#and for a lot of people it's pretty pro forma

[hellenhighwater]

My parents and I were talking about our Bar admissions, for some reason, and they'd both forgotten that my motion for admission, put forward by my brother (also a lawyer) began, "My sister has many issues, but the one before the Court today is that of her admission to the State Bar."

Start as you mean to go on, I guess.

#my parents met in law school #to join the state bar you have a mostly ceremonial Motion for Admission #and for a lot of people it's pretty pro forma #but if you have a mentor or friend or family member in the legal field that you want to move for your admission it can be a nice thing #for them to do it #and then you do little speeches

[skepticalarrie]

hey allie! bom dia, tudo bem? então, o que você acha sobre DN4? eu acredito fortemente que talvez seja sobre a nova perspectiva do LT2 e como é sobre o ciclo de vida do louis, sua infância, sua juventude, seus problemas/anseios/ a vida adulta... mas uma pequena parte minha acredita que também seja sobre o velho assunto que todos nós sabemos bem qual é, o que você acha?

Oi! Eu acho que é legal que as pessoas estejam indo a fundo e teorizando sobre aquela foto de ontem. A primeiro momento, não me pareceu nada fora do ordinário porque DN4 sempre esteve ali na bateria e está aparecendo na foto.

Uma das características mais fortes do Louis como um artista solo é que ele sempre exalta muito suas origens, desde toda a estética mod, "chavy lad" persona, as influencias na música, enfim.. tudo isso é muito notável nele. Então para mim DN4 ali no fundo sempre fez muito sentido neste contexto, sem falar que ele tá sempre exaltando donny rovers e falando de Doncaster em geral. Mas eu também acho que ele trazendo a atenção de forma bem específica para isso agora pode ter um duplo sentido. E o Louis faz muito disso né, usar duplo sentido para as coisas, usar plausible deniability, ele inclusive já usou a situação do DNA também implicito de outras formas antes, então acho bem relevante que DNA = DN4 e ele está chamando atenção para isso. Não que signifique nenhuma mudança. Mas também acho que, como você mencionou, já podia ser uma pista para o LT2, seria um nome e uma narrativa que me empolga muito para o álbum novo e faz total sentido com a imagem e o branding que ele tá construindo como artista, uma pegada bem mais indie também faz muito sentido. Então assim cara... vai saber, vamos esperar e ver. Mas acho que as pessoas estão super presas ao conceito de significa isso OU aquilo e não acho que as coisas funcionem dessa forma necessariamente, principalmente pro Louis que sempre falou muito entrelinhas, acho que as coisas podem ter diversos significados e que podem estar todas conectadas.

----

English translation

Anon asked: hey allie! good morning, how are you? so what do you think about DN4? I strongly believe that maybe it's about a new perspective of LT2 and about louis' life cycle, his childhood, his youth, his problems/cravings/adult life... but a small part of me believes it's also about the old subject we all know very well what it is, what do you think?

Hi! I think it's cool that people are digging deep and theorizing about the pic from yesterday. At first, it didn't seem like anything out of the ordinary because DN4 was always there on the drums, and it is the background of the picture.

Something very relevant of Louis as a solo artist is that he always praises his origins, from the whole mod aesthetic,"chavy lad" persona, this music influences, etc etc... it's all very remarkable about him. So for me having DN4 in the background of his shows always made a lot of sense in this context, not to mention that he's always talking about the donny rovers and Doncaster in general in every single opportunity, he's very proud of where he is from. But I also think that him bringing attention to it right now, in the very direct way he did, could easily have a double meaning. And Louis does that all the time, everything has something else implied, he's always using plausible deniability. He has done something pretty similar with the Two of Us merch, so IMO it's extremely relevant at this point that DNA = DN4 and that he's bringing attention to it. It doesn't mean that something it's about to change though. But I also think that, as you mentioned, it could already be a hint for LT2, it would be a name and a narrative that I would be very excited about on the new album and it makes total sense with the image and branding he's been building as a solo artist, very much in tune with the indie vibes too. So, oh well... who knows, let's just wait and see. But I think people are stuck with the concept of meaning this OR that and I don't think things work that way necessarily, especially for Louis who always implied a lot between the lines, I think things can have different meanings and they can all be connected.

#ask #ptbr #DN4 #lt2

[olivine-ocean]

Ghiaccio, Formaggio, Melone and Adaman for the ask game !!

Hello my dear, I will now be here for an hour answering all of these as best as my Kinnie ass can

🧊 Ghiaccio 🧊

Sexuality Headcanon: Gay Gay Homosexual Gay

Gender Headcanon: Trans Masc

A ship I have with said character: Meloghia my beloved

A BROTP I have with said character: I feel like he’s someone that even his teammates can’t totally predict and so aside from Melone and maybe Ris he doesn’t have much bias from or toward the others

A NOTP I have with said character: Not really any that I can think of?

A random headcanon: Ghiaccio plays pokemon, spent his paycheck on a Game Boy and Pokemon Blue in 1999. He was awaiting Silver’s drop on April 6th, 2001, which if going by canon he passed away just a few days before, but seeing as canon sucks he got his hands on it after recovering since he wasn’t really banged up too bad while he waited for the rest of the team. No one else on La Squadra really plays but Narancia does.

General Opinion over said character: He’s an angry little elf (your words, not mine). He just means well but easily gets frustrated and people like Forma and Melone like to purposely push his buttons and watch him explode. He just said expects a lot of himself and when things don’t go his way it stresses him out and like can relate. But again deserved much better that’s gonna be on most of these.

🧀 Formaggio 🧀

Sexuality Headcanon: Mans is Bi, no preference either

Gender Headcanon: Cis guy

A ship I have with said character: Forluso for sure

A BROTP I have with said character: honestly he’s chill w everyone but I don’t think he’s hella hella close w anyone to the point of being besties aside from Lu

A NOTP I have with said character: Again no one that id really strongly have to say no to shipping him w

A random headcanon: mans is a stoner who makes Kraft mac n cheese at 3 am and no one can tell me otherwise. He and Illuso share it when they’re together and Lu doesn’t like to admit to enjoying it as much as he does. Forma adds extra cheese to the pot too and specifically uses less milk than asked for. Makes it thick just like him <3

General Opinion over said character: Funky cheese man is funky, I just think he’s a good lad that likes to crack jokes and make light of a bad situation where he can. He’s pretty easy to get along with but can be a bit dense at times. We love him tho.

🍈 Melone 🍈

Sexuality Headcanon: There is nothing straight about this man, he likes men

Gender Headcanon: He’s trans too

A ship I have with said character: Meloghia w a side of Meloris as a treat

A BROTP I have with said character: Melone and Illuso are petty bitches together and we love that for them. They just get on well and share tea.

A NOTP I have with said character: again idk can’t say there’s any ones I see much that I’d be opposed to?

A random headcanon: Melone is constantly cold and very comfortable with the team and will often try and leech heat off of his teammates. Usually Ghiaccio although that would seem counter productive, or Ris because he’s a big warm body and wouldn’t care. Pros will usually push him away, Pesci is a bit nervous about it but wont mind it, Forma teases which riles up both of their partners, Lu will complain and push him off. He wouldn’t bother Sorbet and Gelato with it.

General Opinion over said character: he’s just a funky twink and people who misinterpret his character need to re-look at stuff and what he’s actually canonically done and the way in which his stand works.

💎 Adaman 💎

Sexuality Headcanon: Very gay

Gender Headcanon: trans masc

A ship I have with said character: Adaman Volo is just, it hits we know this

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Irida have fun back and forth and I enjoy their story growth together.

A NOTP I have with said character: Not really a NOTP but I do think him and Melli are exes and that’s why Melli purposely sorta annoys him abt stuff

A random headcanon: We know he’s very focused on time and not wasting it, so doing things quickly which can lead to recklessness. He doesn’t stop to think so he misses even the most obvious at time and always feels like he has to be moving and doing things. He post game will travel the region with either just Leafeon or with his Trio of mons just to check on things or to have something to do since sitting around for too long makes him antsy.

General Opinion over said character: I just really enjoyed his character in the story and wish we got to see more or that post game he didn’t just stand at Lake Valor in any weather with the same line or two of dialogue. At the very least make him able to be rematched or give him something. But from what we did get I just liked that he was sorta self confident but also got jabs taken at him by others like Sabi or Irida and he just gives me like big brother energy where he doesn’t really take them to heart too much despite being Mai’s younger brother. That’s another relationship that could have used more development but maybe DLC rumors will give him and Irida more time to do stuff.

#ask #jjba #pokemon #ghiaccio #formaggio #melone #adaman #🧊 #🧀 #💎 #pla #gw

[zelskzerker]

Mangadex went down so I read alot 1/7

Lets review a bunch of isekai and related stuff I binged because mangadex went down. The scale will be a single thumbs up to a single thumbs down in terms of how much I would consider recommending it in general.

Legend

Chapters 1-51 Pretty straight forward in most aspects. For the best. Nothing crazy bad or good happening, making it surprisingly straight forward for an isekai. [Insert isekai startup here] but this time the MC is given a super magic body and the knowledge of ancient magic. Which he promptly uses to create a griffon buddy. Gets a THUMB IN THE UPPER CORNER for just being a nice, believable stay in a world, but I have read some stuff that really has interesting sparks the way this doesnt. MC is brutal at times and General Princess is cute. They make a good pair for each other.  Although there are no ecchi situations, that artist really knows how to slide in the lewds, whether its mid combat flourishes or pre chapter artwork.

The Black Create Summoner: Revolt of Reincarnated

All Chapters

Truly is revolting. A resounding THUMBS DOWN.  Apparently this was just an advertisement manga, which means that its intentionally incomplete and unsatisfying. Ontop of that, the sketchy artwork was generally rough and got worse to look at the more it went on. [Insert isekai startup here] but this time he has a grimoire that lets him summon stuff he draws. The power isn’t used that much though or in that creative of ways. Characters didn’t really leave an impact except maybe the elf little sister that is stubborn yet knows she is incompotent and recruits a dragon out of stubbornness. 

Minotaur’s Sweetheart

Chapters 1-16

So what if a minotaur accidentally seduced the adventurer that was assigned to kill him? This is a good romance manga deserving a THUMBS UP because the pure-hearted minotaur boy and the unmarriageable adventurer girl actually develop a relationship and progress as people. The manga is ultimately about monsters and humans interacting and is fresh due to having a plot that evolves the situation a lot beyond the initial setup of the manga.

