#and trust me this is not queer person doing Cis Binary Gender this is queer person says 'fuck that gender shit imma do what i want :)'

[aro-culture-is]

Alloaro culture is wanting a similar word to qpr for a committed partner you have sex with sometimes that is not romantic: qpr isn’t right because it has the word platonic in it.

hi! in a very gentle way, i am vibrating to let you know this is incorrect :)

from the POV of someone who's been around the aro community since ~2013-2014 on tumblr, the only time i've seen folks start to say that qprs couldn't include sexual components has been when

they've learned an incorrect definition of QPRs, or

in one particularly notable case, the individual proposing it turned out to be quite sex negative and upset at the mere thought that people could think that qprs could include sexual activity. this individual suggested an alternative term for individuals desiring sex in QPRs in a rather explicitly alloarophobic measure. when gently called out from what had seemed to be a genuine attempt at coining a new term, the above came to light. smaller cases of this pop up every once in a while, but this one got some notoriety.

queerplatonic was always meant to mean "queering the idea of a platonic relationship", "queering the idea of what a relationship means", and by explicit definition, has always been broadly and radically inclusive. any relationship, so long as the partners involved agree it is a queerplatonic one, is queerplatonic. no exceptions. this can mean it involves romance, sex, traditionally platonic elements, and anything and everything those involved desire out of it.

tldr; the word platonic is in queerplatonic to say it is counter to the idea of a restricted "platonic" relationship.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod phoenix #pls don't ask me what the term had been or who the blogger was. i forgor #idk when it was anymore either cause it was uuuuhhhhh really distressing #i do think this blog existed tho so probs 2019 ish #sex negativity cw #alloarophobia cw #queerplatonic #i know it can be easy to get an incorrect or like. sanitized take online of what things mean #but generally speaking if the word is queer + [something] that [something] is being modified to be counter-cultural intuition #not just queer people *doing* the culturally intuitive version of that word #like... our system is genderqueer broadly speaking [i ID as agender or genderfuck primarily but most of the system also IDs as genderqueer] #and trust me this is not queer person doing Cis Binary Gender this is queer person says 'fuck that gender shit imma do what i want :)' #also pretty please know this is all being said in like. a smiling happy-to-share way! #this is not being said as like. 'uhhhhm aktually' mansplaining

[concerto-roblox]

honestly i cannot explain the gender feelings i get sometimes. like i see a picture of a man and i think "god i wanna be him" or "god that's so me" but not like. i don't want to look exactly like him or be percieved as a man at all (like not even in a butch or gnc way i skew pretty femme most of the time)... but it's like if i was that man but also a woman that would be epic... or if that man was a woman he would be so me but also if he was still a man?? what is gender.

#i am like 99% sure i'm cis which ik saying that makes it look like i'm actually not #but trust me multiple of my longtime close friends are trans/nb i would've figured it out by now #and i have experimented with stuff but she/her are the only pronouns that have worked for me (ik pronouns don't equal gender but yknow) #i think the way i feel about gender can be complicated when not only am i autistic so i interpret stuff differently from allistic cis ppl #but also being a queer woman like yknow how some ppl say their gender is lesbian?? i get that but i'm bi so it's not as clear cut for me #like sometimes i feel like my gender is like... femme bisexual?? like not strictly woman but pretty close to it #because i'm not not a woman but sometimes the way i feel about my gender in relation to the theoretical person i'd be in a relationship wit #it doesn't feel completely clear cut woman if that makes sense?? #which i know gender is fake and you can do whatever you want forever but idk that's just kind of how i feel about it #like i don't want to be a boy or anything related to that at all but also if someone referred to me as 'boyfriend' i think i would like tha #does any of that make sense at all???? idk #it's like some men are me but i am not A man... do you understand #i am NOT non-binary but i'm also not binary... do you understand this too #how to be cringe 101 #gender

[gageblackwood]

A Rough Transcript of James Somerton's new video

For those who don't want to watch it, I grabbed the auto-transcript of the video, and then honestly spent way to long cleaning it up. There are a few editor notes that are just attempts at clarity, and punctuation and line breaks added as best I could guess them. Here it is:

"uh just a disclosure this video is monetized but revenue from it will be sent along to H bomber guy's team to be dispersed to the people whose work I plagarized.

uh if his team won't accept it I'll be making monthly donations to Wikipedia and trans Lifeline going forward.

uh you may have also noticed that a few of my past videos have gone up on the channel again and revenue from those as well will also be sent, along with the revenue from this video.

over the last couple of months I've been getting in touch with the people who I plagiarized to apologize one-on-one instead of a mass apology.

it's a bit difficult because many of them don't have public email addresses so I'm still working on it but it is a top priority of mine.

I've heard back from a few of them and they were actually incredibly nice, um accepting my apology and just imploring me to do better in the future, so I want to thank them publicly for that.

there's plenty that I haven't heard back from and I completely understand that in many cases.

uh I wouldn't want to talk to me either.

I also want to apologize to my audience.

though you trusted me to be a good representative of the queer community and I was not that, I tried to be, I tried to be a voice for every member of the queer Community but that was a failed Endeavor before it even started.

I'm a CIS white gay man no matter how much I try to be a good spokesperson I can never really truly understand the life experiences of other far more put upon members of the queer Community.

this is one of the reasons that I would use the their own words but I should have made it very clear that that's what I was doing.

I never, ever thought that I was the only voice out there as some have said but being a CIS white man I thought I might be able to win over some people who wouldn't otherwise listen unless it was someone who looks and sounds just like them, and so I tried speaking for everyone and this was a horrible mistake.

what I thought was being inclusive ended up leading to a lot of people feeling left out and even offended.

this fell upon Nick as well as a non-binary person on the ace spectrum.

they wanted to include asexuality and non-binary representation in our videos but because Nick's experience is not Universal, there is no Universal experience, people felt that we were dealing legitimizing (editor: likely de-legitimizing) their own experiences because we focused on Nicks.

and I apologize for that and I'm sure that Nick does as well.

um I'd also like to extend a personal apology to Jesse Earl, better known as Jesse gender.

out of everyone that I spoke to who was also a YouTuber Jesse was by far the kindest person.

I think Jesse might be one of the kindest people I've ever met or ever encountered.

we never actually met in person because of my hot headedness.

I drew her into just this anger spiral of mine that was unwarranted and absolutely ruined a possible friendship.

Jesse was actually doing her best to kind of mitigate my frustration and and everything and and

uh at that moment and I just wasn't allowing her to do that and I really truly honestly want to apologize to her for that again.

if if you ever get the chance to speak with Jesse one-on-one or if you have gotten the chance you'll know just how nice she is and how kind and I was a a real, for uh dragging her into my reactionary unwarranted frustration.

we, obviously, we haven't spoke since all of that happened um but Jesse if you are watching this video um I do want you to know that I am honestly sorry for that.

I hope truly, honestly I hope everything goes as well as possible for you because you deserve all of it.

there was a misunderstanding between Jesse and I.

um after that happened, that I do want to clear up where someone who at least claimed to be a fan of Jesse's, you know did an internet and threatened to kill me.

which is, you know, being a person on the internet death threats are unfortunately not uncommon.

at the time though, uh I was in a very panicked State, and so I did report it to the police.

I did not report Jesse to the police which is the misunderstanding that people um came away with.

I did not report Jesse to the police.

I would have no reason to do that, and it did end up that this person had a prior record with the police um of violent acts and they actually lived quite near me, um so the police took it very seriously.

they took it so seriously that they implored me not to speak to, to Jesse.

which I took their advice on which I shouldn't have honestly I should have at least clarified to Jesse what was going on and not just left her hanging.

and so I want to again apologize to Jesse for that but in that state I listen to the police.

which is, you know, maybe not the best decision all the time because the cops don't usually have the best interests of people at heart.

so Jesse I want to apologize for that and everything else that happened.

completely understand why you would not want to speak to me ever again but I just want you to know that I am sorry.

but now back on the original topic.

the work Nick and I were doing on the channel.

we wanted it to be you know for everyone.

we wanted it to be a channel where every queer person could feel welcomed and we failed at that.

that is something that in hindsight I think is impossible to create and that's why it's important for there to be many different queer voices in spaces like YouTube.

and there are, what's more important is that those voices are discoverable which is something that I should have been helping with.

I often shared other queer creators on Twitter but this was when I only had you know 800 a th000 (editor: a thousand?) Twitter followers and these creators usually had a whole lot more than that.

it was a weird thing because usually they would have infinitely more Twitter followers but a whole lot less YouTube subscribers.

I'm not sure what created that dichotomy but something was definitely off with the algorithm there.

there is a part of my brain that says YouTube kind of went oh you know white male queer let's push him and you know ignore everyone else in the community.

whereas people were able to actually discover uh other queer creators on Twitter and then make their way to YouTube, but the YouTube algorithm, kind of, that's the most negative interpretation I have of it.

which unfortunately may be true.

uh in any case I should have done more to share the voices of other queer people, certainly the people whose works I used both credited and plagiarized in my videos, but also just other creators on YouTube.

it's important for us as a community as vaguely defined as we are to support each other and I didn't do that nearly enough from day one.

