#and i just got my new insurance in january and i never got a fucking insurance card

[runawaymarbles]

separating dental insurance from normal medical coverage and making it fucking impossible to navigate is evil, actually

#i don't have a dentist rn because i have switched insurance 3 times in 3 years #and i just got my new insurance in january and i never got a fucking insurance card #anyway this tooth issue from a couple years ago came back in force last week #and so I'm trying to find someone to look at it but most places don't take emergency patients if you haven't been there before #half the dentists in my area are known for telling people they have 30 cavities so i do NOT want to walk in with an actual problem #and there's a dental urgent care but they don't say what insurance they take and my insurance phone tree is not telling me what is fucking #covered #jesus fucking christ #and I don't know if I'm looking at a couple hundred or ten thousand dollars here #i think this tooth is going to have to go eventually but i don't know if it has to go NOW #screaming #maybe i just do not eat any hot or cold food for the next three months???? #op

[bigskydreaming]

Bit of a vent post, bit of a housekeeping post, bit of a 'so that's what's been happening in Kalen-land' post:

So I have officially done everything that can be done to prepare for our relocation to a different site while they do construction on this one for the next year, which should be....any day now. Since it was originally supposed to happen on October 2nd, lol. Oh, bureaucracy.

If I wrote a memoir of the last two years specifically, 'Oh, Bureaucracy' would be the title, actually. So obviously its no secret that Moukie & I have been struggling for a long time, even after my surgery back in December 2021. But pretty much all of that has to do with our struggles to hack through bureaucracy to secure some actual stability and longterm living situation, since....oh, January 2022. We've finally secured a five year lease to stay in this place (with the exception of the next year, at a different site during construction, as I mentioned), but like....we only JUST got that agreement officially in writing, signed & notarized & all that...last week.

After being told it was basically a done deal but they couldn't finalize anything or put anything in writing until the building sold and the property changed hands and one city service took over oversight of this particular property from another one....pretty much every month since November of last year. They changed dates and timelines on us so many times it was like every three week we'd have a completely new timeline we were looking at for when we could expect to have everything finalized or for the relocation to happen, etc. Most recently, we were told with complete certainty that everyone HAD to be out October 2nd, that construction would be starting immediately after that, nobody would be allowed to stay in the building.

October 31st, and we're still here, lol.

So that's been a fun non-stop rollercoaster ride of stress, lol. The problem, of course, is that before my surgery (12/2021), I'd quite literally been homeless for at least the five years prior to that. Fortunately I never quite made it to the point of having to sleep outside, though there were plenty of times it got close, and spent most of that time living out of cheap motels & extended stay housing while working towards getting enough money together for my surgery, but as far as any landlord or potential renter is concerned, I was for all intents & purposes homeless during that time, and that's....not great when trying to secure housing in the middle of a pandemic right after basically starting your life over from scratch after the surgery to fix the problem that basically derailed your entire life, lol. Not to mention my credit score was practically nonexistent, all my credit cards were maxed out to pay for the surgery & insurance, my driver's license had been expired for years due to not being even able to drive while I had my issues w/my jaw & everything related to that, and getting it back was easier said than done because I'd had like, two unpaid parking tickets at the time of my medical issues beginning & they kinda completely dropped out of sight, out of mind, only to multiply w/fees that were fucking ridiculous to contemplate & going down to the DMV or traffic court to try and argue them down, while my medical issues were still ongoing, was a nonstarter due to how little travel I was capable of in that state....

LOL. Not a great starting point when rebooting for Kalen 2.0 - and of course I'm not going to get into why we had to use my ID & everything for renting & all that, instead of Moukie's, just trust that there were Reasons.

And of course there are programs to help people out with these kinds of circumstances, which is basically what we've been doing since January 2022....navigating that labyrinth of red tape, because actually ACCESSING those programs, proving eligibility, meeting all requirements, keeping consistent with all requirements throughout the months of waiting on a verdict from higher-ups your file's been passed up the chain to....MUCH easier said than done. The hoops are just. The stuff of legends. Especially when you're still having trouble consistently staying stocked on the meds you need to be productive & functional, or even just keeping your phone active. Oof. All of that was very Not Fun.

Which segues into a bit of that venting I was talking about, because over & over the past couple years we've had well-meaning (and not so well-meaning & largely just obnoxious) people asking us in response to our donation posts like, well why don't we just move to a cheaper city? LOL. I just. I wish people would stop to think that maybe if there's such an obvious solution that someone hasn't availed themselves to yet, there's probably a REASON for that.

We actually had several. For starters, there's the fact that I still have stuff related to my jaw to deal with....I still have no teeth, lol, and haven't really been able to even START getting the bone grafts I need to be able to get implants at some point, so I'm not stuck with dentures for the next fifty years....and it took me literal years to find dentists familiar with my situation, willing to work with me on payment plans & longterm strategizing, etc.....not that easy to just start over with all of that in another, smaller city. Not to mention if I do have any problems with my prosthetic, LA's one of the only places that has ANY surgeons that deal with this specific kind of jaw replacement surgery, so I'd always have to come back here for any further medical related stuff.

But then there's additionally the fact that all those programs meant to help people like us who are literally trying to restart their lives after medical issues, homelessness, etc.....they're pretty much all specific to their own city. They're all contingent on each individual city's resources, services, populations and a million other details.....so moving to a different city basically means having to start all over again with applying to THAT city's housing aid programs & navigating THAT city's bureaucracy from its beginning & forfeiting however much time or progress you've put in already in the city you're currently in. And frankly, most cities don't HAVE as good of aid programs as LA does....its just...it takes fucking forever to actually make full USE of such programs, as evident from the fact that after almost two years, we're only FINALLY to the point where one of those programs has been able to actionably help us secure longterm housing.

(And also there's the fact that when we don't even have enough money for groceries, how cheap do people thinking picking up and moving to another city actually IS? Like. You need starter money to even GET there & get on your feet or you wind up in an even worse situation than we were in).

But honestly, we didn't have it so bad, we have been able to stay housed & working various odd jobs for the past two years....its just been long, and stressful, never actually knowing when or even IF we'd get to the point where we stopped worrying about being kicked out at any given moment, and there were times that looking for housing or trying to deal with bureaucratic red tape was the equivalent of a full time job, in terms of hours required.

All of which is to say....be aware when assuming the worst of various donation posts & their posters, that except in the case of actual scammers, no matter what you may think of how a particular donation request was worded or described their situation, its almost always VASTLY more complicated than can be summed up in a couple of easy to read paragraphs that might actually get people to help. I promise you, if super obvious solutions seem evident to you, they've occurred to the people living with that situation 24/7, and there's a reason that they haven't tried that solution or maybe they even did & for whatever reason it didn't actually work out.

