#as far as I know I don't fall under 'high support' needs

[varian-ross-horror-author]

"Disabled people should be allowed to be as independent as we can be" and "disabled people should not be pressured to be hyper-independent in order to not wind up in nursing homes against our will" are two thoughts that can, and should, exist at the same time.

#physically disabled #cripplepunk #disability #original post #the number of people who assume I'm from an assisted living facility stuns me #I can do most things on my own #as far as I know I don't fall under 'high support' needs #yet I've had people ask about my caretaker and I'm like 'my what' #I have someone drive me and need help shopping #but that's about all

[scudevils]

jersey boy — JM6

pairing: john marino x fem!reader

warnings: smut, oral (m receiving), swearing, slight degradation, praise, semi-public, like slight voyeurism, established relationship, not proofread!!

synopsis: he just looked too hot not to fuck at the stadium series [<1k]

a/n: completely self indulgent whilst i was in the middle of writing the barzy fic which is why its so short 😭

they were riding the high from the win, nico and nate getting two goals each, john getting his 100th career win and of course a devils win, what wasn't there to celebrate?

that sentiment was how you found yourself now, johns lips pressed against your pulse point, leaving wet red marks in their wake, your gasps bouncing off the confined walls of the bar bathroom. you barely keep your hands off of him, how could you when he looked that fucking good?

"john-" you thread your fingers through his hair, the curls he was beginning to free recently not doing well to help your obsession with pulling on the dark strands, a breathy moan falling from your lips in the sound of his name.

eventually you managed to get him to detach his lips from your neck, instead slotting over your own, your back pressed against the sink counter, john's hands wandering your body as if for the first time, pawing at the clothes he earlier deemed too little and now far too much. "you gonna let me fuck you here, hm?" his hand ran down the side of your cheek, taunting you, a mocking tone to his words.

"please." your voice was just above a whisper, shame seeping into your words, the realisation that his friends, his teammates, were just outside and could interrupt at any moment, hear you at any moment.

"gonna need you to be real quiet, okay?" his hands found home on your hips, lifting you up onto the counter, your back pressed against the cool glass, goosebumps rising on your legs as the bottom of your dressed had already bunched up below your waist. “don’t want them to hear you do you?” shaking your head, he smiled.

he was quick to undo the belt around his waist, pushing down the trousers he was wearing enough to free himself, tip already leaking pre-cum, begging for you to touch him. "wait." john's eyes snapped up to meet yours, worry pooling in them, nearly sobering him up with the fear he'd done something or that you were having second thoughts. "wanna touch you, please."

"you can touch me whenever you fucking want to, baby." he groaned, watching the way you dropped your feet back onto the bar floor, and the way your eyes never left him as you got down onto your knees in front of him, the subconscious act of licking your lips driving him fucking crazy.

there was something about the way he towered over you when you were on your knees that turned you on like nothing else, knowing he could manhandle your body like a rag doll if he wanted to, fuck yeah you wanted him to do that to you. your hand stroked lazily, feeling him harden in your hand and he sucked in a breath when you swiped your thumb over his tip.

swirling your tongue around the tip, a groan fell from his lips, joined by a chorus of swear words when you took him fully in your mouth, his hand immediately finding the back of your hair and forming a makeshift ponytail, preventing you from moving as his hips moved to meet your own movement. "just like that, shit."

you managed to look up, seeing just the underside of his neck as his head lolled back, eyes screwed shut. the sound of you gagging only egged him on, his thrusts becoming harsher, tip repeatedly hitting the back of your throat. moaning around him, the vibrations ran through his whole body, feeling his thigh clenching under the hand you used for support.

"don't stop, fucking don't." john was doing most of the movement now, holding your head still as he fucked into your mouth, using you for his own pleasure. "so good to me-" you can feel his cock twitching in your mouth, always a tell tale sign that he was close, all it taking was pushing your head down till he repeatedly hit the back of your throat for him to release down it, keeping you there so nothing spills.

john intertwined his fingers with your own, lifting you up from your knees and giving you a few seconds to recovers before his lips were back on yours, softer this time, like he was in less of a rush. “looked so good today johnny.” you spoke against his lips, pulling them between yours before he could reply.

a knock at the door broke you apart, words you couldn’t quite make out but you knew the gist of what they were saying, and you were thoroughly embarrassed they totally knew what was going on.

“gonna have to wait till we get home to show me just how how good i looked then huh?” john’s voice broke into a small laugh, the first of you to leave the bathroom as he let you touch up the makeup on your face that had been completely ruined, mascara pooled at the corner of your eyes.