I was very taken in by the idea of being a YouTuber.

as soon as my videos started to get recommended by the algorithm, after not releasing a new video for like two years I felt like I had a short period of time to get the next videos out as soon as possible.

which is why so little work was put into the writing of them and so much was taken from other places, plagiarized early on.

I thought crediting authors in the opening credits alone was enough, especially since the videos weren't monetized early on, but I understand now especially after speaking with some of the people who were, who I did plagiarize that that was just, I was wrong.

that was not the way to go about it, they should have been cited properly within the text of the video video, they should have been called out in the video at least once verbally as well as you know having citations on screen.

if there were a whole lot of them, like with you know one of the examples that H bomber guy used in his video was the Deep Cuts video there were a whole lot of people who I, you know, credited in the opening credits but really it's plagiarism, they should have been cited on screen with actual citations of, you know, links where you can find this stuff.

maybe there should have even been a bibliography that you could have gone to like on a Google drive or something like that.

because you know although I might have stated that the scripts were based upon the work of these authors it in many cases wasn't just based on their work it was their work word for word.

in some cases I did get permission like with the Evil Queen's Disney video.

I'll put the email up on the screen that I got from Sean Griffin, um where he did give me permission to publish the video.

I sent the finished video to him and he watched it and he gave me permission, but in most cases I didn't get permission and thought that just putting the author's name in the opening credits was enough.

I was much more interested in the production of the videos than the writing of them at this point so after three or four videos I brought Nick on as a main writer for the channel.

the idea is that they would write the vast majority of the scripts.

I would film, voice and edit the videos and we'd split the money that came in.

we were roommates at the time and Nick didn't have a job, so I figured it would help both of us.

this is actually when we had some of our biggest videos, uh like the ones talking about Wiccan and hulkling, where we lucked out because it came out right in time for Wan division (Editor: Wandavision?) to hit and then the killing stalking video which became our biggest video by far.

uh the sadism of class was another one.

these videos weren't plagiarized and we loved making them.

uh it didn't take long for the channel income to start growing.

lucky timing really because this was around the same time that I was laid off since the company that I was working for, downsized once Co hit its second year.

Nick and I had both grown up poor, so we started doing what we could to try and stabilize our income as much as possible.

this meant putting out more videos which meant I had to take over more of the writing duties, but since filming, editing, usually doing multiple edits because of YouTube copyright issues, as well as managing the channel and dealing with my mom's recent cancer diagnosis, all of that was already taking up so much of my time and attention.

this led to a lot of copy and pasting blocks of text into scripts.

my intention at the time was to use these as a jumping off point once Nick and I sat down to edit the script, because that's what we would do.

I would sort of put in my parts, Nick would put in his parts and then we would sit down at a table read through the whole script and kind of try and make it seem cohesive.

but, and here's something I'm sure a lot of people will call a excuse, I have memory issues because of a head injury from when I was a child.

uh they're actually getting worse.

I've talked about it on streams and in videos, so yes it is real, but some people will call it a excuse.

Anyway the head injury is actually what led to me having epilepsy, which is why I can't work in any job that involves physical labor.

employers can't get insurance for me to, like lift things or operate vehicles and stuff like that.

I actually did marketing for a restaurant group for a little while but got let go when they found out that I was epileptic because, at least according to them, I couldn't be insured to be in the kitchens where I needed to be to film videos and take photos and stuff like that.

but anyway, when it came to editing the scripts I couldn't remember what I'd written and what had been copy pasted.

we should have just chucked out everything that I had put into the script and filled them in with wholly original thoughts or I should have been taking notes on where things came from so that we could at least site them in the video if nothing else, but I never did that.

according to my therapist, my not thinking to do that probably stems from my recently diagnosed ADHD, but I don't know if I'm willing to say that really.

maybe it was or maybe it was just plain laziness.

maybe I thought that this was somewhere that I could cut a corner because I was torn in so many other directions.

honestly I can't remember, like I said memory issues.

but yes we should have just thrown out my contributions to the scripts and filled them in with original writing but we felt like we had too much of a time crunch.

we felt like we had to get videos out more often to feed the algorithm, and then my mom died and I became completely useless.

I couldn't think straight at all so Nick had to completely take over writing duties while I dealt with things you deal with after a person dies.

my dad you see he can't read or write uh he was very po poor when he was a kid so he had to leave school really young to work in order to feed his many brothers and sisters.

so I had to deal with all the legal stuff after my mom died as well as making sure that all my dad's bills were paid and whatnot, especially after his income was basically cut in half.

there was supposed to be a buffer here Money Wise as my mom had a life insurance policy that was going to be split between my dad and myself, but the insurance company, RBC Insurance so if you have insurance with them maybe rethink that, uh refuse to pay out the policy because my mother never mentioned that she had family with diabetes.

she didn't have diabetes but because she didn't think to mention that she had family with diabetes it apparently voided the policy.

all they did was refund a Year's worth of premiums that she'd paid even though she'd been paying them for about 15 years.

one of the things, the main thing really that I was supposed to do with my portion of the insurance money was, I was supposed to make a movie.

these were direct instructions from my mom herself.

she'd been very much behind me when I decided, when I was about 10, that I wanted to be a filmmaker and she wanted me to finally have the opportunity to do that even if she never got to see it.

so when the life insurance went bust I decided to try and crowdfund it.

at least enough to make a short film or two this is what teos (Editor: Telos) grew out of.

so what happened with Telos, let me break down the timeline.

when we launched the campaign in February of 2022 we hoped to raise $3,000 to produce a short film that we hoped that we would then use as a sort of proof of concept to attract investors, either private public or through Canada's telefilm program, to produce a feature.

some people online have stated that $3,000 never would have covered the cost of a short film but these were not going to be unionized movies and we were very clear about that upfront.

we wanted to be able to pay actors as best that we could but we never expected to be able to reach typical union wages.

the crew was going to be made up of people that I had gone to film school with.

everyone, including Nick and myself we were roommates at the time, living on the East Coast were more than happy to work behind the scenes for free.

we planned on writing a movie with a small cast and only one or two locations, ideally ones that we could get access to for free.

again we assumed all the money would go to the actors.

uh we kind of looked at this is a sort of Community Theater troop but for film making.

after the campaign launched it did infinitely better than we could have expected and our Ambitions grew.

we started planning to make a feature instead of a short film and the plan was to take this around to, uh film festivals.

the feature we settled on, entitled final girl, was about the Lone Survivor of a slasher movie type Massacre 10 years after the fact, as she was publishing a book about her ordeal, drawing attention from people online convinced that she had actually been the killer all along.

in the end we would find out that the killer was the boyfriend of the girl who the main character had secretly been dating at the time of the killings and most of the people he killed were, in his eyes, collateral damage as he made his way to our main character, because he was not happy that his girlfriend was cheating on him with a girl.

and to those who say that I plagiarized the plot from the novel Final Girl Support Group by Grady hris (Editor: Hendrix), read the book.

it's nothing like the plot of the movie and the final girl is a Trope in horror movies, so if using the Final Girl trope is plagiarism then basically everyone who's made a slasher movie since Texas Chainsaw Massacre owes the Toby Hooper Estates some money.

but anyway Nick and I planned out the movie, but I didn't want to start writing it until the campaign ended and the money was actually deposited.

uh after the insurance debacle I didn't want to count our chickens before they hatched.

when the money was officially deposited I immediately began work on the screenplay.

I finished it that summer.

soon after Nick had left to spend two months at home in Ottawa, Ontario with family.

I sent the script to him to read right away because I was proud very proud of it but Nick didn't want to share his opinion on it until he got back to the east coast so in the meantime I put out a preliminary casting call on local job boards.

when Nick got back, uh he believed that the script needed a page one rework.

this is also when he told me that he'd be moving back to Ontario permanently soon, as he wanted to live closer to family and live in a bigger city with more opportunities.

this was a punch to the gut for me.

we' been living together since 2015 and had become quite dependent on each other.

I felt like there was no way that I could make this movie without him and since I had received not that many replies to the initial casting call I took this as a sign that Ontario would be a better place to launch Telos, even though all my professional professional film connections were on the East Coast.

that was a mistake.

there I had free access to the campground that would serve as the setting for a good portion of the movie, as well as easy access to any number of houses, apartments and even offices that friends of friends would let me use to shoot.

in Ontario I had none of that, which immediately put the breaks on Final Girl since there was no conceivable way of filming in it, at least not within the budget that we had.

after Nick and I moved to the Toronto area he decided that he actually wanted to move home to Ottawa, uh to the Ottawa area about 5 hours away, at least for a little while.

in the meantime he would take a train to the GTA the crater (Editor: greater) Toronto area once a month, uh to work on YouTube videos for a few days and then head back.

this went on for a little less than a year so I began brainstorming new movies that we could film in Ontario.

this is where the multiple posters and teaser trailers came from.

I was trying to create something tangible to show that work was still being done with Telos.

