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spaceumbredoggos · 2 months

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So much for stardust chapter Nineteen

Kenz’s Point Of View:

“Kenz!!! Kenz!!! Kenz!!!”

I grumbled awake to Dipper slurring in his half-rabid state. Fuck. It’s like he’s drunk. Is this supposed to happen?

Bee walked into the room, noticing Dipper laughing his ass off at pictures of me sleeping. “He’s acting like he brushed his teeth with Jack Daniel’s. Can you make him stop? And also, why is he acting this way?”

Bee was also super alarmed by Dipper’s erratic behavior. “That’s half rabies, half the Umbredoggo venom.”

“Well at least it’s working.” I tried to sit up, but my bones ached. Dipper stumbled on the ground and flopped onto me, causing me to yelp in pain. “GET. HIM. OFF!!!!” I wriggled out from underneath Dipper as he booped me. “Dipper knock it off and go to sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.” But Dipper didn’t listen. Instead, he was chewing on one of the wounds on my shoulder. I snapped back and held him down as blood trickled down my shoulder, dripping on Dipper. “You’re making a mess on Bee’s guest bed. With my blood. Stop acting creepy.”

Bee blushed as I stood up. White hot pain surged through me as I noticed the chunk bitten out of my leg. “Just lay back down.”

Dipper got back up and started trying to eat a frosted sugar cookie. However, his throat kept spasming as he tried to swallow, almost causing him to choke. I operated the Heimlich that Ford taught me to use on that one time Stan tried to eat a live cicada (gross.) and managed to get Dipper breathing again. He gasped for breath and smiled. “You saved me.” He rubbed my head and blushed, totally delirious and out of his mind. He’s crushing on me bad.

“Kenz?!”

“Yeah, Bee?��

“Do you have a moment?” I tried to stand up, only to feel the pain in my torn calf. “You might have to pull me aside.” Bee carried me into the other room and gave a heaving sigh. “I think I know where Dipper got rabies from, and it’s not very good.”

“Rabies by itself isn’t really good. It’s usually fatal. He just has uncanny plot convenience in the form of a friend who happens to have the only cure.” I sat down on the couch, noticing some scratches in it. “Hey, where the hell did these come from?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Bee pulled up a picture of a deer with a long bushy tail, cat-like paws, and sharp canine teeth. I recognized the snowy white Big Dipper marking on the forehead. The antlers were similar to that of a mule deer, and the sharp teeth was similar to that of a wolf’s stuffed in a deer’s mouth. “Is that Dipper?”

“He got rabies from a weredego—“

“Is that like a Wendigo werewolf hybrid?” Bee nodded as I felt a chill down my spine. “He’s cursed to transform into that form whenever he goes into his rabid phases. But he can eventually transform into it at will.”

“Are you sure?” I bristled, feeling the feral Umbredoggo brain in the back of my mind snarl at him, seeing him as competition. “We should tell Ford immediately.”

“I already told him.”

“Is there a way to break the curse? This is gonna crush him. He’s already gonna be crushed when he hears that he can’t be with Pacifica, or anyone really, due to the risk of transmitting rabies.” My heart tore itself in half for Dipper. The poor bean. I wasn’t there to protect him from this.

“Kenz, you’re gonna have to keep an eye on him at all times. Until he can control this.”

“I can’t control my umbredoggo form either. As of yet, at least.” I grumbled, thinking about how badly Dipper was crushing on me. “And another thing. Why is Dipper suddenly fawning over me?”

“I don’t think he even knows what he’s doing.” Bee looked pained, like she felt terrible for letting it happen. “So, how are we gonna break the news to him? And to Mabel, and to the town… His parents… I know he’s a grown adult, at eighteen, but he’s only just.”

“So are you.”

“I turn nineteen in May. It’s already April. He doesn’t turn nineteen until August.” I limped to the room Dipper was in. He was thankfully asleep. I laid down next to him, wiping some of the froth off his mouth. “We should be heading back to the shack pretty soon.”

“I think you’re gonna be sharing a room with Dipper because of his—“

“Wait! Umbredoggos are predators. Deer is one of their prey items of choice.”

“Dipper isn’t technically a deer. He has some traits associated with werewolves and wendigo’s.”

“You’re right. Fuck. That tumblr post about what if deer were predators. It’s all coming to life.”

Bee drove us back to the Shack as Ford walked me in to the living room. Dipper slept the whole ride home, leaning on me and nuzzling me. I carried him to the couch and got some sleep myself.

I woke up to the sound of Ford’s loud snoring. I grunted in irritation as Dipper’s frothy drool soaked my clothes. I stood up, bolting to the shower. I washed my hair and body and came out with a fresh wolf tshirt and pair of grey sweat pants. I sat back down on the couch, nearly rolling in a puddle of Dipper’s drool. “You’re gonna make me do everything, huh?” I stood up, grabbing a bandana and tying it around Dipper’s neck to catch the drool. I cleaned up the drool on the couch, grabbing my phone to watch a movie. I turned on Rio, needing some childhood comfort. “Huh. They put a chain on the two of those birds.”

I heard a massive crash come from the kitchen, which woke Ford up. “I’ll manage this idiot.”

“Kenz, it’s 3 am. You should be asleep.” I glared at Ford and bolted to the kitchen, catching up to Dipper. He was sleep walking and making a mess. I facepalmed and bolted to Dipper. He started to bleat in his sleep. “Oh no you don’t. You’re not transforming into Deerper now.” I held onto Dipper, trying to stifle his deer like tendencies. Dipper squirmed and woke up, drooling on me. “Dipper. You were sleepwalking. Go back to the couch.”

Dipper flailed in my arms, trying to get out. “Let me go!!!” He yelped, swatting at my arms as I tripped on his foot, falling to the ground. Ford burst out laughing as I kept tripping on everything trying to get to get up. “You got him, eh?”

“Shut up and actually be helpful. I can keep an eye on the idiot for a change!!! If he bites you, at best you have to go to the hospital for shots for the next several weeks, and at worst…” A heavy feeling punched me in the gut as I turned my head away, dragging Dipper to the couch and holding him down. “Kenz—“

“Dipper. You have to be more careful.” Is he fully lucid at this point? I wrapped him in blankets and noticed that he wasn’t drooling anymore. Is he aware of the news? He must be terrified. Does he remember anything from being rabid? My heart ached for him, knowing that the first few weeks of recovery would be the hardest.

“Dipper, just go to sleep.”

“Kenz, why are you being so—“

“I said, Go to sleep!!! You were sleep walking!!! And don’t glare at me like that! I know what’s going on!!!” But Dipper kept squirming. “Kenz, let me go.”

“No!!!” I pinned him to the couch. “Look. I don’t know if you’re aware of how serious everything is. You could have died. And you could die. At any point! You’re not healthy and a single bite to anyone would infect them. I’m thy e only one who’s safe to bite. If you go rabid again, you could kill someone.”

Dipper’s eyes widened as he gazed at my wounds. “Did I—“

“It’s not your fault. You don’t know what you are doing half the time. Right now, the world feels so confusing and crazy and you’re all like, how am I not dead yet? I should be dead. The truth is, I care too much to see anyone die.” I held Dipper in the blanket burrito. “Kenz—“

“Dipper, just hold still.” I noticed a tick on his head. “Okay, I’m gonna let you go, but stay still. Ford, get the bug comb. Dipper has a massive tick in his hair.”

“WHAT?!!”

“Have you been going days without a shower?” A whiff of body odor caused me to bolt to the other side of the room. “Dipper. You’re getting a bath. A really long one.”

“You can’t make me.” Dipper stuck out his tongue. “I can.” I carried Dipper to the bathroom and locked the door. “Why did you lock us in here?”

“Because you need to get clean. You need basic hygiene. How do you expect to get better when you smell like a sweaty gym locker?” I started the bath, but Dipper bolted to the door. I tackled him, but he wrestled me off of him. I tripped him. “Dipper. Take your clothes off and get in the tub.”

“Make me.”

“MASON PINES!!!”

“Uh oh!!!” Dipper bolted to the other side of the room as I managed to get his shirt off. “There’s the bite. Dipper, how come you didn’t tell Ford you got bitten by whatever the hell bit you? You could’ve avoided the rabies nightmare and—“

“Shut up!!!” Dipper slipped on a puddle as I grabbed his pants, causing them to come off. “Underwear, now!!!”

“Fuck you.”

“Don’t make this harder on yourself.” I cringed, realizing what I had to do. I eventually managed to get Dipper in the tub. “The water’s fucking hot!!!”

“I elbowed it! It’s perfect temperature.” I doused him in soap, getting the bug comb to get the bugs out. “Fleas, ticks, and head-lice? Okay. I’m getting the heavy duty bug soap. How have you not gotten the bubonic plague or Lyme disease? Also, comb your hair. It’s matted worse than a neglected poodle’s.”

“And your hair is any better?”

“Yes. I actually shower every day. It helps me reset after dealing with your bullshit.” I’m getting sick of your bullshit, Dipper. I grumbled and groaned, glaring at Dipper so that he would actually wash his body and not just sit there. “Do you have to stare at me naked?”

“It’s called doubling. It’s for those who have executive functioning problems such as myself. At least my problems are not hygiene related.”

“I don’t have executive dysfunction.” Dipper rolled his eyes as I drained the tub and washed out all the dead bugs in his hair. Dipper tried to hide the bite wound from me. “Let me see it.”

“No.”

“It smells awful. I think it’s infected.” I held Dipper by his head and gazed at the bite on his torso. “Shit.” I caught a glimpse of a couple of maggots and swallowed back my vomit. “It’s just maggots, Kenz.”

“MAGGOTS?!!!”

“Don’t make this worse than it already is.” I grabbed some hydrogen peroxide and some gauze. “Hold the fuck still and this will be easy. If you squirm and squeal like Waddles, I will bite you and you’ll know what real pain is.”

Dipper froze as I washed my hands and put gloves o. I doused the wound in hydrogen peroxide, flushing the pus and the maggots out. I grabbed Ford’s scalpel and managed to cut out a lot of the infected tissue. Dipper held still the entire time, screaming curses like a baby. I called Ford over.

“Nice job.”

“I had a bit of practice on my own bite wounds.” The wound was free of infected tissue and was bleeding a bright red. “What do you think? Should we stitch it up, cauterize it, or wrap it in gauze and let nature work?”

“I’ll handle it from here.”

“Of course. I’ll hold Dipper still so he doesn’t bite you.” I put Dipper in the same gentle headlock as before, keeping his line of sight away from the wound. “I should’ve called Ford over sooner, but this was an emergency situation and Ford was out getting medicine. He did train me in treating my own wounds.”

“I fucking hate you so much.”

“Believe me, the feeling’s mutual.” Dipper wriggled to get out of my grasp as I rolled my eyes. “For fuck’s sake. Stay still.”

“It hurts.”

“You’re acting like a cheeky ankle biter with all your yapping!!!” Ford burst out laughing at my sudden Australian burst. “You watch too much Bluey.”

“And that’s something I’ll be proud to admit.” I heard a splash as Dipper tackled Ford. I spun back as Ford was struggling to wrestle Dipper off. He’s gone rabid again. Feeling a new energy channel through me, I tackled Dipper in my umbredoggo form. He retaliated by turning into his deer-like form, smacking my face with his paws. I hissed and bit him gently on the scruff, thinking it will immobilize him.

His antlers slashed at my jaw, cutting a vessel that caused electric blue blood to squirt everywhere. I locked antlers with Dipper, fanning my wings out. “This has to stop!!!” I spread my forelegs out in an arched position, growling. The blood draining from the wound on my jaw made me dizzy, and my head spun from the fight for consciousness. I struck Dipper in the skull with a swift nap from my right forepaw, enough to knock him out. I collapsed on the ground, heavily breathing and my flanks heaving from my sides. Ford rushed over to me as I tried to lay protectively on Dipper, keeping him from waking up and moving. Ford approached my head. “Let me see.”

“And risk Dipper waking up in his rabid state and biting you?” I snarled, holding his jaws shut as he flailed and started spazing. “I can knock him out with a tranquilizer.”

“Fine. But do it quickly.” Ford rushed over and jabbed a needle in Dipper’s neck. Dipper bucked me off, but collapsed as the drugs took effect. He passed out as I carried him to his bed before collapsing on it myself.

Ford grabbed me by the scruff, immobilizing me so that he could examine the wound. “You’re lucky it missed your carotid artery. You would have bled out in seconds.” Ford took out a pair of clippers and cut away the fur around the wound. I was in too much shock to really protest as he put stitches in the wound. I panted from exhaustion, walking up to Dipper’s bed and laying on him.

I dipped my head, sighing with exhaustion as the sun rose from the window. Ford patted my head and put a blanket on me. “Get some sleep.”

I nodded, leaning on Dipper. You have to see that things are different now. Dipper started running in his sleep. I put my wing on him to comfort him. He stopped stirring as I dozed off myself.

#gravity falls #self insert #ford pines #dipper pines #so much for stardust #bee helluva boss #helluva boss #angst #rabies #deerper #everything turns to deer for me

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sinswithpleasure · 3 years

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Tonight (ft. TWICE’s Tzuyu) [Birthday Fluff]

In reference to this ask!

So umm would you mind if I requested a full on fluff with Tzuyu for Tzuyu's birthday?

I wrote in a lot of the songs I listened to while writing, just for fun! I’ll link them below: The 1975 - Robbers The 1975 - Chocolate The Weeknd - Blinding Lights

---------------

It goes without saying that you adored your girlfriend. While both of you hadn’t dated for long, you really wanted to do something amazing for her on her birthday.

You had racked your brain for a good month. This was the first birthday of her’s you were spending with her, and you really wanted to make the effort to give her a birthday to remember. How were you going to do that? You grabbed at any source of information you could find - the Internet, books, magazines, articles, whatever.

The thought of your girlfriend was always enough for you to break out in all smiles. You’d met her at a concert, after months of being friends online. Both of you were in a clique made up of fans of the band whose concert you were attending. That was your first time meeting up, and through the few days you spent together for the concert, both of you hit it off. The cherry on top was that both of you ended up finding out that your residences were only ten minutes away from the other, which meant that both of you could regularly met up every weekend for coffee, a movie, or just to hang out. Soon enough, these friendly meetups blossomed into dates, and your friendship blossomed into a relationship. The whole friends-to-lovers trope seemed less unrealistic now that you’d fallen under that category.

Back to her birthday though. As you sat down to plan, you thought about a conversation you had with your girlfriend from a month back.

-----

“Yah, babe, babe, babe, look!”

Chou Tzuyu excitedly tapped your arm, shoving her phone in your face with an amazed smile on her face. A picture of the night sky was displayed on a photography account on Instagram, and you held her hand steady to grab a good look. Tzuyu seemed to vibrate with excitement, rushing to like and save the post. “I love shots like these! I really wanna see the night sky like that someday... Oh, how I want to lie under the stars, and be free of stress. Nothing but me and the stars, the wind, the peace and quiet...” She clasped her hands together, holding them close to her chest. She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath, then exhaling with a smile. You just stared, moving to face her on the sofa both of you were sitting on. Tzuyu returned to viewing more photography on her phone, and you lay there thinking about how cute she was gushing about the night sky.

-----

You had your answer.

---------------

“Babe! What’re you doing here?” You gave her a wave, leaning against your truck parked outside her bakery.

Chou Tzuyu ran a bakery in the city center. Her bread was one of the best you’d ever tasted. Each bun was fluffier than the clouds overhead, the taste fresher than any other bread in the world. To you, when it came to bread, it was either hers, or nothing. She put her heart and soul into every single creation of hers. If you left her alone, there was no doubt she’d eat bread for all three meals of the day, and if you left her alone for even longer, she’d turn your kitchen into her laboratory to experiment with more pastries and how to make them.

Tzuyu ran to you, almost barreling you over with how hard she hugged you. She had the brightest grin on her face, nothing hiding her happiness at seeing you outside of her workplace. She looked just like the puppies she held so dearly in her heart, so pure, so unfiltered in her happiness. If she had a tail and puppy ears, you knew her ears would be soft and relaxed, and her tail would be wagging frantically.

“Hi baby.” Tzuyu smelled like bread and butter. Whenever you met her after work, she would smell just like that. You learnt to love the smell, as where she went, the fragrance would follow. Your arms wrapped around her tightly, as both of you swayed left and right in front of your truck, uncaring of whoever saw you on the street. “How was work?” You opened the door to your truck, letting her in, before shutting it and going over to the driver’s seat.

“Good, I earned about 1.5K today, and tomorrow’s my off day!” Tzuyu closed her bakery one day a week to rest, and you loved how it fell nicely after her birthday today. You smiled, grabbing her hand, rubbing your thumb on the back of her hand. “Happy birthday, baby.” You leaned towards her, planting a kiss on her cheek. Tzuyu squealed in surprise. “Thank you, babe!”

“Come, let’s go for dinner. I have somewhere I want to take you.”

---------------

Dinner was relatively uneventful, though you went all out and took her to one of the best Chinese restaurants. You knew she missed home - there were days she would seem out of it, and would look at photographs of her family. Tzuyu had moved here for her studies years ago and stayed to start up her bakery. You wanted her to at least be able to taste home on her birthday. She was clearly enjoying the spread on the table, her hands moving quicker than you could imagine, grabbing tons of food off the plates. She really missed the food from Taiwan. You didn’t each much, just enough to fill you, and you let her have the rest of it. It wasn’t often she had the chance to enjoy herself like this, and you loved seeing her cut loose.

After a bit of bickering about the bill (”It’s your birthday, I’m paying!” “No, I ate so much, I should be paying!”), you led Tzuyu out, pulling her to your truck. “Let’s go, we have a lot to do tonight.” You could see Tzuyu’s curiosity, but you refused to sate it, instead pulling out of the parking lot towards your next destination. “It’ll be a long ride, let’s listen to some music.” As your speakers began to play a familiar guitar riff, Tzuyu gasped, before exclaiming, “Robbers!” Yes, both you and Tzuyu were fans of The 1975, and it was at their concert that you’d met each other. As you drove through the roads of the city at night, you could hear Tzuyu singing the song softly. You decided to join in, grabbing her hand once more, squeezing it, before beginning to sing with her.

‘She had a face straight out a magazine God only knows but you'll never leave her’

As both of you sang, you could feel Tzuyu rub your knuckles, her smile somehow audible. You knew how much she enjoyed drives at night, and cruising with her significant other was something she loved.

‘You've got a pretty kind of dirty face And when she's leaving your home she's begging you to stay, stay, stay, stay, stay’

You thought about how much you cherished her presence in your life. Since the concert, she had quickly grown from friend, to crush, to girlfriend relatively quickly, and it all stemmed from how much both of you enjoyed this song. As you let go of her hand to turn the steering wheel with both hands, you could hear Tzuyu whine at the loss of contact. Laughing, you let your hand return to hers after your truck moved towards the exit of the city. You were lucky that traffic was relatively light tonight. The truck neared the exit as the song built to the outro. Both of you fell to the emotion of the song, duetting it together as you left the city.

As you exited the city, another familiar guitar riff plays. This time, neither announced the title of the song; Tzuyu just begins singing again, and you spare a few glances at her as she vibed with the music. Under the illumination of the streetlights, she looks just as gorgeous as compared to when she was bathed in natural light. Every glance you spared her led to you gaining an epiphany - you wanted to spend more moments like this with her. While your relationship was still relatively new, you began to suspect that she might be “The One”.

“Join me!” Tzuyu taps your arm incessantly, and you snap out of your thoughts as you navigate the road. You are mostly the only vehicle on the road, with the occasional oncoming truck, or car on the other side. Discarding your train of thought, you let yourself fall to the chorus of the song.

‘Oh we go where nobody knows With guns hidden under our petticoats No we're never gonna quit it No we're never gonna quit it, no Yeah we're dressed in black from head to toe We've got guns hidden under our petticoats No we're never gonna quit it No we're never gonna quit it, no’

Both you and her cruise in the night, enjoying the songs playing from your phone connected to the speakers in your truck. The night was yours, and there were hours to burn.

---------------

“We’re here!”

The radio is turned down to silence, and you stop the engine of the truck. Tzuyu gets out and surveys the surroundings. You grab a mat, cushions, and some blankets from the backseat, laying them out on the back of the truck. Beside you, you hear Tzuyu’s scream of happiness as she looks up at the sky. Above you, the stars shine brighter than they ever had, the full glory of the night sky displayed in the expanse above the both of you. The wind blew around you, the night breeze chilly against your skin.

“Come, baby.” You helped Tzuyu onto the truck, passing her a small bottle of cider for her to warm herself up in the night chill. Both of you sat at the back of the truck in comfortable silence, her sipping from her bottle, while you stuck to juice, since you needed to drive. Both of you carried on gazing at the sky.

“Look, do you see the Big Dipper? That’s also called the Great Bear...”

---------------

‘Ring!’ A mobile phone ringtone broke the peace and quiet after your impromptu lesson. Tzuyu fished for her mobile phone, and from the screen, you could make out vague Chinese characters. Your questions were answered instantly when Tzuyu’s face lit up, and she answered with “Hello, Mama!”

You turned to your side, getting up to greet Tzuyu’s mother. After exchanging pleasantries, Tzuyu began to converse with her mother in Mandarin, which left you out of the conversation. However, you did not mind trading that for the view of your girlfriend with unbridled joy stemming from spending time with her family members. You lay back down on your side, looking up at the smile of pure happiness on Tzuyu’s face. You let your love for her show through your expressions. She was your world, your pearl, your home. She was your everything, and the flame of love in your heart was shocking, considering how strong it burnt for her.

Somewhere along the line, Tzuyu began to laugh, covering her face in shyness, before turning to you, then giggling. Her mother began to laugh, saying something in rapid Mandarin. Moments later, Tzuyu hung up, turning to you and planting a kiss onto your lips.

“What did your mother say?”

“She told me to marry you.”

“What?”

“She told me to get married to you. Her reasoning was that you looked at me like the sun shone out of my ass, and this time wasn’t the first. Every video call she’s seen it happen.”

“It’s true. I love you. Every part of you. Through your flaws, insecurities, everything. They make you who you are, and I love you.”

