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#and she asked me if I was actually playing because of how good I was 😂
barcaatthemoon · 2 days
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fade into you || lena oberdorf x reader ||
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lena takes your virginity.
minors dni, 18+, smut warning.
not proofread because i have 30 minutes to get to work and still need to eat breakfast.
the move from manchester to bayern was a big one, but you hadn't made it alone. your older sister keira's best friend, georgia, had transferred with you. with georgia there, you practically had another older sister there with you. and it was great, up until you met lena.
the bayern and wolfsburg games were pretty intense, but you loved it. english soccer hadn't necessarily been physical enough for you, aside from your very heated games against arsenal. lena could match your aggression and put you on your ass if she really wanted to.
at first, there had been a couple of close calls. georgia had gotten herself carded arguing with lena twice before someone said something. after that, you had players like magda and pernille, your team mothers, who looked out for you instead. they were a lot more protective, not even letting the german player talk to you after games.
lena hated the way that they watched over you like a hawk whenever she was around. all lena had wanted to do then was talk to you, and she had to wait months before she finally had a good chance to do so. georgia had tried to step in to "protect" you whenever lena approached you after an international game against each other, but she wasn't nearly as intimidating as magda.
"(y/n)!" lena called out as she chased you down in the tunnel. you froze on the spot, unsure of what lena could have wanted with you. that game had been difficult to say the least. tensions had been high, and several players on both sides had gotten a little sketchy with some of their tackles and challenges. "do you mind if we talk for a minute?"
"you want to talk to me?" you tried not to sound so surprised, but you couldn't help it. lena nodded as she extended her hand towards you. georgia looked a bit angry as you took it, not noticing the looks from leah, lucy, and your sister behind her.
"i'd prefer to do it alone," lena told you as she led you away from everybody else. "i've wanted to talk to you for a long time, but there are always other players around. your friends don't seem to like me too much."
"they are protective. we have a tendency to go a bit harder after each other than anybody else," you pointed out. lena couldn't argue with you on that one. she admittedly did play a bit rougher with you than she did with other players. however, lena knew that sometimes that was what it took to stop you from trucking through their defenses.
"i like how you play. i can't wait to be on your team." lena rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. you studied her for a moment, just long enough to be distracted by her features. your eyes bounced all around her face and body, shamelessly checking her out a bit. "before that, though, i'd like to get to know you better. maybe we could go on a date when you get back to germany?"
"why wait that long?" you asked her. lena looked surprised, like she couldn't believe that you wanted to spend time with her so soon. "i won't be drinking with the rest of the team tonight, and playing cards in my sister's room can wait. you guys leave tomorrow night, and i think that leaves just enough time for us to go out together for a night."
"the whole night?" lena asked. you were quick to shake your head, but refused to elaborate any further. lena didn't know that you were a virgin, she couldn't have. not a lot of people actually knew that, and while you had been told that it was nothing to be ashamed of, you couldn't help but feel like you were lagging in your age group.
"i'd like to see where things go first. hooking up isn't really my thing," you said quickly. you hoped that it came off casually, but you knew better than that. you weren't that lucky, not when it came to relationships. you had only ever dated one other person, and it had ended so badly that you kind of thought you'd never date again.
naturally, as your relationship progressed, lena eventually learned about your lack of experience. she had been kind about it once you told her. a lot of things that you had done over the past few months made sense to her. lena had known that you were shy, but now she understood why certain things messed with you as much as they did.
"good morning." lena greeted you with a kiss as you walked into the kitchen. it was her first week in her munich apartment, and she had asked for you to stay with her. the two of you had been together for nearly half of your first season at bayern. now, you'd get to play at the same club together, so she would be there to keep you company instead of georgia.
"this isn't good for my german," you told her. lena shrugged it off and wrapped her arms around your waist as she pressed several kisses to the side of your face. "i really do want to learn, lena."
"liebe, you are doing fine with the german. relax, we practice together every single day. rest your brain for a morning, it will be fine," lena said. you sighed as your body sank back against hers. you hadn't been with lena for very long in the scheme of things, but you knew for sure that you were in love with her. keira had once told you that love was a feeling that often took you by surprise, and your feelings for lena had blindsided you early on in your relationship.
the two of you had expressed your love for each other in words before, but you wanted to do more. you wanted to give yourself to lena fully. the thought was beyond terrifying for you, but you also knew that lena was trustworthy. she would take care of you, just like she had been doing for months. more than that, you trusted lena fully and wanted to show her just how far your trust reached.
"what are you thinking so hard about?" lena asked you. her voice was full of concern, breaking the blissfully relaxed energy that had been filling up her room. you had been ready to tell her exactly what you wanted, but when you opened up your mouth and looked at her, your words died out on the tip of your tongue.
"i want-," you paused, unsure of whether or not this was the time. lena would never push you towards anything, but you hadn't considered whether or not she wanted sex from you. everybody around the two of you had made a teasing remark here or there about sex, only to be shut down by an extremely defensive lena.
"it's okay, take your time." lena pressed a kiss to the top of your head as she pulled you to rest against her chest. you gave yourself a couple of moments to relax where she had guided you. once those moments were over, you shifted so that you were sort of leaning over her. "everything okay?"
"yes, i just, need to ask you something. lena, i'd like to have sex with you," you told her. lena's normally expressive face went completely blank as she stared at you. a wave of panic overtook your thoughts, but lena didn't let it get far enough for you to retract your statements.
"this is a big deal, are you sure liebe?" lena asked you. it was true, this was a big deal for you. some of your teammates had tried to play it off as something that didn't matter, but to you it did. lena knew this, and she had been fully prepared to wait until marriage if that was something you had wanted. a part of her hadn't expected you to want to talk about it again so soon, but she was glad that you trusted her.
"yes, of course i am. i love you, and i want to show you that," you said sheepishly.
"there are other ways to show that you love someone. it's not like i can give you this experience back if you decide that i wasn't the right one." for a moment, you thought lena was trying to talk you out of having sex. that idea was promptly snuffed out whenever you finally looked her in the eye. lena looked almost to tears, but there was no sign of anything other than joy on her face.
"i'm sure. i want you, and only you." lena had never heard you speak with such confidence or conviction before. you were shy, always keeping to yourself or your very carefully selected circle of friends. "just, please remember that it's my first time."
"always, we will take it slow," lena promised you.
neither you nor lena had really brought up having sex again for the remainder of your stay with her. you had assumed that lena had forgotten, not that she was working on making the last night of your week together so special. for the most part, you had been completely oblivious until she was practically shoving you out of the house to go shopping with sydney and laura.
they were nice, but still very much lena's friends. you had a lot of fun with the girls, who had definitely talked you into spending more money than you meant to. by the time that you headed back to lena's, you had enough things to fill an extra suitcase.
"lena?" you called out into the apartment. it looked empty, but lena had obviously cleaned and rearranged a few things. you could see the table set very romantically, and you wondered for a moment if you missed some sort of anniversary. all of those thoughts were practically thrown out of your head when you saw lena walk out of her bedroom. "you look amazing."
"i know that we did not talk about this before, but i really want to be with you before you leave. only if that's okay with you," lena said. she brushed a strand of your hair back behind you ear as she stepped into your space. there was never an invasion with lena, she was always welcomed eagerly with open arms.
"i'd like that. i've been thinking about it a lot," you confessed. lena smiled as she pulled you in for a kiss. something told you that lena would have kissed you either way, but this kiss felt different. this kiss built to something bigger, something that your body had been anticipating for a couple of weeks now.
lena pulled back from the kiss to lead you to the table. you sat there a little awkwardly by yourself while you waited for her to return. lena had obviously put a lot of effort into the meal, preparing things that you recognized as supposed aphrodisiacs. you noticed the distinct lack of alcohol at the table, which lena explained away as not wanting anything to possibly taint the experience.
"how are you feeling?" lena asked you. she leaned back against the counter as she watched you put the last dish in the dishwasher. you had fought her about leaving the dishes in the sink for tomorrow and cleaning up, but lena relented in the end. she had rinsed a few of the pots and pans before you were even home anyway, that was enough help as you'd accept.
"nervous, but in a good way. i trust you though, just show me what you like i guess," you told her. lena smiled as she pulled you in for a kiss. this one was soft and sweet, a gentle press of her lips against yours. the next couple ventured away from that territory, right up until lena was pinning you against the counter by the kitchen sink and kissing you absolutely breathless.
"i'm going to find out all of the things that you like. maybe it'll take more than a night, but we have the rest of our lives to figure everything out." lena picked you up with ease and carried you into her bedroom. every part of the house had been done up for tonight, so it shouldn't have come as a shock to you to see the candles and flowers all over the room.
"you spoil me. what if i want this every time we have sex?" you asked her.
it was a teasing question, but lena answered you with complete sincerity, "then i will do this every single time. there is nothing i wouldn't do to make you happy."
"i love you," you told her. lena blushed as she pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth.
"i love you too," she mumbled. you threaded your fingers through her hair and lifted her head up so that she was looking at you. she repeated herself, suddenly a little afraid that you hadn't heard her. you pulled her in for another kiss, opening your mouth almost immediately to welcome her tongue.
lena dropped onto her knees on the bed to lay you down gently. her body quickly covered yours once again, and lena slotted herself in between your legs. the two of you had laid like that before, but now it felt different. both of you knew where this was leading, and while lena would assure you that you could turn back whenever you wanted, you knew otherwise.
you were grateful for lena taking her clothes off first, even if you had been head over heels for the outfit. it was rare that you got to see lena out of her kit or the sweats that she liked to wear around the house. and while there was little hotter to you than lena walking around in a tank top and sweatpants, the black slacks and white button up that lena had worn for tonight drove you a little crazy.
however, you were glad to not feel quite so underdressed for the occasion. you hadn't changed from the jean shorts and t-shirt of lena's that you had worn out for shopping. lena had barely let you go whenever she saw you in her shirt that morning, but you had compromised with her by cuddling on the couch until laura and sydney came bursting through lena's apartment doors.
"can i touch you?" lena asked as she motioned towards your bare chest. she was almost completely naked above you, only wearing her underwear. your shorts were still on, lena slowly making her way down your body. your lips were bruised from kissing her, and there were little wet spots from lena kissing along your neck and jaw.
"please do," you told her. lena smiled, dipping her head down to press a kiss to the little dip in between your collarbones. lena's hands massaged your breasts as she littered kisses all over your chest. you could feel that you were wet, but you didn't want to rush lena. as many times as she had told you that this was for you, you had reminded yourself that this was also for her as well. it was your first time, yes, but it was also your first time together.
with each inch that lena moved down your body, you felt your arousal and anticipation grow. you were practically shaking by the time that lena finally reached your shorts. she opened her mouth to ask if you still wanted to continue, only to be met with you impatiently shimmying yourself out of them. lena had the tact to hide her amusement, but you didn't miss the little glimmer in her eye.
it wasn't the amusement that you had mistaken it for. after your show of enthusiasm, lena let her own eagerness be known. the kisses that lena pressed to your hips and thighs were messy, much messier than the ones placed on your chest. lena paused and sucked a hickey onto the inside of your thigh, barely an inch away from where you were practically frothing at the mouth waiting for her to touch you.
"mine," lena muttered sweetly as she ran her finger over the hickey.
"make me yours," you begged her. you weren't sure what had compelled you to say that, but if lena's reaction was anything to go by, it was the right decision. lena grabbed your thighs and held them apart. you heard her swear as she really got a good look at you spread out in front of her.
there was nothing that could have prepared you for the feeling of lena's mouth on your cunt. you had kissed her hundreds of times already, but her lips felt completely different between your legs. you blindly reached around for something to grab until you felt lena take your hands in hers. it was sweet and grounded you, distracting you from your rapidly approaching orgasm.
"i don't want to cum yet," you whined. lena lifted her head to look at you. there was something reassuring in her eyes, something that quelled the panicked thoughts about embarrassing yourself in front of her.
"it's okay, let it happen. it always happens faster than you'd like the first time." lena spoke gently, more so than you had ever heard her before. you closed your eyes and tried to only focus on the way that lena felt as her tongue moved between your folds.
you couldn't stop the moans and all the little noises that normally would have embarrassed you. lena hummed appreciatively at each noise you made, like all she wanted was to hear them again. the focus of lena's tongue switched from just lazily lapping at your cunt to zeroing in on your clit. you felt a finger press against your entrance, rubbing teasingly as if she hadn't planned on actually entering you.