I wrote multiple treatments for movies over the next few months and Nick and I eventually landed on one, called antisocial: a murder mystery, about a former social media click (Editor: clique) who had gone their separate ways on very bad terms and they were coming together for a reunion at a sort of VidCon event.

um they were all sharing a house and then some of them were going to start showing up dead.

around the same time, summer of 2023, uh Nick had moved to the GTA full-time.

uh he and I spent weeks working out exactly how the murder mystery would parse out in the movie.

we had a bunch of whiteboards up on my wall and we were just breaking it down piece by piece.

uh I'd put out a new casting call in the GTA and received hundreds of responses so I was planning on casting as soon as the script was finished but after trying to work out the numbers as far as paying actors went, Plus locations, food, costumes, as well as the equipment that we'd already purchased and the legal costs of setting up Telos as a business, we realized that we'd gone way too big with this movie.

uh the movie had too many characters and too many locations and it was just way too complex to be able to pull off with the budget.

so I started working on a script for a movie called The Listener, about a true crime podcaster focused on the mysterious deaths of homeless gay men in his City.

I was a fair way into the script when we realized it' be about a year before we could even film anything since winter was on its way and the story relied heavily on a summer setting.

so we went back to the drawing board yet again, finally settling on a modern-day adaptation of The Vampire based on the book by John Palador (Editor: capitals added, also it's Polidori).

uh it's one of the original works of published vampire fiction.

it's never received a proper film adaptation and was in public domain so we thought it would be a great choice and the cast could be kept down to basically five characters, with only two of them being on screen most of the time.

Nick and I both wrote treatments for it which we plan on, planned on melding together into a final treatment M that we would write the script based off of.

we'd had a meeting about it and we were talking about how best to move forward, how fast we could get the script written, how long it would take to cast, how soon we could start shooting.

we knew that it had been a while since the initial funding of Telos came in and we wanted to get something concrete out as soon as possible.

after the meeting we went to dinner and while at dinner I started getting messages about the H bomber Guy video.

we were in over our heads once we left the East Coast but the intention was never ever to Take the Money and Run.

I was so insanely excited about getting to make Telos a reality.

I was excited about getting to make a short film, let alone a feature.

it's always been my dream to make movies so Telos meant and means the world to me.

for Nick it was a very exciting project but not his passion.

Nick wanted to write novels, he still does.

Nick looked at this as a good creative outlet that was way more fulfilling than writing video essays.

I should have stayed where I was and not gone to Ontario.

the move uprooted everything that was solid about Telos and it took a whole year to get it back onto even anything close to stable footing, but I am working with the producer now so you can expect an actual product from Telos this year.

it will likely be a short film to start off but there is going to be something coming out of Telos this year.

I know I've lost your trust but I will make nothing financially from this project.

the money that is there will go wholly to paying queer artists to work on a queer film.

I am not nor have I ever intended to be one of the people paid by Telos, neither was Nick.

we made this very clear to everyone who asked.

during our work on tellos (Editor: Telos) is also when the YouTube channel started getting sponsors which as I said as someone who grew up poor I basically accepted all of them except for a few that I didn't think lined up with the message of the channel or had some bad news surrounding them.

there were a couple that had some anti-tr (Editor: anti-trans?) stuff going on in the news and I just didn't want to associate with that.

but by accepting as many sponsors as we did, which became very important when Nick and I started living apart, and suddenly had two rents to pay we ended up needing to produce even more videos, which along with the work on toos (Editor: Telos?) and making sure everything was okay with my dad while living thousands of kilometers away, meant I had even less time for writing, putting more stress on Nick and leading to even more copy pasting from me.

that's what led to us putting out, I think, six videos in one month at one point.

it might have been five, but in any case it was way too damn many videos to go out in one month.

we tried to take the summer off from YouTube in 2023 to work on Telos exclusively but even that went up in smoke because my housing situation.

just, I won't go into it here, I've talked about it at nauseum (Editor: ad nauseam) on streams and stuff.

if you followed me on social media you know the cluster I ended up in that led to me moving twice in two months.

in the last couple of months I've received a lot of emails, as you can imagine, uh many from people who were rightfully let down.

some from people threatening everything from doxing to violence Because the Internet, some with the kindest words of support I've ever heard and others simply asking why I made it so difficult to contact me and if I was okay.

they wanted to know why, as they put it, I nuked my social media presence.

(Editor: Warning for talk of suicide)

to be frank it's because I didn't want to exist anymore.

if you watched my honestly horrendous apology video Back In December you know I tried to make that happen, the not existing thing, but it was more intense than taking too many pills.

it's not that I didn't want to be alive anymore it's that I wished I'd never existed at all, that everyone I'd ever known would be better off had I just never been there, very George Bailey which is fitting given that it was Christmas time.

it's only thanks to some very very dedicated doctors and nurses and one very good friend that I'm even here able to film this right now.

I'm not going to name her because I don't want to expose anyone else to the small but seriously unstable group of people who watched the plagiarism and YouTube video and thought, well he should be dead.

like I said it's a it was a very small group but when they find out your address and some of them are actually in your city they can be terrifying, and they did find my address and at least a couple of them showed up while I was at the hospital.

um my neighbors did report them to the police, uh and I I won't go into any more details than that.

I'm not sure if I legally even can but there's a reason I left Ontario within a week of getting the okay to do so from the doctors.

so what's next then?

like I said you'll notice that a few of my videos are live again on the channel, these ones don't come from plagiarize content and for the most part are written entirely by Nick.

Nick lost three years worth of work when everything on the channel was taken down and that's simply not fair to Nick.

he worked hard writing those videos and deserves to have something to point to when he's looking for new writing work.

I've also done some heavy editing on other videos that did contain other people's writing, um breaking it down to only original content, again so that Nick has an actual portfolio of work.

as mentioned at the beginning of the video revenue from these will be going to the H bomber guy team, to be sent out to the writers I play R (Editor: plagiarized) from or donated to charity, however it works out in the end.

these edited videos will be going back up on the channel in the next few days I think, um along with two completed video essays that we didn't actually get to release before everything happened.

there's also some recent videos that didn't have any plagiarism that the sponsor asked to be taken down and their ads removed, um so they'll also be going back up without the sponsors obviously and soon I will be releasing a new video written entirely by me properly cited with all sources credited.

maybe no one will watch it but I hope you do.

I want to prove that I have the ability to do this without abusing other people's work.

it's a very different kind of video than I used to make though, I'd say it's more of a documentary than a video essay.

you won't find my opinions anywhere in there just cited facts.

I'd like to keep making videos like these new ones about people and events in gay history and definitive gay movies that you maybe never heard of, stuff like that.

it's actually something that I planned on doing this year anyway.

there would be two videos a month, Nick would write a video essay and I would write one of these documentary style videos that would fulfill the two videos per month sponsorship deal that we had at the time.

I have no sponsors now so probably not going to be two videos a month, it'll probably just be the one which will give more time for research and citation and crediting and making sure that there is no misinformation in the videos, uh which I know, I know that misinformation made its way into, uh our past videos that was not something that we intended.

in some cases it was information that I was told by people that I considered experts, um in other cases it was information that we had researched, uh in other cases it was things that Nick had learned in University, the point being it was never malicious.

we didn't, we weren't trying to lie about things despite what a lot of people think.

we were not trying to spread misinformation that was not ever Our intention and that's something else that I want to apologize for.

as for my patreon everyone can stop worrying about me relaunching it right in time for a billing cycle, that will not be happening.

I don't want anyone who either doesn't know about the plagiarism or simply forgot to unsub subscribe to get build (Editor: billed) so I'm going to start from zero.

I have put together a new patreon account so if you want to support my documentaries about gay history, fantastic, honestly your faith in me after everything means the world to me.

if not I completely understand.

like I said I've lost your trust.

I'm going to work my ass off to earn it back though and I know for some of you I'll never be able to do that but I'm going to try anyway.

you know there's a link in the description to the patreon if you want to join it, where you'll be able to see the to yet to be released videos right now, as well as, you know, take part in other stuff that will be on there like a book club podcasts, uh voting on upcoming videos, all the usual patreon stuff.

but this video is not about promoting myself this video is about me apologizing and I am incredibly sorry.

it was never my intention for anyone to feel hurt or left out or excluded, it was never my intention to spread misinformation and I'm really really sorry that that happened and you know as as much as I've tried to explain myself in this video, you know the memory issues, ADHD, um the personal things that were going on in my life with my mom getting sick and then dying and trying to make sure that my dad was okay following that and everything, those aren't excuses.

there is no excuse for what I did.

there are lots of people who make videos on YouTube, there are lots of people who make podcasts, TV shows, movies, documentaries who have going on in their lives that's very stressful and they don't plagiarize people's work.

there is no excuse for what I did.

for everything that happened, whether it be with my mom or the memory issues, there was something I could have done to mitigate that.

there's nothing I could have done about my mom getting cancer but knowing my patrons as I did, in hindsight I'm pretty damn sure that if I had said, guys I need to step away for a couple of months to deal with this, I don't think a whole lot of people would have fled the patreon.

a part of me thought they would at the time because I catastrophy (Editor: catastrophize?), I, but I really don't think that would have happened.

even in the very beginning when I was like, oh I got to get as many videos out as possible, if I had said to those people who subscribe to the channel early on, you know for the next video I want to make sure that it's fully correct and I want to make sure that you know it's as high quality as it can possibly be, I, I don't think anyone would have, you know unsubscribed or not watched the next video because it didn't come out a couple of weeks after the algorithm decided that I was important.

for some reason I convinced myself of these things but I don't think, in hindsight, looking at it I don't think any of that would have happened and so there is no excuse for the misinformation and there is certainly no excuse for the plagiarism.

