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theanoninyourinbox · 2 years

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Hello Internet, I’m Still Alive! Welcome back to Hypokits! First-time Hypokit peruser @quaelgeist333 asked for Survivor!Leader!Snowkit/Disabled!Sol and Transmasc!Nonbinary!Ivypool/Former Loner!Fernsong, and Frequent Flier @fernstarsblog asked for Golden!Evil!Firestar/Ginger Calico!Sandstorm/Older!Trans!Cinderpelt! (Fireslash IS Golden, I swear, the picture just makes him Golden-Brown because I don’t have Enough Problems apparently)

In the first AU, Snowkit feels the vibrations of everyone running to save him from the hawk, looks up, and yoinks out of the way. He is mentored by Brackenfur, and becomes Snowspeckle, to honor the mother who never gave up on him, and helped develop CSL - Cat Sign Language - which Thunderclan uses to strategize and gossip at Gatherings. Snowspeckle later becomes deputy under Firestar, and is well beloved. Sol’s story is also different - he was abandoned by his mother for not being sleek and tall - he’s short and scruffy and boys aren’t torties you must be the ugliest baby ever! He grows up angry and lashes out, but had always wanted a loving family. He meets Midnight and plans to vent his rage at the Clans, but sees The 3 being Good Happy Siblings and Y E A R N S. He also panics when Hollyleaf almost gets hit by a Monster and shoves her out of the way without thinking. He wakes in Thunderclan with a twisted hind leg, and finds they care So Much about this Scruffy Man, and this one white tom keeps wiggling at him? What? Thankfully Leafpool fills him in and oh he thinks I’m cute!?! OH SNAP HERE COME THE SELF WORTH ISSUES! It works out eventually, with many applications of Love, Self-Confidence, and Flowers!

In the second AU, which will be part of the first as a treat, Ivypool has Issues which she(?) can’t figure out, and everyone is Looking At Her(?), and she bolts in a panic. She(?) quite literally runs face first into Fern the loner, who was a son of the Sisters - his power, though he doesn’t know it yet, is knowing Gender, which doesn’t sound like much, but is Very Helpful sometimes. He asks this skinny new friend if they’re okay? Is someone misgendering y’all? You’re obviously Nyanbinary to some degree wait are you crying? Have a Warm Hug I’m really good at those! Is someone being Mean to you did they hurt your ears? Don’t worry I’m not a good fighter but I’ll uhhh lecture them? Yeah sit on them and oh her where are we going? Ivypool drags h-their(!) new confused and very supportive friend back to camp, Firestar can I keep him please?!?

In the last AU, a newborn Cinderkit is found abandoned by a Thunderclan patrol, and 4 moons old Sandkit touches the baby curiously. Some time later, Tigerclaw brings Rusty to camp, saying the kittypet has been following him and wants to join up. Secretly, Tigerclaw has been training the ambitious little sadist to kill Bluestar. Bluestar agrees as long as Tigerclaw trains him, and Sandpaw and her Tomfriend Cinderpaw watch in curiosity and confusion. Both are wary, neither like the giant brown tabby much, until Fireslash takes Tigerclaw down when he attacks Bluestar and her wives Yellowfang and Rosetail. Tigerclaw’s ghost disapproves of this betrayal heartily. The couple approach Fireslash to father some kits, and he agrees as long as he gets to train one when they’re old enough. Some time later, both Sandstorm and Cinderpelt have had litters about a moon previously, and the two leave to find Fireslash, mysteriously absent. They find him luring dogs to the woods, and try to sneak back to camp. However, Fireslash smells them and tries to just outright kill them, nearly killing their defender Lionheart in the process. He stalks towards the nursery, begins to leap - and trips over a Very Angry Redkit grabbing his legs, landing his Neck and Eye on Very Pointy Sticks dislodged during the fight, and meeting his mentor much sooner than anticipated. Lionheart recovers, and when the Dark Forest comes for The Clans much earlier, five brave siblings lead the charge!

Aaand that’s it for now! I have 4 anon requests currently, and a plan for when I hit 100 subscribers, so…see you then! -fingerguns at y’all, spins around, falls directly into bed-

#Hypokits #warrior cats #my art #warrior cats au #warriors #warrior cats designs #warrior cats design #Snowkit #sol #ivypool #fernsong #firestar #fireheart #sandstorm #cinderpelt

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alfredolover119 · 3 years

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I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story.

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that.

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee

-18k, teen, major character death

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN.

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham.

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

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thenightling · 3 years

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The Sandman: A Game of you (A summary of the plot from someone who actually read the thing...)

I have seen a lot of misconceptions floating around Tumblr about the plot of The Sandman: A Game of You, mostly thanks to an old Mary Sue article that seemed to deliberately take the plot out of context to make it look transphobic. Some people on Tumblr have even said “I love Sandman but I won’t read A Game of you because I heard about what’s in it.” Neil Gaiman, himself, even received an ask here on Tumblr about the story’s “problematic” content because the person who wrote the ask legitimately thought the story said trans women cannot use magick in The Sandman universe. I have even seen transphobes claim Neil Gaiman is on their side for this reason.

According to Neil Gaiman he wrote A Game of you while being consulted by trans friends, one in particular, who heavily became the basis for the character Wanda.

The first version of The Dreaming (Sandman spin-off comics) and The House of Mystery Volume 2 (Also a Sandman spin-off) were written by Caitlin R. Kiernan. (a transwoman). That’s right. Neil Gaiman left The Sandman franchise in the care of a transwoman.

Now, let’s begin...

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The Sandman: A game of you (summary)

First we need to go backward into The Sandman. The main character of The Sandman is Morpheus AKA Dream of The Endless. The Endless are a family of anthropomorphic personifications. That means they are living embodiments of certain concepts. For example Morpheus, also known as Dream has an older sister who is Death. She’s essentially the Grim Reaper.

Note: Death is older than Dream (Morpheus) but looks younger by at least a decade. The family consists of Destiny, Death, Dream, Destruction, Desire, Despair, and little Delirium (She used to be Delight but she went mad). Most of Sandman is the story of Morpheus and what happens to him. The place to begin is Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes.

The first story to feature Hazel and Foxglove (though Foxglove’s other name, Donna, is given much earlier in the series) is The Sandman: A Game of You. Donna AKA Foxglove had been in an abusive relationship with a girl named Judy. After their breakup Judy had been murdered (issue 6 of The Sandman, within Preludes and Nocturnes, the issue is called 24 Hour Diner).

Donna took the name Foxglove as a stage name as she wants to be a rock musician. She falls in love with Hazel. The two are housemates with Wanda (a transwoman who ran away from a very transphobic hillbilly family), Barbie (a pretty and slightly eccentric makeup artist and dreamer trying to rebuild her life after a failed romantic relationship with a man named… I kid you not, Ken), and Larissa, also known as Thessaly, a nerdy looking and stand-offish woman who turns out to be a powerful and slightly-homicidal witch from ancient Greece. There’s also an old man named George who turns out to actually be a Nightmare spy for a creature called the Cuckoo (more on that later.)

I’ll give the plot of The Sandman: A game of you first and then tell you the full plot of Death: Time of your Life. The two connect.

In The Sandman: A game of you we learn that Barbie had a Labyrinth-esue fantasy world (Think of Jim Henson’s The Labyrinth) that she would escape to and lucid dream of all through her childhood and early adulthood but she had not been there in a long time. We (readers) met Barbie earlier in The Sandman: The doll’s house when she had been dating Ken and in that story we see the first glimpse of Barbie’s fantasy world.

Now her childhood anthropomorphic animal friends miss her and worry about her and were terrified of the activities of The Cuckoo (The main “bad guy” of her fantasy world). One of the creatures (who greatly resembles Ludo from Labyrinth but is articulate) enters the real world where he is unfortunately killed. He tried to warn Barbie of the bad things happening in her fantasy land.

Things start to get weirder. That night everyone has anxiety based nightmares. It turns out Hazel is pregnant from a one night stand that she regretted and didn’t know how to tell Foxglove so this is the basis for her nightmare. Foxglove has nightmares about her abusive and deceased ex, Judy. Wanda is having nightmares about transphobia. She has not medically transitioned and she worries that others feel she does not count as a woman unless she has the surgery. She’s actually terrified of surgery and affirms herself in the dream that even without the surgery she IS a woman.

After everyone has terrible anxiety dreams and most confront their nightmares they wake up to find things are strange in their home. First Hazel confesses her indiscretion to Foxglove. Foxglove forgives her and they decide to raise the baby together.

Larissa finds George, realizing he was the cause of the nightmares, and kills him. She uses his remains to find out what is really going on.

Barbie, however, will not wake up. She has been sucked back into her Labyrinth-esque fantasy.

The friends, finding out that Larissa is really an ancient and powerful witch known as Thessaly, decide to go on a rescue mission into the realm of dreams (known as The Dreaming) to save Barbie.

Thessaly gets revealed as being a TERF (this was written in the 90s so the term didn’t exist yet), claiming her magick will not work for Wanda since she’s not a “real woman” and besides, someone needs to stay behind to protect Barbie’s body.

Thessaly opens a way by the moon’s magick to get herself, Hazel, and Foxglove into Barbie’s fantasy world.

While that’s going on a storm is unleashed by Thessaly’s use of magick. The storm causes heavy winds and trees to uproot. Wanda sees a homeless old woman in trouble. It’s a woman who had previously been nasty to her. Wanda saves her life but dies in the process.

In Barbie’s dream the heroes find a magical gemstone called the Porpentine (actually a rose quartz dreamstone, a magical stone that Dream AKA Morpheus uses as a conduit for his power. His main one, for a long time, was a ruby. Think of it like a magick wand). They destroy the porpentine, which is actually what the cuckoo wanted.

The Cuckoo had accidentally gotten trapped in Barbie’s dream many years before and though they feed on imagination she wanted her freedom. The destruction of the dreamstone alerts Morpheus (Dream) who comes to see that the skerry (The island that was Baribe’s fantasy world) is no longer needed.

The island had actually been created many centuries before for a former lover of Morpheus’ known as Alianora. Alianora could not return to her old life but wanted a place of her own when they broke up so Morpheus had given her the island. The dreamstone powered its magick. The island would exist so long as the dreamstone did. For many centuries after Alianora passed away the island had been the plaything of many young woman dreamers.

Morpheus absorbs the island and all its characters back into himself. And has a brief private conversation with Alianora’s ghost, comforting her by assuring her that her island had been home to many dreamers after her.

Morpheus allows the Cuckoo to fly away (which is all she really wanted), but Thessaly had wanted to kill her for all the trouble she had caused them. Morpheus prevents this.

Morpheus tells Foxglove, Hazel, and Thessaly that they should not have physically entered The Dreaming. That this is against nature. Barbie may wakeup but the rest are trapped. However, he does owe Barbie a boon for destroying the dreamstone- giving the power back to him that had long since been stored away in the jewel. This is a bit of a con on Morpheus’ part, because he got her to ask that her friends be returned to the waking world as her boon. This was Morphesus’ sneaky way of getting out of being in debt to her.

One by one they are returned to the waking world. And Morpheus and Thessaly become lovers (but she later dumps him, saying he cares too much about mortals, which surprises him because he used to be a very cold, and aloof bastard and he doesn’t like facing that he’s changed.)

Barbie attends Wanda’s funeral but unfortunately it’s hosted by Wanda’s redneck family who keep misgendering her. Cut off Wanda’s hair, put her in a suit, and deadname her on her headstone. Barbie writes Wanda’s real name on the headstone in lipstick.

Barbie also has a very strange dream where she sees Wanda with the delicate, feminine, features she had always wanted but was too scared to get the surgery to have (bone structure related), and another girl she doesn’t recognize. This is Death.

Death waves to Barbie, thus assuring her that Wanda is happy and safe where she is going and that yes, Wanda was ALWAYS a woman. This was written in 1992 so this was a big deal. A lot of people here on Tumblr mistake the story as transphobic and legitimately believe it was saying magick won’t work for a transwoman. No. This scene was to prove Thessaly and Wanda’s parents wrong about that and to show cis het readers that trans women ARE women right down in their soul.

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Death: The High cost of Living.

In Death The High cost of living we learn that every so often Death takes human form as a means of self-humbling. She used to be very cold and mean until one day a soul she was collecting asked her how she would feel about it. So to remind herself of why she should show compassion she turns herself mortal for one day and lives as a human woman.

I won’t give the full plot of this story here but know that she attends a Foxglove concert and proclaims herself a fan.

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Death: Time of your life.

Hazel had the baby and they named him Alvin. This was meant to be in honor of Wanda even though that was Wanda’s deadname and she had hated the name. They couldn’t figure out how to make a male equivalent of Wanda’s name so they just used her deadname. I don’t think this is a great idea, personally, but at least they tried to honor her memory.

By now Foxglove is a bit of a celebrity But she is stuck in the closet. It’s the mid-90s and her manager is worried that if she comes out as a lesbian it could ruin her career.

