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watermelonlovershigh · 1 year

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"I Just Felt Like Cryin"

AN: this randomly came to me in one of my dreams and i had to write it out. i love this concept even though it breaks my heart a little bit. i hope you enjoy and your feedback is welcome!!!!!

This story contains: just crying and comfort

{ dadrry - husband!harry - softrry - have three kids but they aren't in really in story }

word count- 1,061

Harry comes home from the studio and just feels like crying for whatever reason.

As soon as Harry came home from the studio you could tell something was wrong. He wasn't as cheerful as he usually was and he seemed lost in his train of thought. But knowing Harry, he tried to hide his emotions well and act as if nothing was wrong. Especially in front of your three kids. He didn't want his kids to see him have a breakdown. He only wanted them to see their father in a happy state.

The problem tonight was that even Harry didn't know what was wrong with himself. He wasn't necessarily sad and he wasn't mad. So maybe it's a combination of stress and built up emotions but he just felt on the verge of crying all evening. There was this burning behind his eyes that you get when you're trying not to cry and Harry can't seem to get rid of it.

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After going through the routine of giving your kids their baths and tucking them into bed, it was time to go to bed yourselves. This part in your night routines can vary depending on your moods. If you were feeling needy, then it would consist of making love under the duvet. If you wanted to relax more, it could consist of sharing a bath or shower together. If you were tired, it would consist of just cuddling and going to sleep. Tonight you didn't know what to expect but you knew sex was off the table.

You came into your bedroom to brush your teeth and then begun putting your creams and lotions on your skin as you sat on the edge of the bed. Harry told you he'd be back in a moment, that he was going to get himself a glass of water from the kitchen. You were nervous because you didn't want there to be anything seriously going on with him. You hated to see your husband so down.

The whole journey to the kitchen Harry was fighting tears. Then on the way back up to your shared bedroom he was fighting tears. He didn't want to cry tonight. Not that he was embarrassed to cry in front of you. No, you've been married for so long that he's completely okay with being vulnerable around you. He just didn't want to make you sad because he knows when you see him cry you get sad.

But as soon as Harry stepped foot in the bedroom and shut the door behind himself, he took one glance at you, the person he loves most, and his bottom lip started quivering and his shoulders started shaking as a sob left his body. You stood up quickly and walked across the room, first grabbing the glass of water out of his shaky hands. Then asking, "Baby, what's wrong? Hey, it's okay."

Harry just wraps his arms around you and sobs into your shoulder. You haven't seen him cry this hard since the death of his step father and it's really worrying you. "I....." Harry tries to speak, "I donno."

"Are you sad or feeling sick?" you gently question.

"No, I, I just felt like cryin'. M'sorry. I'm a big baby." he mutters as you lead him over to the bed. Now you understand a bit more. Harry has been stressed lately and you have a feeling his emotions just got backed up so much that now they are all flowing out of him. Typically Harry is the type of person that will ignore his emotions until they come spewing out of him. For some it's with anger that includes yelling and being violent. For Harry, he's not an angry or violent person so his emotions are tears.

You help Harry sit on the edge of the bed while continuing to hug him to your chest. His cries are slowing down but are still somewhat there. "Shhh," you whisper while leaning back to lay down under the covers and stroke the back of his scalp, "It's okay. You can cry if you feel like it. I'll be here the entire time and hold you, okay." Just wanting your husband to know its okay to cry it out.

Harry nods his head where it's placed over your heartbeat, his favorite place to be. He loves laying his head over your heartbeat during sex to feel how fast he's got it beating for him. But he also just loves to feel it to comfort him when he's trying to sleep or is upset about something.

After a few more minutes, Harry coos in a hoarse voice, "Thank you. Thank you for always knowing how to comfort me and thank you for loving me." His words nearly bring you to tears.

"Harry, babe, you're so easy to love. You have the biggest heart and everyone can't help but to show you love. I love you so much." you tell him truthfully. You do love Harry with every fiber in your body. You wouldn't have married him if you didn't. You wouldn't have let him get you pregnant three times and had his beautiful babies if you didn't love this heavy man laying across your chest right now.

Harry lifts his head off your chest and leans forward, going in for a kiss, but you stop him. He gets a sad look of rejection on his face but you reach over to your nightstand and grab a tissue. "You have snot running out your nose, babe. Here, let me help you wipe it up." You gently cradle the side of his face and help him wipe his snotty nose. It doesn't gross you out at all because you do have kids that have desensitizes you to this kind of stuff. "There we go. Now you can kiss me."

With the first smile you've seen on his face all night, Harry leans in again and places the most softest kiss on your lips. It only lasted a second but that second means everything to you. After the kiss, Harry whispers, "I love you." He leans back down to snuggle into your covered chest. You grab the edge of the duvet and help drape it over his back to keep the both of you warm. Then once you reach to turn the lamp off and the bedroom is filled with darkness, you began to fall asleep with Harry in your arms.

(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)

(no more tags are allowed because i've hit my number limit. sorry : ( )

tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @hsfanficsrecss // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @itfeelslikemytherapisthatesme // @damnasstyles // @mrsstylesharry // @softmullet // @meetmyblondemuffins // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @stanleystyles // @haarrrys // @michellekstyles // @skyangel57 // @the-gardener-31 // @lhharrylilpumpkin // @yousunshine-youtemptress // @clairestylessss // @kissmyaxe140 // @goldenmelonsugar-hi // @kaitieskidmore1 // @florencepughily // @alienorknight //@dancearoundthelivingroom // @swiftmendeshoran

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My Masterlist Masterpost

#harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles comfort #dadrry #dad!harry #husbandrry #husband!harry #softrry #soft!harry #harry styles crying #harry styles fan fiction #harry x reader

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willyoubethepookietomypookster · 9 months

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"Not so common cold"

Hey yall!! Its finally out!! The ending was a little rushed because I wanted to get it over with, but i hope you still enjoy it! This one is a little longer than the others, which I'm really proud of cuz i usually lose motivation very quickly on writing projects. Also sorry for any bad grammar or non capitalized i's. Its my adhd. Happy reading!!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It was a cold, rainy day in Soho. You lay restless on the bookshop floor, the cold wood being the only thing keeping you from melting. You basically lived here at this point, but when you woke up with your blistering fever, Aziraphale was no where to be found. He left a note saying he was out for business with Crowley, but he wouldn't answer any calls. After about 2 hours, you decide to call them one more time. You reach for your pocket before realizing you left it on the couch. You pull yourself up by holding on a table, and trudge over to the couch. You grab your phone and speak into the phone.

"Call Aziraphale." You strain.

"Calling Azraphale." The cheery british bot says. It said his name wrong and that makes you chuckle, which then makes you start coughing up a storm.

"Damnittttt. Pick upppppp!!" You whine. "C'mon! You can't be this busy." You're on the verge of tears when Aziraphale picks up.

"Sorry y/n, I seemed to have accidentally set my phone to silent before Crowley told me to check it, because there's no way you haven't checked in. I saw that I had nine missed calls, is everything alright?" He sounds really worried.

"I'm sick out of my mind. I'm dyinggg." You whine again. Aziraphale starts audibly freaking out over the phone.

"Oh heavens!!! Crowley we've got to go home right now!" You hear him yelling in the background.

"Sorry dear, we'll be right over, don't even worry about it." He says hastily.

"Wasn't. See u soon Pa." You reply. Your fever has been steadily going down, but you're still a little delirious, as you called Aziraphale dad on accident. Aziraphale and Crowley have asked you about your parents before, but you always refuse to talk about them for some reason. The truth is, you don't even remember your parents, but whenever you try and think about them you get a weird pit in your stomach, filled with fear, sadness, and a little anger, so they decided to stop pushing.

"Y/n wh-" Aziraphale starts, but the line cuts, and you assume that his phone died or something. You go lay back on the floor, awaiting their arrival.

About half an hour later, Crowley and Aziraphale arrive. They both have a bag of something. You try to peel yourself off the floor, but it makes you dizzy and you give up.

"You look like death." Crowley says.

"I feel like death." You reply, barely moving. He almost rolls his eyes, but he hesitates, and for a second you can see his gaze soften, before he decides to roll his eyes anyway.

"Okay kid, this isn't Romeo and Juliet, you'll be fine." He says, walking off somewhere. Aziraphale walks in and kneels beside you.

"Okay y/n, roll over so I can feel your forehead." Aziraphale says. You groan and protest, but do it anyway. His hand is warm, and while that would usually be nice, its terrible right now.

"Your hands are too warmmm." You say, trying to wriggle away.

"Jeez, y/n, you're burning up! Come on, up we go. Lets lay on the couch, okay?" He states, lifting you up by your arms and basically dragging you over to the couch. You lay down flat and get hit by a wave of nausea and groan.

"This really sucks." You sniffle, your voice wavering as you feel like crying.

"I know, I know, its okay." Aziraphale responds, rubbing your back. He waves his hand and suddenly the room is very cold. He shivers slightly, but you sigh in relief, as you felt like you would shrivel up and die any second from heat stroke. Crowley walks in and almost recoils in shock from the temperature.

"It's like a freezer in here! What happened?" He yelps. Aziraphale gives a sympathetic nod in your direction and Crowley calms down almost immediately. Crowley hesitates for a second, but reaches down to feel your forehead. His hand is surprisingly cold and you lean into it.

"Jeez, you really are burning up." He whispers. Aziraphale makes a comment about how Crowley really is nice, which makes him rip his hand off of your forehead and down into his pocket, which makes you whine.

"Noo your hands are cold and nice." You pout. You typically wouldn't be acting like this, but your fever has you delirious. Crowley gives you a funny look, and almost reached back down before seeing Aziraphales smile and deciding against it.

"Too bad. I'm not gonna pamper you just cuz you're sick, you know." He says and you whine again. He leaves the room to do hell knows what and you talk to Aziraphale.

It had been an hour and a half since they returned and you had thrown up once and then fallen asleep. The bags that they walked in with were now stuffed in the back office. One filled with medican from a local pharmacy and the other filled with your favorite take out. Crowley was the one who suggested the takeout, but when they got home they saw that you were in no state to eat and so Crowley put it in the small fridge they bought for you in back.

After a few minutes, you woke up, but kept your eyes closed to conserve energy. While you were lying there, Crowley walked over to you and sat on the couch beside you. He gingerly reached over and brushed some hair out of your eyes. You hold back a smile to see what he would do next.

"You poor creature. I had forgotten how fragile you are." He states. This catches you off guard, as this is totally out of character for Crowley. Crowley notices you twitch, and you pretend to wake up. He quickly pulls his hand away and goes to stand up.

"Where are you going?" You say, faking a yawn and rubbing your eye. His gaze softens slightly as he sits back down next to you.

"Nowhere. Don't worry about it." He says and smiles, obviously being nicer because you're ill.

"Good." You say, and grab his hand. You guys sit in silence for a while before Aziraphale comes and takes your temperature again.