Tzuyu’s eyes glistened with tears. You drew her into a hug, holding on tightly to her. “Don’t cry, oh no, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m so happy. I love you so much. I really do.”

“I love you too. So much.” You broke the hug, wiping at her tears with a handkerchief you brought. “Let’s finish up before we go back.”

---------------

The drive back was just as fun as it was on the way there. Both Tzuyu and you were somewhat dancing while singing along to the song playing on the speakers.

‘And I said, ooh, I'm blinded by the lights No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch I said, ooh, I'm drowning in the night Oh, when I'm like this, you're the one I trust‘

You wanted tonight to last forever. Driving back and viewing the skyline of the city with this song as accompaniment was magical, and the experience was brought to the next level with your girlfriend- no, your world next to you.

---------------

“Thank you for today, babe. I loved it so much. I love you so much. Thank you.”

“No problem, baby. I love you too. Happy birthday.”

Tzuyu rose to kiss you deeply on your lips, staring deeply into your eyes after the kiss ended. “This has been the best birthday ever.” You smiled, pushing her towards her house. “Go on, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Tzuyu.”

“Goodnight, babe.”

As you drove off, you thought about that ring you saw back in that jeweler’s before you left to pick her up. Maybe...

#chou tzuyu #twice tzuyu #tzuyu fluff #twice fluff #kpop fluff #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #fluff is good for the heart #sfw #request

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imherongraystairstrash · 3 years

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prompt 44 for kitty please? 🙈🥺

KitTy!!! I love this prompt and it was so much fun to write! I think there’s an abundance of KitTy angst, so I wanted to write some fluff for these two! It’s a bit short, but I hope you like it! (Also, idk what’s up with the font, I’m so sorry)

Title: Constellations

Ship: KitTy

Prompt: “Hold still.”

“TyTyTyTyTyTyTyTyTyTyyyyy! Getitoffme!!”

“Hold still, Kit.” Ty said, gripping his forearm hard.

“I can feel all of it’s tiny, demonic legs crawling on my skin and I hate it!”

Kit looked away, his heart racing at the thought of what was on his arm. He felt goosebumps all over his body because he could still feel it.

“Is it off? Please tell me it’s almost off.”

“There.” Ty said, holding up the centipede in his hand.

Kit shuddered. “That creature came right out of the pits of Hell, and nobody can convince me otherwise.”

Ty furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s not true. Centipedes come from—”

“Ty! Put it down! It’s disgusting.”

Ty looked at it. “It’s lovely.”

“No, it’s ghastly and evil and—” Kit gasped. “Wait a minute, I thought I was lovely.”

“You’re on the same level of lovely.”

Kit was extremely offended. “Are you saying I am as attractive as that—that insect thing?!”

Ty let the centipede crawl on his other hand. “Yes.”

“Yes?!”

Ty looked up at Kit. “Maybe you’re a little bit more lovely.”

“Gee, thanks Ty.”

Ty smiled at him. “You’re welcome.”

He put the centipede on the ground as far away from Kit as he could, without having to stand up. Kit fell back on the blanket they had put on the ground in relief. Despite Ty’s love of them, Kit couldn’t find it in him to like insects. Even butterflies were scary, with their crazy wing flapping. He looked up at the expanse of stars that loomed over them in the LA desert. At night, the temperature dropped drastically enough that they were both wearing hoodies against the cold. Kit hugged his arms and crossed his feet at the ankle.

After putting down the desert monster, Ty leaned back on his elbow, one hand fidgeting with the zipper of his sweater. His gaze was on the tops of the jagged mountain range, his eyes roaming as though he were tracing the peaks with his vision. They were both silent as they took in the vast landscape of the desert, where they were isolated from the world and it’s never-ending chaos.

“Do you know any constellations?” Kit asked, curious.

Ty glanced away from the mountains. “I know a couple.”

His eyes flickered to the stars and he eased his back to the ground beside Kit.

“Those three stars are Orion’s belt. You can sort of see the rest of him if you look hard enough.”

His right hand found Kit’s left and the former began playing with the Herondale ring on Kit’s finger, moving it up and down or turning it in a circle, which made Kit smile.

“Do you know the big dipper?”

Ty shook his head. “But I do know a couple of Fae constellations that Mark taught me.”

“We can see them in the mundane world?”

“Some of them.” Ty said.

He showed Kit as many as he knew. When he ran out of constellations, they created their own.

“That one looks like church.”

Ty squinted.

“Look, the head, the tail. The angry eyebrows.”

“Oh. Yeah, I see it now.”

Kit put his head on Ty’s shoulder.

“That one looks like Heron.” Ty said.

Kit laughed. “Hey, it really does.”

“And that one is just a line.”

“Damn, we should be astrologers.” Kit said with a yawn.

“Astronomers.” Ty amended. “Unless you think we should be predicting the future using zodiac signs.”

“That too.” Kit said, putting his arms around Ty. “Your rising sun in Cancer makes you a kindred spirit.”

“My rising sun isn’t in Cancer.”

“Then your moon sign.”

“There’s nothing on my zodiac that’s in Cancer, Kit.”

“Really? I thought you said you were a Cancer in your rising sun or moon or something.” Kit said, burying his face in the crook of Ty’s neck.

“That’s Tavvy. But it’s his sun sign is Cancer. ”

Kit opened his eyes. “I’m so confused.”

Ty shrugged. “Maybe we shouldn’t be astrologists then.”

“Yeah. Astrology is excessively complicated for no reason.”

Ty just sighed, closed his eyes and smiled.

“We should probably drive back home before we fall asleep.” Kit mumbled.

Ty hummed in agreement, but made no move to stand up. They kept their eyes on the stars, looking at nothing in particular, but somehow at everything.

“It’s weird to think we’re looking at a piece of the universe.” Ty said.

“We’re also part of the universe.” Kit pointed out, looking over at Ty.

“Yeah. I guess what I meant was that we’re looking at what is untouched by mankind. It’s lonely, but breath-taking. It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Don’t you agree?”

“Yes.” Kit whispered, looking at Ty.

Looking at Ty. And only Ty, because if the universe was what mattered…Well, Kit didn’t have to look up. He realized that everything he wanted was already on Earth; a family, friends and, of course, Ty.

And as he realized this, he thought about how it was the first time in his life where everything made sense. All he had to do was live life a little longer, drift through the universe for a couple of years, before he found that his life was waiting for him. All he had was find out he had been lost, before he could be found.

Tagging: @hitheresomeoneusingthus @celias @tsccreatorsnet @atla-lok143 @rinadragomir @aceofjesper @autumnangel20 @julemmaes @cupcakesandkittens @no-scones-allowed @fictionally-fantastic @stxr-thxif @forjordelia @itsdaughterofthemoon @dustandshadowsworld

If you want to be tagged in future fics, let me know!

#I just realized how much this is like aaddtstu #oops #kit herondale #ty blackthorn #kitty #Christopher herondale #tiberius blackthorn #kit and ty #ty and kit #lol #tsc #tsc fanfic #tda fanfic #twp fanfiction #kitty fanfiction

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nataliedanovelist · 4 years

Text

GF - Can’t Stand It

For @ho-ne-ye.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stan was having a bad day. Well, a bad week. Scratch that, a bad month.

It was March, a beautiful time out in the Arctic. For several weeks the Stan twins hardly ever saw the sun or didn’t see it at all. Closer to the holidays they traveled down south to Northern Europe, exploring the United Kingdom and the Northern Islands in order to enjoy daylight, but now that Summer was approaching and Spring was on their side, the Stan O’ War II was moving up to sail above Canada, breaking melting ice and meeting new creatures.

Today they had stumbled across an island covered in woods. The twins had docked to enjoy stable land, but of course it didn’t take long for them to stumble into trouble when they explored the island. Something about trespassing, Stan may or may not have been magically transformed into a small and cute version of himself, but then turned back to normal by a knocked-over potion. It was all a blur, and it all ended with Stan and Ford being tied together hanging over a raging fire as the clan of seal-people with war paint danced around them and singing a weird song.

Enough was enough. With a knife slipped out of a boot and a few left and right hooks, Ford and Stan managed to get away, now being chased by the angry clan and flying arrows. Stan dove on top of Ford to shield his brother from an arrow and they both scurried to their feet and ran deeper into the woods, heading for the beach, but their path was blocked by a giant monster, a half-spider, half-scorpion kind of creature with eight legs, pinchers, a sharp tail, four red eyes, and an angry kiss as it’s hairs vibrated.

Ford shot at it with his ray gun and that only made it angry. It dove for the six-fingered scientist, but Stan shoved him out of the way and soon Stan was thrown back to a tree and made very little attempts to get back up.

“STANLEY!” Ford cried out and shot at the monster again, this time hitting it in the eye. Temporarily blinded and distracted, Ford was about to grab a nearby spear thrown by a villager, pierce the monster, and leave it to bleed to death as he ran to his brother and knelt in front of him. “Stanley! Stanley, can you hear me? Are you hurt?”

“M’fine, m’fine,” The old sailor mumbled as he blinked a few times. “Just lemme catch my breath…”

Ford noticed how he had a hand to his side. He gently prided it away and was horrified to find blood. The monster must have pierced Stan. In one swift motion the eldest by fifteen minutes scooped Stan up and began to carry him to the shore. “You’ll be okay. I’ll fix you up, I can fix this.”

His brother grunted in response, his hands loosely over his wound, but Stan was losing his strength. Ford then noticed a bead of blood dripping down the back of Stan’s neck; he must have also hit his head perfectly on the tree. Ford swallowed, making his Adam’s apple bobble, and he firmly instructed, “Stay with me, Stanley. Don’t go to sleep. You might have a concussion.”

“M’tired.” He muttered in his twin’s chest. They were close, so close to home. Ford’s boots crushed the sand beneath them.

“Stanley Pines, stay with me!” Ford shouted, ignoring the way his brown eyes stung.

“Why should I?”

Ford’s heart threatened to stop. Stan’s voice had been so quiet that he had nearly missed it, but the old scientist heard every word. The wounds didn’t look that bad, Stan would be fine, he was too tough to be taken down by some pathetic monster like that, but the fact that Stan was even considering…

“Wh-Why?!” Ford repeated, mortified by his brother’s delusional question. “Why?! Because I need you! Don’t you dare think about giving up on me, Stanley, don’t you dare! C-Come on, d-d-don’t you wanna see Dipper and Mabel again? Don’t you wanna see Soos marry that Melody girl?”

Stan’s breathing was shallow against his twin’s blue jacket. “You’d be better off…”

“NO!” Ford screamed as he saw the boat farther along the beach. He broke into a faster run. “No, we wouldn’t! I swear! Stay with me, we’re almost there!”

But Stan wasn’t answering. He was very quiet. And a bit limp in Ford’s hold.

“Stanley?! Stanley! Lee! Lee, don’t you dare give up! Don’t you dare leave me, please! I… I can’t do it!” He shut his eyes at the thought and let tears flow down his cheeks as he climbed up onto the Stan O’ War II. “I can’t lose you again. Please, don’t make me.”

~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t fair.

Stan should be perfectly fine, he should be happy. He got his brother back, he had a real family for the first time in forty years, he was living out his dream with his best friend. He wasn’t alien to feeling this cruddy about himself, but at least back then he had something to work towards, something to keep him going, and something to distract him from the voices in his head. But now his thoughts were more apparent now more than ever before and they wouldn’t go away.

The fact remained that everyone would be better off without Stan. He was a mistake, the screw-up, a criminal, a con-artist, a dirty sailor, a worthless heap of flesh. No one really wanted him around, and the people who did would soon get sick of him. Dipper and Mabel called them less and less (which to be fair they have been very busy with exams on the way). And even if it was Ford’s idea to go sailing, how long would it be before he changed his mind? Or had he really meant what he said? Or had he only said what he said because he felt guilty?

No. There was no changing the old man’s mind. Everyone would be better off without him.

He walked down the dock with his hands in the pocket of his brown trenchcoat, his boots clicking against the wood gently. It was bright and shiny and beautiful without it hurting his eyes or requiring sunglasses over his regular glasses. The sun glistened on the water and a soft breeze made him comfortable. The only odd thing was that there was only one boat.

A small boat, actually. It had a sail, like their dream boat as kids, with a cabin down in the bunkers. It was plain and clean and new, with a golden pole and rims on the windows. On it sat a young lady, about early-twenties, with short blonde hair. She was odd, wearing a white Hawaiian shirt with golden palm leaves, white shorts, and had a golden watch on her wrist as she filed her nails, reminding Stan of a secretary from high school. This girl was sitting on the boat with her legs crossed, sporting white sneakers, and hummed a familiar tune, though Stan couldn’t pinpoint it.

The girl glanced up at him, put her eyes back on her work, and called, “You coming?”

Stan shrugged, his hands still in his pockets. “Depends. Where you going, sweetie?”

“Well I’m hoping to grant a handsome sailor his wish, but it’s whatever.” The woman said as she held up her hand to look at her nails boringly.

Stan smiled cockily. “Oh yeah, how so?”

“You think everyone would be better off without you, right?” The woman stood and gestured to her boat. “Wanna see for yourself?”

Stan blinked. Okay this was weird. Was he on TV? He shook his head like a wet dog and scratched next to his red beanie. “Uh… ‘cuse me?”

“You heard me. Wanna see if you’re right?”

“How are you gonna show me if I’m right or not?” Stan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

The woman sighed as she glanced at her watch. “Look, I don’t have a lot of time, so here’s how it’s gonna go. I’m gonna go sailing to a timeline in which you were never born. Ford never had a twin, Caryn and Filbrick only had two sons, et cetera and et cetera. Then we can talk about where we’ll go from there. But whether you’re coming or not, this boat is leaving in thirty seconds.”

Stan looked away from the woman, down at the sea crashing against the dock gently. This didn’t make any sense. This was like something out of a cheesy movie. He didn’t have to go with this girl and see a world without him in it, but it might answer some of his questions. He just wasn’t sure if he would get the answers he wanted. Oh well, it’s not like he had anything better to do.

“Ten seconds.”

“Alright, I’ll bite.” Stan shrugged and climbed up on board. “Set sail, Ms… Hey, what’s your name, anyways?”

“You can call me Honey.”

“Okay, Honey…”

“Oh my God, he called me honey…”

“Wait wut?”

“Time to go!” The woman grinned for the first time, a sly foxy smile with sparkling eyes and beautiful lips curled upward. She stood from her seat, pulled her sail loose, and it suddenly jetted across the sea so fast it threw Stan back and he had to catch himself from falling into the ocean, meanwhile the girl in all white stood perfectly calm.

“So, where we going?”

“I told you,” Honey said calmly. “We’re gonna go see what it would've been like if you had never been born.”

“Yeah, but where?”

“First stop, Gravity Falls.” The sea around them was fading into woods and trees and dirt, and soon the bot came to such a sudden stop that Stan was thrown to the other side and sat his head on a pinetree, growling as he stood up straight on the sailboat and rubbed his forehead.

Stan looked around and recognized the woods. Yup, this was definitely Gravity Falls, but… something was off. It was gray and cloudy overhead. And they were in front of a big open patch of woods Stan had never seen before.

“What is this place?” Stan asked as he hopped off the sailboat in the mud.

“Gravity Falls.”

“I know that! I mean… I’ve never been here before.”

“Yes you have.” The woman said as she got off her ride and stood beside the old sailor. “You lived here for thirty years in another timeline.”

Stan’s eyes widened. “No… Is this where the Mystery Shack’s supposed to be?”

“You got it.”

“But…” Stan was racking his brain, thinking. “What, did Ford never come here? Cuz he went to that West Coast Tech school he never came here?”

“Nope. Ford never moved to Gravity Falls, which means no Mystery Shack.”

“I always thought there’d be a big mansion here or something.” Stan shrugged and said, “Okay, so there’s no rundown tourist trap. Big deal.”

“Eh, so you think.” Honey started to walk into the woods, giving no invitation for Stan to follow, making it easier for the conman to do so. “Do you remember what this town was like before the Shack?”

Stan shrugged with his hands in the pocket of his trenchcoat. “Not much. Just a bunch of paranoid weirdos who needed a good laugh.”

They emerged from the woods and Stan gasped at the town. It was even more worn down and cheap than it had been when Stan came thirty years ago. Broken windows were boarded up, pavement was cracked, and either ketchup or blood was splattered here and there.

“Whoa hey, what happened?” Stan asked as they left the woods and walked through the town, shouts and coughs being heard in the distance. “I know this place is a dump, but not this much of a dump.”

“Stan, do you really think your business was the only one to succeed due to the tourists coming in?” The woman in white asked. “What about the motels? Diners like Greasy’s? Stores and gas stations? All those out-of-state tourists didn’t just give money to the Shack. You’d be surprised how much one tourist trap helps the economy of one struggling town.”

“Okay, sure, but there’s no way the Shack helped out the town this much.” Stan argued, gesturing around them lazily.

“No, you’re right. Really, the town didn’t hit hard times until about five years ago.”

“Why…”

Screeching tires interrupted the old man. He and Honey watched as a very nice, rich-looking pick-up truck spun around the corner and came to a sudden stop in front of a grocery store. Stan’s jaw dropped to the pavement as he watched someone he barely recognized get out of the passenger’s seat.

Soos had a black baseball cap on backwards, wearing a cold, spiky, black-leather jacket, torn jeans, and a gothic, graphic t-shirt. His eyes were so cold and menacing, he seemed a bit taller due to holding himself up with so much pride, and when he snapped his fingers and pointed to the grocery store, five guys emerged from the truck and raided it like it was the end of the world.

“S-Soos?!” Stan gasped. “Soos, what are you doing?!” But he was ignored.

“No one can see or hear us, Stanley.” Honey said as they watched Soos’ gang drag a cashier out by her long hair and began to pumble her just because they could. Soos did nothing to stop it, even smiled a little as the girl screamed for help.

“I don't get it… Soos is a good kid! He’d never hurt a fly! Why in Moses’ name is he…” Stan couldn’t finish the sentence. He was frighteningly reminded of the Colombian gang he was once under.

“Oh, c'mon sweetie, connect the dots. Who do you think taught Soos to be a good kid?”

“His abuelita did.”

The woman chuckled and shook her head. “She tried, but as he got older it really began to hurt that his dad didn’t wanna be around him. And cuz you weren’t there to tell him otherwise… let’s just say high school never happened for him.”

“What?!”

“He dropped out of school in the eighth grade and joined a small gang outside of town. Eventually he made his way up the ranks and now his little gang terrorized the bottom half of Oregon.”

“B-But why?! All cuz I wasn’t there?” Stan asked, shaking his head. “There’s no way…”

“Stanley, who do you think taught him that he was worth something? Who taught him how to stand up for himself and give bullies left hooks? Who had him put all of his energy into hard work?”

Stan stared at his pretty tour guide. There was no way Stan did all that, no way. Sure, he liked the kid a lot, but he never actually thought he impacted Soos’ life this much. Stan looked back at this horrible version of Soos as his gang loaded the car with food and cash and they sped off, leaving the woman to bleed on the sidewalk and wipe the blood from her lips.

“C’mon,” Honey said and gestured onward. “We’ve got more people to see.”

“Okay so,” Stan followed her and racked his brain. Surely somebody benefited from him not being alive. “What about Wendy? Is she still around?”

“Nope. Without you to give her a job here in town, she had to move upstate to her cousin’s lodge, remember? She had to leave all of her friends behind and she was miserable. Still is, actually. Very quiet gal. Doesn’t say or do much.”

“Wendy? Quiet? I don’t believe you.”

The woman opened a door to a shop, but instead of the inside of the building they saw a black-haired Wendy sitting on her bed in her new room, criss-crossed, holding her pillow as she listened to depressing heavy metal.

Stan winced. “Yikes. She turned into a real Robbie.”

“That kid joined Soos’ gang, BTW.” The woman said as she closed the door.

Stan was having a hard time buying the idea that nobody actually got some good out of him not being around. "Wh-What about that lil' troll? Gideon?"

Honey snorted and led the way through town. As they walked, Stan was having a hard time buying this scenario. There was no way he made this much of a difference. Okay, sure, if he not being alive meant Ford never moved to Gravity Falls, and that meant Gravity Falls changed a bit, Stan could understand that, but there was no way this town turned for the worst all because Stan wasn’t there. There was no way the screw-up actually made things better. Right?

“Here we are.” The woman said to snap Stan out of his thoughts.

The car dealership looked mostly the same. A little more run-down, sure, and there was no Tent of Telepathy in sight, but Bud still wore that stupid straw hat with a baby-blue Hawaiian shirt and tan pants, but he didn’t look quite right, either. Heavy bags were under his eyes, looking a bit more like his wife, and the little bit of hair he had was graying a bit too early. He waved his customer goodbye with a smile, but the second they were gone he sighed tiredly and was frightened by a window being shattered by a rock.

“DADDY! GET OVER HERE!”

“Oh, boy.” Bud steadied himself and went back to the house.

“Hey, how come the little jerk’s business isn’t booming?” Stan asked, more interested as to why his biggest competitor wasn’t flourishing in a town that needed someone to believe in. “He’d do great here! He could’ve used his little camera to tell people when S-... when the gang was gonna strike, or…”

“Stanley, sweetie, how do you think Gideon started that tent?”

“I dunno, he decided to use his cuteness to get some cash?”

“Not quite. For a few years he was just a bratty kid, but then he found a journal in his playground full of mystical objects, including a magic bow-low tie. It was that journal that made him think of telepathy. Even if he was fake, it was Journal 2 that inspired him.”

“Okay, okay,” Stan held his chin. “So with no me there’s no Ford in Gravity Falls which means no journals which means no Tent of Telepathy. Fine, but the twerp’s gotta be a better person without that spooky book making him think he’s all powerful.”

The woman in white laughed and pointed to the house. “You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? See for yourself.”

Stan walked up to the broken window and was mortified at the state of the house. Stains everywhere, chipped and torn furniture, cracked walls, torn carpet, and in the midst of it all was a ten-year-old lying on his stomach on the couch, banging his fists and kicking like a toddler as he screamed horribly. Stan winced, but then was completely thrown off to find Gideon’s hair not white and up Dolly Parton-style, but orange and cut short.