And that said, all of this is also to say just....thank you again for everyone who's helped us out over the years. I know it often seems unending or like we're never getting our acts together, lol, but trust me, it feels that way to us too, times a million, and like....we're working on it. Its just. Much easier said than done. For every hurdle cleared, there's usually another one waiting to pop up like a fucking whack-a-mole game from Hell. Since January 2022 we've been consistently working towards a longterm, stable housing situation and this is it, this is what we were working towards.....we've been fully approved for relocation to the other site for the next year & then returning to this one after construction/renovation, w/a lease agreement for the next five years.....and that's the dream, honestly.

Genuine stability, not having to worry about whether we'll have to move at any given moment, actual housing security....allowing us to FINALLY focus on building our lives back up, instead of constantly grinding just to keep a roof over our head & make sure nobody's about to kick us out....and having the room to breathe & for the first time in literal years (in my case, almost seven at this point) actually prioritize something OTHER than figuring out where we stand on paperwork, filing, tracking down various liaisons to bug them yet again about an accurate timeline for when we'd be notified of whether or not we'd been approved for this program or that one, when we'd actually be relocating, when we had to make x payment by to ensure we didn't lose our qualified status, etc.

And I, for one, definitely can not WAIT to give more of a shit about the absolute stupidest shit imaginable instead of like....warily checking the hall to see if new eviction notices popped up overnight. LMAO.

Anyway. Like I said, we finally have our agreement in writing, we know where we're relocating to, and as soon as that actually happens - which they keep insisting should be any day now, sigh - we'll finally be in a much better place. As part of the relocation program we landed in, our rent at the other site is covered during the year this site is under construction, so already just from that alone we'll be much better off financially.

Moukie's been sending around a donation post this month, and we'll probably keep it circulating up until the day the movers arrive and they finally pull the trigger on us leaving this site, because for the last three months they've been insisting that October 2nd was absolutely going to be our last day here, and we planned around that timetable....meaning that since October 2nd came and went with us still here, our only jobs at the moment are whatever freelance ones we can scrounge up, since the new place is far enough away a commute to & from a workplace around HERE wouldn't be viable, so I can't even go look for a new one to replace the last one until we're actually in the area we'll be spending next year in, lol. So in the meanwhile we've basically been surviving off donations since freelance work is painfully dry at the moment, and as it is, the company Moukie does editing work for still hasn't paid them for their last job yet, which was back in September, I believe? Its ridiculous, but it is what it is.

So yeah, we'll keep that post circulating a bit longer til we're out of here for good, basically just for food money until we're settled in the new place & can grab a new 9-5 and I would say something about that damn patreon I'm always claiming I'll make except I am a Proven Liar Not To Be Trusted On That Subject at this point, but hey, once we're in the new place, maybe that will finally change.

That's basically everything I set out to ramble about, I think, so....I'm done. Wait. Lemme check - yeah, no, that's it, I'm good. I've said it before but it'll never stop being true: we would not have survived if it weren't for the kindness of strangers & the help of mutuals & followers & we really are so much more appreciative of it than I can ever adequately express. I know that can come across as lip service, but genuinely, people here have done more for us and to help us and to see us succeed than our families ever did and we've been reduced to ugly-crying more than once as a result. Its gotten bad, guys. Like. When I go all out, it's not a pretty sight. I've got that pale Irish skin that gets all splotchy when I'm emotional, my nose gets all stopped up, I make scrunchy faces like a baby that KNOWS its not as pretty as its parents keep trying to pretend and is out to prove it....its a whole mess.

And on that note - and imagery - I'm officially done here. Thanks for reading!

[turnipstewdios]

Trans healthcare is Bullsh*t

Long vent post, cause I'm mad and need to release the feelings back into their natural habitat. Had less than two weeks to go before the hysterectomy I've been trying to get for almost five years, and insurance has denied my appeal. Again. Very clearly for the last time. The rejection letter deemed the surgery "Not medically necessary" and with the context of past interactions I don't think I could have heard the "Fuck off looser" more clearly if someone had told me in person. My first appointment for this surgery was in June, and I had already been waiting for years at that point. I thought had been very careful to get everything set up, and get all my letters of referral and paperwork strait before hand. Except my insurance specifically apparently had a whole extra qualification for this surgery, that does not apply to anyone else in my state, and that no one told me about because the provider I've been going through for my care has never had anyone bring up that requirement before. That being that I needed to have been seeing a therapist specifically for my gender dysphoria for at least 12 months before hand. So. Had to cancel my appointment for that. The new surgery date I got moved things for enough out that my two letters of referral for reproductive surgery, which have to be less than a year old, expired. For the third time. But that gave me a chance to try and fudge the therapist thing. I went back to the same therapists who gave me the letters last year, exactly one year after my last appointment, and they signed off that I'd been seeing them for 12 months. So we turned that in and filed an appeal. That's where it started getting really, really obvious that my insurance was bullshitting us. I currently make just barely too much money to qualify for my state's government insurance plan. (which sucks because Oregon state insurance actually covers transgender care.) But I don't have enough money to pay for my own insurance. I've been on a family plan from my parents. In fact I specifically moved back in with my parents so I would be covered by it. But I age out on my next birthday, which is January 10th. So it's become increasingly obvious over the last few months that insurance was just stalling for time until they didn't have to deal with me anymore. After I turned in the appeal with evidence that I'd been seeing a mental health provider for 12 months, along with my new letters of referral, I didn't hear back from them. Got to within a week of surgery. Contacted surgery scheduling, and they said I hadn't been approved. Contacted my rep. Apparently, they had never received any appeal letters. That was bull crap, btw, because when we re-scheduled things again, and me, my provider, and my rep all made absolutely sure to send things through the proper channels, the exact same thing happened a second time. And at that point it was late October, and the next appointment was Dec 4th. So we re-appealed. Again. My rep sent stuff up the chain directly, and made sure it got to the people who needed to see it. I was assured that I would have an answer within the week. Three weeks ago. Yesterday, I called my rep to check on things, and she read out my final rejection letter. So. Even if I had time to reschedule again before I age out in a month and a half, it's clearly just not happening on this plan. I'd already started looking for other insurance, but even if I find one I can afford that covers trans care, it will take long enough I'll have to renew all my letters again. The thing that really makes me mad about this is the wording of the rejection. "Not medically necessary." Because I've already had top surgery.

My insurance paid for the large, expensive, invasive, purely cosmetic breast surgery with high risk of complications without throwing a single wrench in things. But a minimally invasive reproductive surgery? When I have a history of painful cramping, irregular periods every 10 to 20 days, and bleeding so heavy and so often I suffer from mild blood loss if my weight dips below 175? When I am literally choosing not to loose weight so I don't constantly pass out, and have been doing so since my mid teens? When I have a family history of cervical or uterine cancer? Oh noooo. We cant have that. It's not medically necessary.

