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queen-of-deans-booty · 4 years

Text

Free to Be You and Me: Final Part

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,439

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

After Castiel found the perfect abandoned house to set up the ritual, you three got to work. Castiel said he needed to get an important part of the ritual, so it was just the two of you in this house. Dean was pacing back and forth with John’s journal in his hands while you sat on a chair and watched. The angel has been gone for a while now, and you were staring to get worried.

“Where could he have gone?” you asked just as Castiel appeared with a ceramic jar. “Where the hell were you?”

“Jerusalem.”

“Oh, how was it?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“Arid.”

“What is that?”

“It's oil. It's very special. Very rare.”

“So, this ritual of yours, when does it got to go down?” you asked as you got up.

“Sunrise.”

“Tell me something. You keep saying we're gonna trap this guy. Isn't that kinda like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?” Dean asked.

“No, it’s harder.”

“Do we have any chance of surviving this?” you wondered out loud.

“You two do.”

“So, odds are you're a dead man tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Well, last night on earth. What are your plans?”

“I just thought I'd sit here quietly.”

“Come on, anything? Booze, women?” Dean asked as you walked around to stand behind Castiel as he sat in the chair you were previously sitting in. When Dean asked the question, the angel looked away uncomfortably.

“You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least?” you asked as you placed your hands on his shoulders. The only response you got from Castiel was awkward neck rubbing which gave you your answer.

“You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?”

“Look, I've never had occasion, okay?”

“Alright,” Dean shrugged on his jacket after you two locked eyes. There was only one way to pass the time, and you were going to make sure Castiel got his fill. “Let me tell you something. There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go.”

“Let’s go soldier,” you grinned as you pat his shoulders before following your boyfriend. Castiel stared after the two of you before hastily following.

Dean had taken Castiel to the best brothel bar in town, and it turns out to be one of the best ideas he could have done. Upon entering, Castiel could not take his eyes off the women who were walking around the bar. Dean found a table immediately, and you took a seat next to the Angel while Dean sat across from the two of you. Castiel didn’t know how to react to this, so he looked so terrified, you thought he was going to have a heart attack.

“Hey. Relax,” you sighed.

“This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.”

“Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks,” Dean grinned.

The angel still looked terrified, you thought of something that might help him unwind. Without using your words, you looked at Dean with your idea in mind. He seemed to understand what you were getting at, so he nodded for you to go ahead.

“Castiel,” you spoke as you scooted closer to the angel.

He tensed when your hand found his tie, and you loosened it to give him that sexy look that women loved so much. You unbuttoned the first few on his white shirt before pulling it apart to show some of his chest hair. “Just be yourself, but women like it when you compliment them. Make her feel good about herself. Cherish her in every way you know how. Make her feel like she is the only woman on the planet.”

“Showtime,” Dean smirked as he saw a hooker approach the table with her eyes on Castiel.

Taking your hands off him, you left his side and joined Dean’s before looking at her.

“Hi. What's your name?” she asked Castiel with a seductive smile. The angel refused to even look at her.

“Cas,” Dean said for him. “His name is Cas. What’s your name?”

“Chastity,” she smiled as Castiel drank his beer.

“Wow. Is that kismet or what, buddy? Well, he likes you, you like him, so dayenu,” he grinned. The hooker grabbed ahold of his coat before tugging him up.

“Come on, baby,” she grinned as she took his hand and stated to lead him away. Dean took out a wad of cash before stopping the angel.

“Hey, listen. Take this. If she asks for a credit card, no. Now just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu. Go get her, tiger,” he chuckled. The angel just stood still, and your boyfriend sighed. “Don’t make me push you.”

“You really think he can pull it off?” you asked as the hooker led Castiel to one of the back rooms.

“Nope,” he popped the p at the end. “But it will a hell of a lot of fun to watch.”

“You’re evil, but sexy,” you grinned before kissing him softly.

No one around you was paying any attention to the two of you, so he took it a bit further before a scream rang out from the back rooms. Pulling apart from him, you two got up and headed to the back when you saw Castiel rush out of the room with Chasity following him with hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Get out of my face! Leave me alone! Bastard! Screw you, jerk!” she yelled as she threw something at Castiel who looked a little disheveled. “I’ll kill you1”

“The hell did you do?” you asked the angel.

“I don't know. I just looked her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office.”

“Oh no, man,” Dean sighed.

“What?”

“This whole industry runs on absent fathers. It's, it's the natural order,” Dean explained as two bouncers appeared through the door that Chasity left through.

“We should go. Come on,” you urged, pushing the men to the exit before the bouncers could get you. Once outside, you and Dean couldn’t help but laugh at how the evening ended. Castiel didn’t have any game, and this night proved it.

“What's so funny?” Castiel asked.

“Oh, nothing. Whoo. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. It's been more than a long time… years,” Dean chuckled, but when he really thought about it, his laughter died out. Seeing his smile falter, you cleared your throat before grabbing his hand in comfort.

“Come on, we need to get the ritual started,” Castiel said before leading the way to the hospital where Donnie was currently residing.

Peeking around the corner, you watched a nurse leave Donnie’s room before disappearing down a hallway. Nodding that the coast was clear, you and Dean snuck inside Donnie’s room before you quietly shut the door. Castiel was already inside pouring the holy oil in a circle around Donnie’s wheelchair.

“When the oil burns, no angel can touch or pass through the flames, or he dies.”

“Okay, so we trap him in a steel cage of holy fire, but one question. How the hell do we get him here?” Dean asked.

“Very simple. There's, well, almost an open phone line between a vessel and his angel. One just has to know how to dial,” he said as he leaned down close to Donnie’s ear. He started muttering something in a language you didn’t know or understand.

“I'm here, Raphael. Come and get me, you little bastard.”

“Just out of curiosity, what is the average customer wait time to speak to an archangel?” you asked nervously.

“Be ready,” he said before lighting a match and dropping it onto the oil. It formed a ring of fire around Donnie’s body. Looking around the room, nothing was happening from when the oil began to burn. A few more minutes passed, and nothing.

“Isn’t he supposed to be here?” you asked.

“Yes.”

“Well that's a day I'll never get back,” Dean complained as he drove back up to the abandoned house you were using earlier. Sighing you entered the house, but the angel put a hand on your shoulder to stop you from entering the house.

“Y/N, wait,” he said. Bright, white light shone from inside the living room, and Donnie stood there with an intense look on his face. However, you knew it wasn’t Donnie but Raphael. As the bright light intensified, Raphael spread his wings to show you just how big and strong they were. Lightbulbs began to shatter, and you shielded them from your face.

“Castiel.”

“Raphael.”

“And I thought you were supposed to be impressive. All you do is black out the room,” Dean said as he walked closer to him.

“And the Eastern Seaboard,” he spoke. Lightning began flashing outside, and you bit your lip in nervousness. “It is a testament to my unending mercy that I do not smite you here and now.”

“Or maybe you're full of shit,” you spoke as you walked into the room. Raphael’s eyes were on you with a look you couldn’t quite place. “Maybe you're afraid God will bring Castiel back to life again and smite you and your candy-ass skirt. By the way, hi, I'm Y/N. That’s Dean.”

“I know who you two are. And now, thanks to him, I know where you are.”

“You won't kill them. You wouldn't dare.”

“It’s not like I would let you,” you said bravely as your eyes glowed a bright blue.

“I should kill you for what Amara did. Finally end her line of vessels,” he growled as he glared at you. “But I will take him to Michael.”

“Well then. Sounds terrifying. It does. But, uh, hate to tell you, I'm not going anywhere with you.”

“Surely you remember Zachariah giving you stomach cancer?”

“Yeah, that was, that was hilarious,” he said sarcastically.

“Well, he doesn't have anything close to my imagination.”

“I bet you didn’t imagine one thing,” you smirked as the light in your eyes died out.

“What?”

“We know you were coming you fucking son of a bitch,” you smirked as Dean lit his lighter before dropping onto the oil that Castiel poured prior to going to the brothel. The Holy oil ignites in a circle around Raphael.

“Don't look at me, it was his idea,” Dean ratted.

“Dean,” you hissed as you lightly slapped his arm.

“Where is He?” Castiel demanded to know.

“God? Didn't you hear? He's dead, Castiel. Dead. There's no other explanation. He's gone for good.”

“You’re lying.”

“Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? Do you think God would have let any of that happen if He were alive?”

“Oh yeah? Well then who invented the Chinese basket trick?” Dean chuckled.

“Careful. That's my Father you're talking about, boy.”

“Yeah, who would be so proud to know His sons started the fucking apocalypse.”

“Who ran off and disappeared? Who left no instructions and a world to run?”

“Daddy ran away and disappeared. He didn't happen to work for the post office, did He?” you asked.

“This is funny to you? You're living in a godless universe.”

“And? What, you and the other kids just decided to throw an apocalypse while He was gone?” Dean asked.

“We're tired. We just want it to be over. We just want... paradise.”

“Then find another planet to destroy.”

“So, what, God dies and makes you the boss and you decide you can do whatever you want?”

“Yes. And whatever we want, we get,” he said, using his powers to shatter the windows. The glass bursted inward, and you shielded yourself from the shards as Dean did.

“If God is dead, why have I returned? Who brought me back?” Castiel asked. The rain started pouring inside, but you ignored it as you looked at the Archangel.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?”

“No.”

“Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. You know it adds up.”

“Let’s go,” the lower angel said before starting to leave the room.

“Castiel, I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I will find you,” Raphael threatened.

“Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch,” Castiel said through the rain.

“Damn Castiel,” you grinned before following in his footsteps.

“What he said,” Dean smirked and the three of you left the house with the trapped angel inside of it.

Without Sam in the car, you were able to enjoy the front seat while Dean drove and Castiel in the back. The car ride was silent, but you could sense the tension coming from both of you and Castiel, but from Castiel mostly.

“You okay?” you asked the angel but received no answers.

“Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers,” Dean said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas, what do you believe?”

“I believe he's out there.”

“Good, then go find him,” you encouraged.

