#and that we 'shouldnt be allowed to have it'

[olderthannetfic]

twitter is blowing up with rpf discourse again and i am just. i am so tired.

the drama this time is over a fanfiction about two fictional characters, but because one of the characters is played by a teenage actor on tv, all of a sudden this makes the fanfic "literal child porn" that "sexualizes an actual minor" and i am so sick of explaining to morons on twitter that actors are not in fact the fictional characters they play.

of course, because this kind of discourse ALWAYS gets out of control and escalates out of proportion, a concerning amount of people have moved on from "writing fanfic about fictional characters means youre a pedo who gets off to the real actor" and are now arguing "every fanfic about a real child should be banned from ao3" and "why does ao3 allow child porn?"

i just cant understand how so many people can be so stupid. even proshippers and pro fiction/anti censorship people are jumping on the side of "this is disgusting, how dare you write about LITERAL CHILDREN having sex, it doesnt matter if its about the fictional character!" and advocating for ao3 to ban the author and delete the fic. and anybody with a functioning brain who tries to explain "hey guys, this is a bad idea, we shouldnt support harrassing authors and censorship" is being called a pedophile or a pedo defender.

look, i dont like rpf. i especially dont like rpf of minors. but not only is a fanfic not rpf if its about fictional characters, the amount of people who are taking this drama as an excuse to crusade for the censorship of actual rpf is just ridiculous. no amount of telling people that ao3 hosts it because its legal will get through to these idiots. and if you point out that banning one type of work always leads to banning other types of work, you get brushed off.

i know that rpf has been talked about here before, as well as on other blogs. if anyone could point me toward a good post or breakdown on why rpf is normal that would be great. same if anybody has any thoughts on fanfiction about fictional characters that just so happen to be portrayed by actors. i am dying to hear from people who are actually able to think critically.

--

[transfemsly]

following up on the last reblog...

i have a lot of nitpick with sparklecare/cometcare and how mentl health is portrayed.

its talked about a lot in sparklecritcism blogs, but i just hate how much how kneeby shows mental health in kits comics.

i hate how mental health is dumbbed down to names like "nervous nelly" for anxiety and "checks a lot" for ocd and "ultra mega sads" for depression, and so on and so forth. not to mention, kneeby just fucking REFUSES to give these stupid fucking names to disorders she has. the fucking double standard, i tell you.

dont mind me now, being a big mental health geek and advocate, im gonna go on a rant so forewarning for foul language.

sparklecare possible is the biggest fucking joke of mental health representation i can find ever. both it is portrayed horribly and the fandom treats the characters mental health like a joke. i literally cant say it any more than that. it genuinely frustrates me and aggravates me that kneeby has the double standard to make up stupidass names for real disorders, then just ignores how stupid it is that she also refuses to give silly names to illnesses she also has. maybe kit shouldve never even made up names for serious disorders! maybe then this wouldnt be such a big issue in the fandom!

my mental health shouldnt be dumbed down to just "checking a lot" or being "ultra mega sad" or shit like that. i get it, thats the popular symptom and stereotype, i get thats asy to show, and yes! kneeby gives somewhat good rep in the comic! but its still SO. DUMBED. DOWN. and SO. STEREOTYPED.

not even just looking at how sly is made fun of relentlessly for her depression and her addiction, but just how uni is relentlessly used to get peoples rocks off on how shes ill and enjoys barrys degradation, this is a real issue and a big mental health symptom. how people get off on making fun of hemeras mental health and then demonizing her for every little thing. how people make jokes out of moods pica and the bug eating incidents. not only just those. how much cometcare just fucking gets off on stereotyping ptsd SO HARD. episodes, breakdowns, all of that being stereotyped into easily being taken out of and being done in the blink of a fucking eye. this isnt ALWAYS the case, but its frequent enough in my eyes.

okay. this gets me really mad. kind of related to this kind of not. i hate how uni gets offs so hard on barry degrading her. its actually really disgusting me i hate how romanticized it is. why is it so romanticized. oh my god. this isnt just a kink culture thing, its just downright fucking disgusting and downright upsetting. its weird. its weird. its weird.