#bastards #coincidentally I found out that the office that deals with my approvals is in a different state for some fucking reason #what state? oh yes. It's Utah. where this type of care is illegal. #golly Ghee I wonder why they're so concerned about my reproductive health. #trans #trans healthcare #transgender #trans rights #trans nb #nb #trans non binary #nonbinary #surgery #healthcare #vent post #tw vent #vent

[viiridiangreen]

I’ve been neglecting the shit out of my destiny page + streams and stuff... but uh, for once it’s actually a positive?? I’ve officially survived my first month of full time half-remote office job & I’m currently making SOUMP

My partner Q is away with their dad talking about a gig at said dad’s company, & next weekend he’s also taking him to get looked at by the ophtalmologist again.

Q has been unable to work or do much of anything they enjoy for about three years on account of an undx’d eye condition. They’re a photographer... among other things that benefit from being able to look at stuff without debilitating pain. Hoping the doctor is finally able to help them.

We’re uhhh also about to buy a motorbike. Which is scary but also pretty exciting.

Sooo in addition to having gone from a part-time paid intern to a legit employee with double the salary plus insurance & bonuses, I won’t be the single earner anymore & we’ll have an actual method of transportation to our name, so we can go downtown without spending 1/8 of my monthly earnings on the round trip like before.

I haven’t needed to supply my income with the rent-an-egirl site, thinking of taking it up again & returning to Twitch too but focusing on building a comfortable space & striking a sustainable rhythm, remaining mindful of my comfort rather than like,, desperately trying to make enough to eat lol. Also any earnings from that are gonna go towards treats / personal projects / actual never-before-seen savings. Like this month I did empty out my acct bc the transitional period between internship and employment was fucking wild and we also had a friend staying with us before that so expenses kinda piled up. But. Apparently I’ll start to have an actual small surplus to stash away for emergencies soon.

Which means!! I can start thinking of updating the remaining fossil-like pieces on my PC, then maybe even getting a whole new one so I can do a better quality & more secure dual-machine stream & create Content(TM) from my gameplay more easily. I wanna learn 3D modeling too, start making custom VRChat avatars or Vtubers and whatnot.

And also!!! Tattooing equipment. And like my first actual tattoos for myself (I’ve done four for other folks, have none myself, mostly bc I want big large blackwork pieces that wrap around the body instead of just sitting in a little corner of it like a sticker. not that those aren’t cute but yeah). Q can probably get their arm piece touched up (it’s been on hiatus since they got it in JANUARY 2020 LMAO) and get the spine piece they’ve thought about so much.

Maybe we can even get a Little Guy To Live Alongside Us in the next few years???? Like an actual pet (which I’ve never ever had btw even as I’m a very Bonkers Over Animals person). While being confident that we can cover the costs of a good QOL for them ?!?!?! Insane.

TL;DR Shit’s going suspiciously well and I’m already plotting my eventual return to tattooing :3c

#viitalks

[accountingacademic]

New Year, Fresh Start

Daily Reflection Monday, 1 January, 2024

Things I'm Grateful For:

Having my ever-growing to-do list written down in my planner, so I don't have to forget those things I need to do.

Highlights:

Since I was up past midnight with friends, I made a final "fuck it, I'm staying up all night." After everyone logged off, I had a spurt of productivity and got a bunch of little odds and ends taken care of.

Even if it only really amounts to $1 per day, I enjoy the feeling like I'm setting myself up for success when I transfer some money into my investment account each month. Because January has 31 days, I transferred $31 this time. It's in a TFSA so I won't be taxed on what the money earns, and it's a zero-commission account, so everything that is put into that account will be mine when I withdraw it.

I didn't get everything on my to-do list done for the day, but I still managed to do quite a bit! I don't mind carrying over two tasks, especially when one of them is 90% done.

Challenges:

I couldn't get my money stuff taken care of when I first wanted to because my bank's online portal was down for maintenance. Bit of a nuisance, even though it's not really a huge deal--I don't have to deal with my money at 4:00am, it can wait until a more reasonable hour.

I accidentally ended up napping in the middle of the day. I laid down around 11:00am, and then dozed off and slept until about 2:30pm. So that took a chunk of time away from me that I could have used, but after an all-nighter, three and a half hours won't ruin everything.

Emotions:

I feel like an asshole, and a terrible friend. A friend of mine is going through a rough patch because a woman ran a red light the other day and fucked up his car. He's going through the process of trying to get proof for his insurance that he wasn't at fault, and trying to figure out what's going to happen to his car (he spent all his savings on it less than two months ago, and the odds are pretty much 50/50 that it could be written off). I fully understand that he needs to vent, but I just really don't like listening to that kind of thing. I want to just go and tune him out so it feels like a win-win (he gets to vent, I don't have to actually listen), but that also feels like a terrible thing to do.

The shoes I ordered with my Christmas money are supposed to be here tomorrow, according to FedEx. It's hard to say how accurate that is though, as it's been "we have your package" since the 28th, with the order itself placed on the 25th. If it's not in tomorrow, Wednesday would also work. I just want them in before I go back to school on Thursday.

Lessons Learned:

For all that my friends are usually there for me when I need it (even though I will rarely ask for help), I'm not great at doing the same for them. I think that's part of why I don't ask for help; I don't want to be one of those people who ask for help all the time but never offer anything in return. I want it to be fairly balanced, and unfortunately, holding back on my end is how I can help keep it that way.

Today's To-Do List:

Completed

Readjust the cat feeder to dispense at night.

Reorganize phone apps.

Find new wallpapers for my phone and laptop.

Divide my second student loan disbursement into GICs.

Pay board.

Clean out my D&D binder and prepare for the new campaign.

Renew my FitBit Premium membership.

Add $31 to my investment account.

Give the cats baths.

Put together the grocery list.

Uncompleted

Clean out my school binder and prepare for the new semester.

Finish catching up on laundry.

Tomorrow's To-Do List:

Buy a mirror that hangs off the door for my bedroom.

Buy a notebook to start a commonplace book.

Get groceries.

Nana's housework.

#accountingacademic #accounting academic #accounting #studyblr #college #productivity #study #daily reflections #january #2024 #january 2024

[fluffy-critter]

#crosspost #busybee

[thevirgodoll]

I 22f have been with my boyfriend 25m for two years now. We moved in together in January of this year. At the time I had been working two jobs for the last year and a half 6 am to 12am doubles. I was pretty burnt out but saving so much money. Also at the time my boyfriend was working a job that paid 1200$ a week. Before moving in and for a month after We lived a baller lifestyle, he won me over because he had a cool car and took me out and showed me off and brought me flowers and coffee to work and just wanted me around all the time. On my own I was able to lead a pretty good independent lifestyle, shopping and shows and vacations and helping my mom with bills. Eventually He wanted to "take care of me" and even offered to let me use both his credit cards for school related bills (I'm a college student). In January I had quit my morning job for school but was still working nights.It's worth mentioning that I had a pretty decent savings account and enough money in the bank to pay bills for a few months and a 750 credit scorewith paid off credit cards. While I was working nights, he would constantly belittle me when I had a rough night and say things like "if you quit your job and let me take care of you it would be better for both of us" "you should just let me take care of you, I'll give you more money than you'll make" and "that job is so bad for you. It makes you angry and it's causing us to argue".

