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harryspet · 4 years

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good girl. bad habits. [2] peter parker

[Warnings] alpha!peter parker x omega!reader, omegaverse, boarding school au, dystopian au, soultmate au, suppressant pills, misogyny, hella angst, heat, intense sexual content (wear a condom kiddos)

A/N: this took way toooo long but overall im happy with how it turned out!

part one

In which Alpha Peter is persistent and you tried to hold onto your power.

word count: 4.5k

taglist: @peterztinglez @lovelynerdytraveler @buckybarney @hollandsdream @micki-smiles @buckybarnesplumwhore @arts-ismything @saharzek @lovemassivelybeautifulbouquet @what-is-your-wish @marvelslut-musicalnerd @brattypeony @hermayone @buckysugar @yanderepeterparker @ttqueen05 @belleknows @write-from-the-heart @sad-ed-noise @quaksonhehe @halparkebitchb @bangtaninyourareaxox @blondesforlife

Wanda was lucky it was Sunday. It was easier to skip Sunday service than regular classes and her severe hangover told you that she wasn’t getting out of bed anytime soon. You walked over to her twin bed and, although you had your own right across from her, you snuggled into her bed.

“Ugh,” Wanda groaned.

“That better not be for me,” You frowned.

“It is for you,” As you laid down, she wrapped her arm around you, resting her head on your shoulder, “You’re the one who gave me the booze.”

“It’s not my fault you can’t handle your liquor,” A small smile tugged at your lips until Wanda’s next words met your ears.

“Goddess, you smell like Alpha.”

“And what do you think you smell like? Is your virtue even still intact?”

“A lady never tells,” Wanda giggled but you scoffed, “I can’t believe that you of all people landed yourself an Alpha. A rich and powerful one too.”

You wish you could react like Wanda. You wished that you could switch a flip and you could see the world through rose-colored glasses, “I wouldn’t say I landed him. He was just acting like a territorial jerk like the rest of them. Who knows, maybe he has a thing for lots of girls. Being a council member's nephew … I’m sure he’s popular.”

“I don’t think so,” You could tell she was smiling by the way she was talking, “Peter didn’t dance with any other girl at the Ball. You’re like Cinderella and he’s your prince charming. Just promise you won’t forget me when you’re royalty.”

“I hope you know I’d rather swallow a knife than be associated with that family.”

Wanda didn’t listen to you as she continued, “Maybe it is true that opposites attract.”

Word spread fast around the Stark School and every question someone asked you was about Peter and whether or not you were mates. You denied any connection that you had with him and you made sure to have a scowl on your face when you did. This whole situation was hurting your reputation and making you appear weak. Before the ball, girls didn’t dare approach you out of fear that you’d poison their precious minds.

You preferred when people were scared of you.

To make matters worst, you woke up thinking about you-know-who and almost all your thoughts were starting to revolve around him. That was enough to drive you insane.

You decided that for the next few weeks you’d be on your worst behavior. You managed to break your previous record for your number of infractions within a single week. Every teacher that tried to scold you for misbehaving, you snapped back at. Your skirt got shorter and your makeup became even more extravagant.

Today, you finally managed to get back at the girl who always kicked your shins when you played soccer in physical education. Once she shoved past you, you reached back to grab a fistful of her hair. She cried out as she fell back and you heard the screaming of a whistle though you ignored it.

It was like all the frustration of your life had reached its boiling point. You hated everything about how your life had turned out. You knew the world wasn’t fair but now it just felt cruel.

Wanda had to pull you off of her to keep you from punching her, “Y/L/N, off the field now!” You heard your teacher say. Wanda was saying something, trying to calm you down, but you shrugged her off. You were already walking away from the field and towards the bleachers.

You figured you’d walk all the way back to dorms to let yourself blow off steam but you found a familiar face waiting behind the bleachers.

Your face fell and you thought your knees might give in. Clad in his uniform, his red tie, and a blazer that held the Asgard symbol completed the look. He looked put together unlike you. Your knees were bruised, your hair a mess, and your gym clothes were now covered in grass stains.

“What … What are you doing here?” You asked the young Alpha and, as he looked you over, he almost seemed concerned.

He stepped closer, his eyes burning holes into your skin, “I came to watch you play but … I don't think you’re making the team anytime soon.”

“Don’t you have your own life to worry about? I don’t know, maybe school? Or does your uncle have too much influence for you to have to worry about pesky things like grades?” Peter opened his mouth to retort but you interrupted him. His lips pressed into a thin line of frustration as he let you finish, “You know what, Alpha-boy? I really can’t do this right now.”

You gritted your teeth as you turned to walk away, only for a strong hand to wrap around your wrist. You turned to last out but, like a candle blown out by the wind, you felt your anger melt away. The calm settled on the features of your face and then it traveled through the rest of your body.

You looked down at his hand touching your skin, realizing that he was the source, “I meant what I said last time,” He spoke calmly but you could hear the seriousness in his tone, “You’re mine, Y/N.”

“How did you do that?” You asked, your eyebrows furrowed. Your voice was small once again and it made you wonder how long you had been raising your voice.

“Do what?” Peter smirked and, as much as you wanted to scowl, you couldn’t, “Isn’t this better? Having a moment where you’re not so angry at the world? If you’d just give me a chance, I could help you.”

“And what’s in it for you?” You already knew the answer. There was a part of him deep inside that craved the intimacy you could give him. He wanted someone to care for and to protect but he also wanted territory that he could claim and heirs to carry his name. As Peter searched your face, he could tell you already knew his answer, “I’m never going to want to be someone’s property, no matter what magic you try to work on me.”

“It’s not magic,” Peter insisted, “It’s a mate bond. I think … I think our souls are somehow connected.”

You couldn’t deny that you thought it was true. You could resist him but not the connection you were feeling, “Then we’ll break it-” Your mouth shut as if your body was mad at you for even letting those words escape your lips.

His eyes turned black, “Give me time with you. I’ll convince you otherwise.”

You finally pulled your arm away from him as a group of girls walked past, heading back towards the school. Some stared in awe and others whispered to each other, “I can’t believe this,” You whispered, letting the anger seep back in, “There will be no us time because you’re not even supposed to be here.”

“Winter Break,” He spoke simply, not paying the girls any mind, “You’ll come stay with my family. My Aunt May wants to meet you and Pepper thought it would be inappropriate to ask you herself …”

You blinked, wondering why the hell he wanted you, of all people, to meet his family, “The answer would’ve been no … I have to shower before Calculus.”

You turned away, your arms crossed but he called for you as you walked away again, “Where will you go then?”

“I don’t know, I’ll have Christmas with the nuns and the groundskeepers or something.”

You looked back to see he wasn’t chasing you. He only took a deep breath and stuffed his hands into his back pockets, “I’ll see you around, Y/N.”

Peter was used to quiet dinners with his Aunt and Uncle. Usually, when he talked, Tony would respond with something snappy and condescending. Peter had learned over the years not to shake things up but that only led to anger and frustration being built up within. Peter was an Alpha but Tony was an Alpha of Alphas.

“You’ve been skipping school,” Tony didn’t meet Peter’s eyes as he brought a piece of steak to his mouth. Peter tried not to freeze or show any hint of guilt on his face.

Peter had come to visit you multiple times after the situation on the soccer field. As he expected, you rejected him with every chance you got but that didn’t stop him from trying to get to know you. His friends teased him for falling head over heels for someone he barely knew. Alphas were supposed to be above that and let the Omegas crawl to them but Peter enjoyed chasing you.

“Who told you that?” Peter asked casually.

“You don’t think I have eyes everywhere, genius?” Peter's lips pressed into a thin line as he gripped his fork tightly, poking at his food.

“Pepper finally confessed. She’s been going behind my back in order to help you,” He felt cornered and the fact that Pepper wasn’t here to defend him only made him more uneasy, “All this for a rebel sympathizer?”

Peter often disagreed with the man who sat upon his golden throne. Within the walls of his million-dollar home, Peter doubted there was a way Stark could possibly even understand the grievances of the people below him.

“She’s … she’s my mate,” Tony paused and shot Peter a hard glance.

“I’m sorry, she’s what?”

“I have a feeling, sir.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “A mate? My nephew has a mate …” Tony spoke to himself, “If I want you to be anything like me, Peter, then I should allow you your independence. However, I won’t have her embarrassing this family, so whatever you have to do to correct her behavior, you’ll do it.”

Peter instantly nodded, “I will, I promise.” Peter felt a glimmer of happiness at his Uncle’s acceptance.

“Who knows, maybe converting her will be good for my image. Our image, Peter.” It didn’t surprise Peter in the slightest that Tony’s mind was now working to see how it would benefit him.

The quiet dinner continued until Pepper arrived with news that would surely steal any light Peter felt in his own heart.