"lena, i think i'm gonna cum," you warned her. lena just sort of squeezed your hand as she continued with a steady pace. lena didn't want to overload your senses, so she tried to keep things going a little slower. she paid attention to every little signal that your body was giving her, helping you reach your peak and work yourself through it.
"you did so good," lena praised as she littered your face with kisses. your cheeks were flushed and your chest was heaving. you had made yourself cum a couple of times before, but it was nothing like having lena touch you. the feeling of lena touching you made you never want to even try to get yourself off ever again. "how are you feeling?"
"i've never felt like that before," you told her. it was a good feeling, but you couldn't quite articulate that yet. lena nodded, seemingly in understanding, and cupped your cheeks to pull you in for a kiss. "i can't believe i didn't ask for that earlier."
"go on to the shower. i'm gonna put the sheets in the wash," lena told you. she tried to move away, but you clung to her like your life depended on it. "liebe, we have to clean up."
"yes, and you can come shower with me. then, when we're out, you can put the sheets in the wash while i pick out something to watch in the living room." lena wasn't going to argue with you, especially not when your plan included a chance to shower with her. you knew that you had won when lena didn't try to argue with you, so you pulled her out of bed and towards the bathroom. your legs were a bit shaky still, so lena held onto your hips to steady you the whole way.
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avaf00rd · 17 hours
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Behind the scenes
Leah Williamson x reader
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Tiny little blurb I wrote last minute as I rewatched the show
“Hello you” you grinned as you opened the front door, a smiley Leah behind it with her large suitcase and England hoodie on. The Disney plus camera crew behind you. Pretending as if Leah had just gotten home from England camp and you hadn’t seen her yet. Well she had, about an hour ago though.
You grabbed the suitcase from her hand, and pulled her in from her other free wrist, placing a short kiss on her lips and hugging her tight. “How was it?” You asked excitedly whilst you both made your way to your living room.
“Yeah really good, great to see everyone” your girlfriend explained to you leaning against the large book case near your couch. “Plane was quicker than I thought though, only like an hour and a half”
The camera still following both of you “oh yeah wow that’s not bad at all”
“Suppose I had it a bit better than you travel wise” she chuckled, folding her arms now. Nothing to your 20 hours of travel to and from Australia for your own international camp.
“Certainly” you laughed back with Leah.
“Ladies that was actually really great for a first take so we probably won’t need to do that again. We’ll now just get you both on the couch so we can talk to you both” one of the members of the camera said, holding a clip board and directing his crew to your living room
Leah sat down on the shared couch with you following suit behind. Plopping down next to your girlfriend as she put an arm around you, legs intertwined at the end of the couch.
“You guys wanna stay like this for the clips?-“
“Yes” you nodded fast, as people in the room laughed at your certainty.
“Leah can you tell me a bit about y/n. Like how she is as a person but also a teammate?” The same man asked from behind the camera. They would get her answers and these shots for the docu-series.
It be out on Disney plus just months before the World Cup begins, to help Australia get more of an insight into their team and the players
Leah looked down at you, as you shot her a smile before she started “y/n is such a hard worker. I’ve never met anyone like her. Very funny person to have a laugh with…or laugh at” she nodded
You rolled your eyes “saw that coming”
Leah did one of her wide smiles where her cheeks would go so high and her nose would scrunch up which made you melt completely, “so leading onto that she’s a bit clumsy”
“Not all the time” you mumbled
“Everyone at Arsenal calls her the princess though. Because she’s just the sweetheart of the team, who cares about her team so so much and we get to see that every day here in London” you smiled to yourself as you looked down at the couch while Leah spoke about you to the cameras
“Do you just completely hate this?” Leah laughed
“No keep going” you nodded, making her laugh. Leah often got the sense you got all flustered and embarrassed when she spoke about you so well, to other people when you are in the room.
“Y/n what’s it like getting to train each day and play games with your partner?” The producer asked me
“Yeah I’m extremely blessed, I would say, to be able to basically spend every hour of the day with her. And to put on the Arsenal badge and play for our fans with my favourite person is a bit of a win each weekend for me”
“We’re assuming you two meet through Arsenal?” He asked
“Yeah we met at Arsenal when I transferred back in 2019. And then I went on loan to Barca for a season, but then…yeah I came back-“
“And then y/n asked me out!” Leah cut you off with a grin
“Um okay it was kind of you” you looked up at her with a shake of your head.
“Kinda both of us in a way?” Leah shrugged to camera. Which you just shook your head, to said camera.
“They aren’t gonna understand that” you pointed with both arms to the camera, you and Leah now giggling. You both said a few more things they had asked you before the filming stopped.
“Thanks girls! We will see you tomorrow afternoon for more shots, have a great night, hope we didn’t take up too much of your time” a different lady had said now, as she helped her crew pack up some small equipment.
“Not at all!”
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Being one of the few people in your Matilda’s squad who had been apart of the team for over 11 years, you had been in quite a few scenes in the docu-series. Alongside Steph Catley, Sam Kerr, Caitlin Foord, and more. You got the opportunity to talk about your family’s background in the sport and growing up with the Matilda’s, as well as preparations to win the World Cup.
This morning you had done some scenes at the training centre for your club, along with Cait and Steph as you all talked about playing for Arsenal.
The cameras were with you once again, as Now Leah sat on a small picnic blanket in your local park, late afternoon, where you would often bring your dog, Denny, you were trying to get him to run with the ball at his fist like he was about to shoot.
Leah threw her head back laughing hysterically as you fell over your feet once again, tripping on your own dog, in another attempt to get him to play football. “It’s not going to work” she shouted
“He’ll do it Leah just wait!” You shouted back laughing as you kept trying. When you made it back to the picnic blanket, you did what you were asked to do by the crew which was talk about playing each other in the World Cup.
“I always say it but I really really hope both our teams make it to the final, but I don’t think I could handle versing you in a heated game like that”
“You do it all the time though. We’ve had so many heated games against each other”
“Yeah but a World Cup final though…Hopefully one of us will be out by then” Leah shrugged, looking at you from her position on the rug with her knees tucked to her chest
“Hopefully England” you shrugged back
“No I was joking. I hope both teams are” she laughed once again.
“I think the friendly coming up against England just before the World Cup should be good.” You said as Leah nodded “Most players who will be in the World Cup squad should hopefully be in there so we get a full feel of not just the other team but hopefully our own squads”
“Yeah for sure” Leah said
“I can sense you two have a small rivalry in your own house hold” someone’s behind the camera commented
“Mm I don’t know” Leah grinned as you just laughed
“You know it’s true”
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I’m pretty negative about fics like these that I write. Cause I hate this. But honestly it’s due to some of the recent think about my writing my inbox🫠🫠
So please. If you’re not a fan of it, click out of it!
Luv u all
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tasiawrites · 22 hours
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"but I didn't shave" so what?
aot men + you happening to not have shaven. ft. eren, onya, connie, armin and reiner.
contains: smut, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), cunnilingus, fingering, pet names (dollface, mami, darling, mama/ma) onya slaps you on the thigh once. if I missed anything let me know
MDNI smut below
onyakapon
onya firmly believes grown men don't care about that and well, he's a grown man.
"wait, onya I didn't shave-" you tried to tell your boyfriend. instead, you got a slap on your thigh. "move your hand mamas" he said pushing away the hand you were using to try and cover your cunt. "but-" "Move it ma, I aint gonna tell you again." as soon as your hand moved onyakapon buried his face in your cunt. you gasped as he took a deep inhale before eating you out like he had been starving. his tongue ran all over your folds before he placed a few well-placed licks on your clit. two fingers made their way into your hole as he continued to make a mess of your clit until you were cumming on his face
"acting like I ain't a grown man, now turn over so I can make her cream again"
Armin
he did not spend his life studying biology for you to think that was going to deter him
"Armin I didn't shave" you tried to explain but the blonde-haired man didn't care. armin’s fingers found your clit and rubbed small circles into it. "I didn't either, that never stopped you from trying to swallow my cum now did it darling?" he asked teasingly as he slowly fingered your sopping cunt.
"That's different," you tried to protest but his fingers grazed that spot in you that made your eyes cross. "Min!" you squealed as he continued to abuse that spot in you. "see, not shaving aint stopping you from making a mess now is it darling?" he asked as you creamed around his fingers
eren
first of all, he's the one paying for your wax appointments. second of all, you finna tell that man he can't have some of his pussy? crazy cause that's not happening
"Ma I ain't playing these games with you" Eren growled into your ear. you got him hard, and sucked him off but would not let him fuck you because you didn't get waxed last week like you were supposed to.  "but it's hairy ren" you tried to argue. "Ma, I don't care, shit ill stop paying for that shit if this is how you acting," he rolled his eyes and sat you on his lap. his dick rubbed against your pussy and you whined. "you're making a mess baby," he teased angling his dick to hit your clit. "ren!" you moaned before lifting your hips so that the next thrust would send his dick straight into your cunt.
Connie
 you crazy if you thought that man gave a fuck in the first place.  
"mami, lemme see her," Connie said looking at you with big eyes. he lay his head on your thigh, the only thing between your pussy and his face being your already soaked through panties. "but I didn't shave con," you responded feeling embarrassed. "mama I do not care, shes pretty either way," he said pulling your panties off. you whined as he pressed a kiss on your mound. "pretty as ever mami," he whispered grabbing his phone and opening his camera. "keep your legs open so I can show you how pretty she looks mami"
Reiner
Another grown man. He actually expects it not to be shaven
“Dollface, you're gonna deny me perfectly good pussy because of something as silly as shaving?” he asked spreading your legs and pressing his hard-on right up to your clit. “I appreciate the thought but good pussy is good pussy with or without the bush,” he said grinding up against you. “But Rei, it's not pretty,” you whined. “I’m a grown man dollface, and a lil exploring never deterred a grown man before,” he said sliding your panties off. It didn't take long for him to bully his fat cock into your messy pussy. And by that time you had forgotten about the fact that you had shaven long ago, not that it would have ever mattered to Reiner. 
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i stopped writing other smut to write this, its unedited and idek whats going on. whats crazy is that armin is the love of my life and his was the shortest. n e way, tell me what yall think ill be writing the shit I put off writing
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copperbadge · 13 hours
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I was watching hockey earlier today and it got me wondering what sports are played in Askazer-Shivadlakia. Football & surfing’s been mentioned, what else is played in the country? Does it snow enough in the highlands for there to be any winter sports enthusiasts? What’s the state of women’s professional sports? Does the country compete in anything internationally? The Olympics are awful, but does the Ask send a delegation of athletes anyway?
It's not something I've thought a lot about outside of football, I admit, though thinking about the football program has clarified some aspects of it. Mainly I just am not entirely sure how a lot of sports...work, so I kind of stay hands-off.
Askazer-Shivadlakia has never been a super wealthy country. Jason was a bit of a traditionalist and Michaelis was concerned with modernizing but he wasn't an innovator per se, unless pushed; by the end of his reign the country was reaching a point where it had the kind of money to sustain a university or expand its public services fairly radically, but only just. Gregory is a big part of that because he trained as an economist, and while he's only been king for about two years, he's been working in the administration for much longer. He's been able to institute changes that have led to a comfortable surplus in the budget.
So for example, Michaelis wouldn't let the government fund a professional sports team of any kind because the money it would take was already being spent on the youth sports program. He felt that giving kids the chance to play sport was more important than sustaining a team, and said that their athletes were a gift they gave the world. And now that elite players are returning from playing abroad with money and the intention to spend it on supporting a team, his investment is actually, unexpectedly, paying off. Michaelis just wanted the kids of his country to learn self-discipline and good sportsmanship but in doing so he also ensured that if you leave the Ask to seek your fortune as an athlete, once you've got a fortune, you come back home to spend it. And Gregory's work means the government can help.
Football and F1 racing are the two big passion sports the Shivadh follow, though F1 is a fandom, not a pastime. There's decent surfing but that's more a tourist thing. Definitely there are regions that get cold enough for winter sports, but like surfing most of the ski/board sites are tourist-focused, places that ranch dairy cattle in the summer and then host tourists in the winter when the cows are in the warmer lowland pastures. Undoubtedly there are Shivadh snow sport enthusiasts and the country supports them if they compete internationally (both in terms of cheering them on and financially) but there's no program or deep tradition of it. If I ever actually write about those areas extensively that might change, though.
Women's sport has equal support to men's generally, whatever level that might be -- Askazer-Shivadlakia has always been relatively progressive but when Michaelis was elected, Miranda made it her business to push legislation that explicitly protected things like equal funding for women's sport and education and access to birth control and abortion. (She's also the reason weed is legal and Gerald can get Adderall in Europe, where it's banned in a lot of places; there's something to be said for the scion of old conservative nobility who is simply ready to wreck shit.)
