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#and I'll probably use that mode again I think !
smoosie · 2 months
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The 'We need to talk' scene
but I've made it into a wet cat short comic
(and it only gets worse for him...)
Bonus secret 5th panel :
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(intrusive thoughts so strong they make his brain crash)
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i have classes again! (i do not know if this is good or not yet) so i will not be able to draw as often. that or i will be drawing extra as a way to procrastinate working on assignments
#ughhhhh i hate transitioning from no classes to classes again this shit sucks#i love being in class but it takes a while before my brain can get used to being in school mode#i wish they just never gave me breaks i would like that a whole lot better#i'm also having a crisis thinking about changing my major#but idk if that's because i actually want to or if i'm just v uncomfortable rn at the thought of having to learn how to be in school again#at the very least i get to go to class looking great today#yesterday i got my hair dyed so now it's neon red orange and yellow#someone told me i look like someone was making their first OC and they had fire powers#another told me i looked like sunset shimmer from mlp#at the very least i look rad as hell and it will make up for whatever horrible thing i end up doing wrong today#i really should've tried to take a class with a prof i'm familiar with but nooooo i waited too long to choose classes#and now i'm stuck with people i don't know who are going to say words to me when all i want is to not say a single word all day long#also i had to wake up at 5:30 today and will probably have to again bc i don't drive so i carpool and they have to work early as fuck#and now i'm on campus and also locked out of the buildings because i can't get the ID scanner to work and the buildings don't unlock yet#at least the feral cats keep me company in these trying times#and waking up early means that i'm just tired enough to not give a fuck anymore so at least i'm not sobbing on the floor (yet)#i'll probably try to save that for after classes end#though i'm feeling strangely okay today which i think might just be the grace period between transitions where i get to act like a human#before i freak out later#or maybe i just missed being in class enough to beat the bad vibes out of me? (probably not but i can hope)#i'm just saying words at this point but that's okay#i'm sure i'm interesting enough for everyone to love hearing about my morning#in which case i want everyone to know that i got the stupidest jacket from the thrift store a while back#and i am rocking it rn#every day i get up and get dressed i look in the mirror and see someone who would fit in better as an art student#but art doesn't make you money and i've lived in poverty too long to go with that#but if i'm stuffed somewhere where i have to have natural hair color and boring clothes at an office job i will probably go batshit tbh#the goal is to be so valuable in whatever field i choose that i get to do whatever i please#like L#anyway i have said so many words
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neverendingford · 9 months
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#tag talk#I've started using music to fall asleep to. because if you watch a video and start to feel sleepy but then stop once you close the video?#the answer is to leave the video running while you fall asleep of course#I'm using music not talking so I don't dream funky and sleep restlessly.#it probably says horrible things about my ability to calm down. rest. and not need distraction. but anything that helps right?#idk. the brain's inability to sit with any sort of quiet. any sort of space to think.#I can't stand when nothing is happening because then I have time to think my own thoughts.#I'm just high school again. which... yeah I'm stressed to hell so it makes sense. but it's annoying and a little disappointing#disappointing that enough stress can just revert me back. I know I'll bounce back faster and more healthily because of the work I've done#but it's still annoying to be back in this same place#how can you move on when you're constantly visiting your old self?#is it nostalgia? trauma? a secret other thing? perhaps all of them at once? I don't know.#I can never be estranged from my bio sex because I'm him all the time.#things get bad and I'm just that terrified little kid who's convinced everyone can read his mind and hates him and wants to hurt him.#and then I'm older me. angry and ready to hurt anyone who touches us. because I'm fucking done with getting pushed around#but I want to get back to me. I want to get back to smiling and laughing so hard I have to lie down on the cold kitchen tile to calm down#one of my minecraft kids told me yesterday that his face hurt from smiling so much while talking to me. that's the kind of person I am now#and I want to be that. I want to be her. I want to be me. I'm so tired of bouncing between past and present.#what does it say that my protective mode is a man and my emotionally honest mode is a woman? idk#trans men often live more emotionally honest and authentic when they transition. obviously my experience will be limited data#I don't think it means anything except the inherent fear that is perhaps characterized so often in trans-women experiences#the fear that becoming myself is somehow reductive of gender roles. the fear that I'm confirming some deeply held bias#which is bullshit. I can be who I want. and I certainly can be who I AM. I just. I want to be me. I want to lose the pressure#because sharing my experiences with others in a way that improves other people's lives is what I want from life.#hmmmm. just had a thought about how minecraft allows me to express whichever side of me I want.#the eager insufferable know it all kid who just wanted to create the world in his own image.#the paranoid and nervous maniac who just wanted everything ordered properly and for it to stay predictable for even just two fucking minutes#and me. the one who wants to create things with others. to engineer collaborative experiences and to build others up and make them happier#idk. I vibe with a lot of stuff I read about did but I really don't match so none of this is trying to pretend or co-opt identity.#but idk. I'm so tired of being split between these eras of my life and getting thrown back into one of those people when things get bad
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nostalgebraist · 1 year
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Honestly I'm pretty tired of supporting nostalgebraist-autoresponder. Going to wind down the project some time before the end of this year.
Posting this mainly to get the idea out there, I guess.
This project has taken an immense amount of effort from me over the years, and still does, even when it's just in maintenance mode.
Today some mysterious system update (or something) made the model no longer fit on the GPU I normally use for it, despite all the same code and settings on my end.
This exact kind of thing happened once before this year, and I eventually figured it out, but I haven't figured this one out yet. This problem consumed several hours of what was meant to be a relaxing Sunday. Based on past experience, getting to the bottom of the issue would take many more hours.
My options in the short term are to
A. spend (even) more money per unit time, by renting a more powerful GPU to do the same damn thing I know the less powerful one can do (it was doing it this morning!), or
B. silently reduce the context window length by a large amount (and thus the "smartness" of the output, to some degree) to allow the model to fit on the old GPU.
Things like this happen all the time, behind the scenes.
I don't want to be doing this for another year, much less several years. I don't want to be doing it at all.
----
In 2019 and 2020, it was fun to make a GPT-2 autoresponder bot.
[EDIT: I've seen several people misread the previous line and infer that nostalgebraist-autoresponder is still using GPT-2. She isn't, and hasn't been for a long time. Her latest model is a finetuned LLaMA-13B.]
Hardly anyone else was doing anything like it. I wasn't the most qualified person in the world to do it, and I didn't do the best possible job, but who cares? I learned a lot, and the really competent tech bros of 2019 were off doing something else.
And it was fun to watch the bot "pretend to be me" while interacting (mostly) with my actual group of tumblr mutuals.
In 2023, everyone and their grandmother is making some kind of "gen AI" app. They are helped along by a dizzying array of tools, cranked out by hyper-competent tech bros with apparently infinite reserves of free time.
There are so many of these tools and demos. Every week it seems like there are a hundred more; it feels like every day I wake up and am expected to be familiar with a hundred more vaguely nostalgebraist-autoresponder-shaped things.
And every one of them is vastly better-engineered than my own hacky efforts. They build on each other, and reap the accelerating returns.
I've tended to do everything first, ahead of the curve, in my own way. This is what I like doing. Going out into unexplored wilderness, not really knowing what I'm doing, without any maps.
Later, hundreds of others with go to the same place. They'll make maps, and share them. They'll go there again and again, learning to make the expeditions systematically. They'll make an optimized industrial process of it. Meanwhile, I'll be locked in to my own cottage-industry mode of production.
Being the first to do something means you end up eventually being the worst.
----
I had a GPT chatbot in 2019, before GPT-3 existed. I don't think Huggingface Transformers existed, either. I used the primitive tools that were available at the time, and built on them in my own way. These days, it is almost trivial to do the things I did, much better, with standardized tools.
I had a denoising diffusion image generator in 2021, before DALLE-2 or Stable Diffusion or Huggingface Diffusers. I used the primitive tools that were available at the time, and built on them in my own way. These days, it is almost trivial to do the things I did, much better, with standardized tools.
Earlier this year, I was (probably) one the first people to finetune LLaMA. I manually strapped LoRA and 8-bit quantization onto the original codebase, figuring out everything the hard way. It was fun.
Just a few months later, and your grandmother is probably running LLaMA on her toaster as we speak. My homegrown methods look hopelessly antiquated. I think everyone's doing 4-bit quantization now?
(Are they? I can't keep track anymore -- the hyper-competent tech bros are too damn fast. A few months from now the thing will be probably be quantized to -1 bits, somehow. It'll be running in your phone's browser. And it'll be using RLHF, except no, it'll be using some successor to RLHF that everyone's hyping up at the time...)
"You have a GPT chatbot?" someone will ask me. "I assume you're using AutoLangGPTLayerPrompt?"
No, no, I'm not. I'm trying to debug obscure CUDA issues on a Sunday so my bot can carry on talking to a thousand strangers, every one of whom is asking it something like "PENIS PENIS PENIS."
Only I am capable of unplugging the blockage and giving the "PENIS PENIS PENIS" askers the responses they crave. ("Which is ... what, exactly?", one might justly wonder.) No one else would fully understand the nature of the bug. It is special to my own bizarre, antiquated, homegrown system.
I must have one of the longest-running GPT chatbots in existence, by now. Possibly the longest-running one?
I like doing new things. I like hacking through uncharted wilderness. The world of GPT chatbots has long since ceased to provide this kind of value to me.
I want to cede this ground to the LLaMA techbros and the prompt engineers. It is not my wilderness anymore.
I miss wilderness. Maybe I will find a new patch of it, in some new place, that no one cares about yet.
----
Even in 2023, there isn't really anything else out there quite like Frank. But there could be.
If you want to develop some sort of Frank-like thing, there has never been a better time than now. Everyone and their grandmother is doing it.
"But -- but how, exactly?"
Don't ask me. I don't know. This isn't my area anymore.
There has never been a better time to make a GPT chatbot -- for everyone except me, that is.
Ask the techbros, the prompt engineers, the grandmas running OpenChatGPT on their ironing boards. They are doing what I did, faster and easier and better, in their sleep. Ask them.
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luveline · 2 years
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𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫? | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
summary steve finds out that falling in love can be really, really easy. you find out what it’s like when somebody wants to take care of you [10.5k]
warnings fem!reader, fluff, mutual pining, getting together, dustins next-door neighbour!reader, sick fic, hurt/comfort, reader is implied to weigh more than nancy, you’re upset one time and steve goes overboard, small s4 spoilers no major plot details, post s3 pre s4, feat. the lunch club, karaoke, rollerblading, sunbathing
𓆩❤︎𓆪
A vast green jungle, so damp the forest floor bathes your ankles in rainwater runoff. The air is thick with humidity and smells green. Earthy, the sweet scent of petrichor tickles your nose, and- 
A shadow distends over the yellow pages of your paperback, dark, eating up the image of the amazon and replacing it with reality – a normal summer's day in Hawkins. 
Steve Harrington stands in front of you, his body blocking the sun and its warm glow. The light throws a halo around his head and turns the ends of his brown hair golden. 
"Watcha reading?" he asks in lieu of ‘hello’.
"Ever read Journey to the Center of the Earth?" you ask him, leaning towards him invitingly. 
You love to mess with him like this, watch his cheeks slowly pink as you bend towards your knees with a demure smile playing on your lips. 
"Yeah, I did. In middle school," he says, trying his best to play it cool, hands pushing deep into the pockets of his pants. 
"Well, it's nothing like that." 
The grin he gets when he realises you're messing with him is adorable. He chuckles warmly and pulls a hand through his hair, looking down at the ground and then up at you again with a bashful pinch to his thick eyebrows.
"You're looking for Dustin?" you ask. You haven't seen your young neighbour since this morning. "He ran off earlier with his huge radio thing." 
Steve rolls his eyes. "Typical. I paid him fifteen dollars," he says, his frustration clear, "fifteen dollars, Y/N, to fix my Walkman like three weeks ago. Every time I come by he's out. Little shit probably hasn't even looked at it." 
You like Steve. He's a great looking guy who's more than nice when he sees you even though you're always pushing his buttons, and his poorly hidden fondness for Dustin is something you find heart-squeezingly attractive. You don't think twice about your next move. 
You stand up from your lounger and have to shield your eyes from the sun, tucking your book under your naked arm. "If you want… I have a cassette player I'm not using. I got a Walkman for my birthday." You don't give him an opportunity to say no as you start for the front door. 
"Are you sure?" Steve asks. You hold the door open for him, standing at the threshold with a grin. 
"Positive. It's collecting dust, at this point." 
"I mean, sure, if that's cool. Just until Dustin gets his act together," he says, pushing past you. His hand brushes your hip. 
"That's cool," you confirm, walking behind him through your open kitchen and living room. "It's on the left." 
Steve pushes into your bedroom. The window's open, breezing around the smell of fresh linens and the hydrangeas in the planter on your sill, shifting the gauzy white curtains. 
The suncatcher hanging from the window sprays rainbow kisses over your walls and posters, your laundry basket full of summer dresses and discarded night shirts. The carpet is freshly vacuumed and plush underfoot as you beeline for your desk. Steve hovers by the door before leaning his weight against your bookshelf, eyes taking it in curiously. 
"Cyndi Lauper," Steve says, eyes on a big poster of said singer with her iconic orange hair and hat. You raise your eyebrows at him, pleased, and he shrugs. "She's famous." 
"You like her?" 
"Nah," he says. "But I'll listen to anything. Except Depeche Mode; sharing a player with Robin all summer has sailed that boat." 
"Yeah?" you ask, kneeling down in front of your desk to dig through the cabinet underneath. You frown, up to your elbow in bric a brac and forgotten trinkets. "It's in here somewhere." 
"Yeah. I mean, maybe not anything. I don't think I have the palate for some of those rock and roll bands. Dustin made me listen to Black Scabbard in the car last week and…"
"Black Sabbath," you correct lightly, pulling out of your cupboard with a relieved huff. 
"Right," he says. 
You look over your shoulder to find him perusing your bookshelf, his hand running lightly over the shiny glass paper weight you use as a book end. He teases the spine of a hardback book curiously but must feel your gaze, turning to you with a sheepish smile. 
"Do you like to read?" you ask. 
Steve wrings his hands held at his hip. "Sure, I don't mind it. Bigger fan of movies." 
"Right, Family Video must get pretty distracting," you say, walking towards him on light footing to offer the dinged-up cassette player. "She's well loved but she works, I swear." 
He takes it from you, fingers brushing the backs of yours. "Thank you." 
You shift from one foot to the other — because oh my god there's a boy in my room — before smiling with teeth. You stop. "You're welcome. Want a drink?" 
"Uh…" 
"I've got pink lemonade." 
"Oh, then definitely." 
You lead him into the kitchen and install him at the kitchen table with two empty glasses. The carafe of lemonade is beautifully cold from the refrigerator with slices of lemon and strawberry bouncing around the top as you pour it. The condensation wets your fingers. 
Steve looks handsome and maybe slightly silly behind your homely oak table, all clean cut and well dressed. You feel bare beside him in your tank top and flowy midi skirt, too much skin. 
"Are you hungry? I make a mean BLT," you say, bringing your feet up onto the chair, knees digging into the table. 
"I'm good, thanks," he says. 
"Are you having a good time of it at FV? They denied my application, but that's 'cos Keith has a vendetta against me for wiping out his score on the Palace's Tempest." 
"You're a Tempest girl?" 
"Everybody plays Tempest," you say. 
Steve gives you a look. "Nerds play Tempest." 
"Fine, every nerd plays Tempest," you allow, rolling your eyes. "Lemme guess, you're a Centipede guy. No, worse! You play Pac-Man. I can tell."
His silence is enough to make you giggle in triumph, elated to have sussed him out so quickly.  
"How did you know that?" he asks finally. 
"You called Black Sabbath 'Black Scabbard'. You're not a nerd." 
"I could be." 
"But you're not." 
You share a steady look over the table. His eyes are bright with mirth, a sleek brown like fresh brewed coffee. You love the shape of them, deepest with the round under eye blanketed in straight black lashes. A red polo stretches across his chest. You find your eyes drawn down the length of his arm to his hand where he's drawing circles around the rim of his glass. He takes it into his hand and you watch his wrist bend, his arm flex as he brings the cup to his lips and a drop of condensation drips onto the table mat. 
"I don't look the type?" he asks after a rough swallow. He sounds almost incensed. 
"No, of course you don't. King Steve," you croon. 
He crosses his arms across his chest and leans back, looking you up and down showfully. "Neither do you." 
He's all charming smiles as he raises his chin and shakes his head, lips stretched up in an open-mouthed smile. 
"Tempest," he mutters in bemusement.
You burst into laughter, quick to defend yourself when there's a pounding knock at the door. You're still laughing as you stand, calling to Steve as you walk to the door, "Tempest isn't even that nerdy! It's the Dragon's Lair dorks you need to watch out for. Oh, hi baby. What's wrong?" 
"You haven't seen Steve, have you? His cars outside," Dustin announces, standing under the porch with his wild curls stuffed under a hat, his pulley cart ditched halfway between your yard and his.
"He's in the kitchen. You want some lemonade? You look frazzled," you offer, brushing your hand over his sunburned shoulder lightly as he scoots right past you.
"Thanks, Y/N." Dustin strides into the kitchen with purpose, glaring at Steve pretty heavily as he takes your seat at the table. "Why are you here?" 
"Fucking charming. I came to see you, Henderson, but you're never home. Too busy finding secluded knolls to radio your girlfriend and play karaoke." 
"Dick," Dustin says, though he defrosts as you fill a glass for him. 
"What do you want?" Steve asks him. 
"Why do you assume I want something?" 
"Don’t be coy, you're not Madonna. It's tacky." 
"Dick," Dustin says again, glaring. 
"Dustin, do you want something to eat? You shouldn't go out in the sun all day by yourself, you know? What if you get heat stroke?" you ask. 
Steve gives you a strange look like he's puzzled with you. You smile back at him, hand coming down on the back of Dustin's chair easily. 
"Steve, I need a ride to Mike's," Dustin says, completely ignoring you.
Steve kicks him under the table. "Manners." 
"Can I please have a ride-" 
"To her, dipshit. Jeez, what's wrong with you? She asked if you're hungry." 
Dustin beams at you innocently, soft cheeks rounding. "No thank you Y/N you're a godsend and I appreciate you very much," he says all in a rush, turning back to Steve, the act entirely dropped. "Now can we go?" 
