't dictate her life, so you let it be, packaging it up and tossing it in the back of your mind, knowing it'd probably come back to haunt you.

"Y/n!" You heard Dina's heart warming voice in the distance, running towards you in a hurry. "Hey Dina!" You grimaced, indulging her in an embrace. Her hair brushing against the skin of your neck like a feather. "You okay?" She asked. "Jesse complained to me last night about how you blew him off—"

"It was Ellie" your eyes rolled back into your head annoyed. "Figured" she laughed, "what was her deal?" She raised her thick and full eyebrow. "Just another dumb break up." You huffed. "Mm..." She fixed her ponytail. "You ever gonna tell her how you feel?" She questioned, " 'prolly not' " you smiled at her weakly. "She wouldn't get it" you scratched the nails of your fingers, the nail polish chipping off them like dust. "Oh, please! You don't know thatt" her hands rested on her hips. "I know enough" you frowned. "I'm a bit hungry, d'you wanna grab a bite to eat before our next lecture?" You asked, "No, yeah, sure." She grinned, rubbing your shoulder calmly. Her jokes lightening the gloomy atmospheric pressure, and Ellie slowly slipping from your mind.

Dina was the only one who really knew about your feelings for Ellie. You'd gotten high with her one night at her apartment, the tension bouncing off the walls like a ball, and the idea of foolishly confessing things you'd never told anyone before being brought to light, you mindlessly told her about your romantic feelings for Ellie, and then kissed her due to the intoxication, blissfully tasting her like a full course meal. Then endlessly cried in her arms for god knows how long, tears staining your cheeks as your complaints about all the pitiful women who Ellie'd dated foamed out your mouth.

"You think Jesse will agree to going to that party?" She asked, biting into her hot chocolate chip muffin." Maybe if you lied to him and told him it was a study group" you giggled, still removing the textured paper from yours. "Yeah, you're probably right" exiting the cafe, "why the hell do you think Ellie just left like that?" Dina suddenly brought up. "Not sure, it's so... Out of character for her, I don't know.." You trailed off, still yourself trying to figure it out, that box of wonders at the back of your mind resurfacing and unraveling the unanswered question. "Right? Even the photo you said she sent... Weird." She took another bite.

You entered campus again, slipping past millions of other girls and boys your age. Gossiping, and giving eachother snarky looks, and then others quietly getting around to make their future worth it.

"Hey, look! It's Jesse! He has Ellie with him" Dina gasped, covering her mouth from the crumbs of the muffin flying out. "Jesse!" You called, waving your arm high, "Dina, Y/n..." He rolled his eyes. "Jesse, has Ellie told you it was Infact she, that sent the message." He dramatically cupped his lips. "Did she, now?!" He furrowed his brows jokingly. "It was me'n'Y/n time, wasn't 'bouta have you' ruin it." She smirked. "We're all friends here, I feel like she should've gotten the luxury of texting me back" Jesse scolded. "Jerk" Ellie scoffed, a smile plastering across her lips playfully. "Y/n, 'm headed to the gym t'night, 'you wanna come?" She asked. You looked to Dina nervously, accepting her offer.

"Nice" she smiled.

It's the fluff before tears!!! Pt. 2 sometime in the next three days!!!

#tlou #tlou2 #the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #reading #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #dina tlou #jesse tlou #dina nolastname #ellie fluff #x yn #ellie x y/n #ellie x you #🎀 #y/n

[disasterfandoms]

Pregnancy || A Juliet Higgins Headcanon

@you2higgybaby requested:  “ Hey I love your lists 😍 I was hoping you could pretty please write an HC about Higgy from Magnum Pi being pregnant ❤️ “

A/N: Higgy!!! I love her so much, she’s such a badass. I’m sorry this took forever and a day, but I hope you enjoy it!!

TW: Pregnancy, birth, medical procedures, nausea, vomiting, miscarriage mention

- Higgy would freak the fuck out at first. She would be staring at the test, praying her eyes were tricking her.

- She only considered ever having kids once, and that was before her fiancée had passed. Her line of work was dangerous, and she hadn’t wanted to bring anyone, especially children, into danger.

- The nausea and sore breasts were who clues that something was up. Juliet is very considerate about her health, and I imagine she tracks everything down to the last detail so she can have a log of what is going on in her body.

- She’d want to keep it a secret until she couldn’t anymore. Not only because of the possibilities of miscarriage, but because she didn’t know how to feel about it, and didn’t want the entire friend group acting like she couldn’t handle herself.

- Surprisingly, I feel like Katsumoto would be the one to figure it out first. He has a son, he knows what women are like when they’re expecting, and he can spot her more emotional demeanor and her not drinking right off the bat.

- Higgins going to Katsumoto and Kumu for advice, what to do and trying to explore how to feel about it, since they’re older and at least one of them is a parent.

- Higgins sitting down and telling Magnum after a particularly close call while on the case. He is immediately supportive, of course, but also bewildered when she starts to cry.

- Once everyone finds out, they do their best to take care of her while also giving her space to figure it out on her own. They bring her the cravings she has, holds her hair while she pukes, and takes turns going to doctors appointments with her.

- I think Higgins wouldn’t want to find out the sex of the baby until it’s born. She may be a meticulous planner, but this way it gives an extra ounce of joy for the delivery, and it gives her time to ponder on names for both sexes.

- Kumu would absolutely host a baby shower for Higgins, and have everyone bringing gifts for the new arrival. It would make Higgins feel out of sorts, since the spotlight would be on her and she prefers to be in the shadows, but she secretly loved every second of it.

- When delivering, I feel like she would immediately take the epidural. Higgins is a badass and can handle a lot of pain, but she would want it to be a relaxing and happy experience, not something riddled with pain.

- Once she delivered though, her entire life would be changed immediately. All her doubts about being a good mother would melt away, and she would love incredibly protective of the baby.

#magnum pi headcannons #magnum pi #juliet higgins

[vessel-full-of-stories]

This all started with me explaining how Buck's relationship with physical affection/tactility isn't what some think it is. He's not like Eddie, who actively uses it as a love language.

If we look back at the Buckley household and upbringing, we can actually see which love language is prominent for each member and how it developed.

In case you don't remember, the third Buckley sibling, Daniel, got diagnosed with leukemia around age 5. They tried treatment but it was ineffective, Daniel needing a bone marrow transplant. None of the existing Buckley's were a match, so the parents decided to create one.

By age 7, baby Buck was born and he was a match, but it didn't graft. Daniel ended up passing a year later. With a living reminder of their lost child and the shame having Buck got them from their social groups ("forcing" them to move away), it's easy to imagine the disconnect and (probable) resentment they had for him.

Maddie said they were different before everything happened and that's true. Maddie is obviously familiar with how to comfort someone physically.

But Buck is another thing that can die on them. And that's scary. As much as they tried to block a deep attachment from forming (successful for the most part), seeing Buck injured triggered that same response they had for Daniel and Maddie. They wanted to shelter and protect him, but their "failure" to protect Daniel poisoned the thought. So, they retreated mentally and emotionally to protect themselves.

That created the rift between parents and children. Buck and Maddie weren't the only ones with an "us against them" mentality.

They show physical affection and comfort to each other. Mirror each other's protective habits (crossing their arms over their chest). Go to therapy together to discuss their worries. All the things they didn't extend towards their children because it was about them, now. Not Maddie or Buck.

Even examining their outbursts, it always goes back to one of two things. Buck should know life is fragile! Maddie doesn't know how it feels to lose a child! How could Buck ask them to sit and watch while their child was in the hospital? Their childish tantrums (literal children) never made it easy! It always goes back to Daniel or them. Not their living children.

Buck was right. They gave up on them. And he never knew why.

Not knowing led him to do whatever it took to get their attention. And if Buck being injured dragged at least the bare minimum of their love languages out of them, he'd do it.

Phillip was shown to lean towards gift giving, buying Buck a new bike, ice cream, pizza.

Margaret was the physically affectionate one with her children. She moved to embrace Buck before she realized whose bike they were using. When he's bedbound with a broken arm, she taps his leg gently.

The act grew old after a couple years and you can see Buck's resentment in his speech and demeanor towards them. It's not just teenage rebellion that leads him to say, "they suck." They do. With Maddie and Buck growing up in that environment, it pretty much stunted their emotional connections with physical touch.

Again, Maddie had her parents' and Daniel's physical love while he was alive. She has some experience with it ingrained in her. And what Buck has, he learned from her. However, I believe much of that physicality morphed into another language when she became a primary caregiver to Buck.

Maddie tended to his wounds, bathed him as a baby, defended him, and made pinky promises. (A sincere, yet kidish gesture that was probably taught to her by Daniel.)

Basically, physical touch wasn't just about affection anymore. It became an act of service. She gave everything she could to Buck because she knew exactly why they treated him like they did, even if she had to keep it a secret. And she never resented him for it. She loves Buck, and she showed him that through act of care.

