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#THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT YOU CANT DONATE WRONG
batwynn · 4 months
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Ok so since my last post about Palestine on this blog*, which I spent multiple days writing to try to make it as clear as possible where I stand and how I feel about both what is happening and how people are using their couch activism to do nothing but get internet points against other people on the internet, I’ve received a bunch of ‘go girl give us nothing’ kind of anons praising me for ‘not taking a stance’ or yelling at me for ‘not talking a stance’.
Which, for one. No. Just because don’t talk about everything that I do to support important causes does not mean I don’t do anything. I’m not posting my donation receipts online for your approval.
I’m also… I’m genuinely lost as to how that was the message received. I know I’m autistic af, but don’t feel like that’s what I said at all and I can’t figure out why that’s what people got from it.
This will be another long post with basically the same information as the last one, but put more bluntly. If you are still struggling to understand where I stand, I genuinely don’t know how to help you with this anymore and I’m not spending more energy hashing it out for you.
I thought I said, pretty explicitly, that I think colonizing entities and terrorism is bad. That genocide is bad. I thought it was very clear that I don’t support the murder of many thousands of people—tens of thousands of children. I included the USA in this previous statement explicitly because we are backing a genocide, yet again. (If not, you know, directly doing genocide against people ourselves.) I expressed clearly, I thought, that I did not support anyone killing innocent people, as a reminder to the ‘what-about-ers’, who like to say that people who don’t agree with a genocide ‘cheer on’ what the Hamas did to random citizens. I cant 100% say I know enough about the Hamas and their desires to tell you much more of my thoughts about that. It’s been a constant struggle with misinformation, in general, but a lot of it surrounding them and their beliefs/actions.
I thought it was also pretty clear that I am so far removed from this that I’m constantly aware that me saying anything could be based on wrong, outdated, or mistranslated info at any given point. I’m catching up as fast as I can, continuously educating myself, and voiding years of propaganda from growing up in this shitty ass country with its shitty ass education propaganda system. I mean a lifetime of messages directly from the media, our politicians, teachers, etc. to not pay attention because it’s ’not our problem’ as a country and there’s ’always a war there’ so ‘don’t care about it’ and ‘don’t react.’ Which is part of the reason why I made the original post, because I do care and I am reacting, and it does matter.
So, I guess I have to say it again, because as hard as I tried to get the message through last time, it apparently got lost somewhere.
I do not support the ongoing genocide of Palestine. I do not support the crimes against humanity that I have seen happening there. I do not support murder and terrorism. I do not support the country I am forced to live in, and its involvement in this. (USA)
I do love my Jewish and Muslim friends. I do not believe in a bigoted hatred against either religious grouping based on the actions of some people. I support the Jewish people standing up for Palestine. I do want peace. I do want healing. But I am also aware that peace and healing is something heavily owed to Palestine for many years now, and that it can’t be achieved until something massively changes in how the world and Israel treat them.
Now, if this statement is not clear enough or is said the ‘wrong way’ or isn’t ‘right’ or just isn’t what you want to hear. I’m sorry. I always struggle with communication, and I’m genuinely not good at this. I tried so hard with the last post, and I was still told that I was doing nothing and saying nothing. The only thing I can ask is that you give me the smallest amount of kindness and understanding, and assume that I am trying to communicate compassion for people suffering. Give me the benefit of the doubt, if you can, that I just fucking care about people who are being hurt.
And lastly, please keep your ‘what about’ bullshit out of my inbox. I can’t address every single thing, all the time. I can’t know every single thing, all the time. I’m aware of multiple horrific things happening in the world right now and how important it is to pay attention to them. I do share and talk about them on my side blog* that is dedicated to that kind of thing, but this one thing in particular is something people keep coming to me about in my inbox here and I’m addressing it this one last time.
*Again, my main blog here has always been mostly about my art and projects, and after years of people outright screaming at me to keep it that way and to not include any current events, political, or ‘too personal’ posts I’ve long since moved most of that over to my side blog. Many of you already follow me there or know what blog it is. I am not sharing it again because I’m tired of having personal life things I share being used to hurt me. Also, one last reminder that you can’t have it both ways. You either want to know my personal stuff and political stuff, or you don’t and only want to see my art. You don’t get both. And this will be the last time I address this here.
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turtletoria · 1 year
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i am curious exactly which reasons you hate mcyt now even tho you used to be a fan. As an outsider I know vaguely some of the people have done bad things but im interested in your specific reasons. You have no obligation to answer obviously
no dont worry i love talking shit its my hobby (joke, btw. my actual hobby is being cringe online)
under a read more bc this is long i just hold a lot of parasocial hate in my heart. hope you guys like reading !
edit: also to be clear im not trying to start any fights i just want to be left alone by mcyt fans. ok guys take it easy
tl;dr the Three Who Shall Not Be Named and their blasted SMP friends/acquaintances are all my parasocial enemies. Theres fun cringe and then theres mean cringe, and i feel that this corner of mcyt goes in the latter.
from my experience i think that they're really manipulative of a typically younger and vulnerable audience... i just remember them always promoting subscribing to their stream or purchasing donations to kids (that, i believe, honestly saw them as stand-ins for parental figures in their own lives) and that honestly disgusted me so much. i remember being frightened at the way that (mostly teenage/minor) fans on twitter talked about them like they could do no wrong... it was a weird kind of adoration that still freaks me out when i think about it too long. while they cant control the age of their fanbase, they could at least act accordingly... if i knew my audience was full of youngsters as young as 10 or 12 i would not say or do half the things theyve done, i will say that much.
moreover, i think they were very bad at handling their rapid rise to fame -> the Main Three Who Shall Not Be Named were frankly quite young and very immature, so this might be unfair, but honestly watching them felt like if you took the really unfunny highschool bullies and gave them a twitch stream to go nuts in. they couldnt control their rapidly growing and rabid fanbase in a way that felt safe to participate in.
i really didnt appreciate how they treated some of their fellow streamers. it felt cruel, and i cant understand how people could keep watching what would otherwise be bullying, even if it was all a "joke" or "prank."
And, much worse, was the casual racism and misogyny and other bigotry. i remember the misogyny especially was so bad, particularly from the young blonde and british streamer, whose main shtick was being rude to women because it was "funny." it was just crass and immature, and made my younger sister and I very uncomfortable, especially with the way his fans seemed to really enjoy that. a lot of these guys' and their friends' jokes hinged on being edgy or shocking, and honestly that shit was so overdone and unfunny.
I honestly can't remember finer details, and im not about to go looking (so take this with a grain of salt), but i just remember their content being full of a lot of uncomfortable moments. it was like experiencing some kind of microagression every 10 seconds and not being able to comprehend the insult until it was too late. it made me feel small and stupid, especially because i thought i was the only one who felt that way (and still do, honestly). call me oversensitive, but thats just how i felt (and still feel). moreover was the discomfort of them using language, which for lack of better words, reminded me very much of performative white liberalism. you know what i mean - when someone talks a lot about good things, but then they treat minorities like shit or allow these minorities to get treated like shit.
also, as the cherry on top of this rancid pile, the Main Three Guys and their SMP friends all seemed super okay with certified shitty people like Pp pie and notch. Very uncomfortable that they would be okay with being associated with them, let alone look up to them??? Huge red flag.
the fact that ive gifted my time and energy (through fanart) to a piece of media that has hurt me is so revolting. in the grand scheme this isnt a huge deal, but it definitely hurts that ive made shit for shit people and that fans still behave like i made this art for them. in reality i want to throw everythign into a pile and burn it. it just makes me very sad and hurt.
i could go on, but this is long enough as is.
Anyways, i'm not here to tell people what's right and wrong, but i honestly think that these guys are more hurtful than anything else and i simply dont want to interact with anything associated with mcyt ever.
but if im gonna be completely honest, i cant really blame teens or tweens for being into that awful cringe (derogatory) shit becuase that is the nature of being stupid and young, and hopefully theyll grow to understand why that shit is so bad. but if you are a college student or older and still into them im side-eyeing you so hard...
Theres fun cringe and then theres mean cringe, and i feel that this corner of mcyt goes in the latter.
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dausy · 2 years
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I did it. I clocked out for the last time. My husband brought us food. Boss brought donuts and a coworker made sure I was well equipped for the Tennessee game today.
Very bittersweet. I've gotten really sad and guilty about it and then there was one tiny thing that happened that was a gentle reminder of "oh yeah, this is why I was excited to go". So maybe one day in the future, I can rant out my frustrations but theres nowhere private online.
I do not particularly mind moving. I do after a while get an urge to pick up and move especially if a place is getting too familiar. I kind of look forward to that awkward sensation of moving to a new place. New states/towns/cities smell weird and feel weird and its interesting how your brain takes in everything new and then 2 years down the road you realize how your brain took everything in wrong and backwards. What I really really want from this move though is just activity. I am hoping to do like 2 days of indoor rock climbing/bouldering and a day of yoga each week. I have high hopes that these things are going to be easily accessible. Thats what I'm really missing out on currently. 2020 certainly didn't help things. I hate feeling like I cant get the exercise that I want. I feel sedentary and icky. Of course the other thing is too that towns seem to grow as soon as I move away from them. I go back to my moms house every once in a while and get so jealous at all her amenities I didn't have when I lived there. So anywho..
the one thing that I will miss about my job is I'll probably never find another nursing job with such freedom and flexibility of hours. I never had a shift. I legit came in when I knew it was going to be busy and beneficial for me to be there and then I left when things got boring. So some days I could work 5a-11a. The other day I was there from 10am-10pm. But not having a clock to look at where I was like "oh, only 5 more hours of my shift" does amazing things for your mental health. If I had an appointment I needed to go to, its kinda a douchey thing to duck out on your coworkers when its busy, but I could if I wanted to. Never gonna get that ever again.
also just being new. I hate being in orientation. I legit just want to get hired and know everything already.
but I dunno we will see how it goes. I have a week left with furniture. I'll probably procrastinate but the plan is to start digging through our stuff and tossing garbage and donating other garbage. I need to get rid of a lot of clothes. Empty my junk drawers. Put some of my collectibles back in boxes. Then we go to moms for thanksgiving and then onwards to Texas.
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nieloxychen · 1 year
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Ich habe 3.883 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet
Das sind 1.026 more posts als 2021!
318 Einträge erstellt (8%)
3.565 Einträge gerebloggt (92%)
Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:
@nedsseveredhead
@autpunk-arsonist
@baddminton
@nuclearsludge
@gayrab
Ich habe 601 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt
#loxys art – 42 Einträge
#fave – 36 Einträge
#c: kai – 28 Einträge
#loxys ocs – 26 Einträge
#c: booster – 25 Einträge
#c: sticks – 13 Einträge
#c: six – 11 Einträge
#c: aurora – 10 Einträge
#insects – 8 Einträge
#long post – 7 Einträge
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#you mean the guy who went to them like 'hi im a stranger not dalsih ew and youre wrong abt everything you hold dear i saw it in my dreams :)
Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:
#5
so either encanto takes place in an alternate dimension where ultrasound was widely available much earlier (very possible, theres magic and its disney)
there are alternate ways of figuring out youre carrying triplets (also very possible, im not well versed in the ways of pregnancy)
or the madrigal triplets were born in the 1970s at earliest. bc thats when ultrasound technology became common in british hospitals and moved to us hospitals as well. i tried to find an estimate when it became more available in colombia but couldnt find anything but!! how else would alma know shes pregnant with triplets?
which would mean the movie takes place in 2020 at earliest
27 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 9. Januar 2022
#4
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30 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 13. März 2022
#3
had a few unexpected expenses this month now im in the red and theres still one more bill incoming...
could use some help so if you send me a tip on ko-fi ill draw you sth owo
just send me a message ✌💕
34 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 27. Mai 2022
#2
pov: youre petting luna and she loves you
34 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 18. Februar 2022
Meine #1 des Jahres 2022
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i was reminded of cloudsnap and honestly i cant believe i forgot them???? so as penitence have my take on their design :D
theyre really background so info is not really clear, but i remember the drama abt their name after what happened w swankit :( 
mistystar: ill name you snap! cloudsnap: ... mistystar: you know, like how your sisters neck was snapped? cloudsnap: ......
tbh im not surprised they were a dark forest trainee lmao but im glad they got to starclan later!