#john marino #john marino smut #john marino blurb #john marino fluff #john marino imagine #john marino x reader #john marino imagines #nhl smut #nhl imagine #nhl blurb #hockey imagine #hockey smut #hockey blurb #scudevils

[whatwooshkai]

LONG ASS EXCERPT UNDER THE CUT

okay so I wrote this because I couldn't stop thinking about the "what-if's" of the first chapter of look after you, so I wrote it out. I don't think it's enough for ao3, and I don't want it to turn into more than it already is, so uh here. enjoy

“Megatron,” Optimus says again, pleading. 

Megatron finds he’s reaching for Optimus before he even rationalizes his decision. 

Electricity passes between the tips of their digits, and a flood of emotions pulses through the Prime’s field so strong it forces Megatron to take another step back as he gently slips their servos together. And then the world falls out from under him. 

“NO!” Optimus shouts, so raw and visceral that traces of static burst from his voice box. He scrambles forward and drops his chassis against the edge of the cliff, scrabbling for Megatron’s servo. His digits drag up Megatron’s forearm as they grasp at each other, leaving deep grooves and traces of his paint. 

Megatron knows deep in his spark it won’t be enough- that he’ll slip from Optimus’ servos and go flying down to the ground. He’s weakened already, and they’re high enough up… the fall may kill him. 

Megatron doesn’t know if he’s at peace with that reality yet. 

It occurs to him, suddenly, that there isn’t wind whistling through his audials or the chinks in his armor. He isn’t moving at all. 

Megatron chances a glance upwards, and meets Optimus’ wide blue optics. Coolant pools at the edges of them, and a drop splashes onto Megatron’s nose, but he doesn’t dare move. “I’ve got you,” Optimus promises, the grip on his forearm tightening. “I’ve got you, Megatron. I’ve got you.”

There has never been a sweeter, more perfect melody than Optimus’ voice in that moment. 

Slowly, carefully, Megatron manages to reach up and grasp Optimus’ forearm, giving the Prime the leeway he needs to adjust his grip on Megatron so it’s secure enough to pull up. Mindful not to be dead weight, no matter the way exhaustion threatens to drag his frame back down, Megatron braces his pedes against the rock, climbing to let Optimus better support his weight as he pulls him over the edge of the cliff and onto solid ground. 

No guns are pointed at him anymore. The Autobots are watching the two of them curiously, but the sight lasts barely a second before a scuffed red shoulder completely obscures his vision. 

Optimus Prime is hugging him, tight enough he can feel his plating squeal in the embrace. Optimus is warm, no, hot, he’s burning Megatron’s protoform from their million points of contact, his vents brush scalding air against his faceplate, his digits threaten to melt the backplates they’re clutching like a lifeline. 

Megatron doesn’t move, especially not to hug back. But he melts, just a little bit, letting Optimus support his exhausted frame. 

There’s a soft shrrk, and Megatron feels Optimus’ battlemask open against his helmet. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever actually seen Optimus Prime’s face. 

“You’re not getting out of this that easy,” Optimus whispers against his audial teasingly, but there’s a rumble in his throat, a deep threat buried under the mirth. Megatron can’t help but shiver. 

After far too long and somehow still too soon, Optimus pulls away, dragging his servos down Megatron’s arms to clasp theirs together. Cold suddenly rushes Megatron’s frame, the warmth sucked from every inch of him Optimus’ frame touched. He isn’t able to suppress the involuntary shiver. 

“We’ll end this war for good,” Optimus promises. His battle mask is back in place. “I can’t trust you, Megatron. But I will not leave your side. We will end this war for good.”

Something foreign yet familiar swirls in Megatron’s tanks, and he finds himself nodding. 

One of Optimus’ servos trails up Megatron’s arm to where his digits left paint transfers raking down it. His touches are feather light. Megatron suppresses another shiver. 

Optimus trails higher, up and over his shoulder, until he’s cupping Megatron’s jaw in his servo. “Promise me,” Optimus says. 

“I promise,” Megatron says without thinking, his spark spinning far faster than should be normal. “We will end this war.”

And then Optimus smiles, the corners of his optics crinkling in a beautiful expression of pure joy. 

Megatron has to suppress the urge to drop his helm onto Optimus’ shoulder. But Primus, he’s just so fucking tired. 

