#and then i came home to both my parents being pains in the asses fr
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night
#meows#lord help me its 2 am and i am trying to not make a purchase#im just!!!!!! thinking so deeply about one day owning my gmas house. hard to explain all that but#also i had to retake one of my certification tests today and it was so bad and it didnt help i had a stabbing headache#and was fucking anxious bc 1. test and 2. literally w all thats been going on at schools and then turning around to take a test#where they make me put my phone in a locker bc THATS safe. have a fucking proctor in there then like youre supposed to jfc#and then i came home to both my parents being pains in the asses fr#i wanted to go back to the middle school i interned at to see the gsa kids on their final meeting day but again...everything going on...#like thats literally my biggest fear of being a teacher how the fuck did it get this way jfccccc#anyways. bobs burgers tomorrow and new toh
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when i’m walking in my sleep
anonymous asked:
Hii, i love your writing, just finished your new buddie fic. Loved it! If you have inspiration for a storyline like the following i would be so happy to read: Eddie taking care of Buck after the screw removing surgery.
I deleted the original post due to it not showing up in the tags, so sorry if you didn’t see it, anon! But here it is again :)
trigger warnings for this: use of painkillers even though taken as prescribed, mention of an unspecified nightmare, and to be safe emetophobia as it’s mentioned
Eddie has always had the innate need to care for the ones he loves and the ones who need it. When he was five, he tried his hardest alongside his sisters to save an injured squirrel that ended up at their doorstep. He’d take care of his parents when either one of them was sick as he grew up. The need to help everyone never simmered, only grew when he joined the Army, boiled over when Christopher was born. Firefighting was the perfect job for Eddie, he got to feed his desire to help those in need and find the camaraderie within his team that he’d been missing since his Army days.
Helping people helps him, so he really can’t stop himself from jumping at the opportunity to take Buck home after he gets his screws out when everyone else’s schedules are too busy. He cares about Buck a lot -- maybe too much and not in the way someone cares about their best friend -- so making sure he’s okay and comfortable after a surgery he knows Buck was scared shitless for, it’s not a big deal for Eddie.
He finds that maybe he’s a little in over his head when Buck greets him with a loopy smile. He’s just a tiny bit in love with Evan Buckley, and having dealt with post-surgery Buck before, Eddie is sure his heart might burst with every zany grin and stage-whispered expression of appreciation.
Buck’s surgeon, who Eddie has met more times than one should have, strolls into the dimly lit recovery room with an amused smile. “Good to see you awake.”
Buck snickers. “You say that every time, Doc. Soon you’re going to have to stop acting surprised that I’m invincible.”
Eddie can’t tell if what Buck just said makes sense, a twenty-four hour shift with very little sleep does things to your common sense, but his doctor seems like he’s heard it before.
His doctor shakes his head, albeit fondly, as if it’s something he expects but can’t believe he’s hearing. “How many times am I going to have to warn you that you’re not invincible before you stop ending up in my OR?” Eddie suspects every time. “Hopefully, there won’t be a next surgery for you Mr. Buckley. The screws are out, everything should be smooth sailing after that, unless you decide to test that invincibility theory.”
Eddie can’t hold back the laugh as Buck’s face displays his disbelief. “I may be stupid, doc, but I’m no idiot.”
His doctor turns to face Eddie as he facepalms. “I wish you all the luck and patience in the world taking care of this one.” He jests.
“You know I’m always gonna need it, Doc.” Eddie grins. “There anything I should watch out for or steer clear of with him?”
“You know, the usual; don’t let him walk without his crutches, make sure he eats before he takes his next dose of pain medicine we’re sending home with him, and keep him off the leg as much as possible. Elevate it, ice it if the pain gets too much, spare some time for your own sanity.”
Buck grumbles. “I’m not that bad, right? Tell him, Eds.”
“My mom taught me to always tell the truth.” Eddie teases but relents when the pout Buck gives goes straight to his heart. “Fine. You’re a joy to be around, Evan Buckley.”
“You heard him, Doc! I’m a joy to be around!”
“Never said you weren’t, Buck, just saying your joy is here more than either of us would like.” He smirks. “Alright, alright, I’m sure Eddie wants to get out of here as much as you do so you’re free to go. Everything looks fine post-surgery and as long as you take correct care, it’ll stay fine. You know to call me if there’s an infection or it takes longer to heal than it should, you know the drill. I will see you in six weeks, Buck. Please not a second sooner?”
Buck sends him a sloppy thumbs up and thanks him, says he can’t promise anything but he’ll try his best and Eddie doesn’t want to think about waiting through another one of his surgeries. He’s fine with the aftercare, but waiting to see if Buck came out of each surgery alive is something similar to hell, he’s sure.
When the doctor leaves, Buck looks Eddie’s way. “Eddddieeeeee, my man, a little help?”
Eddie shakes his head and grabs the bag of Buck’s clothes before going to help Buck sit up on the side of the stretcher he was on.
Buck giggles. “My hospital gown is open in the back so don’t look. My ass isn’t really my best feature.”
Well that’s a straight up lie.
“Aw, Eds, thank you. Your butt’s pretty great too.” Buck grins like the compliment means the world to him. The implied compliment that Eddie definitely did not mean to say aloud.
The only thing that keeps him from hiding himself in embarrassment is that Buck is as high as a kite on his painkillers and most likely won’t remember even leaving the hospital.
He prays the blush doesn’t show on his face as he helps Buck into his basketball shorts. He couldn’t tell you why he gets flustered every time he had to help Buck this way. They were adults, it wasn’t anything domestic, really, just… intimate. He’d help whenever and whatever way Buck needed, because if Eddie Diaz was anything, he wasn’t shy. He was never uncomfortable. Just flustered beyond belief.
Buck falls back onto the stretcher dramatically after he’s got his shorts on, taking Eddie down with him. He’s laughing hysterically as he wraps his arms around Eddie’s body in a side hug.
“Hey, Eddie?” He looks up at him. “You’re strong. Can you carry me to your truck?”
Eddie lets out a surprised laugh. “I don’t think so, buddy. I can ask for a wheelchair?”
Buck snorts. “Being wheeled out is just embarrassing, man,”
“And being carried out isn’t?”
He responds with a whine. “You don’t have to be smart all the time, you know? My bones feel like they’ve been replaced by jelly, you won’t even try?”
Eddie fondly rolls his eyes. “You can lean on me, okay? I don’t have to carry you to not let you fall, Buck, I’ve got you.”
“You’ve got me?”
“Yeah, I’ve got you. Now, up you go.”
By the time Buck is settled in Eddie’s living room, foot elevated under a pillow on the coffee table and more blankets than Buck could ever need by his side, they’re both exhausted. Eddie plops down next to Buck on the couch and doesn’t question it when he leans his head on Eddie’s chest.
Eddie raises an eyebrow when Buck moans. “You alright?”
“I don’t wanna throw up.” He whines. “Make it go away.”
“You’re nauseous?” Eddie asks, already standing to get the trashcan from his bathroom for him but is stopped by Buck. “I’ll be right back, just gonna get you the trashcan just in case.”
Eddie has always hated pain medicine. He hates not having any sense of control of what he’s saying if he’s going to remember it the next day, he hates the nausea that comes with, and he hates that every time, without fail, it makes Buck cry.
His lip is quivering as he looks up at Eddie, and it’s just then that Eddie realizes how actually gone he was for Evan Buckley.
“Don’t leave me.” Eddie probably would have teased him if Buck had been whining but he wasn’t. There was real fear in his voice, like Eddie would leave out the bathroom window or something.
“So you’re not nauseous anymore?” He goes with instead, eyebrow raised and arms crossed. He remembers Buck calling it the dad stance, but if it gets Buck to let go of his shirt so he can grab something to stop him from vomiting on his floor, he’ll use it.
Buck shakes his head, stopping abruptly as he pales.
Eddie snorts. “Don’t lie to me ever again.” He reaches for Buck’s face, cupping his jaw in his hand and rubbing his thumb across his cheek. “Let me at least get you a bowl. You’ll be able to see me better in the kitchen.”
Buck finally lets go of the grip on Eddie’s shirt and turns to watch Eddie walk away. Eddie hates himself for the way he subconsciously walks to maybe impress Buck. Thanks to the painkillers, he knows that Buck thinks his ass is nice, he can feel Buck’s eyes watching the back of him, and Eddie prays that Buck is at least the slightest bit interested in him.
What is he thinking? There’s no way Buck could be interested. They’re best friends, that’s all they are, it doesn’t matter how stupidly and pathetically in love Eddie is.
Buck is half asleep by the time Eddie is back with a bowl that shouldn’t be missed.
The second Eddie sits down next to him and hands Buck the bowl, he holds it to his chest and goddamnit why is this so adorable?
“I doubt you’ll make it through the first minutes of it, let alone an episode, but you down to watch Avatar?”
Buck smiles tiredly, eyes refusing to open. “As long as you’re talking about The Last Airbender and not the creepy movie.”
Eddie chuckles. “You think Avatar is creepy?”
“You don’t?” Buck raises an eyebrow, still not opening his eyes, and gives Eddie a look that says he’s shocked no one else feels the same. “I read somewhere there’s a new one coming out in 2021, like, why?”
Eddie snickers. “I can kind of understand your fear of Child’s Play because it’s supposed to be horror, but c’mon, Avatar? I cried, if I remember correctly.”
Buck gasps. “Child’s Play is horror, thank you very much, and terrifying. End of discussion. Put on The Last Airbender so I can stop thinking about that thing.”
“That thing has a name, Buck. Chucky. He’s your friend ‘til the end.” Eddie teases but opens Netflix on his TV, quickly selecting from his Keep Watching list.
Buck doesn’t say anything after that and Eddie assumes he’s asleep, until Buck mumbles something.
“What was that?”
“Would you stop being my friend if you knew I was in love with you?” Eddie hears him loud and clear this time but he’s stunned at what comes from his best friend, disbelief that he even heard him correctly.
“Come again?”
When Eddie doesn’t get a response, he turns and finds that Buck fell asleep right after he gives him a heart attack.
Fantastic. Fan-fucking-tastic. Though he thinks he heard Buck loud and clear, it can’t be right. He dreamed of Buck reciprocating his feelings many times before, but that’s all Eddie could ever believe it was. Dreams. He hadn’t even known Buck was interested in men, let alone interested in him.
Eddie doesn’t know how long he’s in his head for, but when he notices the sweat glistening on Buck’s forehead, none of it matters. He places the back of his hand on Buck’s forehead, fearing a fever due to an infection or flu, but he doesn’t have a fever.
Then Buck jolts and suddenly Eddie knows what’s going on. It’s not the first time he’s seen Buck in the middle of a nightmare, it’s not his first time dealing with nightmares, either, so he knows what to do.
He distances himself from Buck as far as he can and still is able to shake him. He knows from personal experience to never stay close when waking someone from a nightmare, the black eye he’d accidentally given Buck one night being proof.
“Hey, Buck, you gotta wake up, buddy.” He shakes his shoulder lightly. “It’s just a nightmare, you’re not there.”
When Buck doesn’t wake up after a third try, Eddie tries a different tactic and scoots a little closer, grabbing Buck’s shoulder and shaking heavier than before. “Evan, Evan, wake up!”
Buck jolts awake, Bobby’s name on the tip of his tongue, swallowed by a scream. He can’t catch his breath, Eddie can tell he hasn’t fully grasped that wherever he just was in his nightmare was long gone and that he’s safe so he does everything he can to clear that fog.
He takes Buck’s shaking hand in his own and squeezes. “Hey, Evan, you’re at my place, on my couch, nowhere near any danger. You’re safe, okay?”
He can practically see the fog clear from his mind, taking in his surroundings and squeezes Eddie’s hand in his. “Eddie?”
“Yeah, man, I’m here. Feeling calmer?”
