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hanafubukki · 1 day

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So I'm just looking at Lilia in his dorm uniform and imagining pulling his shirt open and creasing his chest, as one does, and then I'm thinking he needs to get plainer shorts so it's easier to slip a hand into them/slip them off, and then I went back to his shirt and his harnesses and they remind me of the things that hold guns and I was like---crime boss Lilia-!

He's an old man with old money but a Youthful face. Playful and technology literate, his age doesn't show when he makes an impromptu stop at a purikura machine. He's ready for retirement soon. He's been in the business too long, starting early and kept going while waiting for an heir. But Malleus is about ready to take over. Silver and Sebek are skilled enough to stay safe and assist their boss. He's so ready to be done. Should he get away from it all and move to a small cottage in the middle of nowhere? Get back to using the skills he had to make use of while growing up on the streets, before the previous boss picked him up? Enjoy the quietness and serenity away from the city he'd filled with bloodshed? Or should he just stay? Be close to his family, lend a helping hand if needed? To be spoiled by them? To still have access to his games and arcades and purikura machines? He finds that he can't make the by himself after he meets you.

Like most people, you don't know who he really is. (You don't know how old he actually is). You're sweet, maybe a little naive, but his heart beats for you. He wants to hold you and protect you and stay with you for the rest of his days. Is he too old for more children? For biological children? And should he tell you of who he is? Of what he used to do and what his sons, who have started to dote on you, now do? But he knows for sure, he will not hesitate if there ever is a time for him to hold your face to his chest, to shield your vision from the bodies falling to the ground after he's shot them down for trying to take you from him.

(And what if this is a mixed modern au? As in its still twisted wonderland with fae and beastmen, but putting all of that into a modern setting. Fae mafia <3)

- Fake Date Sebek anon

Hello Fake Date Sebek Anonie 🌺💚🌷

Not going to lie Anonie, but you had me for a second in the first part of this ask.🤣😆

I went from “Oh? Have I been blessed with smut?” to “Crime Boss Lilia?!?! HELL YEAH” 🤣💞

Ahhhh I’m squealing in bed. This is so??? Hot??? God the image?? Ahhhhh Lilia in a suit?? With those harnesses that hides hidden guns and knives. Pleasssee I’m ready to just combust. *shaking you Anonie*

Summary: Mafia x Flower Shop AU: In which, Lilia meets the local flower shop owner.

Lilia was an orphan, taken from the streets, raised to protect his Masters whom he lost because he was ordered to protect their child.

Lilia then takes over as the boss and raises Malleus as the heir. At one point, he picks up Silver because he was an orphan who lost his parents due to crossfire between rivals and Silver reminds him of himself and Malleus when he was young. Then Sebek joins, the grandson of an old comrade.

Time passes as it always does even amongst the fae, and soon, Malleus will be taking his spot. He, Silver, and Sebek have grown and can protect each other without Lilia having to worry.

He can retire, but what then? Where does he go? Does he want to stay? Or leave? He knows his boys would love for him to stay, so would he, he won’t deny that. Or should he go somewhere quiet and peaceful, a contradiction to how he has lived all these centuries.

He meets you by chance one day, and he doesn’t know what to do anymore. It was by a stroke of luck when he ducked into the flower shop to get some for the office. To cover up the stench of iron and give some color to the place.

You had recommended him some lavender with a bundle of lily of the valley. He tried not to smile at your not so hidden way of saying he needed sleep nor the irony of flowers close to his name.

But something always drew him back to you and this shop close by the arcade he frequents.

It comes to the point that he has more flowers at home than is needed and Malleus’ smirk is getting to him.

So he asks you out on a date, it goes from one date to two to many more.

When he realizes he has feelings for you, he was surprised.

Well fuck, an old bat can still learn new tricks huh?

What makes it all so seamless is the way you incorporate so easily into their lives.

You meet Malleus one day when curiosity got the better of him and he wanted to see who had Lilia giddily walking around with a light in his eyes only a select few see. Malleus conveniently meets you at a cafe. While you two talk about Lilia, Malleus can’t help the smile that graces his lips. Clearly, you are as taken with him as he with you.

Eventually you meet Silver and Sebek, who was sent to you by Malleus but you didn’t know that, they were a rather interesting pair.

Silver asking for more lavender and lilly of the valley flowers. His smile and quiet nature reminds you of Lilia. His graceful movements that of Malleus. His kind nature belies his strength as he easily and efficiently helps you gather materials and organize them.

Sebek is the opposite of Silver in many ways but yet the same. He’s loud and proud. Something you never criticize him for. Behind this demeanor, he’s soft and kind in his own way. Always helping you around the shop with bags of soil and pots that needed moving while Silver manned the cash register.

You couldn’t help the fond giggle. They were Lilia’s boys alright.

You fit perfectly into their lives and Lilia wouldn’t have it any other way.

But Lilia has enemies, many of them in fact, so it was only time they would find you and try and take you away.

They didn’t notice him.

Foolishly thought you were alone.

Imbeciles.

Your eyes are covered by the time the first body falls on the floor.

Lilia tilts his head, kisses you on the forehead before whispering, “Shh, it’ll be alright beloved.”

Your trembling hands that had grasped his shirt relaxes slightly as you fully lean into him. This trust you give him so willingly and without doubt has him slightly nuzzling into you before eyes sharpen at the pawns before him.

Possessiveness.

Protection.

His.

Is all those before him register before crimson blood splatters the area, one by one.

Lilia will always be ready to take up his arms to protect his loved ones.

Let the blood stained floors be a message to those who seek his wrath and try to take what is his.

Yes, I made this into a flower shop x fae mafia au. I’m weak okay, I love the softness and the violence and the symbolisms 🥹💞

I don’t know why but ahhh this is hitting me in all the right spots. Just?? The fierceness, the blood, the gentle hand, and the comfort?? The potentialllll…someone hit me with a bat! Ahhhhh *rolls around in bed*

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ham1lton · 2 days

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you said u read ao3 fics! what are your f1 recs?

ahhh!!!!! this is the best question you could have ever asked me like ever i love you so much. i’ve been dying to talk abt this for a hot minute. i opened myself up to any sort of ship mostly because i cared more abt the fic quality then the ship you know? kinda glad i did it because my fav ones are not necessarily ships i am a fan of. it’s really long so i put it under a read more!!

okay so number one has to be the fic that was my first fav f1 fic. this is steal the air out of my lungs (make me feel it). now this has a lot of elements that i love. guy who’s in his own head vs other guy who’s also in his own head but pretends he isn’t. also idk why but i’m always a sucker for a good medical au and this one fucking delivers!!! another maxiel fic i read was three rounds and a sound which has coffee shop owner daniel w/ stressed out student max. a lot of introspection but it’s also unfolding while the romance is. idk i just love this. it’s so good. last maxiel fic is come on, star boy which is a alt universe where daniel is the american guy he always wanted to be and max is the new transfer to his small town’s football team. it isn’t just incredibly written but everyone feels so real and vivid. i can visually see this in my mind everytime i read it. i listened to a lot of ethel cain while reading so that helped. i love this so much and the brocedes in the background?? you’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves youuu 🗣️

i’m not really a landoscar girl, i’m gonna be honest. however, where i am going is right where i am, is just incredible. alt universe where the drivers live on a street version of stars hollow? brocedes that influence everything even though they’re long over? charles being insane over max? pierre hating on esteban every second that is possible (i was laughing every time he would just cuss his ass out unprovoked) and annoying george being their street’s version of gilmore girls’ taylor?? what more do u need in ur life?? also oscar in this fic is just my dream man. i think a croissant from him would fix me. actually i read a lot of this author’s landoscar fics and they’re so cute i was sending kudos as much as i can. like almost home! just want to bite them both and put them in my pocket. they’re so obviously in love i want to shake them down and scream and smoosh them together. lawyer!oscar i love you. check out their profile!! incredible writer :)))

i’m also not a galex truther but the two of us, in sympathy is so cute!! rich boy!george with broke junior doctor!alex. george attempting to court alex and just absolutely failing. i love it. they’re such a mess i need them in my life. also this loscar future fic is so intense but incredible. i’m really bad at describing but i binged it on my train home and i was really glad i did - i promised to forget you now.