Finally, reprieve, he thinks as Optimus clasps his servos again, the last thing he feels before his frame collapses with exhaustion. 

#maccadam #transformers #transformers fic #tf look after you #megatron #optimus prime #megop #wip #fic wip #technically? #idk man

[punkeccentricenigma]

headcanons with the rise boys and a reader who is in med school! Graduated high school early and is training to be a doctor! Romantic or platonic, your pick

Rise!Boys with Reader who is in Med School

Relationship status: platonic

Reader prounouns: They/Them

TW: Mention of slicing the frog, Some grammatical errors because english is not my first language.

Author's note: Just so you know, I am not familiar with medicine at the college level, only what I had in high school biology, so I tried to write these headcanons as neutrally as possible. And all in all, even if I learn anything now, it is only in the field of physiotherapy because my friend is going to such studies this year, so sorry if it's not what you wanted, but still, enjoy!

Leonardo

◇I won't lie, I'm sure this guy admires you.

◇Not everyone gets a chance to get into such a school!

◇But knowing his personality, he'll probably tease you a lot, calling you a 'nerd.'

◇It usually doesn't cross the line, BUT if Leonardo goes too far with his teasing, especially when you're tired after classes, you often threaten to perform a dissection on him like a frog.

◇And when he arrogantly waved it off at first, you and Donnie pulled a prank on him with that theme.

◇Everything was recorded as he lay pinned to the table, and you stood over him with a scalpel.

◇Leo thinks you're very diligent, hardworking, and disciplined, which also means mentally exhausted.

◇Such a school demands a lot, so expect that during study sessions in your cozy home, that idiotic turtle will come and drag you to the hidden city to relax.

◇I'm sure he'll try to make you laugh often using elaborate medical jokes he found on the internet.

◇Sometimes he also feels a bit jealous. He has some basic knowledge when he has to patch himself or his brothers up, but deep down, he would also like to go to such a medical school to enhance his skills. But you see the whole situation.

◇But don't worry! In your free time, you'll give him a bit of education with the knowledge you've acquired so far.

◇Even if he tries to hide it, he's a bit overwhelmed by the vast amount of knowledge and skills you possess.

◇But despite that, he's proud of you for taking on the challenge and fulfilling your dreams! Or at least you're on the right path to doing so.

Raphael

◇The proudest big bro! You got into that school?? Amazing!

◇Your number one supporter!

◇Raphael truly appreciates your intelligence, hard work, and determination. He never imagined himself getting into a medical school, not only because of the whole situation but also because his knowledge absolutely doesn't go in the same direction as yours. But that his friend managed it? Nice!

◇He admires your selfless need to help other people. He's keeping his green fingers crossed for you to achieve that dream medical title!

◇I'm sure he suggested some ‘experiments’ on himself for you to practice a topic from lectures. In the end, you hit him on the head for such an absurd idea. You didn't intend to do that! That's Donatello's role! Besides, mixed human DNA with turtle DNA would probably mess with your mind more than help.

◇Although their biology sometimes interested you.

◇When he notices you're tired and stressed from all the medical material, he'll gladly take you to their living room, and under a warm blanket, you'll have a Lou Jitsu movie marathon (where you'll eventually fall asleep, lmao) or play a bandana takeover with his brothers, all tricks allowed for your amusement!

◇Hey, don't complain about his support. Many times, you've helped him when he was stressed about being the leader before Leo or after the Kraang invasion. That's all he can do!

◇Sometimes he was confused and a bit unhappy when you started explaining various medical terms or tools to him. Raph is simple; give him a lighter version of all that.

◇Sometimes he wasn't happy that you declined meetings because of studying or lectures. Hey! He also needs attention sometimes D:

Donatello

◇Donnie is really proud of you, even if he doesn't express it in words every day.

◇But as a reward for your hard work, he'll fine-tune the devices you use for practice or build something helpful.

◇He appreciates your genuine interest in understanding difficult concepts and your ability for critical thinking. You don't even know how much he needed someone like you in his life, looking at his family.

◇Despite your enthusiasm and intelligence, he thinks you might overly stress about grades and perfectionism, which in the long run can lead to stress and burnout. So, he often forces you to take a break in his lab, sipping mint-flavored coffee.

◇It's also his small revenge for taking him away from his work on new inventions when he hasn't slept for two days in a row, lmao.

◇But if it's not spending time with him, the guy will go through all your material at the moment to make cheat sheets with the most important information.

