#IDK HOW TO EXIST LIKE THIS......

[soggypotatoes]

having just, the most fucked up day

going absolutely insane, really paranoid, unable to eat, barely slept last night, brain’s inventing new kinds of sleep disorders, lotta fucked up stuff happening

i had an extremely mentally ill walk and on my way back bumped into my friend, the one i met here who left hospital last week.. he was setting up a meeting, like an na meeting kinda, and he was like ok let’s chat.. so we chatted for a bit and it was good, really grounding.. decided to, um. well, my psychologist today gave me the choice whether i wanted her to call the hospital and tell her about the light bulb incident + all the other stuff or not. which was nice, and a great call, i think she wanted to call them but knew if she did that without me wanting her to i’d lose trust in her. so she let me decide, and after a few hours i decided she should call them, even though it makes me wanna diieeee bc i want to go hOME ive been in hospital like 5 weeks now, only getting worse, i want so badly to be at home with my dog and my housemate able to cook and enjoying the last few weeks in our place before we move out.. but fuck. life doesn’t work like that. i know, i know she’s right, if i go home maybe i’ll get better, but also maybe i’ll start thinking people on the street/my housemate is evil too, maybe i’ll just be.. the same, there. i don’t know. but i’m handing shit over to her for now. i’m lost, i don’t know what’s good for me anymore.

it’s a strange place to be in. it’s hard to describe. i’m like.. how do i put this into words lol. obviously i’m not well. but i’m also.. IDK. like. so last night i was dreaming while awake - like, i could move, i could think, but i was also vividly dreaming, and this went on... like, most of the night. it was fucking weird, not cause it was happening but bc it lasted so long. that’s kind of what this feels like. i’m somewhat lucid, watching the thoughts i’m having and the behaviours i’m exhibiting, unable to stop them or control it but.. i haven’t disappeared into it. i’m here... just a little freaked out. i kind of wish i could just lose it completely.. at least then.. idk. i know what that’s like, i guess. as i am now... idk how to handle this!

anyway. i’m just sitting here, listening to marching band music for some reason. it’s actually dope. fucking love it

#bop bop bop #ed mumbles #idk how im functioning tho #i 've been eating like 1 meal every 2/3 days #going on 2-3 hour walks every day #extremely disrupted sleep #whats going on hahhaaaa #im a bit scared abt tomorrow tho #bc what are they gonna do? #not gonna let me go on walks anymore probably #theyre gonna take away my lightbulb :///////// #thats my emotional support lightbulb... stop thats not a funny joke to make about sh lol... HHHh #IDK HOW TO EXIST LIKE THIS...... #but yeah im. so glad i ran into friend though.. hes a life saver.. #also he said that like.. the group he was running was for crystal meth users but apparently some people go who are alcoholics and such #just bc they find it helpful #makes me think #maybe i need to go to these groups once im out #i mean i was supposed to ages ago i just never did and they gave up trying to make me hahah #but maybe it would be a good idea for me.. #i have my friday mental health group but... #im starting to think maybe id get more help from like. addiction support #sorry if all this is a lot btw i tag my personal posts so u can not see em if u want #but i think i need a place to talk abt this stuff #im going insane by myself

[danielcalmdown]

early morning, on the way to Martinaise

#my drawing #disco elysium #i did a little research cause the sticks made me curious about how tf does this car work #and i came to the conclusion that it has to be differential steering #the most similar existing vehicle using it that i could find is zero-turn mowers which even kindaa look like the kineema #but that'd mean that front wheels just freely rotate like in a shopping cart lmao #idk maybe i'm totes wrong but i can't find any official info going in detail about the cars they use

[newgroundstier]

peace and love on spaceship lost light :)

#nautica #ravage #transformers #maccadam #nautica my love u r so hard 2 draw </3 #ravage was also hard 2 draw but in his defence i did not look at any reference until like halfway thru drawing him #''yeah i know his general shape. alright maybe i dont'' asfjkdfsdk #n i didnt wanna redraw him so i just messed w/ what i done already teehee #also ravage just uses a regular metal bowl 4 drinkin in da comic but i figured glass ones would exist. ............. #idk how well it comes across but i liked the idea so !!!!!!!!!!! i did it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dedusmuln]

yeah you support trans people but are you normal about trans men who choose to get pregnant