the reason i even got into f1 aka brocedes. this fic i think was one of the first i read. on the faultline which is just amazing. i can’t recommend it enough. read it if u can. another fav is a brocedes threesome with their toxic fucking each other via proxy aka new money, and it’s all cash. cute brocedes!! nico thinks lewis is his sworn enemy but everyone knows otherwise. roseberg’s vs haminkton. this was so cute and funny. cause why was nico saying lewis, the owner of a tattoo shop was stealing business from him… when he owns a florists… he’s so dramatic i want to tuck him in my pocket. this job will take my sole has the same premise but they’re both shoe shops which makes a lot more sense. i just love stupid rivalries and dramatic nico.

now back to my sweethearts, the lights of my life, the fires of my heart - sewis. all of these fics have past brocedes just for context. every tongue should confess talks about religion and queer identity in such a nuanced and delicate way? i adored this fic. transmotion which is another alt universe with fashion designer!lewis and footballer!sebastian both figuring out their careers, themselves and their relationship. maybe together we can get somewhere - this is an mpreg fic which usually isn’t for me but it’s about seb and lewis going on a road trip for an abortion and it’s so good. honestly the ending line of ‘it’s a good feeling, to know that sebastian’s outstretched hand is right there.’ it just stuck with me. i loved it. the numbering at bethlehem which is thee sewis fic to me. professor au?? this was made for me. like perfectly moulded. everything about this is art. i could do a full essay on this fic. just read it, it’s incredible. just amazing. sebastian as the child prodigy who has nowhere else to climb?? i love them both in this fic so much!!! tnab sewis get behind me!! i’m gonna protect u!!

okay i’m sorry this is so long. i just love art. i love writing. i just love the work these authors’ have spent putting together these masterpieces for free!! check them out!! leave kudos!! comment!! <3

#im always open to new recs!!! :D #and if u read these and wanna chat abt any - my asks are always open :D #ao3 fic recs #sewis #maxiel #landoscar #brocedes #anon ask

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intimidating-fettuccine · 3 days

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Fettuccine’s Guide to Your Ghostly Gamer Boyfriend

BEN can be quite the catch with how sweet and cute he is, especially considering once he’s dating you he’d do anything he can to keep that pretty smile on your face and joy blooming inside of you. Of course, he’s not hard to date, but there are some tips that come with dating him, so here are some things to keep in mind.

1. Always check your surroundings, especially if he calls out for you. When you’re a ghost, who needs stairs? Always remember to check both ceilings, walls, and floors when you’re walking about, because you never know just where you might see his head peeking out from.

2. Remember to carry snacks on you. Even the dead like to snack around, so when you find yourself visiting BEN, make sure to have some candy or nice of his favorite snacks on you. Gifting him with snacks always means he’s going to return the favor and gift you snacks too, and it also means you’re gonna have him cuddling up to you, covering you in happy kisses to thank you for doing so. Recommended choices are Doritos (specifically Cool Ranch or Spicy Sweet Chili), Goldfish (he prefers the original Cheddar flavor), Cheez-Its (White Cheddar), Rice Krispies, Fruit Roll-Ups/By the Foot, or just about any candy you can get your hands on. Peanut butter candy scores you bonus points though. Obtaining any of these snacks for him makes him feel extra happy and loved and has him turning into a puddle in your arms.

3. This next one might seem obvious, but be interested in video games. You don’t have to be good at them or play a bunch of them yourself, but having an interest in them in general is essential. He loves playing with you, and he’s happy to teach you some tricks and play at your pace, but he also likes showing off for you. Watch him play a single player he’s really good at and cheer him on and you’ll have him feeling just about as happy as he gets. It makes him feel super loved and appreciated to have you so excited over his interests, and he always returns the favor for partaking in your interests as well.

4. Send him silly photos of yourself. I’m sure we’ve all had a moment where someone takes a particularly bad photo of us and our knee-jerk reaction is to ask them to delete it, but you should do the opposite with BEN. He loves photography and he loves taking extremely flattering pictures of you and saving them to look at later, but he tries to avoid getting silly ones of you because he doesn’t know if it’ll upset you and quite frankly he’s too anxious to ask. Set him at ease by sending him an especially silly photo of yourself every now and then. It’ll really, really make him giddy and excited, and he’ll always send you an equally goofy photo of himself back so you’re even. Those photos you send him always end up becoming his favorite because you’re being unapologetically yourself in them.

5. Let him ramble to you. BEN feels anxious with dominating conversations, but there are times when he really wants to rant and rave about things to you. Allowing him to do so and actually listening to him (even occasionally asking questions or making remarks in response) decreases his general anxiety about it and makes him feel much, much more comfortable with you. It allows him to get out his rambles, and it lets him share his interests with you, so it’s a winning situation.

6. Sacrifice your sleep or help reel him in. BEN, as a ghost, does not need to sleep. You, as a human, do need to. He gets so used to never sleeping that sometimes he forgets that you can’t stay up extremely late every single night and that you need to be in bed before the sun comes up. When it gets close to the time you’d actually like to go to bed, start settling down in bed and offering him some cuddles. Cuddles always relax him and put him at peace, so snuggling the fuck out of him is one way to prevent him from getting late-night zoomies and keeping you awake all night. He’ll adapt pretty easily if you keep at it.

7. Speaking of cuddles, if you’re gonna date BEN you’ve gotta be okay with being super affectionate. This gamer is extremely touch-starved and at most points in the day wants nothing more than to be wrapped up in your arms receiving all your attention. Give him hugs and kisses whenever you see him, even if it’s in passing through the hallway, and make sure to cuddle up with him when you’re both alone. Sit in his lap or let him sit in yours, lay down together, sit side by side with an arm thrown over your shoulders. He’s basically just a needy puppy when it comes down to it and he thrives on your touch.

8. Have a sense of humor and appreciate his memes. BEN shows affection by sending you a bunch of funny memes, TikToks, and YouTube videos he thinks you’ll find really funny. You don’t have to like all of them, but take the time to look at them and send some back to him. He tries to curate it over time so he sends only stuff you’ll enjoy, so if you don’t like a particular variety be sure to tell him. He enjoys the back and forth of sharing things with you so much.

9. Be prepared to accept the fact that you’ll probably be the chef in your relationship. BEN… Well, to say the least, is not allowed in the kitchen. There are very few things he can actually make, and although he tries his best, he really is not that great at cooking things and if it were up to him he could survive off of cereal. You don’t have to be a five star chef, but it would probably be good for both of you if you could make something other than hot pockets.

10. The final, and one of the most important, of tips is to… Be yourself. BEN spends a lot of his time with a mask on presenting a facade because he’s too anxious to really open up to people and expose the inner, depressive, and traumatized sides of himself. Having a partner who can be 100% open and honest with him will go a long way in helping him do the same for you. After all, he loves you for who you are, and he doesn’t want you to feel the need to hide things about yourself. If you can be so open and honest with him, he can do the same for you.

Disclaimer;

BEN would like it to be said that he had no part in making this guide and that the thoughts, opinions, and claims expressed are my own (even if they’re true). He would also like to express that you also have to be comfortable sleeping in his room with his mountains of blankets, so if you cannot handle that, he recommends investing in a high powered fan. He’ll help you purchase it. He’s now also demanding a minimum of thirty minutes of cuddling per day, non-negotiable. That is all.

(That last part is just me trying to be silly please remember that BEN does not exist, is not real, never has been, and never will be. He is a fictional entity.)