51 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 20. Januar 2022
Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →
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dreamii-yume · 3 years
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SPOILERSSS for Twisted Wonderland Chapter 6 : 1-16!!!
*rubs hands* aight it wont take long before genshin has me in its gacha hell grasp again, I just barely escaped this time— NOW ITS TIME TO SEE THE BOIS CHAPTER 6 omg— wtf happened last time lol it’s been too long
So, no voice over because of some problems which is understandable but— meh I don’t feel like reading lol So I’m watching otome ayui translations this time, because im that one dumbass student who skipped kanji class and now i cant read without sounding like im five _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): “what up im yume im way passed 19 and i never fucking learned how to read”
Also watching Hanayura Kanon stream for the rest that’s not yet been translated lol Because he’s very good at voice acting for the characters and he’s funny af lol
- OKAY OKAY— WTF HAPPENED EXPLAIN
- Fun fact : I haven’t watched Hercules yet so I legit don’t know what’s about to come lol
- Aw, that’s cute— We called over Ace and Deuce late at night AND THEY REALLY CAME OVER AAAAA
- I forgot how fckin pure their friendship is _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):
- Aight, so we actually have a huge-ass scratch from feral Grim lol That’s just fantastic, isn’t it
- FINALLY— We’re talking about Mickey and the stones my monster cat has been eating with Crowley AAAAA
- “Yeah there’s this bitch called mickey and i took his photo—“
- WE’RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS. AFTER 6 CHAPTERS.
- Bruh this crystal of blot sounds really dangerous why are we discussing this just now
- Speaking of this crystal, Crowley— you were looking for this crystal in chap one and when we asked you about wtf you’re trying to find you just went— “oH itS NothING.”
- I SUPPOSED ITS NOT NOTHING NOW IS IT
- I didnt see you searching for crystals after every chapter mr. crowley where were you 👁👄👁 dont you think it was weird that you didnt see a single one after like— five blotting incidents
- Oh so its rare i see— BRUH R U SURE ABOUT THAT grim literally found one every single chap LMAO
- Okay okay— see, he may be violent but listen— you aint gonna throw out my fucking cat okay
- Wh— THERE WAS A FESTIVAL!? Im dumb so its not just VDC LOL
- Listen LISTEN— GRIM IS FINE. HOLD UP— NO NEED TO THROW HIM OUT JUST LET ME HAVE ANOTHER LOOK AT HIM
- Aww, Ace and Deuce looked pissed about it too AAAAHH THE TRUE DEFINITION OF THE BOIS
- BRUH NO— ALL THE DORM LEADERS TO GO AND CAPTURE GRIM?? HE’LL DIE
- CROWLEY PLS— WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS, HONEY
- #Grimportectionsquad
- “It’s bout time for them to come” Who?
- FUCKING— CROWLEY STOP SAYING ITS NOTHING— This is why this school is so fucked, you never tell us anything ahead of time _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):
- Aight he left, Ace Deuce hurry help me what you guys got
- He may be a monster but see— the worst he did is eat the whole tuna stack SO PLS HES STILL BABY AND I LOVE HIM
- THATS RIGHT DEUCE MY MAN GRIM CAN DO NO BAD I SWEAR
- HE WOULDNT EVER AGAIN I SWEAR
- Ace ヽ(;▽;)ノ The character development— im so proud of you, son
- THIS IS THE BOISSS— LETS GOOOO
- Fuck this is so beautiful— just me and the bois on our way in the middle of the night to find our MISSING CAT I—
- CROWLEY REALLY DID ASSEMBLE THEM DORM LEADERS AAAAAAA AT THIS HOUR TOO WTF
- BRUH WE CAN TALK
- Kalim Kalim Kalim Vil Vil Vil— Pls we’ve been through so much last chapter HELP
- Leona…A big fat mood honestly lmao
- Ey ey riddle pls— dont make this any more difficult—
- Shut up azul stay where u are all you’ve done is nothing but chaos since you arrive so SHHH
- MALLEUS IS NOT HERE AGAIN LILIA PLS— where is he when we need him the most LOL
- Ortho, your bro where?? Also— SURVIVAL STATUS BRUH—
- YES PLS DONT HURT HIM OMG
- oh i forgot idia lives in his tablet LOL OF COURSE
- Omg he’s in the apple trees still looking scary as shi aaaaaaa pls kitty come home u just had too much catnip
- OH GOD 15m HE’S CLOSE
- “Starting operation” ORTHO WHAT TF
- EY EY EY oh good he’s knocked out sighhh
- Aight I know this has been translated but I can’t help but to look at the original japanese and im just— wtf is RTS and TAS idia i dont understand this advanced gamer otaku language
- But Idia and Ortho really do be speedrunning on who can fucking kick my cat the hardest LOL
- THATS RIGHT IDIA You understand me— Fellow cat lovers unite, Grim is very cute, he can’t do no bad
- …so can i have him back pls—
- Can we just appreciate the fact that these bois are willing to take the risk of getting their heads chopped off by Riddle by doing all this for us??
- If this isnt what you call true friendship then i dont know what this is
- Lol ambrose is going to appear in this festival again and crowley’s prideful ass is QUAKING
- WHY are we not allowed to see him crowley im sure we can handle it— We’re the BOIS. CMON
- Imagine if they just summon a fcuking— magic vet or something lol
- It’s the next day lol
- HAH ITS THE VDC LOSERS BY ONE VOTE SQUAD
- I mean the NRC Tribe— ٩( ᐛ )و
- VIL. what you have my queen
- Vil pls dont remind me that my cat isnt here but thank you for saying thank you i do not deserve—
- AWW THE ADEUCE SQUAD LOOKS SO SAD AAAAA
- Vil i miss the bad bitch but absolute oneesan energy but the apology— yeah are we gonna cry again lol
- AAAAAAHH why am i so proud— THAT vil is apologizing
- You dont need to maam what we had in chapter 5 was a fucking journey i regret nothing
- I swear if rook goes like— bitch that aint beautiful imma bonk him I WILL DO IT dont think i forgot what u did last chap
- Man i love me a man who can openly admit his mistakes MMMGH
- Rook i swear—
- Im glad that we’re not toning down ace’s brutal honesty lol
- BRUHHH I DONT LIKE IT WHEN VIL US TAKING ALL THE BLAME i mean what he said was kinda true BUT STILL
- Cheer up Vil, it’s not like it’s a complete failure anyways (;ω;) it was fun at least
- Hearing Jamil encourage Vil like this feels surreal BUT YES BOI U TELL EM
- What is this beautiful character development
- Ooff way to hit where it hurts the most vil my queen lol
- AAGH IT HURTS VIL RECOGNIZING NEIGE’S HARDWORK LIKE THIS— THE PRIDE I CAN FEEL IT CRACK
- Bruh we appreciate Neige’s impeccable smile in this household— REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE WAS LIKE NEIGE’S GON BE A BAD BOI??? WELP—
- It was me, i was that person and i shall drown in apple juice for it
- Of course, the ultimate Neige simp already knows that lol
- Bruh the background music has no business being this sad stop
- I hate it when vil is right sometimes omg— TRUEEE KALIM especially wouldn’t be able to stand properly on stage after knowing Neige’s own hardships aaaa
- NOO BABY DONT CRY
- Vil redemption arc??? 👀👀 you can help us cure our cat—
- !? Are we gonna get that money promised in that poster?? 👀👀
- WHAA FUCKING WAHAA VIL IS GONNA PAY THAT US??? THE WHOLE 5 MIL EACH??!! VIL CALM DOWN WHAT I SAID WAS A JOKE
- Damn vil is STACKED He really didnt want to owe anyone anything LMAO YES QUEEN
- WHA— KALIM IS ACCEPTING??? OUT OF EVERYONE HERE, I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO ACCEPT THAT KALIM
- Kalim is making my heart go boom boom again baby boi ✨👁💧👄💧👁✨✨
- HE’LL DONATE IT TO THE RAMSHACKLE DORM BABY BOIIII
- …sumimasen kalim for having a very rundown dorm 👁💧👄💧👁 but thank you for being nice about it lol
- OKAY OKAY KALIM YOU DONT HAVE TO LIST ALL THE THINGS WRONG IN MY DORM PLS—
- THIS IS EMBARRASSING PLS KALIM IM SORRY FOR BEING POOR
- But this man be such a sunshine holy shit i cant even be mad about it lol
- AW YEAH RAMSHACKLE DORM IS GONNA GET A MAKEOVER
- EVERYONE BE DONATING THEIR MONEY TO US AAAAA Were they always this NICE
- Aight adeuce pls— y’all dont have to force yourself to donate my guys (´;ω;`) being friends is enough lol i get it my bois
- Find me a man who can make me feel like this the way Vil can
- Man if only Grim is here :’) he’d be soo happy :’)) you can have all the tuna you want buddy :’)))
- GRIM PLS ADEUCE IS WILLING TO TREAT YOU TO LUNCH BABY
- Bro this is so wholesome omg
- Im sorry but still up to this day, my understanding of Epel’s accent is still lacking lmao
- Aight they be talking about how Rook already knew that they were going to lose from the very beginning
- The FORESHADOWING LOL The difference with how Rook said “What a wonderful performance” rather than “What a beautiful performance” sigh
- Honestly we gotta respect Rook’s resolve here lol man just knows what he wants
- Rook and Vil’s friendship lmao
- 👁👄👁 …!?
- EARTHQUAKE WTF How dare you ruin such moment—
- WHAT IS GOING ON
- EY WTF DONT DESTROY MY DORM WTF ARE YOU GUYS
- WHAT ARE THESE ROBOTS OUTSIDERS KILL THEM WITH FIRE
- They look like something that belongs to the Ignihyde dorm HUH
- Oh bruh— Vil in his Dorm Leader mode is so cool AND YES I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE TIME BUT wheww~~ Vil YAS QUEEN
- KALIM TOO AAAAAA JAMIL’S 「はっ!」SO COOL
- so SO— the dorm leader’s have a protocol for outsider attacks like this 👁👄👁 OMG THEY’RE SO HOT
- They don’t seem like our bois anymore aaa just pure professionalism at this point—
- GOD I FORGOT HOW COOL THEY ARE OMG
- HEEEYYY OUR DORM IS GETTING DESTROYED WTF ARE THESE GUYS’ PROBLEM
- We were just talking about renovating it too wtf
- AAAAAHHH HOW DARE YOU— VIL R YOU OK
- Bruh i dont know what is going on but dont touch my man’s face
- They’re targetting Vil and Jamil WHY— overblot men!!??? WHERE ARE YOU— GIVE THEM BACK
- I didnt understand what epel said here lmao BUT—!?
- THEY HAVE GRIM TOO FUCK HE’S BACK LET GO OF MY FUCKING CAT
- WHAT IS GOING ON DARLINGS
- BUDDYY >:’0000 Grimmm MY HEART—
- Are they kidnapping the overblot men?? What— the fucking absolute balls on these robots
- God we’re getting absolutely fucked in here
- AND THERE’S A CAULDRON IN THE BACKGROUND LOL DEUCE WENT HAM
- BRING ME BACK MY FUCKING CAT— >:’0000
- I thought there’s going to be a festival not a fucking kidnapping event HEY
- Oh 👀 Rook pls help
- AAAHH SERIOUS ROOK IS HOT—
- IS THE OTHER DORM LEADERS CHILLING WHERE ARE THEY KALIM PLS BE SAFE
- OH RIDDLE IS NOT ANSWERING THEY GOT HIM TOO
- Oh ghad they got him during clubs WTF HOW—
- *nervous hornii chuckling* …angry expression silver 👁👄👁 im sorry
- AAAA Dorm leaders actually be acting like dorm leaders is soo cool i cant—
- Bruh the story is all chaos what is this chapter
- Are they gonna get Leona and Azul too what—
- RIDDLE BABY Jesus christ dont overblot like this again lol
- DAMN HE STRONG FOR A SMOL BOI THO
- Whoever made these robots wtf is their deal lol TO BE ABLE TO BEAT A DORM LEADER—
- …Bruh where is our horned friend when u need him
- Silver and Sebek theorizing with dorm leaders but they took Jamil tho?? It’s probably the overblot men they’re after
- Also Malleus is probably good so you two calm down lol Lilia’s probs having tea with him right now
- Okay, Leona how are you going to get captured KING.
