#Vardan

[little-leaf-man]

I make a new vampire. Say hi to Vardan. He got murdered a couple hundred years ago and he’s depressed that no one looked for him.

#my art #kit art #vardan

[vardans-reprise]

(TW: religious trauma, mentions of torture, mentions of dead bodies)

I’m not a poet but I needed to write something about all of this. I can’t keep it bottled inside anymore.

Forgive me

For every time I see her shoulders bare I find myself struck with longing.

And then I hear the footsteps behind me. They’re not behind me, it’s 2024, I remind myself.

I feel the lightweight feathering of the whip against my cheek, I don’t flinch.

Last time I flinched it stung like wasps against my thighs.

My eyes do not tear away from the cross before me, my knobbly knees aching against the carpeted floor of the sanctum.

There’s so many sanctums I’ve been killed in, one by one—this one has stained glass in it, I wonder where they got those.

Snapping into the present at the sight of her pointed ears, her eyes the color reserved for royalty sparkling up at me, “Everything alright luv?” She asks.

I nod wordlessly but she can see my eyes, the color of liquid gold, she knows I’m not where I need to be right now.

“It’s 2024, you are 25 years old, you are safe, you are in the inner world, luv, this is my bedroom, you are safe.”

My shoulders tighten, my wings feel heavier than ever before, placed there by my previous God I so desperately revered. A Seraphim bound to its master.

Please, please cut them from me. Tear them from my back. This halo is a dog collar, don’t you see? I detached the leash, but it’s still there, what if they put it back? What if they put it back? I cannot bear to become what I was again. I want to beg her, but I know she could never harm me like They did.

I glance in the mirror at her vanity and see dark roots in my hair.

Fallen, Fallen, Fallen.

A word considered so egregious that death would be better than even being a mere inch closer to where the Fallen lie. Yet here I am waist deep in the mud, trapped in the filth.

Her hand on my cheek.

“Vardan?”

(It’s not 2024 anymore)

Wooden bench beneath me, my legs don’t even touch the ground.

“Father I beg of you, please forgive me.” I weep.

“Don’t you understand what you have done, child? You wretched creature, you seductive and lustful thing. You have turned my eyes away from God. You will get the punishment you deserve.” He hisses through the opening in the confession window like the snake of Eden.

They throw the door open and I don’t even scream anymore, this will not be the first nor the last time my lustful ways bring me punishment. Thrown to the floor like a doll, I hear the words from their lips and see the symbol they thrust before my face to keep me anchored in this front room, to keep me locked in this blessed space wherein I will be broken again and again.

Lustful children get what they deserve, though I only exist in the body of one, I’ve never truly been a child, not in my mind.

They say my title, my name, my cues over and over. I look them in the eyes while they fuck me over and over, electrocute me with what I now know is a cattle prod, bind me in ropes and leave me hanging for hours, threaten my life, force me to watch as they take the lives of others.

They say it’s my fault. They say more will die if I do not become the priest they say I have the potential for. They’ll put me in a room with their bodies around me as a reminder. Their empty eyes will gaze up at me, silently condemning me for my actions. At least, until the bugs get to them. Then there will only be empty sockets, but they will say the same thing.

“I am dead because of you.”

The priests claim I’m special, I’m holy, everything about me is related to threes, the trinity, the perfect example of who they’ve always been searching for. The delicate lamb, the devout follower.

“God is watching, you know.” They always remind me.

He hears my every thought, He Knows and then they will Know, and then I will be punished again.

They knew I was thinking lustful thoughts, they say, how else would I have made one of their own so enamored with me that he was overwhelmed by his desire and raped me?

“Forgive me, Father!” I cry between every breath I can drag into my lungs.

“I have Sinned!”

I can repay them after their punishment is done, I’ll say every prayer just right, I’ll never miss a single word.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.

Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

God’s will is for me to become what They made me, so I will.

Lead us not into temptation, deliver us from evil.

“VARDAN!”

I am jarred out of my thoughts and I’m on my knees again, though I’m clothed this time.