"Christ, fine. I'm gonna get you one of those rewards cards for being a shithead. This incident would be a double stamp, by the way." 
"Uh-huh," Dustin says. 
The younger teen chugs his glass of lemonade and spins off, calling a thank you over his shoulder. Steve gets up to follow him, your old cassette player held carefully in his hands. 
"I'm sorry about him." 
"Don't be. I've known him his entire life. He's in a phase," you inform him with a small grin, shrugging as if to say, what you gonna do? 
"Long phase. Thank you. For the player and the lemonade." 
"You're welcome," you say warmly, walking him to the door. 
Dustin's already in the passenger seat, having taken his pulley cart back inside. He makes a hurry up motion from behind his window and Steve mutters expletives to himself, giving you one last smile before he trudges off. 
The two boys wave at you through the windshield. You wave back.
When Steve's car has winked from view you take your lemonade and paperback outside again to lie under what's left of the sun. You try your best to fall back into the jungle and conjure its sights and sounds, only you keep finding your thoughts wrapped up around a certain boy's laugh and the face he makes as he does, that startled grin, a fist half raised to his mouth. 
-
"Y/N!" A familiar teen voice accompanied by battering knocking at your front door. 
You pull it open, still in your pajamas, hair a mess. His knocking had woken you up. You'd had about ten seconds to check you hadn't drooled too violently in your sleep before he was calling your name, and so you hadn't bothered getting dressed. 
You wish you had. Dustin stood at the door with Steve Harrington behind him, a happy smile on both their faces. 
You try not to flinch as you throw an arm across your chest subconsciously. "Hi?" you ask. "Is everything okay?" 
Dustin's dressed for the beautiful weather in shorts and a shirt with sleeves so short it may as well be a tank top, a hat perched familiarly over his cute curls. Steve is dressed in a tormenting pair of jeans paired with a denim jacket. Double denim. He looks hot, physically and figuratively. 
"Do you wanna come skating?" Dustin asks urgently. 
You blink at him, pulling the edges of your strappy vest down to cover your navel, plaid bottoms low on your hips – you're a mess.  
"Skating? I don't have one." 
"A skateboard?" Dustin asks, shrugging. "Bring your rollerblades." 
You err at the door, leaning your weight against it as you think. "When?" 
"Now!" he says.
"I don't want to hold you up," you say, aimed more towards Steve than Dustin. 
Steve smiles, hooking cheeks pink with the heat, and is about to talk when Dustin says, "He made me come ask you, he's fine to wait." 
You bite back a smirk at Steve's deer-in-the-headlights expression and nod happily. "Alright. Twenty minutes and I'll be ready. If that's okay?" 
"Totally," Steve says. 
You close the door most of the way and catch a look over his shoulder, finding his pretty friend Robin in one seat and a gaggle of Dustin's friends in the back.
You hear a sharp thwarping sound as you spin away followed by a "What the fuck, dude?" from Dustin and hope that he hasn't tripped over one of your flower pots. You get ready and spend at least ten minutes worrying after your appearance in the mirror before grabbing the skates and jetting into the kitchen. You gather as many impromptu snacks you can find and shove them into a grocery bag, struggling to lock the door behind you in want of a free hand. 
Steve jumps out of the driver's side to open the side door for you. You smile gratefully and dump the snacks and your skates in the footwell before climbing in, an empty seat between you and Dustin’s redheaded friend.
You're saved from the awkwardness of seeing people you've met but don't quite know by their ongoing debate, something about which Bruce Springsteen song is best. 
“It’s obviously Dancing in the Dark. I don’t really know why we’re still talking about this,” Robin says from the passenger seat.
“You’re just saying that because it’s his most popular,” the girl next to you says.
“Things are popular for a reason.” Robin shrugs. 
“Yeah, Max. Plus, popular or not, it’s his best.”
Max scrunches up her entire face. “Better than I’m on Fire?”
There’s a long pause where each child deliberates. Dustin and Mike dissolve into fierce looks. 
“Nobodies talking about Born in the USA,” Steve says into the quiet, eyes on the road but head tilted back.
“Shut up, Steve,” Mike says, looking as exhausted as he usually does when you’ve seen him coming in and out of Dustin’s. Though it's been a while, he hasn't changed. Perpetually done with people's shit. 
“Disrespectful,” Steve murmurs. His eyes flash to the rear view, catching you red-handed as you stare at him. “What do you think?” 
“About what?”
“About Springsteen."
You consider him, his smile, his gaggle of cruel children. “I like Born in the USA,” you say nonchalantly.
“That’s two points,” Steve says triumphantly.
The skatepark is pretty busy because of the good weather. You and Steve end up unpacking your snacks onto a blanket Robin lays out whilst the boys go look for their friend Lucas, who's supposedly already here. 
Max doesn't seem pleased with this revelation, sitting down heavily by Steve's picnic basket. Steve offers her a PB&J from the basket and a cold caprisun and she perks up, but not a lot. You want to spend time with Steve, you're not disillusioned into thinking you're anything but a flower under his attention, blooming and wanting, but Max's sad eyes get the better of you. 
Too late for introductions, you dive straight in. “What’s in the Walkman?” you ask, nodding at the player sticking out of her jacket pocket, the foam padded headphones around her neck. 
“Wild Things Run Fast, Joni Mitchell.” It sounds like a question. 
You’ve struck gold immediately. “I love Joni Mitchell! Have you heard her new stuff?”
Max seems alarmed and happy at once, red messy braids swaying as she lifts her chin. “I mean, only what they’ve played on the radio.”
“Her album came out this October, Dog Eat Dog? I have the cassette if you wanna borrow it. It’s amazing.”
“Really?” she asks. She’s peeling the crusts off of her sandwich, one side at a time, dropping them into the small pile of discarded Saran Wrap. 
“For sure. You’ve heard Shiny Toys?” Max nods. “It’s all as good as that one. Seriously.”
“Awesome,” she says, taking a huge bite of her sandwhich. 
You realise you might’ve come on a little strong and try to backtrack into cool territory again, hand brushing Steve’s ankles as you lean away from the poor girl, smiling sheepishly. 
“My mom loves Joni Mitchell,” Robin says.
“Robin," Steve chides lightly.
“What?” 
You and Steve share a look that’s so familiar it gives you pins and needles in your hands, something small between the two of you clicking into place. Or at least that’s how you feel.
Max has almost finished her sandwich by the time Mike returns. “Are you ready?” he asks her.
She clambers onto her feet and grabs her skateboard from behind Steve. The two walk away, a distance from Dustin and Lucas, who both seem to have acquired a pair of skates each. Dustin in knee pads and a helmet, Lucas without. 
“Why would you say Max listens to mom music?” Steve asks incredulously once they’re out of hearing distance. 
Robin shakes her head, similarly incensed. “I didn’t say that.”
“There were so many other things you could’ve said, Robs.” He sounds less mad and more pitying. 
"I didn't say that! I said my mom listens to her. She does!" 
"Don't take offense. Robin got dropped as a baby," Steve says to you offhandedly. 
You know the best course of action here and you take it – in what world would you make an enemy of a boy you might like's best friend who is a girl? Not this one. Plus, Robin seems super nice. 
"I'm not offended. My mom loves Joni too," you say cheerily, smiling at Robin, unabashed.
You're slightly disappointed when she looks away towards her lap, until she says, "Projections a bad look on you, Harrington. He has, like, a flat head," she tells you.
Steve starts yammering loudly. "Shut up! My head's perfect, you're being ridiculous. Perfectly round and ordinary, thank you." 
"Yeah, I'd definitely say your head's perfectly round," you agree through giggles, reaching for your skates.
You have a funny feeling that a silent conversation is happening as you slide off your shoes and into the skates, lacing up tight, but when you look up Robin's sifting through the accumulated snack pile and Steve's looking the opposite way, towards the kids. 
You clear your throat. "Are you guys gonna skate too?"
"Steve is." 
"I didn't bring-" 
"He's borrowing mine. It's too hot, I can't skate. And I don't have the coordination, anyway."
Steve looks at Robin, at you, Robin again. "I'm not good," he says. You take it for yes. 
Steve gets on his skates and straps out of his denim jacket, exposing the distracting lengths of his arms. He's better than he gives himself credit for, steady on his feet. He knows how to stop and start, and you smile to yourself when the two of you skate off towards Dustin and Lucas, following their journey around the skate park, careful to stay clear of the bowls and rails. 
"You're good! You said you weren't good!" you say to him. 
"I'm not good." 
"You're doing great!" 
He smiles gratefully, the expression at home over his warm features. He's not really a very smiley guy, you've realised, his lips often pulled up into a grimace or a cruel approximation of a smile, sarcastic. It suits him. You go to say as much, eyes eating up every little detail of him. 
"Hey Steve? You should-" and your foot pops over a rock. 
You shriek and throw your arm out towards him. Steve catches you with impressive strength and speed as your leg buckles. You've quickly righted yourself and he brings you to a slow but not quite stop. Stopping on skates is easier said than done, especially old skates with the front guards already worn down. 
"Are you okay?" he asks. 
You've taken his hand without thinking, the two of you widening apart and then coming together like the eclipse of a blinking eye. 
You pull your hand away apologetically, the warmth of his palm lingering. 
"I'm sorry!" you say. 
"Don’t be. Last thing I wanna do is have you crack your head open on my watch. I’m glad you didn’t wipe out." 
"Thanks to you." 
You slow and stop. Steve does the same, the two of you clumsy for different reasons. He watches as you calm your racing heart. 
"Shit, I really thought I was gonna fall. You're a lifesaver." You stare straight into his eyes, their sunlight honey brown, smiling with complete genuineness. He's more than pretty. "Thank you." 
Steve swallows and his smile is warmer, somehow, impossibly warmer. Maybe it's the beautiful weather, maybe it's the beautiful boy. You suddenly feel very, very hot. 
"I think I might need to sit down." 
"Oh, shit," he says, reaching for your arm. You're about to correct his touching – you're not dizzy, just a little nauseous. Only, his hand. His fingers clasped around your elbow, his face fiercely protective. 
You let him guide you back to the picnic blanket. One hand around your elbow, the other behind your sun-warmed back, and somehow his hand is the hottest spot. 
"Are you okay?" Robin asks, shielding her eyes from the sun. The book in her lap slips shut as she straightens. 
"She's okay," Steve says. “Too hot. Budge up." 
Robin moves over on the blanket and throws the basket open. Steve reaches in for a capri sun and passes it to you. It's lukewarm, though the day is so hot it's a relief to drink it. 
"Steve's really good," you tell her after a noisy suck, the orange plastic straw stabbing your lip. You frown down at it.
"I saw you guys whizzing around. Public menaces, both of you," Robin says, though she smiles as she does. You know she's joking. You don't want to think it in case it's not true, but you feel like maybe she wants to be friends. 
"We prefer speed demons," Steve says easily, still kneeling at your side. 
"They should lock you up." 
You snort and almost squirt juice from your nose, spluttering and coughing as you bend at the waist. Steve pats your back less than gently and then more so as you move your hand towards him. 
"I'm okay," you cough, embarrassed at how you must look hacking your lungs out. 
Steve's hand, again on your back, rubs a stern line. "Chill out, Y/N. You can't die before dinner." 
"We're getting McDonald's," Robin supplies. 
"Don't tell the kids," he says, smirking. 
He's still rubbing your back. You suspect you might agree to anything while he's this close. 
"You sound like such a dad when you say shit like that." 
Steve scowls at Robin's words and pulls his hands away, crossing them over his chest. "Don't say that. Babysitter is more than enough, don't you think? Y/N?" 
"An older brother?" you suggest to Robin's extreme delight. 
She laughs. Steve scrubs at his face with both hands until his eyes are red. 
-
Robin's sick and Steve's going crazy by himself, manning the desk at FV with almost no energy and even less enthusiasm. A week since he'd held your hand and he can't seem to stop thinking about it. 
He catches himself staring at his own empty palm and clenches his fist, bringing his eyes back to the door in case someone walks in and he has to pull off the headphones of your borrowed cassette player. 
Steve had discovered a forgotten cassette inside, listening to it out of curiosity the night you'd given him the player and then every night since then. He felt guilty about keeping it without saying anything but he was only borrowing it, he reasoned. He'd give it back when Dustin fixed his skipping Walkman.  
The tape was Van Halen II. And Steve's not stupid, he knows who Van Halen are, but he's never sat and listened through any of their full albums. Now he can't stop, constantly rewinding back to the same song, over and over. 
He does so now, fingers clumsy and too big over small buttons until the first line kicks in, powerful and high energy like a burst of fresh air. 
Have you seen her?
So fine and pretty.
He grins as it plays, thinking of you instantly. Your smile and your legs, the wind whipping at your skirt and exposing stretches of skin he can't stop remembering. You on your rollerblades, the second time after an emergency PB&J, skating in front of him without looking behind you. 
"Don't let me crash into someone, okay?" you'd asked, swaying from one side to the other as you shifted your weight. 
"It'll be too late to stop you if I see someone! Turn around!" he'd demanded, though his fondness had peeked through. 
You'd thrown your hands out. "You'll have to steer me!" 
And so he'd grabbed your hands and you'd laughed like a fool as you skated together, squealing through close calls and bumpy ground. 
He thinks of your hands in his, their weight and size, the magnetic pulse he'd felt between them, how happy you'd seemed to be with him. 
He was harbouring a crush on you. Too old to deny what it feels like to want a pretty girl, Steve wonders if this is entirely a good idea – letting himself like you when the possibility of rejection feels high. You are, as Dustin had promised him, out of Steve's league. "Don't try your luck, dude." 
Steve thought for a second that his thinking about you had summoned your image, your easy walk and the elegant way about your hands and how you held them, in a blue dress with matching strappy mary-jane's, white socks with the ruffle tops. He blinks. No way he could think up anything as pretty. 
You push open the door and grin from across the room, a large tupperware of some type in your hands. His eyes move up from your fingers where they clutch plastic, your wrist, your arms. The puff sleeves of your dress are short and cuffed, similar to the matching ruched neckline that shows enough to make him swallow. A necklace lays in the valley of your chest, a silver chain with a blue flower at the end, small but thick. Five round petals, a cutout missing that shows a circle of your chest beneath. 
"Steve," you say, like you'd been in mid conversation. "Please tell me you have a sweet tooth."
He pulls the headphones from his head and leaves them around his neck, fixing his hair as casually as he can when he says, "Sure, I like candy." 
You set your container down on the counter and crack it open, the rich, buttery smells of its contents quickly filling the room.
"I made penuche for Dustin's mom's birthday, but I made so-" you drag the word out, lips a gloss-sticky 'o', "much of it. I can't eat it all. And she said I wasn't allowed to give it to Dustin 'cos he keeps using the f-word." 
His laugh is startled but genuine. "Not the f-word." 
The fudge is a light brown, almost pink in the neon tinted lighting. It smells divine, and he's saved from an internal debate about what's cool when you push the tub towards him. "Do you like fudge?" you ask him.
He takes one and you take one, and he tries not to look at you as you eat, or when you scratch gloss and a crumb from the corner of your mouth. 
"You’re a modern Martha Stewart," Steve says happily.
"Only on special occasions. Where's Robin?" you ask, elbows braced on the counter and leaning in. 
"Sick. Apparently." 
"Apparently," you repeat, grinning. "What, she didn't look sick?" 
"She talked to me on the phone. She sounded sick," he concedes. "Good things it's Thursday." 
You look around the completely empty store. "This is what it usually looks like on a Thursday?" 
"It's Hawkins. Half the people here get their VHS from the library, the others drive out to Blockbuster. We get about as much foot traffic as an ice cream stand in September." 
"It's 'cos you take too long to get the new ones,'' you say. "No offense." 
"The tone of someone personally victimised by a Family Video wait list." 
"You got me. I've been trying to get the Breakfast Club for two months!" you complain, scratching your chest lazily. 
Steve crosses his arms over his chest until his hands are hidden, rolling his eyes. "Oh, so this is bribery penuche." 
You blink at him and then your lips part in horror, pretty eyes widening. "No!" 
"It totally is. You're trying to butter me up," he says, suave tone disrupted by the need to giggle at his own pun. "Y/N, how could you? Here I thought we were starting to be friends and you're using me for my video store?" 
His mock horror puts you eat ease when you realise he's joking. "I really wanna see that movie," you say dejectedly. You reach for another piece of fudge and bite it in half, your chewing morose. "It feels like everybody saw it at the movies but me." 
"Of course they did. Why didn't you?" 
You glare at him. "I was busy!" 
"For the month it was in theatres?" 
"Yes!" you defend yourself from his teasing. "I have things to do!" 
"Like what?" 
"Like school!" 
"Everybody has school." 
"You're picking on me after I brought you candy. This is so cruel." You don't sound like you've suffered any cruelty. Steve might say you're really enjoying yourself. 
"Sorry, sweetheart."
You glare at his insincere pet name. "Whatever. Oh, hey, how's she treating you?" you ask, eyes on the cassette player. "Steve, you have my Van Halen tape! Thank god, I thought I lost it."
"Right. Sorry, I meant to give it back," he lies. 
You shrug your shoulders. "Keep it however long you want to. It's good, right? Which one's your favourite?"
He pulls the headphones out and rewinds back before setting the player in front of you. You raise your eyebrows at him but click play, and the audio starts abruptly, loud and mid quality. 
Yes, it's love in the third degree. 
You grin, head bobbing, eyes flitting to his with approval written all over your face. You don't seem to hesitate before you sing along under your breath, high pitched but quiet.
"Ooh, baby baby. Won't-cha turn your head my way?" 
He feels a little enchanted by you, that same magnetism he'd felt between his hands, can't believe how pretty you are and how sweetly you move. You laugh at yourself as you sing the next line, an intense, almost theatrical look upon your face. Like you're swooning.
"Ooh, baby baby. Ah come on! Take a chance, you're old enough to-" You flare your eyes at him and nod, mouth open encouragingly. 
He won't join in, no matter how electric he finds you. You roll your eyes and your shoulders roll in a half-dance as you hum along to the chorus. 
Dance the night away. 
"You're no fun, Steve," you complain, giggling. 
"You're enough for the two of us." 
You peer over the counter, still moving with the music as you ask, "What were you doing? Before I came in?" 
"Looking through the computer at what's late being returned. Riveting, extremely hard work." 
"Do you get, like, secret intel on what new movies are coming in?" 
"Sure we do. Wanna see?" he asks. 