overall, kneeby makes fun of mental health so bad and its so obvious this is what she thinks of mental health as a whole. maybe kit doesnt say it publicly, but i know for a fact, many peoples works are a way for them to show their real fucking opnions. and i tell for a fact squeak most fucking 100% thinks other disorders that arent her own are a joke. you can tell me this isnt true, but this how been CONSTANT. kit and the fandom both. it is extremely upsetting. i dont care if other zcp staff have these disorders and allow it, kneeby runs this shit, and the jokes are just aggravating. mental health and the symptoms and the things we deal with that kneeby openly allows joking around with and kit herself joking around with, arent a fucking circus for kneeby and the fandom to play around with.

its not just the fact that yes, jokes and stuff are a real life upsetting experience, its the fact that outside the comic, the characters mental health is used a toy to juggle and laugh at when its disorders that large amounts of people deal with. i try and try to see the hilarity in the jokes, but it was barely every funny in the first place.

#tfemsly #transfemsly #sparklecare #sparklecare hospital #sparklecare criticism #sparklecriticism #sparklecare discourse #discourse

[cultofsappho]

Ive come to the realization that the reason theres a small but loud group of people who are showing nothing but hate for the rwrb movie is because they have completely unrealistic expectations. People are forgetting that this is a cheesy romantic comedy, thats supposed to look and feel like a cheesy romantic comedy. This isnt going to be moonlight or gods own country or some other critically acclaimed, oscar nomintaed queer film that makes straight people go "hmm maybe they do deserve rights and respect🤷‍♀️"

Its gonna be a cheesy adult romantic comedy, thats gonna be a bit camp and over the top and thats exactly why its so good. I dont want to think about every gay movie I watch. I want to watch it and see two queer people fall in love and thats it. Thats how deep it goes. Maybe a sprinkling of politcal commentary in between.

There is this issue thats become bigger and bigger every passing year, that people expect every bit of queer representation to be the best thing ever. There can not ever be anything cringey or different or silly, and if it is then they send endless hate towards it, and in an industry that already hates to show queer people on screen, its this viscious cycle of someone finally being greenlit to make queer media, the media gets endless hate for not being perfect, the studio cancels the queer media before giving it a chance because theyve just 'proven that it wont make money', suddenly everyone is saying 'why do they keep canceling queer media😢', cycle repeats.

Im so over it. Let gay people be slightly cringy or cheesy or campy. Let queer media exist without putting it on this huge pedestal. Just enjoy things! And if you dont, dont watch it! Move on, find something better to do.

Yes!!! Thank you so much anon for putting this feeling into words much better than I could have!

"I dont want to think about every gay movie I watch."

Thank you.

I want light-hearted rom coms about queer adults just being queer adults and havig fun. I want comedy adventures where the characters just happen to be gay. I want more horror where at the end the final girl kisses a girl and can't belive they lived but not because they're gay. (suprisingly several of these exist and I love it)

I don't always want to think about the plight and horrors of being queer today with every queer movie I watch.

Sometimes, yes of course, I want to be seen on that level.

(Nimona, which came this weekend is a perfect example of a queer movie where I felt very very seen but also had a good time and was an incredibly silly fantasy adventure movie. But, still had the queer expereince intertwined.)

I'm looking forward to a movie that will be 90% rom com, and 10% realism/heavyness. re: being outed is a real thing that happens to people. famous people.

Alex and Henry go through some heavy shit. There's seriously traumatizing stuff at the end of the book. They're both dealing with mental illnesses, complex families, and rock-or-a-hard-place situations. I want all of that honored.

And, at the same time, I'm expecting a straight-to-streaming, mid-budget, movie that had to pass through a LOT of straight hands and board meetings to get to us.