In February, I got fired and I took it as a sign from the universe to chill out and focus on school that semester. Thus allowing my boyfriend to take care of me. We had an agreement that the whole time he was taking care of me I would do all the household chores, laundry, cooked dinner, went grocery shopping and all around kept a clean and pretty house for us and went to school every day and did homework late every night. Towards the middle of the semester, due to personal reasons he lost his job. This led to him maxing out both his credit cards and both of my credit cards and basically forcing me to drain my whole account for bills. We had gone from a baller lifestyle to barely making rent each month real quick. He's never had a saving account and the last time I made him put money in his savings, he blew every penny on a shit box car and sold it. In April he crashed his brand new 1000$/ month car and used the insurance money to pay bills leaving him with a 1k payment every month that he can't afford. From April-June he didn't look for a job and would yell at me when I tried to get him even out of bed. I attempted during March-June toget a new job to help with bills and also because my bank account was getting dangerously low and he basically told me I couldn't work at a club or a bar and he didn't want me serving and I definitely couldn't do an onlyfans unless I was giving him 60% of the money. He also only wanted me to doordash or Uber eats instead of a proper job. This left me fucked because I've only ever served and bartended and I hate retail. (With GOOD reason) I have health care experience but I didn't want to go back into medical because of COVID. Every time i would bring up me getting a job or wanting to work somewhere he would essentially get extremely angry and would bully me about serving being for losers, and that he didn't want to see me in a bar or club environment, and if he didn't like somewhere (ie Twin Peaks which I tried hard for) then he would constantly talk down on the place and question why I would want to work there.

He also would say that "if I got a job we would never see each other" and that me "constantly trying to work and get a job was pointless and wasn't going to last bc I would just get fired" and "everytime you talk about getting a job we fight, you make us fight" Finally he got a new job and I settled to working just weekends at a restaurant/bar down the street from my house. I'm making less money than I need to pay bills, and he never has a positive bank account (constantly in the negative) and he continues spending up to -1.5k when his account is over drawn. As of September have no more money out of the 10k I had at the beginning of the year, my credit cards are maxed out and I have a 640 credit score. It's so hard not to resent him for his financial irresponsibility but when he refers to me as his "own personal bail out fund" to my face and constantly makes me feel like an atm I really do resent him. He also will get angry, cold shoulder me and tell me that "I should give him money because if I don't I'm refusing to help us" and I'm an "asshole who is so weird about talking about money and never going to make anymore". He makes jokes about me leaving him for a rich guy but never fails to follow with "I may be broke but any other guy will never be me. He'll be abusive and shitty and degrade you and you'll just be miserable in any other relationship. Our lease is up in December and I love him, I don't want to leave him over money because our relationship is perfect otherwise but this feels like a hard dealbreaker that I can't afford.

Girl........my God.......I actually don't have a lengthy post with bullet points or anything for this one. You answered your own question...it's a dealbreaker and he's ruining everything you ever had or could have. I know it's hard to leave abusive relationships from personal experience but when it comes to your future and well being that's when enough has to be enough. Do you want to live the rest of your life with someone who can't even give you basic respect nor agency? I mean be fr. If you had to type all of this to me, you already know the answer. You wouldn't just be leaving him over money, you'd be leaving him over a violation of the relationship and a violation of self. Multiple violations at that. You already know what to do and I need you to make a game plan of how to do it immediately because this will only get worse.

#i am genuinely praying for you because this is absolutely reprehensible and he will def get his karma

[roo-bastmoon]

tbh i feel like jikooks relationship didn’t change i feel like they are just not showing it as much. if anyone else remembers during the rehearsals during HER (1-2 months ago) a karmy who was there said that jk sang a line towards jimin even tho he didn’t sing that specific line the song. i’ve seen several people say that they changed after the LV concerts but we got videos of them leaving the venue all 3-4 days as well as knowledge that they sat together at a restaurant(can’t remember if this was la or lv) AS well as the behind the scenes for the yet to come video where jk stayed after with jimin. let’s not forget the possiblilty of jks hand being on jimins waist in the one party video :)

All this needs to be factored in, you are right. For me, Jikook gets worryingly quiet two times this year, and both coincidentally are around some serious times of drama. *I* would have handled it differently if *I* were dating Jimin but I'm not, so...

In December, the members started working on Proof and knew about solo era projects. In the new year, Jimin was radio silent for months. More than three months. IAs a baby Army, I was losing my mind. Because JK never mentioned him, either.

In late January, Jimin's apartment was "seized" (I dunno if that's on paper, or like he actually was locked out) because he didn't pay his national health insurance premiums, because his registered mail mysteriously was omitted four times (I don't know if that's genuine incompetence or if someone in the company was sabotaging him--but his ID number and address were leaked on a K-forum, so I'm thinking it was a deliberate attack).

That's fucking traumatic.

Then right after that, his appendix burst and he got COVID and spent a week alone in the hospital.

Then there was the stress of rehearsals and the silent Seoul concert. He started coming back online a bit after that. We saw the White Day photo, but it's not like Jikook were posting that on their own 'grams.

Then JK got COVID. In Vegas, Jikook did not go out and about together. We would never had known he ran to Jimin's hotel room and they embraced after quarantine if he hadn't shared it with us, on his own personal social media. We would never have known they went out to Korean BBQ and sat at a private table, drinking and singing songs, if multiple non-celebrity accounts didn't mention it.

Then the Grammys--amazing performance, sad loss. Then Vegas Concerts. First two nights of the concert were a bit awkward, last two nights were off the charts with Jikookery. There were lots of shippy moments everywhere but like Jungkook carried Jimin like a bride. Holy shit.

They come back to Korea, his OST drops. Same exact day, news of the apartment "scandal" breaks. Folks call him a tax dodger and I don't know what else online, it got nasty. Over a bill that was like $23,000. The man wears a $215,000 watch and has never been late on paying a bill before in his life. Please. Someone had it OUT for Jimin. And he went to ground. Just like JK did over the whole tattoo girl "scandal." Didn't even promote his OST. Weeks of quiet.

This is the second time Jikook gets super quiet. Then the White House appearance. Then the arcade with JK and Hobi and HER. Then the Korean concerts (where fans say there was plenty of Jikookery again, but it was not filmed).