Maddie was still young, though, going through her own issues. Not understanding the possessiveness of Doug because, after years of their parents' neglect, she thought that's what love looked like. Doug broke her away from her family, from Buck, as a way to control her, but she wanted to escape her parents, so she thought it was fine. Whatever red flags she saw were the simple complexities of marriage. (At least that's what she told other people.)

Doug especially clawed into her relationship with physicality. The way he threatened, dragged, and beat her was beyond cruel. It would be understandable if she never felt comfortable giving or receiving physical affection again.

Still, her love language wasn't completely gone. Buck, her baby brother, always managed to bring it back out of her.

After roughly a decade and a half with Doug, the last three with zero contact with Buck (except Christmas cards), she was able to jump back into her special blend of physical affection and acts of service. (With some road bumps here and there. She was still suffering some PTSD after she left : the Christmas tree debacle, the broken glass flashback, the stalking incident where she tried to save a DV victim.)

But in LA, with Buck, she was finally able to get away from Doug and actually meet people outside of her workspace. To make friends and extend her family. To find real love in many different shapes and forms. And, she got to love Buck again, just like before.

Buck loves her, too.

Like I said, Buck learned his major love language from watching Maddie. He finds ways to show people he cares about them through (you already know this) acts of service.

This is especially prevalent when faced with the source of their grievance, their parents. They approach them as a "united front" and promise to have each other's backs.

Which they do. Maddie comforts Buck with a gentle hand on his arm after he was visibly stressed just seconds before he greeted his parents with a (fake) smile. Buck consistently defends Maddie from his parents' backhanded commentary. At one point he even blends a little physical affection in there like she does, just to push the point he's making. He slaps Chim's leg to emphasize he is the good man Maddie has found to have a child with. That he is proud and happy for them both.

After moving past the revelations, the betrayal, and the blame, Maddie finally feels fully connected to Buck again and clings to him.

Before I go on about acts of service, there's an important (maybe the most important) thing I need to point out about Buck and physical touch.

I've said before that Buck absolutely adores physical affection, especially in group settings. Gathering around a laptop to tease Bobby about his dating profile. Winding his arms around his team in a giant group hug.

These people are his family. He loves them. And when they participate in close contact activities like these, he knows he's welcome. Explicit consent isn't exactly needed, it's implied by the gathering itself. (To think what would happen if he was ever rejected from a group hug. The agony. Also don't think about the metaphorical implication of this when Bobby wouldn't let him come back to work and even covered his name plate with "Bosko" instead. Food for thought.)

It's when physical affection turns to physical comfort that things change. He doesn't really respond, almost ever. And that's probably due to his parents. (Shocker.)

These screenshots are all from Buck Begins and What's Your Grievance, the introduction, background, and conclusion (hopefully) to the Buckley parents within the show. (Can't stand them.)

They actually make direct parallels between Buck's parents and Buck's chosen parental figures, Athena and Bobby.

We see Bobby's very first interaction with Buck where he affectionately welcomes Buck to the 118, putting a hand on his shoulder, and Buck is ecstatic. This is compared to his father's greeting of a quick pat on the shoulder, which Buck returns with a (fake) smile. He already knows there's no love behind this touch, so it is hardly considered affection.

Arguably, all of the physical touches after the fire (panels 4,5,6,9, and 10) evoke about the same response from him : Nothing. Because these are physical comforts centered around Buck, where he is the focus and in some form of mental distress. Basically, he's not the one giving the comfort (where he can also take comfort in the relief of having the person close), he's receiving it. It's just about him.

There wasn't enough comfort in his youth to build an emotional tie to these gestures. (Again, rare from his parents and Maddie's touches were affectionate or perceived as service.) Which is why he doesn't typically seek them out.

Instead, it's the words of affirmation that differentiate these interactions. That actually affect Buck.

Compare his conversation with Athena to the one with his mother while he struggles to understand who he is. Athena moves in, pats his knee, and tells him he is someone who never gives up. Margaret holds his hands and tells him he was born to save people.

These are clearly two very different perspectives of him. One is by a woman who didn't even like him at first, but saw him grow and mature. She grew to respect and love the man he is now. The other woman is essentially a stranger with context. They're barely in each other's lives and hold no positive baggage. It might be unfair, but it sounds like she's asking forgiveness by justifying her actions as some fated reason to his existence.

Finally, it circles back to acts of service. After everything they went through as kids, Buck breaks and finally tells them exactly what he expected from them. What he needed them to do all along. To love him anyways.

When he messed up, when he was stubborn and frustrating, exhausting, he needed them to love him anyways. Could they please do this for him.

Well, he never had to ask that of the 118.

Yes, he's messed up. Yes, he's needed more chances to prove himself. But he doesn't ask for forgiveness or love. They just give it to him anyways.

Even when he goes against orders (again) and gets caught alone in an impossible situation, his family runs in to help him. They don't scream and berate him for being reckless, they take care of him and make sure he's alright. They love him. And he's never had to ask them to.

To summarize the physicality of it, this is Buck:

If it seems a little complex, that's because Buck went from a low physical environment to a high physical environment, and he's comfortable in the way he navigates it, so it's stayed this way for the most part(<- Christopher post) even after all these years.

What is shifting and actively being challenged is his relationship with acts of service.

Buck saw himself as lost in life. He knew he had a "purpose", a service he could provide to tell him he's worth something, but he didn't know what yet. When Maddie pushed all of her love onto him and gave him her jeep so he could escape, he extended that service right back to her, telling her to come with him.

Her rejection (that he didn't know Doug violently influenced) hurt him, but he still kept in contact with her through post cards. He went through a number of service jobs from working in construction, on a ranch, in a bar, even trying to join the Navy Seals at one point. None of them gave him the fulfillment he was searching for. Until he joined the 118.

Even after three years of radio silence, Buck convinced Maddie to stay with him in LA, offering his home where he could keep her safe. He helped her move into her own apartment when she decided she needed her own place, to stand on her own feet.

They were the first people to truly have the other's back, and that relationship has withstood everything. It's when they apply those services to other relationships that they struggle.

A prominent example being how Buck approaches helping his family in 3x10 vs 5x05.

In 3x10, the year has been rough and they're all set to work Christmas day. As much as they'd like to be with their families, they have a job that needs to be done. Buck works with Athena to get everyone to the station for a giant surprise celebration. And it works. Christmas is saved.

Now, in 5x05, Buck is putting a lot of unnecessary blame onto himself for several things that were simply out of his control. He sees himself as a key cause in the breaking of the 118 and decides he should transfer. His mind processes this as "let me do this for you," to help his family, even if it costs him one of his greatest joys in life. Thankfully, they talk him out of it.

Maddie does this, too, in 5x03 by leaving Jee in order to protect her. Their services are wonderful and bright until they believe they are the issue. And with the self esteem their parents instilled in them, negative outcomes were bound to happen.

To focus on Buck, he's been shown struggling with his love language throughout the show. There is a consistent battle of him trying to balance the selfless act of serving others and the selfish love he takes from doing it.

He finds purpose in being a firefighter, but needs to find the line where he knows he matters outside of the uniform. He loves helping people, but in fighting for that right, he hurts the family around him. He's been accused of "making everything about him" multiple times. And yes, he absolutely relates in these situations, but he's also genuinely trying to help and understand the person he's talking about.

And the reason why he's struggling is actually pretty simple. Buck didn't have people he cared about before. Other than Maddie, of course.

He went from his parents' house to running all over the country, not exactly setting down roots and building relationships. By the time he's at the 118, he's having a string of flings, getting fired, then not fired, taking responsibility for his actions, and that's all just in the first episode. (Ah, season 1. Such a strange place.)

Basically, he's growing into it. Learning how to extend his service beyond Maddie and strangers. It works well so often, of course he's not gonna have a ton of practice on how to sense something might go wrong, or know what to do when it does. And every relationship offers a different dynamic, so he has to learn to navigate that as well. It just takes time. And learning from mistakes, which he does.

Same with Maddie, being free from Doug and moving to a city with so many new people to interact with. Things were bound to change along the way.

TLDR : Maddie and Buck's relationship with their major love language, acts of service, has evolved over time, and will likely keep evolving as they're challenged by new situations in the future.

I don't speak about any of these characters in absolutes because new experiences can and have shifted their dynamics already. People are not set in stone. And I would cry happy tears to see all 911 characters experience love in every positive shape and form.

#...I've been waiting for this point. Now that I've established the major love languages for the characters #i get to talk about buddie next :)) #911 fox #911 on fox #evan buck buckley #maddie buckley #buckley siblings #buckley parents #f*ck those people #character analysis #love languages #acts of service #physical affection #give me a few days. my brain is so tired after this one hahahah #physical comfort #thank god this show encourages therapy

[natasha-in-space]

Okay I understand, maybe you can do headcanon of RFA and Saeran with MC who look exactly like Rika, maybe same name

Well, this would be a very sensitive and complicated situation for everyone involved, really. Rika was an important person for everyone in the RFA, albeit in very different ways. Imagine mourning someone who has left such a big impact on your life, only to have someone who looks just like them show up one day. It'll be awkward and weird. To put it simply. Everyone is aware that this is not Rika, of course. It would be highly disrespectful to treat this newcomer like they are not a completely different person. I think everyone would be as respectful as can be. However, it would still be extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved.