You creep around the counter and stand by his side. He scrolls through the system and translates acronyms for you. "This is the coming in," he says, drawing a line down a list of movie names. "These are what's being moved back to the headquarters."
"Headquarters," you repeat, leaning in to see the screen more clearly. You browse the new titles idly, slipping closer and closer to the computer. 
"You'll burn your retinas." 
"Invaders from Mars, Youngblood, Black Moon Rising," you list thoughtfully. You turn on your heel. "I don't know any of those. You got a chic-flicks section?" 
You're really close. Steve looks at you, this close, this pretty, his hands itching to touch you. He leans in and your arms fall to your sides, the space between you growing ever smaller. 
"We do," he says slowly, eye to eye, almost daring you to look at his mouth instead. He wants you to. He wants to look at yours. 
You're steadfast, not impassive but certainly unreadable as you say, "Show me?" 
Steve reaches for the mouse behind you like he was always intending to, hiding any smugness he feels when you exhale noticeably. You turn back around, his arm brushing over yours as he sorts through the tag system to show you "ROM-COM INCO". 
"These are all the ones we have coming in. You know any of those?" 
"Hannah and Her Sisters. I saw that one." 
"Finally had some free time?" he asks wryly. 
"Shut up, Steve." 
"You know… I can keep the Breakfast Club for you. Next time it comes in." 
The smile you give him is blinding. "Thanks, Steve." 
"Yeah, no problem." He hopes the sudden increase in temperature is mutual. 
-
Your backyard is a field of flowers. Maybe dramatic, but Steve's never seen so many, a heavy green spotted in chartreuse, vermillion, bright oranges and pink-white. You lay on a towel in the grass surrounded by them, the sun lighting you up, your skin glowing and perfect. 
You're in black, spandex type shorts and a bikini top. Steve feels like a perv for looking, so he clears his throat. You don't budge. 
He creeps closer. You're in headphones listening to your Walkman. He can hear the music from where he stands at your backdoor, so it must be loud. He stands over you and hopes his shadow will wake you up. When it still doesn't he gets concerned, kneeling down carefully with his knees digging into your towel. 
"Y/N. Hey," he says. 
Still nothing. 
He pulls your headphones off gently, looking over your face in worry. You must be sleeping. 
"Y/N, you shouldn't sleep out here. You'll get sun stroke," he says. He strokes your arm though he shouldn't. He can't help himself, his fingers pressing into the crook of your elbow.
You blink awake and then slam your eyes closed. Steve adjusts himself to block the sun from your face and you manage to pry your eyes open, confused.
"Hello." 
"Hey," he says. He can't help the fondness that plays over his smile.
"Shit." Your eyes go wide and you cover your chest with your arm. "I'm naked." 
"You're not naked," he says. 
"I'm naked. Stop looking at me." 
Steve turns away obligingly. 
"Stop laughing at me, Harrington." 
"Is there anything I'm allowed to do?" he asks, though he does stop laughing.
"I'm so embarrassed. I was sunbathing and I must've fallen asleep." 
Steve lets his eyes stray to your naked thigh. He stares at your skin, follows a stretch mark upwards and then swiftly peels his gaze away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a total perv. I can go wait in my car." 
"You're not a perv. I'm being a priss. Sorry. I know I'm not, like, a model and I wasn't expecting to have this much skin on show. I don't look like Nancy Wheeler."
You sound more nervous than Steve has ever heard you. Worse, you sound dejected, though you've tried for nonchalance. Steve stares at you until you raise your chin, your fingers pinching meanly at your thighs. 
"You're messing with me," he says.
"What?" you ask, incredulous. "I'm not messing with you." 
"You gotta know you're beautiful. That's, like, a stone cold fact. A hard truth. You're beautiful. Who cares if you don't look like Nance?" 
You sigh, though it's not very believable when you're smiling so much. "She's really pretty." 
"So are you." 
"You know what I mean, Steve. She's… small." 
"She's a small woman," he agrees. "That doesn't make her prettier than you." 
"You're sure?" you ask quietly. 
Steve means it a hundred percent when he says, "I'm sure." 
The two of you sit there for a few seconds. He can hear your breathing and he's wondering if you can hear his. 
"What are you doing here?" you ask. 
Your hand is still held across your stomach but you're thankfully looking more relaxed. Steve meant what he said, you're beautiful, he couldn't care less that you're taller or that you weigh more than his ex. You're fucking pretty, and seeing you all laid out and sun kissed has made him kind of crazy. 
"Steve?" you ask. 
"Oh. I brought you The Breakfast Club. Just got it back in this morning," he rushes to say, grabbing the VHS tape from where he'd left it on the ground. The Family Video spine is glaringly ugly compared to you and your flowers. 
"Woah, thank you!" 
"You're welcome. It's under my name though, so don't keep it late. Can't disprespect the FV name. I'm going for employee of the month." 
You giggle. "You are? Are you the top contender?" 
"Nope." 
You laugh some more, the sound delicate and sweet as spun sugar, in Steve's humble opinion. 
"Not that my fellow employees try any harder, but Keith just picks himself every month for the free credits." 
You rub your fingers across the front of the box. "I won't be late. I mean, I'll watch it today, I've been so excited to see it." 
Steve stands up. "Sorry to disturb your idyllic sunbathing." 
"Idyllic," you murmur, smiling. "You're good, Steve. Thank you for the movie." 
"You're welcome. I'll see you later?" he asks, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans, slowly backing away. 
"No," you say. He raises his eyebrows and you look sheepish but not shy when you continue, "Do you wanna stay? Watch the movie with me? I have stovetop popcorn and soda and everything." 
"What about the great weather? You don't wanna waste it." 
You force your hands between your thighs and hunch forward slightly. "I do wanna waste it. I mean, I've had enough for today, don't you think? I'm a half hour from heat stroke." 
"You're looking pretty warm," he says. Anything to take you up on your offer without sounding too interested. 
-
You're trying not to give Steve the side eye. Trying, but he's very attractive and very close, and he keeps making funny jokes. It's annoying how hot he is. 
Steve has slouched back and his jeans have slowly edged down, exposing the flesh of his hip. Not that you've noticed, or anything. 
You cram a big handful of popcorn into your mouth and flick your eyes back to the screen. You'd really wanted to see this movie but Steve keeps capturing your attention, again and again, over and over. You can't believe you'd asked him to stay and he had, can't believe he brought the VHS for you in the first place. 
That's a dedicated employee right there. 
You shuffle closer to him under the guise of sharing your popcorn. Your shoulders touch. 
"Thanks," he says. His thigh hits your thigh as he takes a handful. 
"Steve," you say softly. 
"What?" 
"I don't feel well. I think the sun killed me." 
He throws his arm around the back of the couch and twists, careful not to upend the popcorn bowl as he looks over you searchingly. You've seen Steve play caretaker before, but being under his watch is different. He's almost a different person as he checks you over. 
"You feel sick?" he asks. He holds his hand out between you, his knuckles at your eye level. "Can I?" 
You tilt your head back and close your eyes. Steve presses the back of his hand to your forehead and pets down softly, feeling for your temperature. 
"You're still really warm. Let's get you cooled down." 
Steve springs up and knocks the bowl. You blink, slightly disoriented as he disappears into the kitchen, picking up spilled popcorn off of the couch and eating it with slow chews. Now you think of it, your arms hurt, too.
Steve returns and sits on the edge of the sofa, a bag of peas in his hand. "I raided your freezer. Lean your head back." 
"I'm fine," you say, but tilt your head back anyways, gasping when the cold hits you.  
"You might actually get heatstroke. Do you know how dangerous heat stroke is? You need to cool down. Where's the A/C?" 
"It's on." 
Steve feels along your cheek gingerly. "I can't believe you fell asleep outside. What's that about?" He pauses. "Are you sleeping okay?" 
"I'm sleeping fine." 
"Are you sure?" 
His wrist turns and you feel the pad of his fingers rather than the back, the palm of his hand as he cups your face. 
You peek through your lashes at him. His eyebrows are pinched and his bottom lip juts out in a concerned pout. 
"You can tell me." 
The way he says it – well, you imagine you could tell him anything. He sounds warm and worried. This close you can smell his cologne, something heavy with sage, a little bit of lilac hidden under unmistakable bergamot. It's all so comforting and the sun has loosened your tongue. 
"Maybe not so much. It's… it's hot. You know? And…" 
"What?" he murmurs. Your heart skips as his thumb rubs over your cheek. 
You close your eyes like your confession might take form. "I'm kind of lonely, lately," it sounds like a question, "and it's- it keeps me up sometimes. I don't know, it sounds stupid when I say it out loud." 
"It doesn't sound stupid." 
"No?" 
"No, I get it." He pulls away but doesn't move too far, his hand still holding the freezing peas to your forehead, the other brushing against your arm as he drops it in his lap. "These days Dustin doesn't leave me alone. I don't want him to, either. The same with Robs." 
You let your head loll to the side. Steve doesn't look shy or scared to tell you, talking almost matter of fact. "But my parents were never home when I was in high school. They still aren't. I felt it more back then." 
"Yeah. I don't know. I never see anybody. Besides Dustin," you say. "We have him in common." 
"You see me." 
"When I'm annoying you at work." 
"You don't annoy me." He's stern though he abruptly turns into a conspirator whispering secrets. "Robin's fuse gets shorter with me everyday." 
"How come?" you ask, co-conspirator. 
"I can't stop watching the door." 
You lift your head. Steve takes back his bag of peas and feels along your forehead, now cold enough to ache. 
"Here, hold these to your chest. I'd do it for you, but…" 
You take the peas and hide a terrible smile, heart racing between your ears. Your nausea has flipped  completely into butterflies and they're rabid, knocking at your abdomen insistently. 
You're trying to think of a way to make him say nice things again when there's a knock at the door. 
"Dustin," you both say. 
"Jinx, buy me a soda," Steve says. 
You glare at him and he laughs all the way to the door. 
"Why are you always here? Where's Y/N?" 
"She's got heat stroke." 
"I don't!" you call hoarsely. 
"You sound like you do," Dustin says. "Can one of you give me a ride?" 
"She has heat stroke." 
You climb onto the back of the sofa to look down the hallway. Dustin stands at the front door with a huge piece of engineering in his arms that you don't understand, wires and ciricuits and things. 
"Remeber when you used to bike everywhere? What happened to that?" Steve asks, sounding majorly pissed. You can't work out why he's so frustrated but it makes you laugh again. 
The two boys turn to you with twin looks of confusion. 
"I can't bike there, genius. This won't fit in the basket." 
You laugh again, twice as loud. 
"What's wrong with her?" Dustin asks, shaking his head. 
"What don't you understand about heat stroke?
"Potential heat stroke," you interject.  
"She fell asleep in the sun. I don't know how long she was out there her brain might be totally jellified, dude." 
"You should take her to the hospital."
You clamber onto aching limbs and walk until your behind Steve, reaching for his elbow automatically. "I'm fine, babe. What's your doohickey?" 
Dustin smirks and pulls the weight closer to his chest. "Prototype." 
"For what?" 
"Top secret." 
You giggle some more, wobbling with the force of it. Steve sighs and wraps his arm around your back, his hand under your arm to grip you at the ribs. 
Dustin gets wide eyes like a looney tunes character. "What's going on here?" 
"Nothing," Steve hisses. "Look, let me set Y/N up with the works and I'll drive you where you want to go, you brat." 
Dustin drops his suspicion, having got what he wants. "I'll wait in the car. Feel better!" 
"That's three stamps on the shithead card, shithead!" Steve calls after him. The two of you watch his retreating figure and then Steve is manhandling you (not too roughly) down the hallway and back onto the sofa. 
"I'm not dying, Steve." 
Steve puts your popcorn bowl in your lap and the frozen peas back on your chest. He fills your glass either the warming carafe on the coffee table and then bends down to talk to you, entirely too intense. 
"Are you good?" he asks. 
"Perfect. I don't even feel hot anymore." 
He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay. Listen, I'm gonna go drop Dustin off, and then I'm gonna call you to make sure you're not dead." 
"You don't have to do that, Steve," you say, moving down into the couch, a cushion falling over as you do. He straightens it out, cups your face in his hand so fast you think you've imagined it and then squints at you. 
"Don't die of heat stroke." 
He starts to walk away and you're startled. Unfairly, you don't want him to go, and you call, "Steve?" 
"Yeah?" 
"What about The Breakfast Club?" 
He grins at you, a lazy, King Steve kind of smile. "I was always gonna leave that here. So you can come 'annoy' me at work when you return it." He pulls a hand through his hair and gives you a once over and then spins on his heel. "Make sure you answer when I call!" 
You lose sight of him as he leaves, the couch backing too tall. He shuts the door kindly and you can just about hear the crunch of gravel as his car pulls away. 
"He was definitely flirting with me," you say to yourself, pouring a sweet handful of popcorn into your mouth. You're smiling so wide it's hard to chew. 
-
Dustin bursts into Family Video with his small entourage, Mike and Lucas, and an urgent look on his face. Steve quickly stops his facade of being busy when he clocks them.
"What? Need to borrow ten dollars?" he asks, rolling his eyes. 
"Actually, it's about Y/N," Dustin says. 
Steve stretches across the desk on his elbows. 
"What about her?" he asks, suspecting a waste of time.
"She was crying her eyes out in her backyard last night." 
Steve blinks, feeling a pit open up in his chest. "What? Why?" 
"Well…" Dustin says. "I didn't ask." 
Steve pictures your pretty face crinkled with tears, sitting on the paving stones outside your house. He wonders what would make you cry, sob, whatever it was. You'd confessed to being lonely though he sort of hopes that the feeling has ebbed now that he's calling you every day. At first, under the guise of checking up on you, but, I don't think I'm at risk of heat stroke anymore Steve. It's been a week and a half. 
Better safe than sorry. 
"Nancy said she saw her outside outside Bradley's Big Buy last night looking miserable," Mike adds, in one of his worst outfits, a mismatch of colours and long socks, a visor that Steve once tried to bribe Dustin to destroy on a hot day with his magnifying glass. The small burned spot perseveres at the caps edge. 
Steve feels weirdly proud at their concern and better, their detective skills. The three of them look like they could solve crimes, a mystery gang. Lucas is the only one dressed well in Steve's opinion, though that might be because he's in similar fashion, a nice polo and blue jeans. 
"You don't know what's wrong with her?" Lucas asks.
His pride wanes. "Oh, you guys are here for gossip?" he asks scathingly. 
"No!" 
"You're her boyfriend, right?" 
"Not-" Steve swallows, "exactly." 
Robin, who had been listening from her stool a few feet back, strides over and falls into place by his side, braced by her elbows. 
"If Steve were her boyfriend, we'd know why she was crying," she says, earning a round of boyish chuckles. 
Steve nods and then understands her meaning, feeling stupid for assuming Robin would say something that wasn't mean while at work. "Fuck off, I'm a good boyfriend." 
Four sets of eyebrows raise. 
"I am! I'm romantic." 
"You smashed our trellis and dislodged a drain pipe," Mike says. 
Steve pins the dark haired boy with a smarted look. 
"Sorry, is that not romantic? Sneaking out to see a girl?" 
"Sneaking in to a young woman's bedroom," Robin says dryly. 
"Pervert style," Dustin agrees sagely.
"Jesus Christ." Steve turns away from his band of adopted heathens and takes the phone into his hand. "I'm gonna call her." 
"And what? Tell her we were spying?" Dustin says. 
Steve holds the cold plastic to his neck. "Were you?" 
"Girls lie about their feelings, anyway. You're never gonna get a straight answer," Lucas says morosely. "Trust me." 
He slams the phone down. "What am I supposed to do?" 
They stand in a heavy silence. Steve can feel a headache clipping his heels, approaching fast, stress and a sharp worry for you. He really doesn't see why he can't call you and check in. 
"Something nice?" Robin suggests, picking at her nails. 
"Like what?" he asks. Though, as soon as he says it, he already has the beginnings of an idea. Whether its a good one or not is anyones guess. 
-
Somebody knocks the door and all you can think is, oh god why me? 
You're in a bad approximation of pajamas - your comfiest and yet your sloppiest, old and worn and unattractive. Fresh out of a stress-cry shower, you've only just managed to catch your breath. 
It's like you told Steve, everything lately feels so lonely. You'd gone grocery shopping by yourself and had known without a doubt that you were moving unseen through the world. Something about deciding between TV dinners. Nobody knew where you were, what you were doing, or where you were going. The only people seeing you were the storegoers of Bradley's Big Buy and your disgruntled cashier. You doubt you'd made a good impression. 
It was maybe a silly thing to feel overwhelmed by, but you felt it anyways. Sick with loneliness and then panic. A thousand what ifs had filled your head; you couldn't stop thinking, what if it's like this forever? 
What if I feel this lonely forever? 
You'd finished grocery shopping with a peculiar numbness weighing you down and then you'd gone home to cry in the garden, comforted and horrified by your flowers. They were pretty and you'd planted them and it didn't matter, you were still alone. A ladybug had crawled over the nearest planter and you'd watched it until you calmed down, knees crossed and elbows digging into your thighs, pins and needles in your hands. 
Another insistent knock. You consider ignoring it and curling up into a ball. Something hooks you out of it. What if it's Steve? 
If it's Steve, you're gonna feel very embarrassed about your appearance. You check your reflection in the sheen of a photo frame and sigh, rubbing your face with one hand as you open the door. 
Steve stands a few feet away, leaning against the side of his car with a pair of shades slipping down his nose. He takes them off.
You're so happy to see him you forget your rumpled outfit. 
"Hi," you say, half-shouting to cover the distance. 
"Hey beautiful!" Steve shouts, properly, loud and unabashed.
The door digs into your tummy. You don't know what to say. His compliment flusters you from the get go. 
"Hi," you say again, laughing under your breath. 
"Hey." 
"What are you doing here?" 
"Somebody told me you weren't feeling well!" 
You frown, thoughts racing, and suddenly summon the image of your nosey young neighbour. You take a step back instinctively and Steve must see it because his face goes stony. 
"I'm sorry, I know you probably didn't want me to know. But- when I found out you were upset, I couldn't ignore that. You'll have to forgive me." 
You try pushing the smile off your face with your hand and stand there scratching your top lip. "No. No, it's okay." 
He raises his eyebrows and takes a few big steps towards your house. You step out onto the porch and he closes the space between you, holding his hands out. You take them and he envelopes you, warm hands pulling you along and up the path. 
