#and agoraphobic on youtube

[spilladabalia]

Agoraphobic Nosebleed "The Third Day of Sodom: Serpent of the Gay Pride Rainbow" (2003)

#agoraphobic nosebleed #the third day of sodom #serpent of the gay pride rainbow #scott hull #jay randall #jr hayes #carl schultz #chris taylor #grindcore #hardcore punk #altered states of america #2003 #Youtube

[cheyenneisthedisaster]

Outside for the first time in a long time

You said you can't remember what it's like

To feel more than cold on the inside

But the sunrise will come again and you'll be just fine

You'll be just fine

I think it's time you had a pink cloud summer

'Cause you've gone too long without a smile

I think it's time you found another reason to stay for a while

You should stay for a while

I sit and watch now with new eyes for the green side

Lose myself sink into your sunlight

Breath in the breeze like a sweet sigh

Keep me tongue-tied

If this lasts forever, I'll be just fine

Oh, I'll be just fine

You are the rustling of leaves

And you are that honeysuckle breeze

You are the sunlight, shine on to me

Shine on to me, shine on to me

🌻

#movements #daylily #sadbeautifultragic #actually agoraphobic #Youtube

[alufeed1186]

DTXMania Series: DTXMania Customied Drum Chart Video.....(Agoraphobic/Corpse Husband)

#Youtube #dtxmania #agoraphobic #drums #drummania #gitadora #corpse husband

[selfshipping-haven]

.

#I'm genuinely scared rn #i don't know what of #i feel too agoraphobic to go to the store #but too cooped up and dissociated to stay inside #i feel like i've been watching too much youtube #idk what to do

[copingmecha]

Babe i just want a lowkey volunteer job to learn skills and not be agoraphobic

Is that too much to ask?

#i want a job too but im crying over youtube videos on how to do interviews #anxiety #unemployed #agoraphobic

[daggerpinknife]

do you think i can sell my a series of unfortunate events books for like a million dollars

#need #like a million dollars #to get a car and get away #the millisecond i get a car its a la vagabondas living for my i ...DO not like this living situation #happy to do craigslist jobs and unofficial tutoring transactions....literally anything #need to get a passport #the car is only necessary as far as getting money to get a passport and to idk to look hot and to work on things #ive literally just been a hermit agoraphobic sitting at home for 2 years since the start of this plague #and im RIGHT to fear losing who knows how much brain mass and memory function #but its also so so lonesome #and i suck at using the internet #this is supposed to be the portal to tiktok and youtube and fans and followers and friends and artists #but my dysphoria ...i like have to exclude myself my personhood my active participation from what i experience #and thats WRONG #because i deserve to be a part of what i experience #instead of dissociating and ignoring MY SELF #and i love myself so can i just...can i prove it to me #i need to go out #the world #is out #there #i feel better now thank you me and thank you anybody who read even the first character of these notes #didnt even have to reach all the way down here #i hope you feel the glimmering warm glow of all the twinkling stars in the sky! #<3

[dandenbo]

music games

I was tagged in a couple of playlist games, gonna combine them.

First up, tagged by @daggertongue for this one, thank you!

RULES: write one song for every letter in your url and then tag as many people as there are letters in your url

Little bit of everything, * means harsh vocals

D - Die Slow - HEALTH spotify | youtube

A - Asleep On The Forest Floor - Genghis Tron* spotify | youtube

N - Narcotic Shadow - Boris + Uniform spotify | youtube

D - Dunkeltrakt - Flesh spotify | youtube

E - The Eternal Lament - Distant* spotify | youtube

N - Not a Daughter - Agoraphobic Nosebleed* spotify | youtube

B - Black Eye - Nahja Mora spotify | bandcamp

O - Of Those Immortal, Longing for Decease - Nithing* spotify | youtube

And I was tagged by @laelior to shuffle my favourite playlist and post the first five songs. Thank you! <3 Fun fact this playlist has 1,003 songs on it.

Aisha Qandisha - Taqbir spotify | youtube

They Belonged With The Others - Maenad Veyl spotify | youtube

Skogsrå - Goderan spotify | youtube

Quemar Bandera - Puerta Negra spotify | youtube

Resin On A Knife - Sightless Pit + Midwife spotify | youtube

tagging for either or both @shadoedseptmbr, @tiny-banana-time, @sparatus, @commander-krios, @favoriteblogonthecitadel, @creaking-skull, @korkro, anyone else who wants to share! No pressure!

