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deadricslover · 9 months

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Relationship dynamics with SV5

here's my masterlist!

a/n: this is the first formula one post on my account! if you read my late night thoughts volume one, then you will know my love for f1

summary: just some relationship dynamics and scenarios with our fave <3

warnings: use of y/n...IM SORRY, language, mentions of sexual themes, long post?

pairings: fem!driver!reader x different eras!Sebastian vettel

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obvious x oblivious

the Australian Formula One race. It has always been one of your favourites to drive. It is clear why you have such a liking for it because you have so many happy memories from there. The time difference from your home country is the one thing you detest; it is impossible to wake up and go to bed at the right times here.

"last year's winner, how are you feeling" your teammate and best friend Fernando asks, nudging your arm and stopping you from what you are doing

"sleep deprived but excited. what about you? did you sleep at all"

"Very little. I watched a few of the films you suggested to tire myself out, but it didn't work" he responds in that all too familiar Spanish accent

you respond, "they were just too exciting" and you giggle a little. You two continue talking while you get ready for the upcoming race in the sweltering heat. Fernando says he is going to do some laps around the paddock to get some fresh air and invites you to come and you agree, needing to get out of the claustrophobic garage. You two are chatting about strategies and the meal you had the previous night until you hear your name being called. Lewis grabbed your attention since he hadn't spoken to you all weekend and wanted to ask you a few questions and say hello. You tell Fernando to keep moving and you'll soon catch up with him.

he agrees and continues walking until he gets to the red bull garage and spots Sebastian.

"hey mate, how's it going?" seb asks the world champion

"all good, man. what about you?" he replies

"good good. Ferrari are looking strong this weekend."

"yeah we are. this track really suits y/n's style of driving so I have high hopes for us this weekend." Fernando compliments, as soon as he says your name he looks over to you and lewis talking and seb follows his line of view to find you. seb secretly-- well, he thought he was subtle but infact he was the complete opposite, seb had a thing for you and Fernando always tried to get him to ask you out but he never had the guts to.

"yeah, she's great" he says, love oozing from him as he stares at your smile when talking to lewis and the way your hair falls.

"seb, seriously. I cant bear this anymore. please ask her out. you've got a hard on right now" Fernando informs the red bull driver

"what?!" he replies, looking down and seeing nothing and realising Fernando had caught him out.

"fuck off" Sebastian replies.

you look over to see Fernando and Sebastian talking and you smile and wave over, completely oblivious to the looks seb is throwing at you. this wasn't the first time though, seb had tried flirting with you before but you always thought it was friendly banter. you never thought Sebastian could have feelings for you.

"y/n's gonna be too tired this weekend anyway so you got off easy." Fernando tells him honestly. He wasn't wrong though, he could straight up say 'i love you' and you would just thank him. the jet lag kills you.

"another day or I swear-" Fernando starts

"okay, I get it. you want me to ask her out. I'm working on it"

"she is also just so oblivious to the signals you're giving her, so it's not entirely you're fault"

"thank you" seb replies sarcastically as he just now is realising that you're unbeknownst to his attempts.

another day... hopefully.

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bf who speaks another language x gf who is learning for him

it's widely known in the formula one community that Sebastian is infact German and German is his first language. for you, however, you don't speak German and you feel like him speaking your native language all the time is a bit unfair. so, you decided to get some lessons and watch some videos to try and learn some German for Seb. he doesn't know about this though and you thought it would be a nice surprise for him. you feel confident enough in your skills now to have a conversation with him. You both were at his parents house for dinner and German was being spoken here and there to accommodate seb's parents.

"Aus diesem Grund werde ich deinen Vater nie wieder kochen lassen" (because of this, I am never ever letting your father cook again) seb's mom tells him and the three of them laugh and so do you, seb looks at you confused and asks

"you don't need to laugh if you don't know what we are saying, basically she said that-" he starts but you cut him off telling him what she said

"she's never letting your dad cook ever again because he destroyed her favourite dish" you inform him and he looks at you lovingly but also even more confused than before.

"how did you know what that meant?" he asks

"I've been learning some German for you. did I get it right?" you answer

"for me? you didn't need to do that, darling" he replies placing a hand on your thigh and drawing shapes on it to show a bit of love.

"it's unfair that you're always speaking English for me, so I need to return the favour"

and with that he couldn't keep his eyes off of you the whole night. for you, it's nothing much, just showing appreciation. but for him, it's everything, the fact you were willing to learn a whole new language just so he could feel a sense of home. he appreciates it more than you know.

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chef bf x gf pro taster

you have spent the whole day with one of your dearest friends who moved away a couple of years ago with her boyfriend, but now, she is back in town as they broke up and you offered her a place to stay until she gathered herself and found her own place, of course you had ran this past Sebastian and he was also okay with it as he knew how close you two were even when she wasn't physically with you. you two just got home from collecting her from the airport and getting lunch while seb was out also doing his own thing.

the aroma coming from the kitchen as soon as you stepped inside was unbeatable, Sebastian had spent the evening cooking a lovely meal for the three of you to eat when you got home. you show your friend to the room she is staying in and then make your way down to the kitchen to see seb. you enter the kitchen to see his back turned to you and he was stirring a pot.

"what are you making" you ask appearing next to him.

he informs you what he is making and the sides he is preparing also. he takes the spoon out if the pot full of the food and blows on it to cool it down before placing it in font of your mouth to taste.

"taste it for me? be careful, it's hot" you say before blowing on it again and taking a bite. it was delicious.

"seb, that's so good" you compliment

"I try" he replies smiling

"is this what it's gonna be like living with you guys for he next couple of weeks?" your friend comments entering the kitchen to find the two of you.

"she is my professional taste tester, I need her opinion" he replies to her and we all just laugh it off and eat dinner which was unreal. if Sebastian failed as a driver, he could have been a chef and would have been a renowned world famous one too. not that he wanted that but he sure could have been.

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overly affectionate x blushes easily

seb is the most affectionate man you have ever met, he always must be showing you love in some way, whether it's holding your hand, bringing you flowers, letting you decide what movie to watch, he just wants you to know how much he appreciates you. he also notices and takes into account, every little thing you do so he can incorporate that into his daily life.

for example, this f1 season had started out great, but a couple of races back, Ferrari had gotten some new upgrades to the car that didn't work and have been jeopardizing your performance. They assured you and Fernando that they would work out and to give them time and experiment different tactics that suits this particular upgrade. Needless to say, you were not looking forward to this race at all. you hear your name being called from the front of the garage, so you walk out to find seb in his racing suit, ready to go but with a t-shirt saying I heart you but with your initials and racing number. you could have kissed him right there but wanted to keep the pda away.