He walks backwards. "Don't let me crash into someone, okay?" 
A memory. The two of you hand in hand, ground flashing under your skates. 
"Okay," you say weakly. 
He squeezes your hands and drops them, a foot from the car. "Stay," and he doesn't finish, turning away from you. He opens the passenger door, the door behind and then the trunk. 
The smell is beautiful. A floral wave. 
The sight is something else. A carpet of bunches, bell-shaped freesias and carnations, roses in darkest red, chrysanthemums, dahlias, tiny orchids and irises; gorgeous purple irises with white centred petals buffeted by frilly sweetpeas. 
"They didn't want to give me the buckets but I told them I had a really pretty girl waiting for me, and if they suffocated in the heat then I was gonna drive right back and complain loudly." He stands by your side and nudges you. "Break out in tears." 
"That's a lot of flowers," you mumble. 
"Half the store. The other half's on standby." 
"Standby?" 
"I worried you might not have the space." 
"I won't." 
Your gaze flits over soft petals and light green stems, thorns and leaves and greenery, baby breath tucked in by plastic wrapping. 
"Why did you do this?" 
"You…" he laughs at himself. "Okay, so. The day you had heat stroke-" 
"I didn't have heat stroke. I had heat exhaustion." 
"Semantics. You were lying in the backyard. Just… sleeping. I was waiting for you to look up and see me, and I couldn't- I still can't get the image out of my head. You looked unreal." 
You feel hot all over as he searches for words. He's smiling wide as he talks, like he can't believe how happy he is. It's infectious. 
He shakes his head. "Anyway, I know you like flowers. Obviously. So." 
"So you got me a florists?"
"Half." 
You hug your torso. The idea that somebody would do this for you, that Steve would do this for you, is so alien you can't comprehend it. 
"They're for me?" you whisper. 
"For you. All of them." 
You look at him, the flowers, him again, and start to laugh. You throw your hands up to your cheeks and giggle like a little kid. 
"Why are you laughing?" he asks, an undeniable affection in his curiosity. 
"Why would you do this for me?" you ask in a similar tone. 
He purses his lips and shrugs. "You could've called me. I want you to know that." 
You scrub your hot cheeks and shift from foot to foot. "I was being silly." 
"It's not silly. It's not stupid. And even if it was, I still want you to call me. These are 'call me' flowers. Call me first." 
You wrap your hand around the top of the door and lean in for a look at the sea of flowers. Pollen sticks sweet in your nose. 
"Do you like them?" 
The smallest hint of insecurity. You can't stop laughing, joy warping every word. "Yeah, I love them," you say over your shoulder, feeling as though you've become nothing but a vestibule of breathless wonder. 
"I didn't know which one was your favourite." 
All of them, you think. Not sure you could pick one, your eyes bump from bouquet to bouquet. 
You try to blink them away but tears form quickly, lashes heavy with them as you stand up straight and wipe under your eyes with the back of your index finger. 
"Thank you, Steve." 
"You're welcome." Steve comes up behind you and takes your shoulder into his hand, thumb rubbing roughly over your shirt. "C'mon, don't cry. I got you all those flowers because I don't want you to cry, not to make it worse." 
"They're really pretty," you say, strained, pushing the bottoms of your palms into your eyes to stop from sobbing. That would be dramatic, you argue with yourself, so dramatic, but this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you. 
"Shit," he mutters. 
You tense up as his hand moves across your back to grip your other shoulder and he hugs you to his chest, left hand stroking the length of your upper arm, encouraging your hands from your face. 
"You're okay, baby," he says. 
You sniffle as his right hand climbs your shoulder to cup your neck. He pulls your face to his mouth and presses a kiss into your temple, warm and tingling, firecrackers under the skin. You turn your face to look at him and he pulls back, his chin jutting down. 
The shape of his lips lingers on your forehead, a burn. White hot.
Steve wipes the tear tracks from your face with the side of his hand.
"I know what'll cheer you up," he says. 
You miss his touch as soon as he's gone. He leans over the passenger seat, the chair and its footwell both bursting with flowers, and turns on the radio. You watch him click to the cassette player. He turns the volume up high and then pulls out. 
Slowly, the song builds into a zinging guitar. 
"Oh my god." 
"Have you seen her? So fine and so pretty," Steve sings with no hesitation. You're startled by his confidence.
"Fooled me with her style and ease," he continues, holding out his hand. 
You take it, listening to him fight his way to the right pitch, his voice cracking.
"And I feel her from across the room-" He takes your second hand, gaze electric. "Yes, it's love in the third degree." 
He tugs at your hand, nodding until you join in.
"Ooh, baby, baby," you sing weakly, searching for footing. 
"Won't-cha turn your head my way?" he begs. 
"Ooh, baby, baby," you both sing, Steve with more passion, pulling your arm one way and another in an awkward dance. 
"Come on, take a chance, you're old enough to," and here's where you both go weak and high and enthused all at once, glad the stereo's up so high you can't really hear it when you both shout, "dance the night away!" 
It's not quite night yet. You've a lot of dancing to do if you're gonna listen to Van Halen's instructions, the sun a half-disk of gold on the horizon, the sky raspberry pink bleeding up into darkening indigo. 
Steve grins at your growing enthusiasm and twirls you around. You only allow him this, too afraid to step on his toes as you come to a stop. 
He hums along and you clutch his hand. You covet the other where it's held to his chest, pushing your fingers through his. They fit together perfectly. 
"Am I ever gonna get that tape back?" you ask. 
"No," he says, laughing loudly. "No way. I love this song." 
"I love this song too. That's why I bought the album." 
"You said however long I wanted!" 
"I didn't think you'd stick around this long," you confess. 
"I did," he says. He leans down, stops. "Can I kiss you?"
You nod and beat him to it, hand at his collar as you step on your toes and press your mouth to his. You're both smiling, your eyes closed tight and your lips tight together until he pulls back, pulling his hand from your brushing grip to stroke the side of your face, rough in his rush. 
When you come back together it's slower, your lips parted mid-giggle as he moves in. You sigh, a high-pitched and embarrassing sound from the back of your throat that's quickly swallowed by his ardency. 
"Stop laughing at me," he admonishes playfully. 
"I'm not! I'm not, I'm really happy," you defend yourself, setting back on your heels. 
You've forgotten all about your pajamas and the icky feeling in your chest. With Steve's palms to your cheeks like this – like you're something worth being cradled in careful hands – you can't feel anything but happy. 
"I don't have enough vases for your flowers," you apologise as he chases you down, dropping kisses over the corner of your mouth and the apple of your cheek. 
"Good thing I begged for all those buckets," he says, brown eyes squinting with the force of his cherubic smile. His pert nose flares with a silent laugh. 
"Good thing," you agree. 
He holds you by the shoulders. "Good thing," he says again. 
You descend into another round of laughter that leaves you panting for air, your head dropping into his chest. "A really good thing." 
"I didn't go overboard, did I?" he asks, petting the nape of your neck.
"You did." 
"Sorry, I-" 
You wrap your arms around his waist and squeeze him as hard as you can. He groans lightly as he encircles your shoulders, the tip of his nose a butterfly's wing against your forehead, impossibly light and skipping, back and forth and back again. 
"I'm gonna make you flower shortbread," you say eventually, soaking in his warmth, his closeness. 
"Yeah?" 
"I swear. And more penuche. What's your favourite? I'll make you whatever you want. What do you have a sweet tooth for?" 
"Could I get another kiss?" he asks quietly.
You tilt your head back and wait. Steve isn't quite smiling though his eyes boast an emotion you're afraid to name, unbearably fond. 
"Are you gonna kiss me again?" you ask into the gap. 
"In a sec, just… let me look at you," he says, hand cupping your cheek. 
You blink back a stinging wave of tears and smile, tracing over his features greedily.
"You're beautiful," he says. 
It’s funny. You were thinking the same thing about him.
𓆩❤︎𓆪
thanks for reading!
13K notes · View notes
xxoxobree · 10 months
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The Boy Is Mine
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Miles Morales x Black Fem Spider-person Reader v Gwen Stacy.
Summary: He saved you and She didn’t want to and maybe she was right because the boy is now yours.
WARNINGS: Fighting, bad words, I think that’s it.
A/n: I was tied!!! Of seeing Miles cheat with Gwen so I took matters into my own hands. This is probably one of the best stories I’ve ever written too so don’t skip. I had so much fun writing this.
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For the past 2 years, you've been the one and only Spider-woman. Everyone knows the story by now, bitten by a radioactive spider, and now you spend your time protecting the city. Everything was going great. Or that's what you wanted to believe as you fought Wilson Fisk, a person who is supposed to be behind bars. This Wilson was different - bigger, stronger, he was giving you a run for your money.
"What have they been feeding you at the Raft, Willie?" You quipped as you dodged a punch. "Haha, missed me," you said, landing a punch combo to his jaw.
"You stupid spiders are always in the way," he said, managing to catch you off guard, knocking you back. This fight is definitely gonna take a while.
"Who are you anyway, where's Spider-Man?" Fisk asked, walking menacingly toward you as you lay on the floor to catch a breath.
"I don't get paid enough for this," you said, getting up, squaring up with the large man.
Spider-Man, what are you talking about, Fisk?" You asked the man leaping backwards, dodging all of his hits.
"Enough of this talk, this ends now," Fisk said, running toward you. You charged back, your fist balled, about to strike, but he dodged and caught you by your throat.
"Another spider under my belt," Fisk said, laughing as he squeezed your throat. Gasping for air, you tried your best to break free from his grip, but your vision began to fade out. Your strength left you, and your eyes began to close. All you wanted to do was sleep, but you blinked your eyes again. Maybe you were hallucinating from the lack of oxygen, but a portal with glowing lights appeared, and two other spider personas flew forward, knocking Fisk out. You dropped to the floor, gasping for air, but still fainted in the process.
You probably weren't out for long, but you heard faint voices, a female and a male.
"What do we do, Gwen? We can't just leave her here."
"Miles, what are we supposed to do? We can't take her back to HQ."
You were too weak to actually open your eyes to see who was talking. Too weak to stop them from kidnapping you and taking you to wherever HQ was. You tried to let out a small groan, but it was useless.
"That's exactly what we need to do, Gwen. She needs medical care."
"Ughhh.... Fine, you grab her."
You heard footsteps move towards you, and your body being lifted before you succumbed to the darkness around you again.
✨HQ✨
Your bloodshot eyes shot open as you sat up, feeling around for your mask that wasn't on your face. You heard the fast-paced beeping of a heart monitor, letting you know your heart rate was up as you ripped all the pads off of you, standing ready to leave the room before two people came walking inside. You immediately got in defense mode as you studied them - an older man in a blue suit with a spider on the front, and a younger boy about your age in a black suit, also with a spider on the front.
"Where the fuck am I, and who are you?" you said, pointing.
"Welcome to HQ, Spiderwoman. I'm Spider-Man, and he's Spider-Man. Glad you survived. Miles, I'll leave you to it," the older man in the blue suit said, walking away.
Miles walked closer to you, setting off your spider senses. You closed one of your eyes, moving your head to the side, resting your hand on your head. "Don't come any closer," you said.
You're probably not used to that, but you're like me, it does that sometimes. I'm Miles.
"Yeah, I got that from earlier," you said, flopping back on the hospital cot, still very much in pain.
Miles wasn't in the room when they took off your mask, so this was the first time he saw your face. He scanned every detail of your face, taking in the way your plump lips formed into a natural pout, or maybe that was just because you were in pain. The way your brown eyes sparkled under the bright white light, he couldn't help but be captivated by your gaze. He loved your braids and the way your pink beads rattled every time you moved.
Miles felt something stir in the pit of his stomach the longer he looked at you. Maybe it was just gas from the spicy food he ate earlier, he thought, in denial of the growing attraction he felt for a stranger.
"Well, aren't you gonna tell me your name?" Miles finally mustered the courage to ask.
You turned to face him, the pain momentarily forgotten as you observed his silly smirk. You weren't usually the friendliest person, but there was something about Miles that felt different, something that made you want to open up.
"I'm Y/n," you replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips.
Nice to meet you Y/n," Miles said, offering his hand. You looked at it. "I'd shake your hand, but I'm in too much pain right now," you said, causing both of you to laugh. There it was, that fluttering feeling in the pit of Miles' stomach again as he watched a beautiful smile grace your face.
"So, what is this place and why am I here?" you asked Miles, curiosity shining in your eyes. "This is the Spider Society. We brought you here because you were in bad shape from fighting Fisk," Miles explained. You coughed a bit. "Yup, he whooped my ass," you said, making both you and Miles burst into laughter again.
Unbeknownst to the two of you, Gwen stood outside the door, her eyes fixed on the scene unfolding inside. With each word you said to Miles, with each chuckle you elicited from him, the flames of jealousy ignited within her. Unable to bear it any longer, she burst into the room, startling both you and Miles.
"What the fuck? You didn't even have to do all that, shawty," You exclaimed. Miles stood up, a look of surprise on his face. "Gwen, this is Y/n, Spider-woman, the one we helped," he explained, pointing toward you.
"Oh, hi. I'm glad you're okay," Gwen said, her words laced with a hint of insincerity.
This your girl Miles ?" You asked.
"No, no." They both said in unison dragging their o's. It was obvious to you that there was more to the story by the way she busted into the room but that was none of your business.
"Well, it was nice to meet you, Y/n. We should get going," Gwen said, gently tugging Miles towards the door.
Before leaving, Miles tossed you a watch that you effortlessly caught. "Maybe we can see each other again," he said, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. You smiled, watching him walk away.
"Hmmm," you hummed, examining the watch before clasping it onto your wrist. "Maybe we will, Spider-Man."
As Gwen and Miles made their way through the headquarters, Miles couldn't ignore Gwen's evident distress. He studied her face and body language.He called out to her, "Gwen?"
Getting no response, Miles tried a sing-songy voice, calling her name once more. "What, Miles?" she replied, her voice tinged with bitterness.
"I know you're upset. Do you want to talk or not?" Miles asked, genuinely wanting to understand what was bothering her.
"Why don't you go talk to Y/n?"
"Gwen, are you serious? I barely know her, but she's a cool girl," Miles defended, trying to reassure her.
"Oh, she's cool now?" Gwen's tone dripped with sarcasm and doubt.
Miles gently reached for Gwen's hand, stopping her in her tracks, making her face him directly. "Look, Gwen, you don't have to worry about her, okay?" he said softly.
Gwen's expression softened, and she nodded, a flicker of trust returning to her eyes. "Alright, Miles. She said giving him a small punch to the shoulder.
✨The Mission✨
You were back in your dimension 2 days post fight with Fisk feeling good as new. You were in bed, examining the watch Miles gave you, when a hologram of a woman appeared, making you scream.
"Oh hey there new recruit, I'm Lyla," she said, waving.
"Hi... Lyla," you said slowly, waving back.
"Sorry to scare you, but the boss needs you at HQ, your first mission... Yayyyy, so suit up," she said before disappearing.
"Uh, okay," you said, slipping into your skintight suit and mask, slapping on your watch, struggling to find out how to get it to work because no one gave you a tutorial. But you managed using your genius brain and stepped through the portal, gracefully landing in a dark room with monitors.
"Great, you're here......Miles!" the man you were familiar with but never got his name called out.
From the shadows, Miles emerged with a smile on his face. "Good to see you again, Mamita," he said.
"Oh, we're using pet names now?" you said, matching his flirty energy.
"That's enough," Miguel said as he stood before you two. "Anomaly in Earth 746, catch it."
"Anomaly?" you questioned.
"I'll tell you all about it later," Miles said, grabbing your hand, opening a portal, and pulling you through.
You dusted off your hands. The mission went well, a little too well, especially for a Goblin mission.
"You're pretty good, Miles."
"You too, Mamita. Gotta say, I doubted you a little after the Fisk fight," he teased.
"Oh, whatever," you said, rolling your eyes, chuckling a bit.
You moved closer to Miles, mere inches between you two, as you ran your fingers along his jawline.
Miles' breath hitched as you touched him, his hazel eyes expressing the tension between you two. There was no denying that Miles was handsome, and you were eager to learn more about him.
"So what dimension are you from, Papa?" you asked playfully, a flirtatious smile gracing your lips.
"1610. Maybe we could go there?" Miles responded, his voice filled with anticipation.
"Take a girl on a date first, Miles," you laughed, teasing him gently.
"No, I didn't mean it like that. I..." Miles stammered, trying to explain himself.
"I would love to see your dimension, Miles," you interrupted, cutting him off.
And so, Miles took you to his dimension.
"This is Brooklyn." Miles said as you two stood atop the Williamsburg Bank building, you marveled at the city below. It was similar to your own home, yet distinctly different. Miles watched in awe as your eyes sparkled at the city, feeling a flutter in his stomach.
"It's beautiful, Miles," you whispered, taking a seat to soak in the view.
He walked forward and sat beside you, his face beaming with joy. You turned towards him, a warm smile on your lips.
"So, what's your story, big head?" you asked, playfully leaning on him.
"My story?" Miles responded, a hint of surprise in his voice.
"You're Spider-Man, Miles. What's your origin?" you asked , curious him.
"You know, regular Spider-Man stuff. I gained my powers and now I fight bad guys," Miles answered, a humble tone in his voice.
"That's not what I meant," you said, giving him a small shove. "What's the real story? I was bitten by a radioactive spider too, two years ago on a field trip to Oscorp. Your world doesn't seem to have Oscorp." You sighed, frustration and sadness mixing in your voice. "I got these crazy powers that I didn't know what to do with, so I decided to keep them a secret and pretend that I was a regular kid."
The weight of your words hung heavy in the air as you choked up, memories flooding back. Miles noticed your distress and perked up. "It's okay, you don't have to share if you don't want to," he said, trying to comfort you.
But something compelled you to open up, to let go of the burden you had been carrying alone for so long. You rested your hand gently on top of his. "I pretended to be some regular kid, and that led to me losing my mom. And from then on, I decided to help everyone else," you finished.
Miles's heart stung as he listened to your story. "I lost someone close to me too, my uncle Aaron. He was shot saving me," he shared, the pain evident in his voice.
A sense of understanding and connection washed over you both. You leaned your head on his shoulder. "See, that's your story, Papa," you said softly, appreciating the bond that formed between you. "You know, Miles, it's so nice to have someone to talk about this stuff with now," you added, gazing at the sun setting on the horizon.