“What about you two?”

“What about me? I don't know. Honestly, I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am, I'm really good.”

“Wait, really?” you gasped softly, looking at the man you love.

“Even without your brother?” Castiel asked.

“Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you two in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years, and you're not that much fun. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone, hell, I'm happy.”

The car grew silent after his confession, and Castiel took that as a sign to leave. Once the car was free of the angel, you looked at Dean to see his smile falter.

“Yeah, we both know that’s not true,” you scoffed as you pulled your knees up to your chest. “That kind of love and dependency doesn’t just go away because you declare it so. You miss Sam. I can see it all over your face.”

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ourloveisforthelovely · 6 years

Text

Being Human 6

A/n: slight smut.

Link to Chapter 5

Words: 5, 590

Pairings: Gabriel x OFC

_______________________

Dean sat with what was 3 shots of whiskey in front of him. Sam had gone off in search of a quiet place to look over stuff for an upcoming case. Cas meanwhile, sat dutifully at Dean’s side.

“It can’t keep going on Cas.”

“What can’t keep going on Dean?”

Cas asked looking genuinely confused. Dean took another sip of his drink before looking up.

“Gabriel and Andi’s constant making out and fucking all over the place. I get that they are together but I am sick of seeing them constantly connected at the lips. I walk into a room and there they are making out. Its no damn wonder that Andi didn’t get knocked up sooner.”

Cas frowned.

“Something tells me that Andi isn’t going to take this very well. Isn’t it normal for newlyweds to be rather….frisky?”

Dean looked like he could barf.

“They aren’t married Cas.”

Cas nodded.

“By angel standards they are. From what I gathered Andi can see his wings. That is a sign of a true soul mate.”

Dean put his head down.

“Son of a bitch now I will never get rid of that damn archangel.”

Cas looked at Dean a little suspiciously.

“Did you think that something was going to change especially with Andi being pregnant?”

Dean groaned before putting his head down on the bar.

“No. I was honestly hoping that I was going to wake up and this would all be a giant nightmare.”

The next morning Cas and Sam followed Dean back into the bunker. Dean had sobered up but was still in the mood from hell. Dean walked into the living room frowning seeing Gabriel and Andi sitting on the couch making out like no one else was in the room. Frowning Dean picked up a decorative pillow that Andi bought before sneaking up and whacking Gabriel as hard as he could in the back of the head.

“WHAT THE HELL?!”

The archangel jumped up glaring at Dean looking like he was ready to smite the eldest Winchester. Dean glared right back.

“You two need to take that shit in your bedroom. I am sick of seeing it!”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

“Umm….get over it?”

Dean started at Gabriel but was stopped by Cas, who effortless put an arm around Dean’s waist holding him back. Andi stood up adjusting her sweater. Her good feelings that she had received the previous night from Dean about the baby suddenly vanished.

“Dean we are kind of bonded now. You are going to have to get used to it. Gabriel isn’t going anywhere.”

Dean stalked off to the kitchen with mumbling under his breath before turning around.

“Married people don’t act like you two. All you two do is fuck or be kissing on each other….its gross!”

Andi put her hands on her hips ignoring Gabriel who quietly said her name.

“Well excuse me Mr. I have the emotional capacity of a rock. If I want to kiss him I will!”

Dean turned looking even more angry at his sister.

“I swear you and Sam make the worst decisions when it comes to significant others! You two just need to be single for the rest of your lives.”

Sam and Andi had the same identical scowls on their faces. Cas and Gabriel were busy looking at each other trying to silently decide what would be best to do. Gabriel finally stepped in.

“Okay can we all stop acting like a bunch of teenage girls?! Dean, Andi is pregnant. GET OVER IT! Andi, I think Dean is trying to take care of you in some weird twisted way that no one here likes. Sugar you need to calm down all of this drama isn’t good right now.”

Dean reached over grabbing his keys.

“I’m done with all of you. Good luck to you and the craziness.”

(4 years later…)

Dean stood outside of the bunker with a frown on his face. In the past four years he had been traveling around the country working cases solo. Around year 3 he started feeling guilty about not being there when his nephew was born. Was being so angry with Gabriel and Andi worth giving up his whole family?

Walking inside Dean was pleased to see that everything looked the same. At least Andi didn’t go on a decorating spree while he was away. Looking around the room Dean wondered where everyone was. A bunker full of people and this place was silent as the grave.

It wasn’t until he heard footsteps that Dean turned around. He froze when he turned around to see a little girl looking up at him.

“Uh hello little girl….are you lost?”

The girl looked at him with honey eyes that were framed by honey curls pulled into pigtails. Realization his Dean with she frowned at him the same way Andi would.

“I know who you are.”

Before Dean could say anything else the little girl snapped her fingers and he was on the ground out cold.

15 minutes later Dean was coming back around. Waking up Dean frowned realizing that he was tied to a little pink plastic chair. Opening his eyes Dean slightly jumped seeing a few plastic dolls looking his way. Feeling like he got hit by a bus he looked around to see the little girl looking at him again. This time she sat with elbow length white gloves and a fancy Easter hat.

“About time you woke up Mr. Stranger. Drink the tea and I won’t bite you.”

Dean smiled. The little girl’s voice was almost musical as she looked him over.

“What’s your name sweetheart?”

Again honey eyes met green ones…

“I can’t tell you.”

Dean struggled against the bounds on his arms that held him to the pink chair.

“Well my name is Dean Winchester. Something tells me that your dad is Gabriel and mom is Andi.”

The little girl looked at him carefully.

“Maybe.”

Dean nodded. Immediately he took in the fact that the child was a lot smarter than the normal 4 year old. Her eyes alone let him know that she was far too aware of the danger that she was in by purely existing.

“Its okay. I’m not a bad guy. I’m not of those guy who would hurt you. I’m not Michael or Raphael.”

She slowly sat up a little straighter in her chair.

“How do I know that?”

Dean sighed.

“Well you don’t. I’m your uncle sweetheart. I mad some bad decisions that took me away from here. I said some bad things to your mamma. Things I should have never said as a brother and most importantly things that she didn’t deserve. But problems or not you protect your family. Its funny even if I didn’t know who your mom and dad was I think I could piece it together. I thought you were supposed to be a boy.”

The little girl smiled.

“I like to play tricks.”

Dean chuckled.

“Great.”

The little girl looked at Dean a little closer.

“I don’t think you are a bad person. My name is Sophia.”

Before Dean could respond the door opened. Gabriel and Andi walked in bickering about something that Dean couldn’t quiet make out. Both stopped dead in their tracks the moment they saw Dean tied to a the little pink plastic chair seated across from Sophia. Andi’s hands immediately went to her mouth while Gabriel started laughing. This was single handedly the best thing that he had ever seen Sophia do. He as about in tears from laughter the moment that Sophia got up and ran over to him.

He reached down picking his little girl up as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Daddy I think this one is good except he doesn’t play tea party too well.”

Gabriel chuckled again before looking at Dean.

“Come on mutton head. Can’t you play tea party with a little girl? Nice work sugar.”

Gabriel kissed Sophia on the head before handing her off to Andi. Dean glared at Gabriel coldly.

“Shut up and let me loose.”

Gabriel shrugged before snapping his fingers letting the eldest Winchester be free.

“Since you asked so nice.”

Andi meanwhile, had walked over to Dean. She looked at him with almost a guarded expression.

“Did you finally decide to come back?”

Dean nodded sympathetically. He watched at Sophia cuddled against her mother’s shoulder. He was immediately regretting meeting so much of the child’s life already.

“Yeah. I’m sorry about everything.”

Andi looked down to Sophia before sitting the child on her feet.

“Go play with Cas sweetie.”

Once the little girl was out of the room Andi looked to her older brother. As much as she wanted to be bitter she couldn’t find it within herself to be that way. When Dean left she felt like a part of her had died. She knew that her depression over Dean was what was causing a lot of her problems in life. Missing her brother had almost turned her into an emotional robot. However, she had to admit that everything wasn’t his fault.

Andi and Gabriel hadn’t been doing so hot for a while either. To Andi it seemed since Sophia was born Gabriel had for the most part pulled away. Their love life had taken a toll for the worst and she couldn’t remember the last time they had made love or kissed the way they used to. Now it seemed they had to pencil in a kiss. For the most part it felt like they were just going through the motions of caring for Sophia and appearing happy for her. Part of her was just waiting for Gabriel to run one day and not come back. If it wasn’t for Sophia he would have probably been gone a long time ago.

“I’m glad you are back.”

Andi said as she wrapped her arms around Dean. She could feel Gabriel frowning at her back but she didn’t care anymore. Dean meanwhile, watched them raising an eyebrow.

“So what is with you two?”

“Nothing.”

Gabriel answered immediately. Dean smirked.

“Yeah that wasn’t suspicious at all. Last time I saw you both you were freakishly happy. Now you look like you want to stab each other.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes sitting down on the couch.

“We are just fine…and happy.”

Andi scoffed.

“Yeah….sure.”

She mumbled. Dean looked between the two raising an eyebrow.

“Look I am not a therapist and I sure as hell don’t pretend to be one but something isn’t normal here.”

Andi shrugged.

“Ask him.”

Gabriel gave his wife a cold expression cluing Dean into everything that he needed to know. Dean groaned he wasn’t about to have couples therapy with the both of them.

“Andi want to go for a ride?”

Dean asked. Andi eagerly grabbed the over sized sweater that she had just taken off.

“I would love to.”

She didn’t even Gabriel time to object before walking out the door. Dean looked back to the archangel with a shrug.

“Be back soon feathers.”

Dean cheekily grinned before following his sister to the Impala. He was slightly shocked that Gabriel didn’t try to stop them instead he just sat calmly on the couch with only a frown on his face.

Driving down the Kansas highway Dean and Andi sat in silence for a few minutes. Dean glanced at his sister a few times as he adjusted the radio. He watched the way her eyes darkened when he stopped on a song that they both enjoyed. Dean wasn’t sure if it was the lyrics or something else but the look on his sister’s face was eery.