- Omg everything is getting destroyed wtf
- AW LEONA SAVED RUGGIE THATS CUTE AND COOL AF
- Bruh leona these are material robots— cant you just turn them into sand lol
- Oh they do have some kind of brand cmon just turn them into sand pls
- WHAT THE FUCK
- LEONA-SAN!? WHY ARE YOU GIVING UP— OJI-TAN!!!
- OLD MAN WHAT—
- *hearing leona whisper his reasons ✋ 👁👄👁 🤚 okay sir im sorry
- Damn Leona acting like a real prince right now— it’s kinda hot 👀👀
- BRUH PLS COME BACK DONT TALK LIKE YOU AINT GONNA
- BRO WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS
- THE BOARD GAME CLUB
- Idia : “bro we just chilling be cool— MY CHESS PIECE“
- “Aight ortho what’s the situation” “fucked"
- So Idia of course knows about this— why does he look like he’s so done lmao me getting the feeling this isnt the first time idia has encountered this situation before lol
- Man i want to see azul in action too but mehh— Idia told him to settle down cries
- LOL WHAT IS THIS KARONE ROBOTS
- Wait— are they taking idia too?? OH IS THIS THE DOING OF IDIA’S FAMILY
- WHERE IS CROWLEY— THE TEACHERS, YOUR IMPORTANT STUDENTS ARE GETTING KIDNAPPED
- AH THEY ALSO KNOW ABOUT THESE STYX BITCHES WHAT— and they’re just letting them GO whaaat
- Sounds to me that this must be idia’s family taking care of the overblotting students?? Like to protect Idia or something?? I DONT—
- “Gather all the dorm leaders” No, sir, they’re already gone besides my sunshine and the horn boi
- Malleus??? 👁👄👁 TSUNOTAROU
- Pls kill the robots they destroyed my place
- AAH UPSIDE DOWN LILIA long time no see lol
- Bruhh the diasomnia students are so lucky to have Malleus as a dorm leader omg
- BRUH LILIA’S RINGTONE IS SO CUTE LMAO
- Kalim sounds so desperate im so sad
- ARE WE— ARE WE GONNA MEET MALLEUS AGAINNN
- Bruh they just goku teleported their way out of the dorm lol
- AAAAHH EVERYONE IS HERE THIS IS SO FUN
- Wait jack is not here lol did they just forget about him wtf
- Oh shit we here too i did not know LMAO
- S-So are we just gonna..continue school like— like these styx bitches didnt just ruin half the school, my dorm, injure my bois, and took my cat or…???
- GASP AAAA STYX IS A BLOT RESEARCH FACILITY WHAAAT
- So that’s why leona and idia be like bro this is not worth it
- O-Oh yeah— they…they didnt know that Vil overblot— PFFT
- Malleus pls information who are you talking about—
- WHO— LILIA MALLEUS OH NO
- Ey, overblot squad are assembled lol this looks so dangerous
- LMAOO Riddle was sleeping on Leona’s lap for three hours THATS SO CUTE
- Where the fck did they take them, ITS CRAMPED AF
- Bro they’re just exposing Vil and Jamil’s overblot that’s supposed to be a SECRET LOL
- Oji-tan can sound so wise and reliable like this if he really tried lol sugar daddy energy
- Wtf these guys never thought that idia was from a big shot family??? They thought it was just coincidence that they had the same family name PFFT
- AZUL AAAA He was right there my guy BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY MAN
- oh. They finally opened— isn’t this the ignihyde dorm what
- WHAT THE FU— IDIA
- Bro— WHAT WAS THAT IT WAS IDIA ALL ALONG???
- WHAT IS THIS CHAPTER
This chapter is a fucking roller coaster like— literal 0 to 100 QUICC From having a moment with Vil and the bois to a FUCKING TERRORIST ATTACK LMAO IM HYPED FOR NEXT CHAP—
It’s been so long, I hope they released the next part soon (๑>◡<๑) I forgot how fine these men are lol at least I want to hear their voices again 👁👄👁
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slashingdisneypasta · 3 years
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Slashers Toy Story!AU
Or, *cough* a way for me to write out a buncha funny Incorrect Quotes and smoosh two things I love together.
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Woody: Jason Voorhees
Buzz Lightyear: Michael Myers
Jessie: Ghostface
Prospector/Stinky Pete: Roman Bridger
Bo Peep and Ham: Freddy Krueger
Mr Potato Head: Chucky / Charles Lee Ray
Mrs Potato Head: Tiffany Valentine
Slinky: Carrie White
Rex: Bubba Sawyer
Barbie: Jennifer Check
Ken: Patrick Bateman
Lotso-'O'-Huggin' Bear: Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt. Was gonna be Bo, but Hoyt just fits way better. Plus he has Thomas.
Chuckles: Monty
Big Baby: Thomas hewitt
The Chatter Telephone: Luda Mae Hewitt
Also, Sunnydale Daycare: Ambrose. Because why not.
*I'm thing the kids in Toy Story are the fanbase and creators of the Slashers in this AU. Like, Andy and Bonnie are the original creators that make up the canon stuff and created them to be the infamous characters we all know- and Sid is us fan-people that twist and distort the characters for our own pleasure, haha XD *
An abundance of Incorrect Quotes bellow the cut!
Chucky: *With all the features on his face mismatched*
Chucky: Hey Freddy, look! I'm Picasso!
Freddy: ... yeah, I don't get it. *Leaves*
Chucky: *what... * You uncultured swine!! *Shakes his fist at Freddy's retreating back. That was a good fucking joke, goddamn.*
~
Michael: *Writing down on whiteboard:* Excuse me... I think the word you're searching for is
THE SHAPE.
Jason: *Already so done with this edgy boy's bullshit*
Jason: *Moves attention to his own whiteboard, starts writing*
Jason: *Shows board*
NO. The word I'm 'searching for', I cant say, because there are preschool toys present.
*Gestures ferociously to Carrie and Bubba.*
~
Jason: *Ughhhh. Shows board that he frantically wrote on:* Its not a KNIFE! Its a little stick of plastic!!
Freddy: What's wrong with him??
Chucky: Knife envy~
Freddy: Ah been there
~
Jason and Michael: *Watching Dr Loomis give psychology advice*
Jason and Michael: *Slowly tilting their heads sceptically, in unison*
Michael: *Holds up board for Jason to read:* ... I don't think that man has ever been to medical school.
~
Jason: *Trying to get Michael to help him. Writes passive aggressively on board and shoves the thing in Michael's view:* Would you give me a hand!???
Michael: *Fucking slices his own arm off and chucks it at Jason*
Look, he's having a bad day...
~
Freddy: *Sneaks up on Jason and digs his fingers into the giants sides*
Jason: *Whips around and cracks Freddy in the face from shock*
Jason: *Realises its just Freddy as the other groans and holds his nose, and looks a little guilty. Oh, Freddy. Writes on board and shows him:* There's gotta be a less painful way to get my attention.
Freddy: Agh- Fucking- Merry Christmas, hockey puck!
Jason: *Catches sight of something above them, tilts his head. Writes and shows board:* Isn't that mistletoe?
Freddy: *A slow, creepy grin rips across his face* Yep.
~ Toy Stoy 2~
Jason: *Frantically holding up a board:* Michael! I was a yo-yo!
Freddy and Chucky: *Look at each other*
Chucky: 'Was'?
~
*Michael and the others watching a dude try to buy Jason and failing.*
Michael: *Thinking: Mm, now just walk away.*
Man: *Follows after where Jason went.*
Michael: *Thinking: ... the other way.*
~
*After Jason has been stolen- everyone is panicking*
Michael: *Stomping his foot, trying to gather these psychopaths' attentions. Wait a minute! Wait, hold on! When he semi has their attention, he shows a piece of paper with writing on it:* This is not time to be hysterical.
Freddy: Its the perfect time to be hysterical.
Bubba: *Gasp. Should we be hysterical!?*
Carrie: *Tries to calm Bubba down, a hand on his arm and voice gentle* No-
Chucky: Yes.
Michael: *Thinking: ... well, maybe*
~
Freddy: Give this to Jason when you find him
Freddy: *SMACKS MICHAEL UPSIDE THE HEAD*
Michael: ... *Holds up board* Alright. But I don't think it'll mean the same thing coming from me.
~
Freddy: *Up ahead* Hey guys! Why did the toys cross the road!?
Michael: *But rolls his eyes. Not now bacon bits.*
Bubba: *Perks up and waives. Oh! He loves riddles. Why?*
Freddy: To get to the chicken... on the other side!
*They all look out and celebrate, seeing where Jason was being kept hostage... but then realise how dangerous getting across will be as a giant fricken truck careens by and crushes a can the same size as them*
Bubba: ... *Promptly turns around and starts walking back the way they came. Oh well. We tried-*
Michael: *Grabs Bubba back*
~
Jennifer: I can help! I'm Tour Guide Jen!
Jennifer: Please keep your hands, arms and accessories inside the car, and no flash photography! Thanks.
Chucky: -I'm a married man, I'm married man, I'm married man-
Freddy: *Shoves Chucky out of the way* Then make room for the single fellas.
~
Michael: *Ugh. Writes on board:* They're on level 23.
Carrie: How are we gonna get up there?
Bubba: *Gestures to balloons, then up to the sky. Meaning: Maybe if we find some balloons, we could float to the top!*
Chucky: Are you kidding? I say we stack ourselves up, push the intercom, and pretend we're delivering a pizza.
Freddy: How bout a roast? *Grins*
Freddy: *Assesses Chucky and Carrie in turn* With tenderised pig and a slaughtered lamb as sides.
Chucky: Hold the fuck up did you just call me a pig- and a side-
Carrie: What?
Bubba: Oh! Oh! *Pats his chest excitedly. Do him! What about me??*
Freddy: ... Eh, you can be the toy that comes with the meal.
~
*Michael does something to get them all hurt and doesn't to care at all, of course. Just moves on.*
Chucky: Remind me to glue his mask on his head when we get back.
Freddy: *Nods, yep*
~
Chucky:*Embracing Tiffany after having been away saving Jason*
Glen and Glenda: You saved our lives! We're eternally grateful!
Chucky: Oh, fuck...
Tiffany: You saved their lives, Chucky?? Oh, my hero.
Tiffany: *Immediately drops Chucky in favour of picking up the babies* And they're adorable! Lets adopt them!
Chucky: *Thinking: What? No- Absolutely not- Don't say tha-*
Glen and Glenda: Daaaaddy!
Chucky: Fuck.
~Toy Story 3~
Jason: *Holds up a sign as he stands there menacingly with his machete:* You got a date with justice, Charles.
Chucky: Heh, too bad, 'sheriff'. I'm a married man.
Tiffany: *Comes out screaming, wielding goddamn nun chucks*
~
Michael: *Eyes narrow behind mask, slowly holds up sign he prepared earlier:* Bastard son of a hundred maniacs.
Freddy: Hah. That's Mr Bastard son of a hundred maniacs, to you!
~
*The toys/Slashers watch some toys, including Jennifer and her car get thrown in the donation bin*
Ghostface: Oh, man, poor Jen.
Freddy: ... I get the corvette.
~
Tiffany: Its alright, Jen, it'll be okay.
Jennifer: Well... Needy and I have been growing apart for a while...
Jennifer: Its just... I cant believe she would kill me!
Chucky: *Who's 'best friend till the end'/victim also killed him* Yeah. Welcome to the club, toots.
~
Hoyt: They just love new toys, don't they?
Chucky: Love!? We've been chewed, kicked, drooled on-
Tiffany: Just look at my nails!
Hoyt: ... Hm. Well, here's the thing, sweetheart. You aint leavin' Ambrose.
Tiffany: *Thinking: Oh fuck no he did not just- * Sweetheart!? Who do you think you're talking to!? I have over 10 kills, and I deserve more respec-
Hoyt: *Covers Tiffany's mouth with his hand* Ah, that's better.