The circumstances are what determine everything, though. If MC bonds with everyone the way you do in the game, I think all of the issues I'm about to mention would be lessened. That is, without interacting face to face. No one will care how you look, if they already know you as a person. But, if you're asking about their reactions to seeing someone who looks very similar to Rika, without having the opportunity to get to know them first, here's my interpretation.

I don't think Yoosung is going to be able to actually meet MC face to face for quite some time. Both for his own mental health, and because he knows he'll probably make them feel very uncomfortable. And he doesn't want that. But you can't really blame him for seeing his lost cousin every time he looks at them. It's an agonizing experience. He'll need to overcome his grief before actually starting to form a genuine connection with the MC. Out of everyone, he'll definitely have the hardest time of all. But, he'll do his best to be respectful and kind to MC nonetheless. He'll probably experience a lot of guilt over his inability to connect with them properly. But, with time and health communication, I believe he'll definitely pull through it and open himself up to this new relationship.

Zen would be more relaxed since Rika wasn't as essential to him as to some other members. Even so, for quite a long while, she remained a woman he deeply admired and trusted. It's a weird uncomfortable feeling to be met with the stark image of her. Still, he will be mostly respectful and welcoming. I think he's the most comfortable person to get along with out of everyone in this situation. I believe it will take him the least time to fully embrace MC as a new member. He'll probably be their rock of support in this very strange predicament. He understands what it's like to feel a certain way because of your looks. And he doesn't want their new member to feel that way. It’s actually rather sweet to think about him getting all protective and caring over MC in this situation!

Jaehee is... Well, she arguably grieved Rika the least out of the RFA, but that doesn't mean she'll feel any less weird about the whole ordeal. In my opinion, she will be mostly professional and polite in her demeanor. She won't make MC feel uncomfortable, but there is an obvious feeling of distance between them, and that's intentional on Jaehee's part. She might mellow out with time, though. But, for the time being, she'd prefer to keep the relationship strictly professional.

Jumin is pretty similar to Jaehee in terms of his overall attitude, but his situation is far more complicated. Rika was his closest friend after V. Although he doesn't show it in the same open manner as Yoosung does, his grief for her is deep and strong. He'll definitely feel very uncomfortable on the inside the first time he sees this MC. He'll dislike that feeling even more because he understands that this is not Rika, and he shouldn't compare the two. While Yoosung is struggling with the constant reminders of Rika whenever he looks at MC, Jumin will face more frustrations with himself and his own inner feelings. He doesn't like acting illogical. And realizing that he's losing the grip on his emotions is... hard for him. Mostly because it feels like he's not in control of himself. And that's something he can't have, for more than just one reason. I believe that, much like Jaehee, he will keep the relationship mostly professional. He will be polite and respectful towards MC, and he will do everything in his power to make sure that the party is successful and that their new member feels comfortable. But on the inside, he will definitely be having a very difficult time.

For Saeyoung it's... complicated, to say the least. Although he was much closer to V than Rika, their relationship was still very important. Ultimately, she was the one he first met back in the cathedral. As a scared, hungry boy, with no one to turn to. She's the one who cared for his brother, and she's the one he feels forever indebted to. That being said, I do not think it will be as difficult for him as it is for Yoosung and Jumin. But it will still be very uncomfortable. He'll find himself being less playful and more serious around MC, something he has done with Rika whenever she was in the chatroom. He'll probably berate himself for that, distracting himself with his job. In my opinion, he will warm up overtime. After getting to know MC as an individual person.

And for Saeran, well... It really depends on a lot of factors. But if we're talking about him just meeting MC who looks like Rika, it won't be pretty, and he will need to excuse himself to breathe for sure. It's fair to say that Rika is the source of the most trauma for him. It is nothing against MC, but you can't really do anything about your body and mind acting on their own accord to protect you. It really depends on which Saeran we're talking about, as well. SE Saeran will have the strongest reaction of all, while GE Saeran will most likely settle down with some time and space for him to sort through his emotions. With Saeran, it's a very similar situation to Yoosung, only in very different circumstances. Both will have the hardest time of all to avoid the visual similarities. But, while Yoosung it's the feelings of grief, for Saeran, it's the feelings of discomfort and fear. It is very much possible to work through those emotions with lots of time and patience, though.

That's the sentiment for all of them, really. It might be difficult at first, but, none of them would want to make MC uncomfortable. And all of them would come to appreciate and love them regardless.

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #yoosung kim #kim yoosung #mystic messenger yoosung #zen ryu #hyun ryu #mystic messenger zen #jaehee kang #kang jaehee #mystic messenger jaehee #jumin han #han jumin #mystic messenger jumin #saeyoung choi #choi saeyoung #luciel choi #mystic messenger 707 #saeran choi #choi saeran #mystic messenger saeran #getting back to my inbox!!

[shslmahoushoujo]

Sometimes I just think about the separate generations of Sternritter and how the girls of the crew might actually be among the few as young as they look.

Because we have a pretty clear split: We know Robert calls them newcomers that don't know how terrifying really Yhwach is, we have Bazz-B and Jugram's flashback showing us things before the war against Soul Society and the formation of the Sternritter when Yhwach still looked like Old Man Zangetsu, so on and so forth.

And then we have Loyd and Royd being shown born in a modern hospital, as well as As Nodt being treated in one when Yhwach approached him. Logically, that'd have been 9 years before the start of the series, after the Auswhalen that kicked everything off, the point where he'd have regained his mind.

So with that in mind, we have Bambietta, Candice, Giselle, Liltotto, and Meninas as newcomers who probably were recruited only in the last 9 years. And they don't look exactly old. With how schrifts are based on character history (the aforementioned flashbacks make it clear where The Heat, The Balance, and The Yourself, and The Fear would come from) I'd argue Liltotto might be the oldest of them due to her general demeanor, and her small stature could be relating to how The Glutton is her schrift, and even then I struggle to see someone much older than 20 there.

Either way, I can't help but to see them as a bunch of teenagers/young adults who've grown up used to such sadism and violence around them, and are still a friend group albeit one that's not exactly healthy nor functional due to their circumstances. You even see it in their reasons to fight: Unlike the fanaticism around them, they generally act in a more selfish, childish way when they're not just going along with the war because it's what's happening. Bambietta and Candice basically throw tantrums; Giselle kinda just tags along and keeps the group from being more than mostly dead; Meninas thinks of luxury when Candice brings up the idea of Yhwach giving them anything they'd wish if they kill Ichigo; Liltotto just thinks about food in that moment and is only truly proactive outside that when Pepe turns them against each other, Yhwach betrays them, and to rescue Meninas and Candice in CFYOW (note how she's proactive when the group is hurt). In a group as toxic as the Sternritter where we don't see many real friendships or bonds, and where fanaticism over Yhwach's cause is all over the place, they stand out.

Which is why I'm so glad they're the Sternritter survivors and that they get a shot at a normal life after, it strikes me as a first for them and they have a real chance to grow and learn still. They have each other, and a whole life ahead of them, and I hope they use it. And Liltotto can see the world Gremmy could never see outside of his imagination for good measure.

#tara says stuff #bleach #femritter #sternritter #bleach meta #I guess? #I just wanted to say what was in my brain #I love the Sternritter girls and my current hyperfixation has me thinking about them a lot #please anime give me a lot more of them #and adapt CFYOW too in some form I want to see them at their best

[trusfrated-internationalplayboy]

His Little Girl || KTH

just something I wanted to read so I wrote it don't know if it's good though.🥲😂

wc: 866 (honestly don't even know if the wc is correct because I'm sleep deprived)

warnings: brief mentions of past fboy tendencies. I think that's all.

_____________________________

Taehyung never knew that his life would take such a drastic turn. From being someone that beds a new girl every weekend to being a full on dad.

When he first heard that he's going to be a dad, on the day the baby was born, he was so flabbergasted and such a mess. At first he contemplated whether or not he could even take care of such a little human being. He was not at all ready for this. Didn't even know the first thing of parenting. It was so unfair of Trix to just leave him alone with such a big responsibility. So unfair of her to do that when they were both part of creating such a precious human. She didn't even want anything to do with the child.

Back then Taehyung was so furious at Trix, so furious because she had no right to live her life as it was before. Whilst he had to up and change everything about his. He knew back then that the relationship that he and Trix shared was just a relationship of convenience. Just another lay in the bed for each other when they felt like it. They didn't know each other that well on a personal level but she genuinely seemed like a good person. He thought that somewhere beneath all of that badgirl demeanor of hers she actually had a heart. Turns out he was so so wrong for thinking that.