Time is the essence Time is the season Time ain’t no reason Got no time to slow Time everlasting Time to play B–sides Time ain’t on my side Time I’ll never know Burn out the day Burn out the night I’m not the one to tell you what’s wrong or what’s right I’ve seen suns that were freezing and lives that were through But I’m burnin’, I’m burnin’, I’m burnin’ for you I’m burnin’, I’m burnin’, I’m burnin’ for you

“So Andi are you going to tell me what is going on with that Angel of yours or am I going to have to drag it out of you?”

Andi looked over.

“Are you going to trust what Gabriel says about us being fine?”

Dean shook his head.

“I don’t trust angels, with the exception of Cas, which means I don’t trust Gabriel.”

Andi sighed.

“Its a lot of crap Dean. We haven’t been fine for a while. I don’t want to scar you.”

Dean chuckled.

“Sis I am already scared the fuck up. If you need to talk about whatever is going on between you and feathers I’m cool with it. I know I tell Sammy no chick flick moments but your different. You don’t even talk to Sam about your problems, which says a lot. People seem to just open up to the man. Damn his trusting face. Well I have been gone for four years you may talk to Sam now.

Andi laughed at that.

“Yeah. Sam is good for talking to but no I usually just keep my shitty feelings to myself. I’m sure Gabriel knows all about them too but he won’t say anything.”

Dean groaned.

“Talk.”

Andi looked back out the passenger window.

“We have just been disconnected. It seems since Sophia was born everything changed. I think Gabriel is so afraid that I am going to die or god forbid get pregnant again. I don’t think it is even clicking with him that he is stopping it from happening but what do I know. He won’t talk about what he’s feeling. He’s too busy being prissy and hateful.”

Dean nodded.

“Do you two talk about this? Sorry I am a shit therapist.”

Andi laughed.

“I’m no better and no we don’t talk. I’ve tried but it goes no where. I know he is stressed over his brothers. They have tried things in the past to get to Sophia. Gabriel and Lucifer have messed Michael and Raphael up pretty badly. I may complain about Gabriel but he really is a great father. He doesn’t let Sophia out of his sight and when he is away Cas watches her like a hawk. It’s cute Dean…watching Cas with her. A lot of mine and Gabriel’s problems is my fault too. I take equal responsibility. Sam and I started hunting again and Gabriel is livid. He said he can’t keep Sophia and I safe at the same time if I am running around god knows where doing god knows what. This is the part that will probably freak you out a bit. We have no relations. I couldn’t even tell you the last time he really kissed me. To me a peck on the lips every couple of days doesn’t count as a kiss. I want the kisses that we used to have…the ones where he would take my breath away.”

Dean looked a little green but decided to put his older brother feelings in the closet and be the person that Andi needed. If Gabriel couldn’t be the person that she could turn to then he would. The last thing Dean wanted was for Andi to withdraw and become depressed the way she did when Adam died.

“When was the last time you two had sex or any other form of intimacy?”

Andi scoffed coldly.

“Maybe when Sophia was a baby. I’m sorry but I don’t consider fingering and hand jobs as sex.”

Dean nodded.

“I agree there. So Gabriel, the biggest man whore of an archangel that I have ever seen, doesn’t even want to….you know.”

Andi nodded. Dean looked at his sister’s heart broken eyes.

“Is he cheating?”

Andi shook her head a moment but shrugged.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. He’s never given me a reason not to trust him but that doesn’t mean that its not in the back of my mind.”

Dean was quiet a few moments.

“Look I know I give Gabriel crap but I really don’t think he is going to be that cold. He may be a hot mess of crazy and the biggest shit stirrer in all of creation but he’s different when it comes to you. I hate to admit it because he is the last person I want to see you with. If you tell him that I said this I will deny everything but he loves you. I am no trying to take up for the way that he’s been but Andi look at it from his point of view for a moment. He is an archangel that has a family with a human that includes a forbidden creation. His crazy brothers are trying to hurt and threaten the two of you. Not to mention he has had to deal with my joyous ass and you know how pleasant I am. I wouldn’t want all of that on my plate.”

Andi nodded sadly.

“I know that he has a lot on him. Its just….”

Dean cut her off.

“Asking for intimacy isn’t too much. He is going to have to find a way. Hey look at this I am actually being understanding of someone’s feelings. Aren’t you proud of me?”

Andi laughed immediately feeling better. Dean always knew how to say things to make her feel better.

“I am. Let’s stop for a drink or something.”

Dean grinned.

“Day drinking. I love it.”

Walking into some off the road bar Dean and Andi sat down at the bar. Dean flagged down the bar tender and ordered two glasses of whiskey. Andi looked at her older brother carefully.

“Dean do you have any regrets about life?”

Dean looked over at his little sister as her green eyes focused on the drink in front of her.

“You know I do.”

Before Andi could respond she looked down at her cell phone to see Gabriel’s name on the caller ID. She looked at the phone before hitting the ignore button. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Are you regretting taking Gabriel in that night?”

Andi shrugged.

“I don’t know what I am feeling really Dean. I just feel numb. Its like a basket of fucked up emotions just hits me all the time. One minute I understand and the next I don’t feel anything.”

Dean looked over.

“Hey! We can work all of this out!”

Andi laughed briefly.

“Dean we sound so much like dad.”

Dean took a sip of his drink.

“He would be so proud.”

The two sat in silence for the next couple of moments. Both were in their own worlds when it came to their thoughts. Neither noticed the bar door open and someone they hadn’t seen in sometime walk in.

“Dean, Andi.”

Both turned almost throwing their drinks the moment that they saw Adam. Dean’s mouth dropped while Andi rubbed her eyes a few times wondering if Adam was really there or if the whiskey was really that good. Upon seeing Dean’s reaction she knew this had to be true.

“Adam or Michael?”

Dean asked. He wasn’t about to get into a fight with an archangel in the middle of a bar with innocent people round him.

“Uh Adam. You know the guy that you and Sam have been forgetting for sometime. I won’t let any angel near me again.”

Adam said calmly. He focused his attention back on his twin sister.

“Andi, I’m real.”

Before Adam could say anything else Andi was flung onto him with her arms around his shoulders.

“Adam how are you here? You were in the cage….wait does this have anything to do with Michael?”

Adam shrugged.

“I really don’t know. I just woke up here.”

Dean stood up.

“It doesn’t matter. We can figure it out later. Come on we need to get home.”

The ride was home Andi sat back in the back beside Adam with her arm wrapped through his. Dean looked back at the two of them with a smile. If he needed anymore clue that they were twins this was the perfect one.

“So have I missed anything?”

Adam asked. Dean and Andi both laughed hard at that.

“A lot. We’ll feel you in as we go.”

Dean said calmly. Andi looked over at her twin with a smile.

“You’re an uncle now.”

Adam’s eyes widened.

“What?! You have a baby?”

Andi nodded with a smile.

“I do. She’s four now. Her name is Sophia. She just turned 4.”

Dean smiled in the driver seat.

“Kid is something else Adam.”

Adam looked totally surprised.

“Wow I have missed a lot.”

Arriving back at the bunker Andi’s sullen mood had down a total turn around as she and Adam walked into the bunker talking.

“So far it is really nice to be back. The best things so far no stupid angels with sticks up their asses thinking they are gods gift.”

Andi meanwhile, froze the moment that she turned seeing Gabriel standing in the doorway looking beyond pissy.

“Decide to come home sugar?”

Andi winced at the angry tone in his voice. There was that tone…that archangel tone that she should be afraid of. Looking over her shoulder she noticed the frown on Adam’s face. At the moment the last thing she wanted to do was tell Adam was Gabriel really was and by the look on Gabriel’s face he probably wouldn’t be feeling too friendly either. Looking back to Gabriel she winced this time noticing his wings were all puffy clearly indicating that he was frustrated.

“Gabriel can we talk a minute?”

Gabriel nodded but didn’t move until Sophia ran into the back of his legs wrapping her arms around them. Andi smiled watching their daughter cuddle her father. Gabriel’s hateful expression softened as he looked down at his daughter. She held her hands up opening and closing her hands. Reaching down he picked her up but kept a eye on Adam who was putting two and two together.

“Sugar stay here with your Dean. I need to talk to your mommy.”

“I wanna come too.”

Gabriel shook his head.

“No precious. This is mommy and daddy business only.”

Sophia stuck her tongue out as she ran over to Dean sitting on his foot and wrapping herself around his leg like a little koala.

“Nope you two are probably just going to be telling each other I love you and other mushy stuff. No thank you!”

Gabriel smirked before looking back to Andi.

“Come on.”

Walking in the bedroom Andi turned around looking at Gabriel carefully as he shut the door.

“So what happened earlier?”

He asked in the clear I want to be sassy but I am going to behave tone. Andi sat down on the bed patting the place beside her. Gabriel slowly sat down beside her. She was quiet for a few moments before meeting his honey eyes.

“Gabe you know I am a shitty communicator.”

Gabriel shrugged.

“I’m not arguing but that’s just you.”

Andi reached over taking his hand in hers. She ran her fingers over his palm before looking back up.

“I’m ready to communicate with you now.”

Gabriel took a breath and looked honestly nervous.

“Um-kay….”

Andi turned her body so she could look at her angel fully. She could tell that he was worried just by the tone in her voice.

“Gabriel, I know that you don’t like that I am hunting again. I am not doing it to piss you off or worry you. Its just what I do.”

Gabriel ran a hand over his face.

“I know the family business. I have heard this spill way too many times Andrea.”

Andi sighed beginning to feel frustrated.

“Gabriel you won’t even give me a chance to tell you what I want to! You just get smart with me every time I try! This is what our problem is! Every time I feel brave enough to talk to you this happens! Between us having zero intimacy anymore this is just another cherry on the cake! You know what never mind!”

Andi stood to walk out of the bedroom but was quickly stopped when Gabriel’s arms wrapped around her waist.

“Sugar wait. I’m sorry. No intimacy? Is that what is bothering you?”

Andi swallowed.