Foxglove thinks she’s falling out of love with Hazel because while on tour, she (Foxglove), has been sleeping around while on tour and knows she hasn’t been spending enough time with Hazel. She’s also getting burnt out. Being a celebrity is not all it’s cracked up to be and she misses being obscure.

It turns out baby Alvie (Alvin) had an accident and Hazel offered up herself within a year if Death would not take Alvin. Death apparently listened but she warned her, she had to take someone when the time comes.

When Foxglove learns what has happened she rushes home and then to The Sunless lands (the land of The Dead) to save Hazel. Her handler comes with her. When she learns the deal Hazel made with Death she’s ready to offer herself to save her, realizing she DOES still love Hazel after all. The handler, however, offers himself instead.

It’s HEAVILY implied that Death was actually going to take him all along and the rest was just a rouse to save Hazel and Foxglove’s relationship because she liked them, and wanted them to realize what was important. It also assured the handler a chance to die a hero, doing something noble and good, which he secretly wanted anyway.

Foxglove goes back to her pre-music career name of Donna and settles into a private life where she is openly with Hazel and their son. And they live happily Ever After.

I figured it was important someone who actually read the comics summarize it since so many people here on Tumblr mistake The Sandman: A Game of you as transphobic and some have even called Hazel and Foxglove AKA Donna homophobic simply because they both have had affairs and forgave each other for it and Donna’s previous relationship had been abusive. There was an article from The Mary Sue a few years ago that deliberately took things out of context to make the story of A Game of You seem problematic and too many people trusted that as being accurate.

Also I had been wanting to write out the summary for some time since there are Sandman fans now who out-right refuse to read the arc because they were told it has problematic content, and some that badly misunderstood what it was trying to say. i.e. legitimately thinking feminine magick wouldn’t work for poor Wanda when in reality the whole point of Wanda’s arc was to tell the reader that transwomen ARE women.

#The Sandman #Sandman #The Sandman: A Game of you #The Sandman A Game of you #A Game of you #Sandman: A Game of you #Sandman A Game of you

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b33sandpretzels · 3 years

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aight so lets get this whole deal rolling already!

basically i got a bunch of oc's- some go through other universes as a treat/dont really have a canon one of their own

but lets go with the basic oc's that i thought the most about

[bioluminessy] yeah that's what im calling this batch of oc's (basically the glowy magic dudes all connected) JsjSHJSDDS

⚔️Kai the blacksmith (she/her),🍀Deckard Pierre the pirate (he/him) and is pan, 🌊Finley Waters the merman/loch ness monster (he/him, they/them) he's demiromantic and ace, 🎇Lucas Saylor the part firefly superhero (he/him) gay, 🌹Aaron Saylor (he/him) biromantic, Aaron and Lucas are brothers. 🍄Dew Skelton the forest monster (he/him) greyromantic/ace, 🐗Haco Key (he/him) panromantic, and 👑Payton Harp the knight (he/him) homoromantic/ace, 🌸Kaya Darrow (she/her) and trans, 🦭Pat the selkie (he/him), trans and bi, 🍂Autumn the moth creature (they/them) aromantic and enby also LOTS of aus with these guys- of which Damien, (the-moon-pal) and i talk about and create ideas for together :3 and he makes amazing art of some ideas (including one au that they're hanging with Leo and Sunny- im gonna talk more about them below) ____________________________________ aand the universe they're both in doesn't have a specific name! just been calling it the 90's time universe- self explanatory :] i just wanted to have fun with oc's in the 90's/ 80's time -the ones in here are 🪶Leo the angel (he/him) panromantic and trans masc, and 🦇Sunny the vampire (they/them) non-binary, they're best buds/act a lot as each others siblings and i do not have a tag for em yet DjHDJDHDJFJFK- also with sunnys three greaser dad figures that all basically take care of them who are named Ryan (he/him), Arthur (he/him), Tyson (he/him) tho i have more ideas of oc's that can join this universe im leaving it at those two for now till i come up with names/designs for the others!! i just know that they might not canonically with the bioluminessy group- i just think the ideas of em all hanging out would be neat :3

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aaand the bots- also doesn't have a full on name yet so they're just the bots for now ig

this one is actually linked with a universe in a story i haven't messed with in ages-and that i'll give more info on later if i remember some stuff DjdHDJDJDJ

but basically all of the story here happens in space-

and the oc's in here are Casey Cakeroll 🍰 (he/him) bi, Citrine Soursweet 🍋(she/her) lesbian, Owen the robot cowboy 🤠 (:3 haha cowboy emoji go brrr) (he/him) aro-ace, Peppy the pop mascot 🥤(she/her, they/them) pan, Sal the balloon butcher 🎈(he/him) greyromantic, and.. Nicky the slime dude 🛸💫 (he/him) aro-ace, also dami gave the slime dude to me a while ago and so i'm 💕💕 for that and def been having fun coming up with ideas for em :]

____________________________________

ok! and the old ones i haven't messed with these oc's much nowadays DhHDJDDJDK-

and this universe is linked with the bots ones

but yea so Jiodihs the emotion spirit (or Jio for short) he/him and gay, Presm the time spirit (he/him) and bi, Cyrus the robot in space (he/him) aro ace, Drew the angel of death (they them) aro ace and non-binary, Sammy the shopkeep (he/him, they/them) gay, Smith the blacksmith (he/him) gay (and also in a relationship with sammy) are there

tho ngl only cyrus has anything to do with the bots and that whole story in general- but yeah :]

____________________________________

i think that's about it for oc's-tho i highly doubt anyone's gonna read this far- this is for me to keep track and stuff- also i put the emojis there to keep track of where the names are- i didn't do it for some tho bc ehhh i don't talk much bout em anyways uwu

also i left some stuff bout some oc's orientations blank bc i just haven't thought of em/or just don't wanna

anyways that's it! idk how to end this post sO!

[poof]

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oyestupudjay · 3 years

Text

Experience of Life

I was listening to way too many songs as got distracted. That’s why I forgot to post.

Anyways, today’s topic is how did I get to know about my gender. It wasn’t an easy journey and honestly according to me, the journey hasn’t ended yet. People keep saying that gender is something which is fixed or permanent. I never agreed to that. I always believed that gender was something which could keep changing depending on various things.

Many people realize their gender when they are as young as the age of 5 and some may not even realize it until the age of 50. There is no age to question your gender or to have gender dysphoria.

What is gender dysphoria?

I have experienced serious gender dysphoria. It basically means that the person isn’t comfortable with biological sex. They feel that their gender is different from the sex assigned at birth. I had it too. I just didn’t know why I was feeling the discomfort. I was biologically born as a girl. But I did not feel comfortable with my top body. It felt as if it did not belong to me. But at some times, it felt right. It was so confusing that I couldn’t make up my mind whether I liked my body or not.

At a point I thought maybe I am a transgender person that’s why I am not comfortable with my body. I even began using he/him pronouncs for a few days but it didn’t feel right and it just didn’t feel like myself. I felt suffocated under my own skin. Many at times I would wear tight shirts inside my cloths just so that I could cover my top body. I would wear baggy cloths so no one could see the figure.

I approached my friend who is a trans male. He told me not to rush into conclusions and to just wait for a while and see if the feeling continues. I did as he told me to. During this time, I began watching many YouTube videos and listening to stories of transgender people to see if I could relate to any of the stories. Unfortunately, I couldn’t. That’s when I came across a video which said “how did I know that I was non binary” I thought there is no harm in watching it and so I did. I could relate to a few points but I didn’t really click to it.

Then I continued watching more non binary YouTubers telling their stories. With every new video, I could relate to a new point. That’s when I started wondering whether I am non binary. I googled the meaning of non binary and got to know so much about it. I did a lot of research about labels and terms and what they meant. Finally I understood that I might be somewhere between non binary and gender fluid. I was happy with this term because it was describing what I was feeling.

At this point I was already using they/them pronouns. 3 of my best friends knew about this and they used the pronouns so that I could feel like myself. Later, I started experimenting with names. Because my birth name did not feel like myself AT ALL. I tried a few names but they didn’t feel right. That’s when the name JAY popped up in my mind out of nowhere and it felt so good even thinking about people calling me with that name.

I remember running to the bathroom and crying in front of the mirror. I was so happy that I could finally call myself my real name. I looked in the mirror and kept repeating “you are Jay. You are Jay” I was so happy that I wanted to yell this to the world but I had the fear in me that no one would accept me. I told my name to those 3 best friends of mine and they are so amazing friends that they began using that name for me. I am so blessed to have friends like them.

I watched a YouTuber named Epically Curious who told me how they found the universe trying to leave signs to them. I really did not believe it honestly. I am not that spiritual person. But after I chose my name, around 3 to 4 hours, one of my best friends sent me the definition of the name Jay. I will put in the picture for you to read but it perfectly describes my personality. For example, I never complete any work which I start. My parents are very disapppointed in me for that. I can never complete a book which I start, I’ll take many courses and will be interested in them for a while but loose interest soon. So things like that and I was surprised to know that I picked up the perfect name which describes so well.

That my friends, is a sign.

It’s a sign that my name is MEANT to be Jay.

I would like to suggest a few youtubers if you too want to check them out. Another one thing which helped me through this path is a book. I’ll let you know the name but this book helped me a lot to understand the gender spectrum and many more things. Gender is a very wide spectrum and I want you all to have fun exploring yourself. It is going to be very hard and scary but the journey can also be very beautiful if you have at least one friend whom you can trust. If you don’t have a friend whom you can open up to, then my dms are always open for you to text me.

YouTubers :

1. Copshatemoe

2. Adesso.laurenzo

3. Stacy Fatemi

4. Dara Hoffman-Fox

5. Epically curious

6. Sam Collins

7. Noah Hella

8. Crescent moon reads

9. AshleyxAdamson

10. DR Z PHD

The book is :- You and Your Gender Identity : A guide to discover by Dara Hoffman-Fox

I know this has become a little too long so I’m just going to end it here.

This is Jay, signing off.

#lgbtq #nonbinary #gender dysphoria #experience #experimental #rainbow #pride flag #queer stuff

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sagesilentfire · 4 years

Photo

I'm looking for a trans sensitivity reader (for Marcie) and possibly a poc sensitivity reader (for the monsters vs mewmans plot), so if you're available, please tell me, and we'll figure something out.

Forgive my inability to draw humans, please.

I know this is a big departure from my usual content, so I'd like to make sure you know that watching SVTFOE is not necessary to enjoy this AU, as everything needed to understand the plot is explained in-story. In fact, I'd love to have someone who's never even heard of a svftoe to read it so I can make sure it makes its own logical sense.

Anyways...

(putting this under a read more for your scrolling purposes)

Hi. I'm Sage, and I would like to talk about a show I really liked. The past tense being the operative, as it used to be good, but...

I started watching SVTFOE after watching the great Steven Universe, which meant I had high expectations for it. And it met those expectations! From the beginning I was hooked. It was a good show. But as the seasons went on, it started to... rot.

Now, something to know about me is that I do not invest myself wisely. I love the things I love deeply and with passion. I get attached easily, and I love to theorize about the things I love. So I was heartbroken when SVTFOE ended the way it did, with none of my questions answered.

And when my theories were better than canon, well, that meant I had a new project: a complete rewrite of Star vs. the Forces of Evil. This AU will start similar to canon, but gradually diverge from it until it's something completely new. It will also have five separate "seasons".

So here's my AU: Star and Marcie and The Forces Of Evil (aka samatfoe). This AU will tear apart the scraps of lore that we got from SVTFOE and expand on it and make new lore, all narrated by my lovely OC, Sílthéy. And I promise I will get to as much as possible. If you're worried, check the titles of all of the chapters, which will hopefully reassure you that, yes, I will get to everything (or at least everything I've thought of ;)).

Dramatis Personae:

Star: Star will mostly stay the same in the first few seasons, but I'll try to have her actually grow and mature while staying a good person in the later seasons. She'll also be a bit more fire-aligned, because I wanted to be able to tell my Star and the canon Star apart easily. (She also doesn't get those wings until Mewberty.)

Marcie: is a trans girl. The entire second "episode" will be about her being trans. And I will, again, try to not have her act like a jerk in later seasons. She also won't be an adult trapped in a teenager's body, as that was waaay too weird for me. Instead she won't age in the Neverzone, period, and there will be an episode dedicated to her re-adjusting to Earth and discussing what the whole "spent a decade and a half in eight minutes" thing means for her. And, of course, she'll be more involved with the Mewni plot, as she will be interested in learning the lore behind Mewni from the beginning and push Star to find out more about Mewni.

Ludo: Ludo's story will not effectively end with the Battle for Mewni. He will get a redemption arc, with all the pitfalls and trip-ups that come with that. And all of his flaws and issues will be brought up, now just forgiving him for everything he did because he had bad parents. And Dennis will continue to be a cinnamon roll. Some things never change.

Buff Frog/Yvgeny: will not change. He is good lad.