Looking at things now he's actually grateful for Trix. Grateful that she entrusted their child with him. Because now he can't even imagine a life without his little bundle of joy. He's learned to forgive Trix for what she's done but that doesn't mean that he'll ever allow her into "his" childs life.

Areum has truly brightened his world and changed him for the better.

He looks at her playing on the carpet with her tea set wiggling her little body in a cute manner and babbling to her dolls. Just looking at her makes his heart swell with so much fondness and love.

She snaps him out of his thoughts with her cute "Papa". He almost melts on his spot when she looks at him with that big doe eyes of hers.

"Yes my sweet girl." he responds.

"Papa the little dollies wants you to join us please," she practically pleads with gooey eyes. Oh how could he ever say no to her. She has him wrapped around her little fingers and he's not even ashamed to admit it.

"Okay honey. Papa will join you in a few minutes he's just finishing up with cleaning here then he'll come okay?" he tilts his head a little waiting for her response. " 'Kay Papa we'll wait for you." How he got such an understanding daughter and a little fluff ball is beyond him. Sure she can act out sometimes and be a little spoilt brat but hey who's to blame. No one but he himself. He's the one that spoils her just because he can and he doesn't care about her attitude now and then. He can handle her.

Finally finished cleaning up he joins her at the tea party. When he plops himself down she scoots closer to him. She's not even aware of how her simple action warms his heart. Taking an extra cup with a spoon she gives it to him so that he has his own set. "Thank you little madam," he teases her. She does something with her eyes which he assumes is supposed to be her rolling her eyes at him. He chuckles at her attempt of an eye roll and shakes his head.

When he wants to take the cup and pretend to drink some "tea" she quickly grabs his hand. "Papa is not s'pose to drink yet," her eyes big as she continues whilst giggling, "dummy Papa doesn't know how to play tea party." The dummy comment with the sass has him scoffing at her.

"Sorry your highness," he bows his head playfully, "I shall make it up to you please forgive me."

She holds her chin, making it look like she's thinking on whether or not she will forgive him. Eventually she nods and says, "Forgive you Papa." He thought that would be it but she suddenly just grabs his face with her chubby baby hands. She squishes his cheeks making him look like a fish, at this she giggles.

"But~," she sing-songs, "Papa will have to give me ice-cream first." Oh she's trying her luck and he knows it. Before answering her he plants a quick kiss at the top of her cute nose. "Ah-ah princess that's not how it works. You know no dessert before dinner." His answer not satisfying her. She immediately crosses her arms and huffs at him. There she is, his little sassy girl. Not being able to stand seeing her like this he picks her up, deposits her on his lap and starts blowing raspberry kisses into her neck. Eventually getting her to her jolly self again.

Her giggles reverberate through the living room and he swears he's never felt such fulfillment in his entire life.

#kim taehyung #taehyung fanfic #bts taetae #teahyung is a dad #can you blame me though #bts taehyung

[michelleelizabethtanner]

Love your analyses on all things brio. You observe things so much deeper than I do lol

Why do you think rio didn’t kill beth after she said she lost the baby? I don’t think he ever truly believed she was pregnant but wanted to get her to admit that herself and stop lying to him but once the whole pregnancy game was over why didn’t he kill her?

You are keeping me FED with these asks, you know that, right? Just like, who cares about my boring regular life when I can think about Brio all day. 🥰🥰🥰

The psychology of Rio (and Beth) is basically what keeps me coming back to these insane characters. On the one hand they’re so over-the-top toxic and crazy, but on other hand they are also both so relatably human. I talked about this particular part of season 3 in this post, discussing Rio’s feelings about Beth’s imaginary miscarriage. Where he suddenly realized that while he still felt anger, he also felt other emotions for her, which complicated his murderous plans.

And isn’t that just so relatably human? This cycle of abuse couples keep perpetuating, not knowing how to extricate themselves. The initial draw of Beth for Rio was rooted in juuuuuust enough validation to get him hooked. There are lots of jokes about Beth’s magic vagina that got Rio acting crazy. And it’s true in part. It isn’t the vagina though, it’s HER. She fulfilled something in him that he felt was missing, and that he somehow craved. We can’t pinpoint exactly what that specific craving was, but Rio is very much attracted to Beth’s life. Even Manny Montana described the Brio relationship this way, and I fully agree. The freedom and power that Beth envies in Rio is reflected by a similar envy and craving in Rio for the freedom of balance and privilege Beth has and takes for granted. That feeling of “you’re just like me but you have what I can’t” is gotta be crazy-making. I can see why he became obsessed. Sat outside her house at all hours of the night, just feeling the vibes. Trying to understand how a monster like her can hide in plain sight like that while he himself has given up everything for his kingdom. I imagine he had his own moment (or many moments) like Beth did in his closet, just examining her existence and trying to understand how she is who she is.

Given all that, given that compulsive attraction that’s so deeply rooted in his own psychology, in the absence of immediate and strong emotion, I don’t see how he could ever bring himself to kill her. He can’t even leave her alone, much less get rid of her forever. Because she serves a psychological purpose. She validates for him the absence of that maternal domesticity that he for whatever reason needs. Like people with “daddy issues” seeking endless validation from powerful men, Rio NEEDS Beth to validate his own humanity to himself. Rio’s personal self-outlook, I think, is rooted in a lot of darkness and shame. He masks it with playing to things he thinks are his strengths – his meticulousness, his leadership, his intelligence, even his attractiveness. But deep down I don’t think he likes himself as much as his cocky demeanor would lead us to believe. I think he grieves the loss of the child he was and the dreams that boy had to give up. Rio always felt he had no choice. That he HAD to be like he is and denied himself an enormous amount of happiness because he believed that was the consequence of being king. And then he sees Beth who hasn’t given up those things, who has the privilege of both ruthlessness and softness, and he cannot kill that. That would be like killing a part of himself. A part he’s always wanted for himself.

For the same reasons Beth can never kill Rio. They are linked. They feed each other’s inner child and they validate each other’s most secret desires: to be seen, to be understood, to be given permission to be themselves without losing all they’ve built. And it was this specific relationship that was in my mind when writing Rough Night. Their giving in to who they each always wanted to be and achieving happiness in the process. A fix-it.

#asks #brio on my mind #forever #seriously at what point is this level of obsession problematic? #i’m like Beth and Rio #digging through their closets and sitting outside their houses at night #psychologically complex characters are my kink #armchair psychology #headcanon #headcanon thursday #brio #beth x rio #good girls nbc #rough night #i need to use tags better #so I can find posts to reference back to #I’m so disorganized

[briarmae]

Warning, long post that may contain spoilers:

I keep thinking about Netflix's Shadow and Bone and the changes they've made to the characters. (Hello, hyperfixation!)

It has occurred to me that it's not just that film producers had to make the characters more palatable or relatable for a wider audience (though, this could be an factor in the changes). Some characters are easier to bring to life on the screen, simply because the viewers/ readers do not already know what is going on in their heads. (ie: Genya, David, MAL) So this a unique problem brought about by the multiple points of view we are granted in the books.

(It's different for Alina. The first 3 books were entirely from her point of view. Now we're faced with other points of view of the same situations, so everything should feel markedly different from the books. Even if the dialog is similar or identical... (I've never liked First Person POV btw)) Seeing Alina from a point of view outside herself actually made me like her more (same with Katniss Everdeen)

But with written medium, we're given internal narration, internal growth, and internal realizations. How do you translate that to the screen?

How can they express all those inner monologues and character narrations?:

DIALOG

Certainly, the easiest way to accomplish this is by having the characters speak these thoughts aloud for the viewer. Would they make this narration to another character, or just to themselves? There are not many situations that would feel natural to have an actor monologue to themselves.

Inej's ascent of the incinerator shaft could be one, if the writing, acting, and filming all come together just right! (Grumbling to herself about Kaz, weeping over what she has suffered, asking herself if she has the strength and will to carry on when her feet are burning and she feels her strength giving out, finding a purpose beyond Kaz... it was powerful. Would it still be powerful on screen, though?)

Speaking innermost thoughts we are provided in the books -- aloud, to another character -- inherently changes the character, makes them more open. Spoonfeeding the audience! ("No saint ever watched over me. Not like you have." - Kaz in the books would NOT be there yet!)

NARRATION

Overlaid audio narration? They only did that with Mal and Alina's letters. It would certainly be an odd choice and change the tone and pace of the show. (It brings to mind the difficulty of expressing telepathy in visual medium)

ACTING

Rely on an actors ability to provide a nuanced, complex performance? (Not all actors could manage it!) Jesper could have been a one-note character, just comedic relief. Kit's performance in Season 1 added depth to the character. And this year, they provided character development in the actual script (probably after seeing how well Kit performed with the material and fan reactions to his performance).

They relied more heavily on Freddy's acting this season. He was able to express the monstrosity of Kaz, be more nuanced in his expression for care in others instead of just having the script spell it out. (Him being so verbal in his care and affection for Inej last season makes this season feel like a regression (it's just how he really is in the books))

CHARACTERISATION

Change the characters external demeanor to better suit their internal thoughts and issues? (Again, spoonfeeding the audience!)