◇You pose an intellectual challenge for him and keep him on his toes, but he always enjoys discussing and exploring different perspectives on a topic with you, even though he leans more towards technological knowledge than biological.

◇However, despite his intelligence, Donnie in those moments can be a bit 'know-it-all' and doesn't always consider the opinions or feelings of other people, or even the actual facts.

Michelangelo

◇You won't convince me he wouldn't be initially confused; I mean, he's the least interested in medical topics.

◇But as soon as you start explaining, he'll immediately admit that he's impressed and that he's really proud of you!

◇He'll always mention how much he appreciates your determination to achieve your dreams!

◇Personally, I have a headcanon that Mikey wants to become one of the most recognizable artists, so he roughly knows how frustrating it is when something doesn't work out.

◇In a way, I think Mikey sees you as his role model, so feel proud to be compared to Lou Jitsu :D

◇Mikey sometimes worries a lot about your mental health after lectures. So, expect many long conversations about self-care.

◇Being the youngest of the brothers, he got a lot of attention, so he'll often be jealous of how much time you spend at school and with human friends rather than with him. He knows it's immature behavior, but he can't help it!

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rise donnie x reader #rise mikey x reader #rise raph x reader #rise leo x reader #rottmnt x y/n #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x you #rottmnt x reader #Med school #headcanons

[ailendolin]

Idk if you're still doing the ask game but if you are --> ❤️‍🩹 Pat & Thomas (platonic or romantic idm) :)) love your fics btw <3

I'm always up for doing ask games, no matter how long ago it was that I reblogged them. So thank you for sending this in! 💙 I don't ship Thomas and Pat so I'm going for a platonic headcanon based around the hug they shared in series 5. I hope you enjoy it!

Headcanon ask game can be found here. Answered asks for this ask game are gathered under this tag.

❤️‍🩹 - Hurt/Comfort

Pat realised early on that Thomas can talk for hours without really saying anything. It's the things he doesn't say that are the most enlightening, so Pat starts reading between the lines. It's how he learns that Thomas's father wasn't around for most of Thomas's life, or perhaps not around at all, and that Thomas would have traded all the money and support his mother gave him throughout his life for something as simple as a hug from her.

There is an emptiness in-between Thomas's sentences when one knows what to listen for; an aching silence that tells of a longing Thomas doesn't know how to express. Pat can't quite put his finger on what that means until Thomas pulls him so desperately close the night they think one of them will move on. When Pat makes him pull back almost at once, shame and embarrassment are written all over Thomas's face for all the world to see, and the puzzle pieces are finally falling into place.

There is no time to act on his revelation that evening. Too much is going on and emotions are running far too high to draw any attention to it. But the next morning he goes to find Thomas in the library, and when he sits down beside him, he doesn't hesitate before he pulls him into a hug - a gentler, less desperate version of the one the night before.

"You've been waiting for this for two-hundred years, haven't you?" he asks quietly. When Thomas's breathing hitches, Pat smiles sadly and holds him tighter. "I'm always up for a hug, mate. All you have to do is ask."

It changes everything. At first, Pat has to open his arms in silent invitation whenever it looks like Thomas is in need of a hug but once it sinks in that he really meant what he said, Thomas starts coming to him of his own accord. He's all shy and self-conscious when he does but Pat doesn't mind, not when Thomas smiles at him so heartbreakingly genuinely every time they part. It suits him, that smile, and Pat is glad to see it emerge more and more these days - and all because of a simple hug.

#no one can change my mind that Thomas is touch starved #and there's not enough fics and headcanons about this out there #thomas thorne #pat butcher #bbc ghosts #headcanon ask game

[ominoose]

Abandoned Fic

Steven/Marc/Jake - Onlyfans Xmas Editions

I'm so sorry gang, I've tried my best at this but it aint working, so I am giving this fic up so anyone can enjoy the bare bones or someone can steal and adapt it. I apologise for my transgression of not finishing the Moon Knight Gang Bang, but it is what it is amigos.

There was a comfortable rhythm to how each man came and went from their shared flat. Jake was out most of the time, doing things even God likely didn't want to know about. Marc was out half the time, doing odd jobs, going out for a run. Steven was the homebody of the bunch, comfortably sat at home, cocooned under blankets as he leafed through yet another Egyptology book.

The one time they were guaranteed to be at home together was for a Sunday dinner. It was Stevens idea, one he stubbornly insisted on with wet puppy eyes and a trembling bottom lip. Now it was their routine, a way to catch up on each others daily goings on. What it wasn't supposed to be was the catalyst to Jake and Marc confronting Steven about his Onlyfans.