There is no golf. Michaelis detests it personally and there's no room for it anyway. If they ever build Askazarama Amusement Park, they might get a mini-golf course.
I don't really know how the Olympics and other international competitions work. If there are talented athletes who want to compete and seem capable of qualifying, there's state funding for them, but there's no formal program where like, the MPs sit down every two years and pick out the top athletes they want to send. Likely most people interested in elite sport competition have to leave the country to train, and represent other countries as a result -- like Paolo in the football novel, who left when he was a young teen to attend a junior academy in France and entered professional play from there.
Shivadh still feel ownership of them, mind you. For example, Felix (the love interest in the football novel) played on the Italian national team and kicked a winning goal in a World Cup for Italy, but Askazer-Shivadlakia consider that cup theirs. A Shivadh did it, ergo it is a Shivadh victory. If an athlete were to say, represent France in an Olympic decathlon and take the gold, they would consider that to be a gold medal for Askazer-Shivadlakia.
The country is very excited about finally having a football team of their own. Shivadh Royal Football Club could lose every game it ever plays and still nobody would let a word be said against them. Fons-Askaz on match day is just a sea of hideous orange Shivadh RFC jerseys that say NARAN JUICE on the front. (Their major sponsor is local juice box and sports drink maker Naran Juice Box Co.)
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sanjoongie · 2 days
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ᵢ wᵢₗₗ cₒₙₛᵤₘₑ yₒᵤ
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🌺Second Submission for The Language of Flowers event held by @cultofdionysusnet
🌺Prompt Chosen: Endelweiss {courage, power}
🌺Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x Reader (f)
🌺Genre: smut
🌺Trope: strangers to lovers
🌺Au: modern gods au, immortal au, dystopian au, priestess au
🌺Rating: 18+, MDNI
🌺Warnings: contains dark themes of sacrifice for the greater good, religious tones, suppression of the public by the government, execution speak, death Kinks>>> orgasm untouched, magic fingering, overstim, consensual ownership, dom! hyunjin, sub! reader, penetrative sex with no barrier, pull out method (glowing god cum!), breast play, biting, dacryphilia, aftercare
🌺Word Count: 3,878
🌺Summary: When a horrid government decides the only way to deal with you is to make you a priestess of a dark god, 'a great honor', when actuality is a death sentence, you put on your bravest face and go head to head with the horror of your fate. But when it turns out not everything is as it seems to be, just perhaps you could be in charge of your fate... if you survive, of course
🌺Author's Note: originally i had this entire story planned out for mingi and a slavic spring celebration and it was gonna be epic, but @anyamaris and Hyunjin hijacked my creative processes but i'm not complaining 😆 thank you once again for inspiring me anya 💞 love me some good god aus
🌺divider by @cafekitsune
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"But what do we do with her?"
Bruised, battered and beaten, you kneel prostrate before a bench of dark faces. Men and women in charge of your life, who you've never met.
"She can't go unpunished," another supplies.
"But if we reveal to the public what she has done..."
The silence is palpable. How does one publicly punish a citizen and not make them a martyr for their cause? They were in a predicament.
One dry, old voice speaks up. "There is one option... he has an opening for a priestess."
This silence is sharp now, razor edged and worrisome.
"A Bride... yes... that would suffice..."
You'd have asked questions if you weren't gagged.
"A cover up. We could celebrate. Bring back the old ways. He would be pleased."
Your heart hammers in your chest when one of them says, "She wouldn't survive the night."
You begin to struggle when another agrees with, "He's a monster."
The guards drag you away as you hear, "There's a reason he has no permanent priestess."
All this because you dared to ask questions. Your government was not meant to be questioned, however. You wanted to know the why’s and how’s but you were just supposed to be a good little sheep that went with where the shepherd told you to go. 
Perhaps… that had evolved into poking and prodding. Perhaps you might have gone to a meeting or two of like-minded individuals who also had questions. But they also demanded answers. Perhaps your government didn’t know what to do with you once they caught you. Perhaps you were fucked.
“It’s a great honor to be dedicated to one of the gods,” a soft spoken priestess chirps as she offers you garments that were too luxurious for you to have ever touched before.
“But this one…” another hesitates.
The first one hushes the second. “We clothe you as a bride for you are committing your life to the God you shall be serving. He will provide you with everything you need for your life with him.”
“He?” You prompt.
“He,” the second says firmly. “Your job is not to ask questions but to receive his blessings.”
You reside yourself to being quiet and simply absorbing. There is a hint of fear in the air, you can feel it like goosebumps on your flesh. You try to not let it infect you but fear burrows deep into every part of your mind. 
You put on a brave face and smile when you’re being told again and again how much of an honor it is to be given to a god. To an immortal, having a human be an intermediary between his brilliance and the minds of the lesser, was an honor gifted. But was it an honor received? 
“A veil for our bride to be,” the soft spoken priestess offers and you bend down for the wizened old lady. She fixes it upon your head and spreads the black lace over your face.
“Now it is time to celebrate your honor.” The second priestess waves her hand to the door that will open to your fate.
You walk along a corridor of gathered people. They threw flowers at your feet, like they were truly celebrating your nuptials. They cheered and whistled and shouted well wishes. 
They didn't know they were celebrating your last day on this planet but at least they weren't jeering you at you as you made your way to an execution stage.
The grand path took you straight to the temple of the God of Chaos. You didn't know much about him but the temple had seen better days. Still, you kept your head high as the cheering died off when they realized where exactly you were going.
It was utter silence as the guards of the temple opened the door and you stepped through it. This was it; this was the beginning of your end.
The doors close behind you with a loud boom and then you are left with the dust and the disarray. The temple interior, for it lacked a priestess, had no upkeep. Melted candles and wilted incense cover every surface. Alcoves held art that didn't paint a pretty picture for you. There are burning cities and tornados and plagues. He truly was the god of chaos.
Well, there was no delaying the inevitable.
At the back of the temple, there was a chipped fresco of a door. You had been instructed to simply bow and wait for your ‘husband’ to receive you. So you threw yourself to your knees, with your black lace wedding dress pooled around you and said the words to summon the god in charge of your life now.
“Oh God of Chaos, oh husband of mine to be, please bestow unto me your earthly form, so that I may tend to all within your realm and shower you with prayers and attention,” You pray.
The mural of the door becomes murky and iridescent, like quicksilver alive, and through steps your God. His brilliance almost blinds you and you throw up an arm to brace yourself from the light.
A big sigh can be heard. “I forget how weak you mortals are,” the voice drawls.
The light recedes and you put your arm down. You had expected to see a monster but instead you are awestruck with beauty. The god, the man, has black hair down to his shoulders, held back in a simple half-up do. He needs no clothing of opulence but requires a simple robe, falling off one shoulder like he barely minded to keep clothed. He walks down the steps, pat pat pat, a pace of a lazy being, not held to the restraint of time. 
“Let’s see my bride,” He murmurs, chucking a finger under your chin.
You stare up at him, directly so, and see chaos swimming in his pupils. If he is your death, so be it. You would embrace it as if it was a gift. You refuse to go out whimpering like you regret your choices. You were firm in your stance that you deserved answers.
“Oh, how delectable,” the god smirks.
“Husband,” You reply demurely.
The god casts back his head in laughter, almost melodic in its sound. “Hyunjin. We can do away with that wife and husband stuff. Those are constructs of humans. I am not one of those.”
“Hyunjin, then,” You say, somewhat at half-mast. 
He tilts his head curiously. “You’re different from the other ones they sent me. Why?”
You chew hesitantly on your lip. What did you have to lose? Your life was already forfeit. So why not give this god the blunt truth. “They feared you. I do not.”
“Courage, hmm?” Hyunjin begins to pace around you, a sandaled foot slapping the slab of concrete. “You humans are wondrous and yet disappointing most days.”
You jut out your chin stubbornly. “Yes, courage. Now are you going to kill me or play with your food?”
The pacing stops and Hyunjin stares at you for a moment before a maniacal grin pulls at his features. “Play with my food, huh?”
You feel like your heart is akin to a trapped bird, beating its wings against your chest. Are you even breathing? What does an immortal get from killing a human? A temporary amusement and then flock back to their realm? 
“If you're my priestess now, will you pray at my temple?” Hyunjin runs the back of his finger down the lace of your arm.
“I--” You didn't know what to say but you could feel the underlying words. Is this how you survived?
“Please, Hyunjin, I would be your priestess. I would dedicate my life to serving you. I would--”
“What about your body?” Hyunjin wonders, biting down on his thumbnail. “Would you release it to my control? Give yourself utterly to me?”
“My body is no longer my own.” You collapse to the floor, arms above your head, palms up, knees still tucked under you. “Do with it what you will.”
“And what if my will was to have you bent over my altar?”
You gasp, sitting up. You cannot help yourself, because you did not expect to be spoken like this by a god. Then again, he was the god of chaos.
“If it would please you, Hyunjin, I would.”
“Would you?” Hyunjin cocks his head, looking to read the words on your face. “Would you let me part your moistened lips with my cock and we've barely introduced ourselves?”
“I know you said to do away with the constructs of humans, but if I am your wife and you are my husband, would we not consummate our marriage?”
Hyunjin holds your gaze, deep and dark, penetrating and digging. “I would. But I ask you again, Priestess, would you?”
You rose slightly on your knees until your lips were so close a flower petal would barely have room. “I would become your priestess in every way, Hyunjin.”
For if you had to fuck a god, one beautiful and tempting, and yes mad, would you not, in order to live? 
“Then I will take all that you have to offer. Your initiation to become my priestess begins now.”
With a flick of Hyunjin’s wrist, you find your body pushed up against the altar that he had been speaking of before. It is a rusty color, which you quickly dismiss from your mind as old blood. You brace yourself as you feel hands touching your legs, firmly pushing them apart but you feel no warmth of Hyunjin’s body behind you. Those same ‘hands’ rip the back of your dress and you feel the cool, dry air of the temple, giving you goosebumps.
“Human… why do you not have any underwear on?” Hyunjin drawls, still sounding far away.
You swallow, your mouth suddenly dry. “They did not supply me with any… the other priestesses…”
Hyunjin cackles wildly. Suddenly, with a snap of a finger, Hyunjin appears before you, a slight cocky smile tugging at his lips. “I love a good surprise.”
That being said, you watch with eyes big with wonder when Hyunjin makes a crude motion with his fingers. You feel as if he is fucking you with his fingers but he is directly in front of you. Whatever chaotic power the god wields, it’s fucking you good. You gasp and press your cheek to the cool stone of the altar, holding on as the ‘fingers’ push in and out of you. Hyunjin crooks his fingers in a come hither motion and you moan wantonly as he presses against your g-spot like he knew where it was all along. 
“Pray to me, Priestess,” Hyunjin croons softly.
You stutter and moan through broken sentences and Hyunjin glows with the soft power only a god must be able to hold. You’re sure he could make you explode into a tiny million red chunks but instead he uses his godhood in a pleasurable way on you, and you add a silent prayer that it remains that way.
You came on that altar untouched and a moment of shame runs through you. Are you truly that easy? But it was your life at stake, shouldn’t that also matter? You gasp on the altar, and the same hand that ‘made you come’ smoothes over your hair. “You did wonderfully for me, my lamb”
You raise your head curiously. “Did I pass?”
Hyunjin throws his head back and laughs a belly laugh, both high and low pitched at the same time. “My lamb, that was only the beginning.”
Hyunjin’s robe slips off his shoulder and pools on the floor below him, kicking off his sandals as well. He walks, slowly but firm-footed, around the altar to move behind you. His hands are soft but callus-worn against your hips as he guides you to turn around and face him. His eyes sweep over your face but when he finds no hesitation, only excitement, he grabs a handful of your dress at your chest and rips it open. 
He wraps one of your legs around his hips, almost lovingly, fingers skimming over your skin. “This is the next test, my lamb.”
You swallow trepidation down your throat, refusing to let your courage falter. “I can do it.”
Hyunjin crawls forward on his altar, hips slotted against yours. His cock is heavy against your mound, both slender and long. “They say I’m a monster, are you sure?”
You don’t speak anymore, but buck your hips upwards so your wet heat smears against his length. “You excite me, God of Chaos. I’m sure.”
