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procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics · 2 years

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Vikings + modern food

A/N: first of all, I am SO honored to be ur first choice for your first request.

Second of all, disclaimer, I do not hate ppl with lactose intolerance, it’s just very funny to me when my brother knowingly consumes sth with excessive amounts of milk and then sprints to the toilet five minutes after finishing his food

Third of all, this was so fun to write and also i've been hoarding this imagine like some goblin creature bc i was so excited to post it. had to do it early after reading heart of winter (we need more bragi)

Tagged: @alicedopey, @bragisrunes (message/comment if you want to be added to any taglist)

Masterlist | based on this request | requests are OPEN!

Here are some foods I think you could achieve in 800 AD in Kattegat:

Pizza, if there are tomatoes from the Mediterranean

Italian noodles (I think you could defo manage Alfredo sauce and chicken, and noodles are just flour + water + egg maybe)

Some steak with sauteed onions and all that other good shii

Maybe, possibly, if the trade gods are feeling generous, soup dumplings and other Chinese foods (the biggest problem here would be the spices and the rice, since a lot of Chinese food has pretty simple ingredients)

Sashimi

Tuscan salmon (again the Mediterranean ppl have to pull up with them tomatoes)

Ice cream if it’s snowing for long enough and you have Tupperware to bury your fruits with you

Hummus if the middle eastern ppl pull up to Kattegat with Tahini and chickpeas

Things you could definitely not achieve (I am saying this having done 0 research):

Smoothies (blender)

Choco/vanilla ice cream

Anything vanilla/chocolate flavored

Sushi (nori + rice)

Several tier cakes

Anything involving huge (or any) amounts of refined sugar, food coloring or artificial flavours

Anything that has to be tempered or cooled down at an exact temperature

Anything that requires an airfryer, thermomix or other fancy cooking utensils I can’t afford (rn)

Anything fried (how temperature? How so much oil? Maybe if u go to the blacksmith ig)

Mexican food (cries in guacamole and fajitas)

Ragnar

Very suspicious but tries it

You made Linguine Alfredo for the whole fam (Ragnar+Lagertha+Bjorn+Gyda+Athelstan)

Is lactose intolerant

Major L lol

Bjorn laughs when he comes back after one hour of shitting

Lagertha

Appreciates the Alfredo

Does not appreciate shitting husband

When Ragnar declares that it’s worth the risk

She declares the toilet (i think? maybe a hole in the ground?) is worth cleaning

Regardless, she asks you to teach her how to make pasta

Makes very good viking pasta afterwards

Bjorn (as a child bc I stanned him back then :’) )

Stans you for making his dad violently shit

Also stans pasta alfredo

Asks you to cook more, and promises to set the table for you

When your making spaghetti Bolognese, he hands you cream and asks you to sneak it in

You almost do

Gyda

She’s shyer about talking to you, but asks you to make more modern foods

Will help you get the ingredients and cook

If you use a fish she caught for cooking, she’ll cry with happiness

Is the most capable in making modern foods

Fascinated by ice cream

Makes Bjorn taste test everything she cooks before serving

He does it under one condition: trigger Ragnar’s lactose intolerance

Athelstan

Also very skeptical

Loves stuff that’s a fusion between modern and old

Suspicious of your cooking after the Alfredo-incident

He would love Tuscan salmon though

And soup dumplings

Why? It’s a form of bread + soup + warm. That’s why.

tagging @demon-of-the-ancient-world here for obvious reasons

Aslaug

Big fan of Chinese food

She tried modern food to prove to Ragnar that she would not loose control over her bowels bc of a large amount of cream

When she finds out about chopsticks it’s over for you

She eats everything with chopsticks

Thinks it’s more elegant than anything else

Defo a utensils gal

Ubbe

Grew up with the infamous story of the Alfredo incident (we’re going with that timeline in his case too, but not for the other characters)

Regardless, he’s ready to sacrifice his dignity to try something new

Very not lactose intolerant, and rubs it in Ragnar’s face

Loves a medium raw steak

Asks you to cook for him, but you’ll be able to teach him instead

Hvitserk

You give him pizza as a surprise

Looses his shit (not like Ragnar, in a more metaphorical sense here)

Making bread with toppings and baking it and eating it warm? Genius, why didn’t he think of that.