Toffee: This is the big one. Where to start, and how to start it without spoiling everything I have planned? Well, let me tell you this: Toffee is getting a complete overhaul. For one thing, I now made them agender for various complicated reasons that will be revealed in-story, eventually. And for another thing, they will get an actual backstory and personality! Isn't that a novel idea! And they will not die abruptly and nonsensically in Battle for Mewni, so don't worry about that.

Jackie: Oh, Jackie. You poor dear. Jackie will not be delegated to the role of "one-time love interest who just skateboards out of the plot". First of all, Marcie will only have a squish (a platonic crush) on her, because I don't trust my aro/ace self with the weird things people in romantic love do to get together, but I do know what it's like to desperately want to be friends with someone. Secondly, while she will be out of the spotlight in later seasons, it'll be because she's on an exchange trip to France, not because we're abandoning her character and her world for no good reason.

Janna: never changes. Pretty sure she's the one constant of the multiverse.

Tom: will have his redemption arc earlier in the story so I can use him for things, but other than that will not change much.

Moon: First of all, she will not betray everything her daughter stands for by siding with Mina this time. There are plenty of other ways Mina could rise to power, so there's no need to ruin her character by making her do a stupid, illogical thing that even a five-year-old would see was stupid. I mean, she's still going to be kind of racist, but she's well-established to be level-headed and even a little clever, so she will not do something that would so obviously blow up in her face. Secondly, she will be a bad ruler, hence why Mewni is a total mess, but she will learn and become better and help Star's efforts to improve Mewni.

Glossaryck: is... changing. He won't "lose" his sanity for season three, but he will also not be in a totally heroic role. It's a complicated thing and a bit of a spoiler, so I'll leave it at that. Also, he's a dragon now Because Reasons (no, seriously, I have a reason for it. It's also a spoiler).

River: River will be goofy, like usual, but he won't be plot-destroyingly stupid. I'll try my best to not make you question why he's even king while still making him a foil to Moon. It's the tightrope I must walk.

Angie and Raphael: Will not completely disappear from the plot in later seasons, but will instead be like a second family to Star and will be a refuge when her overbearing Butterfly side gets too much.

Kelly: Will not be involved in a stupid romantic subplot with Marcie. Sorry. Other than that, Kelly will remain pretty much the same, aside from now being tiny, because that's just how she came out in my art. She's pretty cool.

Miss Heinous: Will not be Meteora this time around. I disliked how Heinous hurt so many people and was a horrible person, but as soon as her Tragic Backstory™ was revealed, all that pain and suffering she caused was ignored in favor of making her Super Duper Tragic™. So I'm separating the characters. Don't worry, though, she'll get the backstory and character arc she deserves.

Saint Olga: Saint Olga will be the main motivator for Miss Heinous's actions, as she is desperate to please the robot. Other than that, Saint Olga won't actually get much character. She's a bad guy, pure and simple.

Meteora: will not turn into a baby. She will deal with the consequences of her actions like a mature, responsible sixteen-year-old. But because she's sixteen, things won't be too harsh when she does snap. She'll still have her mother and father to help her and guide her.

Eclipsa: Regarding Eclipsa's design, I tried to make her fat, but... I don't know if it translates well in my art. I'm just not that good at art yet. But aside from that, making her cheekmarks dark gray (spades are a black card, not a red card! That bugged me so unreasonably much), and giving her as much of a connection to Toffee as the show implied, I'm not changing much about her. She was one of the good characters.

Globgor: Will have fought against mewmans in the past, but not have eaten them (what were the writers thinking?! Making your metaphorical poc eat people is... not good). And it will be more of a case of Star and Eclipsa knowing he is good and should be released from the crystal, but the general mewman populace not accepting it, until Cornonation, where he proves he's a good guy.

Shinjai: Is a new character I am thrilled to introduce to you all! She came from me thinking that for someone who supposedly wants to end mewman-monster racism, Star sure doesn't have any monster friends (Buff Frog doesn't count. He's an adult, and they don't really hang out so much). So here's Shinjai! She's a septarian, and is introduced instead of Princess Smooshy in Sleep Spells. She's a very minor minor monster noble, and her family has about as much political power as your average worm on a sidewalk after it rains, but all noble monsters must go to Saint Olga's Reform School for Wayward Royalty, so she runs away and gets help from Star and Marcie. She's mostly made to replace Pony Head: she's spunky and... uh, actually she's nothing like Pony Head. She's also unafraid of asking difficult questions and knows more about the plot than she lets on.

Rasticore: is very different from his canon counterpart: he only allies with Heinous and Saint Olga to keep an eye on them for ~someone~, and thoroughly dislikes them, despite agreeing to their mission. He also can regenerate as quickly as Toffee, he just chooses not to for ~reasons~. He also has a mysterious partner, but we all know it's – *gets clubbed over the head by Síthéy*

Mina: Making fun of mental illnesses isn't funny kids. Therefore, Mina is the only neurotypical member of the cast. She does boring neurotypical things like... I dunno, cleaning? And she's still a threat: bigotry and hatred are not exclusive to people with mental illnesses, after all.

Lilacia: Now, Lilacia Pegasus, the horse formerly known as Pony Head, will... exist. She won't be as overwhelmingly annoying, hopefully, as she is in canon. And to make sure she feels consequences for her actions, there will be a subplot in season two about her and Star growing apart as Star grows and leaves Lilacia's annoying party girl antics behind. Lilacia will have to realize that her immature actions are making Star leave her behind, and she'll have to grow as a person because of it.

Then there's a mysterious character who is very mysterious and does mysterious things and has a mysterious personality and is generally mysterious... mysterious. She'll be introduced in the second season and will be as mysterious as promised, I swear.

And finally, of course, it will be narrated by Sílthéy. She will tell this story, and her part in it, for all to hear. Or read? It's a bit of a strange medium, storytelling on paper. Or on a screen, whatever.

Now, of course, by now you must be wondering: What about the shipping? The shipping's the most important part, right? Well, here is my answer: There will be no ship wars. There will be no love dodecahedrons. There will be no cheating, no lies, no throwing other characters under the bus for stupid romantic drama. Why? BECAUSE STAR AND MARCIE ARE BOTH ARO/ACE. Suck on that, Starco! I am the last person to trust romantic drama with, so all of the romantic relationships in this bandwagon will be established, healthy relationships that have decades of chosen love and appreciation for one another behind them. And past!Tomstar and brief, schoolchild-crush-esque Star/Oskar but that doesn't count.

So, I believe that about wraps things up for this post. I'll start posting chapters soon, and will post two chapters every other week, and I'll release the descriptions of them two weeks before I post them. If you have any questions, please ask them! I want to work on my drawing skills, so I might even draw something for them!

Description for next episodes:

Star's Birthday: Star is a young, wild princess who is about to receive her family's most precious heirlooms.

Trouble in Diazland: Star is put under the care of the Diaz family, but can't quite seem to connect with their son, Marco.

And, finally, I have thank yous! These are mostly people I watched but haven't really interacted with yet, so if you get tagged know that you don't know me, I just followed you for svtfoe content. And for, you know, your personality.

Thanks to ankle-beez for being hilarious and reminding me why I made this AU when you relentlessly drag svtfoe. Thank you to @full-moon-phoenix, @dappercritter, and the lizard squad for my regular dose of Toffee. Thank you morningmark and @jess-the-vampire for keeping me invested in svtfoe as a whole. Thanks to svtfoe-critical and @twinklecupcake for good ideas. Thank you to TBlofeld on AO3 for your amazing AU, Monsters, Mewmans, Magic, that, while we took things and ran in completely opposite directions, still inspired me to complete mine. And thank you to Blue Order, whose deeply hilarious and deeply accurate video "How Star Vs the Forces of Evil Fell From Grace" inspired me to create this story in the first place. And, of course, thank you to whoever on the svtfoe wiki writes down the transcripts to every episode. You've helped me so much. I admit that I didn't follow all of your guys' advice, but you did help me get here, every one of you. So thank you.

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chers-cheekbones · 4 years

Text

Maggie Creek Road

A short story by me, inspired by the Reba McEntire song. The character of Cadence belongs to me, Tucker belongs to a friend. TW: sexual assault, murder

Mama stood on the front porch wringing her hands Watched the tail lights fading on his black Trans Am With her precious little baby taking off inside Staring at him with stars in her eyes She tried to tell her but the girl might as well have been deaf She wasn't gonna listen to a word she said

Oh, they were black like the devil’s eyes, that boy’s were. He had smiled ‘cause he knew what she was worried about. Smiled ‘cause the way her daughter looked at him like he had personally placed the moon in the fuckin’ sky just for her. Made her sick to her stomach with the serpentine way he said, “I’ll have ‘er home by eleven, Mrs. Montgomery.”

A known look, God, a look she knew so well it burrowed under her skin and crawled across her bones like a weed. It shifted, grew, stabbed her right through the heart. A memory, distant but vivid enough to have her clenching her jaw hard enough to make enamel whine in protest. Sickening, the fucker.

The phone with the cord stretched halfway across the house was to her ear as she watched them drive off down the street. When her husband’s voice picked up over at the fire station, she hissed through her teeth into it, “I hate 'im.”

Don't go down Maggie Creek Road With a boy lookin' like that He'll tell you things that you wanna hear And there’ll be no turnin' back There's an oak tree down by the lake In the shade where the wild flowers grow What'll happen only heaven knows So don't go down Maggie Creek Road

He was a dream, high school quarterback, good grades, the kind of boy your mama always tells you to marry. Why he thought she was good looking enough for him, she never really figured out. Too many freckles, hair too curly – Cadence Bradshaw never thought herself as cute or anything close to it. But he asked her to go out on a date with him, with this slow and easy smile that went up one side of his face. There was an emptiness in his eyes, though, one that she wouldn’t notice until later on that night.

They went to dinner, went driving, and before long they were parked by the lake in the dark. Goin’ parking, that was something every girl in her class talked about. Meant you went where no one else was with a boy. Where it was private, where no one would interrupt. Not a parent, not a cop, not another couple.

It was also a place where no one could hear you holler for help.

Was a still black night as dark as coal Nobody heard her when she said no She kicked and screamed and got free somehow Tore her dress on the door when he pushed her out She walked thirteen miles on the gravel road With tears in her eyes twenty years ago

They would have told her to keep her mouth shut, he was a star football player. He was gonna go to whatever school wanted him. He had his pick. So she didn’t bother. Didn’t say a word. He stopped looking at her in the hallways at school and she stopped looking at him. Where there had been a smile became a snarl, teeth-gritting, baleful. Over time it faded back into a specter of what used to be there, but it wasn’t ‘til she met Tucker Montgomery that it came back.

He was the first person she told the story to, to tell him why he wasn’t her first. At twenty she was convinced that any woman who’d been handled like that was damaged goods no good man deserved. Sloppy seconds, that sorta thing. He’d taken her face in his hands and told her to shut up, and then he kissed her and it shocked her deep in her soul, carried electricity to her fingertips.

When they’d been married a year, he told her happy anniversary, and the gift he gave her made her scream.

It was midnight when she took the shotgun down from above the fireplace. An effortless sort of calm washed over her as she loaded the bullets. One for the first shot, two if she missed. Something told her she wouldn’t.

It’s just for self-defense, though, she told herself. Wouldn’t need to use it. He’d throw his hands up, probably, that kind of boy didn’t have any sort of entrails coiled inside of him.

It wasn’t hard to find them. The location was familiar – familiar enough to set her stomach roiling, bile climb up her throat. There his car sat, under that familiar tree. Cadence cut her engine and got out, pumped the shotgun as she walked towards his car. She heard her daughter’s protests, a ‘stop’ which filled her crown to toes with pure, seething hatred.

The handle of the door nearly came off when she wrenched it open, the barrel of the gun aimed right at his back.

Somehow mamas always know 'Cause they should have been home an hour ago When she pulled up it was just going down She turned her headlights off didn't make a sound She heard her baby crying no but he wouldn't stop Her heart went cold and her blood ran hot With a pistol in her hand she opened his door You don't want to see mama go to war

He thought he could take her.

“Mama!” she heard her daughter, voice thick with tears. His hand flung around to try and grab the barrel as he got out of the car, but she backed up, kept her aim. There was that smile again, Christian Slater son of a bitch. “We’re not doin’ anything, Mrs. Montgomery,” he tried to say, “it’s all a misunderstanding, I wasn’t trying to hurt her—“

Blood was pumping in her ears, heart throbbing, beating fists against the inside of her ribcage. A memory of grey eyes, dark auburn hair, the memory of a hand clamped over her mouth ripped to life.

The shot rang out in the night – just one – and he fell in a crumpled heap. His wide, gasping mouth of disbelief was hideous.

So she used bullet two.

“Mama!” she heard again, “What did you do!?”

The phone rang again while her daughter cried into her apron. Fingers slid protectively into her hair as she waited for her husband to pick up. When he did, she pursed her lips.

"Tucker."

The line was silent, she could hear him breathe. She could feel him know.

"Tucker, I killed 'im."