Moon-led Journey Across Another World

Chapters 1-64

[Insert isekai startup here] but this time the god of the new world calls the MC ugly and banishes him to the edge of the world to die off. In order to help out the MC, the god of our world (Tsukuyomi) gives him a bit of power. The MC is funny to watch once you realize that he is an incredibly cautious pureboy and expecting every common street thug to potentially end him but in reality he is a god-rivaling cataclysm himself and never realizes. He is so powerful that he recruits the blue haired mist dragon, Tomoe, and accidentally turns her into a weeaboo. Tomoe can read minds and access pocket space with her mist ontop of her sick weeaboo katana skills. She really shines as the most mature person in the story, gaining information that no one else in the story has and carefully withholding it from the MC in order to protect his innocence. She is a DAMN good tomboyish waifu and sarashii is a blessing. Other main girl is yandere spider, Mio, which has shockingly good and well conveyed bouts of emotion. She has an extremely rare “can’t cook at all” joke that is explained due to her “eat literally anything” nature. In terms of plot, the MC hates the god of the world he is in and pretty much plans to do everything she doesn’t want him to. Which means mingling with humans, and eventually, god slaying/usurption. Odd think about this manga is that it’s heavily Japanese-inspired. That may sound odd because its a manga, but generally isekai are most medieval/western skinned than this one which leans in on Japanese mythos. Just look at the god of our world in the manga.

THUMBS UP.

The Unsuccessful yet Academically Unparalleled Sage ~A Cheating S-Rank Sorcerer's Post-Rebirth Adventurer Log~

Chapter 1-10 So lets set up this genre here. This is a part of the “reincarnation” genre, which is a spinoff of isekai. They generally depict a very capable mage who reincarnates themselves into the future of their own world. At which point they realize that although they were pretty strong in their day, they are now practically a god in the deteriorated modern day. This genre will hereby be indicated by [Insert reincarnation startup here]. For this manga in specific, [Insert isekai startup here] but this time the MC could only use lightning magic and was the best at it but failed the gene gacha then [Insert reincarnation startup here] and he fails gene gacha again but is still the walking thunder god. These kinds of manga are always precious when the MC can walk through the world and see the fruits of their past labor. Specifically through Merlin, the MC’s adopted demon daughter who has grown up to be his heritor and bridge human/demon relationships. Truly adorable and heart warming. Lacks a bit of spice from themeing or ongoing plot due to its short length however. THUMB IN THE UPPER CORNER.

Older Elite Knight is cute only in front of me

Chapters 1-17.1

THUMBS UP. This is an oneshota manga where shota is a chad with incredibly good tastes. A really good ecchi manga with a light hearted story featuring Haru(the shota) knight that joins Karen’s(the oneesan) knight crew. As with all good romance manga, the main plot isn’t romance. Knight shenanigins are always happening, with a big (and lewd) bad entering recently. Top tier variation on the lewds, even including a princess loli in on the fun. Must read for all oneshota fans.

Lonely Attack on A Different World

Chapter 1-91

[Insert isekai startup forma de classroom here] but this time the MC gets leftover garbage skills and has to learn to survive. Learning to survive thus makes him the most op and he can magic trick his way out of literally anything. Strong start as the whole classroom first tries to get their footing, but after the starting arc is done this manga starts spinning it’s wheels. The manga is kinda lacking in themes, overarching plot and end goals, so stuff just happens to make this a sort of slice of life trap room escape manga. Magic “just works” in this universe so its not very dramatic when the MC pulls out a new trick out of his bag of million tricks. Just kinda stagnates too much for my liking. THUMB IN THE BOTTOM CORNER.

The Unwanted Undead Adventurer

Chapters 1-34

Rentt Faina, the MC, is a good guy with no talent who aspires to be a legendary adventurer. But then he gets turned into a skeleton, giving the chance to evolve his way to greatness, kinda like in Spider isekai or Dragon isekai. The MC is most like Goblin Slayer in his serious and knowledgeable approach to the world, how characters that know him revere him. End goal so far is just him seeing how far he can evolve as he comes across other vampires and vampire hunters. Really want to see him go to the top. Fuckin great art. Girls drawn perfect. Like the hat on the guild girl, but nothing beats the witch Lorraine. THUMBS UP.

Teihen Ryoushu No Kanchigai Eiyuutan

Chapters 1-13

THUMB IN UPPER CORNER. Pretty funny comedy about a lord of a poor land who wants to be a stereotypical evil lord but can only use healing magic. Therefore he bumbles his way into accepting a heretical cult nun, beast men who hate humans, etc. All the girls are to crazy for him to want to sex them(weak. give the assassin nun your babies). Most interesting parts are aforementioned nun, his fujoshi assistant, and the MC’s willingness to use his power to commit heretical and immoral warcrimes. 

The Undead Lord of the Palace of Darkness

Chapters 1-11

Art average, don’t come to this one for spectacle. It’s strength is in the subertfuge that it’s recently-necromanced-back-to-life MC goes through to get his Master killed and to later, probably, evolve into a vampire. MC isn’t evil though, just wants to survive. Main girl on cover was born and raised to hunt vampires but has a compassionate heart. Obviously she goes easy on and relates to MC. Story is still kinda in it’s first arc so the overall trajectory of the story is a bit hard to gauge and not quite satisfying enough by its own right. Probably a thumb up with more chapters but for now THUMB IN THE UPPER CORNER.

The Reincarnated Inferior Magic Swordsman

Chapters 1-38

[Insert isekai startup here] but this time.... uh... THUMB SIDEWAYS. Usually I am patient, but 31 chapters with no goal and just barely plot? Wow. Saving grace is uh... I guess the world of “other isekai people existed but they sucked because they didn’t level uncap like MC” could go somewhere but. I take it back, lowering this one to a THUMB DOWN.

The Invincible Sage in the Second World.

Chapters 1-12

[Insert isekai startup here] but this time a pro mmo player in a game called “Broken Balance Online.” Guess what his class, the sage class, was considered in the game? Not far along enough to really pop off but it isn’t horrible. MC is moderately cautious to a healthy degree which is actually rare in most isekai. THUMB IN BOTTOM LEFT CORNER. 

The Dark Queen and I Strike Back

Chapters 1-29.5

Although technically an isekai, no isekai startup here. This a battle manga with a big mystery on the backdrop of a war. That is to say, the MC gets teleported to a world to kill the demons but he ends up defending them from the humans with all he’s got. Of special note is the complete seriousness of this manga that whiplashes into debauchery like tentacles, the above cover, oneshota, and even really dark jokes in some of the omake. That tonal lash effect will be either make or break, and it is a HUGE make for me. I love when a single piece can have both absolute serious scenes and utterly lighthearted and fluffy ones. Or in this case utterly lewd ones. May the average-human-amount-of-perverted MC one day slam some demon lord loli. THUMBS UP.

Chillin' in Another World with Level 2 Super Cheat Powers

Chapters 1-24

THUMB SIDEWAYS. Has the feeling of a nerfed slime isekai. Nerfed in all ways except romance. Art surprisingly good.

#Legend #The Black Create Summoner: Revolt of Reincarnated #Minotaur’s Sweetheart #Moon-led Journey Across Another World #The Unsuccessful yet Academically Unparalleled Sage ~A Cheating S-Rank Sorcerer's Post-Rebirth Adventurer Log~ #Older Elite Knight is cute only in front of me #Lonely Attack on A Different World #The Unwanted Undead Adventurer #Teihen Ryoushu No Kanchigai Eiyuutan #The Undead Lord of the Palace of Darkness #The Reincarnated Inferior Magic Swordsman #The Invincible Sage in the Second World. #The Dark Queen and I Strike Back #Chillin' in Another World with Level 2 Super Cheat Powers

[warrioreowynofrohan]

On Forgiveness and Redemption

This is a pretty fundamental theme in a lot of Silmarillion fanfic and in the fandom generally, and one of major interest to me, so I wanted to try to pull together some of my thoughts on it. This is specifically in relation to Tolkien’s works - in the real world there can be all kinds of addititional sociopolitical dimensions that are too much to get into here.

In my view, there are two main elements around asking for forgiveness.

Yes, it is an apology; a statement of I recognize that I hurt you; I was wrong and I am sorry; I will change. This in itself can be beneficial and healing to the person who has been harmed, both in acknowledging that they did not deserve what was done to them, and in the implication of I repudiate my deeds; you do not need to fear me. (This is particularly important in a context like The Silmarillion, where you can end up with people living in the same land as the people who murdered them.)

But it is also more than that. It is a reversal of the power relationship that existed when the wrong was done, by the offender placing themself in the power of their victim. It’s an admission that they want forgiveness, and the right and the power to grant or to withhold it rests with person who has been wronged. This is why, for a request for forgiveness to mean anything, the person asking it can’t regard themself as entitled to recieve it; if someone responds to a refusal of forgiveness or a rejected apology by being angry or affronted, that’s an immediate sign that they were never sincerely repentant in the first place. To ask for forgiveness is to say I submit to your judgement, and I beg for your mercy. (This also reinforces the message of I am not a threat mentioned above: I am in your power.) The request for forgiveness acknowledges that forgiveness is not deserved, and that hatred/judgement/condemnation is. It’s an act of unconditional surrender.[1] The granting of forgiveness can’t be treated as something normal or pro forma; it’s an act of unmerited grace.

This is why I regard forgiveness as something that’s beneficial to both offender and victim, rather than as beneficial to the victim without reference to the offender (I forgive you because hatred makes me into someone I don’t like - though as Tolkien observes in his letters, this is in itself a valid reason for forgiveness/mercy) or as something the offender is selfishly seeking without regard for the victim.

Even if forgiveness is not granted, seeking it is beneficial to the offender in having taken responsibility and accepted judgement for their actions, and to the victim in being able to call the person that hurt them to account. If it is granted, it’s transformative and healing to both, changing guilt into gratitude and victim into benefactor.

I’ve also seen a fair amount of writing on the merits of redemption arcs (seeking forgiveness) relative to rehabilitation arcs (becoming a better person), and I think the emphases are going to vary from character to character.

To give examples: For Maedhros and Maglor (who are, unsurprisingly, the main inspirations for this essay), the main theme is going to redemption and seeking forgiveness because - despite their numerous crimes - by the time they’re willing/able to return to Aman (which would involve the renunciation of both Oath and Silmarils), the risk of reoffense is basically nil. There’s no desire to return to their previous behaviour; for goodness’ sakes, they didn’t even want to be doing those horrible things while they were doing them, and the impetus for their actions has now been removed. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’ve hurt a great many people, many of whom are going to find their presence in Valinor painful or frightening or both, and who have no reason to trust them. So their journey is going to be less about changing who they are, and more about how to address what they’ve already done.