I up bad I stole people's words and thoughts and opinions, that they worked incredibly hard writing and Publishing and finding someone to publish their thoughts and opinions and research, hard research that they had done and, you know, in some cases, I put them their names in the opening credits which I thought was fine, but like I said I've spoken with some of these people now and I understand why that was not okay.

because putting someone's name in the opening credits, you know, okay here's a list of people, here's, you know, seven or eight people who are, even if it was you know everyone, even if it wasn't, you know, taking giant chunks of their work, paragraphs at a time, even if it was just a sentence here or there, putting their name in the opening credits doesn't tell anyone where their work is in the video.

nobody can say, oh I really like that opinion, or wow that's a really, you know, smart observation, I want to read more from this person, and then, you know, to find something you found interesting you have to go play detective and so yes, just putting their name in the opening credits was wrong.

I thought it was cool and you know cinematic, but it was wrong.

citations should have been done properly, there should never have been just chunks of text being put into videos.

there were times like with, uh the queer history of Hollywood videos, that I released this past spring they were based directly on the Celluloid closet by veto (Editor: Vito) Russo, the book not the documentary.

I expanded on it quite a bit but it was based directly on veto's (Editor: Vito's) work and I credited him in the opening credits and I thought it was okay to just do that, because the book was out of print and veto had passed away unfortunately from HIV complications, due to HIV and AIDS and I looked at it more as extend in his legacy, making sure that people knew about the work that he did but I don't think I ever mentioned his name in those videos.

he was crit (Editor: credited?), like I said his name's in the opening credits but I don't think I ever verbally mentioned his name, someone who I have so much respect for who, kind of an idol of mine and I never mentioned his name.

it wasn't because I didn't respect him or anything like that and it also wasn't because I wanted people to think that this was all me again, if, if that was the case I wouldn't have put his name in the in the credits.

I never wanted people to think that this was all me, so that's actually one of the videos I want to make.

I want to make a documentary style video talking about vetto (Editor: Vito) Russo and his life and everything that he accomplished, because he didn't just write the Celluloid closet, he did a lot more than that.

he's someone that people should know about.

obviously people can research him, uh there's books about him but I know, you know, it's easier to sit down and watch a 20 or 30 minute YouTube video than it is to read a book.

I'd like to make a video about VTO (Editor: Vito) Russo, properly cited and not just, you know, copy pasted from a book.

I want to do the work, I want to prove, not just to you, but to myself that I can do the work and that's why I've started making these documentaries.

working on these I can't, I can't really put into words how sorry I am.

I've tried, I've tried writing like a blog entry to say that I was sorry for about two months now and I just can't.

I can't get across how sorry I am and I know actions speak way louder than words and I hope with my actions that I can show you that I am sorry.

I'm sorry to everyone I play Dr (Editor: plagiarized?).

I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt.

I'm sorry to people who feel lied to.

I'm sorry to people who feel like I abused the queer Community, was never my intention.

again I'm sorry to Jesse.

There were actually several other YouTubers who, uh were very nice to me but I feel like with everything that went down Jess, Jesse is the one that I should apologize to the most.

I'm sorry for the people who felt scammed, who thought that Telos was a grift.

it was not it is not I am very sorry and I hope given time and my actions proving it that you can believe me."

--------

I hope my restraint in not adding personal commentary is appreciated, as there were times it took heroic effort. There are several places I deleted comments I typed at first, mainly along the lines of "You sure as fuck shouldn't have, buddy!" virtually whenever he said he shouldn't have done something.

To end on a lighter note, I did almost lose it at the end with the typo VTO Russo. I had just been wading through so much, and suddenly, there was Vertical Takeoff Russo.

#James Somerton #H bomberguy #long post #Also youtube auto transcript is poop #spend some of your ill gotten $ on a transcriber would ya?!

[trans-advice]

I'm a newly hatched egg and something I'm struggling with is I had a mom who was very supportive of the lgbtq+ until it came to her own kid. Like she had butch lesbians and femme gays as friends and I could talk to her about Elliot Page and Caitlyn Jenner transitioning. She even constantly told me it was fine if I was a lesbian. But whenever I would express my gender dysphoria to her, she would always shut it down with "it was always my dream to have a daughter" and "i kept having kids until I had a daughter". She put so much pressure on me to be more femme, to wear more makeup, to put on perfume, to wear dresses and skirts.

I also feel dumb for letting it affect me so much because I cut contact with her years ago for other reasons so why am I letting it bother me so much? And idk who to talk to about this and I feel dumb for bringing it up when there are people whose families are way worse than mine. I can't afford therapy.

Idk i'm just so confused.

1: your mother basically told you get entire relationship with you, including pregnancy, (including introducing you to her friends) was a relationship where you were constantly dehumanized & objectified the entire time, like waiting for a candy egg with pink paint to come out of a candy machine.

2: part of your self esteem as a trans person was seeing realistic examples of queerness via your mom's butch lesbian & femme gay friends.

3: the strictness of the gender binary reinforces the boss-worker heirarchy your mother had with you her child. This is why she felt so comfortable telling you that she ordered a girl as if you were a server who gave her a wrong item from the restaurant kitchen. Then, when she sees that doesn't get her anywhere, she does conversion torture on you, basically treating you like a piece of food on a restaurant plate that she has to fix the seasoning herself, whether it's like removing mushrooms or scraping meat or adding sweet 'n low to a stir fry dish. She's never recognizing that you & your body are not a product to consume. She never recognized your right to bodily autonomy. (To say the least of it, I do mean there's probably more bugs under those unturned stones.)

Point being, part of seeing living, actually existing, realistic, queer adults, is part of building our self esteem. By the way, realistic transition goals is part of building positive self esteem in general. (This is why TDOV in March was developed by trans people, because we didn't trust cis people to help us back then, and we wanted to combat genocidal narratives that lied about our prevalence & life outcomes.) And so your mom's queerbaiting anti-trans conduct hits hard because now you've found out that you need new role models (other than the ones your mom gave you), in order to build your self-esteem with, which will shake some expectations you had for your own life for a while until at least you make more pro-trans lgbtqia+ friends to help you secure your bearings.

Like I'm going to also be blunt here too and I'm going to say that your mom probably would've abused your girlfriends in a similar way she abused you because she would've seen them as yet another candy egg covered in pink paint. So yeah, it's good to keep no-contact with your mom, especially to help protect your new support network including yourself.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

#tw discussion of food

[03josten]

we have got to stop questioning people about the labels and identities they use fr. our current understanding of sexual and gender identities is so NEW in the history of language and let me remind you... "transgender" is made up. "nonbinary" is made up. so is "gay", "lesbian", "bisexual", "pansexual", "asexual", "agender" etc. we created these words to describe a collective and individual experience of gender and sexuality, they are not infallible, objective, factual terms. when did we start policing every usage of queer identifiers?

butch and femme are and were understood by academics and queer theorists to be distinct lesbian gender identities, when did we decide that a lesbian has to identify as a woman or align themselves with womanhood? the word transgender was literally coined to describe NONBINARY PEOPLE and binary trans people who did not want to medically transition, when did we decide non binary people aren't transgender? i could go on and on and on.

i have enough faith in people to trust that when they use a term to describe themselves, they know what it means and it is the word they have found most closely aligns with their experience and existence. i am not going to interrogate a bisexual butch or a non binary dyke or a cis person who identifies with genderqueer or genderfuck. this also applies to microlabels and xenogenders. some of you would have a real shock if you read any queer theory or queer texts written before 2010. language is there for us to USE, we do not need security clearance to access it.

#Queer theory #Queer

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello!!

I am so sorry 😭😭 I have a few things that I want to ask.

Let’s start with gender. I’ve been here a lot talking about my gender experience and how I feel somewhat connected to my agab being afab.

Personally, I hate when I am referred to as a girl/women. When my friends plan a ‘girls trip’ I get annoyed… when people assume I am a ‘young lady’ I get frustrated. I don’t get why I am like that specifically because it’s been as of recent (only about a year). Before that it never really annoyed it or maybe I just never thought much about the terms I was being referred to as.

Sometimes I feel as if I am faking my gender. Like I should just stop thinking about it and let myself be perceived as how I was born. But that feels wrong. But also doesn’t?

It feels wrong in the sense that I’ve spent a year thinking about gender and how I am not cis, that now I believe that I am not cis, but when I think about it again it’s like maybe I am just cis and I just want to show people that gender isn’t important and that people can dress how they want to without being perceived a specific binary gender etc.

In the past year I have felt comfortable thinking I was agender, but I still sometimes feel like I am just cis (minus the desire to want to chop off my tits 24/7).

That’s another thing. I only started feeling chest Dysphoria in the last 2 years. Before that I liked them… 😭😭 I hate saying that bc now they make me so angry and just the thought of them makes me feel sick.

This is me basically asking is if it is normal to doubt my gender or does it seem like I’m faking it.

Bc sometimes when I think about myself it’s as a girl and then when I think about it properly it’s like ‘ew why did I make my future self look like that’ bc I want to look visibly queer but my unconscious brain just perceives me as a girl.

Ok secondly, (I’m so sorry this might get really long) I’m questioning my sexuality?

I think it’s sexuality?