Without further adieu, Hyunjin’s cockhead parts your moist lips, just like he had described previously. He pushes and pushes and pushes until he’s nestled deep inside of your heat. He moves with sure strokes that only delight you and send a thrum of pleasure through your system. He fondles a breast, thumb strumming your nipple to a pert peak. His hips do most of the work but soon he finds that your body writhes for him.
Hyunjin is quick to press you into the stone. A hand holds your hip down so that he can drive deeper into your depths. Another hand holds your hand above your head, fingers interlaced with strong support. He holds you down, not to keep you in place, but so that your pleasure doesn’t escape you. 
His dark eyes dart all over your face, picking up each minute frown and tiny gasp. His body speaks to yours, able to read how each stroke of his cock pushes you slowly forward to a pleasurable outcome. This is only his first time sheathed inside of you but he moves as if this was the thousandth time he’s fucked you. It’s poetry and you revel in the rhythm and rhymes.
“Hy-hyunjin,” You stammer. “I--”
“Go ahead,” Hyunjin encourages you, “Scream my name. It will only be one of many.”
Your limbs tighten as a force of lightning runs among your veins. You scream his name just like he commands, cunt convulsing around his perfect length. He doesn’t stop driving into you. At first it feels as if he is escorting you through your orgasm but then it feels too much and you cry out at the overstimulation.
“This doesn’t stop until I’m done with you,” Hyunjin whispers against the shell of your ear. “And I’ll never be done with you.”
Your insides feel as if you’ve been plowed a dozen times over, raw and sensitive, eventually giving over to another building of pleasure. You fight through your fog-filled mind to gasp, “Will… will you come as well?”
Hyunjin quirks an eyebrow at you. “A god comes only when he wants to. A seed given to a mortal can change the world's destiny.”
Hyunjin uses both hands to hold you down, a beautiful sheen of sweat covering his body and face. You briefly wonder if perhaps you will add a mural to the temple, one of this beautiful, chaotic god above you, beaming over you as if you are doing a fine job under him. Would that ruin his mythos or would it only add to it?
You find another orgasm with Hyunjin’s face buried into the crook of your neck. Hyunjin bites down on the junction, as if to ground himself. You’re raised on your hands and knees and taken like a beast from behind, if only to find another pleasure in the angle difference. You find your orgasm again and again. You feel like a quivering nerve, all exposed and lit with rapture.
But you don’t protest, simply whining through the pain to pleasure. You drink in everything Hyunjin gives you and it only makes his grin grow and grow. 
Hyunjin seems to feed off of you, in ways you didn’t quite understand. The god enjoyed fucking. He wasn’t lost in the pleasure, but it was more like he never finished seeking out yours. For each orgasm you discovered, each longer and more drawn out to pull from your shaking body, he was determined to pull another one from you.
“You know I could go from sunset to sunrise and still never have enough of this,” Hyunjin admits. 
You’re sweating and gasping for breath but still you find yourself yearning for more. Hyunjin simply looks to gift you with more pleasure than you possibly could hold but this feeling of being pampered, of being pleasured, it is intoxicating. You’re drunk off Hyunjin’s adoration of your body. 
Your limbs are entangled in a lover’s pile. Still, you broach the subject again. Courage seems to prop you up time after time. “Come inside of me, Hyunjin,” You plead with a hoarse voice. 
Hyunjin smiles angelically, clearly happy you insist on his pleasure. “Are you that greedy to carry a demi-god?”
You shake your head, surprised you even have the energy to do that. “I wish to see your pleasure written along your face.”
Hyunjin blinks in surprise and then laughs. “I am a god, I take pleasure in whatever I choose. You needn’t worry about me.”
Still, you press your case. “I wish to see your face when you come inside of me, Hyunjin. I want to see what it looks like when you’ve found pleasure inside of me. Is that not what a priestess is? Do I not serve you in the highest regard?”
Hyunjin runs a finger along the side of your face. “I have never had a priestess like you.”
“Then I passed the initiation? I am yours?” You raise yourself up with one arm.
“My lamb, you've been mine the moment you walked through that door,” Hyunjin whispers.
Hyunjin gathers you in his arms and presses your back against the mural where the world burns in the tiles. He penetrates you with ease, jaw dropping to mimic your own delighted gasp. With each thrust, his head nodding, following your own body rocking to his movements. He is enraptured by the way your pleasure made form in your features. 
“Hyunjin.” You feel tears pass over your cheekbones. 
“Don't be frustrated, you've done so well for me,” Hyunjin praises you, wiping away the rivulets of salt water. “I'll come, just like you wanted. I’d love to fill you up but I’d rather have you as a priestess than a god bearer for now.”
Hyunjin flexes his pelvis, his body making a wonderful line between your legs. You cling to his hips, legs locked behind his back, intent on showing the god you’re worthy of his climax. You squeeze down on him tightly, the crude squelching of your wetness and the way he is drilling into you echoing in the temple. His eyebrows furrow in concentration, teeth clamping down on his lower lip. You’re aware he won’t fill you up by his previous words but you’re simply looking forward to his orgasm. 
With a great shout, Hyunjin pulls out, rutting against your mound and he comes, his cum hitting both your stomach and his. It glows golden, just like his godhood and then dies, like a firefly fading out. You love the way his pink mouth parts open, face full of pleasure as he releases, even though it can't be in side of you. Still, the pleasure is yours. Hyunjin grins, breathing heavily, appearing sweaty but satisfied. “Was the show worth what you paid for?”
You sigh dreamily. “I only crave for more now.”
You groan loudly when your legs untangle from his body and Hyunjin pins you against the wall with both hands heavily on your shoulders. “You need a good soak, my lamb. I still forget how fragile humans truly are.”
“That would be very much appreciated,” You say hopefully.
With a wave of Hyunjin’s hand, your gown simply disappears from your body, like it had never been there in the first place. You feel relieved to be free of the costume the other priestess’ had put on you but didn’t realize the repercussions of revealing your full body to him.
With your ripped gown having been vanished, you send a tired smile Hyunjin’s way but find that his face is stormy with rage. “Hyunjin? What have I done?”
Hyunjin shakes his head, one iris becoming light while the other remains dark. “They hurt you?”
You purse your lips. “They seeked to punish me for my questions, Hyunjin. I wasn’t a good little citizen like they prefer.”
Hyunjin paces, his perfect thighs taut with the movement. “They beat you and then decided that a bruised fruit was good enough to be my priestess? They insult you and me in the same breath.”
“Hyunjin, I believe you promised me a long soak.” You hold your hand out, wiggling your fingers. You couldn't very well rewrite the past and you aren’t looking to relive it either.
You feel a surge of power as Hyunjin takes your hand and takes you both to the large Greek styled bath of old. He sits on the bench, you between his legs. His arms frame the lip of the pool, tendrils of hair framing his face.
Your arms wobble as your hand dips under the water to wet your arms and upper body. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to do much other than float,” you state.
You turn your head to see Hyunjin looks quite smug but also content. He is glowing and you’re not sure if it’s his godhood or simply happy with what he has accomplished. “You performed your duties perfectly, Priestess.”
You duck your head, images of the many ways Hyunjin has taken you again and again. You had really done that with a stranger… no, a God. “I am happy to pass the initiation.”
The comfortable silence between you two stretches over like a soft and familiar blanket. You’re content to let the hot water soothe your aches and pains, well earned from the way Hyunjin had fucked you right. You’re not exactly sure what Hyunjin gets out of this, he was a god, could he have aches and pains? Regardless, the way he leans into your body, hugging you to his. It seems like he is still enjoying the presence of your body.
For what seems like centuries but perhaps only lasts a few moments, Hyunjin stretches and removes himself from the bath. You move to leave with him but he insists you remain. “I think it’s time to make the world quake for me again. I’ve been absent from this realm for too long.” He sends you a long look. “Tell me exactly what they did to you.”
You do not dare leave any detail out, so you spill your truth in a frenzy of stumbling words. Hyunjin, instead of getting angry, re-acquires that grin you had first seen on his face, full of madness. He leans downwards and tips your chin up for the softest of farewell kisses.
“You did so well for me,” He purrs, “Allow me to do this for you.”
Without truly understanding the full meaning, you nod your head in acknowledgement. Hyunjin throws back his head with a cackle bubbling from his throat. He shoves on his sandals and tosses on the robe he had removed a long time ago.
You watch as Hyunjin leaves just as he arrives, covered in a simple robe to frame his perfect body. You swear you can hear faint screaming, crashes and bangs, and a faint licking of orange in the distance. He was burning the world down for you, for everything it had put you through. And frankly, you couldn't find the will to pity them.
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cronchybuffalo · 3 days
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HELLO!!! Its me again! 😊 the dynamic anon! im nervous to say thisehnsmdkhsj or send you too much asks but ive been eyeing your emily pfp and your description. do u ever get the thought of Sol in Flying Guillotine Fan Wujiu’s fit cos its green.
ill give myself an emoji so i wouldnt have to refer to myself as dynamic anon
-☕️
Mate- I literally just colorsketch this and then I saw your ask lol (it was because my friend said you cannot make an IDV version of Sol without making him look like Luca, they were right)
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Update: Finished version here ALSO OH BOI this ask open a huge can of worms but bear with me Ima ramble a lil, so like the whole thing about me stumble upon TKATB is wholely random. I was just doing my own stuff in IDV fandom (mostly draw WuEmi contents for my own enjoyment). And like earlier this year I made this one random doodle with an AU I have in my mind. And my friend @lilithaphro who loves to play visual novels just said hey I know this one game that have the main love interest remind her to Fan Wujiu :)))))))) And you can clearly tell by the doodle he did accidentally look a little bit like Sol (I never actually play or know TKATB before hand). And then I fall into the rabbit hole that is the emo dating simulator now.
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So yeah the whole thing with my M/C is that you can tell she's clearly taken a lot of her appearance and characteristic from Emily (and a bit from Miss Pauling in TF2) because she is my wife and the love of my life, and I want to bring her anywhere I go, if I'm delving into this emo rabbit hole might as well just pluck her right in. My friend and I actually make a whole joke about how Crowe remind us to Joseph beside Sol being "emo Fan Wujiu/Luca Balsa". Also the idea of Sol in Fan Wujiu's ver of Flying Guillotine is freaking good I'll have to make a mental note about it later. Ah yes my taste with tall men that have two colored streaked hair and questionable ways of showing love to someone.
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lovelaetter · 11 hours
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step sis chaery has been on my mind recently 😵‍💫😵‍💫
back to the forced anal and it's finally time to actually use the strap. have her on her side while you have your arms on either side of her body, talking dirty as she moans and starts to like the feeling of her ass being fucked.
reaching over anf touching her clit with your thumb and saying how wet she is. chaer groaning and being embarassed that she likes this that much. blushy and shy bc she doesn't know why she likes it so much. and so confused as to why her step sis can make her feel so good 🥰
-🐶
STEPCEST
i had two visions related to this scenario and none are sane .
first, making her suck the strap. the hesitation on her eyes, looking between the strap and your face as you caress her cheek and tell her to get the toy wet enough for you. shyly parting her lips to take it, definitely not her first time giving someone a blowjob but the others were boys, not her sister wearing a fake cock. gets sloppier within time, cheeks burning at all the dirty words you say, gagging when you suddenly grab her hair and thrusts up, tears in her eyes once you’re satisfied and let go :(
second, cockwarming. and i meant it after realizing she’s really into it, seeing the way she moves to meet your thrusts and gradually stopping, fingers still playing with her soaked pussy and the whole length of the strap inside her ass. holding her waist as she tries to start moving, shushing her whines and pleas by asking her to “be good for me, chaery”, to enjoy it because you’re making sure her little hole gets used to the feeling for next time. meanwhile her head is so cloudy, she feels so full, moaning at how you keep on drawing circles on her little clit and teasing her hole until she explodes, biting the pillow to muffle her moans and pushing back trying to get a reaction from you but all she feels is the way her ass clenches around the toy.
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042502 · 1 day
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☆༉ — CHRIS STURNIOLO. The Unwritten Rule.
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about. Everyone knows the rule, don't fall in love with your best friend's boyfriend.
author's note. This is the chapter 5, I hope it sounds interesting to you. My first language is not English, you will read this under this warning. masterlis!
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My parents agree that I go with Anna, although my father reminds me to come home for dinner.
"Well, you don't have to," Mom says, but I know how much it means to this cooking thing.
"I'll come, before dinner."
She sighs. "Okay, I want to try my pizza recipe one more time. You don’t care, do you?"
I shake my head, because even though bread and pizza don't sound like a good diet, it's pretty hard to say no to pizza, which is, essentially, several layers on top.