“I WANT IT, I WANT IT, I WANT IT!” Gideon screamed as if he was being murdered.

His poor mother was against the wall, holding her heart and breathing heavy; Stan noticed the signs of an anxiety attack.

Bud slowly approached his son and tried to calm him down. “Now, sugar pie, please…” But the human beaver was kicked in the jaw, leaving a bruise and making him bite his lip so hard he bled. Bud held his mouth as Gideon continued to scream.

“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU NEVER GIMME ANYTHANG I WANT! WHY YA HAVE TO BE SO STUPID?!”

“Yikes, how did not being possessed by a freaky journal make him worse?” Stan asked Honey as they walked away from the house. “I don’t get it.”

“Sure, Gideon wasn’t the best kid before the journal, but at least with the journal he had something to work towards, something to put all of his energy into, and he also had you.”

“M-Me?”

“Don’t you remember the first time you met him?”

“Yeah, he took my parking spot with that stupid van.”

“Actually, you met once before.” Honey chuckled as they walked back into the woods. “You were both at the grocery store when he was four. He was with his mom, bouncing in the buggy and demanding for candy. She gave in just to keep him quiet and tuned to pick some milk. You were across the aisle, picking orange juice, when Gideon dropped his chocolate bar while trying to open it. You noticed the candy and the boy making grabby hands at you and the candy, but you grinned, said ‘no’ firmly, picked up the chocolate…”

“... and ate it right in front of him!” Stan laughed. “I had forgotten… I didn’t know that was Gideon! I thought that was just some spoiled brat.”

“Well, it was. You were the first and only person who ever told that boy ‘no’, the only person who really challenged him and pushed him. Thanks to you, he channeled his anger and energy into trying to take you and the Shack down. But without you around to push him, he had no way to get his energy out, except his parents.”

Stan looked down at the dirt and they stopped walking for a second. “This… This doesn’t make any sense.”

“How so?”

“I’m just a screw-up!” Stan argued as he looked back up at the woman. “I’m the twin no one wanted! I’m just some loser of a conman! It doesn’t make sense that a guy like that could… it… there’s gotta be somebody to benefitted from me not existing! What about Lazy Susan? With no Mystery Shack that means no lazy eye, right?”

“Actually, Soos’ gang raided the diner and it ended badly when Susan stood up to them.” Honey winced. “She ended up not only losing her job, but her eye, too.”

Stan swore under his breath. “Fine… What about that McGucket dude? His life’s gotta be better than living at the dump with his mind all jacked up.”

The woman shrugged and led the way deeper into the woods. “Barely. C’mon, we’re going to Tennessee.”

Stan followed the mysterious tour guide back to the sailboat and this time properly braced himself for the sudden speed. Very suddenly they were racing along the sea, colors swirling by them, until they stopped very suddenly on a river. Stan’s jaw dropped to see a huge, beautiful mansion up on the hill by the river. The woman parked the sailboat by the dock and they started to walk up to the rich house, passing a weeping willow with a stone bench with a big crack in the middle.

“This is McGucket’s place?” Stan clarified.

“You got it, genius.” Honey gestured to the six horse stables, the lush garden, all of the nice cars and wagons, and at just how huge and nice and rich the mansion was. “Fiddleford still went to Backupsmore and met his wife, Emma May, and with no Ford to ask for help on a portal, Fiddleford became the inventor of not only person computers, or what’s commonly called laptops, he became the founder of the largest tech company in the country, Berri.”

The woman reached into her pocket and pulled out one of those smartphones the kids had, except the back had a little strawberry with a bite in it. “They went on to invent the first cell phone, BerriWatch, and right now they’re testing a self-driving car. Fiddleford found himself with more money than he knew what to do with and after he built his family their dream home, which by the way is the richest house in Tennessee, he simply expanded his company and made historical international deals. He’s also made huge donations to small run-down towns, like the one he grew up in, to create jobs and try to help out their economies.”

“Cool, okay, see.” Stan said with a smile, impressed by this hillbilly’s success. “One person got a good deal from me not being around.”

Honey rocked her hand side to side and led the way around the mansion, walking alongside the clear open space, passing the weeping willow and bench to move around the hill. “Just cuz he was successful doesn’t mean he was better off. Don’t forget, Fiddleford was never the greatest at handling his stress well. He invented that Memory Gun because Ford accidentally inspired him to, saying scientists have a way of creating solutions to their problems. So with no way to forget his stress and anxiety, Fiddleford drank to forget how worried he was about losing his company if he made a bad deal or if his newest invention or work or if he was putting out a good public face.”

“No.” Stan shook his head. “That goody two-shoes? No way.”

“Hey, he grew up around moonshine, he just couldn’t get his hands on it when he was living at the dump.” The woman shrugged and they came upon a stone pathway and walked down it to a small flower garden that formed a circle. “Anyways, Fiddleford was never violent, thank goodness, but he was drunk more than he was sober. He should be happy, with a wife and son and booming business to boot, but he wasn’t. He fell into depression and drank until he ended up here.”

Stan looked ahead and felt the wind get knocked out of him. There was a flat tombstone in the middle of the circle of flowers. He knew what was on there, but he still slowly approached to read what the stone said. “Fiddleford H. McGucket. 1956-2011. The angels now sing a whisky lullaby.”

Stan backed away, backing up farther than the woman was, shaking his head and even punching his forehead as he tried to think. “This… This doesn’t make any sense! Their lives were supposed to get better without me, not worse!”

“Stanley…”

“The kids!” Stan gasped and looked up at Honey. “Where are the kids?!”

The woman looked sober and she gestured back to the sailboat to go to their next stop. “Back in California.”

Stan was anxious the whole trip, though it only took a minute to get where they were going, but soon they were on the side of the road in front of a middle school. Stan watched on the boat as the bell rang and kids started pouring out. He kept his eyes peeled for his kids and he grinned at the sight of two brown-haired twins.

Dipper wore a long-sleeved blue flannel over his orange t-shirt to go with his gray pants. He still had bags under his eyes and he still had that lucky star hat to hide his birthmark, slouching a little with his backpack, but he was still here, a brilliant thirteen-year-old. Stan was a bit worried to see him looking so down and upset, but both men soon smiled as a young girl skipped out of the school.

Mabel had her long hair up with a scrunchie today and kept back with a headband, still wearing her sweaters, today wearing leggings with her skirt, and she grinned at her twin and punched his shoulder before hugging him. “Hey bro bro! Wanna go to the arcade today? I hear they got some new prizes!”

“Sure, sounds fun.”

“There, you see.” Stan sighed with relief as he watched the kids walk down the sidewalk, passing the boat. “They’re fine, they’re happy. They still got each other.”

Just then, some big buy came around the corner and bumped elbows with Dipper, making Stan’s nephew stop, and the bully shoved him onto the concrete.

“Dipper!” Mabel cried out and looked ready to punch the bully, but a guy came up behind her and grabbed her around the arms, pinning her. Another guy joined the bully and they cracked their knuckles as they gazed down at their prey.

“If it isn’t the best punching bag in town.” The bully sneered. “Feel like fighting back today, Dipstick. It’s no fun having a sparring partner that doesn’t fight back.”

Dipper growled and made a flimsy attempt to stand and punch his opponent, but the bully grabbed his wrist and punched him in the gut and kicked him down, leaving poor Dipper to huddle on the sidewalk while the two bullies hammered on him and Mabel fought to be free and help but was powerless against her capture.

“HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HE-” And Mabel’s mouth was covered, but she still wiggled and screamed.

Stan couldn’t watch anymore. He had purposely waited to give the kids a chance to fight back, but sometimes you just need a little help. “I’M COMING!”

“Stanley!”

Stan jumped off the boat and ran to the kids to pull the bully off his niece and scoop her into his arms, but his arms went right through them. He frantically tried to shove the bullies off his nephew, but again his body went right through them, like he was a ghost.

The woman stood by his side and said calmly, “I told you, no one can see or hear or feel us.”

“I can’t just stand by and do nothing!” Stan yelled at her face.

“Why not? Everyone else has. No one had ever taught them how to fight back when the world fights them, except…”

“Me.” Stan finished for her with a sigh. He made himself watch as the bullies continued to beat Dipper up, finally stopping after the ring leader kicked him in the jaw, and Mabel was let go as they ran off to celebrate their victory.

Mabel crawled to her twin’s side and checked over his injuries as he carefully sat on his knees. “Dipper! Dipper, are you okay? What hurts? Show me what hurts.”

“Ow, ow, ow,” He whined as Mabel touched his swollen eyes and busted lips. Dipper spat out a tooth and held his chest. “I think… I think they cracked a rib.”

“Let’s go home.” Mabel carried his backpack for him and had him lean on her as they wimped onward. “Mom can look at it and take you to the hospital.”

“I don’t get it.” Stan said as he watched his kids walk away. “They’re good kids! Isn’t anyone gonna stand up for them?! What about their parents?! What about their friends?!”

“They don’t have any friends.” Honey said sadly as they watched the twins. “The only friends they had ever made were in Gravity Falls, which they had never visited cuz there was no family there. And Shermie taught your nephew to keep your head down to stay out of trouble, which he’s trying to teach his kids. Unfortunately, it isn’t working out for them, and what used to be bad nicknames and gum in their hair has escalated to fights and notes to kill themselves.”

Stan bit his lip. Not those kids. Not his kids. He wanted to believe things would get better for them, but if no one taught them that they were worth something, that they could stand up for themselves, he didn't have much hope and he didn’t dare ask what their future looked like. But something didn’t sit right…

“Shermie,” He muttered without looking at the woman, still looking ahead. “Y-You said he taught his kid to keep his head down.”

“I did.”

“Why would he do that?” Stan asked. “I mean, sure he’s always been a lame square, but that’s really bad advice, even for him. He taught me and… He taught Ford to stand up for himself. Crampelter was terrified for weeks when Shermie found out he had been breaking Ford’s fingers.”

“He and Ford didn’t see much of each other.” Honey answered quietly.

Something clicked in Stan’s head. While all of this was interesting or whatever, there was only one person that Stan truly believed was better off without him. His better half, the genius, the loved son, the author of the journals, the criminal of the multiverse. His brother. Stan turned to her and asked quietly, “Where’s Ford?”

For the first time, the woman looked scared. She looked away and said, “You don’t wanna know.”

“Yes I do!” Stan bellowed and grabbed the woman by the shoulders. “Please! Where’s my brother?!” This gal had been scaringly quiet about the one person Stan cared the most about.

“Don’t do this to yourself, Stanley, let’s just get back on the boat…”

“Only if you take me to see my brother! Where. Is. Stanford?!” Stan demanded darkly, his eyes pleading the woman to make his request.

The woman sighed and Stan let her go.

They slowly got on the boat and it zipped to the docks of Glass Shard. Stan blinked a few times at being back to where he grew up for the first time in forty years. Dark clouds covered the sky. Not much had changed throughout the years, but why on Earth was Ford still here? They hopped off and planted their feet on the sand, and Honey led the way as she spoke.

“Stanford was still born with six fingers on each hand. Your mother tried to assure him that it only made him special, but Filbrick did a good job of making it clear that that wasn’t the case, and things only got worse when he went to school. You weren’t there to beat up bullies, you weren’t there to tell him that he was special, you weren’t there to help him dream of a future where they would sail away and he’d be free.”

“Yeah but Ford was always a little genius.” Stan interrupted as they left the sand for dirt, the beach slowly turning into a small patch of woods. “He’d win a handful of science fairs and spelling bees and then at least Pa was okay with acknowledging that they were related.”

“But Stanford didn’t win a handful of science fairs and spelling bees.” Honey corrected sadly. “Stanley, you were the only person in his childhood that made him think that he was actually worth something. You were the only one who made him shoot for the stars and believe that he was worth keeping around. Without you to give him confidence, Stanford never expressed his intelligence and therefore never allowed it to grow at all. He did okay in school, but he wasn’t the top student. He never participated in science fairs of sleeping bees or math competitions because he didn’t have enough confidence to put himself out there. Sure he was smart, but teachers weren't going bananas over him because no one, not even himself, knew his potential.”

It started to rain, but of course the two didn’t feel it or were affected by it. “So… he didn’t go to West Coast Tech?” Stan dared to ask as they walked deeper down the dirt path, oblivious to where they were as he was thinking this through.

“No.”

“But… I thought you said he did.”

“No, I said he never moved to Gravity Falls. He never felt home.”

“So… what happened to him? What did Ford end up doing with his life?”

Honey bit his lip and refused to meet Stan’s eye. They walked on and Stan finally realized where they were. He felt ready to throw up. He waited for his guide to speak.

“Much like Dipper and Mabel, things only got worse as he got older. He got to a point where Stanford was stealing Filbrick’s boos and he even started to hurt himself. It wasn’t enough. It was all too much for him. He… He…”

“No.” Stan’s voice cracked and he was terrified when the woman stopped and motioned to a tombstone that laid among the others in this graveyard. “No! You’re lying! He wouldn’t! He didn’t!” He yelled.

“I’m sorry, Stanley.”

Stan finally made himself read the rock. He fell to his knees at the words that shined through the rain. “Stanford Filbrick Pines. 1956-1970.”

“NO!” Stan screamed and punched the ground beneath him as he gritted his teeth and shut his eyes. “NO! HE WOULDN’T! HE DIDN’T!”

“Ma found him dangling from the ceiling. She was never the same after losing her baby.” Honey croaked. “He was only fourteen.”

“NO!” Stan shook his head as he ignored how wet his cheeks and eyes were now. “NO! He… He… He never needed me. He never wanted me around.”

“Yes he did.”

“You’re lying.”

“Stanley, listen.” The woman said firmly behind him. “You said it yourself that family needs each other. I know it’s hard to believe that you’re actually worth something when there’s a dozen voices in your head telling you otherwise, but just like how you need them, your family needs you. Your brother needs you.”

Stan listed his fists up from the dirt, his eyes on the tombstone without seeing. “I… I just thought he’d be… they’d be better off I hadn’t been around.”

“No one knows for sure how they change things or how much they really impact others. But you do. And even if you forget all of this, you know your family loves you enough to tell you that they need you.”

Stan snorted. “Yeah, but what’s keeping them from saying that outta pity?”

“You can’t let yourself think like that, Stanley, you just can’t.” Honey said firmly. “Your family loves you. Stanford loves you. He needs you, and if you don’t believe me, just take a look at what he’s like when you’re gone.”

“Wait what?”

Honey got on her knees beside him and showed him her golden watch. The face changed to a scene, like a tiny TV, and Stan started to find Ford back at the Stan O’ War II, kneeling beside his injured twin who laid more dead than alive on the couch. With tears streaming down his face Ford was wrapping a bandage around Stan’s head and feeling his heartbeat and checking that the bandages around his torso were well and secure.

“Stanley, Stanley please,” Ford begged as he took Stan’s hand and squeezed it. “Please don’t leave me. I need you, the kids need you. Please.”

“Whoa hey, I’m not going anywhere.” Stan said, but then his eyes grew wide and he looked up at Honey. “Am I?”

“I dunno.” She asked as she lowered her arm and smiled at him. “Do you wanna go?”

“Go where?”

Honey chuckled. “On.”

Stan blinked at her. “No. No, I don’t. If… If that knucklehead really wants me around, then I’ll stay.”

Honey blinked her eyes dry and stood up. “That’s what I like to hear. I’ll get you home.”

Stan stood up and followed her back to the boat. “By the way, honey, why’d you do all this for me? What, wanted to earn your wings?”

“No, this was pure self-indulgent.”