[hellowyelloww]

First 2 refs of 4 entities each :D (yes they wear clothes now)

here’s are my headcanons for the 8 entities so far !!(Note that I might add more if I have some in my head. Anyways, enjoy my rare rambles) vvv

Seek, in my opinion, is a rlly powerful entity (in physical strength).

Seek can be weak in strength if you separate it from its slime, but Seek can control its goo to go to it

Seek’s slime grows larger in amount very slowly when it kills a person and turns them into its goo, so, slowly, turns way stronger

Seek has a good relationship with all the Hotel denizens (except GL) so far.

Sometimes Seek reads a book for Figure when it was asked to by Figure, Seek doesn’t mind and does it anyway + Screech would come listen to the story with Figure (how cute)

ofc Seek can shapeshift, but not accurately

Figure is VERY sound sensitive and agoraphobic so it always shuts itself off in the library and quiet is all it wants.

Figure can retract its rib cage and bones in and out whatever it wants, the process doesn’t take long. (don’t ask why)

Figure’s clothes were too short in sleeves and pants for it, so Eyes helps out by extending the sleeves and pants and voila!

Figure hates fires before the update, now hates them even more. After the incident it had some of its outer bones broken and more scars and burn marks around its body.

Figure doesn’t like Rush and Ambush because of their loud noise and destructive presence.

Screech loves watching youtube and play games in it’s ipad. Once got the ipad after killing a player who owns it and uses it for hours. Screech’s Ipad is always on low brightness lvl

Screech has good night vision so roaming in the dark is not a problem for it but sometimes gets disoriented by the light.

Screech found itself father figures, Seek and sometimes Figure

Screech can make a high pitched scream high enough for dogs to hear it

Timothy lived WAY longer than a normal spider should. Entities lived in the hotel for a long time yet this very spider is still around. Presumably it might be an undead spider.

Timothy got its name from a book Rush was reading, the name “Timothy” was found on one page and just wants to stick to it.

Timothy is like the therapist pet in the hotel

Rush was too focused trying to capture players, so it may go to a Dupe door sometimes.

Players shouldn’t go too near to Rush because its black smoke can be toxic to breathe in (just image smelling toxic fumes).

Rush came into existence after Ambush

Rush and Ambush are almost not allowed in Figure’s library :(

Ambush isn’t rlly loud all the time, it just makes those weird vacuum noises when its about to start ambushing players.

Ambush’s aura/hair(?) grows very bright and hot when angry and goes fade, dim, and cold when sad

Sometimes Ambush took capturing intruders seriously especially when they reached passed Door 50, so it always go back and forth to get them, unfortunately it can only try in a few attempts

Like Rush, Ambush would also most likely rush to a Dupe door

Hide and Seek are made out if the same slime.

Hide can transfer multiple of its abilities in many closets at once. But can only show its physical appearance in only one closet.

Hide secretly likes Jack’s company.

Hide mostly listens to an entity’s venting. And Hide, well, hides its sadness and either Seek and Jack tries to help them feel better.

Jack has his red room abilities involuntary (to the player's eyes), if players stay near Jack for too long their vision starts seeing the room and outside turn red, also with a sense of anxiety and fear. Sudden red room is intentionally appeared by Jack and entities are able to see it

Jack and Rush are chaotic besties. Ambush is rlly cool with Jack.

If you encounter a red bedroom, it means Jack sleeps there for the meantime.

not done yet, there’s more entity refs I finished but writing down hcs for them is in the works (It wont take too long)

#roblox doors #doors roblox #doors seek #doors figure #doors screech #doors timothy #doors rush #doors ambush #doors hide #doors jack

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Here is my role reversal AU where the Kittisawats are the powerful mafia family, and the Theerapanyakuls are the poor brothers cousins trying to survive. Also they’re all sex workers. 

Tankhun is the overworked and overstressed eldest trying to take care of his family. Korn is a sick old man, likely to die any day now, and Gun is their shady, unreliable uncle who takes advantage of his brother’s failing health and the boys for his own gain. He’s part of a low-level gang; robberies, muggings, minor car theft. Nothing that would get the attention of actual organized criminals. A scumbag. 