You had finally escaped the Stark School.

The city was cold but the people were colder. The harsh winter and the busy, holiday season left people tired and caused their words to be terse. It was why you preferred the hustling and bustling city of New York. The rankings existed but it seemed everyone was rude to one another. It was nice to see.

Besides that, in a city of millions of people, you were invincible. With the suppressants you were now on, no one could outwardly tell your ranking and, as long as you kept your head down, no officers asked for your identification.

The first couple of weeks were stressful but everything seemed to fall in place. You moved your way in and out of shelters, picking up jobs that paid under the table in order to earn money in order to buy more suppressants.

Omegas were almost as rare as true Alphas. Most people were middle ranking which meant the council controlled them but they were at least treated like human beings. If anyone found out, the council was the least of your worries.

That’s why when you thought you were having an allergic reaction to them, you stormed down the alleyway where you usually met your dealer, fire in your eyes, “You gave me a botched pills,” You pressed the bag of pills into Loki’s chest.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” He pushed you back with ease, causing you to stumble backwards as he casually stuck his hands back into the pockets of his black jacket. He looked around, trying to seem inconspicuous.

It was freezing outside but your body was overheating and your anger was boiling over, “Look at me,” You spoke with gritted teeth, “Do I look okay to you?”

“No, you should probably see a Doctor, darling,” His lips turned up into a smirk, “If you don’t mind, I have other matters to attend to.”

As he stepped around your body, you felt a weight on your shoulders. You tried to take a deep breath as you realized how much you were panicking, “Please,” You called after him, grabbing a hold of his arm, “I just need pills. Real pills. I’ll give you the rest of the money that I have.”

Loki looked over his shoulder and down at you, “Council is cracking down on suppressant sellers. They raided a ship carrying them a few nights ago so I wouldn’t expect anymore for a while.”

The man who called himself Loki searched your face, noting the look of desperation in your eyes, “What am I supposed to do then, huh?”

If he cared for your situation in any way, he didn’t show it.

Your hands balled into fist as he walked away but, in doing that, you realized how much your muscles were aching, “Don’t, please,” You walked after him, wincing in pain with every step. He didn’t seem to slow down for you as you tried to catch up to him on the sidewalk. Pain shot through your body and fire surged through your veins.

As your vision began to blur, you lost him in the crowd of people. Snow fell around you but that didn’t ease any of the burning pain. You tried to push yourself further, somehow find shelter, but with each step you felt even more helpless. When your knees finally gave in and you bit down on your own lip so hard that you tasted blood, no one paid you any mind. To them you were a simple bump in the road.

The place you woke up was the opposite of the buzzing city. The quietness was serene and the cool white light shining down on you was calming. You turned your aching head, wondering what new mess you had gotten yourself into. You found yourself staring out a window, the city outside but it was clear that you were on one of the highest floors of the hospital.

As someone cleared their throat, your head snapped in the other direction, as you lifted yourself up in the hospital bed. With wide eyes, you stared back at Tony Stark who was comfortably sitting at the chair beside your bed. As you moved, you realized that there was metal keeping you chained to the bed.

“Morning, sunshine,” Your head began to pound again, most likely because of how fast you had sat up. You knew you weren’t anyone’s favorite but you never thought your deviancy warranted a visit from one of the most powerful men in society … but then you remembered Peter, “... from what I’ve heard, you’re not known for being quiet.”

You shut your eyes tight as you tried to clear your racing thoughts, “Are you here to personally escort me to prison?”

“Sadly, no,” He said, folding his hands as he looked over you, “None of the council members know I’m here and no one knows you’re here either.”

“... so then you’re killing me yourself?”

Tony grinned, “No, sweetheart. Why do you think I had someone patch you up? That poison was making you malnourished and then your heat was draining you even more.”

You froze, “My what?”

Tony raised an eyebrow, “I’m guessing this is your first one but I’m sure you’ve read up on it in your studies. They say meeting your soulmate can trigger it …” It looked like he was connecting the dots in his own mind, “There were a lot of things you didn’t consider, Y/N.”

“He’s not …” The words burned as you tried to let them out.

“Or maybe you ran because you knew the bond was real. Your body, naturally, probably didn’t like the fact that you were rejecting him. Did you consider what it would do to him?”

Something pulled at your heartstrings as you finally thought about how Peter reacted when he found out you’d ran away, “... did something happen?”

Tony cocked his head to the side, “No damages big enough that I couldn’t pay for … am I sensing remorse?”

“I’m not sure how you could when it’s something you’ve never felt,” Tears stung your eyes, the reality of your world settling in, but you still held your head high, “If you’re here to preach, I don’t want to listen. And you’re not getting any gratitude from me.”

He could end your life with the snap of his finger yet that didn’t stop the venom on your tongue.

With a hard glare, he stood from his seat and took a step towards the bed, “I already agreed with Peter that he will be the one to take care of your … attitude. I truly hope that the next time we see each other you’ll be worthy enough for my nephew. You’re a pretty thing, this anger doesn’t suit you ....may the Goddess with you.”

The black car traveled down the gravel road surrounded by evergreen trees. Snow fell lightly and dropped onto the window glass and you watched it melt away as you neared your destination.

You were expecting doom and gloom as you pulled into the driveway. You didn’t expect the cabin to actually look like a home where happy people could live. Calling it a log cabin wouldn’t be fair to the money that probably went into building the luxury home. You could practically smell the expensiveness as you exited the car, not bothering to let the driver open the door for you.

You spun in a circle, your boots crushing the ice beneath your feet, as you took in the sight. You saw rolling hills of snow, tall mountains, and a blue-purple sunset that painted the sky.

When you saw him this time it was different. So much had happened since that night at the Halloween Ball and you didn’t expect him forgive you for being so cold to you but-

He called for you and, as you turned to face him, arms were tightly wrapped around you, “You could’ve died,” Were the first words that left his mouth. You didn’t embrace him back, you weren’t sure how, but your body instantly relaxed against him. It was the same feeling you got at the soccer field.

You were still speechless when he finally pulled away. His hands were still grabbing your arms as he looked you over for wounds. You were sure that your only flaw was the bags around your eyes from the lack of sleep you’d had over the last few days.

“Do you understand that? Someone could’ve taken you or you could’ve killed yourself.”

“I know-” He smashed his lips against yours, taking the words from your mouth. You pressed your hands against his chest but you didn’t push him away. The kiss was long and deep and, for a moment, the earth stopped spinning on its axis, “I don’t know how to do this, Peter.”

Your foreheads pressed together and his heavy breath fanning against your skin, the two of you tried to catch your breath, “Y/N, it’s okay,” Your name on his tongue was heaven, “This is real and I know you’re scared but it’s okay to accept this. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Do you promise?” You asked, weaker than you’ve ever been. As much as you wanted to blame it on the raging hormones of your heat, you knew what you wanted deep down.

“Yes,” Peter breathed, “And I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you.”

Peter led you into the warm home, helping you out of your coat, and keeping his hand on the small of your back. Your meeting with Pepper and May was brief. They sat in the kitchen sipping their hot cocos and they only gave you kind glances as Peter informed them that he’d take you up to your room. He could sense that you didn’t want an audience to your pain.

There were photos on every wall and sentimental ornaments. You had a feeling that by the end of winter break you’d know the story of each item.

“This is where you grew up?” You asked, your eyes wandering your new room. It was more spacious then any place you’d ever lived and the heat from the fireplace only added to the coziness the room provided.

“We spend every winter here. My Uncle Ben built this place,” Peter spoke succinctly.

“It’s straight out of one of those lifestyle magazines,” You felt Peter’s eyes on you as you slowly walked around the room, “... how did he die?”

“Someone shot him,” His gaze seemed to darken at the memory.

“I’m sorry,” You meant your words but you couldn’t help but feel a sense of deja vu.

“Don’t be,” He shrugged, “I mean, it was a long time ago … I guess I’ll leave you to settle in.”

You sensed he was trying to avoid a touchy conversation and you were more than willing to let him. Just being in his presence was calming but extremely overwhelming. The smallest things he did would cause your thoughts to race and, lately, those thoughts hadn’t been pure. Your mind had been replaying that kiss a million times in your head in the past twenty minutes.

As his hand gripped the door handle, a sudden wave of heat traveled beneath your skin, “Ah,” You rested your hands against the bed as you bit down on your lip to keep from crying out. It was the same overwhelming fire that you felt that day with Loki.

“Y/N,” You looked up, realizing that he hadn’t left. He walked towards you hesitantly, “.. you should take off those clothes.”

Your eyes widened, “What? No. I’m fine-” You winced as another wave passed through you, “I’m fine!”

“You’re overheating!” Peter exclaimed and it seemed it was taking everything within him not to do it himself.

“Peter, I’m fine,” You spoke through gritted teeth, “I can handle it on my own.”