"So... Marc found this curious little video online Steven. Si, there's this guy with his dick in his hand, all sad and crying, British and what not. Looked just like you."

The matching smirk was lethal.

What followed was an awkward conversation that had the Brit mentally booking flights to Antarctica and trying to remember how Marc had gotten forged documents. Despite his absolute horror, both had been receptive, saying they appreciated the extra income. Steven even found himself rambling about how it all worked, the events, even the Halloween special (minus the homemade pumpkin pie.)

When the pair offered their help to make a Christmas special, he'd been stunned into silence. Being supportive of his more... intimate method of making rent was one thing, but helping him organise things? It should've set off big, flashing red alarms in his silly mind how much they were taking to it, but Steven was too high on having them both engage with his interest.

After all, he did end up leaving the Halloween special to the last minute and that only ended up being a success thanks to a fans odd (yet incredibly lucrative) request. Steven didn't want to leave it to chance this year, he needed something big, something inciting to compete with the market and do something worth stealing attention on Christmas eve.

The usual set was decorated to the nines, tinsel hung from the top, blow up candy canes at the back and softly blinking fairy lights framing the entire set up. Jake had been the one to help set it up, even dusting off his toolkit to put together the new camera stand Steven had bought and fell over whilst attempting to put it up. The Latino's mood was far too chirpy as he whistled atop the ladders, screwing some poles to the wall for Stevens green screen. Another sign.

Marc's idea of help had been more personal, nodding encouragement at Steven's ideas, adding in his own advice here and there.

"Why not add baubles to the tinsel? Maybe you should wear something festive? Just an idea, obviously. I don't know, you said you'd used all your... 'props' before, isn't Christmas partly about getting new things?". How did Steven not see it coming?

Despite the actual nature of the topics, the support was nice, lovely even. It felt like something had finally clicked between them all, oddly enough. Like a gap being bridged. None of the trio had felt closer in Stevens eyes, especially on nights when a pen was nestled behind curls on his ear as he furrowed over notes for future streams, bouncing ideas off the two before slowly falling asleep on a leather jacket or denim shirt.

When the night finally arrived Steven looked at the set with wide eyes, the soft fairy lights twinkling, mistletoe hung at the top of the screen and a little green tree stood merrily at the side. It was perfect.

Both Marc and Jake had agreed to leave the flat for the duration of the stream, but as Steven pulled his candy cane stockings on, the door creaked open.

"Dios mío, I knew they were gonna look good but this is something else..." The gravelly voice had Steven jerking upright, face a warm red.

"W-What are you both doin' still here?! I thought you left-"

#omiwrites

[noa-ciharu]

Whenever I see aro/ace discourses and whether they belong in LGBTQ+ spaces, my initial thought is always the same:

Who are you to decide?

What none tells you about being on aromantic and/or asexual spectrum is how isolating it is. You feel lonely. And it's constant. Lonliness because of identity isn't always overwhelming, but it's present somewhere deep down. You feel lonely not because of lack of sexual/romantic attraction but because of society and amatonormativity.

When I was in elementary school, all my friends had crushes. I never understood that because even if I liked someone, it was always in platonic way. They insisted I couldn't possibly not like anyone and I felt forced to fake a crush. In middle school people started dating each other and I comforted myself with "I'm too young for that, time will come". By the high school I already knew something was "wrong" with me, I wasn't like the others. People began having sex not because they were expected to do that but because they actually wanted to. That was such shock to me, I thought media was exaggerating with passion and attraction but apparently all those things happen irl too. Hence I realized I was "the weird one". I forced myself to have same experiences but it felt more like obligation to me than something I trully wanted. I felt dirty after being touched, it repulsed me. I felt like something is broken within me for not enjoying sex. I could never fall in love. People called me coldhearted, they thought something was wrong with me. Few therapist tried to "fix" me, even set me up on dates. I internalized all of that and began seeing myself as "not normal".

Now that I'm older and know there's nothing wrong with me or being aroace, I still can't shake years and years of "I'm not normal" I experienced. It still haunts me. I hear someone talking about their sexual experiences and part of me still feels "not normal" when seeing how "normal" people live. I feel lonely. Parents insist I must find a partner one day. They don't believe i don't experience romantic attraction towards other people. Outside of aspec communities online, I don't experience any support. When I step outside, I still feel like something is wrong with me. Intentionally or not, society still makes me feel like an outsider. It's because of amatonormativity that roots too deep.