An example on the flip side would be Saeros. His actual wrongdoing was comparatively minor in comparison to all the things that sprang from it; no reasonable person could hold him solely responsible for all the events of the Narn i Hîn Húrin, when so many other people’s bad decisions also played a role in it. He’s in the position of the one small stone that sets off an avalanche. But he still is the one who set it off. Mablung outright told him that he was doing Morgoth’s work (as was undoubtedly true; Morgoth needed Túrin out of Doriath, and had only the most indirect ways of achieving that; and what Glaurung does to Nienor is quite deliberately a takeoff on Saeros’ words, with her later death in a chasm also mirroring Saeros’) and Saeros ignored him, and Túrin and his mother and sister might all have lived long, peaceful and happy lives in Doriath, and Nargothrond might still have stood, if Saeros had, at one pivotal moment, just refrained from being a dick.

It’s not something that it would even make sense for him to go around apologizing to people for, when his own part in the events leading to the fall of Nagothrond and Doriath was so small. And the risk of any kind of reoccurrence of similar events is, again, basically nil. But the risk of Saeros continuing to be a prideful, bigoted asshole is pretty high - he’s had a lifetime’s experience at it! So his journey is going to be about recognizing the character and personality flaws that led to him being a tool of Morgoth[2] and endeavouring to correct them and become a different kind of person. And that’s something he could do without even needing to have any contact with the people he knew in his former life (and I think he’d be reluctant to seek them out anyway, out of embarrassment over his death as much as anything else).

[1] This is, I think, one of the reasons why the concept of forgiveness in political contexts (Canada and First Nations; the US and African-Americans; post-apartheid South Africa) has become so fraught in a lot of political discussion. In contexts where one group has been oppressed by another, and the group responsible for the oppression apologizes but continues to hold power over the oppressed, forgiveness can’t have this meaning. The offender retains power over the victim; all they’re really saying is we were wrong, but let’s put this behind us and move on, and the ‘moving on’ rarely involves any meaningful redress of the ongoing oppression. So the backlash against the idea of forgiveness in these contexts is understandable.

That’s in addition to the idea of forgiveness being something highly interpersonal, so that the concept of forgiving a government or institution is a bit fuzzy at the best of times.

On a completely separate note, I think this idea of forgiveness as involving an inversion of power relationships is why Saruman reacted so spitefully to being offered mercy. Judgement and vengeance are things that can be resisted, and that are at least an acknowledgement that you have successfully done spiritual damage to another person. But being granted mercy is the acceptance of a surrender that he never offered; he is now in Frodo’s power whether he wants to be or not.

[2] As well as just a tool, generally.

#tolkien #the silmarillion #the lord of the rings #moral philosophy #forgiveness #redemption #maedhros #maglor #saeros

[veliseraptor]

What Loki is thinking at the end of this? He hardly shows emotion, and this is pretty strong. “Steve jerked. “And you went to Doom?” What he felt, he realized, was betrayal. As though he’d expected something else, though he wasn’t sure what. “Why so surprised?” Loki said, and the note of bitterness in his voice startled Steve. “And you didn’t think to come to me?” Steve burst out, before he could hold it in, and for a moment Loki’s expression was something raw, awful, naked.”

oh man, I love when people ask me these kinds of things. it’s basically me getting to do DVD commentary on my own fic. 

So, there’s a lot of things going on here, but the biggest one is probably that Loki never even considered Steve as an option. 

Like, as far as Loki was concerned, that would have been de facto imprisonment (which, he may not have been wrong, but, probably would’ve been a better idea than what did happen), but even more than that he didn’t think Steve would want him to. He kind of figured that Steve’s urging him to stay had more to do with a pro forma means of getting him to come to heel rather than any actual desire to have him around.

But Steve’s reaction here is...he’s hurt, and a little betrayed, and initially Loki reads that as “betrayed because he assumes Loki’s going to enable/work together with Doom” which to some extent is there, but it’s also, obviously, the fact that Steve feels like Loki going to someone he clearly doesn’t like or trust rather than coming to him is upsetting (for reasons Steve himself doesn’t fully understand yet). It says, basically, “I trust you less than Victor von Doom, who is patently not a good person.”

And knowing that Steve cares enough to be hurt by Loki’s making that choice...well, it shifts Loki’s understanding of their relationship, a little, and his understanding of what Steve thinks about him/wants from him. It makes it feel more serious, less like a game, more like this is something that actually matters - not just to Loki, which is something he doesn’t want to admit, but to Steve. That Steve would be willing to help him - to ally with him. And that he might want to.

There’s a click of “maybe he does actually want me around.” And that’s something Loki wants, on the other hand, because Loki desperately wants to be wanted and does care about Steve’s good opinion, but it’s also something he is terrified of. It’s like...suddenly seeing something that he’s been waiting for, only on seeing it he immediately is looking for the trap there, which is also why he shuts down so hard immediately after. Because he’s not going to reach for that and find out it’s a lie. 

There’s also the reason outside of the sudden ahhhh feelings that his no-emotions mask breaks. In general, it’s especially prone to cracking not just at moments of intense vulnerability or emotion, but when he’s surprised or caught off guard. It happens a number of times with Steve - early on, Loki shows him the most when Steve does something that surprises Loki. What he does here, and what it implies, catches Loki completely off guard. For that moment, he’s not really thinking (or overthinking) - it’s pure reaction.

#remember this cold #aggressively headcanons #steve&loki 5ever #answering some rtc headcanons nbd #anonymous #conversating

[colubrina]

Never have I ever... written a Hermione Riddle/Draco Malfoy fic!

I did once, but so many people said it didn’t work I pulled it.  But I will copy at 2K words of it below the cut for you.

from never have I ever

Hermione did hate having to pretend.  

She’d whinged to her father at first.  “But why,” she’d said.  “And if I can’t be your daughter why can’t I just be a half-blood.  Why this?”  

Her father had delivered one of his lectures on power and manipulation and pointed out how she’d learn far more about what people really thought if she watched them as a supposedly powerless outsider.  “How people treat the weak, my darling, will let you see their characters.  That will be useful to you when we,” he’d paused.  “You know.”  

She did.

It didn't mean she liked it.

As she got older, however, she realized he was right.  People revealed things to her they'd never share with a pureblood, or even an established half-blood.  Ron Weasley, her housemate and theoretical friend, had parents with a hilarious fascination with Muggles that masked bone deep prejudice and he was one of the supposed liberal faction, part of Albus Dumbledore little crusade of light.  Her father laughed until tears ran down his cheeks when she acted our Arthur Weasley asking about rubber ducks.   Theodore Nott sneered in a rather pro-forma way at her blood status and then, once her academic prowess became known, sat with her in the library if no one else was around.  

"Pragmatic," her father said approvingly.   She lent Theo notes, borrowed his, and never commented how he failed to notice her in public.  She found his quiet competence restful and understood the constraints that kept him, son of a Death Eater, pureblood scion, and member of Slytherin from being friends with the Muggle-born Gryffindor.  Those would change.

Draco Malfoy, however, was a different matter.  He had no subtlety.  He was rude and vulgar and a crude little show off.  As they got older he started to eye her when he thought she wasn't looking and she looked back.  He became pretty, so very pretty, and she began to fantasize about how he'd react when he found out who she was.   She liked to picture him confessing long suppressed love and apologizing.  "I just didn't know what to say," she imagined him muttering.  "My father… you know.  I thought he'd disown me if I… can we start again?"

She doubted that would happen, however.  The idea of Draco Malfoy admitting he was wrong seemed unlikely, and she had no intention of humiliating herself to pursue him.  No matter how much she liked his cheekbones, or the way his eyes flashed when he was being clever and cocky, he'd be unlikely to ever show up at her door with flowers in hand willingly, even when he did find out she was Tom Riddle's daughter.

Not that she'd want a boy who only wanted her for her heritage anyway.

She hated admitting her father was right.  

And she hated that she wanted the smug bastard.  Stupid Draco Malfoy with his biting wit and pointed laugh.  She did, though.  She wanted him a lot more than Ron Weasley, who she flirted with in order to disguise her growing fascination with Malfoy, and she wanted him more than Cormac McClaggan, who couldn't take a hint to go away, and she wanted him more than Harry Potter who, thank Merlin, was as uninterested in her as she was in him.  She decided she'd have him, too, because she was the Darkest princess their world would ever know, the only child of Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Black, and if she wanted a boy she'd have him.  Her father laughed and told her she was a minx but he was happy to give her any toy she wanted.

So she smiled at Malfoy, and every time he sneered “Granger” at her in his arrogant, nasal voice she smiled a little bit more.  

When her father finally made his move and took over the Ministry, sending Harry Potter on a fool's errand with what appeared to be a toy from the late, unlamented Dumbledore, a used Snitch, and a book of fairy tales she looked forward to seeing Draco Malfoy's expression when her true identity was revealed.  She beamed at her father as he presented her to his followers and their children at her eighteenth birthday party.

Theodore Nott looked like a mystery had finally been solved and smiled at her;  you'd have to know him well to see the relief in his eyes when she smiled back but she saw it and enjoyed the confirmation of the sudden shift in her status.  Greg Goyle just looked confused that Hermione Granger was someone else, someone important.  Draco Malfoy, however, looked horrified.  She could see him tallying up his sins in his brilliant mind and his pale face got paler still when he realized just how many there were.  It was beautiful.  It was everything she'd hoped for.

Lord Voldemort said, “My lovely daughter has sacrificed so much as I regained my strength.    We needed to hide her from the likes of the Order of the Phoenix until the time was right but We could have hidden her as any number of things.  Instead We decided to hide her as the lowest of the low so she could watch all your children and determine who was truly trustworthy.”  He turned to Lucius Malfoy.  “Don’t you agree, Lucius,  that such a sacrifice on her part deserves recognition.”

Lucius Malfoy, properly nervous at being singled out mumbled that of course, that he hoped his family had never been seen as lacking in support.  Voldemort had to wave his hand at the man in annoyance to get him to stop.  

“She’s asked for one little gift for her birthday,” Voldemort said.  He regarded her with delight.  “A request that shows Us she is truly her mother’s daughter.”

Many of the assembled Death Eaters looked increasingly nervous at that proclamation.  Even before Azkaban, Bellatrix had been unstable.  Now she hadn't even been permitted to attend her daughter's party because of her insanity and unpredictable violence; the idea Hermione might take after her mother scared them all.