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta headcanon #ben drowned #ben drowned headcanon #ben drowned headcanons #ben drowned x reader

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grapejuicestyless · 1 day

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No One Wants To Die In The End.

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: United through grief, Harry and Y/n have to navigate the same fates they witnessed as young children as understanding adults. After all, no one wants to die in the end, we can only hope death comes easy for us.

“Has anyone ever survived beyond the death rattle breathing?”

I hear my mother ask in a hushed tone, the nurse who came to send my grandma away giving her a tight lipped smile.

I sit on the bed pretending not to be able to hear them, pretending the sound of my grandma choking on her own saliva is normal and the staggering of her breathing between heavy wheezes isn’t concerning while I tell her all about what I learned in fourth grade.

She doesn’t remember me, not much anyway. Ever since the illness started taking pieces of her brain, I’ve been stuck in time. She only knows my name now, and my mom warned me on the way here today not to cry if she couldn’t even remember that. It was her illness forgetting, not my beloved grandma.

Mom says she loved me with all my heart, and that once the illness passes through her, she’ll remember me again fondly. I’ll get to tell her all about my life and growing up and she’ll understand what I’m talking about. She won’t give me the blank stare she does now while I hold her hand, and her skin won’t be so frail.

“We usually recommend getting everything in place by the end of the day. Gather her papers and say your goodbyes. We can’t guarantee anything with how much longer she’ll hold out for.” The nurse says, and though my mom doesn’t cry, I can see her skin hugging her throat constricting it and the soft fluttering of her wet eyelashes.

My mom pulled me away soon after, telling me to say goodbye. This time felt different though, even at age nine I knew that. So I told my grandma I’d be back, even if I wasn’t sure just because it always made her smile, and I promised to keep dancing around in my pajamas before breakfast like she loved.

That day at school, the one after I left my grandma with hundreds of promises to live freely and trust with my heart, I found my mother sat out on the front steps by our old white porch with her head in my hands.

“Hi mama. Can I go to Megans?” I had asked her cheerfully, excited about seeing my best friend, my neighbor and my sister.

Mom had this sad look in her eyes, one that told me to come close without her having to say it. And as I stood between her bent knees and felt her hands on my hips, I saw her shake her head.

“Y/n/n, grandma didn’t make it, baby.” She declared softly, and at the time I didn’t know how to process it, the idea of someone being gone forever. As mom told me how she had only left for a minute to go home and shower and came back to my grandma unresponsive in her sleep, I didn’t think about the fact that my grandma’s laugh would fade with the years, but rather how sad it was that she had to go alone. I prayed selfishly under my breath that I would have someone’s hand to hold when I went, that my rotting body would mean more than any shower ever could.

I didn’t tell mom this, my feelings on the death of grandma, the death of her mom, so I did what I knew how to do best, and I ran, begging softer this time to be able to go across the street just until dinner.

When I got there, I was greeted by Megan, and she looked sad. That’s how most people in my life seemed to look these past few hours, ever since the way my grandma breathed changed.

She pulled me into a hug and cried on my shoulder, promising to be there for me always, that it would get better. At the time I didn’t get it, why my best friend as a child would feel so much grief for a woman she barely knew, how she could feel so much more than I did, but grief hits differently in every person, I wished that someday I’d be able to process it openly instead of suppressing it somewhere I’d never find it. I wished that someday I’d learn how to cry.

Grandma didn’t get a funeral, they stuffed her ashes into a pretty vase with golden birds and her favorite flowers and held the wake early in the morning. Most of her friends I’d never met. It was a small service, a slow one. I spent most of my time playing hide and seek with my cousins and stealing the mints the funeral home left out for guests while my mother cried shaking each guests hand.

“How should we send out the letters?” My mom whispered to my father quietly, like it was something she didn’t want her children to know about.

“What’s the difference? Word spreads fast about people like him.”

People like him, that’s how my dad worded it. People like him, veterans who fought in a war they couldn’t even remember by the end of their lives and refused to replace the old wood paneling on their living room walls from the eighties.

My grandpa was the definition of people like him, he had lived enough lives to grow in white hairs by fourteen years old. Fighting alongside Elvis in the war and dancing with his dying wife in the afternoon.

I never met grandma, my dad said cancer took her before I was born, he says that’s why my name is the way it is, she picked it. But, I did meet grandpa.

He had white hair and a soft stomach from all the Swedish meatballs he made in his spare time. War does funny things like that to a man, make someone so against cooking love the simplicity of it, the safety of food consuming him.

I never really liked his Swedish meatballs, I didn’t like how he made them without sauce, when I was ten my world revolved around marinara sauce.

When I was twelve years old, I remember missing the softness of my grandpas stomach when he hugged me and the lingering smell of Swedish meatballs in his kitchen at dinner time. Which was weird because I never liked it before, but maybe my nose had changed while grandpa was changing in his own ways.

Cancer seemed to run in the family, something that was so small nobody ever suspected it was invading their bodies until the doctors became frantic to get it out.

My grandpa has bright white hair before his treatment, and small silver glasses perches on his swollen nose while he sat in his old brown chair and watched his grandkids school plays through the CD’s my parents would send him.

What a lonely life to live as he got older. The death of his wife and the absence of his grandchildren as they became less and less interested in family time and more focused on running outside freely with their friends.

I was so sidetracked I didn’t even know when grandpa died right away. Not until my father sat down on the coffee table in front of the couch where I laid with my mother rubbing his back slowly, a heavy look on his wrinkled face.

“Grandpa passed last night, Harry. He loved you very much.”

I didn’t cry as my father spoke, simply nodding before walking to my room to toy with my baseball cards and gameboy. I didn’t cry thinking about his passing, which confused me because I was twelve. I understood what death meant and how there was no one who had the power to reverse it, but I felt incapable of crying.

I went to school the next morning like my parents hadn’t told me the news, and my history teacher pulled me out into the hall during second period. He looked sad for me, his hands on my shoulders as he told me he would give me all the time I needed, not to try snd jump back into normalcy during such a tough time.

It made me feel embarrassed, which felt weird considering the context. I felt fine, completely indifferent to something I should have been breaking down over. But I guess grief is weird like that, and I wish I had the strength to be weak.

Grandpa had a big funeral, open casket with formal attire. He didn’t look like grandpa with all that makeup on him. I wanted to open his eyelids to see the colors in his eyes one last time. But that’s unacceptable to do, so I simply kneeled by the casket and prayed for him.

A big black limo took us from the boiling hot church to the graveyard where uniformed men loaded their guns and fired at the sky in honor of my grandpa. The smoke smelled like the low tide at the beach, and some people I’d never seen before sobbed a few rows behind me.

A lot of people showed up for grandpa, veterans from around the country and school friends from when he still had all his youth. Looking around at the crowd, I hoped I too would be able to make such a big impact on so many people. I selfishly prayed under my breath that one day I’d too have a large funeral. That people would care enough to come and cry for me because I would matter that much.

“When did you find out?” Harry asked softly, his large hand capturing mine in a paw-like grip over my knuckles.

I swallowed, wondering when I suspected it in comparison to when I finally got the guts to ask someone for help.

“I’ve known for a while, probably since I was nine. It runs in the family, you know? All these health issues that eat away at our brains?” I laughed, but neither of us found it funny, not when I ran my fingers through my hair to calm down and chunks cane out between my knuckles.

“I just thought I’d be gifted more time, thought biology would be kinder to my bones.”

Harry looks at me with a broken stare, one that hits me in the heart. We both tear up, but neither of us cry. We are our parents, we are the spitting image of them sitting us down to break the news. But at least they went peacefully, right? I know no peace, but still I don’t cry for myself, I feel too pathetic to even try.

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask, looking bitterly at the youthful green eyes in front of me, how his curly hair seems even more vibrant than nearly a decade ago. He ages backwards and I am already one foot out of the door.