There's nothing wrong with people being romantic or sexual, far from that - but vast majority of cishet folks out there expect me to act same as them. Mere thought of someone looking at me as sexual being makes me cringe. I never felt romantic attraction towards anyone. I don't want to be in a relationship - I'm different from the "rest". It's lonely. Felling of isolation became association to me as part of identity. I don't even form closer platonic bonds because inevitable question of my romantic/sex life would inevitably come. For the longest time I felt like I needed to censor that part of myself. I assimilate with surroundings and hope noone finds out my "little secret".

If we as society educated kids more about LGBTQ+ stuff, then maybe this chronic feeling of isolation in aspec communities would diminish in few generations. However what I can say is that from very early age I experienced romantic/sexual attraction very different from what is considered "standard" - and that is why I relate to LGBT experiences innumerous times more than I will to "standard' heterosexual heteroromantic ones.

So stranger on the internet, who are you to swept all my complicated feelings and experiences regarding sexuality under rug because they can't fit in your narrow definition of how romantic and sexual attraction should be.

#a mini rant #lgbt+ #aromantic #asexual #asexuality #aegosexual #aroace #society as a whole is very amatonormative and i wish people outside aro/ace spectrum understood that too #all our lives would be easier #amatonormativity

[nonuggetshere]

15 and 16 for my baby girl PK?

Full disclaimer, I pulled an allnigter so this might not be comprehensible

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

HMMM. Okay, so I really love PK x WL/WyrmRoot, I adore big height differences and guys just obsessed with their wives. And they're both morally grey, nuanced characters, doomed to fail from the start, so they're both already pretty high up on my character likability tier list and when you put them together it's even better. They support each other's wrongs. They haunt the narrative together. What's not to love?

I also like PK x Grimm/PaleNightmare and PK x TL for other reasons.

Visually, I like the aesthetic of Grimm and Pale King together, and the dynamic some people give them - of Grimm being one of the few people who can irritate and stand up to Pale King and get away with it - I adore a lot. This dance of power and how far one can push the other is something I enjoy in ships. Also, two old fucks finding comfort in each other's company.

Pale King x Traitor Lord is just very amusing to me. It would make the Traitor Lord a gigantic, stinking hypocrite and that's funny to me. Also, I enjoy mortals winning over gods and being the "dominant" one in the relationship, so to speak. That's it, that's the only two reasons. Mostly, it's funny. I love old man yaoi.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

I'm gonna say Lurien x PK/PaleWatcher. I flip flop between disliking them and liking them, and I think it has to do a lot with how they're written. I KNOW it's played up for a joke so I don't really mind it as much, but boiling down Lurien's character to "the guy obsessed with the Pale King" rubs me the wrong way (I keep saying how I don't like characterisations that serve no other purpose than to prop up or demonise another character, and this falls under that category methinks). But it's 99% a joke so it's fine. I'm personally not a fan of how some people write either of them (most of the time Lurien) to be hopelessly pinning after the other, just not my cup of tea specifically for these two. I want them to be two weirdos who just Get each other, are one of the very few people who truly understand each other, but there's still this dance around the...let's say proper mannerisms, statuses and societal expectations. I feel like you get me like no other but you are my king/my subject and I cannot get closer to you than at arms reach, even if I crave it, I need it. I also want them to get completely weird about it in a worshipping your deity kind of way (yes I know it sounds kind of similar to Lurien being obsessed with PK I mentioned before. It is not, not in my soul or heart. Just trust me on this one okay, don't question it).

So overall I don't necessarily dislike it so to speak, it's just my least favourite ship because it can be very hit or miss (I guess they never miss) kind of relationship for me

(For the briefest of moments, when I realised that I'm talking about a ship that I don't even dislike, I thought about switching this answer to Radiance x PK because that's the worst ship I could think of without it being downright gross/triggering. And then I promptly realised it'd be fucking hilarious and now I want to see them make each other worse. I want to observe this toxic inevitable disaster like a fly on a wall)

#thylacines can talk #asks #sorry if it makes little to no sense like i said i pulled an allnighter and i WAS going to proofread it but my mum just got home with food #so thay desire died down within seconds. if there are any types missing words or confusing sentences its now yalls problem #i have a chiken to obliterate brb #ALSO I SEE THE SONG QUESTIONS ILL ANSWER THEM I JUST SUCK AT PICKING SONGS

[rainbowsky]

Hi!!! While I'm really happy with the successful completion of season 5 of SDC, but I came across the clips of 🐢 and 🏍️ fighting with each other & there were staffs removing the red lights from the crowd which kinda made me upset. I know that it's completely fair for the staffs to promote wyb & his team in a show where bjyx related stuff is irrelevant. Anyway I know I should stay away from Twitter it's just bloodbath out there.