Anna's house is being cleaned when we get there, and she stops and talks to the two women doing it, they're in the kitchen, scrubbing.
"I thought you were going to Rob's soccer game," she tells one of them, who shakes her head. "Our car broke down again, so…" and he shrugs. The other, who is older and has hair that has been bleached, with thick black eyebrows that are most obvious since she has bangs that fall to meet them. "Thanks for the other day."
Anna shakes her head. "Was nothing. My mother... Have you seen her?"
The one with the dark eyebrows shakes her head. “I heard it though. It's been upstairs since we arrived." Anna turns to me.
"let's get ready."
"So, how did you do it?" I ask her as we go straight to her room, and she looks at me over her shoulder.
"What are you taking about?"
"The woman in the kitchen thanked you."
Anna shakes her hand, telling me. "What, Mabel? I just took her and her mother to the doctor the other afternoon."
"That was nice of you," I say, and Anna shrugs.
"It is not a big thing. I didn't want to do homework and I really wanted a cheeseburger, so it's not like I was going out anyway.”
That's classic Anna. She will do something nice and then pretend that she did it because she had something to do, and the nice thing just happened. We became friends because of that, in fact.
In elementary school, my best friend was Brittany, who told me we were best friends on the first day of school and hit someone's front tooth with a ball "by accident" afterwards. I was afraid of her, that she liked Brittany because it meant she could tell me what to do all the time, which she did.
But when I had been in elementary school for a month, I had gone to the doctor twice, once because he got a piece of foam up my nose. Because Brittany had told me to do it, and the other one because something had stuck to my order. Again, foam and Brittany, and I was waking up every morning with a stomach ache.
I had gone to class one day, shivering a little as I waited for Brittany to find me, and Anna came toward me.
"I lost my pencil, it has a little star on it. Can you help me look for it?"
"No," Brittany said, coming towards us, and Anna didn't even look at her, she just smiled at me and spoke to me again. "Please?"
I turned, because of course I wanted to help Anna find her pencil. She was pretty. Everyone wanted to play with her. And he never made anyone foam up their nose. Or the ears.
"No!" Brittany said again, very loudly this time, and gave me an I'm going to hit you look.
"You have to do it," Anna spoke to me, and finally looked at Brittany. "Miss London told me when I asked her."
"No, he didn't," Brittany accused.
"Go ask her" Brittany frowned, looking towards the teacher, who she didn't like very much.
"A pencil with a star on it is stupid, like you," Brittany blurted out with a cocky smile.
"Come on," Anna spoke to me, as if Brittany hadn't said a single word, and when I followed her to get the pencil, she whispered to me that she actually had a spare one, and if I wanted it. I turned around, and she spoke again. "Will you sit next to me during history class?" In that moment, I never had to listen to Brittany again.
She was now free, and Anna was the only one who had made it so. She saved me once, when we were in fifth grade, I asked him why he had come to me that day. He looked at me like I was crazy.
"Because Brittany was so mean to you! And I had a pencil to get rid of, remember?"
I had turned and looked at Anna's dress, where I knew she kept the most important things, and I saw the pencil with the little star on it with a little stuffed cat that her father had given her. I loved her so much then, and I still have my little star pencil at home, tucked in a drawer of my desk.
"And good?" I look at my friend. To the girl who was nice to me because she saw that I needed someone to help me. To the person who knows me so well and has been a big part of my life that dating other people has never seemed important or even necessary.
He smiled at her and she pointed to her neck. "You see it?"
"No," I reply, because she's figured out how to delete it. "It's gone."
And it's true, not just because of the makeup, but because I won't think about it again. I won't think about kissing Chris again either. I will be a true best friend again.
“Okay," she turns toward the door, waiting, and I see her swallow. "We better get going."
Her mother is not downstairs, and the cleaning people, who are now gathering their things and preparing to leave, tell Anna that she is outside.
"You look well."
The girl with dark eyebrows also joins in. "He's right, you look beautiful."
“Thank you," Anna responds. "Do you have everything?"
The girl nods.
"Great. I regret last time, if I had enough money..." he looks at me. "I’m really sorry that my mom was so busy at work that she couldn’t answer my calls."
"Don't worry about it, darling," the woman with dark eyebrows spoke to her. "You're not supposed to pay us. Shall we see you next week?"
Anna turns around and then heads to the deck behind her house, opening the glass door that leads to it. I follow her and take a look as she walks into the sunlight.
Anna's mother is standing on the deck, carefully inspecting her suit, smoothing out the sleeves of the black silk blouse she is wearing.
"I don't think the dry cleaners ironed these correctly. These cuffs don't look stained at all to me. Do they look ironed to you, Anna?"
"They look great. You look great," my friend responded, and her mother shrugs and looks at her feet.
"And what about my shoes? I bought them yesterday and they looked fantastic in the store, the saleswoman said they were made for my feet, but now I'm thinking they may be too pointy. I don't want my feet to look pointy."
"They don't look like that, Mom," he sighs. "You really look great. Where are we going to meet dad?"
"Uhm?" Now he finally looks at his daughter. "Oh Anna, I told you not to use that color eye shadow. It makes you look tired.”
"I'm sorry," he clears his throat. "Where are we going to meet dad?"
"If he comes, we will see him in the cafeteria."
"If he comes?"
"Well, I had to call the lawyer again," explains Anna's mother. "Your dad is behind on his child support payment again, it doesn't matter that he is raising you, in addition to the increase in work and he doesn't have time to remember his responsibilities."
"Oh” she blurted out. "I'll call him to see if he's coming."
"I might have to go to work later, because things are crazy there, as always, and I have a ton of things to finish before the meeting next week. Call me if he comes and I... Well, we'll meet you there because he and I need to talk and he'll invade me, like always, unless I'm with you." She kisses Anna's cheek before walking past me towards the house.
Anna looks out at the yard, her back very tense, and I know she's trying not to cry. I know he needs a minute, because he always needs a minute after talking to his mother. Just being around his mother makes me miserable. I don't know how Anna will handle it. I look back and inside her house, I see her mother reverse her car into the garage and drive away.
"I better call my dad" Anna spoke a few minutes later, her voice was dull, her eyes did not meet mine.
"Alright."
So we headed inside, to the kitchen. Anna calls her dad as I sit at the kitchen table. The conversation is quite short.
"Hello, I'm Anna. Is my father there? Oh. Did you leave a number? No? Okay, thank you. What? No, I am fine Thank you. Tell my dad he shouldn't make you work on weekends! Bye bye!" He hangs up the phone and moves his fingers along the kitchen counter.
"He's busy," he says after a few minutes. "He's showing a lot of house today, his secretary says it was a last minute thing" he looks at me. "I bet you anything they'll end up going to court again."
"Oh, Anna" I approach her to give her a hug. "I'm sorry."
"Me too," she sighs frustrated. "It's happening that the only time I see my father is when my mother makes me go to court so she can show the judge that she is raising a teenager on her own and is not getting anywhere near the amount of money she should."
"You could go look for it," I propose, and she shakes her head.
"If he wanted to see me, he would" he looks away. "Can we go back to your house?"
"Sure" I know how Anna endures life with her mother. How he endures never seeing his father. You have no choice.
Back at my house, Anna helps my mother examine the serving trays again and I watch them, to my mother asking Anna about school and Chris, Anna beaming with attention.
"Well, it will be eight weeks soon" he spoke. "That's the longest I've been dating anyone. Let’s do a two-month anniversary!”
"He seems very nice," my mom comments, carefully inspecting another tray.
"It is," he says. "The day after we first talked, he actually followed me here and called me. Isn't that sweet?"
I swallow and look at my hands. They are turned into fists on the table, he forced me to relax them.
"It's lovely," my mother smiles. "Adi, what are you doing tonight?"
"Homework."
"You can't do your homework alone on a Saturday night." Anna intervened. "You can hang out with me and Chris."
No, no, no.
"Okay, because every date needs three people," he spoke sarcastically.
"We're just going to do homework at my house," my friend confesses while looking at my mother. "I swear, Chris studies even more than Ada. Sometimes when I'm around them I can feel myself getting smarter. So, I really need her around me all the time, right?"
"Well, I think you're already very smart," my mother answers, and Anna smiles at her with an intense shine, so happy.
"Oh really?"
"Of course, but if you want Adi to go with you, that's fine with me and thank you for helping me with the inspection of all the trays.”
"I like doing things like this" Anna smirks at me. "You see? Your mom wants you to come" he stands up and pulls my arm to make me stand up. "Let's go up to your room. I need to fix my eye shadow and stuff.”
"Okay, why do you want me around again when you're supposed to be with Chris?" he asked her once we got to my room and she borrowed some eyeshadows from my mom.
"I just thought it would be fun for us to hang out like we did last night."
"But we didn't really hang out last night," I frowned. "We went to a party" I try not to look indecently at her neck. I try not to think about any of that.
"We did more than just hang out. We watched a movie first, remember? And it's not like you haven't hung out with us before. You even came bowling with us on our first date. Well, it's not our first official date, but you know, you were there.
"Everyone was there, Anna. It was the school's founding party. Even my parents were there!"
I remember that night. I remember how Anna had come with us because her mother was working late, as always, and that's why she, my parents and I had been bowling. My parents even played pretty well, for them, and then Chris had come and said hello.
"Hey, Ada, Anna," he greeted. "How's that going?"
"Fine," I murmured, remembering the party we'd been at last night. How he had talked to me and then left with Anna. Like she had called my house that morning and I had thought for a crazy second that she had called to talk to me, but then when Anna heard me say "Chris?" He had grabbed my arm, smiling openly.
“Ada, he called me here! Even after I just mentioned in passing that I would probably see you today. He totally likes me.”
"Wait, Anna's here" and I passed the phone to her, plastering a smile on my face when Anna had laughed.
"Well, maybe I'll see you tonight at the bowling place" and he spun around in a circle and then ended the call. "Everything looks so much better all of a sudden." notice how Chris blushes at Anna's words.
"Oh, thank you," he replied, as he stood up and pretended he wanted to watch my mother try not to land her ball in the gutter.
I had ended up spending most of the night practically glued to my parents, pretending I didn't see Anna and Chris talking just a few steps away from me.
Chris had tried to act like he wasn't just there for Anna, which was nice of him, but her silly questions of "How are you? Are you having a good time? Did you have a good time last night? I'm sorry we couldn't talk more, which wasn't a question and was just him being nice since he ended up leaving with Anna as soon as she had arrived and I had him. Was all he asked, as if Anna was so self-conscious that she couldn't think of anything to say but the same thing over and over again.
Finally, Anna spoke up. "Uh-oh, see how Ada's face is all scowled, Chris? She only looks like that when she's upset. Ada, is she ruining your bowling concentration?"
"Oh" Chris muttered. "I didn't mean to, I mean, I was obviously talking, but I didn't mean to bother you."
"I'm fine," I replied. I tried to be as careful as I could, and I saw Anna whisper something in Chris's ear.
Chris was very red, but then he looked at Anna. She smiled at him, her smile was for him, and when they left a few minutes later, I pretended to be fine. I had automatically hugged her, but I didn't hear what she whispered. I couldn't bear to listen to it.
He had pretended not to take Chris's arm and walk away with him.
I cried because of what it felt like that night, the next day Anna told me what happened.
I had sat there, listening to her talk about Chris until I was sure she was a thousand years older and the universe was on the brink of death, but it had only been an hour. Just a little hour, and when Anna left to get ready to meet Chris, who was going out with her for pizza, "Just him and me!" I curled up in my bed and waited so I could cry again.
I never did it. I was too sad for tears, hurt in a deep, nameless way that made me feel ashamed, Anna was my best friend, and angry, I had talked to the first one! Why hadn't he wanted to continue talking to me? Why? And in the end, I just walked away from everything.
"Hey, you have to get ready to go out," Anna spoke to me. "Oh! You should wear your purple shirt. It looks good on you."
"I really don't think I should go" I sit on my bed. "Last night was weird enough and..."
"Weird? Why was it weird? Do Chris and I seem weird? Does he seem weird?"
"No" she's paranoid.
"Something was weird, I know," he sighs. "Your face is all stiff and I know what that means. Are you sure he didn't tell you anything about me?"
"Does that really matter?" raise your voice "I mean, hey, it's not like you were thinking about him all night, Anna. You were with Mike, remember?"
"I wasn't with him," he says, his voice high-pitched. "It was just, you know how things happen sometimes, right?" He walks away from the sideboard and sits next to me. "Ok, You may not know, but if you were dancing with a really cute guy and he was telling you how great you were, wouldn't you like it?"