Not to say we should love and accept every queer movie that comes out automatically, they have been done wrong in the past. (example: I skipped call me by your name bc the age gap still makes me too uncomfortable to watch)

But we have to give queer movies a chance to fit the genre they were made for, the tone they are made to be, and give queer creators a chance to show they are us annd they know us. The director is Bi. He's spent so much time going on about how much he related to Alex that he needed to make this movie. It's his first directing role, and I'm giving him a chance.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #mostly unrelated but I also saw a bunch of gay men on twitter screaming about how rwrb isn't *for* lesbians #and that we 'shouldnt be allowed to have it' #which is fucking wild! #and they somehow manged to work in the fact taht the author is NB into their argument??? #it was madness #but another example just how much vitriol is surrounding this fanbase #its completely insane if you think that Alex and Henry would gate keep their story to just queer men. #or that cmq would want that either

[queenerdloser]

i just finished dark heir

#me foaming at the mouth during the last chapters: HE IS! FUCKING! SAVING YOU! #i am huddled around will kempen hissing like a mama cat none of these fuckers are allowed to look at him #dark rise #okay but like. cyrian at literally every moment in the book you see will anticipating things and making connections #that you never make. doing things like a leader & being fucking smart and strategic. and your dumb ass really thought. #hm. must mean i shouldnt listen to him about the magic staff that can literally stop the end of the world. must be evil. #me: [screams into the abyss] #i know i cant expect characters to react like readers and they DID all react like i knew they would but god it was so infuriating!!!!! #and heart breaking! god!!!! god!!!!! will reliving his mother's initial betrayal over and over and OVER again #and thinking about all the little moments we get where the novel tells us: if these 'evil' characters had just been accepted #instead of tossed aside maybe they wouldnt have fallen. if they had been protected instead of killed maybe they would have #become protectors instead of killers. maybe if will's mom hadn't tried to butcher him for the sin of his own birth #he wouldn't have been so scared to tell people he lied to them. #anyway im not normal about will kempen and if book 3 doesnt give me his friends fucking accepting him i'll kill someone #me looking directly at visander: i dont care how charming you are i'll murder your ass about it #i read this book in like 5 hrs im being very normal about it

[lastoneout]

Tbh I have a lot of complicated feelings about the whole OceanGate thing and I'm not really a fan of how this is being treated as The Evergiven 2, but as it becomes more and more likely that the sub suffered a critical failure and imploded days ago my main thought is that visiting the Titanic's wreck should be in the same category as climbing Mt. Everest; a pointless, unfathomably dangerous, disrespectful excursion that should not be allowed, or at least regulated and reserved for experts who know what they're doing to conduct research and/or matinance.

I mean like at this point I don't even think the average person should know where Titanic is. What is the benefit? All it leads to is death and the disruption and/or potential destruction of a mass gravesite that also doubles as a unbelievably valuable historic artifact that will not be around forever. Why the hell are people just allowed to go down there?? We don't let people go rub their hands all over the Mona Lisa, and that wouldn't even kill anyone, why can billionaires just go tromping around in far more deadly and fragile locations, especially ones where hundreds of people have already died?

But yeah idk there's no real point in adding my input to the discussion and I kinda don't want to comment on it beyond this anyway, but the whole situation sucks and def makes it clear there are simply some things people should not be allowed to do no matter how much goddamn money they have.

#I just do not understand rich people's obsession with going to space and climbing everest and shit like that #you have so much money and the only thing you can think to do with it is get yourself killed for what?? #bragging rights??? #and we should jusy let you do this even if it's hella disrespectful or destroying things that should be preserved???? #I s2g Glass Onion was a fucking prophecy #also don't take this as me saying these people deserve to die I don't have a say in who lives and who dies #and I don't believe in the death penalty #I just am baffled at the lengths rich people will go to for bragging rights #it's like they really do believe the world should bend to their will #and they should be allowed to do whatever they want bcs they have money #and yeah they did have reason to believe this was safe I will not deny that at all #I don't think this is as much of a fuck around and find out thing as people say it is #even poor people put our lives at risk doing dumb shit sometimes #I just think it's like....idk there's a difference between going on a shoddy carnival ride #and thinking you have a right to go see the wreck of the titanic #idk anyway I'm rambling more than anything this is just infuriating and tragic and stupid and I hate it #but we can learn from it at least #and what we should learn is 'you can't just do whatever you want bcs you have money' #people shouldnt be allowed to just put themselves in these sorts of situations #oceangate #titanic #current events

[bi-writes]

Hi love, I need more from the new write. I NEED to see him walk her home 😩

ohhhhh do we?

hmmm. i do have thoughts. many thoughts about protective!simon watching you close up and noticing a customer whose eyes linger on you too long and wont take no for an answer............