#i'm not a trans guy who evr wants to get pregnant but #the amount of queer ppl and other trans people i see joke around about like #how weird mpreg or men getting pregnant is #and use it as shock value shit #is really disheartening #like damn dude! it's almost like men CAN get pregnant and there IS a lot of men who choose to get pregnant ! #they don't deserve any less respect for that #and their existence shouldn't be made into a joke #ik mpreg doesn't have a great history but like #it just weirds me out to see people treat the idea of men getting pregnant as something baffling #idk normalize it. stop treating it as some weird alien thing #my textbox #a little bit upset. sorry #discourse #pregnancy #<- for filtering

[the-kipsabian]

saw a take so fucking rancid on twitter i almost deleted the entire app from my phone jesus fucking christ

first of all ao3 is an archive site. this is like going to the library and saying "oh i dont like this" on every piece of media you find that you dislike and thinking they should be stamped with some sort of a marker just cause you didnt like it

you can always click back and leave. fic writers owe you nothing to explain themselves and their creations. if they have mistagged or miscategorized fics, then i understand, however there are report tools for that instead of yelling at the artist tbh

im not saying free works arent necessarily above criticism. but this is just. fucking wild. its common courtesy to just enjoy stuff (or fucking leave if you dont, the back button is free) and if the artist specifically asks for critiques, then give one - constructive that is, shitting all over someones work is not proper criticism, mind you

i just find it fucking wild people are treating art and archive sites as social media these days like this and everything needs to be policed and ~catered to the algorithm~ like. no. ao3 doesnt have an algorithm. you should be able to fucking tell what you like and what you dont like and steer away from that kind of content and let people fucking be with their art. they dont owe you anything (except trigger warnings i'd argue, but i know some people disagree with that as well for some reason), and imagine how much more energy you'd have if you only engaged with things you liked and spent time looking at instead of going to places where you dont enjoy yourself. let alone spending time telling other people you dont enjoy what they enjoy. what a fucking life

#like what the fuck #where is the common courtesy of fandoms these days im just fucking asking. its ridiculous #the back button is free. shutting your fucking mouth is free. constructive criticism when people ask for it is nice but only then #these are fucking basic level fandom engagement things #am i old or are people just this fucking awful now that these guidelines dont exist anymore #im just. ough #sorry i had to get this out. idk as someone who has never left unsolicited advice for anyone and never gotten it back it just #it fucking grinds me that people are like this now. like fucking wow #ive been here for almost two decades soon and i still know how to behave. yall better fucking learn #im gonna go back to video game sorry i really needed to yell for a hot fucking second #if you choose to reblog this dont fucking clown on it okay. god #night is an absolute mess on main

[fashion4standusers]

Anyway, if I had a nickel for every time a series had six installments that gradually escalated in ridiculousness, only for the sixth installment to end with a universe reboot and the seventh installment to pick up in a new universe where alternate versions of the original characters now exist in the distant past, I'd have two nickels.

One of those series is JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. The other is Riverdale

#some caveats #the gradual escalation of jojo is subjective #jojo kept going after part 7 #jojo also started in the distant past so its not as ridiculous of a jump #also i should say *a* new universe not *the* new universe bc sbrverse and ireneverse are different #idk if alternate versions is the right term for the riverdale kiddos but according to friendly space ninja its close enough #no hate to riverdale btw. i watched the first season and then learned about the rest of it via destiel news network and whatnot #i hope yall had fun with whatever happened in that show #riverdale #shitpost #not fashion #ffsu.txt #stone ocean spoilers #riverdale spoilers #? #tonight were gonna find out how much overlap exists between those two fandoms #araki please end jojo with the main characters watching jojo on tv like riverdale did im begging

[chronurgy]

Gortash designs and builds mechanisms so I imagine he has to be able to sketch fairly decently in order to sketch his projects and designs. And I'm imagining a pile of charcoal sketches of Durge, done over their entire acquaintance, starting out with sketches of them in battle and then slowly becoming more detailed and intimate and as they do, the titles changing from things like "The Bhaalspawn" and "Bhaal's Chosen at Their Bloody Work" to "The Chosen in Contemplation" and finally just Durge's name

