#If someone wasn't willing to die for a cause and they did that doesn't make them a martyr that doesn't mean they're redeemed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

timeskip · 3 months

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Something that Gets To Me about how so many people parrot the "Meruem went from monster to human, Gon went from human to monster" idea, other than the obvious--that Gon is 13!! He's a grieving 13 year old!!! He's a child in a literal war, sent out by the adults to either kill Pitou or die trying!!! How can you call him a monster when he's breaking down from grief in this way!!!--is that... If you REALLY want to call Gon a monster, he already WAS one.

The key difference here is that Gon being a "monster" isn't even about his morality. In some ways, Gon IS insane in that he's willing to risk it all for his goals, he IS a monster, he has INFINITE POTENTIAL, but it's not about him being a bad person??? It's about him being strange and reckless.

He has an inhuman beast inside him, but that's something about him that makes others fascinated with him and pulls them into his orbit. He continues to push himself to his limit, to keep going even when he might pass out (in the dodgeball match), lose his arms (vs Genthru) or die fighting (palace invasion), and that IS something that compares him to the chimera ants, via Meleoron. But this comparison, while it makes the themes of humanity stronger, are about Gon having unnerving aspects that we could've been noticing from long, long before this.

Meruem and Gon ARE parallels, to be clear. They're the object of devotion for other characters, they're the central pillars of chimera ant arc, and their stories are both tragedies that run parallel to each other until both of them "die." And Meruem does have that kind of monster -> man arc that people love so much!! But the way I see it, Meruem has always been largely human, and it's the action of accepting his humanity when it comes to Komugi that allows him to stand apart from who he was MEANT to be as the chimera ant king. His ruthlessness never really goes away, but he's able to value humanity in a way he wasn't, allowing himself to change as a person and accept his death gracefully.

Gon, meanwhile, has never been a man -> monster arc. He's always been stubborn and insane, ready to put himself on the line just to win in a way he wants. He doesn't THINK, he ACTS, and often that puts himself and occasionally other people in danger for stupid reasons, but he still gets narratively rewarded for it. That's not him being a monster, that's him going through his own character arc based around his very human emotions.

I want to say again that I DON'T think Gon is a bad person, and I don't think he was even in the wrong for the majority of the things he did during the palace invasion! Him being a monster isn't really about his morality at all, but about his potential--something he actively gives up at the end of the arc. THAT'S what it's building up to! It's about how Gon has been risking himself--his body, his arms, his future--this whole time. He's going to use all his aura up even if it kills him!!! That's what it means to be a monster! He's insane, he's not thinking about himself, he's thinking in a childish way that doesn't take into account the harm he's going to cause himself! He's got this Nen power, and he knows how to use it, and it's leading him to destruction!

To a degree, him being a monster isn't even relevant in chimera ant arc: it's just setting up the pieces for the eventual fall. It's been a thing from the start, his stubbornness has been part of him from the beginning. If I had to compare Gon and Meruem's arcs in this way, I guess I'd say it more like this:

Gon's endless potential allowed him to hurt himself more as his story became a tragedy, and his grief and rage caused him more and more to desperately find someone other than himself to blame. Meruem's endless potential was given to him from his birth, and he slowly found a way and a reason to stop hurting people to revel in that power, but it was too late to save himself. His own human traits were always part of him, just like Gon's "monsterous" traits always had been for him.

The theme of "potential for evolution" still holds true. Meruem evolved as a person, and so did Gon. But Gon's love for Kite held true, and Meruem's love for Komugi became something that changed him.

tl;dr I think that HxH doesn't act like "human" and "monster" are opposites at all and shows that both Gon and Meruem have these aspects to them because of their great power and potential, something that leads them both to different kinds of ruin!!! And THAT'S why they're parallels, not because they gain each other's traits.

#i love chimera ant arc can you tell #there's probably better ways to explain this but i hope people get it...#hunter x hunter #hxh #gon freecss #meruem hxh

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mswritingthings · 6 months

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Big Prompt List

Instead of randomly putting out a few little lists here and there, I'll try to do a big one every 6 months or so. Yes, I did reuse a lot of my older prompts on this one, but the next one will be newer ones.

"It's always nights like this that I feel the loneliest."

"I can't be 'just friends' anymore!"

"This sort of thing was never meant to happen."

"Why don't you love me?"

"I have tried so hard for so long, and I'm just exhausted."

"There has got to be more to marriage than what we have."

"Please, just come back to me. I miss you."

"Don't cry, I hate it when you cry."

"I can't believe you'd do this to me."

"You were supposed to love and cherish me."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"Just come back, we can fix this."

"I feel lost without you."

"This isn't about you anymore. It's my turn."

"What do you want from me?"

"There it is. There's that smile I love so much."

"I've never been happier with anybody else."

"You've shown me what it's like to be loved."

"Let's go do something, just the two of us."

"It's hard not to love you, I know that now."

"Love me or leave me here."

"If you call me baby, I'll always be yours."

"I want to taste her lips cause they taste like you."

"You looked at me like I was someone else."

"You're drunk, go home."

"I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did."

"I'll be anything you want. You love me more than you love yourself."

"Relax, there's no reason for you to be so wound up."

"I'd be willing to lose everything to make them happy."

"You're like an angel, my angel."

"We're in love, and I am actually happy for once."

"Please don't ruin this for us."

"We aren't together anymore, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you."

"Why is it so hard for you to accept that you're loveable?"

"I like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, it's cute."

"Everything always works out in the end because it's you."

"Wow, you look absolutely breathtaking."

"I don't have to keep changing because they love me for me."

"Come on now, let's have some fun."

"You're going to be the death of me."

"Talk dirty to me."

"You're ridiculous."

"Charming, you know just how to make a girl blush."

"What kind of trouble are you going to get me into?"

"If you're gonna cuff me, you might as well throw the gag in too."

"Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"

"A little flirting never hurt anybody."

"Just get over here and kiss me."

"God, you are so fucking hot sometimes."

"Do you believe in love?"

"I'm going to fight for what I want to be."

"Do you really love me underneath it all?"

"There's not much left of me."

"I want to drag you down with me."

"I love myself, I want you to love me."

"Do you think of me when you're with her?"

"You are a brick tied to me that's dragging me down."

"Don't you remember how you told me you loved me baby?"

"I was supposed to be a doctor before all this started."

"Death wasn't supposed to feel like a mercy."

"The stars look different down here."

"Believe me, I didn't want it to come to this."

"Don't go, it's not safe out there for you."

"Your job isn't to make sure I make it out alive, not anymore."

"I don't want to live forever."

"Where do you go when you feel like there's nowhere to run?"

"And everything you ever said now tears me all apart."

"I've seen the things you put me through and I wish I could die."

"I love it so much it just turns to hate."

"When they get what they want, they never want it again."

"You want it all, but you can't have it."

"After all the lies you told, who will save your soul?"

"Life is perfect, never better."

"Fuck you."

"Isn't it much more fun fucking than fighting?"

I know I said to get laid, but I didn't mean them."

"I hope this lasts forever."

"Don't go, I need you."

"It's ben a long time."

"Sit and drink with me."

"The pain always subsides eventually."

"I got used to this."

"Tell me it'll be okay."

"I can't say sorry anymore."

"Please come back to bed."

"It wasn't worth losing you."

"There's too much at stake for me to let you be so selfish."

"Sometimes I wish that I never met you."

"You're insufferable, but I love you."

"It's a nasty business, that's what they don't tell you about loving someone."

"I have lost everything, but I keep going because I have to."

"There's a whole world of poeple out there who will love you."

"I know I'm now who you wanted to spend the night with, but I am here."

"I give up, being loved isn't worth all this humiliation."

"If you look away from me again, I swear I'll stop."

"You can have me any way you want, just ask nicely."

"You've taken good care of me, now let me take care of you."

"You have got to stop distracting me so much while I'm trying to work."

"Hey, all I'm looking for tonight is a good time."

"There's not a lot a good kiss can't solve."

#prompt list #random prompts #dialogue prompts #smut prompts #angst prompts #hurt comfort prompts #fluff prompts #mine #writing prompts #writing resources #reblog #please do use and reblog #ficblr #assorted prompts

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shiut · 3 months

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Both danganronpa and even rain code have this underlying but incredibly persisting theme of the cognitive dissonance between one's personality vs their own nature that I can't help but think about a lot.

In my head I tend to call it the "Leon paradox" because he's the first and most obvious character I think of in regards to this, though he's far from being the only one. Despite being an effortlessly talented baseball prodigy, he dislikes doing it and his actual passion is becoming a musician. However, he's pigeonholed into doing something he doesn't enjoy simply because he's good at it and it's a means to an end since it's his only way of getting anywhere.

This gets expanded in dr2. Imposter's dissatisfaction with having to always be someone else. Akane not caring about being a gymnast much at all aside from the perks it gets her. Nagito's disdain for his luck talent that brings him constant misery while also acknowledging that it's the one thing about himself that he can count on the most.

It even becomes a focal point with Hajime, who did everything to fight his nature of lacking a talent. However, Chiaki points out that it's the fact that he has no specific talent that gives him more freedom than any of the ultimates that he admires. Turned out, gaining every talent put Hajime into his own prison, and it's his loss of personality that made him essentially useless.