Chucky: *Thinking: I'm going to fuck this douche up- * Hey, no one takes my wife's mouth. *Shoves Hoyt back off her by the chest* 'Cept me.
~
*Hoyt and Thomas bring Chucky back from 'The Box'. He's more fucked up looking then usual, sand all through his hair and stuck to his plastic features. He shakes it out of his pockets.*
Tiffany: *Gasp* Sweetheart!
Chucky: Eugh... it was cold. And dark. Nothin' but sand and a couple of Lincoln logs.
Freddy: Ehhh... I don't think those were Lincoln logs.
~
Ghostface: I was wrong...
Chucky:
Chucky: Ghostface is right. He was wrong.
~
Jennifer: *Fake cries*
~
Chucky: *Slaps a Pidgeon*
~
*Trying to reset Michael back to his former settings/self (The one that knows them and therefore will maybe-perhaps-possibly not kill them*
Freddy: Oh- oh- oh, here we go. there should be a little hole under the switch.
Jason: *Little hole little hold little hole- Nods. Got it!*
Freddy: To reset your Michael Myers action figure, insert paper clip-
Jason: *Sharply turns to Bubba, urging him to put his finger in the hole quickly*
Freddy: Caution; Do not hold button for more then five seconds...
Michael: *Suddenly stops thrashing and goes slack*
Everyone: ...
Bubba: *Jumps off him, holding up his hands. Its not my fault!!*
~
Michael, on Spanish Mode: *Gives Jason two sweet kisses on either cheek*
Jason: *Awkwardly, slowly holds up sign:* We gotta switch him back.
~
Ghostface: Oh! Mikey!!
Michael, still on Spanish Mode: *Sees Ghostface*
Michael: *Drops to his knees, gathers up Ghostface's hand*
Michael: *Looks up at Ghostface in utter awe and admiration*
Ghostface: *Freaken freaked out. Shouldn't he be the creepy one in this outfit? Leans away* Uhh... did you fix Michael?
Freddy: Uh, sorta. I mean I for one think this is a huge improvement.
~
Michael, STILL on Spanish Mode: *Does a dance of feelings around Ghostface, wanting to express himself*
Ghostface: What- why- please stop I'm gonna pee myself- Of laughter or fear I have no idea but I WILL PEE
Michael: *Grabs and dips Ghostface, and holds up a sign* We will be the most famous killers in history, together.
Ghostface: *Thinking: Oh I can get behind that, hell yeah- *
Jason: *Arrives*
Ghostface: Oh- *Scrambles out of Michaels hold* JASE!
Michael: *Watches them move on together* *Throws down the sign*
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Freddy: I suddenly feel disgusting, like... I somehow ended up in some kinda... love-square, of some kind...
~
Jason: *Nicely gestures for Michael to give him some help*
Michael, stillllllll on Spanish mode: *Sniffs his nose at Jason's hand, shoving him out of the way with one arm like no thank you.*
~
Jennifer: Authority should derive from the consent of the governed. Not from the threat of force! // Or, alternatively which I think fits a whole lot better- // I am not going to stand back here and let another fucking old white guy tell me what the fuck to do!
Chucky and Freddy, two old white guys: *Look at each other*
Chucky:
Freddy:
Chucky and Freddy: *Shrug*
And that's it seeing as I don't really wanna see Toy Story 4. I hope you enjoyed this silly thing with me at least a little XD
Okay so I got a little attached in the end.
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quirklessidiot · 4 years
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Title: filthy rich [2/3]  Pairing: millionare!sakusa kiyoomi x y/n [filthy capitalist au] Genre: mild romance themes, major angst ahead, a bit of mystery, mafia!au-ish
Synopsis: He was perfect, maybe too damn perfect.
Warnings: mild sexual content, yandere themes, toxic relationships, violence, shady business, class differences, mentions of rape, and sakusa being a manipulative bastard [this fic does not in any way glorify these types of relationships!!!] Notes: Happy 605 followers guys! Decided to change this into a three part fic since it would be too damn long....I know this is a long overdue chapter hnnng i fucking hate college i cant wait to see sakusa in the new season, how was it guys? I was absolutely thrown off by akaashi even if he only had like a minute or so screentime hnnng...
previous ;; next || series masterlist || taglist 
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Sakusa Kiyoomi reminded you of an onion.
Over the past three years of going out with him, you seem to find a new layer to him. No longer was he the asshole from that day, he was the sweetest boyfriend, hands down. You were both a bit awkward in terms of affection since you two were treading on unfamiliar territory (much to your surprise, a man like Sakusa Kiyoomi has never been seriously intimate with anyone) but like every other couple out there, you surpassed it. You were now in the receiving end of his soft smiles, warm gaze, and affection.
Although you had your worries like your residency and his company growing bigger and bigger by the day, you started to wonder if you’d last long but the man casted your doubts aside and continued to be faithful to you and everyday you seem to fall deeper and deeper in the rabbit hole.
“...and for the last time, stop buying me expensive things and offering to pay my student loans.” you frowned, stirring the Butajiru for your boyfriend who was coming by today for dinner. Out of spite, early on in the relationship, you had to learn how to cook since Sakusa demanded you to when he learned that you lived a lot on canned foods and unhealthy take-outs. Much to your despise, he even volunteers to pay for your weekly groceries and even got you a ‘for sale’ stove that he apparently can’t return because he misplaced the receipt.
“I don’t get it, don’t partners like it when they’re given gifts all the time?” his brows are upturned, making you scoff. “From past experiences-”
“Are you sure that those weren’t sugar babies?” you cut him off, pointing the wooden spoon on your hand at him, “Because from your description you sound like a sugar daddy.”
“Hey.” He grumbled, walking up to you from behind to envelope you on a hug, “I’m not old enough to be a sugar daddy.”
You shut the stove off and turn to him, placing a brief kiss on the jaw, “You yell at teenagers and complain when it’s too noisy. I think you qualify for a senior discount and a sugar daddy title.” You joked, escaping his grip to grab some bowls so you both could start eating.
“You’re only four years younger than me.”
“Mhm.” You hummed, sticking your tongue out, “Also, aren’t you supposed to be at a party tonight?”
“You weren’t there.” 
“Aren’t you required to go?” You frowned, placing the bowl in front of him, “You know I’m not a big fan of those things and you can’t keep handing it over to Komori-san…”
“And you know I hate it when you aren’t there.” He softly repeated.
You roll your eyes and place your own bowl as you sit in front of him, “Always the smooth talker since we met three years ago.” you shake your head.
“Three years, huh.” Sakusa paused, “Speaking of three years, I was thinking…”
You stopped eating and looked up to face him, his face dead serious, “Move in with me.” He asked out of the blue. Your eyes widen and you let down a gulp, your stomach flipping at his words.
“I-” You paused, “I...I can’t…”
Sakusa tilted his head, confused, “What?”
“Don’t get me wrong…” You started, eyes looking at your food, seemingly nervous, “I-I wanna move in with you, my lease is almost up...but…”
“But what?”
“It’s not like I wasn’t going to tell you any sooner but….but i’m moving.”
Silence filled the room that you could almost hear the pin drop, “What do you mean you’re moving?” Sakusa’s voice was void of emotion and it made you scared for the first time. The man wishes you were wrong, wishing that you were just moving someplace nearby but the next words stun him.
“I got accepted for a huge humanitarian work in Medaide.” You gulped, carefully choosing your words as you slither your hands to his, trying to distract him, “We'll be travelling around third world countries, like the dream I've always told you about. I thought, well, I didn't got accepted since I didn't hear from them but it seems like I did.”
“How many months?”
“It’s- It’s a permanent job, I go back once a year…”
Silence enveloped the room, the only thing that could be heard was the faint sound of the bustling city outside. The world seems to have stopped for Sakusa that time.
“Congrats.” Sakusa smiled softly, breaking the silence, “I’m proud of you, bunny.”
Your eyes widen as you immediately leap out the chair and run to your boyfriend’s side, “Thank god!” you exclaimed, sitting on his lap to envelope him in a hug, “I was afraid you’d break up with me.”
You stare at him in the eye, hands on his cheeks, “Now why would I do that?”
“I don’t know, we’d only be seeing each other once a year if i accepted it.” You murmured, kissing him on the temple, “Thanks for being so supportive.”
You don’t notice how his grip tightens a bit on your waist nor the darken look looming over his features, “I’d never let you go, bunny. Never.” he hummed.
You continue on with your little happy bubble with your ever supportive boyfriend, you start shopping for some goodies for your trip that you were scheduled to leave next month. You should’ve known everything was too good to be true. 
A week before your trip, the company had called you in and said that you were cut off from the team and that apparently your experience wasn’t enough.
You vividly remember Sakusa rushing to your side mid-day when he should be swamped with work, whispering soothing words in your ear. You were absolutely devastated, the dream job you wanted felt like it slipped away, it took you a month to get back to your feet and actually go out. Despite getting over it, you were discouraged, the words they said echoed on your head, thoughts on how you weren’t performing well back  in med school and how your record on residency wasn’t enough.
“Y/N?”
“Oh.” you blinked, looking up to your boyfriend, “Sorry, I spaced out.”
“It’s alright.”
It seemed like the only constant thing in your life now was Sakusa, your friends were busy and they had come and gone, you didn’t want to worry your very busy parents so you didn’t call them about your dilemma. You didn’t want to call your aunt or Hinata about it too since you know they’d tell your parents.
Kiyoomi was the only person who stayed.
He was the only one you trusted.
“Is that roommate thing with you still open?” you suddenly asked, making Sakusa paused mid-movement.
“Of course it is,” He dropped the cutlery he was holding and strode to your side to caress your cheek, “It always is for you.”
“Guess I’ll be able to use my duplicate more often.”
Maybe being a humanitarian doctor wasn’t how it was going to be for you, it took another month for you to actually go and find a permanent job. Sakusa points out that you can take all the time out that you need but you don't want to lounge around and do nothing, you need a good distraction.
So you ended up working for a prestigious hospital as an ER doctor, for a moment, you forgot about Medaide with the help of your new job and your boyfriend.
You were happy.
Really happy.
The idea of staying in Tokyo didn’t actually seem like a bad idea now, you were going to bring it up to your parents and tell them that you wanted to stay here permanently with your boyfriend. They’d probably be happy, Sakusa Kiyoomi is a perfect man.
Until you come to the very sudden realization that he wasn’t.
Kiyoomi hated going out on long distance trips, he always wanted to be next to you or take you with him but this one was apparently too important to skip out so you greet him goodbye and wait for him to come home. Being the good partner you are, you decided to clean the house for your boyfriend. Kiyoomi was an incredibly clean person so you tried to keep your sloppiness to yourself when you moved in a few months ago.
Getting rid of the small dust here and there and throwing some unimportant things on the side, you prepare to throw out the collected garbage but ultimately freeze on your tracks when you find a ripped paper on the garbage dump.
Normally, you don’t do garbage dives.
Why would you?
Yet the name on top along with your boyfriend’s name caught your attention. It was Medaide’s logo, you grabbed the ripped piece of paper and started looking through the garbage dump, it did start to smell but curiosity always got the best of you.
Nervously biting your lower lip, you don’t find all the papers but you find one dated the same week you had broken the news to your boyfriend and the words, “Thank you for your donation and for sending us a group of more competent doctors for this batch.”
Your eyes narrowed as you stood there, shaking, the surge of panic and anxiety bubbling within you made the bile rose on your throat.
What was going on?
Was this really your perfect boyfriend?
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Maybe it was all a big misunderstanding, why would your boyfriend do that? What would he even gain? You bite on your fingernails as you walk back and forth in front of the front desk, “Y/N-san?”
You jump on the spot.
“K-Kenjiro-san.” 
“You alright there?” Shirabu Kenjiro asked, tilting his head to the side, “You’re not looking very good these days.”
“Y-Yeah…” You gulped, “J-Just thinking about some things.”