I said don't go down Maggie Creek Road.

#maggie creek road #my writing #i don't make money doing this so validate me and i'll love you always

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deadgodsuggestions · 4 years

Text

I’m finally gonna talk about why I’ve been inactive for months.

This post is going to be solely about me, not my poetry or writing. It’s going to include themes of suicide and mental illness, as well as drug abuse and self harm, so be careful reading.

The last time I posted was in October, and that’s when things started getting worse. I was prescribed valium, and I fell in love with it the first time I took it. I still love it. I would be high every moment of every day if I could be. But the valium would eventually run out, so I started smoking weed as well. I was working one job at the time, but eventually got another one.

These two jobs were what ended up breaking me. Some days I was working fourteen hours, which was far too much for I think any seventeen year old. My grandparents were constantly out of town. I was living in a three story house by myself, with these dogs that were never happy because no one was ever home. That house is too big to be so empty, and coming home to no one after exhausting myself hurt more than I ever thought it would.

I was smoking every night to go to sleep, just so I could get some quality sleep. Recalling that time of my life is still triggering today.

My breaking point was my eighteenth birthday. I was off one job, and got a piercing with a friend. I tried to enjoy myself, but had to go to my other job directly after. I got to work at 4:30 and didn’t get home until 2AM.

The roads were icy. It was dark. I was going ninety in a sixty-five. I was bone tired, and I was convinced this exhaustion was going to be the rest of my life. I’d been planning for a month at this point to pull the steering wheel and hope my death looks like an accident. I was so fucked up that I spoke to my friend about it. He knew a shitton more about cars than I do, and he said it’d be easy for me to die in a crash.

In his defense, he told me this with the thought that I would try to fix some of the issues.

I called my mom instead of killing myself that night. I laid in the floor and cried, and I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard.

I did this for the next two nights. Three nights my mom had to hear me tell her I was going to kill myself with nothing she could do about it. She was on the other side of the country, after all.

My grandmother was in town at the time. She was meant to be flying out of town Monday morning, and I texted my aunt, her daughter, and 3AM the night before telling her I was planning to kill myself and I shouldn’t be left alone. I was afraid of telling my grandmother, and rightfully so. She was at the airport when she finally answered my aunt’s calls and she lost it. She was furious, and I was the one that got screamed at over the phone. I texted another friend and went to her house.

I still feel shitty about this. I’d just told everyone I was going to kill myself and then I disappeared, but if I hadn’t left I would have killed myself in that house.

I stayed at my friend’s for a couple hours and played with her dog. Eventually, she and my mother convinced me to go home.

I did, and my grandmother was waiting for me, more scared than mad now and crying harder than I’d ever seen. We spoke, and she drove me to a hospital. She stayed with me until a car came to pick me up to take me to a mental hospital. They wouldn’t let me have my phone in the car, so I stared at the moon for an hour and a half and listened to the driver’s godawful music until we got there.

When we did, I sat in a room for close to an hour crying my eyes out. I’d gotten there during a shift change, so it isn’t really their fault that I had to wait for so long.

Alex was the nurse that finally helped me. She had a pride pin on her uniform and the sweetest smile, and I was such a bitch to her because I was scared. (I later apologized and she said she took none of it to heart and that it was alright.) I disclosed my transness to her and she made my roommate the only other trans guy there. We’ll call him T. Once I finally tried to sleep, that was after roaming the day room for an hour to wear myself out. (It was 2AM at this point and I should have been tired, but my nerves were shot because my intake was traumatizing.)

I woke up the next day to T falling into his wheelchair. He must’ve noticed me roll over because he laughed and asked if he woke me up, to which I responded, “Just a little.”

He laughed a lot louder than before, and excused himself to the bathroom with the warning that he might need help getting back into his wheelchair. I was more than fine with helping him, and I did. We bonded that morning.

He came with me to get a composition notebook from the front desk and boldly wrote my name and pronouns on the front of it. He seemed so happy to me, and oh so very willing to help.

I never would have guessed that T successfully killed himself. He was dead for two minutes before they brought him back, and he was pissed off about it. I think about him every day. I miss him every day.

He introduced me to B, who had discovered during their stay that they’re nonbinary. I congratulated them, of course, and sat around and talked about gender with them. I have their contact info. I watch their streams sometimes.

I need to talk to them more, because I think about them every day, too.

We went to the gym one day, with a boy we’ll call Q. He was eighteen, same as me, and lanky as all hell. He didn’t seem like the type that I would get along with, and I’ve never been more delighted to have been wrong. Q loved the idea of the occult, and I am a balls-to-the-wall pagan with a lot of stories to tell. We made a tarot deck with uno cards and I read our fortunes in the day room. We talked about the concept of god with B. It was a great time.

I need to talk to Q more, too. He witnessed me drunk on seroquel for the first time, where I confessed my platonic love for him and told him he was my type. I have a boyfriend, so I wasn’t hitting on him.

I’m just dumb, and drunk me never knows when to shut up.

I mentioned my medication, so I’ll talk about it now. At the hospital, I was diagnosed with bipolar type two. I knew this would be my diagnosis. I’d known I was bipolar for years. My mother is, and now we’re on the same medication.

I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily gotten any easier, but my struggles are different and interesting now, so I’m less inclined to kill myself.

Q left the day before me. He wasn’t much of a hugger, so we very seriously shook hands while I told him how happy I was.

A lot of people left before me. A woman I’ll call C, who held me like a mother would when I cried and told her I didn’t think I could do it anymore. There was a woman I’ll call P, who was a carbon copy of my mother. Hugging was frowned upon, but I probably held her for half my time there. Another woman I’ll call N. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, a real hardass about opening up. I sat in front of her and told her my story, and she told me hers. the first day we met.

I checked up on the elderly patients every change I got, which was a lot. They usually half smiled at me. I could tell it meant something to them that someone cared enough to tap their shoulder and tell them good morning. An elderly women I’ll call D always called me sweetie in the smallest voice and to this day the memory makes my heart melt.

It wasn’t all bad. I’ve been out for about two months now. My grandmother is making a real effort to understand my mental illness, because it isn’t an easy one. My mother came to visit when I got out of the hospital and also for christmas. It was good seeing her.

I quit my jobs. No call, no show while I was in the hospital. I could have fought them, but I let one of them fire me. I’m still unemployed, but I’m volunteering now. I work with a dog rescue on Saturdays, when I’m in town. I made a road trip from Colorado to Arizona and met my boyfriend in person for the first time. I’m in Montana while I’m writing this, contemplating how lucky I am to be alive.

At the end of the day, it’s difficult. But I’m glad I’m not dead. I’m struggling more with mania than depression now. My violent intrusive thoughts are prohibiting me from working with dogs as much as I want, but I’m figuring it all out.

I’ll never really be okay, but I hope I can be stable one day. I hope I can have more good days than bad days and more mild episodes than batshit.

I’m going to text B and Q today, and when I get home and find my notebook, I’m going to text T, too.

#personal #not a suggestion

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pepperstrawberry · 5 years

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Verdant Flame (working title)

Okay, I’m running with the suggested title.

This post is going to be just putting thoughts out there about how I’m going to do this project, possible ideas of how to publish, and what major changes I’m going to roll with.

I’m going to put it all under the cut so I’m not wreaking havoc on your dash. X3

Before the cut: For those somehow not in the know (like, how could any of my followers on Tumblr or Twitter not have caught wind of the bonfire of gnashing teeth much of the Magic LGBT+ community is dealing with right now, I don’t know, but just in case, and especially if this post is seen later): WAR Forsaken dropped and with it Gruulfriends went from canon to retcon in a way I didn’t expect: Biphobia and erasure among other issues. I’ll talk about the mess itself later, but for now, lets adress what we are doing as a community and what I”m doing in particular.

The basics is that we are kinda rebelling against Wizards in what small way we can; but being creative, interesting and having fun with the canon. Take the means of production, canon is ours now!

But for me in specific, I’ve been playing with using Chandra and Nissa as well as the world of Magic to create frame works for stories I wanted to tell, but until now I boiled down everything to its basics because I just wanted to use frame works and use tropes as jumping off points. But now? Fuck that, I’m thinking about pulling an E.L. James, but good.

What does that mean? Well, E.L. James literally wrote a fanfic, changed some names, and published it. So screw it, going to do the same over here. I’m going to take a step or two further back then she did, since 1) Wizards/Hasbro might not be as nice as Stephenie Meyer and 2) I feel like I can be a better writer then E.L. James.

So, how will this project play out? This is where I make a cut and we get down to business:

First: How to publish?

I think if I’m going to make this a thing, I’m going to have to go with self publishing and do these in short stories. I’m not sure how short, but I feel like once I get the ball rolling, I want to just keep going. If I’m taking years to put out one book and you guys are waiting that long for it, I’m going to loose steam and you are going to loose interest. This is definitely a ‘strike while the irons hot’ situation.

And the iron is near melting right now.

Second: What is going to be the basics and how will it differ from MtG Lore ‘Canon’?

First and most obvious is that I need to figure out what I can keep and what needs to be changed.

As I said above, while I am definitely in the mood of ‘you know what, this is ours now, fuck off’, the fact is, the law is the law. If your work is too similar to another, you can get in some heavy trouble.

I’ve covered some of this in my other posts about this, but I’m pulling this into one spot with the new info to make it easier for me and others to find.

World: I’m going to use analogs of each of the planes of MtG to make countries and kingdoms. It’s a lovely short hand and will make the world building go that much faster... Tricky part (much as the characters) is renaming things and setting it enough apart that it isn’t exactly the worlds and what not from MtG.

The main ones I’m going to use are:

Zendikar: Still going to be the land my ‘Not-Nissa’ hails from. First step is to just fully expunge the eldrazi history and effect. I am thinking about having some sort of ancient thing buried there, but in a very adventure-y feel of like an old dragon or some other powerful creature.

Kaladesh: Still home to ‘Not-Chandra’, still a place of one-ness with nature and artifice. Debating on how much I should carry over the sense of Indian aesthetic. Like, I don’t want to be window dressing like the actual Kaladesh is, but at the same time I’m not sure how well I can make it feel ‘right’ in that regard. I think I’ll keep the plot idea they started, but carry it through right.

Theros: Not-Gideon and Not-Elspeth will definately have history here. There won’t be actual gods, though a great power they attribute -to- gods will exsist. Which brings me to wonder how I should handle the cosmology... especially when we are talking about

Innistrad: I envision a very gothic, germanic country side, probably bordering Not-Theros. There will be a cult that worships a great power hidden on the moon. I’m going to use this as an opportunity to do a thing that came to mind when Emrakul locked herself away...

Vryn: I’m not sure if or how I’ll use this since we know so little about it. Might just cut it and have my ‘Not-Jace’ come from somewhere else. Hell, might just cut to the chase and make him connected with my Not-Ravnica. And speaking of...

Ravnica: Obviously a major trade hub and likely a center piece of the setting. Not-Jace, Not-Vraska, Not-Kaya, and Not-Ral all would be seen here. I think i’d also take all of the Fiora stuff and fold it into this so that I don’t have too much going on in the world and can pull together a lot of neat characters from that set too. Not-Marchessa might be fun as a side... well not ‘villain’, but definitely not helpful to our heroes... usually. X3

Ixalan: Pretty easy; coastline adventure. Just use any ideas from the block for pirate based shenanigans. Not sure if I will write enough to get to this sort of craziness, but it would be a lot of fun if I do.

Amonkhet: Not sure if, when, or how I am going to use this. Though a desert region might be fun. Might combine this with Regatha and that plan that Teyo comes from.

Kamigawa: I mean, really, this is ‘japan: the setting’. They went so hard on the Japanese lore here that it’s not going to be hard to make my own with little effort or consideration. Do expect there to be a Not-Tamiyo. X3

Alara: To be honest, I was never too big on this plane, but then it was a big deal years ago and I never really ‘set foot’ there. I mean if I did use it, I could use it to sorta map the bigger world’s zones? But that feels too much like the silly ‘elemental nations’ angle. Worked well for Avatar, but won’t work here.

Eldraine: I’m thinking about using this as a rough overlay of the main areas and goverment and what not tied to and surrounding my not-ravnica. Not sure. I haven’t finished the book yet, and it’s hard to get a solid bead on the details of the world without the old uploads, the clear posting of lore that used to happen (remember how we all knew what was going on with the color pie/race spread of Kaladesh?) and just having mostly the cards to go one leaves me wanting a bit. Not to mention they aren’t making the art books anymore. FUCK. I liked those. They needed to be improved not canceled T3T ... anyhoo...

Dominaria: Given what Dominaria now is to magic lore, I think I’ll set it as the history past. This world IS my Not-Dominaria.

I’ll figure out other planes as I go along, though I might just stick with what I got here. Adding in more is going to muck up the world I’m crafting. I may be taking parts that aready exist and remixing it (which, if we are honest with ourselves, is really how we tell stories in the first place, I’m just leaving my ‘mix’ lumpy XD), but I do need to concetrate more on the characters. I can’t introduce a new land every book. I need familiar ground, routes that readers can follow, places characters can be from that matter.