“No, you can’t,” Peter stated nervously, “Sit down on the bed. Let me help you.”

“No,” You said again as you panicked, “I don’t need your stupid Alpha hormones messing up mine. You’re making it worse!”

“I said sit down,” He didn’t raise his voice but there was something different in his tone. Powerful. Your body moved like it never did before. Your body, against your will, sat down on the bed obediently.

You were left speechless for a moment and Peter seemed to stare at your abnormal behavior but not for long. He kneeled down and began to pull off your shoes and socks, “Peter-” You clutched your side.

He tossed the clothing to the side before standing. He leaned over you, pulling off your sweater and undershirt. When he finally made it to your belt, your eyes connected, “Don’t say no to me, Omega. I don’t like it, ” Again, your body moved before your mind and you nodded.

Stupid Alpha hormones.

Without the clothes, you instantly felt better but there was still burning in your veins, “Lay down,” Peter’s hand connected with your shoulder and you felt a coolness soothe the area as he pushed you down. Your back pressed against the soft mattress as you felt your jeans being undone, “There you go.”

“It hurts, Peter,” As the words left your mouth, you felt a kiss against your stomach. Your senses were completely out of whack and the simple touch sent waves of pleasure through your body. He kissed down your stomach to where he was pulling down your jeans. He pulled them down the length of your legs before deciding to rid himself his own clothes. You sat up on your elbows as you watched him reveal himself.

His body was perfectly crafted, the sight of him causing your core to ache for him. You moved up on your elbows as he stalked closer once again, “Bare your throat to me,” He demanded, lust in his eyes. Your heart began to race and you slowly moved further and further back on the bed as he followed you, “You want me to quell that fire inside, don’t you? I can take that pain away …”

It wasn't a command. He wanted you to go against every standard you’d set for yourself and willingly show him the ultimate sign of submission. He grabbed your hands, moving them so they were pinned above your head, as he settled between your legs. You felt his growing member pressed against your crotch, teasing you.

“Please don’t,” You begged and you watched his lips tug into a small smile. He leaned down closer, holding your smaller hand in his tightly, and you couldn’t run from that feeling anymore, “Peter, I can’t-”

“But you want to, Omega. You want to be tamed. You want me to be by my side, protected and loved for the rest of your days,” Peter grunted, pressing himself further into you. All you wanted was his lips on you again, “Now be a good girl for me.”

Your eyes shut tight as you turned your head, exposing your neck to the Alpha that called you his soulmate. He took the sign of submission as a green light to ravish your body. He pressed his lips against the skin of your neck, leaving rough bites along your skin, and you thought you might go deaf from how loud you were screaming in pleasure.

Peter kissed every inch of your body and you found yourself desperately trying to taste him as well. You realized that a switch had flipped inside of you a long time ago and you weren’t sure how you managed to resist it for long. Like a predator who finally captured his prey, Peter devoured you.

Your first times were nothing like the movie. You didn’t feel any sort of pain and your bodies were so synced that you felt anything but awkward. You felt like you knew him completely in this life and your past lives before,

“Please, please, please.”

He sunk deep inside of you, rocking the furniture and destroying the room, “You take me so good,” You nodded eagerly, the sound of his wanting voice driving you insane, “Fuck, get on top of me.” He smacked your bottom and your lips tugged into a tired smile.

After taking you in missionary, you switched positions, and you rode him until your second climax. Your arms wrapped around each other as you moved your hips. When he finally came he was deep inside you, his moans were enough to send you over the edge for the third time, “Peter, I’m gonna--again!” Your arms wrapped around his neck, you kissed passionately as he filled you with his warmth.

“You were fucking made for me,” Peter breathed against your lips, “Thank the Goddess.”

Tears slipped down your cheeks but Peter brushed them away with his thumb. You hadn’t realized the love you’d been lacking until now. You didn’t know a stranger's love could be so unconditional but it seemed he wasn’t a stranger at all. Whatever consequences came from this, you thanked the Goddess that you could feel again.

i might write a part three to this but i left it on a happy ending in case it takes me awhile to get to it!

#dark fic #peter parker x reader #peter parker smut #dark peter parker #alpha!peter parker #omegaverse #omega!reader #a/b/o smut #avengers a/b/o #peter parker x y/n #dark!peter x reader #dark!peter #black!reader #peter parker x black!reader #alpha!peter parker x omega!reader #dystopian au #wanda maximoff #peter parker #peter parker au

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strawberryybird · 5 years

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Me sees the character songs post, immediately wants to know what character songs you have for the characters and why.

ok so. welcome to the rabbit hole that is my music taste and what is my no.1 most frequently done activity.. plastering emotions i have for fictional characters all over my music taste. I restricted myself to ¾ songs for each character & then to Edie, Hubert, Dorothea, Lysithea & Byleth because otherwise we’d be here all day (and those are the Primary Daydream Candidates rn)

under a rm because as im sure we’ve all seen.. i just don’t fucking stop.. also i got weirdly deep about some of these topics. i don’t know how to tag it. tread careful?

Here are some songs.. welcome to my (notoriously bad) music taste. alsoi go in Very heavy handed about it all. i make only a few apologies:

Edelgard:Everybody wants to rule the word - tears for fears. (ucan go with Lorde’s cover but i prefer the original bc im like that.) i meanit’s pretty heavy handed but it’s such an Edelgard song it !!!! fuels my ficwriting. if it’s not so very Edelgard’s relationship with twsitd then idk whatto tell you. plus it’s an iconic song

Medicine - daughter. (daughter is My Favourite Band. Ever. I cannot articulate how much ilove their (and ex:re’s) music!!) anway. this is a hegegard song & i don’ttake constructive criticism. I’ll reiterate this better in other descriptions,but please don’t take my inclusion of a song about such a topic as adevaluation of it in any way, that’s not my intention. The reason I go so feralfor Hegegard is because im no stranger to watching someone you care about hurt themselvesin a way you can’t stop, and that’s what the AM ending evokes in me. Hence: asong I love that one can read the same story in. And then the lyrics ‘You couldstill be / What you want to / What you said you were / When I met you” just !! parallelsEdge of Dawn’s lyrics about regret & overall I’m very feral about this.

(Don’t Fear) The Reaper - blue oystercult. this is PRIME Edelgard telling freshly-awokenbyleth she’s been waging war for 5 years. also !!!! “Seasonsdon’t fear the reaper / Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain, we can be likethey are” >>> “The Edge of Dawn (Seasons ofWarfare) (フレスベルグの少女～風花雪月～,lit. Girl of Hresvelg ~Wind, Flower, Snow, Moon~)” .. the link is tenuous but coincidence?? is it, fuck.

Seneca - Novo Amor. this is another one of those songs that could mean something different to everyone. very easy to project onto, is novo amor. I like the story of being prepared to run and break ties at any given moment, but ending up - emotionally or physically - in the same place one always was. apart from the glaring tie of how Edelgard returned to garreg mach, this song is a lot of me trying to repatriate Edelgard’s lack of emotional arc in the game by saying . well. this song.

You can call me Al - paul simon. am i projecting edeleth thoughts onto my favourite song? it’s morelikely than you think!!! but also i like the chorus and all the exasperating ‘call me el’jokes i can make.. i may be half writing a fic based on this song.

Dorothea:Agnes - glass animals. so i have significant emotions about edelthea at the best of times !! and this song !!! really bloody hits it home !! yes I knowit’s got a really heavy and real subject matter and I’m not trying to devalueit or minimise it.. but the story - about watching someone close to you hurtthemselves/get hurt, and doing so in ways you can’t stop them from - is adamn real one. And a Lot of why I love Dorothea’s character in the gamebecause she’s the one who can’t stop her friends from getting hurt – through exposureto warfare .. or stopping Edelgard becomingthe monster at the end of the story. Even though she’s one of the healers onthe beagle’s team. And I feel that.

Ex’s and Oh’s – Elle King. So you know that one spn fanvid featuringthis song about all of dean winchester’s relationships? That, but for my flirting Queen Dorothea Arnault. (and I have the dumbest most fun little headcanon thatonce Dorothea and Sylvain derailed a lgbt+ society meeting whilst Edie wastrying to go over the budget by blasting this song and dancing on the table.The idea makes me laugh)

Hold My Girl – George Ezra. The whole thing about wanting just that onemoment to cherish the people you love for one moment more before you have goout face the world? If that’s not the timeskip’d Dorothea Arnault Aesthetic, Idon’t know what is.

(Call Me Out – sea girls. On a much lighter note, this song is fueling the later half of mydrafts of road trip au. And it’s literally because of that one verse. im gayshut up.)