#it's speculated that the individual pictured in these sketches is [name] who was thought to have resolved the absolute crisis #But the existence these drawings may suggest it was merely a hoax to improve their reputation #Idk man I just love the idea of Gortash keeping this series of sketches of durge #I admit a crazy fic idea I've been rotating is the idea of an art history commentary set 100 years after the events of the game covering #The art found in Gortash's estate after his death and how people would interpret it and their potential relationship #And link to first hand descriptions of the time and academic papers and all that #Stuff like “see Elerrathin et al for analysis on the class dynamics of formal portraits and new money during this period” or something #enver gortash #dark urge #dark urge x gortash #durgetash #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers

[shkika]

the amount her death haunts me is unreasonable

#ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #v2 ultrakill #v1 #v2 #tw blood #but like also its ultrakill i mean u cant NOT have blood in there #to be one step behind from being good enough #with the perfect you right behind you.. its haunting im so mad how much v2 gets to me #she exists to fail #if thats not a failgirl idk what is #anyway i put a lot into this drawing im going insane #its been a while since ive spent 2 weeks on 1 drawing #its always the doomed robots with me man

[fuumiku]

It was Maid Day today yesterday a week ago so I got struck by inspiration to draw the worsties, and it ran away from me into a whole AU where they’re coworkers at a maid cafe. She’s a med student & this is just a part time job, and this is his depression job while he gets his life back together. He needs something he can be workaholic about to forget what it’s like having a personal life and personal issues. He’s actually the accountant, but the new hire janitor (Izutsumi) doesn’t show up for half her shifts and is a sloppy worker, so he gets the extra work of doing her job on top of his because he’s undervalued and overworked. Of course, janitors also have an uniform to keep the aesthetic cohesion as they go about cleaning the place, of course.

Senshi’s the part time cook you only see slivers off, he’s kind and warm when you do see him and have a chat but most shifts he’s in and out the kitchen without a trace. Laios and Falin are regulars because Falin and Marcille are besties & in the same med school, Laios accompanies Falin as she visits her friend at work and gets hooked on the food. Chilchuck has to remind Marcille to work instead of chatting with Falin for an hour, and next thing he knows she’s distracting him from work too. That’s it that’s the AU. Inspired by this idol AU fanart a bit <3

This was not meant to be birthday gift but well…… Happy bday Chil!!!

Read from left to right

#Dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #Chilchuck tims #marcille donato #spoilers #dunmeshi au #Maid cafe au #Marchil #Workwife marchil save me. Kabuholm in the background bc i said so lmao #i think people forget marci n chil are coworker worsties first and foremost. Ppl should capitalize on it more #The orange hair swag that makes him look like a marketable idol more #You can tell idk how to draw maid outfits. I hate those hats sm I will miku miku beam them out of existence #Marcille does change her hairstyle everyday btw #they don’t get back together btw she goes you haven’t talked to me in 4 years and he immediately goes YOU haven’t talked to ME in 4– #i mean ehem i’m sorry haha… while Marcille is like 4 years?! 4 years… #Mei only did it bc Fler has been getting jittery again kept sighing #I wanted to draw Chil with a car key at his belt but it wasn’t meant to be #idk if marchil ever gets together in this one it’s an eternal summer coworker with tension situationship au #romance is when you slowly deteriorate his work ethics so he starts skipping on his worktime to spend it at the front messing around w you #once he’s blessedly in the office and he hears this huge crash and the Marci just goes ‘…… Chiiiiiil?’ cue sigh and having to repair #the coffee machine. So many lil comics i couldn’t indulge myself to draw save me #shoutout to the time as a cashier in training at a convenience store I was left by my coworker who was supposed to wash the greasy chicken #oven but didn’t so I had to clean it for the first time myself while I was alone in the store and was also supposed to man the front #Shoutout to my convenience store’s accountant helping us with cashier duties often when there was less job to do ty ty #Understaffed struggles are so real #People also call Chil a manager because the boss is most often away so he just does everything #There’s no union but maybe one day he’ll get to overthrow the boss idk #The pay IS good at least #Modern au

[dangoulains-devotion]

to catch a falling star

#final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ffvii #ff7 #cid highwind #vincent valentine #valenwind #my art #genuinely!! kind of v proud of this one fellas!!! #the original version was the right hand one (falling/catching) but bc of the perspective you couldn't really tell vincent was falling #so i liked how the left side version looked too in a descending/catching kind of way. so u get both #my friend said he liked both versions bc it made him think of a tarot card and i will be chasing that high #anyway shout out to the tenebris ad astra project for existing bc it finally gave me the power of inspiration for the first time in months #i tried to mix vincent's hair between the dirge style and remake style. idk if it worked but fuck it we ball #i forgot a tag. i am moonlight elegy on twt #(its meant to be next to the my art tag) #swings back in here to mention its hard to see but it is v important that vincent has hip dips. thank u

[mobius-m-mobius]

How are people gonna take that?