Wylan had a very fake-it-'til-you -make-it kind of confidence in the books. He was out of his depth, and he knew it; but he was determined to survive. It was his "suprising courage" that all the other Crows noticed. On screen, he reads as more skittish than I imagined him (It's hard for me to watch sometimes). But I figure that the writers wanted to give voice to his internal hesitance, the fear from which he's been running. How would they show his doubts otherwise in this medium? (But it has the surprising result that his external confidence is the opposite of the book lol!! Wylan is very forward about romantic and physical intimacy in the show!)

FLASHBACKS

Flashbacks! Now those WORK in visual medium.

Alina (and Mal), the Darkling, and Kaz have all had featured flashbacks that give depth to the character! (and Nina had a short one) Without changing how other characters interact to them! Nice bit of storytelling, but I'm guessing extra scripts, film, time, and actors would drive up expenses for a show... Maybe that's why there's been a limited number of them? With so many characters and storyline, there can only be so much focus on one at a time...

HALLUCINATIONS

And crack!fic way of expounding on a characters internal drama! Poison! Hallucinations! To help the character themselves AND the viewers grow by exposing fears, weaknesses, and insecurities! (Three (four?) of them faced siuations that challenged their worldview and could inspire growth (Did the hallucination imply Tolya needs to address his codependency with his twin?? Does he have a deep-seated fear of harming Tamar?? Or are his fears of being without her?? We never saw his POV in the books; so, there are so many possibilities!))

I MEAN IT WORKED, DIDN'T IT LMAO

So, yeah. I get why some characters had to be made more audience-friendly.

(I don't really have a point, I'm just hoping that by putting this down somewhere, it'll help with my hyperfixation. It's gotten a bit out of hand)

#shadow and bone #sab #book v show comparison #film adaptations #kaz brekker #opinion piece #wylan hendriks #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #alina starkov #david kostyk mention #genya safin mention #mal oretsev mention #hyperfixation #inej ghafa #tolya yul bataar #tamar yul bataar mention #darkling mention #nina zenik mention #six of crows #soc #grishaverse

[lost-jams]

Brushes And Beats chapter 03

pairing: JiminxReader

genre: fluff with a pinch of angst

trope: enemies to lovers

:Ever had the thought of smaking someone super hard? well i had and i still do:

Stares.

They are staring at me. 

And the room was silent, too silent. I felt the weight of my mistake pressing me down. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know there will be water involved in the performance" I managed to sputter out, hoping it would help diffuse the tension in the room.

Interrupting my apologies, Jimin swirled around, his usually kind eyes now stormy and intense. "You didn't know?!" He exclaimed. The sharpness of his tone, so different from his usual calm demeanor, stung me. His eyebrows were pulled together, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. His mouth was set in a tight line as if holding back a barrage of words. "How could you be so careless?" Jimin bit out with a coldness that made my heart drop. My mind raced, searching for the right words but all I managed to speak were trembling apologies.

"This is not some petty mistake, this is about professionalism, about paying damn attention to what you do. How could you be so careless?" His tone was incredulous, each word laced with an unmistakable harshness that I'd never heard before. His rapid-fire questions didn't leave me any space to respond, his anger fervently rolling out. It was as if something had snapped inside him and his frustration was now flowing unabated.

"Throughout my career, I always made sure to have no mistakes, no scandals, and yet here you are, ruining everything with one careless act!" His words cut through me like a knife, leaving behind a deep sense of shame and regret.

"They are already tweeting" Jimin's manager uttered and showed it to him, pointing at a flood of negative comments and mocking memes circulating on social media.

I could feel my face burn in humiliation as I glanced at the screen,

"MAKE-UP FAILS"

"Me when I thought I looked cute but my mascara said otherwise"

"When you have a make-up artist as your nemesis"

"They should fire the MUA!"

My shoulder sagged with defeat. I'm doomed.

"Look, I am telling you this now," Jimin's voice dropped to a dangerous whisper, his words ice cold. "If something like this ever happens again, you will never work in this industry again. Not only will I make sure you're fired, but I'll personally ensure that nobody hires you." His gaze was piercing, his threat chillingly clear. It wasn't just about his makeup anymore; it was about his reputation, his career.

He storms out of the room leaving me with my supervisor

My tears welled up as I looked at Ms. Jung, "I think it's better if You change teams" she sighed as she looked at me with sympathy and disappointment, "Don't take his words to your heart, Y/n" She sat me down and handed me a tissue, "He is just frustrated right now, Y/n, you see, Jimin is not all flawless confidence as he projects," Ms. Jung began, her voice soft yet serious. 

"The music industry is tough, and maintaining his 'picture perfect' image under all the pressure is harder than anyone can imagine. There's this constant worry about every little detail because every mistake is magnified for people like him. Yes, he overreacted. But it's because he's deeply insecure about making any sort of error that might compromise his career. He's been conditioned to strive for perfection at all costs, and when things don't go according to plan, it shakes him." As I listened to Ms Jung's words a feeling of empathy washed over me.

I stayed in that room for an hour waiting for everyone to leave so that I could gather my thoughts and leave this place without further embarrassment. I walked to the convenience store near my home but abruptly stopped when I saw some girls following a guy with their phones out,

"OMG JIMIN"

"JIMIN IS THAT YOU?"

What is he doing here? Are these people harassing him? I rush over to see what was happening and make sure he was okay. As I approached the commotion, Jimin's face was a mixture of annoyance and exhaustion.

"Excuse me, please, step back," I said with an authoritative voice maintaining a steady authoritative tone despite my racing heart.

As the commotion grows, I got faced with resistance. Fueled by my protective instincts, I stand firm and say with conviction, "We need to respect his personal space, please."

Ignoring the jeers from a few hostile fans, I squeeze through the crowd, making my way to Jimin. When I reached him, I swiftly links arms with him and decisively lead him away from the frenzy, leaving no room for questions.

Following an inconspicuous route, We found ourselves in front of my house. The adrenaline was still coursing through my veins as I turned to face Jimin, his expression a mix of gratitude and confusion. "Are you okay?" I asked sincerely, my heart still pounding in my chest. As Jimin looked into my eyes, I could see a glimpse of vulnerability that had been hidden beneath his confident exterior which soon was replaced with a mask of gratitude as he nodded in response to my question.

Jimin's POV

"You're like a bird, Y/n. You just swooped in and saved me back there,"

Her swift, decisive actions and agile maneuvering around obstacles are akin to a bird's graceful flight. I couldn't help but feel a rush of admiration for her bravery and resilience. The anger I had towards her began to develop into something mischievous, I plan to torment her in a playful and teasing manner, knowing that she can handle it. Even though my best friend told me not to do anything stupid just now, guess I won't listen to him, sorry Tae.

"If you turn right from here, you will find taxi stands, do u want me to call one for you?" she asked, which I ignored. "I'm sorry for what happened today Jimin, I will be switching teams soon, So you don't have to worry about any more accidents" She bowed and was about to her leave

"Hey, Birdy" I can't let her go so peacefully NO WAY. I called out to her, stopping her in her tracks. With a devious smile, I continued, "You may have swooped in like a bird to save me today, but don't think that I'll let you off the hook that easily." Her eyes widened in surprise as I approached her, my tone filled with mischief and playfulness. "You and I may have our differences, but I can't deny that something is intriguing about you," I teasingly added.

As our eyes locked, there was a spark of connection that I couldn't ignore. Her mouth was slightly agape, she was lost for words.

Y/n's POV

This dude is crazy.

This situation was not at all what I had anticipated when I first laid eyes on Jimin.

"I'll make sure that you will remain in my team whether you like it or not," Jimin declared, his treacherous smile widening. I couldn't help but feel a mix of annoyance and curiosity at his words. " Aren't you being a bit too much, I said I'm sorry" I responded, trying to maintain my composure. Jimin chuckled, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "I know you're sorry, Birdy," he replied, his tone dripping with playful sarcasm. "But sorry isn't enough to make up for all the trouble you've caused me," he continued, moving closer. My heart raced as Jimin closed the distance between us, his mischievous gaze intensifying.

Irritation traveled through my nerves as I watched Jimin inch closer to me, a mix of annoyance and intrigue swirling within me. "You know," I said, my voice filled with defiance, "I may have caused you trouble, but you're no angel yourself. I've heard all the stories, Jimin. I know you've played your fair share of tricks on others too." Jimin raised an eyebrow in surprise, taken aback by my boldness, surely he knows that I'm lying, But I can't back down. With a smirk playing on his lips, Jimin leaned in even closer, his voice dropping to a seductive whisper. "Touché, Birdy," he replied, his breath teasingly brushing against my ear, there started the dangerous dance between attraction and rivalry.

______________________________________________________________________________

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months and months into years AND HERE I AM AT STARBUCKS DOWN THE STREET WAITING FOR FUMI, wanting to drown myself as I replayed last night's conversation,

"You'll be thinking about it later on, lying in bed."

well...I DREAMT ABOUT IT!!