Hubert:Red Right Hand – nick cave and the bad seeds. Is it on the nose? Is itheavy handed? Oh u fuckin bet but that won’t stop me!!! A) it’s a good song. ItIs. B) I like narrative songs. C) Any ‘red right hand’ symbolism in Anycharacter has me love them immediately and also plonk this song in the middleof any playlist about them. sure, the artic monkeys version might be a bit more on hubert’s brand.. but my mileage varies about it lmao

I had fortress by bear’s den earmarked for Hubie, as I think it’s easilyread about boundaries and a one sided intense relationship & that’s! Hubiebaybee! But I can’t possibly cover unhealthy relationships without shoving thealbum Hospice by The Antlers into every which way of it. It’s by no meansdirectly translatable to Edelgard and hubert’s relationship and it’s arguable ifI should even mention it in the same sentence as a bloody fictional character… that beingsaid, I’ve been having emotions about:Shiva – the antlers. This song specifically reads to me to be a really goodarticulation of my own thoughts about Hubert’s perspective of Edie getting experimentedon. heavy but damn. I like that. I just see a lot of what their teen years togethermust have been like in Shiva.

Time – Pink Floyd. Ok so.. it’s like Hubert in parallel bc I think thissong is a lot about searching for a purpose/reason or a quote unquote bloodyred path in life. And I may have been listening to it when I watched Hubert/DorotheaA support & now it’s just permanently associated with it bc it complementedit so well. And I like it. So . it stays. It’s very much a beagles song to meas well.

Lysithea:The Beautiful Dream – George Ezra. Ok so I read this Edelysithea ficwith this on repeat bc the title reminded me of it, and then I stuck it onrepeat because it worked too well and now.. im crying.. and i like the inflection of Lysithea’s bitterness over the titular lyric. (but also, it remains one of my steadfast edeleth songs.. sorry lys)

Secrets (Cellar Door) – Radical Face. Another Edelgard&/Lysitheasong!! I really like their relationship ok. And given the song itself can beread straight or an allegory for whatever you particularly want, but the storyis just too on the nose for me not to mention it here.(also general advocation of listening to the whole of radical face’s musicbecause I’ve loved it for years now & the work is beautiful.) (also it’swonderful for fe awakening projection. Or ur own.)

Oh Children – nick cave and the bad seeds. there’s a million different interpretations of this song, but to try nail a few onto Lysithea.. there’s the harry potter use of making/finding a light in the depths of tragedy & i love that for Lys. there’s the whole ‘the kids aren’t alright’ theme and it’s various depths. and i like narrative lyrics to plaster my large fictional-character-caused-emotions onto, so make of this one what you will.

Marianne (and Lysithea too if you like)Bad Blood – Radical Face. Ok so. This is one of my favourite songs in bloodyexistence, and it’s so loaded with meaning & it has a metric tonne of it. Icould wax lyrical about how much I love Radical Face’s work. I don’t want myinclusion of this song (specifically this one) to in any way devalue it. Butmusic is ofc incredibly subjective, and so is my reading of a lot of threehouses – in case it’s not bloody obvious by now. There’s a Lot of stories onecould take from Marianne’s character (and none of them are More Valid^tm thanany other), and I do see a very personal story in her – as I do in this song. Hgghhghive just spent 10 minutes trying to find an impersonal way to talk about twovery personal and relative stories, which naturally doesn’t work. That, and theway I read her story is Real Fucking Dicey for tumblr.com. so if this song is about accepting rejection because of parts of yourself so deep they’re in your blood, i think.. y’all can see.. where my neurodivergent gay self is going with this..

Byleth:Something to Believe In – Tom Walker. Yeah. You’re bloody welcome. If this isn’ta completely on the nose Byleth song, I’ll eat Dorothea’s hat.

Don’t Let the Man – Fatboy Slim. ~ And the sign said green-hairedpartially possessed emotionally void mercenaries need not apply for aprofessorship at the country’s most prestigious academic centre… ~

Emigrate - Novo Amor. this just fucking Got Me in the ‘actively choosing crimson flower’ feelings. im an emotional wreak but its aight. the lyrics just matched up too well for me to let it go !!!

Alps - Novo Amor. this hit me in the ‘i miss the gremlin child sothis’ feelings one day and now it’s permanently stuck that way.

Make Them Gold – chvrches. (this is very much associated with awakening’sfuture past kids and also the Carmilla series in my mind But!!) I love a story about‘if we’re all falling, we’re going down together’ and the magical power of teamwork, and how it brings out the best in people.. & that’s what this song& Byleth kinda bloody stand for ya know??

woooh.. oh my god . i need another cup of tea.

#ask #birb says what //#fe meta #that tag's just for kicks and so i can find this again #oh my god i just don't shut up sometimes #but oh my god that was fun #easiest way to get me into a mouse trap or something is to tell me to make a character playlist i s2g #anyway. thank you for the ask!!!#apologies for the brick wall of text!!!#hope someone out there found at least one part of this they liked that'd be rad #but like. i do this shit for ME lmao #kalinary

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mirohed · 5 years

Text

kim seunghun | love me, love me not

pairing: kim seunghun + gender neutral reader

wc: 3.7k

genre: hanahaki au + angst

synopsis: daffodils represent unrequited love. is that why you keep coughing them up?

warnings: implications of suggestive content, descriptions of illness (and mention of surgery), mention of alcohol

playlist: love me, love me not.

a/n: happy birthday to me!! im glad i finally got to finish and post this (its,,, been in my wips since at least february LMAO) !! they prob wont read this but i wanted to thank my irls for dealing w me and my kpop bullshit (esp bc none of them stan ygtb 😔)

It's getting worse.

Your knuckles turn white, gripping the porcelain of the toilet. Tears and blood alike fall into the bowl, disturbing the gentle peace of the water. You pound at your chest, the action causing you to hack up yellow daffodil petals stained suspicious red. It's a monotonous process at this point. Pound. Cough. Pound. Cough. Repeat until the damned coughing stops.

It takes ten minutes before you return to normal. Or at least as normal as you can get. You got lucky this time.

You watch the petals spiral downward into the gaping hole in the toilet and get flushed away.

Being with Seunghun wasn't always accompanied by a tightness in your chest and petals tickling your throat.

june 19, 2005; 2:52 PM.

"I wanna grow up," you had grumbled, your hands squeezed around the chains of the swingset. You and Seunghun had been riding your bikes for the first time since getting the training wheels off. You had sped down a hill ("First one down’s a rotten egg!") and lost control, falling off and scraping your knee on the pavement. He rushed you to your parents' house, supporting your weight with an arm around your waist. The two of you had settled for playing on the swingset in your backyard instead.

"Me too," he said. "I think." He'd been rocking forward and backward on the swing, eyes focused on the blades of grass underfoot.

"You think?"

"I don't know." You stayed silent, trying to gain as much height as possible with your uninjured leg. "I don't wanna grow up and stop being friends." That got you to stop right in your tracks, your leg planted on the ground.

"What?" You sent an incredulous look his way. "Why would we stop being friends?"

He had let go of the swing, his hands finding his lap. "Some of the older kids stopped being friends when they grew up," he mumbled. "I don't wanna stop being friends, but neither did they..."

You got off the swing, limping over to him and wrapping Seunghun in the biggest hug your six-year-old arms could muster.

"We're gonna be best friends forever. Don't forget that."

"Best friends forever." If he wrapped his arms tighter around you then, you didn’t pick up on it.

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i had fun today :^))

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i wanna adopt a puppy!!

[09:55 PM] huniebee🐝: will you promise to help me take care of it

You brighten as the messages come in, your phone's vibrations distracting you from the way your throat clogs.

[09:56 PM] you: ofc

[09:56 PM] you: well be the best puppy parents the worlds ever seen

[09:57 PM] huniebee🐝: wait i need to send the pics from the pet shelter

[Attachment: 8 images]

You save each picture, cooing over the puppies you got to meet. This time, you only get a precious few minutes of relative clarity before things get too distracting to ignore. You return to the bathroom with a resigned sigh that devolves into a fit of coughs.

You cough and retch and cough some more. By the time you're done, there are less petals and more blood in the toilet bowl. Your chest still feels full of something you can't quite spit out.

Then you hack up something new: a bloody stem with wet flowers still attached.

There's nothing left to do but cry, your whole body wracked with pain both physical and emotional.

august 29, 2011; 3:15 PM.

"Today was fun," you said, making yourself right at home on Seunghun's bed. Your new backpack hadn't lasted more than a couple minutes in his house before getting neglected on his carpet. Your best friend hummed in acknowledgement, already sitting at his desk with his workbook out. "I'm glad we got to meet some new people," you continued, "but that Hyunsuk guy? Seems like a major pain in the ass."

"Give him a chance."

"I know, I know. I will. But still," you huffed, “it was his first day too. No need to act like a know-it-all."

"I know. But it's the first day. Maybe he'll even himself out with time."