Before Buck can respond, he winces and muffles a scream of pain by biting on his lip. Eddie jumps into action as Buck grabs onto the bottom of his cast tightly, as to squeeze out the agony he was feeling.
Eddie checks the time. “You’re due for your next dose of your painkiller at least.”
But Buck isn’t listening to him. He’s too focused on the pain that Eddie can only now vaguely remember after getting the bullet removed from his shoulder. Before long, Eddie realizes Buck is mumbling something in between choked sobs and muffled screams of agony.
“Evan,” He tries to use his name again in hopes it’ll get him to focus on Eddie and not the pain.
Buck’s face is twisted in pain when he finally looks at Eddie and not for the time, he wishes he could take Buck’s pain away.
“I hate Freddie Costas. I hate him so much.” He sobs freely, still holding his bad leg like it’s a matter of life or death. “Fuck, it hurts.”
Eddie stands. “I’m gonna get your pain pills and an ice pack.”
Buck gulps the pill down with no water and Eddie has to stop himself from finding that oddly one of the most attractive things he’s seen Buck do. He also holds back a cringe, never one for taking pills in any way.
As Eddie unwraps the beginnings of Buck’s cast, Buck starts to calm, his tears slow, his body relaxes against Eddie’s side.
“I’m sorry,” He whispers.
“Don’t be. Trust me when I say I get it.” He looks Buck directly in the eyes. “Never feel sorry about feeling things.”
He doesn’t ask if he wants to talk about it. He knows Buck will talk about it if or when he wanted so it ends up being a useless question.
It’s quiet again after that. The only sounds that could be heard around Eddie’s was their breathing and the air conditioner running. Avatar is paused on the TV and Eddie doesn’t make any move to unpause it.
Then Eddie is in his head again.
If he heard right, why would Buck be into him? He wants more than anything for it to be true, but he couldn’t see how it would be true. But he knows he heard what Buck asked, knows he should be thrilled Buck loves him back, but the doubts eat him up. What if he was just asking in general, not personally? What if he thought he was talking to someone else? Maybe he’s exaggerating his gratefulness for taking care of him and he means it platonically?
It’s killing him not knowing.
Eddie clears his throat. “Hey, uh- earlier you asked- before you fell asleep, do you-”
He’s a stuttering mess, hasn’t stumbled over his words this much since he asked Shannon out in their senior year.
Buck cuts in, putting him out of his misery. “If you’re asking if I remember asking you if you’d still stay my friend if you found out I was in love with you, then yes, I do remember and I’m so sorry.”
Sorry for what? I’m sorry I was just loopy, it was just a question, I’m not actually in love with you?
Buck swallows hard. “Do you hate me?”
Eddie’s eyes widened completely at the question. “Why would I hate you?”
“Because I’m in love with you and continued to be your friend without telling you as such?”
His heart is racing a mile a minute because Evan Buckley loved him back and he’d had no idea the entire time. He shakes his head with a smile and unshed tears burning his eyes. “I would be the biggest hypocrite if I hated you for that.”
It looks as though Buck hadn’t heard right as he shook his head, but he hopes he understands.
“Come again?” Eddie can’t help but snort at how similar Buck and him are sometimes. “Why are you crying? Don’t cry!”
“I’m crying because I love you and I just found out it’s reciprocated, okay? Give me a second here.” He lets out a mix between a laugh and a cry. “Holy shit, you love me!”
Eddie’s mind is reeling. The more the shock wears off, the more joy and excitement he starts to feel.
“You love me!” Buck grins and leans forward, stopping to look Eddie in the eye and ask for permission -- which he eagerly grants -- and soon, what Eddie dreamed of since the Grenade Incident is happening. Their lips touch and Eddie Diaz tries not to be a cliche, but it’s a whole show of fireworks, kissing Buck. More than he could have ever imagined.
It’s an hour later, and they’re laying in Eddie’s bed, bodies pressed up against the other. Eddie hasn’t felt so secure in years, can’t even remember a time when things felt right until then. Lying next to Buck, things feel light for the first time since he doesn’t know how long, and the feeling of security is what lulls Eddie to sleep.
Until Buck starts to sniffle and then Eddie is wide awake again.
“You okay, Buck?”
Buck shakes his head rapidly with a pout. “No, I have to pee.”
He tries to keep in his laughter, he really does, but the shock and amusement outweighs his ability not to laugh at things that aren’t funny to other people.
Buck sniffles once more. “Why are you laughing?”
“Because you’re adorable and I love you.” Eddie’s lips quirk into a soft smile. “Now, c’mon, up you go.”
Buck grumbles. “Love you too.”
When he’s done, Eddie turns back to get his crutches and gets the surprise of a lifetime when Buck reaches out to slap his ass.
“Hey!”
“What? I did tell you you had a nice ass.”
“Oh my God.”
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I am so sorry, I literally have no idea what came over me
Wow Lulu you really said ‘let’s ask this bitch EVERYTHING’. I love it tho lmao. Since it’s long imma put it under the cut tho
4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you?
“A pleasure to have in class, a bit lost in their mind, if they committed and focused more they’d excell but they settle for good grades”
From elementary to high school lol
5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?
I like soda cans
6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?
Somewhere between tomboy and grunge I think
8. Movies or tv shows?
Tv shows
9. Favorite smell in the summer?
Sunscreen and freshly baked bread
11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day?
A cup of milk with some cereal or biscuits. For the past month I’ve been following the keto diet tho, and I usually are some ricotta with peanut butter for breakfast
12. Name of your favorite playlist?
“Sad but vibing” lol
14. Favorite non chocolate candy?
Strawberry lollipops
17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes?
A black vans pair, I bought em in August but the left one already got a hole on the front 😤
18. Ideal weather?
Cloudy but not too windy or cold. I just don’t like the sunlight in my face
20. Preferred place to write?
On my phone’s notes app lol, I’ve got almost two thousand notes in here
23. Strange habits?
I hide stuff in my room with no apparent reason. I’ve got money stashed around my room in four different points lol
26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather?
Given the chance, I like to race with my bike to get some refreshing wind
27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather?
Cozy up in a blanket and watch some tv
28. Five songs to describe you.
Karma— AJR
Ultimately— Khai Dreams
Putting a spin on Slow Dancing in the Dark— egg
Mars— YungBlud
Gotta be a Reason— Alec Benjamin
31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?
Black jeans, black sturdy boots, and a silly little hoodie lmao
32. Top five favorite vines?
‘DONT FUCK WITH ME, IVE GOT THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’
‘Let me see what you have!’ ‘A KNIFE!’ ‘NO!!!’
‘Hey bro, what do you wanna eat?’ (‘The souuuls of my enemies’) ‘A bagel’ (‘NOOO’) ‘..two bagels.’
FR E SH A VOCA DO
‘Two shots of vodka..’ *pours half a bottle of vodka*
35. Average time you fall asleep?
I am terrible at this. I love sleeping but I also love feeling ✨ unbothered ✨ doing whatever I want in the middle of the night. So, never before 3am usually
37. Suitcase or duffel bag?
Suitcase
38. Lemonade or tea?
Tea
40. Weirdest thing to happen at your school?
I dunno how weird it is, but I always found peculiar that there were cigarette butts on the ceiling of the bathrooms. Like, seven feet tall ceilings. How did those cigs get there??
41. Last person you texted?
My best friend to tell her that my sister found a way to let me watch supernatural on American Netflix >:3c
42. Jacket pockets or pant pockets?
Jacket pockets
43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
Hoodie and/or jean jacket
44. Favorite scent for soap?
I dunno. Talcum powder I think
45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?
Superhero
46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in?
Tee and boxers. Sometimes socks too
48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be?
Umh. Clementines maybe. Easy to peel, sweet but also not, sometimes with seeds.. and some people loathe the little white stripes they have and they spend hours peeling those away
49. What saying or quote do you live by?
“Like any / unloved thing, I don’t know if I’m real /when I’m not being touched.” —Natalie Wee
50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have?
My best friends always make me wheeze, it can be the stupidest dumbest thing ever, I’m really fucking easy to amuse lol
51. current stresses?
My driver license my driver license my driver license my driver license my driver license my d
52. Favorite font?
I have no idea. This one? Lol
53. What is the current state of your hands?
Good. I just cut my nails, I really wanna put some nail polish but my dad comes back home tomorrow and he always looks me weird when I put it
55. Favorite fairy tail?
The little mermaid
56. Favorite tradition?
A tradition I have with my friends is that when we celebrate someone’s birthday, we go to the thrift shop and buy them stupid stuff to wear or put on. On my birthday a couple days ago I had to wear playboy bunny ears and a black glittery bow tie lol. Once I bought my best friend a tiny pirate hat, and for another my friend took a boa with pink feathers lol
57. The 3 biggest struggles you’ve overcome?
Mmmh
I’m having a hard time with my parents since I dropped out of uni but I think I’m starting to overcome it finally
When my parents were about to divorce and in was dreading the idea of moving from this city
That time in middle school I spent a couple weeks at the hospital to run a bunch of neurological tests
58. Four talents you’re proud having?
I’m pretty good at multitasking
It’s very difficult to enrage me (yes I consider it a talent)
I can juggle lol
I can read in moving cars/trains etc without getting sick :D
59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?
“What the f—“
61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/ etc?
“Happiness isn't in the having. It's just in the being. It's in just saying it.” Aka Castiel’s love confession (OF COURSE I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING DESTIEL RELATED)
62. Seven characters you relate to?
No specific order:
Dean Winchester
Eric Derekson
Jake Peralta
Doug Eiffel (👀)
Tony Stark
Klaus Hargreeves
Diego Hargreeves
63. Five songs that would play in your club?
Anything from P!ATD
Bang!— AJR
Natural— Imagine Dragons
Anything from Set It Off
Maniac— Conan Gray
64. Favorite website from your childhood?
I didn’t use computers in my childhood lol
66. Favorite flower(s)?
Fresias 💕
67. Good luck charms?
I used to keep in my pocket a little hazelnut my dad gave me once telling me that it was a good luck charm. I took it away tho. I dunno, maybe my rings
68. Worst flavor of any food of drink you’ve ever tried?
I have to admit I never tasted it, but the smell of truffle literally makes me gag, so that
69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?
Apparently your love language is both the one you give AND want love, and also the one you most lacked growing up. So. Mull that over.
70. Left or right handed?
Rightie
71. Least favorite pattern?
Holey ones. Make my sight go double
74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an Advil of ibuprofen?
A seven I guess. I usually try to sleep off anything I have, I hate to take medicines, and loathe to call the doctor lol
75. When did you lose your first tooth?
Around.. six I think?
85. Fairy tails or mythology?
Mythology forever
86. Cookies or cupcakes?
Cookies 🍪
87. Your greatest fear?
That the other shoe will drop and I’ll be alone and lonely
88. Your greatest wish?
To have enough stubbornness to do what I wish to do without getting demoralized so easily
90. Luckiest mistake?
Me and one of my best friends got to know each other through other common friends, and once they both couldn’t come and we ended up spending the day together. We had lots of fun, but we also got drunk and I lost my mcfreaking watch lmao
92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?
Lamps
94. Favorite season?
Winter ❄️
95. Favorite app on your phone?
Tumblr! (And the music one. And the podcasts one. And— jk lol)
#ask thomothy personal stuff!#lulu chaos incarnation#not a doodle#I had to think long and hard for some of these questions
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Top 12 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2000
This was the hardest list to make so far, so yeah, it’s a top twelve because I felt disgusting cutting the last two songs. Oh well. Screw the rules.
I turned 12 that year! I had my own cd player, which was also a radio! I could make tapes and burn cds. I could even BUY cds too if I saved all my money for a couple of months! School wasn’t great, because of some bullies, but I still had some friends. I loved Pokemon and drawing in the park. Life felt good.
Music had never sounded better.
Disclaimers:
Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.
Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.
My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.
I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.
