#anyways hope you all are having a great 2023 thus far!

[seyche]

hi hello and happy new year!

it’s been a hot minute since I logged in. I’m not here much at all any more, and I’ve barely been on Tumblr much at all in the past few months or really, in the past year. which I never thought would happen but I’m actually in my offline era now??? amazing. most of my time on this blog happened when I was unemployed and in covid lockdown, and now I have multiple jobs, another degree, and I spend as much of my free time as I can going outdoors or hanging out with friends. and I will be continuing that as much as possible in 2023. 

anyways, all this is to say idk what’s going to happen with this blog going forward. going to leave it plus all of my themes up and available to use of course, and I may end up dropping the occasional code from time to time. coding is occasionally a nice stress relief for me. but I definitely won’t be around to keep my themes updated or respond to problems like I used to. 

I know tumblr has changed quite a few things in the past year and will continue to, since like everything else, it’s constantly growing and evolving. yes I know npf is still doing stuff especially with audio posts, but I simply don’t have the time... or desire tbh to do anything about it.

so, sorry if you sent me a message about something not working over the past year, and apologies in advance if you send something in later. I probably will not be responding since I do not have time 💖

I found an old theme in my drafts I completely finished ages ago and completely forgot about so I may see if I can release it in the next few days. don’t like being the kind of thememaker who puts stuff out but isn’t around to fix anything that goes wrong but... well.... here I am. 

#blog updates #for 2023 i will be making no grand plans no pronouncements no foreclosing of possibilities #no plans other than living in the moment and spending less time scrolling through social media #anyways hope you all are having a great 2023 thus far!

[would-this-pokemon-be-a-friend]

The Top Pets of 2023!

Hey everybody! I hope you’re all doing well, and I thank you for bearing with me with the last few weeks of hiatus. We may be a little over a week into 2024, but let’s take a step back and celebrate the top ten pet contenders of the year according to score!

Well, okay, top ten is a little bit of a stretch. As it turns out, there’s quite a few ties in the top ten scores, and we’re covering them all. This is gonna be a BIG post, so let’s get right into it!

TENTH PLACE

Our tenth place slot is shared by not one but four pokémon! In no particular order:

One of only two Mythical pokémon in our top ten(ish), Mesprit is a pokémon that comes with some caveats due to their lowercase-“l” legendary status. But hey, numbers are numbers!

Next up is another psychic-type, fan-favorite natu! Look at them! They’re looking at you!

Living, breathing keyring coming right up! If you’re adopting a klefki, you’re gonna want quite the supply of keys to keep em happy, but that’s nothing to a dedicated pet owner!

Finally, we’ve got eevee! Reliable, adorable, harmless, cuddly: eevees have it all. Be careful though, this species is one of the easiest pokémon to evolve by accident!

NINTH PLACE

We have two pokémon tied for ninth place! First,

Hey, it’s a recent one! Delibirds are great pet candidates! They’re known not just for looking a bit like a certain holiday icon, but for being exceptionally generous!

Another small Mythical pokémon, another A-tank pet with some pretty big caveats. The chances of any of us even running into Celebi are pretty low. But, if you happened to meet them, I’m sure they’d be delighted to be your houseguest… for a time, anyways. “Pet”? Ehhh…

EIGHTH PLACE

In eighth place, we’ve got a four-way tie again!

First up: silcoon! Uh… Well, silcoons get a “A?” Score for a reason. This pokémon would be the definition of a pet that doesn’t do much. But hey, that’s what some people might want!

I was very excited about this score. C’mon, it’s abra! These little teleporters are adorable! And very sleepy! So far, eighth place seems to be the “doesn’t do much” category…

Except for ditto! What can’t dittos do? Well, they can’t do much to harm anyone, but we can transform into any person, pokémon, or object they want! Dittos are great! You can’t go wrong with a ditto! Look how cute we are! Adopt a ditto today!

Wooloo! Eighth place ends with another normal-type pokémon, and another one that I personally was excited to see score so high. Wooloos might have my very favorite cry out of all thousand-or-so pokémon discovered thus far!