Harry shakes his head.

“You did everything right.” He tells me, fingers pulling the hair from my hands to hide it behind his back.

“Then why do I feel like I have?”

“Nobody wants to die in the end, Y/n/n. It’s a game of chance, each day we live we gamble on how long we have left. Some people search for that end and others stumble on it accidentally, it’s just the chances.”

When he puts it like that, it makes me feel even worse, knowing how quickly I’ll be gone. How I’ve failed my future children I’ll never get to have, my husband who would have loved me I’m sure, and my poor old dog who waits by the food bowl only to find it empty each day I’m gone.

“I don’t like these chances.” I laugh with tears in my eyes, hands holding onto his as our forehead touch, my best friend holding me like no one ever has, not even Megan, who had long grownup into a woman I barely knew, a friend who drifted from me when we were thirteen and cried to her mother about how she missed me when she was sixteen.

Megan held me when my grandma died that day when I was nine, and I was confused as to why she was so sad, but with Harry holding me now, I understand it all better.

“I’m only twenty nine, Harry. At least my grandmothers dementia took away the intense pain of remembering what she was leaving behind.”

“And she lived not knowing who her daughter was for the rest of her life. She must have been so alone.”

I look down at my lap, my palms still pressed against his.

“I’d never forget you, even if my memory starts to go. I’ll never forget you because you’re too important to forget.” Harry smiles when I say that, pulling his hands away from mine to tap his chest quietly.

“And I’d never forget you, even when I’m old and crazy. I’ll keep photos of us on my walls and talk to them when I get bored.” He promised me, the dull light from the sun making the once lavish room feel less like a clean living room and more like a cold hospital.

As the months pass, my hair has been traded for one of Harry’s favorite hats. My shirts switched out for backless gowns with blue dots on the paper like material. My arms are not decorated with the same ink as Harry, but wires and tubes that come from the table beside my hospital bed.

I am twenty nine, but I must look about sixty now with how tired I am from simply trying to steal back the life that was ripped from me unfairly.

And as I fight to keep up with the beeping of the monitors hooked up beside me, I feel my throat rejecting my saliva and my sick coughs stuck behind my teeth.

I heat the same cracking sounds that my grandmother made when I was nine, and I feel relaxed knowing now that it doesn’t hurt to breathe this way, not right now anyway.

And in the silence I can hear an echo of my mother’s words from outside my door, her feminine voice exchanged for the deep one I’d grown rather fond of.

“Has anyone ever survived beyond the death rattle breathing?”

Harry asks in a hushed tone, the nurse different but her answer just the same.

“We usually recommend getting everything in place by the end of the day. Gather her papers and say your goodbyes. We can’t guarantee anything with how much longer she’ll hold out for.”

It’s happening again, the spirit leaving my bones to join everyone I’ve ever loved before, my father and my grandma. My mother and my old cousins. I only wished I didn’t have to leave Harry behind, I wished I could dance with him in our college dorms just one more time like we used to, and set fire to the box mac and cheese just one last time.

I remember everything about Harry, the nurse warning that my image of him might waver as my blood begins to slow under the skin. She tells him not to worry when my skin gets cold, it’s natural for people to cool down as their heart gives out.

Harry comes in and holds my hand, pretending the sound of my breathing doesn’t bother him and the sound of me choking on my own saliva is normal and the staggering of my breathing between heavy wheezes isn’t concerning while he swears to every single higher power he can think of that I’ll be okay.

And I believe him.

Because while he holds my hand in death, he’s fulfilled the one wish I prayed so hard for a a kid. The one selfish wish I made for myself in a time of need.

When I was nine, standing between my mothers legs with my nails between my teeth I prayed selfishly under my breath that I would have someone’s hand to hold when I went, that my rotting body would mean more than any shower ever could.

And here Harry was nearly two decades later, holding my hand and promising serenity in the afterlife.

What he doesn’t know is that I am one of the lucky ones. Even after my heart has stopped, I am given one last gift as an apology for such a short life. I am given an extra second of my brain living on, the soft cries of “I love you’s” from Harry the last thing I hear as my dying gasp is cut short from my death rattle breathing.

I have a small service, Harry and some college friends standing in line shaking the hands of the few guests who walk by to look at my body. My nephews and nieces place hide and seek with each other until the ceremony was over, mints stuffed deep in their pockets as they filed out of the funeral home like nothing had happened.

Being famous is weird, especially after a loved one has passed.

We send out prayers to the families of those affected, the media says, but how has the death of this person affected Harry? How has Y/n’s slipping away crushed him beyond belief? Will he dedicate his next album to her?

They don’t care about Y/n, they only care about how she makes a good headline for their companies, and it makes me sick to think about. How they profit off of my grief while I try to stop memorizing the sound of her broken sigh as she went.

I wonder if I was enough for her during her final days. If my touch was enough to cure her for just a brief second.

It’s no wonder I turned to move-on pills. Ones that lift me up and break me down further until I am face up on the bathroom floor we once shared, my eyes wide as I choke on my breathing and count how many times the lights multiply as I look up to the sky.

It’s not a shock that the headlines are out by the end of the day, the sirens enough to alert all of Hollywood of my dying dreams and my perfect execution.

My family stands in a line while they put my casket into the hearse, makeup on my face like they put on my grandpa, I dan barely recognize myself as I watch the funeral service from another space.

And as they bury me under the ground, the media announces their grief and well wishes to all that attended and the millions watching from their televisions.

As a kid, I hoped I too would be able to make such a big impact on so many people. I selfishly prayed under my breath that one day I’d too have a large funeral. That people would care enough to come and cry for me because I would matter that much.

But now that it’s happening, I only care for one thing, I only asked for one thing in the letter I left behind. Lay me beside my best friend, so I can keep holding her hand through death, and we can laugh in the afterlife like we did when we were healthy, happy, and together.

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #yn x harry #harry x reader #harrystyles #harry styles #hslot harry #yn x harrystyles

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bestworstcase · 2 days

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Hi, just joined Tumblr earlier today as part of an unrelated thing, thought I'd check your page out on a friend's rec, and... wow. Just, wow. This is practically the nine-dimensional chess of media literacy. I would have so many question, but everything you discuss is promptly explained in such great detail that I can't even say that. One question remains, though: *how?* Where do you get the absurd amount information and brainpower required to connect the show's many, many dots at this high of a level? It's something I struggle with myself (though that may be due to there being over a year between watching V1-V8 and seriously starting to reflect on the show beyond "well, that was a fun sequence of events"—thank you, newish fanfic writing brain—but that's besides the point), and I was wondering if you had any tips for expanding one's thinking in this direction, as the show still means a *lot* to me—there's a reason, however unexplainable, that I stuck with it so long before the reflections started—and I'd love it if the deepest parts of my brain could reflect it as such.

...Unless that's too much to ask, in which case, whoops! Either way, thank you.

really fundamentally the most effective thing you can do to practice is make a deliberate effort to cultivate a sense of curiosity toward the text. and what i mean by that is, get in the habit of asking yourself questions as if you’re in a high school english lit class: what happened in this scene? why did this character say or do that? does this conversation remind you of anything that happened in an earlier scene, and if so, what’s similar? what’s different? what did you learn about the characters from this scene? what did you learn about the world they live in? why do you think this scene was important enough to be in the story? what changed in this scene (something will always have changed)?

it may feel a bit patronizing at first BUT over time if you’re consistent about it, doing this will train you to approach reading or watching as an active participant. analytical interpretation is a skill and like any skill it takes sustained effort and practice.

after that it’s sort of just pattern recognition. this is true of all stories but it’s especially true of theme-driven stories like rwby because they tend to be very deliberate about repeating and refracting their ideas and often develop rich symbolic vocabularies. so you identify a pattern and then examine the text until you can develop a compelling argument for what it means.

one thing to keep in mind if you’re generally familiar with fandom is that fandom encourages a lot of practices that are cool and fun in fannish contexts but will poison analysis because they are (by nature of being transformative) untethered from the text. headcanon, for example, is things held to be true irrespective of the text—one could have as a headcanon that ruby is allergic to bee stings or that qrow is her father or whatever and it doesn’t matter that there’s no textual evidence or that the text says otherwise because the text is not relevant—but analytically, you must be able to back every part of your argument with textual evidence. so it is useful to practice compartmentalizing to keep headcanon strictly separated from the text in your mind.