“Yeah. We don’t have that spark we used to have anymore! You barley kiss or touch me. I can’t even tell you the last time that we made love. Before you say it hand jobs and fingering doesn’t count! If you are so concerned about getting me pregnant again use your archangel powers to stop it from happening.”

Gabriel turned her in his arms before backing her against the wall.

“Darling, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. Its just with all of this going on….keep our daughter and you safe I didn’t realize how bad I was neglecting you….us. If you want me to be a dirty pervert again trust me I can do that.”

Meanwhile,

Adam sat at the table watching Sophia as she sat in the floor coloring what looked like a mini masterpiece. He raised an eyebrow looking over at Dean.

“So is this kid a genius or something?”

Dean smirked at his little brother who clearly didn’t know what their niece was.

“Well you could say that.”

Adam nodded as Sophia stood up focusing her attention on her newest uncle. After acquiring quiet a collection within a few hours she was beginning to be curious about what she could do with the two newest ones. Sam and Cas were easy. If she wanted to be read to or shown how to do something it was Sam. If she wanted someone to play tea party with or cuddle while watching a Disney movie it was Cas. He was always up for watching The Little Mermaid about fifty times in a row if the child so desired.

Sophia walked over to the table standing on her tiptoes to look at Adam. He looked a lot like her mother in someways but in other ways he was totally his own. Adam, meanwhile looked down a the set of honey eyes focused on him. He watched her for a moment with a small smile.

“Can I get something for you?”

He asked. Sophia shook her head making her pigtails smack herself in the face before she walked closer to Adam.

“Do you like tea?”

Adam frowned.

“Who doesn’t?”

Sophia clapped her hands before snapping her fingers making a glass of steaming liquid in a little china cup appear in front of him. Adam’s eyes widened as he looked almost fearfully at the child. Dean meanwhile, had picked up the little china cup that appeared in front of him taking a drink. Sophia smiled looking proud of herself.

“Little secret. It’s not tea but apple juice. I can’t make tea yet for some reason. Daddy said that may be next week.”

Adam swallowed looking down at the drink in front of him before looking at Dean with wide eyes. Dean shrugged from over his china cup.

“Drink the kids tea dude.”

Adam looked back to Sophia.

“What ARE you?!”

Sophia shrugged.

“Umm a little girl? Doesn’t the dress and pigtails kind of clue you in buddy?”

Dean choked on his tea as Cas walked in the door. Sophia pulled her attention away from Adam and took off to Cas who eagerly picked her up.

“Cassie! You are finally home!”

Cas smiled hugging the child as Adam looked at him as with wide eyes. Right away he was beginning to feel even more ill at ease. Cas was clearly shocked to see Dean sitting at the table. The eldest Winchester nodded from across the table.

“Hey short stuff will you top my tea off?”

Sophia eagerly nodded snapping her fingers again. Cas looked down to his niece with wide shocked eyes.

“Sophia what has been going on here today? Where is your mother and father?”

Sophia pointed to Gabriel and Andi’s room.

“Having mommy and daddy talking time. I think that is code for something else. They better not be in there eating ice cream without me because I will be really mad. Uncle Dean showed up today and now Uncle Adam is here…except he looks a little afraid.”

Adam held up his hand.

“No one ever answered me! What is she?!”

Sophia looked to Cas.

“Cassie what is the word that I am? That one I can’t say.”

Cas sighed adjusting the child in his arms.

“She’s a nephilim. Half angel and half human.”

Adam’s mouth dropped.

“What?! That guy…that is with Andi….he’s an angel?”

Cas nodded.

“Yes Gabriel is an angel.”

Adam put a hand over his mouth.

“Please don’t say that he is the archangel.”

Cas blinked.

“Well I don’t have to say it but you will figure it out soon enough.”

Adam held his hand up.

“My sister is with an archangel?!!”

Sophia perked up.

“That’s my daddy.”

Cas lovingly patted her back.

“Why don’t you go to your room and play tea party. I’ll be in shortly to join you.”

Sophia nodded before trotting out of the room. Cas turned to Adam.

“Can you control yourself in front of her? We understand your distrust of angels…”

Adam stood up.

“Distrust? Distrust is the word that you chose to use? Wait your an angel too so I don’t trust you either! Now my little niece is in your creepy club? I don’t like this.”

Cas tilted his head to the side.

“Like it or not angel is in her DNA and it is not leaving.”

Dean looked over at Adam sympathetically.

“Come on kid lets go get some air.”

meanwhile,

Andi lay snuggled against Gabriel’s chest running her finger down his chest. Neither had really moved much since Gabriel had knocked out the electricity in the bedroom.

“Well no one has yelled at us so you must have fixed the power quick enough.”

Andi said with a giggle. Gabriel gave her an eyebrow wiggle before tilting her face to his for another kiss.

“I’m good like that. We need to stay like this sugar. I don’t want to go back to the way it was. If you need to talk then I’m going to listen. Even if that includes you having your back to me with your hands over your eyes so you will be comfortable. Why don’t you sleep some sugar? I’ll be here.”

Andi curled to the side as Gabriel’s wings wrapped around her. She smiled finally feeling complete again. Gabriel meanwhile, watched as her eyes closed. While he lay listening to Andi’s even breathing a voice in his mind caught his attention. Frowning Gabriel closed his eyes going to where the voice was….

Standing at the edge of a rocky mountain he turned to see Michael looking at him with a cold smile.

“Well if it isn’t my baby brother.”

Gabriel frowned. It had been years since he had seen his brother in physical sense.

“Michael. What do you want?”

Michael sneered coldly.

“Just wanted to see how you were. See how you and the little one were doing. After all, Sophia is my niece.”

Gabriel glared at his older brother.

“Don’t you dare say her name.”

Michael laughed.

“Oh Gabriel. You are always causing trouble. From day one you have been causing trouble except this time Lucifer isn’t here to bail you out. This time you have gone and made some forbidden creature that you and I have both killed plenty of back in the day.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

“Back in the day? Oh my dad Michael how ancient do you sound.”

Michael smiled.

“Changing the subject? You don’t want to acknowledge the fact hat we both….well all four of us have killed nephilim now look at you being the father of one of those damned creatures.”

Gabriel glowered at Michael.

“Shut your mouth!”

Michael shrugged.

“Touched a nerve. This one you care about because she’s yours. If it was someone else it wouldn’t be an issue to kill her. Gabriel you’re a soldier. That is what we were meant to be. It was what dad wanted but something went wrong with your programming. You should know that Raphael knows about Sophia too. She won’t be making it much longer. It’s going to take more than yourself, team free will and Lucifer to keep her safe. I don’t care how darling she is. You and your pretty little bride will pay for your crimes the way you should be. See you around Gabe.”

______________________

@greenappleeyes

@tas898

@sherala007

@jannalionheart

#supernatural fanfiction #Gabriel x OFC #Gabriel #dean winchester #CAS #GABRIEL THE ARCHANGEL

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crispychrissy · 7 years

Text

Shrink - Chapter 23

Summary: When patients of a psychiatrist that caters exclusively to hunters start going crazy and dying, Sam and Dean Winchester investigate what might be causing these bizarre episodes. Pairing: None Word Count: 1770 Warnings: Tiny bit of angst if you squint A/N: My first fanfic! This is going to be a series, probably over 30 chapters total. Any feedback is appreciated, I am a newbie!

"Say that again?" Dean questioned, scribbling on the note pad to the right of the laptop. "Baltim Baghie. It's Enochian." Cas explained. "Well, yeah. We figured it's Enochian, Cas. What does it mean?" Dean asked, his voice fading off as he spun the laptop around to face Ellen. He tapped the top of the laptop screen with his finger, directing Ellen's attention to the screen. It showed a digital map of a few local roads nearby and a large red dot pulsing in the middle of a road labeled Belmont Street. Ellen nodded, writing down the name of the street on the notepad she had in front of her. "The literal translation is 'Extreme Fury'." Cas paused for a moment. "Do you remember years ago when I told you that Angels had come to earth for the first time in centuries to prevent Lucifer from rising?" Cas asked, referring back years ago after Dean was rescued from Hell. "Yeah, and you all were dicks. I remember." Dean said, spinning his laptop back around. "That wasn't entirely true. Angels had come to earth before. Special angels. They were handpicked and trained by Michael to carry out...important operations." Cas answered, trying and failing to hide his uneasiness. "Important operations?" Dean asked. "Are we talking assassinations, Cas?" Ellen added.