Speaking of characters:

Characters: Again, the idea here is that you should be able to recognize them to some extent, but I sitll have to work with the ‘legally distinct’ Not-Gatewatch... So here is what I got so far:

Chandra: What we keep: Fire based magics, brashness, cute. What we change: Not much. Most of her changes are going to be involved with the way I change the world around her. I think the big difference is instead of having her ‘planeswalk’, when her family gets hunted, they end up traveling toward the border, and she ends up running, getting lost, and finding herself on the steps of a (monastery). Also... no one would hate me for going ahead and making her trans, would they? Like, by the story proper’s start, she’ll have a woman’s body (or maybe that could be a part of her quest?), but I do like the idea. X3 It adds more of a personal touch to my Chandra.

Nissa: Debating on if I should keep her an elf. Keeping her an elf AND keeping the nature magic might be too alike. If not Elf, what should I make her? Still, the basics of her story are that she is looked down on, shunted to the side. stuff that leads her into being more comfortable on her own. Chandra is going to help her out of her shell, but only due to her honesty and clarity.

Gideon: No inviciblity. But definately going to keep him being the classic hero type, but with a genuine heart of gold. Going to change up his armorments from the sural to a short sword, buckler, and a lance/javalin? something like that. Hails from Not-Theros, has taken residence in Not-Ravnica

Jace: Trans man. Doing that right from the start. I know it was some folks head canon for a long time, and I see nothing wrong with making it canon here. Going to have to play with his past a bit. I think I’m not going to bother with the memory erasure. Instead, he trained as a spy with some mental powers and illusions. After betraying his original handler (someone that was a part of a different country), he defects to the not-ravnica and gets wrapped up with that stuff, eventually going out to help other nations in an effort to unite the continent or something... I’m kinda forming stuff as I write this. XD

Liliana: Still a necromancer. Going to cut out the deals with the devils. Maybe one, but not four. Might still have marks, but it will be more from her own magics rather then a contract. Still served a terrible master, but maybe with less strings attatched (or at least she thinks so). A friend in a discord suggested I have her have a binding on her bother as a lich vampire hunter. I’m warming to the idea, but still need to work out the details. I like the idea of her regaining her youth, that might even be the first story where Not-Chandra and Not-Nissa interact.

Vraska: Will end up in a relationship with Not-Jace... but I’m not too keen on keeping her a gorgon. I like the look of her ‘hair’, but I might just go with straight up dreads. Someone suggested making her some form of Naga, and though I’m not big on taking away her legs, the idea of some snakish relation is not out.

Ral: Inventor. Jackass. Friend of Not-Jace, has a Gay lover? yep, keeping all that. I think most of his changes, like Chandra, will be more about how the world around him shifts do to how I write rather then actual character changes.

Kaya: Keeping the Assassin, and can fight Ghosts. Still fleshing this one out. Likely to have ties with whatever I do with the Orzhov still. I adored the whole being hired by Teysa and ending up in charge thing, though I’m not sure I’ll go quiet that far? Mmm

Jaya: Still a mentor to Chandra. Less mystery around her though. It’s going to be less ‘she was the founder of our group’ and more ‘an adventurer that chose to settle down in her old age’ or something. And yes, the cookie scene I drew a comic for a while back will be in the story X3

Karn: Golems are a thing in fantasy, I don’t see a reason to stop now. But the Urza history is going to be retired. I think he might be an invention of someone in the current world and ends up as a helper to Not-Chandra and Not-Nissa at some point.

Jhoira: I’m thinking grand daughter to Not-Jaya. I like her and I want to keep her, but I like the adventure her. Might have a rivalry between her and Not-Chandra. like a friendly one. She might even have a bit of a chip on her shoulder as she doesn’t have fire magic, but Not-Chandra does.

Rat and Teyo: Might might not. The cast is getting big already, we’ll see. Might have them as a duo from the start with a sort of ‘adventures in the sewers’ thing going on.

Ugin: Not a dragon, but definately a powerful being. and still has that stick up his ass. Often wrong about what he thinks should be done, but his heart is genuinely in the right place. Going to make Not-Mizzet his son maybe?

Nicol Bolas: Bastard, got a plan, and it will be similarly a slow build, but he is going to be less ‘has his hands in everything’ and more a ‘mmm, I could use this’ sort.

Alesha: Fuck timelines! This woman is a friend of Not-Chandra and helped her discover herself. Whether she rides with her people near... wait... OH GOD I LOVE IT: Something I literally thought up while writing. She and her nomadic bandit team travel the roads between many lands, and they find young not-Chandra. After coming out as being a girl, Not-Alesha is what helps solidify her sense of Identity. After showing off her fire magics and how uncontroled they are, adding in how young she still is, they drop her off with the (monastery) XD I’m loving this change already.

Oviya: Still Chandra’s Auntie. Big change? Her lover is still alive, because fuck that noise.

Olivia: Plans. Hungry.

Avacyn: Doesn’t exists at the start of the story, but thinking about having her be created during it.

Sorin: Not sure....

Still thinking about a lot of other characters. I’ll get to them as I go.

There is also the Guilds of Ravnica to consider... With those, I think I’m going to keep the identity but not quite the orginizations. At least not so directly. Like not all of them are absolute ‘guilds’. There is less straight up organization. But there are definately a strong sense of jobs and a loyalty to those you work with...

Story:

And then there is the story itself. I think I’m going to start it with Not-Chandra meeting Not-Gideon much like before, but the goals are that he is traveling on a mission to see what is going on in Not-Zendikar. The seers/mages/whatever have been sensing some shit going down in that area and it’s close enough to the boarders of not-ravnica to check out. He and Not-Jace pass through and Not-Chandra gets curious and follows. She is going to meet Not-Nissa on the way. The four become a team and face down a nasty threat to the land and uncover a old history of Not-Zendikar that might need to be followed up on.

That can be book one.

Book two can be Not-Liliana’s introduction. The four, having worked so well together, are made a team by Not-Ugin and charged with trouble shooting all around the realm and seeing about maybe making more allies for Not-Ravnica. They find an old woman and they help her regain her youth... and in her they find an old villain. But the world has changed since last Not-Liliana walked the lands outside her keep. And it turns out that Not-Olivia, a vampire queen, has been making a name for herself. There are other darknesses afoot in her territory. For now, she would offer the team aid... as long as it suits her.

I think that can be book two

A return home would be the third story. Yes, this is kinda following how the stories were flowing at first, but after this one things are going to shift. The return home will bring Not-Chandra in direct confrontation with her past. The big changes I made to that and to Not-Kaladesh become big here. I’m thinking this is also where Not-Jhoira hangs out. The war behind the scenes is brewing, but it’s only starting. The all out mess won’t be till a later book.

What will happen in the story though is the confrontation with Not-Baral, Not-Chandra almost nuking herself in grief, and Not-Nissa being the anchor she needed. This will be the point of confession.

And so on... I’m not sure how far I’m going to go with this, but I want to try to push as many stories, but with as high quality as I can. Can I do it? I have no freaking clue.

I’ll post more as I go. For now, the working title is Verdant Flame. If I change it, I’ll continue to use the title to tag all the stuff I do till I go back and add the new title to old posts.

Now to transfer these notes... and figure out names. you don’t know how tiring it was getting adding ‘Not’ to everything.

And for those really keeping score: Why yes, some of this -was- what Dragon Quixotic was. There is enough difference between the two worlds that I feel confident that I can keep them as separate stories now.

#Verdant Flame #Gruulfriends #fuck canon

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things-we-used-tc-share · 5 years

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Until you know your name

Warnings: misgendering throughout, deadnaming throughout, abuse is mentioned, technically Roman does or does not kill someone it’s complex, technically a heart attack killed them, technically that was also Roman, character death early on but an OC not the main characters.

Ship: Platonic Royality, background Logince, pre-romantic and platonic! Moxiety, platonic!LAMP

Plot: The first time she comes, Roman sends her away with a shake of his head “No, that’s not your name, come back when you find it, we know when a name is a name,” And she is confused, she knows her name, her mum chose it just for her. (Trans!Patton) (Fae!Roman)

(Or: Patton loves making dumb choices, Roman has attachment issues and Logan is 100% done with his disaster boyfriend, Virgil really is just along for the ride).

When she was little, her mum used to tell her about the woods, how you never go after dark and you never stray from the path, and you never, ever, give a Faery your name. But, being young, she had a wish that she needed granting, and one night she clambers out of her bedroom window and runs down the pathway into the forest. She should surely find one of them.

She sits in a Faery ring and sings for a little while, calling to the spirits that are there. Seven years old and braver than most adults, she had a wish, she wanted it granting. When he comes, he stands in sheer white and royal red, his eyes the color of a ruby glittering in the moonlight, he smiles a sharp smile. “Little one, you are too young to be asking favors of me,” He jokes lightly, astounded by the courage of such a little creature, too young and too fragile. “What do you ask of me?”

“A wish, Faeries grant wishes, right?” She stands, barely reaching his ribs and yet not an ounce of fear could be smelled on her. He folds his crimson wings and kneels to her height, just in case. Adults, he has fun with, but he really is nothing if not a little soft when it comes to children. The burden, he supposes, of not being able to have your own.

“You are too young to be contracted by my wishes little one, you must surely know this, our magic comes at a price, what do you wish for?”

“My dad keeps getting angry at my mom,” He says softly “I wish for him to stop hurting her,” The Faeries jaw clenches a little, so young and so scared, he knows now why this little creature is unafraid of him. She has already seen so much damage.

“You understand that our wishes are corrupted, prices have to be paid?” He reminds her gently, she nods. “What is your name, little one?” She hesitates, but the tired look on her face tells him she has nothing to lose. “Patricia,” He smiles a little, then shakes his head.

“No, that’s simply what people tell you, I will grant your wish, but do not return until you know your name,” He steps back “You will know when you find it,” She nods, he holds out a hand and fireflies float towards him “They will guide you back home, your wish will be granted by the morning,” Patricia nods.

“Wait, mister,” She turns back around “What’s your name?”

“Roman,” He nods and she looks satisfied before she follows the fireflies home. She returns safely and unharmed.

When she wakes the next morning, her father had died peacefully in his sleep. One day, bitterly, she will think that it was too kind of a death for a man that left so many bruises.

“Virgil come on!”

“We really should not be in the forest,” Her best friend, Virgil, grumbles as he follows behind her. She’s thirteen years old with battered blue boots and white jeans, her hoodie tied around her neck “Is it worth it to catch a couple of fireflies? We could get eaten by a wolf or something,”

“I’m pretty sure wolves are not native to this area,” She giggles, tucking a stray curl behind her ear; a fruitless challenge given that her short hair had become even more unruly as time progressed. “There are much more terrifying things in these woods,”

“Certainly,”

That voice, she had almost thought to be a dream, her foot paused midway from its step as she turns. He’s still the same, as though time could not touch him. Same deep red eyes and fiery red hair, same wings fluttering neatly behind him. Virgil scrambles backward and holds up a stick as though it’s some sort of weapon, but Pat only greets her old friend with a smile. “It’s you,” She gasps “You’re real, everyone kept telling me you weren’t real, that no-one meets a Faery and lives to tell the tale,”

“And you have gotten older,” Roman chuckles “But I told you not to return until you have found your name, did you find it?” Patricia shakes her head.

“I don’t think so, everyone calls me Pat now though,”

“Almost, but not quite,” He gestures towards the trees “And I would appreciate it if you didn’t capture my fireflies, they would die very quickly in captivity my friend,” He smiles, the same sharp smile. “And stay away from the woods for a few days, there’s a hunt on the full moon, I quite like you alive,”

“How do I find it? My name?”

“Answer the question you’ve been avoiding,” Roman replies simply “The question you ask yourself every day, every morning, every night, the question you don’t dare to ask aloud,” He steps back “I will be here, when you find it, and I will accept it, if you’re still offering it, I cannot lie and I will not lie when I say I mean you no harm,” Virgil seems to shift a little as he looks between the two. “Do you have a name for me?”

“Uh, no...thanks,�� The laugh the Faery gives is so Human, not the sort of laugh Virgil was expecting from a creature like that. “Sorry,”

“No apologies necessary, be on your way, and remember to stay out of the forest until the full moon has faded,”

Later, Virgil will ask him how she came to owe a Faery her name, and she says it’s a story that she isn’t quite ready to tell. But she does answer the question that night, when she stares in the mirror, and then he cries.

Pat ventures out into the forest alone this time. He stares at the trees with an exhausted look and follows the earth the way he’d known. This forest never changes; it never grows, the flowers never wilt and the leaves never fall. Everything is in perfect stasis. He sits in the Faery ring he had so many years ago and sings the same soft song, and he waits.

Who appears is not who he’s expecting. Same sharp eyes but a quieter smile. “Hello, you must be the boy with no name,” He sits on the other side of the ring, dark blue wings folded “Did you answer the question he told you to answer?” Pat nods “And your conclusion?”