"seb that's so sweet, I love you so much"

"anything for my favorite driver"he replies which makes you blush

"that's a bit biased, don't you think?" you reply while he grabs your hand lightly in his

"I don't care" he smiles

despite you trying to avoid pda for the cameras, you don't care in the moment, so you kiss him. just like you said you wanted to. To be completely honest, with Sebastian you don't really mind showing a little bit of pda because you care for him so much. he just brings that out in you, he brings out the best in you.

the gesture replays in your mind and you start to blush just thinking about it, seb's lips against yours and his hands around your waist add that all add to that blood rush.

"awh, you're blushing." seb teases as he pulls away

"stop" you whine slightly embarrassed at how easy it is for him to get you to blush. again, seb just really brings that out in you.

seb hums in disapproval as if to say no way and places a kiss in your hair whilst keeping you close to seal it all in. you make a mental note to snap a photo of him in this t-shirt to brag to your friends about how much better seb is than their boyfriends....kidding obviously....

------------------------------------------------- I have a pt. 2 if you guys want it!

#deadricslover #f1 #formula 1 #Sebastian vettel x reader #Sebastian vettel fluff #driver x Sebastian vettel #Sebastian vettel imagine #formula one imagine

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kaisfruit · 5 months

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junkrat x lucio wholesome hcs PLEEAASEEE PLEASE PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏

Boombox (Junkrat x Lucio) Wholesome HCs

A/N: IK THIS SAYS ANON BUT THIS IS MY BFF YALL THX U FOR REQUESTING POOKIE ILY <333 also this just kinda turned into boombox hcs in general im srry qwq warnings: junkrat is his own warning that's it

I'm just in love with them. I need to get over that first before I type ANYTHING

anyways-

Lucio staying up with Junkrat when Jamison is really into whatever he's working on at the moment

To be honest, seeing Lucio get tired makes him feel a bit bad and it ends with them both going to bed bc it's okay if Jamie is sleep deprived but it can't be his fault that Lucio is as well. That won't do at all!

And i see a lot of ppl being like "Lucio helps calm Jamie down <3"

BFFR

Lucio is an enabler.

Junkrat: BABE! WANNA SEE HOW MANY BOMBS IT TAKES FOR ME TO PASS OUT FROM SMOKE INHALATION? <3

Lucio: Hell yeah. Lemme get my phone

No one else is allowed to find the video funny tho

That's right. Lucio def notices how everyone in OW treats Jamie (idc im projecting here. WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO HIM IDC IF HE'S A CRIMINAL HE'S FUNNY)

DVa can maybe find it a bit funny, but that's cuz she gets BFF privileges

Lucio constantly hitting Junkrat with the "hold on, this song reminds me of you-"

Eventually he just makes a whole playlist

Junkrat has it blasting constantly in his workshop

That or he has every song by Lucio on shuffle

Now, Jamison's,,,talent,,, is a bit harder to show affection with

It took Lucio a long time to really grasp Jamie's love language, but now he knows that 99% of the time that Junk's bombs towards him are romantic

The other 1% are accidents and Lucio is the only person Junkrat apologizes to

He doesn't even do that for Roadhog, so this is a very rare honor

Junkrat is so on board with Lucio being a freedom fighter

"HELL YEAH! fuck the government! down with the enforcer! BLOW THEM UP!"

The enthusiasm is much appreciated, but Lucio does have to explain in detail what he's really fighting for

Junkrat's chaotic nature is just on board with anything

And, despite being the resident yapper of overwatch, he really does like listening to lucio telling him abt things he wasn't aware of while being in Australia

Lucio's telling him so ofc it has GOT to be important, yk?

Sorry this is all just such word vomit. They're my two mains and I just....love them both sm i cant

They're just such a chaotic duo together

Like yeah, Lucio is a pretty chill guy but god does Jamison bring out the worst in him sometimes. They're perfect for eachother

On the rare occasion, Lucio can get Junkrat to settle down long enough for cuddles <3 ofc the lad is still a bit twitchy but it helps him realize that maybe this isn't so bad

Lucio shows Junkrat a kind of love Jamison has never seen before and Junkrat helps Lucio learn that it's okay to lose his cool sometimes

They just compliment each other so well

TL;DR Lucio and Junkrat are so good for each other I will throw hands over this

#overwatch #ow2 #junkrat #jamison fawkes #lucio correia dos santos #overwatch lucio #overwatch junkrat #boombox ow #boombox overwatch #junkrat x lucio #overwatch headcanons

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uglypastels · 1 year

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Right

I thought this was over but then i saw it pop up in my notifications again and truly had a face crack moment

Because that's all you give by leaving these kinds of comments. A very sad and empty feeling in my chest that makes me want to scream. Of course, it doesn't help that the comment was left on a fic where these were literally all the comments before it

(The last one i cut off because it just was a suggestion of where the story should go)

Now, i removed the urls bc i do not have anything against these people. It's not about them. This type of stuff shows up in almost every fic of mine.

And yes, obviously I appreciate the thought behind the fact someone wants to read more of my writing but I also cannot stop the feeling of how little the work i actually have put out is valued.

Maybe it is a short fic of not even a thousand words (although I have also gotten these demands on fics reaching 15k in word count) but it still takes time and effort and energy. Especially with requests, its difficult to write something you know another person has thought of, has expectations for... There is always doubt in my mind when I post a request that I failed the person who wanted the story because it's not what they expected. It's nervewrecking. So yeah, seeing people enjoy the story and wanting more definitely dissipates that constant worry But (there's always a but y'all)

A writer has their own ideas of how a story should go. Even if its a request, you get to interpret that in your own way (previously mentioned anxieties follow up later) and hopefully those interpretations will be appreciated. That includes the plot. And the plot includes, you guessed it, a beginning and an ending.

As the writer, I decide when and how the story ends.

By getting comments such as the ones I put above, I just get constant reminders shot in my face that no one really cares. Not just about me- hell, i dont care about myself- but about writers in general. No one cares about the actual creativity of the writing or the processes. Yall just want your free content, which is understandable in this economy, and then move on.