Even in V3 you have Kaede who actually loves her talent so much that she feels like it's an obsession that affects her ability to socialize normally. Kokichi also seems to have brief moments where he acknowledges that his talent is a huge barrier to being able to actually connect with people and causes his loneliness, but decides that it's a compulsion that's too troublesome to change so he just accepts it.

Shuichi sticks out to me when it comes to this theme. He's extremely good at detective work and will often do it on impulse regardless of reward. However, even just stumbling on his first murder case and solving it before the police could even touch it, he could not cope with the results of the person he'd affected. His emotional sensitivity traumatized him into being avoidant, even using a hat as a literal blinder. He was prepared to die in the first trial in fear of revealing the truth. His compulsion to do detective work even kind of ruined Kokichi and Kaito's plot in ch5, as he got so ahead of himself with revealing the truth that just kind of blurted everything out before realizing that he shouldn't have. His compulsion with detective work even seems to make him comparatively calmer and more focused during investigations than the other protagonists, despite easily being the emotionally weakest-willed out of all of them. He repeatedly keeps falling back into his talent despite the emotional toll it has on him because he just can't help himself. He kind of acts as an example of one of the reasons why Kyoko was trained to be emotionally detached.

Jin actually is very much like Shuichi. He tries to actively avoid detective work because he despises the emotional detachment required for it. You wouldn't even know that he's actually really good at it, but you see glimpses into his skill in the novels where he'll end up figuring things out before even Kyoko does on more than one occasion. I can talk a lot about Jin, but I do get the feeling that one of the reasons why he works at Hope's Peak is because he knew more about what would end up happening there than he let on. He probably could have gotten quite a few things done if he wasn't so insistent on fighting his own nature as a detective.

Very honorable mention to Yui, who turned down an invitation to Hope's Peak for her high-jumping talent in order to pursue her passion as a very mid detective. She might've even lived if she went to Hope's Peak because I'm pretty sure she would've graduated by the time of the tragedy, but at least she died in the most based way possible by rejecting them.

And of course, Junko is a prime example of the detrimental effect of talent. Because of her analytical abilities, she can practically guess everything that's going to happen. Her obsession with despair is a desperate attempt at being mentally stimulated in a society that has let the status quo stagnate to such a critical degree that it's the reason why the very concept of talent had been rotted to this point. Sorry to Kodaka, who has repeatedly said that Junko is meant to be a truly evil villain with no motivation, but he did kind of accidentally give her a motivation in dr0 where we're shown for a fact that without her memories and ability to analyze, she's relatively normal and tame. That is her nature, just a kind of weird girl who wants to be a tradwife and go grow corn somewhere. However, I think it can be argued that what is meant by "pure evil with no motivation" is that she doesn't have any sort of tangible tragic backstory. You can even say it's not her analyst ability alone that caused her madness, since there's plenty of normal non-world-ending analysts. It may simply be that her personality happened to mix terribly with her talent, and that's the nature of what makes her pure evil, because both of those aspects of her are part of her nature that she can not (nor does she even want to) control despite the misery it causes her. She simply learned to love the misery.

Makoto himself is very clear about being bitter about his luck. For the most part, what's apparent to him is that it causes him constant trouble and the good that it actually does for him is so subtle and disjointed that he doesn't even realize it's his luck. However, I think what makes him different from people like Nagito or Junko is his personality. He doesn't obsess like they do, and his optimism makes him bounce back easily. I think his luck even feeds into his personality and, inverse to Junko, it's the unpredictability of his luck that makes him hopeful and optimistic. Since he never knows what's going to happen to him, he had to develop a way to roll with the punches.

The aspect of personality vs ability also carries over to rain code. The master detectives are people who have innate psychic abilities that are seemingly based on their nature, and then it gets refined and specialized based on their personality. Not only does their personality help to refine these powers, but you see that their personalities and abilities often have detrimental impacts on each other.

Halara can't see living things in their postcognition because they aren't good at looking at people. Pucci's ability makes her hearing so sensitive that it's at least partially caused her emotional detachment. Melami not only likes fashion so much that she must wear the clothes of someone to use her power, but she also has to actually like the clothes too. Vivia is constantly fatigued and has depressive tendencies due his tenuous attachment to his spirit.

Former Number One/Makoto are a great example of this sort of destructive feedback loop of cognitive dissonance. You can infer that their empathy and obsession with helping people is what gives them the ability to use coalescence and share anyone's abilities, yet it's the fact that they can do anything that makes them feel like they must do everything. Ironically, the fact that they've convinced themselves that they must do everything makes their ability essentially useless because they end up only working alone. As a result, Former Number One became detached with every emotion except for his obsession, and it's what caused Makoto to ultimately spiral.

#danganronpa #rain code #raincode #rain code spoilers #my analysis #shiutpost

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dsaf-confessions · 5 months

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So like after making that I think Steven's tragedy is overlooked confession I realised it isn't just him but also everyone else . Including Jack & Dave the most popular characters in this fandom

So like Dee. She was a child. I think around 6 years old. Idk but Im sure she wasn't even 10. And she also died in her birthday??. So like imagine being so young going to a pizzeria to celebrate your birthday, and then, you get killed by a pink fuck, in a place you thought was supposed to be fun and harmless children entertainment fun. And then said pink fuck, FORCES your soul in an animatronic. So like you spend decades, trying to save other children so they won't end up like you. Jesus, she tried her hardest to save other children, to help give them their happiest day that was taken away from them at such young ages. But it was a cycle of failure. She couldn't save them. She was still, a child, like them. A child that was forced to mature at such young age. Can only do much. It's so fucking tragic. I love her I rlly wanna hug her.

Peter. People seem to say that he abandoned Dee and Jack. But I don't think he did. He just moved on with his wife. That's kinda what married people do. Just because he wasn't there, doesn't mean he outright abandoned them. If he had. I don't think Jack would had run off to his place for help after his and Dee's death. Or that Henry's line about his family dying just to get away from him, and that he meant more as a phone guy than he did to his family when he was alive. Would had affected him, if he actually tried getting away from them. He feels bad for not being there for them. I don't blame him. He was a working man. He probably COULDN'T be there at Dee's party cause of work. Fazbender's is a shit ass place to work at anyway. He still blames himself. For his family falling apart. For leaving. He spent many years slaved at Freddy's while also having flashbacks/memories when he was alive. Sounds awful. His suicidal outburst in the evil route isn't talked about enough. He wanted to die. If it meant he'd see Caroline again. Oof

Even Jack and Dave's tragedies are overlooked.

Dave's backstory is so messed that it actually makes me sick in my stomach. No kidding. (Not saying it's bad or anything) So I'd prefer to not talk too much about it. Hope you understand .But in a nutshell. It's about someone who never had any kind of love growing up desperately trying to get the approval/love of the people he loves. And even considers family. So much that he's willing to take any kind of abuse, fucked up experiments, manipulation and literally killing him. To be with them. Cause he never had any love. He thinks they care for him. And that's enough for him to literally cheat death and posses his own corpse, over, and over, and over again. Just to be with them. That he was willing to murder. For them. Cause they told him he was doing good. Jesus. It's messed up.

Jack's own tragedy, and blackjack's, he lost his parents and was left as an orphan to take care of his sister at an actually young age. I think he was in his 19-20s when that happened. In fact Im sure he wasn't even old enough to drink on the state he lives in. Which I think already explains how messed up his mental health actually was. And then one day he messed up. He left Dee and that led to her death. He tried to find her, to save her. It cost him his own life. He was dead, soulless, people didn't saw him as human. They knew him as the ' scary orange man/guy'. But he made a promise. It's sad, one of the very few times he's actually acknowledged as human. Is the dsaf 3 good ending. Aka where he literally did everything for everyone knowing that in the end he couldn't pass on and get his own happiest day. And blackjack's regret. It was so strong that it gave him the power to go back in time. Just cause his guilt to turn back the clock and save Dee was that strong.

I think people should start seeing dsaf as something more than just "haha funny orange and aubergine guys have sex in Vegas". There are so many other things to it than davesport. For a series that's as much of a shitpost as dsaf. It's actually filled with angst. And so much potential only for the fandom to focus only on one part of it.

Anyway hi.

Can you guys that I like angst by now?

#dayshift at freddy's #dsaf #dsaf confessions #jack kennedy #dave miller #dee kennedy #peter kennedy #steven stevenson

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actiasteeth · 2 months

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ASKBOX MEME 047 / ARCANE S01E01-03

All prompts taken from season one of Arcane (2021). Adjust as needed.

01. WELCOME TO THE PLAYGROUND

"We're not gonna get caught. We'll be in and out before anyone notices."

"_____, look at me. What did I tell you?"

"I'm going. Are you with me or not?"

"You know, _____, for once you're right—we are definitely not supposed to be here."

"Thought last time was the last time we were gonna do this."

"What was that? What the hell happened back there?"

"You know, in my experience, trouble finds you."

"Every time. Every time _____ comes, something goes wrong."

"Did you ever stop to think about what could have happened to you?"

"When did you get so comfortable living in someone else's shadow?"

"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish."