Not gonna lie, this list changed A LOT over the course of this post and I had to rearrange it several times. And then I gave up and changed it into a top 12. Also, this list of honorable mentions could almost make it a top 20 since several of these (half of them, actually) were on the top at some point.
All the small things (Blink 182) - I’m really glad these guys are still around today, to be honest. They always make me smile when I hear their new songs on the radio.
The Riddle (Gigi d’Agostino) - Love it, but it loses some of its appeal without the music video.
Lady (Modjo) - I claim overplay for this cut.
L’Alizé (Alizée) - More on that later.
Move your body (Eiffel 65) - Would have made the list in a more mediocre year, I swear.
Optimistique-moi (Mylène Farmer) - I literally said “self-care” before making this cut. Also the music video is great, it’s an artist trying to escape from some sort of nightmare circus, and a magician helps her. Very underrated music video.
Music (Madonna) - The most painful cut of all. I absolutely loved this song and how weird and disjointed and broken it sounded, and had it on several tapes. And yet there’s no room for it even with a top 12.
And now, the actual list. Warning: it starts with a curveball.
12 - J’pète les plombs (Disiz La Peste)
US: Not on the list / FR: #29
A French rap song about a guy losing his job and being stuck in traffic and subsequently going postal.
Here’s the kicker, though. This guy was rapping for my city, and this music video was filmed mostly in the estate I was living in at the time! That McDonalds at the beginning? It was across the street! That bus stop was in front of high school! Heck, I painted the rocks in that park at the end several times already!
And it became a huge hit!! You have no idea how excited we were in middle school. Everyone knew the lyrics (translation here)! Even if some parts were very rude! We still loved it! We were quoting the entirety of the McDonalds part where the guy wants an egg in his sandwich and is ready to fire a harpoon to get it. “Désolé, il est midi et après midi eh ben l’mac morning c’est fini” was a goddamn meme here.
It would probably have been less funny if the singer didn’t look like a cute nerd, it turns the music video into a hilarious parody. Especially because instead of a gun, he’s menacing people with a harpoon, a giant wooden hammer and a water pistol.
Legends only.
11 - One More Time (Daft Punk)
US: Not on the list / FR: #30
Around the World was a repetitive song, and while I kinda liked it, I didn’t quite get the hype around it at the time. But One More Time is a huge party, and everybody is invited, and all the drama stays at the door, and everyone just has a great time. And it has one of the most fitting music videos ever.
It’s a monster of a song, and even if it’s still a bit too repetitive to be listened to on a loop, it was a delight everytime it was on the radio. And it still is! Godspeed, Daft Punk.
10 - Innamoramento (Mylène Farmer)
US: Not on the list / FR: #91
I really, really tried to keep her off the list. And I failed. Innamoramento, the album, is one of my favorite albums of one of my favorite French artists ever and I’m weak, and out of the five (five) singles out of that album, I only managed to leave two out of my top 10 lists.
This sounds absolutely fantastic. There’s no way I could kick it off the list, even to make room for a guy who was rapping for my estate. And not even for goddamn Daft Punk.
Kill me now.
9 - Absolutely (Nine Days)
US: #35 / FR: Not on the list
I discovered this song in 2008 through a Silent Hill 3 AMV about Heather. Yeppppp. It’s here, and it’s still great 11 years later, and I love it, and this song was so good I put it on my playlist immediately and it stayed on it for several years.
The lyrics never really deliver their promise of telling a “story”, but it’s still a fantastic, bouncy, uplifting song, and it made my world better, and I have to thank that ephemeral band for that.
And I especially loved the very brief pause before the last “girl” in the song. Very relatable.
8 - J’en rêve encore (De Palmas)
US: Not on the list / FR: #27
Listen. I have no idea what’s up with these specific chords, but they are the sound of a weird mix of nostalgia, anger and above all, discomfort. No other song has the exact colors this one has and no other broadcasts this very specific mixed feeling.
Too bad the lyrics are yet another breakup song, or more specifically a post-breakup song (even if the lyrics are very, very good ; I just checked who wrote them and it’s Jean-Jacques Goldman. I had no idea but now, I can definitely hear it), because the music is really something else. At least to me. Is anyone else hearing this?
7 - The Real Slim Shady (Eminem)
US: #51 / FR: #28
Wow. Would you look at that. The ex angsty angry teenager loved Eminem. What a surprise, uh.
To be honest, I already genuinely liked this song as a kid even if I could only understand a few isolated parts and words, and the fact that this guy was pissed off and clearly being offensive, possibly towards everyone, was enough.
Now that I can understand the lyrics entirely, I obviously don’t endorse all of them (like the very backhanded argument for gay marriage. Jesus), but I can’t help it, this song still kicks ass. It would be dishonest to leave it out of the list. I loved it so much at the time. And I still enjoy it a lot.
6 - Natural Blues (Moby)
US: Not on the list. Not on any US year-end list actually. I thought it was big everywhere but no. What happened. / FR: #49
There’s overplay, and then there’s “I keep hearing this song everywhere and yet I can never get enough of it, and I will sing it at school, and I will put it on tapes, and I will listen to it even when it’s not on the radio.”
If you asked me what the year 2000 sounded like, it sounded like Natural Blues. I genuinely can’t believe it’s not on the US year-end chart.
5 - Around the World (ATC)
US: Not on the list / FR: #48
This has no right being this catchy without ever, ever becoming annoying. What kind of evil pact did you make to get this result. How.
4 - Jeune et Con (Saez)
US: Not on the list / FR: #70
The title is “Young and Stupid”. It’s an extremely angry song against the establishment. Didn’t pay a lot of attention to it when it came out because well, I was 12, but I would drink up this kind of angry, angsty song only three/four years later. It has aged like fine wine too and feels like the ultimate ‘Ok Boomer’ song ; here’s a translation. It is brutal. You’re welcome.
If I had better taste this would be above the next two songs.
3 - Daddy DJ (Daddy DJ)
US: Not on the list / FR: #5
As I said in the intro, I started to BUY music that year. I could pick what I wanted to own, as long as my parents thought the cds were appropriate.
So I went to the nearest record store. It was called “Madison” and had a chrome aesthetic, with neons and fluorescent 90s shit everywhere, and banners with band names on it, and somewhat menacing posters (the Iron Maiden ones looked scary). It was very intimidating.
And so, 12 years old Johannes, under dad’s supervision, picked the cd they wanted above all the other cds in the shop knowing THAT one wouldn’t make anyone angry at home, went towards the desk, slapped a lot of coins on it, and bought this, trying to look as fierce and determined a 12 y.o can, which isn’t much.
It still slaps nearly twenty years later and I don’t regret a single thing. That’s all I have to say about Daddy DJ by Daddy DJ.
So I was making this list, feeling pretty good about putting Mylène Farmer so low on it, and I was like oh wow, I genuinely love all these other songs more than the two she released that year! This feels great. This is healing. This is progress. It also means the most controversial things on the list are a nerd threatening people with a water pistol and Eminem spouting his usual bullshit empty provocations. No big deal. It’s okay! Moving on.
What was the French #1 for that year, by the way? I can’t rememb-
OH SHIT OH F█CK
OH NO
2 - Moi Lolita (Alizée)
US: Not on the list / FR: #1
Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.
Mylène Farmer wrote this for Alizée. Screw the entire universe. I want her off my lists but I can’t because I need to make them honestly.
“I’m not a sucker, I never bought the album AND I never bought these singles in a SHOP, I got them in a garage sale the next year for less that a quarter of the price”, says the person who is, in fact, clearly and definitely a sucker.
How can a song be so horribly catchy and horribly controversial at the same time. HOW. It’s unfair. For some context about how controversial this is if you’re an English speaker, this is what would happen if Bad Guy by Billie Eilish was the catchiest shit in the world. This was almost #1 on my list before I noticed my actual #1 song made it pretty high on the French year-end list despite being mysteriously absent from the US one.
Also I’m glad the music video provides a mostly harmless context: this girl is supposed to babysit her little sister, but she went dancing in a club. And the little sister is looking after her instead. I’m saying “mostly” harmless because there’s that creepy guy who keeps watching her, as if the story was saying “you should not do this and you are putting yourself in danger and this will end horribly”. Which is a sentiment I can definitely get behind, and at the time, I was already highly skeptical about the message this song was sending even if I loved it. I’m just judging that through the comments I was writing next to it on my “favorite songs” lists (”leave your little sister out of this, Alizée”):
Bonus: most relatable comment on the video by a mile.
Same, my dude.
This is why the first album I bought was Daddy DJ and not that one or, uh, the next one.
1 - Stan (Eminem)
US: Not on the list either?? What happened. Why / FR: #18
This song actually created a new English verb. Think about that for a second.
Also, until the end of my life, I will wonder why people suddenly decided, a couple of years ago, than “to stan” now meant “admiring a lot and being a huge fan of” instead of “being a creepy obsessed stalker and possibly dangerous”.
Anyhow.
I couldn’t understand one tenth of the lyrics at the time this was a hit, but I still sneakily put it on my tapes. I knew my parents disapproved. Oh, I liked it. I loved it. I adored it.
I was also terrified of it.
One of the only lines I clearly understood with my limited English was the “I’m your biggest fan” line, and how increasingly dangerous the guy sounded, and that Eminem was trying to answer him at the end but it was too late and he had already done some horrible shit.
This is a horror story in song form, it stays with you long after it’s over every time you listen to it, and it’s a rare and precious thing.
I’m still genuinely terrified after all these years, though.
Next up: another mix of embarrassing shit and valid stuff
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Set in a fantasy world of the semi socialist society Fey Alliance with magic, dick head dragon riders, benevolent necromancer, and even bigger dick head gods of mischief. The Zealous Servant is the story about a guy named Spayar who, basically, has to keep his crown prince of a bff from being murdered by his entire family by murdering them first. Honestly though Spayar just wants to take a nap and find a cute boy to kiss and not have to worry about his corpse potentially being dragged through the street after a war. Better win that shit then.
I will only ping this particular list once and if you want to be pinged for future posts a like or reblog will get you on the next pinglist. Reblogs (especially with a dumb comment but not required) are way more appreciated as it allows other people to see the work.
@colorfulcollectordragon-2f8ee55c @crsedore @deadpool-scar-bro @golden-lionsnake @i-do-stuff-sometimes-notreally @barkingjester @journey-taken-fr @lynxstorm27 @starry-ampelope
You get to meet Tassa in this chapter. She’s uh, the best. The only person more of a Judgmental Gay than Spayar is Tassa.
3. City by the Sea
There was a messenger at the door. They were dressed in the pale blue of the messenger's guild, their tunic proudly bearing the golden insignia in the top left of his chest. It was gods’ balls early and Spayar had heard their light knocking through the window even up a story. His room wasn’t even above the door, Calli’s was, but Calli didn’t wake up for anything. So there was Spayar in barely his night clothes, half awake, at the door and this damn messenger was so chipper and awake. Spayar didn’t know them, but he hated them. “I have a message for Spayar Hillsman junior," they said.
"That's me," he said tiredly and rubbed the side of his face. Why was he alive this early? It hadn’t been fun while serving time and it wasn’t fun now.
"Royal message for you," and they reached into their satchel and pulled out a roll of paper.
Spayar groaned, “Why Von?” he grumbled. The messenger didn't move to go, "You want something?" he asked once he’d taken it.
"Tip?" he asked hopefully.
Spayar almost didn’t give him a tip, for waking him so early. But he wasn’t that much of a dick, this poor guy was just trying to make a living. "Just a tick,” he said.
"Sure," they grinned and Spayar went and found a bronze atrin that he handed to the messenger who smiled brightly, thanked Spayar for his time and left.
Spayar didn't open the message until he was back in his room and laying in bed again. He was going to look at it then go back to sleep. He rubbed his eyes and unrolled the message.