That moment solidified your blooming relationship with Miles. Whenever you had free time, you would pop into his dimension, and vice versa. Now, in your suit, you found yourself in dimension 1610, patiently waiting for Miles to catch up as you swung through the bustling city.
"Keep up, Miles," you teased, a mischievous glint in your eyes as you effortlessly jumped from building to building, landing with grace. The two of you were headed back to his house, where Jeff and Rio, his parents, adored you and had grown fond to your presence after all the time you spent with Miles.
They couldn't wrap their head around the whole different dimension thing and just assumed Miles' imagination had run wild. You two walked through his front door.
"Hey Mama Rio," you greeted Miles' mom.
"Hey Mija."
"Hey Mom," Miles said, hugging his mom before the two of you walked into his room. You two were too caught up in conversation to notice a guest. Gwen. She cleared her throat, making you two snap your attention towards her.
"Gwen, hey," Miles said nervously. "What are you - what are you doing here?"
"I came to see you because I barely see you anymore, but now I know why," Gwen answered.
You snickered a bit, knowing you essentially snatched Miles from Gwen.
"Oh, that's funny?" Gwen asked.
You threw your hands up in surrender, not wanting to get into it with her.
"We were about to watch a movie, order some pizza. You can stay if you want," Miles offered to pacify Gwen, but he was hoping she'd turn it down. He cherished his alone time with you.
"No, it's fine, Miles. I'll leave," Gwen said with a hint of frustration in her voice.
"Uh, okay. Bye," Miles said
"Bye, Gwendolyn," you added, unable to hide the small smirk on your face.
Gwen turned to you and asked, "You know what, can we talk outside, Y/n?"
Rolling your eyes, you agreed, "Sure, why not?" You grabbed Miles' hand, signaling for him to come along.
"Alone," Gwen insisted, her tone unwavering.
"Okay... I'll be back, papa," you said to Miles, giving him a smile and a pat on the cheek.
As you followed Gwen out of the window and onto the roof, you could feel the tension building up. Once you reached a secluded corner, she turned to face you, arms folded.
"What is your problem?" she asked, her voice filled with accusation.
"Girl, what are you talking about?" you answered defensively.
"Miles," she replied, her tone laced with frustration.
"What about him? He's fine, great even," you said, walking closer to her.
"Don't play dumb, Y/n," Gwen snapped.
"What are you getting at, Gwen?" you said, your tone becoming pointed as you grew tired of the conversation.
"He's mine, Y/n, and you're trying to steal him away," her voice filled with possessiveness.
You couldn't help but burst into laughter. "Yours?" you asked, shaking your head. "Gwen, you lost him the day you two saved me."
As the words left your mouth, the truth hung heavy in the air. Gwen had been holding onto her feelings for Miles while pretending everything was okay. But deep down, she knew that the connection between you and Miles was undeniable.
What you didn't see coming was a slap across your face from Gwen, not thinking she was bold enough to do it. The sting of her actions lingered in the air as shock resonated through your entire being. And what Gwen didn't see was Miles, camouflaged and watching you two from a distance. He didn't hear anything you two talked about, but he sure did see the slap.
As the pain subsided, you didn't retaliate. Deep down, you and Gwen both knew that you had won this battle, that Miles was now dedicated to you.
"Why would you do that, Gwen?" You heard a voice behind you, and turned to see Miles standing there, his eyes filled with disappointment.
You watched in satisfaction as Gwen's eyes widened, realizing that she had not only hurt you but also jeopardized her chances with Miles. She had unknowingly made it even easier for you to snatch his affection away from her.
"Miles, I..." Gwen stammered, unable to find the right words to justify her actions.
"Why would you hit her?" Miles asked, his voice filled with a mix of anger and hurt.
"You didn't hear what she said, Miles. She's trying to tear us apart. You were mine," Gwen spewed out, desperately clinging to her fading hopes.
"Yours? I'm not some object, Gwen," Miles retorted, his voice laced with disappointment. "Is that why you brought her outside? To hit her?"
A heavy silence hung in the air as Gwen struggled to find an explanation, her words failing her. The truth had been laid bare, and Miles saw her for who she truly was.
"Save it, Gwen," Miles said, his voice firm. "You just showed me the type of person you really are. I've been pining after you for months, and you always brushed me off. But now, now I have someone who actually likes me back."
With those words, he took your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.
You looked at Gwen, a smug look on your face as you squeezed Miles' hand tighter.
"You don't mean that, Miles."Gwen said.
"Yes, I do," Miles turned to you. "She likes me back, and she's the most caring, sweetest, funniest person in this dimension and every other," Miles said, making you tear up a bit, your lip bottom poking out.
"You're so cute when you do that," Miles said.
Gwen watched as her heart slowly broke. She had played with Miles,but now she had lost the game. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. She should be the one he said all those things to. The tears pricked her eyes.
"Y/n, will you be my girlfriend?" The words echoed in Gwen's head, the final blow that made her tears roll down her face.
"Of course, I will, papa," you said, jumping on Miles and giving him a tight hug before pulling back and giving him a big kiss, your first one in front of his former crush.
You and Miles turned to Gwen, watching as she continued to cry.
"You should go, Gwen," you said, your heart aching a bit for the girl, but not a lot.
Miles grabbed your hand as the two of you walked off toward the stairwell, leaving Gwen behind.
1K notes · View notes
violetasteracademic · 28 days
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Does Elain Archeron want to be human again?
Theory debunk ahead.
I have personally *tried* (though I am absolutely not perfect) to take a hippocratic oath with my presence on the internet and wish to do no harm. The Libra moon to my Virgo sun is always trying to approach things peacefully. The wing 2 on my type 1 ennengram is always trying to take an open hearted approach to compassion and empathy for others while still defending my views on Elain (and Azriel).
However, the take that Elain's book is going to be centered around her acting in risky, irrational, or damaging ways because she has one goal and that is to be human again, is a theory I have ZERO respect for. So, with all due respect, which is none, please feel free to self insert disrespectfully at the end of each point as I systematically debunk this theory. This is probably the longest post I'll ever make. Strap in.
So, where TF did this come from?
On my tiktok, I addressed the fact that the rumor that there is going to be a betrayer in the Night Court ranks has zero grounds. We should collectively start to work to realize this is as accurate as Sarah having an announcement on May 1st, but alas it is a losing battle. However, I received a comment that said they also agreed that it was fake UNTIL they saw someone use text to support it. Apparently, one of the human queens insinuated there is a traitor in the Inner Circle. This is why, even though Sarah NEVER said this, people are now continuing to push this "Elain will be a traitor" agenda. Even accidentally or unintentionally out of her desire to be human. I made a whole video on this, but for context, here is the quote being used to fuel this:
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Briallyn and Nesta are in a game of chicken with Briallyn trying to force Nesta to get the Trove by threatening she'll have Cassian kill her, and he'll never recover. When Nesta calls her on her bluff and says Briallyn won't kill her, Briallyn responds that there are other court members as delusional as Nesta (she is referring to her love for Cassian making her weak, delusional, and vulnerable) and she can just keep threatening members of the Night Court's loved ones until someone gets her what she wants. However, she put in *quite* a bit of time and effort on trapping Nesta first, didn't she?
My friends. Where does Briallyn say "there is a traitor among the Inner Circle's ranks?" Where does it say there is a mole? It doesn't. Yes, Briallyn has spies. As do all courts and kingdoms. But to suggest Briallyn said there is already a traitor in the Inner Circle specifically because of these quotes is unhinged and beyond willful distortion of the text to serve an invented narrative based on an unfounded rumor. I don't have time or energy to recap the whole vid, but moving on from this for now. Disrespectfully.
The next layer of the conversation is this: They think Briallyn is probably still foreshadowing Elain because Elain wants to be human so badly she'll unintentionally harm the Night Court and betray them, somehow, because of this quote and the conversation with Amren on Solstice. To which I said, there is way too much evidence in ACOSF that Elain is healthy, adjusted, and has friends and purpose in Velaris. The response to that was, well that's Nesta's perception and we can't trust her.
While the convo on tiktok was, I felt, respectful discourse and we agreed to disagree, the parasite in my brain went into full annihilation mode over this theory after thinking on it.
Because by this logic- if we aren't allowed to trust Nesta's or Cassian's perceptions that Elain is healthy and well and adjusted, or glowing with good health and finding purpose and friends, then we ALSO aren't allowed to trust Amren's assumption that Elain was curious about her choosing her Fae form because Elain wants to be human again. Elain never actually said that. Amren assumed it:
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(yes I'm bringing so many receipts I exceeded the photo limit and had to start combining pages.)
At no point does Elain say anything about wanting to be human. In fact, this entire conversation is about Elain's curiosity over why Amren chose the form that she did, why she selected the gender, ect. It's honestly an interesting conversation, and when Amren makes assumptions about Elain having ulterior motives for asking the interesting question, *Elain's brow furrows in confusion.*
Elain straightens and becomes cold at Amren's assumption Elain still wants to be human. One could read this as Elain feeling embarrassed for being called out, but the pure fact is that it isn't the only explanation. In fact, Elain has spent all day cooking for everyone, spent the week shopping for Solstice presents and waxing poetic about the importance of honoring Solstice traditions (more on that later) and participating in the Fae customs, fussing over her appearance for the dinner she prepped for, ECT. It's equally as likely that she is hurt over being misunderstood by the new friends and family she has spent the day trying to making a perfect Solstice meal for and shop for everyone. Which is, if I'm not mistaken, Elain's whole damn theme. Her loved ones don't really see or understand her, while she observed and understands everything. Far more than they give her credit for.
Or maybe Elain has a fucking BEAST FORM. And is curious about what her powers can do with changing form.
The point is, it is all theory and assumption from another character. So, the dinner conversation at Solstice is now off the table using the very logic enforcing the Elain betrayal plotline by suggesting Nesta's perceptions of her are untrustworthy. So are Amren's. What's next? Disrespectfully.
There's only one other item people can use, from ACOFAS, which is Feyre's perception that Elain still wants Grayson. Which again, by this logic, is off the table now.
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Feyre is the one who says Elain wants a human man. Elain didn't. So this can no longer be used as evidence.
All Elain says is Lucien is not entitled to her time and affections, and it's impossible for Lucien to care for her because he does not know her. Hmm. Someone thinking they know and care for Elain without actually knowing her. Theme, anyone? I thought I heard a theme bell chime.
Alright. So Nesta is wrong about Elain. Amren is wrong about Elain. Feyre is wrong about Elain.
So where are the grounds that Elain still wants to be human based on the text?
They don't exist.
But oh, that's not even the fun part! NOW is the fun part.
By eliminating others perceptions of Elain from the conversation as they are unreliable, what does that leave us?
Perhaps with Elain's own words and actions and nothing else?
You guys, I felt like a kid in a candy story with this one. Let's see what Elain told us about her thoughts regarding the human lands, starting with the most recent publication ACOSF:
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Elain describes in great detail how she was bullied by other girls when she was younger. It's interesting, because Nesta previously said that Elain used to love balls and parties. And yet here, we find out that Elain wasn't treated well by the other girls in her own words speaking on her own experience. She goes on to *shudder in distaste* that in the human lands, it would have been perfectly suitable for Nesta to have been married off and "reserved" until she was old enough to reproduce. A thought that made Rhysand, a Fae, choke on his wine. And then of course, those same girls that tormented her delighted in her downfall.
When Elain speaks for herself instead of others speaking for her, it doesn't seem like she thinks very highly of the human lands, their customs, or their behavior, or the balls she attended does it? She certainly doesn't have any friends or anyone she misses. Everyone turned their backs on the sisters when they lost their money. And Elain witnessed this with Grayson as well, who turned his back on her the second her circumstances changed against her will again.
So uh, no. I don't think Elain is desperate to go back there.
And if course we have this ACOMAF banger:
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So.... yeah. In Elain's own words, sharing her thoughts and beliefs, this is what she thinks about the rulers of the mortal lands. By the way, these same queens had her kidnapped and risked her life and took everything from her so they could test out whether mortals could survive being thrown in the Cauldron. But please, tell me more how Elain misses her human life so much that she'll screw over her friends and family to get it back. Disrespectfully.
Alternatively, in A Court and Frost and Starlight, here are the lovely thoughts Elain had about Fae culture:
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Here's Elain working with her friends to bake Feyre's birthday cake, a representation of the three sisters:
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Here's Elain surprising Nesta and Azriel with presents her very first Solstice, after chatting with local vendors and working with the Night Court's trusted healer:
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Here is what Elain, Elain and no one else, has to say about being a member of the night court and ready to use her powers to serve it:
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This is what happens when you cherry pick context. You create a new set of rules, which people like me are more than willing to follow. And if the rule is: Elain's thoughts and feelings are the only pieces of evidence allowed and not anyone else's thoughts or perceptions of her, it actually only proves the theory that Elain is going to betray the night court because she wants to be mortal again and return to the mortal lands even more wrong. Considering the theme once again, of how misunderstood and unseen Elain has been, the unbelievably ironic meta-ness of it all is overwhelming. Please, unplug yourself from the Matrix. Pay attention to Elain. It's in your best interest to at least attempt to see and understand her if you plan to read her book, or you are going to be very lost and confused.
Disrespectfully.
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shiratamahatsumiyo · 28 days
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Lookism with a Daki reader
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Daki was an antagonist in Demon Slayer's Entertainment District Arc and was one of the 12 Kizuki, specifically sharing the rank of upper moon 6 with her brother Gyutaro. She disguised as an Oiran but is actually a demon. She and her brother were slain by Demon Hunters.
• You are part of this gang called the Twelve Kizuki, a gang made up of rich and talented people that are actually fighters who are mostly active around nighttime. You and your older brother swore loyalty to the leader of the gang after upper moon 2 took you guys in when you were left homeless. You address yourself as Ume Shabana at public places and Daki when you're in fighter mode. You also have a side job as a model while attending high school. You hide your flower tattoos on your face with makeup.
• Born as a very rare beauty, you have lots of men that would obey your every word at your disposal and your charm fooled all of them. You also have your brother that will protect you from the other gangs and annoying suitors. The only man that you adore was Muzan, the leader of the Twelve Kizuki.
• I'm gonna be honest here, you probably were a bully at either Daniel's old school or Jaewon High. You are a member at the beauty department since you despise being near unattractive people but Gyutaro's an exception. People definitely did a double take when you just casually say that the creepy, gross, and horrific man with syphilis is actually your brother.
• You bullied lots of students... Duke Pyeon or Jiho Park, you don't care, they're both pushovers anyway. You can't stand Yui Kim because that fake-ass bitch thinks she's hot shit. Your beauty and strength far exceeds that of the other girls in school and made a reputation of yourself as the most beautiful and strongest female in Jaewon High.
• Speaking of your strength, you're scary AF... Like, one time Vin demanded asked that you give him your number and go out with him. And what did you do? You fucking uppercut punched him so hard his sunglasses shattered. When Duke refused to do something for you, she pulled on his ear until it bleed. Vasco saw that and confronted you at the cafeteria...
Vasco: "Hey you."
Ume: "Hah?"
Vasco: "The way you're bossing around the weak... I won't stand for it. Go and apologize-"
Ume: *Punches table* "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO, MORON?! AN UGLY MUSCLE HEAD LIKE YOU CAN'T ORDER ME AROUND! I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET THAT--"
Gyutaro: "UME! You don't wanna fight him here. Let's just settle this at the back"
Ume: "WHO CARES?! I WANT TO PULVERIZE THIS SORRY EXCUSE OF A MEAT SACK RIGHT NOW!"
Gyutaro: "UME! YOU BROKE THE TABLE! AT LEAST EAT BEFORE FIGHTING HIM!"
• ....This is why no one wants to put up a fight with you. Just one punch and that steel table was destroyed. Both students and teachers find your short-tempered attitude intimidating and troublesome. The teachers just turned blind eyes when it involves you or anyone in Lookism as to not get on your bad side. The students have a very hard time interacting with you despite your reputation as the most beautiful girl in the school.
• When Big Daniel came in the picture, your life just took a sharp turn. You thought of him as naive but handsome when first introduced. You tried charming him after Zoe failed her attempt, however, he just kept quiet and avoids eye contact no matter how many times you tried asking him to come with you. Just like Vasco, he also called you out on your cruelty with others. Gyutaro found his goody-two-shoes personality foolish and you guys did not meet him again after that.
• Somewhere in the Arcs, he wanted to be allies with you and Gyutaro so he asked if you could join them. Gyutaro was pissed and decided to fight him while you fight Vasco, Zack, and Jay..... Daniel...won?.... Then that means your brother is-- You panicked and ran to your brother, hoping that he's not dead... He's...fine?... What do you mean he's fine?... Are you taking pity on us?! WE ARE NOT WEAKLINGS TO BE GROVELING AT YOUR FEET!!!--
• Daniel and co. decided to give you two a choice if you want to join them or not. In time you gave more thought about it... By the rules of the Twelve Kizuki, if a member is defeated, then their lives shall be taken by the winner that in order to become one of the members... And this Daniel Park just wants you to reconsider???
• Hahaha... He's so odd, so weird... so foolish. Oh well, I guess you and your brother are now one of them... It's time to quit ties with the Twelve Kizuki and say goodbye to your dear leader. You became allies with Daniel.
• Remember Duke Pyeon? Yeah, he told you to apologize to him...
Duke: *Hears a knock from the door* "O-oh! Don't worry grandma, I'll get it! Who could be the knocking so late at night?--" *Opens door*
Duke: "!!!.... M-m-miss Shabana?! ....U-um, wha--"
Ume: "I... I don't know how this works SO DON'T GET ANY IDEAS, FAT-ASS."
Ume: *Bows deeply* "I...I... Ugh... I'm sorry!"
Duke: "..."
Ume: ".... Well?! Aren't you gonna say anything?"
Duke: "How did you get my address--"
• Anyways! You and Duke settled your bully and pushover conflict with the watchful eyes of Gyutaro. You still hate Jiho though. You and Gyutaro were actually tempted to accept Gun's offer to be the strongest but brushed it off and fought him. Goo is annoying as hell, basically the same level of cockiness as Vin. You managed to have friends of your own like Mira, Zoe, and that that fake-ass bitch Yui is not so bad...
• One thing the guys are actually thankful for is that you treat everybody the same. Wether they being beautiful or ugly, you'll still kick their ass.