"You're gonna have to lay low for a bit, understand?"

"You were twice the person at half her age."

"You see this look on my face? This will always mean that it's time to shut up."

"I ruined everything. I always do."

02. SOME MYSTERIES ARE BETTER LEFT UNSOLVED

"How am I dangerous?"

"You sure that's what you want?"

"We look out for each other; it's the way it's always been."

"Do I look afraid?"

"All I see is a boy meddling with things he doesn't understand."

"You don't understand what's at stake."

"You carry your chin so high you fail to see the opportunity below."

"Don't look so concerned. I'm about to make your day."

"There's a monster inside all of us."

"You see, power—real power—doesn't come to those who were born strongest, or fastest, or smartest. No, it comes to those who will do anything to achieve it."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to explain..."

"I ran into an old friend of yours. He had some stories."

"You're just a small man in a little hole the world forgot to bury."

"You heard him; they won't stop. We need to fight back. And if you won't, I will."

"Nobody wins in war, _____."

"Am I interrupting?"

"Is that why you came? To insult me?"

"When you're going to change the world, don't ask for permission."

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"You're a fool. There is no stopping what happens now."

03. THE BASE VIOLENCE NECESSARY FOR CHANGE

"We don't have much time."

"How did you find me?"

"You've got a good heart. Don't ever lose it. No matter how the world tries to break you."

"Without you here, it all falls apart."

"You never did know when to walk away."

"What the hell have you done? This wasn't the deal!"

"Why? Why risk this?"

"You'll get people killed. For what, pride?"

"Do you even remember?"

"I trusted you. And you betrayed me."

"I hated you, but you kept my respect."

"You'd die for the cause, but you won't fight for one?"

"I'm just... not that man anymore."

"I'll show you what you really are."

"Hmm. Willing to risk exile for your endeavor. That's quite the conviction."

"I know it sounds impossible, but when have we ever let that stop us?"

"I need you to sit this one out, _____."

"You're not ready."

"You're all I have left. I can't lose you."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Take a breath. You can do this."

"You've actually done it... But just because it can be done, doesn't mean—"

"I knew you still had it in you."

"You did this?"

"I told you to stay away!"

"Why did you leave me?"

"He'll kill you if he hears you."

#rp meme #askbox meme #ask meme #sentence starters #sentence meme #sentence prompts #rp prompts #askbox prompts #rp starters #m #.am #long post #.actiasteeth

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stuffymcstuffsworld · 4 months

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Pierced my heart 6

It's been two weeks since Elder Crow had left. Now, it wasn't lonely... not with Robin around, at least. You felt like you didn't have time to feel depressed.

A new surprise every day. His charming smiles and enthusiasm every time he saw you. Even after all that's happened. It gave you a pleasant feeling.

As if you were the most important thing in the world. But still... there was no way he was allowed to cross that line again. You cross your arms and stare down at demon in question.

Those big green eyes meet your gaze. Cheeks puffed out in a pout. A large bump on his head. "You never give up, do you?" "Nope!" He says proudly.

You give a small huff, "Idiot." He gives that contagious smile again, and you can feel the heat rising in your cheeks. "I can't help it. Even if it's just for a second, I want to hold you."

"You're willing to die for that?!?!" Honestly, this imp was going to be the cause of any gray hairs you get. "Of course. You're worth any fate." How can it be possible to want to strangle and hug someone at the same time?

"That's rather selfish. Who says I want your blood on my hands? Making me bear the burden of your demise. Honestly, it's annoying." You rant your hands waving wildly in the air.

"What's the point?" You asked. "What?" He blinks, tilting his head like a confused puppy. For some reason, it makes you furious. So much so that you end up tearing your mask off to look him in the eye.

"What's the point in seeing me every day? What's the point in asking me questions? What's the point in saying you're going to marry me if you're just going to die recklessly! DON'T MAKE ME FALL FOR YOU IF YOUR JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME!!!"

You end up throwing your mask right in his stupid face. Panting with rage. Tears streaming down your cheeks.

He catches it, but he looks at you surprised. "I never thought of it that way before. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"AAAAARRRRRHHHHGGGG!" You spin around storming off. "Stupid demon.... idiot! Can't believe.... of all the!" Rambling a jumble of curses and scolding as your bare feet stomp in the mud.

♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧

They were worried. That was a good sign, right? That meant they cared. Robin looks at the mask in his hand. So why did it feel like a lose when he saw that crying face?

He hadn't thought it through. He had been rather reckless he knew that. But it was so hard not to reach out for them.

He would need to apologize properly. Flowers, a good meal, no... he offered those often. It should be something special.

He stares down at the mask in his hand. They had thrown it in a fit of anger. He should toss it back over the line so that they can wear it again. After all these must be special to them for a reason if they wear it all the time.

He squints. Wait... oh no. A crack! Did that happen when he caught it? He hadn't seen it before. This wasn't good.

Wait! This could work... he studies the mask for a moment. He could make a similar one out of the beasts he hunted since it was made from bone. Maybe they wouldn't be as upset with his actions.

It has to be perfect. He rushes back to his camp. Searching for the perfect material. After finding what he was looking for, he got started.

Should he make an exact copy? Would that be rude? He wasn't sure since they weren't around to ask. Maybe he should make it a little different.

He carves meticulously. The little demon ends up carving multiple styles. Each one lovely and with different designs.

He inspects each one for a flaw. He couldn't offer an imperfect gift after all. He's so absorbed in his task that he doesn't realize you've returned.

♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧♧

Why did you have to throw your mask at him? Honestly, that was your only connection left of your tribe and you chuck it like a rock. It didn't even hit him like you wanted it to.

You see him working on something. You sigh. What was he up to now? It must be something important because he didn't seem to notice as you approached.

Your toes brushed the edge of the property line. Was he...carving? You frown confused. What did he need to carve? He had magical arrows!

The wind blows your scent, floating on the breeze. He snaps his head in your direction. "WELCOME BACK!" He says enthusiastically.

"What are you doing?" He zooms over an armful of... masks? Why would he make those? You curiously meet his gaze.

"I noticed a crack in yours. And I know how important it is to you. So I tried making you a new one. But I wasn't sure what you'd like, so I made a bunch of different ones. I hope you like at least one of them!"

He babbled endlessly as you took one from the pile. "I'm sorry, should have thought about your feelings as well. I promise to be a better husband!"

His words are muffled in your ears as you stare silently at his work. Your face turns a bright red. Masks were often made by either family members or the person who would wear it.

You knew he didn't realize it. But making this enforced his claim of marriage. Saying he was serious about his suit.

Stupid demon... you slowly placed it on your head. You were also stupid, of course. Stupid for being pleased by this misunderstanding. But still, his heart was in the right place. "Thank you."

#mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #reader #robin bars x reader #robin bars

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stillcarmine · 5 months

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I have this idea for an AU where Nemesis DOES invoke the “soul for a soul” resurrection principle with Hazel at Salt Lake and it's about to turn into a battle, but Leo jumps forward and is like, "Hey, you need a soul, okay? Well, there's mine."

Nemesis asks if he's willing to die for Hazel, and Leo's… worryingly not immediately shutting the idea down. But what he says is, "Think of it like... collateral. Like for a loan? Or, um, like an item on layaway."

"Layaway?"

"Yeah," Leo says. "Like this thing people did when they couldn't afford to buy something? The store would hold it and they'd like, pay it off in installments until it was done and get it then. It was like, credit cards for poor people."

And Nemesis knows that the kid is smart, and that he knows she's not going to kill him yet, so it's more like a vouching situation, where Leo's soul is like, carrying Hazel's? Like, it's enveloping it in a weird sort of embrace. But this protects it from the scales of balance, which even without the goddesses' direct interaction would have started affecting Hazel.

And it's fucking disturbing.

Because they barely know each other, and though Leo like. Just straight up wasn't going to let someone die in front of him when he could do something, he also didn't actually think it through. And Hazel's been at the mercy of too many people in her life, it doesn't matter if Leo's got no ill will or intention toward her.

And it makes everything so much worse.

Cause Leo's trying to squash down the idea of having a soulmate, even one that's not romantic, because that's not what this is about, but his lonely, hungry heart can't help itself. And Hazel is so confused because yes, she's grateful but she's also horrified. The whole Sammy situation still hasn't gotten resolved and it feels like her past is trying to pull her back into that suffocating cavern.

Anyway, it’s all messy and confusing and when Leo realizes he has to die he’s like… oh okay, well there’s that at least, the final payment, and all those thoughts Hazel had before about only coming back to right her wrongs and Frank’s just not been having fun and is like, totally conflicted.

But the price, death during Gaea’s defeat, mirrored in each other, two victors, one survivor, all debt paid off.

#idk how it would even end except Leo dying and staying dead and idk if I explained this well but oh well #leo valdez #hazel levesque #frank zhang #nemesis pjo #hoo #pjo #the mark of athena #the blood of olympus #heroes of olympus #sammy valdez

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sankatsuka · 4 months

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Takagin Discussion: Story Romantic Parallels (Part 2)

Continued, because image limit grrr. Part 1 here, take note of warnings there!