(that’s also a practice i recommend in general because being able to say “i like this idea and i have it in mind when i create fanworks, but it isn’t canonical” is healthy)

a good habit to get into is arguing against yourself and holding yourself to a high standard of proof. the reason my argumentation tends to be so thorough is that i try to be as skeptical of my own theories as i am of other people’s. if i have an idea that seems right but doesn’t withstand textual scrutiny, i discard it. (or i might toss it into the headcanon/au idea pile, if i’m very fond of it.) i will often develop more than one argument about a given subject and then lay them all against the text before i commit to one. being skeptical will push you to pay closer attention.

cultivate curiosity about your own emotional reactions, too. what did this scene make you feel? why? how do you feel about this or that character? what draws you to your favorite characters? what distances you from the characters you don’t like? what ideas come to mind when you think about the story and what it means to you? if you have a strong reaction to something—good or bad—try to trace that feeling to its root. what sparked it and why?

once you start digging into that you’ll find that your intuitive reactions to the story are non-arbitrary—you’re subconsciously picking up on certain patterns or themes that resonate with you. so paying attention to what the story makes you feel and asking how and why it incites those feelings will guide you to conscious discovery of things you’ve already noticed without noticing.

and another good point of entry is to look for recurring symbols / imagery—for example, silver-eyes get associated with death and reincarnation through a combination of harvest/reaper imagery (scythe, sickle, ‘the grimm reaper’) and butterflies (ruby’s first glare resembles wings, butterflies everywhere when she and maria discuss her eyes, butterflies symbolizing ascension in the ever after). adding this pattern together with the white light in the liminal void between realms (the threshold of life and death!), the implication that silver-eyes came from ozma (who dies and reincarnates cyclically), the stated purpose of the glare (to preserve and protect life), ruby hearing pyrrha’s final words in her dreams (which she didn’t hear in reality), and the glare having destroyed the hand cinder used to kill pyrrha, is how i got to “silver-eyes are psychopomps,” because both the symbolism and the narrative facts about the power line up in that direction.

the one thing to be careful with in relation to symbolism is not to treat it like a secret code! symbolic meaning isn’t universal so you should always consider symbolism in context with the narrative. the first question should always be “what idea does this image appear in connection to, when it appears?” i.e. the burning rose in rwby symbolizes mourning. think of symbols as more like trail markers that the narrative has placed to help you understand the story by connecting dots. we see the burning rose on summer’s grave and then we see it on ruby; she carries her mother’s absence with her. she gives the brooch away in the ever after right after the blacksmith shows her a glimpse of summer, and then in the storm her reflection is summer but ruby doesn’t look, doesn’t see: she’s avoiding her grief, trying to pretend it isn’t there. and then the brooch returns to her once she faces what the blacksmith wanted to show her about her mom: now it’s a symbol for acceptance of loss.

and with a story like rwby that uses allusion to develop its thematic narrative it’s really helpful to read the texts it alludes to! the core narrative allusions are the marvelous land of oz, maiden in tower fairytales (petrosinella, persinette, rapunzel), cinderella, and the little prince, plus alice’s adventures in wonderland & through the looking glass for the ever after. and then every major character has a specific character allusion. both kinds of allusion are symbolic/thematic (you can’t use allusions to predict specific plot events but they help tie together emotional arcs and character relationships cohesively, and the narrative allusions are pretty good weather vanes for very broad-strokes things like ozma’s symbolic blindness being ‘healed’ in the end).

rewatching the show a couple of times will also help, especially if you take notes. i’m not sure how many times i’ve rewatched v1-8 but it’s a lot and i’ve watched v9 in full twice, plus rewatching a lot of specific episodes or scenes for reference. rewatching will help you spot patterns that you missed before and increase your familiarity with the text in general, both of which help tremendously.

#the adhd helps. also

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vettelsvee · 1 day

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tag f1 game! tysm to @watermelonworries for the tag 🩷🫰🏻

whos your favorite f1 driver?

the man on my profile pic aka sebastian vettel. if we consider he’s already retired (😔), lewis is my fave driver from the grid!

do you have any other favorite drivers?

yep! from current grid my faves are fernando, oscar, george and lando :) if we take into account retired, mark, jenson and nico are my golden trio 🙏

who is your least favorite driver?

checo, i’m so sorry. never liked him, but absolutely respect him and won’t throw hate towards him (however, i just hate some of his comments towards women, you know what i might be talking about)

do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

drivers! but i’ve been a ferrari fan since 2010, when fernando joined the team

if you like teams, what teams do you pull for?

ferrari and mercedes are and will always be my favourites

how long have you been into f1?

since forever, actually! my dad started watching f1 when fernando joined, back in 2001 if i remember correctly. i was born in 2002, so i was introduced in f1 culture since the very beginning of my life

what got you into f1?

my dad! as i said before, f1 has been in my life since forever. a fun fact is that he really wanted me to be a hardcore fernando fan, but i turned out to be a hardcore fan of the drivers he used to hate the most: ✨seb and lewis✨

i have a really funny (to me) anecdote about how i became a lewis fan lol. one of the first words i learned in english was ham, which means jamón in spanish. so every time i read on the grid ham, i used to call lewis jamón

do you enjoy fanfic/RPF?

for sure, but i don’t have time to read as much as i’d like to + i don’t have many fics recommendations (drop some if you have pls!)

how do you view new fans?

well, tbh i have mixed feelings with this. while i’m so happy the sport i love the most has more fans, and i can get to meet all the people i never got to meet when i was a child and people laughed at me for like something that was “for men”, i sometimes feel like i’m in the one direction fandom and that f1 itself it’s just a boyband

if you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

ferrari, because it’s the team i’ve supported the most and, also, my all time favourite f1 drivers (seb, lewis and fernando) were/will be drivers 🥹

are your friends and family into f1 as well?

yes! my mum watches the start of the races in case there’s an accident lol. she likes the sport a little bit but gets bored watching races. and my dad, of course. however, he stopped watching races back in 2015 because he was tired of seb and, also, f1 started being streamed only on platforms where you had ti pay and tbh we didn’t have money to pay for subscriptions. i was the one who stayed (and watched all seasons until last year illegally, sorry)

are you open to talking to other fans/friends?

sure! i try to stay as active as i can and talk to many people as i can (on tiktok and wattpad mostly), but i’d love to meet new people, so don’t be afraid to reply this post, comment whatever you want, and have a chat with me! i promise i’m good vibes and don’t bite ✌🏻

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incognit0slut · 2 days

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Would you ever consider writing a full series about Spencer with some slow burn to still smutty smut? You’re one of the best writers on here and I just know you would do the trope and banter between reader/spencer justice. Your Spencer is always written so well, meanwhile do you have recommendations for fics that are a series with smut?

Let me tell you a little secret, I may have a mini series planned BUT I’m still not sure when to put it out. I still need to map out the plot and other details—and the hard part? Is to write everything. Series takes a lot of time and energy, the last series I worked on was finished in eight months because I lacked consistency.

With that being said, I’m gonna self-insert my own work as recommendation: Right Kind of Wrong (in case you haven’t read it)

As for other writers, I’m sure you can find a lot of series in spencer reid tags, I don’t really read series here because I’m more of a one-shot gal. They’re faster to finish in one sitting and that’s what I currently prefer!!