“Well, your shift is about to be over. Maybe you can go home earlier? ER’s pretty much dead right now.”  Your fellow doctor shrugged, you turned around and let out a sigh, maybe you should request to go home earlier. You needed to rest. All this thinking was getting to your head that you had almost misdiagnosed a patient this afternoon.
“Hey Kenjiro-san.” you ask your workmate, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“I have a friend.” You gulped down, “They’ve got this perfect relationship and he’s a super great guy...then-then they realize that he did something bad…”
Kenjiro looks up from his paperwork and shoots you his usual upturned brow, “Can you specify what he did?”
“He got in the way of their dreams.”
Kenjiro is silent for a moment as if he was thinking of something deep, “Well if I were that person, I’d leave him. What kind of asshat doesn’t support their partner’s dreams?” he asked, placing his hands on his hips, “Tell your friend that they deserve better and not some asshat who is holding them back.”
“Yeah,” you nodded, he had a very good point, “Yeah, that’s right.”
Kenjiro had a good point there, maybe confronting Sakusa would be a wise choice but as of right now you decided against it, you needed to gather the courage to actually talk to him about it. The thing that scared you the most was how much you loved and trusted the guy too much.
He went through such lengths to get you to stay around, who knows what else he could’ve done?
You shake your head, you were being paranoid yet at the same time you couldn’t help it. Your anxiety towards the situation wasn’t helpful at all and it was spiking up and down.
On your way home, you decided to pass by a local pharmacy because your head hadn’t been feeling very well, “Do you have any pain killers?” you weakly asked the man on the front counter, after giving you your medication, you also decided to buy some extra vitamins because you recalled almost running out of them.
“Oh, we ran out of that brand yesterday.” The pharmacist replied, scrunching his brow in wonder, “Would you like another one? It’s not a generic brand but it’s  pretty much the same.”
“Yeah, that’ll do too.” You nodded, after paying for your purchase, you headed home. Fixing up your medicine in your cabinet, you freeze mid-action when you notice how familiar the vitamin looked. Shakily raising your hand to grab your birth-control pills in the medicine cabinet, you almost topple down when you pop it open next to the vitamin you bought.
It was the same.
It was exactly the same.
Before you knew it you were vomiting in the basin, your headache was worsening and the shaking wouldn’t stop.
The idea of the perfect boyfriend was completely erased in your head.
You didn’t look well these past few days, Kiyoomi noticed it because you didn’t even dared to hide it anymore, you wanted to leave him. Not only did he get in the way of whatever you worked hard for but he was trying to get you pregnant without your consent.
You felt utterly disgusted.
You sat at the tub, completely drained from all the events that transpired this past two weeks. The three year perfect streak that he tried to maintain was reduced to nothing but shambles. You wanted to blame yourself for being too stupid and caught up in this sham, your boyfriend was messed up, you wanted to get away but how?
You inwardly sighed, you were stupid. Too stupidly in love and intoo deep the rabbit hole that you hadn't even noticed.
“Y/N?”
Your gaze snapped to find him standing there with an expensive bouquet of flowers, you try to let out a weak smile, “Hey.”
“You’re not looking well.” He commented, placing the flowers on the side as he approached your naked figure on the tub, “Are you alright?”
“Yeah.” you nodded, “Just work.”
“I told you not to overstrain yourself.” He mumbled, bending down to your level, “You might get sick.”
You wanted to cringe away in disgust as he kissed your bare shoulders but you maintained yourself, “It’s fine.” You softly said, “I just have to do my best. I still want to try out for humanitarian work if I get a good recommendation from the hospital.”
You notice the quick shift of expression in his eyes, making you tighten your lips, so there it was.
“Again? I thought-”
“It’s my dream.” You began, trying to give him a smile, maybe, just maybe you can let him see through it, “You know how much I want this.”
“Maybe it’s not meant for you.”
“Excuse me?”
Sakusa Kiyoomi’s eyes widen at the new reaction, your smile turning to a grimace. Over the course of your relationship, you had never been this angry, “Y/N, you know that’s not-”
“Get out.” You shakily say.
“Y/N.”
“I said, Get out, Sakusa.” You yell again, eyes seeing red, the bastard had the audacity to keep pulling you back and doing these things to you. You were downright disgusted at him and everything he was doing, what more would you find? The mere fact that he destroyed your dreams and switched out your birth control had you on edge at the moment and you didn’t want to try to find out anymore, you probably wouldn’t be able to handle it.
He lets out a sigh, “You don’t have to leave the room. I’ll go sleep on the couch.”
You watch him leave and close the bathroom door yet his eyes don’t fool you anymore. 
You didn’t feel safe here.
You needed to get out.
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Sakusa Kiyoomi is no fool towards your shift of attitude, he knows something is up when you snap at him when you were usually the calmer one (yes, you may be a bundle of energy and spitfire but you were relatively calm in the most part) so he calls the head of your hospital and sits him down, the head is shaking and on his knees, begging him to spare his life and his job for he did not know that you were overworked at all in your department.
“...I watch over her, sir…” the chief shakily exclaimed, “I always do…”
“So, you’re telling me… that my Y/N is a liar?”
The chief immediately freezes up on the spot, “Good lord, of course not! Doctor Y/N would never-”
“What would it be?”
“E-excuse me?”
“Your hands or your life?”
The man immediately cries out, begging him for mercy for he was innocent but Sakusa didn’t care. 
He didn’t care at all.
Yes, Sakusa Kiyoomi would do anything for you. If someone were to make you sad, tired, weary, or any negative emotion, he’d strike them down, just like how he paid your friends to stay away, just like how he had subtly shifted your parents work conditions that prevented them from returning to you.
You were his and his only.
No one could get in your ways.
“My name is Doctor Sato, I’ll be your new chief...”
You stare at the new head of the hospital blankly, apparently the previous chief, Doctor Yamomoto, had to retire due to some matters with his family. It was a shame, you really liked him since he was awfully nice to you and everyone in the ward, “...L/N-san?” the older man calls out as soon as the meeting was over.
Your gaze snapped towards him as he tilted his head slightly, you’re completely bewildered by the sudden attention from your new boss, “Are your working conditions alright?”
“Yes, chief.” 
“If you have any problem, “ his tight lip turns into a big smile as he places his hand on your shoulder, “Please don’t hesitate to ask.”
You blink at his uncharacteristic request and immediately move back to get away from his grasp, a rather uncomfortable smile made its way to your lips as you nodded, “I’ll take note of that, Chief.” 
Thankfully nothing odd happened anymore after the day ended and as you patched up your things, getting ready to go home, you find your one and only boyfriend standing there with another bouquet of flowers in his hands. The sense of familiar dread sinked in once again.
How would you end this all?
The perfect man was a liar and he got in the way but why couldn’t you end things with him quickly? Why couldn’t you cut him off? You were so angry at him yet at the same time you were so lost, where did it go wrong?
“Y/N…” He greets, “How was work?”
“It was fine.” You quietly replied, turning your gaze  at the expensive bouquet on his hands once again. Ever since you guys fought, he had been buying you flowers and expensive things but you remained the same, you just didn’t know how to act anymore around him.
“How was your new chief?”
You immediately tense up, as far as you recalled you had only met the chief today and no one knew about this outside the hospital. How the hell did this bastard know?
Sakusa notices you’ve gone too quiet, “Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Word travels fast, huh?” you blinked, regaining your composure quickly, something wasn’t right now, you knew that something went deeper than that little Medaide charade he did and switching your pills to get you pregnant, “He’s alright and please stop buying me stuff, didn’t I tell you that we were fine already?”
“Y/N-”
You sighed and leaned in closer, pulling down his mask so that you could give him a peck on his lips. Inside, you felt disgusted but this was the only way now, “Stop acting all cringey and lovey-dovey. I forgive you. Let’s not fight again.” You consoled the tall man.
You notice how soft his eyes became.
Yes, two can play a game. 
From stopping you from moving to trying to get you pregnant, it was those things that made you come towards a conclusion that Sakusa Kiyoomi didn’t wanted you to leave his side. The man probably wouldn’t stop at anything, if he was willing to go to such lengths, what more could he do? You let out a tight smile as your boyfriend kisses your temple.
You needed to find a way and quick because the Sakusa Kiyoomi you thought you knew for the past three years was nothing like the Sakusa Kiyoomi in front of you.
taglist [send me an ask if you want to be tagged for the last chapter and as always if i forget to tag, just send me an ask]
@maraudusk ;; @iamnotobsessed  ;;  @ssuna ;; @weebartistinc ;; @aomineavenue ;; @tsukkismamagucci ;; @onlyshinji ;; @ichiraku-verse ;; @watevermelon ;; @victoriasee ;;  @caramelcandescence ;; @n-nara ;; @bloody-bella ;; @ricefarmerkita ;; @paripedia ;; @srhlsx ;; @craftyfawns ;; @kepchups ;; @soggycardboardd​ ;;  @vinnieluv​ ;; @dinablossom​
@kn0xiousnight  @newfriendjen
[can’t tag you guys uwu just make sure ur tags are open :<]
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roseblossom19 · 2 years
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You know.. I genuinely thought things would be way different for me by this time in my life. I am going to be starting my final semester at college in two days and I have none of my books nor the means to get them. When i started school I thought, by the time im a senior im gonna have my own apartment and a great internship somewhere and a wonderful relationship. And while i do have an apartment and a great fiance i cant help but hate that i cant afford $250 worth in books to finish out school.
Dont get me wrong I am grateful for everything I have. I just wish that college wasnt so expensive. Im already giving you 36,000 dollars a year to attend why do you have to capitalize and require us to buy certain books for our classes from the bookstore? I have 4thjngs I have to buy from there that are 202$ and then the other 3 books i need i found for a total of 50 dollars. Wtf is that? Its stupid, i hate it, and i cannot wait for this shit to be over.
That being said. Maybe possibly if you like me and what i post i would greatly appreciate if maybe you could donate a little money to help a stupid girl get her bachelor of science degree? 🥺🙏🏻 honestly kind words of encouragement mixed with the reminder of how useless school is for a girl like me is also very appreciated. Anyways thats the end of that rant 🙃 ill let yall know how the first week goes!
P.s. if you do send money ill send you a nice few pictures of something 🥰(if i can reach you through the app that is if not yall can message me and ill surprise you 😘😘)
Cashapp and Venmo: $floralmuse02
Youre all lovely people and i hope your week is splendid ❤️
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stardustandbucky · 3 years
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PSA: if you would like to donate to a Palestine relief fund, i would HIGHLY encourage you to check and verify the organization you are checking out, as it could entirely be an isr*eli one (i cant find the post where i read it but there was one that was a support fund for jerusalem but it was actually an isr*eli fund for the z*onists rather than for the palestinians suffering).
Another point: avoid funds for the people of Shiekh Jarrah as they have stated they are not asking for any money, just support in their cause and for everyone possible to be vocal in any way they can to the maximum of their ability. So try to avoid funds in the name of the people of Shiekh Jarrah.
On the other hand, Gaza is in desperate need of funding, food, medical supplies (and personnel), so if you are aiming to donate to anything, make sure it's for Gaza relief, but still check to verify the fund.
Disclaimer: i am not knowledgeable of any of any trusted organisations, i would direct you to the vocal palestinians who have made comprehensive posts about that on their instagrams and/or twitter. I've just been seeing donating posts and wanted to make this post to remind to check before donating to the wrong organisation.
PLEASE B CAREFUL WHERE YOU SEND YOUR MONEY
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uncloseted · 3 years
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i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)
I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆
Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).
If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.
Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.
Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.
In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:
Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".
Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.
Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.
Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.
Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.
Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.
For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.
76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.
You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.
There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.
Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.
I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️
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cybertatted · 3 years
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@nomadpunkv continued from here 
@cybertatted​ said:‘ i never argue. i just explain why i’m right. ’
He cocks a brow, arms crossed over his chest as they stand on the rooftop of the building above Bastian’s clinic, his head canted to the side when he utters those words, having to choke back a SCOFF. Bastian reminded him a LOT of Mama Welles when he first arrived in Night City. Precocious and definitely certain of herself. It was part of what made him admire them both. Though the way he talks he’d learned was far more keen to getting him into trouble than it was keeping him out of it.