So I am bi. That’s a known fact. I’ve known that since 2021. But when I think about being in a relationship with someone it’s always so different to how other people perceive relationships. (I’ve never been in a relationship)

The thing is, I can’t imagine being intimate with anyone. Like it’s just weird. But I want it someday.

I read… a lot!! And I love reading all kinds of fluff that gets my stomach erupting with butterflies, I also love reading smut, it doesn’t make me feel grossed out or anything and I quite enjoy it.

It’s just when I picture myself with someone else it’s just like ‘nope, not for me’. BUT I DO WANT IT!!

Could this just be lack of relationship and experience or could I be on the ace spectrum.

I’ve looked at some of the terms and demisexual is kind of what I’m feeling but also not bc I do want to one day build a strong connection to someone and have a trusting relationship where I can express my love (ok yes that’s cringy to say but idk how else to word it).

I also have had crushes in the past but when I think about if I’d want to get to know them better it’s just a straight up ‘nope’ (that’s probably just my social anxiety tho)

and I’ve spoken to my sister about this relationship stuff and she is the same, like we both wouldn’t kiss someone after the first few dates and wouldn’t be thinking about anything further until there is a real bond.

Is this just lack of relationship? Am I just overthinking it too much?

Lastly, thank you so much Cas!! You are the most kind hearted person ever for always responding to my asks (yes I’ve asked a lot bc I crisis a lot) and honestly you’ve saved my life in so many different ways! I hope you have an amazing day/night!

🌼🌹🪻🌻🌸

(some flowers for you) xx

Hi! <3 I'm gonna answer this bit-by-bit

Hello!!

Hi!

I am so sorry 😭😭 I have a few things that I want to ask.

No sorries!

Let’s start with gender. I’ve been here a lot talking about my gender experience and how I feel somewhat connected to my agab being afab.

Personally, I hate when I am referred to as a girl/women. When my friends plan a ‘girls trip’ I get annoyed… when people assume I am a ‘young lady’ I get frustrated. I don’t get why I am like that specifically because it’s been as of recent (only about a year). Before that it never really annoyed it or maybe I just never thought much about the terms I was being referred to as.

Sometimes I feel as if I am faking my gender. Like I should just stop thinking about it and let myself be perceived as how I was born. But that feels wrong. But also doesn’t?

You're not faking anything! These feelings are valid, and being your authentic self is important!

It feels wrong in the sense that I’ve spent a year thinking about gender and how I am not cis, that now I believe that I am not cis, but when I think about it again it’s like maybe I am just cis and I just want to show people that gender isn’t important and that people can dress how they want to without being perceived a specific binary gender etc.

In the past year I have felt comfortable thinking I was agender, but I still sometimes feel like I am just cis (minus the desire to want to chop off my tits 24/7).

Have youuuuuu heard of genderfluid? Where your gender can kind of change depending on the day? What you're saying feels very genderfluid.

That’s another thing. I only started feeling chest Dysphoria in the last 2 years. Before that I liked them… 😭😭 I hate saying that bc now they make me so angry and just the thought of them makes me feel sick.

This is me basically asking is if it is normal to doubt my gender or does it seem like I’m faking it.

Absolutely it's normal! You are anonymously writing to me on the internet- you're not faking it. Truly, please look into genderfluid. I don't usually push someone towards one identity but yeah. What you're describing is very similar to how I feel, so I think it might be helpful.

Bc sometimes when I think about myself it’s as a girl and then when I think about it properly it’s like ‘ew why did I make my future self look like that’ bc I want to look visibly queer but my unconscious brain just perceives me as a girl.

I think this is something that a lot of people don't realize: when/if you transition in any way, it sometimes even takes YOU time to adjust. You've been conditioned your whole life to picture and refer to yourself a certain way. Old habits die hard. To me, it's not what's the first thing you think of, it's what feels the best?

Ok secondly, (I’m so sorry this might get really long) I’m questioning my sexuality?

I think it’s sexuality?

So I am bi. That’s a known fact. I’ve known that since 2021. But when I think about being in a relationship with someone it’s always so different to how other people perceive relationships. (I’ve never been in a relationship)

The thing is, I can’t imagine being intimate with anyone. Like it’s just weird. But I want it someday.

Hm. Why? Do you...want it because other people do? Because you want the closeness of being intimate with someone? Because you...(how do I ask this in a proper way)...feel you would enjoy it?

I read… a lot!! And I love reading all kinds of fluff that gets my stomach erupting with butterflies, I also love reading smut, it doesn’t make me feel grossed out or anything and I quite enjoy it.

It’s just when I picture myself with someone else it’s just like ‘nope, not for me’. BUT I DO WANT IT!!

Could this just be lack of relationship and experience or could I be on the ace spectrum.

I think I a lot of people don't realize that being ace doesn't necessarily mean you're sex-repulsed. Many ace people have sex and still identify as ace. I think here, I'd encourage you to think more about WHAT exactly you feel when you read those things (I don't want to go into detail much incase you're underage).

I’ve looked at some of the terms and demisexual is kind of what I’m feeling but also not bc I do want to one day build a strong connection to someone and have a trusting relationship where I can express my love (ok yes that’s cringy to say but idk how else to word it).

Well...Only you can decide if you're demi. But I identify as demi, and I have those things!

I also have had crushes in the past but when I think about if I’d want to get to know them better it’s just a straight up ‘nope’ (that’s probably just my social anxiety tho)

and I’ve spoken to my sister about this relationship stuff and she is the same, like we both wouldn’t kiss someone after the first few dates and wouldn’t be thinking about anything further until there is a real bond.

Is this just lack of relationship? Am I just overthinking it too much?

Okay so I think this website could be helpful to you. I don't think you're overthinking at all, but I think it might be good to do some research on the ace spectrum. Like I said, being ace doesn't necessarily mean a person is sex-repulsed, so it could be that you do end up identifying as ace!

Lastly, thank you so much Cas!! You are the most kind hearted person ever for always responding to my asks (yes I’ve asked a lot bc I crisis a lot) and honestly you’ve saved my life in so many different ways! I hope you have an amazing day/night!

🌼🌹🪻🌻🌸

(some flowers for you) xx

Of course!!! Feel free to message me if you want more help! Thanks for the flowers!

#ask #asks #ask cas #queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer community

[charlataninred]

While I’m thinking about identity n shit I trust genderqueer ppl and other trans people doing Weird Shit with their genders to refer to me with gendered terms infinitely more than cis ppl (and honestly most binary trans ppl)

Like if a demigirl or gender-fluid or genderqueer or whatever person refers to me as a “girl” I automatically assume they mean it in some inherently queer, gender fuckery way. If a cis person referred to me like that, I automatically assume they mean they think I Am A Girl And Nothing More

#am i making any sense? #aegis talks to the void

[deathbypixelz]

I had a bit of a revelation today and wanted to share. As it deals with my experience as a woman, I'm going to preface with this: Trans women are women, and this post isn't for anyone who disagrees with that.

Also wanted to say I know pronouns don’t directly correlate with gender. “She/her” doesn’t only mean “woman”, etc etc.

With that out of the way, I wanted to talk about why I, a cis woman, prefer strangers to call me “he/him” and friends/family/etc. to call me “she/her”.

--- ---

Depending on who you are and how close we are, I either use she/her or he/him. If we know each other, and/or you’re queer as well, use she/her for me. If I don’t know you and you’re not queer in some way, I’d prefer if you use he/him. Seems arbitrary, and I guess on an objective level it is, but I wanted to share my thoughts on why I feel that way. Emphasis on feel: this is my personal experience and it has no bearing on anyone else’s.

As a kid, I had a moment when I looked away from my shows and books where the boys and men have emotions, go on journeys, and have character arcs, while the girls and women sit in the back without real emotion, only follow the men on journeys or don’t have journeys at all, and don’t grow as people, and realized “I’m also a person, like the boys are”. The flat, non-people who also happened to be women were who I’d been taught to associate with, but they weren’t like me, because I was a person. Now, I was working within the bounds of a very limited child’s understanding at the time. Obviously we’re all people, but only the men in those stories were allowed to be people. When women were people, I thought “she’s acting like a man”. Maybe the text even outright framed it that way. In reality, they were just given the traits of a person, which I’d been conditioned to associate with “man-ness”.

Later on, this subconscious association came back to bite me. For a time, I thought I was a demigirl or some variation thereof, because I didn’t fully identify with the definition of “woman” I’d been taught. I viscerally hate the idea of children/childbearing, I only very rarely wear makeup (and even then “it’s not the kind women wear”), I don’t dress in traditionally feminine ways, etc. And, well, I’m a person with her own thoughts and dreams and wants and fears. I simply don’t fit into that incredibly narrow, reductive, and specific cisheteronormative definition. I never have. So, at the time, I thought “I must not be a woman then.”

But using she/they and calling myself a demigirl didn’t feel right either. This was frustrating, because I wanted a name to call myself by. And “woman” was right for me… just not this society’s definition. After a lot of thinking I realized I had a different definition of woman, and so that settled that. I am a woman. Just not the kind we (90s/early 00s babies) were taught about.