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drawnfamiliarfaces · 2 months
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Okay, I'll continue talking! So as we all know, RC9GN frequently involves characters being turned into rampaging monsters through no real fault of their own. And then there's Evil Julian, who was a whole thing. What I'm saying is, the Ninja cast are not strangers to the idea of people being forced into evil the way Chase was... but I don't think Chase goes around telling people about his tragic backstory unless he's trying to make a point. So, like, do any of them know Chase is technically under the influence of a mind-altering substance? That he didn't want to be like this, he just didn't want his best friend to leave him behind? Under what circumstances might the First Ninja find out? Under what circumstances might Randy find out?
Of course, what happened to Chase is definitely not the same thing as what happens to people under the Sorcerer's influence. For one, it's a lot more permanent. It's pretty clear in Xiaolin Showdown that Chase is too far gone and can't be cured at this point, if he ever could have been. The only way to stop him from ending a haughty, self-centered dragon would be to stop him from drinking the soup to begin with. And he's still himself on some level. As you said, he still has honor, he can still care, he's still capable of independent rational thought. It seems less like possession and more like very targeted (evil) brain damage. At the same time, this does mean it's technically possible for Chase to turn his back on what he's become. He may never be who he was again, but he can still change, as Omi believes he can. Though jury's out if he believes he can change. Anyway, there's a lot of drama to be wrung out of this, especially if the First Ninja realizes he probably would have liked the man Chase used to be.
Also, I'm just saying, the First Ninja denying that he chained up his evil husband to stop Chase from hurting people while he searches for a cure to the curse that makes Chase evil would be very funny.
OKAY OW HANG ON LISTEN The idea of First deciding to chain up Chase not just because he is an evil menace, but also in order to find a cure for his transformation, hit me so unexpectedly hard in the feels, like FR DUDE???? OW???
(Even if it is a bit of funny mental image AND the wording 'targeted evil brain damage' made me snort so hard, oh my god im so sorry.)
There is an argument/theory about how technically Chase doesn't need to constantly drink the Soup (based on how in alternative future, captured by Jack, Chase didn't drink it in captivity, and as soon as he was released he was kinda bordering on 'feral' lizard mode - Soup helps him keep in control AND keep ahold of his human form, rather that he is absolutely dependant on it), but he does it because he is, well, basically addicted to it.
SO it would be more of First chaining his Evil Brain Damaged Addict of (totally not a) Husband in order for to find a most likely nonexisting cure to his cursed (????) transformation. The ANGST POTENTIAL of it.
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And your first points are so interesting and absolutely valid! Chase's situation can be compared to Stank-ification, but you know what would make an even more interesting comparison? The Sorcerer himself.
I think we often forget that technically, Sorcerer situation is him being separated from his humanity and twisted into an immortal monster by Chaos Pearls, because he - as the Peddler - made one decision, one mistake, after being seduced by power greater than him. Sounds familiar doesn't it?
Of course there are a few key differences here:
Sorcerer is literally separated with his human self (soul perhaps??) that is trapped in Land of Shadows, while Chase's humanity seems to have been surpressed and/or muted by his Draconic Self. (or perhaps stolen with his soul by Hannibal, which is a popular theory about how exactly Roy Bean/Soup turned Chase.)
Chase's change is permanent. While Sorcerer situation is possible to fix - it literally happens in the finale.
BUT!!! no one actually knew it was possible to fix before. At least no one gave any indication that it was a known fact about Sorcerer's humanity still existing somewhere in Chaos Realm/Land of Shadows.
I'm pretty sure First/Norisu Clan believed that the Sorcerer was a human changed and twisted into an immortal by chaos. Impossible to kill and impossible to return to normal - that's why he was imprisoned. To keep him contained.
I mean, couldn't First Ninja, after capturing The Sorcerer, try to get his human self from the Land of Shadows himself, if he knew? After all he had access to a Chaos Ball! But he didn't know there was anything to be recovered, that the Sorcerer could be actually unmade just by reuniting him with his human half.
(At least thats my personal HC, but im pretty sure the canon show just retconned/fumbled a bit the whole Sorcerer resolution lol.)
SO just imagine. First learns about Chase's past. And he is freaking aghast. Here is another twisted by evil, but while he and his brothers failed to save those changed that they first encountered (the 'killed first stanked monsters' theory tie in!), they managed to save those that came after. And if First could, he would have tried to save The Sorcerer, no matter how much he hates him. But... Chase is different. There is still something of humanity left in him. Perhaps he can save Chase.
And from Chase's pov? He sees how Ninja saved Stanked people, and he doesn't even consider those situations as similar to his. Sure, people are turned into monsters, but he was turned into a monster by his own choice, there is nothing to save him from. (Isn't there?)
But he watches as First releases those people from the clutches of chaos, watches as he tries so hard to save them... And maybe it makes him yearn, that someone tried just a little bit harder to save the 'him' before he made that choice.
And if First cages Chase and says: "I want to help you. To Cure you." It will certainly enrage Chase - because who does this man think he is, tryin to contain and cure THE Heylin Prince of Darkness, like he is some halpless trapped commoner??? He came to be long before this man's Clan existed and he will be there long after this man will become dust.
But also... maybe deep deep deep inside, Chase is... confused? and pleased? - that someone like Fist Ninja grew to care enough for him to try and save him, even if there is nothing to be saved.
So they would be at this standstill, where First is trying to help a cause that isnt quite possible to fix, and Chase is... well, being Chase.
But, yeah, certainly another amazing thought process from you Anon <3, I've been trying to answer this ask for so long, because every time i start to write i get overcome with emotions about those scenarios like...damn. It's funny, but also the possible drama of all of this... hnnnfgggg
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silvergarnet12 · 2 months
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Splatoon was the first Nintendo game to push me out of my comfort zone of single player games, and with the closure of it's servers I wanted to draw a tribute to a game that really means a lot to me.
Some long rambles about the game under the cut.
When I first played the Global Testfire I was 15, and the only mutliplayer games I played were with friends in the same room.
Splatoon was also the first shooter I ever picked up, as I always liked bright colours over more realistic graphics in my games, and back then the only shooters I knew about were Halo(and that was only really a name to me!) and the CoD games.
Any worries I had about being bad quickly vanished as the sheer vibe of chaotic fun the game had, particularly when no one had played it before, got rid of any worries, and all I remember is having fun. And choosing to play as the guy instead of the girl for the first time, solely becuase I wanted a ponytail like in real life(I would continue to use the guy through the series as a tradition, a contrast to what I saw most people online doing).
When the game came out I binged the single player, and vividly remember the first time I fought DJ Octavio, and the first time I heard Calamari Inkantation. If ever a game was to convince me that a song could irreversibly change your life, it was Splatoon. Because to teenage me, in that moment, with Calamari Inkantation playing in the background while I fought an octupus DJ, it did.
It gave me terminal brainworms for this series. And here I am, 8 yrs later. Older and more tired, been through some shit, had some good times, tried, succeeded and failed in things throughout the years.
I've always been grateful that they made the decision for the player character from 1 to return, everytime they've shown up it's felt a bit like seeing an old friend, especially since as the games time skips have always had them close to my age(which probably helped my attachement back in the first game). So hi Three, can't believe we both probably pay taxes now.
I have the original two Inkling Amiibos, in a collection that is slowly building, I'm still attached to Marie, and yes I was on her team for the Final Splatfest.
I cried when it was over, just like I did in 2's Final Fest(I was team chaos, two for two baby!) and will probably do so for 3's as well. Something about this series just makes me super attached to it's world and characters.
So booyah Splatoon, my final online game of yours was well and truly years ago, but I replayed story mode to share you with a friend recently, and I think I'll refight Octavio tonight in honour of the good times.
You encouraged me to try out games I wouldn't have otherwise(hello Overwatch and Deep Rock Galactic), and outlasted one of the other major games of my teenage years(...Overwatch 1 I miss you). So thank you for that.
I'll miss Squid Jump, Inkstrike, the og kit for the NZap 89(why does it's new one not vibe with me ;-;), the Squid Sister's broadcasts and the more saturated colours. At least I can always return to the Plaza in 3, and that Spyke isn't dead like I was concerned he was when 3 released, and see the Squid Sisters perform during Splatfests again.
I have so much more to say in my heart about you but no more ways to word it.
You've been a fantastic game, and will always be a treasured experience that I am grateful to have been a apart of from the very beginning.
Now bring back Moray Towers in 3 damn it! It's in 2 but I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY FAVOURITE STAGE IF IT"S NOT IN 4.
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kedreeva · 4 months
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as someone who is ace and entering college years, how has your dating life been as an ace? what other struggles have there been that you have advice for? i dont know any aces or similar around me older or otherwise. thank you for your time and i hope you have an easy day!
Okay this will get a little long so I'll put it behind a cut
Honestly I'm probably not the best person to ask, since I never really...struggled? Not specifically with asexuality or with anything related to it. I can tell you my experiences, though, and you can decide if there's anything worthwhile to take away from it!
I grew up in a house run by science and math. I knew the prefix a- meant without/not and I knew there was heterosexual and bisexual and homosexual, so when young and, importantly, before really ever interacting with other queer folk, I went Ah ha, these are (prefix)(sexual) and so therefore I am asexual (without sexuality), and that was that. That was literally all the thought I gave to it. People had crushes on other people, I didn't have crushes on people, end of story. If, for some reason, I developed a crush on someone, I would deal with it then.
Maybeeeee midway through HS, a very good friend of mine asked me about it, and I said well, some people like everyone the same, and I dislike everyone the same. And she said well, then it sounds like you like everyone the same, that amount is just zero, so that seems like bisexual? (she didn't know the term asexual was an actual sexuality term either at that point, just the biological term for reproduction and, well, I could reproduce theoretically so couldn't be that) And I said well, alright then, and called myself bisexual for the next 6 or 7 years. THEN I found out asexuality is a sexuality not just a mode of reproduction and I said Ah Ha, I was Correct, and that was that again.
So I guess if I was offering advice it would be... you know you. Don't let someone else tell you about you if you think they're wrong. Make up a word if there isn't one. Use a new word if you find one that already exists and fits.
Also, that it's fine to not worry about it. Literally it's fine to just never think about it if you have better things to do. I think a lot of people get really wrapped up in finding the right label and/or "what happens if-" when like... you're not a canned good. You don't need a label. Worry about what-ifs when they come up, don't borrow anxiety if you can help it.
I dated a few people in HS, like... three people I think, and one Almost. One predatory mistake I thankfully recognized (HEY because I had older folks online I could talk to about it!) and got out of quickly, and one hot mess relationship that was a LOT of fun- my boyfriend, Sark, and then his ex-girlfriend, and then I stepped out so they could get back together, and then they said wait no, and invited me back in, and that went on for most of the end of HS, and nearly into college, when I stepped out again (and peacefully, I am still friends with both of them and I married Sark in the end). There was one guy whom I was always, perpetually, extremely fond of, and we hung out a lot, kissed once, and I think we would have had a lot of fun dating, but ultimately it was a near miss that became a fond memory, because we were never in the right place together. Sometimes life does that, and that's okay, too.
In college, I simply didn't date anyone. I had better things to do. I met my best friend, @idkfandomwhatever, online that year (and still talk to her almost daily, sometimes for hours, despite that we are on opposite sides of the world!!), and in person @mishapeep who was the best roomie I ever had (hi!!!!! i love you!!!). I had great friends, I went on a TON of adventures, worked a cool job where I had awesome coworkers, and just all around had a blast learning stuff and napping in sunbeams or on couches at the food court. A couple of guys made passes, and I turned them down because I just wasn't into it, and we remained friends. There was one coworker at my dispatch job that I got along with like a house on fire, and everyone ELSE thought we should be dating, but neither of us ever brought it up- I can't say why he didn't for sure, but I know I never brought it up because I was 85% sure he didn't swing for the right team to date me, which I ALSO never brought up until he found me on facebook years later to tell me about his husband running for local election somewhere. so. again, don't let anyone else tell you what to do lol there was ALSO another guy that I had NO interest in that spent a lot of time around me, but we mostly sat in my bunk watching Queer as Folk, which I KNOW was his first exposure to queer material. I never talked about queer stuff with him otherwise, but I heard from a mutual friend of ours that he's also happily married to his husband. Sometimes just being yourself, openly and without shame about it, does more than you think, even if it's not doing anything directly for you (but it is, it's good for you too).
SINCE college ended, I dated one guy I met through an online game and that was great in person briefly, but ultimately didn't work out because he couldn't be a nice person, another guy I met through the same online game and that didn't work out at ALL in person, and then I started hanging out with Sark and co again. I was on the phone with him driving somewhere, and I said something to the effect of someday you're gonna find a gf and she's not gonna want you to keep going on adventures with your ex, and we won't be able to talk anymore and I had a real recordscratch moment where I realized absolutely NOT on MY watch, I wanted that boy in my life forever actually, and we've been married now for... this is year 8.
I may have landed in a soft place, but I didn't seek it out. I just lived my life and didn't worry about my sexuality or about who I was or wasn't gonna date. When I DID date, I was up front about what I wanted from any of those relationships and part of the problem with the relationships that didn't work out was sometimes that I did not KNOW what I wanted, yet. But, it was IMPORTANT I think, that I gave the chances I did, because I did learn about myself and what I wanted. That's probably the hardest fucking thing to learn, that relationships sometimes happen not because they're likely to be permanent, but because it may be fun or be a way to learn what you do or don't want. Maybe alongside of that, the lesson that it's okay to go "hm, actually this is Not For Me" and exit peacefully whenever possible. But it's okay to give temporary things a shot and see how it goes, even knowing up front it may be temporary (honestly maybe that even takes some of the stress of it off? if you don't have to worry about it being forever, and you don't have to worry about "what if I never experience other things," and you don't worry so much about messing it up so it feels easier to take chances saying and doing stuff you might otherwise consider too risky to ask for etc).
I'm aware I'm lucky that things went pretty smoothly for my entire life so far, insofar as dating or sexuality is concerned. Part of that was definitely because even the worst of the people I dated weren't really all that bad of people. A lot of it was that I just didn't date if I didn't want to. I didn't care about sex, so I didn't have sex for the first time until a few years after college, and only one guy ever pushed the issue at all (the guy in HS I immediately dropped all contact with).
The thing is... I dated or nearly dated like ten people, flirted with countless others (because it's FUN), and the only one I still have regular contact with (not just occasional friendly hellos) is the one I kept at the end.
But the friends I made in college? I kept a lot of those. I still talk to several of my college friends on a regular basis. I have made other friends since, some of whom I talk to every day, some of whom have become irregular contacts I am still fond of. But those bonds are important and the ones you make with your friends from here out do have the potential to span at least huge chunks of your life, if not the entirety of it. If you only take away one thing from this little novel...take that knowledge.
also this has nothing to do with asexuality but for pete's sake find SOME kind of hobby club to be a part of, or make one if there isn't one, follow your stupidest instincts for adventure on occasion (like playing freeze tag frisbee in a lightning storm on the PAC lawn at 11pm until the campus cops show up to make you go home), and take at least one "fuck it this sounds fun" class. Mine was archery at 7am, the only early-morning class I ever took. Worth it, we were all TERRIBLE but god it was awesome.
Good luck out there!
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rustingcat · 7 months
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Magic
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"Kara!" A voice echoed in her head.
"Kara! Stay with me!" The voice continued. She heard it start to speak again but the endless darkness consumed her before she could hear the rest.
The next time she heard the voice it was accompanied by a different one.
"She's moving"
"I think it's working."
"It's better."
Kara tried to open her eyes, but everything was too bright. She let out a small groan which only made her realise how dry her mouth was, it felt like sand and rocks.
"Kara?"
A warm hand laid on her arm, making her dare to finally open her eyes. Blinking a few times to get her eyes adjusted to the light, Kara was greeted to the face of her beautiful Lena, and her worried sister by her side.
"Oh, thank god," Lena exhaled.
"Did he..?" Kara's voice came out hoarse and raspy.
"We got the guy," Alex assured her, handing her a glass of water. "It was one of the guys that escaped after the heist a few months back with the alien weapons. Apparently he got blasted by one of them and it caused him some strange mutation and a hunger for electricity. He's in holding now, we're looking for a way to cure him. You did good Kara."
Kara nodded, afraid to use her voice again. She decided to finish the glass of water, instead.
"How are you feeling?" Lena asked softly.
"Pretty beaten," she tried to chuckle but only a small huff came out. "How long was I out?"
"A few hours. Luckily Lena had created this new serum, it means you're up early but you'll probably be powerless for a while." Alex explained, making some notes on the pad she grabbed from the end of Kara’s bed.
A few hours was quite impressive, she assumed she should've been out for at least a day.
"Wait!" Reality suddenly came back to her, "the kids!"
"They're fine!" Lena reassured her.
"Did I…" Kara swallowed hard. "Did I miss the birth?" Kara really hoped she didn't. Not that it would matter too much in the long run as long as they're healthy and happy, but she really wanted to be there to greet them when they come.
"No, of course not." Lena touched her hand and smiled her calming smile. "I waited to see if the serum worked so we could do it together. They should meet both their mothers when they come out after all."
Kara breathed a sigh of relief. They were okay and they were waiting for her. Most importantly Lena was not only waiting for her, but made her a special emergency serum that worked perfectly. Well, Lena made it, of course, it would be perfect. "I love you." Kara raised her hand to link her fingers with Lena.
"I love you too." Lena gave her hand a squeeze. She was definitely solar flared, going by the feeling of her squeeze. "Can you move?"
"Hey! You can't move her now! She needs a full day under a sunlamp at the very least before she moves!" Alex interjected, emphasising her point by talking with her hands.
"Alex," Lena's tone turned professional. "My kids are about to come out into the world today and they need us both. Plus, the serum should give her a pretty good solar radiation boost, by the time it wears off I promise you she'll be well tucked into a sunbed as she should be."
"Right," Alex nodded. "I'll keep it warm for you." She had enough sense not to argue with Lena Luthor in mother mode. Probably a lesson she'd be glad she learned sooner rather than later.
"That won't be necessary, she'll stay in the one we have at home."
"We have a sun bed?" It was news to Kara.
"Yes. Now, can you stand?"
Read the rest of the chapter on AO3
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lara-cairncross · 2 months
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I'm gonna dub myself babbling anon because I know I probably babble a lot. Anyway;
I was thinking about you AU and then I saw a picture of Draxum and thought about him being the pixie dust alchemist or a garden fairy, and then, when I thought about the pixie dust, I thought about the moon stone, which I'm getting off track about. Here are my questions! And sorry again.