SEVENTH PLACE

Just two pokémon this time around…

What do you know, a “just-a-cat” pokémon made it into the top ten! Listen, as a real-world cat owner, I’m very biased towards any pokémon that resembles mine in either looks or behavior. Skitties are a great pet option. If I had one, I would name them Skittles.

Wow, it’s been a long while since we covered fidoughs, and yet they’ve held strong in the rankings all this time! Special shoutout to my sister, who requested this pokémon!

SIXTH PLACE

There are three pokémon tied for sixth place, so let’s keep it moving!

Speaking of pokémon we covered a long time ago, it’s squirtle! The only starter pokémon in the 2023 top ten, squirtles would make great pets for anyone who likes to play in the water and/or doesn’t mind getting splashed with water every once in a while. I also hear that they look pretty rad in sunglasses…

Spiky baby! Spiky baby! Spiky baby! (Enough said, honestly.)

Would you look at that, it’s a “just-a-bird” contender! Do you like birds? Do you want a pet bird? Do you want a really smart pet bird? Then a chatot may be just right for you!

FIFTH PLACE

Just one pokémon holds the fifth place crown this year and… hold on…aw man…

It’s…uh… it’s another cocoon pokémon. Don’t get me wrong, I think pokémon like metapod and silcoon are charming in their own ways, but I recognize that they’re not the most exciting species to end up in the top ten-ish of the year. To the metapod lovers: congratulations! To the metapod haters: sorry?

FOURTH PLACE

Almost there! The fourth place slot is taken up by a single pokémon as well:

Cherrims are the one and only plant-like pokémon in the 2023 top ten! If you’re looking for a sweet-smelling, low-maintenance pet, them cherrims might be just right for you!

THIRD PLACE

Third place is the last category with multiple pokémon! We’re almost there!

Look at that little celery bowl-cut! Ralts are a great option for pet owners looking to adopt a psychic or fairy-type pokémon! They may be in tune with your emotions, but be warned: your mood will affect a ralts’. Don’t look to a ralts for a emotional support pet!

Wow, psychic-type really seems to be holding strong in the 2023 top ten-ish! So long as you don’t have an aversion to a lot of noise, a chimecho would make a great pet!

SECOND PLACE

In second place, we have another pokémon that we covered pretty recently: alcremie! I personally would still hesitate a little bit, just because I don’t have a great grasp of how a pet made out of a substance that’s at the very least similar to whipped cream, which is so easily dissolved by just water. But hey, alcremies are great! Very few alcremies are the exact same with so many possible variations of appearance, which is an added bonus.

FIRST PLACE

Without further ado, the best pokémon pet candidate of 2023 is…

Chansey! This one caught me by surprise, especially given how large they are! Who’d have thought that a three-and-a-half foot creature would get the highest score? It really all comes down to their friendly disposition and healing abilities. This is a pokémon that isn’t only receptive to living alongside humans, they actively enjoy caring for humans and other pokémon! That being said, they’re surely not common pets: this is a remarkably illusive pokémon that is rarely caught by trainers, so adopting one might not be as easy as popping over to the shelter. Thankfully, they can be found in many regions of the world.

So there you have it, the top ten twenty-one pet candidates of 2023! I’ve said it again and again, but thank you so much for following along with this silly blog! I’m hoping that the blog continues to grow and be enjoyed in the coming year. How far will we get in the pokédex? Who knows! Who can even say how many new species will be discovered this year? We’ll have to just wait and see.

#pokémon #pokemon #pkmn irl #mesprit #natu #klefki #eevee #delibird #celebi #silcoon #abra #ditto #wooloo #skitty #fidough #squirtle #zigzagoon #chatot #metapod #ralts #cherrim #chimecho #alcremie #chansey

[thecoffeelorian]

Overwatch, Chapter 1

Inspired by ASMR

SFW

Word Count: 925

1 of 5 Chapters

Created for TBBAW 2023 @tbb-appreciation-week

DAY 5: CROSSHAIR

Characters: Crosshair and Omega, aka You are Omega because the usual 'x reader' tag will not work here.