Festa dinner was released (but was filmed prior to Vegas concert). It was a bit worrying that JK didn't hear Jimin's music but also so on-brand that JK felt he had PROPRIETARY RIGHTS to hear it before all others. The finger tattoo thing--can't tell if he genuinely didn't remember where Jimin got his, or if he deflected b/c it wasn't his place to tell yet, but I can tell he got his 7 behind his ear--his first tattoo not on his arm, right where Jimin has Youth. After the solo announcement, stockholders panicked and Hype lost 1.2 billion goddamn dollars, so JK was pulled out of family time to film a Vlive in his kitchen (which was basically empty except for some mixing bowls that also appeared in a Vlive with Jimin once).

And then Hobi's album and party. They both circulated with others but also touched back with each other from time to time. There was no animosity. Neither was there exclusive intimacy.

So at the start of the year, with the solo era and apartment issue on their minds (but not for public knowledge yet) and then after the news of the apartment / insurance premium issue broke, Jikook got super quiet. And they have been more muted since they got back to Korea (at least off stage).

I think it's entirely possible, given even HALF the drama I just listed, that Jikook decided in this new era to just keep private stuff private. I don't know if they are together or not. I don't honestly know if they ever were, but I suspect so. If they want me to know, maybe they'll show more signals in future content. But I'm just gonna support them. No need to make anyone the bad guy here. They are clearly still cool with each other.

[exfriends]

just me ranting about the united states postal service

no really if i have one more problem with my local post office i am going to throw rotten tomatoes at the building and set it on fire with my mind

i have never had so many issues getting mail in my entire life

the entire holiday season i would just. not get anything. they'd mark it as delivered. i'd walk around everywhere, where's my mail? i'd open the door the second i got the notification, doesn't matter, mail is gone, but most likely never delivered.

okay january comes, i contact the usps manager and i'm like "not to be a karen but i get medication in the mail, like you cannot be doing this to me, where is my mail" never got an answer but i mysteriously started getting my mail after that

then my mailbox fell down at my complex, i wasn't able to get mail for a month. two weeks into that, i took off work and went to the post office (bc the post office here closes at fucking 4PM) and even then they handed me a bunch of shit that wasn't even mine, and the stuff that i really needed (my tax return documents, my fiance's new insurance card) was no where to be found, but according to informed delivery it was dropped off days ago. another week went by and i was like "i should set up mail forwarding" because i was worried that i just, wasn't going to get my tax documents. paid the dollar, did the thing. two days later we got our mailbox back. so i cancelled my rerouting. was getting mail regularly ever since. did get my tax documents and my fiance's insurance card.

5/3 i'm supposed to get two packages, one is my birth control, the other is a package from torrid. the birth control makes it into my mailbox. the torrid package is no where to be found. turns out they're claiming i moved, sent it back to the distribution center.

i'm in literal meltdown mode at this point because i don't have any clothes that fit me and i threw out a bunch of old work clothes because i was expecting this big package to come so i could have clothes to go to work in. no, guess not. obviously no one at the fucking post office cares, so i shot their manager another complaint via the website and reported how i was confused if they thought i had moved, why they delivered my medication but not my goddamn clothes ??? guess they are okay putting whatever in the mailbox but walking away from the mail station? heavens no

anyway so that's why i cried today

[yaoi-princess]

1.31.24

Yay I made it through January!!!! holy shit!!! what a fucking month!!!! i’m absolutely exhausted!!!!

Just submitted my group’s Idol Showcase application for an upcoming convention - our practice video IS a little rough, but I think for being 2 months out it’s really not that bad! I’m looking forward to dancing and learning more this year outside of just projects - I’m really considering signing myself up for adult dance lessons in the area! I really miss doing it and I think it would really benefit me to have a regular exercise schedule like that.

Speaking of schedules, we’re making our practice schedule for our upcoming PV as well. I just ordered my cosplay too! Surprisingly my current measurements should fit pretty well into the size I got, so I’m looking forward to receiving it! But it’s also just exciting that I dropped 2 entire inches off my waist. Actually, for our fall PV my waist was 50 inches, so I actually lost FOUR inches off my waist???? That’s absolutely insane lol. and I did that in 2 months!!!!! with just 10lbs lost? I am feeling very very hopeful that I can back down to a 42 waist sometime this year. That would feel like a huge milestone.

I’m really excited and nervous to be setting weight loss goals for myself with the actual ability and intention to reach them?? and its actually POSSIBLE for me to reach these goals?!? like i can actually do it???? i’m just blown away by how much progress i made this month. like my relationship to food is completely different. It’s really satisfying, and it’s honestly brought me a lot of peace. I’m going to try and start cooking more, since I have a pretty good knack for it, it seems! I am still riding the high of this month’s culinary successes - it just feels amazing to be able to make food that i can eat and i know it won’t hurt me or make me sick. like it actually takes so much anxiety out of eating it’s crazy.

I have been struggling this past week or so with my back being difficult again. I’m doing my best to stretch and use my heat pack - what i really need to do is get more serious about my physical therapy exercises again. I can workout as much as I want but I won’t be able to safely build up strength properly in my back unless I actually work to make it better. And I have already proven several times that those workouts relieve SO much pain for myself. I have no excuse!!!! Well, outside from just severe burnout right now.

I’m hoping I can get some good rest this weekend - I have a couple fun things planned cosplay wise and then I think I’m going to start….making tiktoks? and editing youtube videos!! i don’t have the best software in the world, but i’m able to navigate this stuff efficiently enough that i can do some pretty decent things! i’m also just eager this year to develop some new skill sets :)

Oh, but how to sum up January…hm…

I had really awful depression pretty much the whole month. Like depression that makes your body ache kind of depression. I really should have left the house more and done more activities, but was so desperate to save money that i just forced myself to stay home and be miserable. I am having horrific art block. I can barely even touch my yarn or needles and when I do I just hold them in my hands. I was able to get another inch done on the sweater I was making for Katt, but haven’t been able to touch it since. It’s like the depression just feeds into itself because i’m depressed and i want to do things to help alleviate that feeling but then i can’t and i get depressed about that and it’s like depression multiplying on itself. but as much as it sucks, i know it’s going to get better. i have a feeling that my life might be better this year. i can’t work in definites, because i feel like that is going to curse me lol. but i can be hopeful! i need to sort out my current health insurance, but after that i’m going to really be pursuing finding and seeing a therapist. i need to be consistent about it already. and i’m never going to get any medication i need without getting professional help. it’s just that it always feels like so much and overwhelming. the idea of some tasks are so enormous that i could cry thinking about even trying to do them. that’s what makes so many things in my life difficult. insurmountable objects, everywhere.