“Wait wut?”

~~~~~~~~~~

His head hurt. His side ached a little, but his head really hurt. That didn’t matter. He had no idea why, but he had to see his brother.

Stan forced his eyes open and found his vision blurry thanks to his glasses being folded on the end table. He smiled when he saw that Ford had fallen asleep by his side, kneeling beside the couch, holding his hand, and resting his head face-first into his own folded arms. Outside it was dark, which could mean it was seven in the morning of seven at night, given the fact they were up in the Arctic.

The younger, injured twin, snorted at his brother, which made the aged scientist sit up too quickly for it to be wise, wide awake, with his hair in a gray floof and his red eyes wide and alert.

“Stanley! Thank Moses!” He cried out and stood up to better look over him. “How do you feel? Any pain? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Calm down, Sixer,” Stan chuckled weakly as he slowly tried to sit up, sensitive to the wound on his side. “My head hurts, but I’ll be fine with some painkillers, and you’re holding up two fingers like some dumb hippy.”

“Oh, thank goodness!” Ford hugged him around his shoulders tightly as his whole body trembled. “I know you showed no signs of a concussion and your wound is not nearly as bad as it could have been, but i didn’t know for sure if you would pull through or what I would do without you and…”

“Geez, relax, it’s okay, Stanford.” Stan shushed as he hugged him and rubbed his back. “M’fine, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good.” Ford said firmly and sat back, a hand still on his shoulder. “Don’t you ever think for a second that I don’t want you here with me, Stanley. I need you.”

“Yikes, where’s all this sappiness coming from, eh?”

Ford blinked at his twin and said slowly, “Y-You said you thought I’d be better off without you…”

Stan waved that away. “Ah, you say stupid stuff when you hit your brain too hard. I swear, Sixer, you’re stuck with me, as long as you’ll have me, anyways. Somebody’s gotta make sure you don’t kill yourself out here.”

Ford chuckled tiredly and shrugged. “I suppose you’re right.”

“I’m always right. Now do we have any stew left? I’m starving.”

#GF #fanfiction #gravity falls #gift #stan pines #ford pines #angst #nothing but angst #and a little fluff #maybe #I HOPE YOU LIKE IT HONEYE!!!#LOVE YOU!

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kellbellsparkles · 3 years

Text

A Ratchet x Talwyn one shot story called "Special Child" told through the eyes of their special needs hybrid daughter, Reena

Hello. My name is Reena Pan Apogee Dipper. I'm almost five-years-old. I live with my Mommy, Daddy, and bestest friend, my Uncle Clank. We're always together. They tell me I'm a very special child. It makes me happy when they're happy. That's why I try not to cry when I feel pain. They give me a special medicine everyday to make it go away. It helps when they hug me and kiss me, too.

Daddy made me a super comfy chair on wheels that's my favorite color: red. He added seats and seatbelts for my teddies so we can play and be together forever. I love my blankie my Mommy gave me. Mommy and Daddy said, "it's a ray of sunshine for our ray of sunshine".

I would like it if I could play with the other kids. We could ride down a hill like the roller coasters I've seen on TV. I wonder if Daddy could help me walk like he made my chair for me all by himself. I decided that's what I want for my birthday.

I asked Daddy, "Daddy, can you make me a way to walk for my birthday?"

He didn't say yes or no. He petted my head and put Uncle Clank on my lap.

"How about Uncle Clank tells you a story before bedtime?"

"But Daddyyyy…."

I didn't understand why he didn't answer me. He just wheeled me to my bed, unbuckled my seatbelts, picked me up, and tucked me in.

"I love you, sunshine," Daddy said. He kissed my head

"I love you, too, Daddy…."

He left and closed the door. I had Uncle Clank with me, but I was still sad and confused.

"What's happening, Uncle Clank? Why did Daddy do that?"

Uncle Clank held my hand.

"Reena," he said. His eyes looked so sad to me. "Your Mommy and Daddy love you very much. They want you to have a happy, healthy life."

"I know," I said. "But Daddy didn't answer my question."

"You are going to be five tomorrow, yes?"

"Uh huh."

"I think it is important for you to know the truth now so you can better understand when you are older. Your Mommy and Daddy are different from one another. Your birth is unlike anything the universe has ever seen. It has come with its set of challenges that children will never know or should have to know."

"But challenges are meant to be won."

"Sometimes. You are not wrong, Reena. However, some challenges are too great and too difficult to defeat. Your Mommy and Daddy don't always let you have what you want to teach you discipline and to appreciate what you have. At other times, they are absolutely unable to give you what you want."

"Unable to? Even if they really wanted to?"

"That is correct."

I could feel myself about to cry even though I made a self promise not to.

"So I may never be able to walk? Or play with the other kids?"

"There will be a way for you to play with the other kids. I know there will. I promise. It is just your Mommy and Daddy are very protective of you and have not seen a way to make play time safe for you and they fear the other kids will not understand."

"Sure they'll understand. They all seem so nice and look like they're having fun all the time."

Then, I heard Mommy crying in the hall.

"Oh dear," Uncle Clank said. He tried to take out my hearing aids, but I didn't let him. I held my hands over my ears.

"Don't take them!" I begged.

"But children should not be concerned by their parents's worries. They are not your responsibility."

"But--"

"Talwyn," I heard Daddy say. "It's going to be okay."

"Please stop saying that!" I heard Mommy cry. "We both know it's my fault she's like this!"

"That's in the past. We need to focus on what we can do for her now."

"What we're doing now isn't getting rid of the curse! She doesn't deserve to live the rest of her life in agony! Isn't it terrible that her own mother is thinking she'd be better off in heaven?? Just say it!!"

Clank hugged me suddenly.

"Do not mind them," he told me. "They are having an adult conversation."

Curse. Heaven. Those words played over and over in my head.

"Uncle Clank?" I said. "Am I cursed?"

He laid down with me, still hugging me.

"Reena, what I am about to tell you must be our secret, alright? Your Mommy and Daddy never wanted you to know this."

I hugged Uncle Clank back tightly. I had never felt so scared in my life.

"Okay, Uncle Clank."

"Before you were born, your Mommy and Daddy did not always get along. Your mother turned to a drug that made her bad feelings disappear, but it didn't make them stay away. That's what drugs do: they make us think you feel better but they do the exact opposite and make us hurt the ones we love."

"That's exactly what Captain Qwark said."

"And he is absolutely right. What do we do when someone offers us alcohol or an unknown substance?"

"We say no!"

"That is a good girl."

Uncle Clank stroked my hair. I always love it when he, Daddy, and Mommy do that.

"When the drug lost its effect," Uncle Clank added. "Your Mommy entered a dangerous and illegal racing competition to the death. Think of any possible bad thing a criminal can do, they gathered there."

"But Mommy wasn't a criminal…. Was she?"

"She was not. The race also attracted lost people with no help and nowhere to go. She was alone and could have been killed at any moment. At the same time, you were in her tummy. A competitor cast a spell on you while you were still inside. The spell was that you could never die, even if you were to be born too soon. That is exactly what happened. If not for the spell, then you most certainly would not have had a chance to live."

"But Mommy called it a curse. Why?"

My chest started to hurt.

"Should I be alive?"

"Reena," Uncle Clank said in a very gentle voice. "Sweetie, none of this is your fault. Maybe it will help if I ask you this: do you like being alive?"

"Of course! I have you, Mommy, Daddy, and my toys! I don't care if I can never walk or have to keep taking medicine! I want to stay with everyone!"

I broke my promise and cried. Uncle Clank kept stroking my hair.

"Do you know what else?" he said. "You get to have birthday cake. What is your favorite type of cake again?"

"Ch-chocolate cheesecake."

"It is really yummy, yes?"

"Mmhm…."

"And you know what compliments birthday cake? A scoop of ice cream. What is your favorite kind of ice cream?"

"Cotton candy."

"And what do you like to drink?"

"Strawberry kiwi lemonade!"

I started to feel tons better and be excited for my birthday again.

"Oh dear," Uncle Clank said. "I feel like I am forgetting what else happens on a birthday. Could you help me remember, Reena?"

"Presents!! And singing Happy Birthday and blowing out the candles!! Smashing a pinata and getting all the candy that falls out!! Playing Pin the tail on the Flabberfish!!"

"Oh yes, that is right. But I feel there is one thing missing. Before all that, what are we going to have for lunch?"

"Pizzaaaaaaaa!!"

"And I just so happen to have acquired the ten coupons needed for a single large cosmic crust pizza. With stuffed crust."

"Eeeeee!!"

Me and Uncle Clank hummed and giggled all happy and excited for my birthday. I want it to be the best birthday ever for my Mommy and Daddy, too.

#ratchet and clank #ratchet and talwyn

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that-bi-bliophile · 4 years

Text

So my friends and I have an ongoing collection of quotes that my crazy math teacher has said. We had our last math class today so I felt it would be a good time to share this. (I added some annotations so that it makes more sense to people who weren’t there)

Quotes by Mr. G

-An Ongoing Project-

“Grizzly bear will never get reindeer, correct?”

“Health is good”

“I don’t know what planet you are from”

“Hey, build pyramids!”

“And Humperdink will be sitting at his lonely table” (I looked it up and there’s a song called Lonely Table by Engelbert Humperdinck)

“Power to the power, power to the people.”

“I like that you laugh, it means you are still alive”

“Don’t laugh because people around you are shaking.”

“Someone is laughing, it is not supposed to be like that.”

“You are so engaged, that makes you 19”

“I appreciate if barricades are taken off your desk onto the floor.”

“And fish becomes shark and eats copies.”

“Also, cover your tails”

During an earthquake drill: “Take these drills seriously” -Mr. Asdfghjkl’, “Also, take seriously mathematics” -Mr. G

“I thought it is a box”

“Lice, only in your brain”

“Welcome again to the same stream, but water is different.”

“No, there is no Mr. G.”

“Yes, Mr. G is here”

“Why are you sitting?”

“I am concerned about your grade, and your knowledge. Mainly your knowledge.”

“By the way, I like tables.”

“About geometry and your life.”

“I don’t know what you are digging”

“Kids; too many”

“Look China, look China, look China”

“What information shall we withdraw from China?”

“Give me two points India!” (These last three were from a thing we did graphing country populations by the way)

“Specifically in the mountains.”

“I am driving, Maxime, do you understand?”

“He is doing minimum, it is food for thoughts.”

“He is also a jumper, will you share what you see in the other world?”

“Mr. G often goes tangentially.”

“Ellie chose and very wisely!”

“Ladies and gentlemen, our train is approaching, silence, tunnel, please, or else explosion.”

“Goat leg”

“I will now burst with my anger.”

“Mr. G is standing on his head now.”

“Homework is a bridge.”

“Anita was a fox and Basilio lost his money: golden bars.”

“I feed you, you are a shark and sharks are biting everything.”

“Thank you for stretching, maybe you have the right.”

“Your teacher is Mr. G, I know him.”

“Don’t be scared, but some of you didn’t learn and you are going to suffer.”

“You are the first representative of a younger generation.”

“I am not poisoning you.”

“I am entertaining you. It is the afternoon.”

“Look at their information, it’s terrible!”

“Where comes two? Oh! From the ceiling!”

“I made a mistake, wait, did I?”

“They forbid me to go to school, they say they will arrest me.” (During quarantine)

“Stop with attention span, whatever happened, don’t pay attention.”

“Go, go, go, go, go, go!”

“Anastasiya, did you learn your fingernails very nicely?”

“We are all working, I don’t know what republic you are.”

“No big goose.”

“Now we have geese in the water, looking something.”

“It’s not a pack of wolves, okay?”

“It’s called an undisciplined guy.”

“It came because we were catching all big fish”

“Algebra: without algebra there is nothing in life.”

“You are like fish”

“Your brain will grow like a cabbage”

“O.M.G. Our mutual goal”

“Tongue rolling attitude”

“A gebra named al”

“Knowledge shouldn’t be soft”

“Hands up, how many hands do you have?” Max says, “10.” (We have a theory that he’s an alien, he’s also said things like “blonde eyed, blue haired”)

“Only happy people watch a clock, because they want to extend their happiness.”

“Relax, feel in my classroom, at home.”

“Someone is running water.”

“In U.S. you have freedom and liberty” (Mr. G is talking about not finding the discriminant before solving.)

“Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, where is my bacon.”

“Alexa, turn off, Alexa will you turn off your music?” (Caused several other people’s Alexa’s to turn on over Google Meets)

“Dying, just relax guys, I’m not dying.”

“Tilda likes her boys like she likes her numbers, positive.”

“What’s up is here.”

CMC: “A score of 14 and over should be commended.”

Mr. G: “A score of 14 and over shouldn’t be commended in this classroom.”

(He told math team he expected us to get at least 26)

“Relley, you are number 7”

“Two minutes! It is too much time!”

“Sixth graders are like rabbits. They are always twitching, and each time you turn around there are more of them.”

“Only Mr. G can put flesh and blood into these skeletons.”

“In Ukraine, they call it the big bear, but here, you call it the big diaper.” (He meant the big dipper)

“Boo, did you do your homework?!” (We have a great recording of this one. We did it for our Spooky Room™ in advisory because his granddaughter is in my advisory)

“Sing the song!” (Then he ‘sings’ the quadratic formula on like one note)

“The textbook is your bible.”

“Shake your heads!”

“‘Good Morning!’ said Bilbo, ‘What do you mean?’ he said. ‘Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good one?’”

“Alessandra, you need a life.” (This was really odd for him to say a student shouldn’t just spend all their time on mathematics, a different teacher ran out of the room to tell people @ohnoimfangirlingagain)

“Tilda, you are good, not great, but good.”

“You are the best of the best.”

“You now owe me a Ritz box.”

“Any questions” -Mr. G, “Nope” -Student, “Okay, also not good because there should be questions”-Mr. G

“Like a magic wand.”

“Is anyone falling apart, is anyone under the table?”

“I can see behind the sofa, is anyone in the orchard, picking fruit?”

“Sending them out of the boundaries of the United States, oops out of the equation.”

“You are great specialist at this one.”

“Not president of the united states, but candidate for the equation”

“You are very good citizen of BPC school.”

“Guys tell me, difficult? Difficult in training or easy in battle taking test.”

“Extraneous root is like outside fish that we throw back to the sea because it is not the fish.” (One of my favorites. I’m making it bold so that it’s more visible)

“Relax, go under sofa or whatever is best place for you.”

“ZPP, not Zina.”

“Off we start”

“Alexa, I am not asking you, switch off, Alexa, Alexa, thank you.”

“Tangent tangent tangent secant secant secant secant tangent”

“You need to respond, it is why police respond.”

“Its been one minute, I will count one minute from our time.”

“He is doing simultaneously Step 1 and Step 2! I love you!”

*leaning in and whispering into the computer, so just one student will hear* “Can you hear me? Psst can you hear me? Turn in your homework!”

“Gabby, open your face.”

“You have 9 minutes to relax.”

"Examples, they are clear? Good color?"

"Who is joining shout?"

“Everything: Mr. G is doing everything thoroughly, digging, digging, digging. Where is digging?”

“Coming to this minus, says, ‘Hello!’.”

“The secret is easy: you don't do any stupid things.”

“I will introduce the basic things, and skeleton.”

“Margaux, show me your face. I have forgot already in two months.”

“Drink coffee, oops, tea... talk to your dog... make your cat happy... keep energy up.”

"Just take in your bloodstream"

“Why are you running in orchard, picking wegetables.”

“In many countries. In Ukraine, we had Chernobyl and stay at home, in Africa, we had disease outbreak, no tvs. Now. I am good at distance learning.” (He’s from Ukraine and also taught in Africa)

“See they are asking you? Did you get four? If you didn’t get four, you have a problem?”

“I know, I know, but they are more mistakes here, they are playing tricks, they are wrong.”

“Grudge on you, very big grudge on you.”

“You see, I am covering.”

“Don’t jump to conclusion, good teams don’t jump to conclusion. Now jump to conclusion.”

Anastasiya “Play ocean sounds for one hour.” Mr. G “You have to go somewhere?”

Cole plays music, Mr. G says “Not funny.”

“Seventh grade are all five, five musketeers.”

“We are 15 already which means someone else is here”

“So far, I am boxing you.”

“Herrings are little fish that Russians love, not Ukranians.”

“In Zambia there are potholes in the road. So I would fill them in with gravel. Now we are going to do that with your knowledge.”

“Cinderella had to get peas from sand. And she shook the blanket. Use BUCK.” (He often tells us to shake our heads)

“Please guys, open your faces.”

“You are like little red riding hood: lost.”

“To my surprise, it is time to start.”

“Now it is time to collect stones.”

“What will you do in Europe?”

“I don't like that it’s excluded, because 2 will feel excluded.”

“Infinite algebra 1”

“I am back to discuss with you our problems.”

“What is secret about? You are canceling.”

“It’s like I am merging to highway.”

“Welcome to Ukraine, my friends.”

“I have plans for you, but you will always change plans.”

“Wow, it’s attacking me from all sides! Zina in the kitchen...”

“It's like avalanche or cabbage growing, I hope paper cabbage is still growing full of your energy.”

“Be cute enough to see.”

“Give me volume! Volume, volume, volume, volume, volume!”

“I wasn’t running with you… you know, fast?”

“Three trees doesn’t make woods.” (But in Chinese two do, just saying)

“So far you are free.”

“Is there anyone falling apart, under the table, please come out. I see you.”

“What should I say now? That it is too much work, sorry.”

“The last is seesaw problem. I am joking, I don’t know if I will show you today seesaw.”

“And I will be watching you now.”

“Do you want to talk about life? We are talking about life.”

"Don't touch 7th graders, they are like a hive of bees, you never know, they will bite you."

“You are late for the date with Mr. G.”

“Someone wants to join, no.”

“Someone is just troubling us.”

“Someone is just breaking my computer.”

“There is no problem, it is my invention.”

I will miss his class a lot.

#he's kind of crazy #but it's really funny

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littlemonstersau-blog · 5 years

Text

The Feels Awaken Part 1: Return of the Memori

Written by @jkl-fff, illustrated by me

PART I (you are here) - PART II

———————————————————————————————–

The lone wolf sat and watched, and that was an excellent development; the creature was learning to wait patiently, even though it was a wild, apex predator and doubtlessly could have ripped the dead squirrel from the hands of a teenage boy with ease (under normal circumstances, at least). Of course, since Bill was only wearing the clone of a teenage boy, he probably had an advantage in training the lone wolf. It could sense him—the real him—inside the clonesuit, and therefore was wary of making any aggressive moves … Animals always were around Demons, unlike most humans. Another instance when instinct trumped intellect …

So, instead, the lone wolf sat and watched patiently while Bill swung the dead squirrel around by its tail. Sat and waited for Bill’s conversational monologue to end.

“You’re prob’ly wondering why I haven’t eaten your soul like I did Chatterface McBurymynuts right here. And why I’ve taken to feeding you the soulless carcasses of my victims in person instead of just leaving them out for you. Well, I got three reasons. One: I like your aesthetic; you’re nearly all triangles in shape—really angular all over your body—and I really dig that. You’re relatably triangular, and I wanna see more of that in the world. Two: you’re endangered; if I let you live, there will be more wolves (so more angular creatures) in the world … and also more werewolves, which would be weird and awesome. And three …” Here, with a grin, Bill tossed the dead squirrel high and watched as the lone wolf snatched it out of the air. “Yeah, that’s right, wolf it down—heh heh! The third reason is, I’m gonna partially domesticate you and train you to pull me around in a sweet-ass chariot! Doesn’t that sound rad?!”

Having swallowed the last of the squirrel, the lone wolf turned and padded away into the woods.

“Don’t worry, we’ll talk more about how awesome my idea is later!” Bill called after him. “Just think a bit about what a fair exchange it would be! Actually, it’s a great deal for you! Tasty treats just for letting me occasionally ride you into battle like a chaotic, Norse deity! We can workshop ideas about the chariot’s design next time!”

On a nearby branch, a bird chirped.

“No, I think the wolf’s gonna seriously consider my offer,” Bill replied optimistically. “This is all just part of the deal-making game, which you’d understand if you weren’t a dumbass robin.”

The bird chirped again, then flew away.

“… Welp, that killed some time. Guess I’d better go back to the Shack and find some other activity to pass away the seemingly endless seconds until I get to skyelp with my Dipper …”

While he was tromping back through the woods, however, Bill was distracted by an unusual, yet strangely familiar sound. Juddering and throaty, then sharp and quick, then juddering and throaty again. Repetitive, too, though intermingled with a soft noise almost like keening or … no, exactly like whimpering. Then it clicked for Bill, even though he hadn’t heard that sound in over thirty years. It was the sound of a grown man sobbing. And not just any man, either, but Ford.

Softly, Bill crept towards him, eventually looking through bushes to the stump of a felled tree. Ford sat on it, hunched over and alone, crying as though he couldn’t hold back his own tears … as though he were too weary to hold them back anymore … That was probably why he’d come all the way out here in the woods, Bill suspected, where no one could see his moment of emotional vulnerability. Or so he had believed, at any rate, not knowing Bill was out here …

On Ford’s lap was an open book with brightly—even garishly—colored pages. One of the many scrapbooks Mabel had made. In between bouts of sobs, he slowly turned the pages and murmured things like, “Can’t believe she came b-back with a whole handful of it … So t-tough, even though always so sweet …” and “Terrified, but he f-faced it down anyway … for me … And I was s-so … so proud …” and “Heh! That f-fashion show she put together for Pacifica, made us all t-take part in … Can’t remember when I laughed so h-hard …” and “Oh, here’s that Jack o’Mellon he carved like the Gremloblin … from m-memory … So t-talented … And then they went trick-or-treating together both as the protagonist from that one game series—Myth of Hilda, or something like that?—Moses, it was adorable …” to himself. With each turn of a page, he was reminiscing about something different from the past summers: family game nights, hikes and fishing, short roadtrips, and on and on and on … Ford himself summed it up succinctly when he finally closed the scrapbook, buried his face in his hands, and whimpered, “Damn, I m-miss those kids!”

For a moment, a spark of bitter satisfaction flared up in Bill (“Good. Let that asshole suffer.”). And yet, it was soon doused by empathetic pity and sorrow (“I feel the same, though—we all feel the same … We all miss those kids …”). Then came a splash of feeling surprised, because of all the pity and sorrow; they were still such strange emotions for him as to be almost foreign. Following that, a bit of meta-emotional introspection at realizing he was feeling about feelings. Fortunately, before Bill could become too confused and horrified by the idea that he had become so human as to have feelings about having feelings, Ford stood and slowly trudged back home. After a safe amount of time had elapsed, Bill did the same.

Inside the Shack, sitting on the card table in the living room, was the scrapbook (no doubt left there by Ford on his way down to his lab). Along with several more of them. Picking up the most recent one, Bill began to flip slowly through its colorful pages filled with photos, stickers, notes, and miscellaneous memorabilia.

And as he did, he began to flip slowly through his own memories …

****

Terrified screams as he burst forth from his prison of a stone statue, rose up over them out of his shell (“Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me!”), and tried to … tried to …

Bill shuddered to think of what he had almost done—what he surely would have done, if he had had enough power at the time. “Thank all the Gods that ever were or will be that that failed …” he muttered to himself.

Making little overtures of friendship—or at least not-malice—to Mabel until he got her to listen to his spiel about wanting to understand how he lost to them and to change and blah blah blah. Ford’s utter disbelief that the others could be so easily suckered. Entering a clone that first time and devouring that delicious little bit of soul in it (“Yum! Tastes just like mangoes and fear!”).