"From what I understood from Joshua, yes. These angels would step in when demons or other creatures got out of hand." Cas added, hoping Dean would not keep prying. "Other creatures? Like humans? Cas, did they kill people?" Dean asked, a hint of anger apparent in his voice. "Occasionally...but they were all recalled and confined to heaven a long time ago when the popularity of hunting spread to more than a handful of humans. Once the angels realized that humans were able to control the monsters that were out of line, the positions of the Baltim Baghie were terminated." Cas explained with a sigh. "Confined in heaven...like in jail? Heaven has a jail?" Ellen added, her eyebrows raised and eyes wide. "No. Well, yes. Heaven has a jail, but that isn't where they were kept. They were free to come and go, but were forbidden from taking a vessel. The training they went through severely damaged their grace...so if they possessed a human, that training would take over, making them revert back to the homicidal soldier they were." Cas explained, the engine revving in the background. "So...Natalie was our super soldier angel? Then why is she dead?" Dean asked, motioning for Ellen to get ready to leave. "It appears that way, yes. Natalie was the vessel, I don't know the name of the angel that possessed her nor do I know why she is dead. When the Baltim Baghie take a vessel, the vessel is branded with the Enochian letter B. It serves as a type of runework that focuses their energy, It allows them smite quick and clean as well as control human feelings and emotions." Cas paused for a moment. "Dean, I'm a few hours away. You need my help. These angels are expertly trained and need to be weakened before they are killed. I was able to get the spell from Joshua, but it requires the blood of an angel to complete along with the angel blade. Wait for me, Dean. Please." Cas said sternly, his tone full of worry. "I'm going to find Sam, Cas. We found out where the Impala is from the LoJack and we're headed there now. I'll text you the name of the street and we'll wait for you there." Dean said, standing up and helping Ellen to her feet so she can get ready to leave. He picked up his phone and texted the street name to Cas as he made his way to his bed. "Wait...why did she kill herself then? Why kill a vessel that is strong enough to hold an angel like that?" Ellen asked, steadying herself on the table as she stood. "She...he...IT killed the vessel they were possessing to cover their tracks. Probably thought we would stop investigating, assuming it was just another run-of-the-mill monster." Dean said, grabbing his jeans and a flannel shirt from his bag on the floor. "Must have been why she used a silver blade. Trying to throw us off." Ellen said, limping her way to Sam's bed before sitting down. "Here, I'm gonna get changed so we can go." Dean said as he tossed his phone to Ellen and shut the door to the bathroom. Ellen caught the phone and held it gingerly in her right hand. "You still there Cas?" She asked softly. "Yes, Dr. Barnes." Cas replied after a few seconds of silence. "Please, call me Ellen." She protested, a warm smile on her face. "Yes, Dr. Ellen. How are you doing?" Cas said, the engine straining in the background as he sped down the highway. "I'm fine, Cas. Just a few cuts and bruises. Nothing I can't handle." Ellen smiled and shook her head. "I will heal you when I arrive. Please keep an eye on Dean. He tends to act without thinking when it comes to Sam." Cas said. "I know, Cas. I know their complicated history. Yours, too." Ellen sighed and closed her eyes before she continued. "Most of the hunters I've met idolize them...view them as heroes or celebrities. All I see are two brothers who are so terrified of being on their own that they will do anything to prevent that from happening. They wrap themselves in this violent and heartbreaking lifestyle, only leaning on each other to get them through. They don't realize that by only trusting each other, and you, they're more alone than they realize. Their codependency is dangerous, and I know they're strong...but truth is...I'm scared for them. I've offered to help, but Dean is about as open as a swimming pool in the winter and Sam-" "-likes you, so he doesn't want to let you into the world of crazy he's been through." Dean interrupted, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom. Ellen's eyes opened and snapped up to Dean, the rosy warm feeling of embarrassment spreading across her cheeks. "Dean...I'm sor-" Ellen stammered. "Don't be." he interrupted. "You're probably right. We don't trust easy." "I know." Ellen said, looking at the cut on her arm from the silver knife. "But I understand why." "Dean, the phone woman is telling me I will be there in fifty-two minutes. Please let me know if you find Sam." Cas spoke, slicing the tension in the air with his gravelly voice. "Yeah, Cas. Just hurry." Dean said, swiping his phone from Ellen's hand and ending the call. "Dean. I didn't mean to babble on like that. I got lost in the moment and spilled my guts to the one person besides you and Sam that knows what you've been through." Ellen said quickly as she stood up, she could feel the burning sensation of tears beginning to form in her eyes as she looked at Dean. "You're fine." Dean said, a quick smile making an appearance on his face before he started laughing. "What?" She said, crossing her arms across her chest. "I see why you like Sam. You both got that 'puppy dog eyes' look down pretty well." Dean said, making his way over to the door, still laughing. Ellen groaned but couldn't help but smile as she limped after Dean as he exited the motel room, stopping momentarily to grab her coat and read the street name off the notepad on the table. Ellen looked around outside, glancing left and right before she spotted Dean in the driver's seat of a decade old beat up sedan parked a few spots down from the motel room. He was hunched over, both hands in the space below the steering column. Ellen was on her way over to him when the car roared to life. He released the wires hanging under the column and slid fully into the driver's seat, unlocking the doors. Ellen slid into the passenger's seat as Dean put the street name into his phone GPS and tapped Navigate. The drive to the Impala only took about twenty minutes. Dean's eyes went wide as he slowed down, seeing the keys still sticking out of the lock on the trunk and the red gas can laying on it's side near the road. Dean slammed the car into park and jumped out, pulling his pistol from the back of his jeans and cocking the hammer back. "Stay here." He quietly hissed at Ellen as she was reaching for the passenger door handle. Ellen nodded as Dean strode forward, carefully scanning around as he made his way to the trunk of the Impala. He rapped his knuckles twice on the lid of the trunk, pausing for a moment to hear if any noise responded back. Hearing nothing but the soft thumping of his blood pumping in his ears, he quickly twisted the key in the lock and popped the trunk, swiping his gun back and forth as the trunk opened. Sighing, Dean continued his scan around the driver's side of the Impala, stopping when he eyed Sam's cell phone on the ground about four feet from the gas can. He tucked the pistol into the back of his pants and motioned for Ellen to come to him. Ellen jumped out of the car and limped over to join Dean. The blood surging through her body ran ice cold as she laid her eyes on Sam's cell phone as Dean knelt down and picked it up. "Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled, causing Ellen to flinch as his voice echoed through the trees surrounding them. She averted her eyes down to the ground as Dean began going through Sam's phone looking for clues as to where he might be. Ellen's eyes froze on a dark spot on the pavement a couple inches to the left of the gas can. "Dean..." Ellen gasped, her voice so soft it almost came out as a whisper. Dean's eyes shot up at Ellen, before following her gaze and moving to the spot on the pavement she was staring at. He walked over and moved the gas can to the side, seeing the dark liquid Ellen was focused on. He leaned down and pressed two fingers into the pool of liquid before removing them. He exhaled sharply and lowered his head as he turned his fingers toward Ellen. Dean's fingers were covered in blood, the thick crimson liquid slowly making its way further down his fingers as he held them out.

#supernaturalfanfic #spnfanfic #oc #shrink #zawiii #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #firstfanfic #newbie #series #fanfic #spn #spnfamily

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writingfromkitchenator · 7 years

Text

Queen of the Crossroads

Masterlist

Chapter 5: Death

Saphriel hadn't been overly sure what made her do it, but she found herself outside of Bobby's home, her gaze burning as she thought about all that she'd heard and rumoured. There was something quaint about the house and Saphriel could understand why Sarah would retreat there.

With a small movement, she went inside.

There was cursing as she appeared before the four men and she rolled her eyes. "Relax, if you are doing what I think you're doing, I'm here to help."

Dean, Bobby and Sam all had a gun on her. "Yeah, right, like you helped Gabriel?"

Her eyes burned bright as she stared at them. "That was not my fault."

"What? So Lucifer just let you go?" Dean spat.

Saphriel sighed. "I...may have been a bit liberal about what I told you about my part in this."

"And here I was thinking that that was a trait only the little Winchester shared." Saphriel turned to face the demon as he spoke, and found him looking her up and down. "Or is she wearing on you?"

"I don't have to answer to you demon." Saphriel said in a low voice. "So I suggest you do shut up before I hand you to my brother on a platter."

"Only silver I hope." Crowley smirks. "I do hope you haven't underestimated that little minx in there, she is a tough one."

"And how would you know?" Saphriel asked.

"She's a Winchester darling, hardly-"

"Shut up Crowley." Both Sam and Dean said, earning a roll of the eyes from Crowley.

Saphriel sighed. "Look boys, I am meant to be the deciding factor in this madness, no matter my views. The fact is, is that those two can't kill each other, they're too equal, so-"

"You're the deciding vote." Bobby said bitterly. "And by the sounds of it, you are much more inclined to Lucifer."

She gives a small shrug. "Michael has not approached me and despite what Lucifer has done, long term, it was always a better option anyway." A sad smile tugs at her lips. "I'm pretty sure that Michael hates me, that even if I were to join his side, he'd kill me as soon as he could."

"Great, you're on the end of the world's side, how about we just kill you and be done with it?" Dean snarled, his gun surprisingly steady.

Saphriel raised an eyebrow. "Not only could you not kill me if you tried Dean, if you did, you'd be killing Princess to."

"Princess?"

"A rather fond name that Lucifer-” She cut off, and for the briefest of moments, fury crossed her expression and she shuddered, before returning to herself as she frowned. "Well, looks like she's getting a little stronger."

"I want to talk to my sister." Sam said suddenly, lowering his gun. "I want to know if you're telling the truth, that you are actually willing to help."

But Saphriel shook her head. "I'm afraid I can't do that Sammy."

"Why not?"

"I don't suppose it would have anything to do with little Winchester being a demon now, would it?"

Saphriel froze and Bobby, Sam and Dean all stared at Crowley's amused expression.

"Oh yes, word gets around fast." He said, carefully watching as Saphriel turned to face him. "Not only that, but there is a certain air about you, not the usual angel inhabiting a human air, but something else, something a little darker."

She went to talk but was cut off with a groan, buckling over for a moment.

Straightening out, Sarah breathed hard, her eyes black.

"Holy fuck." Dean breathed as he stared at her, blinking so that her gaze returned to normal. "Sarah?"

"More or less." She growled, a sweat breaking out over her forehead. "I don't have long, and I'm sorry you had to find out like this."

It was clear that Bobby was speechless, staring at her with wide eyes, the gun shaking in his hand. Sarah had to try and not notice, but she gives him a brief pained look before looking at her brothers.

"Saphriel is telling the truth, she wants to help." Sarah said carefully. "But she is also unstable. I-"

She hisses in pain as her eyes start to glow and her hands clench. "Damn bitch, I'm going to enjoy ripping you a-"

Saphriel regained the control, breathing heavily as she slowly unclenched her hands. "I never would've expected a damned demon to be able to overwhelm an Archangel, guess I really didn't give enough credit."

"Told you." Crowley said smugly. "One thing that you Archangel's need to learn, you face a determined human, give them power, you see where you end up."

She snorts. "Right, like she would've been any better treated under your care."

"Well, she would've had celebrity status, that certainly would've been a start." Crowley's gaze went back to Sam and Dean, who were both pale faced. "There is nothing you could've done boys, I wouldn't keep it too close to the chest."

Dean swallowed hard, deciding to ignore what just happened. "Alright, you want to help, then you can-"

"It is Lucifer's work on your sister, not mine." Saphriel said quickly. "And nothing can change that back. Even if I let her free, even new like this, she would be so much stronger than anything you had ever faced."

