#and my anxiety is like ?!?!?!?!!??!!!!?

[eastgaysian]

#ordinary photo of yeti #they made astarion in a lab for me to be obsessed with. #like hottest man in game for me is halsin truthfully. astarion is my shitty little white dog with separation anxiety who bites people. #very different things. if i say i'm doing a playthrough as astarion that's when you put me down #main factor motivating me not to is i need to hear neil newbon's voice acting at least once a minute or i die. #i've got a dark urge concept rattling around the brain but i should maybe self-impose a gaming break and take care of. responsibilities 😐

[lost-in-derry]

Reblog if it’s ok for your mutuals to tag you in posts they think you’ll like even if you don’t talk often.

#I always have the urge to tag people and then my social anxiety is like #no #you’re bothering them #mutuals #my post

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

#mlp #yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia. #yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show #but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!! #i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse #in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character #personal #delete later #unless you like this analysis stuff #i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did #cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her #mother and father as a teenager #i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased #but i'll put some in the tags #involving rarijack –– i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity #anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention #(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff #long post #regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at #a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up

[asavt]

Once upon a time a small rat walked into my web...

#cotl #cult of the lamb #shamura cotl #cotl shamura #cotl ratau #ratau cotl #fan art #digital art #my art #I think of the idea that Ratau went into Silkcradle and tried to battle Shamura and lost. #I think like ''take out their leader so they are all helpless'' #it didn't work #lost an eye #was constantly chased by the other bishop's followers for attempting to #and now years later in his extended lifespan #a certain spider walks into his hut #mind not quite there #quite lost #and they play a game #and maybe they recognize him maybe not #maybe the anxiety of having a ex-god-now-demigod is overreacted and overthought #but for now he'll just roll his dice #and see why they were once called the god of wisdom and war

[aitadjcrazytimes]

#lmao #for anyone who's curious the process went: #send ask to aita official #blog blows up #someone realizes its a chexer fic #i follow them bc they seem cool #i join their rvb server #their encouragement pushes me to finish the Actual Fic i was working on #i expand the fic to be more of a whole au after it comes out much better than expected #the next fic in the au that i work on has to do with a character's brain injury #this leads me to do research into brain injuries #''......huh. this sounds. a lot like the neurological symptoms that my doctors have been saying is just part of my anxiety disorder'' #think on that for a while #go to the ER for unrelated reasons #remember my theory #bring it up to the doctor #Doctor Immediate Concern #doctors orders a ct scan #''eeyup! that there's some atrophying and a chiari malformation! y'ever had a head injury'' #(i had had several) #''well! shit! time to refer you to neurosurgery :) see if we cant do somethin about all that memory loss and severe pain and shit'' #and now we are here #it also lead me to research osddid systems for the first fic #and now my therapist is having me tested for osdd because i did not know that those symptoms were not a thing everyone experiences #so like. thanks for helping me meet friends who could encourage me to engage with the things i like + learn more about myself #^ ^ <3 #im actually not gonna say ''ok last update fr this time'' bc idfk maybe something WOULD be funny to post on here

[inkskinned]

i got my isbn today for the book. 8 months to go. my mom and i were talking about what the next steps are. i was eating trail mix, standing on one foot, phone tucked into my ear.

"yeah," i said. "the problem is that tumblr as a market is like, not something that can be studied." there's this weird wave of nostalgia and affection for this place that came up over me: how lovely we avoid consumerism. okay, it sucks as a creator. but also? keep stickin' it to 'em.

my mother made the sound at the back of her throat that i also make, the one that means i've got an idea. "you should figure out some kind of reward for presale amounts. maybe you give out poems or a mug or a signed book or something. would your followers like that?" my mother is sweet, and kind, and i have no idea how to explain on this website you can buy someone crabs.

i put more m&ms down the hatch. i had to speak through peanuts and almonds. "if it passes 25 thousand i will print the book out in its entirety and eat it live on camera."