A lot of people have written me about this incident, and @accio-victuuri did a post about it as well, which you can find here. I just have a few things to add on this topic.

The question that keeps coming up is, "Should BXG be showing up at GG and DD's events with BXG banners and fan materials?"

To me the question isn't, "Should BXG be there?" the question is, "How should we conduct ourselves in public?"

We have every right to go wherever we want, online or off. We have the right to show our support for GG and DD. What I don't think we have the right to do is make a big spectacle of ourselves, or escalate tense situations in public places or in online spaces.

Here's the thing that I think we always need to keep in mind: we are the fringe group. We are the group that is going to be targeted for bullying and hate. In the eyes of the world at large, we are pervs who ship together real people using crazy theories and tinfoil hat clues. The myths about who we are and what we are about are far more widespread than the realities.

It is the fact that GG and DD are real people that makes our fandom fall under greater scrutiny, and it is why we have to be extra careful about how we behave. These aren't a couple of fictional characters. Everything that we say and do reflects on and has a potential to impact two very real people.

And if we believe they are in a real relationship, that makes it doubly important that we conduct ourselves with extra caution.

Going to an event - even an event that only one of them is present at - with turtle light banners and cute little dolls is totally fine, what isn't fine in my view is to cross over into behavior that might be disruptive. I have said it a thousand times, we should always stay in our own lane.

Solos are going to attack, bully and harass us. It's just the way things are. You've heard me say this a lot in the past - we don't have any control over what other people say, do or think. The only thing we have any control over is how we respond to what other people say, do or think. And if we care about GGDD and the turtle fandom we should always be choosing the response that will lead to peace.

When solos attack us, it is better to take the high road and do what we can to de-escalate the situation. This goes for online or offline.

The friendlier someone is to somebody who is being cruel to them, the nastier the cruel person looks. But as soon as we start behaving nasty back, we start looking just as nasty as the person attacking us.

And let me guarantee you, this is one area where appearances do matter. As I stated before, we are a fringe group. We are going to be targeted. If we look like we are asking for it, we're only making matters worse for ourselves. We are only jeopardizing our own existence as turtles.

If our behavior escalates rather than de-escalates fan wars, then we are generating fan wars that can harm GG and DD, and can jeopardize the turtle fandom.

It's likely that some solos are fully aware of that, and try to actively bait us. Be well aware and simply block and ignore.

As for the claims being made about what happened, and who said what and who did what, and which light banners were removed and which were not - and why, none of it matters. What matters is putting a stop to the fan wars. Or, at the very least, putting a stop to our contribution to the fan wars.

It doesn't matter whether turtles or solos, they were all there representing DD and they embarrassed him, at an event that he was not even supposed to be the focus of. They should all be ashamed of themselves.

Let's not lose sight of the fact that both solos and turtles made a negative spectacle of themselves. No one here comes away with a clean face.

Everybody from both fandoms should be deeply ashamed and humbled right now, not trying to justify themselves.

I see a lot of hand-wringing from people about what so-and-so said or did, or what so-and-so posted on Twitter. We shouldn't be fooling ourselves. Anything posted on Twitter is going to have a high chance of generating conflict. Conflict is a core feature of the culture of Twitter.

Nothing posted about GGDD or about turtles, no matter how benign or even positive, ever fails to draw solo hate and personal attacks toward BXG. Anyone who thinks that kind of BS can be avoided is fooling themselves.

I've been on Twitter, I see the kind of things that solos flock to and attack. They are just as likely to freak out over a cute piece of fan art as they are to freak out over a video showing fans arguing.

As I said before, it doesn't matter what solos do, what matters is how we respond to what they do. We should be blocking, ignoring, and reporting where appropriate.

Their behavior is their own responsibility. Our only focus should be on our own behavior.

I will never understand why people freak out over the fact that solos are saying hateful things about us on Twitter. Their opinions simply don't matter.

Edit: Follow-up post here.

#solos belong to moling su sect #twitter is a cesspool #it's in the air it's all around #fandom reflections #ask

[dk-wren]

A Letter to the Me I Was Four Years Ago Today

Hey Dakota,

Or, perhaps, I should address you as *****. I don't think we were Dakota quite yet.