Kinn and Vegas are the primary supports. Tankhun does his best, but he’s got his own trauma to work through. Kinn is the bartender fucking patrons for extra tips; Vegas is just a prostitute, and he doesn’t try to hide it. He also deals drugs on the side, and sometimes is forced into helping with Gun’s crimes. First as a lookout when he was young, then as an active participant. Kinn and Khun both fight with him about his methods. Kinn, because he thinks Vegas is reckless, getting involved with his father like that. He won’t be able to avoid the police forever if he keeps engaging in violent crime. Vegas thinks none of them can afford to be scrupulous with their morals, and none of them can deny that he delivers. 

Tankhun, a former prostitute himself, until he was kidnapped and… had a bad time… scolds Vegas for being so reckless with his own sex work. He’s terrified of anyone in his family going through the same things he did. Now he’s agoraphobic as hell, terrified of strangers, and only manages to pull himself together for the sake of his family. He still does sexwork, but now he’s just a camboy; there isn’t much else he can do that doesn’t require him to leave the house, when he’s a college drop-out with no qualifications or marketable skills. 

Kim’s bright plan was to become a YouTube sensation, get famous, and make it so none of his family ever has to work again. It doesn’t pan out quite that way. He does have and maintain a channel for his music, sharing recording equipment with Tankhun, but it’s small time. He does have a significant amount of subscribers; between that and his patreon, it’s not enough to live off of, but it’s enough for him to put himself through school. Anything extra he gets goes towards his family; Tankhun always tries to protest, but Kim can see the way some of the tension leaves his eyes when he doesn't have to worry about the month’s bills. Unlike the elder cousins, the closest Kim ever comes to sex work is playing his guitar shirtless on his patreon. Maybe a couple times people have offered to pay him for ~extra services~, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. 

Macau is still in high school. He tutors people for extra cash (read: does their assignments for a hefty fee) and helps Kim edit his music/videos. Wants to be a DJ someday. The two of them are close, as the babies of the family. Closer than Kim is to his own brothers, but the same can’t be said for Vegas; he and Macau are thick as thieves. 

One day Kinn gets a job as a personal bartender. He doesn’t bother trying to hide that he’s working for Porsche Kittisawat, and Kim isn’t shy about calling him a kept boy. He doesn’t begrudge his brother the choices he makes, he just wishes Kinn didn’t have to make them. Kinn puts up a good front, but Kim knows the craves the intimacy of a lasting relationship. He’s desperate for something real. To love and be loved. Kim is too jaded to stake any belief in finding something like that. 

Then he meets Chay. 

Chay is actually a fan of his. A very generous fan who regularly makes sizeable donations. Kim owes his upgraded recording equipment to Chay’s generosity, though he has no idea who his online benefactor is. 

Kim is local talent. Sometimes he gets called to play small shows every once in a blue moon. Kinn is pretty good at pulling the strings to get Kim booked at his club, courtesy of Porsche, who’s really making the offer on Chay’s behalf. It’s how Kim ends up meeting Chay. Not that he makes the connection. 

Chay is in the crowd, watching him with more interest than he thinks he’s earned. Kim thinks it’s regular attraction, the kind he’s used to. Used to it dropping off when people get to see the real him too; his pretty face isn’t enough to make up for his ugly life, especially when his personality isn’t enough to act as a buffer. Kim buys him a drink after the show anyway. They talk, they flirt, Chay admits to being a fan, which is nice. Kim’s never been recognized before. 

They start seeing each other. Kim still doesn’t connect Chay ro Kinn or to his favorite subscriber. Thanks to Kinn (and Chay’s) efforts, he keeps doing shows. Gets booked for better clubs as he proves himself able to handle it. He doesn't want to know what it cost his brother; he hopes it’s not too much, and Kinn always assures him he’s fine. He seems to mean it, and Kim is just selfish enough not to question it if it means his dream coming true. He starts promoting his shows online, and Chay is there at every one. Pretty soon that leads to seeing each other outside of shows, too, then going on dates. 

It’s building towards something. But before they can fall over that edge, Kim finds out about everything. The mafia, Chay’s subscription, Chay getting him these shows. All but paying for him. Kim is devastated. He knew better than to trust Chay from the start, it was too good to be true, and now look at what’s happened. 

He goes to his family. 