“They shouldn’t have. Ford was right that I was plotting their doom back then … Not anymore, but they all took a huge and stupid gamble, and just happened to get lucky … We all did …”

Steel slicing through paper and ink, dumping the scraps of bodies left, right, and center and relishing the screams of surprise (“Hehehehehe! What, you didn’t like my joke? You wanna … piece of me? Hahaha! Well, take your pick, there are plenty of pieces of me there on the floor!”). Sharpening his teeth to fine points to chomp at people. Gouging out his own eye. So much edge and shock at play, cold and hot at the same time, hilarious ticklings of pain.

“Such a waste of clonesuits,” Bill sighed. “And … all for the sake of just shocking them? Taking advantage of their love of Dipper? Stupid—can’t believe I thought that was funny at the time … So much time wasted during those first few weeks of the summer. Don’t wanna remember that, not anymore … wanna remember something else, something happier …”

Jokes so bad they made everyone groan, which made everyone laugh. Fireworks made of lasers. Taking part in an impromptu fashion show for the newest line of summer sweaters. Watermelons carved into jolly grotesqueries, lit with candles, and eventually tossed from the roof to splat. Making muffins with apple and cinnamon. Uncontrollable laughter at a rock shaped like a dong and after arcs of water accidentally melted another clonesuit. Wonderous eyes aglow with uncontainable excitement and the soft light of an everadiant crystal. Warmth of a shared blanket and the fun betrayal of an ambush of tickling underneath them. Kisses snuck around corners, behind doors, within shadows, inside the safety of a Nice Place.

“Heh …” Bill couldn’t help but smile to himself. “Even when I start out with all the others, too, it always comes back to him … But maybe I should focus more, not just look at the flashes and snapshots of memory? Delve in deeper to some memories? After all, what’s the point of perfect recall if I hardly ever use it? But, um …” Looking around the currently empty (though perhaps not for long) living room, he closed the scrapbooks and stood up. “Maybe up in the attic, where there’s a little more privacy …”

****

It was one specific memory that detoured his chain of thoughts, as memories tend to do.

Dipper. Sitting on a couch with Ford standing behind him, reaching over the couch to him. Flushed with simple happiness as Ford tousled his hair and praised his monster hunting work from that day. “Good boy, m’work! Er, I mean, good work, m’boy!” he had said, making Dipper smile so big and bright that the room had practically glowed with it. Bill’s insides certainly had.

Déjà vu, though, he had felt it then, too, remembering it. Almost exactly déjà vu … So Bill decided to follow the tangential thread of it now.

A young Ford, seventeen or eighteen, maybe—not yet out of high school. Sitting on the couch of his childhood home. A young Stan standing behind him, reaching over the couch to him.

“Oh, yeah … That’s why it’s so familiar; I watched it in Sixer’s memory and then more or less reenacted it for him. With him. Whatever, twice. Back when we were still working together, back when we were still friends …”

A young Ford flushed with simple happiness as Stan tousled his hair and praised his shipbuilding from that day. “You’re such a good cabin boy! Good work, me ol’ cabin boy!” he had said, making Ford smile so big and bright that—here the déjà vu ended and became simple memory— (“Pff! Why am I the cabin boy?” “Duh. ‘cause I’m the captain!” “Why do you get to be captain?” “Heh. ‘cause I can do this!”) Stan had swung over the top of the couch to drape himself across Ford. Pinning Ford down, while both brothers trashtalked and giggled and squirmed … and then gradually began to kiss …

“Was this the first time Sixer and me …? Ha! Yeah, it totally was! The very first time I set Sixer’s mindscape stage and played a part for him to work out some of his many, many issues. First of many … How’d it go, anyway? How’d we even get to this point? Need to rewind …”

Bill blinked, and the scene formed. Ford’s mindscape as it once had been: an endless field of strange but beautiful flower blossoms stretched to the horizon in every direction, with gleaming structures like the lovechildren of marble-cut temples and glass-and-steel skyscrapers rising in the distance-yet-closeness-of-thought like the aspirations of some new deity of science-fiction-becoming-science-fact, bold and untainted by the conformist conventions of old; swirling slowly overhead, so close one could have climbed up and touched, was a vault of stars, galaxies, quasars far larger than they appeared from earth and blazing so brightly that the field below them was as illuminated as a comfortable reading room; stairways made of books and journals ascended high to viewing platforms made of solid theories, equations, and blueprints all like shining neon signs.

Bill blinked again, and he saw himself chattering away about whatever had been their project. There was Ford, a late-twenties man and cutting-edge weirdologist in a weatherworn trenchcoat. Unusually subdued that day, though … Normally nigh manic with energy and enthusiasm, overflowing with ideas and theories and observations and cornball jokes to contribute to or even to drive the conversation … but not that day … No, that day, he barely listened to Bill or looked at the images and organizing visual aids Bill had mentally conjured for their brainstorm together. And when Bill turned to see why, he found Ford’s back was to him as he gazed away out across a sentimentally altered portion of the mindscape: salty sand strewn with bits of trash at the edge of a turbulent sea, all under clouds that were dusky and dusty from reflecting the dying daylight, and a sailboat at the center of Ford’s attention and therefore of his mind … listing and sinking into dark waters, the name on the prow all but lost to the waves—“Stan o’ War” now just “Stan”.

Bill watched the rest of what had happened as one might watch oneself on camera.

“Oh boy … I smell emotional issues …” he muttered before floating up beside Ford’s shoulder. “Got something on your mind, Fordsy ol’ buddy? Besides me, that is.”

“S-sorry, I just, um, got distracted,” Ford stammered apologetically. “I’ll try harder to focus. Won’t happen aga—”

“Because of your brother? It’s the anniversary of the day he got kicked out of the family, right?”

Ford gaped in shock for a moment. “… You … You know about that? But how?”

“For one thing, all the trash ‘round here is crumpled or torn up calendar pages for the same date. For another, I’m your Muse,” Bill replied, as though it should have been obvious. “I’m literally inside your head with all your memories at my fingertips, looking for anything I can use to help inspire your success.”

Blanching white, Ford asked, “All of them? You can s-see … all my memories?”

“Yep times a thousand! So I know you and your brother were—heh—close before that incident.”

Ford blushed.

“So no wonder you get distracted thinking about him today. Wasn’t that the last time you ever saw him?” Bill continued conversationally.

“Um, I … Maybe I m-might’ve seen him once after that. During my college graduation, but … Don’t know, honestly,” Ford admitted sadly. “Might’ve just imagined him being in the crowd.”

“Wishful thinking? ‘cause you got some stuff to get out of your system with him?” Bill waggled his eyebrow, making Ford blush a second time. Before he could respond, though, Bill suggested, “Y’know, I could help you unpack some of that emotional baggage you’re lugging around. Which’d help us get back to productive work sooner—get you from distracted back to tracted.”

“First of all, that’s not a word—”

“It is now that I’ve used it! Tracted, adjective, the state of being that comes after one has been distracted but is focusing once again.”

“Second of all … How could you help with that?”

“Why, with a little bit of roleplay. I know how much you love to roleplay, Fordsy ol’ pal.”

“I don’t know …” Ford said uncertainly. “This isn’t exactly a D&D&MoreD campaign. Besides, this is hardly an appropriate setting, and … well, no offense, but your voice and mannerisms aren’t exactly reminiscent of Stan (or most humans, for that matter). I doubt I could get into it.”

“Heh. You’re just saying that ‘cause you ain’t never seen what a good actor I can be. Goes with the territory of being a MASTER OF THE MIND! Watch this!” Bill clapped once, then suddenly multiplied into a dozen more Bills.

“Whoa! What the—”

From nowhere, the original Bill pulled a megaphone, a chair with the words “Director” and “Leading … Well, Not ‘Man’ Per Se, But Close Enough” on its back, and a thick script. “OKAY, YOU SUPER SNAZZY STAGECREW,” he projected through the megaphone. “LET’S GET THIS STAGE CLEARED AND READY FOR A NEW SCENE! LET’S MOVE! AND SOMEONE GET ME A TWO-CREAMS-ONE-SUGAR COFFEE AND A MAPLE LOG! What about you, Fordsy? You want anything? Same thing, yeah? DOUBLE THAT ORDER! ONE FOR ME, ONE FOR MY COSTAR!”

Slack jawed at all the activity flurrying around him—one Bill pulled a rope from nowhere, causing the seascape (while waves continued to toss, clouds continued to billow, and the ship continued to sink) to part down the middle like a theater curtain and swish away; another Bill pulled a massive pushbroom from nowhere and cleared away all of the beach (sand, trash, and salty odor) to leave a hardwood platform beneath; several other Bills were now wheeling away the endless fields of flowers that stretched to the horizon (plus the phantasmagorical buildings standing among them) like scenery backdrops painted on squeaky canvas frames—Ford could only mumble, “Costar?”

“Well, duh, Fordsy ol’ chum. We’ll be centerstage, you and me, and in the spotlight together—me as Stanly, you as yourself. If that doesn’t make us costars, I don’t know what does!”

“BOOOOOO!” another Bill shouted from behind them, seated in a newly revealed spectator section with boxes of popcorn. “Directors shouldn’t play parts in their own productions! That’s a crass and masturbatory act of egotism that invariably cheapens the production! BOOOOOO!”

“Just ignore heckling critic me,” the original Bill told Ford. “Now, speaking of the spotlight … LET’S GET THE LIGHTING AND SOUNDCHECKS DONE, MES! TIME IS MONEY! AND WHERE’S OUR COFFEE AND DONUTS ALREADY?! WHAT AM I PAING YOU FOR?!”

Yet another Bill came trundling up with a long rack of costumes that looked exactly like the contents of Ford and Stan’s old bedroom closet. While going through them, he pointed out, “You’re not paying us for anything, babygorgeous, because we don’t actually exist. We’re just visual constructs you conjured to represent the complex yet entirely abstract process of manipulating a mindscape into a specific scenario Stanford can experience (or reexperience in the case of actual memories) so it feels to him as if it was entirely real. This whole setting is, too. Also because you’re extremely melodramatic, overly theatrical, and crave being the center of someone’s awed attention, sugardumpling.”

“One more smart-alecky remark like that, and you’re fired!” the original Bill snapped.

“No! Please, angelpie, I need this job! I need the money, or they’re gonna break my legs!”

“Fine. Just go get the makeup equipment already. AND WHERE ARE WE ON THE LIGHTS?!”

Ford looked up to see a span of catwalks and electrical equipment overhead. The Bill up there gave a thumbs up. “Good to go, boss! Same with sound, too!”

A new Bill came running up with a platter. “Here’s your coffee and donuts, sir!”

“Freakin’ finally!” the original Bill exclaimed, passing over one of each to Ford before snatching the others for himself. “I’d have you dragged into the alley behind this soundstage and shot for taking so long, except we’re not actually in a soundstage and you’re just too darn cute to kill.”

“Oh, sir, you’re gonna make me blush!”

Taking a bite out of his maple log with his eyelid, the original Bill snapped, “Stop being so cute and go find something useful to do.” Then, turning back to Ford, he continued lightly, “Yep, costars, you and me! Collaborators! Partners in … What? There something on my face?”

With a gulp, Ford asked, “Is … Is that how you eat? With your eye?”

Bill smiled despite not having a mouth. “Only when I’m in polite company.” Then he took a sip of his coffee—a long, slow sip while looking right at his weirdologist friend (who spazzed reflexively at the sight of coffee washing into sclera). “But now that mes have cleared the stage, we should really pick the scene we’re gonna roleplay. So what you wanna do, Fordsy ol’ mate? Relive a memory, act out a hypothetical conversation/argument to get some words off your chest, or experience a fantasy in real-body-stimulating intensity? Whatever you want, I can do for ya.”

“I, um …” Shaking his head, Ford admitted, “There’s just … so much. When I think about him. About everything that happened then. And before. And after. And I … I just … can’t process it enough to … y’know, make sense of how I feel about it all? Gah! Can you understand that, Bill? The only thing I know for sure right now is … is I miss him … even if I don’t know what I’d do if I saw him right now …”

Bill blinked a bite off his maple log, then chewed thoughtfully, ignoring the other Bills (“Hey, guys, wanna see something funny? MacBeth!” “Don’t say that! It’s bad lu—” A sandbag smashed into that Bill from above. “Hehehehehehe! I got more!” Then he whistled sharply. “Argh! You can’t do that either, it’s also bad lu—” A light fixture exploded, blasting the Bill on the catwalk off so that he kersplatted onto the platform. “Hahahahaha! How about this one? Good luck during the performance!” “No, you fool, you’ll kill us all if you say—” “Guys, you think this pyrotechnic equipment still works?” a different, oblivious Bill asked right before pushing a button. The bad luck would’ve been spectacular had anyone paid attention.) now milling about the visual construct of an empty stage which represented a mindscape ready for shaping. Eventually, he suggested, “Tell you what, Fordsy ol’ comrade, let me choose for you this time. I think I know what you need right now to feel better, and it’ll be an actual memory of a good time you two had together. Something … positive and fun and a little whacky to help you get out of this slump. Whaddya say? Trust me enough to follow my lead in the roleplay?”

A glum shrug. A passive affirmation. “Sure, why not?”

And then original Bill was broadcasting through his loudspeaker, “OKAY, LOOK ALIVE, TRIANGULAR TROOP! LET’S GET THE STAGE SET FOR SCENE #618: ‘CABIN BOY AND CAPTAIN NOBEARD, THE COUCH PIRATE’!”

Ford blinked. “Wait, what?”

“I WANT IT READY TO PERFORM IN—”

“BOOOOOO!” the spectating Bill suddenly shouted, spraying popcorn everywhere. “That choice is a cliché and uninspired piece of saccharine hackery! Also, it’s practically meta-theater, which always sucks because only self-inflating, pomposity-spewing fartbags think it’s clever to make plays that are ham-fistedly obvious metaphors for making plays! BOOOOOO!”

“So it’s perfect for our director,” one of the Bills stage whispered, making the others giggle.

“I HEARD THAT!” the original Bill snapped. “DON’T YOU HAVE PROPS TO SET UP?! ACTION IN FIVE, MES! AND WHERE’S THE ME FOR COSTUME AND MAKEUP?!”

“Right here, angeldoll! And ready to get Starford suited up!” That Bill wheeled a vanity piled high with brushes, pencils, and cosmetics right to them. He then pulled an outfit off the rack, scrutinized it, put it back, pulled out another, nodded his approval, and zoomed over to slap it onto Stanford’s body. Right before assaulting his face with a blur of all the cosmetic products—powder, rouge, eyeliner, etc. All of it happened so fast Stanford didn’t even have time to protest, and when the air cleared and he stopped coughing, that particular Bill was adjusting a mirror before his face. “What do you think, honeydear? Don’t you just look divine?”

Breathless with astonishment, Ford touched first the mirror’s surface … then his own face … “Incredible!” he breathed. “I look seventeen!”

“If I did my job right, teddypearl, you don’t just look seventeen. Your whole body (or astral form dream body, technically, sweetiedumpling) should be seventeen down to the smallest of details. Now, if you want, I could also do your nails and hair so you look even more divine than you did at seventeen, darlingpeaches.”

“Nope, we want his ratio of divineness to undivineness to be exactly as it was then, thank you,” the original Bill dictated abruptly. “Now let’s get me suited up for—oh, Azathoth’samygdala!” Snatching up the megaphone, he bawled, “TVS GO IN FRONT OF COUCHES, NOT BEHIND, YOU IDIOTS! AND YOU’VE GOT THE BACKDROPS MIXED UP! C’MON, YOU MES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MORE PROFESSIONAL THAN THIS!”

Ford tore his eyes from the mirror and looked onstage. The living room of his parents’ house was being formed by a bunch of Bills pushing frames of painted canvas (reproductions of the walls) and setting up prop after prop (a couch, a rabbit-eared TV, old chairs, side tables with doilies, framed photos, knickknacks, bric-a-brac, that hideous lamp with the more hideous curtain shade he had always wanted to smash to bits, etc.); it looked exactly as he remembered … No, it looked more accurate than he remembered … He could even smell the dusty, musty carpeting and hear the tacky windchimes outside the window …

“There, treasurebear, you look ready for your big part. And divine, too! Simply divine!”

“Thanks, me. Looks like you won’t be fired today,” the original Bill decided.

“I can’t believe you could recreate the old place. Every little detail—” Ford turned to Bill, then felt his knees buckled beneath him; he had to grab onto a corner of the vanity not to fall over. Standing before him in a dissipating cloud of face powder was the seventeen-year-old version of his twin brother. “… St-Stan?”

Bill grinned with Stanly’s cocky, crooked grin. “Or close enough. Oh, sorry.” Clearing his throat, he then repeated in Stanly’s husky voice, “Or close enough. Right, Sixer?”

Stepping forward, Ford laid his hands on the shoulders of the boy in front of him. They felt real. Solid and strong through the t-shirt, with the kind of ropey muscles regular boxing gave a person. Same for the arms and the chest, although there was a little pudge on top of the muscles there (just like Stan had … or had had the last time Ford had seen him for certain) thanks to a nervous tendency to overeat … It all felt so real … so achingly real …

“Done feelin’ up the merchandise yet, Sixer?” Bill-Stan teased. “I could flex for ya, if ya want.”

“How … How are you doing this?” Ford whispered, his voice almost trembling.

As one, all of the Bills dropped what they were doing and turned to face him, then clapped and spread their hands. A rainbow spread between every set of palms. “THROUGH THE POWER OF IMAGINATION, FORDSY OL’ COMPADRE! AFTER ALL, I AM YOUR MUSE!”

Fingers clenching into the fabric of the t-shirt, throat constricting, Ford said, “Stan, I … I …”

“You’re not gonna start blubberin’ on me, are ya, Sixer?” Bill-Stan asked coaxingly. “Not before all the fun even starts?”

“N-no … No, I’m in c-control. Ahem! Of myself.” Ford composed himself, feigned brushing some dust off his clothes, then resumed, “So, um, you said something about following your lead in a roleplay?”

Grinning more widely than before, Bill-Stan took him by the hand (sending a jolt of long ignored and even half-forgotten emotions through the weirdologist) and led him onstage …

The thing about a person’s mindscape (or about a person’s dreams, since they’re the same thing, essentially) is they’re completely immersive. To the brain, they’re almost as real as reality itself; every ganglia involved in processing sensory input for the one is equally involved with the other. Which explains why dreams usually feel real enough that a person can forget they’re dreaming. Which explains why a true master of the mind can manipulate a person’s mindscape enough that, with just the right triggering image (such as walking through a conjured doorway or stepping onto a conjured theater stage), the person can believe what they’re experiencing is real, and even actually find traces of the mental experience on their physical body afterwards.

Especially if the person really wants to dream, to believe, to be manipulated by the master …

That was why Ford knew with certainty that he was sweaty and dirty after hours of working on the Stan o’ War, knew with certainty he was trudging into the living room of his family home, and collapsed onto what he knew with certainty was a sagging couch likely as old as he was (seventeen years). He also knew with certainty that he heard the jangling of the house phone in the hallway, and then the voice of who he knew with certainty was his twin brother answering it. That knowing certainty was manifest in every gesture he made; it even shone in his eyes.

A moment later, Stan was leaning over the top of the couch. Sweaty and dirty, too, since he’d been working on the Stan o’ War, too. “Heh. You look beat, Sixer. But if anyone’s got the right, it’s you. I mean, after all that hard work today? And figuring out the waterproofin’ stuff, too?” Then Stan reached over the couch and tousled his brother’s hair. “I guess what I’m saying is … You’re such a good cabin boy! Good work, me ol’ cabin boy!”

Ford beamed with pleasure at the praise and the loving gesture, yet still retorted (because having a brother means living in a perpetual argument, at the very least as a matter of principle), “Pff! Why am I the cabin boy?”

“Duh. ‘cause I’m the captain!”

“Why do you get to be captain?”

“Heh. ‘cause I can do this!” And then Stan swung himself over the top of the couch and dropped down onto his brother, draping himself over his brother like a heavy, sweaty, noogying blanket. “How do you like it, cabin boy? Huh? I said how do you like it, nerd? No, wait, cabin nerd!”

“Ghaha! Get off me—haha!—you’re gross from the beach!” Ford half-spewed and half-laughed beneath his twin. He was pinned against the cushions now, squirming but unable to get free.

“Heh heh! You don’t get to give the captain orders, cabin nerd! That’s not how it works aboard this ship!”

“W-we’re—hehehe!—not even on a ship!”

“Sure we are! The S.S. Couch, and I just boarded it! And you!”

“You did not have permission to come aboard!” Ford giggled, still squirming, now trying to push his twin back with his hands.

But Stan caught them both at the wrists and pinned them against the armrest, too, bearing down with his whole body. “That’s ‘cause I’m a pirate captain! Arrrrr, me matey!”

“Pff! W-what do they call you?! Nobeard?!”

“That’s ‘Captain Nobeard’ to you, cabin nerd! And I’m gonna be lootin’ yer booty!”

Ford threw his head back and laughed at so corny a line. But the laugh turned to a surprised gasp when he suddenly felt his brother (on an impulse) press his lips against Ford’s throat. It was like being hit by a single raindrop right before a spark of lightning—a single spot of warm, wet skin, then an electric jolt through his brain and body that left him rigid. Or perhaps made him realize he had been rigid already? And that his brother’s counter-squirming had taken on a decidedly grinding motion … Or had it been a grinding motion already? Ford moaned, “Aaah, St-Stan …”

“I told you, that’s ‘Captain’ to you, me ol’ cabin nerd,” Stan countered into his twin’s neck. “And I’m gonna shiver yer timber.” With that, he gave an extra hard grind, groin against groin.

“Mmmmoses! Oh … B-but, wait … What if … Dad and Mom walk in on us … like this?”

“Heh. You can be pretty dumb for a nerd, sometimes,” Stan teased. “They went to Grandma’s today, remember? And that was them on the phone just now, callin’ to say they made it there. Even if they head home right now, it’ll be at least two hours afore they get back. So relax, okay? Just … follow my lead …”

“Y-yeah, I can … Wait.” All at once, Ford stopped, because that phrase … He suddenly didn’t know with certainty what was really going on here, nor where he really was, nor even how old he really was. Intently, he peered at the face of the boy on top of him. Was there a golden gleam in his irises, where there should only have been brown? A twinkle in the eyes, but different than the twinkle normally there. He thought he could remember who this boy actually was. “… Bill?”

Stan grinned. “Only if you’d prefer havin’ a triangle in a tophat grind against you instead of your brother.”

Ford looked around, and remembered he was on a stage. A stage that had been set by multiple copies of Bill, and that he was now pinned beneath the original Bill who was mimicking his twin down to his cornball double-entendres, the smell of his sweat … and the exact length and girth of his hardon, currently pressing down on Ford’s own hardon (the thought of which made him blush a shade deeper than he already had been—did he really remember his twin’s member that well?). In the spectators’ seating, there was another Bill now distantly shouting, “Boooooo! You ruined the flow and the affect of the whole scene! The momentum’s gone and can never be gotten back! Boooooo!” and Ford found he desperately hoped that was not the case.

“You okay, Sixer?” Stan asked. No, not Stan. Bill. Bill mimicking Stan’s voice and manerisms. Bill mimicking Stan’s body so they could …

Ford cleared his throat. “Y-yes, I am. But, er, I just want to… to make sure that you are. This, uh, scenario doesn’t … doesn’t bother you? At all?”

“What? Why would … Oh!” Stan-Bill exclaimed suddenly. “You mean ‘cause we’re not just crossin’ a bunch of taboo lines in your meatbag culture, but went a mile past ‘em and are now buildin’ a small but charmingly perverted, summer cabin we can visit at our leisure?”

“I, um … suppose that’s one way of putting it …”