Hermione managed to avoid licking her lips as her father crooked his finger and beckoned Draco Malfoy forward.  “Congratulations, Lucius,” he said.  “You’ve just given your only son to Our daughter for her birthday.”  

“My Lord,” Lucius whispered but someone next to him had the presence of mind to step on his foot and shut him up.

“Darling,” Voldemort said to Hermione.  “Remember, don’t break your toys.  It’s not like I can get you another one.”

“I promise,” she said as she smiled at Draco Malfoy, who looked like he was trying not to pass out.  “I’ll be good.”

“That’s what she said about the unicorn toy,” Voldemort said fondly.  “Little hellion snapped it in half in three days.”  The Death Eaters all laughed.

That was when Draco fainted.

. . . . . . . . . .

When he came to he kept his eyes squinched shut and tested his limbs and determined he didn't seem to be tied up in any way and he could even feel the familiar pressure of his wand against his hip.  When he risked opening his eyes  he was in a bland room and Hermione Granger - no, Hermione Riddle - was curled up in a large, beige chair with her nose in a book; she didn't seem to realize he'd regained consciousness.  He studied her through the fringe of his hair.  

She was as damnably beautiful as she'd been for years.   Her dark hair sprang out around her face and, now that he was looking, he could see the similarity to his Aunt Bella's own locks, though Hermione's hair was more of a rich brown than the black of her mother's.  He knew her eyes were dark, so dark he'd gotten caught in them a few times, always yanking himself away with a muttered slur.  There were girls you dated, girls you married, and girls if you got caught with your mother burned you from the family tree while, quite possibly, your insane aunt tortured you to death.  He'd known which category Hermione was in.

Or, well, he'd thought he'd known.

Fuck, he'd been wrong. So wrong. He couldn't have messed this up worse if he'd set out to ruin his life on purpose.

He considered knocking her out and making a run for it but dismissed the idea as that of an idiot.  Where would he go?  To the Order?  He hated them anyway, and if he showed up on their doorstep telling them Harry Potter's Muggle-born friend was really Lord Voldemort's only child they'd laugh themselves sick before dumping him at St. Mungo's, where he'd sit, trapped, until Hermione felt like fetching him.

She turned a page.

"Do you plan to kill me?"  he asked.

She looked up at that.

"Can't stand the thought of the filthy Mudblood not being quite what you thought?"  

Draco thought he heard a little bitterness under that and thought with more than a little rancor that she didn't get to be the pissy one in this situation.  She was the one with all the power, as she had just demonstrated by demanding he be handed over to her as a gift.  "It seems like a reasonable question," he said.  "Or hurt me? I'd like to get it over with if that's the plan."

Her jaw tightened and he was shocked to see she seemed upset.  "I wasn't planning on it," she muttered.

"Do I get to ask what the plan is?"

She slouched lower in the big armchair until it seemed to swallow her and finally said, "I didn't really think past the part where I got to see you be shocked and horrified that I wasn't the nobody you thought I was."

Draco pulled himself upright and sat so he leaned against the headboard and looked at the girl who was huddled into the chair and looked more like a lost soul than the terrifying dark princess she'd been at the earlier celebration.  "Did you like that part?" he asked, the words coming out more gently than he'd meant them to.

"Yes," she admitted.  She looked up at him through lashes so long and dark he'd have thought they were enhanced magically if it weren't for the way he'd seen the woman wear cosmetics only once in all the years he'd known her.   The lashes were real.  "I liked that part quite a bit if we're being honest."

"I would have," he said.  "If you'd been a shite to me for years and then you found out I was young Lord Voldemort?  I would have reveled in that."

"I've fantasized about it for years," she admitted.  "Every time you were an arse I thought, just wait.  You'll see."

Draco bit the inside of his mouth and swallowed hard.  She'd thought about him for years.  She'd wanted him for years.  "Why me?" he asked, trying to keep his voice light.  "You could have had anyone.  Could have anyone. I'm sure if you wanted half a dozen boys to wait on you, your father would hand them over."

"He's always spoiled me," she said.  "When I was home, that is.  I think… he wanted to make up for having to hide me with the Grangers."

"Why me?"  he asked again.  

The sun shone in through the sheer curtains and dust motes swirled around and he watched them sparkle for an eternity before she said, "I wanted… you're so… it's stupid and it's pathetic."  She closed her book with an audible snap and stood up on her impossibly long legs.  "Never mind.  I've had my fun seeing you turn white and faint like that.  You can go and tell your father I released you."

Drqco stood up and took a step toward the door and then stopped and looked at the way she stood, half-resigned, half-defensive.

"Go," she said again.

He'd always thought he'd known what category she fell in.  It was the out of bounds category. It was the not-to-be-touched category.  It might not have been fair, it might not have been right, but bravery and battling the world wasn't something he did, not even for a pair of dark eyes that glistened right now as the woman they belonged to folded her arms across her body.

"I'm a coward," he said, reaching one hand out to cup her chin.

"I do know that," she said.   She sounded sullen.  She had her lip thrust out in a classic gesture of sulky petulance he suddenly found unbearably adorable.

He lowered his mouth to that lip. "I am not, however, stupid," he said right before he kissed her.

#dramione #never have i ever #moonlightmasquerade

[yourwinglesswarrior]

FINALLY!!!!

I really had to manage my expectations when I started this program because I wasn’t sure what was in store for me.  I was as scared about a business program as I was of math and science while getting my BFA in Creative Writing.  As me to write a 10-page paper and I won’t break a sweat.  Ask me to crunch numbers and get them correct and it’s going to look like I’ve been in a sauna.

Personal Development and Leadership I felt was pretty straightforward, as it was more an introduction to the material than the material itself.  It was easy to get acclimated and have my feet get wet.  I understood a bit of what was coming my way and I committed myself to it. My thoughts on the course itself remain aligned with my journal entry found here:

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/178772662160/intention-statement

Completing the entire program has had the benefit of showing me how to dedicate myself to the business aspects of writing and my brand as well as the creation process.  Also, My Addams family quote, “We gladly feast on those who would subdue us,” became an internal mantra, when the world felt like it would crush me.

Executive Leadership.  I’m still very staunchly in the corner of Maxwell’s style of leadership.  It suits my natural stance on most things in life. But learning new leaderships styles also sent me down the rabbit-hole of looking into and really thinking about my personal styles.  The DISC model and being an ENTJ, horoscopes and Taurus moons… tons of things I never considered before.  Knowledge of self is important and Executive Leadership really made me take stock of that. It also helped me learn to switch between styles and take what’s good from each.

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/179984187935/maxwell-or-greene-that-is-the-question

Project and Team Management.  I’ve been working on teams as long as I can remember.  But organizing those teams, getting down the specifics and organizing funds is a completely different beast.  I learned ways to strategize the process of creating my team, organizing, and project and setting up goals in a fashion that favors the work being completed.  I should mention that the class was challenging but I also COMPLETELY bombed an assignment by not turning it in and not realizing.  It was a killer.  But it was something I had to bounce back from.  I had no choice.  So PTM showed me how to be stronger and battle back from my own mistakes.

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/181188917010/im-not-one-that-usually-has-any-difficulty

Business Storytelling and Brand Development.  Here I thought I was going to dive into my forte.  I get to tell a story.  Here’s the big time.  Then the word “Brand” came into the picture.  I hear it so often on social media from people who have no brand, to begin with, that it becomes frustrating.  But through research, I was able to get passed my aversion to branding and create a vision for my company and my personal brand that I can stand behind.  Not only did it help me realize that it helped me sell my personal brand in a way that’s generated multiple copy-editing and comic writing jobs.

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/182521601650/i-started-this-course-with-a-somewhat-negative

Entertainment Business Finance.  I still hate numbers.  But I have a MUCH better understanding of them.  I didn’t know what a Pro Forma statement was before the course.  Now I can create one with proficiency.  I understand what’s needed to make my business work and how I need to approach it. It’s helped me realize that time truly is money.  Being able to articulate the cost of writing and creating great stories is invaluable. Too often up and coming writers and artists are undervalued.  This gives me a chance to display the necessity of funds at a certain level and assists in creating my business plan overall.

Digital Marketing.  I needed digital marketing more than I knew, even when I finished the course.  The lessons I learned there enabled me to run an amazingly successful Kickstarter campaign.  I reached to the correct people, placed the ads in the correct places and reset my little space in the market to where the companies that I researched are now following my lead.

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/183837696765/digital-marketing-was-a-very-important-class-for

Negotiation and Deal Making.  This course helped more than in just its application for my personal business.  It’s helped define the way I work with my subordinates and co-workers.  Understanding underlying interests and people’s bargaining positions has enabled me to create a better overall environment.  Most conversations are some sort of deal-making. Something needs to be done and the parties involved have to make it happen.  Because of this, I’ve used the principles liberally in my personal life and the deal-making process.  Also, I was able to get the assignment that I mentioned in my journal entry turned in. Thank the lord!

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/184314638190/work-in-progress

Product and Artist Management.  You mean to tell me that I can make a video game and potentially an action figure series AND it’s viable?  That’s all I needed to hear.  Toys to life styled games and understanding that I am both the artist and manager was beyond important.  The products and placements expanded as I completed the course.

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/185235513815/before-i-started-this-course-i-was

Advanced Entertainment Law.  If I hadn’t taken this course when I did, I potentially would have made a bad contractual decision.  Working with Konkret Comics, there are a lot of things that go into who owns what.  That being the case, I almost released some ownership of my IP through mistaken word placement.  Scrubbing through contracts made the mistakes in contracts easily identifiable.

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/185878171815/ael

Entertainment Media Publishing and Distribution.  I had a little background in publishing, having self-published my novel.  I still didn’t know the entertainment portion of it, truth be told.  Finishing my Kickstarter campaign as well as the course solidified those two things for me.

https://yourwinglesswarrior.tumblr.com/post/186613291025/when-i-started-the-masters-program-and-in-month-2

Business Plan Development.  I learned here that I knew more about the business plan and my focus than I thought. While there were places that I needed to clean up, I was standing on a strong footing.  The fact that my financials were fairly close to what they should be was a victory in itself.

Final Project: Business Plan.  I’ve never had a problem presenting an idea to a group.  This was a little different.  I felt like I was presenting a piece of myself to the world. It was a little different than I expected.  Thankfully no one threw tomatoes at my head.  I wasn’t boo’d off the stage.  That lets me know I did something right.  It lets me know that I learned what my professors attempted to teach me.  It helped me learn that I could complete a business plan and present it to potential investors.  It taught me that Wingless Entertainment has a viable future.