I could blame this on the Story Time/Like for Part Two internet culture and maybe I am. Hopefully you can see the comparison, especially with how on Tiktok all content constantly seems to be accumulating into series and parts and just never ending. All a person has to do is comment "pt 2 pls" and like it and done.

Just consider that, you get to enjoy something that is given to you completely for free, no questions asked. So why dont you actually enjoy it? Why does there have to always be more? (And if so, why cant the "more" be the already existing catalogues of the writers on here? Or did you skim through all that already -sorry im getting pissed off now, sleep deprivation)

Anyway, i'm tired and dont make any sense. Besides, i cant and wont police people around on here. read the stuff you want, comment all you want, but dont forget that the people writing the stories you like are also human with their own ideas and emotions. Not machines who can print out words at any given command.

#didnt even get into that i have specified on several occasions that i dont take requests through comments #or that i dont do part 2 #or how some of these comments dont ask just Expect there to be more #like no sir #z rants #writing

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xzhdjsj · 1 month

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Hello!

I’m not asking or requesting anything but I just really wanted to talk about your recent fanfic with Zaros and Earis returning after 8 years. Which was amazing!!! But the whole time In as thinking, what if Earis moved on from Zaros and found someone who makes them feel alive? Someone who doesn’t define Earis for their past choices? Not someone who left their mother to rot or run away from their responsibilities, but someone who’s misunderstood and is in need of love they can give. Someone who sees that they are trying to and are changing for the better. Not someone who has a mask to cover up their flaws but someone who acknowledges their flaws and is either accepting or trying to better change their flaws. Someone who loves Earis for them.

And I wonder how it would go when they did go back to Serulla(probably spelt that wrong) to warn Zaros of what his mother is doing. Would Earis and their lover dance and enjoy themselves while they wait for right time to talk to Zaros? Would Zaros try to push Earis’ lover away because “all their dances are reserved” for Zaros? Would Earis and/or their lover get upset because of that? Would Zaros get jealous? Would he show it or mask it away? Would he bring up what they wrote in that letter, the letter that held what they truly felt for him back then? How would Earis respond if he did bring it up? Would their lover get upset at the snarky comments and insults that Zaros spits at Earis?

Idk, I was just thinking about that the whole time. But beside that, I really like the way you write them! I haven’t seen very much Zaros fanfics up until now and this made me very happy! Keep up the writing!

(p.s I’m so sorry, this was much longer than I expected but your fanfic got me thinking. My bad)

OMGOMGOMGONG!! I'm sosososososos BEYOND HAPPY you enjoyed my fic! And dw about the long ask I ENJOYED READING EVERY SECOND OF IT!!! Also sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm sleep deprived and high off painkillers rn😭

This is a verryyyyyyyy sexy idea and I think it would be an interesting dynamic! I mean if I were Earis' partner I'd be hella upset. In the fic I used the "all their dances are reserved for me" thingy to get Earis away from that creepy dude buttttt if they were dancing with a potential lover and Zaros steals them away THE RIVALRY WOULD BE SO SPICY! My intention with the letter shenanigans was that Zaros stayed single all those years waiting and hoping for Earis to return and still hold those sentiments towards him. If Earis showed up with a lover, I feel like he'd be veryyyyy jealous and not ashamed to show it💀 He's already kind of an ass so the passive aggressiveness would be through the roof!

This also has me thinking, I wonder if Earis would feel conflicted by their past feelings (especially when Zaros brings it up as you said!)

Initially, there was a third party involved that travelled alongside Earis and helped them sort through their issues, but it wasn't a lover, more of a mentor. I was thinking about Uncle Iroh and Zuko's dynamic! But I ended up leaving that part out (i cant even remember why at the moment)

I really really love the way you think anon, MAYBE YOU SHOULD WRITE SOME FICS BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN US AMAZING‼️

#this was very entertaining #i love the way your brain works anon!!!#zsakuva #sakuverse #zaros

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spicyraeman · 5 months

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This week's batch of drawings will make you coo gentlepeople! Traumatised murder Bébé Lae'zel and happy Bébé Xan will make you melt like butter in a warm croissant! You never cared for kids? Now you do!

As a french speaker, the charisma check of a froggy frog Lae'zel would probably fail tbh. But it makes me laugh to imagine her accent being 100% harsher and the words mispronounced. They really missed a comical opportunity.

"What do you mean, wizard? Why can't I say 'I want to hit the beach' in front of the hatchlings? I had my hopes to see some phoques there. WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING SHADO-ART! We need to foc-us!"

Buuuuuut in french to say "my love / 🐸 my joy 🐸" you can say "mon cœur" which means "my heart". ( Coincidence? I think not!) I can almost imagine a scene where it's softly choked in a bloody pointy ear at camp after a scary fight. Almost. So just for that I can admit it can be cute. (Want more french lessons? Scream weewoo 🚑 at 3am and I'll appear on your bed, sleep-deprived with a complotist white board ! Special discount for fanfic writers and artists)

I saw briefly the translated version of the game, it's... an experience. They translated SH literally, it really brought out the cringe I probably should've felt in English but didn't. It's wayyy to close to "Shadowcunt" too, but we have Shart here so I can't really speak up. Poor girl is taking punches in every languages 😂

Also I love how everytime I send you something stuck in my brain, you come up with the most reasonable and obvious answers. Why do I forget these characters don't live in a bubble but in a society? Ofc there are gonna be pointy ears headphones 😂🤦‍♀️ All week I imagined some designs for those, then jewelries, then piercings, then I reaaally need to stop this brain. Qquipart is right too, Karlach is def a speaker user!

I live to give you cute drawing ideas. Doing the devil's work I'm sure, adding to the everlasting pile 😈

And take all the time you need to answer, obv. I'm sending a weekly rambling letter to a friend and finding an answer randomly in my mailbox ; waiting is part of the fun.

🫀🚑

Yes! I had kids on the brain at the time! It's not something that happens often, but i couldn't resist baby Xan or Lil'zel

I find French accents incredibly endearing, not particularly attracted to them, but theres something about them i just love. An obscenely french Lae’zel would make me lose my shit, and honestly, it would fit her. I've always had the hc that lae'zels accent is waaayyy more prominent than in game and that she mispronounces words more frequently. I mean, shes probably never had to speak common to anyone before the nautiloid, how would she know how some words are pronounced?