“Heh heh! It’s funny how awkward you are about this!” But before Ford could get defensive, Stan-Bill continued, “Sixer, I’m not human. I’m a Muse, here to inspire you to break through arbitrary human conventions (like the restrictive barriers they are) to something higher, purer, and truer. So all the arbitrary moral codes you meatbags make for yourselves, especially where sex is concerned? Don’t apply to me, don’t affect me. Whatever you desire, whoever you desire, however you desire (no matter how weird, complex, or how many parts it needs performed) I can play out for you here in your mindscape so well it will feel real. I can give you the psychological or sexual release you need to get tracted again on our oh so important work!”

Though overwhelmed by the possibilities, Ford still maintained, “That’s not a real word …”

“Like I said before, Sixer, if you wanna relive a memory, act out a hypothetical conversation or an argument with someone (like your brother or your parents or an ex or that one bald professor you loathed), or experience a completely new fantasy altogether … I’m down. Let’s do ‘em all.”

Ford gulped. “Y-you’re sure … it doesn’t bother you? At all? I mean, this is … er …”

Stan-Bill sighed in almost-exasperation. “Look, Fordsy ol’ friend, my true form doesn’t even have sex organs. Not that you’ll be able to tell when I change shape in your mindscape and go to town with pleasurin’ you, ‘cause I’m just that good an actor—can act like I’ve always had ‘em and got tons of experience usin’ ‘em to turn people specifically named Stanford Filbrick Pines into puddles of contented, post-coital bliss—and always happy to put on a show for a friend.”

Beneath him, Ford felt so turned on he was having a hard time breathing regularly.

“Plus, I come from a species that has roughly millions of genders, so homosexuality doesn’t bother me in the least. If anything, it radically simplifies things. You wanna get it on with a guy? I can do that. Two guys? Ditto. A guy and a gal at the same time? No prob. An entire roomful of different people? Sure, it’ll be a nice stretch of my talents. Something or somethings that aren’t remotely human? Well, if either of us can imagine it, I can make it in here for you to fuck.”

Beneath him, Ford felt so turned on that he was practically vibrating with excitement.

“And as for what you meatbags call ‘incest’, well,” Bill-Stan shrugged. “Far from the weirdest kink floatin’ around in the collective unconsciousness of humanity. But it is just weird enough, luckily, to keep me invested in any—heh heh—boldly transgressive or unapologetically perverse theatrical performances you might want to try here on the mindscape stage. So c’mon, brother,” he added emphatically, positively dripping Stanness now. “Just follow my lead … We got hours ‘til Dad and Mom get home …”

Beneath him, Ford felt so turned on that he was sorta surprised the couch hadn’t caught fire around the two of them. Another low moan escaped his lips as he felt Stan-Bill’s lips press against his throat again … as he felt Stan-Bill grind against his bulge again … as he felt Stan-Bill carry him back into a more fulfilling moment than the present reality could ever hope to offer …

“You like that, cabin nerd? Huh? You like when I do that to ya? Go on, say ‘Aye-aye, Captain’.”

Though his hands were still pinned against the armrest of the couch and his body born down into the cushions, Ford arched his hips into the grind.

“C’mon, cabin nerd, go ahead and say it … Become a part of my couch pirate crew …”

Giggling, Ford turned and offered himself up for a kiss. It was long and warm and wet and deep, and so very, very sweet. It left him breathlessly whimpering, “Mmm, Stan … Bill …”

“Who’s this Bill?” Stan-Bill asked teasingly. Then, as if to punctuate every following sentence, he humped slow and hard at the end of it. “Someone I otta be jealous of? Someone I gotta go beat up? Someone who’s gotta learn that you’re mine … my brother … my lover … and no one else gets to touch ya but me?”

“Ah! Yes!” Ford cried out.

And, distantly, the Bill in the seats shouted, “Boooooo! Going off script like this is for amateurs! Improv in an established piece is for hacks who can’t remember their lines! Boooooo!”

That was when Bill (not the original Bill playing Stan, nor any of the copies playing stagehands, but the real Bill in a clonesuit stretched out on the bed in the attic) snapped out of his fascination and decided it was time to stop reviewing memories for a while. Especially this one in particular. Not because it wasn’t nostalgic or entertaining or sexually titillating for him (it was very much), not because he couldn’t remember what had happened next (his recall was still just as perfect as the rest of him—heh heh!), but because …

Because it just wasn’t worth watching the rest. Both in Ford’s memory of the actual event with his brother, and in the slightly altered reenactment Bill had performed with Ford, it hadn’t been more than another minute or two of cornball dialogue, couch grinding, and rough kissing before they climaxed. And why not? Ford and Stan had been horny, pent up teenagers way back then … and Ford had been a horny, pent up adult back then (what with his tons of emotional baggage and sexual frustration) …

“Not worth getting wound up over,” Bill muttered to the cabin ceiling. “Not when jerking off won’t be enough to take the edge off the horniness I’ll feel afterwards … And besides, if I want to feel wound up and horny, there are much wilder memories I could perfectly recall than that. With Dipper or with Sixer …”

His hand came up wearing a sock puppet Mabel had made to look like his true form—or, at least, as much like his true form as a sock with a hand shoved in it could, (though, honestly, it looked less like a dapper triangle and more like the bastard lovechild that would result from a wild night of passion between him and Kermit the Frog)—and said, “Funny how you didn’t even realize how good a thing you had with ol’ Fordsy, isn’t it?”

“How do you figure that?” Bill asked his sock puppet. “Working and hanging with him was a ton of fun, and I missed the 79 Hells outta it after he sided with this mudball … Still do, actually …”

“I mean all that wild, limitationless, mindscape sex you had with him. Back then, for you, it was just the fun of weird playacting (and manipulating a gullible meatbag); you didn’t appreciate any of the physical side of it.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re right. Of course, y’know, I kinda couldn’t appreciate it back then.”

“The beginning of the summer was a lot like that, too, with Dipper and Mabel and all the others,” the sock puppet continued matter-of-factly. “You didn’t appreciate any of the emotional side of spending time with them, what with how full of hate and plans for vengeance you were.”

“… No, I didn’t,” Bill admitted.

“All that time spent with them, and you didn’t even realize how good a thing you had.”

“… I kinda couldn’t appreciate all that back then, either, in my defense.”

“You could now, y’know.”

“What, you mean … relive the memories? Actually, that could be a fun way to pass the time,” Bill mused to himself. “Might not feel quite so bored or lone … Cthulhu’s cartilaginous cranium, I could go through all my memories with Ford! Maybe there’s something I filed away in there—something I didn’t think was important at the time, something that could spark another thought—that could help get me past the bubble!” he exclaimed, bolting upright. “And back to my Dipper!”

“That wasn’t exactly what I meant …” the sock puppet pointed out.

But it was rather futile; Bill was on a role now. “The bumblr crowd could even help with this … Them asking the right questions might give me some direction, instead of just prospecting—”

“HEY! LISTEN!” the sock puppet shrilled. “I meant you could be having a good thing right now with all the people here at the Shack. Emotionally and such. Enjoying it fully. But you’re not. Even though you want to.”

Looking away from the reproachful, googly-eyed gaze, Bill muttered, “Kinda hard to with Ford setting such a grim mood for everyone here any time he walks in on me and someone else.”

“You’re wasting time,” the sock puppet stated irrefutably. “Like at the beginning of the summer, when you were too busy being … being not nice—being mean—to everyone, especially Dipper. Now you’re wasting time being bitter at Ford.”

“He’s wasting time being just as bitter at me!” Bill countered defensively.

“And when was the last time you really tried to do anything about that? Huh? When you bought everybody gifts, maybe, a few months ago?”

“… Honestly? I guess so, yeah.”

“Go try again. You wanted to, anyway, since you saw him in the woods crying ‘bout how much he misses the Twins, too,” the sock puppet affirmed. “It’s the reason you turned away from remembering that time on the couch before the climax, too; you’re not in the mood for sexiness, not deep down, but for sappiness. You can appreciate that emotional side of things now, so stop wasting time not enjoying ‘em.”

“What if … What if he doesn’t want to stop being bitter? What if he doesn’t want to move on?”

“Then at least you’ll have tried. You won’t be wasting time being bitter. And you get to spend more time perfectly recalling individual memories to see if you can find something helpful to escape, so win-win for you.”

Bill sighed. “I’d argue with you, but you are me, so I know I won’t win … Well, let’s go …”

#little monsters au #billdip #bipdip #bipper #ford #stancest #billford #the feels awaken #writing #fanfiction #also i messed up the illustrations' order so some of these #will have no pics #and others will have #more than one #just a heads up #there shall be a celebratory cah game once this arc is complete!#submission

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epickendall · 5 years

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The Summer of Del'goxoth part 14

Two days later it is Summerween in Gravity Falls, and the town is at full swing as the town has Halloween decreation at homes, business, and other buildings. Kids, teens, adults, and elderly were dress in customs ranging from monsters to superheroes to fairy tales characters, and already people are pulling pranks on this night. In Danny home, Danny is in his room changing into his custom as he dresses as a Vampire Danny wore red gothic glasses, grey makeup, another blonde wig with some grey streaks in it, a black top hat, Black velvet coat has attached bat-style cape, grey vest, black Faux leather boot, and black pants. Danny looked at himself the bedroom mirror see how he looked in his custom.

"I look pretty good in this custom," Danny thought, and he turns to Cujo who was asleep in the middle of Danny bed "what you think boy?"

Cujo wakes from his sleep and looks at Danny and barks happily.

"Glad you like it I was a bit worry for a moment that I almost looked dress up as Vlad,"

Cujo growls at the name Vlad.

"Don't worry Cujo that fruit loop is far from earth to hurt anyone no more,"

Danny pets Cujo who became happy again. Danny grabs his phone and a shiny ruby cane as he about to leave his bedroom Danny turns to Cujo "stay here boy unless I need to okay,"

The dog barks and get's back to his sleep, Danny goes downstairs to see Washington filling a large bowl of candy, but Washington is in a sour mood.

"What wrong Washington not into the Summerween?" said Danny

"No, I'm not Danny I have to buy tons of candy for a holiday that suppose to be in October instead of in the Summer then I have to give candy to a bunch of kids I don't know,"

"Lighten up Washington there might be a hot single mom for you when you give candy out,"

"Don't get my hopes kid. Anyway, what are you doing for tonight,"

"Wendy and I are going to see this movie that a couple of people are playing on a projector in the Circle park,"

"Hm, so this a date then?"

Danny blushes "no we are just hanging out that all Washington,"

"Sure it is Danny just tell me when you two have a private moment," Washington laughs, and Danny as checks are deep red.

Then the doorbell ring Washington goes to with carrying the bowl full of candy in one hand Washington opens the door and see who on the other side.

"Danny Wendy is here," said Washington

Danny goes to the front door to see Wendy in here werewolf custom Wendy wore a bloody black shoes, a black, and orange flannel shirt and tight black pants that both looked torn, Wendy had orange fur around her custom, and she wore orange werewolf ears and tail she looked like a person turning into a werewolf.

"Woah, Wendy your costume looked great," said Danny

"So does your Danny but I don't we can be friends seeing how Vampires and Werewolves don't like each other," said Wendy

"But I think can make a friendship out of it put aside the hatred of two species do you agree,"

"I agree with that,"

"See you later, Washington," Danny and Wendy leave Danny home.

"Danny, you better get back here before one!" Washington shouted as he sees a group of ten-year-old girl dress Disney princess custom "here comes the little devils," Washington said to himself

Danny and Wendy go to Circle park to watch a movie called "Supervamp" the film is about a vampire dress in a superhero outfit killing his bullies from high school after the movie was Danny and Wendy got nothing else to do for the night.

"So what else you want to do Danny?" said Wendy

"I don't know Wendy how about we go trick and treating?" said Danny

"Nah we're too old for that," then Wendy phone buzzed she pulls out to find a text message, and she smiles, "I think I found something we can do,"

"That would be?"

"A got a text message about a party that is happening at this guy Marcus house from Pacifica we should definitely go,"

"I'll go, it would be nice to go to a party with everyone not coming up to me for every second of a party,"

"To Marcus house,"

Danny and Wendy go to Marcus house, which is a tan two-story house the party is raging on with the music blasting out from every corner of the house. Wendy and Danny walk into the house to see teenagers their age still dress in customs as well the party had strobe lights, a bucket full of candy, a two cooler filled with soft drinks and beer, and DJ set in the living room. Danny and Wendy get into the party they dance to the music, eating candy from the bowl, watch two jocks dress in gladiator customs play beer pong, and play Mortal Kombat upstairs in the game room. Later at the party, Wendy had to go outside of the party to talk to a friend on the phone and Danny sits on couch drinking sprite then he sees Pacifica dress up as the wicked witch from the west with the black witch clothes and green makeup on her face and hands she sits down next to Danny.

"Hey River enjoying the party?" said Pacifica

"Yes, I am this is the best party I have been to in a while,"

"That's good since not every town does Halloween twice a year,"

"Yeah, you guys love Halloween that much to do it twice a year,"

"Well, we do live in this weird little town,"

"Weird and awesome at the same time,"

Pacifica laughs at Danny last comment "River I gotta ask you since your a guy,"

"Shoot,"

"How do guys act when they like a girl,"

"Pacifica do you have a crush on someone?" Danny could tell Pacifica blush even under the green makeup

"Don't tell anyone River but yes I do like this dork how come visit Gravity falls in the summer I'm trying to tell him that I like-like him I wonder if he likes me back,"

Pacifica reminds Danny how Sam feels about Danny back where they were fourteen so Danny uses it to tell Pacifica "if the guy tries to impress you or could not stop thinking about you without blushing then he likes you, Pacifica,"

Pacifica smile bright "thanks for the advice River,"

"No problem Pacifica,"

At the backyard, Wendy is talking to an old friend on the phone whom she wishes was she and her twin brother was here to hang out with Danny.

"Mable hows you and Dipper road trip?" said Wendy

"It's wild! Wendy, we had to outrun crazy bikers, our dad rode a bull, Dipper learned to play the bass, I beat a Germany guy at foosball to get our car back and our mom knockout a bear with a cricket bat,"

"Heh, it seems you guys always run into a new adventure everywhere you guys go,"

"Must be in our DNA anyway enough about me what you Wendy how is it going in Gravity falls,"

"It's going great actual meant this cool guy his name is River,"

"Really! What is he like?"

"He's fun to hang out with he funny and.."

"It sounds like in love with him Wendy," Mable interrupts

Wendy blushes "No I'm not Mable we are just friends,"

"It does not sound like it to me, Wendy... Oh crap! I gotta go, Wendy, my dad is freaking out about something about the car, and also I can't wait to see your new boyfriend," Mable hangs up.

"Oh boy just wait until they find out that River is actual Danny Fenton/Phantom when he gets out of Witness protection," Wendy thought then suddenly feel worried about Danny leaving Gravity falls "why do I feel that way if Danny leaves?"

"Hey, Wendy,"

Wendy turns around to see Danny holding a cola for her Danny's hands the soda to Wendy.

"What's on your mind, Wendy?"

"It's just that well" Wendy sits down on the back step "I wondering if we could still be friends if you leave Gravity falls after your done with Witness protection,"

"Of course we still friend Wendy,"

"Really what about all your ghost business back in Amity park?"

"I can find a way to come here and hang out with you if it wasn't for you Wendy I would be totally bored and alone here,"

Wendy smile "I hope we can still be friends after the summer,"

Danny ghost sense comes out of nowhere; Logan comes out of the ground he snatches Wendy from the doorstep and flies her in the air Danny quickly turn into his ghost form and then become invisible and chase after Logan.

In the air, Wendy struggles to get out of Logan grip "let go of me you ugly ghost,"

"Ugly I'm Logan Hall I was voted sexy men two years running,"

"I don't care put me down," Wendy hits him in the head not affecting him.

"Settle down I'll let go once I take down that ghost boy," Logan looked behind him to see an invisible Danny "and speaking of which,"

Down below at the Mystery Shack Stan was about to scare a bunch kids in a clown mask when he looks up to see Wendy trying to get out Logan grip "Bro we got emergency," Said Stan going back inside

Danny and Logan fly all over in the sky Danny almost grabbed Wendy from Logan before Logan shot a bright light blinding Danny as he only grabbed a torn fabric from Wendy costume then Logan sucker punch Danny. After Danny could see again, he lost Logan and Wendy,"

"Shit how I am going to find them now," Danny looked at the torn fabric and came up with an idea.

Later down the ground in the forest, Danny has the Fenton thermos with one hand, and the other is Cujo on a leash.

Danny bends down and holds the fabric up to Cujo nose "okay boy help me find Wendy," Cujo sniffs the material he runs to the scent of Wendy Danny hold the leash tightly "Hang on Wendy we're coming,"

#Danny Phantom #gravity falls #gravityfalls wendy #OC

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andrewmoocow · 5 years

Text

Fooly Falls 2 Ride on Shooting Star chapter 2: Return of the Vespa Woman (originally posted on February 23, 2019)

AN: Sorry for the long wait my beloved audience, had some computer problems that needed fixing. While that was going on, I had already started work on the forthcoming third chapter titled "Beach Episodes for the Win!" so maybe expect that to come out sometime in March. But for now, let us finally return to the lives of Gwen & Tyrone Pines with our latest chapter. WKH VWRUB RI WKUHH NLGV DQG WKHLU IULHQGV' VXPPHU WKH OXVW D ELNHU KDV IRU D VSDFH JRG KHU RWKHU KDOI ZKRP VKH FRQVLGHUV D EXPPHU WKLV LV WKH PRPHQW HYHUBWKLQJ EHFRPHV RGG

Gwen slowly opened her eyes and discovered that she was in the middle of a field under a bright sun and blue sky, almost like she was in a storybook. "Where am I?" she wondered rubbing her furry head. 'Wait, fur?' she thought looking at her hand, or rather her paw before gazing at her reflection in a puddle. Somehow, she had been turned into a Calico kitten with her beanie cap and red flannel jacket still on, leading her to believe this was all a dream. "Turned into a cat. Can this get any weirder?" "There you are you lazy bum!" she heard her brother bark. Turning around, she found a dog that pretty much looked exactly like Tyrone, quasar T-shirt, fluffy hair, inexplicable bandage on his face and all. "I've been wondering where you were! Come on, the picnic's already underway!" "Picnic?" Gwen pondered before Tyrone dragged her away by the tail. She gazed upon the cartoon-like flora before the twins reached a beautiful park at the end of the field inhabited by animal versions of their family & friends, and then some. "Top of the morning to you children." a pink-scaled chameleon leaning on a yellow scooter greeted them. "Good day to you too miss." Tyrone replied before a group of four penguins led them to their loved ones. However unknown to them, the chameleon's benign expression turned into an evil grin. "Your family awaits children." one of the penguins stated politely gesturing to the Pines, who were also now animals. Dipper & Mabel were also dogs, Wendy was a cat, Pacifica as a pony with Arnold as a mouse on her back, Stan as a gorilla still in his wheelchair and Ford as an armadillo. "So glad you could make it you two." Dipper said tenderly licking their faces. "Yep, you're in for one jolly holiday!" Mabel cheerfully added. Just then, the penguins gathered together and performed a big dance number for everyone, to their applause. "Gotta love those penguins dude!" a bear version of Soos commented. Behind him were Melody as a kangaroo with Abby in her pouch, Ian as an elephant, Leia as a mongoose, Juan & Jorge as capybaras and Imelda as a mole. "My personal fave has to be Rico!" "Yep, nothing can spoil today now!" Stan exclaimed, but however he spoke too soon when the chameleon from earlier wheeled up behind the Pines on her scooter. "Someone's right behind me ready to spoil today, isn't there?" The others nodded before the chameleon stated "Flattery will get you nowhere." and she pulled out a sapphire-colored banjo to play. "Been quite a long while, hasn't it you filthy snake?!" Stan snarled getting up from his wheelchair to beat his chest. "Oh, my body!" "Of course it has Fezhead! Or I guess I should call you Spinster now since it has been twenty years." the chameleon remarked. "How old are you now, 78? 79?" "Seventy-nine, and still young enough to get back at you for what you've done to my family!" Stan shouted preparing for a fight, but the chameleon stopped him. "No no no, not a fight. Why don't we face off in something a bit more suitable for this opening segment?" "Like what?" Ford asked, fearing what's to come. "LIKE BASKETBALL!" the chameleon shouted tearing off her clothes to reveal a red and black uniform before the park turned into a big stadium; complete with a scoreboard, an audience of cheering fans, the works. "Greetings sports fans, I'm your lovable host here with what is sure to be a pulse-pounding match!" the leading penguin announced serving as commentator. "On one side of the court, we got our beloved Gravity Falls Gnomes!" The team, led by Stan and consisting of Gwen, Tyrone, Dipper, Mabel, Ford & Arnold were on one side of the court as they waved to the audience. "And on the other side is the return of the equally celebrated Forest Freaks led by Haruko Haruhara!" the second much taller penguin declared causing fans to roar even louder. "I did not consent to this!" Ian, as a member of the Forest Freaks alongside Leia, Juan, Jorge, Imelda and Haruko as captain, screamed amongst the cheering. "Now fans, it's time to come on and slam!" the smallest penguin announced in a high-pitched British accent which was followed by a fourth penguin shouting "KABOOM!" With that, the game finally began as much as the Gravity Falls Gnomes didn't want to. The Forest Freaks were absolutely clobbering them with over 9,000 points compared to their 1,006 despite only being ten seconds in. "What do we do now Stan?" Dipper asked getting tossed into a hoop alongside the ball, scoring the Forest Freaks another point. "The opposing team is just MURDERING us!" "I think I know how." Stan boldly stated beating his chest to signal Ford. "Sixer, bring me the secret stuff!" he commanded. "But Stanley, that would be cheating AND you would die!" the armadillo exclaimed before a mosquito with white hair and shades flew into view. "He's right Stanley, this could be a horrible idea!" "Outta they way you!" Haruko shouted swallowing the mosquito with her tongue. "Come on gramps, show me what you got!" she challenged while beginning to glow red. "Iiii'm waaaaaaiting!" "Give it to me now Ford!" Stan ordered holding out his large leathery hand. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you." Ford resigned handing his brother a water bottle labeled "Micheal's Secret Stuff", but with Michael hastily crossed out and replaced with Stan's name. Stan crushed the bottle in his gorilla hands and gulped down the water that spilled from it, causing him to grow larger & larger until he became a giant rampaging simian that wouldn't seem out of place with a lovely actress in his mitts. Haruko did the same as a result of swallowing the white-haired mosquito, only she turned into a gargantuan lizard that smelled of atomic energy. "Whoa, that's so awesome!" Tyrone cheered while the spectators ran for cover. "This cannot end well!" Ford added curling up into a ball and rolling away. The two foes roared at each other before Haruko breathed atomic fire that Stan tossed his fist at, causing a massive explosion to turn the colorful animal dreamworld into a greyscale wasteland. However, Gwen got back up after ducking away from the explosion to find the entire stadium reduced to nothing. Nothing except for the fallen gorilla corpse of her great-grunkle. "It was not the atomic explosion that took his life, 'twas beauty that killed the beast." one of the penguins mourned the demise of Stan as he and his three comrades revealed themselves to be alive. "What's going on?" Gwen cried as her horn began to act up again. "Is this another nightmare or maybe even a vision of what's to come?" "By my calculations, most likely the latter. Minus the basketball game." the tall penguin analyzed just as a rumbling sound was heard shaking the ground. The five discovered another large iron headed straight for them while the scarlet silhouette of a large bird flapped its wings above them. "Just like in my last nightmare." the Pines daughter muttered before the smallest of the penguins shoved her away. "Ms. Pines, it's been an honor." the four penguins solemnly stated with a salute before they were flattened by the iron. This is what caused Gwen to transform into her robot mode and take on the iron as the bird roared.