Takasugi and Enshou suffering from bystander's guilt. Both would have taken the chance to choose the death of the person their loved one loved more than them: Enshou did so and Takasugi is haunted by his thoughts of it. Even though this person was just as dear to them too (brother and teacher).

A layer of Takasugi that isn't present in Hijikata is his drive to destroy Gintoki and the world, despite loving the former. The cause? Look no further than Enshou who encapsulates post-Shouyou death Takasugi's emotions the best. Even being directly paralleled to Takasugi.

The dialogue in Shogun Assassination arc speaks for itself with how his anger was more about Gintoki and not Shouyou. Gintoki straight up calls Takasugi out for being the one who would have made the choice to kill Shouyou. And then there's Enshou who chose to leave his brother to die when he had found the chance to.

For Takasugi, it was out of an inability to live without someone, even if it meant taking away something precious to them, and the same was for Enshou except he also wanted the princess for himself. In fact, their direct parallels could even suggest that Takasugi would have wanted Shouyou to die so he could be the closest to Gintoki, which would really, really fuel his self-hatred and explain why it was strong enough for his actions. Then again, this is purely speculative, because the guilt from realizing you aren't who you think you are (wanting to protect Shouyou at all costs) is already great enough.

(I tell you, love is crazy. It wouldn't be surprising if Takasugi truly wanted to kill Shouyou despite everything. Enshou was even willing to kill his OWN blood brother who was proud of him. Obligatory Oboro mention who sees himself as a foil to Takasugi, and snitched on Shouyou out of jealousy and love for him too, despite knowing it will very likely not end well.)

Takasugi feeling like he murdered Shouyou is evident when Shouyou's death is one of the instances he recalls alongside his other cold-blooded murders when speaking of his sins.

Think about how much this realization that he would have killed Shouyou would hurt Takasugi's sense of identity. If the parallel with Hijikata holds true, that he intended to devote his life to protecting Shouyou to protect Gintoki's happiness from afar. And here he was suddenly thinking he would kill him if he had the chance, destroying Gintoki's happiness along with Shouyou.

These instances were times Enshou and Takasugi could pretend they weren't responsible, because it was the enemy that did it. But that's why it haunts them both - how could they be so horrible, selfish people? They ARE the enemies of their loved ones.

And further proof to that, is how Takasugi branded himself Gintoki's enemy that he should take revenge upon. Although his only outward action was being helpless just as much as Katsura, who doesn't harbour any violent will for his actions.

(Takasugi saw Gintoki as his enemy, as another him - as if because he couldn't think of it as Gintoki killing Shouyou. Gintoki would never choose Takasugi over Shouyou, he wouldn't make himself suffer and cry like that. It was all Takasugi who did it.)

It's also worth noting how Katsura talks about how he chose to change because of Gintoki's strength to face his pain and learn to live, even though he was supposed to be hurting the most out of all of them - and Takasugi completely ignores it. Just like Enshou running away from the pain the princess was enduring.

It's as if Katsura exists to show how someone who wasn't in love would have reacted to the events of the war and having an influence like Gintoki around, lol.

Takasugi and Enshou running away from their guilt by immersing themselves in a delusional goal and tormenting themselves.

Feeling guilt for who they really were, Enshou chose to throw himself into the battlefield and Takasugi could only think to ensue more chaos in hopes that something would come out of it. There was something they could still stand to achieve to compensate for their choices - Takasugi could overthrow the bakufu who betrayed all his comrades, Enshou could win more honour for his homeland. And if they failed, at least they would die in the process.

Takasugi shows awareness of this as he likens his cause to Matako shooting herself in the head.

For Enshou, he could make amends by looking for an honourable death as a hero to make up for his sins. For Takasugi, he could make amends by delusionally undoing the damage caused by the war and killing Gintoki who would try to stop him in the process, proving he can and would have killed Gintoki over Shouyou. And cause himself immeasurable pain in that process of killing and losing someone he loves, because he deserves it for betraying his teacher.

All so the princess would know Enshou as the hero who died and risked everything, which implies he had fought that hard too to protect her husband but failed. And as for Takasugi, it was all so Gintoki would never know that Takasugi would have killed Shouyou.

The only illusion Takasugi even has of Shouyou is one where he's expecting to be hit on the head for being half-hearted, instead of a fatherly moment. Takasugi knows everything he's doing is in the wrong, that he's just running away, but he doesn't have the courage to straighten himself up.

He wants Shouyou to stop him. He wants to be honest again.

But the princess and Gintoki both knew. Their words implying this don't register in either of the two though because of just how far gone they are in the delusion that their actions will protect them from being found out. To the point Takasugi immediately believes he would have had the same rationale as Gintoki and it meant he wasn't expelled (MY MAN SHOUYOU WOULDN'T EXPEL YOU FOR BEING IN LOVE AND WANTING TO GET RID OF HIM FOR IT EITHER!!! HE'S PROBABLY SUPER PROUD OF YOU!!! HE'D BE SAYING KILL ME IF YOU CAN!!!)

Another line of thinking that may have happened was that it FINALLY registered in him that it was Gintoki who beheaded Shouyou, not him. Especially because Gintoki says his full name like that, distinguishing them as people. It could be why he no longer says stuff about how they are the same person.

Being released from the guilt of his own selfishness by thinking he would have had the same reason as Gintoki, and being released from the guilt of thinking he was responsible for Shouyou's death, would have made it easier for Takasugi to move forward with less self-hatred and gain better clarity of what he truly wanted to do (hint: Gintoki's tears, as per the usual).

Their parallels truly goes to show that fighting to protect a country and fighting to destroy a country can both be running away... as long as your heart isn't in the present.

Takasugi and Umibouzu realizing that it is them and mundane life that are the true battlefield.

After losing Bansai, the very first member of Kiheitai, Takasugi finally realizes his rashness and blindness. The delusion he promised to his comrades was nowhere to be seen. When he loses someone who gave more meaning to that delusion than the delusion itself, Takasugi becomes more lost than ever. Only at this point does Takasugi realize he had always been dreaming, that this wasn't him.

If the delusion was really him, he wouldn't have been this lost from the death of the very first member - it would've just fuelled him to be see that goal through to be sure to honour his death. Especially when Bansai said they would die following him to his goals.

The reason he went this far in the first place - he always said his goals was as vengeance for Shouyou and the lives lost, but if losing someone proved it was all just a dream, then was that really what was driving him to stay alive? If he really was living in the past, he would have just killed himself after everything happened, but as he implies, it wouldn't satiate anything. (Sure, he may have been telling Gintoki to stab himself, but at this point he was seeing Gintoki as himself anyway so I think the interpretation of his dialogue is in the air)

The reason he was still running today wasn't for the dead. It was for one man who was still alive and in pain, who cried that day without anyone to wipe those tears for him.

These are the true emotions in his left eye that only become clearer after said man - Gintoki - even helps him justify his sins. The fact he's even wearing a kimono of mountains where Shouyou was executed really goes to show how affected and driven he was by that sight.

Takasugi had an idea of this after his clash with Gintoki and being reminded by Matako's tears. Not to mention Kiheitai being formed for and because of that same girl whose tears woke him up - as if paralleling Takasugi's entire driving force for one man too.

(EVEN THE MANGA FRAMING GINTOKI AND MATAKO CRYING IN THE SAME WAY. MATAKO BEING THE ONE TO BELIEVE IN AND LOOK FOR TAKASUGI AFTER HIS DEATH, LIKE GINTOKI LOOKING FOR SHOUYOU AFTER UTSURO'S DEATH... I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ANY MATAKO PARALLELS AT THE START)

The cover for the chapter Matako cries is even Takasugi sitting on a mountain of corpses surrounded by crows, very much resembling Gintoki as a child. Even the very frame where Shouyou was describing him to Takasugi. And with an uncharacteristically satisfied victorious smile, which never appears on his face no matter how many enemies he cut down. And a line suggesting a battle for the clarity of heart. As if Matako's tears made him realize what his heart really wanted - to reach where Gintoki was all alone.

I talked about how much being alone in that battlefield of corpses had still been haunting the child in Gintoki in Part 1. And Takasugi knows. Because when a man is in love with a monster, he would want to know everything about the monster and wouldn't want them to suffer alone, like Umibouzu felt about Kouka.

But this only really kicked in after Bansai's death that destroyed all his delusions he could run off to.

After that realization, like Enshou, Takasugi had been planning to die, taking down the Tendoushuu along with him to put a close to the true culprits behind Gintoki's suffering. But after learning about Utsuro's blood, he still had to live to see it through to the end, for the sake of the teacher he wronged and because there was another thing he had to take care of for Gintoki to not have to suffer again. He never had any intentions of just being the human he realizes he was in his own exchange with Enshou lol.

Because he doesn't believe someone as violent as himself can without bloodshed and make anyone mundanely happy, just like Hijikata. AND his guilt at the forkroads for feeling like he would have killed Shouyou, that made it so that he could no longer fight by Gintoki's side when that was likely already his usual happiness.

(Matako's words even goes to show how much being by Gintoki's side is already an incomparable happiness for Takasugi, that she stops wanting to chase him and even enjoys seeing him like that. Not even jealous that Gintoki replaced Kiheitai - the man who seemed empty and aimless looked like he finally regained something.