I did want to say though: Defining “woman” is, I believe, impossible. As is defining “man”. Or any other gender. If you ask me, at the end of the day it’s an attempt to describe something that’s so subjective and variable and ethereal there’s almost no use trying. It’s just a “you know it when you see it” thing. Or I guess “you know it when you feel it”. I can’t truly define the cisheteronormative woman, and I can’t define my own version of woman, but I do know they’re not equivalent in the slightest.

So how does this relate to my two sets of pronouns? Well, when someone knows me, or when a stranger is also queer and thus I can trust already has a different understanding of these things, I can also trust they’re using she/her for me in a way that at least somewhat aligns with how I use it for myself. I use it to refer to my personal definition of “woman”.

But, when a non-queer stranger refers to me, “he/him” feels more appropriate. Because to my ears, a non-queer stranger’s “she/her” refers to a definition of woman that is simply not what I am. And when we must work within the incredibly limiting cishet binary, the cishet “he/him” is actually closer to my “she/her” than the cishet “she/her” is.

It’s like translating languages, if I must compare it to something. There is no true equivalent in “the cisheteronormative language” to my she/her. “He/him” is what comes closest.

For an example: I don’t put my pronouns out there when I’m playing video games, because I’m concerned about opening myself up to harassment; “she/her” in that environment often means “someone to pick on”. That’s less true nowadays than it used to be, thank fuck, but it’s still a concern of mine. By leaving myself undefined, the average cishet male gamer will assume and call me “he/him”, thus treating me as an equal. Because I am. We’re both people. “He/him” is the closest equivalent in his “language” to what my pronouns “actually” are.

…I don’t really know how to conclude this little essay. But I wanted to share, because I’ve never seen anyone talk about this sort of pronoun usage, and I figured it might help someone out there figure things out.

And once again: this is all my personal experience and view of things. You can disagree on every point, and that’s fine. That’s your truth. This is mine.

Gender is made up, pronouns are just words, do whatever you want forever.

#not art #lgbtq #queer

[herbeloveve]

hello!! I’ve seen you post a lot about the idea that butch and femme relationships come with roles that both butches and femmes have to fulfill, and thought off the top of my head that you might be a reliable person to ask to elaborate slightly on that concept? Like, what defines these “roles” and how are people meant to interact with them?

I feel I may fit into one of these categories, however I am relatively “newly liberated” in my self expression so I havent really navigated either one. That’s mostly irrelevant, but just for context in case it helps. I’m fully aware you’re most likely not a walking historical database so if you’re not up to answering, (obviously) absolutely no pressure!! It seems to be a very important aspect of femme/butch identity that’s being erased to an extent by modern discourse and expression, and I don’t want to solidify my external identity in a way that participated in that kind of erasure. Though, again, feel free to ignore this completely.

Cheers!

it has been way too long and i am so sorry for not answering this sooner, i really wanted to get this Right, yknow?

First of all, I just want to say thank you for coming to me about this, I feel very honoured that you trust me with your questions — with that being said I feel it is important for me to tell you that I’ve only identified with the femme role for around 3 years. I by no means consider myself a ‘baby femme’ but in terms of longevity, I am still new and learning and coming to terms with what femme means and what it means to identify with that role. Alongside this, I recognise that butch/femme is not necessarily lesbian-exclusive, though I am coming at this through the lens of being a lesbian myself.

Another thing- this might get long, and I may also come back to add anything I think of later, so if you would ever like to DM me, please feel free. 🩷

For ease, I will be referring to butch-femme as BF. 

While there are no criteria in terms of set ‘rules’ for being butch or femme, there are general ideals and roles that are typical within BF relationships and their respective individual identities. Not only that, when experiencing these roles and living them, they’re not supposed to feel restrictive; and they do feel that way, then these labels might not be for you- which is okay, but I’ve recently seen a lot of comments suggesting that BF culture is restrictive and doesn’t feel freeing. This isn’t the case for those who are BF- I found such freedom when I learned and grew into the femme identity- and I know this is the case for the majority of butches and femmes I see online. 

I wish I could find the full quote, but I once saw someone refer to butches as being ‘the helpful one’. Which, in my opinion, is absolutely true– to me it feels adjacent and much alike to the concept of butch chivalry! 

". . . a butch is someone who has taken on the best gendered characteristics of both woman and man, left a lot of the stuff born of misogyny and heterosexism behind, and walked forward into the world without apology." – S. Bear Bergman, "Butch Is a Noun"

I am femme. I find comfort in butch lesbians and protecting them. I love being on my butch’s arm. I love being confusing to cis and straight people because they look at me and don’t understand me. Exploring my femininity through being femme has brought liberation in a way I didn’t know was possible.

I think a big misconception about BF identities is that only butches can fall into ‘gender non-conforming’ and femmes only fall into it because of their relationship with butches, this can be the case for some femmes but, certainly not all. While femmes are typically feminine presenting, we can and are still be gnc, non-binary, trans, etc. Many femmes will present feminine, but it is often a different kind of feminine and one that is rooted in their gender and sexuality– we will choose not to shave our armpits or legs while wearing our skirts and dresses. Femme is exaggerated and rooted in queerness and LGBT identity.  

You are right, in saying important aspects of BF culture have seemed to be erased; I don’t know if this is solely due to modern discourse, but I feel a part of this is a lack of BF-specific spaces. I find this, especially in smaller cities and areas where BF culture - and lesbian subcultures as a whole - are virtually non-existent. For example, my country, and by effect, my city, has very limited BF-specific events, clubs, etc. Whereas if you went to NYC, you might find more of the culture there. 

In my experience, a lot of the BF subculture has been found online, through literature, and through art. If you haven’t already, I really do urge you to read the likes of Stone Butch Blues, The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader, Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. I haven’t read Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy, but I hear it’s also a good introduction on the history of BF identities. 

I think what can be daunting about BF identities is there are more identities within them - Stone Butch, Stone Femme, High Femme etc. and exploring these are also quite scary- especially when it comes to trauma and past experiences. I don’t want to get into this too much, but if you have follow-up questions, I will absolutely do my best to answer, though, Stone Femme [tops] and stone butch [bottoms] exist and are loved. 

Final thoughts before I go on separate tangents… There is no one size fits all when it comes to BF identities. You are well-within your right to try different labels and see how they fit, and if they don’t fit then that’s okay! It’s all a learning experience.

#butchfemme #butch #femme #anon #im so sorry this took so long #i wanted to make sure i covered you entire ask #pls ask for clarification if you need any! #or if there's any followup q's

[raraeavesmoriendi]

*ralph wiggum voice* ‘queer people of different genders can’t be in a queer relationship bc ablpblpblpblp’

so -

a. how is this not the cis people thing of reducing people to their genitals again. like, you get genitals that don’t match and suddenly how people understand their own interior life and desires is thrown out the window? is that how this works? are we really gonna be stopping couples that show up to a Queer space while not performing gender the same way and go “hey excuse me can you list off your respective relationship histories so we know you aren’t just hets that have gotten cozy in our midst?” who is that for? no, really, who is that for??? If I’m dating a woman as a non-binary person, do I have to recite Halberstam bc we don’t match gender-wise? Or bc it *looks* like one of us needs a strap to have “traditional” penetrative sex, we’re in the clear. In which case, again, stop trying to figure out what’s in people’s pants, buddy, that’s rude.

b. does this mean Queerness is conditional? does this mean we’re back to box-ticking performances based on seeing Str8ies as Default? “You must be this Queer to ride” well shit. well fuck. who’s gonna tell all the single gays that just like one flavor? how do they tick the box? do we have Gay-approved sex toys they can walk in with to show they’re definitely gay without a relationship? are we printing ID cards or something? does this mean I’m on a probationary period every time I date someone who isn’t my specific shade of genderqueer? fuck’s sake, I don’t have time for all that paperwork. god knows how many Queer Validity hearings I’ve missed by now. fuck me, the census is gonna be a nightmare this year. Does everyone have to stand in front of the Queerness Measuring Tape, or just the people who don’t pass narrow ideas of what Queerness looks like? When did we vote on that? Who wrote this fucking manual anyways?? How do we amend this shit, bc this sounds like someone didn’t read past Queer Theory 101, and we’ve got more to think about here.

c. do people not hear how gender binary-reinforcing this sounds?? “well they don’t LOOK like they’re Queer—“ buddy, I don’t bind bc I get overheated easily where I live and I can’t decide if I can even afford to get my tits removed yet. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I don’t want bottom surgery. If I tell you I don’t identify as a woman or with the experience of womanhood, are you going to accept how I’m describing my own experience and perception as accurate? Or are you gonna ‘Or/But’ me into the ground until I perform an absence of gender that meets whatever your arbitrary-ass (pretty cis-sounding ngl) standards are? Why are we then saying that if a couple doesn’t “perform”/conform to your narrow-ass caricatured expectations of Queerness that say it can only look like people with matching AGABs, then clearly that overrides everything else about these people’s understanding of themselves? The the way they define their own experiences and their attraction to various genders is suddenly rendered Str8? Is it bc one of them maybe has a penis and the other one doesn’t? Is that why they’re not Queer?? Man, first of all that’s not how dicks work, and second of all, you have got to stop trying to x-ray people’s pants, what did I just say—

d. I am holding your face very gently in my hands. Some of us are more than one thing. Some of us are not cis and like more than one kind of person. It’s not as simple as “Do our genders match? Okay great, we’re gay!!” Some of us have to navigate a few more variables, okay? Trying to police Queerness based on a “same-ASAB only” definition is not only constricting for all the people who have other things going on, it’s reductive to the idea of Queerness as a whole. There’s so many different ways it can look. It’s beautiful, buddy, you just gotta trust me on that. Trying to keep people out of the community bc they don’t match your black and white definition of “You Are or You Aren’t” doesn’t benefit anyone. It genuinely does not. We’re either building a home for all of us, or we’re just doing to other people what the Str8ies did to us the first time. Read a book, hell, read two. And if someone doesn’t match whatever your internal horse-blinders expectations of External Gayness, remember, it doesn’t affect you and it’s not your fucking business, okay? just drink your little mineral water and live your life, you’re gonna be fine, I swear 🖤

eta, nov. 5 - the people who can’t read found this post so I’m taking it away and putting it up on the closet shelf until they learn to leave queer people be. Taps sign, etc.