Part of me wanted to scream, "No, I wouldn't! Because I'd be happy with Chris!" But another part of me knew exactly what he was talking about. Remember how you wanted things you shouldn't do last night. Like I did things I shouldn't have done last night.
"I might like it," he murmured, and she sighed, resting her head on my shoulder.
"It's not Chris who's being weird," he still kept his head on my shoulder. "Well, yes it is, but it's okay. Yesterday, he told me he wanted to talk at school, and I know what that means. Before and I just... I'm the one who says I want to talk." He sits up, leaving my shoulder. "He can't break up with me, Ada. I like him and I don't want it to end yet. That's why you have to come tonight. If you're there, the two of us can't. I'm going to let him see how great we are, and then everything will be fine.
"But..." Could he be right? Could Chris want to break up with her? Anna had never lost a guy until she wanted him gone.
"So you're coming tonight? Please, please, please" Anna asks. The one who is always perfect and who always knows what to do, has some tears in her eyes. I nod and he hugs me. "Thanks, all you have to do is hang out with us, and that's not much, right? Besides, it's not like you have anything to do anyway."
"True" thanks for reminding me that I don't have a social life.
"Hey, don't say it like that. You just need a guy who likes you and it'll happen. You'll see," she fanned her long mascara-laden eyelashes at me. "What does the eyeshadow look like?"
"Wonderful" I reply, I stand up to look at myself in the reflection of the mirror. "And what about me? How do I look?"
"Like Ada" stands behind me, hugging me and smiling at our reflection. "Like my best friend."
Not wonderful, not even pretty. I see myself as myself, whatever that means.
I know what it means, and it's not good. Ordinary and boring.
Alone.
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taglist. @l34n @jetaimevous @jnkvivi @loveyoumatthewbernard @d1tzy-bl0nde @laxbabe131147 @slut4chriss @dontellaf1lms @surniolozzzprincess @sturnlova @inlovewithchriss @whicked-hazlatwhore @mattsgirlsblog @nsjsnshey @always-reading
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mdhwrites · 2 days
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Just putting forth this ask: why is it that compared with Amphibia's All In and The Hardest Thing, that TOH's finale and "final fight" (if we can even call it out that) just felt so underwhelming? Even especially Luz's "death" which felt so much of a fakeout and copying from Amphibia's. Granted, I wonder if a part of that is some of us already watching Amphibia at that point tho.
The fight feeling more underwhelming is easy actually. See, 90% of what people remember of Luz fighting Belos isn't her fighting Belos. It's just dancing around fighting moss. That is... Lame. To put it mildly. Meanwhile, you have three magical girls flying into space to fight the moon and his army of robots. That is awesome.
However.
What I really want to talk about is why their deaths actually play into the feeling of these two fights and the finales as a whole. It lets me talk about shock deaths versus heroic sacrificed because TL:DR: Anne heroically sacrifices herself for Amphibia as a final culmination of the growth she has had as a character. Meanwhile, Luz is given a shock death to sell how dangerous Belos is (which I will get into a bit) while also essentially being fridged for the sake of the Collector's arc. One of those is hype as hell and satisfying. The other is a complete stumble before we finally get the actual confrontation.
However, I'm going to go away from The Owl House and Amphibia first to talk about the tropes of Heroic Sacrifices and Shock Deaths with one of the easiest franchises to do it with: Dragonball Z.
Let's start with Heroic Sacrifice. A heroic sacrifice is when a character CHOOSES to give up their life so as to attempt to put things right, save lives, etc. like that. This choice element is actually really important. Without it, it's just a tragic death. The villain got the upper hand at a bad moment and killed them. That rarely actually happens in media but it is an option. A heroic sacrifice is just that: A sacrifice.
This is your classic moments of Piccolo sacrificing himself for Gohan against Nappa or Vegeta using all the energy he has in an attempt to defeat Buu. In both cases, these are major defining moments in their arcs. Arguably, the climaxes of them. The pinnacle of them changing to be a good person. We also see two classic examples here, one of which I think is commonly much stronger.
Piccolo's death is a split second decision where he decides to take the hit instead of allowing it to reach Gohan. This has a lot of good points for a character, such as showing their inherently good nature, but it does lack one key component: It doesn't feel like the choice weighs as much. Not wanting to see someone else get hurt is pretty basic and can be warped just as much by the bad guys so as to make it a weakness. It says a lot about Zuko when he takes a lightning bolt for Katara... But I wouldn't call it a sacrifice. It's a split second choice to make sure one person stays alive over themselves. This makes the impact revolve a LOT more around thematics over just the weight of the moment. As an example: If Superman dives in front of someone to take a Kryptonite blast, that's an "Oh shit," moment as the fight suddenly takes a turn for the worst. However, it is so ingrained in his nature that it hardly means anything for him to put himself in danger like this. It only hits hard for characters like Piccolo because of the journey they've been on.
Vegeta's hits harder for that reason because it still carries all the same advantages of the split second choice with one MAJOR boon: It's optional. Yes, technically these others are too but protecting an ally is just a part of being on a team. Being in combat. We don't blink at it most of the time unless it leads to a death, in which case it is a tragedy. Vegeta had a different option though. Just... Play along. Or leave. Or do ANYTHING else.
Instead, from his lowest point, he finally sees what he's going to lose from all of this, what he has done, and makes the choice to try and make up for it. Not even to seek forgiveness but just to have a single moment of redemption in his whole life in an attempt to save his family and those he cares about.
This also brings up another point about Heroic sacrifices: They don't need to be successful or permanent. The point is about what it says about the character. Vegeta doesn't manage jack shit in his last moments from an entirely practical purpose. From a character perspective though, this choice will last eternally. It will always be a part of him and his growth. That is powerful, even if it fails.
But what happens when there is no choice and it says nothing about the character? Well, that's when we get into the realm of a shock death, like Yamcha's legendary failure. A shock death is mostly meant to just raise the stakes. To make the audience know that 'shit just got real'. It always happens as a character getting instantly KO'd so as to really sell the "OH SHIT" factor of the moment.
Which is also why everyone always laughs at Yamcha. His death means nothing and as far as trying to up the ante? Good job, you killed the weakest of us in a show of strength. Good job. It is a HARD sell to a lot of audience members at this point because the character is just there to die. Their death doesn't say anything or mean anything for them so why as an audience should we care? It was just a cheap death that accomplished nothing and everyone moves on from.
So am I fair to call Luz's death this? After all, Camila cries over it. Eda goes into a more feral version of her Owl Beast form than she ever has before because of it. The Collector learns what death is due to it!
And in like three minutes, none of that will matter besides the Collector thing. No Eda having to try and bring herself back from the curse, despite claiming it can still eternally take her, a plot point never resolved. Camila has no reason to actually know. Her crying is just to add another octave to the overture "BE SAD NOW!" And the Collector?
He only was in danger because the writers said he was. Even if you believe Belos is immune to his magic (which was shown to be untrue as he flew up to Belos' face), he is still an incredible being of unrivaled power. He can move celestial bodies with a whim for god's sake. Why should he EVER be in danger? Shouldn't he be able to teleport or just shift out of the way faster than Luz can fly up to him?
And what does it say about Luz? You know, the girl who has been trying to abandon the Isles for TWO WHOLE SPECIALS before this and who has no connection with the Collector? They want this to be a heroic sacrifice in the way of Piccolo but it doesn't have the weight. It has no build up and Luz was NEVER going to have a real connection to the Collector. It's even explicitly used as a teaching moment for the Collector. To give him extra motivation to become a good guy... Like you do when you fridge a character. It's also something Luz would have explicitly done from episode 1 so it also has the Superman problem of saying nothing.
And the WORST part for Luz is... It wasn't something she thought was going to kill her. She thought the two would get out of the way. Maybe that was just a line in relief but a heroic sacrifice is an all in play. You don't expect to come back from a SACRIFICE. But Luz appears to have.
As such, it just feels like a way to up the stakes, especially when all it leads to is a power up for Luz. A cheap bit of escalation before the victory lap that is Titan Luz. That's just not that compelling and it feels manipulative, like a lot of shock deaths are.
And how does Amphibia get out of all of this? With one line:
"These stones aren't Amphibia's greatest treasure."
In that moment, we are reminded not only of all that Anne is fighting for but all of the growth she has had in order to lead to this moment. To go from the selfish girl she once was to the unifier of the stones. To someone who can actually care about an entire planet. How in episode 1, she wouldn't have done this but now? Now it's not even a moment of hesitation for her.
And it does have the Vegeta element of being optional. She could have gone home. She could have had Marcy or Sasha make the sacrifice instead. She doesn't though because she will not shrug off the responsibility of all this. This isn't even to do with the prophecy. She was the one to steal the music box. She was complicit, even if more fault lies with Marcy, in leading to the Core being potentially able to ravage worlds again. And then she is told that the prophecy is a plea for help. You don't have to yes to a plea like you do destiny. If not for Anne's experiences, she would have said no.
Instead, she says yes and she wins for it. Her resurrection is even based in this. She expects no resurrection and was ENTIRELY ready to bear the weight of her choice. She won't even accept the Guardian's offer of power because that's not why she did this. It's not what her arc is about. Instead, she gets her resurrection for the same reason she died: Because she has grown and in that growth, become so much more than she ever could have even imagined, so what would happen if given more time to grow? Would she surpass all of ours expectations? Even a god's?
ALL of that helps an audience care. Helps give a true climax to everything. Brings it all together. Even if you want to argue, and I actually probably would, that the Calamity trio fighting is technically worse from an animation standpoint than even Eda, King and Luz against the moss, narrative weight matters more. That sense of climax matters more. It is going to elevate the rest of the fight, and the episode, simply by making sure that ANY audience member is going to have a greater amount of investment in it.
And a heroic sacrifice is a great way to add to that. A shock death is not.
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I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!
I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.
A Twitter you can follow too
And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.
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pansear-doodles · 5 hours
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Ten things about the way i was raised:
1. Im not white. Im not american nor european. Im a filipino. No english ties- im fully native and lived in my country all my life. Somehow i can only speak english. No- they dont really teach us about US slavery and other global stuff until late high school and college (with the exceptions of history stuff that actually has something to do with the build and association of our country). No- I am not a politics person and I'm interested in cartoons rather than our grim reality. No- i didnt have much self awareness because all i cared was having a fun time.
2. I think i am stupid. Im not diagnosed in anything officially but i know im neurodivergent, as my list of interests are usually deemed "immature". Parents kept saying i was fine until i realized in senior high "oh ive been groomed for five years during my most crucial ages, depressed, have bare socialization, anxious all the time and possibly have aspergers". So yeah im a mess. My parents were no Chilli and Bandit. In fact, they didnt really interact with me much- always busy with work and lended me to babysitters and cousin mingling. I was a simple-minded kid who did not care about the atrocities that happened outside of this bubble.
3. A lot of things important to my political view and moral compasses had to be built from the internet. Simple stuff like "be kind to others so they will be kind to you"- yep that surface level courtesy stuff is there i learned through school. I knew racism was bad and uncomfortable though when i was elementary and I wasn't one to participate in home wreckage and other middle school naughty stuff. I followed orders as to not get punished and I believed in good (and eating clouds). I wasn't the most intellectual kid at school- all i cared about was the next episode of Fragglerock and maintaining an honors role so i dont piss off my parents.
4. Yet, despite my simple-mindedness that I can compare to Laios Dungeonmeshi, I somehow wounded up in a government science highschool which was... A horrible experience as I didn't share interests with anyone there. Everyone else was so different. I had no friends and I knew the people hated me because they did this cruel joke at a christian recollection- for everyone in a class to make notes to someone- whether positive or negative. Most of the notes I got were negative. I dont recall any good memories in highschool at all and it took a horrible mental toll on me. I wasnt actively bullied but I sure felt very unwanted.
5. The internet was practically my guide to how to life and even then i used it for entertainment. Parents only cared about tutoring me- talking about my grades and making friends with people in my class i dont like just to get by. And most of all, they always talked about my weight. My mother always compared me to other kids. I always ignore her but shes done this for decades. I still live under her roof. Whenever i try to ask her about stuff, she ignores it. She always reverts it to being about school or my weight. She's a wall. My dad on the other hand- hes just careless. He has anger issues and doesnt know how to take care of himself. Always fights with my mom. They never took me to therapy and or assign me to medication until i argued and fought for it a year ago.