“Dunno––you SURE that’s how you wanna phrase that? Cuz as I recall, you’ve been wrong a FEW TIMES haven’t you?”
There’s a few instances that come to mind but he rather enjoyed poking fun at the other man. Bastian was a PASSIONATE person by nature, which usually meant it’d spark some sort of debate the likes of which he’d have to stifle his laughter the whole way through as he comes to terms with the fact that THIS conversation was actually happening.
“ ‘member that time we all went to Lizzie’s bar to celebrate V’s big gig and how successful it was and I bet you that she’d end up bringing one of the Mox’s home for the night? And WHAT was it that you told me?”
He pauses for dramatic effect before speaking quietly with a coy little grin on his face.
“Oh right! You said ‘ Oye, V is a good woman, a respectful woman. She wouldn’t just grab a Mox for the night to celebrate a good gig ’…yeah that’s it. And lo and behold what did she do at the end of the night? Bring home a Mox.”
He laughs a little, poking fun at him as he cants his head to the side with a small grin on his face still present.
“So tell me again what you were saying about ‘explaining why you’re right’?” 
“Hey, hey, you should know better than anyone that your sister is an exception to everything.” Sebastián is quick to defend himself, holding up a hand to stop Vance. Though that night was a bit of a blur, he did vividly remember V proving him wrong. Their little group, him and Vance and Jackie and V, had been sitting at the bar when V had suddenly dipped, muttering that she had to go to the bathroom. As minutes passed by, they debated if she had gotten sick or lost or found a pretty little thing on her way to the bathroom and got distracted. Sebastián had argued the former, but Vance had insisted the latter. 
Unbeknownst to him, when they finally got up to find the lost merc, V was found in the hallway with a Mox and within the hour, they were piled up in a taxi together, going back to V’s apartment while the others were forced to grab another ride. 
“Anyways, that was one time. And, luckily for you and V and all of my other clients, I am right all the other times besides that once.” He chuckles, taking a long drag from his cigarette as his eyes drift over to Vance, trying hard to be too obvious in the way he admired the city lights shining on Vance making him look like some kind of neon angel. He was just barely able to resist the urge to reach out for him and pull him against him. 
“Speakin’ of, when’s the next time I can expect one of you on my table? I got those last couple, uh...donations from you two. I feel like I owe you both one. I got some new cyberware in I could show you later, if you’re interested.” If he was being honest with himself, the twins were more or less his favorite little ‘pet project’ in a way. When he had first opened his clinic, V was more than willing to let him work on her and her brother, when he finally arrived the city, proved to be no different. 
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neon-sparrows · 5 years
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my girlfriend was the first person to request anything from me through ko-fi so here is a thing i wrote for her like a month ago thank you for the support! @corvidkaiju ko-fi donations get to request anything they like and get fast-tracked for completion!
“Here. This is for you.”
The spell book is dropped at Caleb’s feet with a resounding thud, and he looks up from where he sits cross-legged on the floor in front of a set of materials towards the tiefling standing above him. Mollymauk has one hand on his hip and the other absently picking what was probably a leftover from dinner out of his teeth. The lavender tiefling’s tail is flicking back and forth like a particularly pleased cat.
“What—is this?” Caleb says, cautiously, reaching to pick up the book.
“A spell book.” Mollymauk replies, his tone carrying a cadence that implies a flavor of mocking… or at the very least, amusement. Caleb’s never been particularly good at telling the difference, and that certainly hasn’t changed now. He gives the other a slightly disgruntled look, placing the book in his lap and examining the cover.
The book is old, leatherbound and musty, the pages yellowed when he opens it. The front page carries the stains of some sort of liquid, but more worthwhile, a series of symbols at the top of the page. Caleb’s eyes widen slightly as he skims over the reading—
“A used book, I admit, but I assume something in there may be useful for you.” Mollymauk is smirking as he crosses his arms over his chest and Caleb does not respond, already in the process of flipping through the pages to see more. He recognizes the language tangentially, some hodgepodge mix of the common tongue and Zemnian that would at least make it harder to read for somebody who wasn’t fluent or wasn’t reading slowly enough.
There are symbols etched into each of the pages, and Caleb easily recognizes the schools of magic. Abjuration, Divination, Enchantment, Illusion— someone has left notes in a steady hand, as well as hand drawn the symbols into the book. The book itself is old, carrying a scent of mildew and some implication it hadn’t been as well cared for as it should’ve. Still, none of the pages crumble as he flips through it, and given a small enough repair to the binding it should be just fine—
“Where did you get this?” Caleb questions as he looks up from the book. Mollymauk’s horned head tilts to one side and he shrugs in reply, offering the man beneath him a wry smile and a flash of sharp teeth.
“You find some interesting things in old stores.” He replies as he shrugs off his extravagant coat, leaving him in his leather pants and the white shirt. “Some implications about adventurers plundering places they should not be, or some grand tale of a wizard leaving an inheritance behind… Your guess is as good as mine.” There is a purr in his voice, the tone of either mocking or amusement remaining strong.
“You stole it.”
“Steal is such a strong word.”
“Did you?”
“Of course not!” Mollymauk scoffs and tosses the coat to the side, moving to sit down beside Caleb and examine the reagents and materials spread out in front of him. Picking up one of the pieces of paper left behind from whatever it was Caleb had been busy focusing on, he begins to fold it. “Who do you take me for, sir, a thief? No, no, I paid for this with good coin.”
Caleb shuts the book and presses his thumbs into the cover. It doesn’t feel magical in and of itself. He would expect some sort of warning energy if it had been, since this was clearly a relatively prized possession with the amount of diligence and effort put into the old pages. Not to mention, he fully expects Mollymauk to have gone through it himself to ensure it was worth his time—so the question remains,
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you get it for me?”
Mollymauk’s red eyes rest on Caleb’s blue with an expression that comes across simply as surprised. His tail twitches behind him, the tip flicking like a cat. Despite himself, it reminds Caleb strongly of Frumpkin prepared to pounce.
“Am I not allowed to get you a gift, my friend?” Mollymauk inquires with a cant of his horned head to one side. His hands are still busy, slender fingers folding delicate edges into the paper as he works on his project. He isn’t even exactly looking at it, his attention remaining on Caleb. “I saw it when we were looking for supplies to carry on in our travels. Skimming through it, I assumed it would interest you, and so I purchased it. Was I wrong?”
“No.” Caleb breathes in slowly. “No, not at all. I am—very thankful. Very thankful. It is kind of you.”
Mollymauk smiles again, that cheshire-cat grin of ivory fangs.
“You are welcome.” He replies. The paper he’d been folding tears gently, and when the two of them look down, a folded paper cat is placed upon the top of the spell book. It stands somewhat unsteadily, but stands nonetheless, the torn paper acting as a tuft at the end of its tail. “You will have to show me what you learn, if there does happen to be anything new within it.”
Caleb gives an exhale that he might have intended to be a laugh.
“I don’t think I’d get away with refusing, would I?”
“That’s a good lad.”
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lovebunnie · 4 years
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fr the poem questions: all of them >: )c
jared... only for you...
the tyger – are you a taker of calculated risks or do you enjoy playing with fire? would you rather ask for permission or forgiveness?
i am a major rule follower, i am not at all adventurous and i like to stay in my comfort zone. my life is a mix of staying true to my comfort zone and doing what I feel is right, first instinct. 
i carry your heart with me – do you believe in fate? what’s your secret to living a good life?
i tend to not believe in fate, it tends to make people not take responsibility for their actions and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth; predestination takes away humility from us. and i wouldnt say that im currently living a good life, its getting there but more often then not i would not describe my days as ‘happy’, more so just another day. but to make a day not outwardly bad, i firmly believe in having a really good breakfast in the morning and taking a shower at night. both of those really make my days better.
i wandered lonely as a cloud – what does nature mean to you? where do you feel most at peace?
nature for me is what comes to us instinctively and what we turn to for comfort in trying times. i feel the most at peace either at summer camp or in my bedroom with my cat :3
blackberrying – what were your early years like? do you miss being a child?
my early years were very happy, i was a very happy and funloving child. it was a time where i wasnt told about any of my family drama so i lived in blissful ignorance. i definitely miss being a child, all the way up to about 7th grade. its just been downhill from 8th grade and on.
ode to a nightingale – how do you feel about your own mortality? do you believe in life after death?
my mortality is something of a burden i carry with me everyday, a reminder that every minute is precious and this is the only life i get, i have one shot to not fuck it up. i dont believe in the afterlife, the concept of death is something that if i think too hard about then itll fuck me up.
hope is the thing with feathers – what gives you hope? what would you tell your 10-year-old self?
hope comes from those news stories about good news, like charity donation goals being hit and remembered anniversaries and flower bouquets in public, there is good in the world and sometimes its hard to find but its always there. to my 10 year old self, i would tell her to not hold too tightly to those around you, and that life constantly changes so dont get too attached or comfortable because itll prevent you from growing in the future.
the road not taken – do you find it hard to make decisions? what regrets do you have?
its really hard to make decisions because i always assume that my ideas are wrong or bad so if someone else takes the lead, i cant be blamed. as far as regrets, i wish that in my past, i just put myself out there more. i couldve spent highschool actively seeking for possibilities instead of sulking and wishing they came to me. they dont ever, you have to find them.
still i rise – what's your relationship with yourself like? what are your best qualities?
i have a bad relationship to myself; if i admire one trait about myself, the other traits must be less than. for example, if i think i look nice one day, then i remember abt my grades or my writing and how much i hate both of those. i can never be fully at peace, it will never be enough to sate my psyche. my ‘best’ qualities depend on the day, right now i think i have nice eyelashes.
howl – can you express yourself freely? do you feel smothered by societal norms?
i struggle everyday to be my genuine self. its not so much societal norms but my own mind; i want to look nice but i dont want to attract too much attention. i want to be remembered but not for how good my ass looks or whatever. my biggest fear is that people see me as something desirable but only sexually so i want to dress how i feel but i cant because im terrified of the gaze of men on my campus.
the raven – are you in touch with your feelings? how would you describe the relationship between emotions & rationality?
im extremely in touch with my feelings. i can acknowledge when i am angry or sad or happy, even if i dont know why. i allow myself to feel my feelings and then let them pass, i hate bottling those things up. between emotions and rationality, i use my emotions 9 times out of 10. i ask myself, ‘what do i want?’ and the first thing i come up with, i know is what i truly want to do. 
sonnet 116 – how do you define love? what qualities do you look for in a significant other?
i think love is everything; its the warmth of hanging out with familiar people, its when people remember facts about you, its a meaningful hug and its ‘this reminded me of you’. its different for everyone but i feel love in everything i do. in a significant other, the biggest thing is being able to make me laugh, if youre funny than im sold.
to autumn – what's your favorite season and why? what cherished memories do you associate with that season?
my favorite season is winter because it has lots of holiday warmth, good food, pleasant childhood memories, and comfortable clothing. also i love snow. i have very vivid memories of a blizzard in maryland when i was 11(?) years old, my neighbor tied a sled to the back of his ATV and dragged us around the cul de sac, it was so much fun!!
the waste land – do you like big cities? if you could choose any place on earth, where would you settle down?
i love big cities, they evoke so many feelings of love and the atmosphere being surrounded by people makes me so happy! if i could live anywhere, i think it would be san francisco, i love the city and the weather and the public transportation!!
o captain! my captain! – what are your aspirations in life? what motivates you?
in life, i want to give a tedtalk. i would also love to publish a book but i dont like what i write so if i ever did, id end up hating the book anyway in a year or so. i want to teach people the joy of public speaking and i want to give kids the joys i had given to me by my teacher when i was their age. my motivation comes from, this has to be done and if no one else will do it, it might as well be me. i have the passion and everything else will follow after that.
she walks in beauty – what's your aesthetic? how would you describe the relationship between inner goodness & outer beauty?
id describe my aesthetic as lovecore, i love the color pink and red and hearts and flowers and teddy bears and dresses and sparkles and valentines day and i love everything stereotypically ‘cute’. and i feel there is no outer beauty without inner goodness, if someone has bad intentions or a rotten core, their outward appearance will reflect.
one art – how do you deal with loss? do you write diary entries, poetry or prose?
thankfully i have not had to go through tremendous loss in my life but when i feel an emotional loss or general low point, i tend to move towards art, aimless doodling to take my mind off of situations. it centers me.
work, sometimes – how does your favorite weather make you feel? what is happiness to you?
my favorite weather makes me feel SO happy, all smiley and giddy and like things are going to be okay, just for one day, i will make this a good one. happiness to me is comfort and joy, its something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt and its art that you look at and feel. happiness isnt a huge moment, its little moments scattered throughout the days.
acquainted with the night – do you think there's such thing as the right time? what’s your outlook on the world?
no, i dont like to set things off for the thought of there being a right and wrong time. time isnt real and we only have so long on earth so there is no time but the present. go get that tattoo, ask them out, eat that snack. my outlook on the world is that there is a lot of bad shit but there is also a lot of good shit you will never see but it important nonetheless. you cant change the world in a day so you might as well take it one day at a time, working everyday to make it as good as possible.
if – do you daydream a lot? are you volatile, or do you stay calm when conflicts arise?
i love to day dream, it helps me determine what i really want and its a lovely distraction when the goings get tough. i try to avoid conflicts in every situation possible but if i were pushed, id either accept my mistake and apologize and work towards a better future; or i would tell the other person how im feeling and what i can do to help them feel better.
what would i give? – do you cry often? if you could change anything about your past, what would it be?
things make me sad but rarely enough to cry, things more so tend to weigh me down then break me. i let the sadness take me however it sees fit. and if thats to cry, so be it. if i could change anything about my past, i would just say that you will only get this chance to start over in a new state once, the years will go by quick so to TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY SHOW THEM SELF TO YOU!!!!!!