"101.." He sighs. "But at least its going down. You were 109 an hour ago." He smiles.

"109?????" You exclaim. "Aren't I supposed to go to the hospital at that point??" Aziraphale looks a little stunned, but Crowley makes a noise and sprawls out on the couch.

"Too late now. You're fever has gone down to a normal-ish level." He states. You guys all move to a table in the back room, and Crowley grabs the previous take out from the fridge and places the bag on the table.

"Ya still nauseous or do you think you can eat?" You look inside the bag and your face lights up.

"From (fav restaurant)????!!! I'm starved!!" You exclaim, and immediately start pulling the containers out from the bag. Aziraphale is typically the one who eats with you, as Crowley doesn't enjoy it as much as he does, but he decides to eat with you guys today just to make you happy.

"Damn Y/n, if I knew any better, I'd say you hate this restaurant." Crowley says and chuckles as you pull containers out at the speed of light. Aziraphale gives him a look.

"Well obviously not, look at the speed they're-"

"Sarcasm, Angel." Crowley interrupts.

"Ah, well. Of course." Aziraphale says.

"Its okay dad. Pa was just teasing. He meant no harm." You say, while opening a container and digging some food out of it. They decide mutually not to pay attention to the fact that you called them dad, and to just enjoy the moment. They didn't mind the term. Quite the opposite in fact, (though Crowley would never admit that) but they often didn't know how to react. They just smiled and chatted while you ate. Crowley ruffled your hair and Aziraphale made you some hot chocolate. Suddenly your terrible sick day wasn't so terrible after all.

#sick day #ineffable husbands #good omens season one #good omens #crowley #aziraphale x reader #crowley x reader #good omens x reader #good omens fic #crowley being cute #aziraphale #teen reader #i love this show #im tired #have fun #this is so cute #yall better read it

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slowlystupendousdelusion · 1 month

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So I saw Nye the other day

Assorted thoughts:

I didn't know that much about him beyond him being Welsh, NHS architect and that they have a statue of him outside Cardiff McDonalds which has the largest amount of bird shit on a statue I have ever seen, so this was also educational.

(Side note: isn't it mad that he's not really talked about that much? Like they spend so long in school banging on about the war they don't talk about the social reforms in the aftermath? Actually this may be due to me dropping history in year 9)

So first of all NT is lovely (at least the inside of it is, I'm clearly a philistine cause I can't get behind the architecture 😅) and we had fairly cheap tickets in the stalls but were still quite close. We were off to the side so the view of one side of the stage was slightly impeded due to the curtains but this didn't impede my enjoyment!

The conceit of the play is that Nye is on his death bed and having morphine-fuelled flashbacks to moments in his life. And the play really takes you through a whole gamut of emotions. (I was going through them like a sine curve)

The joy in the scene where Nye is shown a library for the first time is absolutely infectious. Him chatting up Jennie also made me beam. Before watching, I was worried this scene would be a bit cringe, but Sheen really sold it.

Actually there were quite a lot of laugh out loud bits throughout which felt like quite a feat given that it's interspersed with being on the verge of tears.

Him trying to keep busy to avoid the reality of his father's sickness and impending death and the frustration of his sister is so heartbreaking and so so real. And then later Jennie saying We don't talk about/ he doesn't want to talk about it (emotions) is so sad and really rings true for men of that era.

There were some quite clear parallels being made with politics today which I found quite depressing. Why have the conversations on benefits not moved on in 90 or so years?? (Side note: At the time I really thought that the pandemic would be a catalyst for change in the same way the war had been. The fact that it has not been is so disappointing to me and i was rudely reminded of this when watching) Seeing him raise himself up to MP is quite inspirational, but it did make me question how possible that would be today.

It was quite refreshing to see Churchill portrayed more disparagingly. I wonder if it was perhaps a bit uncharitable to Jennie Lee? She tries to hide the severity of his condition and they speak far more about her infidelity (while glossing over Nye's) which doesn't exactly cover her in glory.

I'm not sure the ending worked that well for me - I think it was supposed to be a celebration that the NHS was able to give people dignity at the end of life, but I came out sad that even with all his hard work, the NHS wasn't able to save him.

Anyway, obviously Michael Sheen was very good, and turns out he can also sing? He is very much front and centre on this - the other characters are rather more in the background. I was also impressed Kezrena James who switched effortlessly between accents when switching characters.

So for the set I love the use of the hospital curtains as curtains (lovely colour too!) and this really makes the red pyjamas pop against them. And obviously you couldn't put Nye in the more traditional blue striped pyjamas for party political reasons. Jennie also wears a lot of red (and I had shoe envy in the hospital scenes too). The way they adapted the curtains to look like the house of commons seats was really clever.

The use of beds was interesting and I suppose needed to stop the hospital setting becoming a bit static. Actually there must have been a lot of choreography needed for this and they make it look effortless. Some of the humour is derived directly from the movement too.

The use of lasers to show a rock face in a coal mine while showing a heart rate was visually interesting but I'm not sure how well it worked for me - maybe it worked better from a head-on seat? I did enjoy the miners lamp lighting the dark stage prior to that bit though.

I think my favourite scene aesthetically was the one right before the interval as his father is dying and the stage is all dark, evoking the coal mine, the spotlight on the (white) bed with his dad laying across it also all dressed in black.

So overall there was quite a lot going on in this play. The song number doesn't feel jarring because of the context of fitful dreams. I almost think it might work better in a film context than theatre though? I don't know whether it's maybe trying to accomplish too much - it tries to cover both the story of Nye the person and the creation of the NHS and switches focus between the halves. Both of those topics (albeit intertwined) would be more than enough to cover within a two hour play! There are so many things that are mentioned in passing but they don't have time to explore - the unconventional marriage, why did Jennie have to give up her career for Nye? (I assume 1930s 30ing but I don't actually know and it's not obvious?), did his relationship with his sister improve?, what was going on with the Labour party factions etc etc. But I guess part of the point is to encourage people to find out more.

There isn't that long left of the run but I definitely would recommend for an enjoyable evening if you can make it (and you might even learn something!)

#nye #theatre #national theatre

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stickthisbig · 1 year

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I like wild stories too, I wanna hear about the dysentery

I am shocked that more than one of you wanted to hear about dysentery, but here we go:

When I was in grad school, I did my field work in, let's say, Honduras. It wasn't Honduras, but my profession is extremely small, and conditions there are broadly similar. Amoebic dysentery is still very much a thing in that part of the world. When I did my field school in undergrad in a neighboring country, I didn't get sick at all, but within a week or so, it became very clear that I was extremely ill.

I didn't have any kind of appreciation whatsoever of what it actually means to have a disease like that? My stomach hurt all the time, but you can get used to that sort of thing. The problem was that-

You may think that you have experienced some stomach upset to a degree which is severe, and perhaps you have. When I tell you that what came out of me was a clear fluid that exited my body with such a velocity that it was like someone had squeezed me around the middle like a toothpaste tube, I am not exaggerating in any way.

And a problem with dysentery is that you hurt and you're constantly on the verge of shitting yourself, but you aren't really too sick to work, if work needs to get done. Like I'd be doing something else and be like, "hold on guys, I gotta go shit myself inside out, I'll be right back." That's dangerous, because you shouldn't be exerting yourself when you have fucking dysentery.

Also I don't think I ever appreciated how little sound dampening there is in a toilet stall until I had dysentery. The outhouse at my host mother's house was right next to the gate where people would stop and visit. You have never experienced a social pressure like trying to have intense jet-powered diarrhea quietly so that you don't interrupt someone's conversation

The good thing is that where I was working, it's uncommon to die of diseases like that anymore. Most of the people who live there can drink the tap water and be mostly fine, and antiamoebics are relatively easy to get. The town doctor came and gave me a shot and some pills, and I took fluids and tried not to shit myself to death. Please know I have no idea what he gave me, because I was trying to conduct all of this in my basically non-existent Spanish. At the time I was way better at the local language, but for various reasons that wasn't the language that you were going to have a doctor's appointment in?

Yet somehow, I lived. There is a persistent rumor at my old school that when I returned from that trip I told the customs agent, when asked if I had anything to declare, "[Country] sucks," which is not a thing that happened, but does encapsulate my feelings. Much later someone else in my program said to me, "You know, that's one of the things you have to do to become a shaman*, so that your body can be cleaned out of its ills and you're ready to receive the power," and all I could say was, "Well it was sure as hell cleaned out alright, tell 'em I'm ready to go"

*he was describing a real practice that he was doing ethnography about, he wasn't just a guy with a Kokopelli necklace

#sabine = daniel jackson?#me me me me me

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the-storyteller-and-her-soldiers · 9 months

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So I Worked Myself Sick... And Recovery

Either that or my usual fall cold has really accurate timing. No matter the reason though I didn't wanna listen and tried to do more chores despite feeling like death. It got to the point I apologized to my mom for not doing more and she instead demanded I take some meds and go lay down. (She rarely gets like this unless she thinks I legit look like death...)

It's nothing bad, just my head in a vice, nausea, scratchy throat that hurts if I open my mouth for any reason, and congestion that eats like 5 boxes of tissues. The usual...

But that got me thinking since even on the verge of me falling over I was like "No, I need to do more, you need to rest... I'm sorry I haven't done more..." I'd totally go into the Spider Society totally ill but brunting through the symptoms like I have many times prior.

A lot of people are sympathetic thinking Miguel drug me in. But when I go to see him, he stops me mid-briefing and demands I go rest. I try to insist I'm fine and I'm going to do the job he gave me since I know I'm not contagious and I need to earn my keep.

Basically reciting crap that he hasn't said about me in years. So what does he do? He webs me up like he did to Miles and takes me back to his apartment. If I'm not going to at least act like I'll listen and get rest, then he's gonna ensure it.

I'm laid up in his bed, cold meds and a warm drink on the nightstand, a bowl of soup still steaming on the other. Miguel wishes that he could stay and do it all himself, but LYLA has it covered. Besides, he did bring me a few home comforts like my laptop and a few plushies. I can't be so restless if I'm buried in blankets and other soft crap. He even lets me log in to YouTube on his TV so that I'm not staring at such a close screen for so long, and he's only used it like 20 times in the years of having the place.

So when he's sure I'm not gonna leave, he heads back to work. He makes sure to tell me and LYLA to keep him updated if I need anything. We agree and it's not too long before I pass out, while LYLA gives updates every half hour like he asked.

Even with all this, he can't help but keep returning to check in on me himself. I'm usually asleep or playing Stardew with some documentary of true crime or a TV show or Book analysis on the TV. It calms him slightly but seeing me cough in pain or bring the trash can to my face causes him to ache.

Y'all can't tell me this man wouldn't be holding some internal guilt for pushing me so hard before, even after I explain this IS most likely all my own doing. So whenever he is back at the main Spider Society Hub, he can't disguise his curt behavior and shorter temper. Not to those who know him well, anyway. Newer recruits just think that's how he is...