“I don’t know,” He pauses “Who are you?”

“My name is Logan,” He plucks at some flowers on the back of his hands, and Pat realizes with a start that they’re growing out of him “I mean you no harm, I’m to keep watch here whilst he’s busy, I’m basically his go-to whenever Roman needs a favor, and unfortunately I’m rather too in love with him to say no, it really is a hassle,” Pat laughs, and it feels nice to do so after so many weeks of crying and feeling angry and scared. “I take it you are distressed with the results?”

“You’re...in love with him?” Faeries fall in love? “And you’re both...men?”

“Well, we don’t tend to take gender as directly as you, but yes, by your standards, I suppose we are,” He tilts his head a little “I’ve known many Human men to fall in love with other men, surely this is not a revelation?”

“No, it’s not it’s just...” He sighs and fidgets “I don’t want to live here anymore, the people are mean all the time, and everything is so strict, we had one man who was gay...I mean...I don’t know the terminology you would use, a man who fell in love with another man, and people threw rocks through his window,” Pat chokes up “I’m scared, I don’t want to be here, I can’t even tell Virgil, he’s super religious and I don’t know how he will take it and...” He can’t breathe. Logan holds out a hand.

“It’s okay,” He says gently “Ignorance is never quite as bliss as these people want it to be,” Logan looks back through the clearing “You must find your name, only then can we help you, until then you should tell your friend, if he loves you then he will understand,”

There’s newfound bravery in being friends with Faeries, which apparently is so much easier than making friends with Humans. Pat gives a tight smile as he looks down at the ground. “You are protected, so you know, Roman has made it pretty clear he wants no harm to come to you, and although I don’t quite understand his fascination with Humans, I suppose I understand his fascination with you,” He stands and stretches his wings a little “He cares about you enough that he’s been coming here almost every day since you first came, and although it was many years, now more than ever he knows you need a friend, the first time he met you he told me he had never seen a Human so small look him straight in the eyes and demand like you did, he admires courage and I think perhaps you have more of that than you know,” There’s a pause that says he has more to say, and Pat waits patiently “I think he saw so much of himself in your soul that he couldn’t quite walk away, small and defiant and brave, as well as irrational and stupid, walking into the middle of the woods in the middle of the night with not one type of protection,” Then he smiles and shakes his head “I can see that too,”

Pat nods, swallowing dryly as he looks down at his feet, then back up at Logan, standing in the centre of the ring defiantly. “I’ll return when I’ve found my name,”

“We will wait, we have forever to do so,”

Pat does tell Virgil. Virgil shrugs and nods “Yeah I figured,” He sighs “You always hated being called a girl, you don’t dress like a girl, you spend more of your time complaining about being called a girl than you do anything else and yesterday you told me you once ripped up a dress you were being forced to wear because girls clothes make you feel uncomfortable, it was either that you were trans or super butch, but it’s chill,” He leans over a little “Wanna know a secret?” Pat nods “I’m super fucking gay,” The two burst out laughing and lean against each other with a sigh.

Boots hit the ground at rapid speed, jumping over tree branches and stumps and fallen logs, racing towards their goal. A wide grin on their faces as Virgil shouts ahead “Slow down! He said he has forever to wait, a few seconds won’t matter,” He puffs out his breath as he tries to keep up with his best friend. They both run and stumble into the ring.

“I found it!” Patton shouts at the sky, laughing and crying and gasping for air “I found it!” Roman seems to always appear from nowhere, leaning against the tree as Patton spins around to meet his eyes “My name is Patton,” Roman grins as the boy barrels towards him and wraps his arms around the creature. “My name is Patton,”

“You’ve finally found your name,” Virgil grins at the two as another appears behind him. Logan, he presumes, he looks as tired as a Spring Faery might in the middle of Spring. Never quite as tired as Roman doing his job, because that would imply Roman ever does his job.

“What would you like us to do with it, is the pertinent question,” The more elegant Faery speaks gently, his wings brushing against Roman’s like a gentle display of affection “Nothing made you keep coming back here, so we only can assume that here is where you want to be, you would be safer here,” Roman’s smile slips a little, as does Virgil’s.

“But it is not something we could ask of you if it isn’t what you want to do, it is well within the range of our power, but I do not lie, and I said I wouldn’t harm you,” Virgil’s jaw clenches, he can’t lose Patton, Patton is all he has.

Patton is all he has.

“My name is Virgil,” He whispers. “And if he goes, I go,” Logan nods, he had assumed as much, he looks over at Roman, whose eyes are still trained on his friend, his only friend, the boy he waited for years for.

“People back home are starting to cotton on,” Patton mutters softly “Right now it’s only mean words but, eventually...it’s not going to be, we’re not safe back there, not even with our parents,” His voice comes out as a whisper. “I like trees and I like you, and if you say I’ll be safe I trust you,”

Logan tuts lightly, yes there is so much Roman in this boy, naive and trusting and blind, but...true to his own heart. No wonder the Faery had grown attached. It’s rare such a thing occurs. Logan himself is not much of someone to play games with Human lives, he much prefers books and making sure his job and schedule goes to plan; but Roman is a trickster, he loves to play games with people. Yet, he does grow attached so fast, so quickly he falls in love, platonically or otherwise.

Patton was simply brave enough to accept that.

Roman holds out his hand for Patton and Logan gives Virgil a smile, and does the same. “Come with us, then, and we will make sure everything you need is given,” They don’t know if they’re walking into a trap or something, but at this point, Patton is sure he’d rather be a slave to a Faery than spend one more second suffocating in that village. They’ll say he died, pretend they cared. And well, they’re not wrong, a part of him did die, the part of him that they wanted him to be. He wasn’t that anymore, he is himself now, and that’s quite possibly the best thing he could be.

Bonus scene:

Patton gapes at the building he’d just walked into. Ivy clambers the walls and plants hang from the ceilings, flowers curl around the railings and the entrance seemed to hold an indoor garden. The entire building is about the size of half of their village alone “You might’ve missed the part when you said you were a prince,” Patton whispers into the air, eyes wide. He looks back at Roman, who fiddles with a gold piercing in his ear and shrugs “It didn’t seem important,”

“It wasn’t important,” Virgil muttered “But now I feel underdressed,”

“You are underdressed,” Roman comments absently. “The two of you can share a room or have separate rooms, I don’t know your arrangement but I have a feeling that being away from home will be difficult to adjust too,”

“Arrangement?” Patton enquires.

“Relationship,” Logan clarifies.

“Oh, we’re friends,”

“Just friends,”

“100% only friends,”

“Friends that wouldn’t mind sharing a bed because I’m deathly afraid of the dark,” Patton adds. Roman nods, bemused. “Logan will show you to your rooms, I will have to make sure you have food and clothes and such,” He steps back as if to walk away before Patton catches his wrist.

“I have one more wish, if you wouldn’t mind granting it,”

If it were anyone else, Roman might have said no.

“Holy shit,” Virgil mutters “Dude, you’re like...super cute,” Patton pokes his own chest, flat chest and breathes out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. “I mean, you’ve always been cute, don’t get me wrong, you’re always cute it’s just...I mean one second you’re like cute and now you’re cute but with a flat chest and a beard and...”

“You’re rambling,”

“Yeah I am sorry I just...” He’s flustered. For the last year, he’s had an overwhelming crush on Patton and now he walked in looking even hotter than he did five minutes ago and he doesn’t quite know what to do with his emotions.

“Virgil?” The other hums in response, Patton holds out his arms and the younger accepts the hug with warmth. “You’re cute too,” He mutters, Virgil can only smile against his shoulder.

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey // @heck-im-lost//@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad// @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired //@therealmoshar// @punsterterry // @trashypansexual// //@demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing// @misunderstood-shadow //@aphriteblack//@jemthebookworm//@sandersandthesides//@penguinkool//@georganabanana//@ao-koshka// @dangerous-doodle // @river-waterfall // @hell-or-high-waters //@no-sleep-gang-posts// @wxlcomxtothxjunglx //@marshmallow-the-panda// @flix-net //@omni-hamiltrash // @an-absolute-failure // @mason-does-a-thing //@iceoblivious

ko-fi

#sanders sides #logince #moxiety #lamp/calm #ts sides

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insanetwocubes · 4 years

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It’s really funny and interesting the discrepancies of Flare’s acceptance and how her baseline determined the our conflicting self issues we would have later on in life.

It’s a really big and fundamental thing and the differences between the acceptance that helped us and the lack of acceptance that is inhibiting our happiness are easy to see.

We have a few big things that’s causing core issues. And the one thing that went absolutely perfect.

Mental shit aside (even though gender is and also went beyond existing as a construct, I’m not gonna include it as merely a social construct), the big fundamental thing that went wrong is gender identity/self-expression. The one big thing that went perfect is actually funnily enough sexuality.

The thing that lyke all us gays struggle with is sexuality, managed to be the one and ONE and only thing that me and Flare just accepted and moved on with.

Flare is pan (pan) and very grey ace. I am panrom and (geyyyyy) (shit I been saying gay so much I’m blanking out on the actual term)

Gynosexual. Sorry had a giant brain blank.

And Flare is okay. With all of those. Oh yeah and I’m of course Allo. You just talk to either of us about sex and the difference is clear.

Anyway it’s been two youtubers that I really like that came out as not straight (well one was out publically as transbinary lyke publically with the whole she-bang. Transitioned on camera all throughout the years goddamn Contrapoints you was out like now it’s everyone’s business. Kudos though hot fucking damn).

What was I on about. Oh right. It wasn’t until she and Ollie each came out as not straight-

Okay. Kinda like Thomas Sanders, Contrapoints was lyke always implying here and there (according to my memory) that she was some flavor of bi. Apparently that wasn’t lyke the truth in her brain. But anyway anyway.

I just assumed I guess if you gonna check mark one lgbtq letter, you’re gonna be gucci with being all the other letters. Now I realize that’s not even true for us.

Anyway anyway going back to the point. Both these awesome cute-ass people were lyke describing this giant struggle with their sexuality. And only now I realize that we’re (Me and Flare) weird in that we barely struggled with sexuality. Of all the different ways of being gay, we found the gay aspect the easiest to deal with lmfao.

And I’m not saying anyone who struggles with gay thoughts is a weakling pansy. I’m just saying we’re unusually cool with gay thoughts way more than most people?

This is a strength on our (actually Flare’s, I’ll get to that) part. Not a weakness on others’.

Okay I lost my point. So Flare’s hears lyke someone say once something that basically meant “finding girls hot isn’t the worst thing in the world and honestly if you don’t think girls are hot you are missing out big time dem girls like HOT DAMN.”

That’s how I would say it lmfao. But basically Flare started out as lyke “I hate boys and girls equally stop doing this sex shit at me all the time” and then someone was lyke “hey if you have ever felt like doing the sexy sex with a boy and you have the same feeling towards a girl then you are pan and it’s okay.”

Flare was lyke “I have felt like doing the sexy sex with a boy once (1). And I have felt a similar feeling towards girls but I never really thought it was a thing.” And then she thought about it. (As much as her greyace ass thinks about sex which is lyke .1 times maybe when a blue moon is out. Or her boy’s moon is out if you know what I’m saying lmfao girl gets lyke the hots so easily for her boy she just loves him so much okay back on topic.)

And she’s lyke “so if the feeling is the same, and being pan is okay, then I am pan and it’s okay.” Anyway I realize I’m definitely not into dat gross boy dick so I got to Flare and I”m lyke “Hey fam I’m not 100% into the d like you” and Flare said “okay that’s cool.”

So now. In Flare’s world, being pan is okay. Being gay is okay. Lyke it was easy. Just like that. I said no, Flare said ok and we were cool. Just because she was raised and influenced in a such an order of experiences that someone told her it was okay to be pan before someone told her it wasn’t okay to be gay.

I mean being gay is kinda like being pan-lite.

*offended* Bitch. Did you just try to swing your dick at me?

Bitch, I ain’t gonna not but don’t be mad if I beat your ass.

Okay anyway. I don’t wanna give anyone the impression that I”m playing gay olympics.

If you are though, I win hands down.

Then I win the trans olympics!

(Why would you want to win something like that?)

Oh here we go guys. Exhibit A. It’s 110% okay to be gay according to Flare. But if you’re trans....

Not that she’s not doing her best. We’re all still figuring things out.

But being trans is less okay. She didn’t want to tell her boy that I was trans. And she refused for a long time to use the pronouns I’m trying out (kinda having second thoughts about the it pronouns but like I said WE’RE ALL FIGURING SHIT OUT). Anyway she is so hesitant with trans thoughts and me being trans that it actually led to her misgendering me for long enough for it to hurt.

:( Sorry.

It’s okay. (I get it. I love you.)

So I guess I don’t even know what happened but it was just that the fact that if you look like a girl, you use she/her pronouns was so instilled in Flare and no one was there to say that if you look like a girl, but you use other pronouns that it’s okay and it’s cool and it’s a free country man.