The conversation ended there, and you spent some time staring at his ceiling fan, the blades going round and round in a big, beautiful blur. Before long, you had grown bored, looking over at him only to see his pencil flying across the paper.

"Hey. Let's go to the mall and get pretzels." Seunghun spun around to face you, a foot stopping his chair from going too far.

"Sure," he gave a placid smile. "Do your work first."

You groaned as loudly as you could, sounding much like a petulant child straight out of elementary school. (Which was more or less the truth, but you thought you were better than that.) After a few minutes of uninterrupted whining and failing to get Seunghun to break, you spoke up. "Why do I need to do my work? You're Mr. Hardworking, Mr. Teacher's Pet."

"We're in middle school now," he had said, and you remember thinking you were in for a long lecture, "and pretty soon, we're gonna have to go to high school and take entrance exams and decide which university we want to go to and..." He averted his gaze, put down his pen. "We need to start growing up."

"We're still young," you reasoned, sitting up and letting your legs dangle off the side of his bed. "If anything, this is our time to experience things and, you know, make mistakes before we become adults!"

He was silent for a few long, agonizing moments, long enough to make you think you'd won. The pretzels were within reach; all you had to do was ask for them.

"I call a compromise."

Shit. Compromises were common in your friendship. Seunghun was always a little too good at stopping you from making stupid decisions. The worst part was that you could never argue with them. "We go to the mall to get pretzels—my treat—if, and only if, you do your work. We don't go until we're both finished. Deal?"

You opened your mouth, determined to pick the proposal apart, but his reasoning was (unpleasant, yet) bulletproof. Instead, you reached for your backpack with a heavy sigh. "First of all, fuck you. Second of all," you said, tugging your own workbook out, "you're impossible."

"I know. Do your work."

"Fine."

The math problems had been difficult, definitely harder than you were used to, but doable. If anything, the greasy mall pretzels that were way too salty to be healthy made it all worth it.

Seunghun gets understandably very worried when you text him from the hospital, but he comes to see you nonetheless. In his arms is a bouquet of daffodils.

"They symbolize friendship," he says, setting it down on the table next to you. You stare at the pristine yellow petals and flatten your lips in a tight smile. How ironic, you think, that he doesn't know they also symbolize unrequited love.

"The doctors wouldn't tell me why you're here. Classified information, they said." That much is true; nor much is known about the disease outside of shitty romance movies with unrealistically happy endings. Seunghun always believed in them. You never did.

You don't think your story's gonna have a happy ending.

You didn't want him to know anyway, lest he worry. (And you don't want to think about what would happen to your friendship if he found out he was the cause of it all.) "You don't have to tell me," he begins, sitting himself down on one of those rigid hospital chairs, "I just wanna know if it's bad. Like, well...you know.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “Terminal."

"Like if I'm gonna die?"

"Yeah," he rubs the nape of his neck, a bit abashed, "more or less."

"I don't know. Sure hope not," you chuckle. That brings on a coughing fit, and Seunghun looks on, brows knit together. He moves close to offer what little comfort he can, but you hold your hand up to stop him; having him near will only make things worse.

Petals threaten to spill out of your mouth, and panic bubbles in your chest when he asks if you're okay. Your doctor, bless her, chooses that moment to enter. She shooes him out "to speak to you in private." Seunghun, to his credit, obliges and flashes you a smile and a thumbs-up as he goes. You try to mirror his expression (and hope your smile isn't more of a grimace).

The door closes behind him with a soft click. "Friend of yours?" the doctor asks.

You spit the blood-stained petals into your hand, your doctor graciously looking the other way as you toss them into the trash. "You could say that."

october 4, 2013; 5:11 PM.

You tugged at your clothing, feeling more than a little uncomfortable as you waited for your best friend to show up. The DJ, a former student, was already hard at work inside the gym. You heard the bass-boosted beginning of the Cupid Shuffle and shot a frantic text to Seunghun.

[05:11 PM] you: holy shit theyre playing the cupid shuffle can you PLEASE hurry up

[05:12 PM] you: idc if this is our first homecoming you better get your ass over here

[05:12 PM] huniebee🐝: give me like two minutes!!

[05:12 PM] you: THE SONGS GONNA BE OVER IN 2 MIN

"Are you waiting for Seunghun?" Hyunsuk had asked, tie already loosened. You two had gotten close—not as close as you and Seunghun, of course—this year as a result of having classes together. You wondered why you ever hated him.

"Yeah. He won't be too late, thank God, but I'm pissed we're missing the Cupid Shuffle. What about you? I remember you bragging all week about 'flexing your dance skills in front of the ladies.' Or are you all talk, as usual?"

"You know, it's almost like you don't want me to wait with you."

You had laughed, knocking your shoulder into his. The chatter kept up for a minute or two before he made his leave. ("Well, it's time for me to flex my dance muscles in front of the seniors," he chuckled, giving you a salute as he walked off.)

"I'm here! God, I can't believe I missed the Cupid Shuffle," Seunghun said, head hung low. You began to feel a little self-conscious; you were feeling out of place in your semi-formal outfit, yet he looked right at home in his dress shirt.

Chasing those thoughts away, you grinned. "You're here now, aren't you? Come on." You took his hand and dragged him into the gym.

You don't talk to Seunghun or to Hyunsuk after that. You're not sure if you should tell Hyunsuk about the whole situation when he texts you. Seunghun must have told him something was up, of course, and he's insightful enough, sensitive enough (when he wants to be), but you worry. You're afraid he'll open his big mouth. Instead, you send a few messages to your best friend.

[04:29 AM] you: hey

[04:29 AM] you: i just wanted to say in advance that im sorry

[04:29 AM] you: im so so sorry for everything ive done and for what im about to do

There's one last message in the text box, daring you to send it. "I'm sorry I love you," you whisper instead, deleting the message before you do something you’ll regret. To seal the deal, you tap through a few menus until you reach his contact. The picture you've assigned to him is one you took; he's about to take a big bite of cotton candy bigger than his head.

With a heavy heart (though you hope it’s just the weight of the daffodils in your chest), you block his contact. It's better this way. It has to be.

Your doctor said you could get rid of the thick, thorned vines with a vicegrip around your heart and lungs, could pluck the flowers that threaten to spill out at the mere thought of your best friend.

The biggest side effect of it all, she told you, was that you'd forget all about Kim Seunghun. So you steel yourself.

The last thing you think about before they insert the thin needle of anesthesia in your veins is Seunghun's smile, and how you'll never see it in person again.

And how even if you did, you wouldn't remember it as the grin from the boy you love.

october 4, 2013; 9:16 PM.

The frenetic strobe lighting in the gym slowed to a stop, having been replaced with a spotlight making lazy rounds through the gym.

You knew that marked the beginning of a slow song, and dragged Seunghun off the floor in search of some punch. He seemed to have different plans, tugging you back on the floor and pulling you flush against him.

"Where are you going?" he had asked. "You're the one who wanted to dance the night away." His hands found your waist, yours instinctively folding behind his neck. You had wanted to say something about how that claim was void now; he was the one that made you miss the Cupid Shuffle, but the words get extinguished when you look at him.

It was just like that time you practiced in fifth grade, but you swore there was something different about tonight and the way you swayed. You thought back to your practice session in fifth grade, how you had stepped on each other's feet, how you spent the whole time laughing. (For the record, it wasn't for any lack of balance; you started it, laughing as he cried out before he stomped on your toe.)

There was no laughing during the song. Everything was vibrant and deafening and there all at once. But at the same time, it was like everything had been stripped away. Everything but you and Seunghun.

Things changed after that. You were left with a dizzying, free-fall sort of feeling that picked up with each glance at your best friend. Almost every butterfly in the world was taking current residency in your stomach, making you feel light as your body moved to the music. Before long, there was something lodged at the back of your throat, nudging its way forward.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick," you said, a particularly heavy cough bringing the mysterious lump to your mouth.

Running your tongue along the smooth texture of the lump (okay, so not phlegm), you spat the offending object into the sink: a single yellow petal, coated in saliva.

You blinked.

Blinked again.

"Oh, what the fuck," you muttered, unlocking your phone. One quick Google search later—why the fuck am i coughing up flowers—you found an answer.

Flora mortem. You were loath to believe WebMD, of all things, but you found yourself tapping the link regardless. There was another term for the rare disease: Hanahaki.

Revising your search query was a mistake. The first result was the "hanahaki" tag on Tumblr, which showed nothing but models with tears in their eyes and bloodied flowers in their mouths. Yikes.

You made your way back to the party after that, but lingering in the back of your mind was the cause of the disease: a severe case of unrequited love.

There is only one definite cure for Hanahaki Disease: having the object of the afflicted's affections return their feelings.

You almost manage to purge the petal and the stupid WebMD page from your mind for the rest of the night.