'Spayar, we're going to Peonia. Be at the Westerlance outside the Mire by the eighth bell. No belly aching. I'll buy you a pretty boy when we get there. V'
“Densinn’s tongue…” Spayar got out of bed to look out the window to the big clock tower, the Taldradin, in the Bellringer district that most of the city used to tell their time. It was half past the seventh bell. "Damn that man!" he yelled and rapidly got dressed, splashing his face with some cold water and started to rapidly get everything together, running back and forth from the bathroom and trying not to be too loud.
"Spayar, everything all right?" his mother poked her head out of her room from down the hall as Spayar left his own, fully dressed, his saddle bags already packed and over his shoulder.
"The prince is going to Peonia and dragging me along. I'll be back in a few weeks I'm sure," he didn't sound happy about it. Relora frowned, she'd been expecting more than a week with her son. But when a crown prince was your best friend you did what he said.
"Have fun," she said as he came even with her bedroom door just next to the stairs.
“I’ll try,” he groaned and went down the stairs. He walked across the house to the front door and left through the side yard to where his horse was waiting for him. She didn’t look happy to see him when he opened the stable door and started to put her tack on.
“I know. I know, girl,” he said patting her neck, she just gave a snort and shook her head a bit. “It’s Von okay? Blame him,” and she snorted as if to say, yes, of course she would blame Von for this. He finished saddling her quickly and he started down the street on her back he looked at the Taldradin. As he did the bells started to ring across the city, the eighth bell. He cursed under his breath the entire way down river after kicking her into a swift canter. He didn’t even have a chance to really take in the Mire and the destruction that had befallen it by the spring and early summer flooding.
Von was waiting for him on the road which was starting to get busy leaning forward on his horse, a big, long haired, roan stallion. "There you are, what took you?" Von asked once he saw Spayar.
"Well maybe if you weren't so stupid as to give me half a bell of notice I would have gotten here sooner," Spayar snapped, still in a rotten mood from getting woken up so early. Normally he'd hold himself back from snapping at Von in public but he was tired and pissed.
Von didn't even seem to notice, or care really, "When I say the eighth bell, I mean the eighth bell, Spayar. Not half past it."
He just groaned in frustration, "Whatever, your royal pain in my ass. Are we going to Peonia or not?"
That brightened Von's mood considerably, "Yes, we are. Lets go, before my keepers realize I'm gone."
"Does anyone know you're leaving?"
"Nope," Von grinned deviously.
Spayar sighed and nudged his horse to follow Von as they turned down the Westerlance that led out of Assarus. There were four cardinal roads in the Alliance that came out of the norther capital like the spokes on a wheel. The Westerlance ran all the way from Assarus to the coast of the Shard, also called the gut, in a nearly straight line. Only the Southernlance was at all crooked and snaked it’s way down the Meltong from Assarus to Surassa and down to the Kas’ca. Spayar had never properly divined why it went all the way down to the Kas’ca but road building wasn’t really a thing taught in school or by any of his tutors. It would take them four days by the road to reach Peonia nestled against the coast.
"What are we going to do in Peonia?"
"It's just a detour," Von said, "I want to buy something there and then we're going north to Nedrag."
Spayar blinked and prodded his mare up to keep pace with Von's stallion. You didn't just go to Nedrag. For starters there wasn't anything in Nedrag. It was a tiny city set between some cliffs and had no real political or economic importance. It was a city that existed and did some trade with other ports on both sides of the sea but exported little. Nedrag was a city you didn't visit for fun or a holiday either because there was nothing there, it was a fishing city, industrial.
Well, there was one reason you went to Nedrag. Next to the city, separated by only a single wall, was the Rose Garden, an area surrounded by a black wall and buffered against cliffs. The Rose Garden was home to the Rosalia, the governing family of Nedalia, and almost more importantly than that it was the one place on Priman'osta you could go to receive proper training to become a necromancer, a priestess of the death god, Lemp.
Meaning they weren’t going to Nedrag at all.
"You're going to see the new High Priestess?" few had yet to approach her. She was older than them by almost ten years but her mother had just died less than four months ago. He knew because four months ago the priestesses who served in the Arm with him had returned to the Garden for the funeral. The Garden had been mostly sealed since then, or so the priestesses said. But you didn't say no to a crown prince when he came to visit. At least Von hoped so.
"Indeed I am," Von said chipperly. "I heard her daughter's naming day is coming up. I also want to give my personal congratulations and empathy for her mother's passing," he had a pensive look on his face for a moment. "It isn't easy to lose a parent. Right?" he looked at Spayar for agreement. The fact that Von even asked would have been odd coming from anyone else. But because it was Von, he didn’t think twice that of course Von wouldn’t care if his parents died. He was plotting to kill them.
"It isn't," Spayar said. "It isn't a social visit though is it?"
"Oh gods no," Spayar said as they entered one of the main avenues and could put their horses into a quick trot. "Like I would go to the Garden for fun," he made a face, "That's why we're going to Peonia first," he smiled and Spayar just sighed and dropped back to create a single file with the stallion. Sometimes being the best friend of a prince was more trouble than it was truly worth.
—
Compared to their real destination Peonia was an epicenter. The largest and most important port along the coast of the Shard it was one of the most powerful cities in the entire Alliance.
Trade from all across Priman'osta flowed freely through Peonia, even from the Federation. The city was decadence given form and in the wealthy districts, closest to the Keep, everything seemed gilt or rimmed in jewels. In the main avenues of the Golden Peony district, the roads were made of gleaming white stone and the shops were all clean, the bouncers that stood outside nearly every one of them were well dressed and groomed. The traffic moved in an orderly fashion in Peonia unlike in even Assarus where things could get jumbled. Here the police enforced strict traffic rules, especially in the Golden Peony. There were so many people in Peonia, from so many different countries or cities that allowing everyone to do it the way they wanted would have just resulted in chaos.
"You see one you like yet?" Spayar asked Von as they led their horses down the avenue, staying with the flow of traffic. They were looking for a place to spend a few nights before continuing north to Nedrag.
"It isn't dark out, so I can't tell," Von said and Spayar groaned. Along with being an important trade hub on the Shard Peonia was also known as the pleasure city where you could satisfy any vice and just about any sin. Most of the most popular places in Peonia were the brothels, all of them filled with beautiful men and women. It was said the province of Aldash bred even their low commoners beautiful, that there was something in the air that made the people here pretty. Spayar was sure that wasn’t true but he’d yet to meet an ugly Aldashi. Maybe they were just hidden away.
"Von, we're here for an inn, not a bang,” he reminded the prince.
"Same thing," Von flapped his hand at Spayar, "and besides I said I'd buy you a pretty boy. So don't look so glum."
Spayar rolled his eyes, "I am quite capable of finding someone myself," he said.
"I know but I'll pay for it."
"Von you idi-
"Oh, that place," Von pointed to probably the most expensive inn in the Golden Peony. It was a four story building made of soft, pale, wood and creamy stucco walls. The roof was pitched steep and the overhang extended further down than was needed, which kept with the style of Peonia. Large flower baskets hung from the ends of the eaves and the doorman was dressed immaculately with a sapphire leopard lying by his side boredly. They'd paid a wizard to enchant a sign to glow even in the daylight, the large letters announcing it as the Swan Song Inn and Brothel.
Oh, lovely.
"You just had to pick the most famous one in the city didn't you?" Spayar sighed.
The Swan Song was said to have been the first brothel in Peonia, or at least where the Peony family had come from. You couldn't get a clear story about how the Peony had risen to power, the only thing all the stories agreed on was that the first Lady Peony had led an open rebellion against the old King Gerrin with an army of whores and bodyguards during the mid thirteenth century. Gerrin had been killed and she'd installed herself in his place. This was before the country of Aldash had become part of the Alliance in the early sixteen hundreds. But like most small nations here in the south they'd been happy to submit to the Asuras when they came knocking. It was that or fight and end up consumed anyway, or worse, burned to the ground like old Ballentine. Peony had become a major house after they’d bent at knee.
"It's the Swan Song, Spayar, of course we're going to stay there," Von said and they cut across the road to the brothel. A holster came to get their horses. "You get us a room, I'll see to the horses."
"And try to keep your hands to yourself, at least until we get situated," Spayar sighed as Von went with the holster to stable their horses. Spayar walked up to the door, the leopard growled at him a little but the doorman opened the door for him with a nod. Inside the Swan Song was like what it would look like inside a jewel. A grand staircase led up to the second floor where you could rent rooms or flesh and on the first floor was a place to sit, eat, or smoke with couches where women and men lounged, some fully dressed, some half naked.
Spayar ignored them and walked up to the second floor and the reception desk, "Hello sir," the man behind the desk was probably the ugliest man in the building but was still attractive. His skin was dark, common amid those who lived along the gut, the subtropical coast of the eastern Shard, and he wore many golden earrings on his ears and two on either side of his bottom lip. "Have you seen our girls-
"Not here for girls," Spayar said.
"Oh, well we have-
Spayar just sighed, cutting him off. "I just need two rooms. We’re here for the inn, not the entertainment I’m afraid,” Spayar said, "they should have a connecting door.”
"Oh, I see," he looked down at his ledger book.
"I want the best rooms you have."
The man looked him up and down, "Are you sure, sir? Or best rooms are very expensive."
"Yes," because of course Spayar looked like he couldn't afford them, dressed as he was in his riding gear and covered in dirt.
The man sucked one of the rings on his bottom lip, "Of course," he said and made a note in his ledger. He turned around to a wall full of small cubby holes for the keys and picked out two. As he did someone came up behind them, Spayar turned to find Von, with a porter holding their bags. "Can I help you, sir?" the pierced man asked.
"I'm with him," Von pointed at Spayar, "Get our rooms?"
"Yes, I got the rooms," Spayar said.
"They're going to the royal suits," the pierced man told the porter and handed him the keys.
"Why are you so boiled?” Von said as they followed the porter up the stairs to their rooms.
"Because you picked the Swan Song to stay while we're here."
"It's a nice place," Von said.
"I'm going to have to force you away from this place. Don't forget what we're doing here."
Von waved him away, "Don't you worry Spayar, I know well why we're here."
"Then act like it," Spayar scowled at him.
"Here you are, sirs," the porter said, they were on the third floor. He unlocked the doors for them and put their bags down inside each of the rooms. Von put a silver atrin into his hand as a tip and the porter left.
Von closed his door and followed Spayar into his, "Would you just try to relax a little?" he asked.
"I'm sorry I have trouble relaxing when we're on a trip to plan treason," Spayar hissed at him. "Don't forget that's what this is Von; this is treason."
Von frowned at him, "I know what it is Spayar. But I have to," Spayar looked away from him, because he was right. Von had four siblings older than him, and three younger. His mother had given her children plenty of reasons to be wary of in the form of their siblings. It spurred Von to do everything he did, including this plot to overthrow his mother before his older siblings did. If he didn't do it before them he'd die. Von didn't want to die. Spayar didn't want him to die either. They both knew he needed to do this since only an idiot didn't see how much his two eldest siblings craved his mother's throne. Especially now that Teldin was around, making a mess of things by imposing his presence on everyone and making his younger siblings nervous. Von almost didn't even want to be Asuras; he just didn't want to die.
"If you get the Rosalia you'll have a powerful ally," Spayar said and sat in one of the chairs in the room. He wanted to wash and change his clothes but he wouldn't while Von was here.
"It's a calculated risk. I could gain her favor-
"Or piss her off while she's mourning the loss of her mother."
“I know,” Von frowned. "I also want to try for the Drake, maybe.”
"Drake and Rosalia at the same time? You are certainly ambitious," Spayar said, "what would offer Lord Jollen to work with not just you, but the Rosalia?"
"I don't know yet."
Spayar drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair, "Well, you better figure it out."
"Can we try to enjoy ourselves while we're here at least?" Von asked and brushed his fingers across the top of Spayar's had. Spayar shivered and did his best to not let it show. Von smiled at him a bit as Spayar looked up at him, still moody.
Finally he sighed, "Okay."