Tags: Post-Major Character Death, Slow Burn Plot, Grieving

A/N: So I...wanted this to be a one-shot, but my creativity wouldn't let me stay with just one big chapter. So! This became a small but full story instead, in which I did my best to bring in all of the show's loose ends/questions swept under the rug and never answered. Hope you like it!

Tag List: @groguandthebadbatch

AO3: Click Here

"Open your eyes."

It's dark in this cell of Mount Tantiss. Probably too dark for you to see, no thanks to the natborns in charge deciding to shut off the lights a few hours ago. They say it’s to ‘help the prisoners sleep better’, though judging by the sounds you’ve heard ever since you came here, they’re actually doing it for something a lot more sinister.

Nevertheless, your nightmares have already jerked you back into consciousness, so there's nothing keeping you from hearing an all-too-familiar voice speaking right across from you.

"Hey. I know you're awake, kid."

Correction—his voice.

Crosshair's.

And right now, he doesn't sound too eager to be around you.

"I can see you moving over there, so. Open...your...eyes."

Maybe you're not all that happy about being here either, considering just about everything that took place before, and a good portion of it without your consent.

Some of it even happening on his watch, too, if what he said during your last 'meeting' can really be taken as the truth.

In spite of this, however, you find yourself attempting to squint through the dark, even if only to try and catch sight of his face.

"That's better. Hold on now."

He allows you a few seconds of light with the striking of a match against a matchbox, but no longer. The flare alone seems to be too much for him to handle, because he winces only a few seconds after lighting it.

"Sorry if I'm not one for playing games today. Bad headache."

That's about the same time he blows the match out, thus plunging you both back into darkness.

"Anyways. You probably already know why I'm here. What's your excuse—did your brothers get bored of you?"

You're also not about to play games, either, even if he tries to nudge you into one. The truth about your new location is far too great for that, never mind the state of emergency it might have just caused.

"Don't you mean our brothers?"

In fact, you know you're thinking of them so strongly that your stomach starts to ache. Not just your own squad, but also Captain Rex, Captain Gregor, Captain Howzer, and any other Trooper you’ve had the good fortune to meet.

If only you could see them now.

"We'll argue clone biology later, all right?"

This wasn't how things were supposed to end, no, not even where any of you were supposed to go for so much as an hour. This isn't where you're supposed to be. You can feel it deep inside of your own bones, however bruised they might be from your last mission.

"Right now, you're going to tell me why you're here."

Unfortunately, the tone and rhythm of Crosshair's words suggests he's not in the mood to do the same. He’s more or less his disapproving, disagreeable self tonight, whether you’re going to like it or not. Still, it's next to impossible to answer him without bringing them up.

"They took me away and brought me here. That's why."

Especially when you know for a fact that they would have stayed on the outside of this place, this prison, until the most opportune moment came to break their way inside; secure Crosshair; and escape with no more than a few scratches and bumps apiece.

" 'Took you'...? Why?"

"I don't know. I can only guess that they—that Hemlock's—planning something bad for everyone."

Especially when you knew most of them had been ready to do just that. When you can believe, yes, even with the pain and horror still fresh inside your bones, that they could have made it, that he could have made it in and out of this massive prison in no time at all.

You saw the look in his eyes as soon as the news broke.

You heard the emotion in his voice when he realized just how many of his past words had been harmful instead of helpful.

And if you had been given a few more hours, if he had been given a few more hours, if all of you had been given just a little more time—

"Planning something...so that's why they brought me here as well."

—Then how different would things have been...?

" 'For the Empire'. "

Would he be trapped in here with you, beside the both of you, whispering in the dark just like all the others and waiting for his turn to see what waited behind those closed gray doors in the distance?

Would he start planning something big instead, some part of a grand escape, and slowly get you and several other inmates on board with it while all of these falsely styled "doctors" were neither watching nor listening?

"Crosshair, I...that's not all…"

Or would Hemlock have just plain taken him on the spot, and so ended it before he could so much as object...?

"Not all...? What do you mean, 'that's not all'?"

You wish that thinking about this, about him, could somehow bring him back to life and straight back here to you. Oh, how everything could start becoming right again, normal again, if you could see him standing there in front of you, safe and unhurt and so completely real that hugging him wouldn't turn out to be another of your sad little fever dreams.