"Then how do you want to help?" Bobby said, his voice threatening to break except he cleared his throat. "Because after that I'm going to have great delight in making sure you leave Sarah's body."

Saphriel sighed, knowing there was no point in trying to explain. "You have three of the horsemen's rings, correct? Meaning you only need one more, and the only way you are going to be able to face Death is with my help."

Crowley snorts. "I think they can manage without you darling."

"Lucifer has a spell on Death." She said darkly, shooting a look at Crowley. "The only way you are going to be able to get through it is with me. I'm trying to do the right thing here, I did mean it when I said I didn't want this to happen anymore than you boys did, and now I have one dead brother and Dad still doesn't give a shit, so let me damned well help."

"On one condition." Sam said, causing Dean and Bobby to look at him, his expression set.

"What?"

Sam licked his lips and shuffled a little nervously. "When this is done, you walk her into a devil trap and leave. We handle Sarah from there."

"You're kidding right? Sarah is my true-"

"And I don't care." Sam said, determined. "You want to help, we need some sort of guarantee. That's the deal."

Saphriel looked between Dean and Bobby. "Surely you two can't agree to this?"

Bobby doesn't answer, opening a drawer and pulling out a bottle of whiskey and taking a swig, so her gaze goes to Dean.

"Dean," She spoke softly. "Do you really want that? The death of your sister for a way to stop the apocalypse."

"We won't kill her Saphriel." Dean said coldly. "But we sure as hell can't let you keep using her body, demon or not, I want my sister back."

"Technically-"

"Shut up Crowley."

Crowley smirked, watching the exchange. Saphriel was bright, but he could clearly see the rising darkness in her, growing stronger even as they spoke. Even if she agreed, he seriously doubted whether the Archangel would be able to hold onto Sarah Winchester that long, something that had Crowley very curious.

"Fine." Saphriel huffed. "But after Lucifer is back in the cage. After we've stopped this bloody apocalypse from happening."

Sam and Dean share a look, glancing at Bobby, who simply closed his eyes and took another drink.

Sam nods. "Done."

"Good, then the quicker we do this the better." Saphriel scowled at them. "Because Lucifer is growing stronger and Michael now has a proper vessel, which means that this is drawing painfully close."

"Let's get a move on then, shall we?" Crowley asked, stepping next to her. "Oh, and before you say anything, I already know where Death is, so instead of wasting time arguing about it, shall we just go?"

Saphriel doesn't look impressed about having to work with him, but she bites her tongue and just nods in agreement.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She came through for them, the hold temporarily broken over Death, allowing Dean to talk to him.

Unfortunately for her, Crowley waited outside with her, her gaze locked onto the sky which was slowly rumbling darker, Crowley observing her.

"If I'm not mistaken, your brother doesn't like this." He said cheerfully.

Saphriel made a noise, but made no other attempt to communicate with him.

Crowley smiled. "You know that her brothers have no intent of letting you out of this easily?"

"Why are you still talking?" She snarled. "I thought my silence made it clear?"

"Just trying to pass the time, you know, before big brother interferes." He said with a shrug.

Saphriel scowls. "They both have more to worry about that me."

"I wouldn't count on that." Crowley said. "You are, after all, the only one with your true vessel, at this current time anyway."

"Your point?"

"Makes you the strongest."

Saphriel faces him, frowning. "Again, your point? I don't want to fight my brothers, it was bad enough watching Lucifer kill Gabriel."

"Of course, unless they attack you first." He smirks at her indignant look. "They are going to fight darling, whether you like or not, and one of them is going to die."

Saphriel thought about this, unnerved by the way Crowley was watching her.

"All I'm saying," He continued. "Is if these boys fail, you are probably going to have to decide who."

"If you don't stop talking demon, I will smite you where you stand." Saphriel growled, turning her attention back to the sky.

Crowley snorts in amusement. "You know, if you want help, just ask."

"I don't need your help demon."

"I wasn't talking to you."

Saphriel goes to turn back to him, but at that moment there was a sharp crack of thunder directly overhead, Crowley vanishing, as Michael appears in front of her.

She was cautious. "Michael."

"Saphriel." He said slowly. "What are you doing?"

She shrugs. "Trying to stop this."

"This has been written." He said coldly. "You cannot change what is meant to be."

"Oh please,” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "We're all anomalies Michael. Lucifer wasn't meant to be dick and fall, I wasn't meant to be a bitch and leave my post, you weren't meant to be a constant pain in the arse, but hey, here we are. Are you really going to tell me that all that was meant to be written?"

Michael scowled at her. "Must you be so painful all the time?"

"Must you?" She questioned back. "Honestly Michael, you just always have to be the righteous one, don't you?"

"Someone has to be responsible in this family." He growls.

Saphriel scoffed, folding her arms. "More like jealous because you weren't favourite."

Thunder cracked again, just making her smile.

"Aww, is big brother going to have a tantrum?"

Saphriel was thrown backwards with a loud crack, crashing hard into a wall, her body sinking to the ground as she groaned.

"First, you dishonour yourself by allowing this to happen,” He spat as he approached her. "Then you dare insult me multiple times and have the hide to work with Lucifer! You don't get the luxury of passing judgement on me Saphriel. I will not hesitate to end your existence."

Saphriel chuckled, looking unfazed as she looks back up at him. "You call that a hit brother? I think you're suffering without your true vessel."

"Well at least I'm not using a demon to get mine." He hissed.

"Using a demon? Oh, you are behind the times." Saphriel stood, brushing herself down. "I'm not using anything. Little Sarah Winchester said yes, thanks to Lucifer of course, much more than you've ever offered me."

"What?" Michael snarls in disbelief. "Lucifer turned her?"

"Well, I could hardly participate with dead vessel now could I?" With a sharp snap of her hand, it was Saphriel's turn to send Michael flying, him crashing through a wall in a cloud of dust. "I can see why you hit me. That felt damned good."

Michael appeared back before her, a trickle of blood running down his forehead, his eyes glowing dangerously.

"Careful Michael, don't want to exhaust yourself before the big battle with Lucifer. Just might end up bad for you."

Michael clearly didn't care, launching at her. Saphriel smirked and let them collide, the thunder cracking overhead, lightning striking just a little too close.

In the midst of the fighting, they were both suddenly wrenched apart.

"Now children," Death drawled. "Is that anyway to treat each other."

Saphriel was grinning, covered in dirt. "I was having fun."

Michael's eyes sparked and he struggled against the invisible grip. "She's only getting what she deserves."

Death rolls his eyes and sighs. "And you honestly wonder why your father left, trying to kill each other like this."

"I wasn't going to kill him, just-"

"Enough." Death shot her a dark look. "Or I will make sure that you have no further part in this. Permanently."

She snorts. "You wouldn't dare. I'm the only reason you are currently free of Lucifer's spell."

"Something I can deal with." He said coldly. "However your impertinence is tiring."

Michael goes to cut in, the fury wanting to be let out, but with a wave of Death's hand, he vanished.

"Now that I know you two won't destroy the city with your feud..." Saphriel is released from the grip. "I wish to speak to the Winchester."

"Why?" But there was little point as Death snapped his fingers and Sarah clutched her chest, breathing hard and glaring at him with black eyes. "I'd repeat her question but I can't say I'd like the results."

"You are a clever little thing, aren't you?" He asked, amused. "I can't say I expected this result when I took you to Hell."

"I know what you're talking about." She said sarcastically and brushed the dirt off her clothes. "This is totally what I expected."

"Your glib does you no credit." He said, the annoyed tone returning to his voice. "I trust you have no intention of letting this continue?"

Sarah folds her arms. "First you take me to Hell, now you are asking me stupid questions?"

"Hell was hardly my choice." Death said, eyeing her closely. "And I am simply asking out of curiosity. It took me hours to get you to move on, I can't imagine that that level of stubbornness would stand by this?"

"Of course not." She said frowning. "But I hardly think this is a good time to be discussing it."

"Oh, she's been put away for the moment." He said lightly. "You don't have to worry about that, besides, it wasn't really me that wanted to talk to you."

At that Dean stepped out, his gaze cautious as Sarah sighed.

"Naturally." She said. "What can I do for you Dean?"

"What happened Sarah?" Dean asked.

Sarah pursed her lips and shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it bloody does-"

"No Dean." She said sternly. "Just as it doesn't matter what you intend to with me, because you know I can't let it get to that. You just need to be ready for all this, because it's not easy."

"Sarah-"

"Dean, please." Sarah sighs. "First rule of hunting. You don't have to feel guilty for me because I sure don't."

"You're a demon dammit, I can't just sit back and let that slide." Dean said angrily. "If we had simply insisted that you join us-"

"I wouldn't have and you know it." Sarah looks at Death. "Is there a point to this? This is only hurting him."

Death shrugged. "Seemed fair, you'll have little time to talk once all this is going down."

"Sam and Dean carry enough on their shoulders without worrying about me too." She said harshly. "This is just how it's gone and it's meant to be. There is nothing to be done about it."

"It's bullshit is what it is." Dean growled. "I can't-"

"Things are different now Dean." Sarah's voice went cold, getting the point across. "You and Sam are just better off staying away from me, because if you don't, I cannot guarantee that I won't hesitate to hurt either of you."

Dean stared at her, his eyes shining, but a rumble in the sky got her attention.

"Lucifer is coming now, I suggest we end this discussion?" Sarah turned her attention back to Death.

"Oh, very well." He said and clicked his fingers, him and Dean disappearing and Saphriel once again returning to the surface.

"Dammit." She cursed under her breath, glaring around before her gaze moved to the sky. With a small movement, she hurried away from the storm brewing too.

#supernatural #queen of the crossroads #crowley #crowleyxoc #fanfic #mynewobsession

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huntertales · 7 years

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Part Three: God’s [Not] Dead. (Free to Be You and Me S05E03)

Useful Links: Last Part | All Episodes Word Count: 2,969. A/N: I'll admit this part isn't exactly that exciting, it runs through the episode like normal. But I can say the last part will be much more intresting (as I hope, like always) and will feature a character or two that are my personal favorite. As always, I hope you guys enjoy!