Almost.

You wake up hours later. It's a little disorienting, sure, to come to with little memory of what landed you in the hospital. You peek under the oversized hospital gown to see bandages over your chest, get tempted to rip the IV drip from your arm. The doctor comes in right before you make a move on the needle. She tells you all about how the flowers in your lungs are gone for good.

"You're saved. But the final test," she says, pulling a phone from her pocket, "is this. Do you recognize the people in this picture?"

You recognize yourself next to a boy you don't know. His hand's around your waist, pulling you close. You wear matching grins. Given the way you're both dressed, you suspect the picture's from your freshman year's homecoming dance. Weird. Memory's kinda fuzzy from that night.

"Yeah. Myself. I don't know the other guy. Am I supposed to?"

"No. You're not. Congratulations," she smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You're cured."

You look through all the old messages and pictures when you have some time to yourself. You reach out for the memory, the feeling of knowing Kim Seunghun. You get nothing, and while your brain knows something's wrong, you're more concerned about being able to breathe easy.

You move to a new city, far, far away from the place you grew up in. You finish your last year of high school, get a job, start college. You make new memories with new people. You forget all about Kim Seunghun.

It gets easy to forget that you weren't born with the ugly faded red scars that run up and down your chest. It's your only remaining tie to the man you loved so much you almost let yourself wither away. You think it's a good thing you cut him off; why stick around, why force yourself to suffer, for someone who doesn't love you back? Why be with someone if it physically hurts to stay by their side?

But sometimes you wonder. What happened? What happened to him after his best friend walked out of his life for good with no explanation?

Those days are never good. You distract yourself then, often with the familiar kick of alcohol burning in the back of your throat. You've never been much of a drinker, but you figure it's never too late to start.

Sometimes, the distraction comes from being in the arms of another.

(One of your favorite distractions, a young man named Byounggon, had run his fingers along the angry lines one night, jotting them down in his map of your body.

"Do you regret it?" he asked then, eyes half-lidded with drowsiness. You cupped his cheek, ran a thumb along the planes of his face.

"I wouldn't be here if I regretted it, now would I?" He let the corners of his mouth turn up just so, pressing his lips to yours.

You don't talk to him much nowadays, your interactions reduced to likes on Instagram, views on Snapchat. He's moved to a bigger city. "More opportunities," he said. You keep up with his dream of being a musician, always. There was a time when you were his number one supporter, after all.)

"Will that be all?" the cashier asks, jotting your order on the plastic cup. When you nod, he asks for your name. He jots that down too.

But then his eyes widen and he looks at you with renewed interest. "I'm sorry?"

"Is there a problem?" you asks, peering at your name (spelled correctly) on the cup. His eyes search for an answer within yours, some sort of explanation you can't seem to give. He averts his gaze, shakes his head, places your cup in the queue of orders.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Just thought you were someone I knew. Have a nice day." You parrot the phrase, catching a glimpse of the young man's name tag.

Seunghun, it reads in cheerful yellow. There's a doodle of a puppy in the top right corner. You think it's rather cute.

Two weeks later, you meet Seunghun again. This time, you're out for a morning jog. The crisp autumn air greets you as your feet meet the pavement and let out a satisfactory crunch under the burnt orange leaves on the sidewalk.

You both get stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. While you catch your breath, you don't miss the way he flinches, as though he didn't expect you to show up. He schools his expression into something friendly within no time, and you wonder if you imagined the whole thing.

"The weather's nice, isn't it?"

"It is," you pant. "On your way to work?" He raises a hand to tug at the strap of his backpack with a small smile.

"Yeah. You should come by, give us business," he grins. "On mornings like this, I recommend the hazelnut latte." You hum in agreement, not yet recovered enough to converse. "Tell you what, you come and get one when I'm working, I'll make sure it's on the house."

"Really? Maybe I'll swing by." The light changes, and you leave Seunghun behind, waving goodbye as you do.

You come in later that day, ordering a hazelnut latte as promised. Seunghun's manning the register, same as two weeks ago, and when he takes everything down, he smiles. You miss it as you pay, but there's something extra on your cup.

As you take a sip of the (delicious; his coworker Yedam must be some sort of brewing prodigy) latte, you catch a glimpse of the extra writing.

Along the side of the cup is his phone number.

[10:58 PM] seunghun!: more than anything i want to adopt a puppy

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: or rather another one

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: i named this one after an old friend

[Attachment: 1 image]

The picture of Seunghun and his dog brings a smile to your face. You've been spending more time with him recently, whether it be going on coffee runs ("Are you sure you're not just using me for my employee discount?") or complaining about life as a broke college student ("My card got declined trying to buy a bag of chips last night...").

It's nice. Spending time with him is...nice.

It's more than a simple distraction, somebody to hold close on nights your decisions try to haunt you. It’s friendship, something to hold onto when you lose your way in the dense forest of your mind and to cherish when you manage to make it to a clearing and bask in the sunshine.

You've caught a cold recently (probably from that bastard Seo Changbin in your communications class). Seunghun's given you some homemade tea, swearing on its usefulness. It certainly tastes good, the sweet honey chased by tangy lemon. Unfortunately, the tea isn't able to stop the persistent cough you've been plagued with.

Feeling phlegm start to come up, you turn the bathroom lights on, hacking it up and spitting into the sink.

Huh. That's weird.

There's no phlegm.

The only thing in the sink is a single golden petal, coated in saliva.

#seunghun scenario #seunghun imagine #seunghun angst #kim seunghun scenario #kim seunghun imagine #kim seunghun angst #ygtb scenario #ygtb imagine #ygtb fluff #yg treasure box scenario #yg treasure box imagine #yg treasure box angst #seunghun #ygtb #ari.doc #ariweek 2019 #c9boyz

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ghostantine · 6 years

Text

OKAY SO THE ANIMATION MOVIE!

Right so I pretty much loved it??

this here now is quite a detailed take on it cos i guess i’ve talked back and forth about it so much i need give a conclusion

First of all: the set up, that also was the first eps that dropped on cw seed, is pretty much the weakest part of the film in my opinion. also for the film they got bit beefed up with other surrounding world and mood building stuff which helped.

So! Does it live up to the comic? well... yes and no. it has the wireframe of All His Engines but it does divert from it a lot. Most of the diversions are to cater to a certain idea, establishing the Hellblazer universe and tying into material people who know the motion work know. It’s not necessarily a bad thing tho, quite the contrary at one part or another: there is one plot twist early on that might actually be slightly more interesting than All His Engines had. The adaptation of the story clearly aims to bring more insight to Hellblazer as whole rather than adapting AHE, which im not opposed to at all if done well (originally i was really surprised by the choice of AHE to begin with). Unfortunately in some key parts of John’s history as well as key parts of AHE plot, this falls flat and dilutes some potential outcomes. Where it does live up to the comic tho is obviously the basis of the plot but also has very much the vibe and style of the comic (interesting as the art actually is very different and not to my taste). The comic clearly served as a platform to build this story from and they were very respectful for it as a source. They also took off some little off-character and off-canon things the comic originally had, altho on the other hand they did change and remove bits of AHE that were important for that storyline and suspense of it. There is a twist at the end that arguably, in it’s essence, is even more All His Engines than the comic actually was.

How it stands with Constantine Episode 10, Quid pour Quo? Well it’s quite at the similar place as ep10 and comic. I think the animation has more of the vibe of the comic while the liveaction follows the storyline more closely. The animation makes some huge diversions of the Hellblazer canon which i get to later on while Ep 10 sticks very much to the comic established histories of the characters and to execute the 2/3 of the AHE plot in the episode. I think personally that the comic still manages to be the most interesting of these three and the motion ones are tied at very close second place. Mostly cos the animation fucked up at places and the comic edges up by having amazing lines no one bothered to include.