“...I mean, I have something important to tell you.”

That you would never have to wake up for another morning to find him gone, and to find yourself very nearly alone.

"It's about Tech."

#the bad batch #the bad batch fanfiction #tbbaw2023 #crosshair #tbb crosshair #tbb omega #tbb crosshair and omega #you are omega #day 5 #post major character death #slow burn plot #grieving #tbb: overwatch

[ev-n-learning]

2023 year stats!!! Wow its been a year since ive shown u one of these... amazing

anyways not too much to say here i don't think! Although can you believe its been almost a year since i stopped learning ukrainian.... weird

something thats interesting to me is that i've spent more time on czech this past year than ukrainian the year previous... and just on duolingo, somehow?! There's no way I'm 2 months away from finishing the czech tree!!!

I suppose the courses could have been different lengths to start out with, but I do blame the redesign they did... I still don't like it, lol. (Other factors could be: czech has No Cyrillic so i cant read it as well)

As far as the other languages go — I really can't believe it was only this year I finished 50languages?! Year so long... but anyways, after that i will be honest with you: most of my active belarusian studying has been solely anki and (mostly) daily search of the wordle. The other most is People I Follow On Tumblr and tiktok (theres belarusians on there)

Russian is about the same as I've been doing. Slogging through 5,000 words of top 10,000 on memrise still. Probably about 2,500 of the way through. Probably at LEAST 2 more years of slog...

Maybe it doesn't serve much of a purpose, but i'd feel weird having the extra time. Like, no, i'm supposed to be Doing Something at 14:45,,, and, yknow, sometimes i encounter these words in the wild. (Not so much anymore though)

Doing my best to keep up with polygloss for russian, too! It's fun but I never know how to describe the images so a lot of matches get sent into the ether... oops 😅

As for marathi, well................................. nanowrimo happened. Is putting it shortly - actually, I started doing something else in november, and with that, languages, and nano... it was a lot! So I did not do much marathi in november specifically because of that. The rest of the year, well... hmmm. The less said the better?

Well, anyways, it's because of having to spend the same amount of energy almost on czech at the same time, *and* because of the Something Else i've been doing. So - I do want to learn it! Spending time on marathi would be great, actually! I am just Busy. And thus it has been relegated to anki only for the better part of the year if i remember right 😔 someday...

Sidenote, at the rate I'm typing this will be posted after midnight..... well, i wanted to put it out there yesterday night, but i couldn't decide what to say, lol. January 2nd is still New of new years, right??

To be honest, I haven't really thought about any language plans for this year... i know russian and belarusian well enough to read posts & such, and I have the mental fortitude to read books i understand maybe 25% of, but listening and talking I'd say are probably where I need the most improvement. (Writing, well... I'll get back to you once i can learn grammar effectively). With everything as it is now, I'm not sure there's much to be done about that, but maybe I'll figure something out here sooner or later... maybe.

I know I want to finish the czech tree on duolingo, and then I'll pick another language from my duo list and the cycle shall begin anew... and then in 12 years either duo will be dead or i will not wish to learn languages any more (a scary thought). OR i will speedrun every language on my list to the best of my ability and then never touch duo again (no streak, no badges... i think monthly badges are like the Only duo thing that actually works on me because i Need To Collect. ah, fomo...)

As for marathi, if I can manage to pull it out of hibernation alongside all that duolingo nonsense, then by god i'll do it 🫡 if i learned* one language by being exceedingly slow at it I can do it again!!

*referring to russian so perhaps its not accurate to say "learned" still but my point stands

...