Your name: submit What is this? // <![CDATA[ function replaceAll(find, replace, str) { return str.replace(new RegExp(find, 'g'), replace); } function myHandler() { var input = document.getElementById("inputTxt").value; document.body.innerHTML = replaceAll('Y/N', document.getElementById("inputTxt").value, document.body.innerHTML); } // ]]>

You peeked out of the blinds from the quiet hospital room on the very early morning. You scanned the hallway to see that it was empty, besides the lonesome nurse traveling down with a few clipboards to her side as her only company. You watched as she turned the corner and disappeared from sight, Dean shut the door when you gave him the signal as you reached for the wand and began turning it around, closing the blinds, allowing complete privacy from the very strange ritual that you were about to do.The three of you were occupying the room of Donnie Finnerman, a man who was the last kno vessel to the infamous archangel Raphael. He was once a healthy man who worked full time as a mechanic, but after saying yes for what he presumed to be for the greater good, the man remained now in a complete vegetable state, confined into a wheelchair as he stared off into space,the way doctors presumed he would live out the rest of his days. You felt sympathetic for him, the man didn't know what he was in after giving consent. You thought demons were soulless monsters, but it seemed angels didn't have a heart of gold, either.

Cas occupied himself by grabbing the pot from the table he previously set it down after arriving and began walking forward to the man, tracing his steps into a circle as he began pouring the oil all over the floor. As he walked, the angel explained what made this trap special. "When the oil burns, no angel can touch or pass through the flames, or he dies."

"Okay. So we trap him in a steel cage of holy fire. But, uh, one question," Dean said, bringing up an interesting point you wondered yourself. "How the hell do we get him here?"

"There's--well, almost an open phone line, between a vessel and his angel. One just has to know how to dial." Cas explained to the both of you. He set down the clay pot to the table and walked over to the man, where he then crouched down to his level. You furrowed your brow slightly in confusion, but it began to make sense of what he was doing when he began chanting something in a foreign language you couldn't understand, enochian, if you were correct. "I'm here, Raphael. Come and get me, you little bastard."

Cas ended the chant with a small threat, showing the archangel he wasn't afraid to see him again, even after what was done to him. He pushed himself into a standing position and walked over to you and Dean. "Just out of curiosity," You said, wondering how much longer this was going to take until this would begin. "the average customer wait time to speak to an archangel is...?"

"Be ready." Cas warned you.

The angel grabbed the matchbook from his trench coat pocket and pulled out a match. Striking the tip against the box, a small flame ignited, Cas threw it to the ground where he poured the oil, and not a second later, you watched as a ring of fire danced around the floor. You let out a quiet breath of reassurance as you crossed your arms over your chest, reassuring yourself that this was going to go smooth, and you weren't going to have to try and pick off fragments of skin or molars of Cas' vessel from your hair when Raphael decided to make his appearance.

+ + +

"Well, that's a day I'll never get back."

You rubbed your eyes from the passenger side of the Impala, trying your hardest not to fall asleep from the wasted hours spent standing around the hospital room. Darkness had fallen once more after you decided to call it quits when the plan Cas had come up with failed miserably. The three of you headed back to the house with the intent of grabbing your stuff and leaving, knowing it was pretty obvious Raphael didn't appear when called for. You got out of the car when it finally stopped and made your way for the front door first, not thinking much of it when you opened it up and took a step to head inside, but you stopped in your tracks when Cas jumped in front of you.

"Y/N, wait." Cas said, you gave him an annoyed glare for what he'd done.

Your attention was turned away from the angel when you looked ahead, knowing just a moment later what his warming was about. It seemed that you had a guest, and he wanted to make his appearance well known. The entire first floor of the house erupted with sparks when every single lightbulb exploded, sending fragments of glass flying into the air, making you flinch in surprise, but Cas stared straight on, his lips curling into the smallest of a smile, knowing his plan had worked.

"Castiel."

"Raphael."

"I mean, I thought you were supposed to be impressive." Dean followed behind you and Cas when you began walking forward to the archangel, but still keeping a safe distance away. "All you do is black out the room?"

"And the eastern seaboard." Raphael replied. Not a second later, a crash of thunder and strike of lighting came out of nowhere, you looked over your shoulder to see there was a storm brewing outside. You nervously swallowed as you slowly drew your gaze back to him. "It is a testament to my unending mercy that I don't smite you here and now."

"Or maybe you're full of crap." Dean said, deciding to push his luck to see how far he could go before seeing fatal consequences. Raphael seemed to be ever so slightly amused, he arched his vessel's brow. "Maybe you're afraid that God will bring Cas back to life again and smite

, you candy-ass skirt. By the way--Hi. I'm Dean."

"I know who you are. And this pathetic excuse of a human." Raphael said, your lips stretched into a frown when you noticed his gaze drifted your way. It seemed that he wasn't too concerned on making the best first impression. "And now, thanks to Castiel, I know where you are."

"You won't kill him. You sons of bitches you need him." You said. A bolt of lightening came from behind, enginititng the room into a brightness for just a moment. "You wouldn't dare."

Raphael agreed to a certain length of what you said, “But I will take him to Michael.”

"Well, that wounds terrifying. It does. But, uh, I hate to tell you," Dean spoke up, pretending to act casual about what was happening. You watched from the corner of your eye as the man began walking to the cooler right across the room. He bent down and pushed open the lid, snatching a beer to enjoy when he twisted off the top and threw it down to the ground, discarding it without a care. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Surely you remember Zachariah giving you stomach cancer and Y/N losing her lungs." Raphael said. Dean stopping sipping on his beer and turned back around in his spot, facing the archangel with a casual stare, pretending the times you and him faced were hilarious. "Yes, well...he doesn't have anything close to my imagination."

"Oh, yeah? I spent forty years in Hell and died too many times to remember. Try me." You weren't afraid of what kind of threat the angel dangled over your head. Your hand slipped into your back pocket, keeping your eye contact straight on as Raphael began to make the smallest steps forward to you, as if he was waiting for his chance to call your bluff. Dean anxiously looked over at Cas, wondering if this was going to work without this plan backfiring right in his face. "I bet you didn't imagine one thing."

"What?” Raphael asked you with the least bit of interest.

"We knew you were coming," You said with a growing smirk. "You stupid son of a bitch."

With the simple flick of your thumb, you worked the lighter fast enough to throw it towards the ground, exactly on the spot where Cas had poured the oil for a second plan, just in case the first one didn't exactly worked. You stepped back in caution as another ring of holy fire trapped Raphael in his spot, rendering him powerless. Dean wandered over to where you stood after he took notice of the nasty glare settling on the archangel's face from what had been done.

"Hey, don't look at me." Dean said, trying to defend himself by shifting the blame to Cas. You couldn't help yourself but roll your eyes, momentarily caught off guard for how the Winchester was handling this. "It was his idea."

Cas asked the important question, the one which was why all of you were here. "Where is He?"

"God Didn't you hear? He's dead, Castiel. Dead." Raphael replied. None of you believed the information the archangel was saying, for there had to be more than what he was leading with, and it seemed he could sense your hesitance. "There's no other explanation. He's gone for good."

"You're lying." Cas said.

"Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better?" Raphael questioned the other angel. "You think God would have let any of that happen if he were alive?"

You and the angel took a moment to ponder on what Raphael had said. There had been countless tragedies spanning the decades you learned in history class, not to mention the things you've seen just hunting. But Dean, being the man that he was, decided to make this conversation a little bit lighter by adding humor that was always timed perfectly wrong. "Oh, yeah? Well, then who invented the chinese basket trick?"

"Careful." Raphael warned the young man. "That's my father you're talking about, boy."

“Yeah, who would be so proud to know that his sons started the friggin' apocalypse." Dean said, not giving an ounce of sympathy for what he was hearing.

"Who ran off and disappeared." Raphael defend himself. "Who left no instructions and a world to run.

"So Daddy ran away and disappeared?" Dean asked, approaching the touchy subject with careless remarks after seeing a connection from yesterday's events. "He didn't happen to work for the post office, did he?"

Raphael wasn't the least bit amused from the hunter's humor he was quickly growing tired of with each passing second. "This is funny to you? You're living in a Godless universe."

"And? What--you and the other kids just decide to throw an apocalypse while he's gone?" Dean questioned the archangel with a bit of bite to his tone.

"We're tired. We just want it to be over. We just want..." Raphael wanted what both sides wanted, a way out to face the problems of humanity. "Paradise."

"So, what--God does and makes you the boss, and you think you can do whatever you want?" You found yourself asking a question, knowing there was so much at stake. "There's billions of people here you're going to kill because you’re too much of a coward to face responsibility. And you're okay with that?”

"Yes." Raphael's answer was what you should have expected. "And whatever we want, we get."

Before you realized what was happening, you heard a loud crashing sound, all before you were bending down to shield yourself from the shards of broken glass and wood that were aimed to your backside after Raphael retaliated, by breaking the window. The downpour from outside quickly came in, soaking you to the bone as the thunder continued on and the wind blew even harder. "If God is dead, why have I returned?" Cas asked, using the last point you had against the archangel to get the honest truth you wanted to hear. "Who brought me back?"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?" Raphael presumed, you could feel a terrible shiver run down your spine from the unwanted presumption. You knew the reaction wasn't caused from your freezing cold and soaking wet clothes. "Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. You know it adds up."

Cas thought about it for a moment you knew it could be a possibility. Lucifer was an archangel, all though you might not know the extent of his abilities, you knew well enough he was a powerful one. And he would do anything to get what he wanted. But the other angel wasn't going to listen, he knew this lead was a dead end.

"Let's go." Cas said, nodding his head at you and Dean.

"Castiel." The archangel called out the other angel's name, making him stop in his tracks while he headed for the journey, making his escape while the three of you still could. "I'm warning you. Do not leave me here. I will find you."