She must have wanted to do something about Takasugi's suffering for a long time, and finally seeing it after so long is like a confusing breath of fresh air. It didn't have to be her, she just wanted to see him doing better. THIS IS WHY I LOVE KIHEITAI SO MUCH...)

Ahem. Then there's also Takasugi's guilt for Kiheitai's suffering that caused him to isolate himself from Matako and Henpeita. Imagine telling them he has no ambition in the first place, especially if it was all just for the tears of one guy, and they were all literally dying for no goal. He can't say that. Man. Takasugi's ENTIRE character is about running away.

That's why living a normal life IS the true battlefield. It's so painful and frightening that Takasugi can never face it. Even if he strongly wanted it, it was far better to avoid it.

This is something that Umibouzu comes to realize and acknowledge early on without being burdened by guilt and deluded like Enshou and Takasugi were. That no matter how many people you are surrounded by, there will be someone you will feel lonely without and can't live without. And the most difficult thing was to live a mundane life with them, against your instincts that are always craving for blood. Takasugi gets this - he's been constantly losing the battle of self-hatred against the human in him and thus stays as far as possible.

But Umibouzu faces the person he loves, while Takasugi keeps distancing himself from the person he loves like Hijikata did. It was probably easier for Umibouzu though since it was something he had to do - the person Takasugi and Hijikata love aren't alone for them to worry about. It's harder for Umibouzu to ignore someone who was suffering all alone, and there was no happiness in sight for her.

Gintoki and Kouka being invited to abandon their long-held principles for their own happiness.

These are just the actions of a man in love - Umibouzu and Takasugi, who can't afford to see the person they love suffer on their own. Principles and other people don't matter in their eyes - it's the happiness of their loved one that matters. That's why they both entice Kouka and Gintoki to make a choice that will make them happy against their principles. Even though leaving Kouan meant abandoning Kouka's ancestors, and saving Shouyou could mean destroying humanity.

Kouka takes Umibouzu up on his offer, while Gintoki decides that he can't pick a side and will be the one to stop Takasugi and Katsura if neither of their answers are correct. Although different, and one leads to her happiness and the other to continued detachment, their answers reflect how they know that the people in front of you is what is most important.

Just as Umibouzu himself confirms, he would have not changed his decision even knowing about Kouka's condition. And just like their last moment is Umibouzu attempting to rescue Kouka from her condition, Takasugi makes sure to remind Gintoki that he isn't empty and has people he has to go to, as if to save him from his emptiness. Both were always fighting the suffering of their loved ones to see them happy.

Takasugi and Umibouzu's left and right eye/arm

This. This is probably the biggest parallel made between Takasugi and a man in love, aside from Enshou. Their left represents the time they ran away from themselves, allowing their bloodthirsty instincts to take root. Their right represents the time they managed to do what they truly wanted to do against their bloodthirsty instincts. Even the chapters are titled Right Arm and Right Eye.

For Umibouzu, what he couldn't do was live a mundane life with his family. For Takasugi, what he couldn't do was make Gintoki happy. This is why their left represents their failures - Umibouzu nearly killing Kamui out of his Yato instincts, Takasugi having to see Gintoki forced to kill their teacher in tears and not trying to do anything about his pain because of his self-hatred.

You can argue Umibouzu's example is a familial one, but there's the difference that Umibouzu already faced the person he loved and had a family to protect while Takasugi never did. Umibouzu's love was in the form of protecting his wife and family, Takasugi's love was in the form of protecting Gintoki's happiness from afar. Their left thus represents failing to do so.

But just like Mitsuba and Hijikata, the ideal happiness both Gintoki and Takasugi wanted was definitely building that mundane life Umibouzu did. Takasugi telling Gintoki to go back to playing house as he deals with Shouyou instead shows how he knows that is true happiness, too. (I remember Takasugi having said playing house more derogatorily another time, but I can't find and remember where it wass... Screaming jealousy I wanted to be with you for sure.)

And then there's the cinematic parallels with Yorozuya, as if implying Takasugi's rightful place as Gintoki's equal who'd take care of Yorozuya together with him, and take care of Gintoki together with Yorozuya--Family.

(Edit: I just noticed that the words Gintoki says the first time Takasugi and Katsura meet him are the exact same words he says when he first meets Shinpachi - "Gyaa gyaa gyaa. Geez, shut up, is it mating season around here?" and steps into their fight. This pretty much confirms some level of equivalence with Takasugi and Yorozuya.)

Their shared desire for a mundane life is displayed even more strongly in their final moments - Gintoki laments how he had hoped things would change in his last moments, about how he thought they would have gotten past their fighting as they grew up. How he wished he could have shared drinks with him more.

But in typical Takasugi fashion, after a pause as if considering his answer, Takasugi runs away and insists their relationship stay a rivalry. Pathetic. But Takasugi probably wanted to see Gintoki smiling as usual instead of having to process the honest truth - not when Takasugi has spent all his life making it seem like he hated his guts, so it's understandable...

Gintoki just isn't the type to decide his own relationships, whether it be with Takasugi or literally anyone else. He only said he would protect Otose and Yorozuya, but then at some point they saw him as family and thus he reciprocated. All he does is protect unconditionally and stay pure as the white soul Katsura describes him as - and its his unconditional acceptance that brings everyone together. That was why Gintoki had always left it to Takasugi to decide what their relationship would be and was happy with whatever outcome. He accepted his relationship with Takasugi would always be one of fighting, even though he could tell from Takasugi's smile and laughter that there was more underneath his pursuit of strength...

Gintoki's regrets and wishes show now how the best outcome would have definitely been Takasugi not running away and determining their relationship as purely based on their rivalry. Takasugi's death reflects how much of a coward he was until the very end...

But in the end, Takasugi represents the humanity Gintoki couldn't achieve because he was brought up by a monster like himself. How humans get scared, stumble and struggle, but they will always get back up. They make their choices of what to face and what to not based on how they feel in the moment. In comparison, Gintoki erased every trace of himself, making no choices but to simply protect. Takasugi may have been fixated on destruction, but with time, he became aware of and faced what it truly meant to destroy.

Takasugi's sword and soul was the one that ended Utsuro once and for all, when long ago Shouyou told Gintoki to beat him with a human sword. A monster can only be destroyed by something stronger than it's emptiness, and Takasugi has been chasing after Gintoki's emptiness his whole life with his humanity.

That's why only Takasugi stood a chance against Utsuro's emptiness, having developed a humanity and love that grew stronger and stronger for the sake of matching the emptiness of the monster he loved.

Gintoki no longer needed to protect himself with the sword he held on so strongly to as a child. And there was no more need to forcefully suppress his fear and instincts to fulfil his purpose as he does now. Takasugi's blade was now there to protect the frightened child, and he's pretty much immortal now lmao.

The conclusion is as if hiding the commentary that Gintoki had never truly become human as Shouyou had told him to. That maybe becoming human was impossible for people born as monsters. But even so, the monster who tries to be human and live a normal life against its emptiness will find a home where they are loved. And that love will surely protect them.

Gintama is such peak fiction for me... I was crying writing this... Takasugi is truly my favourite character of all-time for how relatable and grounded he was as a character, as well as how he perfectly captured the battle against self-hatred. Of course it's personal interpretation - I always wonder if there was a way for dialogue to be straightforward so we could have a universal interpretation... But it might not hit as hard then!

I really like to think Gintama is all about being quiet about the emotions, but being loud about the laughter 😊 So we can decide what emotions there are in it based on our own personal experiences.

#gintama #takasugi shinsuke #shinsuke takasugi #gintoki sakata #sakata gintoki #takagin #gintaka #YUP I TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING I LOVE ABOUT TAKASUGI HERE #TAKASUGI BEST BOY #IM ALWAYS SO PROUD OF HIM

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doctor-ciel · 2 years

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Man though, because L's whole arc regarding shinigami is so fascinating but I've never seen anyone talk about it, although I'm sure people do.

Because like, what did he think was going on? When he first started the case, what did he think was going on? Probably something similar to what the people at the ICPO meeting were talking about, that someone had elaborately put things together so that they could remotely give their victims heart attacks. Crazy and elaborate, but possible.

But then they're able to kill Lind L. Taylor, so however they do it doesn't require any sort of physical tampering on Kira's part. They can just do it on command with anyone, anywhere.

We the audience know that it's something supernatural, but how soon does L accept that? I don't imagine very quickly. I'm not even sure how soon he'd even entertain the idea. Compare how he talks about finding out how they kill during the broadcast (playful) versus how he talks about shinigami once he knows he's dealing with them (afraid). I think at that point he still thinks that it's some sort of advanced technology.

Light's experiments make it undeniable, though, by controlling his victims' actions before they die. Plus the message he leaves for him, "L, do you know?", would have definitely caught his attention because at that point the thing L would've wanted to know the most is how Kira kills. Then the next message is "gods of death," his only hint at what the answer to the question is. The nonsense last message trolls him for ever having taken the messages seriously, but this still means that even if he has to second-guess himself, he now has shinigami on his mind.