I guess that if anything we’re just lyke very easily convinced by peer pressure?

We kinda fell into the whole “being gay is okay” side of the internet but-

And I say fell because the first time the subject of non-straightness ever came to our attention was because of a random discussion on a vlogger’s youtube channel.

But no one was there to specifically say “if you look like a girl and sound like a girl but you kinda don’t want to be a girl or a boy or use any of those pronouns, that it’s cool.” So I have to spend years and mental energy to fight Flare for my need to express myself as anything different than a perfectly normal girl.

I guess. The moral of the story is. Go to kids and just say. It’s okay if you like girls. It’s okay if you like boys. It’s okay if you don’t like either or both. And it’s okay if you don’t like being a girl or being a boy or being called she or he. And either way it’s okay.

And for kids who just hear that simple concept and accept it, they’re not gonna have this lyke tearful years-long struggle with being any flavor gay or any flavor of trans or any flavor of ace.

It took us literally one thought to be okay with being gay. It’s taking us literally years to be okay with me being trans.

I don’t mean any hate on Flare btw no hard feelings. Trauma made it impossible for her to deal with being “not normal” but somehow liking girls kinds slipped past it? Idk man. Girl’s traumatized, give her a break.

~Four

#dicerolls #like if you read reblog if you want #txt #things4said #things1said #intersysconvos

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transfemininomenon · 6 years

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hey alice I've seen you mention then before and they seem really interesting and I was wondering if you could tell us more about your dnd characters! (Whichever your favorite is or who you feel like talking about) or even a tag you have where I could read up more!

:O i would LOVE to talk about some of my dnd characters

my three main ones are my half-elf raven queen warlock gwyndolin (aka gwyn), my human swashbuckler rogue gertrude, and my life cleric alicia

gwyn was the character i played when @speechjam was DMing who is a half-moon elf with Parental Baggage (because what’s a half-elf who doesnt have an iffy relationship with their parents) who is very gay and very trans and canonically Really Hot because she has a literally goddess gifted body. her parents raised her in an elf city where she experienced a lifetime of racism for being a half-elf, and that combined with not having a great relationship with her parents as well as dealing with dysphoria eventually led to her attempting suicide. however when this happened, she suddenly found herself before the raven queen, who told her it was not yet her time, and offered her a deal - a new body and some of her power in exchange for making a pact with her. she readily agreed, and was reborn as gwyndolin

since then she’s spent a few years acting as a servant of the raven queen, acting as a sort of soul bounty hunter tracking down people who had unnaturally escaped death and dealing with necromancers/undead infestations. eventually she happened to take a job that led to her meeting the party, including happening to bump into her elf druid cousin solira played by @lyssatbqh

she’s also a total Disaster Lesbian and cant talk to women to save her life which is a problem when Lots of women want to talk to her on account of being Really Hot. she has a thing for knives and has like 8 of them on her. she also has a spirit familiar in the form of a raven named crawford who she always makes keep watch for her at night instead of doing it herself

THEN gertrude is the character i play in @lyssatbqh‘s campaign, which is a homebrew campaign set in the dark souls world. gertrude’s whole life was spent believing that humanity didnt matter and only existed to serve the gods - lessons instilled in her from birth by her parents. often being left alone while her parents were off doing whatever religious things they were off doing, she grew used to wondering the city of anor londo by herself, exploring every alley and climbing every roof top, having just a dagger given to her by her parents as a form of protection

as she grew older her parents tried getting her more involved in the way of white (the religious organization they were a part of), and gertrude never really quite got the whole “sit and study and pray” part of it, but she found ways to use her natural charisma and dexterity to instead serve the gods by acting as a spy against people who might speak out against the gods. this is how she met the party initially, being sent by one of the gods to spy on a book club founded by @speechjam‘s character brillin. long story short the party ended up encountering some of the witches of izalith, went to izalith right as the witch of izalith was trying to recreate the first flame, and they all fucking DIED

some long period of time later the party all mysteriously came back to life, and have since came back to life any time they have died, always returning to whatever fire they’d rested at. the whole experience of dying and coming back forced gertrude to, for the first time in her life, have to think about being a human and what humanity meant and what her place in the world was, and she proceeded to go into a several week long existential crisis. during this time the party investigated some mysterious happenings around the city of new londo involving other people coming back to life, fought some demons, and eventually made their way back to anor londo

the whole time gertrude was hoping returning to anor londo would get her some answers from the god she had been working for by the name of flame god flann. however, upon returning he offered no real help, and seemingly didnt even remember that she had worked for him. this furthered her growing crisis and fear and doubt, and eventually the party confronted her about her sneakiness and dodging questions, and she confessed the nature by which she’d originally joined the group, and asked for their forgiveness and explained that she’d suddenly had a Lot to think about and that a lot of things she thought she’d known had been thrown out the window. the party was initially hurt, especially brillin, and gertrude suddenly found herself for the first time Caring about other people and how her actions had effected them, but they eventually forgave her and they continued to all work together to maybe figure out a little more on what was happening

encountering two strange people known as skin man and skeleton man, the party worked with them and eventually learned that skin man also was coming back from the dead, but also seemed to be fading away more and more each time he came back - becoming less of himself and more just a blank husk. eventually skin man went missing, and the party found him by a mysterious machine that could answer questions for them - in exchange for memories

gertrude used it to ask two questions, choosing first between the memories of her time working for flann, her time with the way of white, and her memories of brillin, who she had grown increasingly close with throughout their travels (because gertrude is a Fool and JUST kept jokingly flirting until she fooled around and caught real feelings), eventually choosing the way of white. she then had the option of flann, brillin, or her forgetting the memories and associations that her daggers had with her, eventually choosing daggers

her questions were if the gods cared about her, about people, and then the second was if she, too, was gonna steadily fade away the more she died. she received a simple answer for both - no, and yes

initially going into another crisis, she soon shock that feeling off and decided on a new course of action, a flame suddenly lighting in her as she realized that she couldn’t rely on the gods anymore, and that it was people, and her new found friends, that she had to rely on. the gods were seemingly uncaring about their current plight, and she would find answers on her own. no longer being shackled by the gods, she would suddenly live as she was meant to - as a person, as a human

the party eventually fought a couple more demons and, with the help of skeleton man, defeated them. in the aftermath, gertrude and brillin FINALLY smooched and it was RAD, and they later had a roof top discussion about everything and about Them. they came to the conclusion that neither of them really knew what was happening, or what their place in the universe was, and the weight of the inevitably of them both hollowing was ever present, but they wouldn’t focus on that - they would focus on the now, on living as best they could in the moment, and deciding that they would eventually figure things out, and they would do that Together

dang i didn’t mean to do just a plot summary of that whole campaign so far but i got TOO into talking about gertrude i just……………….. love her so much guys she has learned and grown so much she literally started off as half a joke character i literally threw her concept together 10 minutes before the first session started and she became so!!!!! much more than i could’ve ever expected

anyway my other character is alicia aka the Divine Lady who i cant talk about TOO much because i just started playing her and friends in that campaign follow me and there’s #spoilers but she’s a life cleric who was once a shy awkward little boy named joey who has grown in to a slightly less awkward but no less shy but STRONG woman. she’s a life cleric and JUST wants to help people she’s really caring and is always worried about someone and i love her she’s such a change of pace from my usual edgy characters she is TOO good for this world and has two beautiful lesbian blacksmith moms and a million adopted “cousins” who she all loves dearly

she’s surprisingly Buff, enjoys blacksmithing (she made all of her armor and weapons), is a big fan of beauty in all forms, is an avid reader, and is constantly writing letters home to her family and keeping a diary of her adventures. she worships lethandar (aka god of birth & renewal) as well as sune (aka goddess of beauty), with the symbol of sune crafted into her shield and her mace designed to have a sun motive for lethandar, and she has big dorky glasses because she’s blind as a bat

some other side characters include primrose my college of swords bard who is JUST primrose from octopath traveler, ailce my water genasi druid that i usually play in one shots who in the most recent one shot i played her in adopted a wonderful child who has bat ears and was NOT appreciated by their parents and she loves them with all her heart, and ari “the banshee” who is a city cleric in a modern space based campaign who is an anarchist and part of a punk rock band

oh! also i have a tag for gwyn (which is just #gwyn tag) and TWO for gertrude (#former gertrude tag and #gertrude tag, former being for dagger related things since she lost her love of them) and im sure i’ll get an alicia one going! its all just like aesthetic stuff or things i relate to them but you can get a good sense of those characters through those

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fourteenghostinfo · 7 years

Text

Info/Memories

I am always nonbinary and asexual/biromantic unless otherwise stated. I’ll list specific memories (if I have them) under each kin. Also special info if necessary.

Shigeo Kageyama ~

Lots of memories but I’ll list some important ones. I had a crush on Teruki, who was also nonbinary. After my experience with Mogami I became heavily uncomfortable calling Reigen “Master,” which he didn’t question and let me stop calling him that. I cussed to myself a lot, but not around others for fear of offending them. I thought of Shou like a second brother. My parents weren’t very nice or accepting of me. ???% wasn’t another being living inside me, but a deeper instinctual part of myself. I knew this because I was still partly conscious while in that state.

Link ~

Most of my memories are from Breath of the Wild. While I was asleep I regained memories from past lives, making the memories from my current life even more confusing. I deeply loved Zelda, very very much. She was the only one I felt comfortable talking to (or crying around). I liked humming around her too. I ended up collecting every Silent Princess flower I found on my travels and showing them all to her when we were reunited. She was happy but started laughing because they were an endangered species and I wasn’t supposed to be picking them.

Mikaela Hyakuya ~

The first time I saw my red eyes I started crying. Once I started living with the humans again I had constant anxiety, thinking someone would try to attack me at any moment.

Ciel Phantomhive ~

Don’t you dare talk to me about sebaciel I will kill you right then and there. In fact I despise the author of Black Butler and at least 80% of the fans. How unfortunate. I had dependent personality disorder and attached myself to Sebastian because he was my only parental figure left. Things are fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure he was killed and once he was gone from my life I finally started to recover from my trauma.

Pearl ~

I was sorta messy and all over the place. Punk but hyper feminine too. I was extremely close with Steven and we liked to fuse into Rainbow Quartz often. The large fight with Garnet never happened, but I did find myself often disassociating from the others in the group. I liked going out and exploring different human-inhabited areas. During the war I shape shifted into Rose while Pink Diamond was shattered, making people believe Rose was the one to do it. If I did it they would let me go, and I could escape to Earth.

Chat Noir (Adrien Agreste) ~

Depression and other unchecked mental illnesses™. My dad was always cold to me, even before my mother’s death.

Lithuania ~

(Lmao I haven’t watched Hetalia in years) I was very feminine. I became good friends with England, and I also ended up befriending Prussia. But there were lots of other countries I was not friendly with, including Russia.

Shinji Ikari ~

Wow I miss Kaworu yikes. Very few memories honestly. We all returned to life and we were able to continue school, but I’m not sure if that happiness lasted forever.

Kaneki Ken ~

Honestly most of my memories are from my time as Sasaki. I’m not sure, but I may have stayed that way for years of my life. A long time.

Lars Barriga ~

I was a trans boy, which added a lot to my insecurity over my identity. I was bullied as a kid and my parents seemed unable to help. I spent years acting tough and masculine but I was scared and confused. I may have been aromantic. Sadie was my best friend and eventually the only one I felt comfortable opening up to. It took me forever to admit it but I was very happy Steven actually considered me a friend. I tried to refrain from being overly mean and instead pretended to be a chill person who was never awkward, but that often failed. After my death and rebirth and living with gems I became much more feminine and let that part of myself open up, instead of pushing it down, thinking it made me less of a man.

Eri ~

I was actually much older than I ever looked, due to stunted growth. I was around 15 when Midoriya first found me. I ended up living on the UA campus so that powerful superheroes could guard me and I would have access to kids my age to interact with while learning how to use my own quirk.

Steven Universe ~

Bit of a repeat from earlier, but Pearl and I were very close and we loved to form Rainbow Quartz often. Around the time I turned 14 I started wearing lots of girly clothes and flowing fabrics, and I liked putting colorful pins in my hair.

Trainer Moon ~

I had blonde hair and blue eyes, and my starter was Popplio. I was very gay for Lillie. We met up again several years after she moved away, and there was lots of happy crying. I became really close with Gladion, and he liked to confide in me and hang around me when he didn’t have much else to do.

Star Butterfly ~

Marco was a trans girl and boy was I gay for her. As a Mewman, I had sharp shark-like teeth. I had fantasies of being a rock star. I wore lots of spikes and eyeliner to try to make myself look as “punk” as possible but I could never let go of my bright colorful fashion taste.

Max Puckett ~

Gay for Isaac but too stubborn to admit it. I hated drama and really came off as rude and unsympathetic whenever I tried to avoid it.