"oh god. no, you don't have to do that." she was anguished. "just tell them that you'd love them to read it, and that they've inspired you to write. you got started on that site, and they helped you keep going. raquel, you love these people. the community? you talk all the time about the other writers and artists and whatever else. tell them that you're hoping for their support, they'll come through."

"no," i assured her. i discovered i had dropped an m&m, but an ant had already found it, so it belonged to him now. i will let his little life have a surprise blue treasure in it, too. "i'm gonna fuckin' eat the book."

#writeblr #:) #the small secret love i have for y'all. the way i am filled with gratitude. #for the nosebleed club. for stephen particularly. #for every artist i've ever been in contact with and collaborated with. #for every person who has commented on my work and passed it along or fallen in love with it #for every silent 'just hitting like' follower and for every person who sends me dms and for each of you #i know i suck at replying bc i have anxiety. but like. you keep being here. so i keep writing. #i legit wouldn't be here without you. #thank you sophie thank you katie thank you carolyn thank you stephanie thank you jess #thank you if you're reading this #i got too overwhelmed with love and have to stop writing this FAR too early into the thank yous bc im about to cry with love

[spookberry]

Idiot to Idiot communication

#there's a part 2 to this in my brain but idk if I'll draw it and this can stand alone fine too #danny phantom #my art #van life au #agit technically #i like when older danny grows his hair out but i could kinda see him avoiding it as a way of avoiding that evil alt future #like hes uncomfortable with how it likens back to it #but maybe having van around and seeing that alt future version try to be a better person in their 2nd chance could #ya know relieve any of that anxiety #so i wanted to illustrate them having a conversation about it #but i got stuck on thia funny beginning part #who knows if I'll get around to the serious part

[humans-are-tasty]

#sir crocodile #dracule mihawk #buggy the clown #cross guild #my art #one piece #crochawk #dump of dumb stuff #i was looking at the old patrick bateman mihawk and ended up drawing axe wielding mihawk again #idk why #im just anxiety coping drawing #i wasnt going to post this but i forgot i scheduled it... omg #anyway im trying to be more free with drawing now and not caring so much #more like how i drew 2-3 yrs ago #if its weird and ugly then its weird and ugly #i also want to draw blackbeard but hes so hard to draw this way. still trying to figure it out #also please imagine crocodile standing with axehawk. i desperately wanted to draw crocodile with him but didnt #theyre axe murdering couple in crime #i took the last ones outfit from the shining #i try to draw lineart directly without a rough sketch stage. its sort of meditative #i'm gonna axe you one last time...

[nitw]

i think hoodies with pockets are so appealing to autistic people because we never fuckin know what to do with our hands

#i get like minor anxiety from fiddling w my hands in public because idk how i should place them 😭 #leo.txt

[proxycrit]

(I point. Gently, in the voice of somebody who’s mind touched by the outer gods, i whisper truth in your ears:

Your honor the horses are now lesbians

(Anyways here’s the designs)

#mlp #based off my mlp redesigns (no i will not be taking criticism) #mlp redesign #fluttershy is now a giant jacked carnivorous shire horse with anxiety #rarity is a trans queen and she’s carrying the plot on her back #applejack’s been bequeethed the oldest child syndrome after the traumatic death of her parents and learned to do taxes at the tender age of #13?? how do horses age #and rainbow dash is both loved and reviled by her pegasi foundry because she has ‘too much gryphon in her’ #(but she FAST AS FUC BOI.) #anyways pinky’s my favorite. we don’t know whats up with pinky but she smiles a lot and the world distorts around her at exactly 1014 am. #twilight is celestia’s favored pupil prophet and is trying her best to figure out what the hell is up with pinkie and failing spectacularly #twilight also hatched a dragon from an inert stone and people have opinions about that #mostly ‘what are you feeding her’ #(holds rarity and applejack) i think they’re neat together #they bond over growing up too quickly and have a vi-caitlynn thing goin on #(squints) didnt draw the cute mark crusaders but they’d be like. the batmen of the town. and it was fun and games until twilight heard #and gave them ACTUAL weapons #rarity #applejack #rainbow dash #twilight sparkle #fluttershy #pinkie pie #spike the dragon #I FORGOT SPIKE #spike’s a stone dragon that hatched from a stone egg. he is not meant to exist. he’s an elderitch horror and a baby boy and we love #and cherish his adorable little face #art #critdraws #Rest your Weary Hooves in our New Found Home