I just know he would gobble up that spicy salami pizza

Is okay with simpler toppings too

Loves everything you make for him, creates scary fusions

Sigurd

Skeptical. Extremely

He likes bean stew and boiled chicken

But not for long

Sucker for spicy foods

Also likes dumplings a lot

Will take them with him in the steamer for a picknick date

Ivar

Can absolutely NOT eat spicy food

Which Sigurd so laughs about

Eats slightly seasoned curry while tears are streaming down his face (manly tears)

Does not take milk to numb it down

You know those wontons with the spicy sauce that are hella good?

Yeah, he loves them without the sauce.

Clocks Sigurd in the jaw when he pours the sauce over Ivar’s not spicy ones

Heahmund

Idk if this is my hc or just personal distaste for this man and his weird ass voice showing through

Cannot handle spicy food (more homoerotic bonding ground for him and ivar yay!)

Does not like modern food (loser)

Secretly is lactose intolerant

Would probably die from a whiff of peanuts

Sticks to boiled chicken and beans (no salt!!!)

Alfred

Didn’t he go to the Vatican or something?

Got a taste for them Italian dishes

Idk if they already had pasta but that’s not the point

Alfred is a man of the world (at least at the dinner table)

Eats everything and anything you make

Yes, he sends hvitserk on a diplomatic mission to find new food

But only bc hvitserk begged him

Would shake his ass in front of his entire court for the mysterious loaded nachos you’ve described to him

Judith

Supports everything Alfred does

Tries his food with him

Oh man, if Sigurd and Judith ever met, they would have a spice eating contest

It delights her to mix two seeds of pepper into the food and watch some lord have a nervous breakdown

Could eat ghost pepper raw

As long as it burns her mouth, it’s good

Knows about the Alfredo incident in said timeline and uses it as a political weapon against the Vikings

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mrsarnasdelicious · 9 months

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When I first saw you - Ubfred

The first time Ubbe sees Alfred, at first he thinks the Prince is a girl. He looks like he is made of frail, finely painted clay and his hair is so glossy. He finds his heart beating in his throat. He is breathless, just by looking at Alfred. And the Saxon has the audacity to demurely look away and fluster ever so slightly.

Ubbe's hand itch to throw him over the table and fuck him, right in front of all the gathered in the tent. But he knows better.

So instead he speaks and tries not to look at the Prince. His blood is boiling and his breeches feel tight. "Ubbe?" Hvitserk asks. But he shakes his head. He can't think about it, let alone tell Hvitserk. Not here, not now. Not ever, not anywhere. "It's nothing." He hisses.

But then Alfred looks up at him. Ubbe feels his mouth grow dry and his heart race. This isn't some regular lust. It is like the Gods sent it to him. Like Freyr means for him to fuck this beautiful Prince.

Vaguely Ubbe wonders why the Gods are so intent on this. Does it have something to do with his own father? "Ubbe." Hvitserk hisses. He realises he has been staring. He feels like a fool.

They are heard out, though Ubbe gets the feeling they are not taken seriously. The exchange is brief and Ubbe can barely focus on anything but the beautiful prince.

Very quickly they are led away, after having been told they will have their answer the next morning. The tent they are given is small and has no beds, only a table. Ubbe posts their own men outside. He and Hvitserk give each other grimm looks. They both have the feeling they failed. Though Ubbe feels it twice as much. He failed to make his move on the pretty prince. And now he has a raging erection to try and will down. No way he can take care of it with Hvitserk there, or their guards.

He wants to slip away, to find which tent is the Prince's. He wants to throw Alfred onto his cot and just fuck him. He doesn't care the whole camp will probably hear. He doesn't care it will probably be his death. He just want to be balls deep inside that pretty Prince. He wants to make Alfred feel all of Freyr's pleasures. But he can't just go to him. That would not bode well for his life, or their future.

And then the man posted in the mouth of the tent falls with a grunt and Saxon soldiers pour in, followed by Bishop Heamund and Ubbe can't think of the Prince anymore. He has other things to focus on.

Though Alfred is forever embedded into his mind...