Tankhun, shrewd as ever, tells him it doesn’t change anything just because he knows now. Vegas, ruthless, tells him to use Chay for everything he’s worth until the money dries up. Macau thinks it’s romantic; that Chay admired him from afar, only for them to meet by chance and fall in love. Except they didn’t meet by chance, and Kim isn’t in love. 

Kinn understands, though. Kim didn’t expect him to. He didn’t give his brother enough credit. He thought Kinn would be like Vegas and Khun. Instead he tells Kim to follow his heart. He knows Kim isn’t like them, isn’t built for the kind of life where he can set aside his feelings and use someone else for his own gain. He’s too much of an artist for that. 

Kim tells all of this to Chay, who says that he doesn’t want to buy Kim, either. If Kim doesn’t return his feelings, that’s okay. They can go back to the way they were. They can be friends, or Chay can just be an anonymous name on a screen. He wants to be with Kim, but he doesn’t want to pay Kim to pretend with him. 

It’s exactly what Kim needed to hear. 

#cookie writes #kimchay #kinnporsche #Kim thinks he's not a sex worker #surprise he becomes Chay's secret sugar baby and has no idea #(jk it actually causes A Lot Of Problems in their relationship) #(but that's a post for a later date) #Khun and Macau are also going to be adorable #love-hate relationship peak right thre #they fight all day long but then Macau is alone and afraid #Kim and vegas gone for the night #he curls up with Khun for comfort #i have So Many Feelings about this au #i've been percolating on it for week s #spinning it around in my brian #crunching on it #it's that good shit

[seat-safety-switch]

Camping in cars is popular again. Negative Nancies would tell you that it’s because the economy has imploded and all the houses are being snapped up by moneyed speculators. Positive Patricks would agree with Nancy’s assessment, but then they’d make sure to point out that Wal-Mart still has free RV parking.

Living in a car is not at all like the lifestyle influencers on YouTube will tell you. For one thing, most of us can’t afford half-million-dollar mods to our Dodge Sprinters. I personally cannot even afford a Dodge Caravan. And that’s okay. Once you’ve accepted that you will not be living in the most expensive van down by the river, it’s time to make the most of what you do have.

Look around your vehicle: chances are it has an interior, and that interior is in an enclosed space of some kind. If it currently has a large opening, you either own a convertible or have some welding to do. Otherwise, this meets the statutory definition of “a house” in my book. I don’t have a very large law book, of course. Unlike that movie about the lawyer who lives out of a Lincoln Town Car, my own Town Car does not have the structural integrity required to hold heavy bookshelves. I haven’t seen that movie yet, either. Wal-Mart doesn’t give out free power to the unhoused folks living in the parking lot.

Now that you know you have a house, it’s time to think about how you’ll sleep. A pillow and blanket are all normal people will want, but a few of us have special needs. For instance, I sleep next to a fully-loaded 20lb bottle of nitrous oxide, mostly because my body heat is cheaper than running the bottle heater the entire night in case I need to make a quick getaway from mall security. Your mileage may vary.

So now you’re living in your car full-time. That’s great! You’ve been freed from the real estate treadmill, and you probably have picked up a new appreciation for every cubic inch of room you can find inside any enclosed space. I can’t go back, myself: I start to get agoraphobic when I park the car to use a public restroom. Those stalls are just too roomy.

#lincoln #lincoln town car

[gallavich-headcanon]

since your exams are done, that's my go to for a new au idea that's completely not thought through and just came to me while reading cam's musician!mickey tiktok au.

- socially anxious / agoraphobic mickey. he works from home because of it. some sort of accountant, maybe? he's good with numbers. he has trouble sleeping and mostly works at night.

- ian's an emt, but four out of seven nights a week he volunteers at a night radio station / (self) help hotline. one of his coworkers introduced him. people can either call or interact with the host via their online chat (for that, you need to make an account, but, obviously, you can choose whatever name you wanna be called). it's a lot of talking, but they play chill music in between, too.

- mandy sent mickey the link one day (she got it from ian). she told him to get help often enough, but he shrugged her off. he rolls his eyes at the message, still gives it a try. when he chimes in for the first time, ian is on shift. mickey likes his voice. the radio stays on every night - or at least whenever ian's voice comes in through mickey's headphone / the speakers.

- one day, ian stops being up for his usual sessions for almost three weeks. when he's back the people on call and in chat welcome him back. it takes every ounce of mickey to make an account - he thinks he's slick when he fills out the "name" as "fuck-u" - and tell ian it's nice to hear him again.