But they can't help from wondering where I am, since I've developed a reputation of being the soothing balm he craves. Soon enough rumors started going around that we got into a fight and he sent me packing. But when some people catch him not being in his office multiple times for more than 20 minutes a time, they get worried. Their natural curiosity mixed with Miguel's weirder behavior and LYLA's secrecy would get the better of them and a few Spiders begin to follow Miguel.

When they come across Miguel's apartment, they sneak inside. They then find me, in his bed, in nothing but an oversized top, buried beneath blankets and plushies. The pills are scattered and nearly empty while cough syrup lies without a lid. The soup bowl is now on the floor. To top it all off, I do not appear to be breathing.

SPOILER ALERT! I am, I just am a real heavy sleeper in that regard so even my own mother will wake me up since she fears the worst. Well, even though Miguel had just left, LYLA had informed him of his freaked-out visitors. So he rushes back and he's PISSED since not only are they trespassing, but if they wake me and make me feel bad for resting, he's gonna lose it.

So he surprises these Spider-people from behind and begins lecturing them. But these Spider-people are resistant to his reasoning, considering how he behaved with others who didn't follow his rules like Gwen and Miles.

That's when I wake up, grumpy and groggy because owww... why are people here? But when Miguel sees this, his tone and behavior take a 180. This freaks out the intruding Spider-people even more and they begin getting frantic. I simply pat my throat, and when Miguel scolds me for talking when it hurts, I smile, pat my throat, and shake my head.

I froggily explain what really happened and that Miguel was just taking care of me since I refused to do it myself. I'm not kidnapped, I'm not fired or broken up with him. If anything I'm grateful someone, once again, knocked some sense into me since I have a history of not caring for my own health when it got bad but other people had problems.

This eases the newer Spider-people and everything seems okay as he escorts them out of his place and orders LYLA for another soup delivery... Though I may have helped calm the situation and shown them a much softer side to Miguel that not many have seen since long before the incident with his alt world...

Nothing's gonna help them with the thrashing they get back in the office, but that's not my concern...

#selfshipdom #selfship community #self shipping #self insert #self insert community #selfship #self indulgent stuff #fo community #ship: a different web to weave

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theindiscreetbookworm · 1 year

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I've had anxiety since before I knew what that was (and it was the 90s so a quiet and careful child was a good child, never mind the reason). I fell in love with stories as a way to escape, at first. I think I probably dissociated for a bunch of my childhood and adolescence.

Stories were my favourite way to experience emotions. When I figured out what being a fan of something was (far later than you'd think), I dove in head first and didn't look back. There's probably more than a decade of evidence of that right here.

Stories climbed into my chest and ached in the most beautiful, wonderful way. Somewhere along the way, though, the edges of the stories got sharper, or maybe the cavity inside my chest got smaller. It started hurting in a bad way, made my head swim and made me dizzy and sick. I started collecting scars, from breakups and failures and letdowns, and they made me afraid to care too much.

2017 may have been the real juncture, although I can't be sure. I used to spend all my time on tumblr and I stopped, really slowly, but surely. I stopped engaging with media I was really interested in; I never watched a bunch of shows that I know I would've liked. I retreated to podcasts and YouTube, and things that were interesting but not fascinating. (Nothing wrong with podcasts and YouTube, I still like them!)

I've been in therapy a long time, the better part of the last decade. It's been great. I've been with my current therapist for 5 years and learned more in long form therapy than I ever thought possible. We got me out of my head, where my anxiety has always lived. (I say that, but I'm still in my head, just less than I was.) I was on the verge of "graduating" therapy. And then new physical symptoms cropped up.

I couldn't breathe. At first, whenever I was a bit anxious. It started happening more and more, culminating in a 10 day period where I couldn't draw a full breath at all. I went to my doctor. Chest x-ray came back clean, as did blood work. We concluded that it must be my anxiety.

I've been afraid of meds for a long time. I can't articulate why exactly very well, but I'm afraid of losing my control of my own body and mind. Of feeling a way I don't want to and not being able to do anything about it. (I am aware of the inconsistencies of that and having a mental illness, yes.) But I didn't know what else to do.

Long story short, I got a psychiatrist for the first time in my life, brand new meds, and a trial period. It's not even a month in, and changes have been gradual. Until I watched Our Flag Means Death.

I'm sure it could've been anything. There's a miles long backlog of shows I will love that I couldn't bear to care about. But I picked OFMD. Watched it in two sessions, the first 4 episodes and then, a week and a half later, the other 6. And my blood is alight.

I thought I'd lost this feeling for good. I want to write, and read (stopped reading books and fanfic too when everything else stopped). I want to engage and ponder and yell all of it from the rooftops. I want to love OFMD, and everything, openly and unabashedly. I care so goddamn much. And it aches. And it feels incredible.

I'm not afraid anymore, of almost anything. I hadn't realized that had happened. This seems small and silly but it feels like my life has been changed. I feel like I've fallen in love. I'm not gonna say I didn't know how bad it had gotten, because I did on some level. I just thought those feelings were over for me. Therapy took away the terror I lived in every day. But I think medication has given me the light back.

#personal #long post #anxiety #mental health #a return if you will #okay people we're overhauling #moisturized in my lane crying about Blackbeard #welcome home

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loosesodamarble · 25 days

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Ooo more you say 👀? May I ask again for 3, 4, and 5 for the Oto-may ask game please 🥰?

Yay~! More questions for me to answer and talk about!

3) Funny moment

Ah..... Ahaha... AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

Okay, I want to share not just a funny moment. But by far the funniest moment I've encountered across the otomes I've played because. Buckle up folks is it a weird one!

Our scene takes place in Winter's Wish: Spirits of Edo.

In this world, everyday items can take on human forms as Formfolk/Vessels (the difference doesn't matter for now). One of these tools-turned-humans is the love interest Ohtaro.

And then we have our heroine, Suzuno. She has special powers that let her see emotions and purify monsters born of negative emotions. In Ohtaro, she also gains the ability to see into someone's past by performing intimate acts.

Suzuno gets some flashbacks and figures out that Ohtaro is connected to her mother (he was a belonging of the mother's). And so to learn the full truth, she finds Ohtaro in a field and just...

Goes for the kiss, right then and there.

And the thing is, the flashback lasts as long as the kiss does. The text of the game outright says that Suzuno "comes back to reality" and she's still kissing Ohtaro when that happens. So my brain now has the image of Suzuno and Ohtaro making out sloppy style just so Suzuno can learn about her mom.

That alone is funny enough.

But it gets funnier because...

Y'ALL! EVERYONE ELSE WAS WATCHING THEM!

Now Kyoshiro likely means that the team has been watching Suzuno and Ohtaro's interactions for the past several days. But I also imagine that they followed Suzuno to the field and saw her and Ohtaro making out for who knows how long.

They just let it happen and only stepped in after they were done making out down memory lane.

PEAK COMEDY IN MY OPINION!

4) Most annoying character

Not to hate a child character... But Ru from Variable Barricade can shut up. I'm trying to focus on Shion being a loving and doting suitor and then Ru comes barreling in like "senpai! Please help me get hired by the photographer that you used to model for!"

I know the kid wants to be famous and is trying to network. But goodness gracious, why must he be present in the route? I still don't get why he's there. I think the route could function just fine since Hibari can still insist that Shion go back to his old job and he can make a drama of it. ALL WITHOUT THE CHILD THERE!

But no. I have to put up with the kid.

It's not that I don't like child characters who appear in otomes. I adore Nadia (Virche Evermore) and Kariya (Cafe Enchante). But maybe it's because Nadia is literally integral to Lucas's life while Kariya consistently involves himself in every route. And then Ru is a random internet celebrity showing up in Shion's route and it's so ugh to me.

LIKE NO! SHUT UP, RU! SHION AND I ARE HAVING A MOMENT!

5) Sad moment

Hngh... (sniffles and wipes tears) Lucas... My man... He's abso-fucking-lutely hated by the writers because WHY CAN'T HE BE HAPPY?!?!?!?

The scene where the story flashes back to Lucas's past... Oof. Lucas ran away from home with his sister Nadia when he was 14 and her 4. She was sick and on the verge of death. No doctor could figure it out. Most agreed she was doomed to die. And the siblings' parents figured that the only way to let her live would be to clone her which... is a problem for various reasons.

So Lucas just picks up little Nadia and walks off with her, desperate to find help anywhere. They get caught in the rain and Lucas laments how he and his baby sister can't live normal lives. That the conditions of their birth were a cruel trial from God.

It's really not fair knowing that all Lucas wanted for him and his sister was a normal life and since the very beginning, all they really had was each other. Not even their parents had their backs.

It breaks my heart...

#questions from the ask box #soda asides #lyra of the future #wifey lyra 💗#oto-may ask game

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uncl3badtouch · 4 months

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My little reviewsie-poo of The Cabin in the Woods

First, I love how it all starts with the guys in what looks like a government facility. I like their snarkyness and how they are so chummy with each other and their co-workers. Kind of on the verge of narcissistic but I mean, these guys seem to know what they're doing. Second, placing those bets... I love that little bit of craziness, how it all seems to be so normal for them. They seem to love and resent what they do.

I really enjoyed how they got our friends together too, for the little vacation. Not the biggest fan of someone being "the fool" because they smoke, and I mean, who was able to survive (ish) because of it? Hmmmm.... but it really did seem to follow the scary movie tropes, and everything the scientists(?) fell into place. It was such a deep story and wasn't all at the same time. I liked the feel of everything having meaning.

As for the cabin itself, I love that they choose everything, that everything had to be done of free will and of their own choices. The whole destiny aspect of it and how they refused up to the very last second to save anyone. I also had a problem with that too. In my own opinion, I wasn't very happy with that, I suppose for selfish reasons because, like, we aren't all so bad that all of humanity had to be taken out... but I guess, once again, it's destiny.

I loved that there were horrors of all kinds, and we love the Merman (who, fun fact, the same actor played both him and the werewolf) and how the monster that was wanting to get used the most, is what eats Mr. Big shot in the end. The sweet irony and with a sick bloody blowhole.

I'm the biggest fan of dark humor and this kind of checked all the boxes, or at least got damn close to checking them all (once I figure out what all the boxes are, I'll let ya know) and every time I watch it, I feel like I see something new or understand something a little better. It's one of those movies that I would never change if it was on, but I don't exactly reach for it every time I want to have something on. In all honesty, I'm going to say that I give it 8/10 stars

There are a handful of really cool deaths in and lots of blood and fun, but I just can't let go of the fact that some buttholes just let us all die (although, that's pretty much the reason for the story) but It's definitely something I think most horror lovers totally understand.

Would I watch it again? I most likely will, but not really any time soon, I got my fix

Would I recommend it? Absolutely! It's something that I think every horror fan should see at least once!