This itself causes a huge change in L as a character. He has to change how he thinks about the world, his line of work, everything really in order to solve the case. This also means humbling himself to the fact that he was wrong about something, and is now in unfamiliar territory. Or, alternatively, that if it turns out this isn't something supernatural, that he was crazy enough to think that it was. Either way, he can't come out of this with the same view of himself he had before of being someone who was always right.

This is why he reacted the way he did when Misa's broadcast mentioned shinigami, even though I do think his reaction was overblown for drama (and this is coming from someone who is actually willing to suspend my disbelief for most of death note's dramatic moments, yes even the potato chip scene). But it makes sense for him to be scared, because it is now the second time shinigami have shown up in relation to Kira's power, and it's from a second unrelated person.

And I love the look he gives Light when he says that "shinigami" is probably a code word. Because on the one hand, L was probably thinking the same thing, that "shinigami" could have been a reference to the supernatural nature of Kira's powers rather than the actual explanation for them. But on the other hand, at this point he strongly suspects Light, so to me the look he gives him means something along the lines of "of course you would say that." His prime suspect trying to divert attention away from a shocking part of the second Kira's broadcast is going to be a little suspicious.

This is also the first time he's shared his shinigami idea, and he got pushback against it from the rest of the task force. That's going to add to the self-doubt. And yes, he says he agrees with them that they're not real, but this wouldn't be the first time that he's said something to go along with everyone else while silently still holding his own conclusions.

This is also part of why he fell into a slump after Light and Misa lost their memories. It wasn't just that he had turned out to be wrong (as I've pointed out here he's long since been doubting himself and grappling with the new revelation that he can be wrong about things), although having been wrong about Light and Misa as well as everything else does contribute to the loss of motivation. To me, though, it mostly has to do with the fact that it has just become clear to him that no matter what he does, there is only so much he can do to try and work against forces that are beyond his comprehension, let alone control. He doesn't know where to begin in salvaging the investigation because he doesn't even know what is happening. He says he's depressed because he was wrong, but he also says that he knows for certain that, even if they aren't right now, Light and Misa were Kira. This means his slump comes from not being able to prove it, and from being wrong about Kira's power.

At this point his theory is that the power transferred away from them and to someone else, and that they possibly lost their memory too (or else they are acting). Because you know, why not? Can you imagine L making a theory like this at the start of the show? The fact that he is making a theory like this in seriousness shows how much he's changed, what he's willing to believe, and also how willing he is to be wrong (because you can't tell me that he thinks the theory has any concrete supporting evidence besides "fuck it, anything goes at this point"). He has now fully thrown himself into the school of thought that everything that is happening is supernatural and beyond his control.

So now that they're in murky waters of what is possible... what about that shinigami theory? He feels it's safe enough again to bring it up around the others while they watch Higuchi in the car. This time, it makes even more sense than during Misa's broadcast. Higuchi's clearly talking to somebody that they can't see. And now L is on the path again to being right about something for once.

Then he holds the Death Note in his hands and is totally, absolutely vindicated. And he is not scared to look at the shinigami. Everyone else screams when they see Rem, but L has been thinking about shinigami for a long time. Whether or not they exist has come to represent to him if his ideas can be trusted or not, so to see one now he's actually happy.

And then there are the rules in the notebook. The thing about the rules is that they give clear-cut, hard rules about what can and can't be done with it, which is exactly the kind of stability that L has been missing for a long time in the investigation, the kind of thing that could determine once and for all, with hard evidence, whether or not Light and Misa were ever Kira. Light was banking on that, knowing how L works and that not only would he not question rules like that, he would want them to be true in order to have that stability.

But L has changed a lot. He only had his whole theory about shinigami in the first place because he was willing to consider impossible things. This whole time he'd been struggling to believe in a theory that no one else wanted to entertain. While the others are discussing the 13 day rule, L is stacking a tower of containers, coming closer and closer to putting the pieces together and saying what he's thinking. What if...

If they're dealing with supernatural forces, they can't know anything for certain about it. He knows that better than anyone, he's spent his whole arc coming to terms with the fact that he does not and probably never will fully understand what he's dealing with. Therefore, they have no way to know for sure that those rules are real. If he could believe shinigami exist, he can entertain the possibility that the rules are fake. And if it is a possibility, then Light and Misa aren't cleared, at least not to him, and they could still be investigated.

But he stops right before finishing the tower - before finishing his thought. He lets them go. I think this was done partly because he gave in to the stability the rules gave him, but also partly because of pressure from the rest of the task force. I could write a meta about how they actually peer pressure him into doing things a number of times, but that's for another day.

He's back to doubting himself again, which becomes especially clear in the scene on the roof. "I'm sorry. Nothing I say makes any sense anyway. If I were you, I wouldn't believe any of it." (In the sub he says "please don't believe any of it," which is even more interesting. Like he's asking Light not to go mad like he has)

He's proven right in the end though, right as he dies. It's a very satisfying end to his story. He changes from someone who always knew he was right, to being afraid of the things he didn't know, to adapting and allowing himself to work with the unknown, and being rewarded with validation that he was right all along, despite everything.

I also think it's fitting that his last words are "the shiniga-". "Shinigami" was the last word he ever said, showing how he was trying to understand them up until his death; but he gets cut short, showing how he never had the chance to learn everything about them, or even to test the 13 day rule. If you really want to stretch you could say that trying to learn about and understand shinigami and the death note is what got him killed. On the other hand, though, the fact that he was in a situation where he was able to understand what was happening, and say the words "the shinigami" and know what and who he's talking about, is a testament to how much progress he made in the investigation while he was alive.

All of this is to say that Death Note is actually a cosmic horror story from L's point of view.

#death note #l lawliet #L #meta #chris post

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everyneji · 1 year

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Do you ship Neji with anyone?

Hehe. I answered this once but I'll definitely talk more on it. I love Shikamaru/Neji, and considering I published fic for them as recently as of 2021 those feelings are still going strong. Generally I prefer my ships to have a little more, er, content, but they captured my imagination so what can I say ...

If my followers will forgive me for getting indulgent for a spell, there's something very charming about how, in the Sasuke Retrieval Arc, Neji is keeping up with Shikamaru.

When they're trapped by Jirobo, Neji seems a little surprised by Shikamaru's false surrender, but keeps quiet. Now he's not a loudmouth like Kiba and Naruto, but he's also not shy about speaking his mind. However, between his own observational skills, a likely respect for the command structure, and Choji's words, he doesn't interfere. He's then right in step with Shikamaru and Choji when the plan starts.

Neji then explains that he observed everything Shikamaru did (that the prison recovered from Kiba's attacks at different rates) and why Shikamaru spoke to the enemy and so on. We expect Choji to work well with Shikamaru 'cause they're besties, but Neji was essentially a stranger to them and he's right there with them because he can get why Shikamaru does what Shikamaru does.

When they break free, Neji briefly assumes command to stop Kiba and Naruto from attacking while Shikamaru is busy thinking of another solution. Shikamaru names Neji his second-in-command -- and I know it didn't come up earlier because it wasn't relevant to the story, but in a more Watsonian perspective, it seems like Shikamaru should have done this at mission start. Neji is the shinobi with the most experience there. So did Shikamaru just assume they wouldn't have to split up or he wouldn't die (optimistic) or would he prefer to evaluate someone's leadership potential before trusting the lives of his buddies to them? I'm more inclined to believe the latter.

From all this we gather that they're both intelligent, observant people who quickly gain a mutual respect of each other when asked to work together. I happen to be a big fan of relationships between people who are both strong-willed and opinionated leader types. Yes, they can clash, but so long as they're respectful of each other there's so much potential for an interesting dynamic to explore.

They're also both lowkey people with compatible lowkey hobbies (cloud gazing & bird watching, napping & meditating) who I think could just relax together, though Neji's got a more active personality to keep some of that spark and spice. Neji needs some relaxation in his life ... Shikamaru can be very tender and emotionally intelligent if he feels like it, and Neji could use that too. What does Shikamaru need? Someone who is unafraid to challenge him, haha.

In fact, figuring out what Shikamaru wants (answer: a hardass with a nice smile) is easy because we see it in canon, but what about Neji? That, my friends, is a separate post I will make because I get very sidetracked from just gushing about my little rarepair.

Thank you for the question! ♥ In the end, I stand by my opinion that so long as Neji is getting some love all's fair! I've read or at least seen art of every Neji ship that exists I'm pretty sure … I just want good things for him. ✌️ Also, if you want to talk more specific shippy stuff, feel free to hit me up on my Naruto sideblog @hallwaydodge!

#not everyneji #ask #long post #neji hyuga #shikaneji #.i had to rewrite this whole damn thing bc u backspace once tumblr deletes ur whole damn post #.ok so wanna talk abt what i'm writing its a rly long post series neji lives shikaneji au #.its playing on the conceit of this naruto sd episode but played straight (neji fake dating naruto to test his worthiness for hinata)#.but that's just the inciting incident for the first part of the story #.it's really about young adulthood and grief and trauma and martyrdom #.and thinking you're too smart for feelings to surprise you #.its where i dump all my neji feelings when i get overwhelmed #.if i reference writing a fic on here it's most certainly that one

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menciemeer · 9 months

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The thing about Hannibal's punishment of Mason is that Mason was delighted the entire time.