Also bestie ya cant just drop an atomic bomb on me like that, thats too fuckin cute bro my heart 😭

As for reasonable and obvious answers, they're like that cuz ive got terminal worldbuilder disease, and as soon as you sent that ask, i took a whole day just researching headphones and IEMs. I really should draw up some designs for them 🤔 and yeaaa karlach is def bumping the speakers at full volume

It truly is an everlasting pile, i should probably actually start writing them down lmaooo

Trust me, im taking my time lol my brain works at a snails pace, but seeing an ask from you makes my week so ty <3

#asks #long post

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mayullla · 2 years

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I have another idea for the orphanage au! What if reader has a love but since the 40+ kids arrived you had less and less time together and just interact through text. You used to have long midnight chats but slowly but surely you lover text you less and less and only chat good morning or good nights you didn't really notice the change bcs all day you are tired taking care of the kids. One day while going out buy some stuff with some of the kids for Idk grocery shopping until you found your lover cheating right infront of your eyes. You stood there frozen ,the kids immediately are on high alert trying to find what cause you this reaction when they look at what you saw. Their lover cheating. The kids knows about your lover bcs one of the kids asked about why you often look sleep deprived when you revealed that you were chatting with your lover all night and you even showed them a pic of you and your lover. The kids were of course burning with jealousy asking themselves 'what part of them that is so good to the point you love them'. After you saw your lover cheating you immediately went up to your lover confronted about it. The lover was suprised. "Why did you cheat on me?!I thought you loved me?!" You asked. The lover replied "I did but when you start being busy I was bored and found a better person who can actually spend some time with me and now I'm busy with my lover too". (The victim blaming oop). After that you slapped your lover and went back to the kids. The kids saw everything and they were FURIOUS 'how dare they blame YOU for their cheating?!?!' You had tears in your eyes but you held it in bcs there are kids. After that whole fiasco you brought them back to the orphanage and acted as if everything is okay but the kids knew you better than you do. They noticed something is wrong with you. Your smile looks a bit forced and your eyes are glossy when get asked you just replied "really? Huh maybe there was some dust in my eye" acting dumb. That night you went into your bed early and went to your bedroom. You lock the door and cry your hearts out into your pillow bcs you didn't want the kids to hear you but several kids like kazuha and kids that sleep near you can hear you and quickly woke up everyone. The kids who witnessed everything told everyone what happened today and after hearing you cry and the bastards actions they made a plan to make your ex regret for what they did to you. When you were fast asleep after the crying session they opened your phone to find out here your ex lives. That night they scared the living daylights and humiliated them. Fast forward several day later you found your phone filled with apologies from your ex. At that moment you were already a bit over them so you just replied "I don't care about it anymore" and block them. The kids were wondering who were you texting and replied "oh just a nobody" you smiled to comfort them and they smiled too bcs they knew that it was your ex and now you think of them as a nobody.

WHHEEEZEEE I CANT- Rip that dude but like what can you do no~? heh

After that, it was celebrated with ice cream with all the kids!

[ - Orphanage Au is here - ]

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact fluff #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #mayu mailbox #genshin fluff #tw cheating #platonic #sagau #sagau imagine #platonic fluff #fluff #platonic relationships #orphange au

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sexydreamgirl · 11 months

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i feel sad because i don’t really believe in the law anymore and cant even be bothered to test it out since i think it’ll be for nothing, like, i know i can get what i want and ive gotten to manifest stuff in the past but those same things couldve easily been a bunch of coincidences specially since theyre not rlly important and wouldve happened anyway even without me trying (as in, good grades for example)

part of me feels like im missing out by not giving it a chance, theres so many things id love to do and have but i really cant bring myself to believe in manifestation anymore after almost four years of nothing, itll probably give me peace of mind to just accept this isnt a thing and give up but idfk, what if it is?? i dont have motivation to learn, i cant believe anything neville or any of these blogs are saying and it sucks because i really want this to be true

sorry this probs doesnt make much sense im sleep deprived rn, where should i go from here,,,,??

I think the last thing you want to hear right now is to give it another chance and keep going, but I'm afraid that's precisely what I would advise. I wouldn't be here investing my time into two blogs with posts and your questions answered if I hadn't tested the law out for myself and proven it to be true. That would be a waste of my time and yours. If you choose to no longer believe in the law and you're done with it, that's completely fine. Go right ahead. But if this is really something important to you, you won't accept what you don't want.

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mspaintbrush · 2 months

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Baptiste thoughts

always wears his bonnet while sleeping (protect da hair)

Weighted blanket. He just needs something holding him (down)

Not used to a good bed, seems like the guy to sleep on an old thin mattress on the floor in an empty apartment. (No luxury when you are on the run)

Can sleep anywhere under any circumstances.

Kinda horrible in the kitchen (im just getting this vibe from him)

He would take a little too much liberty from the recipes

Dont let him cook unsupervised

Great with spices though. Let him do the seasoning. only that.

Eats almost anything, couldnt afford to be picky for a long time.

Likes music. Hangs with Lucio often.

Especially enjoys Lucio playing the guitar/ukulele (nostalgia-melancholy). (Maybe he teaches him?????????)

I imagine Lucio often asks him for his advice and even if Bap doesnt know the musical terms he can give useful feedback.

Tries very hard to only be cheerful, relaxed and easy-going around everybody, feeling as if everything else isnt good enough.

Constant feeling of impostor syndrome as if he cant believe he is actually part of Overwatch and given this second chance.

So he constantly needs to always be giving his best and only showing his best parts because if its anything below that then he wouldnt be worthy to stay anymore.

Eventually, he WILL crack though.

I imagine maybe after a failed mission where he just made too many "wrong decisions" and he still pretends to be alright on the way back, but some notice he is more quiet than usual. And he disappears to his room earlier.

And I'm sure Lucio would pick up on it or maybe Brig because they are closest with him and have high emotional intelligence. So I just imagine Lucio knocking on Baps door, asking if he can come hang and as he peeks into the room its just Baptiste sitting there in the dark on the floor having a breakdown.