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lavendersb · 5 years
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What makes us lovers;
Mary-Beth x Reader (smut)
(reminder that requests are still open!)
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It had been months since you had slept on a proper bed.
The girls wagon was a rough sleep, a few blankets and the odd fur that the men had donated hardly helped give you the peaceful sleep you wanted. It was becoming more and more difficult to watch Arthur or John lounging on their beds whilst you mended a pair of pants on the rug covered wooden floor that doubled as your bed. 
So you and Mary-Beth hatched a plan. It hadn’t been easy, but buttering up everyone in camp was guaranteed to work in your favour. You would distract Miss Grimshaw whilst Mary-Beth endured Dutch’s conversation, the two of you would offer to help Pearson with his cooking and bring bowls of stew to the other men.
So by the time you asked Dutch if the two of you could leave for Valentine to stay the night at the hotel, nobody could refuse you. 
Charles dropped the two of you off, with a promise to collect you from the same spot the next day. You both watched him leave, and Mary-Beth laced her arm with yours, squeezing it fondly. You smiled, it was good to get away from the camp. To spend some time with your closest friend.
“We should go get some food”  she said, pulling you towards the line of shops.
 “and maybe something to drink” she adds with a smile. 
After a decent meal in the saloon and a quick detour into the general store the two of you made your way to the hotel, laughing and bumping shoulders all the while. 
Purchasing a room for the night, you also decided to pay for a bath as well and headed upstairs to wait for it to be drawn for you both. You settled into the modest room quickly, happy to know you would be spending the night under a roof for once.
Mary-Beth pulls out the story book she’s been reading lately. Hopping onto the bed, she settles herself down before gesturing for you to join her. You do, and with you sprawled out over her lap, she begins to read
“Can I ask you a question?” Mary-Beth piped up after a moment. She lowers the book so it rests on the curve of your spine.
“’course, anythin’“ you responded as you played with a curl come lose from your plait.
Mary-Beth was quiet for a moment before speaking again.
“You ever been kissed before?” 
“Sure,” you responded lightly “Well once or twice, when I was a little younger” 
Mary-Beth stays silent, eyebrows worrying the way they do when she’s deep in thought.
“They didn’t mean much though” you add, trying to prompt her to speak again.
“I ain’t never been kissed” she says quietly, and you detect a hint of sadness in her words.
“I’m sure it won’t stay like that for long” you offer, looking at her over your shoulder.
“I hope.” she sighs “I always read about kisses in my stories, I can’t help but wish it was me” 
Before you can respond, there’s a knock on the door and a woman calls in to tell you the bath is ready.
“Come on” Mary-Beth jumps up and grabs your hand, pulling you out the door and padding down the stairs to the bath.
The room was dark. A few gas lamps lit the room and a roaring fireplace gave the whole room a homely feeling, and looking at the steaming hot bathtub you became acutely aware of how cold you were. 
You both took no time messily stripping away you clothes, not bothering to fold them or even drape them over a chair. Once you both reached your delicates, you paused, glancing nervously at Mary-Beth. She met your gaze and you both giggled breathlessly. You were both friends, there was nothing wrong with getting undressed around each other, and besides, you were about to take a bath together. You had to undress. 
Corsets and bloomers removed, both of you ease into the hot water of the bath. You sat at opposite ends of the tub, your legs tangled together as Mary-Beth poured two glasses of the whisky that the two of you had bought earlier and the two of you talked about everything and nothing. Submerged up to your chest in bubbles and warm water, you feel a calm you haven’t felt in a while. You feel at rest, and maybe that’s what prompts your next silly idea.
“Mary-Beth” you ask, and she looks up at you from the bubbles “you really never had a kiss before?” 
The girl opposite you blushes in the dim light, avoiding your gaze as she responds quietly.
“You don’t have to tease me about it” 
“I ain’t meaning to tease” you fix.
Something stirs in you then, pushes you, and you know it isn’t the alcohol. Looking at Mary-Beth, freckled skin flushed pink with the heat and wet curls plastered to her neck and shoulders, that's what pushes you. 
Grasping the edges of the bath tub, you pull yourself forward to rest between her knees. Mary-Beth’s eyes widen just a little and the closeness makes you blush a little.
“Would you like a kiss?” you ask timidly, suddenly unsure of yourself. There’s nothing strictly wrong with wanting to kiss her, the two of you had been friends since you had joined the gang, there was nothing wrong with what you were doing.
She nodded, and you responded instantly. Leaning in you placed a kiss to her lips, a gentle one, and a long one that broke softly when you settled back onto your heels. 
Cautiously you glance up at Mary-Beth, who was breathing faintly through parted lips. When she opened her eyes to look at you, your heart soared at the fact she didn’t seem repulsed by you. 
On instinct, you reached out to grab her waist under the water, leaning forward to kiss her again so that your chests pressed against each other. Mary-Beth’s hands work their way into your damp hair, nails scratching your scalp lightly as she makes a soft noise into the kiss, and after a few moments, one of her hands drops to feel for your breast. When her soft thumb brushes against your wet nipple you have to break away from the kiss to whine, and in a movement driven equally by the want to repay and a newfound curiosity, your hand releases her waist and drifts lower in the water. 
You watch her as you press your fingers against her. Mary-Beth jolts a little and lets out a breathy sigh, her hips canting towards your hand. In that moment you’re acutely aware of what this means. It’s a lover’s touch. It’s what married couples and wild sweethearts do, the kisses mean love not friendship, the touches mean devotion, not curiosity. Yet despite this, you have no doubt that this is what you should be doing. With her. With you. 
So you lean forward and let yourself enjoy another kiss, knowing that nothing is as natural as this.
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brightlytae · 5 years
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Okay okay. I'm an Exo-L and I used to be an Army but the fandom really hurt my feelings when I got into EXO. (Like fell in love but I never stopped loving Bts) I felt shunned by some Army who felt like I couldn't like Bts if I liked Exo. So I just became an Exo-L. But after seeing about Bts' new album, I really wanna get back into Bts again. But I find it really hard to do it. Maybe because of what I associate them with. But can you tell me reasons why you love them? Maybe I'll remember too!
Hey there! First I guess I want to apologise on behalf of other ‘armys’ who made you feel like you couldn’t listen to Exo. Unfortunately there is such a longggg and (very tired) rift between exo-ls and army and its just so unnecessary. As someone who listens and enjoys both groups, I believe that there is no reason for others to try and stop people from enjoying both! Kpop is meant to be enjoyed and fans shouldn’t feel like they get to control other fans! I hope that you can get back to enjoying both groups!!
I understand what its like when something effects you to the point that it turns you off from your interest. Sometimes people can be so mean and so pushy that its understandable why you would begin to distance yourself. Something I have always done in being a part of a fandom, is to keep myself away from a lot of the fandom issues- such as fanwars and toxic fans who have a little too much to say about other groups. ive said this a few times on my blog, but BTS are not their fans, and these ‘fans’ shouldnt stop you from enjoying what you want to enjoy!
why do I love BTS? for me there are many reasons:
1) Plain and simply- they make me smile. When i’m having a tough day, when i’ve been working late or something has gone wrong, i can watch a bangtan bomb or a run episode and they make me laugh so much. All of the boys are such characters that compliment each other so well and they all have a streak of humour that is just attached to my funny bone. like they’re just so chaotic and fun, they arent afraid to laugh at themselves and have a good time and that to me, is so refreshing to see. When I watch them, i just feel so connected and drawn in, they make me somehow feel a part of the jokes and i really enjoy that.
2) Their music and message. BTS songs really are pieces of art. I really love how active a role the members have in the production of the songs and i specifically love the way they use their music as an outlet to talk about very real problems that teens and young adults are facing as well as just addressing social issues in such a mature and intelligent way. Songs like no more dream and N.O from their earlier albums, songs like Paradise and Answer: Love myself from their newer albums… these are things that i feel like people like me need to hear. They have reminded me that i will be ok and that i deserve to be happy. They tell me that i am worth something even when i am confused about who i am/ what i want in life and they tell me that i am allowed to believe in myself. They use their talents to create these songs that speak to people and connect to them. When I think about Agust D and Mono i know for a fact that there are songs on those albums that have helped so many people (me included). but also songs like Baepsae and 21st century girls are just so so important too? As someone very interested in politics/class systems/society and someone who considers themselves a feminist- i just love seeing these things being brought up in music!
3) Their bond. The boys are so so so connected and that was one of the early things that really pulled me towards bts and made me stay. i noticed when watching their videos, just how considerate they are of each other, how much they look after one another, build each other up, rely on one another, remind each other that they are doing a good job… that they matter. Their friendship is so beautiful to see and for me, it makes the content they release feel so organic- they’re just so themselves around each other and its very real to me, they ways in which they are dedicated to the group. they are a family and they love each other so much!
4) They are good people. They run the Love myself campaign with unicef and several members have donated thousands to charities around South Korea. They truly want to make a difference in the world and they really want this difference to be a positive one. They’re so dedicated to giving and giving- and we dont see this often with celebrities really. 
5) they are relatable. I strongly believe that groups deserve privacy and to have a personal life but bts have always been very open with their fans and i have such a huge amount of respect for them for doing that. They have been vocal about the hard times they have faced, some of their struggles and they remind us that they are just like us.Where they have opened up, they have allowed others to feel like they too can share their concerns and that is so important! And they have torn down the fan/idol barrier in so many ways and allowed us to view them as friends or family. They really care about us all and want us to be happy- they’ve dedicated songs specifically to give us this message and they never forget to tell us just how much we mean to them.  
6) They work so so so damn hard! They dedicate hours and hours of their time to making music and practising choreography, even on their breaks they find time to record songs and covers for us, go on vlive, post on twitter and connect with their fanbase. But really the amount of work they apply to their craft shows- they’re comebacks are always so flawless and intense, I am always surprised and excited by what they are going to do next and they are never predictable! their music videos are literally some of the best things i have ever seen in my life- the artistry, the vision, the storylines…. its all on another level to me. Things are not half-assed. They make sure that when they want to show us something, that something is perfect and it really is always just. so.  damn. perfect!
7) and that leads me on to the steps bts have taken beyond just music. They dont just give us albums, they have given us a whole world! We get notes, a comic book and short films all dedicated to a whole story-line of events that (sure is confusing af) but it keeps me so intrigued! I cant help but want to always know more, find out what I can and see whats coming next! 