1. Do you think any of the brothers would be selected in taking care of the Moonstone?
2. Has any of them been curious about the frost fairies? I'm sure Raph and Donnie has been part of the crews helping the animals cross and making the baskets respectively before.
3. Isn't it common for fairies to use mice to pull their wagons? Wouldn't it be awkward for Splinter to be just a rat?
4. Do you think April would be intrested in Pixue dust alchemy? In the series, she wanted to learn magic in witch town.
That's all my questions, so sorry for the new pile of them. But I also wanna tell you about things I thought about with characters like how Meat Sweats can be a baking fairy, i think that's what they are, and Mikey would drop by the baker fairies' workplace sometimes to watch (imagine Meat Sweats in tiny freaking wings that shouldn't hold him up but it does, haha) but I think I'm being too overwhelming and I should probably not be bothering about this but anyway, babbling again. Thank you for taking your time on this and sorry for wasting it too, haha.
First of all-- I LOVE the idea of Draxum as some kind of Pixie Dust alchemist!! I don't know if I'll ever get around to drawing that, but it's an excellent idea :DD Originally I was trying to figure out if I wanted Draxum or Big Mama to step into Queen Clarion's shoes, but now I'm leaning towards Big Mama as the Queen and Draxum as some kind of fairy alchemist on the lam!
I'm not sure if any of them would be selected, honestly? I mean, the only one who would really be chosen to create the scepter is Donnie-- and although he's talented, he and the rest of the boys are infamous in Pixie Hollow for being, like, SUPER reckless and adventurous! I don't think anyone would trust the four of them around a priceless artifact lmao
Raph definitely takes an interest in the frost fairies/the Winter Woods! He loves helping the animals cross over and seeing their pelts change color, but he does have to be careful-- not only because his wings can get damaged by the cold, but also because it's really easy for him to switch into brumation mode if he accidentally crosses the border. That'd be a disaster all around. Donnie doesn't really care about the frost fairies or the Winter Woods-- he has too much work to do back on his side of the border-- and Mikey doesn't like it over there at ALL, since it's much colder and cloudier!! He thrives off of warm temperatures and sunny skies :DD Leo would probably be pretty indifferent to the Winter Woods, but I can see him challenging himself to fly across the border and get back before his wings get damaged, just to test out how fast he can fly.
Man, I need to figure something out for Splinter. I honestly have no idea where he fits in here! Maybe he could take over Lord Milori's role in the Winter Woods? That could be a fun dynamic to play with when it comes between him, Big Mama, and the turtles :D
April would defffffffinitely be interested in all things related to magic/pixie dust/fairies in general. The turtles tell her all kinds of stories about Pixie Hollow and show off their magic to her, but I imagine that she'd always be sort of disappointed that she can't experience Neverland for herself-- not yet, at least.
Thanks for the questions, dearest babbling anon! They were fun to answer 😚🧡🧡
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pyjamaart · 2 months
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Breaking Bot (read more for some rambling about mega man fully charged)
Mega Man Fully Charged has been on my mind again lately, which made me realize that there's literally a robot named Chemistryman who worked as a chemistry teacher. Not using him as a Walter White stand-in would be a criminal offense.
I'll have to admit I started getting back into Fully Charged again after seeing some asshole on twitter complain about the character design for the hundredth time. I just can't stand that kind of negativity. I swear to god, Fully Charged is like the Sonic Boom of the Mega Man franchise. Personally, I really enjoy the FC designs. I've probably said this before, but I feel like the redesigns give some of the more forgettable robot masters way more character. Like, do I care for Classic Drillman from Mega Man 4? I mean, yeah, I do, but I wouldn't care as much if it wasn't for his Fully Charged incarnation.
I also really enjoy most of the original robot masters. I already talked plenty about Blastowoman and why I love her so much, but I want to talk about the others this time.
Take for example Chemistryman. Comparisons to Walter White out of the way, I feel like his character was a really fun idea. God knows I had teachers who put me to sleep back in the day. For me, it wasn't chemistry though, it was my economics teacher. I always compared her to a story teller at a Christmas market who would read children stories out of her big fairy tale book. Only that in reality, it was stuff like the minimization/maximization principle. Most of my notes for that class were incomprehensible chicken scratch, because I just couldn't keep my eyes open. In the end, I slept through like half her classes, lol. But I gotta say that I still always got a B or higher in the end. Somehow. I thank god every day that I never have to step foot in a school again.
I really wish Chemistryman got a little more time to shine though. Two episodes is just way too little. I would gladly take three more episodes with him over those gross Gutsman episodes. I know I love talking about wasted potential with this show, but I wish there was an episode that focused on Chemistryman outside of the school setting. I get that his whole character is "boring, bitter teacher", but I'd really like to see what he gets up to when he's not trying to force children to listen to his chemistry lectures. Like having Aki try to talk him into going into retirement for good. And then he tries to find hobbies for him so that he doesn't bore himself to death. I can see him getting into building model ships or something like that, lol.
Now that I'm already writing up a storm again, I might as well talk about some other headcanons I have about the FC bots. Since Woodman was in sleep mode for 30 years after the war ended (I don't know where I got that number from. I rewatched his debut episode, but the exact number doesn't appear anywhere. Oh well, let's just pretend this is canon, even if it isn't.) we got kind of a Shadow the Hedgehog type situation on our hands. All of his friends and family got to live their lives in this new, peaceful world of harmony between robots and humans, while Woodman spent 30 years powered down in a bush or something. Completely forgotten about. Like, why didn't they go look for him after the war ended? I don't think Aki and Suna wandered that far into the forest for their school assignment. If you really think about Woodmans back story for a moment, you realize how fucked up it actually is. 
Now my explanation for this goes into heavy heavy headcanon territory. When Suna calls the principal about Woodman, he warns her that Woodman is dangerous and to get away from him immediately. Now why would he say that? The principal also calls him "ruthless" in that same explanation. What I think happened back then was that Woodman actually planned to assassinate the human armies leader. (Possibly Sgt. Night?) The leader of the robots caught wind of his plan and put him into sleep mode himself, since he and Dr. Light were on the brink of finding a way to end the war peacefully. In my mind, this leader is the FC version of Swordman. Don't ask me why, he was just the first guy I thought of. And then it just stuck.
I know this makes Woodmans back story even more fucked up, but I just love putting my favorite blorbos through hardship. Don't even ask me about my headcanons for Drillman. They'd actually put me in prison.
Now all this culminates after Woodman is reactivated by Suna and Aki. Finding himself alienated from all his former friends and comrades (Maybe the other Mega Man 2 robot masters?), what was he supposed to do? He couldn't spend the rest of his life isolated (and homeless) in the forest, could he? And this is where season 2 could have delivered. But I'm done whining about that. If Capcom doesn't deliver, I gotta write my own season 2. Simple as that.
Anyway, getting back to Chemistryman, since he's pretty old, I imagine that he was already working as a teacher when Woodman was still around. Maybe he even was his teacher at some point.
And since I love having my favorite characters interact, I also thought of a scenario where Drillman wanders into the forest out of frustration over his miserable life, only to meet Woodman by coincidence. In the end, Woodman helps him work through his daddy issues and his body dysmorphia, while Drillman helps Woodman reintegrate and manage this (for him) completely new world of peace. Another great headcanon of mine is that Chemistryman is actually Acidmans father. Just because I think it would be funny. And as Fully Charged has confirmed: robots in that universe do indeed have parents. (Flashback to the time I drew Dr. Light beating the shit out of Drillman's father)
Speaking of Drillman.... For being one of my favorite Mega Man characters of all time, I haven't drawn him nearly enough. That will probably be my next project.
This might also be a great time to tell you that I've never watched Breaking Bad before, lol. Everything I know about it comes from RTGame's Stardew Valley playthrough and the RTVS Half Life parody.
Sorry for all the yapping. But if I don't talk about robots at least once a day, I might die. This is a serious condition.
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luv4fandoms · 1 year
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The Rut (David x Fem! Reader)
It is finally here! The last installment of The Rut series! I am so happy that everyone enjoyed this series, it was definitely fun to write the boys in just complete feral mode lol. I'll definitely be writing for stuff for the boys in the future!
(Also since I've been asked, this isn't really a poly relationship series, this is a "only (insert boy) likes reader" kinda thing).
I really wanna thank everyone who has commented on, reblogged, or just liked this series. Y'all really kept me going when I had writers block, and I couldn't have finished it without y'all. And a big shout out to @auntvamp who came up with the original headcannons about the boys in rut, because without them, this series wouldn't be a thing lol. I'd highly suggest reading that first.
Lastly I'd like to thank @santacarlatourism for their headcanons of each boy's scent on my post
I also got inspired by these headcanons
For this I know a lot of people write David as a rough dom but I wanted to explore something else, I don't think David would always be rough with his mate, I see him having a soft side too, so this is that, and also him slowly losing control lol.
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Paul, Marko, Dwayne,
Word Count: 5,376 (of course this cocky mofo ended up with the longest chapter 🤣)
Pairing: David x Fem! Reader
Warnings: DETAILED SMUT! THAT IS ALL THIS STORY IS!! MINORS DNI!!
⚠️ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐈 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬, 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞.⚠️
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Ko-Fi
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"Don't invite him in"
That's what Dwayne had told you when he informed you to stay away from the cave for the next couple of days. You were confused when Dwayne had met you at the entrance the night before, usually David was the first one out and ready to leave, typically smoking while the others got ready. You were fully prepared to spend the night at the boardwalk with the boys and your favorite vampire, but Dwayne had quickly shot down those plans.
"Wait…A rut? Like how animals have ru-"
"Yes just like that" he told you as he walked you back to your car.
"When we go into these we are very dangerous to you, since you're a human and not a vampire like us you're far more…"
"Fragile" you finished, the boys had all told you that before, taking it upon themselves to protect you all the time because you were "like a China doll" in Dwayne's words.
"So that's why you need to stay away for a couple of days," he explained, to which you could only simply nod as you climbed in your car. Your thoughts suddenly taking a turn as you thought of him…they were all extremely attractive…him especially…and you were sure him taking a partner for a quick time was something he had done before…would that happen again? After all, if he was gonna kill them anyways why not? It didn't matter if they were fragile right? But why did that thought make you wanna cry even more in this situation?
"It isn't like that" Dwayne's voice broke you out of your thoughts and you were unsure if he had read your thoughts or could just read your emotions.
"Go home y/n, don't overthink ok, you can come back soon" he told you with a small smile as he shut your car door, watching as you started the car and rolled down the window when he knocked
"And one more thing" he told you while leaning in.
"Don't invite him in"
So here you were, sitting in your room, listening to music and drawing, wishing you could just go hang out with the boys, you hadn't really realized just how much of a staple in your life they had become until now. Night's seemed boring without them…without him. Sighing you sat your sketchbook down on your nightstand after you realized that in your zoned out state you had successfully sketched what was probably the twentieth picture of him that resided in the book. Stretching, you got up and changed the music, putting on your newest Billy Idol album. You had joked to David before that he reminded you of the singer, a comment that although he didn't reply to, he seemed complimented by. You had actually come across David listening to a Billy Idol cassette tape one day in the cave and it only solidified that thought even more for you lol. You began dancing around as White Wedding started to play, losing yourself in the music for a moment, before you heard a gentle knock on your window. Your body froze instantly, shifting your gaze to the closed curtains. You slightly wondered if it had been the wind, but only slightly, you knew that was definitely a knock.
"I know you're in there Sweetheart, no use hiding" You immediately felt a shiver run down your spine at the voice, a deeper tone with a slight growl mixed with it told you he was currently vamped out.
'Don't invite him in' Dwayne's words rang in your head, earning another low growl from outside.
"You don't take orders from him, understand?" Oh shit, he was reading your thoughts. You had made him promise when you first learned what they were that he wouldn't do that anymore. A promise he seemed like he had no problem breaking tonight.
"But.. David…Dwayne said it would be dangerous to-"
"Funny" you heard him let out a dry chuckle.
"I thought I just said you don't take orders from him" You gulped at his tone, a sarcastic David was a dangerous David at times, and you had a feeling this was one of those times.
"Let me in Doll, I'll explain it all better than he could" You hesitated still, true, Dwayne hadn't explained very much, and you were still curious. And if you were being honest, when vamped out David probably had the most control over himself out of all of them, besides maybe Dwayne…Maybe it would be safe if you let him in. Slowly making your way over towards the window you heard what seemed like a pleased…purr? You pulled back the curtains, meeting the golden gaze of the vampire on the outside of your window. His figure looming on your small balcony. You unlocked and opened your window, leaning out to speak to him. When suddenly your lips were captured in a searing kiss, his gloved hands holding your face, softly yet firm as he pulled you closer, fangs brushing your lips as he opened your mouth with his, tongue dominating the kiss. You weren't sure what was making you dizzier, the kiss that was quite literally stealing your breath away, or his scent. David always smelled like a mixture of cigarettes, the cologne he always stole that had a very earthy smell to it, and a scent that you could only describe as simply him. But tonight his scent seemed to be cranked up to a hundred, clouding your brain of anything but him. When he finally seemed to remember you needed to breathe he pulled away, forehead resting against yours as he watched you try to catch your breath, pupils blown and heart racing as you met his gaze.
"David," you spoke quietly.
"You're gonna be a good girl and let me come inside, right?" He asked, watching the shiver that went down your spine at the nickname, a mental note he tucked away for later.
"Right?" He asked again, watching as you slowly nodded.
"Words Sweetheart" he gave you that little smile as he ran his thumb over your lip.
"You can come inside" you spoke once you found your voice.
"That's a good girl" he spoke, before the next thing you knew you were back inside your bedroom and being thrown onto your bed.
"Clothes off Sweetheart, I'm going to fuck you first, then I'll explain everything" he commanded, staring you down as he slowly took his coat off and laid it over your desk.
"W-What?" You stuttered, looking at him with wide eyes, did he actually just say that so casually? He raised an eyebrow as he looked at you, waiting.
"I thought you were going to be a good girl tonight y/n" he spoke while slowly pulling your chair out and sitting down.
"I-I.." you weren't sure what to say at the moment, voice gone as you got lost in that golden gaze.
"I don't mind punishing you" he warned, and the look in his eye told you that part of him wanted to, wanted you to misbehave so he could. Deciding to play it safe, for now, you quickly took off your top and bottoms, leaving you in your simple lace panties, bra having been discarded earlier in the night. You watched his gaze darken as he took you in, golden eyes turning a bit orange.
"Come here" he spoke simply, but his tone told you that there was no arguing. Slowly you stood from your bed, taking careful steps over to him, stopping once you stood directly in front, your legs lightly grazing his knees. You slowly met his gaze again, those hard features and burning eyes, you knew anyone in your situation would have ran, but you knew David, and maybe some deep twisted part of you wanted this more than you even recognized. Wanted to be completely dominated by this man, this creature. Maybe you should have also not thought those things so loudly, if the absolutely predatory grin was anything to go by.
"Completely dominated huh?" He asked while leaning back in the chair, he watched as you gulped, listened as your heart picked up speed, smelled as a fresh wave of arousal hit you. It wouldn't take much to have you exactly where he wanted you, completely willing, completely his.
"On your knees Sweetheart" he told you with a low growl, and he watched as you instantly fell onto your floor, hands hovering just above his knees before lowering themselves to the ground. Good girl, you already knew to wait for his orders. He watched you watch him, watched as you tried not to show how much you were trying to gain some form of friction against where you needed it most. He could feel himself stir even more at the sight, could feel the inner beast trying to claw its way out, yelling at him to simply take you, stop these foolish games and claim what was his. He hated that feeling, hated losing control. Deciding to relieve both himself and you he tapped his belt buckle, eyes still never leaving you as you looked up to meet his gaze before setting to work undoing his belt and then pants, looking up to silently ask if you should stop or keep going.
"Well? You've been a good girl so far, are you afraid to unwrap your treat?" He smirked, watching the blush crawl up your neck and cheeks as your eyes went back to his pants. He lifted himself slowly so you could take them and his underwear off, pulling the material down to his ankles, stopping only because his boots got in the way. You went to remove them but he stopped you with a hand on your head.
"Those can wait" he told you, sliding his hand from your hair to cup your cheek, running his thumb over your lip before slowly parting them, watching as you wrapped your lips around his thumb, eyes sliding closed as you sucked the digit. David watched you intensely, feeling himself jump at the sight, and knowing that he wanted, no, needed your lips around him, now. Gently pulling his thumb away with the thinning self control he had left he opened your mouth, watching as your eyes met his.
"I have something better for you to use that pretty mouth on" he told you, watching as your eyes moved to finally take him in. He was average length, but pretty thick, a size that had you both clenching around nothing and also afraid of him not fitting. Again, reading your mind, you heard David chuckle.
"That's why we have to get both of us nice and wet, I think you know how to do that, don't you?" He asked, letting go of your mouth and leaning back in the chair, legs opening just a bit more.
"Yes sir" you nodded, sitting up a bit, hands finally touching his thighs, you could hear the low rumble leave him as he stared at you, you had taken a chance by calling him sir, but you had a very strong feeling he had that sort of kink, after all, David always loved being in charge.
"Look at that, I don't even have to teach you manners, you are already trained for me" he smirked, gathering your hair in his gloved hand as you slowly wrapped a hand around his length, feeling it twitch, before lowering your lips to close around the head.
"Already my good girl" he sighed, watching as you ran your tongue along the slit before lowering your head, hollowing your cheeks, and taking more of him in while running your tongue along the vein on the underside. What your mouth couldn't take, you hand took care of as you began bobbing your head, twisting your fist as you stroked in time with your bobs. You hadn't expected David to be a moaner or a talker, so when you only received grunts and huffs you knew not to be disappointed. You let those guide you, noting when he would tighten his grip on your hair, or when he would ever so slightly lift his hips, when he would hold his breath, or when his grunts sounded a bit more strained.
"Teeth" he grunted out at one point, tightening his grip on your hair again. You weren't sure what he meant, so you went off of what you guessed and prayed that it was right, you were doing good so far, you didn't want to fuck up now. Letting your teeth graze against his length you felt him stiffen, and instantly you feared you messed up, but that was when you heard it, the first moan, even if it was extremely quiet. With more confidence you let a little more of your teeth scrape along him as you worked, hearing his breath quicken once more. You chanced a glance upwards and noticed a sight you didn't expect, David with his eyes closed, head slightly tilted backwards, and mouth slightly open. Feeling brave after your achievement you decided to try something else. Sneaking your other hand up, you gently wrapped your hand around his balls, just as you took as much of him as you could and swallowed. Feeling him stiffen instantly, and hearing a clearly strained.
