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dirtytransmasc · 11 months

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Hi yes, I would desperately like to see your *insert original media type* please

I have so many at this point for 80 different fandoms, all in different levels of being wips, I couldn't even pick one to show you lol, this is just a very very common feeling I have.

but I might as well give you something, so have some sad, gay, religious trauma ridden "poetry" I wrote after playing Sally face (it's for Travis and his sad little crush on sal), but it could be read as any old queer angst cause there's very little character description.

I doubt this piece a lot, I feel like it's too much and not enough at the same time. there's most likely half a million typos, but my lack of confidence in this piece got so bad I don't even want to look at it anymore.

tw for extreme internalized homophobia.

~~~

Some romances are sweet and gentle; the girl gets the guy. She bats her eyelashes and twirls her hair, he hides his blush with his bravado and sweeps her off her feet. they are joined in holy matrimony, the lord looking down on them with pleasure.

This isn’t one of those romances. For I am the boy who will never get the other boy. I will rub my wet eyes raw and pull at my hair till theres is nothing left to pull at. I may have him, but only ever in sin. I will never have him in your eyes, Lord.

This isn’t sweet nor gentle. This is treacherous and painful and all-consuming.

He’s my destruction, my end, my point of no return. He is my salvation, my respite, my beginning, my place of origin.

I would know him in insanity, as that is where I have come to know him. I know nothing of him. I would know him in death, as that is how far I will go for him. he knows nothing of me. I will know him in pain and sorrow, as that is all he brings me. He’s never uttered a word in my direction, not knowingly. To think he’s spared me a glance would be a mercy on my aching heart.

I couldn’t tell you his favorite color or what he does to fill his free time. I don’t know anything about him. He is part of me. We have never been one. He doesn’t even know how I stare, how I long and pine, how I would snatch my soul from the lord, how I would sell it to the devil himself for just a single kiss, a touch of the fingers, to snatch gently at a single wisp of his hair. Anything. Even the most miniscule of affections would be everything. For him to simply know my name, for him to look at me as I look at him would be enough.

though, in the end, I would never dare do such a thing, I would never curse him to share my fate, because I love him. I would never pray for him to be a sinner like me. He deserves the greatest of heavens, not to be licked at by flames, cursed for all of eternity to never know rest.

Yet, when I lie in bed longing that he is, that he nurtures this beautiful curse like a poisonous flower that grows in our chests. That we could be sinner’s together. Its shameful, horrific, cruel, but a feeling that I cannot shake.

It doesn’t help that his voice, the parables that fall from his lips, sound as though they are the words of God Himself. His laugh could cure sickness, the sound of his smile lilting his voice ever so slightly, could bring about the greatest of peace. it is etched into my memory, it plays in the softest of dreams and darkest of nightmares. I could pull it from a crowd, it is the only voice that matters. I believe that when I die, when I sink into hell, it will be his voice there, as it will be my greatest torture, it will be my greatest respite.

I see all that is horrid about him, the scars that mar his skin and burdens he carries on his shoulders, shattering his clavicles and crushing his vertebrates. I see all of the things that make him ugly and unwantable, and want him more. I see everything that is beautiful, that mark him an angel, and seek to honor him. Where some see a monster, I see something godsent. What some seek to lust, I seek to honor. I see his grace, his holy divinity. It is something untouchable.

He is divine, he is my greatest sin. He is an angel, a demon, the Christ reborn once more, an eldritch horror. In my heart he is mine.

Lord forgive me for I have sinned, I wish to fall flesh to flesh with another man, no, boy. We are boys. We are boys in love. I am a boy in love, he has the mercy of not knowing me. Forgive me lord for I lust, not to touch with any lude manner, but to hold his hand in mine, to feel the gentle roughness of his palm against my own. I wish to kiss his brow and wake to his sleep filled eyes, to see his bed head first hand, to feel how sleep warms his skin, how he would wrap his arms around me when he turns back over from hitting snooze. I wish to kiss him ever so gently. Forgive me lord for being in love, for wanting the simple pleasures, for doing it all wrong. I am wrong.

Am I wrong? If I am wrong, why would you create me like this?