Anyways yeah!!! Idk how to end this so з новым годам (late) to u all and good luck & wishes for the new year <3 things may never be perfect but at least i can hope they will be better 👍 🎉🎉🎉

#alt text #stats for cats #langblr #learning languages #languages #year in review

[jandjsalmon]

2023 FFRC - January

HELLO everyone! It's a new year and a new @fanfic-reading-challenge - I hope you've all had an awesome January! Despite it being the absolute worst time to go on vacation for me (work-wise), we spent a week in San Francisco for our anniversary. It was gorgeous. Pictures don't even do it justice (but here are a few 😊)

Anyway - For the new folks (those of you who are not bots) who started following me in the last week - in case you were wondering what this post is - I'm a regular participant (and low-key helper) at the @fanfic-reading-challenge - and I also track all the fic I read each year. For the last couple of years, I've reported back here once a month with some stats and some recs, and a little bit of boring stuff about my life. So, that's what this post is about. Happy you're here! Welcome!🖤

January 2023

Okay okay. SO going into this challenge, I thought it would be a few months before I started reading things twice BUT there is an amazing fic that just LIVES in my brain and I read it earlier in the month - and then reread it again a few days ago. I'm counting it twice and I honestly think everyone should read it (clearly - because I think I've rec'd it twice on my blog already and it just came out). It's beautiful. weird, but fucking beautiful (you, wanting me) by @victimofthemusic (Wednesday/Xavier -T 1/1) Definitely worth my first "double read" of the year. 🖤

As for the challenge! It's a new sheet of fun and challenging tasks. I've only completed 44/309 thus far but that doesn't seem too bad considering I'm only a month in.

Okay - what did I read this month that you might enjoy?! Try these:

The News Article Significance by DefyGravity18 (Sheldon/Penny - M 42/42)

Summary: When I was eighteen years old, I made a decision. I was not going to live the same life that my sister was living, or that my mother had been living, or even my Gran. So, after one semester of community college, I decided that Omaha just wasn't going to cut it for me. I packed my clothes, took the remaining money I had from graduation, got into my shitty red Volkswagen and left Nebraska for good.

Penny knows what she wants in life. At least, she used to. Howard and Bernadette's wedding sets off a series of events which will change her life forever. Plans change and Penny will have to learn the hard way how to adapt.

Why you should read: Okay - so I'm an unapologetic Shenny girl when it comes to The Big Bang Theory. But I like when EVERYONE is happy and the characters are all given just great arcs in this one. It starts at a wedding and the pacing is great and believable. There is mention of domestic abuse a bit (not our mains) - so if that's something you're sensitive about, be aware. I really just love Shenny fic where both are supportive and live their best lives. This is one of those. Definitely a happy ending for EVERYONE.

--*--

Fresh Blood by @ozmathegreatand (Wednesday/Xavier - M 2/2)

Summary: Xavier Thorpe’s eyes have not left her face. The high of the kill is wearing off, but he doesn’t seem fazed, not in the way a normal person would be. The blood staining his face highlights the plane of bone, the shape of his skull perfectly. She wonders what sort of monster she is prepared to open her heart to. “Will you pay me court?” she asks, interrupting his thoughts.

He stares at her. “Miss Addams,” he says at last – because of course he’s guessed who she is – “I would love to.” He smiles at her, the boyish charm in contrast is as jarring as it is swoon-worthy. Disgusting. Wednesday loves it at once.

Why you should read: OH MY GOSH. It's SOO dark. I'm in love with it. There is cannibalism. There are ghosts. There is absolute devotion (think like Gomez - but taller and slimmer). It's delicious. (ha ha. Sorry - that was a little on the nose, considering).

--*--

ALSO - you should read the_retro_witch's entire Sweet Nightmare series. It's a post-canon universe where after Crackstone's defeat, Wednesday and Xavier get together before they leave school and now it's grown into this amazing saga with mystery-solving soulmates and psychic and witchy amazingness. The other characters are developed and the plots are rich and fun. It updates pretty darn regularly and every word is a delight. Honestly. Read the series, you won't regret it. Let it be your first foray into Wenvier if you are on the fence. Don't be on the fence. Come ship with me! 🖤🖤

ANYWAY - sending you all warm hugs and hope for a wonderful February. Love love love to you all! 🖤❤️

#jandy's fanfic reading challenge adventure 2023 #reading fics with jandy #fanfic reading challenge 2023 #2023 fic reading challenge #2023frc

[tcookies777]

I just want to chime in as a neutral reader! This is mainly in regards to that ask that was recently posted on your tumblr:

All those fics you posted are one-shots. There are so few long-term good written KakaSaku fics with a lot of sex, and let's be real all the "classic fics" only have 1-2 sex scenes and are more story-focused. I think the KakaSaku fans have been dying for an actual long-term good story (which TAOL totally is if you look at it from the slow-build/story side) that have an equal balance of plot and porn. Or maybe that's just my projection but I'm sure some KakaSaku fans feel the same way.