To Be Continued...

next part:

#jimin ff #jimin x reader #jimin bts #idol au #enemies to lovers #fluff #makeup aritist x idol #jimin x y/n #jimin x you #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts ff #bts fluff #bts #kpop #bts one shot #jimin #park jimin #bts jimn #jimin fluff #jimin fanfic #pjm #lostjams

[juniperhillpatient]

'Wednesday' Review (no spoilers)

Well, I'm always complaining that I get too many show recommendations when everyone knows I usually just re-watch the same 5 shows or watch YouTube & I also complain a lot about binge culture & say I like to watch shows slowly but I literally watched it in one sitting so...I must've liked it! Honestly, the Tim Burton style was perfect, the dialogue was witty, & the plot was fun & addictive.

Jenna Ortega is amazing. Wednesday Addams is such an iconic & beloved character, & this show relied heavily on her demeanor & presence. So, a strong lead actress was the most important element of the show in my opinion. I honestly can't even imagine the role being pulled off more perfectly. This is only the second thing I've seen Jenna Ortega in, & she's blown me away both times. The other thing I've seen her in is Scream 5, & as a huge Scream fan, I would argue that she made that movie what it was with her performance too - & that was a very different character. Clearly, she's just a fantastic actress with a huge range & an amazing screen presence.

Also, most of the rest of the cast did a fantastic job too. Emma Myers and Hunter Doohan (I had to Google both those names, but Enid & Tyler) both had fantastic chemistry with Jenna Ortega & so did Joy Sunday (Bianca) (yes I had to Google that too) both as a rival & frienemy. I don't want to rub anyone the wrong way but just to be honest as I think back on the series, my biggest criticism is that Percy Hynes White (Xavier) just had no charm or chemistry with the lead. The actor can hardly be blamed entirely for that, though I do think either he's part of the problem or the way he was directed is. But really, the issue with Xavier was mainly a writing problem for me, because I just found his character way too bland & that's a pretty huge weakness in a show where so much of the plot relies on this sort of love triangle. Like, I need to either hate one of the guys or struggle with who to root for or something but Xavier just gave me nothing. He had no personality or interiority as a character outside of pining after Wednesday & sometimes being sus like....literally just nothing going on with him to make him feel like a real person & give me something to latch onto as a viewer.

I thought that the rest of the family had the perfect amount of screen presence for a show focused on Wednesday going off on her own where her family is still important to the plot & to her character. They did a really great job playing that balancing act. My biggest criticism of the family aspect of the show is that Morticia's wig made me want to die. Everything else - the backstory, the plot itself, was fantastic. And I loved Fester & Thing's roles both so much as well as the element of Wednesday being protective of Pugsly. The dynamic between Wednesday & Morticia is well done & explored, & I like that they gave them a little tension & how the story used it. Gomez Addams continues to be an iconic character in every incarnation.

The mystery itself was fun, although I think maaaybe it's possible they introduced a few too many elements? This is a cursory "I literally just watched it" review, so maybe not, but it felt like there was just a LOT going on & it could sometimes be a bit much to keep up with. That said, the show is clever. It's not just witty dialogue, it's a detailed & smart mystery plot, overall. I had at least part of it - not solved, but figured out (I knew something was off with a certain character because of clues) I should say - very early on. And I did solve at least part of the mystery well before any of the characters. I think this is a sign of strong writing because a good mystery should be giving you clues early on to figure things out, so this is meant as praise.

I think that it was a very fun & satisfying show. It's 100% worth checking out if you like acerbic humor. The directing style almost reminded me a bit of Wes Anderson. The general pace & dialogue & style reminded me of 'A Series of Unfortunate Events.' I thought it was a super fun show & I hope it gets a season 2, which it's definitely set up for. But, either way, it was a fantastic ride & I had a great time.

#wednesday #wednesday netflix

[tavvattales]

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, I need your help! (<- <3)

I'm a 22-year-old Hispanic straight female who uses she/her and I would like a romantic relationship, please!

My physical appearence is a short fair skinned slightly chubby woman with brown eyes and dyed, curly strawberry blonde hair. I mainly wear jeans and a comfy top to go with my enamel-pinned jean jacket. However, I always wear a CGM and insulin pump for my diabetes.

Personality: I’m an INFP Libra with a 9w1 enneagram. I’m a very spacey and forgetful individual who tends to stay more indoors but tries to welcome new experiences wherever I go. I’m a nice person though as I usually get on the good side of everyone I meet. I’m the kind of person who remains quiet until I become close with someone then I’m free to be a dork. Building relationships with others isn’t something I pursue unless it occurs naturally. When it comes to my health, sometimes I view myself as limited and weak even when that is not true. I sometimes worry that I’m too much for people when it comes to my passions. I try to make jokes or sassy comebacks but I'm not that clever when it comes to that so it usually results in an awkward audience. As a result, I get teased a lot which makes me feel stupid despite being relativly smart. I second guess myself a lot too but I usually push that aside and dive into whatever my choice was. I’ve also been described as generous, childish, excitable, playful, mischievous, stubborn, and imaginative. I may not know how bad situations can get but I always try to bring comfort to other people. Plus I want to improve my health by getting physically fit. Currently, I'm trying to find work as a librarian.

Love Language: It’s actually a tie between physical touch and quality time! I love the idea of cuddling in bed with my partner as we exchange kisses. I might also like words of affirmation (even if I have difficulty accepting praise). As for my giving love language, I think it would be acts of service because I want to be both a strong partner for them and do little things to ease their mind.

Likes: Drawing, painting, designing costumes, walking, animals, soft blankets, notebooks, the smell of home-baked food and a campfire, going somewhere new, the supernatural, true crime, thrillers, animated movies, cosplay, anime/cartoons, sweets, working in archives, libraries, friends, and family.

Dislikes: Rude disrespectful people, loud noises like fireworks, my personal space being invaded, narcissists. People who don’t value others.

I hope this was enough information and thank you for your time!

Hello sweetie pie~ Thank you so much for choosing Rebby's Matchmaking Services!

Let's see here. . .

I match you with~

Gorou

With his cheerful demeanor, he never fails to put a smile on your face, even on bad days when you're feeling down on yourself. He makes sure you'll be at your happiest, reassuring you and, most importantly, loving you unconditionally.

Gorou's ears twitch instinctively, picking up your quiet sniffles. With a worried expression, he turns to you and sees you crying to yourself, "Y/N. . .is everything alright? Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?" his ears lay flat and his forest green eyes are riddled with worry.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm too much for you. ." you say between sniffles, wiping your tears away, "My health isn't the greatest and I can do better, but I feel like such a burden."

Gorou's heart falls as he hears those words, taking your hands in his, "Y/N, you are never too much. Never ever. It's okay to feel down, but know that I'm always here to support you and help you through these moments. I may not understand precisely how you're feeling, but one thing I do know is how strong you are. Look at how far you've come! I'm so proud of you~," he says with a wide grin, his tail wagging in the process, "I love you so much, never forget that," with his last gentle reassuring words, he kisses your forehead softly.

Cuddle days are a must for the two of you. Cuddling up with a cozy blanket on the couch with a good book, a roaring fire going in the fireplace, and simply existing with each other fills you with so much love.

Cozying up with each other, your head resting on his shoulder while one hand is resting on his thigh, the other holding one half of the book the two of you are enjoying, you smile to yourself. Gorou rests his head on yours, his fingers intertwining with yours before mutterning, "I love you. . ."

"I love you too, Gorou," you whisper back, giggling with a soft hue of pink dusting your cheeks. Putting the book down, you take your head off of his shoulder, looking at him longingly before leaning in and sealing his lips with yours.

Gorou, pushing back into the kiss, wags his tail furiously with several thwaps against the couch. Finally pulling away, he presses his forehead against yours, "I love you too."

Gorou is always so grateful. Often coming home after a rough day at work to dinner already made, or a bath drawn is such a wonderful feeling. You're always doing things for him with only his best interests in mind. While he enjoys this, little do you know that you are his most favorite interest.

Walking through the front door, Gorou's nose picks up an incredible aroma wafting from the kitchen; his ears twitch and his tail wagging happily as he makes his way to see you, wondering what you have made.

"Y/N!" he calls out cheerfully, rushing to you in a warm embrace, "Wow, whatever you're making smells delicious~! I'm so lucky to have someone like you. You're always doing wonderful and sweet things for me," Gorou says with a silly smile plastered on his face, his eyes full of love.

#rebby rambles #genshin impact #genshin impact fandom #rebby writes #rebby replies #genshin impact fanfic #genshin impact fluff #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin gorou #genshin impact gorou #gorou fluff #gorou x reader #general gorou #genshin matchups

[dragonologist-phd]

this chapter is nowhere near done but here’s a sneak peek for the brosca/morrigan scene because i love them a lot and i really like how this scene turned out. also its an unedited rough draft please disregard typos

The moon inches higher in the sky outside, and Darvis has almost surrendered to sleep when his door creaks open.