He and Zarya are gym buddies

He isnt as much as an expert as her, but he picked up a thing or two from training with Mauga (who canonically is into lifting and stuff and a fan of Zarya)

She shows him some tricks and gives him advice and in return he spots her

They dont talk much. Bap picks up on Zarya preferring silence very quickly. The gym ends up as a place for him where he can turn off emotions and just focus on his body. (Only if they are alone though)

His love language is quality time

Thats it thats the thought

Chronically flirty

He cant even control it anymore it just comes naturally and sometimes he doesnt notice until the adressed reacts weird

At the same time caught off-guard when people start flirting back (right now I only see Lifeweaver, Mauga, maybe Genji and Cass doing that (and only two of those are in overwatch))

Subconsciously still on the run. If he is really sleep deprived he gets a little paranoid.

Imagine one time afted a sleepless night Baptiste sleeps in and Rheinhardt goes to wake him up. But as Baptiste is woken up by Rhein leaning over and shaking him (patented rhein wake-up tactic) he just sees a giant muscular man and in this semi-conscious state his mind connects to the first and most logical thing: Mauga. So he shoots awake shouting and maybe kicking and crawling away hastily before coming to his senses. Nearby agents look into the room worried about the noise and they just see Bap apologizing profusely to a confused Rhein who wonders if his face is really that scary

#paints thoughts #these are always brainstorming for art as well #so expect to see some of it in the future #anyway #enjoy the filler for now

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superpeanutgarden · 3 months

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Night Blogging

okay, *technically* I'm not using the term right. It's an old phrase from before we called it Shitposting- we blamed all the weird stuff on sleep deprivation and Australians lmao

But it's night, and I'm blogging, so here we are.

so if you've read my other long posts, you'll know I'm in multiple open polyamorous relationships... and that I'm having what one might call "a hoe phase" and an accompanying crisis about if I still have worth if I'm a slut.

Well now im having a whole different (but still slut-adjacent) crisis. Do I even know what romance is????

This didnt come out of nowhere. My girlfriend mentioned that I was dating around as though I was single several months ago. And today she- wisely- brought up that i am at risk of girl bossing too close to the sun. and I had already been thinking about how my sibling had said that our parents didnt really model romance for us, and that we were told that romantic love is just kissing your best friend. And to be clear: I TOTALLY am. I'm not lonely or touch starved or sad or maidenless (or lad-less) in any sense of the imagination.

So... why am I still pursuing people??

The tree i can understand. He's a fun fuck, and he travels the renfaire circuit so I wont see him all the time. No chance of a solid relationship, just a fun easy breezy fling.

The lookout? Similar thing. Super fun to make out with and fine as HELL, but he lives like three hours away and doesnt seem interested in going steady. I can work with that

Max is PolySaturared and we just make out when I'm over for house parties, which isnt as often as I'd like but I'm desperately trying not to have too much of a crush on him (or his wife... or his girlfriend... or his other partner) so it's fine (jesus, maybe I'm not Ace, maybe I am just autistic)

Theres my good ex and my middle school bestie, but they're hella busy and our schedules havent really lined up. Disappointing, but acceptable.

The thing these people have in common is that they are almost entirely unavailable for me to date!! Until literally a month ago I was under the impression that I was just chasing the dopamine of New relationship Energy with ethically renewable sources and I could get my cozy domestic stability from my lovely girlfriends and partner...

And then trumpet guy and I made out at one of Max's house parties.... and Then I went on two dates with The Goblin King after making out with him and the Tree at the same time on NYE. And like??? It's so weird to say that I dont think either of them are stupid hot???? (But only one of the three people I'm dating is Stupid Hot, so there is precedent but?) It feels kinda weird and disingenuous to want to spend more time with these people who I'm not crushing on

And yet im Quickly falling head over clown shoes for trumpet guy. He's cute and fun and he asked me out on a date to dress way fancy and get sushi and go see a musical and???? I had just been telling a classmate that I didnt feel like I had been properly romanced since high school and?????? While I'm an impatient slut, it feels nice to be pursued.

The goblin king is really fucking sweet, and he's got really nice hair, but I'll wait to try talking myself out of liking him until after our next date... (too late, cant unthink that. I'll bring it up in person. He's really cool and I do want to still be his friend, but we both live with parents who would NOT get it so that kinda makes it hard to have solo couple time... or any couple time. It's not like I have to make a choice anytime soon but the dude deserves to know that I'm not sure if there's anything for us beyond friendship and the occasional kiss. Heck, we've only made out the one time and not even just us.)

Anyway, what's tumblr for other than an online diary??

#polyamory #you dont know me #but i know you #long post #nightblogging #romance #stream of consciousness #clown behavior

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saltymongoose · 2 years

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hey there! saw your post that i got tagged in and lowkey had a heart attack/pos. sorry if im bothering you, im a bit paranoid of tumblr eating my replies and tags again.

i did wanna send the au to you, but i kinda back out because i got some terrible experiences with my past accounts on tumblr (i still haven’t gotten over it despite it being months ago), and i looked up to your madcom self aware brrr-

and also because i thought about sending it to you at 5am, yes i almost pulled an all nighter that day.

but i don’t mind if you happened to reblog one of my posts and share your thoughts! i do appreciate it, and i also understand that you might have thought i might be uncomfortable.

I’m doing fine as of now (minus the sleep deprivation of course), since the anon reached out to you about purgatory mode (im thankful to that anon honestly)

um- cant wait for you to reblog! if you want to of course. im not going to force you.

and also-

i was going to draw smt else but i drew enough today, so i just made a shitpost from my art-

Oh, hello! It's good to see you. :) <3 Don't worry, you aren't bothering me with the ask and reply, I know how tumblr can be when it comes to this stuff lol. I also get why you were hesitant on sending me stuff even if you wanted to, so no worries there either, though I am glad that you're doing well as of right now. ❤

As for reblogs, while I probably won't be doing it to every sam:pn post you do (cause wow, there's a lot and I don't want to sound like a broken record with compliments haha), you should be expecting that to happen pretty soon. ;)

Although, I was also considering just rbing the first fic (or maybe making a post @ing you?) with my thoughts on everything I've read in the series as kind of a full review/official AU recommendation - but I'm not sure if you'd like standard reblogs more, so it's your call, I'm really fine with either. ┐( ︶ ▽ ︶ )┌ The only difference is that it would probably be lengthier this way since I'd be covering more, but I digress.