#and then rarae says #the biphobia has really jumped out the last few days and I’m Tired #anyway if you say you’re Queer I believe you and I’m not going to subject you to a public outing #like a reasonable fucking person #on queerness #people who tag ‘q slur’ get fucked and dni #people who use ‘bihet’ get fucked and dni #terfs choke die and dni #baby gays read a fucking book challenge

[hell0mega]

i am also interested in the pronoun question you asked, because i use they/she as i prefer they/them and find she/her is fine but for me personally id rather people used they/them for me than switching it up. i think part of it is that in my own head i use both for myself but i’m not a massive fan of other people using she/her if that makes any sense? but then also some people have just assumed i use he/him for some reason and i haven’t corrected them so idk. hope you get some other answers!

this is exactly why i asked that question because I'm all for only displaying the pronouns you want people to use for you. for a long time i was "any pronouns" or "they/he/she" (in order of preference) but over time i said you know what, fuck it. they/them makes me the happiest so that's what I'm demanding from people

i will gender myself and still use binary pronouns to refer to myself sometimes and it doesn't typically cause dysphoria (cuz i know what I'm talking about lol) I'm also very pro-gender and people might describe me as fluid if i really explained my feelings but i like nonbinary the best as a label and gender neutral terms cause the most euphoria. so i go with that

i am still seen as binary in real life, I'm not out to everyone, and i decided it was more trouble than it's worth at this point to tell my school and future workplaces to use my chosen names and pronouns. so I'm kinda cosplaying as a cis person day to day, and i recognize that privilege

but if you really prefer one over the other, then just ask for that. you don't have to tell everyone in your life and you can have different requests and expectations for each corner you inhabit. i wouldn't put she as an option if you, in your own words, "rather people use they/them" and you're "not a massive fan of people using she/her." then your pronouns are they/them!! demand that if that's what makes you happy!

trust me i spent literally 7 years doubting myself over my identity. i felt like i was faking it or wasn't queer enough to demand that change from others. FOR SEVEN YEARS. AS AN ADULT. as soon as i realized nothing matters and i should just do what i want it opened me up to having the best time ever. I'm a girl I'm a guy I'm a mom I'm an old man. I'm all I'm nothing.

#pro tip you don't have to be nonbinary to use they/them pronouns #nothing matters!!!!!! do what makes you feel good!!! #edit: i should clarify that my irl friends and anyone i meet who is cool i am enby with chosen names #it's just like... random strangers and most extended family im like yes i am :) normal :)

[magicallavender]

25 unrelated things I've learned in the past 25 years (bc it was my bday yesterday):

(younger me really needed to hear this)

1. My body and soul is MY OWN. Nobody but me owns it, I get to decide what to do with it. If I want to decorate my body with tattoos, piercings and makeup (or none at all), I fucking can. If I mentally don't want to go into a certain direction, I don't have to and I can trust myself on that instinct. 💫

2. Gender is not in your pants and it can be fluid and not have a binary. (Yeah I found out way late that I'm not cis). Also your body shape doesn't define your gender! 🌈

3. I am whole, I don't need anyone or anything to complete me. 💖

4. Don't worry too much about what other people (might) think of you; they're far too busy with themselves and how other people perceive them. So don't overthink it too much. You don't cross people's minds that often. ✌️

5. Everything is going to workout eventually. Seriously, you can relax. 🌱

6. Most things you stress about right now won't even be relevant in a year. 🐞

7. Ramen noodles (the instant ones, you know) are better when cooked in a pan, instead of hot water poured on them in a cup (yes even with the lid on. Pan is always better). Also; add some greens to them. 🍜

8. For plants; use a pot with drainage. Cause mold & rotting roots = not nice. 🪴

9. People are allowed to dislike & reject me and it will hurt, but I have to remember to reflect on what part hurts & give that the love it needs myself. ☮️

10. You can take your time on reading a book, it doesn't matter if you finish it within a day or a year; just start. 📚

11. It's okay to cancel plans, the reason doesn't even matter cause what matters is you saying you need to cancel them. If people can't handle that, they will probably cross a lot of your boundaries in the future as well. 🧭

12. Time does heal wounds and forgiving others is for your own peace of mind. (Forgiving ≠ forgetting & continuing toxic relationships). ☀️

13. Your fear of missing out is making you miss out. 🥂

14. Coconut oil is a perfect makeup remover. 🥥

15. Financially invest in your future the second your finances allow it. ⚓️

16. Buy a reusable water bottle. And don't go for a glass or plastic one. 🧊

17. Don't buy expensive glasses if you're gonna wear eye contacts anyway. 🥕

18. Don't focus too much on other people's wellbeing, not even people you're close with (and by focus I mean HYPERFIXATE & worry the fuck outa yourself even after discussing your worries with the person in question), rather give that love and attention to yourself. You're too much of a giver. It will drown you. ❤️‍🩹

19. Invite rainbows, plushies, cupcakes and cuddles into your life. :) enjoy it like a little kid, to the fullest. Without any shame. 🦄

20. For when it rains: put on your best raincoat & boots and smile. There's so much fun in the outdoors. 🌦

21. Just romanticize things in life that need it, even if they seem mundane or stupid. It will cure a bit of your depression. Put up that christmas tree & decorate the house with flowers, it will be lovely. 🌻

22. Go to bed when you're tired. Don't push yourself. ☁️

23. Red Wine contains a substance that can trigger migraines. So does lemon. 🍋

24. Clean your face twice a day (morning & evening!). 🧼

25. Be soft! Be loud! Be proud! Be fat! Be queer! Be boring! Be whoever the fuck you need yourself to be! 💗

I wish myself much better years than the past 25, and I believe life will be great & wonderful for me, I will make sure of that ♡

(Pic from pinterest)

#birthday #life advice #advice #lgbtq #aesthetic #skincare routine #skincare tips #skincare #25 tips #tips #healthy lifestyle tips #selflove #self care #queer representation #queer witch #gender #genderfluid #nonbinary

[sporesgalaxy]

Haha it’s silence gender crisis anon again, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to/feel like it..but I’ve been trying to do research on gender and different gender identities and I am just kinda confused, does genderqueer include people who feel sorta cis but also gnc ? For reference I consider myself cis cuz I’m afab and prefer she/her, so I just. Kinda assume that means I’m cis. But I also feel like a girl who’s a boy, sorta, I want to have short hair and wear mens clothes, and I like being referred to as a guy/dude/etc, but I still prefer she/her pronouns. Or would that be demigirl? I’m afraid of…overstepping boundaries or “taking” identities I shouldn’t, I guess. Anyways sorry to ramble, gender is a MESS

From my experience, genderqueer is an umbrella term for anyone who thinks that "queer" describes their relationship gender, and therefore can include people who prefer their assigned pronouns but dress gnc and/or do other nonconforming stuff in the gender department.

The term queer in modern usage describes an experience that is othered because it is percieved as different from the predominant cultural narrative of cishet conformity. I feel like there's better ways to describe queerness but this is as good as I can manage right now, as just Some Guy on the internet. You can read about "Queer Theory," the analytical lens, if you want to see more philosophical descriptions and explorations of queerness and the term queer.

I'm gonna talk about myself some now and hope it helps. There's not really an easy diagnostic tool for being genderqueer since it's so broad, so this is the best I can think to offer.

I feel like we have some stuff in common. Maybe you'll relate or maybe you'll be able to contrast yourself against it and still get some clarity? Anyways here goes

•••

I 100% understand the fear of overstepping. My early gender questioning was a lot of fretting about that.

I am often too scared to dress very far beyond what's considered acceptable for my assigned gender. It helps that jeans and a t-shirt are considered unisex. When I feel like I look successfully "pretty" in highly feminine clothes, I don't feel like people will see ME when they look at me. It feels dishonest or misleading somehow. Men's clothes often fit my body better, and I often like how they look on me. I wanna wear a suit someday so bad it makes me look STUPID.

I don't know how I feel about pronouns and that's why I'm trying literally all of them, in theory, with the whole any pronouns thing. Hasn't cleared anything up. But I've heard most cis people actively dislike being called by pronouns other than their assigned ones, so my experience of indifference is apparently a queer one! I prefer variety in pronouns and terms for the sake of feeling like the breadth of my identity is being acknowledged. I don't feel as strongly about that variety with close personal friends who I trust to understand me.