#because who doesnt want their not military boyfriend to defend their honor even when we are fully capable of defending ourselves???? #cause its not about the fact that we CAN #but that he thinks we shouldnt have to !!!!! #cause youre so pretty and your skin is too soft and only hes allowed to have bruises like that #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #am i supposed to write this??? #SHOULD i write this????? lol

[grapecaseschoices]

i surprisingly got a response from one of my senators re: the KOSA bill.

#grapecase posts #i'm like what am i to do with this? #i kept thinking like is capitalizing Big Tech meant to scare me or are yall just so used to saying that #it feels like such a hollow term #because im like who allowed these Big Techers to have all that power #surely everyone needs such protections. and while what is being said sounds good on paper #i cnat help but wonder like what happened to individual parental controls? and also the internet isn't kids only source for harmful ideas #maybe things have changed way so much since i was a kid. but just like tv wasnt the main source of kids getting such ideas #half the times - most of the time. it was from their own parents. peers. and instuctors #not to say we shouldnt be more mindful of certain industries access to kids #but i cant help but worry #but the dpa doesnt sound like a bad thing #us politics #KOSA bill

[funnierasafictive]

Bruh we read your tags on gravity falls and were like “Hah! We don’t have any fictives from Gravity Falls! Guess we’re just built different!” And then someone reminded me of an alter who while they don’t identify as a fictive, their internal appearance is literally that one human Bill design. Systems really can’t escape Gravity Falls

Exactly!

It's why I can't watch gravity falls because i genuinely might become mentally ill !!! (half joking) but like, I'm of the belief that systems should do whatever they want and not be afraid to split. "be cringe but be free". but Gravity Falls is on a different level. its not that ill feel cringe, it's that i'm going to get psychosis

#ask #anon #i'm not kidding by the way #but also youre allowed to laugh at how i phrased this lol #the reason we dont have a gravity falls fictive is because we just.. didnt grow up with it! #we were like 'ooooh' and then mlp grabbed us by the collar and took us to the pony side of the world instead lol #also im not trying to say you SHOULDNT watch gravity falls #its a sweet and funny and very genius show! if you think you'll be fine its suggestable #ITS JUST.. one of those medias where systems who Know are like.. cant recommend it to other systems lol because the splitting gains are lik #you know #it's like Sally Face #except I would say that Sally Face is genuinely worse #gravity falls has beautiful messages but sally face is so horrible #<- has a sally face fictive #<- hates steve gabarg #from kris p #also im soo distracted updating my nyxus carrd. hi. sorry

[dissociative-degenerate]

He stresses me out. I feel like I'm going to puke. Who the fuck is he talking to, he doesn't tell me shit. Lord knows I never see his phone.

#you see like we moved in together and I eventually figured out he was still talking to and sexting other people #so like #im paranoid #he like deleted everyone off snapchat and im the only one he talks to regularly on there #or was #someone took my spot as his best friend on there #the little heart is gone #its making me crazy suspicious #i feel like im in highschool or some shit #but im so paranoid #and just feel like im not good enough and just not enough #hes allowed to have friends! #just tell me about them #a friend shouldnt need to be a secret #fuckkkkkkk #my shit #i want to cry #lol im being ridiculous maybe #idk

[bunnihearted]

ig i just personally dont rlly vibe w ppl who think that merely saying 'i wish they died' just to lighten the heavy weight of their overwhelming emotions (that they cant control may i add) is the same thing as actively actually murdering someone 💀