"Maybe one day." Cas said, agreeing with the archangel on his threat. But he wasn't afraid for what was to come, because in this very moment, he controlled all the power, and he wanted to make it known. "But today, you're my little bitch."

You couldn't help yourself but let the smallest smile spread across your lips when you began following behind the angel to make your grand getaway, thinking you were leaving on a high note. Cas might not have gotten what he wanted, but he gained another, a little bit of revenge for what was done to him by Raphael. You made it just a few feet away from the door, but you stopped in your tracks when Dean spoke up, ruining that perfect moment. "What he said." Dean found himself quickly realizing what he said was quite useless, and a little bit awkward. You shook your head and began heading out into the storm, leaving the archangel trapped, hopefully long enough to make an escape before he could keep the promises of unimaginable torture.

+ + +

In the past few weeks since Sam made his unexplained departure, you sort of felt normal. You laid in the backseat of the Impala with your legs stretched out and your crumbled jacket, the one you snatched from the trunk, was used as a pillow while you tried drifting off to sleep. Everyone was silent, Dean in the driver's seat and Cas in the passenger side, the only noise was the occasional drizzle of rain and the humming of the engine. Slowly, you closed your eyelids, embracing the sleep that was calling your name. It was a minute later you heard the silence be broke from Dean's voice, and while his quiet tone didn't bother you, it was the curiosity to find out what both men were talking about that kept you alert.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Dean asked out of concern, but the angel didn't answer. He kept staring out the window and to the empty road ahead of them, sort of what Sam did when he was too upset to talk. "Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but, I do know a little something about missing fathers."

"What do you mean?" Cas asked.

"I mean there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said he was dead. But I knew, in my heart, that he was still alive." Dean said, sharing a bit of information that he rarely shared with anyone in hopes it would help the angel gain some confidence after the failed interrogation. "Who cares what some ninja torture says, Cas? What do you believe?"

Cas delayed his answer, keeping a moment of silence between the both of them before admitting his true feelings. "I believe he's out there."

"Good." Dean said. "Then go find him."

The angel contemplated about taking up the offer to leave once more to continue his journey. But he felt something different in the air, a sense of strangeness kept Cas in the passenger's side seat where Sam should have been. "What about you?"

"What about me? I don't know.” Dean admitted. With a little more bit process to his emotions, the hunter changed his answer to a better one that felt right. "Honestly? I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am. I'm...I'm really good."

“Even without your brother?” Cas asked, bringing up the dreaded question.

"Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worry about the son of a bitch. Not to mention the bomb he dropped on me after he left about Y/N. It’s better that he stays away. I’ve had more fun with you and Y/N in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years. And you're not that much fun.” Dean said, finding himself rambling off into thought, not sure where the honesty stopped, and the lying began. "It's funny. You know, I've been so chained to my family, pushing off what I really want for them. But now that it's just Y/N and me...hell, I'm happy.”

Dean found himself smiling at the thought he had only once dreamed of when it came to sharing a life with you, the more logical one. He enjoyed the past few weeks of focusing on hunting and spending the quiet nights alone with you, with no worries of his little brother to disturb the moment. Yet the happiness could only last for so long, there were only so many lies one could tell themselves before they stopped believing. Dean turned his gaze away from the road to look at the passenger side, expecting to see Cas there, quietly listening like Sam always used to, but the seat was empty.

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dinoalexander · 6 years

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Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2017 Quotedown Quotetacular

We could go on about what happened this year, but we’d much rather get on with this so...

Ladies and gentlemen and multiforms across seven star systems, The Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2017 Quotedown Quotetacular starts in 5... 4... 3... 2.... NOW!

——

"Bye bye, 2016. Good. Riddance." -Clint

"If you try this at home... It's on you!" -Adam Savage

“So much was weird in 2017, but perhaps the weirdest was that people who nearly triggered a pizzeria gun massacre to stop imaginary child molesters rallied to support an actual child molester’s campaign for US Senate.” -David Frum

"My pending friend requests look like the lost fuckboy nation." -Leslie

“So a retired actuary from Texas thinks reality and talent shows are not game shows and calls us out for thinking they are and we're supposed to care?” -Gordon

"anybody punching down those that need a leg up are not worthy of your friendship, let alone mine." - Jordan Hass, 2017

"I expect that kind of joke from Jordan." -C to Q re: uncle jokes

“If you have to ask if it’s too early to drink wine, then you’re an amateur and we can’t be friends.” -Becca

“There’s this cat that weighs 18 pounds. I call her The New York Times, because she’s a grey lady and she’s always at my doorstep.” -Pranjal Vachaspati

“Just a little reminder to you: stop making excuses and start making moves.” -Josh

"... SEXUAL WHITE CHOCOLATE!" -Jerome, Straight No Chaser

"It's not a problem if you're winning right?" -G

"The rules in the Doctor Who universe are about as set in stone as a fart in the wind." -Jefferson

“This would be really nice comedown music... you know, if it weren’t for all the...sex.” -C, on Silk’s “If You (Lovin’ Me)”

"Thought I would try to fix this thing (a Virtual Boy) this afternoon. Turns out it's not broken, just a terrible game system." -Paul

"You want to hold hips like in middle school?" -Nikki

"THAT'S not awkward." -C

“Jack. Jack. King. Deuce. Fuck. These. Cards.” -Travis

"It touched the pickle juice." -Jenna

“I broke it. I had to fix it.” -Michael

“Let me do my job for 30 seconds.” -C

"I feel like my bed is taunting me for having responsibilities." -Aryn

“It’s like people who like Nickelback. They didn’t commit a crime, but you don’t trust their judgment.” -Andrew

"Jack! Caps lock!" -when an Achordants concert turns into an episode of "24"

Gordon: “You never argue with an idiot. They have far more experience.”

Jason: “True. But it felt good lol”

Gordon: “You're arguing with someone who has Joan Rivers as his main page and has an intro listed or being obsessed with poopies and kittens.”

Jason: “Ugh. What was i thinking lol”

Gordon Just trying to put things in perspective 😉”

Jason: “I know. Ty.”

"New year who dis?" -Emily Ann

“Wow! Fish AND meth!” -Karla, on Methodist church fish fries & incomplete signs

"It's the no-drama, no-butthurt weekend on WLTI-FM!" -Jason

"I'm no biologist, but has anyone tried pouring salt on Steve Bannon?" -a tweet Jennifer saw

"I want Mariah Carey to live through this year too. She makes me feel better about myself." -Jenni Leigh

“Raisin oatmeal cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues....” -Leslie

“As they say in hockey... Let’s do that hockey.” -Laszlo Holmes (Chance the Rapper)

"Did you stretch? Bring the Gatorade?" -Jay

"I stretched. I had my coffee. I prayed. I sacrificed a chicken. I'm ready." -C

“Panthro: Ah, so this is heaven. Sweet peaceful eternity of bliss!

Snarf: Hello, Panthro!

Panthro: Oh shit, I’m in hell!” -Kevin (RIP Earle Hyman)

“2016: All your favorite celebrities are dead. 2017: All your favorite celebrities are sexual harassers.” -Greg

“A person can be a PhD and be an SOB.” -C

"I smell weed! Who's not sharing? What an asshole!" -Christina

“You have a Christmas tree up? I hope you get raging diarrhea.” -Jordan

"The adulterer didn't have what it takes to do the job of a rapist? Sad." -Kevin

"It's a Saturday. After the Army got paid. And after the state got paid. And we're on the road. You do realize the hornet's nest we just kicked over, right?" -C

“I scream.

You scream.

The police get called.

It’s awkward.” -Brian

"Yesterday, I read that story that was going viral, and I was like "I've only had Jack in the Box tacos once and I don't remember them being that terrible." So I walked to Jack in the Box and ordered four of them. I'm sorry for doubting you, internet." -Nedeff

“In retrospect, at its heart, isn’t every Bond film a 2-hour long episode of Thunderbirds?” -C

“Yes, my record player is broken, I will smite all of my enemies.” -Aaron

“I just got slapped in the ass in the grocery store, but somehow I was the bitch in the scenario, because I have laser-like precision with a water bottle and I hit him right in the balls.” -Leslie

“What do you have to say for yourself... Bohemia?” -C

“All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names..... Used to.” -Claudia reimagining Rudolph.

“You got original sin right over here, Adam. Why don’t you take a bite out of THAT apple buddy? It’s Android or nothing for me, buddy!” -Q

"You're tired of hearing about the struggle? Consider yourself blessed, because I'm tired of living it." -C

“Your vagina will freeze. If you have balls, you will grow a vagina and it will freeze.” -Weather app

“If I can see any pie there’s not enough whipped cream on it.” -Selena

“PIT KARAOKE! TWO SINGERS ENTER, ONE SINGER LEAVES! We aren't sure what happens to the other singer yet.” -Paul

“I wasn’t being bad on purpose, it was an accident.” -Q

“My mouth may be a whore mouth, but it’s not lying." -Christina

“You know what’s good peeps? Ask me again in Easter and I’ll tell you.” -Jordan

“Yo mama so fat her Patronus is cake.” -Actual quiz name

“I'm pretty sure that how annoyed you are by the iPhone glitch is directly proportional to how much you talk about yourself.” -Lindsey

"I'm about to give you a list of reasons why Holden Caulfield was a little bitch." -C

“Marc Summers just said “Blow Job.” That’s a thing that happened. #OnYourMarc” -Travis

"I was just talking with one of my friends about what my autobiography would be titled. But evidently my first choice, "A Series of Unfortunate Events", is already taken. "How I Became Dreadfully Mediocre At a Sport for Washed-Up Athletes" is a close second." -Shannon

“Is Crystal cowering in front of a balloon?” -Jacqueline

“They’re playing Taylor Swift. Shut up!” -Q

“... goddamnit Jordan, what’s your name?” -C

“Just overheard a girl order a Bloody Mary when apple juice wasn’t available. This is similar to how I make most of my life decisions.” -Leslie

TO BE CONTINUED...

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