I would surely die if I were to admit these thoughts to anyone but you, Lord, and even you will one day claim your revenge against me, you will come to smite my soul, but that is ok. Until then, I will simply thank you, for making me wrong, for creating such a beautiful sin, so that I may lust after your creation, one so heavenly, with the tainted innocence of a boy who was robbed of it with bible verses and the screams of preachers so long ago, but still clings to the idea of it. Of being pure and holy. Of loving innocently like the child I still feel myself to be.

Until the day my soul is consumed by the flames, I will tell you all about him. Until that day I will drag my chains, shackles, and cinder blocks so I can just bask in his light a little longer. Maybe one day I will hold his hand and pretend I do not feel your shame and humiliation. Maybe one day I will kiss him ever so softly, like two children on the playground, and I will act as though I am not damning myself, like we together are not damned to the flames. Maybe I was always meant to be sinner, maybe its worth it.

Yes, yes it’s worth it. I will commit a million sins, with prayers still on my tongue, with a love so deeply rooted in my chest that I still praise your name despite the disgust you surely hold for me, just to be with him. You can damn me, you can shame me, your holy messengers can attempt to change me, to beat me, to kill me, to snuff me out and take my love. But I will never not love my perfect sin. I will chose it every time.

I will be the boy, who loves another boy. I will sing hymns, wear my rosary, go to church, kneel in the pews with pride. I will hold his hand and love him for as long as he allows. I will feel the burn of hell under each strike of my feet upon your earth and be comforted by his hand in mine, and mine in his, the gentle roughness of his palms, the heavenly essence of his voice, the love of two sinners binding us together.

#salvis #if you squint really really hard #and know that I wrote it with the intentions of being salvis #I hate this thing #I think its awful #vut everyome ive shown it to says its good so #here ig

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possessable · 10 months

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Hello i'm a normal person here's some stuff i drew to illustrate different traits different "person getting controlled" tropes can have

edit: obligatory possession shorthand code link because people seem to be using this like the possession code but just. without the code part

edit: DO NOT BE HORNY ON MY POST 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

#if you see tumblr flagging this its literally not mature i dont know why it got flagged #i like how you can see the artstyle in this change because i drew the first couple a year ago and then picked it up again intermittently #this aws just an excuse to draw a bunch of tiny possessed guys. ''what am i supposed to do with a possession hyperfixation its not like you #can draw possession fanart'' Yes You Can If you really Believe In yourslef #This isn't even all the traits i can think of there's four more but they seem kind of boring to draw and are mostly self explanatory #Less Unique my Ass #ThePossessionHyperfixationIsNeverEnding

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tariah23 · 28 days

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Okay, I said I wasn’t gonna spend too much time on twitter but oh my god!?!!! This is so COOL!?? He looks amazing, omg…!

I’m glad they gave the actor another hairstyle because every black person is absolutely tired of the Killmonger mohawk/comb over 😭!!! One day, we will be free- but anyway, it looks like the name of the anime is “Kawagoe Boys Sing!”

#never heard of it before but aww #this doesn’t even seem real what the hell #I won’t read any comments for obvious reasons #I’m sure they’re awful #white and nb geeks hate to see black ppl simply existing in the spaces that they think belongs to them its 👎🏾#rambling

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deaddee-anime-brownfanlady · 7 months

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#political #Israel #palestine #for real though #israel palestine conflict #gaza #Hamas #I swear seeing some people on this site being equally antisemitic and Islamophobic in regards to this awful conflict is headache inducing #Like I can't FUCKING believing that you have those that are celebrating the deaths of innocent regular civilian's and kids is Fucked up!?#And then you have those supporting what Hamas is doing and thinks that's its for the “Good” of the Palestinian people.....#It's basically like saying the Taliban knows what's “good” for all Muslim people which you should know is untrue and total BS #I swear some people -_-

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mitskikissme · 3 months

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Have also some zolu drawn for a good friend of mine for a valentines day trade!!!

#he doesnt have tumblr u can find this post on my insta as well #zolu #gear 5 #roronoa zoro #gay ass zoro #one piece #op #gear 5 zoro reaction i think hed be awe struck but also its luffy!!! so ofc hed laugh and smile and bask in his light #sorry for being gay #:)