Does it need a sequel? Definitely not lol, I mean, the world ended! But a prequel would be super cool. I did a little research about it though, and nobody is really interested right now in making any so I guess we just have to live with that.

What did you think?

#horror #horror review #film review #movie review #horror movies #horror movie review #the cabin in the woods

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nekostar4004-1 · 3 years

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Ok so I wanted to do a little analysis around what happened recently in the manga and this is the best way I can put it. Be aware I'm gonna babble a lot.

I've got some theories I want to talk about and I need to remind everyone that nothing I say is legit until the author proves it, I'm just speculating.

1. What is the black hole?

I have no idea, so far I can only assume it's a supernatural and it looks like a weird one to me.

2. What is the hole's intention?

The supernaturals are suppose to be "bad" (based on exorcist statements). It sure didn't look friendly so I think they have bad intentions in some way, therefore I'll go with that. (And that's about all I can think of this thing)

3. Why was baby Tsukasa able to see it?

I heard some rumors in the fandom which said that Tsukasa's death was close and that's why he could see it (and that Amane wasn't suppose to die for some reason). I didn't really get it but I'll go with my own little assumption about this as well.

You know there are sayings that twins can share a special bond? genetically or spiritually they can be connected in a way that average siblings can't? There are some documentaries and stories on the net that can prove this somehow... (I'm not gonna go on detail you get the idea).

Amane was on a verge of death, that means he should've been able to see supernaturals but I guess he was too sick to bother going out of his room and meet one, and I think Tsukasa was able to see the "bad" supernatural because of this special bond he probably shares with Amane despite the fact he was healthy. (It could be because they're kids too and they're suppose to be more believable in these things maybe).

I can consider the fact that Tsukasa was about to be sacrificed as well, however he wasn't a kannagi, only kannagis can communicate with supernaturals while still alive, he didn't have kannagi blood so he shouldn't have been able to see it if that was the case, this one kinda left me confused.

Well that's my theory for this one. AidaIro can make a whole story about this "bad" supernatural, that goes back before the twins were born and discard my theory if they want.

4. Was Amane's illness suppose to happen?

Considering that "changing one's fate" happened in this manga before with Amane, I took it as a possibility even if I'm more keen to believe that it was natural. I have yet to know more about this "bad" supernatural to presume this illness could be their doing.

Also I don't think average supernaturals should be able to do something like this so easily (changing fates/futures) so it must be a pretty strong one, or is it able to break some kind of "rules"

5. Tsukasa's lack of empathy.

I think this happened way before baby Tsukasa granted Amane's wish to be cured, since the first one he made to that supernatural. The more this supernatural granted wishes to Tsukasa the more they manipulated him negatively until Tsukasa started sacrificing living beings thinking it was ok, counting he was also naive at that age and wasn't grasping the concept of morality yet, by the looks of it I mean, Tsukasa is a slow learner but he was capable of caring and loving still and he was also considerate of his twin's sadness before he sacrificed.

His view on life and death?

The reason I'd say he's not able to treasure life the same way as everyone else in his current state, it's because to him death and life don't make a difference, because of how this bad supernatural twisted his view on it, the way he "died" (sacrificed) when he was a kid might have given him this idea. If he had a death similar to his twin (or rather the escalation to it) sorrowful, than he would have thought different (assuming if he's able to think for himself at the moment and not someone else doing it for him), but it wasn't like that and he also came back to life the same way, casually. Now to be honest, I see this view on death neutral myself and I don't want to consider it "bad" necesary, but Tsukasa was taught to disregard life too easily it seems, and that may not be good by the looks of it.

Want to add that this also seemed pretty planned, I think the bad supernatural influenced Tsukasa this way to obtain a secure "connection" with him. This is the conclusion I came with so far.

I have to wait before I assume if Tsukasa was/is controlled or not by this supernatural or if them merging together created an entire different "thing". But it's safe to say that he was manipulated into his own madness, since supernaturals should not interfere with humans or exist in their world without rumors. Actually I just realize this thing had no rumors when this happened, how is it able to just appear there around the house with no rumors?

6. A similarity between Sumire and Tsukasa.

So far the only similarity I considered between Tsukasa and Sumire is that they're both "walking" yorishiros (idk how to call them since they're not objects so I come up with this term) and recently they sang the same lullaby about.... something.

Remember there was this subject about Sumire's spirit being able to separate itself from her (kannagi?) body? Now I'm not sure if supernaturals can do it too, or special yorishiros, or just kannagis only. We only saw Sumire do that and she's not a supernatural from all I know, just a kannagi and a yorishiro. Why I bring this up it's because I think this "separation" thing is trying to hint to Tsukasa as well (and I based that solely on the fact that they sang the same lullaby 🤷‍♀️).

7. Tsukasa wasn't meant to be a supernatural.

This is mainly interpretation, I think the moment Tsukasa died and passed to the far shore, this "bad" supernatural must have took something from him, the spirit? The body? Anything else? To not let him rest basically, because I'm guessing it tries to find a way to walk "free" if that makes sense, and also to turn Tsu into a supernatural (which they did).

I'm still confused as how one can become a supernatural though? Before, I assumed it's because you have unfinished business or a regret but that will only turn you into a ghost, not a supernatural with special powers and all that jazz.

And I also assumed (and still do) that the reason Amane become Hanako it's because he committed a severe sin (a crime) besides the regret, Amane also murdered and I thought that's why he became a supernatural ghost but now looking at it seems too simple....

(On top of that what made him and others for that matter deserving of a mystery seat? It can't be just because you can commit murder, idk my brain is rotting at this point I'm not gonna debate on this now it's besides the point).

1.2 What is the black hole? Again.

Ok so, I need to make a pause and go back to the first theory because I just come up with this new addition out of the blue, while my brain rotted.

Basically I think this black hole (aka bad supernatural) could be connected with the kannagis (sacrifices), and maybe that's why it was able to appear in the house without a rumor. I wasn't too sure if it's a supernatural or not because it doesn't seems to follow the same "rules" as the other supernaturals I've known so far. And why I think it's connected with the sacrifices/kannagis? Is because, well, I think these images look similar

And also because this "bad supernatural" is later referred to as "the curse of the red house" and Katakuri said something interesting in these panels.

"We become beings who only exist to curse the living"

So idk, maybe I'll just call it a curse at this point now. Guess I just discarded the third theory by myself now lol.

However, it's still not clear why this thing cursed the yugi house? And why it sacrificed Tsukasa? (And how's he able to see it?). At this point I think these brothers are being used/played by something.

There's something more I wanted to talk about but for now I think this is enough.

#I'm too lazy to check for spell mistakes...#tbhk #jbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #tsukasa yugi #yugi tsukasa #taging tsukasa just because

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lady-of-the-spirit · 3 years

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And for the characters: Natasha romanoff, tony stark, nesta archeron

I went a little overboard with these ones lmao I'll put it under the cut to save the rest of you

slowburn: Tony my love. I'm on the Avengers lineup and was also part of Natasha's efforts to figure out if Tony is appropriate for the Avengers Initiative. Natasha and I are co-assistants but for *handwave romcom reasons* I end up spending more time with Tony than Natasha does. I'm seeing sides of Tony that Natasha doesn't, and also I take into consideration the fact that he's dying. We become friends and when I file my report to SHIELD I basically say "hey maybe do this thing a different time when he's not on the verge of death and acting out??" Tony sees it when Nick shows it to him and appreciates it even if he thinks he doesn't deserve it. He insists on keeping in touch with me even after everything goes down (he and Pepper don't get together rip) because that's just kinda who he is. we remain very close and continue getting closer. Avengers 2012 rolls around, and then after that it's an au where the avengers live together like they should have always been. So it turns from a "besties" situation into a "and they were roommates!" situation. after that it's like,,, sitcom shenanigans + the two of us being extremely close and getting closer until everyone else is like "can you just KISS already???"

fake date: I was gonna put Nesta for slowburn but then I had the brilliant idea where Nesta's so fucking sick of her sisters and the IC judging her for having casual sex that after one night where I'm her casual sex partner of the night she's like "Hey, would you do me a favour and pretend to be in a relationship with me to get some annoyances off of my back." And I'm like sure, I don't have anything going on. It doesn't occur to me until it's too late that those annoyances she talked about were her sisters and the rulers of the Night Court. But I'm sticking around because I said I'd help!! I'm very affectionate and kind to her even when we're not around the IC, because I can't not be. I'm also just snarky enough to keep her attention. I stick up for her when the IC are being dicks. They don't like me (some of them just because I genuinely like Nesta (Rhys and Cass, probably, bc Cass gets jealous)) but Feyre is happy that Nesta is happy. I punch Cass in the face when he's getting in Nesta's face about being her mate. Nesta and I fall in love for real. we have great sex. It's perfect. (also maybe the original plan was for her to have a 'relationship' with one of her one night stands that then falls apart so she could prove to the IC court that the problem isn't just about her having one night stands so get off her back! but obviously that fails.)

enemies to lovers: Natasha. SHIELD has an award for "most successful missions of the year" at the end of every year and she and I have been competing for it every year since we started working at SHIELD. We both take it very seriously because we both take pride in our work and also I think Natasha is too smug and she doesn't like me because I'm way too quiet and too 'by the rules' for her tastes. It gets really serious in the last month of the year, when missions are being counted and the award is on the horizon. Our game is completely thrown off when we're both sent on a mission together where we have to fake being best friends/married couple. However on the mission we slowly start to realize how well we work together, that Natasha isn't just a smug assassin and can be vulnerable, and Natasha sees that I contain multitudes and am not always playing by the rules. We start trusting each other but we're still kind of playing it off as "for the mission/for the award". We kiss to keep our cover. By the time the mission is over we have no idea what we are to each other anymore.

send me 3 characters and I’ll do slowburn/fake date/ enemies to lovers

#ask #the fake dating really bled into the enemies to lovers and slowburn bled into fake dating but #i think slowburn is a crucial part of both of these things #chaotic-bisexual-dumbass

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taleswindy · 3 years

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Vanitas x OC : The Moon's Curse

This is a fanfiction about the manga Vanitas no Carte with my oc in it. I started writing in 2017-2018 so I apologize if you find typos since I am mostly writing on my phone.

Airship : La Baleine

I was in La Baleine, heading to Paris, this airship is really amazing. People were chatting about rumors that vampires appeared, and I could hear people wondering about vampires' existence.

In the crowd, I noticed a lady looking rather ill and she looked on the verge of fainting if it wasn't for a gentleman with dark skin, short silvery white hair and purple eyes catching her, the curiosity got the best of me as I approached them at their table.

"...You're too kind. Thank you." The lady said towards the man.

"Not at all. Are you sure I can't take you to the infirmary ?" The man asked, maybe worried for her.

"Yes... I think I'll be all right if I rest a little bit." She explained but then the man got his face close to her own, making her flustered.

'I think he should know what "personnal space" is...'

"...You do look pale though. I'm worried..." He expressed in concern, showing no ill intentions.