I did a great deal of planning and for the first time in my life I feel like I did it well, and that most of my personal goals are very achievable. My biggest goal was to set up my basement - but unfortunately we have to call in an electrician because a bunch of my lights broke down there apparently. That was a pretty big hit to take emotionally because it came at a time I was really feeling ready to go down there and get moving and then BAM! Nope, you get more misfortune. I am really feeling like my cosplaying is going against the gods???? Like there is a force in the world that wants me to stop. Or maybe is telling me to stop. Unfortunately, I suffer from mortal hubris and I can’t read any of the signs you are showing me and I’m not going to allow you to stop me!!! Random universe magic!!!

I’m really looking forward to my cosplay schedule this year. I’m excited to try new things and expand into different fandoms. I’m excited to perform a bunch! I’m excited that I’m losing weight, I’m excited my measurements are changing, I’m excited that I’ve made so many lasting quality of life improvements in the past few weeks. I’m so exhausted right now and it’s late and I have to drive into work instead of telecommute tomorrow, so i gotta go sleep!!

#1.31.24 #journal

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3416

i had a zoom meeting today.

with a truck.

(please laugh, my hand hurts)

i got into a car accident today. i was blinded by the sun and there was suddenly a pickup truck stopped in front of me. airbag, crunched radiator, the whole shebang. and i do mean bang.

i'm pretty sure my car is totaled.

i'm gonna miss that girl. she's been so good to me. i think i'm most upset about losing her. idgaf if i'm injured. but my car-

(crying.)

but i got taken to the hospital to get checked out, where they just took my vitals and gave me an x-ray for my hand and sent me off. didn't check for vision, didn't check for a concussion, didn't actively check the mobility and feeling of my hand. no instructions about how to care for the burns on my hands, either - just "follow up with your pcp in a week or two, take some tylenol in the meantime." which isn't helpful because three fingers on my right hand are burned. it's probably four, actually. and my thumb definitely has something wrong, since there's a HUGE bruise and it's majorly swollen. the joints are intact, but the bone itself might've been chipped in the impact.

because, of course, the last thing i needed was another medical expense. i've nearly hit my deductible for an entire goddamn year in two fucking weeks. i swear to god if this ends up being broken i'm fucking leaving it until january. i hate this place. who do i have to prioritize my budget over my physical health? why do i have to pay so goddamn much for insurance and payments for doctors??? i'm never going to be able to pay off that fucking ambulance ride. "oh it's 30% coinsurance" yeah of ten fucking thousand dollars. i am going to fucking lose my goddamn mind.

christ i hate this system. i'm moving to another country. probably sweden, norway, or finland. where it's cold and their socialized healthcare is better than this bullshit. and where the higher education is free.

anyway.

i'm grateful for the systems on my phone and watch that alerted my ICE contacts AND 9-1-1. crash detection was one of the best things they could've put into those godforsaken pieces of technology.

because of that i didn't have to call everyone and say "hey i got into an accident." they all got text messages and asked me if i was okay and if i needed anything. joel was the first to call me after i got off the phone with the emts. then my mom. chels texted me after, which proved difficult because my hand was hurting.

but it's been a fucking fiasco all goddamn day.

i wish this were all a bad dream and i could wake up and go to work in my orange suv. now i'm gonna have to find a new car.

i'm gonna cry about it again.

just let me fuckin die.

#tw accident #tw car accident #tw car crash #molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3400s #sunshine boy

[ourotteradventures]

Your Birthday and Life Updates

I have been wanting to make a post for a while, but with our move across states and all the other things that fell out (my car being totaled :,( rip) I didn’t have the energy. Thankfully, things have slowed down a little bit before this academy starts. Actually, let’s just start from the last time that I updated our blog. 

January/February time frame our work situation began to get a little messy. I was tired of certain people at the company taking advantage of my kindness and skills. As well as my time, that was being taken from my little one and it wasn’t even for good people or a good cause. Our mutual friendships blossomed in some ways and detached in others. For that, I’m sorry that it happened how it did because I never wanted that to be the end result. It was super fun though to go out with Austin and Kiara and Nicole to just have a good time without work being involved. March we returned to finish the rounds of testing for this new career. It was fun and we got to do some trails, but we also got rear ended (in the same damn car...bro what is the deal?!) and the meth head fled. We took a picture with my bumper to laugh it off as we went back home. I think that is one of my favorite things about you and our relationship. I don’t have to consume myself with dread and misery (I know, I know, but you’re “emo” *shush*) unnecessarily (see how I closed that out?). No matter how shitty the situation is, you find a way to make me smile and we take it on together. It’s the first time in my life that I haven’t been so uptight in a relationship.

April was an eternity as we prepared for our last month before the move. It was the anticipation stress that was killing us (me...it was mostly me). The tensions kept rising and I told Jason he could basically suck my dick - which he didn’t take well in the team area. Too bad bitch boy. Then Jason wanted to go to war in Signal, which is honestly so weird. What a weird platform and principle (being wrong) to die on bro? Like are you good? May was a whole year within the first week of the month. My official last day was the second. I got a giant nail in my tire with a washer on it (that’s convenient isn’t it?) and had to get a new set of tires.... to then get t-boned with my little one in the backseat...just trying to get Dingy his damn patch. Then he had a fever of 105.6 and I had to take him to urgent care, and of course they cancelled my health insurance early. My dad was in my uncle’s plane when it crashed. Honest to god, it was a country song and if we had a dog babe....it would have died. I cried at my munchkin’s Kindergarten graduation and everyone wanted to bring that up. Then came the move, the dreaded move and the insurmountable (so it seemed) move/road trip. The Uhaul reservation kept changing because they didn’t have a 20 footer available. Then the one we got had a check engine light on it so we had to go to a different location. When you started it that check engine light came on....then they forgot the dolly. Then my mom delayed our start time because she wanted her “last night of freedom”. Finally, once we touched down at the apartment... the fucking UHaul’s battery died mysteriously. It started to hail while my new car was in the open parking for us to download the garage and the maintenance dude pulled in when I was trying to get it to cover. You got to meet Minns though! I’m so glad you both liked each other and you had a good time listening to his stories - that dude is honestly the biggest life saver I have out here (aside from you now).

And now? June! Your birth month. The month that I usually pay no mind to and don’t really enjoy as I’m not the biggest summer fan (at least out in the desert, but here it is nice!) You started your new position while you build for your future. I’m doing the admin stuff to prep for the academy and we got a new kitten!! He’s such a snuggle bug and Athena ended up loving him. Hades has grown into the home and our family. So I decided that I was going to make you your favorite meal and get some of your favorite snacks. It turned out pretty ok! Honestly, I wish that there was more magical wording and pretty phrasing to  wrap everything up but my brain is only letting me use like 50-60% capacity. This? This is the best that we are getting currently. Let’s get to the photos already!