It's also really sweet of you to say that you look up to me and the original AU, I don't even know what to say, it's just really flattering so thank you so much! Knowing that I've inspired you is enough to make me want to write too haha. I hope you enjoy your time with the AU and Madcom, and I'm glad the community here has been welcoming to you. Congrats on 200 followers! 🎉💖🎊❤️🎉💝🎊

#P.S. I love the little drawing. It's very cute.#oh also just a note for everyone: I am *very* busy right now with work but after tomorrow I'll be back to posting things like usual :)#ty for your patience <3 #ask #dallyfae #chat tag #(And to down-astronomical (<3) just wanted to let you know that I got both art pieces from you just fine #Ik you didn't ask but with how weird tumblr is I figured it'd be best to notify you lol)

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murdering-time · 1 year

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An Overdue Explanation and Update

// Hey Folx

I know for the majority of the past few months I have been very inactive and I'll give you the short of it all before the cut. Mental Health and Dropping out of Uni.

Of course I'll be back, I've been in contact with Spider and Doorrat ((who are both incredibly sweet people out of asks for the record)) and I have a few things planned out for the blog which is VERY exciting!

I do plan to go through the Hatters Acrs in BTAS without the use of cameos ((Trial I will maim you)) and Im not too focussed on this blog being cannon compliant !

If you wish to read more, just to know what's up, it's all under the cut, and TW for me being open about my mental health but that's about it

Best to all of you!

Hare

Aha, a curious fellow, eh? (Gender neutral)

Alright, the meat of it all

The past few years Ive been struggling mentally anyway - I flip flop from incredible highs to just inexplicable lows - it's incredible exhausting, leaves me restless and sleep deprived, and worst of all I've been trying to complete university on top of it.

My studies have suffered. I have suffered. And now it has all unfortunately caught up to me.

These past few months I have been doing what I like to call "hermitting" Its where I isolate myself, store and conserve my energy for the small things I enjoy doing, and those I want to talk to.

I have dropped out of University after failing a second attempt and this academic year I am working.I have a new job, I am talking to new people, and I am recouperating myself.

I have a therapist again, too and having been in and out of counselling for just over half a decade it feels like I'm getting somewhere with help.

I should be seeing a psychiatrist soon, and I sincerely hope they can give me some answers for being incredible low emotionally at the worst of times.

So, what does this mean for my blog?

Well! Essentially, I have more free time! Lost more free time!

I can feel the lack of stress of study, I feel lighter, and up until now I was incredibly drained at a constant.

I started this blog in the Summer holiday (nearly just over half a year ago now) and I never thought it would pick up so quickly as it did!

I am having such fun, and I still have Doorrat's ask in my inbox to continue the lore and story of Mad as a Hatter

I have a few tags to make, tag lists, organisation, just for each sort of episode that's explored I can go through the tags and make a tag list

Really, just now, I'm hoping to keep myself a float, Im still working on my stupid little fanfic that this blog was inspired by, and I'm just trying to get myself into the flow of having most the week to myself and not sleeping in

It's fun! Real fun, and from talking to such lovely people who drop by my inbox (Phone Im looking at you too) and all the peope who send and tag me in things

It makes me feel very welcomed and it makes the breaks I need feel valued and understood

Really, just, being a sap on main, I am so touched by the inherent support that there is for me, for Hatter, for this blog, and for the arcs that are being spurred on by all the wonderful asks in my inbox

I love you all very dearly, the spam likers, the lurkers, the askers, the RPers, the people who have messaged me, tagged me, thought about this stupid little blog --

It's an honour to be here and to be supported like this especially with the stress that I've gone through offline UvU

Expect some more lore soon, right now Im just finishing up a scarebest fic for a mate of mine and hopefully going to update the little long term fic Im working on and check exactly where im supposed to be with that on the outline

I'll be sure to draw a little thank you for the wait, and while It would have been appropriate the put Jervis in Arkham BEFORE going AWOL unfortunately I cant choose when my brain decides "hello. Time to hibernate."

Needless to say, this fucker WILL end up in Arkham, which means NEW EMOTES, and you guys will be more than able to ask about the inmates, Jervis' allies, and who he's connecting with within the asylum

Sympathies and regards to all of you!

Hare

#update #ooc #mun #where have I been #INSIDE #IN BED #rotting away under the comfort of my new MUSHROOM THEMED BLANKET #and also simping for bob velseb #thanks for that doorrat /lh #guess whos been knitting though #and spending time with a very sweet man #who coinsidentally got me my job #bless him #im seeing him sat and were playing board games together #fully reccomend ruins or arnak by the way #fucking spicy game

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raincamp · 10 months

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7 - 19 - 23

why is being mentally ill so fucking expensive???

i've been really stressed about money recently. and i hate it because im only 19 right, i shouldn't be worrying about how to pay back thousands of dollars in medical debt, i haven't even made my first rent payment in my life yet.

my insurance decided to deny coverage for my hospital stay earlier this month after i attempted. i have to pay thousands for an ambulance, for the days they kept me over my allotted insured days, for the stay at the hospital where they evaluated me, and i can't get any help because im still on my parents insurance, and they dont want to help me pay for my treatment anymore.

(TW for suicidal ideation and bad hospital experiences)

after my insured days were up, i begged the fucking doctors at the psychiatric hospital not to keep me longer, not only because they were COMPLETELY unequipped to handle treating my BPD beyond sedating me everytime i had an episode, but also because it was $600 a day that i had to pay out of pocket (+ extra fees for meds etc). and you know what the doctor said? "you're still reporting passive suicidal ideation, i dont feel comfortable sending you home."

yeah, of course i have passive ideation, i'm fucking borderline, that's literally one of my symptoms, one of the diagnostic criteria in the DSM. you think you can put my BPD into remission in two weeks?

i have good treatment at home, i go to group weekly, have one on one dbt, get phone coaching with my therapist, but this fucking doctor wouldn't let me go, and after spending almost a week begging her, she finally agreed to IF i signed an ROI for my parents. that manipulative bitch

i dont tell my parents the details of my treatment for a reason. you can probably imagine how that went down when i got home.

anyway, that's neither here nor there. today I've been feeling like i am completely unable to survive in this society. i can't manage to get myself to go to work consistently, despite the fact that i get paid decently and want to. last week was the first week since i was employed in april that i went to work everyday.

i called in today. i just cant fucking do it. work takes everything out of me. i come home and sleep 12 hours because im exhausted, and if i have the time i can sometimes convince myself to make food before i leave for work again. i dont have time for hobbies, i dont have time to enjoy anything, getting to see friends means being sleep deprived, i don't even have time to take care of myself. calling in sick is me giving myself time to fucking shower and eat a meal and clean my room and possibly even do something relaxing so i don't drown in stress.

now that im drowning in medical bills— among the rent and electricity bills i will have to start paying next month when i move out, along with the debt im in for my car— being unable to go to work consistently feels like a death sentence. and honestly, yeah, i am considering death so that i dont have to worry about this shit anymore. because obviously me with my chronic mental illnesses— that even if they do manage to go into remission, will make me a slave to the healthcare system in the process— are not meant to thrive in this society.

i cant fucking do it. not right now- and if I can't right now while im in a stable living situation, then i certainly wont be able to when the roof over my head is dependent on whether or not i can get myself out of bed everyday.

its bullshit that im considering killing myself over medical bills at 19.

