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sabine5 · 1 year

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a little better

weighed in at 173.6 this morning. Oof. I hate how enormous that number is right now. But I will get it down soon, I know that I can.

I did twenty minutes of strength training yesterday, and then a 15 minute yoga video. Didn't go for a walk because it was cold and rainy outside. I'll get out today, though. Yesterday's eating was pretty great.

breakfast: coffee with oat milk, overnight oats with protein powder (455)

lunch: naan bread with tzatziki and cucumber (350)

dinner: 4oz roast salmon, 1 cup rice, homemade mango and jalapeno salsa (451)

Total: 1256

Today I'm having close to the same menu, but I ran out of rice so I'll replace that with broccoli, and for lunch I'll have an avocado toast. Tomorrow I'm really excited to make turkey meatballs that I'll have with tzatziki and sweet potato. Another exciting menu item is brussel sprouts with gnocchi and olive oil. I know, it's all very thrilling.

My work has been... not so great. If I'm meant to be working 40 hours I think I'm actually putting in closer to 15 this week. It's pretty bad. Yesterday I worked about 4 hours, Monday I think I did 3, and on Tuesday I did none at all. Today I'll work until 4 then go for my walk, then I'll work some more tonight to make up for lost time.

I'm just to obsessed with Grey's Anatomy, I can't make myself stop watching. And I watch late into the night, too. I think I've watched ten seasons in like a month. It's pretty bad. But also part of a pattern for me. Last fall I did this with Gilmore Girls, I watched it at night and in the middle of the day when I should have been working. It's like torture. I'm enjoying it, can't stop compulsively watching it, but I also can't enjoy it because I'm so anxious about what I should be doing instead.

But on the bright side, when I'm in bed watching tv I'm not shopping or out spending money. So that's good. I think I might actually be able to stay under budget this month.

#diary #food log #tv addict #weight loss

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techno-dystopia-druid · 1 year

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no new show withdrawal

So I’ve been a tv and internet addict pretty much my whole life. I’m pretty emotionally dependent on tv for distraction and fake social company since I’m such a loner, and I’m well aware of it.

Most of the time this is nbd, I’m pretty sure there are LOTS of people like me. The problem is, I’m a picky bitch, and I finally ran out of stuff to watch that fits my very narrow preference. Now I feel like there’s nothing to keep my attention away from the darkness

Part of the problem is that everything is OLD. I was just on a deep nostalgia bender, and before that the shows I’d been following for years pretty much all ended. All those quirky heart-felt animated series of the 2010s are finally over and their spin-offs done. The golden era of animated comedy is also over - the big ones like South Park, Family Guy, and Simpsons have been past their prime for a decade and their creators are clearly burnt out.

The problem is there seems to be no replacements. I’m sure it’s something to do with the algorithms helping dictate what gets made and the increasing financial pressures on these platforms to turn out guaranteed profits and rewatches. But the number of new comedies is plummeting - it isn’t just my imagination. There’s way more “dark comedies” and the wholesome ones don’t seem to exist. We have gritty, real, twisted.

My brain is so bored of rewatching the old stuff, too. I keep blogging about it but it’s really freaking me out that I’ve kind of stuck my head out of my little proverbial box I live in for fresh air only to find... there’s no more fresh air? Or only tiny gasps?

I even hopped on my old facebook account to see if people were posting about new shows and ... nothing.

I honestly think it’s increasing the sense of ennui everyone is feeling. TV is a necessary cultural campfire and there’s nothing wrong with that - storytelling has been our literal campfire culture since the most ancient of times. What’s going to happen to us in the future, if we lose our ability to tell new stories? The old ones won’t work for long, we get bored, we need fresh stories, that’s why we’ve always continued to invent new ones.

#tv #tv addict #pop culture

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lovecolibri · 2 months

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Brennan: *narrating* ...and third he gave him a sword named Wavebreaker.

Aabria: *gasp* SHUT UP! sorrysorrysorry

🤣🤣🤣 I love when the cast has the exact same reaction I do. What an exciting moment!