#did u know that venting can actually make someone feel a bit better and less inclined to act on thoughts..... #when u create environment in society where u force everyone to supress and hide all their ugly thoughts and emotions #those feelings will grow stronger and stronger and poison you #and that's why ppl eventually explode when it cant be contained anymore #ppl expressing things - that they prob dont even mean or want to be true or a reality #is nowhere near the same thing as ppl acting on it or causing others harm #but then also i am of the opinion that *everyone* deserves help and treatment. ppl shouldnt be discarded and labeled as broken or crazy #sm ppl have overwhelming emotions they cant control bc all of our brains are different. there should be *quality* help available for everyo #instead we live in a society that shames ppl. that push ppl into boxes and say #if u dont fit into this tiny neat little square u are ugly broken disgusting and reprihensible!!! #then they just banish u to the shadows where they dont have to see u or look at u #anyway this is a whole society thing that is connected to this issue in my braib #brain* #what i was gonna say was that i personally think venting and expressing your thoughts - no matter how ugly they are #is necessary for humans. esp when it's in a space where the potential target of the thoughts wont see #esp when there are no plans of taking yhe thoughts into action #asl long as u can separate complaining and venting ur frustrations and causing someone (undeserved) harm irl #thats just who i am and this is my blog and i dont appreciate ppl telling me #that i have to shove it all back inside and im not allowed to express anything #if you're a wasp who thinks everything should be bottled up. that everything should be expressed delicately #then u do you. but you do not tell me that i have to conform to your ways. i find your ways harmful and regressive #so maybe we should just go our separate ways huh? everyone arent meant to get along #theres no use in arguing or fighting or reprimanding ppl everytime u see smth u dont agree with #esp when all u see is a *thought* that causes no material harm to another person. then u should just be on ur merry way

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak #who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad #and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur #research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a #bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way #i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit #i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like #i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt #wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide #stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the #predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing #i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh. #i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just #send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel #ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart #ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run #this body into the ground. like the good old days. #unrelated

[dianaraven]

Me when other medical shows do storylines about ambigious morality of saving a particular type of bigot's life: >:((((((

Me when hate crimes md junior (austrailian edition) murders an africian warlord/dictator: 🥵🥵👅👅👅 this show is so sexy

#personally i really hate the 'oooh hes a bigot we shouldnt save him' storylines in meddramas cuz you as a medical professional should not- #-scratch that NEVER have the right to give substandard care to any patient for ANY reason #if you want to refuse to igve carw thats one thing but giving substandard care is worse #because your patient wont know the difference #and as someone who is in plenty of minority groups that plenty of bigots in medicine would actively harm if allowed: yeah youre treating- #-that n*zi with substanding care because i refuse to allow a social contract that medical professionals are allowed to choose who deserves- #-care and who doesnt #house md is the exception tho cuz medical crimes on that show are so sexy 👅👅 #robert chase

[nerdie-faerie]

Seeing what presents my baby sister gets and realising I really drew the short straw by being the firstborn

#Demon Spawn #+Extras #tell me why this three year old got a pet budgie for her birthday? she cant even spell yet #none of my siblings have ever had personal pets i wasnt allowed a hamster when i was 12 and neither was anyone else but the 3 year old?? #she got her own heat pool for her birthday as well and a barbie dream house taller than her for Christmas #and what did i get childhood trauma perfectionism a fear of failure and anxiety #my mum always goes over the top with the youngest girl it happened with my middle sister in that 5 year gap before my mum got pregnant again #i didnt even make it 2 before my mum was pregnant so i never really got to reap the rewards of being the youngest #the lil ones get spoiled to hell and they get a mum with a fully developed frontal lobe and chiller parents #being the oldest sucks there are no benefits to it only responsibilities #btw im not mad at my sister or whatever its nice for her that she gets to have these things #but what do you mean i got the shtty childhood parents and i still have to argue to be allowed to bare minimal at 23 when the 3 year old #gets special treatment that the rest of us wouldnt even bother asking for cus we dont have all the things that came before that point #my issue is that the preferential treatment she gets is useless to her. she didnt ask for a barbie dreamhouse and she cant even play with it #because shes too short whe doesnt need her own pool because she cant even swim yet she doesnt need her own tablet she cant read yet #she shouldnt have her own pet when she cant understand what it means to own a living creature #especially when we dont currently have any other pets in the house #my issue is that the spoiling doesnt even make sense for her age she cant enjoy it cus it doesnt make sense yet doesnt mean anything to her #my mum wants to spoil her cus shes her littlest girl but shes had 7 kids before this she knows whats age appropriate and this isnt