When TAOL came out I was blown away because it was completely different from all the other KakaSaku fics with how well and intricate you planned things, so I had faith in your direction.

I think some went into your story expecting this to be more porn than plot (esp with the teacher/student trope, tags) hence the constant criticism of "nothing happens." But I don't think it's right for them to take out their anger on you and it is not your responsibility to fill that void at all. Your story is your story and you shouldn't write to please anyone but yourself.

I know this is a slow-burn/slow build, but you wrote on tumblr that this story might be 80 chapters, so we're currently 40 chapters in (so technically halfway in the story if that 80-total chapter count is still valid) and there's only been like 2-3 kisses and a couple of "lime" scenes. Maybe all the good stuff happens in the last half of the story, I don't know, but feel free to clarify. I'm guessing since Act 1 is like 40 chapters maybe the rest of the acts will be 40 chapters each for 120-ish total chapters? So yes 40/120 might seem like nothing to you because there are still 80 chapters left where you can include sex scenes every chapter if you so want, but for us readers who have to wait for each chapter every 2 weeks (and now another 4-month break), it's a LONG wait. So I totally understand why readers are antsy (not complaining about the update time, a chapter every 2-3 weeks is great and miles better than fics who only update like 1-2 times a month).

I've been with this story since the beginning, but I've come to terms with the fact that we're probably not getting sex scenes til like chapter 60 or something with the way this slow build is going. And that's fine, you did emphasized that this was a slow burn so I've tuned my expectations for it because I do enjoy the plot-side of the story and find it interesting and unique. But I will admit that this is probably the longest, longest slow-build fic I've read thus far. Even other smut stories that are slow-burn with 100+ chapters have all managed to introduce sex scenes before the 40-chapter mark, but I guess it's just a difference of how you outlined your story.

I will be honest and say that I did expect more from chapter 40 just because it was Act 1's finale, but you have your reasons and we as readers have to respect it. I'm just glad I don't primarily read this fic solely for the smut because I would probably be just another one of those disgruntled readers.

See you again in April 2023!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm being such a tech-illiterate idiot right now, my stupid ass was confused for a moment why this Ask was formatted weird when I realized it's a submit 😭 Uhh I'm hoping I'm doing this right?

Anyway, yes, a reader or 2 asked for the exact chapter count. However, I explained to them that the chapter count is volatile and not set in stone because of spontaneous side chapters thrown in, or I realize a chapter is too long and I have to break it into 2 chapters. With these reasons, I told them that 80 is a very loose estimate.

A few months later, another reader (or possibly the same reader) asked me again about what the chapter count is. I told them:

So yes, your calculations are very plausible! It's why I don't specify on AO3 the exact chapter count for TAOL because I myself am not sure of exactly how many chapters there will be. And I don't want to keep telling readers "oops, added more to the chapter count again!" over and over again because I think that would annoy them.

Unfortunately, you're partially right that many readers started TAOL with the expectation of porn balanced with plot, but other readers have clearly expressed to me from the get go that they only desire porn. And when people keep messaging me demanding over and over that I hurry up and give them porn because they could hardly care about the plot, it makes me cranky.

I recently had a new reader check out TAOL and they only read the first paragraph of Chapter 1 before skipping alllll the way to Chapter 38. They then commented "jesus fucking christ, 38 chapters and they still haven't fucked yet?! so fucking slow"

I just deleted that comment since there's no point in explaining the slowburn to them when they clearly want to read just porn.

So all those complaints that there hasn't been sex YET add onto all those messages demanding that I "just write porn and forget about the fucking plot". It's not fun to get both of them together, and over and over again.

If I wanted the story to just mainly be about a teacher fucking his student, I would've just done a one-shot. I wouldn't be the first to do that though.