"Excellent, now excuse me I need to wash. I saw there was a new show playing at the theater down the street. I’m sure someone would be happy to accompany me,” and he made for the door. "You find someone you like too-
"Bye Von!" Spayar yelled after him and Von laughed as he darted out of the door to his own room. Spayar groaned and rubbed his head. He was a masochist, it was the only explanation for why it was he did what he did and why he continued to torment himself. Maybe he should find someone to enjoy while he was here, some blond white boy with blue eyes would probably help. At the very least it’d be a start.
���
The streets of the Golden Peony were rather crowded as it got later. Spayar, Von, and a whore he’d bought from the Swan Song were on their way to a well known theater to watch one of the new plays showing. "So me and my friend are going to a party," Von was telling the pretty thing hanging off his arm as the three of them walked down the sidewalk.
"Really?" she asked, "Do I get to come?" she batted her eyes at him.
"I'm afraid not. I don't think your company would be welcome.”
"Nonsense, I make any party better," she claimed.
"It's for a three year old's naming day," Von said.
"Oh," she made a slight face and Spayar laughed.
"I don't think they're mother would appreciate me bringing you along," Von apologized. "But, perhaps you can help.”
"Anything," she said sweetly, holding onto Von’s arm with both hands.
"I have no idea what to get a little girl for her naming day," and the whore laughed. "Would you be able to help me with that?"
"I think I can do that, my lord," she said and leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. Von, if anything, looked sort of awkward and blushed, looking away. Spayar just frowned but resisted the urge to pull her off him. Von could do what he wanted.
"You didn’t find anything interesting Spayar?" Von asked him.
"Von," Spayar said, "I know you mean well, but really knock it off," he gave his friend a look.
"Is something wrong?" she asked, Spayar couldn't remember her name, it was Jasmine, or Camellia, or Lily or some flower name like the Aldashi liked to give themselves.
"My friend is being a stick in the mud," Von said as they arrived at the theater and got in line. Normally Von would just announce himself as a Le'Acard and not only would they be seen in that moment but they'd also get the best seats in the house. But Von didn't want others, especially Aklin, to know he was here. So they waited in line. "Can't seem to enjoy himself in Peonia."
"Oh my, that's terrible," she said, "Well I have some friends who might be able to help him with that," and Spayar just gave her an unamused look. It’s take more than a whore to make him flustered.
"See Spayar," Von grinned at him.
"I doubt it," Spayar said.
"Is that a challenge?" she asked him as they moved up in the short line.
"Spayar has a very acquired taste," Von said, "he isn't so keen on the fairer sex."
Her eyes changed instantly, she almost seemed disappointed, "The best looking ones always do," she sighed.
Von paused, looked between them and then said to Spayar, "I think she just called me ugly."
Spayar laughed, "I think she did," he agreed.
"Ah, no, never," she was quick to assure Von. "It's just we don't get many of his kind around here. Dirinnans aren't the most common sort even in Peonia and I know all manner of girls who'd love to get their hands on his dark skin," and this time Spayar wasn't the only one who flushed. The tips of Von's pointed ears turned pink. "I think I could find someone you'd like though," she promised with a sweet grin.
"I think that would be an excellent idea Mari," Von said. Of course; Marigold, how had Spayar forgotten that? Right, because he didn’t care. They they were at the kiosk, "Three balcony tickets," Von said and pulled out his purse. It was five and a half silver which Von handed over without looking and was given their tickets. "Should we get something to eat while we watch the play?" he asked Mari.
"Yes," Mari said.
"Spayar," he handed Spayar his purse, which was actually rather light, he'd left most of his money back at the Swan Song, "go get us something. And try to have a good time," he winked at him and led Mari to an usher who looked at their tickets and led them away. Spayar frowned after them a moment before going to find a concession.
One day he was going to be rewarded for all this errand running and mess cleaning. It seemed like the moment he'd met Von he'd become the man's keeper. When his tutor couldn't find Von for lessons they'd go find Spayar and even if Spayar didn't know where he was he was expected to locate the prince. He'd been picking up after Von for nearly ten years, sure he also helped make the mess most of the time but that didn't mean he always enjoyed the aftermath of it. One day he wouldn't serve a prince, but the Asuras and his advisors would be the one cleaning up Von's messes, that or Von wouldn't make so many damn messes.
A pretty girl took his order at the counter, they'd bring their food once it was ready, straight to their balcony. It was a service only offered to those who had one you had to prove with your ticket. He was paying when he felt someone looking at him. He paid he looked to find who was watching him.
He stared in complete confusion. What in the world? He stepped out of line and rubbed the middle of his forehead to clear his third eye because he was sure he was seeing things. But the woman was still there and she seemed just as surprised to see him. He went over to her.
“Tassa?” he asked, unable to believe she was here. Peonia was the last place he’d ever expect to see Tassa.
“Oh, my gods,” Tassa said, her eyes wide, “I didn’t think it was you,” and she hugged him. He hugged her back tightly. He hadn’t seen Tassa since he’d gone to serve time. Spayar had only a handful of ‘old’ friends, but she was by far the one he’d had the longest. They’d both gone to the same public magic school as children in Uptown. There Spayar, completely by accident, had made friends with the daughter Peony court representative during a mandatory magic class all gifted children had to take, so they didn’t end up blowing themselves or someone else up by accident. She wasn’t much of a court flower though and preferred to act like she wasn’t even related to a governing family at all. “It feels like forever,” she said, still hugging him.
“Yeah,” Spayar said and they parted. Tassa was, to be described in a single word; magnificent. She was probably the most beautiful woman Spayar knew, if only because he’d never seen more fools trip over themselves to win her favor with large eyes, elegant eyebrows, full, pouting mouth, small nose, wide hips, narrow waist and perfectly proportioned like Anceion had taken special attention to her vessel. Her long black hair was done up in ringlets and several expensive hair clips made of jewels and gold held it back out her perfectly shaped face accented delicatly with a golden lip ring on her lower lip. Her dress was extravagant and form fitting, leaving not a single curve to the imagination, and was a scathing blue color that matched her eyes and was almost hard to look at.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, still holding his arm.
“I’m here with Vondugard, we’re just… Visiting,” he said.
“I see,” she said, not believing him for even a moment.
“And what are you doing here?” Spayar asked. Tassa was a Peony, but not part of the main noble house. He knew Tassa hated Peonia and preferred Assarus where here father had raised her.
She sighed laboriously, “I’m visiting my cousin,” she admitted quietly. “He asked me to come to the opening of his new play he produced a month ago and well, I did. I’ve been here ever since.”
“You sound thrilled,” Spayar said dryly.
“He’s so incredibly boring Spayar,” she complained. “I think he’s trying to get me to marry his son,” she rolled her eyes. “He’s a Tann,” she said like that explained everything. To an Aldashi like Tassa is did as their familial hierarchy was strict. Tassa’s father was an Ito, third rank, Tann was sixth rank, the bottom of the familial pyramid. It meant Tassa and her cousin were removed from each other by blood at least three times. Not ideal but legal either way.
Spayar winced in sympathy, “Is his son at least bangable?” he asked.
“Not even,” she groused, “he hasn’t even served his time. He’s a boy. Oh, there they are,” and she forced a smile and waved over Spayar’s shoulder. Spayar turned around and saw an older man standing with a young man, waiting for her. The older man waved back. Spayar grimaced, her cousin seemed far too large for his clothes and his son hadn’t yet grown into his strangely large nose. Neither of them were ugly exactly but he could see why Tassa was upset. “Save me,” she said desperately, grabbing his arm tightly.
“I don’t know what you expect me to do about it?”
“Can’t I watch the play with you?” she asked, grabbing onto the front of his shirt. “Please?” she gave him her cutest pout.
“I thought we’ve been over this that I’m not at all impressed by your girlish charms,” he said dully.
“Don’t be annoying, Spay,” she said.
“Alright, you can see it with me,” he said, she smiled at him. “What about your cousin?”
“What about him?” she asked and he was about to clarify when she put her hand over his mouth and stage kissed him. A long stage kiss. He groaned in annoyance but at the very least played along, putting his arm around her waist. Then she let him go and ignored his annoyed look. “Just show me to your seats,” she said, putting her hand on his arm and lifting up the long train of her dress so the delicate fabric didn’t drag along the carpet.
“Won’t your cousin be mad?” he asked as he started to walk away.
“I’ve been here a month, he knows my patience is wearing thin. As it is I’ve already brought men home with me a few nights, and some of them came with the help of some coin. Hopefully now he’ll send me home.”
“One can only hope,” Spayar said dryly. “But was that necessary?”
“I wanted him to see I’m interested in men and not little boys,” she leaned against him a bit, “You’re the best man I know.” And he frowned a bit. That should have made him feel good about himself, but it didn’t in the slightest. It just made him feel like a jerk honestly.
They found an usher who directed them to the balcony their tickets were for. When they tried to send Tassa away she just told him who she was and he not only apologized, he bowed and said he hoped she enjoyed the play.
They climbed the stairs to the top floor and their conversation stopped when they saw someone crouched, eye against a door he realized was the balcony Von and Marigold were in. They wore the clothes of a middle class Aldashi, and didn’t look like they belonged and had no piercings on their ears other than a single one and a lip ring.
Spayar went over to them ad grabbed them by the back of the neck, making them stand. The man yelped in surprise and still holding their neck made them look at him, "What do you think you're doing?" Spayar asked with a mean smile.
"Uh..." Spayar recognized them. Not personally perhaps, but he knew who this man was.
He shook them roughly. "You tell the spymaster His Highness Vondugard is enjoying a trip uninterrupted to Peonia. If I find any of his men skulking around him while we're here I'll take their tongues like Anceion and have them kicked out of Peonia. You can tell him Hillsman told you. He’ll know I’m good for it,” he sneered. He probably wouldn’t but they didn’t need to know that. Tongue cutting was such an annoying practice, every interrogator and torturer said so. It made who they worked on useless. Especially if they were Fed or from some other country since unlike in the Alliance they didn’t tend to make sure everyone was educated enough to know how to read or write anything they weren’t supposed to.
“Y-Yes my lord!” they cried, terrified. Spayar tossed the man towards the stairs. They scrambled to their feet and nearly ran down the stairs. He saw Tassa make a subtle hand motion and whisper the words of a spell. They both heard the man lose his footing half way down the stairs and cry out as he crashed down the rest of the flight.
“That wasn’t necessary,” he told her.
“Spies and thieves don’t really get along well,” was her only excuse. “Vondugard and his flower are in there?”
Spayar just nodded and opened the door, he was surprised something more wasn’t happening with the way Marigold had been holding onto Von like he was a golden leopard. But they were just talking. From the slump of Marigold’s shoulders she looked bored and that made Spayar smile a bit. Spayar closed the door loudly and Von turned around in his seat. "There you are," Von said. Then his eyes drifted over to Tassa and they widened slightly. “Tassa,” he said, mouth open a bit.
“Your Highness,” she said and bowed, but she did it in the same way that Spayar did it where she did it to annoy him. But coming from Tassa it was far more elegant and less sarcastic.
"Food will be along in a bit," Spayar said and sat down on Von's other side.
“Who are you?” Marigold asked, practically glaring at Tassa. Spayar didn’t blame her for feeling threatened. Next to Tassa Marigold looked like a girl done up in woman’s makeup, applied too thick to hide the fact that she might not have been as pretty underneath.
“Tassa Ito-Hau-Peony, flower,” Tassa said with all the regality of her status and elegantly sat on Spayar’s other side, pulling the skirt of her dress up just so. Marigold positively wilted. “It’s such a pleasure to see you again Vondugard,” and it was like Marigold wasn’t even there. Von could only look at Tassa. Sometimes Spayar really did have to wonder about the allure women had on straight men. He never acted like this around handsome men. At least he was pretty sure he didn’t.
“Indeed,” Von said and swallowed, closing his mouth but still staring openly.