[volatilechemicalz]

Apparently the people in my brain forgot that we have this silly thing called a bed because I just woke up with a blanket on me while we were laying on the floor five or so minutes ago

#noodle talks #not art #sysposting #we shouldnt be allowed to have a body #THE BED WAS RIGHT THERE . #(we took a nap bc we were exhausted) but like #dumbasses (affectionate) #🎨

[gibbearish]

are we really back to "oh you support (blank)? name ten people who (do/are) that right now or else youre lying for allyship points and everything you have to say should be disregarded". i thought we left that back in like. 2012 misogynist nerdbro culture

#i have seen it on two entirely separate topics lately and its like. hello????? #'if you cant name 10 trans authors off the top of your head you shouldnt be talking about trans issues full stop. #i dont think thats an unreasonable expectation for anyone wanting to engage in rational discourse' how about we all go outside #because like yeah i couldnt name you too many trans authors but given my transgenderismness i think i do in #fact still deserve a seat at the table. and i dont think there should be a prerequisite academic education level to be allowed to talk. #'but you could find them for free-' yes‚ you can‚ but people should still be allowed to a) choose what they read based #off of what interests them and not mildly-to-extremely dense nonfiction writing and still Talk About Their Own Lives And Have #Opinions #shockingly not reading a lot of one specific type of author doesnt prevent a person from having reasonable and valuable opinions #if youre not capable of parsing someones argument because theyre not well-read enough then that just imo means you dont actually understand #the things youve read to be able to give them a synopsis #this isnt school. we're not being graded. there is no required reading and you are perfectly capable of giving people an #explanation on your stances if theyre unfamiliar with them #i had a b) but i dont remember what it was‚ i think it probably was part of what i covered there that i thought was a separate thought #but yeah just like. idk you can just say 'hey i would really recommend reading xyz but to summarize‚ (thing that disproves them)' #it is not . difficult to either Explain yourself or‚ if that is not possible‚ Not be condescending to the person youre not willing to teach #for not knowing #ill stop there bc ive already done that ramble before but. yes #origibberish #edit: ok upon reread i got turned around and switched from addressing the less educated one conveying their arguments #to the more well read one #bc that was the b is i was gonna talk about both #yall get what i mean though just like. split it in half and flip it turnways

[tamagotchikgs]

i try my best not to think of it and i havent in years but the fact the only people who were ever supposed to be my friends irl would always dump their love on me and then to leave me & say they dont like me over and over and over again only so they could watch my reaction n make fun of me together maybe did affect me huh

#i am normal i am not affected ii do not see ◡_◡ #[distant sounds of me crying & screaming && gasping for air &&& ripping myself to shreds like a bear] #i was always an autistic lil freak who didnt speak so i guess i shouldnt be surprised #but like. i always just wanted them to like me #i always just wanted the chance to like them back and let be allowed. always just wanted someone to be pals with. someone i could trust to #have my back for once vs everything else #i remember such a specific moment right #and we were going on a roadtrip w her and one i already had #and they ended up talking before we left #the worst part is i had to keep seeing them. i had to just keep reliving the humiliation over n over again n it got so deep in me #& the og one had a plan that we would sit together in the back n n we had like. tons of stuff brought we could do n snacks n all this #n then at the very last second literally as i had just sat down she was like . actually. i dont want you back here. i want her she's way be #better #and i remember so specifically she was like. LOL look at ur face.......... #and so i had to sit up front alone w nothing to do the entire ride but listen to them make fun of me for it #i feel like it would be better if they had left it at that but then they always came back n treated me so sweetly so i was like . ok i have #a chance #maybe they do like me #like the same girl went on to share cookies she had bought w me and we sat on the lawn for hours hanging out n eating them #and then she did it again #and again #but i was so alone in the world otherwise that i stayed #for years n years #my therapist always talks about how because of how long ive had anxiety means itll take either equally as long or longer to recover #and all i can think ab is how i lived with everything horrible at home #always just wanting to escape #to living through bad things outside of it too #just piling on top #from 6-16 #and i kept going back