Hannibal could have done absolutely anything he wanted after murdering all of Mason's bodyguards and spiriting him back to Wolf Trap. One assumes that Hannibal doesn't carry his insane psychedelic mixture with him everywhere--the fact that he uses it on Mason implies that he had an opportunity to go to his office or his house. He could have disappeared Mason into his basement if he really wanted to. His plan is hardly discreet--even if he didn't want to kill Mason without Will, there's any number of fun surgical activities he could have got up to while Will was making his way back home.

He doesn't, though.

Mason has a great time being Hannibal Lecter's victim. "I am enchanted and....terrified," he says, but the terror doesn't truly seem to bother him. He says it playfully, and with laughter. His fear is only one aspect of his experience, and his enchantment is the thread that runs much closer to the surface.

The only complaint he offers the entire time, in fact, is "I'm hungry," and he seems more than content with Hannibal's proposed solution to that problem. (I suppose "a taste and consistency similar to that of chicken gizzard" might not be complementary--I wouldn't know; I don't carnivore.)

It's sweet, actually, and horrifyingly sad, the way he interacts with Will's dogs. "I just love your dogs," he says, and he genuinely seems to enjoy feeding them and petting them, but the story he tells about his own dogs is, well--

I adopted some dogs from the shelter once, two dogs that were friends. I had them in a cage together with no food and fresh water. One of them died hungry. The other had a warm meal.

The question, then: What was Hannibal getting out of this? He was more than willing to let Will kill Mason. He would have let Mason die happy--the happiest, maybe, that we ever see him. Hannibal's decision to paralyze him reads more like whimsy to me than like a continuation of his plan to bring Mason to Wolf Trap--I honestly think he expected Will to kill him. And he didn't suspect Will of being a double agent yet; leaving Mason alive is a much riskier choice than killing him and hiding the body. (And, in fact, it's a choice that ends up having consequences down the line.)

"I employ an ethical butcher," Hannibal says, in Coquilles. On the face of it, the statement is absurd, but through S2, between Gideon and Miriam and Mason and even James Gray, it starts to make sense. It seems much more important for Hannibal to be able to exert control over the subjective experiences of his victims than for those experiences to be painful, in particular. Even Gideon, fresh from his own amputation, seems to be mostly bothered by just the idea of eating himself.

I'm fiercely curious about all the murders we don't see, about Cassie Boyle and Jeremy Olmstead and Andrew Caldwell--and, and, and. It's hard to imagine that he managed to do everything he did humanely--but then again, in Naka-choko, he says, "Apart from humane considerations, it's more flavorful for animals to be stress-free prior to slaughter." --Implying that humane considerations is actually something he thinks about. If anyone could manage to cut someone's lungs out and keep them comfortable the entire time, I suppose it would be Hannibal.

The really interesting thing, for me, is the way all of this breaks down in Mizumoto and S3. Gutting Will wasn't about exerting a lofty control over Will's experiences--it was about making Will hurt in the way that Hannibal was hurt. Then, slitting Abigail's throat--and then, much later, bludgeoning Antony to death, slowly enough to allow him to allow him the faint hope of crawling towards the door.

Those are, to my memory, the times when we see Hannibal actively trying to cause pain (--and not in the middle of fighting for his life). The striking thing about them is of course that all of them are inexorably bound up in Will and his feelings about Will.

There's something perversely delightful to me in the idea that Will awakened a particular kind of cruelty in Hannibal, parallel to the kind of cruelty Hannibal awakened in Will. Every time Will imagines killing Hannibal, he imagines Hannibal calm and even pleased by what's happening to him. Will's brand of bloodlust goes outwards. He wants to rip Randall Tier's mechanical suit off his body and kill him with his hands--make him die afraid. He wants Clark Ingram to fight back before Will murders him.

Hannibal's sadism, on the other hand, seems to have a very specific target. "Did you think you could change me?" Hannibal asks, standing in the bloody wreck of his own kitchen, while Will gasps and hurts and struggles to hold his guts together. Well--didn't he?

#hannibal #hannibal meta #hannibal lecter #mason verger #tome-wan is one of those episodes that makes me want to gnaw on it #is it the drug trip #is this just something that the especially trippy episodes do to me #(i mean we all know what oeuf did to me)#should i be afraid (in my rewatch) of getting to that S3 episode where bedelia takes the entire medicine cabinet #....wait is that dolce #ohhhh god that's dolce isn't it #f u c k

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candyskiez · 5 days

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i would love to hear more of ur thoughts about ???%… specifically surrounding teru cause it’s been on my mind lately

OHOHOHOHO you've awoken the beast. I am so sorry. I will specify. I love Teru. I love Teru so much. This makes it sound like I don't like Teru. I really like Teru. I am writing about ???%'s thoughts. I am studying him under a microscope. None of this is how I personally feel about Teru. Do not kill me. Please do not kill me.

I'm admittedly biased towards plural mob because. System. But I did write this with both plural mob and ???% as the repressed parts of Mob, so feel free to read it as metaphorical or Guy In Mobs Brain.

So. I've been thinking a lot lately about how Teru strangling Mob could've easily been the first time he almost died. Like. I don't think he almost died in that incident when they were kids, and I think Reigen would not be nearly as relaxed on jobs if he thought Mob would die. We've seen how he is when Mob's in any amount of what he considers to be serious danger. So I feel like it's very, very important to remember that when talking about how ???% reacts to Teru. ???% does not react to the literal terrorists as much as he reacts to Teru, because Teru was the first and one of the most personal.

I say most personal because well. For the others it wasn't about him, it was about a goal. Teru was just...fighting him, in Mobs eyes. Teru was operating on his own insecurities. It wasn't some big conflict, it wasn't some epic anime fight, it was just about Teru's insecurities and need for Mob to not be a threat to him and to be Better than everyone else. It was just two kids fighting. I think a lot about why ???% holds onto this so so hard, and a few reasons I think he has are

1. The shit listed above

2. The fact that Mob wasn't doing anything to instigate, was in fact actively asking him to stop, doing ALL the "do not stick out, do no harm" shit that made Mob repress ???% so hard in the first place, and Teru still hurt him. Mob repressed him for no fucking reason because people would still hurt him anyway.

3. This very well could've been one of the few times ???% has came out at all in a long time. I'm not sure how often ???% would've gotten to come out since it seems for a while he just came out when Mob needed it/when Mob wasn't around to stop it. So like. First memory in years and it's this guy strangling you. Would leave a pretty big impression.

4. Teru never actually apologized. Like. WE know he's sorry. But Mob and ???%...didn't? Mob was willing to let it slide. But like...those repressed emotions are gonna go somewhere. Mob might not want to think about it, but that event was traumatic for everyone involved. They almost died and Teru had his entire world view torn apart, got thrown into the SKY, and had to piece everything together lol over again. Like. ???% depending on your view point is Mobs repressed emotions or someone that literally formed to hold his repressed memories (save me plural mob, save me). ???% admits in the manga he doesn't trust anyone. How many times did he feel unsafe around him and wasn't able to do anything, because Mob liked him? Because mob cared about him and knew he changed, so it'd be unfair to bring it up, and besides HES the one who really hurt Teru, so it's fine! It's fine. <- Boy who isn't fine. How much was ???% just waiting for Teru to turn around and attack them again?

5. This also leads into my next thought: lack of agency. Some of these points will be less applicable if you don't view him as plural, but I think some of them still definitely work if you think of him as Mob but to the left: he feels like he didn't get a say in whether not they'd be close with Teru, he feels like Teru just Decided they were friends and didn't even acknowledge what happened and now he can't mention it or ask if he's actually changed or if he's even sorry because then he'll be an asshole so he just HAS to be quiet regardless of how he feels about it. He feels like everyone just decided Teru was SO good now and didn't even ask him how HE felt about it. He feels like Teru's moved on and just FINE, like he didn't almost fucking die. Actually I think almost all of this works if you don't view him as plural. Yippee I'm not accidentally alienating anyone here.

6. No seriously. Teru didn't apologize. Did ???% almost come out a few times at being around Teru. Did Mob get scared by Teru reaching towards him and ???% started to surface. How many times.