- andrew

#diary #tumblr diary #online diary #journal #journalling #tumblr journal #mental illness #mentally ill #im not mentally stable #actually bpd #actually mentally ill #therapy stuff #psych hospital #mental hospital

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torivikachu · 11 months

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I just realized this - and im embarrased i havent earlier - that my brain practically needs to multitask to get anything done. like, music helps (singing and working at the same time, or at least some background noise), watching smth and working - the greatest thing ever (tbh I can barely watch a show without doing anything while watching it so i just combine binge watching and binge working lol), but I also just realized - so I was kinda hurt by that one dumb thing and I kinda wanted to cry but not unless I really actively thought about it and as I'm exhausted and sleep deprived i thought that crying a little could really help me right now to kinda balance my nervous system (dont ask, its complicated), so I tried to actively think about crying (and cry) while working and yknow what. YOU KNOW WHAT. these were the most productive 2 minutes of my day until I came to this epiphany and had to write it down before i forget (because i always forget these things and i kinda wanna talk about it with my therapist). so. like. idk. by the end of writing this post i basically started doubting if i just made a dumb assumption based on a random correlation. but yes. i want to test it out. but then also i had to like put off my work so many time because of daydreaming because when thoughts run wild you just cant reign them in, like that one time i was working and my mind went - imagine if a missile stroke your parents apartment in Odesa while your dad is at work and now you get a message from your dad saying your mom didn't make it and your sister is badly injured-

i am not even going to reread what i just wrote. at this point i dont even really remember what my initial idea was and i need to get back to work so. enjoy my brain diarrhea

#i totally had to google how to spell diarrhea

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yeahyeahwhateverrr · 1 year

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ok, to get to the point, i have a huge problem with men that Is causing me a daily obstacle/actually hindering my life at this point. And i guess I'll talk about that, but I'd like to make a point first before anything, that even though there is an explanation for my actions, there is no justification whatsoever, never will be. Men deserve delicacy and kindness just like everyone else, even if they may or may not be bad. But if they're bad, obviously I'm gonna be a shithead. Like bad, bad. Not normal bad, nobody is always morally correct. Even though my own triggers with normal men over small things make me not trust them easily, so i try to suppress rage and resentment towards them. And it's just healthier to tackle that and just talk about it, not to them, unless it's necessary i guess? But at least to someone not involved that sees a different perspective and is able to help, and God knows i can't afford therapy right now lol. So that's a long ways ahead. I'm doing what i can with the tools i have, but they're obviously shit and work sometimes. "I" statements and DBT therapy wasn't enough ok lol. That's on me but obviously i need some more intervention there. Bc i get unbelievably fucking mad out of nowhere, not even bc of men. Idk, but anyways -

I have a lot to work on, and I'm gonna make mistakes, so i should probably withdraw for periods of time. (even though that's proven bad for me, bc then people find me having episodes where I'm crying uncontrollably and talking incoherently about a lot of shit and i cant remember those. Then I'm fucking embarrassed, like i don't even drink when those happen, like do i get sleep deprived...? Wtf) but maybe during those times, I'll have have to take here and there to avoid, so i can still do self introspection and coach myself somehow? Or ask people how they deal with that personally, something that at least shows I'm trying to make the effort to change for the better. But men absolutely deserve to be nurtured and loved just like anyone else, and to feel security. And they shouldn't have to shut out their own emotions, and they definitely need people to be patient with them bc obviously men are taught at a young age to bottle shit up/ignore it/it's whatever, you're a boy, etc whatever fucking bullshit. I was raised the same way, but that's besides the point, really? But men really do deserve to have their inner child healed and dealt with appropriately as well. Eventually I'll have to work my way up to therapy though, and work on that one super hard and see if i can break through it. Bc it's been my strongest barrier my whole life, when i shouldn't be holding my problems against certain people against all men. They're not all aggressors or monster, they're people just like me. And when i act and do things a certain way i make myself unsafe not only to men but others as well. And i want to acknowledge that and apologize for that sincerely for anyone I've hurt. An apology will not mend or fix that hurt, but i want to at least realize the pain I've caused + as well as apologize bc i feel remorse, not bc i don't want to get caught. But bc it's not being fair to others, it's not giving people a chance, and it's just really fucking unnecessary, quite frankly. So i am sorry for that, and i don't expect to be forgiven.

Now i will talk about my examples with men, but as i said, not a justification, but merely an explanation for my behaviors. My experiences in life with men, so at least there is some understanding there.

Was with dad and his friend downtown, i was maybe 13-15 range, we used to listen to music every Saturday downtown. My dad wasn't drinking, not specifying for anonymity reasons. His friend was. My dad was standing beside him, listening to the music, his friend was behind me, uncomfortable close as i was sitting down in those fabric lawn chairs. Just excited to be with my dad, and his friend started leaning forward, and i felt something hard against my neck, and maybe he was just having a hard time keeping himself up. But wouldn't it be soft? Like idk, how do dicks work, i could definitely feel that shit on my neck, and i remember freezing up when i realized. He's just a drunk though so that has to be it, but every other of my dad's friends didn't like me. And he was the only one that actually went out of his way to talk to me.

Was with my dad outside his apt at the same age range, while he was working on his motorcycle, dude came walking from the bar, stopped by to talk to my dad, kept looking at me, and was like, "you have a really beautiful daughters, i have daughters myself." And just kept staring at me the whole time. Mf looked like Lester off of GTA 5 i shit you not, just skinnier. my dad didn't really acknowledge him, and then the dude walked off, and my dad didn't tell me to go inside or anything, it was night and summer. He drove off to test his motorcycle at the time, leaving me outside. And i was feeling weird, so i locked the door and went upstairs, looking out the window on the main street we were on, and the dude was walking across the street slowly (like the other side this time, he was lingering for a while actually.) and looked up at me and didn't pull away his eyes.