#lou answers #tysm <3

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starbuck · 4 months

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@derelictship tagged me to post my top 9 films watched in 2023. It didn’t specify “for the first time,” but I went with that despite how large a couple of my rewatches (watched first in 2022) loomed over this year as well…

To Be or Not to Be (1942) - Absolutely adore this film. I actually forgot that I watched it last year because it’s really and truly climbed inside my brain and it feels like I’ve known it forever. It’s the film that made me start paying attention to Ernst Lubitsch as a director when I had the realization of “WAIT a second - isn’t that also the Trouble in Paradise guy????” - so I owe it everything for that alone. I rewatched it a bunch of times and showed it to four people, to pretty positive reviews! My cousin even unexpectedly requested that we watch it AGAIN so my other cousin can see it! My second favorite of the year.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) - Only watched this once, but I loved it immediately and am itching to rewatch. Will be seeing it in a proper theater in February and bringing my mom along, so hopefully she likes it as much as I do!

Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) - I watched this one on my birthday while tipsy from wine and it was one of the best experiences of my life. The first film I really enjoyed Cary Grant in, which made me very happy because I WANTED to like him, but I just kept hating the roles I was seeing him in for various reasons. I’ve liked everything I’ve seen of him since, though, so all is well now!

A Night at the Opera (1935) - Another one I am itching to rewatch because I enjoyed it so much the first time. I want to show it to my family, but I feel like it’s most effective if you’re already familiar with the Marx Brothers, which my family is not, so I’m figuring out how best to facilitate that.

The Third Man (1949) - THE film of the year for me. I loved it so much the first time, that I didn’t believe it could possibly have been that good and had to rewatch it to confirm that yes, it really is. I’ve rewatched it several more times since (including once with my family, who enjoyed it), and I watch the whole thing with a smile on my face because it just makes me so, so happy.

The Seventh Seal (1957) - Decided to finally watch this one while grievously ill (VERY mild cold, but my first since 2018) without knowing what it was about, which was a TRIP and it Got Me, so here we are. I’ve told James this already, but it was a conversation with my coworkers involving this film that led to the infamous tragedy/catharsis post. I’m also gonna be seeing this one Big in a theater this year!

12 Angry Men (1957) - If I recall correctly, I watched this one during the same illness and really enjoyed it. Yet another I am excited to rewatch sometime this year!

How to Steal a Million (1966) - I forget who recommended this one to me, but thank you! It was highly enjoyable and went directly onto my “favorites” list!

The Smiling Lieutenant (1931) - Snuck in at the VERY end of the year! I had actually put it on my schedule for this year, but I got impatient and watched it early, so it counts for 2023. Yet another film where I had absolutely no idea what was happening or going to happen, and became more and more delighted as the film went on. Just procured a physical copy, so I’m going to be posting my favorite parts soon because you ALL need to see this and I will not rest until you do. Probably my third favorite after The Third Man and To Be or No to Be.

I watched around 60 new-to-me films in 2023, more than I have in any year EVER, and I plan to double that in 2024, so I’m excited to see what new gems I will “discover” for myself!

tagging (with love and no pressure): @calamitys-child, @lupismaris, @mobydyke, @frodo-of-the-nine-fingers, @thesundanceghost, @ishmaels, @knownoshame, @pocketsizedquasar, and @halewoods

#i think all the direct recommendations i’ve received are scheduled for this year #so - if you’ve recommended smth to me or hyped it a lot in general - stay tuned!#and i’m always taking more recommendations #even if i can’t fit them in this year - i will put them on the big list for the future #i like um… humor? tragedy… Triangles?? i feel like that describes my taste pretty well (it doesn’t - but if you get it you get it)#dislike uh… Grating Misogyny #i’m willing to watch through it in certain cases but i’m never going to LIKE it #and in extreme cases i just get too annoyed and have to stop #once you realize that not ALL films from ‘back in the day’ were Like That - you start to lose patience with those that are #because you know it was a Choice #you feel me?#ANYWAYS - thanks for the tag friend!!#this past year was SO fun - lot of incredible films i saw aren’t listed here #because i generally define my favorites as ‘films i want to rewatch’ rather than ‘the best pieces of art i witnessed’#(although these are obviously all also very well-made films as well of course!)

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mingmingbats · 1 year

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Barbarian-class/Steve Harrington.

#steve harrington #ren faire #my art #sketch #stranger things #inspired by the fic the shire is NOT on fire by kissesforcas #would highly recommend #not as happy with the way this turned out #but I’m tired and I’m not gonna let myself get in the way of posting #will definitely come back and take another stab at the design #make it more true to the costume description from the fic because they rocked #note to self: do this again #I always enjoy a good unexpected fic rec sooo

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the-trans-dragon · 1 year

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I’m discovering an important part of aging. If I have a problem that I’ve never found help for, I have to manually ask myself, “How long has it been since you tried?”

If it’s been 3+ years, there’s sometimes new tools or strategies or knowledge, and it is crucial for me to periodically check for new help for old problems. Otherwise I will just suffer needlessly. Even 1 chronic thing is fucking exhausting and it’s so cool to finally finally finally get it fixed, even if there isn’t help for all of my Health Stuff.

#this is kinda about dentist work and GI issues #when I was 18 I asked for the dentist to fix something and she said no. lol. she said it would probably fix itself and that the surgery for #it was frustrating for the surgeon and the patient and it was painful and tricky.#but I have dental insurance now and apparently after 8 years they now use lasers and it takes like 30 minutes and isn’t that bad!#also for my GI issues??? I’ve always struggled with the ‘eat more fiber’ advice because it never helps and often makes it worse #but recently! a doctor explained various types of fiber! and recommended I increase one and decrease the other! and I’m so bad at changing m #my diet so it’s a slow process to test out the advice. but so far it seems to be helping! either that or the slight improvement is coinciden #either is possible. but still! new knowledge! new strategies! new understandings of old strategies!#it’s really cool #soren learning to survive capitalism

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batwynn · 3 months

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Ok so since my last post about Palestine on this blog*, which I spent multiple days writing to try to make it as clear as possible where I stand and how I feel about both what is happening and how people are using their couch activism to do nothing but get internet points against other people on the internet, I’ve received a bunch of ‘go girl give us nothing’ kind of anons praising me for ‘not taking a stance’ or yelling at me for ‘not talking a stance’.

Which, for one. No. Just because don’t talk about everything that I do to support important causes does not mean I don’t do anything. I’m not posting my donation receipts online for your approval.

I’m also… I’m genuinely lost as to how that was the message received. I know I’m autistic af, but don’t feel like that’s what I said at all and I can’t figure out why that’s what people got from it.

This will be another long post with basically the same information as the last one, but put more bluntly. If you are still struggling to understand where I stand, I genuinely don’t know how to help you with this anymore and I’m not spending more energy hashing it out for you.

I thought I said, pretty explicitly, that I think colonizing entities and terrorism is bad. That genocide is bad. I thought it was very clear that I don’t support the murder of many thousands of people—tens of thousands of children. I included the USA in this previous statement explicitly because we are backing a genocide, yet again. (If not, you know, directly doing genocide against people ourselves.) I expressed clearly, I thought, that I did not support anyone killing innocent people, as a reminder to the ‘what-about-ers’, who like to say that people who don’t agree with a genocide ‘cheer on’ what the Hamas did to random citizens. I cant 100% say I know enough about the Hamas and their desires to tell you much more of my thoughts about that. It’s been a constant struggle with misinformation, in general, but a lot of it surrounding them and their beliefs/actions.