There is a lot i really loved. In general the whole thing’s actually pretty great? I might need to actually rewatch the whole thing without pausing every 5 mins to write down thoughts or tumblr posts haha. I think it held itself together and someone not so emerged into the comics wont even be bothered by the things i find annoying. It has a much of a noire theme like original comic did and is something i absolutely love. the other thing i did love was that it wasnt taking itself too seriously either and was very much funny when it needed to be and also when things were just so over the top. Just like Hellblazer is, that is very much a Hellblazer approach in tone. I did love the ‘party’ scene so much, it made me so happy in all it’s ridiculousness and how it was right down to the tee my interests ahah. There was couple non-comic plot twists I didnt even think to wait for and i did love some and appreciate others. John was very much in character, probably the most since Constantine, at least in live action, maybe even in comics. I did also really love how people reacted to him cos that’s another people get wrong a lot. He was called out for being a fucking idiot and a bad person but still getting appreciation and interest from his peers and demons trying to fuck him up. All the time they stuck to All His Engines as a reference point it was as good as it gets with these things. Loved Asa the Nightmare Nurse so much! She was cool! Also John got thrown around and had his ass kicked I also like that a lot like all you know. Those little inner demon gremlins were cute too i love them

Obviously there are some problems and things im gonna nitpick next. I’ve talked to an extent about the whole Newcastle thing being SO WRONG and how it could’ve been done right... or at least less wrong. I think on my first watch i initially said i don’t care that much but the more i thought about it and now that i watched it again.... i don’t like it. not one bit. I did also initially say I’m not bothered by the fact that ‘Chas’ in this is actually like Chas and Gary and couple other Newcastle people merged together but... in the end that bothers me too. I would be less bothered if these actually served the plot but they dont. AHE doesnt have these and it still works. You dont need “DEEP WHOLE LIFE OF FRIENDSHIP AND SHARED TRAGEDY” to make a mens’ friendship meaningful, that’s just toxic masculinity. Honestly as much as i love Newcastle as a plot and them introducing Nergal to the mix here worked, i dont think the whole 10-15 mins of botching it was worth it. Either do it well or leave it as a vague thing. One other big thing that always bothers me is the magic stuff. While this did try from time to time to have John just draw symbols, bleed a bit and chant some shit to call up some bigger magical entity, it did also make John do some glowy hands magic shit and referred to him as gifted or some other bs. That’s STILL just WRONG. Why is it so hard for these people to understand? HNGH. There was also some dumb bits here and there like John driving which annoys me so much. The end im not quite sure how to feel about but it’s also VERY MUCH AHE (to the vibe of it, not the actual end of AHE). I still dont like the art and i think they are dumb for the whole “London Hospital” thing, tho I’m mostly just amused by that. They did change some stuff from AHE which i thought was really cool on AHE so that kinda bugged me a bit. Not going too much into the details but it’s the usual diluting of comics plot twists. One big thing for me tho was the lack of a clear “trial and error” plot which is the key part of the comic’s plot structure and also was very much present in the Constantine episode but was missing from the movie. The movie on the other hand followed a different Hellblazer plot structure where “John has an absolute solution which has a huge cost but wont use it until the end”. They gave Chas’ sex scene to John which is a bit unfair. Also the lack of lines like “we bend down and think of England” and John’s joke about skull being a bad condom cos it’s got holes is a huge loss on it’s own too.

And against JLD movie? I do like this way better. Not gonna get to too many details here but this obviously is a Hellblazer based thing and not DC/N52 thing. Ofc this one has bit more canon fuck ups cos it tried to get to so many things but as a whole i think it’s better than JLD and a good adaptation of All His Engines.

tldr; it’s a great little movie and very much enjoyable. it has some obvious flaws but keeps up to the comic vibe, characterisation and plot.

Also let john say fuck 2k18

#this is very long and i hope i remembered everything i wanted to say #honestly most of the new parts of it were amazing #this obviously has spoilers but also written from perspective of a person who read the comic long ago and multiple times #and does maybe actually remember what happens in that #im trying my best not to talk about the movie's own plot points to en extent #oh well this is like almost an actual review or something #constantine animation shit #constantine animation spoilers //#constantine city of demons spoilers //#i'll also post the silly thing too in a moment

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lifeofamastersstudent · 4 years

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Reflection | Workshop 2

4th June 2020 | online workshop | 6 people - Group discussion

Part 1 : Word Based

Activity 1 : State one quality about ourselves

Some of the words I got where - Patient , joyful, calm & patient, indecisive

Activity 2 : Pick ONE word out of FIVE

Player 1

1. umbrella - protected and safe 2. Water - calm and composed. I’m okay to go with the flow most times 3. can opener - I picked can opener because I can find solutions.

Player 2

1.Music box - because I’m entertaining 2. Rainbow - it brightens the sky on a rainy day and I’m feeling hopeful right now 3. Door - feels like it allows people to come in. I am welcoming.

Player 3

1.Ball - because I do things around sports and in a way, the ball can go in any direction. 2. Sand - it can take whatever shape you put it into 3. Stairway - I think theres no final point in my life. I think theres always something work in progress.

Player 4

1.Tree bark - because I’m grounded 2. Waterfall - I relate to waterfall because I’m very emotional. 3. Cloud - I am very moody - somedays grey and somedays white and my name itself means cloud

Player 5

1. 2. Pillow - soft and cuddly. And in general its the best thing ever. I am the best shit ever. 3. ocean - I found ocean appropriate. Its very vast and its very deep and its also pretty dark. And its something I can relate my imagination to. And you know how some people are really scared of exploring the depths of the ocean. And its also a lot of pressure to take.

Player 6

1.Rock - hard exterior 2. Waves - calm, it can be soothing sea and it can be a tsunami. extremes. 3. Shadow - its dark as I am in a lot of things that I think of. I can match peoples energy - I can imitate them.

Activity 3 : You get ONE word, find a connection

Slightly more challenging because you get one word and you must find a way to associate with it

Player 1

Boat - The way I could relate to the word I got is - well a boat can sail. I think if you know how to do it properly then you can withstand harsher waters. If you are comfortable and then you can handle it. If Im prepared about a situation if its tricky or difficult, I can handle it a lot better.

Player 2

Thorn - I can be hurtful. I can get angry. I can also protect the flower.

Player 3

Sharpener - I dont like to see anything negative in a person or even me. In my relationships, there are lots of things which are very different about them - id say for them. Some id change for me and some for them. I’m always looking to sharpen my skills and change relationships for the better

Player 4

Chair - my word was chair. I associate with it because I give people comfort so if someone comes to me, I do provide comfort. But it also stands on four feet. So I feel like my support system keeps me stable and that intern helps me to provide comfort to people.

Player 5

Night - I feel like on one side, experiencing a really pretty night. I fee like I can empathise with people and provide comfort and on the other hand the night can also get terrors. The dark fucked up thoughts and depression that comes with it. A flip side thing.

Player 6

Rain - it can be harsh and moody in a way. But also calming when you’re inside the house so it can have two different sides of a coin.

Activity 4 : Draw metaphors for yourself

At this point player 5 said how it was easier to draw the metaphor and it was a bit challenging to sit and word the drawing correctly.

Player 1 - “ill never have enough of my blue crayon”

It means if there something or a person that gives me comfort, I wouldn’t lose that person and try really hard to keep them in my life. A thing or a hobby. Ill do everything I can make sure to have it in my life

“happy as a pig” trying to be positive and be happy with whatever situation. theres no point in being unhappy with given situations.

Player 2- an open door with rainbow - an open door to happiness

Player 3 - I took my words sharpener and sand “harder, better, sharper, stronger” I’ve also drawn a sand watch. It takes the form of anything. I feel like theres always something missing, something is constantly happening.

Player 4 - so I made clouds because I’m really moody. And I drew the few people who always deal with my moods.

Player 5 - drew an ocean - part of the ocean is beautiful and the bottom has dark elements ( a treasure chest, a piranha, a whale, a dead person. Also drew a book - but then once you know me I go on non stop. And the whisk is because I create. Its one of my tools and my little universe. And the rings remind me of the planetary movement.

Maybe I can ask Player 5 to elaborate the new components she added and if there was any symbolic value to any of them.

Player 6 - I mixed all elements. I drew a shadow version of the drawing. One where I create my own problems and then me trying to protect others from theirs. I just put a rock in there just because and I added a storm. Its a duality.

At this point I also shared a few of my own - Tea pot , Music box , Egg

I noticed during this activity that some people used words and images . So their words complimented their drawings.

A challenge I faced during these workshops is how sometimes people brought in borrowed meanings into their objects. Like if an object reminded them of something someone said or did and it has some impact on them. Then they added that meaning into their story. Weaving it.

This exercise didn’t necessarily add more value. Most people seemed to repeat their metaphors - only in some more detail.

My follow up question to the players would be - did this exercise help build up and clean out the metaphors - make them more clear or was it just a repetition of expression - giving your thought a visual form?

Part 2 : Theme Based

Activity 1: State one quality for a tree

I asked people to give one quality to a tree. I now see that people applied some of these qualities when they were later asked to find similarities with the tree.

Activity 2 : If you were a tree, what would you look like

When I asked people to draw a tree that represents them - some people went into creating a version that would be ideal but which may not necessarily fit where they are in life - there was also imagination that came into play.

Player 5 focused on her tree being able to give to the animal community

Player 2 drew a tree that he found inspiring

Player 1 emphasised how important it was to be stable and strong

I think people focused on the “if you were” a lot more than if you were a tree, then what kind.

Activity 3: if this group of people are a single tree, what part would you be?

Player 1 said she would be the branch, she feels like she can support people but not as much as the bark would.