- from then on, mickey starts to interact more. when ian's shift starts and when it ends, sometimes when there's a lull in callers / people bothering him with who fucked who in the office and what situation came of it. ian makes it his mission to find out mickey's name. his juvenile joy about it makes mickey's heart skip a beat every time he throws in a new name.

- sometimes there's not much interaction going on and ian starts up idle conversation. asking those he recognises as long timers about their kids or their partners or how that promotion is coming along. it's sweet. always calm. always cheering the people on. sometimes he laughs and it's mickey's favourite sound.

- one day, there's not much going on, maybe five people on chat, there's a lot of time passing between callers. ian doesn't seem on his usual high self, either. with a racing heart and sweaty palms, mickey starts up a conversation. for a few hours, it's almost only them interacting. by the end of the night, when it's, basically, only the two of them left there's, »mickey.« / "what?" / »my name.« because i need ian to sigh and have an audible smile in his voice when he says, "good night, mickey," shortly after.

- unknowingly, they live in the same building complex.

no clue where i was going with this, actually, i just needed to get it out.

Oh my god oh my god oh my goddddd

NOSHo

I love this holy shit! This is the perfect idea!!

Of course it’s not enough for Ian to be an EMT and physically save people all day long, he wants to help people mentally too because it could be just as fucking important.

Mickey only making an account to make sure Ian knows he’s happy to hear his voice again? 🥹🥹🥹🥹

Of course it’s only them in the chat by the end of it!

May Mickey becomes a regular phone caller too? And people like his voice (though some lady complains that he curses too much) but people comment how well their voices fit together!

Also maybe the record these sessions and post them on Spotify/ YouTube or something so when Ian is gone Mickey just replays those every night to be able to sleep and he knows some bits by heart now?

#how do we call this au? #late night radio au #idk #radio host Ian #emt ian #gallavich au #shameless au #gallavich #shameless #ian x mickey #creepkinginc #au shenanigans with nosho #support hot line

[pjunicornart]

Lewis Collage

Meet the Robinsons turned 17, so I did a collage of all my AU Lewis/Neils for the anniversary.

We have: Lewis (middle), Cornelius (top middle), Lazy Neil (top left), Discovery-Recovery Neil (top right), Little Neil (bottom left), Lamb Lewis (bottom middle), and Agoraphobic Lewis (bottom right). Explanations for all of them will be under a cut! Might as well share some stuff for the special occasion, right?

Inspos (a.k.a. my own little anniversary playlist) VIP Only by Flightrush Pon3ville Rave by Flightrush ft. FritzyBeat Let Me Feel This by MC-Arch and bank pain (PegasYs remix) Dirty Car by Studio Killers Great! Big! Party! by EYEAMKI Sexy Villain by Remi Wolf MAGICIAN by Lexie Liu

Ask box is always open. (I keep forgetting to say this...)

Inspos for each of the AUs Lazy Days Neil - Hollywood Yeen by Spott ft. ida deerz, and She Bad by DJ Bob and Fabobeatz ft. Jermanee - Basically, like the rest of his family, he's chill and laid back, but also has the party side. Also, we needed a Neil to openly own his body and sexuality.

Discovery - Recovery Neil - Breaking the Habit and Given Up by Linkin Park, and You're An Awful Person by R.I.P. ft. vflower - Currently - as of writing this - I am working on his story. It's full of personal experiences and angst. He's inspired by the songs I would listen to as an edgy teen. The lyrics of these songs give you hints into his story, just an FYI.

Little Space Neil - Otter Pop by Shawn Wasabi ft. Hollis, and Saria's Song (Lost Woods) Music Box by R3 Music Box on YouTube - He was created as a way to vent my Little Space. There's not much else to this one, really.

Agoraphobic Lewis - Anxiety Angel and Agoraphobia by Elita - His story is up on AO3 right now, but I'm planning on rewriting it because I hate how it is at the moment. But essentially, he's inspired by the two songs linked above. His story is a "what if" scenario.

Little Lamb Lewis - Cruel by Mercy Necromancy, Dog Teeth by Nicole Dollanganger, and Love Taste by Moe Shop, Jamie Paige, and Shiki - Created after being influenced by the internet aesthetic known as "Traumacore." He also has a story I'm working on, but that'll be later. He's my favorite little unhinged psychopath who loves Franny to Hell and back.