[chaoticgoodthief]

I Did It

Ok, this is amazing I recently passed the Tumblr shoelace ritual. Long story short, I was at a market day in my school and saw some stickers. Gandalf's big naturals. Even as someone who doesn't really spend that much time in the LoTR/Hobbit area of Tumblr, I knew about That. I couldn't help myself, it was right There. Probably far to giddily holding that Gandalf sticker (with wasn't just a normal old big naturals, mind you. That wizard was in a laced bra, usually enough to turn me redder than a tomato)

"Which one of you designed this?" I asked on of the two people at the stall (ps everyone was selling their own sruff, so I wasn't afraid in the slightest that the creator of this wouldn't be there.)

"She did," the one I talked to responded. Oh my heart was pounding. All social awkwardness completely evaporated in the face of THE most Tumblr Thing I could do.

"I like your shoelaces." Gosh, I wish I could have talked to literally anyone with half the confidence that I had in that moment. I'm pretty sure I saw just a tiny bit of life drain from their eyes. I'm so sorry but c'mon. Gandalf Big Natruals stickers. Did you really think you could avoid this?

"Thanks. I stole them from the president." I WILL RIDE THAT HIGH FOR THE NEXT MONTH, AT LEAST.

ps. If anyone finds my new buddy (I know it's unlikely but gotta give it a shot.) Just want to let you know that their art is amazing and you should definately by something from them if they take commissions.

#artists on tumblr #tumblr milestone #support small creators #i like your shoelaces #tumblr shoelaces #tumblr culture #tumblr things #this sure is a webbed site #thank you tumblr #for momentarily shooting my social anxiety point blank #it was great

[nolvini]

i am not immune to silly pirate adventures

#one piece #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #tony tony chopper #vinsmoke sanji #usopp #nami #straw hats #my art #digital art #fanart #illustration #artists on tumblr #i worked way too long on this pls like it ;; #i have a feeling this wont perform well #<- has anxiety over dumb things

[hajihiko]

The answer was 'panic attack'.

#Sdr2 #Super danganronpa 2 #Danganronpa 2 #Danganronpa #hajime hinata #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #Akane owari #Kazuichi Souda #Sonia nevermind #I tood my friend I sometimes had 'anxiety fits' and described it and she was like 'that's a panic attack dude'. Never too old to learn #an art

[jakeperalta]

the thing about me is that I will see my mutuals post about wanting to be friends with their mutuals and I'll be like "oh but they probably meant their other mutuals not you"

#logically i know this is probably not the case #but the social anxiety gremlin that lives in my brain is like 'how embarrassing if you messaged them and they didn't mean you' #so here we are #talking

[un-pearable]

ngl one of the most useful things i’ve internalized from doing art online is never tell people what to criticize. don’t preemptively apologize for things or point out where you think you fumbled, it’s just priming people to notice minor issues that might not actually matter and hit you where you’re sensitive and throw you off your game. don’t tell people your weak points. if it’s a genuine problem they’ll point it out

#especially not if they’re the professor grading your assignment!!!!!!!!!! feel so bad for my friend #i cant tell him it now bc it’ll come across as mean but i feel so bad :( he kept apologizing for things he didn’t need to and it made him #seem unprepared. when he actually had 95% of what he needed and apologizing made it LOOK like he didn’t #text✨ #i’m making it sound very dramatic here but it’s straight up helped me so much with my anxiety #the above doesn’t apply if you’re looking for constructive criticism kr any thing #i’m very specifically talking about stuff like posting art online or giving a presentation or whatever

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''