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

Why I Am Thankful (post 65) 11-26-14

                        I like Thanksgiving and always have, but he flavor of the feast has changed for me in the last several years.  Today, I see the holiday more as a way-point that occurs half a year’s orbit back towards Easter, Divine Mercy Sunday and Pentecost. The direction we are traveling will arc through Advent towards Christmas and curve sharply at Ash Wednesday onto the backstretch of my Christian year.  Thanksgiving is no longer a destination in itself. For me, the liturgical seasons have become an orderly, varied and beautiful continuum.  

Before Thanksgiving was just a rest-stop within a year’s journey through faceless days of work drudgery. For me the holiday represented a double weekend where Monday seemed farther off but not so remote that I ever forgot that it was coming.  It was a day for sleeping in, then dragging my carcass to the couch for a repast of sports television while Pam cooked the family an excellent meal.  Excepting a two minute prayer, the day was totally absent of Christian thought, more of a libation of sloth and gluttony sacrificed before the god of entertainment.  I watched all the football I could handle until I slipped off into tryptophan induced slumber in the warm glow of a magic cathode ray tube.  I enjoyed Thanksgiving in a way that would crown me as the consummate secular chump in a country populated by a bevy of domestic Neros clicking through channels in our customary holiday white tee-shirts and pajama bottoms.

And don’t give me too much credit for my two minutes of prayer.  I certainly didn’t prepare anything ahead for my once a year extemporaneous opus of acknowledgement to what God had done to bless our country and the Donnelly family in particular.  I would hurdle the prayer as the last barrier blocking the path to all the good food and good cheer, on which I could gorge myself.  The idea of giving thanks was really a parsley garnish, lost among the bowls of squash, gravy and mash potatoes.  

In the last several years, though, God has provided me with an attitude adjustment.  I still enjoy the tasty food and good cheer, but I take loving companionship and other wonderful blessings much less for granted. I am now truly thankful for the fellowship of those with whom I eat.   I drink deeply of their peaceful friendship, not just for their agility and punctuality in passing the rolls and gravy. I now have an understanding that each of us will attend a limited number of these earthly feasts, and I am thankful for family and friends both present, distant and those who have moved beyond.

For the West Coast Donnellys, this year’s Thanksgiving plans have been pretty fluid.  We are still waiting on the schedule for Nick’s lung surgery, which should remove the small pockets of strange cells created by the Bleomycin chemotherapy.  Stephen and I had hoped to be in Ohio visiting Natalie at my folk’s house, but that trip is on hold.  I am determined not to make a second emergency flight back from the Midwest.  

We will eat somewhere.  We have been invited several places by wonderful people that are very concerned for us.   We look forward to the opportunity to thank God for the grace that he has bestowed on our family at whichever table we end up.  Surely we will be in the company of good friends – probably someone that Natalie knows so that it will be easier for her to imagine us from her own table across the country.

It has been a year of blessings for us:  

Nick is still alive and in good health.  His weight and hair are restored, but the beard is still a bit patchy.  He is missing some few parts, has a trusty Power-Port embedded in his chest and is due to lose additional various chunks of flesh, which will be trimmed by the equivalent of robotic toenail scissors. Largely he is the same easygoing guy who, the other night, treated the Men of St Joseph to a viewing of before and after chemo x-rays of his lungs and abdomen.  (I don’t know why doctors always delight in showing me pictures and 3D diagrams of stuff that I just want to sink forever into my subconscious.)

Stephen has spent the year with no significant incidents.  While not eliminating the voices that distract him, his medication has largely allowed him to live without the crippling paranoia that drove him into the hospital repeatedly in the months that followed Pam’s death.  He takes walks, eats hot dogs or sushi and largely enjoys his days emancipated from the need to protect the family from assailants that never existed.  He gripes in pro-forma fashion about the transgressions of the two little dogs that love him and keep him company.

Abby is enjoying the life of an independent young woman with a bright but as yet undetermined future.

Natalie is spending an idyllically quiet year in suburban Ohio exploring the wonders of snow, slush, thunderstorms, and being a cousin to three little girls just her own age.  For the most part she is living a year buffered from ambulance rides, ER visits, missed school days and afternoons among daycare hooligans.  She does have to ride the school bus, though.  Every kid should have to be a bus rider at least once.  Hopefully her bus heater will work effectively in the cold Cleveland months of December, January and February.  Thankfully, this year Natalie will not have to endure Valentine’s Day and the run-up to the anniversary of Pam’s passing in the same house where it all occurred.  It should be a more regular winter in a house joyfully bedecked in Christmas ornaments, not a home holiday-garbed as an act of obligation.

I, myself, this year have lived a more peaceful life, still with my share of daily aggravations, but also full of helpful reminders that Jesus and my family love me.  I am thankful for blessings that others consider horrible curses.  If the result of pain is a closer relationship with Jesus, are calamities not sometimes heaven sent?

Thanks to all of prayerful IHM parishioners from the Donnellys.  We wish each of you a peaceful holiday with lots of love and without the slightest hint of Thanksgiving dinner drama.  Attending the 10:00 service on Thursday is an excellent way to start a day dedicated to gratitude for all our blessings.  One parish, one service, arrive early.

#Thanksgiving #Thankful #IHM #Cancer #Catholic Faith #Catholic family #God #Jesus #The Holy Spirit #Lent #Divine Mercy #Ash Wednesday

[failedimitator]

Today, thanks to Dani, I came across something that helped ease quite a bit of anxiety around social situations I’ve been carrying for most of my life. It’s a bit like finding out there’s a name for a disease you have, because having a name would mean that there’s at least one other person out there with the same thin, and all of a sudden you’re not alone anymore.

"Maybe you should try explaining ask/guess/tell cuture...” Dani said in reference to an issue she was helping me unpack.

“What’s that?” I replied.

“Oh, I thought that would be something you might have come across in your reading about rationality”

Apparently, on January 16, 2007, Andrea Donderi responded to an Ask MetaFilter post that dealt with a houseguest-related situation:

This is a classic case of Ask Culture meets Guess Culture. In some families, you grow up with the expectation that it's OK to ask for anything at all, but you gotta realize you might get no for an answer. This is Ask Culture. In Guess Culture, you avoid putting a request into words unless you're pretty sure the answer will be yes. Guess Culture depends on a tight net of shared expectations. A key skill is putting out delicate feelers. If you do this with enough subtlety, you won't even have to make the request directly; you'll get an offer. Even then, the offer may be genuine or pro forma; it takes yet more skill and delicacy to discern whether you should accept.

The second I read this, a lot of things fell into place. 

Social situations fill me with anxiety precisely because I’m bad at navigating the minefield involved in a guessing culture. Text and subtext. The meaning behind the meaning. It’s exhausting thinking for two people.

I was raised in a guess culture society in a guessing household; now I’m an aspiring asker with tell culture tendencies (mostly because of my neurosis) and I’m so happy that I now have the language to discuss these things.

#Me #Al #Self #Dani #rationality #humans

[muoisilvers4101-blog]

Guy Operating At Mt. Kisco Child Care.

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To my thoughts, music CDs as well as Videos are actually some of the most ideal presents you may give somebody. This guitar delivers you with a tiny light-weight guitar you can have along with you wherever you go as well as still have your popular music readily available. When emotions/feelings, the mind, as well as operations are all incorporated along with your life and popular music job, that is actually a dangerous blend because you will definitely possess the upper hand over the majority of people in the music market.

[adiamondserpent]

Vices | Mitchell & Scarlett

Scarlett Burroughs had always had a bit of a death wish - otherwise, how could she have lived the life she had and enjoyed every moment of it? Deadly upbringing, unhinged lovers, a psychotic husband, morally ambiguous choice of a career… Yes, she had always walked that thin line simply because it thrilled her, it made her feel distinctly alive - if it didn’t endanger her in some way, the woman was not interested. This was the reason why tonight her elbows rested on the cold iron-wrought railing that surrounded the rooftop and the surplus of people that filled it, a glass of fine crystal filled with whiskey dangling precariously between her fingers, the liquid swirling due to the lax, lazy way she held it, a petulant display of boredom. For a few futile moments, she entertained the idea of actually sitting on that same railing, with the panorama of New York City behind her back and a staggering sixty-floor drop below her - but it would be an entirely inappropriate thing to do given the setting. Somehow, it seemed that what was considered appropriate were bloated men in their sixties, those sleazy new money ones in ill-fitting suits, flirting with the young models that permeated this gala. Barely legal girls in short designer dresses they got in lieu of payment for walking down a runway - but that was okay, it’s not like they were allowed to eat anyway, at least not actual food. There really existed no words strong enough to describe the disgust that filled Scarlett at this sight, even more so when she realised she had come too early, that Smyslov wouldn’t be here until the last minute, when the elite gathered for an afterparty - a nice way to address the cattle fair where they sold those same girls and convinced them it would be their ticket to stardom. Where Smyslov is going, Scarlett mused, there won’t be any stars. 

She had lost interest in her date about an hour ago, sent him to go blab whatever he was blabbing about to someone else, preferably far far away from her earshot. He had resisted at first - a young thing, certainly younger than her - he got it into his head somehow that she cared, that he was more to her than a rather pretty accessory to have and look at from time to time, use as a conversation starter. But the thing was, he was so much prettier with his pretty mouth shut and his hands off her waist, both of which he seemed incapable of doing, so she got rid of him while she could, sent him to play with all the pretty, empty-headed models he belonged to. Shame. Maybe if he wasn’t either too drunk or too high by the end of the night she could still make use of him. She leaned forward a bit, the loose curls of her deeply red hair scattering from her shoulders and falling forward to shield her profile and rock easily against the fresh breeze that played here amongst the tall skyscrapers. She had decided to keep it this way for a while, after the Halloween, because she also decided it fit her rather well, and the blood wasn’t as visible in it as it was in her natural hair - pure practicality. She brought the glass to her lips, and though the music in the background was loud, interrupted only by nondescript voices that blended with one another and disappeared into sporadic bursts of overly-feminine giggles, her senses were hardly impaired by the third glass of whiskey in her hand and she could sense an approaching presence. She still had a few moments until he was by her side, because it was definitely a he, and she mused for a split second that if this shadowy outline in her peripheral version was... Joel? Jake? Jo... it didn’t matter - that if it was him she could just down her drink and drag him in some dark corner of the rooftop and make him shut up - the nice way, not the way she usually preferred to shut up those that annoyed her. And if it were one of the drunken sleazebags that posed as gentlemen, she could just pretend she didn’t speak the language - she had done it several times in the past hour, from Russian to French to German. 