"Wake up sweetie!" Dipper cried shaking his slumbering daughter, now with a bandage on her forehead. "Should I find another horse head to scare her with?" Tyrone asked. "No, I don't want this to be a repeat of last time son." his father stated. "Big Tiny's son Medium went on a rampage that day." Just then, Gwen finally woke up and realized she was back to human form. "Tyrone, Daddy!" she exclaimed hugging her dad. "Thank goodness none of us are animals playing basketball that are killed by a nuclear explosion!" "Not even gonna ask." Dipper bluntly said sticking two unlit cigarettes labeled "Never knows best" in his mouth. "Maybe it's one of her nightmares!" Tyrone guessed just as they heard someone running a bath. "Who could that be?" "I'm standing right there." Wendy announced suddenly standing right behind her husband. "Wow, we didn't even need to mention you and yet here you are!" Dipper exclaimed. "But who else could be in the bathtub at this-oh no." "Oh no what dad?" Gwen asked before her father left the kids' bedroom. "Hold on a sec, I just realized who." he said marching down the upstairs hall to the bathroom and knocking on the door. "Can't a woman get some privacy?!" a familiar nasal voice shouted. "But then again, I on the other hand wouldn't mind." With a single groan, Dipper slammed open the door and his face turned an even brighter shade of red at the sight of Haruko Haruhara reclining in the bathtub while staring sensually at him. "Long time no see Takkun." "I thought we were past all that! You even called me Dipper when you first left!" the formerly young detective cried spitting out his cigarettes. "And why are you in my bathtub?!" "Just thought I needed one after my long trip back here. Care to join me?" Haruko proposed showing off her sudsy chest. "No thank you, but I still need to get ready anyway." Dipper declined squirting toothpaste on his toothbrush to begin his day before he was asked another question. "So, you finally swung the bat eh?" Dipper loudly spat out both his toothpaste and brush in response. "That again Haruko?!" he screamed slamming against the countertop of the sink. "Aw come on Dipper, I just wanted to say how happy I am that you found love!" the Vespa Woman clarified. "Though to be honest, I always thought you swung better with the blonde than Wendy." "Pacifica? Oh, she told Mabel that she swung the other way when we were all eighteen. The two of them adopted a son named Arnold." Dipper explained, which prompted Haruko to ask another question. "Oh yeah speaking of which, how's the rest of the fam doing?" "Wendy and I got married and are raising two beautiful children named Gwen & Tyrone." Haruko's former Takkun answered. "Gwen is a very smart and gentle girl but I wish weren't so distant from others. Maybe it's because of that hat she wears. And Tyrone is pretty much a younger version of both his aunt and mother, just a big ball of energy that can't be stopped." "And what of your grunkles?" the biker continued. "They've just gotten old and are still living at the Mystery Shack, though Stan is in a wheelchair being watched over by Soos and his family." the older Dipper added. "Which reminds me, I should really be getting there by now." "Let me take you, Vespa's out back." Haruko proposed beginning to get out of the tub. "Oh no, no no no!" Dipper cried fearing what to expect from her while her reflection looked on. "Do not do what I think you're going to do, especially since you're naked!" Pulling a shampoo hat from out of nowhere and placing it on Dipper's head, Haruko began fishing around his hair before she pulled another guitar out, just as large as the last one. "This is a 1967 model Mustang!" she gasped in awe. "MAMA LIKE!" "Heh, that's what she said." Dipper stammered woozily as he fell into a daze while Haruko departed, and her reflection stayed behind staring awkwardly. Minutes later, Wendy stepped in to find his unconscious body. "Dipper, some naked woman just ran out the bathroom with a Mustang!" she called. "You okay honey? Oh no! Tyrone, can you bring your mother the horse head?

"So tell me Miss, what's your name again?" Ford asked Jinyu in the kitchen as he lit up a cigarette. "Julia Jinyu. And I suppose you must be Stanford Pines, the man who wanted to change the world but instead fought the occult. Jinyu answered feeding Abby breakfast. "Interesting." Stanford responded writing on a notepad. "Now tell me, what's your business with running over my great-grandniece; apologizing for her still being alive, deciding to start working at the Mystery Shack and converting my old room into a living space for yourself?" "I simply came here on official business, preventing history from repeating itself by defending your family." the Bel-Air babe answered. "Wait just a sec," Ford muttered. "a guitarist runs over a young child with her vehicle and decides to move in with us as a maid. You wouldn't happen to know Haruko Haruhara, wouldn't you?" "Indeed I do. In fact-" Jinyu began before she was interrupted by Gwen, Tyrone & Wendy carrying a barely conscious Dipper into the kitchen. "F-Ford?" the father woozily called stabilizing himself on the table. "A-and you a-are?" "Remember children, beware the woman on the Ves-" Jinyu tried to warn the twins but was instead grabbed by the shoulder by a dazed Dipper. "Whatcha dooooin'?" he slurred sitting her back down. "Although it's nice you're sitting her down for my little survey, I think she was trying to warn them!" Ford exclaimed as Jinyu tried again while Gwen and Tyrone left for the gift shop. "Remember kids, the woman on the Vespa!"

Meanwhile in the shopping area of the Mystery Shack, it was business as usual. "You ever tried fasting until you're dead?" Juan asked while he, Jorge and Arnold sat around a coffee cup like a campfire. "Oh totally, didn't you remember when I went to the hospital for attempting that?!" Jorge answered. "Are you kidding?" Arnold shouted. "You could've really died!" "Don't be so milquetoast man, it's really uncool. Try and have some fun." Juan chided him. "Milquetoast, milquetoast! Toast doesn't taste good in mi-ilk!" the twins chanted pointing at him. "Quit it you guys! Maybe toast does taste good in milk!" Arnold whimpered before he ran out the door. "I'll prove it to all of you!" Just as Arnold left, Haruko suddenly barged in. "Hey everybody, it's your fave character!" she announced to the cheers of customers and a sitcom soundboard app on Juan's phone. "Works like a charm." An organ then started backing Haruko up as her clothes suddenly changed into priest attire and the spotlight shone on her. "The world you live in is now overflowing irresponsibly. No matter which direction you look, you'll see the world is full of those who defile other and their surroundings with selfish delusions!" she declared. "And I truly believe that this is solely the fault of the adults of this world and when I say that, I unfortunately include myself among them. I am so sorry. I cannot think like I used to! I can no longer continue. Puupipi." "Morning everyone!" Mabel greeted stepping into the room and noticing the sermon taking place. "Uh, did I run into the community center because their cult meetings are every Wednesday. Though thankfully no one's being sacrificed." "Even if I try to think what's best for this planet, I think about the mold I haven't noticed before or the hair that grows out of it!" the Vespa preacher continued. "I can't help but think about these things. World, universe. To be honest, I don't care! Because it's not actually my fault! Puupupu." The audience tearfully exchanged that last word with Haruko a few times before running up to embrace her while the kids looked on. "What is up with her?" Tyrone wondered. "Yeah, I mean no one would be that ridiculous to mention moles & hair in a speech about how idiotic the world is!" Jorge added drinking a bottle of sriracha sauce. "They'd be a complete nutcase!" "There there, you're all good." Haruko soothed the crowd. "Hey I got an idea, why don't we have a Disney-style musical number to cheer y'all up?!" "Can we sing Step in Time?!" Tyrone asked excitedly. "Sure, whatever you want sport." the Vespa Woman beamed putting on the music and clapping along. "Step in time, step in time! Come on mateys, step in time!" "Step in time! Step in time, step in time!" the chorus obeyed forming a kickline. "Step in time, step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme! All you gotta do is step in time!" "Link your elbows!" Tyrone cheered joining in on the number. "Link your elbows, step in time!” the backup replied while Mabel joined them. "Link your elbows, step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme! Link your elbows and step in time!" "What's going on?" Ian asked when he, Leia and their parents stepped into the room. "What's going on, step in time! What's going on, step in time!" the kickline exclaimed switching to a conga line. "Sounds like a party! Wait for me you guys!" Leia cried joining the dancers. "Wait for me, step in time! Wait for me, step in time!" "Sorry that I have to leave so soon, but I need to check out what's going on!" Dipper called stepping out the living area to find a musical number taking place, with Haruko leading the conga line wearing a sombrero & shaking maracas while Tyrone, Mabel, Leia, Juan, Jorge and Soos were among the line. "Why are we singing?" "Why are we singing, step in time! Why are we singing, step in time!" the singers repeated his question before they turned from a conga line to a riverdance just as Stan came wheeling in, which made Dipper say "Good morning Grunkle Stan!" "Good morning Grunkle Stan, step in time! Good morning Grunkle Stan, step in time!" the dance company repeated which prompted Stan to shout "What's all this?!" in shock. "What's all this, what's all this, what's all this!" "No, I'm being serious! Stop singing everything I say!" Stan added getting more frustrated. "Everything I say, step in-" Suddenly the elderly con-man whipped out a rifle and started opening fire, making everyone run around panicking. "Now whoever says step in time again is gonna have to pay the price!" the crippled grunkle threatened. "I'm not gonna point any fingers here, but I am pointing this at your fingers. And trust me when I say, you're gonna miss the middle one!" The dancers dispersed and most of them ran out of the hovel in a single file line while Stan angrily waved his firearm around. "That's right, keep running! And stay out!" he shouted slamming the door. "Can't believe that woman, she forced me to chase off potential customers." "Fezhead, it's been ages!" Haruko shouted happily. "Hey, did you gain weight, is that a new fez? Very snazzy on you!" Stan on the other hand just smacked her in the face hard with his tennis ball cane and sent her flying into the wall with a bloody face and some teeth missing. "What's up with that? Is that the way to treat an old friend?" "Old friends don't sacrifice family members to get it on with giant birds!" Stan screamed as loud as his geriatric vocal chords could take it. "There was this one time when Ford and I were forced to eat dead birds! AND THEIR GENITALS DIDN'T TASTE ANY GOOD!" "Hey chill out you two!" Mabel ordered trying to be a mediator between the great uncle and the bassist. "Now, I know Haruko may be a complete maniac that nearly killed us all, but let's focus on all her positive qualities and let bygones be bygones." "Yeah for example, I did give some important life lessons in my own bizarre fashion." Haruko added turning away from Stan with her hands behind her head and a satisfied grin on her face. "And she can be pretty reliable when the situation calls for it." Dipper agreed. "You can say that about her, right?" "Okay, I can give Raharu that." Stanley stated turning away as well, which sent chills down Haruko's spine. "H-h-how did you know?" she stuttered fearfully. "I overheard that other guitar lady say that regarding you, about how it could be your real name." the old man answered. "To be honest, I can relate to that." "Oh-ho my, look at the time! I gotta go...find a crate that'll take me to Abu Dhabi!" Haruko nervously fibbed before she jumped backwards out the window. However in the exact same amount of time, she jumped back inside in front of Gwen. "Hey Gwen, think you could find that Arnold kid? He left before I came in." She dove back out the window just as Jinyu stepped in. "That was her, the woman on the Vespa!" "You mean Haruko? Yeah, she's an absolute hellion but what's gotten you panicking?" Stan remarked. "Jinyu said she came here to defend us Stanley, and I think this is what she was talking about." Ford explained. "Why don't we take things somewhere more private?" "That sounds reasonable." Jinyu replied. "But what about the children?" she asked bringing up the twins. "Don't worry Jinyu, they're in good hands." Stan assured her. "Just as long as a certain someone doesn't creep on them." When the door shut, the kids were left alone in the gift shop with Wendy, Pacifica, Soos and Melody. "So any idea on where Arnold went?" Tyrone asked. "Well sometimes I see him walk to that new Little Asia place they've been building lately." Ian answered. "You know the one. They have food vendors, a karaoke bar, hot spring, basically all the stereotypical Asian tourist stuff." "And Professor Chiu is a pretty big part in helping create it!" Leia added excitedly. "Plus her dreamboat of a son Ezra!" "Does this mean we're going on a trip?" Tyrone chirped. "Woo, going Japanese baby!" Juan cheered. "And let's not try to be insensitive unlike last time." Jorge added. "I can still see the sumo yakuza crushing me between their stomachs when I close my eyes." "Great, I'll get my truck around and we can head off!" Wendy stated. "Hey Dipper, we're going to Little Asia! Do you and the others wanna come with?" "Can't right now honey, but we'll catch up with you!" Dipper replied walking downstairs with his sister, great-uncles and Jinyu into Ford's old room that the maid turned into her own. "All right Jinyu, we need to talk." "Yeah, we wants answers!" Mabel said shining a light in Jinyu's face. "While I wouldn't get them out of her like that," Ford replied pushing the light away. "there are some questions that need answering. Namely, where did you come from? What is your connection to Haruko? Why is her hair suddenly orange now?" "Me and Raharu? Okay then." Jinyu answered without missing a beat. "She and I are indeed related.”

The trip to Little Asia didn't take very long, but it did give Gwen time to think about her horn and her father's history with that woman before she spotted the robot that attacked her, Tyrone and Arnold now working as a crossing guard who gave the girl a friendly wave. "We're finally here!" Tyrone cheered when they finally reached Gravity Falls' newest tourism hotspot. Like it's namesake continent, there were brightly-colored signs, food stands all around and various places to hang out like a karaoke club at the center of it all. "Come on everyone, say it with me!" Juan shouted raising his hands like he just doesn't care; and he, Jorge and Tyrone cried "BANZAI!" before tilting to one side. "Let's net get too excited." Gwen stated hopping down from the logging truck. "We still need to find Arnold." "Hey, I can see Ezra and his mom over there!" Leia said pointing to Ezra Chiu, a skinny young man with short black hair wearing a white button-up shirt and glasses speaking with his mother Candy about additional plans for Little Asia. Suddenly Ezra noticed the kids and grimaced. "Oh, hello children." "What up hotstuff?" Leia flirtatiously greeted Ezra, to his displeasure. "I swear to God Leia, if you ask me out on another beach date and wear something insanely revealing again, I'm filing a restraining order!" Ezra complained before his mother put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Be nice my boy, they're family friends." "Affirmed mother." Candy's son groaned in defeat. "So what brings you to Little Asia everyone?" he asked with a fake smile. "We're looking for my cousin Arnold and it's been said he comes here a lot." Gwen answered. "Do you know where?" "Oh yes, he works as a waiter at the Bloated Dragon karaoke club." Ezra explained thumbing to that very building marked with a neon sign depicting an overstuffed dragon. "Though you should definitely watch your step in there since that's the favorite hangout for-" "The sumo yakuza, we know!" Jorge interrupted shivering in fear and trying to take his mind off that terrifying event. "Hey look, takoyaki!" he exclaimed pointing to a food truck manned by a familiar girl. "Sold by that cultist girl from earlier!" "What up kids, what poison would you like to pick today?" Haruko offered flaunting her goods in a pair of shorts and a crop top covered by an apron with her hair in pigtails. "And hello there there handsome!" "Hey, I called dibs you culinary transport wench!" Leia shouted shielding Ezra from the biker's advances. "Give me everything you've got!" Tyrone exclaimed slamming a wad of hundred dollar bills on the counter. "Oh-ho, someone's a big spender." Haruko chortled handing the boy all her stock. "Enjoy your street food, pyon!" "You do realize they literally have octopuses in them, right?" Juan asked before he got a takoyaki stuffed into his mouth. "Hey, these ain't half bad!"

While they continued searching for Arnold, the Pines and Ramirez families were given a tour of Little Asia by Candy & Ezra, seeing all the sights, eating the food and buying souvenirs. "What do you think, is it your color?" Pacifica asked her niece while she modeled a pink yukata with crescent moon patterns. "It's okay if you don't like it, there's this other Prussian blue one that's got sunflowers on them." "No, it's fine." Gwen muttered before Jorge kicked down a door with his new pair of geta. "Check out my rockin' new sandals!" he announced. "Definitely leagues more comfy than those old clogs!" Meanwhile Ezra rested in the hot springs, letting all his troubles waft away with the steam. That is, except for one trouble when Leia sat down beside him in the buff. "This is the life, eh Ez?" "Uh, shouldn't you have a towel on?" Ezra yipped in surprise at his admirer relaxing naked next to him. "I mean, it doesn't matter but it's still good manners!" "Aw come on honey, I'm an attractive girl with an attractive boy, both naked together." Leia stated before the half-Korean teen interrupted her. "If you're implying what I think you're implying, then no!" he shouted. "Can't we just hang out like normal teenagers without you advancing on me?" "Yeah, maybe you're right." the eldest Ramirez daughter realized. "Why don't we be just friends for a bit, if that makes you happy?" she offered. "That would be so much better." Ezra agreed. In the shopping district of Little Asia, Ian walked Abby out of a store with a straw hat on her head. "I don't know how many dollars is 5,000 yen, but I'm pretty sure I gave up a good portion of my college fund to get you that hat." he remarked. "That's okay big brother, because I got something for you too!" Abby revealed presenting her brother with a kabuki mask. "Hey, that's awesome! Thanks Abby!" "How have you not passed out from the amount of food you've eaten yet?!" Juan cried dragging an exhausted Tyrone by the arm while the other boy clutched his stomach with the other. "I won't give up just yet!" Tyrone declared raising a finger to the air before he started getting dizzy and fell down. "Okay, now I give up." "That reminds me, why haven't we given up on finding Arnold yet?" Imelda asked putting her hands on her hips. "Everyone seems more concerned about Little Asia itself than looking for him." "You do realize that we're now right in front of that Bloated Dragon place Ezra mentioned, right?" Juan pointed out gesturing to the marquee of the club. "I think Arnold works there." "Yeah, let's go inside and see!" Tyrone woozily said while getting up. "Are we finally going in there?" Gwen asked walking up to them in her pink moon yukata. "Yeah! And your new bathrobe looks nice." her brother answered complimenting her attire while opening the door.

"But through it all, when there was doubt!" a man with long black hair passionately sang My Way in a duet with another mustached man wearing glasses. "I ate it up, and spit it out!" the other man added just as loud. "The record shows, I took the blows!" the duo finished their number while the crowd cheered. "AND DID IT MY WAY!" "Thank you Curtis and Greg for that beautiful rendition of a Frank Sinatra classic!" the MC announced as the two men left the stage. "Now if anyone else would like to make a request, the suggestion box is open for all guests of the Bloated Dragon!" The Bloated Dragon itself looked very lively, filled with residents of Gravity Falls and tourists flooding the establishment. Off to the side was the bar where a dandy looking gentleman tended to it. "If you find any very rotund people in suit jackets, be sue to keep your eyes off them at all times." Jorge cautioned Gwen & Tyrone while making sure they did not grab the attention of the three sumo yakuza. One had blonde hair, blue sumo briefs and a white jacket. The second was Asian with red briefs and a grey jacket. The third one had dark skin with black briefs and a matching jacket. "Joseph Ramirez!" the Asian sumo yakuza yelled slapping his palm on the table. "You still owe us a great amount of chocolatey water as recompense for insulting our posteriors!" "Wait, did you call their-" Tyrone wondered before he was cut off. "You two just sit at the bar while I settle things." he informed the twins as he stepped away from them. "Konichiwa my friends! How's it going tonight?" "Good day to you children. What shall you have?" the effeminate bartender asked pouring a few drinks. "We'll have two iced teas sir." Gwen quietly ordered. "And I'll take mine in a dirty glass!" Tyrone added to the admiration of the barkeep. "Oh-ho my, someone's playing tough!" "I'm not playing tough, I am tough!" Tyrone shouted squinting one eye and spitting into a bucket. "Aw, you're just precious sonny." the mixologist said patting the boy on the head before serving the kids their iced teas. "Here's your tea children. Drink up now!" "Why does he think I'm not tough? I remember when I tried to go all Schwarzenegger on that robot that tried to kill us and Arnold!" Tyrone complained sipping his tea. "Maybe it's because deep down, you're only acting that way to seem mature in front of others while not wanting to grow up." a biker sitting next to them fiddling with a bowl of mixed nuts answered. "Tarot Turner, at your service." "Is that like a stagename or something?" Tyrone asked shaking Turner's hand. "Indeed it is. My real name is Timothy." Turner stated. "If my name didn't tell you yet, I'm a fortune teller. With a literal grasp of my client's hand, I can get a whole lotta info on them!" "What kind of info?" Gwen asked finishing her iced tea. "Let me show you." Tarot answered taking the girl's hand, and with a small glint in his eyes began listing off various things about her. "Your name is Gwendolyn Kristen Pines, age 12, birthdate February 21, 2020. Your birthstone is amethyst and star sign Pisces. Despite your emotionless exterior, deep down lies an intelligent, loving young woman. You have a Little Dipper birthmark on your forehead similar to your father, who's own birthmark is the Big Dipper. You were only ten years old when you had your first p-" "Hey, she wanted you to show her what you've got; not be a total creep!" Tyrone shouted defensively. "Don't get so wound up, it's normal for girls. If you were one, you'd understand better." Turner commented. "Speaking of which..." He took Tyrone's hand and began listing his information. "Your name is Tyrone Filbrick Pines, age 9, birthdate June 23, 2023. Your birthstone is pearl and star sign Cancer. You are an energetic lad who will not hesitate to protect his loved ones. A lover of the great outdoors with a natural talent for knitting inherited from your paternal aunt." "What do those say about us mister?" Gwen asked as Turner let go of Tyrone's hand. "Well here's something I found within the both of you, the fear of getting older." Tarot stated. "Now before you ask what children your age wouldn't; let me explain further, especially to you Gwen. You have recurring nightmares of losing everyone from your friends to your family and eventually yourself." "Yeah, she kinda thinks too far into the future a lot." Tyrone replied. "That is very good to know children." Turner responded. "And speaking of the future, CAN SOMEBODY TURN OFF THAT BITCH OF A PRESIDENT?!" he suddenly screamed at the television above them where President Maki Kitaki was making a flowery yet harsh speech. "SERIOUSLY, POLITICS ARE CORRUPT ENOUGH BUT DO WE NEED AN OLD HAG LIKE HER RUNNING THINGS?!" "I got it!" Tyrone chirped throwing his dirty glass at the television, causing the screen to break and fall to the ground. "He said turn it off, but breaking it works too." the bartender quipped. "Oy vey. Just when the giant carrot finally got chopped, we get a shriveled up prune to replace him." "Rumor has it Senator Gideon is plotting to impeach her and become prez when the time comes." Turner declared with a confident grin. "Hey I hate to be rude, but what's all these political jokes got to do with our futures?" Tyrone replied curiously just as a door beside the countertop opened, and Arnold stepped out with a plate of wineglasses in his hands. "Oh hey, there's Arnold!" "Here-here are your drinks sirs." Arnold whimpered serving the wines. The three criminals glared at their orders before the Asian sumo took his glass. Mere moments after taking a sip, he loudly spat the beverage in the boy's face. "This is not what I ordered! For this great dishonor to our organization, you shall suffer our girth!" "No Tubby-dono, yamate!" Arnold cried in fear while the black-clad sumo picked him up by the arms and Tubby unbuttoned his jacket to reveal a large imprint shaped like Jorge on his wide stomach. "Please have mercy on the guy my friends!" Jorge begged. "Let me take his place! I've already survived that belly, I can do it again!" "You stay outta this man!" the blonde sumo ordered preparing to crush Arnold. "Is everyone just going to stand and watch?" Tyrone shouted ready to defend his cousin when he was stopped by the barkeep. "I'm sorry young man, but this is a regular occurrence with the sumo yakuza here." he said. "But thankfully no one's died of suffocation! Yet." Gwen however just stood & watched as Arnold was tortured by the obese gangsters and began having visions of her cousin falling victim to the atomic explosion from her nightmare. Her beanie began trembling as she dropped to her knees moaning in agony. "Gwen!" Tyrone exclaimed concernedly. "I see something is wrong with your sister!" Turner added just as worried for the girl. "Is there a doctor in the house?!" he called out for a doctor as one rose up from his table to declare "I am not a doctor!" "Well, we tried." the barman said with a shrug. Gwen continued screaming before her expression turned from pain to rage at the yakuza. "Leave him alone!" she screamed at the two sumo crushing him between their bellies. "Look at her. For a girl so little, she seems so strong." Tubby remarked dropping the boy while he and his compatriot bowed in respect. "May good fortune be unto you." "This is much like what I said about your brother!" Tarot exclaimed. "Deep down, you care for your family and fear losing them as you get older!" "Y-you saved my life." Arnold stuttered in amazement. "T-thank you so much!" He burst into tears hugging Gwen, who then collapsed in his arms. "OMG, are you okay?!" "Don't fret kid. Just get her changed into regular clothes, put her behind the counter and call your families." Tarot advised helping the girl up.