I crouched down to be at the lady's level. "I think he is right, you do look kind of sick..." I softly expressed in my turn.

The both of them turned their gazes at me with a surprised expression showing on their face as I bowed my head. "Pardon the intrusion."

"I-It's only anemia. Please don't trouble yourselves !" The pale lady exclaimed at us. "I'm... on my way to see a doctor now. There are... special circumstances... I don't intend to let any other doctor examine me." She explained. "So, um... Thank you very much." She said it but I didn't know if it was also meant for me or only for the tanned man.

He distanced himself hearing her words and from the corner of my eye I could see a shadow for a brief instant before it jumped, making the lady beside me shrieked in fear but then I realized that it was only a cat with white fur and heterochromical eyes, one was blue while the other was pink, the cat landed on the lady's laps.

"Ah ! Hey, Murr !" The man exclaimed looking at what I assumed to be the cage of the cat now known as Murr before getting his eyes back on him.

"Oh my. My, my, my ! How sweet !" The girl didn't really seem to be bothered by Murr's presence in fact and I decided to stand back straight since my back was beginning to hurt me because of the crouched position.

This lady embraced the cat, seeming visibly happy. "...Fufu ! He's so warm..." She commented. "Um... I'm Amelia." She presented herself. "If you don't mind, might I ask your name ?" She adressed to the man and myself.

He looked kind of surprised to me before answering. "Of course ! His name is Murr ! Please ! Do call him by it !" He answered, gesturing to the white cat.

"Oh ! No... I didn't mean the cat..." she explained, seeming taken aback by his answer before turning to me.

I looked at her as I introduced myself, putting a hand on my chest as I spoke softly. "My name is Cyndelle."

"This is an announcement for all passengers." We heard a voice coming from the speakers. "As per its original schedule, La Baleine... ...will be arriving in Paris in approximately one hour." It explained as Murr's owner suddenly stood up from his seat. "Although it has nearly reached its end... ...Please enjoy the remainder... ...of your journey through the skies." The speakers finished on that sentence as the white haired man went to a window of La Baleine to see outside.

"PARIS !!!" The man exclaimed in excitement. "Paris ! Where is Paris, Mademoiselle Amelia and Mademoiselle Cyndelle !?" He wondered as he couldn't keep moving.

"Um... I don't think we can see it from here yet..." She explained to him, looking astonished by his sudden behavior.

"Is that right !? ............ What a pity." He said, now dissapointed. "Still, it's amazing, isn't it !?" He asked, his excitement coming back. "Once you board an airship, it's really no time at all before you're in Paris !" He looked through the glass with an appreciative look.

"... Is this your first time aboard an airship, then ?" Amelia asked him.

"Whatever gave it away !?" He asked, still not getting his face of the window.

"Were you trying to hide it !?" We both wondered but not in the same tone, mine was as soft as ever while Amelia spoke in bewilderment.

"...I lived shut away in the forests of Averoigne for ages. I've never seen an airship this large before, let alone traveled on one." He explained to us.

"I've never been on an airship before too." I hummed in understanding for him.

"Aver... ?" Amelia wondered about where he lived.

"It's terribly deep in the country. I doubt you'd know it." He told us. "To think they're able to set this much weight floating in the sky... The power of astermite is tremendous, isn't it ?" He wondered aloud, not waiting for an answer. "I hear Paris is a steam-powered city to rival even London. I'm already looking forward to landing there." He said, keeping his gaze outside.

Amelia stared at him before tilting her head to the side as I, myself too, fixed my gaze outside the window. "...Are you visiting Paris for sightseeing ?" She asked.

"No. I'm looking for something." He answered.

""Something"...?" Amelia repeated, wanting to know what the something was and I have to admit that I wanted to know too.

"The Book of Vanitas." I now fixed my gaze on him at his words. "Have you heard of it ? It appears in a bed time story, "The Vampire of the Blue Moon." It's the name of a cursed book." He explained.

"Once upon a time, in a certain place... ...There lived a hated vampire known as "Vanitas."" He began to tell. "Vampires are ordinarily born on the night of a crimson full moon. However, for some reason, Vanitas was born on the night of a blue full moon, a symbol of misfortune. Everyone was afraid of Vanitas, and they ran him out of the village. Vanitas was all alone in the forest. Frightened of the darkness, freezing in the snow, he wandered and wandered. And in his heart of hearts, he swore...

...Vengeance on vampires born on the night of a crimson moon.

Foolish vampires who persecuted me ! When this book is opened, a curse more terrible than death will befall you !!

A blue leather cover and jet-black pages... A clockwork grimoire linked to a silver chain... It was a special book created by Vanitas, imbued with the power to interfere with vampires' true names."

The clock that we could see resoned 9.00 as the man tried to take back his cat who didn't look very pleased.

"That time already ?" He wondered. "We'll need to prepare to disembark soon. I'll escort you both to your room, Mlle Amelia and Mlle Cyndelle." The gentleman told us.

We began to follow him and I walked in order to be beside him.

"Is there something wrong ?" He asked me politely with a raised eyebrow.

I gently shook my head. "If you don't mind... Could I stay with you when we'll land ?" I requested.

He seemed surprised by my request. "Why that ?"

"Because..." I paused in my words, looking upwards. "You and I are looking for the same thing." I mumbled softly.

He glanced at me with a bewildered expression and looked like he was about to say something but got cut off by the speakers.

"---From this point on, passengers will be unable to use the onboard facilities. Those who are not yet prepared to disembark should---"

"That story..." Amelia's voice was heard from behin in a whisper. "The book of Vanitas... Do you think a thing like that... truly exist ?" She asked.

"... I don't know." The polite man answered honestly. "However... ...I received a letter that said... ..."Its existence has been confirmed in Paris." Does the book of Vanitas really exist... ...or not ? I'm going to Paris to see for myself." He explained with a determined look on his face.

When we turned around, Amelia was on the floor. "! Mlle. Amelia !?" The man exclaimed in worry before reaching a hand towards her as I did the same. "Are you all right...?"

"Don't touch me !!" She screamed and the street lamp behind us shattered as our eyes widened in shock.

Murr hissed as Amelia went to grab the fence behind her to stand up. "Mademoiselle Amelia, you're..."The man beside me began in a breathless way. "...a vampire..." We both finished as we could see her eyes being red and shining.

Her canines showed up and we looked up as we heard a sound of glass shattering to see a man entering the airship to our surprise.

"What...?" Amelia wondered, obviously lost just like us.

"Found... ...yooou !!"The man screamed, charging toward Amelia.

"...Hm." The man looked at his left to see the tanned gentleman with Amelia in his arms and me by his side.

"I thought I had you there. What're you ?" He asked.

This was a young man with bluish dark wavy hair and light blue eyes. One side of his hair was cut shorter than the other in an asymmetrical fashion, with one level on the left side, and two levels on the right. His left ear was embedded with two ear buds and a dangling hourglass earring. His outfit consisted of a baggy coat with hanging sleeves and a tail that bells out and floats. One side of the coat often slips off his shoulder. Underneath, he wears a striped vest and a belt. He was also wearing spats and short boots on his feet and pointed gloves on his hands and a large light blue bow is wrapped around his waist.

And I didn't know why but I felt something when I saw him...

#vanitas no carte #vanitas x oc #the case study of vanitas #fanfiction #les memoires de vanitas #vanitas #noé archiviste

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rivalsforlife · 4 years

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one more ahaha but the cherry blossom scene at the end of catch up game ch 3 because i'm still thinking nonstop about it all the time 👀👉👈

ABSOLUTELY I CAN also for anyone reading this go look at Mika’s art which inspired this scene. It’s the tumblr version so you can reblog it too, which you should do, even if you don’t read my long rambling,

okay once again rambling below...

Traditionally, Larry Butz arrived at any social gathering anywhere from half an hour to three hours later than the time he was told, so all things considered, he was actually early. Phoenix wasted no time informing him of the latest betrayal among their small elementary school friend group.

this is a direct callout to one of my friends from high school, where we started seriously considering telling her that any social event we were planning started an hour earlier than it actually did so that she’d make it there on time. We never did in case this turned out to be the time she actually made it on time, but still.

“Larry, remember that one time we were trying to make that gigantic hopscotch game, and we ran out of chalk?” He pointed an accusatory finger at Edgeworth, who sighed. “It turns out, Edgeworth hid it all along!”

Larry blinked, then shrugged. “Oh yeah, right, that. Well, I kind of had an idea…”

“Wh — You hid this from me too?! D-Death! The death penalty for the both of you!”

“Why does this all sound so familiar,” Edgeworth commented under his breath.

I think this part is mostly there so Larry actually does something because I couldn’t find any real way to fit him into this fic...? Anyways the dialogue there with Phoenix threatening the death penalty on Miles and Larry is pretty much directly lifted from the end of Turnabout Goodbyes, which is why Miles comments on it sounding familiar.

They continued on in that vein for some time, dredging up old elementary school memories. Phoenix proclaimed to be the only innocent member of that group, before Edgeworth brought up a set of very nice gel pens Phoenix reportedly stole from him. Phoenix and Edgeworth got caught up in their argument, and barely even noticed when Larry wandered away, joining Maggey and Gumshoe at the fishing pond while Franziska critiqued them.

This sort of familiar banter was normal. As Edgeworth teased in that same way he had ever since Phoenix first faced him in court, he had to wonder if he’d just imagined the way Edgeworth had been looking at him during the party. Maybe everything was fine, after all.

Not pictured: Phoenix and Miles leaning in closer to each other as they argue. too close. Larry tries to comment but neither of them hear him. Eventually he just walks away because he’s sick of third-wheeling with these two. It’s my firm belief that if there weren’t the court benches in the way that they need to slam, these two would slowly walk closer and closer to each other as they argue because they. uh. want to “intimidate” each other. that’s why they’re nose to nose like that. the whole courtroom is suddenly very uncomfortable.

Haha anyways also I think these two would pick the dumbest things to argue about all the time? Never seriously arguing, the just like bickering because they don’t know how to hold conversations about their feelings.

“You still haven’t explained exactly what happened to my gel pen set,” Edgeworth accused, as they circled around the argument for the third time.

Phoenix threw his hands up in the air. “I just forgot to return it! I didn’t know you were so bothered by it. You should have brought it up!”

“Back then? You were so sensitive. If I brought up that you might have upset me in the least, you would have burst into tears.”

“I wasn’t that sensitive.”

Edgeworth sighed. “Wright, you cried when I got a question wrong on a spelling test, because you thought I would be sad about it.”

“And you were!” Phoenix retorted. “You cried for like an hour!”

“Because when you started crying, I thought it was something I had to be ashamed of!”

More bickering, pretty much! Also I do think Phoenix cried A Lot and was super sensitive up until the whole Dahlia trial which traumatized him pretty badly...