OWEN WILSON as MOBIUS M. MOBIUS in LOKI S2x01

#owen wilson #mobius #loki #mcuedit #lokiedit #marveledit #loki spoilers #yeahhh go off babe #this line SLAYED and so did his look hey there side profile 👀 #the most beautiful man in existence... #like yes i absolutely need to hear every take he's got on the tva and what happens next for everyone there #and i need it with the superior s2 hair <33333 #also this was before he knew if he'd ever see loki again or not so... maybe some emphasis behind gods are dead idk... #(y'all have no idea how relieved i am to finally get a decent result trying to gif around the terrible filter on this scene lol) #marvel #loki s2 spoilers #owenwilsonedit #dianagifs

[fluffyartbl0g]

The one piece reread only makes the hardest moments hit even harder,,,, even when you’re rereading it poorly in portugese

Or AKA, i found out today that HINATA SHOYO reads one piece and I haven’t recovered since

#one piece #haikyuu #hinata shoyo #roronoa zoro #(kinda) #omfg okay time for my entirely SEPERATE POST IN THE TAGS #i only got into one piece at the end of last year... but ive been in the anime and manga scene for like. my entire life #i cannot understate how WILD it is that I havent noticed how everywhere one piece is.... #like once i read it... i started finding it EVERYWHERE #my sister gifted me an issue of shonen jump ages ago cause i liked act age and kimetsu no yaiba chainsaw man promised neverland etc #and it doesnt have like a one piece chapter in it actually (to my disappointment) #but IT DOES HAVE A LIL ADVERTISING SEGMENT AT THE FRONT TALKING ABOUT OKIKU FIGURINES AND OTHER ONE PIECE CRAP #AND IDK IT LITERALLY JUST BLEW MY MIND #ONE PIECE DIDNT EXIST IN MY LIFE BUT.... IT DID???? #I HAD ONE PIECE MERCH BEFORE I EVEN BECAME OBSESSED WITH IT??? (hahah if you can consider a tiny segment mentioning okiku op merch XD) #just imagine suddenly being obsessed with a piece of media. and then you look around ur room and U SUDDENLY RECOGNISE A CHARACTER MERCH??? #ITS BEEN IN UR ROOM FOR YEARS BUT YOUVE NEVER REALLY EVEN NOTICED IT OR JUST BRUSHED IT OFF WHENEVR U SAW IT #BUT ITS THAT CHARACTER!!!! ITS THAT MEDIA THAT UR MADLY IN LOVE WITH???? #also im being 100 percent legit when i say that the sense of comeraderie i feel when someone says theyve ALSO read one piece #is insane #discovering that domics and worthiikids and all these other big youtubers that ive known for years have loved one piece like me? #it makes my heart clench and my eyes water man #ive never felt so connected to the world... one piece really is peak fiction..... #i love one piece's community sm....

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

every time i watch anything with him in it (admittingly, predominantly from the Dropout app), i am reminded that Lou Wilson is the most handsome man to have ever lived. like, objectively. he just is. i will hear no arguments for any other person to be ranked higher. Lou Wilson: whose face single-handedly shows humanity can go no higher in beauty. he is THE most attractive man in the world. argue with the wall lmao

#lou wilson #dimension 20 #dropout #game changer #i feel compelled to mention this comes from (a) me having had this opinion 5ever and needing it published as i rewatch Neverafter #and (b) that i am on aroace spectrum (im a demi-bi/pan-romantic asexual. mouthful. ugh) so like #the ''hot tingling'' feelings y'all alloromantic-allosexuals get? i dont get those. i feel like this somehow equips me to be #objective while y'all have subjectively biased preferences. dont ask me questions about this flimsy defense. im so objective. all the time #(if you need a tone indicator here: im being sarcastic and joking. i know my queerness does not make me objective. but let me joke about #this because i feel like i am SO RIGHT ABOUT HOW GODDAMN ATTRACTIVE LOU WILSON IS. PUT THIS MAN'S IMAGE IN MUSEUMS TO LAST FOREVERMORE) #how can a man still be hot after voicing Pinocchio. idk. ask Lou Wilson the most beautiful man to ever exist #he's just so stylish and pretty and funny and he has a great smile. A++. put him on the cover of magazines #my post #mine