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kaogens · 7 months

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redraw!!!

old version here ^_^

#splatoon #marina splatoon #splatoon marina #splatoon 2 #splatoon fanart #i still see ppl reblogging the old one from time to time to this day and i eeughh awww … aw shucks #i think its one of my first posts that like. officially blew up too wow this is so awesome

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wasyago · 8 months

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so, would you?

nothing important under the cut, you don't need to look haha

#inspired by the random youtube short i saw about how these types of questions are not really about logic but about emotion and reassurance #doesn't matter if the question doesn't make sense. you say 'yes' because you love them no matter what. not because its a worm or a bug or #or anything. its a way of saying 'i will love you when you've changed and when you're different. because it's still *you*.'#idk something about it just felt so gentle and genuine. like a pure display of affection through a silly question...#and of course fnc was the first thing i thought about because i got brainworms #jrwi fish and chips #jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #gillion tidestrider #my art #sketch #also im back from a vacation! and i feel so awful i got sick the first day home and im sitting here at 6am drawing fishes and chips #the dialog feels a little ooc but i cant figure out if it really is or if its because my head hurts and i cant think #tbh it doesn't really matter.......... but it matters to me augh #ALSO yes the under the cut bit is about episode 109. i dont know if its clear or not

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tubbytarchia · 3 months

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For a rancher request, can your Tango carry Jimmy? (If not then the other way around is cool too!)

Yes he can!! Jimmy looks so terribly small no matter how I try to draw him in Tango's hold lmao please ignore it I really tried

#difficult posing + correct scaling my worst enemy. awful awful #rancher duo #team rancher #solidaritek #this ask is from January Im so sorry theres so many of these old ones ough #Jimmy is lighter than one would think hm... you'd think he'd be able to fly effortlessly... hehe one day he will #also he's holding Tango's tail in that 2nd one #Tango's rancher is just a wee tired but its fine Tango would carry him any day of the week #I missed drawing them #trafficshipping #tubby art

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stewykablooey · 5 months

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i hate this fucking show why does it looks like he’s being yelled at. he looks like he’s being yelled at when actually his best friend is begging him to talk to him. mr kendall roy. its both the shame of the grip logan has on him right now the shame of the humiliation logan is putting him through right now and also the. its the love. the love is violence. mr kendall roy thinks the love is violence!!

#kendall just wept into his father’s welcoming shielding embrace for the first time in either who knows how long or ever #and it was only after he’d just killed a kid #and now his best friend is putting thirty years of love and trust on the table and he thinks this love is violent toooooo #and no no i need you to understand its not that he’s afraid of stewy or thinks stewy is being manipulative #its like. the love is there because he did something wrong. you’re showing me love because i did something awful.#you putting love on the table feels like a punishment like discipline #am i making sense!!!!#kendall roy #kenstewy #m

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clown-owo · 5 months

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a little bit obsessed with this guy

#og post #my art #WxS #wonderlands x showtime #project sekai #pjsk #rui kamishiro #tsukasa tenma #ruikasa #i will not tag emu or nene because they are kind of in the background. even though i tried very hard on them #<- first time drawing any of these guys #i'll be honest i haven't even done much of the stories at all just WxS's main story and One Event Story (the first rui one i think)#had to learn what the fuck is goin on with tsukasa's goddamn jacket. what the fuck is on the sides. i lied i didn't learn #i just drew it #i drew rui's outfit and went aw fuck now i have to draw tsukasa's #the ruikasa isn't important like yeah sure its ruikasa but what's important is rui's strange love language #that one 4koma about rui's flowchart leading 2 an explosion stunt? courting ritual /hell

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chara-55 · 4 months

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Trolls Night

(Or hairball. I prefer Trolls Night it sounds better chokes-) I've been dying to draw that one framed picture back at their house so badly xD. And I noticed no one hasn't done a redraw so let me do the honors.