"Fuck" before his eyes met yours, orange gaze blazing before you were suddenly tossed on the bed, watching as he tore the rest of his clothes off.
"Did I say you could do that?" He asked, caging your body with his. You slowly shook your head but David caught your jaw in his now gloveless hand.
"Did I?"
"N-No sir" you replied, honestly a little scared, as well as turned on. David looked almost unhinged at the moment, like he was a breath away from just bending you over, and maybe that's what you wanted.
"So why did you think it was ok?"
"I-I just"
"Just what? You had been doing so well"
"I just wanted to make you feel good" you told him, and watched as he stopped, and blinked down at you. Honestly he hadn't expected that reply. He figured you were tired of playing the good girl role and wanted to disobey, wanted him to put you in your place, wanted him to just take you already…He hadn't expected you to tell him you were just trying to make him feel good.
"Just trying to please your master?" He asked with a smirk, watching as you nodded, eyes wide with an innocence that he knew was false, but God did you know how to play on that. He knew how dirty your mind was, he had read it so many times, times where you would come to the cave, wet and smelling like pure heaven. He wanted, no, needed to know what had gotten you that way, so he'd delve into your mind, needing to know if he'd have an easy kill that night or would it be something else, and what he'd find would cause his own stirrings. Things that you had read about in your little erotic novels, but played out by the two of you. You riding him, which he'd have to be convinced about. Him bending you over his motorcycle, that he could and would definitely arrange. Then there were the ones that filled your mind after you learned that he was originally a gunslinger before he became a vampire. It seemed your naughty little mind lived on the saying "save a horse, ride a cowboy". That heavenly smell surrounded him once again as you looked up at him, muttering such words that had his thin self control on the verge of snapping.
"Always wanna please you sir" you whimpered, slightly wiggling under him, no doubt seeking friction for the overwhelming heat that was bothering you. He decided to take pity on you, at least that's what he'd tell you, when really the beast in him was clawing at his mind for a taste of you.
"Such a Sweetheart" he smiled, leaning down to kiss your neck, chuckling as you leaned your head to the side, already willing to give him access to your blood, but that wasn't the taste he sought, at least not at the moment. Pressing gentle kisses down your collarbone, stopping to give your breasts attention, he swirled his tongue around your nipple before closing his lips around it, fangs grazing your skin as his hand came up to pinch and play with your other one, before his mouth and hand switched. Only when he felt like he had made you a breathless mess did he continue his journey down, hands sliding along your sides as he kissed down your stomach, pressing kisses to your hip bones before hooking his claws into your lace panties. His eyes met yours, a sinister smirk on his lips as you watched him tear your panties in half, the sound of tearing fabric meeting your ears while your eyes never left his. You watched him toss the pieces to the sides of the bed before he pressed kisses to your thighs, so close to where you wanted his mouth but never giving you what you needed.
"Beg" he told you, watching as your eyes met his again, having closed them for a moment.
"Please David" you whimpered, yelping slightly when his hand landed a smack on your thigh.
"Care to try that again?"
"Please sir, please I've been good" you begged.
"Have you? I don't think you have"
"I-I was just trying to make you feel good" you explained again, watching as he stared at you.
"Please sir, I promise I'll be good" you told him, gripping at the sheets, trying to will him to do something, anything to calm the fire that was slowly burning through you. Meanwhile David was fighting with himself, he wanted to tease you, have you a real begging mess, but the other part was clawing at him to just give in and take. This time he decided to give into that beast within and in an instant his mouth was on you, tongue swiping along your slit and watching as you threw your head back, a loud moan of his name tearing from your lips. He decided this time he wouldn't reprime you for it, mainly because he was becoming too lost in your taste, his own grunts muffled as he buried his face deeper, nose brushing your clit while his tongue dipped inside. He felt your legs close around his head, his hands still resting on your thighs, and again he decided to let it slide, instead grabbing your hips and letting himself explore you, commiting to memory every swipe of his tongue that had you moaning his name, every suck that had you gasping, every twist and turn that had your heart beat picking up and the beast in him clawing at the fraying seams of his control. He wanted to slam his fingers in you, listen as you moan at the fact that something was finally filling you, but he knew that his claws and that sensitive of an area shouldn't mix, so he settled on completely devouring you, being careful of his fangs as he brought you closer to your edge. Your legs tightening around him, hips lifting to try and get closer, hands grabbing at his hair while your head was thrown back, eyes shut and mouth open, begging him to not stop, telling him how good he felt and how close you were. He could push you off the edge in just a matter of seconds…could…but wasn't going to. Easily unwrapping your legs from him, he lifted himself away from you, watching as you whined and looked up at him with pleading eyes. Chest rising and falling rapidly as you slowly came down from the high he had built you up to.
"Why?" You whimpered, and David simply smirked as he wiped your essence from his face.
"You still had to be punished Sweetheart" he told you, watching as you pouted, head turned to the side while you tried to catch your breath. He chuckled at your pouting, knew how frustrated you were, because honestly he was at that point as well. He knew that playtime was up. Grabbing your thighs again he pulled you down the bed, wrapping your legs around his hips. He watched you gasp at being manhandled but he knew you liked it, he could smell that you liked it.
"Now, are you gonna be my good girl again? Or do I have to punish you again?"
"I'll be good I promise" you panted, wanting that high again that only he could bring you to, he'd make sure you knew that, that only he could make you feel this way.
"Good girl" he growled, reaching down to drag himself through your wetness, watching as your hips lifted slightly, trying to coax him in.
"Such a greedy girl" he smirked, before slowly entering you, watching as you threw your head back at the feeling of finally having him inside you. It took him a bit with how tight you were, but once he was fully seated he had to take a moment. Because right then, for the first time he felt overwhelmed. Sure he had partners in the past, but nothing felt like this, as if he needed more proof that you were his mate. And he knew that you probably wanted him to be gentle, but he knew that wouldn't be something he could offer, not this night at least.
"I'm not gonna be gentle Sweetheart" he felt he should warn you, felt you deserved to know before he just took you.
"I didn't expect you to be" you smiled, and he knew you knew enough of what was going on with him to know he was losing the control he loved so much, so he never broke the gaze you two held as he gripped your hips and pulled back, only to slam forward, watching as you threw your head back. He listened to your cries for him, your heartbeat singing as it sped up again. He watched as your eyes rolled back, mouth opened as you didn't even try to hide the gasps, and moans. He found his own eyes closing as he sped up, thrusts now slamming into you as the bed shook, his grunts were drowned out by your cries and that was ok, he didn't need to be loud, it was your job to tell everyone who was making you feel this good. Sir had long been forgotten and he couldn't find it in himself to care, wanting you to cry out his name until your throat went raw.
"Fuck" he panted out through gritted teeth, the feeling was picking up, the knot tightening in his stomach as he felt you grow tighter around him. Shit you were gonna make it hard on him to even fuckin last, especially when you were begging for him, begging for him not to stop, begging for him to make you cum, even begging for him to make you his, as if you weren't already. Your orgasm hit you both by surprise, you suddenly became like a vice around him and he immediately stopped, watched as you shook, you entire body trembling as you flew over the edge, he slowed his thrusts, gently rocking you through it, and also keeping his own orgasm at bay
He watched you blink before your eyes met his, looking up to see if he would say something about you cumming without permission, which, any other time he may, but right now he just knew he needed you to cum again, because you were absolutely beautiful when lost in pleasure. You watched as he unhooked your legs from him, instead lifting them as he pulled out and crawled over you, pressing his forehead to yours as he wrapped your legs around him again, his one hand coming up to hold yours, while his other game up to hold your jaw.
"You got another one for me Sweetheart?" He asked, not breaking eye contact as the hand on your jaw left for only a moment as you felt him enter you again, making you gasp.
"Yes" you whimpered, already lifting your hips to meet his.
"My little mate, always so willing" he smiled, fangs grazing your lips before he captured them again, he soon started thrusting again, and you moaned in the kiss, allowing his tongue to enter and dominate before he pulled back, fangs lightly grazing your lip and drawing blood, to which he quickly licked it up. His hips thrusting forward harshly as he tasted it, the flavor exploding on his tongue and heightening his sense to focus on the precious liquid that flowed just below the skin. He knew it would be dangerous to feed on you while you two were in the middle of this, he could lose any control he had left if he did, and he wouldn't know what to do if he killed his mate. So instead he focused on the other liquid you were producing, the liquid that was currently coating his thighs as he thrusted into you. Your moans were echoing against the walls and in his brain as he allowed himself to slip away, focusing on the feeling of your body sucking him in, gripping him tight in your soaking heat, God you were so hot against him. He knew his temperature was running hotter than normal due to the rut but yours was like fire. He was also losing himself in your scent, not just the scent of your arousal, but the scent that was simply you, a scent that he would never admit, but one that he loved smelling around the cave or against his pillow when you would take a nap in his spare room. He lost himself in how soft your skin was under his hands, how you completely gave yourself to him, willingly submitted yourself to a beast like him even though you had been told it was dangerous. How you were crying out for him, begging him, praising him, God your praises.
"Yeah? Only I can make you feel this good?" He panted against your lips, eyes still closed as he continued to lose himself.
"Fuuuuck, only you David" you told him
"Only I know your body like this" he growled, picking up speed.
"Only you" you panted.
"You're mine" another growl
"Shit..Only yours"
"Completely mine" he grunted
"Fucking…Always"
"My mate" he groaned, and you allowed your eyes to open slightly, expecting to meet gold but instead noticed that his eyes were closed, eyebrows furrowed as his mouth opened slightly, hot breaths fanning your face.
"Say it" he panted, eyes not opening as he picked up his speed again, angling himself until he was hitting that spot inside you that made you see stars
"Your mate" you moaned, eyes closing again as your head fell back as far as his hand would let it, his grip leaving your jaw to grab the back of your head, forehead never leaving yours.
"My mate" he panted, breaking off into a groan.
"Fuck" he moaned against your lips, his control a hair's breath away from being gone, the faster your heartbeat raced, the less he had.
"Cum for me" he groaned, knowing he wasn't going to last much longer. The hand that had been holding yours quickly found your clit, rubbing circles that had to shooting towards your peak.
"Fuck! David!"
"That's it baby, let go" he surged forward, panting against your mouth as moans began to leave him, the sign that he was about to finish as well you realized. Your hands shot into his hair, pulling the locks until his face left yours and buried into your neck. It was something you knew you both wanted, something you had fantasized about, and something you know the rut would most likely want him to do.
"Make me yours" you panted, officially snapping the thin string of self control he had. Instantly his fangs sunk into your skin, drawing a high pitched moan from you as your legs locked around him, your body squeezing him as your second orgasm washed over you, and he was right behind. As soon as your blood entered his mouth he was gone, he knew you smelled like heaven, but you tasted like it as well, and that paired with your even stronger orgasm had him slamming forward, hips stuttering before stilling as he filled you, a deep growl leaving him and vibrating your chest as he pour himself into you, claiming you, marking you, just like his fangs did. He gave a few slow thrusts before he stilled and pulled his mouth away, his fangs leaving your skin as he licked up the blood that trailed out and sealed the wound, the only evidence being two small marks. You both stayed like that for a moment, his face still buried in your neck while your hand was tangled in his hair, the other running along the scratch marks on his back that you didn't even know you had made, he knew though, he quite enjoyed the tiny bit of pain.
"That was really dangerous" he spoke after a moment, drawing your attention to his gaze, now far less orange and far more gold, the red hue having disappeared.
"I think the danger started when I invited you in" you laughed, watching as a smile graced his lips.
"You were told not to, and here I thought you knew how to follow orders" he tisked, causing you to roll your eyes.
"Kinda hard to know which rules to follow when my master says the opposite of others" you smirked, earning a growl that vibrated your chest.
"Always my orders"
"That's what I thought" you smiled, leaning up to capture his lips in a kiss that he happily returned.
"You really like being called that" you joked, causing him to roll his eyes.
"Just means you know your role" he stated.
"Oh? So I'm nothing more than your pet?" You asked with a pout.
"You know you're not, you're my mate" he stated as if it were the simplest thing, which to him it may have been, but to you.
"What does that mean exactly?" You asked, watching as he just blinked at you.
"No like…is that what vampires call girlfriends or.." you trailed off when he started lightly running his finger over the bite marks he made.
"Why do you think I came here even though it was dangerous?" He asked.
"Honestly, I'm not actually sure" you told him truthfully.
"I actually figured you would just go pick up some random at the boardwalk" added while staring at the skin of his arm that you were currently drawing patterns on with your finger. You tried to hide the sad tone but you knew he could easily pick up on it, knew because he was soon turning your face towards him again.
"This doesn't work that way." He started, brushing your hair out of your face.
"None of us have ever been through this before, I'm the first. We just know about it from Max telling us" he explained.
"This rut, it's triggered by us finding our mate. In human terms I guess the closest thing would be a soulmate"
"So I'm…Your soulmate?" You asked, your smile growing.
"Far more than a pet now huh?" He smirked, leaning down to kiss you again. Chuckling when you pulled him closer to deepen the kiss.
"Would this be the right time to tell you that I've kinda had a crush on you for a while?" You laughed, watching as his smirk grew.
"Oh I already knew"
"Wait what?!"
"You think very loudly Sweetheart"
"Wait…How long have you been reading my thoughts?! I told you not to!"
"Long enough" he stated, while lowering his mouth to your ear.
"Now, let's see if you can last for longer than eight seconds Darlin'" he purred, a deep southern drawl ringing in your ears and you knew you were fucked…in more ways than one.
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Of course I had to throw in some tidbits about my headcanon that David was originally a gunslinger from Texas lol.
Taglist
@its-monster-mash, @arenpath , @xxx-wounded-angel-xxx , @katpursley94-blog , @theamericanjewitch , @shewhomustnotbenamedsworld , @thelostone91 , @blazeflays , @ilikechocolatemilkh , @babyloutattoo89 , @bigcreatorwombatdreamer , @non-binary-disastrous-mess , @2525sc , @kitteebree , @besas-stuff , @justaspeachy , @faefairi3 , @its-freaking-bats, @santa-carla-boardwalk-1987, @urmothersmistress , @nickangel13 , @lostboysmate1987 , @simpin-for-slashers,
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sailorkamino · 1 year
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Hi! Could you write some headcannons for tbb x body insecure or plus sized reader?
body insecurities [bad batch]
relationships: gn!reader x bad batch
warnings: weight insecurities, echo has body dysmorphia, diet culture, an older sibling being a parental figure, autistic tech struggling w/ emotions, past body shaming
a/n: i love writing for tech but i struggle with his dialogue, if you're a bad batch writer pls send me some tips to making him sound in character <3
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crosshair
• great at reading body language so he can tell when you need comfort even if you don't verbalize it
• he might seem annoyed but that's just his rbf, if he didn't care he wouldn't ask
• the type to be angry when he's worried
• it's eaiser to threaten you then admit he cares
• he'll say stuff like "take a risk like that again and i'll shoot you" or "drink some water dumb ass, i'm not your baby sitter"
• his first reaction is to fight the problem
• "did someone tell you that shit?"
• once he realizes he doesn't need to commit murder he's not leaving you along until you talk
• cross is the best listener and i will die on this hill
• he can seem dismissive of your insecurities but he does care, he just thinks you're wrong lmao
• brutally honest so any praise from him means a lot
echo
• the most empathetic boyfriend part 1
• def has suffered from body dysmorphia so he understands
• but also baffled cuz you're perfect to him
• he's very serious about your mental health so he wants to his a conversation about this
• the most genleman to ever gentleman, he will shower you in love!!
• lots of cuddling and sweet words
• hope you don't have any plans cuz you're not allowed to leave his arms until you feel better
• if you want to eat better that's great! but none of these unhealthy diets you see on the holonet
• no he'll research the best diet/exercise plan for you personally to make sure you're safe <3
• you've helped so much with his confidence he's determined to return the favor
hunter
• instantly knows when something's bothering you
• as the oldest he was forced into a parental role at a young age so he has a lot of expierence with comforting
• will give you a worried dad look until you tell him what's wrong
• he might get a little pushy if you aren't opening up
• he doesn't mean to but worrying about his loved ones is like his default setting
• [protective mode activated] did someone say something? cross will probably help get rid of a body if he asks-
• blames himself for your doubt
• secretly reads/watches romance stories so he'll probably drop some cheesy lines from them
• shows your tummy lots of love, like using it as a pillow while you stroke his hair or sneaking a hand under your top, lulled by your breaths
• cuddles with skin to skin contact are very intimate to hunter cuz of his higtened senses so this is very special privilege
• if it'll give you confidence he offers to work out with you, using the holonet he tries to find 'fun' exercises you can both enjoy (yoga, zumba, etc.)
tech
• he'll get frustrated because he doesn't understand your pov
• he's told you that you're attractive and healthy, why are you still upset?
• hunter has always told him "you can't make others see things the way you do" and it's infuriating for him
• tech is a fixer so he feels helpless when he can't just fix your insecurities
• he'll encourage you to talk to one of his more emotionally intelligent brothers which you take as rejection
• when your eyes fill with tears he panics even more
• "perhaps i should get hunter-" "i don't want your brothers, i want you tech"
• he's quiet for a moment before awkwardly opening his arms, "physical touch causes the brain to release oxytocin, a bonding hormone that strengthens social bonds in mammals. would you like a hug?"
• he's always found you attractive but never voiced it, now he makes sure to tell you every time
• get ready for blunt but 100% genuine compliments like "your chest is distracting in that shirt"
wrecker
• the most empathetic boyfriend part 2
• king of emotional intelligence
• will pick you up and hold you like you're a doll, laughs if you call yourself 'heavy'
• everyone is kind of small to wrecker (even his brothers) so to him you're practically a baby tooka
• but still he takes your feelings seriously
• cadet wrecker was definitely body shamed by regs so he knows how it feels
• showers you with affection 24/7 so it's hard to feel insecure around this guy
• will fight anyone who makes you feel bad >:(
• like hunter, he also offers to work out with you (not just cuz he loves showing off-)
• loves active games, like just dance or wii sports
• is up for any activity has long as you're involved tbh
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