#art #my art #digital art #meet the robinsons #meet the robinsons au #lazy days #discovery-recovery #little lambs #lewis robinson #cornelius robinson #lazy neil #little neil #agoraphobic lewis #lamb lewis #collage #anniversary

[hanzajesthanza]

by the way, i wanted to thank everybody for so many kind, encouraging, and thoughtful responses to my first video. (slight vent post :>)

it did indeed take a lot of work and a lot out of me, a lot of research, multiple stupid all-nighters… but as unhealthy as it was, it was actually really good for me, i think. it was a real experiment, i honestly haven’t worked so hard on something since my thesis to graduate last year.

i felt cathartic, that i had it in me to make something like this, that i’m not useless…

i mean, i know i’m not, but ever since graduation i’ve felt so, so burned out and as a result of that, just, stupid and inexperienced compared to everyone else in my field, socially isolated, agoraphobic, even, in some cases.

(i’m one of those people that worked really hard in high school and college, and now that i’ve graduated it’s like, who am i? what is my purpose? what is my value? add burnout to that, and you have a year of feeling guilty that i’m not killing myself constantly with projects.)

so to be able to actually fucking make something that not only took a lot of work, but had me constantly pushing my comfort zone, reorganizing my space (physically and digitally) and just trying my hardest to get it done… on top of it, being really, really be passionate about what i was working on… it feels like…

it feels like, if a close friend of yours died a year ago… and you went numb with mourning… but then you just got news that they’re alive…

but the thing is, that friend is you.

it’s funny how dramatic i’m being, because i actually decided today that i don’t like the video much, and that it’s not very well-produced. (it only took me two-to-four days to start hating my artwork, of course. well, i had a good time being proud of myself while it lasted).

it’s something along the lines of calanthe’s “i hope my outburst didn’t offend you. the form, not the content.” i hope this video didn’t offend you—the form, not the content. i’m secure in the content, the research. but the form… again, like calanthe’s, very ‘in the moment.’

i woke up this morning really mad at myself for making some creative decisions that i feel cheapen the whole thing. (i don’t know what posessed me to use my accent color for a background color, it makes the whole thing look gaudy and unprofessional. i guess i just didn’t want a boring white background, but ugh… that is going to be on my list of regrets for a while).

but i placated myself knowing that the video does its job as a biography and a source of information. and the fact that youtubers sometimes remake their first videos later in their careers. (well, at least my first video is a topic that will never go out of style, it’s an essential, expository, evergreen topic of interest). and that i will make more videos, improving one thing at a time. one thing at a time. slow steps to progress.

i want to make engaging videos, but it’s really difficult because i don’t think i have a very engaging personality… it’s very “book report”-ish at the moment, lmao, i’d like to be myself. if i know who that person is.

i had a ton of anxiety about how i would be judged or what if i got it entirely wrong… (i rerecorded some parts due to this and i think that may have been a bad decision, because the cuts sound terrible, but anyways). but everyone was so encouraging and just had such a warmhearted reception to it, i don’t think i expected that. i expected mean comments for some reason, idk lol. i also expected way more pushback and cringe because i was talking about sapkowski (who, as we all know, is not very popular, for some reasons more valid than others). so i honestly have no idea where the positivity came from, except your own good souls and goodwill towards me, which is astounding, so thank you.

i want to make more videos and improve. and grow the channel, so it can serve people who are interested in the books. the books deserve something of their own, their own space. i know they’ve had their own space for as long as they’ve existed, but this would be my space for them. if that makes sense. i’m carving out an intentional space for the witcher books, slowly but surely, it will get there with time.

at the same time, i have to balance this with real life. ugh, real life. i might have serious committments this week, but i have no idea... the exact details yet. essentially, committments that may eat up all my time to the point where i’ll have no time for this large crazy video experiment after all.

my name, nimue, is… an emanation of myself. like krzysztof’s katarzyna. a poet’s name.

my person that exists within book pages, the mind, and the web. but not in real life. or rather, not yet in real life. i think they’re stuck somewhere between the screen and the floor.

i’d like to bring them to life, soon. but it will take time, work. i have no idea if i’ll have that kind of time soon. i have no idea what adulthood brings me in terms of commitments. it hurts me to abandon nimue like this. for once, i was able to bargain something for them, release myself, give into the creative flow. i spent a week being them, i think that’s the longest nimue has ever existed in the real world. and now… i have to jump back into my ‘real’ self again. “no fun allowed.” damn it. and i had just tasted that freedom, that creation.

all i know is that i can’t let them die. though i think they’re immortal inside me, after all. and perhaps one day we’ll become the same person. it could happen!