As it turned out, it was neither, and she had no plan to set in motion in this case. She turned around slowly, few strands of her hair fluttering across her pale features when she leaned her lower back against that same railing, glass still in hand and eyes taking in the figure in front of her. If Scarlett was surprised to see his face (she certainly was), she hardly let it show - her features were arranged into that languid ease with which she regarded most things, or people for that matter - a mild quiver of a smirk in one corner of her lips, slightly asymmetrical, a lazy drag of her eyes across this new object of her attention, an eyebrow raised in something that might have been flirty had it not been so malicious. Yes, Scarlett always looked ready to devour whatever she set her eyes on, turn it to gold or tear it to sheds, and right now she was thoroughly enjoying that sudden spark of recognition in his pale eyes, a shadow of regret following soon after. “I suppose pretending I don’t speak the language to get rid of you would be futile, no?”, she drawled, shifting as she leaned backwards languidly, elbows now resting on the railing behind her and head cocked slightly to give off that vibe of a half-interested predator. “Oh, well... fine, you can stay. Now... I see that you’ve upgraded, haven’t you Clayton? Always had a vision of you in one of those... depraved, dimly-lit, dingy bars filled with people of... questionable morale. Wasn’t that your thing honey, all those years ago?”, her smile was all white teeth and bad intentions, “But I must admit, you fit right in with all the... well, take a look around. And I don’t mean the young, hot, empty-headed ones that all the cougars are stuck to.” Though in all fairness, in that suit, Scarlett could bet he drew a lot of attention to himself - not that she’d ever say so openly, he was arrogant enough without any aid. Always was. Only now he actually had a reason - which was annoying in itself. Her eyes returned from the crowd and back to him, “Though you look dreadfully stiff, you know. What’s wrong darling, not happy to see me? Oh come on, we both know how much you like to look when I’m in a tight dress, at least now you’ve got a better view.” An eyebrow was raised, albeit fleetingly, teasingly, as if to say - That’s right I saw that, I see everything - before Scarlett drew in a deep breath and felt the cold air passing through the narrowed vessels of her lungs, filling them up, making her suddenly yearn for something warm, something to take the edge off - she hated waiting like this, especially when she knew what would be the eventual outcome. Her fingers itched to feel something, and since it couldn’t be a blade yet, a cigarette would have to do. She was reaching for the clutch that lay on the tall table beside her when she asked, vaguely and entirely pro forma, “Mind if I smoke?” 

@claytonsinquisitions

#lol what #is #this #what #I TOLD YOU THIS WASN'T A GOOD IDEA HAHAHA making me write a starter #-facepalm- #tw drug mention #Mitchell #Vices

[phogenson]

A Hard Year: Doctors and Getting Help

The past weeks I've really looked at the conditions I was in dealing with anxiety. So I spent time in the hospital; time taking different medications; time writhing on the floor of my bedroom in panic; and time trying to just get through the day. Eventually I'd move on from those experiences, and I started that movement almost as soon as I got out of the emergency room although it was way too difficult to get to doctors who could help me.

This week I'm going to look at the process and difficulties I had setting up two different doctors appointments. For the record, I think that the medical bureaucracy in America is totally a shambles. The systems in place for getting care really does not serve people in my situation well, and I had a ton of advantages in navigating the system:

For one thing I was in Minnesota, which has one of the most all encompassing medical industries in the country. Like you can't throw a rock in Minneapolis without hitting a hospital, but doctors were hard to contact and offices were far flung enough to be problematic.

Additionally, I had insurance through a parent's work. It's not the greatest plan in the world, but I had it and I didn't have to pay for the insurance although I got the bills. The insurance company was helpful and for some reason insurance at all is a bit of a luxury in America so I was fortunate in that regard. Just for the record, I've been on Obamacare in the past and it's so important to have that.

And I had my family, many of whom work in health care in some way or another. And I was in touch with them throughout the process of finding care. That's a huge help. All these things also really inclined me to stay in Minneapolis at the time too. That didn't workout in the end, but I had support every step of the way through care. And I'm naturally pretty good at navigating systems like this so even with other difficulties, I could've been in my element but it still wasn't easy.

The point is there were places to go where I was, there was a company that was going to cover part of my care, and I could call my cousin when I was struggling with making very course grain decisions which were hard for me at the time. So this is one of those important features of dealing with mental health in America, it's unreasonably difficult especially for the person dealing with their mental health.

Initially I thought, since I hadn't been out of school for more than a year, I could at least start by going by student health services. After all, I'd gotten tested for mono there just a few months earlier after graduating. But it was 2016 and I guess that was when the University decided to kick me out of their health system--although I could still use their useless career services office and the library.

So February 19, 2016 was unseasonably warm. Upper 30s and drizzling in Minneapolis. I walked over to student health services early, before work, and just walked up to the desk. When they asked about who I was or whatever, they told me they couldn't help. That's real bummer when you basically see yourself as in a place where people are there to help you and you're asking for help. That dashed the notion that doing this very simple thing--seeing a doctor--would be as easy as walking into the building where the doctors are.

Needless to say, facing a setback in that state of affairs is devastating. I went to an auditorium on campus and thought about how the effort to end it all would be less than picking up the phone just to get buffeted around and told that there was no help available. Making that call took like an hour to just get around to. But eventually I started making calls and walking to work. I was very attached to my phone and my notebook that morning.

An hour or two after the failure at student health services I had the above notes together. But I was really just barely holding it together. I fielded a few more calls from clinics and offices which got stuck on the Post-It's.

On a personal note, I'd like to comment on the degree of organization and planning that was going on here. I'm frankly amazed looking at these notes that they are as organized as they are. So I'd like to clarify a few details about my experience dealing with anxiety:

First, specific to these days, getting through the calls and scribbling these notes down was basically all I was able to do. And it was hard to start. I wanted to just see a doctor, when that didn't work I felt pretty fatalistic about the whole day. I plugged away for a few hours doing research and writing notes. But before I did that I was thinking about bridges and jumping off of them.

Second, in general about my experience with anxiety, I was resistant to dealing with anxiety, or taking medication, or probably even acknowledging the problem. The reason I was resistant to change was because the fuel of anxiety is very compelling for putting notes like this together, agonizing over details and perfection. I definitely made notes and calendars and even some creative work with the force of anxiety behind me.

Now I can't speak for all neurosis or all people who struggle with mental health, but I'm confident in saying that frequently dealing with mental health is as difficult for people because it has some attractive qualities as much as it is difficult to deal with because it's harmful to the individual. I felt like anxiety was frequently what let me get better work done, and I still don't think I'm totally wrong about that.

Bipolars sometimes forego medication because manic episodes can be euphoric; alcoholics will relapse because drinking is part of how they get through the day and how they understand themselves and contextualize their relationships with others. Some of the activity of depressives, I hesitate to posit, is sometimes attractive to an interpretation of some alternative course of action to an individual dealing with depression. Certainly, because mental health permeates your experience of the world, it can be deeply tied to identity and I like some of my anxious energy and have some belief that there are good features of my life which seem only to be possible as a result of having that feature of my psychology.

Regardless of if having anxiety made it possible to effectively deal with my anxiety, by the end of February 19, 2016 I had two doctor's appointments set up. First was with a GP the following Monday, second was with a psychiatrist in March.

Meeting with the GP was pretty straightforward but it's not like a good time or anything. Doctor's offices kind of suck. The questions on paperwork about my own health history and my familial health history made me feel all kinds of ignorant and self conscious.

Basically, though, the GP felt confident in writing a new prescription for the lorazepam I was taking on an as needed basis. She also put me on sertraline, brandname Zoloft, a drug she said she'd "had success with for other patients with anxiety and depression." And that's really about it. Like any doctor I've talked with about Zoloft the GP talked about the caution and acclimation period to this drug. I started at half a tab every day for two weeks and then came up to a full tab after that. Zoloft takes about three to four weeks for the effects to be felt.

Zoloft gets prescribed left and right like it's the cure to the common neurosis. And it kinda is. It works for depression, it works for anxiety, generalized, social, panic disorder, it works for OCD. But the way it works is by setting a new baseline for serotonin re-uptake in the brain. People can feel "flatlined" on it, like there's no up or down. That's true, but for me that was a really positive feeling. By taking away my body's regulation of it's own serotonin the rollercoaster was gone.

So I was glad to have something working for me after meeting with GP. Only the lorazepam gave me any relief for a few weeks as I came up on Zoloft. It was suddenly obvious when this drug was working too, but it did take weeks and the increased dose. But when you realize that 41 million Americans take Zoloft and you sort of figure all these people are dazedly smoothing out the wrinkles in their emotions, I wonder what we really do with this blunt instrument of psychiatric stability.

I don't take Zoloft anymore.

Seeing the psychiatrist was not as straightforward. I had a very early morning meeting. I was going to have to go to a clinic that was miles away. I was resolved to bike to Edina, and it wouldn't have been that bad 13 miles 50 degree weather. But I got a little worried about biking in a light rain and not making it back to work on time. So I took an expensive Uber out there.

There was a lot of paperwork before the appointment. I brought it with me. There was more when I was there. And some of this stuff asks you to rate how you're doing on a scale and you can just tell that the higher the number the worse you are. Going about inpatient work like this almost makes you feel like you're in deep shit. It's like you got called down to some middle school principle's office for adults. I told myself it was better to just be honest.

They got some vital information like hight and weight for their records too. Then it's just a very impersonal interview. Talking to a psychiatrist just doesn't seem like the right way to go about dealing with mental health. Even talking to a really good doctor like I did, I wondered what could this person get from just asking a few pro forma questions that my therapist didn't already have a better grasp on. But moving forward through anxiety in this health system really requires a broad effort of people and approaches which is distressing in it's own right.

The truth is doctors are kind of like plumbers and psychiatrists are working on a very limited set of "if... then..." propositions that lead them to their eventual diagnosis and prescription. There's also something about talking so briefly with a person about substances that will change the way you feel that seems like talking to a two-bit dealer just with an office. I can never shake the Trainspotting feeling I'm in a psychiatrist's office--a feeling that the doctor is saying "this is some good shit, man, try it" because I was often left to just sign on with something like "oh yeah, Klonopin sounds good to me."