#worlds beyond number #the wizard the witch and the wild one #this podcast fucking SLAPS #it slaps SO HARD #and as i am grappling with tv shows that refuse to have narrative follow through #it's SO delicious and addicting to listen to (and watch in the case of d20) artists who are allowed to make their art how they want #without some crusty old white dude banging on about target demographics and making line go up for shareholders #ANYWAY #give it a listen it's phenomenal

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liminalrevelations · 19 days

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playing SH4

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peggysthetic · 6 months

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She is so soft 🩷

#peggy carter #peggycarteredit #agent carter #marvel addicted #marvel edit #tuserpris #tusermary #useraurore #mcu edit #marvel daily #hayley atwell #series gifs #series tv

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atwellfilm · 5 months

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AGENT CARTER

Episode: 01 x 1 – Now is Not the End

#peggy carter #edwin jarvis #agent carter #marvel daily #mcu edit #women of marvel #marvel addicted #peggy carter edit #tusercora #useraurore #userhella #hayley atwell #Series tv #series gifs

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character-estudio · 2 months

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Angel Dust + TV Tropes

#Angel dust #tv tropes #hazbin hotel #vivienne medrano #vivziepop #hazbin anthony #tw: flashing gif #tw: addiction #tw: guns #tw: blood

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vii-doodles · 19 days

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Old habits never die

In my delulu Alastor always loved the sound of Vox' voice while the content was just secondary entertainment. Really just taking in the airwaves and tunes of his voice while he gets excited and goes on forever about what he wants to achieve in the future /what he has archived over the last 7 years. They also never had a proposal or fight and just stayed friends with regularly meet ups to chat abt this and that like the old men they are.

#radiostatic #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin alastor #vox #alastor #myart #fan art #fanart #voxal #I just love to think about my radio and TV idiots Ok?? 😭#Also I'm addicted to drawing them #I'm not complaining tho

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sadpurpleone · 4 days

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⚠️ CW: Suicide, Toxic relationships, depression, mention of self-harm

Why I believe that House's story ends with tragedy post season 8 - an opinion piece:

Hello everyone, this is a remake of a post I did a couple years ago on an older blog. If you find it familiar, I'm sorry if this one is a bit messier than the original. It's been longer since my last rewatch.

So, let's recap the finale of House MD: Treating a drug addict patient results in House examining his life, his future and confronting his own personal demons.

As we know, House ends up faking his death in this episode, after going on a 2 day drug fuelled bender with his drug addicted patient. The patient ends up overdosing & dying, and House remains to confront his 8 seasons worth of demons. At the end he escapes the firery scene & fakes his death by switching his medical records. After all of that, he runs away with Wilson to spend his remaining 5 months to live.

Before House replies to what Wilson is saying, he thinks for a moment. I want try & piece together what was going through his head at that moment evaluating his life:

1. Every romantic relationship with House ends in heartbreak

Stacy

Season 2, Episode 11

Cameron

Season 3, Episode 8

Lydia

Season 5, Episode 23-24

Cuddy

Season 5, Episode 6 // Season 7, Episode 23

Dominika

Season 8, Episode 13 // Season 8, Episode 18

Every single one of these relationship was ended because House either deliberately behaved in a way that would push the love interest away or by breaking their trust. House was never actively malicious towards his partners, but he was not a very good partner. He was self centered, self loathing, very much focused on himself (even when trying to be as supportive & caring as possible) but at the end of every relationship, the women understood that they could not remain in a Healthy relationship with House. Either because he refused to tackle his addiction, his psychological distress & trauma or be honest with them and respect them as equal to him in their relationship.

2. House's relationship with his family

House was severely abused by his father, a military man, both physically & emotionally. His mother did not protect him from said abuse (probably because of feeling deeply guilty about her affair that gave birth to Gregory), which lead to him growing in an abusive houshold that was built on lies, dysfunction & distance (which partially explains his behavior in the show, especially his approach to human nature: "Everybody Lies"). House was never really close with his parents, so it would make sense that he would not rely on them for support in any way, not even in a life or death situation such as him feeling at his lowest in every aspect of his life. In addition to that, he may even doubt how much his loss would effect his parents if something were to happen to him.

3. House's suicidal ideation

House is shown numerous times in the show to not reject the option of ending his life. He actively tries to commit suicide twice during the show (Merry Little Christmas, season 3 episode 11 // Simple Explanation, season 5 episode 20), ponders it in the season finale (Everybody Dies, season 8 episode 22) but decides against it, choosing to fake his death instead.

In addition to that, he also indulges in self-harm in the form of cutting himself (also "Merry Little Christmas" & "Nobody's Fault"), intentionally hurting his limbs (leg - "Under My Skin", hand - "After Hours").