“Figured you’d stop by eventually,” he says by way of greeting. The truth is, he hadn’t been sure of that at all; Morrigan has kept him guessing lately. Any maybe that shows, because she gives him a cool smile as she leans against the doorframe.

“Did you, now? Have I truly become so predictable?”

“’Predictable’ isn’t really the word I’d use,” Darvis admits. He sits up with a stretch and reaches over to the nightstand, where thick, black leatherbound book sits in wait. “But I’d figure you’d come looking for this as soon as you could.”

The second Morrigan’s eyes land on the book, her collected demeanor falls away entirely. A soft gasp escapes her lips as she rushes across the room, sweeping the book into her hands and positioning herself in the bed next to Darvis.

“You found it?! I admit, I did not- move, mutt- I did not truly believe this would be possible.” Her eyes are alight with excitement as she rifles through a few pages, examining the writings with a hungry curiosity. Even after everything, her eagerness is enough to bring an unconscious smile to Darvis’s face- especially when she lifts her gaze to look at him with a rare, unguarded expression.

“This means more to me than you know. You have my thanks- truly.” She holds his haze just a moment longer before returning to the book, a wide grin on her face. “I will begin study of this tome immediately.”

“What is it that’s so exciting about this thing?” Darvis asks. He squints over Morrigan’s shoulder, but the handwritten scrawl means nothing to him. “What do you think you’re gonna find?”

“Secrets. My mother has many of them, and this grimoire represents the one time they were able to get away from her.” A determined edge creeps into her smile, and her grip on the book tightens as she speaks. “I do not intend to squander this opportunity.”

If Darvis were a smarter man, he might let the subject drop there. But he seizes on the opening before he can think better of it and says, “Speaking of your mother, are we going to talk about what happened in the Fade? Or the Circle, or any of it?”

Morrigan tenses, and her voice comes out cold. “I haven’t the faintest idea of what you could possible mean.”

“Look, if really want me to drop it, I will,” Darvis says. He leans against the bedframe and frowns as he tries to put words to his thoughts. “Just don’t act like something hasn’t been off. Is it that you just hate the Circle that much? ‘Cause I get that, I do-”

“Do you?” Morrigan’s retort is harsh. “Do you realize that I have spent my entire life at mother’s heels? I ventured into backwater villages and thought myself daring, but I always wanted so much more. I want to see mountains, to witness oceans and step into their waters. I want to experience a real city, rather than imagine it in my mind. I knew not whether any of these things would ever happen, for until very recently my mother’s hold on me has been inescapable.”

“But even then, I had my magic. It is all I have ever had that has been truly mine. And as you so astutely observed in the tower, there is a world in which I ended up in the Circle, and would not even have that. The Circle and its Chantry would see me destroyed- killed, perhaps, but they would prefer a version of myself whose head is filled with their lies. A version of me who is ignorant and pliable, whom they can control.”

Morrigan pauses in her ranting to take a heavy breath. Her voice hardens with her next words, final and resolute. “But if there is one thing I am certain of, it is that I will allow nobody to control me.”

The silence that follows is deafening. Finally, Darvis steels himself and says, “I’ve had all of Orzammar’s boot on my neck since the day I was born. And they don’t even notice, because I don’t even exist to them. I’m nothing, and I’ve got the mark to prove it. So I do understand. Maybe not all of it, but everyone lining up to tell you what you are?” Faces float through his mind- Beraht, Jarvia, his mother. “Yeah, I do get that.”

The bed shifts as Morrigan adjusts herself to face him, her searching, golden eyes boring into his. “Then you understand why I must be clear. We both understand what this is between us, do we not?”

Darvis’s brow furrows, and she reads his confusion. “It means,” she says emphatically, “that between us, there can be sex. There can be lust, and even passion. But I will not tolerate anything more. What people call love is merely another form of control. I do not require, nor do I wish for, your protection. And I certainly do not require your insight into my own thoughts.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’d want to protect you even if you we weren’t fucking. I like having you around for other things, you know.”

Maybe he’s imagining things, but he swears a smile flits across Morrigan’s face. It’s gone just as quickly as it came. “I…do not wholly hate your intentions. But that is precisely what I mean. I worry that despite our agreement, you are becoming too attached.”

Too attached. Darvis knows what that means, but he keeps his voice gruff as he asks the question anyway. “So you want to end this, then?”

“No,” she says, and she says it a touch too quickly, in a way that makes Darvis’s chest pound in foolish relief. “I merely…”

She fumbles for a moment, and Darvis thinks of everything he could say to her right now. That he heard her voice in the Fade, and she’s the only reason he was able to get out. That he wishes he could say she would have come to see him tonight even if he’d never found that book. That he knows he’s being stupid, but when he looks at her in the moonlight like this, the last thing he wants to do is leave.

All of it is exactly what Morrigan doesn’t want to hear.

“If it’s attachments you’re worried about,” Darvis finally says, “then you can stop worrying. I’m not the smartest man in the world, but I’ve got two working ears and I hear what you’re saying. I’m not the type of idiot to chase after something that’s not real. If it’s just sex to you, it’s just sex to me. Simple as that.”

His words are met with silence, and Darvis half expects Morrigan to just take the grimoire and sweep out of the room without another word. But when she finally makes a move, it is to place the book back on the nightstand in a slow, deliberate motion. She turns back to Darvis, studies his face for a short moment, and then, finally, kisses him.

The kiss is hard, fierce, and she follows it up by wrapping herself around him and pressing him into the bed. Darvis returns the kiss with full force, eager to lose himself to her touch. He breaks the kiss only to fumble his shirt off and push an offended Nug out the door- “go sleep in Alistair’s bed tonight”- and then they are kissing again, her hands tugging at his belt as he pulls off her shawl. Her hair falls loose with the motion, and her facepaint is smudged, and the moonlight streaming into the room paints her skin a soft silver- and she is beautiful.

 They lie in bed together afterwards; not speaking, but simply holding each other, and for a moment everything feels peaceful and right. When Darvis has nearly drifted into sleep, however, the blankets shift, and he listens as Morrigan stands from the bed. She retrieves her clothes and her grimoire, and he remains silent, eyes closed, as she makes her exit.

Only when she is gone does he release a ragged sigh. He turns over in bed to bury his face in the pillow, but that doesn’t help- the damn thing still smells like her. Not the cloying perfume of a noble lady but something richer, earthy, a mix of leather and herbs he couldn’t begin to name.

He’d thought he knew better, when they started this. He should know better. He should know not to expect…whatever it is some small part of him had been expecting.

But it’s fine. It’s nothing. He’s been through far worse than whatever this pain in his chest is; he’s fighting for his life every damn day, he doesn’t need to be lying awake at night over something as stupid as this. He just needs to go back to focusing on survival, and not let anything else worm its way into his thoughts.

He can do that, he tells himself, and it almost doesn’t feel like a lie.

#theyre both so insecure and so allergice to talking about their feelings #there was supposed to an actual feelings confession this chapter but they literally wouldnt do it #theyre so bad at this and i love them #rambling about writing

[nothingneverforever]

Marcella (Season 2,2018) and Dead to Me (Season 1, 2019): The flipside of two sympathetic, explosively volatile women and what it means for me

Before Season 3 of Dead to Me was released earlier in November, I rewatched seasons 1 and 2 and saw a crucial parallel to another series I’ve rewatched multiple times over: Marcella (only seasons 1 and 2 because season 3 wasn’t real tbh). I’m not reviewing these shows today, especially not Dead to Me because I can imagine that everything good to be said about it is already out there, and Marcella, well, because season 3 kind of made me not want to talk about the show ever again. But there is a small connecting thread between the lead characters Jen (Dead to Me) and Marcella (Marcella) that I’d like to talk a little about, especially because of how it relates to me and my expressions of self. 

I believe one of the three people reading this blog has not seen these shows, so for some context, I looked for some description of these two characters where their anger or more socially unacceptable demeanors are described as their key traits: 

Dead to Me 

So, every aspect of the show is absolutely fucking phenomenal, but the writing and acting in particular are off-the-charts flawless. Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini play Jen Harding and Judy Hale, an unlikely pair united by a web of tragedy and bad decisions made by good people. Free-spirited Judy befriends cynical Jen at a grief group after Jen’s husband is hit and killed in a hit-and-run accident, and chaos ensues.

[...]   I think the thing in Dead to Me I connect to more than anything else though, is Jen Harding’s unfettered rage. [...] She’s just generally over people’s bullshit and expresses it in ways most of us either can’t or won’t. I mean, at one point she literally bludgeons someone to death when he pushes her too far with his woman-hating bullshit. Is there a woman out there who hasn’t entertained this fantasy? Jen’s honest, naked fury is the reason I think so many have fallen in love with the show and with this character in particular.

https://www.scarymommy.com/jen-dead-to-me-unfiltered-rage-queen

Marcella 

DS Marcella Backland, played with coiled spring intensity by Anna Friel – isn’t the chirpiest of characters. And nor is she all that fun loving or easy going, either. In fact, it’s a small wonder anyone in her life likes her at all, really.