6. Did i just casually say i was groomed for five years? Yeah. It was around when fnaf 1 was out. Met this guy when i was like 14 and admitted to him when I was 15. He was nine years older than me. I stooped to him. Vented constantly to him. Depended on him for validation and all that. I even exposed myself to him at 17. Didnt stop me or anything. Nobody else did or questioned it except a cousin who tried and a random person who played transformice. Will i say its fucked up nobody tried stopping me? Yes. Yes it was. But i dont blame them. It was all up to my groomer and I was under his manipulation and teachings and "normalizations" for years. As you can see, this really fucked me up. No. Im not telling his name, but if you can figure it out then congrats- dont harass him. It gave me a warped view on how people treat me and how i see other grooming situations (the many media that tackle implied grooming went over my head completely all the time until someone outright states it)
7. So how was i able to figure it all out and get the fuck out? I saw him faving nsfw art of a character who was a minor. Had an argument with him and it is within the weeks after i took off did i realize "oh. I was groomed." No. It wasnt somebody telling me this. I had to figure this shit out on my own that it was grooming. I was about 18 or 19 when I found out. Are you starting to see how fucked up i am? Having to only rely on myself and the little advice on others to live life? And i still do that, except people will shout at me first expecting i know this stuff beforehand because im an adult, instead of kindly nudging me.
8. So why do i never talk about this? Dont want the tragedies to make my identity. Id rather talk about funny fictitious characters finding their own happiness rather than having it all focus on my boring miserable life. I live off and breathe in fantasies. To become engrossed in something we cannot have and be in real life was my everything. Amidst this, it took me a while to realize my gender identity and myself as a person. It was only last year did i realize im genderfluid, and few years ago i was bisexual. My parents, being catholic conservative christians who use "gay" as one-note descriptions on the minority folks that they meet, would never talk to me about this. Hell, when i first did, they told me its taboo to talk about it. (And very recently i found out theyre accepting of gay people but... Are transphobic?????)
9. My personal motto has always been that real life is boring, miserable, awful and just generally shit. Exploring into fiction has always been my escape- an escape from whatever the fuck went wrong with me and whatever harsh issues i had to deal with growing up. Im always surprised of the memes and stuff i laughed at as a kid were actually discriminatory and racist and whatever holes that fill me with such ignorance. Fractions, they could teach me math all the time, but they never taught me to be self-aware, all when they expected me to. I couldnt read the room. If 16 year olds are smart in political stances, then me as a 16 year old would be the equivalent of a ten year old putting glue on his hands without much care about our economic crisis. Im not saying these childlike qualities of mine were bad- but it came at these costs. I was completely air headed and reality came crashing to me like a truck and angry people expecting that I shouldve known better when I didnt and couldnt have before then.
10. Now im in my 20s. Im expected to know college, taxes and adult stuff. Im expected to be more social. To be more uncomfortable right away. Im in this fandom where every fucking step could be a minefield. Every fandom was. Nobody cares about where you come from right? People always default you as someone who had the same experiences at you until you start to tell them how fucked up your life is and suddenly oh wow things make sense- for how they act, think, respond, believe. The idea of me walking around with the label of "grooming victim" at all times to explain my behaviors is a disgusting and cruel idea.
"You shouldve known this because youre an adult" this. "You shouldve known better" that. The ability to understand people is dead if you will continue to assume every person who walks before you went through the same life experiences as you.
So now do you know a major reason why the rain world fandom and shipping container was so significant to me? It was my second ever fandom with a concious mind after having realized a majority of my teenage years were robbed from me, and realizing how fucked up it all was.
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tubbytarchia · 1 day
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todays stream..... im watching the vod in 1.5x speed because i forgot to watch. another long one.................................
jim and oli meet up immediately. they go to jimmys graveyard and olis died a bunch and he called himself mrs canary. blond boyfriends is "one night only" and oli said no flower husbands. they started making jokes about closing tumblr and ao3..... blond boyfriends are dead </3 jimmy then says they dont spend their evenings browsing those sites then oli says speak for yourself im mr wattpad
oli says "put on something sexy" for the talent show because both of them forgot to make skins for it. jimmy says hes not putting on the maid one (oli: i will) then oli suggests they both put on maid skins. grrrrr
(oli: why dont you want to be a maid? why dont you want to be a maid? you loved it you had a thumbnail about it and everything, you loved it, you loved it! stop pretending you didnt love it!
jimmy: i only do it on special occasions...... i only wear the maid dress one time on one series....... i cant do it twice........
oli: yeah but this is a different character, this is blond boyfriend jimmy, its like a whole different action figure!
jimmy: right, right, ill put it on.)
then they ask chat to make oli a maid skin since he doesnt have one. specifically with the same face as jimmys (the derpy face) then they realise they need an invisiblity potion for their talent show thing so they go to steal one from pixs furious cocktail machine. they go material gathering for more talent show stuff and split up.
(he kept making spongebob references. i think im going insane)
they meet back up. on the way jimmy goes to sausages house to steal some milk and he sees saus so he stabs him and runs away. oli found a weird pillager looking base in sausages house and shows jimmy to see how he would react to it. (u know how his voice goes when hes lying? Yeah) then after talking for a bit about who they think is a pillager (lizzie) they split up again.
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they meet up again and switch skins to their maid ones,,, then they start practising their dance for the talent show. not a lot happens other than flirting and oli theatening to kill himself if they lose. then they head over to the talent show and oli sings a gay little song on the way. he tries to make it sound less gay but it turns into sounding like a one night stand.
they arrive and sausage admires the outifts and asks if they want to work at the tavern later. oli says yes (only if they dont win) and jimmy doesnt say anything about it. they take their seats and jimmy sits in front of scott. hes standing on the back of the stair instead of the front so scott asks him to move so hes not blocking scotts view. jimmy says not my fault im 6 foot so scott hits him and he ends up landing on the back of the seat in front (which is eloises). eloise hits him back. he gets hit around a bit (notably laughing) then scott pulls his sword out and asks out loud how much of a blockage a grave will be. jimmy then shakes his head and goes please no i dont have any armour on :( and scotts like haha i know. then the talent show starts
mog introduces the show and prays for no deaths. first event with no deaths. please. he reads a poem for his pet sweetpea that died. its actually really good but the fact that its about a minecraft bee does make me giggle. the judges are fwhip, eloise, and katherine. not entirely people who hate jimmy.... he has a chance....... how the judging works is the 3 judges have redstone lamps that are ON and if they turn them OFF they dont like the act. if all 3 lamps turn off you have to leave the stage.
first act is shubble :) she makes cat jokes. i think theyre funny. fwhip turns off his lamp and shubble says "quit the catattitude". eloise also turns off her light. she ends her performance with 1 light on!
sausage goes next...... hes doing a play about boat boys. joel audibly sighs in the audience. sausage is wearing an etho skin and drags joel on stage. saus tries to get joel to say he loves etho but joel just goes I LOVE MY WIFE!! lizzies in the audience and she doesnt react at all. "etho" then goes on to say they have a kid together. then it ends with 2 lights on. (technically 1 but katherine turned off eloises light. then eloise turned off fwhips light but he turned it back on.)
then oli and jimmy go!!! fwhip turns off his light almost immediately but they basically just make puppy dog eyes at him until he turns it back on. they start with their dancing and they get the audience to join in. its much more organised than the rehersals. then they go onto the disappearing act. fwhip turned his light off again but eloise and katherine seem to be loving it. jimmy splashes himself with the invisiblity potion (and accidentally catches oli in it) then runs behind the seats and drinks milk. eloise turned her light off too :( but katherine and the audience really like it. they try to do their drowning act but theres a conduit power which makes it less interesting. they end the performance with 1 light on.....
then its mogs turn! hes. racing people. and jumping very high. then he starts flying. i genuinely think hes hacking and i respect the dedication to the bit. then he starts walking on water. i think he ended with all 3 lights on.
judging time....... notable thing is katherine gave oli and jim a 10/10.
IN A SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS. JIMMY AND OLI WON. EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU KATHERINE FOR SABOTAGING MOGS SCORE FOR THE BIT.
1st: oli&jim. 2nd: shubble. 3rd: mog. 4th: saus. fwhip gives jimmy his coin and jim says thanks daddy fwhip. jimmy goes home and is very happy about it :) then he ends........ new sos video saturday and next stream is monday :P
long recap again.... this ones kinda all over the place cuz i was typing while watching. i equally love blond boyfriends and also want oli 100ft away from jimmy at all times
man oh man... the adventures of the blonde boy friends
Ok the maid dress......... I'm not too upset by it because I accept Oli joining in with the maid outfit thing as a valid form of helping Jimmy heal. Not that Oli INTENDS to do that (he's too stupid) but... Him insisting "you loved it! You did!" makes me want to throw up but he's stupid. He's his own fucked up thing who I don't see as participating in the Jimmy "bottom of the food chain" bullying culture. He puts himself down on that food chain alongside Jimmy... unintentionally, still, but. Mmmgh. If it were, say, Sausage instead whototallydoesnthaveamaidkink saying this... It'd be another story and I might just throw myself out the window
Oli's fooling around and I still hate his insistence on Jimmy liking the maid ordeal (and even here, Jimmy is voicing the opposite!! sobs) but then he goes and puts on a maid dress too. It might be unsubstantial fun and jokes for him, but at least Jimmy's not alone on that now in a sense... Even the derpy face is the same... And same with "I'm mrs canary now". It's more "haha we both suck" and less "you suck/I suck almost as bad as you". More affectionate and less derogatory
Oli saying he'll kill himself if they lose kinda sucks because Jimmy frequently gets blamed for failures of groups he's part of, and if not, he might just blame himself and apologize anyway. But at the same time if they did lose, I cannot imagine Oli blaming it on Jimmy. He'd only address it as them both being equally at fault. Shared failure... The bar is really low ok
OF COURSE Sausage is there to admire them OF COURSE Sausage whototallydoesnthaveamaidkink is asking them to work at the tavern. Fuckass sorry I'm gonna hold myself back in case any Sausage fans are reading this. Sorry Sausage fans. I don't hate you ok. and Jimmy not saying anything in response even when Oli said yes... he has trauma guys he has such trauma I cant fucking make this up its right there. This is making me so sad. Jimmy choking up.... Even if he were to voice displeasure he'd just be shot down again. Sausage won't take no for an answer and Oli being Oli would probably encourage Jimmy too. Unfortunately. This sucks
There's something about Joel here too but I actually can't talk about it I'm serious even Tumblr will cancel me
I can't tell you how fucking happy I am that they won though so that 1. Oli doesn't kill himself and 2. They don't have to go work at the tavern as is evident is against Jimmy's wishes anyway. He doesn't have to relive his trauma. Katherine you have no idea what you've done I love you Katherine
Also thank you Jimmy for stabbing Sausage. Deserved
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flashyzz · 3 days
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Take my mind out
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"Does it hurt..?"
She said as she stabbed it in the stomach, the blood poured out like an active waterfall. This was it, this was what she wanted right? All these years of fucking suffering she experienced should make her joyful that 'its' already dead? RIGHT. RiFTh. rIGth...?
Back then—
It treated you like you were a treasure. It made you feel the emotion you lacked, it was like a combination of fear and love. But of course it's just a monster, it never had feelings from the start. Everything was fake, a delusional paradise created by your mind.
"Ba-... Baby..." What? You said to it. This was the first encounter you had with this 'thing' you called a monster or so, you were emotionally broken during this period and didn't know how to react to these words it spouted.
Did it love you? Treat you more than just a toy, a good for nothing 'thing'? That's when the realization hit you, you were both similar, how? This is because both of you are just monsters to society. Monsters, huh.
You wonder what made you a monster, you were perfectly fine, beauty, intelligence and emotions you were the epitome of humanity yet you were labeled and beat to become the monster they say you are. But what made that thing a monster then?
Was it because of its appearance or behavior, maybe it's because she just isn't accepted, like you.
As you find the many reasons why society doesn't accept this monster, you notice from the corner of your eye that the 'thing' was gone. What the fuck!? Where did it go? Will it kill you, hunt you down as its prey or just murder for fun? You were infatuated on how it would behave, normally a person would fear this and try to escape and run away. But you, you were like a psychopath. Hm, maybe you finally lived up to your nickname 'mad scientist'.
The thing came back to you, mouth excessively salivating and blood dripping from the head. What was it really? And why does it behave like that. Those questions flooded your mind in a rush to discover and experiment on this thing. You laughed manically, what a monster you truly were.
Back to the thing you were looking directly at, it was still salivating and it looked at you like you were a big, juicy turkey just waiting to be devoured. "Wow.."