My stepdad and his SIL were drinking one night, and i came out. I was the same age, i used to get hit on a lot as a teenager. (Surprisingly, I'm not conventionally attractive, but i was really, really skinny at the time) and his SIL who was and still is with his daughter, started calling me cute and picking at me. And started joking that he wanted to take me to McDonald's so he could get me a "big Mac". i may be Autistic, but i understand fucked up social cues when i hear them. I'm not that retarded, not saying anyone is, but i wish people wouldn't undermine me. Constantly. My stepdad was coaxing it on, and he actually opened up the garage, and his SIL was trying to get me to come outside with him, very insistent. It didn't feel like a joke anymore. He had his keys ready and everything and wanted "to just take me for a ride." (Same man that put a gun to my stepdads daughters head btw threatening to kill him and her) i was like NO. And kept saying it over and over, my stomach was definitely churning that night. Something felt wrong, i don't think he wouldve raped me, i don't think he's that vile, but i felt really aggressive bc my boundaries weren't being respected. If you don't listen to me, sorry but idgaf about your feelings at that point. Maybe I'm looking too much into these experiences

First ex (cheated on me, admitted to it later bc i wouldn't give him what he wanted) i was 14 and didn't care about sex. And it was my first relationship. When we eventually got back together like 2 years later ish, he wouldn't even talk to me, acknowledge me, brushed me off and would actually push me off of him. Completely cold. I cried and said i was gonna go home, and he said what are you gonna do? Walk all the way home to your dad and tell him where you were? So i stayed and i don't really want to talk about it, not traumatizing. Can't say it was, not going to insinuate or say anything there. He wasn't a bad guy, just high sex drive. Did he make me cry a lot that night and got actually vocally shitty at me for crying? Yes lol

Being flirted with at gas stations when my dad used to send me down to them, with money so he could get 2 liters and maybe some candy lol. That's definitely a lot less malicious, not so bad. Having a man whisper to you in your ear some nasty shit when you're literally at the register is a different story though. I was 16 lol. At least when i told him he backed tf off. He was like oh shit nvm. So a respectful gentleman for that at least, definitely not traumatizing, just a funny story now.

My friends uncle hitting on me and looking me up and down heavily when i was at her house, i was definitely not 18 yet. But he also really flirts with any woman, to be fair. She was uncomfortable as fuck too. I remember when i went home with her one day in high school, her brother and uncle both picked us up, nothing said weird about me. But were saying the high school girls were jail bait and. Yeah. That's not really traumatizing, just made me feel gross.

Obviously i also have trauma with women, i was molested as a kid. But that has no relation to this. I will not explain further than that, bc I'm not mad at who did it to me, does it hurt and make things awkward? Yes. Absolutely lol. But i will never put it against them.

Now i will explain things a little more, but this should absolutely be taken with a grain of salt, and just moreso weird experiences. I do not want to incriminate anyone, i do not want to point fingers or even insinuate anything. I'm fine, im cool, the brain is just a weird thing. i used to have dreams of having sex as a kid, even though I didn't know what that was. Only explanation i can think of is accidentally being exposed to porn, but i can't say for sure bc i was really small. Someone would be on top of me, my vision would be blurry/like looking through a fishbowl lens, couldn't see the person's face, so maybe even sleep paralysis. But I'd feel someone on top of me, and then the motions of missionary. I'd have no thoughts at first, like just the vision and looking up. And then it was like a melting, like i was slowly becoming aware, and then i started to feel a spike of adrenaline and slight panic (?) (Only way i know how to explain that, and then i blacked out. I would just black out.) I remembered that when i got older, and then when i first had sex ever, it reminded me of it. I was like woah, this is familiar. But i can't quite pin my feelings on it. I talked to my sister about it, she used to have the same dreams all the time apparently. But she thinks it was spiritual warfare/spirits raping us, but she was also really whacked out of her mind on meth at the time. She's clean, at least she says she is now. Then asked, "what happened to you child?" Idk bro but we talk about something else now lol idk. Nothing happened I'm fine, repressed memories aren't real. Repressed Emotions are, however. But memories can be falsified and made up. So it was just dreams. I'm fine, I'm ok. I'm fine. Did i get night terrors apparently as a teenager? Yeah haha, but i got a few of them at my dad's. My mom never said anything. My stepmom and dad were watching a movie one night, i was asleep already in my room, and she heard me screaming and crying, just screaming NO and STOP over and over, so she came to check up on me i guess, and was thrashing about looking like i was trying to fight someone off and sobbing hysterically while my eyes were wide open. My dad said he heard nothing, so idk lol. The next morning, had no idea, she confronted me quietly, and was like, did something happen to you? Like who hurt you? Like why are we getting really quiet? 😳🥹🥹 I definitely woke myself up to sobbing quite a few times, like really heavily. Feeling pain in my chest. But that's not night terrors. I remember another dream i had as a kid, where i was sitting on the floor in front of my mom, the living room was dim, only one light on that she was sitting beside. I was in front of her sitting on the floor, in my Dora onesie. And she told me to stay out of the darkness and stay away from the ghost. (? Lol this sounds so fucking cliche or made up sorry, it's just an uncomfortable dream so it's sat with me forever) and sure as fuck a ghost comes down the hallway towards me, picks me up, starts taking me down the hallway, and started to unzip my Dora onesie, and the ghost started to rub around my nipple in a circular motion, and walked me into My parents bedroom, which it was at the time. Now it's just my mom's. And has been. The bedroom was dramatically dark in my dream lol. I had the weird sex dreams and that one literally both when i was In elementary school still. Funny how the brain works, right?

My sister i was talking about earlier actually is getting night terrors to this day apparently, and she's older than me. If that's saying anything. But she was an actual victim of molestation and rape in the same house. I didn't know about the rape until way later. She doesn't like to sit in silence or be with her thoughts or anxiety. So she usually needed something to occupy her mind. So now she's literally on sedatives and hardcore meds. I don't blame her, life has been tough on her. I love her and care about her, and i worry about her everyday. I don't think she's doing anything bad, we just been through a lot of shit together. She is my best friend.

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