[raspberryconverse]

So back in January, Lola got an infected toe (see footnote on this entry). We thought she fell in one of Mable's holes, but the x-ray didn't show any broken bones, but it was an infection, not a tumor because it responded very well to antibiotics. After the $800 visit (which my spouse actually paid for, even though Lola is my dog, because I didn't have that much in savings*), my spouse suggested we get pet insurance for her. She's old (10½), so it'd be better to get her covered now before her health starts to decline because of age.

Well, that was a total crapshoot.

First off, the insurance company found in one of her vet records that she was an American Staffordshire Terrier and determined that meant she was not, in fact, a mixed breed dog (even though she totally is and is actually only 23% AmStaff) and they decided to raise the premium on her policy by about 50% unless I get the vet to send a letter saying that she's not (there was also a miscommunication because my spouse talked to the vet about it because phone anxiety and offered to write it and just have them sign and fax it over, but I didn't know my spouse was expecting me to do it because they said "we" have to write the letter). Now, I got an email saying they did a review of her vet records and are basically not going to cover a whole bunch of shit, including anything dental related because she has tartar buildup. So IDEK what I'm paying $150 a month for now.

I didn't even want to do the insurance thing in the first place because they tend to be expensive and not cover anything worthwhile, but I trusted my spouse and signed up for the plan they found. Now that I've found out it isn't going to cover anything, I've wasted at least $500 on premiums that could have gone to more important things. My spouse pulled their typical, "It's all my fault, I'm a bad person" deflection they always do when I get mad about something they did/said and that sent me off the deep end. I really lost my shit after that. Like hysterical sobbing.

But here's the kicker: I was eating lunch at the table and my spouse asks if I took my medicine today.

Oh, fuck no.

I can't even begin to go into how fucking insulting that question was. Like, I'm upset, so I must have forgotten to take my medication, right? You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"Well, I was just trying to make sure you were ok."

"No, I'm not fucking ok! I haven't been ok for a long time and I can't fucking doing anything about it because I can't get my fucking blood pressure under control!"

God, I really fucking hate myself.

Oh, and my spouse also offered to give me the money I spent on premiums for this shit insurance, but that doesn't fucking help with anything because it's still money lost. At the end of the day, it's still money that went to a scam of a company and no towards, IDK, a new screen door or something. Whether it came out of my account or my spouse's is irrelevant because we're supposed to be a team. I mean, my spouse's bonus is going towards stuff we need for the house. They don't have to spend it on that, but they're going to. So whether I paid it or my spouse did just doesn't matter because we still need to try to use both our incomes to pay for things that need to be done. Money I lost is still money that could have been put elsewhere.

*I also have my Petco credit card as the main payment method on our rewards account, so I actually had at least $800 put on my card towards cat food and litter in the last year without my spouse reimbursing me for it, so we determined we're even when it comes to that. Basically, Lola is my dog, Meeah is my spouse's cat and Mable is both of our responsibility. I got Lola before I met my spouse and I never wanted a cat, but Mable was a joint decision. Plus, we don't have all our money go into our joint accounts to allow us autonomy, but we do both throw extra money in there if we need it for something.

#is this what marriage is? #losing my shit #high bp #tw meds mention #yes i took my fucking medication today #L-O-L-A Lola #lola lou #doggos #rescue dog #veterinary bills #pet insurance #insurance is a scam #home ownership

[catboydivorce]

Hold on i need to describe the absolutely batshit health insurance situation i’m in right now or I’m gonna flip.

For context, anyone who qualifies for SSI or SSDI also qualifies for the Medicaid program in my state, MassHealth.

My parents claim me as a dependent since I’m disabled, and every so often we have to re-apply, which in this case was two years ago. Then, by some logic, the MassHealth plan that has been saving my ass since 2008 was replaced with some childcare plan.

My clinic told me in AUGUST that they’d been unable to bill this new insurance plan since JANUARY. I never got any kind of notice that something was wrong. Meanwhile, I’ve been wracking up thousands of dollars in bills from all the appointments & bloodwork I’ve had done this year.

The MassHealth office insisted that in order to change my plan, I must do so through social security, because I was “signed up through social security” and apparently this means that nobody at MassHealth can make changes. To my MassHealth plan.

So I call the SSA, and they said there’s no way they could do anything and that I need to call MassHealth. Right. So I went back and forth over the course of a few weeks, trying to get a different representative or find the right department who could help, but no luck.

A similar thing happened years ago when I tried to get my name changed on my insurance card. MassHealth said they could not issue me a new MassHealth card. Social security said that only MassHealth can issue a new MassHealth card. (I don’t remember how I got the new card but I’m pretty sure it did come from MassHealth eventually.)

I just want everyone who thinks government handouts are free to know that the amount of time I’ve spent on the phone with these people (and the time I have yet to spend, because the issue is no closer to being fixed than it ever was) could count as a part time job. Some people make phone calls all day and get paid way more than what social security is giving me!!!!!

I’ve spent the majority of this year so fucking sick because my clinic would ignore me for weeks at a time despite the numerous calls I made. The doctor who neglected to fill my testosterone for 2 months quit last year, and the new doctor they assigned to me quit last week. I found a new doctor I like at a smaller practice, but I can’t fucking leave the clinic until my insurance claims go through. And my insurance claims won’t go through because I somehow got put on a plan that nobody thinks is within their power to fix.

#rook.txt #aauauuagugghgghgjgkgm #i'm at my fucking limit gang

[thatbipolargirl]

6-29-2022

I have been watching the January 6th congressional hearings on television. I've seen every single minute of each hearing, and I plan on watching the rest of them that are scheduled in July. Each and every one has blown my mind. I knew a lot of what happened that day just from what the news has reported, but I now know what was happening behind the scenes, especially when it comes to former President Donald Trump. After watching the explosive testimony from the witnesses, I now firmly believe Trump belongs behind bars. I didn't really think they had enough evidence before the hearings to put him in prison, but the committee has now strongly proven their case against Trump and some of his cronies such as Rudy Guliani (Trump's Attorney) and Mark Meadows (Trump's Chief of Staff). I seriously hope Merrick Garland (current Attorney General) is watching these hearings as intently as I am, and prosecutes these criminals as soon as possible.