#Vikings #Ubbe #Alfred #Ubbe x Alfred #Ubfred #jordan patrick smith #ferdia walsh peelo

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solioquyforme · 2 months

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Aftermath of Ubbe and Lhyrie’s spar. In the days after, she trains more with Lagertha and gets help from an unexpected guest. Ubbe spends his days with Alfred. Lhyrie treats a patient.

This chapter came together much too quickly. That’s what you get with sleeping issues.

#ubbe ragnarsson #fanfiction #vikings tv #au #fanfic #ubbe #mine #Ubbe x oc #Alfred #ao3 #lagertha and Heahmund in this chapter too #I need to stop writing this so fast #I’m not usually this fast #you need pants is probs my fav

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taydowill · 2 years

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Meu ulfred... :( <3

#ulfred #ferdia walsh-peelo #vikings #ubbe x alfred #ubbe lothbrok #king alfred

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saxonsstuff · 2 years

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Posted this on tiktok but i had to share here too 🥺❤️

#ulfred #ubbe x alfred #ubbe ragnarsson #king alfred #vikings

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komotionlessqueenmm · 1 year

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PART ONE

Okay so this is a list of my headcanon/preferences, with links leading to each post. I give a basic summary of the headcanon/preference, then what fandom it belongs to, and who from said fandom is involved. Plus whether or not it was requested, just because.

1.) You ask if you can peg them. (X)

• It (Movie 2017)

• The Bowers gang.

(NOT REQUESTED)

2.)They react to the phrase "Fuck me running." (X)

• Vikings (TV series 2013)

• Ragnar, Rollo, Harald, Halfdan, Ivar, Björn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Alfred.

(NOT REQUESTED)

3.) They react to you telling them you're allergic to bullshit. (X)

• Vikings (TV series 2013)

• Ragnar, Rollo, Harald, Halfdan, Ivar, Björn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Alfred.

(NOT REQUESTED)

4.) You ask if you can peg them. (X)

• Horror movies addition.

• Dr. Herbert West (Re-animator 1985), Dr. Daniel Schreber (Dark City 1998), Ash Williams (Evil Dead 1981), Stu Macher (Scream 1996), Bo Sinclair (Wax Museum 2005), Eric Draven (The Crow 1994), Otis Driftwood (House of a Thousand Corpses 2003), Djinn (Wishmaster 1997), Josh Lambert (Insidious 2010).

(NOT REQUESTED)

5.) How do they feel about you being more badass than them? (X)

• Assassins Creed (Video game series)

• Altaïr Ibn-LaʼAhad, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, Connor Kenway, Edward Kenway, Jacob Frye, Bayek, Desmond Miles.

(NOT REQUESTED)

6.) They react to you telling them to bruise your esophagus. (X)

• American Gods (TV series 2017)

• Mad Sweeny, Shadow Moon, Mr. World, Technical Boy, Low-Key Lyesmith.

(NOT REQUESTED)

7.) They react to you telling them "I wanna choke on your dick until I pass out." PART ONE (X) PART TWO (X)

• Miscellaneous fandom's

• DIDN'T WANNA LIST THEM ALL, JUST LOOK INTO THEM YOURSELF LOL. (ALL AND ALL THERE ARE 14 PEOPLE)

(NOT REQUESTED)

8.) They develop a mommy kink, & along with a bit of a lactation kink, because of how busty you are. (X)

• It (Movie 2017)

• The Bowers gang

(NOT REQUESTED)

9.) You let them design your next tattoo. (X)

• The Lost Boys (Movie 1987)

• David, Marko, Paul, Dwayne.

(NOT REQUESTED)

UNLISTED : How would each of the bowers gang react if the other members walked in while they’re being pegged/fingered/eaten out. (X)

• It (Movies 2017)

• Bowers gang

(REQUESTED)

10.) The basics of their yandere obsession with you. (X)

• Type O Negative (Band)

• Peter Steele.

(NOT REQUESTED)

11.) Basic relationship headcanons. (X)

• The Black Phone (Movie 2021) crossed with Stranger Things (TV series 2016)

• Vance Hopper.

(NOT REQUESTED)

12.) The basics of their yandere obsession with you. (X)

• Star Wars (Solo triplets)

• Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, Matt Solo.

(NOT REQUESTED)

13.) How would magni and modi handle their child being named Thor’s successor? (X)