[silver-horse]

if we are talking about the lost dream lover/daisy scenes from act 1 then we should talk about why those scenes were so good and why the loss of that storyline is so disappointing. because it's not just "oh those scenes looked better or whatever" it was a completely different character and storyline.

even though the companions pushed back way more and the whole narrative was telling you to resist the dream lover, it was somehow far more tempting. you were constantly tempted in dialogues to use your powers and if you did, you slowly started to lose yourself, the narrator said you could feel something slipping away, something you will never get back. You were giving yourself over to the fantasy, a mindflayer illusion

the game asked you during character creation "who do you dream of at night?" obviously meaning "what are you attracted to?" rather than just "you need a guardian. choose one." there is already a different implication there. I wonder how people interpret "guardian" if they don't know about the original dream lover. they might not even create someone they find tempting. a guardian sounds more like a mentor figure, rather than your ideal fantasy partner.

During early access the dream lover not only offered us power, they also showed us a tempting future where we are powerful and important and beloved and we are ruling the world. such universal temptations and desires. and we were resting on a peaceful field with the person of our dreams. it was peace in the dream world vs the real life struggle.

In the end it seemed obvious where this was leading... if you use the tadpole too much, you would have turned into a mindflayer. and whatever is left of your individuality and consciousness would have stayed in that fantasy world with your perfect fantasy partner. the mindflayer illusion forever trapped you. the song "Down by the River" was written about this fantasy dream lover. and what a banger and creative storyline this could have been. what a tragic ending! to just give up, lose yourself in the fantasy, the easy way out. choose this beautiful fantasy over the imperfect real world. and choose your perfect imaginary partner over the flawed real people, your companions. truly I mourn what an incredible storyline this could have been. It would have resonated with basically everyone.

and you would have been constantly tempted. to avoid this fate you would need to struggle constantly while the easy fantasy is dangling in front of your face with a zero difficulty ability check.

turning into a mindflayer wouldn't have been something you have the option to choose. and you can get cured no matter how much you indulged in the tadpole powers. lmao I kinda hate that there is no consequence for any of that now

#the dream lover as a figment of your imagination...a creation of your own new illithid powers...is a more interesting idea to me #also I liked how resisting the temptation was a group effort... if one character used the power... they were all affected #they were in this together #and they all had apology dialogues if you used any of the characters during a cutscene and made them use their illithid powers #bg3 #early access #baldur's gate 3 #dream lover #daisy #the guardian #bg3 mine #my thoughts #down by the river #my post #my posts #also I wonder how this would have affected the emperor's storyline and how the artefact works... #because he would have been a different character...but I am assuming he still would have existed?? #maybe he would have showed himself as a mindflayer from the start... idk... #but the storyline around the artefact probably would have been separate from the dream lover's storyline

[idkaguyorsomething]

a support group for people with “unconventional” daemons. jeff with his flounder he has to carry everywhere in a huge tank. lois with her poison dart frog everyone is afraid to touch. sam with their elephant that’s the reason they can never go higher than two stories in most buildings.

#and then they all start dating #it’s a metaphor for people with traits society considers undesirable or some shit #his dark materials #daemons #dæmon #me and my bullshit #i think way too much about the societal implications of daemons #dæmon au #look but the servants of oxford all having dog daemons implies that hiring bias does exist based on the form people’s daemons settle into #so naturally i think that different societies would form biases against people with certain kinds of daemons #and we all know how inaccessibility is deeply baked into a lot of government structures #regardless of the fact that lots of people out there need those accommodations to survive #idk it just seemed like a neat idea

[tsub1t]

suddenly got fixated on a loud banana looking head ass. I haven't watched a single episode of bnha. I'm going insane

my first drawing of mic is him doing the hand thing™ for some reason

#his workaholism and cringefail persona have captivated me #usually with random fixations like this i just consume content but this one makes me draw actual fanart. devastating #idk how long it's going to last. I'm choosing to make hay while the sun shines and be cringe and free #shitpost #my art #present mic #yamada hizashi #no tag for the anime/manga he's from cus he exists outside of it. at least for me rn