(It is 2024)

I look down at my hands clasped in prayer, I can feel the tears stinging my eyes.

I look up at her and she is my most beautiful darling, my Dori, love of my life.

“Vardan?” She says again, her voice softer this time. I relax. My wings do not feel so heavy anymore, this halo around my neck not so tight.

She takes my hands and unclasps them, holding them in her own. I hold them back, so small compared to mine, so unbelievably delicate. What if I hurt her again? What if I break her like they broke me?

What if I—

“Vardan, stop with that nonsense.” She says sternly.

Sometimes I forget we share a brain.

“I…”

She pulls me into her arms, and I cannot help but sag into her, knowing she can withstand my weight. This isn’t her first rodeo, it surely won’t be her last.

“You are never going back there, my Hart. It will be okay. We are Free, you have made sure of that.”

I nod silently. She is right, I did make sure of that. For her. I couldn’t bear it if they tried to hurt her like they hurt me.

I shake those thoughts from my head.

Never Again. Not after last time. Leslie’s begging still echoes through our inner world cathedral on bad nights.

“Forgive me,” I say, “I lost myself.”

“You don’t have to say those words ever again, Vardan. Especially not for this.”

I swallow. I feel like my sins exude from me, coiling around me like a snake. Just loving her like I do is a sin in their eyes. They would call her an abomination.

I look up at her, and she is looking down at me, her red lacquered lips smile down at me, her curly black hair free from its braid and framing my face.

How could she ever be an abomination in anyone’s eyes?

If I wasn’t so sure about the other Lies they have told, I would be certain of that one.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“What for?”

“For knowing I am tormented and broken yet loving me despite.”

She grins.

“Despite?! I love you for your brokenness, and for how you’ve grown from those shattered pieces, for how your heart could remain like wrought iron—cold and sealed shut—and yet you open it for me. You are broken, yes, but that’s does not make you unlovable. You will always be loved by me. No strings attached, no debts to repay.”

I think believe her when she says that.

It is the first thing I’ve ever believed that’s truly worth believing in.

#my poetry #vardan #enoch #white stag subsys

[magick-knives]

Vardan: Lifeless Shadow.

Clear Vinyl w/ Black Splatter.

Bestial Rape Records.

#Vardan #black metal

[annykapoor]

Physical Therapy Clinic - Vardan

#Vardan #physical therapy #pain free body

[metamorphesque]

"Love One Another", Vardan Hakobyan (translated by metamorphesque)

#quotes #literature #poetry #translated literature #love poems #armenian literature #armenian poetry #my translations #poems #vardan hakobyan #musings on love

[animepopheart]

★ 【Vardan】 「 玄玉瑤芳 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me on twitter

#ganyu #genshin impact #anime girl #illustration #anime #artist: Vardan

[vinetooth-prime]

Drew up my sylvari elementalist & oldest GW2 character, Vardan!

#Guild Wars 2 #GW2 #Guild Wars 2 art #GW2 art #art by op #llimus art #my art #GW2 OC #GW2 sylvari #sylvari #GW2 sylvari art #sylvari art #oc Vardan #Vardan art

[goldyapper]

Me after listening to all 7 of the Big Finish Vardan stories.

#gold’s yappering #doctor who #4th dr era #big finish #4DA #wave of destruction #Vardans

[little-leaf-man]

Jhin coulda also taken middle spot but Vardan is like 3% more deranged

#hosea slei #cato eatweed #rags Salo #demon hunter jhin #Adil #Vardan #eidolon rifle

[lurking-latinist]

time lords stop lying to leela challenge

#just thinking about andred not telling her he wasn't dead and the doctor not telling her anything in invasion of time and just #her whole life on gallifrey is interwoven with people not telling her things #because she is honest and will reveal things! like literally the reason in iot is because the vardans can read her too easily #but by keeping it from her they predetermine that the solution is going to be a lying-and-sneaking-around type solution #when there might also be a leela type solution available #! #and thinking about in dracula daily how we are seeing the importance of communication #(and yelling at mina and mrs w for not telling lucy things) #sweet-natured victorians can know things! compulsively honest hunters can know things! it's fine! the narrative will be fine!