As an aside, some slowburns I have read have been 1-2 MILLION words long with the couple only kissing after the 1 million word mark. As you can all see, I'm not sadistic enough to make you all read 1 million words before seeing Kakashi and Sakura kiss (for technically their 3rd time). I think TAOL is the longest/slowest slowburn KakaSaku fic, but it's definitely not the slowest/longest fic overall in the world of fanfiction! I actually once saw a reader brag about their 14 million word WIP... Yes, 14 MILLION word slowburn!

You bet I did not read that fic.

Anyway, I appreciate your understanding and patience.

I also appreciate that you respect my writing choices, regardless if you disagree or agree with them. I'm so used to people disagreeing with my writing choices and bashing me for them that seeing you say you still respect it and my reasons had me do a huge double-take.

Hope you have a happy and warm holiday season and see you next year!

#cookie answers #taol #the anatomy of love

[intentionallyjoyful]

February 23, 2023

Hi. I haven't "blogged" in years, not quite sure what's compelling me to now. I don't know who will even read this anyways. I've got a lot of my mind, as I've spent the last 2 days in thought whilst puking my brains out with a stomach virus and laying down in a fetal position. Yay for stomach viruses.

Little background on me: Almost 29 year old mom of 3 boys (5 and under), married for 10 years now, Christian, politically incorrect, Texas, SAHM, and homeschooling. I feel like that info alone will deter most people who find this blog.

So what's on my brain? Well, about 2 weeks ago I took Instagram & Facebook off my phone. I've checked it a couple times because groups/businesses, but not scrolling or going through stories. I initially removed the apps to focus more on prayer, particular when it comes to us finding a house. The house we finally committed an offer on recently did not work out mind you...which disappointed, God, but I'll trust something better is coming up. Regardless, it was good for other reasons too because social media definitely has a negative effect on me. I should probably remove TikTok too, tbh. Anyways, the biggest lesson I've learned thus far is that Not that many people give a fuck about you, and you also don't give a fuck about them. Yet social media gives this illusion that you all do. I also take less pictures/videos because even though I mostly did it for myself, I evidently was also doing it for others and because why? I don't know, like I need to prove I have a nice life or something, boredom, hoping someone will start a convo so not so isolated, Idk. I have a list I'm forming of people who actually reach out to me and who I think to reach out to and after a full month, these will be the only people I will actively dump my energy into, because obviously that's where it naturally fell. I keep finding myself being way too good of a friend to people who really don't care that deeply for me. It's really a shitty realization. On the flip side, I've noticed people who I hardly paid any mind to or would even call a friend insist that we're good friends, lol. Weird.

Speaking of energy, being part of a homeschooling co-op has been a total energy sucker. I'm not a group person, I knew this going into it, and yet I tried to go out of my comfort zone and continue to try to stick it out when I'm truly not enjoying it whatsoever. The kids love it though, we all get along great with similar values, it's just..... people are inconsistent and not as committed to the group. With me being the organizer, this leads to me constantly feeling frustrated by turnouts or lack of input/response, etc. I can't even fully explain it. I just keep praying for guidance on this and I know that if I was to just end things that it would end potential great long-term friendships for not only the kids, but for me. At the same time, I'm like if this isn't working out seamlessly already, why keep trying so much, especially when the effort is almost entirely on my part or people working through me, which I also dislike. Especially if I end up relocating further away from everyone since that's where our housing price-point keeps leading us.... shouldn't I be more involved in a community there?

Lastly, I wish my parents would move closer already. My grandma needs to pass, this poor old woman is miserable at 97 and barely hanging out. It's been thing after thing after thing. I hope and pray she passes soon and that my parents feel peace over it all. They are in desperate need of a break. Back when we lived closer to my parents, there were far too many issues. My brother was mentally unstable, my mother was in a terrible place physically and mentally as well, but fast-forward 5 years and things are so much better and now I just wish we could have simple family dinners or attend church together, get the cousins together for a playdate, or go on a nature walk with my mom. I always feel unsettled. Forever feeling like I don't belong where I'm at and that I'm missing something or supposed to be somewhere else. I don't know how to reconcile that.

And there's my first blog post. /end