You said in an impressed manner, it was majestic. Like the king of beasts, the absolute best. You stared at each other for about ten seconds both of you trying to process what was actually happening. You stared at it like a Madman while it stared at you like it was the biggest predator around. "Ha— do I look like food to you? Stupid beast." You exclaimed.
It growled lowly as it circled you cautiously, you smiled, but it was not a normal smile, it was predatory, just like a maniac or madman would. "What would it take for you to eat me..?"
What the hell? Why were you asking this thing a question like that? You didn't want to die, you loved yourself, right? Oh, how wrong you truly were. It was like a fool was creating her own world just for her to fit in. And for sucks sake why would you even think about that question? Gosh, nevermind, you thought, let's go back to the monster your literally staring at right now.
Before you even knew it the monster was already closer to you, its breath was just horrible! Ick, what does this thing eat anyways? But you could feel it, the tension in the air seemed to grow stronger than two buff guys playing tug of war. Shit, its breath was hot and uneven plus you couldn't stand its smell! It almost made you puke!
Back to your conscious self—
Urgh, you tried to back your head away from its open salivating mouth, but it just responded by moving closer to you. What a pain in the ass, you didn't even know what this thing was and still it acted like it was attracted to you! This made you slightly irritated with it. As you fully backed yourself up from it, it stayed still like it saw something behind you. What does it see? More and more questions and wonders washed your mind. Gosh, this thing made you wonder the most random things! Why were you even thinking this!?
Everything was a mess in your mind, like it was scattered all over the floor. But one thing stood out from the trashy questions in your puzzled brain. Was this a nightmare.? It all made sense, the things you were seeing, you really went nuts huh!? "HAHAHAHAHA." You laughed like a psycho!
You were right.
The following day you went to visit the doctor as he refused to prescribe you medicine for the sleepless nights and un-waving nightmares you got from the pain in your head.
"I'm nuts, baby I'm mad! The craziest patient you've ever had!" You're crazy! My doctor responds. Why don't I just shut off my brain? What a let down you say to yourself as you stare at the corpse on the ground. It was fresh, who did this!? What the actual hell!? You started to cry. Who would do something so cruel to a person? Did you almost end up dying? Until you saw your own hands, bloodied.
Your face contorted into a manic smile, why were you smiling? Did you murder him? Suddenly you also began to laugh…
"Where is my prescription? Doctor, doctor please listen, my brain is in scatters, you can be Alice I'll be the Mad hatter." You whisper to the cold body beneath you.
Psychotic was what you were, as your mind created a personal world for you to blend in with the world you, while you were stuck in a white room in real life. It's so soft, you muttered softly. Everything was so soft and so bright, was this heaven? Did you die? You zone out in thoughts when a person suddenly enters the room. A god? No it was a doctor yet your twisted mind failed to notice that.
As the ‘god’ touches you, you scream. “DON'T TOUCH ME!”
”DON'T TOUCH ME!”
They pinned you down. They!? Since when did many more ‘gods’ join!? It was terrifying. They pounced on you like lions! Wait, lions? Weren't you just thinking about god's just a minute ago? Your mind really was in scatters. No, you were playing tag with them, that was it right? Yeah, yeah. They're your friends!
You started chasing them, playing tag was fun! They would scream playfully every single time you tagged them! How entertaining! “Tag your it!” You said whenever they got out. But the problem was why did the players get eliminated so easily….
…All you did remember was grabbing something.
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I got inspired by Melanie Martinez!! 😋
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nottapossum · 3 days
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Does that age regression journal Charlie made for everyone actually exist? Because that sounds really helpful honestly. If it’s something you made up for the fix, would you consider posting how to make one irl?
It sadly does not exist. I made it up for a sander sides fic years ago...then never posted it 😅
So I recycled it for this fic because I loved the idea so much. (I still may post that fic someday but it'll be a bit.)
Anyway.
I will absolutely show you how to make one!
To demonstrate, I will use 💜's Jurnal because she's the only one who has a regression journal, lol. She was very nice in letting me use it.
(💜: It's got Patton's emblem on it 🥰)
(For context, we have DID/Osdd and 💜 is one of our headmates that regresses).
(I hope to make more for our other littles, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet.)
(📖: This notebook was actually a gift because it came in a set of baby Yoda notebooks, and our mom didn't want this one, 💜 loved it because she loves Patton on sander sides. And if you don't know what sander sides is, you should 100% binge it. It's on YouTube. Was made by the "story time" vine guy.)
(Anyway we used sticker paper and just printed it out for the notebook. I think it looks pretty cool.)
📝Step 1 is to find a nice notebook and decorate it in a way that makes you happy! (If you decide to use a notebook)
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Now, I did this with a pen and some colored pencils ✏️ it's not fancy and it doesn't, need to be either.
If you'd rather type this all up on a computer and put it in a binder, that works too.
However you want to do this is perfect! You can use crayons, pencils, just keep it digitally. Whatever makes you the happiest ✨️
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Intro page:
Age range: (💜 wrote 2-5)
Caregiver: (Name of caregiver) (if you don't have one, just don't add this question or you can write "myself" independence!)
Favorites 💕
Favorite color: (💜Wrote Purple)
Favorite show/movie: (💜Sander sides)
Favorite animal: (💜Wrote later, Butterflies and Cats)
Comfort 🧸
Comfort show/Movie: (💜Wrote Sander sides and bluey)
📝Show that helps calm you down or just provides some comfort. This can be different than your favorites or the same.
Comfort book:
📝What book makes you feel comfort? You can also write a fanfic if you want, 💜 did once I added this question to her journal. She may actually need a whole page of her comfort fics. Most are sander sides, and some are Loki, Hamilton, Brooklyn 99, exc. (Mostly SS fics by @childishfluff aka @logical-little-lies here on Tumblr. And @dannyisdone and freepoetrynightmare @agerestorybits onA03, they're great! Check them out! They made us want to start writing fics of our own)
Comfort food/drink (💜Milk, Angel milk)
Comfort idem: (💜Paci, Kitty stuffie, Jasper (a racoon stuffie) )
Add any other questions you want!
📝You can add any other info that might be important for a caregiver to remember or other stuff you want to share just for fun.
Okay now what you actually asked for:
The page in the fic...
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Daily checkup 🌻
-Name/Date: (We don't often date things, but it would definitely be important for some)
-I am _ years old today (💜Wrote 5)
📝Just write your little age or ??? If you don't know.
-Today I: (Action, explain your day) (💜Wrote: played with kitties)
📝Explain your day, and probably give yourself more space than I put. Oops.
-I want my caregiver to know: (💜Wrote: I ❤️ U)
📝Great way to tell your cg something that is hard to say outloud. Or just something for fun. If you have no caregiver, feel free to replace this with: "I am feeling: ___ today because:"
You can add any negative emotions to process them.
- I feel _ about today (Good, Bad, Normal) because (give an explanation)
(💜Wrote: Good, because I got to be small)
📝looking at the day and processing any negative feelings or looking back at a happy day, you can smile about later!
-Tomorrow/Next time I want to: (What you hope to do next time you regress) (💜Wrote: Play with dolls)
📝Note for next time if there was something you didn't get to do that you wanted.
-Something bad about the day: (💜Wrote: Feel icky)
-Something good about the day: (💜Wrote: Got to small)
📝Looking at the positives and negatives of the day. It's okay if you can't find something.
If you can't think of something positive, you can write: "I can look forward to better days."
Then, at the bottom, I put a box that asks if the little finished answering the questions.
You can put any sticker or add a check mark ✅️ We just happen to find a yes sticker.
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And here is a page of fun recipes for us to remember. 💜 loves to try new kinds of milk.
(Ignore the bad spelling lol)
Some of these I found here and some are on reddit. Just look up "Age regression milk recipes" and they should show up.
📖: There are a lot of really great journal prompts here on Tumblr that you can use as well. I didn't get any of these from tumblr, but I plan on expanding the journal evenentually and may use some I find on here.
Let me know if you guys would be interested in me posting any expansions we make for the journal. I plan on doing it for the fic, so I may post about it anyways.
If you guys decide to use this and post about it on your own blog, plz tag me! I'd love to see it!
Even if it's just a digital one or just a tumblr post. I'd love to see.
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@todayimfour @ask-dusty-boy @trophyxtissues2 @abby5577 @im-not-paying-my-taxes @attagirljessy @thatsthat24 @legeufygeuber100 @stormy-is-hyperfixated
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babymorte · 1 month
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my shirt is tetris 😀
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My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.
#what happened was that i was feeling really down these past few days#like mental health dead in mariana trench#and i went to visit her because she lives like 10 minutes away and has a cat i can play with#but yesterday morning a friend of mine made a fanart (i guess i can call it that) of a fanfic i am writing for the five of them#she sent it to me and said she's also working on an actual painting on a camvas of her fave scene from my original story#and i was so surprised and exicted#that's actually a too mild description#and when i was visitting my cousin i showed her the pic of the drawing on my phone and explained it to her and she just said ....ehh..#and started texting someone#i was sitting there feeling stupid and thinking wow you could have at least praised my friend's art sytle or something#and when i was getting ready to leave she asked me if i was aware my writing has no artistic merit and fantasy is trivial literature#so i should just stop wasting time on that and focus on developing my art style more for her future poetry collections#i do the art for her book covers#and added how we already have an established writer in the family so i should focus on my role - becoming a good pharmacist#and she knows how much i hate that i'm studying pharmacy like it's the no.1 cause of me hating the direction in which my life is going#finished it off by saying she feels like what she's doing in going to be really great and important on a large scale one day#and how she wants me to continue being her shadow that follows and supports her#i left went home and started at a wall for hours#i just feel so dumb for getting excited over a silly drawing of something not more than 5 people will ever read#i genuinely hate the idea of people reading anything i write so most likely writing will just remain a hobby for me#and now i feel like the most stupid person on earth and am this close to deleting all my word documents from both my laptops
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torgawl · 7 months
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never thought i'd see people try to argue or analyse wriothesley's murder in regards to his personality. i think people are missing the point. the situation has nothing to do with him and has everything to do with an extremely traumatic environment that made a small boy think the only solution so save himself and the people he cared about was to take the life of his abusers. it's not supposed to be rational, it wasn't premeditated, it wasn't about getting away with it. if you read his description of the murder you can see how out of it he was. his goal was to protect himself and his siblings and that's what he did. that's why he admitted to the crime so easily and why he is keen to associate the fortress as a rebirth place. he was just young, lost and traumatised and that's about it when it comes to the extension of it all.
#people acting like they're disappointed because he's a 'manipulative' and cunning individual or because he's cold and that it doesn't match#the crime as if at that time he wasn't just a kid experiencing extreme distress and without a safe space to seek help#i also don't personally think he's manipulative at all. he isn't like ayato or yae miko. he has very strong values and he does everything#to abide to that. if that means ommiting information at some point to make the best out of a situation he will do so but he doesn't do#things for personal gain and as soon as he can be truthful he lays all the cards on the table#this reminds me of that ayaka situation where people tried to paint her as manipulative when all she did was ask the traveller to hear#people's stories so traveller could take their own conclusions about the situation in inazuma shsjsh#it's also the way wrio isn't even cold. he's serious and composed but goddamn if he didn't show how empathetic he is#also how lightweight his personality is during the archon quest...#at this point i'm just questioning myself if we're even playing the same game#wrio 'i believe in restorative justice rather than punishment' the slay#wrio 'there's a prophecy about a flood dooming the entire country so i'm taking matters into my own hands and building noah's ark to save#my people' the slay#wrio 'i have no reason to trust you but i will still offer you a cup of tea' the slay and people still try to pain him in an obscure light#he's not even that morally grey 😭 he's morally gray in the sense everyone is#wanting to stop people who hurt others isn't controversial or shouldn't be#also because we KNOW that's his last resource#his job is literally to give people a second chance the same way he took his except he actually wants to make life easier for others#than it was for him and people are so vocal about how grateful they are of him like???#he's such a good guy genuinely#and just because he's intelligent and usually composed doesn't mean he isn't emotional sensitive or even prone to being put in situations#where's he's forced to react a certain way because that's just human nature#he's literally just a silly guy with trauma and big responsabilities set him free from the shackles of mischaracterization please 😂#not that i'm better i'm a fool i may just be talking shit really#but seeing people act like the murder is somehow badly written or that he is dark and dangerous make me go ???#having the ability to do something doesn't define you as a person and i feel like judgement without context makes no sense#but maybe that's just me
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