Jeremy has to go back to work today. He has been on vacation for the past ten days. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I'll be glad for him to have some time away for absence makes the heart grow fonder. It will be nice to not have him up my ass about everything, especially food and sex, all of the time. On the other hand, sometimes it scares me to know I will be alone with my crazy brain and its crazy thoughts. He was talking to me about how sometimes he gets upset because he has to leave me alone like this, and also how worried about me he can get. I told him I wasn't planning on offing myself yet, not right now, but I didn't know how I'd feel in a year from now. I just enrolled in Mutual of Omaha for life insurance, and it has a limited policy for the first two years, so I'm at least going to try to make it until mid-June of 2024. It is only for $10,000, but it is better than nothing. That amount will pay for my cremation, memorial service and be enough to pay off my credit cards. Speaking of dying, this reminds me I need to re-do my advance directive, my will and my list of final wishes. I have several other documents to type up and print as well, so I need to go to the library soon. Luckily, it is only a few blocks away. I need to get my real laptop fixed instead of just having this Chromebook, so I can have access to those documents on my own computer instead of having to go to the library. Perhaps I will do that with some of the money we got from selling the house.

Yesterday I donated $25.00 to both the Missouri Abortion Fund and Plan C, which helps women obtain mifepristone to use for a medication abortion. I wish I could afford to donate more because I would. There are so many wonderful reproductive rights organizations, and they are all in need of donations, especially now since Roe was overturned. I am overwhelmingly scared and worried about how many women will die because they can't get access to an abortion. I know I will do everything in my power to help my fellow women, and I don't fucking care if I go to prison for doing it. There are millions of people just like me who will do anything to help women in need. Abortion has been my number one reason for voting in the past and will also be in the future.

I don't know what I'm going to do today. I still haven't started water aerobics because a) I am intimidated (especially after meeting with that personal trainer and b) because it is hard to just start. I really, really wish I had someone to go with me so I wouldn't be so alone. I need to clean and do laundry, which are both never-ending chores. I really wish I could afford a maid once or twice a week. Some things like sweeping, scrubbing floors and vacuuming really hurt my hips.

Twenty-one days until I can get a referral for a new therapist and psychiatrist. I just have to hold on until then...

#Trump #abortion #January6 #congressional hearing #bipolar disorder #suicide

[quickienewyork]

White Christmas (An excerpt from Inexcusable Things)

Christmas in New York is a Schrodinger's pinata of possibilities, where we’re not sure if it’s stuffed full of perfect and glorious joy or if it’s instead jam-packed with misery the likes of which the world has never known. And every day we move back and forth between both possibilities until we can no longer decide which is which and we’re forced to conclude that maybe joy and sorrow aren’t so far apart after all. Especially if there’s snow.

That year the snow grew out of the sidewalks, fell from the tenement rooftops and crawled up through the sewers until the dim gray of the city was covered with a thick layer of unadulterated hope. It wasn’t hope for a better world, or even the type of hope that fills the hearts of religious types, but rather the brief and fleeting hope of forgetfulness.

As I stood in my window, my bathrobe wrapped tightly around me as the radiator clanked and banged its way back to life, the city was new and safe. The garbage that lined the streets was devoured by the storm, and even the old cars were given a new coat of paint. I smiled, nearly in spite of myself, and then I walked the few feet to the kitchen and put on coffee.

Heather climbed out of bed with the blanket still wrapped around her naked body as the apartment began to warm up slowly, and the two of us stood looking out the window at the beautiful wrapping with hot mugs in our hands. I held her close, and she smiled at me as if to say even we deserved a moment of joy on a morning like that.

“Who the hell is calling at 8 am on a Friday?” I asked as the phone jerked me back to reality. I scowled at it, but answered all the same, because maybe I was going to get lucky and not have to leave the apartment.

My conversation, however, was brief and while it amounted to wish fulfillment, it was not exactly good news.

“What happened?” Heather asked, following me back to the bed. I dropped my robe and climbed naked under the sheet as she fell next to me, draping the thick comforter over both of us.

“Well, on the bright side, I don’t have to go to work today.”

“That’s good. I don’t want to go outside unless it’s to go somewhere warm. And with stronger coffee. Or whiskey.”

“Well, on the downside, I don’t ever have to go to work again.”

“Are you serious? What the hell happened?”

“Something about changing things around, a shakeup at the top, and a reorganization with a goal towards growth, which means my whole department got the ax. Just like that. Before bonuses were due.”

“That’s fucking bullshit,” Heather said, resting her arm on my chest. “How can they do that? Don’t they have to give you at least a few weeks or something?”

“No, they made sure of that already. None of us were technically employees, so they don’t have to do shit. We were contractors hired by a third party company that leases our labor or some other bullshit like that. I don’t know, but I do know I’m fucked. On the bright side, my Christmas list got a little shorter this year.”

“Don’t be like that. We’ll figure something out. Your lease doesn’t end until February, and I have some money left over from my last gig. Plus, you have the life insurance.”

“It’s not even the money,” I said rolling to my back. “It’s just the fucking ease in which they dropped us. A goddamn phone call on a snowy morning and that’s it. I don’t even have to go in to pick anything up. I’m just done. Nothing to do. Happy fucking Christmas.”

“Maybe I can cheer you up,” Heather said, sliding all the way on top of me. She was naked under the covers, and her body was warm and soft. I let her kiss me and then I kissed her back and maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. Hell, it was probably better than having to work all through December.

“Let’s just do this until January,” I said, holding her tighter as I felt myself grow hard.

“Do what? I was just kissing you. I would never do anything dirty.”

She was on her back a second later with a smile on her face and my hands on her wrists, pinning them above her head. My excitement was instant, and I looked down at her as she struggled against me.

“Please mister, don’t,” she pleaded.

“But you’re so pretty,” I said, rubbing myself against her wet skin.

“But I don’t know you,” she cooed, “and besides, you don’t have a condom on.”

“Condoms are for sailors,” I said pushing into her as both of us looked down at our connection. Even after a year, I was still mesmerized by the sight of our bodies together, and as she took me inside her, I let myself fall against her chest as I kissed her mouth with just a touch of real anger.

“You feel so good,” she whispered, kissing me back as I held her down again.

“You feel good,” I said. “It’s probably because you’ve done this so many times. It’s probably because you’re such a sweet little slut, isn’t that right?”

“I’m a good girl,” she said, reaching between her legs. “I only sleep with men I like. Well, most of the time that is.”

“You tramp!” I said, fucking her faster and harder.

“You beast!”

“You whore!”

“You cheater!’

“Cunt.”

“Asshole.”

“Princess.”

“Jerk-face,” she said before pulling my head down for a kiss again as I felt all of her body join mine in an instant. Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see the snow falling, and it brought a silence so profound that all I could hear was the sound of our skin and the faint gasps of our fragile breath. Deep within her, I began to feel myself let go and she kissed my face, again and again, the smile never leaving her.

Just as I was about to finish the radio popped on thanks to my alarm, and there was Bing singing White Christmas, and I had to stop myself from laughing. But his voice was comforting even if it wasn’t exciting, and I closed my eyes as I kissed her one last time.

“I love you,” I moaned, collapsing on top of her. “So fucking much.”

https://www.amazon.com/Inexcusable-Things-Guy-New-York-ebook/dp/B0786QRM3M