“Oh, the play’s starting,” Marigold said, drawing Von’s attention away from Tassa’s perfection towards the stage below. Spayar leaned over the banister to look down before leaning back again as the first few actors came out. Spayar wasn’t really watching. He was thinking about Aklin’s man. If he was here that was bad for all of them. Aklin and thus the Asuras would know Von was here within the day, if not a few bells depending if how quickly that spy could get to a post office and if it was even still open.
Intermission happened and the food was finally brought. They got up from their chairs at the front of the balcony to eat at a small table at the back of it. As they ate Spayar leaned over to Von to speak softly, "One of Aklin's men was outside your room.”
"They were? Damn," Von muttered.
"I handled it. But it'd be a good idea if we left tonight, or early tomorrow."
Von frowned, "We just got here," he whined.
"Yes. But my threat won't outweigh Aklin's orders to keep an eye on you for very long. This one was clumsy, the next one won't be."
Von sighed, "You're right-
"As usual."
"Only some of the time," Von said. "We'll leave tomorrow. I want to at least have some time here."
"Okay," he let Von go back to his meal, "we can always come back," he added, his voice level normal now, "after the party."
"Ah! An excellent idea Spayar," Von said, "Seems you can have some fun."
"Everything all right my lord?" Marigold asked Von.
"Nothing you need to worry your pretty head over," Von said and patted her thigh. Spayar just sighed softly.
They finished their dinner and watched the rest of the play, Spayar paying a bit more attention to it than before but was lost anyway because he’d zoned out during the first half. He could tell it was about some Aldashi legend involving a man with a bird’s head and something that looked like a strider but wasn’t fighting over the love of a woman. Or something, he was lost. He was just glad when it was finally over.
The four of them got up and left the balcony room, as they did Tassa put herself between Marigold and Von, putting her hand through Von’s arm. Spayar tried really hard not to laugh since Marigold immediately soured and Von looked beside himself.
“So what are we doing now?” Tassa asked when they left the theater. It was dark out and the street was lined and lit by alchemic lamp poles at regular intervals down either side of the sidewalk.
“We were going to buy a gift for a little girl’s naming day,” Spayar said.
“Oh, that sounds fun,” Tassa said.
“You weren’t invited whore,” Mari said in the same way regular Feylon did and not the way usual Aldashi would use the word. It was the only Aldrese word Spayar knew because Tassa had gotten fed up one day while listening to people from Assarus talk about prostitutes. He’d gotten the entire etymology lesson about the Aldashi word whore, which basically just meant an entertainer, some who did perform sexual acts, some who didn’t.
Tassa turned to Marigold, a placating smile on her face. It was similar to the one Spayar had seen on Sinco’s face as he told the Puke Brigade that no, the food was perfectly fine for consumption and couldn’t possibly be tainted. In possibly the most polite tone Spayar had ever heard Tassa speak she said something to the other woman. All in Aldrese and over Spayar’s head. Marigold got very pale and then flushed brightly in humiliation. Spayar cocked his head when Marigold stormed off.
“Tassa, I paid for that,” Von complained.
“From where, the street?” Tassa asked snidely, “slut,” okay Spayar also knew that Aldrese word too. Tassa also got mad at feylon who used that word incorrectly too.
“She works at the Swan Song,” Von huffed.
“The Swan Song is a tourist trap, your Highness,” she said, “the people there are third rate at best. Now, what was this about a gift for a little girl?” and she expertly guided Von away from the theater and the conversation of his bad taste in women, Spayar following after.
“We’re going north to Nedrag for the new High Priestess’ daughter’s naming day,” Spayar supplied.
“How old is she?” Tassa asked Von. Spayar couldn’t see Von’s confused face, but he could guess.
“She’s two,” Spayar supplied, “It’s her first daughter,” he added.
“Hmmm, I think… there’s a nice little shop just down the street. They’re mostly imports from across the Sea, but affordable, and carry jewelry and little this and such. Perfect for a little girl.”
“Then lead the way,” Von said, motioning to her. Tassa led them to a large store front, and within every surface was covered in something to be sold. Glass jars, scarves, gloves, Joti incense by the stick, rings, bracelets, and necklaces all hung from walls and off stands. It all looked to be incredibly high quality and each piece of jewelry was unique and had its own peg on the wall. In the shop front, behind glass, was a piercer, sitting on a stool boredly reading a book with pages that were well cat eared at the corners.
“I don’t want anything too gaudy,” Von said, still just following Tassa, not knowing at all what to get a little girl.
“Of course not,” Tassa cooed. “Maybe a hair comb from Anokai?” she asked and they stopped in front of an array of combs that you were supposed to leave in the hair as decoration as well as use it as a comb. “One with wide teeth,” she pointed at one with a bird on it. “Though the Nedalian love their deer,” and she pointed to another one of a deer curled up in the grass.
“Hmmm,” Von unhooked his arm from Tassa and started to really look at them hard.
Spayar went to stand up next to Tassa, “What’s your game?” he asked.
“None really,” she said, “that slut he bought just bothered me. I thought you’d have better judgement of who you let close to your prince,” and Von wasn’t paying attention to them at all. He was talking with the store clerk about what sort of comb would be best for the kinky sort of hair Nedalians had.
“And?”
“Let me come? If I say I’m going to a Governor’s daughter’s naming day it’ll be a good enough excuse to get out of here without being rude. You know my father is always telling me to be less of that,” Tassa said.
“Yes,” Spayar said, “and your father, wonderful man that he is, has the backbone of a squished grape,” and that made Tassa giggle just a bit. He’d met Kenna, nice man, very quiet and unassuming. Didn’t have a confidant bone in his body either.
“Please, Spay?” she asked sweetly.
He sighed, “I’ll ask. I don’t know if you can come.”
“Excellent,” and she kissed his cheek.
He grimaced and made a gross sound that made Von turn around and look at them, “Everything all right?” Von asked.
“Tassa’s just getting her girl germs all over me,” Spayar said making a grossed out face that made Von laugh a little. Tassa did not.
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Just Happened to Be (4)
Summary: Jimin was an asshole, yes. And you were supposed to be nice, meek, and afraid of people like him. But you weren’t; even with a knife at your throat you stayed quiet and unforgiving–and he wasn’t allowed to like it.
Based off this request:
“Anonymous said:So how about bad boy Jimin I mean that’s cool I guess cause I mean who need bad boy jimin right pft not me.”
Usual warnings . This is a drug gang fic so naturally there’s gonna be a lotta shit.
Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven
"Go! Go!" Hoseok pretty much shouted in his ear, struggling to push Jimin both out of the way and out of the line of fire. In the distance, the younger could hear the sirens picking up speed, whirling closer to him and his running group members. Yoongi, way, way up ahead, held up his hand with his fingers splayed and, like clockwork, the group scattered.
"Meet you at home!" Jimin shouted, veering off his original path. It was easier if everyone went a different direction; it made capturing them difficult. If one got caught, then sure--but if they all got caught then it could easily be tracked to where they worked; then the tattoo shop and the drug business went down. At this point, it was just a big fuck up on their part for selling to a narc. It didn't happen often, but usually they had plans in place to prevent this. This sell was just a rush job to begin with, and they fucked it up and enacted plan B: knock them the fuck out and run like hell.
Jimin turned a harsh left onto the street that led towards the one spot he felt he would be safest: down by the edge of the river, under the cover of a small mini-forest of trees. It was only when he was along the sidewalk leading towards the makeshift path (one that many kids and parents took to fish during the day) that he finally slowed himself to a walk. After all, a running man with his appearance may look more suspicious in this part of town than one walking.
"J-J-Jimin!" Your voice caused him to spin around and catch sight of you jogging (maybe it was running, but it was hard to tell) towards him. For one, you had horrible form and were practically tripping on your grandma church-skirt that kept smacking your ankles. He stopped, waiting for you to catch up to him; resulting in him laughing when you finally stood before him only to bend to your knees so you could catch your breath. "I--" you huffed, sticking out your tongue like a panting dog for a split second. "I-I-I-I heard the s-s-s-s-si-sirens and I had a f-f-fee-fee-feeling it w-w-was y-y-you."
"Well you wouldn't be wrong." He snorted, rolling his eyes when your face broke into that typical furrow of worry. Jimin flicked your forehead, laughing at the way you crossed your eyes in surprise. "Don't look at me like that, idiot; we're fine. In our line of business this happens often--we're great at running, unlike some people." He eyed you and your dying posture.
You smacked his knee because it was the closest thing you could reach, your gaze meeting his underneath your flyaway hair.
"I'm just going to hang out by the water until things calm down up here." He answered the question in your stare, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
You pushed up to your full height, smoothing out your skirt. "C-C-C-Can I g-g-g-go with y-y-y-you?"
"Nah. This kind of thing isn't suited to someone like you; you're going to get mud on your skirt." He was getting good at knowing when you were going to hurt him, because this time he managed to block your hand from reaching for his face--undoubtedly saving himself from some sort of pinch or pull. "Why don't you go call that sweet cheeks friend of yours so maybe we can have some alone time?" He backed away from you and your wild hands trying to inflict pain upon him.
"S-S-S-Stop being a d-d-d-dick." You were laughing and he knew then that he was terribly screwed; now even his insults didn't have a punch; you were invincible to him.
"Why do you even want to go down there anyways?" He was still playing with you, toying with your hands that tirelessly tried to smack him--resulting in an almost childish hand game of sorts; half of him wanted to start chiming in with the lyrics to 'patty cake.'
"I used t-t-t-to catch f-f-frogs here w-w-w-with my br-bro-bro-brother."
Jimin smacked both your hands out of the way and pressed you forward with a hand on your back. He had you start down the path ahead of him, but he quickly realized that you were slow as fuck, so he snuck around the rocky side and made it his goal to make sure you didn't roll face-first down the steep slope.
"Your brother was Jun hyung, right?" He said nonchalantly, momentarily forgetting that you had no idea he was listening in on your conversation with Yoongi weeks ago.
The sudden silence prompted Jimin to turn around, looking up at you who was frozen in a flat spot on the path down to the waterline. He instantly climbed up just enough to offer his hand out to you without thinking properly. "Hey now, I only know because Yoongi told me--all of your other secrets are perfectly safe from me."
You stared at his open palm instead of him. "B-B-B-But you w-w-w-want to k-k-know, right?"
It was one of those fucking questions that Jimin hated; he didn't know whether yes or no was the right answer--what was the one you were looking for. What was the correct answer to say in this situation?
"No, I don't. You'd tell me if you truly wanted to--and as I've made plenty clear, I am an asshole and don't give a fuck." To his relief, it was an answer that seemed to relax something in you, and you put your hand in his to let him lead you down to his level. He shook his head, spotting the first glimmers of water between the rustling leaves. "So, queen of the urban jungle, how about you catch me a frog?"
"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You do-do-do-don't think I c-c-can?" You raised an eyebrow at him.
"Mmm..." He pretended to think for a minute, staring at a point just over your head. "How's about no?"
You tried to smack him and, fed up, he dug his shoulder into your gut and pitched you over his shoulder like a fucking bag. With your screams and squeals in his ear, he jogged the rest of the way down to the edge of the riverbed until you were scream-laughing with each bumpy jump he took.
"P-P-Put me d-d-d-down!" You screeched, but you were grinning and he couldn't mistake the feel of your giggle vibrating his shoulder.
"Okay." He smirked, loving the look of 'oh wait fuck no' on your face when he tipped you ass over tea kettle straight into a patch of mud by the base of a tree.
"Jimin!!" You shouted, but despite the anger in your voice and you sitting in ruined clothing, you were smiling as you ran your tongue along your teeth.
"Idiot!" He shouted back to you, throwing his hands up in the air as if this was some stupid game; it only resulted in him ducking as you threw your muddied shoes at his head. The thing about ducking on slippery grass, mud and twigs was that, if you weren't careful, you could lose your balance and fall.