So March 15, 2015 I was taking Zoloft and Klonopin which is a pretty standard prescription for generalized anxiety. But it's hard to jump through all these hoops and I was a good jumper. It's weird that the medical industrial system is spread thin on patients. It's spread thin not just in the sense that getting to a doctor isn't easy even in terms of location--not everyone can Uber over the psychiatrist, that's a pain in itself--but who you see is just going to be less than the most helpful. In a sense the doctor is barely as helpful as a good friend, but they can write prescriptions which can help.

I don't want to catastrophize too much. It was paramount that I get help with my mental health. And I got it. Getting help was so much the right decision. Struggling is not right. I went through the next six months on the wave of medications and doctor visits that started on February 19, 2016 and occasionally still occur. But there's a framework for providing care and understanding the problems of people struggling with mental health that just isn't fleshed out enough for patients seeking help.

These are problems I could talk about at length another time.

#Anxiety #Doctors #Insurance #Obamacare #mental health #a hard year #Zoloft #Klonopin

[khalilhumam]

‘Boca de Rua&#039;: The Brazilian newspaper produced entirely by people living on the street

New Post has been published on http://khalilhumam.com/boca-de-rua-the-brazilian-newspaper-produced-entirely-by-people-living-on-the-street/

‘Boca de Rua': The Brazilian newspaper produced entirely by people living on the street

After 19 years, Boca is still telling stories from the street

Marcos Scher selling the paper at traffic lights before the pandemic. Photo: Charlotte Dafol/Used with permission

Nineteen years ago in Porto Alegre, in southern Brazil, a newspaper made entirely by people living on the streets was created. Boca de Rua (Mouth of the Street, also known as Boca) newspaper was ideated by a group of journalists who wanted to provide this community with the tools to speak for themselves. The project was conceived in 2000 and a year later, during the first meeting of the World Social Forum, the first edition of Boca was launched. Today, the newspaper is the only member of the International Network of Street Papers (INSP) created entirely by people living on the streets. The ideas for stories, interviewees and questions are all developed by the community itself. Two journalists, who have been with the project since the beginning, are responsible for designing every new issue. A group of volunteers also helps with support such as recording meetings, guiding the reporters about notetaking, and transcribing notes on the computer. Published as a quarterly, Boca's coverage ranges from reports of abuses suffered by those on the street to positive stories. Over a period of three months, the group decides on the direction of the coverage, they go out into the field, conduct interviews, take photographs and gather testimonies for the stories. Member turnover is high, but on average, about 50 people work on each edition. After printing, each member of the group receives a share of copies to sell on the streets of Porto Alegre and all the proceeds go to the journalist/vendors. The publication is also sustained by donations from supporters, many of them anonymous. Rosina Duarte, one of the creators of Boca de Rua and the NGO ALICE (Free Agency for Information, Citizenship and Education), to which the newspaper is linked, said that the initial aim was “to give a voice to those who don't have one”. In time, however, they realized that this was presumptuous — the voices were always there, society just didn't listen to them, she says. In a telephone interview with Global Voices, Rosina says:

Quando nós chegamos, a gente tinha ainda aquele discurso bonito, que carrega muito resquício do “preconceito bonzinho”, como eu digo, que é o de querer dar algo a eles, de ajudar. Mas a gente percebeu que nós é que tínhamos que ser alfabetizadas na linguagem da rua. Eles não tinham a alfabetização da linguagem escrita, mas nós éramos analfabetas completas sobre a vida na rua.

When we arrived, we still had those pretty words which hold a lot of undertones of “nice prejudice”, as I call it, which is wanting to give something to them to help. But we realized that it was us who had to become literate in the language of the street. They didn't have literacy in written language, but we were completely illiterate about life on the street.

Catarina and Daniel wearing masks with Boca's logo | Photo: Luiz Abreu/Used with permission

The journalists’ original idea was to create a radio broadcast program using speakers installed on the city's lamp posts. But when they contacted a group of homeless people, they were adamant: “We want a newspaper about us”. Rosina says the idea worried her at first, but it worked:

Quando eles disseram que queriam um jornal, fomos atrás de financiamento, ainda tateando no escuro, sem saber o que fazer. Mas um dia caiu a ficha: ao contar o que acontecia nas ruas, eles faziam notícia. E, se eles tivessem consciência disso, o texto se organizava de uma forma muito clara. Porque a gente faz notícia o tempo inteiro. Tem os que fazem de uma forma mais objetiva, outros menos objetiva, mas a gente faz.

When they said they wanted a newspaper, we went after funding, still feeling our way in the dark, not knowing what to do. But one day the penny dropped: by telling what was happening on the streets, they were breaking news. And if they became aware of this, the paper would organize itself very clearly. Because we make news all the time. Some people do it in a more objective way, others less objective, but we do it.

Over time, the newspaper also became a kind of social movement. The group meets weekly to discuss collective demands and possibilities for supporting the individual issues of its members. It is also linked to initiatives in the field, such as the Movimento Nacional da População de Rua (National Movement of People on the Street) and Amada Massa (Loving Dough), a bakery that aims to generate autonomy for people with a history on the streets in Porto Alegre. Regarding the content of the stories told by the paper, Rosina recalls:

Parece que é só sofrimento, parece que é só dificuldade. E não é. Descobrimos essa alegria, essa resistência, valorizamos essa imensa, fantástica capacidade de sobreviver, não só de se manter vivo, mas de manter viva a esperança, a alegria, o afeto e todas essas questões.

It seems like it's just suffering, it seems like it's just difficulty. And it's not. We have discovered this joy, this resistance, we appreciate this immense, fantastic capacity to survive, not only to stay alive, but to keep hope, joy, affection and all these things alive.

Voices from the streets

In a telephone interview with Global Voices, Elisângela Escalante, who joined the group six years ago when she was on the streets, emphasized the importance of the newspaper in her life:

Muita coisa aconteceu comigo através do jornal. Ele me tirou da rua. Porque eu vivi três anos e meio na rua e eu saí depois de uns meses indo pro jornal. Eu fui guardando um dinheiro e comecei a alugar o meu espaço. Antes eu não ganhava o meu dinheiro, dependia do meu companheiro pra tudo. Faz diferença pra mim, eu gosto de ter meu dinheiro.

A lot happened to me through the paper. It got me off the street. Because I lived on the street for three and a half years and I got out after a few months going to the paper. I was saving some money and started to rent my own space. Before I didn't earn my money, I depended on my partner for everything. It makes a difference for me, I like to have my own money.

The cover of the edition which drew attention to the challenges of motherhood on the street. Photo: Agência ALICE/Boca de Rua, used with permission.

Elisângela remembers one edition in particular, where the cover story asked: “Why can't we be mothers?”. The report talked about the challenges that women with street backgrounds face in motherhood. While producing the report, some women members of the newspaper managed to regain contact with their children who they hadn't seen in years, Elisângela says:

Eu acho que o que a gente fala [no jornal] é a verdade. É o que a gente sente e o que a gente vive dentro da sociedade. Se não fosse o Boca, não teria outra maneira de fazer isso e ser ouvido por tanta gente. Através dele eu consegui muitas coisas e ajudei muitas pessoas também.

I think what we say [in the paper] is the truth. It's what we feel and what we experience within society. If it weren't for Boca, I wouldn't have any other way to do this and be heard by so many people. Through it I got a lot of things and I helped a lot of people too.

For the first time in its history, the newspaper is unable to be sold on the streets due to the COVID-19 pandemic. In an effort to alleviate the effects on the reporters’ income, Boca de Rua has been transformed into a digital version. With a contribution of 20 BRL (around 3.75 US dollars) every three months, readers access the latest edition of Boca, as well as old editions and other material. For the contributors and reporters, the most important thing is that the voices from the street continue to be heard during the pandemic. When asked in a telephone conversation about his feelings about the newspaper, Marcos Sher, a 13-year veteran of Boca, said:

Pra mim é bom, muito bom. Pra você ver que eu não largo, né? Às vezes eu dou um tempo, mas eu volto de novo. Pra mim o jornal foi uma maneira de sair do tráfico [de drogas] e voltar a trabalhar. É bom porque é alguma coisa pra fazer, pra me tirar de casa. Ter alguma coisa pra fazer é muito importante pra mim.

For me it's good, very good. So you can see I'm not letting go, right? Sometimes I stop for a while, but I come back again. For me, the newspaper was a way to get out of [drug] trafficking and go back to work. It's good because it's something to do, to get me out of the house. Having something to do is very important for me.

Editor's note: Talita Fernandes works with the newspaper Boca de Rua (Porto Alegre, Rio Grande do Sul) and wrote a dissertation “Street, feminine noun: women in movement and the right to the body in the city”, by the Federal University of Rio Grande do Sul (UFRGS).

< p class='gv-rss-footer'>Written by Talita Fernandes Translated by Liam Anderson · View original post [pt]

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

sarahf (Sarah Frostenson, politics editor): Former Vice President Joe Biden picked up two notable endorsements this week. The first was from his former rival, Sen. Bernie Sanders, who endorsed him on Monday, less than a week after he dropped out of the race. And the second was from his former running mate, former President Barack Obama, who endorsed him on Tuesday.

Both endorsements point to a party coalescing behind its nominee, and Obama’s endorsement, in particular, could be especially influential as he remains popular among Democrats and is seen as a kingmaker in the party. So just how important is Obama’s endorsement, especially at this stage in the primary?

nrakich (Nathaniel Rakich, elections analyst): How best to put this … Obama’s endorsement is simultaneously completely unsurprising/pro forma and also an important part of political pageantry.

Like, obviously no one doubted that Obama would endorse the eventual Democratic nominee. And I don’t think it will really matter in terms of winning Biden votes in the general election (although I expect we’ll debate that below).

But it is still a nice little bit of free media for Biden and has come to be an expected part of the modern presidential campaign — the old party leader draping his arm around the new one. Certainly without that moment, Biden would have had a problem, as the question of “Why hasn’t Obama endorsed?” would hang over his campaign. So it’s important in that respect.

julia_azari (Julia Azari, political science professor at Marquette University and FiveThirtyEight contributor): I was just thinking about that as I watched the endorsement video — I’m not sure who would care about the Obama endorsement who wasn’t already basically fine with Biden.

But I do think this is a move to get things going into the general election.

geoffrey.skelley (Geoffrey Skelley, elections analyst): It’s pretty typical for a president to eventually endorse his former VP, but it would’ve been far more memorable had Obama publicly endorsed Biden before the Democratic primary was over.

julia_azari: I totally agree with that, Geoffrey. I’ll try to come up with something to disagree about so as to be less boring.

sarahf: Geoffrey also raises something that’s been asked a number of times this primary: Should Obama have backed Biden sooner from the standpoint of Democrats?

nrakich: From Biden’s perspective, of course! From Obama’s perspective, nah.