Like Wilson said, House cannot go back from that decision (similarly to how you can never come back from suicide). He can never have access his addictions: puzzles (medicine) & escapism (Vicodin & other drugs). We know how House gets without his meds, he becomes... A shadow of himself. Sometimes it's a violent dark figure, sometimes it's an apathetic & silent husk, sometimes it's a dark creature screaming in agony, sometimes it's just House, but something is off. Without constant puzzles, dissecting human nature & feeding his ego & emotional needs, he's lost.

Unlike other characters, like Dexter Morgan from the Showtime series "Dexter" House never treats suicide like it is somehow "beneath him":

Dexter speaks to Sg. Doakes, Season 2 Episode 11

Compare & contrast that to House's reaction to Taub pleading with House to try & understand Wilson's decision to discontinue his cancer treatment & to die with dignity:

Season 8, Episode 21

Just the thought of Wilson passing away before his time triggers House's suicidal thoughts. He disregards the patients & visitors in the background, the colleagues that may hear, Taub himself, everyone. This, in my opinion was the start of the "nothing else matters anymore" mindset. House was already at the end of his rope, and losing the person he loves more than anything else in the world was just... Too much.

4. House doesn't see a future without Wilson

In season 6, Episode 10, House refuses to be present during Wilson's surgery at first:

Wilson: I want you to be there

House, after thinking: No.

Wilson: Why?

House: Because if you die, I'm alone.

House cannot fathom the possibility of witnessing Wilson die. He cannot even consider for a moment to stand before Wilson's lifeless body & realizing that this is it, he is completely & utterly alone in this world.

We see multiple times that House not only cares deeply about Wilson, he is also dependant on him, to the point of the relationship often becoming toxic for both of them (hurting other relationships, sabotaging new ones, need for validation of both the relationship itself & both of them of each other individually, indulging unhealthy behaviors towards others etc).

But we all remember how that situation concluded:

House watching over Wilson as a big bright light washes over him as he loses consciousness. To me, this seems like foreshadowing for what's to come after the season finale, after those last 5 months.

Another thing that caught my eye was him stating "I can live without Kyle" (season 8, episode 20) when referring to a guy that stole Wilson's prom date when he was in highschool. He wanted to immitate said 'Kyle' for the entire episode, trying his best to act uncaring, aloof, "alpha". Essentially, to act out of character. But numerous times in said episode, Wilson still displayed the very same characteristics that both House and the audience love so much about him. So House affirms that he cannot live in a world without Wilson, just the way he is.

5. House is willing to preform a "mercy kill" for his close friends

In the episode "The Dig" (Season 7, Episode 18), House assures Thirteen, who's diagnosed with Huntington's, that he is willing to euthanize her when her Huntington symptoms worsen (this happens after Thirteen confides in House, telling him about how she killed her own brother after his Huntington symptoms worsened. House's reaction left Thirteen shocked, hurt & disappointed, as it seemed like he did not care at all. But we know he did, very deeply).

House gets a positive reaction from Thirteen, which is later also approved to the audience & the people in House's funeral when she states in her eulogy: "He was willing to kill me". Wilson, as we know, is also in the audience. He then knows that House is willing to preform a "mercy kill" on a loved one. He also mentions it in the finale:

Wilson: When the cancer starts getting really bad-

House, putting a halmet on: Cancer's boring.

I want us to return to the "I'm dead, Wilson" scene:

House is at a point in which he feels like he has nothing left to lose. He has no close friends that give him meaning besides Wilson, no family to rely on, no romantic relationship seems to last, he feels powerless when it comes to his addiction to drugs, he is facing jail time after accidently breaking an MRI machine with Foreman's ticket gift which he flushed down the hospital's toilet (which may as well cause him to be fired & lose his job and/or license to practice medicine, in addition to the fact he faked his own death).

We already know that House is prone to depression, self harm & suicidal ideation (including attempts), we've covered that he is willing to end a loved ones life if there is no medical solution to their health related state, we know that Wilson is not (to our knowledge up to the last episode) willing to go through any other treatment & we know that House cannot live without Wilson.

Adding all of this up & remembering the foreshadowing of Wilson's health related issue & House's course of action (watching over him as a bright light covers the screen as he loses consciousness) I believe that after those 5 months, when the cancer gets really bad, House will take Wilson's life... And then, his own.

This is essentially the end of the post, but I would like to add a few things:

Disclaimer: this post is not meant in any way to promote, encourage or agree with anything that supports one taking their own life, self harming or any other kind of self inflicted damage. This is just a theory based on how I've precieved House's character.

I am considering writing a short fic based on this post, and would like to know if anyone is interested in reading it.

Thank you very much for reading, have a good day 🙏🏼

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