"We came as fast as we could!" Leia shouted barging into the Bloated Dragon with Ezra, her siblings and the parents behind her. "I had to give up some bonding with Ezra not involving me crushing on him for this!" "It's all right milady, your friend is currently being tended to behind the bar." the barman stated tossing out an old ice pack in favor of a new one. "Would you be willing to assist?" "You'll be okay Gwen, just lie down and rest." Tarot soothed Gwen who lied down with the biker's jacket over her like a blanket. When she finally woke up, she moaned for a bit before seeing Tyrone & Arnold happy that she was awake. "Guys? What happened?" "You fell down after standing up to those two sumo guys while your hat was being all weird again!" Tyrone explained helping her up. "Yeah, it was really awesome how you stood up for me there, even if you didn't realize it." Arnold added. "Just goes to show how inseparable we are." "Yeah, we're an invincible trio!" Tyrone cheered victoriously pumping his fists in the air while Arnold smiled & laughed and Gwen just grinned. "AAAAND CUT!" a familiar voice exclaimed ruining the pleasant feel-good mood. Suddenly the spotlights over the stage shone on Haruko, now speaking into a rolled-up magazine like a movie director. "That was just perfect! Tres bien, bravah, truly Oscar-worthy!" "She with you?" the bartender asked. "Unfortunately yes." Ian replied. "Everyone take five! We'll start on the next scene in a bit!" the Vespa Woman directed tossing the magazine away to use the bathroom. Juan and Jorge immediately ran up and started pounding the door. "Hey, open up!" Juan shouted. "We know you're still in there! Come on bro, assume the Z-pose!" The brothers shaped their arms in the image of the letter Z at the door before Haruko exited. "Can't a girl go to the bathroom in peace?" she mused amusedly. "Let me guess, is this how far that stupid T-pose has come? I bet you're gonna rewind to A and go all the way to S." "Just tell us Raharu, or Haruko or whatever you call yourself!" Pacifica shouted while her face turned red in irritation. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" "Hm, tough number. But would a rap number suffice?" Haruko answered dropping a suggestion into the box to drop some beats. "Wait, what?" said a confused Tarot while the biker took the mic. "You got no dreams of your own, so you help your friends with theirs, yo." Haruko began rapping. "Uh, you say you're helping, who is it that gains, huh? Is it your girl or a personal companion?" "What does this song about the dreams of your friends have to do with this?" Soos inquired. "Let's get scratchin'!" a DJ shouted playing his turntable. "You got no life plans, say you got no dreams! So you help your friend with nosy schemes!" the woman on the Vespa continued. "Your ego's just playing, that's what I'm saying! You're like a toaster, useful as a poster! Can't find the one thing that matters the mosta!" "Would any of you like me to take your hands and read fortunes tonight while this is going on?" Tarot offered extending his fingerless gloved hand. "Sure, I got nothing better to do." Ian accepted. "Besides, this has been a day full of musical numbers that'll probably never be spoken of again." "It's a night to go dancing girl! Yeah that's right, I mean fighting girl!" Raharu declared continuing her inexplicable song. "That's the trend, I got no HQ and I got no friends. Beating up the robots like laying ten. Alone in this battle and I see no end!" The music began to reach its climax. "Communication is nothing girl! And transmission is nothing girl! I'm afraid of the big man girl. COME ON, FREESTY-" Suddenly she was interrupted by Jinyu and the Pines crashing through the club's roof on her Bel-Air, now turned into a giant robot. "I finally found you!" the maid declared glaring at Haruko. "Yeah, the jig is up Raharu! Now let the kids go!" Stan added fiercely. "Wait, is that you Tubby? How's Jackson doing?" "Father is still serving in prison." Tubby answered preparing to leave. "Well tell him I said hi and that he can burn in Hell when it's time to visit!" the old man called to the sumo as his gang departed. "And as for you!" "Daddy!" Tyrone shouted rushing to his father with Gwen behind him. "Kids, I'm so glad she hasn't hurt you yet!" Dipper weeped with joy hugging his children. "It's okay Dad," Gwen said. "she just sang a rap song that barely had anything to do with our situation." "Mommy!" Arnold bawled rushing into Mabel's arms. "I nearly got killed by gangsters and Gwen became really unwell!" he cried to his mother. "It's alright little guy, I'm here." Mabel soothed her nervous son. "I'm here." "Pardon me for being rude, but what the hell is going on here?" the bartender asked. "Like, was this lady with the guitar here the entire time and why did this weaponized Chevrolet crash through my roof?!" "Looks like you're in need of some required reading." the orange-haired guitarist stated dropping a copy of the entire previous Fooly Falls and the previous chapter of this sequel before the barman. "How charming, a little biography." he remarked beginning to read. "His eyebrows taste like what now?!" "Now simmer down everyone. I'm sure there's a way we can resolve this without anyone getting harmed." Tarot stated getting between the two women. "That reminds me." He took Arnold's hand and began reading him. "Your name is Arnold Walter Pines; age 10, birthdate May 25, 2022. Your birthstone is emerald and star sign Gemini. Your anxiety, nervousness and worrying for others are often the first traits that come to mind when talked about. However, you are very quick-witted, compassionate and willing to help others when there's no other options." "It worked like a charm on all of us too." Juan stated. "Hey Ian, do you think me, Jorge and Leia act the way we do is because we're afraid to grow up?" "Now that you think about it, I think Imelda and I may be acting too old for our age." Ian answered. "But Abby's pretty okay compared to us, since she's only four." "Shut up and let's cut to the chase," Haruko interrupted everyone's conversations. "who are you?" "You can't pretend you don't know me, Haruha Raharu." Jinyu growled. "Rue the day I met you." the Vespa rider rolled her eyes. "You can rue all you want, but you can't escape me!" the maid continued, which prompted her rival to start looking like she was done with everything and muttered "Meter-maid Mary married manly Matthew Marcus." "Cause I know all this is an act!" Julia stated. "You need me, you're not a lone wolf!" "Loners are-" Haruko began but then stopped herself. "Oh wait, I lost the game." "This is no time for arguing you two! Just make peace with one another and, I don't know, chill on the beach in Tahiti? I hear it's a magical place!" Mabel suggested attempting to find harmony between the two women. "I see how it is." Jinyu said. "Then we'll just have to use force!" The arm of Jinyu's transforming car grabbed Gwen and held her hostage in front of her counterpart. "Huh, that's how you wanna do things?" Haruko sneered. "This is a matter between you and me!" Jinyu answered. "So don't lay a hand on her or her family!" "But it's fine for you to use a big robotic hand?" Haruko responded with a grin before Dipper stopped everything. "No, us Pines have known her for far longer Jinyu! Let me handle her and keep my daughter safe!" he commanded waving his hand around before summoning the very same Rickenbacker that he and Mabel were left with. "Remember this old thing?" "You still have it? Aw, you're such a sweetie-pie Takk-" Haruko cooed and was promptly greeted with a guitar to the head. "Oh I see!" she cried whipping out the Gibson EB-0 she left Gravity Falls with and the 1967 Model Mustang she pulled out of Dipper earlier. "Show me how far you've come big boy!" "All right, place your bets everyone!" the bartender announced setting up a betting ring while Dipper and Haruko took to the skies. "Who shall be tonight's victor: our mystery rapper, her apparent old friend with a Rickenbacker or the maid and her Cybertronian buddy?!" "Go get 'er Dipper!" Stan cried slapping a large wad of cash on the table as the patrons began cheering and the Pines watched with worry.

"Hafta say Pine Tree, you haven't changed a bit!" Haruko shouted wielding the twin guitars in combat against Dipper. The two of them hovered over Little Asia in their clash and their instruments collided. "Whatever happened to that double-necked one you left me with?" Dipper asked. "Spoilers squirt!" his fellow guitar wielder cried before she was met with a guitar head to the face and sent flying. "YAAAAAA-HOO-HOO-HOOOOOOEY!" "Quick, after them!" Ian commanded as Jinyu's Bel-Air followed the two throughout Little Asia. "Damn it all, where did they go?!" Ezra added in irritation before spotting Haruko flying backwards from being smacked in the face. Suddenly, they stopped in front of the food truck which was now run by a rather unlucky passerby. "I suppose you're another victim of hers?" "She forced me to run this place without my consent after bashing my head in with her bass!" the young man running the truck whimpered sticking a squirt gun on the counter. "Then this weird little water gun popped out before she said I wasn't good enough! And what's worse, this truck has nothing to sell!" he explained. "At least it's still better than being forced by my abusive father into piloting a giant robot powered by my mother's soul and getting horny around three hot chicks who don't care for my well-" "Yeah we don't care! Bye!" Stan shut the man up and cuing the car to keep driving. "Aw man. At least you still care about me, right random old man?" the reluctant food trucker asked the old man in the eyepatch. "Uh hey, earth to uh, can I call you Eyepatch?" "She's got tons of boundless energy like a shooting star!" Eyepatch commented in amazement. "Speaking of which, has that contact been found yet?" he asked the other man in the cap. "Yeah, he should be arriving soon." After KO'ing Haruko, Dipper took a moment to collect himself on a nearby rooftop. He panted harshly after such an equally harsh face-off and then smiled, knowing that hopefully his family would finally be safe from her. Until he saw a familiar twinkle of light in the distance followed by a certain girl surfing on one of her Mustangs in a bunny suit. "Oh goddamnit." "DAICON THIRTY-THREE!" Haruko screamed aiming her other guitar like a rocket launcher that she fired at her ex-Takkun. Fortunately for Dipper, it didn't hit him in the face. But rather, in his groin as he let out a high-pitched shriek and was sent blasting off the building. "S-she hit me in the dick." he squeaked in pain after landing on the ground while Jinyu's convertible rolled up beside him. "Why?! Why did she hit me in the dick?" "Oh quit your squealing kid and get back up there." Stan ordered as his great-nephew got up while clutching his unmentionables. "No, let him rest Mr. Pines." Jinyu stated taking up arms. "It's my turn." "Well, have it your way." Haruko snarked hovering above them before she spawned a leash to capture Arnold with and spun him around like a lasso. "LASER BEAM!" she cried tossing him at the back of the car, making it tip over and giving her a chance to hit it with her guitar. "You can't escape me!" The car fell to the ground causing Arnold to fly upward, screaming all the way. "Arnie!" Gwen called for her cousin. The two women went at it glowing red and blue respectively while clashing instruments. "Take this!" Haruko shouted coated with red energy while she fought Jinyu's blue aura. "Get her Jinyu!" Ford cheered the maid on. "You've become close to her just like Raharu and I were, haven't you?" Stan inquired. "Talk about history repeating itself, though thankfully she won't betray us for that Atomsk guy." "Okay, maybe I have Stan. But there's still more I want to know about her and Raharu!" Stanford answered. "Perhaps at some point I should hook them up to Project Mentem. Dipper and Ian have been helping me fix it up and make it a more basic memory reader." "You're going to make the same mistake again?! There's no light at the end of this tunnel, just give it up already!" Jinyu cautioned while the duo's guitar necks collided. "No way Jose!" Haruko responded pulling Arnold up by his leash and preparing to beat him. "The bases are all loaded! AND IT'S A LINE DRIVE!" A bulge emerged from Arnold's forehead, causing the robot that had menaced him last chapter to emerge while its meal it was having with Eyepatch was interrupted. "AAAAND PLAY BALL!" the Vespa Woman screamed sending the machine flying towards her rival. "Agh, but haven't you already been playing ball!?" Jinyu groaned in frustration blocking the robot jabbing its legs at her. "Come on! You know you're not going to reach him like this, don't you?!" Haruko just snickered before forcing the automaton to deal a nasty blow that sent Julia crashing into an abandoned part of Little Asia. Meanwhile her car sputtered to life and tossed Gwen into the driver's seat before preparing to take off. "Hey, wait for me!" Tyrone shouted dragging himself into the conflict by jumping the vehicle as it turned into a battleship complete with cannons everywhere. As soon as Haruko and the robot were in its line of sight, the Bel-Air began opening fire while doing a barrel roll, much to Gwen's fright and Tyrone's excitement. "THIS IS TOTALLY WICKED!" Tyrone screamed elatedly while the vehicle continued firing and chased Haruko throughout Gravity Falls's personal Chinatown. "What are you all doing?!" Ezra stamped his foot in fury at the damage being caused to the tourist attraction his mother helped work so hard on before Leia put a comforting hand on his back, causing him to blush. "Don't touch me like that you lovesick fool!" "You can't do this alone, you know you can't reach him without me!" Jinyu cried after hopping on the hood of her flying car. "No need to peepee in your panties!" Haruko jeered in response. "The reason you know this is because you and I are one!" Julia added, which lead to Haruko commanding the machine to form a drill that dashed toward the transforming car, and the latter machine gave it a hard punch. In the struggle however, the car was badly damaged as well and exploded into light. "KIDS!" Dipper and Wendy cried for their young. But just then, the light coming from the Bel-Air formed various floating needles that circled Haruko & Arnold. "One, ten, hundred, a thousand!" the Vespa Woman cackled arrogantly hitting the needles. "They call me the infamous Flaming Slugger!" As Arnold was unfortunately caught in the crossfire and electrocuted by the needles' laser beams, Jinyu backflipped to the kids still in her car. "Gwen, your family and I warned you and your friends not to get involved with that woman. She will only use you for her own benefit." she explained. "Worst case scenario, you could die." "Could die?" Gwen gasped turning to her brother. "Yeah, that could potentially happen." Tyrone commented while the twins watched Haruko. "And I don't think we'll go out being awesome like in all those Japanese shows or come back to life within a few days like in the comics." "Hey batter batter batter!" she chanted while Arnold continued crying out in pain from electric shock. "We gotta do something to save Arnie Gwen! I don't think being tossed around on a leash while being electrocuted is a manly way to die!" Tyrone began panicking but his older sister gave no reply. She continued to stare at the orange-haired woman continuing to torment Arnold while seeing images from her nightmare of the day and felt what seemed like an aneurysm. "Gwen?!" Jinyu & Tyrone said in unison as the girl's cap began glowing. She then finally screamed as the horn she kept hidden under a bandage on her forehead jutted out from the roof of the car. It could be seen from everywhere in Little Asia, even from a rental tuktuk that refused to work with Dipper & Mabel and their grunkles while they tried to race for the kids. "Come on you damned rental car, let us save our family!" Dipper groaned in anger before the sirens of Medical Mechanica sounded. "Uh, kids? Do you hear that?" Stan butted in. "Oh good grief, it's happening again!" Mabel exclaimed sticking her head out the window of the auto-rickshaw to see what was now happening. "No Gwen!" Jinyu cried as the horn of Dipper's daughter began pulling her through the roof and glowed a bright purple. Scrap metal from across the entire Roadkill County started floating off the ground and towards the girl. "No way, she overcame the enzyme inhibitor?!" the maid gasped. "Anemonemome-what now?" Tyrone asked clinging onto Jinyu's back. "Inhibition?" Haruko added just as confused while the metal poured into Gwen's horn and made an explosion that spread far above Little Asia. When the dust settled, there was a giant crater where Gwen once was and out of it came a tiny robot that looked just like her. "Huh? What-what-what is that, nyah?" Haruko meowed descending to the ground to examine the robot Gwen. While the woman watched it, the other Pines finally arrived in the tuktuk at the crater. "Gwen?!" Dipper panicked bursting from the rental vehicle to find Haruhara in front of a gynoid resembling her daughter. "What did you do to her Raharu?!" "Me? I didn't do nuttin'!" Raharu defended herself before the little machine touched her chest. "No touchy." Another explosion came, this one sending Haruko flying and everyone in complete awe. The robot stumbled over and flew to the woman with a singular muscular arm to punch her with. It then punched itself in the face, causing it to form into a blob that then formed Gwen with blood squirting out her head. "Gwen!?" Dipper and Jinyu exclaimed in concern for the girl while Haruko finally woke up. "What just happened?" she muttered falling headfirst to the ground. "Don't worry Arnold, I got ya!" Stan shouted trying to break his great-grandnephew's fall, but instead found his ex-partner in crime crashing onto his lap while Ford caught the boy. "AUGH, MY PELVIS!" "Gwen, Gwen?!" the maid muttered trying to wake the girl up. "Tyrone, Mom & Dad, Aunt Mabel, Arnold..." Gwen mumbled gazing at her family as they tried to help her cousin recover. Jinyu whistled, motioning for the needles to fuse into her car that she and Ford tossed the kids into before it turned into a makeshift hospital bed. "Don't worry, you'll recover in a few hours. You did a good job but-" "Hold it right there!" Haruko interrupted her other half with Stanley's tennis ball tipped walking stick in hand. "Now matter how you slice and dice it, those three are mine." Gwen began to wake up and found Arnold next to her while the rest of their friend circle racing to their side. "Holy rigatoni you guys, did you see what Gwen just did there?!" Jorge shouted excitedly. "I mean first all this metal came from across the county and it looked like she was gonna turn into a big Sentai robot, but then she turned into a little bot that looked just like her!" As Jorge continued babbling, Gwen weakly stared at the upside down Arnold. "You look terrible." he said laughing weakly. "You look terrible too." Gwen replied beginning to laugh as well. "We all look terrible!" Tyrone shouted getting between the two. "Well, I'm pretty okay but let's fix that." He tried to make himself look just as banged up as his relatives by rubbing some dirt on his face. "Much better." The three kids laughed in the Bel-Air while the others looked on. "Makes me long for the days when I was an innocent youth just like all of you." Ezra lamented longing for the good old days. "Well, time for me to find Mom and tell her what happened." he stated preparing to walk away before he turned to find Leia blowing him a kiss. "Neo salanghaneun babo." "Those three are really close, aren't they?" Haruko remarked gazing upon this touching scene alongside Dipper. "Thick as thieves ever since they were small." Dipper responded, which prompted him to ask her a question. "Speaking of which, why did you ever come back to us in your search for him?" he asked. "There are tons of other impressionable youths in the world for you to harass! In fact, don't you have a family of your own; what about your home planet?" The Pines father's inquiry managed to make Haruko surprisingly nervous for once as she turned away with a scowl and tears in her eyes. "Was there anyone you cared for that felt the same to you, ever?!" "Rick." Haruhara muttered under her breath clenching her fist. "What was that?" Dipper asked one more time which prompted Haruko to smack him in the face with the Mustang she pulled out of him. "That's none of your business you baka!" she screamed harshly mounting her Vespa. "You can keep that Mustang, now leave me alone!" She sped off in a huff while Mabel, Stan, Ford, Jinyu and the kids appeared behind him. "What's her problem?" Tyrone asked. "I don't know. I just asked if there was someone who ever loved her back and she just smashed my face." Dipper answered. "I don't think anyone ever has." "I can see why." Stan scoffed making Jinyu smack him on the head. "Can you be more sensitive Mr. Pines?" she scolded him. "What did Raharu say Dipper?" "I could barely hear her, but I think she mentioned someone named Rick." Dipper stated, which made Ford freeze up before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Oh for the love of God." the old scientist muttered frustrated. "Something the matter Ford?" Mabel asked her great uncle. "It's nothing everyone. I'll see you back at the Shack." Ford answered racing away from the others, the only thing he could hear from them was Tyrone explaining how he, Juan & Jorge were going to teach Arnold how to be a man. When he got far away from his family, Ford silently pulled a picture of himself with another elderly scientist with oddly grey skin, light blue hair with a matching colored unibrow and some strange fluid staining his lower lip out of his pocket. "Of course it would be you Sanchez." he sighed. "Maybe you're the reason why Raharu clicked so much with Stan in the past." "Something the matter sir?" the voice of a man in a suit with glasses and a stubble asked. "When did you get here?!" Ford stammered in shock. "About an hour ago." the man answered extending his hand. "Tsukata Kanda of the Department of Interstellar Immigration." "Stanford Filbrick Pines." Ford introduced himself and the two shook hands. "So, you know about Raharu as well?"

At last, chapter 2 is done! I may have had those bad computer problems earlier this month, but thankfully my dad passed down his old laptop to me and now I'm back in business! But before we all part, I'd like to just list off what Tarot Turner read about the Ramirez kids. Ian: Age 17, birthdate April 5, 2015. Birthstone: diamond, star sign: Cancer. A natural born leader who has a habit of being overly expressive, especially in his hands. Despite sometimes being impulsive and impatient, he remain a gentle soul and compassionate older brother. Leia: Age 15, birthdate July 13, 2017. Birthstone: ruby, star sign, Aries. She presents herself as a fun-loving, competitive girl but deep down, she possesses some self doubt on what she wants to do with her life. Juan & Jorge: Age 11, birthdate November 10, 2021. Birthstone: topaz, star sign: Scorpio. To say they love sticking out amongst the crowd would be saying something! They are fascinated by ridiculous outfits as they are by manliness, yet they believe they can never be true men themselves. Imelda: Age 7, birthdate January 7, 2025. Birthstone: garnet, star sign: Capricorn. Fussy and focused to a fault, Imelda sets up this image of a mature little girl but still internally wishes to act like a normal child. Abby: Age 4, birthdate September 29, 2028. Birthstone: sapphire, star sign: Libra. Contrary to her family, Abby has yet to shown any inner turmoil and remains a cheerful girl who looks up to her older siblings. She shows a particular attachment to Imelda because of how much she watches over her. And that should be it! See you all next chapter! Oh, this was a long one.

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