Anyways the REAL story behind this incident which I am making up just now is probably that Miles was on the verge of crying because of Getting Something Wrong -- which I totally get, I absolutely almost cried over spelling tests as a baby -- and Phoenix picked up on this and realized his best friend was sad and started crying, which made Miles start to fully cry, and it just became a mess.

Meanwhile Larry with the 3/10 on his spelling test was just like “I don’t get what you guys are so upset about a 9/10 is great” which just makes them cry even more.

(Then Gregory probably found out about this incident and sat Miles down and gave him a speech about “everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay to not be perfect all the time, this is a learning opportunity and it shows you what you need to work on!”

That sentiment didn’t last very long.)

Wow I’m getting off topic, moving on --

Phoenix crossed his arms. “I remember this whole thing very differently than you do. You cried first.”

“I never cried in fourth grade.”

Phoenix leaned in and whispered into his ear, “Origami.”

“Do not bring that up!” Edgeworth hissed as Phoenix reared back, laughing.

I don’t know if you need to lean in super close and whisper that in his ear though Phoenix, that might be a bit unnecessary. Miles got lucky here in that his Eternal Shame over not being able to fold an origami crane in fourth grade overrode whatever reaction he undoubtedly would have had about Phoenix’s face being very close to his face.

Anyways this banter is here in the fic mostly because I really wanted to show them being all comfortable and happy with each other. That was a major thing I wanted to push as much as possible in these earlier chapters, that they do care about each other a lot even before we enter the more outright romantic territory.

“Regardless, I am certain you took my gel pen set, so don’t try to blame faulty memory on that one. I bet you carelessly used them all up, didn’t you?”

“Hardly! I wouldn’t even touch it after you left. It reminded me of you.”

Some of the fight left Edgeworth’s stance. “Really?”

“Well… yeah.” He wasn’t sure why the admission suddenly felt like a confession of an entirely different sort.

aw man Phoenix you brought feelings into your banter NOW what are you going to do.

I’m preeetty sure I have books that I lent to my friends in fourth grade that they never gave back so it’s of course not an inherently romantic thing, they probably just forgot it was mine and obviously aren’t going to bring it back now ten years later, but for Phoenix in this case it was probably more like “I borrowed these gel pens from Miles and then keep forgetting to give them back but was going to after winter break, and then he left, so I need to hold onto them until he comes back”. Miles was taken from his life so suddenly it probably had a huge effect on him, especially since he had few friends at the time and Miles made such a big impact on him.

The two of them sat underneath the tree in a sudden, serene quiet. They’d both discarded their suit jackets at some point, down to their dress shirts and waistcoats. Phoenix pretended not to notice the way Edgeworth’s eyes darted across the line of his shoulders and lingered longer than they should have.

I don’t ever really pay much attention to what people are wearing or what they look like at any particular time when I’m writing, but in this case I took extra care to make sure they were in the same outfits as in the art that inspired this!

Maybe I’ll ramble a bit more about that! Pretty much the “theme” of narumitsu week this year was “cherry blossoms”, so I wanted to find some way to incorporate them into this fic somewhere somehow. I decided to have that as a focus on Free Day because I enjoy having structure and wasn’t sure what to have for the day.

Some of this scene, mainly the picnic, is inspired by that one official art here. The first iteration of this chapter had everyone in it (with the obvious exceptions of Diego and Mia) but then I took out Maya and Pearl for reasons I explained when I was talking about the scene in chapter 6 where I decided to cut a lot of Maya’s scenes out of this fic... even though I love her a lot.

And of course when I thought about cherry blossoms and narumitsu I thought about Mika’s art, yes I am linking it again, which I believe she posted about a month or so before I started planning and I was Thinking About It Constantly. It’s gorgeous and since there was the perfect opportunity to use it here I just couldn’t resist and here we are.

Back to the paragraph: Miles attempted to subtly check Phoenix out. It was not subtle.

“Do you still have those gel pens?” Edgeworth asked, softer. “I think you owe me them, after everything.”

“Oh, shut up,” said Phoenix, but it was difficult to have a heated argument right now, for some unknown reason. “If I still have them, they’re in a box somewhere. Plus, they ought to have dried up by now.”

“I doubt it.” A faint smile was beginning to crawl on Edgeworth’s face. “Those gel pens were state of the art.”

“Sure they were,” Phoenix dismissed. “And, what, you’re going to use them? Sign your fancy prosecutor documents in bright pink?”

“What makes you think I don’t do that already?”

“You wouldn’t — oh, wait, of course you’d have customized ink in the same colour as your entire wardrobe, who am I even talking to…”

“Mhm.” Edgeworth brushed his bangs from his eyes, a motion that Phoenix’s brain decided to fixate on for some reason. “But really, you went to all the trouble of keeping the set, and you never used any of them?”

(Miles voice) “oh so you kept something as trivial as that for so long because they reminded you of me? Tell me more. Why do you want a reminder of me. What exactly do you think of me, Wright,”

hm pretty much as soon as Phoenix brought Feelings into this conversation the atmosphere kind of changed and you can now imagine Miles staring with the most adoring expression at Phoenix while Phoenix is ignoring this with such intensity that it doesn’t even show up in his narration. But he also watches the way Miles brushes his bangs from his eyes, so he’s not much better.

And thinking about it now this scene really went on for too long about gel pens hahaha...

“Objection!” Phoenix declared. “I used the blue one to write you letters at first.”

“Ah, of course you did. I never got any of those… How many did you send?”

“I don’t even want to know…”

Edgeworth hummed and looked off into the distance, where Gumshoe was demonstrating how to cast a line. “Your level of dedication is something else,” he said, as if to himself.

“Well, yeah. You were my only non-Larry friend. You were…” Phoenix swallowed. “You were important to me, you know? You saved me.”

“You keep bringing that up. You’ve more than returned the favor, you know that, don’t you?”

“I’m inclined to disagree.”

I don’t have a consistent headcanon about whether Miles got or read the letters, in this fic presumably von Karma intercepted them and got rid of them... and then presumably Miles ignored any that were sent to him as an adult.

Also these two are going to have ridiculous arguments about who saved who until they’re on their deathbeds, I’m sure.

Edgeworth turned back towards him as if to retort, but stopped halfway, his eyes widening slightly as he stared at Phoenix.

“... Something on my face?” Phoenix asked, trying to quell the feeling of some sort of anxiety that bubbled up when Edgeworth stared at him like that.

insert mikacherryblossomart.png

Miles turns away for one second and then suddenly oh no he’s even more gorgeous now

Edgeworth was silent for some time. Then, very softly, he said, “You have cherry blossom petals in your hair.”

“What? Do I?” He reached a hand up to brush them out, but Edgeworth stopped him by grabbing his wrist, freezing Phoenix.

“With your hair, you’ll never get them out like that.” With his spare hand, Edgeworth began to pick each individual petal from his hair. “You look so — silly, Wright.”

Partially a callback to the beginning of chapter 3, when they were kids:

“Y-Your hair,” Miles managed to say through stifled laughter. “One of the flowers fell into it.”

Phoenix hands shot up into his hair. “Really?”

“You look so silly, Phoenix.” When Phoenix failed to find the flower, Miles reached out. “Here, let me.”

Phoenix remained still as Miles reached up to the top of his head and picked the flower out of his hair. “Your hair’s really soft,” Miles said quietly, before handing it over to Phoenix. “Here you go.”

because Miles apparently remembered that it was difficult for Phoenix to get the petals from his hair the first time, and also, wanted an excuse to touch Phoenix’s hair again.

But also the dialogue and interactions are ONCE AGAIN INSPIRED BY MIKA based on this reply to my reply to the art on twitter. look at that you can go and retweet the art on twitter too!

Overall this gives us an accurate Thoughts to Speech translator for Miles:

Miles: You have cherry blossom petals in your hair and it is going to kill me.

Phoenix: What? Do I?

Miles: No, wait, don’t brush them out, I want to touch your hair because it is soft and this is the perfect excuse. You look so captivating.

if Miles had said that out loud though it would probably have killed both of them.

Phoenix let out an awkward, low laugh, starting somewhere deep within his chest. “R-Really.”

“Mhm.”

Edgeworth’s eyes locked with Phoenix’s, and time seemed to freeze. There was a sudden thrum of tension in the air, as if Phoenix were in a play and he’d suddenly forgotten his lines, forgotten he was supposed to be in a play at all.

(chanting) “kiss kiss kiSS KISS KISS --”

But before either of them could break the sudden spell over them, a fishing hook whirred through the air, and —

“Ack, I — I think I got it stuck!”

but of course that needs to be interrupted at the worst possible time because this is fanfiction and this is how things work!

“In the tree?! How did you even manage to get it that far?”

“Don’t worry about it, Maggey, I can climb up the tree and get it unstuck, just hang on —”

“No, no, if I just give it a big yank—”

“Maggey—!”

I broke the first rule of writing dialogue because I can’t really remember who’s supposed to be saying what. I think that Maya had a few lines here and then I didn’t change them since there were no dialogue tags...

Pretty much -- Maggey with her eternal luck tried to fish but released the line too early as she was swinging back so the line went back and got caught in the tree branches directly above Phoenix and Miles.

I think the dialogue progression goes Maggey -> Originally Maya but now either Larry or Franziska -> Gumshoe -> Maggey -> everyone going MAGGEY NO!!!

I remember going fishing with my grandpa once a long time ago and either I or my brother did get the fishing line stuck in a tree. would not recommend.

The branch above Phoenix and Edgeworth jostled, and pink petals burst all around them, fluttering down and catching in their hair and on their clothes. One petal even fell behind Edgeworth’s glasses.

They stared at each other for a moment, stunned, Edgeworth’s hand still loosely wrapped around Phoenix’s wrist, as Maggey shouted apologies from the distance.

There are no cherry blossom trees where I live so I have no idea if we’re even in the right season for this or if cherry blossom trees even behave this way - but I’m basing it off of... you know when it’s that point in fall where if you shake a tree branch leaves will just scatter everywhere? That.

Also RIP to the other four who were just having a grand old time fishing and then turn around seeing these two sitting really close to each other almost holding hands about two seconds away from a kiss... which they’d just interrupted...

And then — the most incredible thing happened, and Edgeworth began to laugh.

Phoenix could have catalogued all the laughs he heard from Edgeworth: the usual, short laughs often mistaken for a scoff by those who didn’t know him as well as Phoenix did; the triumphant, smug, courtroom laughs when he thought he had Phoenix cornered; to the quiet, restrained ones in private that were more of a hum than anything else. This laugh was new.

This was a full-on fit of laughter bubbling deep in his chest and spilling from his mouth, which Edgeworth quickly covered with his free hand, with the additional bonus of covering his reddening face. It wasn’t something hidden or faked or triumphant, it was genuine, and open, and Phoenix could swear it was one of the most beautiful sounds he ever heard.