Actually, come to think of it… No one really does. Her soon-to-be ex-husband Jason has now moved out properly and is due to marry his new girlfriend. Her children seem to tolerate more than love her. And she still runs about her place of work, barking at colleagues, undermining her boss and harassing suspects. Even her on/off boyfriend, colleague Jamie Bamber, seems to have a few issues with her behaviour.

In a way, it’s kind of reassuring to see that Marcella the person is still just as thoroughly brusque, surly and uncivil as ever. Just as reassuring as it is to see that Marcella the TV programme is still just as thoroughly dark, distressing and downright depressing as ever.

https://www.deadgoodbooks.co.uk/seasons/marcella-series-2-review/

So it is precisely in how ‘unlikable’ Jen and Marcella are that they charm and engage, where it is a welcome experience to bask in the fantasy of uncouth (yet highly successful), seething (but understandably so), feminist women. Aside from how they are generally in their day-to-day interactions and in their perspectives on the happenings in their lives, I am speaking specifically about how this ‘anger’ (generalising here because I can’t be bothered to explain all the way this manifests or all the different undercurrents, all the layers of the submerged iceberg beneath this anger, so just imagine a very very very deep and complicated and moving and sad and hurt compounded anger) led these two characters to committing irreversibly tragic actions. Jen, in a fit of misdirected hurt/rage/annoyance kills her best friend’s ex-boyfriend (as bolded in the text above), and Marcella, whose anger mostly seems self-directed, smashes the head of her loving, warm (and handsome hehe) colleague who had moments before just stopped her from attempting suicide, chains him to a toilet stall, cuts all her hair off and slices through the sides of her mouth (think Joker-but cooler idk I’ve never seen Joker or Batman lol), before living under a bridge for weeks in the cold. (See pic below for the shocking, terrifying iconicity of Marcella’s self-harm.) While the manifestations of these unprocessed, unmanaged unhelpful emotions are different, both Jen and Marcella are clearly volatile, “unhinged” women. 

A few nights ago I was in the car giving my colleague a lift home after work, and it’s a long drive so we usually have good time to start and finish serious topics before she gets off, and this is a part of my week-day routines I have come to enjoy very much. So on this particular drive, my colleague gave a recent stressful experience in her life as an example of how anger does not sit well with her, both in her personal and professional selves, and how sadness is something she’d much rather languish in. And I commented that I am very much the opposite, not that I am avoidant of sadness, but rather anger feels comfortable and nature and very much like something core to who I am. I have thrown cups and bottles on the ground and my phone more times than I can remember, I have smushed my pen-tip into my diaries since I was a teenager causing ink to bleed out, and slamming doors is something so easy for me to resort to, any day any time. And I know that certain media makes it seem empowering for women, otherwise discouraged from expressing non-warm/loving emotions, to start showing these types of behaviours as a supposed reclamation of that which we have had to abstain from with much intentional restraint, but we know honestly that there are not healthy or respectful methods of coping / managing. 

Back to Jen and Marcella, being me watching these two beautiful, strong, epic, swaggilicious women behave in the ways they do without thinking twice.... of course that’s immediately inspiring and relatable, right? Because it’s something I can already see myself doing, see myself being if given free rein. But my post today, the important point that has been on my mind for months, is why this isn’t okay. Doing the work that I have done (just for 2+ years but hopefully many many many more to come!!) and also just generally maturing as a young adult has shown me that it’s not cool for anyone to cause distress in others through such expressions; it’s not cool to “lost control” (itself a myth mostly), and it’s not cool to ummmm murder haha or to attempt it... 

Which is precisely why Jen and Marcella had to go to such extreme lengths. Let’s imagine that these two women continued about with their lives as the cool, iconic, irreverent, highly intelligent, brave legends that they are, and express themselves with the rudeness/disrespect/”craziness” that they do, save for killing someone/attempting to kill others+themselves. If that was it, then it would really have been so, so so easy to continue to pedestalize them as the women most of us other women dream to be. It would be so easy to think hey I could be like that too, and in fact I should because I deserve to! And this is not wrong either. There are a million ways in which women can act that would likely benefit all of society, with such freedom of expression. But the peak of the mountain (murder, to generalize) should never be reached; that is not a height to be scaled and I think that’s why it was so important that it was.  Do you know what I mean? What I mean when I say the shocking brutalities* are necessary is that audiences needed to realise that there is always a flipside to being this ‘cool angry bih’. And sometimes that can include awful awful awful tragedies. Me most of all, I needed to realise it too. 

* - Dead to Me invested a lot into showing the hurt caused by Jen’s murderous action, where the shock and realisation of how immoral and unacceptable it was doesn’t come all at once, but slowly through the impact shown on many many lives. And ultimately we (and authorities) forgive her for it, but the weight is always known. 

I might come back and add on to this in a while, but it’s a Sunday night now and as always I’m anxious about starting the work week because more often than not it includes weights I am not prepared to carry. But I’d like to say most importantly more so than the non-revolutionary singular point I’ve made in the too-many words above, that I love love love love love both of these shows. Finishing season 3 of Dead to Me last week, I cried on the way back home a few days later suddenly thinking about how sad and vast and simple it was. 

Love you all! 

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Update:

Omg I just realised something hilarious hahahaha I was scrolling through my few-and-far-between old posts and saw that I had very roughly talked about Dead to Me in May 2021, and omg... I am part of the fucking problem guys!!! 

This is so funny omg.... ignore everything I said pls hahahahaha.... Killing an innocent man is not ok wtf!! Maya wake up!!!! 

Ok but saying “you can die” when someone asks you what they can do to help is still quite iconic ngl. 

[642stories]

Story #37, The X-Files Winter Ficlets 8/28

"From me to you"

Read it on AO3

It’s a lazy Saturday morning of Christmas Eve and Mulder doesn’t really expect anyone, so when the doorbell rings he’s startled. Mulder pushes himself out of his seat on the couch to open the door and is pleasantly surprised to see Scully on the other side of it. Hair combed and clothes ironed as always, she looks quite relaxed in her casual outfit. A warm feeling spreads through his heart at the thought that on the way to her mother’s house, she found a few minutes to drop in to wish him Merry Christmas. His partner takes a few days off and he probably won’t see her till the beginning of January. That’s OK, he reasons with himself, he has some plans too. In a few hours, he’s going to hit the road to Greenwich to pay a visit to his mother, and even though Mulder is actually looking forward to spending some time with his own family, he can’t help feeling a twinge of disappointment at being away from her. Not at her side.

Lost in his thoughts, he overlooks the fact of how excited Scully is. She’s holding a red tin box the size of a giant coffee mug, tied around with a golden ribbon. There’s a small card attached with his name on it. It looks pretty much hand-crafted, and he thinks his heart might break if he sees what’s written there. Not in a bad way, but because of all the love he’s carrying for that woman. Is it even possible to love someone so much? He’s full to the brim with love. So full that it’s dangerously close to starting spilling over the rim of his fragile heart – with little touches, gestures, jokes, words, acts, with everything he has to offer. The urge to scoop her up into his arms is so strong that he has to tighten his grasp on the doorknob to stop himself. So beautiful, so kissable, pounds in the back of his head like a red dot of the sniper’s rifle on the forehead.  Everything blurs around when she looks at him like that.

He knows she can feel it too. Scully is the first to break the silence.

“Hi”’ she says quietly and smiles. 

“Hi,” Mulder says back, his voice hoarse.

He looks away briefly to buy some time to get himself together and then steps aside in a silent invitation. 

“Come on in. What are you doing here?”

“No, no,” Scully shakes her head. “I’ll be just a minute.”

Mulder tries to maintain an easy, relaxed demeanor as he leans against the door jamb but inside, he’s burning.

“I brought you a present.”

Like a five-year-old demonstrating her do-it-yourself project to a kindergarten teacher, Scully stretches both hands and holds a tin box in front of him.

“Just a little something from me to you.” The tone of her voice is playful.

Carefully he takes the present and shakes it —the insides of the box clunk against the walls.

“Don’t shake it so hard. You will break ‘em, and then there will be only crumbs.”

“So, it’s edible.” 

“It is,” Scully confirms. “And I made it myself.” She adds proudly and winks at him.

“You sure it’s safe?”

When Scully takes a step forward to elbow him under his ribs, Mulder catches her forearm and chuckles. He doesn’t know what pushes her forward. All he knows is that the next moment she closes the distance between them and their lips touch. His mind goes completely blank, and he imagines that the world has ended, save for that sliver of time when they press mouth-to-mouth.

So much goes left unsaid between the two of them. They will have to deal with it. Sometime soon. Today they choose to throw caution to the wind and succumb to the temptation.

___

Soundtrack "I want you to want me" by Damhnait Doyle

#creative writing #x files fanfic #winter ficlets