I think ive probably rambled at you for long enough but i just want to say that i  found bts at a time in my life where i felt very confused and unlike myself. Bts reminded me of who I was and what I like. I have to say that Taehyung especially did this for me. As i was learning about them and i saw how unapologetically himself he was, how he was so optimistic and caring, how he didnt let things bother him, he reminded me that i used to be like that and that i wanted to be like that again. He and the rest of the group helped me find myself and reconnect to a lot of my emotions. 
I hope this could help you in some way remember what it was about bts that you loved so much, and please dont hesitate to contact me again if you want to talk about this more! When the new album comes out, I hope you can get back into bts like you want to do! Im sorry again for what happened with those other army who shunned you. On this blog I will never make someone feel bad for enjoying exo or any other kpop group out there. 
Thank you for stopping by and asking me this question. It was really nice revisiting why i love bts as much as i do and reminding myself of all they have done for me!
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neotericbitch · 5 years
Text
a sequel to DarqAnon
part the first
It’s quite abusive, there I said it, how you’re allowed to force a ritual onto a child, whether it be reciting an anthem or staring at the sun, before their brain has developed enough to comprehend the significance. In fact, doing so makes it more likely that as the child grows up, they will never truly find meaning in the action! How sad is that? I’d never force anything on my son.
Growing up, staring into the sun was something I never understood. For a long time I didn’t, I couldn’t conceive of the satisfaction or happiness my family derived from it. It meant something to them, so they tried to teach it to me, but it never meant anything to me. I understood that the sun was their god, but because I never truly believed, I couldn’t grasp how or why it would be important to them to stare up at it, burning their eyeballs out of their sockets. Their god was sending a clear message, do not look at me. Why would they do it anyway?
Oh, but - do keep in mind that that’s all in the past. I understand now. I understand perfectly.
Valkyrie Cain has the most brilliant black eyes. Truly, her every feature is marvellous, her sharp nose, her expressive mouth - but I always go back to the eyes. For Crandall, it’s her hands. They’ve shared many times over many meetings, to the point where I find it very annoying, that they want nothing more than to feel her hands on the sides of their head before she crushes it. I think it’s a nice little fantasy to have, just stop telling us about it. I have only ever shared what I wanted two, maybe three times. That’s an acceptable amount of times! Any more is overdoing it, Crandall! Crandall, I know you’re listening. I’ve been able to feel it even when a very good Sensitive is in my head, Crandall, and you are not a very good Sensitive.
Beside me they turn their head away. Why would they want to listen to my thoughts, anyway, when Valkyrie is here? I suppose I understand their hesitance. Darquesse, goodness - Darquesse wouldn’t stand for anyone hearing her thoughts, absolutely not! To attempt it on her would be a high offence. But Crandall, if you’re still listening, I’d say go ahead for the time being. Darquesse isn’t here. Not yet.
Looking at her, it all makes sense. I want to call up my mother and tell her I understand, I understand wanting - needing! - to look at something, even if it does not want you to. The sun may try to blind you. Valkyrie may glare and scream and curse. But you simply cannot look away.
I cannot call up my mother, of course. She has been dead for a hundred years, and I’m busy right now - and I don’t think there’s mobile phone reception here anyway.
For this week’s Thursday meeting, 6 to 7:30, we have made a temporary move from the community hall to the vault, generously donated for DA’s use by Nicki, who we had to murder. Dear girl, she didn’t want to let me hold the meeting here this week. I suggested it at the end of last week’s meeting and everyone was very excited. A hundred meters beneath the spot where Darquesse opened her portal to another dimension and disappeared - we’re so lucky to have this place! Of course everyone wants to come here whenever we have the opportunity! But Nicki said no. Nicki said to me, “Isserley, these meetings have been really great, you are a good organiser and I’m very happy to have met everyone, but I think what you’re planning is wrong. Please return the vault key to me.” So we had to kill her.
And here we are tonight, and I almost wish Nicki were here so I could say, to think you didn’t want this! The meeting is going very well, I think it’s our best one yet. 6:40 and we’re just about to finish setting up, we’re a neat little group of people. We won’t go over time at all! I’d like to say that I, being an incredibly organised person, have been a good influence on my fellow DA-goers.
Salma finishes painting the symbol on the ground. Her designs are ugly, but she has a steady hand and knows how best to use the petrol paste, a very special concoction. No one else could have done this job - though I must admit, I am a bit envious. Easy, Isserley! Remember, your job is the most important. Without you, this wouldn’t work. Without you, Valkyrie would not even be here.
Salma reaches for Valkyrie. She thrashes wildly - and I can’t say I blame her! I wouldn’t want Salma to touch me, either! Haha. But it really won’t do for her to behave this way, we really need her complete cooperation, so I motion to Respite at the wall and he turns the crank, tightening the chains attached to the bound cuffs at her every limb. She is pulled tight, and by the sounds of it it’s not a very comfortable experience, but now she is tense and mostly still - perfect for Salma to draw the symbol on her wrists and stomach.
She puts up a hell of a fight when Respite disconnects the chains from the wall and reconnects them to the floor, at each corner of where the symbol has been painted so she is now seated in the centre. I can’t help but smile! She reminds me of one of those beautiful shrine maidens. If only I’d thought of that earlier. I would have put this off one more week and gotten an outfit made. But the clothes she put on herself this morning are more than lovely. Darquesse will like them. Darquesse will like being back.
Valkyrie keeps straining and trying to get up, the poor dear! I wish I could go over there and pat her face, like I used to pat my son’s when he was resisting me - I wish I could tell her everything will be alright. But I know, even chained and without magic, she could certainly find a way to kill me if I were within reach. And I don’t want her to kill me until the ritual is complete, of course! Otherwise what would be the point?
“I don’t even know,” Valkyrie growls - what a good word for it! Indeed, she is doing her very best to sound deep, dark and scary. Soon it will come naturally. “I don’t even know what you think this will do. It’s not a full moon, or a blood moon, or any kind of moon. It’s not a magical day, it’s not a holiday, it’s not even a day that means anything to me.”
It’s my birthday, but don’t tell anyone that. It’s my special little secret, my gift to myself.
“This sigil is totally made-up. It’s not going to do anything.” She tries to raise her hand to her face to wipe off some sweat, but the chain is too short. “Let me go and I’ll make it quick - because when Skulduggery gets here, he certainly fucking won’t.”
I crouch down to be on her level, and I’m filled with such...reverence. I understand. I understand. This is what I was supposed to feel kneeling in the sweltering heat for hours on end. I’m glad I feel it here instead.
“You will kill us,” I say. “But we’re not going to uncuff you, you’ll do that yourself.”
“What are you talking about?” She is so exasperated and so irritated and so wonderful. “These cuffs are bound. It doesn’t matter how great you think I am, I’m not that strong.”
“You will be! You will be.” In the corner of my vision I see Salma fidgeting. Salma!!! You’re ruining this!! To make her stop, I gesture at her so she can speak and stop annoying everyone with her movements.
“The sigil you’re sitting on,” she fires off in her horrible, grating voice, “and the sigils that are on you are my own designs. Just because you haven’t seen them before doesn’t mean they won’t work. They’ll work.” Her lip trembles and she bows her head. “I’m sorry you don’t...believe in me.”
Valkyrie stares for a moment. “You’re completely nuts.” Nuts! Aah! That’s the word I use to describe her! How exciting!
“They’ll work, I swear. I promise. We only need to activate them, and...” Salma looks to me. Unfortunately, I have to stand up now and go back to looking down on Valkyrie. It’s okay, though. It’s okay. Soon she’ll be looking down on me.
For now, she doesn’t look at me at all. She looks down at where she’s put her arms on her knees, wrists facing out. Perhaps Supreme Mage Sorrows once gave her a lesson on what certain strokes can mean, perhaps she’s trying to work out how to counteract our symbol.
She’s fabulous and smart, yes, but she won’t be able to work it out. I am confident. I snap my fingers, summoning a bright, orange flame into my hand. She lifts her head, looks me directly in the eye, and I smile widely. Very widely. Not widely enough. I hope, before Darquesse kills me, she at least takes the time to appreciate what I’m doing for her. I hope she recognises how much I love her. No - I don’t hope. I know. She will. She must.
I take a step forward and crouch again, reaching my hand out to the edge of the symbol on the ground. My flame will catch onto the petrol paste and spread immediately. Valkyrie will be burned, but only a little bit! Just a little bit. Long enough for the fire to catch the symbols on her skin, and she will be protected - and Darquesse will be summoned back into her. She will be complete again.
Before my flame touches the paste, Valkyrie shoots her hand out and smudges the line, which gives me just about the fright of my life! Thank goodness I have such incredible reflexes, otherwise I wouldn’t have jerked my hand away in time. The paste would have caught on fire and surely burned her to death! She rubs her wrists together, wiping away the symbols written there, then kicks her legs out from under her so she’s in a more traditional butt-to-ground position, but that means she’s made the ground symbol worse and displaced dirt into my face.
It’s hard to love her when she has literally blinded me. That whole thing about the sun and everything, it was more of a metaphor. I still love her of course! I’m only taken aback. Anything I may say as I fall backwards isn’t really my fault, since she’s the one who kicked dirt in my eyes. It's more of my reflexes. I never would say anything of the sort to her under normal circumstances. Never.
“You bitch!”
What an inconvenience. I don’t get to see any of what happens next! I only hear the door flying open and gunshots, the sounds of my people yelling and trying to fight. Punches, kicks, bodies falling to the ground. When I hear Salma scream and feel her blood land on my face, I can’t help it! I can’t help it but think, serves you right for putting a cent in the collection tray every week!
“Skulduggery, the-”
“Valkyrie. Are you alright?” Is that him getting on his knees? Maybe he understands after all. “Are you hurt?”
“My skin’s burning, let me loose so I can get this shit off me. The crank on the wall, I think that controls the cuffs.”
I roll onto my side and wipe the dirt from my eyes. I hear Pleasant at the wall, turning the crank back and hitting the release. It’s terribly uncomfortable, but I can open my eyes and see well enough - and what I see is Crandall dead next to me! It’s such a shock, my heart skips at least three beats. That rotten Pleasant. What a barbarian. I lift my head as carefully as I can, so I won’t be noticed. Valkyrie has lifted her shirt to get the symbol off her stomach and cannot see me.
This is so unfair. I put so much work into this plan. It was so hard to trap her! I was going to bring Darquesse back. Me. Not Crandall, not Salma. Not Nicki. Her black eyes would have bored into my skull and killed me and I would have been good and happy. Huh! Maybe I'm not too different to those Faceless worshippers who go blowing themselves up in public places.
“Isserley. I thought that was you.” Pleasant. Pleasant is talking to me. “How have you been?”
Valkyrie snaps her head up at him. “You know her?”
“We’ve seen her in the High Sanctuary.”
“Jesus. Is there anyone you don’t remember.”
“No.” He reaches out and wipes the rest of the symbol off her stomach in one motion. I have dirt in my eyes but I see how her tummy kind of curls in a bit as she drops her shirt down.
That should be me. That should be me. I love her more than anyone. I burst into tears.
“She tried to set me on fire.”
“I think a list of people who haven’t tried to set you on fire would be shorter than a list of those who have.” I hear the clink of handcuffs. “Come on, now, Isserley.”
I let my head drop back onto the ground and stare up at the ceiling. I do not take one more look at Valkyrie. I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy. I failed. “Why don’t you just kill me.” I’m not even aware of myself saying it, to be honest! Just one of those things that...slips out...
“She makes a good point, Skulduggery.”
“Can’t be done. We should leave at least one cultist alive to arrest, so why not take the woman in charge?”
“How do you know she’s the one in charge?”
His terrible skull fills my vision as he looks down at me. You know, hearing him talk this much at one time has jogged my memory. And he does happen to wear very beautiful suits. My mouth falls open. “You’re-”
Valkyrie was startled for a moment by the sudden gunshot. Shoulders tensed, she looked over to Skulduggery standing over the woman, gun still pointed into a face that didn’t really exist anymore.
“What made you change your mind?” she asked as he put the revolver away. Skulduggery came over to her and brushed some hair out of her face, went back to fussing over the injuries she sustained on her way here.
“Too talkative,” he said, and she laughed and teased him about being a hypocrite.
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