I thought it was also pretty clear that I am so far removed from this that I’m constantly aware that me saying anything could be based on wrong, outdated, or mistranslated info at any given point. I’m catching up as fast as I can, continuously educating myself, and voiding years of propaganda from growing up in this shitty ass country with its shitty ass education propaganda system. I mean a lifetime of messages directly from the media, our politicians, teachers, etc. to not pay attention because it’s ’not our problem’ as a country and there’s ’always a war there’ so ‘don’t care about it’ and ‘don’t react.’ Which is part of the reason why I made the original post, because I do care and I am reacting, and it does matter.

So, I guess I have to say it again, because as hard as I tried to get the message through last time, it apparently got lost somewhere.

I do not support the ongoing genocide of Palestine. I do not support the crimes against humanity that I have seen happening there. I do not support murder and terrorism. I do not support the country I am forced to live in, and its involvement in this. (USA)

I do love my Jewish and Muslim friends. I do not believe in a bigoted hatred against either religious grouping based on the actions of some people. I support the Jewish people standing up for Palestine. I do want peace. I do want healing. But I am also aware that peace and healing is something heavily owed to Palestine for many years now, and that it can’t be achieved until something massively changes in how the world and Israel treat them.

Now, if this statement is not clear enough or is said the ‘wrong way’ or isn’t ‘right’ or just isn’t what you want to hear. I’m sorry. I always struggle with communication, and I’m genuinely not good at this. I tried so hard with the last post, and I was still told that I was doing nothing and saying nothing. The only thing I can ask is that you give me the smallest amount of kindness and understanding, and assume that I am trying to communicate compassion for people suffering. Give me the benefit of the doubt, if you can, that I just fucking care about people who are being hurt.

And lastly, please keep your ‘what about’ bullshit out of my inbox. I can’t address every single thing, all the time. I can’t know every single thing, all the time. I’m aware of multiple horrific things happening in the world right now and how important it is to pay attention to them. I do share and talk about them on my side blog* that is dedicated to that kind of thing, but this one thing in particular is something people keep coming to me about in my inbox here and I’m addressing it this one last time.

*Again, my main blog here has always been mostly about my art and projects, and after years of people outright screaming at me to keep it that way and to not include any current events, political, or ‘too personal’ posts I’ve long since moved most of that over to my side blog. Many of you already follow me there or know what blog it is. I am not sharing it again because I’m tired of having personal life things I share being used to hurt me. Also, one last reminder that you can’t have it both ways. You either want to know my personal stuff and political stuff, or you don’t and only want to see my art. You don’t get both. And this will be the last time I address this here.

#I’m not saying this again #palestine #important #tw: genocide #tw: murder #tw: islamophobia #tw: antisemitism #Batwynn Talks #blacklist the previous tag to never see personal or political posts on this blog #as always #again #this is the last time #if you genuinely want to know what charities I have donated to or recommend #for yourself to donate to or to signal boost #message me #I’ve got a few posts saved with lists of them #but one or two that I donated to were GoFundMes that reached their goal or were more personalized and ‘small’#so those aren’t generally on the big lists #and finally #I’m begging you to take your time to read this thoroughly #and sit with what I’m saying for more than a minute #and grant me the understanding and compassion that #I am trying to express care and love for people suffering #and please do not twist my words into something its not #if this is not possible for you and all you see is hatred or whatever #i can highly recommend some intro to reading comprehension books and education materials

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stergeon · 1 month

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for the writer ask

💭🚦💛 💌

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

this is a real marketing major-ass answer (from your local marketing major), but i love sharing knowledge and telling stories. writing’s one of those things that’s a bit of a compulsion for me—i’m always writing something. i took a five-year break from fiction writing before i stumbled ass-first into fanfic last year, but even in those years when i was focusing on my career, i was writing guides and trainings and a ton of other stuff—just not anything fun, lol.

writing is also so cathartic. sometimes i set out to tell a specific story, but at other times, a particular emotion gets me in a vice grip and i have to put it to words before it’ll go away. my stories tend to wind up as emotional dumping grounds as a result.

i don’t write things pulled directly from my own life, but there are bits and pieces of myself and things that have happened to me scattered throughout stuff i’ve written, and usually when i’m about 75% of the way through a piece, i’ll realize it’s absolutely related to something i’m currently going through. funny how art works that way, even when you don’t intend for it to.

and occasionally i just have a fire lit under my ass about an issue and i get so hot about it that i gotta compile my thoughts. looking at you, silver snow

🚦 What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?

look, i would love nothing more for them girls (pick whichever girls you please) to have a happy ending where they kiss and are stupid in love for the rest of forever. i love reading those kinds of stories. but in my heart of hearts, i love an ambiguous ending. i like when there are still questions after the story ends. i like thinking about where things could go or how the characters will go on after the events of the story. like, shared space could be read as having a happy ending, but i don’t really think it is. and with the victors; the vestiges, well. you’ll see :0)

come to think of it, i’m not sure i’ve ever written a happily-ever-after, but i don’t think i’ve ever written a 100% bad ending, either. i read too many bury-your-gays stories and watched too many sad european queer coming-of-age films in my youth to ever be happy putting that kinda thing out into the world. i want to write about love with all its ugliness, but not despair or hopelessness. i think what most appeals to me about an ambiguous ending is that lingering feeling of hope. it’s not the same as the kind you get from a happily-ever-after, and something about it speaks to me.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

honestly? how to take criticism. i took a creative writing class in high school where we had to read our work out loud and then receive feedback on it from the other writers in the class, and that did a lot for me. going into that class, i’d already been writing for forever and had won some little local writing contests and such, so i was a wee bit of a pretentious douche. but i’d never gotten real critique before beyond, essentially, spelling and grammar checks. it humbled me lol. it made me grow so much as a writer, and i could see where i needed to improve or where my head was wedged way too far up my own ass for others to follow. it also helped me recognize strengths i didn’t know i had, and that was huge. it’s easy to get into a self-doubt spiral when making creative work, and good, constructive criticism can do so much to help avoid that.

to this day i love critique. i like knowing what worked or didn’t work so that i can continue to improve as a writer and do better next time. did my themes land? did something really work, but another part fall flat? i’d love to know!! i try to treat everything i write as practice for the next thing, and frankly that’s helped take some of the pressure off so i don’t go into total Perfectionist Mode.

i know critique is kind of a sensitive topic in fan spaces, but i think that’s because a lot of people have gotten unsolicited criticism that is purely critical and isn’t constructive. but getting good, constructive criticism will do so much to help a person grow as a writer. it’s scary, and sometimes it hurts! writing is very personal for most people, and it stings when things aren’t received the way you think they will be. but i know i’ve grown more from having my failures pointed out (and, very importantly, having the good things about those efforts acknowledged) than anything else.

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

actually Just answered this in another ask!

#sterge.eml #foxyjeongin #thank you for playing my little game and letting me talk about stories (and about me lmao)#sorry this is kind of a long post #i talk too much #i think i sound pretentious in this ask whoops. sorry #unfortunately i kind of am. i’m working on it.#… i guess the short answer to that first question is ‘emotions and mental illness’ lol #if you follow me on twitter (not recommended as it’s just me complaining about the weather and not being able to ride my motorcycle)#you know that every time i bring up my writing in therapy my therapist rocks my shit by revealing the story is #in fact.#NOT about what i thought it was about #or more accurately it’s ALSO secretly about whatever’s going on with me in real life lmao #y’know what’s really fun? looking back at something you wrote in a manic or depressive episode and going ah. hm. interesting.#the signs were. in fact. there.#(this is in fact not fun and i don’t like it. but it always happens.)#everything i write is accidentally Also about being bipolar. no getting around that #i tend to have issues organizing my thoughts and feelings to even figure out how tf i’m feeling #(forget making any attempt at doing so verbally. i have chronic foot-in-mouth disorder and accidentally say shit i don’t mean all the time)#but writing stuff down has always helped me sort through whatever mess is going on in my noggin and i love it for that #learning how to take critique is my no. 1 piece of writing advice but no. 2 is to read #read the classics. find out why they’re classics. read weird shit. read shit you don’t like. find things you like about em anyway.#and importantly: figure out WHY you do or don’t like it #it’s funny to re-read a book i haven’t read in a long time and discover OH. that’s where i get that technique from.#or that’s where i got that idea. or that’s why i had X thing happen in this story.#or why i like this type of character or scenario #nothing’s truly new and original #we’re all an amalgamation of influences and that ruuuuules #celebrate it!!!