Okay okay. Now onto confession arc. I'm thinking about why he acted the way he did and like. He wanted to hurt him so bad. And it's so damn raw. Like. Teru is repeating the lesson Mob taught him, genuinely trying to help, but from ???%'s perspective it feels like a fucking joke. Teru almost killed him. Teru acted not even that different for YEARS, and he gets a slap on the wrist. But ???% messes up once and he's punished, for years? But Teru doesn't even have to apologize? Teru doesn't even have to try to get forgiven? But ???% was dutifully silent for four years. And he's still hated. I feel like that was kind of the point where ???% became WAY more destructive which. Very interesting. He went from "I need to see Tsumobi" to "I want to hurt this person." Also I'm thinking about how strongly he reacted to being told it was for his own good, that Tsumobi shouldn't see him like this, to calm down like. Okay. There's no way he hasn't heard all of that a million times. Like obviously I love it from a plural perspective but I'm gonna go into ???% is an allegory for a sec. Being told that you need to mask for your own good, that they just totally have your best interests at heart and that's why they never want to hear you complain or look upset or even slightly lose control of yourself or act even slightly abnormal. Let alone the fact ???% believes HES the real Shigeo. In his eyes being told to calm down and act like Mob again is being told to stop existing. He's being told to calm down the first time in YEARS he's let any of this out. And like. Tsumobi shouldn't see you like this. In his mind that's being told "Tsumobi shouldn't see YOU. People shouldn't see you. You're not desirable. People don't want to look at you. Just go away. Just be normal. Just be quiet. Calm down. Stop making such a scene. Get a clue." And that's obviously not how Teru meant it and ???% is doing serious damage, but like. He's having a breakdown. He seems calm in the mind scape, but he is Not Fucking Calm. He's having a breakdown. He feels so goddamn rejected by everyone and he's chasing the one good memory he got to make as ???%, not Mob. Which like. God from an autism or a plural perspective hits me so fucking hard. I remember being a kid and clinging on way too hard to my only friend because she didn't mind me acting autistic and getting so so terrified when she started drifting away from me. Watching it just feels like watching kid me panic because the only person who doesn't hate him isn't hanging out with him anymore. Being plural and autistic means this show will kill you. Anyways. What I'm saying is Teru basically took a mallet to every single one of ???%'s buttons and he took that Personally.

I'm gonna can it here because if I don't I'll never shut up. But I love Teru and ???%'s dynamic. So much. I love it. I have so many more thoughts on it, plural and non plural. You have no idea how much it's paining me to can it here. This fucking show, man.

#mp100 #mp100 spoilers #plural mob #in parts #i repeat this is not me hating teru. i love him. ???% doesn't and im talking about it #sure ill tag this #confession arc tag #candyskiez asks

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agentrouka-blog · 6 days

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Hello,

While referring to the Battle of the Bastards episode when Sansa tells Jon that they need more men, would that be a moot point for her to be right as there were no more men?

He listens to her when she said they didn’t have enough men, and he agreed. But there were no other men available to them.

Jon saw his baby brother running away from Ramsey who was throwing arrows at him to kill and tried to save him (“oh better just let him die cause someone told me not to do what Ramsey wants”?? Saw this somewhere), I’d like to ask if you think what he did was rational considering his brother was going to die, or is there something else he could’ve done instead of messing up his battle plans in one move?

Sansa is primarily criticizing that Jon is going into this battle overconfident and expecting it to go according to what he could expect from a "normal" enemy. With his little "I wanted to make him angry" line, thinking he could easily provoke Ramsay into a mistake. He is not scared enough, cautious enough, for her taste.

Sansa is trying to tell him that only an overwhelming force would predictably work to defeat Ramsay, everything else is extremely risky because of how manipulative and ruthless Ramsay is. She doesn't like that Jon is taking the chance of battle in this circumstance and that he isn't planning according to what the situation requires, i.e. "he's the one who lays traps". Jon hasn't planned for that at all. She assures him that Rickon is a lost cause. That what he wants and expects from this won't happen, that "Battles have been won against greater odds" is irresponsible.

Jon reacts defensively, takes her criticism and worry as an attack against his own level of experience, uses an angry and condescending tone. He's not open to thinking about the situation together, talking over options and applying his own expertise to what she is telling him about the enemy. When she signals her sense of despair and resignation, he offers reassurances that ring hollow. There is no avoiding what will happen, she realizes.

And, predictably, the thing Sansa warned him about happens: Rickon is a lost cause, Ramsay is playing a diabolical mind game. Jon has not prepared for that option, made any contingency for it. Of course, his response wasn't rational, it was entirely emotional and it got a ton of people killed, as Ramsay wanted.

Jon wasn't willing or able to adjust to the situation. He made it clear beforehand and he proved it later. There is no malice in it and he was very human in how he acted. He lacked Sansa experience to anticipate Ramsay's capacity for cruelty. He had no way to mentally detach from Rickon's survival the way Sansa automatically could, knowing Ramsay. Jon never thought to take advantage of her insight. He simply fell exactly into the trap that was laid out for him, a normal human being, and they all would have died.

So Sansa made her own contingency plan, and it happened to work.

Happy end.

#sansa stark #jon snow #game of thrones #battle of the bastards

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goldenkamuyhunting · 9 months

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It interesting to read your analysis or meta ( even though I read it 2 am while being stress ). I want to ask since I do remember you didnt really like how the story ended Ogata, so how do you think that it might be better ? The way it end he think that he always blessed feel weird for me but I do kinda like that what he do all those time it's just that he's thinking what broken person would do. Though this might contract about my first point about he always blessed, in the end what you become is always the choice is yours not always because the aspect from other people (I do found interesting fan comic what if Yuusaku and Ogata swap place). Sorry if it's going random or you actually the answer already in one of your post. Thank you once again 💖

Sorry for the late reply, I'm glad you enjoy my meta!

As usual WARNING as this is not a Noda praising fest.

Yes, I've ranted in the past about how I didn't like how Noda handled Ogata in his last 11 volumes but I don't mind repeating it.

The whole 'Ogata was ALWAYS blessed because maybe for a moment Hanazawa loved his mother' felt like very poorly constructed.

The ability to feel guilt isn't tied to your parents loving each other or not, but to plenty of other factors... and anyway it's pretty difficult to prove Hanazawa ever loved his mother and it wasn't just in Tome's head and he merely wanted her for sex.

We heard how Hanazawa spoke of her, without a shred of love.

I don't know if this is due to something in Japanese culture but to me, tying Ogata's ability to feel guilt to Hanazawa loving his mother feels like tying two completely unrelated things together, a leap in logic I can't follow.

I'm not sure how, at this point, the story could have handled Ogata. He was left useless for 10 volumes and then the last gave contraddicting info on his past and, basically, ends with a repeated the situation on Vol 19 only to have Ogata kill himself. At this point it was better to murder him on Vol 19 because... beyond the fact he was a popular character, the story had no need for him to survive (same as Vasily, really).

It's something I stated back then in Vol 19, I was interested in Ogata, I liked him as a character, because he was interesting. The moment Noda made him uninteresting because he gives 0 contribute in carrying on the plot, I see no point in having him in the story.

Not even his death affects the plot because in the end he murders himself on his own so the guilt for his death doesn't truly befall on Asirpa and whatever wound he gave to Sugimoto is of no consequence to the battle nor is his stalling them.

The most he did was to cause the drivers of the train to die (in the magazine version)/to escape (in the volume version).

Both moves feel stupid as he ends up on a train no one is driving when he could have just said he was one of Tsurumi's men and went aboard just the same (he's wearing an army uniform).

But Noda needed the drivers to get off so he used him to do so, though everything else would have been fine. They could have been distracted by the explosion and this would have allowed the bear to end up on the train and the bear could have caused them to escape.

It would have made more sense.

So my options to make the whole thing better are two: either write him off in Vol 19/20 or rewrite the last 11 volumes to give him a role in them. As the second option is way too complex and would end up creating a different GK I think the first one is the best one.

Let Ogata die in Vol 19/20, the story doesn't need him anymore and his faceoff with Asirpa back then had more impact than the last one.

His death could be used to push forward the discussion if it's all right to kill or not instead than... just happening.

And if Asirpa really need to show she's willing to kill someone to save Sugimoto she can shoot/try to shoot a arrow at Tsurumi instead than just aim at him and not shoot.

On a final note... GK wasn't a story about the importance of your choices but since this is still very discussed in the fandom, I want to toss in that the idea that we become what we chose is an over simplification.

What we become is the result of a combination of genetic, education, opportunities and personal choices.

We can make our choices solely among the opportunities we're offered, which might be plenty or just few or none at all, and we decide according to our physical/mental abilities and knowledge and understanding of the world.

Ogata had clearly a flawed understanding of the world due to the way he'd been raised, and a very limited number of choices due to his social and economical background.

His chances of becoming a second lieutenant like Yuusaku are so low they can as well not exist, his chances to get Hanazawa to love him are even less.

Ogata couldn't choose to become (someone like) Yuusaku, even if he wanted to. That choice was never on the table.

And, since his understanding of the world was flawed and he never managed to correct it, he took some objectively VERY BAD decisions to try to become someone he would never be allowed to become and, without even realizing, made his situation even worse instead than improving it.

GK though, wasn't the sort of story that was interested in this kind of aspect so, if you like stories that instead dig more into personal choices and their consequences, I recommend reading "Umineko no naku koro ni" (the manga as the anime is SO HORRIBLE they never finished it and the last chapter of the visual novel was poorly handled and Ryukishi basically rewrote it for the manga version).

Just keep in mind it's a mystery horror with some gruesome scenes... though since there are gruesome scenes in GK too, those might be not a problem.

Thank you for your ask and sorry again for the late reply!

#Ask #Ogata Hyakunosuke #Asirpa #Hanazawa Koujirou #Ogata Tome #Hanazawa Yuusaku

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lord-squiggletits · 2 months

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Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.

But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).

And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like

Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?

I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.

Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.

And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly #not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries #will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them'#like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death #surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs #contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position #everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying #esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death #the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally #on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life #and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms #so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did #he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim #also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse #it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help #isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse #and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out #idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated'#sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement #or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement #anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause #rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do #and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death

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