Miles here is going through an emotional rollercoaster having been two seconds away from finally kissing the love of his life only to be interrupted at the worst possible time, which is just so on brand for the two of them that he can’t help but start laughing hysterically. Plus Phoenix probably looks absolutely shocked suddenly covered in petals, which doesn’t help.

Then the next two paragraphs are brought on by Phoenix Pining and also me wanting Miles Edgeworth to laugh more...

From my notes for this scene:

They stare at each other for a moment and laugh, and Miles’ laugh just utterly captivates Phoenix and makes him fall so completely in love immediately and oh no he is screwed he is utterly screwed.

So pretty much I had to encapsulate the “falling so completely in love immediately” part which I decided to do by focusing on Miles laughing. I wanted to draw a lot of attention to that which is why there are so many paragraphs dedicated to Miles laughing and Phoenix thinking about Miles laughing.

Trucy’s laughter always made the world feel a little brighter, and made Phoenix feel stronger. Edgeworth’s laugh did the opposite; it dislodged something inside of him, it weakened him, it made the whole world go soft and fuzzy around him. Instead of illuminating all the good in the world, it turned Phoenix’s world into one person.

More focus on Miles’ laughter but also... kind of drawing attention to Phoenix’s reaction to this being different from his reaction to other people he cares about laughing? Because feeling warm and happy when seeing someone you care about non-romantically laugh is normal, but then I wanted to make it clear that this is a different sort of feeling for Phoenix.

Also Phoenix has to realize this is a different sort of feeling for him because otherwise he could brush it off like he’s probably dismissed all of his romantic feelings throughout the years as “oh I’m just glad my friend is happy, and I rarely ever hear Edgeworth laugh so him being relaxed enough to laugh like that makes me feel happy too,” but it’s not what he’d expect if he just sees Miles as a friend. And it’s described as weakening in the paragraph because right now the subject of his romantic feelings for Miles isn’t something that Phoenix can fully or easily accept right now (as chapter 5 would indicate).

Edgeworth’s fit of laughter subsided, and he shifted his hand so he could look at Phoenix again, the hints of a shy grin peeking out between his fingers, his hair and his shirt and his face adorned with a sweet, gentle pink. It was like looking at an entirely different person — or, no, the same person, but with all armor off, all guards lowered.

Miles is very embarrassed right now but kind of... in a good way...? Like again, almost kissed the love of his life then rudely interrupted at the last possible moment, plus Phoenix’s whole reaction to the thing gave Miles the impression that Phoenix wanted to kiss him as well, so he’s feeling a little giddy. Plus he was just laughing a lot when he normally doesn’t do that. Overall he’s not used to expressing his emotions so he’s embarrassed and a little shy about it...

The part about Miles’ “hair and shirt and face adorned with a sweet, gentle pink” refers to both the cherry blossom petals (in his hair and clinging to his shirt and a bit on his face) and also him blushing quite a bit.

It all feels a little out of character honestly haha because Miles isn’t really the type to be blushing hardcore like this and be a little shy, buuut in this case I let myself get away with it because he’s dealing with romantic feelings he hasn’t ever dealt with at this level before, and it’s also out of character just enough to really strike Phoenix in the heart. You can just imagine him staring at Miles with the most lovestruck expression on his face because he hasn’t seen this side of Miles before and he loves it.

Phoenix’s heart stuttered in his chest, and may have stopped entirely.

He was screwed.

He was completely and utterly screwed.

And even Phoenix can’t deny that he’s super in love at this point.

I think I wrote this part, changed the words “screwed” to “doomed” right before posting, and then switched it back again for no particular reason. The Vibe just felt a little off but oh well.

Then the next chapter skips over the rest of this picnic but honestly Phoenix’s brain skipped over the rest of this picnic as well. Imagine the two of them just kind of standing around in a lovestruck daze for a while. I think Franziska had to physically drag Miles out of there. no one knows how Phoenix got home, not even Phoenix and least of all me!

But thank you Mika for requesting this!! And for drawing such incredible art for me to base the chapter around haha!!!

#dvd commentary meme #the catch-up game #asks

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darley1101 · 6 years

Text

Say You Won’t Let Go (Nov 2 Music)

A/N For the November prompt challenge hosted by @meeraaverywalker November 2: Music featuring Katarina Vance and Parker Shaw from It Live Beneath. Combined with first kiss while slow dancing, a night kiss with a promise, and 'Why are you looking at me like that?' Requested by @blackcatkitaTags are at the end of the story. If you would like to be added, moved, or removed please let me know. If you enjoyed the story please consider giving it a like, comment or re-blog. Thank you for reading.

Rating/warning: Mature due to slight sexual innuendos.

Side note: for those who are into this sort of thing, the song Kat and Parker are dancing to: Say You Won't Let Go

Say You Won't Let Go

Drawing her bare legs up beneath her, Katarina leaned against the rail and stared down at the deceptively peaceful water lapping at the sides of the boat. She didn't know what Imogen was thinking, hosting another party on her parents yacht so soon after Kyle's death. It just felt wrong. It also felt like they were asking for trouble. 'I shouldn't have come,' Katarina thought, her fingers absentmindedly toying with the frayed hem of her denim shorts. She'd been on the verge of declining the invitation when Imogen mentioned that Parker was going to be off duty and able to come have fun for once. Like some love sick school girl, Katarina had quickly accepted. It had been a mistake. Parker hadn't spoken more than two words to her and she couldn't shake the guilt or unease for attending a party that felt very much like the one where Kyle had died.

“Hey.”

At the sound of Parker's voice, Katarina drew her gaze from the water. Her traitorous heart sped up, fueled by a love sick adrenaline rush. “Hey,” she echoed. The fingers plucking at the fraying on her shorts picked up speed, tangling in the white threads. She didn't know how to react to his sudden attention. The last time they had been alone together she had made a fool of herself by flirting with him and asking him for coffee. He'd quickly shot her down, citing work as the reason. It had been a plausible excuse, one that didn't completely put her off since he'd followed it by suggesting they exchange numbers. Not that he ever contacted her. Which made her coming to the party because he was going to be there even more pathetic.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

The question caught Katarina off guard. Her brows drew together, confusion clouded her eyes. “Like what?”

“Like you're confused about why I'm talking to you.” He nudged her foot with his own, a playful grin stretching across his full, kissable lips. Full, kissable lips? It took every ounce of Katarina's will power not to gag. Since when was she that girl? The one who noticed things like how kissable a guy's lips were? Looks had never factored into what attracted her to a guy. Her ex-boyfriend Gary had been cute enough, in a Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory sort of way, but it had been his quirky sense of humor that drew her in. Ironically enough, it was that same quirky humor that pushed her away. Well, that and the fact that he'd made her first and only sexual experience awful. There had been no foreplay, no loving kisses. Just Gary lubing up with some KY and sticking it in. His reasoning had been the first time was going to suck no matter what so why not just get it over with so they could get to the good stuff. He hadn't thought about how painful it would be for her or how she might not appreciate his little jokes about needing practice. 'Why are you thinking about that loser,' she silently scolded herself. She knew the answer. It was Parker and his kissable lips.

“I'm not confused,” Katarina lied. Everything about Parker confused her. His hot and cold demeanor. The way he made her feel. It would be easier if she was the sort of girl who could just point blank ask a guy how he felt, what his intentions were. She didn't have that sort of bravery in her. Jumping in to save Kyle and then trying to get justice for Ned had been anomalies, she didn't usually have that much courage.

“Good because most girls don't understand about my no flirting while on the clock rule.” He dropped down next to her, his muscular thigh pressing against her slimmer one. “It probably seems silly, but I'm the youngest and the newest...a lot of the older officers are just waiting for me to screw up.” Parker glanced at her, his grin widening, “you should know...not flirting with you has been the hardest thing I've done in a while.”

“Really?” Her heart skipped a beat before accelerating to triple time when he nodded. Katarina chewed her lower lip and then let out a sigh. “Parker, I'm really not very understanding. I mean, I am. I totally get why you don't flirt while you're on the clock. I just...I didn't realize you were serious about that and...” she shrugged, her cheeks flushing.

“And you thought I wasn't interested.” She nodded. “Kat, if I wasn't interested I wouldn't have given you my phone number or asked for yours.”

Katarina felt her cheeks flush even more. “I thought you were being polite. Besides...you never text or called me. What was I supposed to think?”

“You could have text me,” Parker pointed out. “That's why I gave you my number. Plus, I've been busy.” He glanced around before lowering his voice. “I talked to Ned after you came into the station the other day. He wasn't acting like himself and he was definitely favoring his left side...like he'd hurt himself or-”

“Or been stabbed,” Katarina finished breathlessly. The fact that Parker had taken her seriously when she'd burst into the station announcing that Ned had been stabbed to death, only for Ned to walk out of the Chief's office very much alive, was huge. Parker had no reason to trust her, she wouldn't have blamed him for writing her off as crazy after that incident, but he'd taken her at her word and looked into it. “Parker, I-”

“Guys,” Imogen cried, dancing towards them, “it's a party!” She grabbed Katarina by the hand, pulling her to her feet. “Dance with me! You too Parker!”

“I don't dance,” Katarina protested, glancing over her shoulder at Parker. He smiled and then shrugged before moving his body in time to the music. 'Of course he's a good dancer,' she thought, trying to coordinate her body with the rhythm of the song. It was one she recognized and had occasionally danced to in the privacy of her dorm room. Who didn't dance when Kesha came on?

“This place about to blow-oh-oh-oh,” Imogen sang, shaking her hair out of her face and shrieking with laughter. It was a relief to see something other than sadness on the other girl's face. The memory of Kyle was hovering just beneath the surface, it was written in her eyes, but she wasn't going to let it define how she lived. “Come on, Kat! Sing it with me!”

Katarina shook her head. “Hard pass.” The only thing worse than her dancing was her singing. Her freshmen roommate had dragged her to a charity Karoke event and basically forced her on to the stage, where she was promptly booed off before she could reach the chorus of Miley Cyrus' Party In The USA.

“Dance with me?” Parker pulled her close as the music transitioned into a slow ballad. Heart pounding, Katarina raised her arms and looped them around Parker's neck. Beneath his light gray t shirt she could feel his heart thumping triple time. She closed her eyes, trying to concentrate on the lyrics of the song instead of how amazing it felt to have Parker's hands resting on her hips. I met you in the dark, you lit me up. You made me feel as though I was enough. We danced the night away... “There's just something about you,” he murmured against her ear. Her eyes fluttered open, their gazes locking. She felt her breathing starting to accelerate when his head dipped just slightly. “Kat...” The way he whispered her name sent tingles throughout her body. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt. She closed her eyes, her breathe hitching when his lips brushed across hers. It was innocent enough, just a whisper of flesh against flesh, yet there was something hot and demanding as well...a promise of more. “Kat,” he whispered again. His left hand slid up the side of her body, stirring awareness, before sliding into her wavy dark hair. His fingers rest just below her ear, his thumb gently rubbing across her cheek bone as their breathes mingled. He used his other arm to pull her closer, sealing the gap between their bodies. It felt right, the way each curve and valley fit together perfectly.