As Jimin found out when he landed face first into the mud at your now bare feet. When he looked up, you were letting out small (cute) bursts of laughter as you covered your mouth with your hand.
He pointed to you, glaring. "Shut up."
But you only continued to laugh, gathering your feet underneath you.
You spun around suddenly, darting your hands into the grass. He was startled at first, until he saw a frog hop just out of your reach; you slammed your knees into the ground and scrambled after it like a woman possessed. It was only when Jimin finally got himself to his own feet that you came back, a frog carefully wrapped in your hands. You held it out to him, not as an offering--more like a child proudly showing a parent her find.
"K-K-K-K-Kiss it and y-y-y-your prince w-w-will come." You giggled, cradling the frog to your chest when Jimin tried (and failed) to swat it to the ground.
"Bitch, I am the prince."
"O-O-Of mud." You didn't waste a second hurling the insult back at him. Suddenly, Jimin found himself wanting to pick you back up just so he could dump your ass in the river.
"How old are you now?"
"Y-Y-You wanted m-me to ca-ca-ca-catch you a fr-frog and I c-c-ca-caught you o-one." You shrugged, squatting to let the frog hop out of your opening hands; you remained there, watching it disappear into the tall brush.
"Congrats? You want a trophy or something."
You looked over your shoulder and up at him, still squatting. "I-I-I-It w-w-would be ni-ni-nice."
"Again--how old are you?"
This time, your hands casually reached out to pull a toad the size of your fucking palm from the brush--a toad Jimin had not seen despite its size; a toad that made absolutely no effort to run from you much to Jimin's shock. Maybe it was because Jimin had never gone frog catching nor had any experience owning an animal, but weren't creatures like that supposed to run? You had to hold it with both hands, but eventually you managed to push to your feet to show Jimin your new find.
He stared at you like you just grew a horn and levitated off the earth.
"W-What?"
"You just casually caught a fucking monster."
"It-It-It's a toad."
"Monster."
"T-T-T-Toad."
"If it could bite off a limb then it's a monster."
You rolled your eyes, the tree above you dropping a yellowed, wet leaf onto your muddied hair as you stumbled towards him.
Absentmindedly, Jimin stepped to meet you, reaching over to pull the leaf free from the tangles of your hair before dropping it to the ground. He suddenly became keenly aware that he was close enough to you to feel the heat of your breath on his neck. When he looked down at you, your eyes were sparkly and refusing to break from his own. For once, Jimin didn't think of Sooyoung when he looked at you--he just thought of you and the way that the filtered light from the trees made your skin look soft.
You lifted the animal in your grasp, pressing the toad's head to his lips.
He jerked away from you, almost falling on his ass as he spit to the ground repeatedly. Furiously wiping his mouth, he turned to glare at you, his lip curling into a snarl. "What the hell was that for, you stupid bitch?"
You stroked the toad's head, grinning down at it before setting it on the ground to hop away--of which it did very slow and lethargically. "Y-Y-Y-You looked s-s-s-so serious," you laughed. "I-I-I-I-I like this v-v-version b-b-better."
Jimin found himself absolutely frozen in his confusion. "What version?"
"T-T-T-The one w-w-w-where you l-l-l-look happy."
The look on your face twisted something in his gut and he felt the need to be extra loud and asshole-y to make up for the odd feeling. "I kissed a fucking toad--of course I'm not happy!" He shouted.
"B-B-B-B-B-But your e-e-eyes are sm-sm-smi-smiling."
He ran his fingers through his hair, succeeding in muddying himself up further--but at least it got the strands out of his face. "You're stupid."
"I kn-kn-know."
There was an awkward moment where the two of you could only look at each other, trying to decode some scrambled message in each other's expressions; Jimin sucked at it, but, based on your expression, you did too. He let out a deep sigh, shaking his head at you. "You're too stupid to spend your time in the mud with me."
You pressed your lips in a line, your eyes flitting across his face. "N-No. I am s-s-stupid be-be-bec-because I w-w-want to."
"You know, you really shouldn't say shit like that. You're going to give some guy the wrong idea one day and you're going to wind up in a place you don't want to be."
"B-B-B-But you're n-nice."
He let out a laugh to the sky, hating the way that the words stuck to his skin and reminded him of the man he used to be before Sooyoung--before Taehyung left and the world turned to shit. The guy that wouldn't have had to throw up defenses to keep you away. That guy...that guy would have pursued you with every fiber of his being. "You need to get the hell out of here right now before I smack you."
"M-M-M-Make m-m-me ha-ha-hate you an-and I w-w-w-w-will."
He paused, trying to think of all the worst things that he could say--things that would make you run for the hills and never return. Things that scared all women away--things that scared away the monsters in his head for the time being. But they always returned; he could never kill the horror creatures in his brain, so they came back. Always.
"Jimin." Her lips spilled blood as she met his hardened stare. "Fucking do it."
"I killed the only woman I've ever loved. I killed her even though I still loved her--knowing I loved her. I pressed a gun to her head and I pulled the damn trigger. And through all of that, I never shed a fucking tear. And I..." He stared at you--through you--swallowing. "I don't give a fuck about you, so what does that say for your fate?"
"Liar." You whispered, never once showing any sign of fear--any sign that he hoped to see.
"You mean nothing to me." He said again. "Absolutely nothing."
You shook your head. "N-N-No, n-n-n-n-n-no. I m-mean, y-y-you tot-tot-totally sh-sh-shed a t-tear." He hated the fact that a smile was already hinting at the corners of your mouth. So, to combat his irrational fears, he shoved you back into the mud like an elementary school boy that picked on the girl he liked.
Unlike girls other girls with mentalities he was used to, you snorted out a laugh and threw a clump of mud in his face--giggling when it splattered and trailed down his cheek.
"You know, for a fucking prude I thought you'd like to be a little bit cleaner. But damn girl, you are filthy."
You shrugged. "T-T-This skirt is u-ug-ug-ugly any-any-any-anyways."
"Oh? So you actually don't like dressing like a prude?"
This time the mud smacked him right between the eyes, causing him to have to wipe it or go blind. When he finally managed to see again, you were up on your feet and grabbing your shoes without a word.
"The scars, huh?" He murmured to your back.
You didn't turn around to face him, just started up the hill. "T-T-T-They're dis-dis-disgusting."
He stared at your back for a while, you were slow so he had plenty of time to mull it over--but his brain panicked when your hands tightened on your shoes and you wiped something off your face. "No." He shouted up to you. "They're not. Because, as far as the world is concerned, I am a scar on the thumb of mother earth and--as you can see--I'm drop dead gorgeous. You know, I'm honestly an international playboy."
He couldn't see your face, but he could hear you laughing. "Y-Y-Y-You're such a-an as-as-asshole."
"And you're a bitch. But what can we do about that? We are what we are, right?" He chuckled without any venom, watching you wave him off before walking up the path and disappearing through the trees.
~.~
It was probably that meeting--you forcing Jimin to kiss a toad as he stared down at your smile that broke for nothing--that had him giving up. All of that fight, all of those warnings just disappeared in an underwhelming puff of smoke. And he found that he didn't care about any of that anymore.
Because, after all, you were unharmed. So it was fine; he allowed himself to tear down those last few walls and finally give into you. After the six months that you'd known each other, Taehyung's touch had never once gotten close to you again.
So it had to be fine. He had to believe that it had to be fine because otherwise he was making a horrible mistake.
He found himself outside of your work almost daily, sitting with his back against the brick and a sketchbook on his lap as he waited for you. It was always a small interaction; all he would do was nod to you and you'd wait for him to pack up his things and go stand by your side. Sometimes the two of you would speak, but it was never about anything deep or important. There was no attempt for either of you to actually push past that final barrier. Both of you walked on a thin line of friendship like a canyon was beneath your feet--like you would fall to your death if you even wobbled.
You were friends and friends alone.
Jimin would only walk you to your car, joke around with you--usually just wind up annoying the shit out of you or vice versa. It was easy with you; he could almost pretend that he was a normal person--someone not involved with the darker side of the streets he roamed. He could almost believe that it was okay for him to be there, for him to be seen with you.
Almost.
He would always stall, leaning against your door, fiddling with something stupid in your car just to spend a fraction more time with you. But eventually, he would always close you in and let you speed away from him. It was always the empty space where your car was--where you were--that brought him back to his reality.
Sometimes one or the other wouldn't show up, and that was normal. If you didn't come out in an hour, Jimin would usually pack up and leave; today must have been one of those days. Neither of you ever explained why you were missing. For him, he didn't show up for work related reasons--you, obviously, couldn't get caught up in these processes. As for you...well...he never really knew what happened to you those days you didn't show up. You just...weren't there. And when he saw you next, you would always be extra smiley, as if covering for something that he never asked about. Your absences always made him nervous for reasons he wasn't willing to explain or accept. There was something about you that was always waiting for him to ask you; he could see that you were dreading his questions in the depths of your stare. So he never did.
He preferred your smile anyhow.
With a sigh, he slid his backpack over one shoulder and pushed himself off the brick, heading away from your work and towards home. His path was one you were unaware of--well most people were because half of it was labeled hazardous and slotted for de-construction three years prior. It was easier for him; he wasn't a fan of running into other people. Perhaps it was because you were also unaware of his path home that he found you on it--he was sure that, if you knew he walked across the same abandoned, rickety bridge that you were standing on, you would have chosen a different location to gather yourself.
When he saw you hunched over the railing, he almost couldn't believe that it was you. There was a different aura and posture to the girl he saw before him--you were staring down at the river flowing underneath the bridge, your face buried in your forearms as you tried to make yourself as small as possible while standing up. Jimin swore he saw you shake, but maybe it was just the wind rattling the old, expired bridge.
"Idiot?" Jimin said, standing at the edge of the bridge. He would have walked towards you, but he didn't know if the bridge could handle the added weight.
You stiffened, but you didn't look up at him; he knew you wanted to--he could see your head twitch instinctively.
"Why are you here?"
"I--I-I-It w-w-was clo-clos-close by." You murmured, "I--I...I-I-I-I nee-nee-needed to--" You shook your head, forcing yourself away from the railing so you could turn your back to him. You wouldn't look at him, and that made his stomach drop. You always looked at him, you always smiled at him--you always...
"Idiot!" He shouted, but you were suddenly forcing yourself into a sprint.
Jimin's backpack clattered to the ground with a horrible thud as he bolted across the bridge towards you--thank god you were slow as fuck. He caught you just before you could get onto the path towards the center of town, his arms wrapping around your waist as he whipped you around so you were both back on the bridge; he couldn't risk you running again.
"L-L-Let me g-g-go!" You screamed, kicking into the air, elbowing him, doing whatever you could to try and free yourself from him. He spun you around so you were facing him, pressing your back into the bridge railing just to keep you from hurting yourself.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He growled, putting his arms on either side of you to effectively pin you between him and the railing. Despite all of the struggle, you still managed to have your hair continue to curtain your expression.
"N-N-Nothing. L-L-Let me g-g-go."
"Look at me."
"L-L-Let me go!"
"Y/N." It was the first time he'd ever called you by it, and though it made his heart flip, it was enough to startle you into looking up at him. The second his eyes landed on your face, he hissed in his oxygen through his teeth, his stare hardening on your face.
Your eyes darkened the second you were caught. You didn't hide your face, but you also lowered your gaze to the ground so you didn't have to meet his. "I-I-I didn't w-w-w-want you t-t-to s-s-s-s-see."
"Who did this?" Jimin's hand moved from the railing to cup the side of your face, pausing when you flinched only to brush his thumb over the purpling skin of a bruise forming on your face. You had one huge one on your cheekbone, another on your forehead and a split in your lip from whatever beating you had taken.
"I--t-t-they u-usu-usu-usually avoid m-m-m-my f-f-ace." You whispered.
"I don't care what they avoid--I want to know who did this."
"I d-d-d-didn't k-k-know you c-c-ca-ca-came this w-w-way."