#IV

[skiniibuniii]

im beginning to wonder if i am what people would call chronically online. cuz like, aside from my kid, it is all i do. im on youtube, i read manga in phases, i write, i listen to music, i go on tumblr. thats it, unless im with my kid or occasionally playing fortnite w my bf

even planning on dropping out of school as soon as i turn 18 so i can fulfill my life dream of becoming an agoraphobic neet

[bryan-damage]

Ever since the pandemic began in March of 2020, I've been looking for ways to occupy my time that don't set off my ever-worsening anxiety issues (I'm borderline agoraphobic at this point), and one of the things I decided to do was make a real effort to familiarize myself with the music of the present day. I did not make this declaration in 2020, though, I did it in 2021 sometime, although I've been making a little bit of effort here and there since maybe 2019. Like, I kind of know what Hyperpop is, although I am not familiar enough with it to be able to identify it.

To accomplish this, I mostly used YouTube and tried to train it's ever-increasingly useless algorithm. There was also some use of Spotify, although I don't like Spotify as much and I kind of like music videos. I've made a bunch of YouTube playlists because it's like I have my own personal MTV at home and that's kind of cool, especially since it's really better than the real MTV ever was since I curate my own content. I've also used Reddit to discover new music by browsing their music-related subreddits.

I'd say one of the first really hard pushes for me to do this was the release of "Wet Dream" by Wet Leg, which led me to also discovering "Chaise Lounge". I think the fact that it reminded me a lot of early 90s era Alternative Rock was a big part of the appeal, since that was the first kind of music that I discovered that I genuinely liked. Both of the songs are major earworms as well, to the point where my wife also started really getting into it.

I got my hands on a copy of their debut album as soon as it released in 2022.

I like to put on albums and listen to them from start to finish. I try to avoid skipping songs in general (unless there's one that I really don't like but that doesn't often happen). I take it in, and if there's something about it that resonates with me or it contains a few songs I really like, I'll listen to it through a few times. And, on occasion, I find an album that I fixate on for a period of time and sometimes listen to it daily. That's what happened with Wet Leg's first album. It was one of my Albums of 2022 and it was the first album I discovered that was brand new, which hasn't happened in a long time. Even though this album reminds me of 1994, it's still clearly not a product of 1994 (although if you traveled back in time to 1994 and played this at a party probably nobody would question it), and there was something nice about being able to fixate on something that was genuinely contemporary.

Although they aren't a brand new band, I did also discover Bleached around this time. Bleached released their first stuff in 2011 and I discovered them through a Tumblr post. Their early work was a very straight-up garage rock with a little bit of punk, I think if you traveled back in time to 1963 and played some of the early Bleached tracks at a California surf party nobody would question it. As of right now Bleached have released three full-length studio albums, the most recent of which, Don't You Think You've Had Enough?, was released in 2019. So I listened to this album regularly for a while as well.

There are elements of the 70s and 80s in this album, and it's a bit more like power pop than garage rock at this point. Still, there's a retro sound to it like a lot of music these days, I think if you traveled back in time to 1992 and played this album at a party nobody would question it. There were a lot of retro-sounding acts in the early 90s (Weezer's Blue Album is a good example) and this album would fit in there.

Honestly the biggest rule of making a rock album in the early 90s is you couldn't use an 80s-sounding synthesizer, I think everyone was sick of that sound at that point. I mean, people started getting nostalgic for the 80s by the end of the 90s, but there was a period where everyone was sick of the 80s and there was a shitload of really new-sounding music coming out so it just never got used.

Anyway, back to where I was, I really like Bleached and I intend to give the rest of their albums some attention somewhere down the road.

Pretty big contrast between Wet Leg and Bleached is their level of popularity. Wet Leg has been a pretty big deal for the past two years, their videos on YouTube have 10 million+ views at this point and that Harry Styles dork covered "Wet Dream". Bleached definitely has a following but they're not super well-known.