[son-of-the-moon-and-sun]

“You’re such a good boy Cala.” Itilien teased lightheartedly and with a grin pulling at her lips.

@itilien-vardan

Cala’s navy blue eyes widened and the color rushed to his face as suddenly cleared his throat.

“Itilien. . .”

He groaned, a fondness in his tone too - and he rolls his eyes.

“We are supposed to be learning.”

As usual he could not help be stern on the fundamentals of rules and teachings - but at the same time he did not mind the usual lightheartedness Itilien always seemed to bring.

— —☀️ @itilien-vardan ｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ˎˊ˗

#— —☀️ @itilien-vardan ｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ˎˊ˗ #itilien ♡ #lmaoo flustered boi

[vardans-reprise]

I bite through my tongue until the screams bleed from between my teeth.

#my quote #vardans quotes #from my poetry

[hayarthun]

What else does Pashinyan intend to deliver? International contingent in Artsakh. The Armenian people will resist.

#Pashinyan #Pashinyan is Serzh Sargsyan’s protégé #Nikol Pashinyan is a traitor #traitor #Pashinyan is the killer of Armenian patriots #Pashinyan Serg Sargsyan Kocharyan LTP are Kremlin agents #Kremlin agents #Artsakh #Vardan Hakcobyan #Վարդան Հակոբյան #Youtube

[animepopheart]

★ 【Vardan】 「 流螢 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me! insta • x • bsky

#hsr firefly #hsr #honkai star rail #star rail #anime girl #artist: Vardan

[hifithepanda]

The Vardan Invasion of Mirth- 8/10

*Old Review*

The Vardan Invasion of Mirth was performed by Peter Purves and Stephen Critchlow, written by Paul Morris and Ian Atkinson, and released September 2019.

I really enjoyed this story!  Honestly, of the ones I’ve listened to this was definitely a favorite.  I really like the concept of a fake reality set within a virtual reality.  The story felt very meta— a story set within the television industry that turned out to be a fake set itself.  It was a good setup for the Vardans, having them come in through television waves.  It reminded me a lot of ‘The Wire’ which we did, in fact, get a callback to with Magpie Electricals.  

It’s nice having a consistent villain for Steven throughout his stories though I feel like they appear a lot.  I do have to give them the benefit of the doubt that these are being released years apart and I’m plowing through them in days.  

There were a bunch of silly Steven moments in the first half of this story.  A good chunk of it was people just talking about how attractive he was and trying to recruit him as a comedian (“I’m not a straight man!”).  

It wasn’t a very sad story which was quite nice honestly.  A fun little romp that I’d definitely recommend people listen to!

8/10

Friend Death Count: 0

Steven Tortured Count: 0

The Doc does some messed up shit to Steven Count: 0

#doctor who #steven taylor #big finish #big finish review #the vardan invasion of mirth

[jeevanjali]

Chandra Dev: आखिर चंद्रमा को किसने दिया श्राप, और कैसे मिली उन्हें श्राप से मुक्तिChandra Dev: कहते हैं इंसान को बहुत सोच-समझकर काम करना चाहिए क्योंकि उसके द्वारा किया गया काम किसी बड़ी विपदा को भी बुलावा दे सकता है। ऐसी ही एक कथा शिव पुराण में मिलती है

#Aakhir chandrama ko kisane diya shraap #chandrama ko shrap kisne diya #ganesh ne chandrama ko shrap diya #ganesh ji ne chandrama ko shrap diya tha #chand ko shrap kisne diya #ganesh ji ka chandrama ko shrap #ganesh ji ne chand ko shrap diya #chandrma ko kya shrap mila tha #chandra dev ko shrap #chandrama ko kisne diya tha shrap aur vardan #Dharm News in Hindi #Religious Stories News in Hindi #Religious Stories Hindi News