"Y/N." He hated how the sharpness to his voice made you flinch again. "Who. Did. This?" When you didn't answer it just tipped his anger at your unknown attacker further, resulting in him taking it out on you. "Is this what happens when you don't show up at work? You get your ass fucking beat and then you won't see me because you know I'll--you know I'll..." He cut himself off before he gave more information than you needed to hear--more information than he needed to admit to himself.
You nodded.
"Was it one of your kids?"
You shook your head furiously, your hands digging into the wood of the bridge railing behind you. "I-I-If I t-t-tell you, pro-pro-pro-promise m-m-me you wo-wo-won't tell m-me to le-le-leave my jo-jo-job."
He said nothing and your gaze once again snapped up to his, your eyes searching his face--pleading with him.
"S-St-St-Stop that." You whispered. "St-Stop pre-pre-pretending y-y-you care."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" He glared down at you, leaning in closer because he could sense your muscles tensing for another fight--another attempt to run as far away from him as you could get.
"I--" You snapped your head away again, pressing your lips into a thin line. "T-T-To g-g-get some kids o-out I hav-have to...I ha-ha-ha-have to let the-them g-g-get re-re-ret-retribution."
"You have to let them kick your ass to save your kid? That makes total sense--obviously your life is worth fucking nothing if they can just whip out a fist or some brass knuckles and beat you to death in front of the kid you're trying to save."
"T-T-That's not--"
"That's exactly it." He snarled. "That's what you're telling me; and I hate you for it."
You put both your hands on his chest, revealing more bruises beneath the hem of your sweater as you shoved him away from you as hard as you could. "F-F-F-F-Fuck you!" You screamed at him, your eyes becoming glassy far too fast. You were breaking; it was a moment that wasn't supposed to happen in front of Jimin. But he had come when you were already on the edge; being someone who couldn't control his worry-turned-anger, he shoved you over it. This was why you never showed up on days where you couldn't hide the bruises--you never wanted him to see this side of you. If you saw him while you were like this, you couldn't make him believe that you were impenetrable--he would see the weakness you've been trying to hide all your life. The sadness, the fear, the betrayal, the desperation that leaked from the cracking mask on your face as the tears started falling. He would see all of you.
"Ju-Ju-Just l-l-leave me al-al-alo-alone!" You twisted around, trying to turn but your weight pitched to one side and you tripped into the railing with a loud crack. A crack that was quickly accompanied by pieces of the railing caving beneath your weight as you fell through the bridge and down towards the rushing water.
Jimin didn't have time to think properly. His mind worked into overdrive and the instinct to protect had him scrambling towards you, flinging himself off the broken edge of the bridge to grab you wrist just before the water engulfed you.
It was fucking cold, like an ice bath gone horribly wrong--Jimin felt strangled by the water. The second thing he noted almost instantly was that said river had a terrible undertow that whipped the two of you down it hard enough to make it impossible for him to stop. Even if he stuck his feet into the riverbed, it would only blow him back under the surface. Instead, he yanked you close to him so he could wrap one arm around your waist and use the other in a flailing attempt to swim.
The river clamored the two of you down towards a car bridge littered with rush-hour traffic; he knew this would break up the undertow and give him a chance to get the hell out of the water. Jimin forced all of his muscles to obey him as he pulled the two of you closer and closer to shore until finally, finally, his feet hit bottom and stuck. Dragging himself and you, he crawled his ass onto the muddy sand beach underneath the shadow of the highway bridge. Somewhere, a driver honked their horn.
He pulled you from the water like a drowning victim, making sure you were fully out of the water before collapsing in a heap just above you, forcing out deep, gasping breaths.
You slowly rolled yourself onto your hands and knees, coughing water and saliva onto the mud beneath you as your hair let out a steady stream of water.
"I--I--" You attempted to speak first, but it was quickly interrupted by a coughing hack.
Jimin snorted, staring at the underside of the bridge. "Come on, idiot. Say what you really want to say--I can take it."
"S-S-S--"
"Screw me? I know it, babygirl." He felt some sort of victory when you let out a strangled laugh, smacking his ankle because it was the only thing you could reach.
"S-S-S-S-Sorry."
He finally had enough oxygen and strength back to push himself up to his feet. After brushing off some of the rocks stuck to his clothing, he reached down to offer you a hand. "You have nothing to be sorry about."
You got up by yourself, refusing to take his help which was ultimately the demise of the both of you. Unlike Jimin, you were not ready to stand up yet and your shaking legs caused you to slip and topple forward in the mud. Your face slammed into his chest, knocking his balance over until both of you smacked to the ground, you landing on top of him with a thud that had him groaning in pain.
When he finally pried open his tightly squeezed eyes, you were back on all fours with a hand on either side of him, staring down at him in worry. He mentally cursed because you were far too damn close. He could feel your breath dry a patch of his skin and see the flecks of color that made up your irises. Without understanding what he was doing and why, his fingers reached up to brush across your cheek--your bruise. He had barely even touched you when the heel of your hand was suddenly pressed on his jaw, snapping his head back as you used him as a base to get back to your feet.
He rolled over, clamoring to get up after you because suddenly you were snapping the excess water out of your skirt and climbing the grassy hill back up to the sidewalk. He could see the bottom edge of a scar where your flowery skirt refused to fall fully back down to your ankle. "I-I-I-I n-need to g-g-go."
"Idiot!" He chased after you, unfortunately not as fast on a slippery uphill battlefield. "Get your prude ass back here!"
You flipped him off without ever stopping, causing him to rip off one of his shoes in favor of letting it slap your back right between your shoulderblades.
"Fucking look at me when I'm talking to you!" He screamed. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you shoving so hard all of a sudden? Why are you running away?" He hated how his voice cracked at the end of his angry shout.
You spun around in the middle of the hill, picking up his fallen shoe only to whip it--with a surprising amount of strength--into the river. "Be-Be-Be-Because you l-l-l-like Yoorin! Not m-me!" You screamed back.
He stared up at you like he was on a drug trip and suddenly the world was one big contorted face of WTF. "What the hell are you talking about you crazy bitch?" He dug his hands into the grass to stop himself from sliding further--especially now that he only had one fucking shoe thanks to someone. "What the fuck does Yoorin have to do with any of this?"
"I-I-I need t-t-to go." He wouldn't have been able to hear you if it weren't for the wind carrying the sound of your voice down to him.
"Y/N! Stop!"
The sound of your name from his lips was your kryptonite; it had you spinning back around once more at the top of the hill--the wind picking up speed enough to have both your hair and skirt flapping river water spray off of you. It must have been the force of your hands fisted at your sides or the way your eyes squeezed so tight in concentration that he swore blood dribbled from your nose, because you didn't stutter.
"Because I'm falling in love with you!!" You grabbed your throat, gasping for air as you winced at the pain that forcing yourself to speak without a stutter caused. He couldn't see your eyes because they were shadowed by the sun, but he desperately wanted to. "And I-I-I-I c-can't. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I--" He couldn't miss the sparkle of tears on your cheeks and when he tried to scramble up towards you. But you backed away quickly and he was afraid if he rushed it any further you would be gone. "I-I-I'm disgusting." You brushed the heel of your hands along your face.
"I--"
"Shut up!" You screamed. "Shut up! I-I-I-I kn-kn-kn-know the a-a-a-an-answer."
"You and your fucking self pity." He grumbled under his breath, trying to climb the grass--but it was so damn slippery and by the time he got to the sidewalk you were nowhere in sight. "Shit!" He hissed, kicking at the nothingness. "Fuck fuck fuck FUCK." He ran his fingers through his hair and stared up at the sky, flipping off whatever gods may be just to make himself feel better. "Why the hell did you make me so fucking slow?" He shouted.
He ran his tongue along his teeth and decided to make his way back to the shop for now.
~.~
When Jimin got back to the tattoo shop, his right foot was entirely blackened with mud and dirt, and he had a couple dry spots, but the rest of him was still soaked and trailing dripping water. The second he opened the door and shouted for one of his members, he was slammed back against a wall with an arm pressed up against his windpipe. When Namjoon saw that it was only him, he immediately dropped the younger and watched him clatter to the ground with gasping breath.
"What the fuck man?" Jimin shouted from the floor. "What was that for?"
Namjoon sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he paced the shop. "Damnit, damnit. Damnit." He hissed, kicking a chair over on a curse.
"What happened?"
"Yoongi was right and I don't want to be the one to tell him that."
"Right about what?" Jimin shouted, pushing up to his feet. The tension from Namjoon yelling was causing him to get nervous and when he was nervous he yelled--it was becoming a problem."What the hell are you babbling about?"
Namjoon threw a wadded paper at Jimin's chest. Jimin swiped it off the floor, smoothing the tattered paper open only to re-crumple it and toss it in the trash. "It's just a fucking joke man--Taehyung's trying to mess with us." But the words haunted his vision nonetheless.
We have something of yours,
Love Taehyungie.
"That's what we thought too--you know, but then you didn't come back and we worried so Hoseok and Yoongi went looking for you. Then...then Yoongi told me about her." Namjoon paused in thought, his brows furrowing on Jimin. "Why are you wet?"
"Long story, continue with yours."
"Where's your shoe--"
"In the river. We good now with the questions? Who's her?"
Jimin felt anxiety build up in his chest, tightening his gut to the point that it was physically painful and he felt like he had to throw up. He didn't want to know, but he'd already asked the damn question.
"Her. Y/N. Jun's sister."
"You know her too, huh?" Jimin whispered.
"I never met her, so I didn't realize it was actually her when she walked in. I knew he had a sister but...I couldn't have imagined--"
"Shut up." He hissed, his fingernails digging into his own skin. "What does she have to do with any of this?"
Namjoon stared at Jimin, one eyebrow raised. "What does your shoe have to do with the river--she got caught up in this mess."
"That what Yoongi thinks? About that note?"
Namjoon ran his tongue along his teeth, chuckling darkly at the wall. "He was actually hoping it was you that Taehyung took--at least you have some resilience to the shit that this world puts us through."
Jimin pressed his lips together, remembering your face when he last saw you, the tears, the way your hands fisted at your sides.
"Because I'm falling in love with you!"
"I just saw her. There's no way Taehyung has her."
Namjoon raised an eyebrow. "You want to bet her life?"
Jimin's teeth ground in his jaw before he spun on his heel and ripped off his one shoe, flinging it underneath his desk. He stripped his wet shirt and pants in exchange for fresh ones he kept in his desk drawer just in case. He grabbed his shop shoes--the ones that were falling apart at the seams and covered in ink, but at least there were two of them. Once he was dressed, he went behind the shop's customer service counter and grabbed one of the three emergency duffels from under the chair, flinging the strap over his shoulder. Namjoon finally intervened when Jimin yanked open the weapons cabinet and reached for a blade in the drawer.
"What the hell are you planning on doing, Jimin?"
Jimin swallowed, finding it easier to stare at anything but his hyung. "If you haven't figured it out by now then your IQ isn't as large as you make it seem."
Namjoon stared at him for a long, hard minute before letting his wrist go with a deep groan. There was some jangling behind Jimin as he fished for his knife, tucking it in the waistband of his pants. When he turned around, Namjoon had his over-the-shoulder gun holster strapped and ready.
"Don't give me that look. You're too reckless on your own." Namjoon chuckled, smacking Jimin's shoulder. "Now are we going or what?"
#bts#BTS jimin#bts jimin scenario#bts jimin angst#bts jimin fluff#bangtan sonyeondan#bangtan#bangtan scenarios#bangtan boys#park jimin scenarios#jimin scenario#jimin angst scenario#bts park jimin#park jimin#jimin#park jimin angst#jimin angst#park jimin scenario#park jimin fluff#bts scenario#bts scenarios#bts angst#bts angst scenarios#bts fluff#kpop#kpop angst scenario#kpop angst#kpop scenarios#Evangelene#just happened to be
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