A lot of my gender nonconformity could theoretically fall under just being feminism-- girls shouldn't have to shave or wear makeup, should be able to hang out shirtless nonsexually, should be able to dress and cut their hair however they want. This has been a source of self-doubt for me many times.

But when I think about...what I want people to think when they look at me and interact with me, I don't want them to think "oh, women can wear whatever they want." I want them to think "what is going on here, exactly? I'm not sure. Maybe I don't have to be sure." And that...sounds pretty not cis to me! Sounds pretty outside-the-binary. So that's what I am!

#asks

[hammity-hammer]

another non steddie post BUT has to do with gender shit and being a queer recognizably and existing in my skin--

i went to a friday the 13th party last night with one of my platonic partners (whom i will now call pp because shorthand is easier) and we both are very fem presenting afab people who use pronouns that don't match our outward expression. i personally use he/him exclusively, unless another trans person is referring to me in which they can use it/its because they get it in a way that cis people i don't often trust to be able to get. pp uses they/he/(it) in the same kind of way. i had my tits OUT and i am comfortable like that, because i know that the people who know me and love me and understand me know deep within themselves that i am not a woman. they see me for everything that i am and they love me. we re-met someone that we had seen the last time at the party, who was a fucking angel and so sweet! he offered us drugs to which we both declined because i was DD and pp strictly drinks, and we had good conversations! i gave him chocolates i had brought with me, we complimented each other's costumes, and overall just had a good fucking time vibing together! we started talking about gender, because i have a more androgynous sounding voice because of my testosterone, and pp referred to me using the correct pronouns. our new friend got so fucking excited that someone who was like him existed-- he tells everyone that he uses any pronouns because he doesn't want to have to repeatedly explain to people that he's not a woman, that he exists outside of the gender spectrum. he told us about the immense euphoria he gets when his partner refers to him using the correct pronouns, and i got so excited for him! it's been really fucking hard lately existing as such a feminine presenting person in spaces that aren't full of me-- and he helped re-light that spark of wanting to tell every person that tells me i'm a woman/too feminine to be a man/too xy or z to be trans and live my life peacefully to fuck right off. he was so fucking happy to meet people whose perceived genders didn't match their identities because people like us are so fucking far and few between. i have dysphoria-- i have it so fucking bad some days and didn't even realize that's what i was feeling because people that look like me/feel like me don't talk about it! transness is always seen from such a binary point of view, and even when people try to go outside the binary it just ends up like a third gender of androgyny and i personally just don't fit that! i am a guy. i am a dude. i'm a girl. i'm a person. i wear dresses and skirts and pants and proudly display my body because it's the only one i have and my mother did a very good fucking job in raising me to believe that i'm beautiful, and that anyone can be beautiful regardless of their gender identity. she taught me that people are people at their cores and that is what makes them beautiful. she also taught me that as long as i'm happy with myself and with the people i surround myself (who love me unconditionally, might i add) then it doesn't fucking matter what the world thinks of me. she let me play with whatever toys i wanted as a kid, she dressed me in the most neutral shit, in boys clothes, in girls clothes, because she thought they looked cool and they made me happy! she took the gender out of things that society and my peers and the other adults in my life kept trying to force gender into. she reminds me daily that as long as i'm happy, i'm beautiful. i know that i come from a very unconventional upbringing when it comes to gender expression and identity, and that i'm so fucking fortunate to have such a supportive family, and i am so fucking grateful for that. i spend every day at a job that i hate because i'm surrounded by people that don't respect me because they see me as a woman because of the tits on my chest and the clothes that i wear and that fucking kills me. i still fight them every day on it, because i have to. because if i don't then the next trans person that interacts with them will have to deal with this shit. and hopefully exposure therapy helps or something because jesus fuck.

#i.....maxed out the text omg #how the hell #i don't even know how many words this is #ham thoughts #i rambled about gender #it rly has no like #rhyme or reason #it's just me rambling and trying to sound inspirational or some shit idk #just been thinking a lot ab gender expression and stuff lately & last night really hit home #finding family in people that share experiences with you is fucking crazy #and like i could cry #anywho! #thanks tor reading or something

[possibilistfanfiction]

hi ! i was wondering if i could ask you about your journey re: gender. i've id'd as a cis lesbian for over a decade now, but in the last few years it's started to feel not .. quite right. i have people in my personal life who i could talk w/ about this, but i'm in these very early stages of questioning gender and my relationship to it, & don't feel able to vocalize my thoughts to my community around me. i don't know if you have any words, or anyone else's words you could point me to. thanks :)

i think for me the less i care about being able to concretely name or define my gender in some discernible way, the better i feel. i know what feels good for my body & the clothes i like & the people who love + respect me, & the rest is just kind of 💁🏼. at this point i follow that than worry about terms or what spaces or conversations i Should or Shouldn’t be in (as long as they apply somewhat to me, obviously) — i like being in women’s spaces, & sometimes i like being in trans spaces. sometimes gender feels kind of situational to me too — if i’m playing soccer on a coed team, i always want to be counted on the women’s side; with movement in general women’s sport is important to me in tons of ways. when i’m in a group of cis people, i feel Very different, but that’s also personal information that sometimes i want to share, & sometimes i don’t. people assuming i’m a cis soft butch lesbian feels better to me than people assuming i’m a man, & so that’s kind of a concession i’ve had to make — but it feels mostly right, & it feels good to have control over the information i disclose. not everyone has this privilege or safety, of course, but i’ve stopped trying to Make People Understand or Be A Rolemodel for young queer kids i work with or whatever, & it’s been so nice. & i’ve also experienced, even with the trans community a lot of the time, there can be this intensity to Be Trans Enough or the Be Non-binary & like fuck if i know! gender is so fake to me! & also an expectation sometimes of this weird binary of gender dysphoria / gender euphoria. what i know is when i feel peaceful about my body & happy about my expression then that’s it, & i’ll follow that for as long as it feels good. the more i listen to & trust myself, & not worry about definitions or being Enough of ~whatever~ & just enjoy the ppl who feel that too, the better everything in my life is. i love being a mom & a wife but that doesn’t have to mean i’m cis; i like to wear pants that fit the way i want them to, which idc if they’re men’s or women’s.

& also the biggest thing for me is that, truthfully, everyone has their own understanding of gender identity & expression that’s deeply personal & unique to them — including cis people. a lot of intensity among trans communities is of course born out of deep need, which i understand & respect. but for me, it’s all just better personally when i allow myself to exist without any pressure to define the apathy i feel, & just eat & drink & wear what feels good, & move my body in ways that i love, & spend time in spaces that nourish. idk if that helps but i never rly had anyone tell me it was fine to just fucking chill lol so hopefully it does take a little pressure off. (& if u do end up feeling passionately aligned w something, that’s also cool!). it’s all vibes for me at this point & i just follow where they lead as presently as i can

[oatmilkappreciator]

we don't have to pretend every trans and queer person is the same in order to be aligned as a political force. we're not all trans in the same way and that's a GOOD THING.

idk I just remember coming up and we didn't have all the same language as today to fight over but it was pretty easy to look at a queer/trans person and go 'yea they're aligned with the good fight' or 'nope that's an assimilated cop'. transition didn't enter into it, I know some badass non op/non hrt trans figures who literally fight for our community every day, and there's self identifying binary transsexuals who get their hrt and surgery and never give the community a backward glance. it's not about that. can you separate the cultural safety net you have as a cis-appearing person from the safety net the trans community has built to support you with our own hands and last $20? or when the going gets tough, will you surrender to the mainstream pressure of how much easier it is to let the world see you in binary terms? I did this for ten years - I let the world see me as a woman because it was easier and I turned my back on all the queers who supported me before I gave up. I deeply regret it.

and like yes this also goes for passing trans people to a degree, but people seem to think passing is the be all end all. if I hadn't medically transitioned, I could pass my body as a binary gender without identifying that way. I can no longer do that - many intersex people have never been able to - no matter how much I identify as a man, my body is third-gendered and othered by my features. i can't undo this!!

so I feel it's a bit silly to try and build our community on everyone being the same. we aren't, and that attitude puts us as risk from within our communities as well as without. those with a functioning endogenous hormone system (ie. those with testicles or ovaries) are not in danger from transphobic laws the way trans people who rely on exogenous hormones will be. those of us adults, with the independence to be out and proud, are not in danger the way trans children are. when we have to keep ending this conversation by patting everyone on the back and saying 'yes of course you're in danger too :( please don't stop supporting us' I feel it's counter intuitive. we NEED trans people who can operate like cis people, because the cis world doesn't trust visibly trans people. the ones who really fuck with us will be there and understand that that isn't a comment on their transness but rather taking the way the world views them in one dimension and hitting back, and building a more expansive and vibrant community that isn't just as obsessed with gender and roles as cis people.

#anyway. #starting to think that some of the Discourse about transmeds currently is perhaps another op - we've seen it before #why are we concerned with lonely people in their bedrooms telling u you're not valid? #can we focus on the historic loss of rights we're experiencing rn? #can we take that discomfort at being called invalid and investigate why we feel a need to be told our gender is acceptable to others? #get yourself a copy of the gender workbook by Kate bornstein and lets get out of the gender studies trenches and do some good for each other #Discourse #trans rights