Player 2 I would be the leaves because they are visually pleasing, they are calming and they are just hanging there. Taking in the sunlight

Player 3 I think I’m really like the roots , ike it absorbs the water, the foundation for the tree. The stronger and better the roots the better the tree grows

Player 5 for me id be the little hole in the bark because I fee like the older I grow the more I need this sense of home and feeling of belonging somewhere. Having a little shell to call my own.

Player 4 I think id be the fruit because I think I’m sweet.

Player 6 I picked a single leaf - I see us all as a group and all of us as single leaves. In a broader sense, a part of a whole - nothing standing out, nothing standing out but it makes a part of a group.

Activity 4 : Pick a tree you most associate with. At this point I showed images of different trees.

Player 1 picked a autumn tree because of the warmth

Player 2 went on the visually appealing one

Player 4 picked the one with fruits - because it looks similar to my tree that I drew

Player 6 picked two. First one because it was similar to the ideas and the drawing I drew.

Player 5 picked the one with fruits. Giving and inviting. The tree with green mush - a safe environment with other trees.

Interestingly, player 5 was able to build onto the image of the tree and imagine what surrounds it.

Player 3 picked the fruit one and the one above the autumn tree. Nishant says he has a lot to give - it doesn’t come right away, it takes a while. And in the other image - the surrounding of the tree impacted the tree. Seems adventurous - on a hill.

Activity 5 : Make metaphorical portraits ( with new or old metaphors + physical attributes, if you like)

People did have fun making their metaphorical portraits but I think its because this group is very creative and involved in creativity hence they were more patient.

(Some of the portraits can be found on the blog)

Overall Feedback

Player 3 says, “ my eyes gravitated for things I was already thinking of” when it came to picking a tree.

Player 5 said she already had an idea for the tree and then I had to pick and choose.

Player 5 said that when I gave her a word, she was able to talk about it and visualise. But when I gave an image, she had to compromise and make it fit.

Player 3 said that some of the things people tend to draw are very specific to how we’ve been taught to draw them - like trees. For someone who isn’t much into arts. They might choose to draw a simplified tree that they are trained to draw.

Player 2 felt like although the activities were fun and the session was engaging. He didn’t really get a metaphor out of it at the end of the day

Player 6 suggested to - Give people one word and see how all people interpret it.

Player 3 suggested that I test concepts

Player 4 said that we are designers. We can think of things to associate with. Its harder for people who aren’t designers.

I got suggestions to test this with an older audience and younger audience

Player 3 said that people who are much older face different types of challenges and face mid life crises. Their responses could be irrational or bizarre. From a younger crowd, I did expect a lot of creativity but with an older audience that would change things.

Player 4 said that she didn’t realise that a certain object could encompass the things I felt. I knew the overlying feelings but I didn’t visually associated it with anything.

Overall Reflections

At times there was a focus on what I want to be as opposed to what I am

Drawing the tree impacted picture selection.

The creative background of this group may have impacted the workshop

The outcome may not have been entirely clear even with the creative bits

People found it engaging and fun.

People love to hear other peoples perspective on things

Providing visuals can be very limiting when you start with people trying to give a glimpse of their imagination.

The age might affect the creative output. And if the people are conditioned to think in a creative way.

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antthonystark · 7 years

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I just saw your last anon and the tags and it's like, there's Alec hate on my dash right now and it's making me sick. Someone is accusing that Alec didn't "do enough" to try to help Magnus in the last episode when he thought they switched bodies and we need to stop "excusing" him for it and that the episode was shitty writing, etc. Meanwhile I'm just sitting here thinking how incredible that episode was and I don't even care lmfao.

yeah i saw that post lol like people are…..….let me just quote myself from here (lol so pretentious and self congratulatory im sorry):

“people don’t even try to even think for a second why - it’s all just, he was wrong, he didn’t know, he didn’t notice, he listened to jace instead of his gut, he should be sorry, why didn’t he know, etc. etc. but the point of it is that it was basically an impossible situation - the point was that we knew, but knowing alec’s position – not knowing, being cautious and logical by nature, and having seen valentine’s reprehensibility and manipulations up close and personal – we would understand why it was such a difficult judgment and situation to be in without pointing fingers in blame like little tiny children

but like…..tbh they overestimated the fandom lol“

first of all….obviously, if we’re talking about the writing, then the gaping hole is the fact that alec could have “tested” fake magnus in some way and then gotten confirmation of the switch and all would have been a-okay. but….this is television….that’s the same reason clary and jace would never do a DNA test to figure out their true identities instead of the 4 dramatic reveals we’ve had…drama on tv doesn’t always make sense. so first of all, i’ll give you this - he could have checked, the episode couldve ended in 15 minutes and magnus would be shaken up but overall fine and we probably wouldn’t be seeing as drastic of repercussions as we’re likely going to see in his arc in episodes to come. this is absolutely 100% fair enough. i agree that he could have and should have checked in some way, but i also posit that this is TV and sometimes that means heightening tension and suspending a bit of disbelief, but to each their own, not everyone has to agree with that being a necessary evil in tv writing. it’s also true that it likely could have been avoided in some way, but until we know the implications of what happened in this episode, im not going to judge whether it was a good or a bad call

but let’s think about it just in terms of the actual narrative here, not thinking about TV writing and drama and all that.

[under the cut]

like…..people are putting a bit too much on alec’s shoulders (i.e.”it’s all his fault” instead of “it’s partially his fault but the circumstances were extreme” which is more reasonable to me) instead of even trying to understand the situation at all. this is the kind of manipulation that valentine excels, and revels, in. jace knows it, and because of that, alec knows it.

(and listen, in this post i’m not talking about him going along with the rogue execution necessarily, which is a whole can of worms, but just rather this assertion that he “should have done more” or “should have known.” with the execution thing, i really think his involvement was more a case of his lingering doubt not letting him just turn the other cheek and let her do what she was going to do regardless, but also alec has an authority problem and i hope this is the start of an arc that deals with that but like i said it’s a can of worms and this is a tangent it’s not what im talking about right now lol)

like, to us, valentine popped into the story as clary did, he’s been around for like a couple months. but you know ………….the uprising – includingvalentine’s massacre of both downworlders and shadowhunters – that’s notancient history in the shadow world, right? it happened in alec’s lifetime. it’s extremely recent history in that regard –he was a baby, sure, but I don’t think people fully appreciate how recent itwas, and how significant an event it was in the shadow world. and it wasn’tjust some general war – no, the war and murder and massacre (and attemptedgenocide) was tied directly to one individual and his followers, thatindividual being valentine. just try to put yourselfin alec’s shoes there for just a second however you can, and the way that hewould view valentine just based on that fact alone, just based on what he wouldno doubt have grown up hearing about from his parents and his parents’ friends(some of whom died at valentine’s hands), and likely from history books andshit…valentine has been a symbol for depravity and massacre in the shadow world ever since the uprising, the most loathed figure in recent history - like look at how alec reacts when he finds out his parents were in the circle, calling it “unforgivable.”

so you have that, and then you have the fact that alec has seen very close and firsthand how much valentine can utterly and cruelly twist someone’s mind - that someone being one of the closest (if not the closest) people in alec’s life. alec has seen firsthand the horrible abuse and manipulation that jace has been put through by valentine, alec had to comfort jace who was broken and crying in his arms because valentine put him through so much just an episode ago. alec saw how valentine convinced jace that there was darkness in him (as early as 1x13 after the fight with hodge you see alec trying to make jace snap out of it) – like, that’s not insignficant here either

and bearing in mind that alec and magnus haven’t been dating for a huge amount of time yet - yes, they love each other, yes they’re meant to be, but we all know that there’s lots about magnus that alec doesn’t know yet anyway, so there’s also that + then you have the anger at “valentine” for trying to manipulate his relationship with magnus in order to try and save his own ass which also motivates him against “valentine” in the episode, bearing in mind that that’s what alec perceives to be happening, because based on what we have seen so far in terms of valentine’s actions and the realm of what is possible in the universe, that is absolutely the most logical conclusion to draw

basically what i’m trying to say is that it’s really really easy for us to say that alec “should have known” or “could have done more” but i think that presents a misunderstanding of the way that alec has had to view valentine. certainly, like i said before, alec has a very big flaw with his valuing of authority sometimes superseding his better judgment, and that very significantly plays into this especially at the end when you can see some doubt, but not enough to stop her. but what i disagree with is people putting the entire onus of it on alec’s flaws and alec’s actions, rather than understanding what a difficult dilemma of a situation it really was for him. like i said in my quoted text, it was framed as an impossible circumstance - that’s what made the episode work, that’s what drove the suspense and the tension - it wasn’t a bug, it was the main feature lol.

#come on everyone saw this coming #i can't believe i held out this long before making this post #the anon broke me #my thoughts #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #anonymous #mavra answers #text post

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