Oh, and in 2022 I got my hands on the album Flux by Poppy, which was another one I fixated on for a while. Near as I can tell she's pretty popular, although I don't know how she compares to Wet Leg. She's put out a few albums so she's been around for a bit.

I really like this album. There's a lot of different influences here, 90s grunge, 90s alternative, 00s pop punk, there's some ethereal/ambient songs reminiscent of shoegaze and dream pop, quite a lot of things being put into a blender for this one. If you traveled back in time to 1997 they might not let you play this at a party but if you find the room where all of the potheads are hanging out they might think it was pretty good. I'm basing this on the fact that The Mollusk came out that year and Flux isn't any weirder than that. Honestly, if you played Flux for the potheads they might really be into it and that might blow your cover as a time traveler, so do this shit at your own risk.

In the process of creating playlists on YouTube, I discovered the band Alvvays and on the basis of "Very Online Guy" decided to give them a closer look and picked up a copy of Blue Rev.

This album is still one of my current obsessions even though I got it at the end of 2022. I think it falls very broadly or loosely into the shoegaze / dream pop genre although I hear a lot more noise pop, reminiscent of Dinosaur Jr. and Sonic Youth, but much more upbeat. There's also a little 80s synthpop blended into this, at least in a few songs. I like the indistinct vocals as well, the vocals are really beautiful. This album is what I imagine a very pleasant dream or drug trip would feel like.

I'm pretty sure Alvvays is fairly popular. When this album was new, the record store near my home was advertising it, which is a pretty good sign that there's a solid fanbase out there. They've been around for almost ten years and I believe Blue Rev represents a change from their earlier sound.

If you're going to time travel with this album, I'd recommend going no further back than fifteen years, so that puts you in 2008. Play this at a party, then go blow up Facebook before returning to the present.

And that leaves me at 2023 in music, so this is a good stopping point for this post. I've been much more fixated on learning about new bands and compiling playlists on YouTube this year, so there haven't been a lot of albums I've really dove into super hard at this point.

#bryan damage #neoteric music #2020s #2020s music #wet leg #bleached #poppy #that poppy #alvvays #indie rock #indie music #time travel #retro music

[twinantithesis]

Almost like a “bad end” of irl Seán, stepping into the ring is...

Jack McLoughlin!

Below is some backstory about c!Jack in my AU!

In this universe, there are many historically magickal families that are governed by the magickal body of their country’s government. Recently - as in since the ~1800s - an unexplained phenomena has been appearing in children of magickal families. Seemingly the only pattern is that the power skips every two generations, and only appears in previously powerless children after significant trauma has been inflicted. The power is simply named Creation and involves being able to bring new beings into existence. Most of the Creators can only make beings who look and act similar to themselves, and Creation can either be planned and ritually done, or can be accidental in times of high distress. Beings can be created with or without a life story attached to them. The only visible signifier of a Creator is mismatched or seemingly injured eyes with no known medical cause. 

Jack was gifted Creation just as he started his youtube career, alone in a cabin in the woods, but did not actually Create until around 2016, when Jackie was accidentally born. Jackie was seemingly based off a costume & personality Jack would play for his channel. From there it was all downhill. 

Just like irl Seán, 2017 was the worst and most stressful year of Jack’s life. The difference is that this universe’s Jack also had four young and newly Created vulnerable adults to care and provide for, all while being periodically attacked and possessed by his fifth creation. This destroyed him emotionally and physically, and stress led to the exacerbation of his anxiety disorder and physical chronic illnesses. Jack seems to never have reprieve, and just cannot separate himself from the lives of his boys. He eventually becomes agoraphobic and even with therapy is struggling immensely with the social responsibility of being both a youtuber and a father figure to his Creations’ family. This and the discovery of Anti’s Body leads to an emotional breakdown in which Jack flees the country and doesn’t tell anyone where he is. He sends money to the family’s bank accounts twice a year and otherwise never properly contacts them again. 

Jack has a fatherly but strained relationship with every ego but Chase. Chase was his best friend and if Jack ever does reach out to them, it will be Chase he contacts. 

Jack is almost identical to actual Seán in personality and tastes so there is not much to say that won’t be said in the other’s bios!

#septicart #c!jack #jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #jacksepticeye fanfic #jacksepticeye fanart #jacksepticeye au #jse au #writersofjack #my art