Party Poison ~

I was gay for Show Pony (wow am I sensing a pattern here?) I sung a lot of music and always wished I had some way to record it. I had vague memories of the California coast. I never knew if they were actual childhood memories or if I’d been told stories about it and it was an image created by my mind, but I always dreamed of seeing the ocean with my own eyes. After I lost the battle, I was taken back to the city and reeducated and sedated. It must’ve been years later, it was all a blur, but I eventually managed to slip out and wandered the desert for a long time.

Danny Fenton ~

I was really more dead than alive. Phantom Planet did not happen. (Also lmao Butch Hartman can take his stupid ideas and suck on my gay nonbinary feminine ghost ectoplasm)

Mettaton ~

I became a total heartthrob on the surface and it was honestly incredible. I never strayed too far from where Napstablook was though. They really were like a little sibling to me.

Tails ~

Honestly not very many memories but I think my canon was sorta like the Sonic X anime. Also I loved him he was like a brother but Sonic was a total doofus lmao. Also we were the same age.

Vriska Serket ~

Killed off my lusus the second I knew I was capable of taking care of myself. That way I wouldn’t have to kill anymore. Tavros was an asshole to me, constantly. In fact, most of my friends were when we were younger. I stayed on the meteor with Terezi. Eventually, I navigated my way to the new universe. It took years, however.

Izuku Midoriya ~

Here we are in the barely any memories section. I do know I got into fights a lot as a kid to prove I wasn’t weak, and I ended up winning most of the time. Bakugou wasn’t that mean to me, just dismissive, which hurt because we really were friends as kids.

Luke Skywalker ~

Specific memories? Where? I was pretty gay you can be sure of that.

Tooru Mutsuki ~

Trans boy, I was gay for Sasaki. Things were a lot less….. tragic overall in my canon than in the source material.

Rhys ~

After Jack possessed me I lost my trust in him and tried to betray him. After it was all over, I was too scared of him coming back to replace the tech in my head. I just kept my eye covered. And I definitely wasn’t nearly talented enough to replace my arm by myself. That had to wait for a long while until I found the rest of the survivors again.

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papanorth · 7 years

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What's your overall opinion on the tumblr community?

I hope this wasn’t sent for any nefarious purpose, which is a good indicative of how I feel. But I’ll give a proper answer down below.

It’s a long one!

I think......that like most communities, tumblr’s community has its ups and downs. Its nice clear lakes and its cesspools of vile things. And I kinda think it’s the individuals that make up the good things, the groups that make up the bad ones.

My own experience with tumblr in general has mostly been very positive. I have some (fairly bad, recently realized) anxiety about people seeing my work or my interest in things, I guess based on some early-life situations that messed me up, so when I started using tumblr for that and got real positive reactions and lots of encouragement I was over the moon. It’s probably helped me learn to appreciate my own talent and accept my interest in fictional media, not to mention grow as an artist. I’ve said it a bunch of times, but like, I’m sincerely grateful for the opportunity to share things I like with people who appreciate it and make me feel appreciated.But I know my experience is largely shaped by me keeping to myself and not engaging in any “discourse” or “drama”, as well as already knowing how to navigate the site’s social part. For an example, I’ll take a classic personal story; I’m a lesbian, and I used to be homophobic. If I’d ended up on this site earlier in life, or if lil’ teenage me was here now, I’d be eaten the fuck alive. Not because I was extremely rude or mean! I’ve never had much of a bad bone in my body. I just grew up around a hateful group of people and was under the misguided opinion that there was something weird about being gay, and trans, and abortions, and yadda yadda.Luckily I had a good friend that explained some stuff to me, and I’ve now come to the conclusion that I was dead wrong and I’ve since worked to be more understanding of things I don’t....understand. Also I’m gay. So like. Clearly I had yet to figure some things out back then. So that ended well for me; for people who make any kind of non-accepted comment on tumblr? Not so much. Even if they are one good conversation from growing as a person (like little papanorth way back when).Moral of what I’m trying to say; if a person is unfortunate enough to grow up with a certain type of ideas in their mind, tumblr can be entirely unforgiving without thinking for even a second that things could be resolved in a peaceful and educated manner.

There’s also this strange group mentality of like....people taking underdog qualities and turning them into a sort of armor. “I have this and this and this and this going on and you can’t touch me because you’ll be in the wrong no matter what”, kind of thing. I’m not gonna go into specifics here because like I said; I’ve stayed safe by knowing how to sail treacherous waters.Tumblr, like most social sites honestly, is a horrible place to be if you don’t know how to analyze yourself and know what’s right and wrong according to your morals. If you’re unwilling to take some of the stuff that goes on here to heart, you’ll never be comfortable on here, but if you take all of it to heart no questions asked, you’ll have some things to regret later. Because there’s a LOT of black&white mentality going on here and they expect you to be one or the other; most people aren’t and you don’t have to be. If a little 13-y-o Brendon or Susan or whatever doesn’t quite have the skill of thinking for themselves down, I’d tell them to stay away from tumblr.

And something that’s very TUMBLR that I hate: callouts. Recently witnessed someone I follow make a post, which was seen by another person who disagreed heavily. Did that person approach the other one and ask them to clarify? No, they screenshot the post, posted it on THEIR tumblr with all icons and URLs intact (without @ing the original poster), proclaimed it to be a Bad Post and forsook the OP.As you do.Guess where this ended? People flinging around really horrible terms and serious accusations that apparently are no longer serious issues but rather just buzzwords to get as many people to hate someone as you can. Not even because you’ve looked inside yourself and you’re truly convinced you’re in the right, but because enough people are willing to take you on your word that you don’t even need to ask yourself if this is right. You can just huddle up with your mutuals and feel like a martyr.Why I hope this ask wasn’t sent with a nefarious purpose? Because that’s something people do sometimes. They wait for someone to say something that can be considered bad and then go “THIS PERSON IS ACTUALLY???? THE WORST LMAO”.

Here’s a fun fact; people who make callout posts without discussing things or having ample reason for it, people who send anon hate or encourage the rallying up against someone, people like that in general? I don’t want them following me. I don’t want to follow them and I don’t want to interact with them. So like, if that’s you, person reading......Like I said, I grew up with some hateful people and had some nasty experiences as a kid; I don’t need that shit anymore and I don’t want it. And it baffles me that people on here are just as bad or worse and still think they’re white knights in shining armour and not bullies. I know bullies, and they never think they’re the bad guy.

I’ve never really seen a website where logical, calm and mutually respectful conversation is encouraged above just. Yelling and arguing and hating. That’s not on tumblr, that’s on the internet and the power of anonymity.

ESSENTIALLY; there’s things going on on tumblr that I, frankly, hate. I know it’s not everyone, but those that DO take part in those things tend to be very prevalent. But. I’ve managed to choose some good communities, and have never really been in the midst of things. I really do enjoy my time on here with the select people I interact with that get me. I know there’s plenty of people on here that are really just in here for the art, the writing, the jokes and memes and RPing and a good time, and they’re what makes it a fun experience.

Whew! All that said; if someone who reads this has a problem with some of my views or wants me to clarify or explain or talk about something, don’t hesitate to ask me! I genuinely don’t want anyone to have a bad time and I’m always willing to have a talk and see if one or both members learn something neat.

All I ask is you don’t be a dick.

#not a draw #this is a doozy and a half #because I really am quite bitter about some things. they usually stay off this blog but here it is #Anonymous

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jenniferdiazisatransgirl · 7 years

Text

Season 3 Headcanon - Part 2 (Trans Marco)

So here is Part 2 of my headcanon/plot prediction for Season 3 Episode 2. If you haven’t read Part 1 yet here is the link.

I hope you enjoy :)

_______________________________________________________________________

That night the princesses of St. O’s have a party, which has apparently become a regular thing since Ms. Heinous left. Some princes from various dimensions are also there looking for a potential princess to share their future throne.

Marco and Jackie are dancing together with the other princesses, when Marco spots Tom in a far corner of the room, wearing the same black suit he wore to invite Star to the Blood Moon Ball. This surprises Marco as they thought Tom was still hung up on Star.

“Hey, I’ll be back in a bit”, Marco says to Jackie and the other girls. Jackie nods and continues to dance with the girls as Marco approaches Tom.

“Tom?” Marco says.

“Sor-”, Tom suddenly recognises who he is talking to. “Marco? Why are you wearing a skirt?”

“I can wear a skirt if I like”, Marco responds.

“It just wasn’t what I was expecting”, Tom says. “In fact I didn’t expect to see you here at all.”

“Really?” Marco says indicating at the “Change” posters.

“Ha”, Tom laughs nervously. “I must have missed those. I’ll be honest, it is my first time here.”

“Oh?”

“Some of my friends said this a good place to meet girls, so I thought I’d check it out”, Tom says.

“What about Star?”

“It’s pretty evident that is never going to happen”, says Tom. “I figured it’s best to move on.”

Marco smiles, “I’m proud of you, Tom.”

“Thanks”, Tom smiles back. “So what are you doing here? Aside from…. what are those posters about exactly?”

“Oh”, Marco laughs. “It’s a long story but basically me and Star came here a few months back to break out Pony Head and well I kinda started a Revolution. I’ve been leading it ever since then.”

“Nice”, Tom smiles.

“As for why I’m here right now”, Marco continues. “Star kinda left rather abruptly before the Summer started. She told me she loved me and then just vanished.”

Tom’s demeanour changes and you can see their temper is starting to simmer, “What!?”

At this moment Jackie appears. “Hey Marco, who’s this?”

Quickly and nervously, hoping to calm down Tom, “Hey Jackie, I’d like you to meet someone. This is Tom, Star’s demon ex-boyfriend. Tom, this is my girlfriend Jackie.”

Tom’s eyes are now starting to glow in anger.

Marco urgently says to Jackie, “Run.”

Tom quickly interjects, “No!!! Wait.” Tom takes some deep breaths and starts to calm themselves down. “Look. See?” Tom presents. “I’m getting better. I don’t even have Marshmallow on me. I don’t actually know what made me angry there.” He scratches the back of his head. “Hi Jackie, I’m Tom. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Hey”, Jackie says. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Well”, says Marco. “This was fun. We’re going to go and dance anyway.”

Jackie starts heading back to dance when Tom pulls Marco back to say, “You look cute.”

“And now it just got awkward”, Marco says sounding slightly uncomfortable. “Bye Tom.

“Bye”, Tom says to Marco’s back sounding sad. _______________________________________________________________________

Later after the party, Marco and Jackie are heading to bed and have a bit of time to themselves.

Jackie is sat on one of the two single bed in their room, spinning the wheels on her skateboard. “Marco?” She says as if about to ask a question.

“Yeah”, Marco responds.

“You know how back on Earth you are always so awkward?” Jackie says. “How come you’re not like that here?”

“I don’t know”, Marco responds. “Everyone knows me here I guess.”

“Everyone knows you at school and you are still awkward there”, says Jackie. “And at school everyone knows the real you. Here they know Princess Marco.”

There is pain in Marco’s expression as Jackie says “the real you” which Marco quickly hides. They then responds, “On Earth, everyone knows me as “Marco Diaz, the safe kid”. Here I get to be this badass leader of a Revolution.“

"Dressed as a princess?” Jackie asks.

“It’s just…”, Marco trails off as if lost for explanations.

“Easier?” Jackie finishes.

“Right”, Marco says sounding less sure. “Easier.”

“I’m off to bed anyway”, Jackie says. “Night Marco.”

“Night.”

Jackie turns out the light and Marco sits there in the dark, before finally laying down and going to sleep. _______________________________________________________________________

Marco is stood in a dark corridor, rowed with lockers in Echo Creek High School. They are wearing the outfit from the night before. The school looks creepier at night. Marco nervously approaches their locker to open it. The locks clicks as they put in their combination and the locker swings open. Mewberty hearts fall from the locker, like they did in a previous dream, to reveal Marco’s dead body dressed in a suit.

Marco stands and stares when Jackie says from behind making Marco jump, “Not very you dude.”

Marco scratches the back of their head laughing nervously, “I guess not.”

“Hey Marco, you look cute”, Tom says suddenly appearing at Marco��s side.

“Errr, thanks I guess”, Marco responds nervously.

“Why do you continue to dress as a princess Marco?” Jackie asks.

“I told you, it’s-”

“-easier”, Jackie interrupts.

“Even in your dreams?” Tom says. “Come on dude. Here it is just you and your thoughts. Who is going to judge you here?”

Thoughts and questions start echoing through the corridor until they can’t take it anymore and Marco jumps up in their bed and screams, “I DON’T KNOW!!!”

Jackie wakes up in her bed. “You okay Marco?”

“Yeah”, Marco says easing their grasp on their sheets. “Just a bad dream.”

Jackie goes back to sleep and Marco sits there in bed trying to make sense of their dream.

THE END

#marco diaz #princess marco #jackie lynn thomas #tom the demon #the revolution #trans marco #trans marco theory #jarco #Tomco #ships #st olga's reform school for wayward princesses #plot predictions #fan fiction #svtfoe

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