Obviously, Biden would have loved Obama’s endorsement from the get-go. It would have scared a lot of other contenders out of the race and made him even more of a favorite than he already was. But Obama’s motives may have been different.

geoffrey.skelley: Obama was smart not to publicly endorse until now, as he was able to avoid exacerbating intraparty divisions.

nrakich: Obama also has his legacy to think of. He is beloved by pretty much all corners of the party — why risk that? Also, why risk having your endorsed candidate lose, thus showing that your own party doesn’t care what you have to say anymore?

julia_azari: I think there’s a sense after 2016 (and 2004, and 2000) that assembling a winning coalition for Democrats is tricky and requires a lot of pieces to be in place. And although Bill Clinton endorsed Al Gore in December 1999, helping to clear the field, I think for a variety of reasons that sort of field-clearing would have been ill-advised this time around. The timing and informal politics of presidential nominations have changed.

sarahf: Why is that, Julia?

julia_azari: Part of it has to do with the fallout from 2016 and accusations that the process was “rigged.” While I don’t think that the conspiracy theories about the DNC are right, it is true that (per “The Party Decides”) party actors try to do things like clearing the field for former vice presidents and other establishment-type candidates. Also, it was far from obvious that Biden was going to be the nominee. So as Geoffrey and Nathaniel are saying, if you’re Obama, why stick your neck out to endorse Biden before things are settled?

geoffrey.skelley: However, there are rumors — and some evidence — that Obama may have been moving behind the scenes to get the party’s establishment to coalesce behind Biden right after South Carolina, which may have contributed to the timing of former Mayor of South Bend, Indiana, Pete Buttigieg and Sen. Amy Klobuchar’s departures and subsequent endorsements of Biden ahead of Super Tuesday.

sarahf: The New York Times reported he met with Sanders’s team at least four times and played a big role in getting Sanders to drop out when he did. That’s … pretty big, right?

geoffrey.skelley: Yeah, I would say convincing Sanders to not extend the primary fight might be a bigger deal than Obama endorsing Biden, if only because a drawn-out primary might have left room for more ruffled feathers and division. I don’t want to overstate things, though, because Sanders was doing much worse than he did in 2016, so he also had some incentive to not hang around this time.

nrakich: Yeah, I think Obama’s reported orchestration of the dropouts of Sanders, Buttigieg or Klobuchar is much more important than Tuesday’s public endorsement. Maybe that was a way for Obama to achieve the outcome of an earlier Biden endorsement without incurring any of its backlash. Obama’s main incentive to endorse Biden earlier would have been if he was strongly opposed to another candidate (i.e., Sanders) and his vision for the party. But he may have decided to address that concern behind the scenes rather than stick his neck out publicly.

julia_azari: And as I noted last year, there were several candidates running in 2020 who might have carried on Obama’s legacy: Sen. Kamala Harris, Sen. Cory Booker and Buttigieg. So again, there’s no real incentive for Obama to endorse sooner. In fact, there’s an argument to be made that Biden wasn’t the best candidate to carry on Obama’s legacy despite his closeness to the president. New York Magazine’s Eric Levitz has suggested as much — Biden was selected in 2008 in part because he wouldn’t pose a threat to his legacy by running for president later. Of course, that didn’t pan out, but I think that argument is persuasive.

geoffrey.skelley: It’s worth noting that Obama dissuaded Biden from running against Hillary Clinton in the 2016 Democratic primary, too.

julia_azari: But the main reason I think Obama got in this game so late was the changing norms about competition in presidential primaries (i.e., there should be some rules for when a former president can endorse) and not because it was Biden, his former running mate, per se.

geoffrey.skelley: That makes sense, Julia. If there was a sense that someone was putting a thumb on the scale, that would rankle a significant chunk of the Democratic primary electorate and potentially create more discord.

However, I do think there’s a question of how big a role Obama has played quietly behind the scenes since he left office.

As we know, he played a part in keeping Biden out ahead of 2016, and then it seems as if he played a part in the party coalescing around Biden instead of Sanders in 2020. So maybe he’s always been maneuvering behind the scenes where possible to get his preferred result under the circumstances.

nrakich: Yeah, Geoffrey — maybe Obama has actually always been extremely active in intraparty backroom dealing and we just don’t know the full extent!

geoffrey.skelley: We’ll need someone’s great tell-all book on the subject in a few years to help us out.

sarahf: But some of the timing question must have also had to do with how Obama would handle the role of “sidekick to his former sidekick,” right? That is, there is a real risk that Obama’s star power overshadows Biden, and the primary becomes about him. Take this headline from Politico from a few days ago, for instance: “Barack Obama wins the Democratic primary.”

Obviously, Biden wanted Obama’s endorsement, but I think there’s a real question of how much of a role he wants Obama to have in his campaign moving forward.

julia_azari: I’ve been thinking a lot about this. There’s a very odd role reversal in Obama now being the sidekick because Biden was the more experienced politician to start with.

Also, Biden has embraced the Obama legacy idea in a way that strikes me as somewhat novel. Most former or sitting VPs try to make their own pitch, but Biden has really tried to connect himself to Obama’s legacy. Given the power of norms and normalcy at this moment (even pre-COVID-19, though I think that exacerbates it) it isn’t a dumb political move. But it is sort of uncharted in modern politics, where politicians’ individual qualities are often more important than their affiliations.

This might only be tangentially related, but since the 2016 Republican primary I’ve been thinking a lot about the absence of actors who have real influence. Rep. James Clyburn’s endorsement of Biden showed that there are still some actors with informal influence in the Democratic Party. Obama is another such actor, and perhaps his late entry into the race signals that he understands the scope and potential downsides of that power.

But a healthy party has more people like that and doesn’t rely on popular former presidents — former presidents, for one thing, lack any formal power to go along with their informal influence.

nrakich: As we’ve discussed before, though, Biden doesn’t really have a party-unity problem — at least no more than past nominees.

I just don’t think there’s anyone out there who is saying, “Well, I was on the fence about Biden, but now that Obama has endorsed him, he has my support.”

julia_azari: I think Obama’s endorsement is a signal to less-attentive voters, like, ‘OK, we’re doing this.’

sarahf: Is it possible though, that Obama’s endorsement backfires or is something Trump can use against Biden?

geoffrey.skelley: There’s obviously a major chunk of the Republican base that has great antipathy for Obama, but you’d think most of those voters would already vote for Trump regardless.

nrakich: Right, polarization is king. Most people already know if they are going to vote for Biden or Trump. Obama’s endorsement is unsurprising, so it’s unlikely to make a difference. Heck, even huge news events like impeachment or the coronavirus (so far) barely move the needle.

sarahf: What about Obama’s popularity among the ever-coveted independents?

geoffrey.skelley: I guess it can’t hurt with independents, but Trump’s underwater ratings among them hurts much more than Obama’s endorsement of Biden helps.

julia_azari: One question I have moving forward is whether politicians will have to develop a different calculus to attract news coverage. I expect that stories about the coronavirus will dominate for a long time.

sarahf: Yeah … how much more would Obama’s endorsement have meant if it was him and Biden at a campaign stop when he took the stage in front of hundreds (or thousands) of supporters? I think we’re starting to see some of the real limitations of remote campaigning.

But given what Obama has reportedly done behind the scenes for Biden already (help coalesce the party, get Sanders to drop out) and what he can do now that he’s publicly backed Biden (fundraise, fundraise!), I think that is still a win for Biden at the end of the day.

nrakich: I think that’s right, Sarah. Under normal conditions where the presidential race were still the top story, this would dominate the news cycle (rightly or wrongly), which might lead to a free-media bump for Biden.

sarahf: The timing, though, of Sanders (the rival) endorsing yesterday and Obama (the former commander-in-chief) endorsing today was smart. Especially if Obama helped orchestrate the former.

nrakich: Twitter is not real life, but this is pretty impressive:

NEW: @BarackObama's video endorsing @JoeBiden hit 1 million views on Twitter in 39 minutes, @Twitter says.

— Evan McMurry (@evanmcmurry) April 14, 2020

Although people who are Very Online are probably especially unlikely to be swayed by this!

sarahf: I think you might be underestimating the cues of this, Nathaniel, for less-attentive voters as Julia said.

julia_azari: Yeah, I really stand by my statement that this is a reminder for marginally attentive people that the primary happened, has concluded, and the general election is starting with Biden as the party nominee. And if you liked life under the Obama administration better than now, the former president’s endorsement is telling you, ‘This is the guy.’

nrakich: I’m not trying to minimize that! But I don’t think this is changing minds.

I agree it’s a cue to maybe start tuning in.

And as I said at the beginning, it’s an important part of political pageantry.

julia_azari: Speaking of pageantry, I was struck by just how partisan the announcement was.

Obama accused Republicans of being interested in power, talked about their attempts to dismantle the Affordable Care Act and stressed that some of our democratic values are under attack.

geoffrey.skelley: Maybe that approach is part of trying to make sure that this election is a referendum on the president? Given Trump’s consistently mediocre approval rating, that would seem like a wise approach.

julia_azari: It also tells you that this was about cueing people for the general and not really about consolidating the party at the end of the primary.

sarahf: Which maybe goes back to Nathaniel’s point that it’s less about Obama’s endorsement convincing people to vote for Biden, and more about setting the stage for what’s at stake here in 2020.

But OK, to wrap — just how big of a deal is Obama’s endorsement?

geoffrey.skelley: On a scale from 1 to 10, I give it a … 4? If we knew for sure that he was central in helping get much of the party behind Biden, I would give that a 10 out of 10 for importance.

Encouraging Sanders to drop out, though, that’s like an 8 or 9.

nrakich: I agree with Geoffrey that it would be very important if Obama was helping Biden behind the scenes, but I don’t think of that as the same as this public endorsement. He could have done one without the other.

julia_azari: If we mean “likely to help Biden,” then I give it a 2. If we mean “indicative of other forces around nomination politics,” I give it an 8. I think the real lesson here is that Obama has been pretty involved in politics for a past president. Some of this has to do with the tenor of partisan politics, and some of it has to do with the fact that he’s quite popular and still a pretty young former president.

geoffrey.skelley: The popularity of Obama really stands out to me. George W. Bush was not a much-desired figure at GOP events four years after his presidency, much less during the 2008 campaign to succeed him. Whereas Biden will happily deploy Obama wherever the former president can help, and down-ballot Democrats will love having him, too.

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