“Ahem.”

Katarina jumped back, her cheeks blazing with color as she turned to face Imogen. There was a curious mixture of amusement and jealousy in her friend's golden brown eyes. “I hate to break things up, but my mom called. We have to dock the boat,” Imogen sulked. “Apparently Daddy is pushing for new restrictions about drinking on the lake and it wouldn't look good for his daughter to be throwing a party...especially so soon after an alcohol involved drowning.” Tears brimmed her lashes. “Did she really have to bring up Kyle like that? She made it sound like...like I don't care.”

“I'm sure she didn't mean it like that,” Katarina tried to reassure her but a quick glance at Parker's grimace told her that Imogen's mom probably had meant it like that. “I'm sorry Im.”

“It's not your fault.” Imogen let out a frustrated sigh.

“Thanks for coming though. I know you were a little hesitant...so I just...I appreciate what a good friend you are Katarina. I don't have many of those left.” The smaller girl impulsively engulfed Katarina in a hug. “Please be careful with Parker,” she whispered lowly. “He's a nice guy but he's got a bit of a reputation for being a flirt. I don't think I've ever seen him get serious with anyone.”

The words were like cold water being thrown in her face. Everything in Katarina froze. She forced a smile before pulling back. “I'm always careful,” she promised. “It's my middle name. Well, not really, but...it could be.”

“Lunch tomorrow?”

Katarina nodded, shoving her hands into the back pockets of her shorts. Her mile faded when Imogen left to relay the news to the rest of her guests. She should have known Parker was a player. 'Not a player,' an inner voice chided, 'a flirt. There is a difference.' Was there though? Katarina wasn't exactly naive when it came to men but she wasn't all that experienced either. “You have that confused look on your face again,” Parker said softly.

“Oh.” She ducked her head down, studying the apricot colored polish on her toes. “Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“About what Imogen said?” Katarina's head jerked up, her eyes widening. Parker let out a small chuckle and then sighed. “She's not very good at whispering.” He let out another sigh, walking the short distance to the rail. He stared out at the water before turning to face her. “Can I just be blunt?” She hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Pine Spring is a small town. People tend to mistaken friendliness for flirting. I'm not saying I don't flirt...I do...just not as much as people claim. As for never being serious with someone...I guess I've never met the right someone.” His voice lowered, the gold flecks in his hazel eyes intensifying. “Until now.”

Conflict warred with desire. She'd already been through one crummy relationship that had left her sad, disillusioned, and wear. Did she really want to take that risk again? Her mind kept drifting back to the kiss that wasn't quite a kiss. There had been real feeling there...on both of their parts. She hadn't just imagined that. Katarina glanced in Imogen's direction. She knew Imogen meant well, that she was trying to be a good friend, but she also knew Parker was telling the truth. 'You have enough regrets in your life, do you really want to add Parker to that list?' The answer was simple. She was tired of regrets. If there was one thing she had learned from her parents deaths and the strangeness going on in Pine Springs it was that life was short. Too short really. “Hey Parker,” she said softly, “I like you too. Besides...” she smiled sweetly, “you still owe me a dance.”

Tag list: @debramcg1106 @josieschoices @boneandfur @speedyoperarascalparty @zackzilberg @tmarie82 @blackcatkita @mfackenthal @hamulau @endlessly-searching-for-you @umccall71 @damienazariostan @drakelover78 @penguininapinktuxedo @eileendannie @stopforamoment @writtenbycandy @lizeboredom @alicars @choiceslife @leelee10898 @choicesfannatalie @liamxs-world @hopefulmoonobject @katurrade @jadedpixiescribbles @indiacater @hellospunkiebrewster @gardeningourmet @speedyoperarascalparty @mfackenthal @damienazariostan @stopforamoment @leelee10898 @katurrade @gardeningourmet

#choices fanfic #it lives beneath #parker shaw #parker x mc

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drarrytexts · 6 years

Note

About the uncle thing, I just want you to know that probably nobody cares if you post on time. You're doing better than me, my dad died a few years back and for a few months after I completely shut down. I'm better now, but every year when September 5th (the day he died) rolls around, I'm just gone for a few days. All I'm good at is crying. So I'm proud of you

TRIGGER WARNING IT GETS DEPRESSO REAL FAST BEWARE I’M SERIOUS

I wasn’t super close to my uncle so I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt. I just wish I would have gotten to know him better. I was always hearing stories about cool things he’d done. And my mom loved him a lot. The most important person in my life is my mother. And I have no idea how I will function if she’s gone. She’s the reason I’m alive right now. Because she’s someone I couldn’t hurt like that. I would rather spend every day in misery than cause her the lifetime of pain that would follow my death. She gave everything for us. She stayed in an abusive marriage in an attempt to give us two parents, even when my dad eventually got addicted to opiates.

Even when my dad got addicted to Fentanoyl she still stood by him because she took her marriage vows seriously. And then eventually my dad walked out because we were treating him badly. I honestly wish she would have left him for the good the first time she tried to leave when he was addicted to cocaine. We’re a lot happier now that he’s gone. We’re poorer than we’ve ever been but we live better than we ever have because he’s not taking the money he gets for us and spending it on stuff for himself and drugs. We used to struggle to meet every bill but we only make less than 10,000$ CAD in a year now and we can still have food and pay our bills and even have a few luxuries like phones and stuff. My mom has always worked her ass off to take care of me and my 3 siblings. She’s been on the verge of dying of pneumonia and had to take care of 4 babies when she was so sick she would literally just lay on the floor in front of the stairs to sleep while we played and then only get up to use the washroom and vomit and take care of us. And my dad was off doing cocaine. And when I started going off the deep end at 12 she initially freaked out to find out I self harmed but then when she calmed down she manned the fuck up and took me to every appointment. Her children have always been her top priority. She is everything I want to be someday. She’s the best mom in the world. She works three jobs to take care of us and has never made me feel like I don’t matter.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is that if my mom died then I have no idea how I would cope. When I try to think about it my mind just goes blank because it knows that her death is the end of the road. I can’t imagine life past that. So the fact that you can function after your dad’s death at all is incredible. I can’t deal with loss because the people I love are anchors. If I lose that anchor then I’m that much closer to being gone. Sorry for getting depressing here. It’s just that I really can’t deal with loss at all to be completely honest. My biggest fear is losing the ones I love/being abandoned. So I’m proud of you, Anon. I’m sorry for your dad, I hope that there is an afterlife so you can see him again. I like to think when we go back to energy our consciousness goes somewhere else where we can be with the ones we love. (For the record I’m an atheist but I’d like to believe in an afterlife of some sort)

-Derex

#d's asks

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twistedesire · 4 years

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Here i lay dangling in the dark Demons have me by the soul I dug a hole inside my heart To learn to self control But in my mind im trapped Screaming like its sonar How could i find the words to ask? I need someone to care where ever you are But i could be here forever Stuck in mid air in the dark Staring at my reflection On the verge of tearing myself apart Silent and desperate for proper affection But my soul is trapped My mouth is clasped shut If you just simply asked I could not tell anyone Im asking for things I now know don't exist Like empathy and caring Even the joy of a first kiss And as i await to close my eyes I say goodbye and farewell Because the biggest lie Was that im going to hell Im in it right now My very existence Is still here somehow And i no one misses this Like im narcissistic when i ask for some sympathy But all i ask is for all the love i gave to be simply returned to me I may not have been the best person Heck, im worse now Everyone making it like i hurt someone And STILL no one knows somehow Here, let me spell it out for you Carve it in my skin Tell the motherfucking truth Show you the 8th sin The one with it all Packed in my soul Ingrained for a darker fall But you made it out i had no control No I channeled the demons well I pushed away for reasons Your excuses swell As i lay rotting for seasons Too long have i been trapped Too long have i lay hidden Bent over blind rat Acting like i killed him Im the monster YES im the sick succubus But you will never get closer To know what broke between us I'm a sociopath Narcissistic Throw your pity bath And cry about who really did this But the truth will kill And it boils in my veins Poison in my will To those who could not care ever again I guess we're all human now Broken human beings You all act like its me who must bow And beg for forgiveness till the end of my days But the truth lies in my page The ones that go on always and forever And i will remain here where i lay Embracing the thoughts with no others Im a freak because im alone Im a loser because i keep away Im a psycho because i like my home But this is where i remain to stay I dont want you anymore Maybe invisible rejection Tearing at what's already torn With your manipulative affection I don't see you I tested the waters well I cut all the ties through and through And now the fires erupt in this hell Masochism in my self destruction I finally get the taste The pill of ultimate deductions Hell aint a bad price to pay I sold my soul to a demon Asking for love and affection And he took everything from me And laid me deep in self correction Pointing out the window At all the beautiful stars Saying their all fake glows Nobody knows who you are Nobody cares enough to come to you Reach out in a moment of darkness Some even know the dark truth Maybe their awaiting that proclaimed death's kiss He doesnt speak in spite For that would be pure lies His eyes looked at me despite Even HE is a lie He spoke in sympathy And empathy for my pain Nobody does love me Because im the only one that changed I changed me and not the others I tried to communicate Only the shadow of night will cover All the inner hate It boils in my blood And storms inside my being Sick like i swallowed mud And i keep the veil from seeing The light is too bright now And im just a little lost If i changed more somehow What would be the cost Money Health My very reputation as a human being Being looked down as a lesser with "oh honey" All my wealth Everything you are seeing Let me stop eating Stop the pills you call me crazy for I'll just stop speaking And lay like a rug on the floor You mistreated and asked for forgiveness But showed no ability to change And now its my fault for all this But nobody even thought to help rearrange Ask a question Please make it sincere Is this a lesson That love is this sheer A fragile essence that could just blow in the wind Like ashes from a fire I am now the 8th sin A twisted desire There is the lust for love But then the heartbreak I will no longer seek connection because The toll is not worth what it takes Empty in my soul I lay barren and impure And as i snip that control What more could a girl ask for Freedom from a world of people who didn't know Words were not enough I guess im good at hiding the pain from being shown But when known now im just tough Bare on me Put it on my back Break me to points unseen Picking up as much slack i dont want to see your face Im done confronting this bullshit I was made to feel a disgrace When the truth would have compensated with it So im done friends If i ever had family Where do i begin? That the only thing you wanted from me Was what i could give to you Not my time Not my laughter Nor my empathy or caring ways I'd fight all your crimes I'd deal with your banter Nothing could ever truly sway Still waiting i guess Still waiting Time is now a test And im constantly debating But ill tell you in the dark That in this cold dead silence You only know my heart Because the world is in a state of violence I've been here a while I know this place like the back of my hand Trying to revive an dead inner child But failing every plan Holding on so long Wear and tear at my soul If i dont make it i was trying to be strong In a world full of so much wrong

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