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cyncerity · 2 years

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I don’t know how much can be said that hasn’t already been said, but i cannot express how utterly devastated I am about Technoblade’s passing.

So I’ll just put it the best I can, being someone who has dealt with cancer a lot this year, with someone I was close to passing away from it and with my Grandpa fighting it off currently.

I won’t stop making content. He loved what his community made, and in rough times like these we all need a pick me up. He wouldn’t want us to stop because it could be perceived as disrespectful. He’d want us to help each other out and support each other, like we always have. And to those of us (myself included) who’s pick me up was Technoblade, we’ll keep making content of him to honor him. He will never die as long as we are here to keep him alive in memories, fanart, cosplays, fanfiction, songs, and all else.

Technoblade never dies, in the most literal of senses. What he did for so, so, so many people will never be forgotten, and his legacy will last forever.

In the most Technoblade way I can put it, I hope he respawned somewhere that deserves a great man like him, somewhere where he’s happy beyond belief and can see what a positive impact he made on the world. Somewhere where he can fully understand how much we love him.

#Rip big guy <3 #my favorite nerd #an absolute king #You’ll always be my comfort cc #fuck cancer #and if anyone hasn’t seen the clip of Wilbur taking about a dream where he was talking to Techno #i highly recommend watching it #i fully believe that people can communicate to their loved ones through dreams after death #and if going into Wil’s dream to call him a loser isn’t the most Technoblade thing-#i’m just glad to see he kept his sense of humor #anyway i might draw another less despressive piece #lord knows Techno would be embarrassed to see the sappy things we’ve all been posting #shoutout to the random person I saw who said Techno wouldn’t want something like this to tarnish his brand hsjsksj #but i do love the guy and think he deserves another piece with a more uplifting look to it #cause he made all of us very happy and i don’t wanna take his memory and make people sad with it #o7 king #o7 o7 o7 #technoblade #technoblade never dies #technoblade fanart #techno fanart #technofanart #rip technoblade #rip techno #techno tribute #tw death #tw cancer

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thirsty-4-ghouls · 7 months

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What frustrates me the most about liking the fallout games and elder scrolls games (I still need to play more of them and there are CERTAINLY exceptions) is that i don’t actually know what it is exactly that i like about them. People will be like “Bethesda games suck” and I’m not going to disagree that having mammoths fall from the sky and my gun sink into the floor forever is good game mechanics, that it’s a work of art in the coding department, but i don’t know what it is that makes me love the experience of playing them. People will be like “oh, you like that thing? Try this” and what they suggest isn’t bad, but it doesn’t have the same, idk, combination of things? I just wish I knew what the exact combo was so I could look for more of those things. I can’t put my finger on it and I’m not sure I can find the same combination of those things anywhere else. I don’t really care that the fighting isn’t super dramatic every time, hitting things and blowing things up is fun by itself to me, i don’t need a work of art there. I like the characters and the way you can just go do shit, especially when you don’t have a super pressing timeline. I can build a house before stopping the end of the world in Skyrim (multiple times) and it doesn’t actually make the time more stressful. If I want to take it super seriously I can try and grind through the main plot and after that I’ll still have a bunch of stuff to do! And the things I do will affect other things, but in a certain way I can’t explain? I can’t put into words. I know that they aren’t the finest masterpieces and I’m sure that there are games with things i like about these games but done better, but do they have the combination? The one I can’t put my finger on? Probably not. I play games to have fun and there is so much fucking around I can do! There are little details in the environment, little things to npcs. There are certainly things that left me unsatisfied, but there is also a bunch of things that do? I’ll admit to not playing their newer stuff though. I’ll consider eso but my brothers have already tried some of their other new stuff and left me with some not great reviews. I kinda wish people would stop trying to recommend me games because “oh, you like that part of that game? Here is one that is so much better. You’ll see how terrible the one you’re playing is” because I’m playing the terrible one for a reason. I like it, even knowing it’s not the best, and i would love to see more games that do that thing, but if you are recommending them because they are “better works of art” or “better mechanically” are you also recommending them because they are fun? That’s why I play games. I have my limits, and I respect other people who play games for the sake of the art form alone, but sometimes terrible or just okay is fun too, sometimes with less stress, and fun can keep me occupied for hours. I’m not saying I never play a game for a story, without much of one I often do get bored. I wouldn’t play the ace attorney series if I didn’t like stories too, but i loooove sandboxes and i can’t put my finger on why i like those Bethesda sandboxes so much. It’s infuriating because I really do want to find more stuff that scratches that specific itch, but the vibes are never quite there. I don’t expect the exact same thing, but I do want to try more of that sort of thing, yet I can’t put my finger on what it is about the thing that I need to look for! Very frustrating.

I like lore and environmental storytelling and interesting npcs and sandbox games, i don’t enjoy super complicated combat because i am stupid. I like being able to pick and choose things and seeing one thing affect another but not needing to do things in a specific order. Is that all? I don’t feel like it. There is something more and I can’t put my finger on it. There are obviously games I play that do not check off every single box of mine, look at the ace attorney series! But those ones don’t really take as much of my time. Once you finish the story you just kinda, leave it for awhile. You’re done. You might go back later, but probably not right away. With the games like Skyrim and fallout I can just come back after a busy day and do random low stress tasks and activities, or I could go hard at it for a bit, either way I have fun. I don’t know how to replicate that. I also like when they add some elements like the sims. I know some people hate it, but it gives me even more shit to do, and I can have a part of the map that feels like “this is MINE!” and I can leave my stuff (and some npcs) there and feel like I’m not just shoving it wherever. Sure, you get beds when you join certain groups, but in Skyrim and fallout 4 you can have your own space. If i don’t want to go on some adventure after a long day I can just garden or something, even when it’s winter irl! (Although the gardening isn’t like irl gardening, it still feels better than nothing). I know a lot of people hate how they put certain things I listed into a game that is “supposed to be about the story, or fighting” but i like the eclectic combination of activities, and i feel like they manage to do it without the things feeling like a completely separate game. It still feels tied in, unlike some games where it feels like they just shoved it into the game on the side without any connection I guess. I’m not explaining this well and I’m sure there are people who absolutely hate the things I listed, but there are plenty of games without them, I’m trying to find more with them.

And it has to have interesting npcs, even just mildly interesting ones that you can fill in the blanks for in your boredom. I can’t stand the feeling of being in a completely empty world (with the possible exception of Pokémon go, but they have added so much stuff that it feels parallel to the real world, not completely separate and empty) although, when it comes to Pokémon go, I actually did stop playing for awhile because it felt so empty, now you can at least interact with other players a bit more (even if I’m not great at finding others to play with) and they have added more npcs. I play that game so i don’t get bored at the grocery store and can convince myself to go out and walk around sometimes, so it’s not the same. Idk what I actually really want from a game, I can’t put my finger on it.

#emma posts #maybe it’s the ability to take up so much time without needing any other players #maybe it’s something about being able to do whatever I want in a lot of different orders #maybe it’s just the ability to completely ignore certain side options #maybe it’s about the npcs #or the environmental story telling #I don’t know! I’m so mad about it #fallout 4 #skyrim #long post #I play other types of games too. but when I want more of that specific thing #I don’t know what I want more of #and I am so bad at figuring out super complicated fighting so I’m always like ‘plz be gentle’#when a friend recommends something new #and everything always needs the internet now #what if my internet service is bad? What then? because it’s slow a.f. and sometimes spotty

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