In a few weeks, your whole life is gonna change. Okay, maybe a bit hyperbolic compared to the situations other people are also about to experience. But, take your time and enjoy today.

Its leap day, an extra day to do something, so take advantage of this supposedly "extra day of magic." I know you worked hard to get your homework under control so we could see the new Magic Happens parade on its opening weekend.

I remember the joy of getting to text our good friend "Happy birthday" on their actual birthday and not figure out if I should text them on the 28th or the 1st. The anticipation of waiting in a crowd of people to see this new parade, which could possibly run for the next decade like its predecessor. And sharing the specialty sundae at Gibson Girl and some of the dishes at this year's Food and Wine Festival with Dad. That chicken in a waffle taco was so good.

Smile and take your mind off of the pile of work you know you still have waiting at home, the APs you should be studying for, not to mention your upcoming SAT. That Coco float is more beautiful than anything you could have imagined and the Moana float is just beautiful.

You don't know it, but this will be your last trip to Disneyland as an annual passholder, or really your last normal day off for a while. In two weeks the world's gonna shut down, and no amount of optimism we try to muster will keep that initial two weeks as two weeks. But before that, take my advice, you should definitely apply to that Life is Strange fanzine you saw on Twitter. Then, you'll finally know who Dakota is. And who knows what else you may discover on this path.

Also, what took you so long to start writing for you? I know junior year of high school is not known for students having a lot any free time, but if this is what you wanna do for the rest of your life, you gotta start sooner than later. And hey, call me a hypocrite, I know I'm still trying to find a good work/life balance. But we're getting to use our free time in a way that makes us happy and productive. Just keep writing.

Over the next four, really two, years, you're gonna lose contact with a lot of friends. But the two who you do stay in contact with, let's just say you wouldn't wanna be (occasionally) texting with anyone else. They are gonna make you feel safe to be yourself and introduce you to some future obsessions. One of them will be the inspiration for the first piece you write truly for you and for fun. And they're gonna be so supportive when you tell them about what you've been up to/asking their help for.

There's gonna be a lot of rough nights and disappointments before you graduate. And the decision of what to do about college, let those tears fall. There's no need to keep holding those emotions in. It's a tough choice and while I'm still in the middle of it, who's to say I made the right decision. But, I can tell you this, you are gonna be so much happier when you start college. Maybe it's not the experience your sibling had or you dreamed of, but you are gonna fall in love with a whole new city with so much to do (and so little time!). And not to be narcissistic, but I know how proud you would be to see all the things I've done so far in my coursework.

Keep listening to that voice telling you to go for it. You're gonna start writing for some of your favorite fandoms (including ones that you'll meet down the line - I'm so excited for you to watch BD and TS for the first time). Then you're gonna join Tumblr, then AO3, and who knows what's next. Some incredibly sweet people will interact with the things you made (yes, you!) and you'll be introduced to so many talented writers and artists on here! Literally, every day I come across multiple fanarts and fics that I can't help but stare at cause they are sooo good!

I know I skipped over a lot of exciting (and not so exciting) things, but that's for you to discover and enjoy in the moment. Enjoy this moment of happiness, and don't let yourself get too consumed with all the things out of your control. I think the parade is just about to start over at It's a Small World. Take care. We'll meet again soon.

Love,

Dakota Wren 💜

#personal post #letter to self #how do i give my pass self a hug?

[delay33]

Shatter me

A Adamapple fanfiction

Chapter 1 <-

Chapter 2

Tw: this Adamapple fiction is for adults

His burden

His vision began to swim as he lifted the flour from the top shelf. He just managed to avoid making a mess and put the large jar of white powder down on the worktop. With gritted teeth, his claws dug into the top of the sideboard. Tried to normalize his breathing. The magic that had prevented Adam's soul from ripping apart had simply robbed him to much energy. Even now, a week later, hardly any of it was returning.

It was taking a price. Violently and regardless.

Not even he could just do whatever he wanted. The balance between Equilibrium and Chaos had to be maintained. The soul pact was part of it. The other piece was that he was for a while mortal than he'd even been in his life. As long as...

"Ah, your majesty. It is always a pleasure to meet you."

The radio demon's statistic voice raised the hairs on the back of his neck. It was almost as if the bastard was just waiting for him to be alone and not paying attention.

"Tell me, aren't you feeling well?" his tone became more lurking. The air charged with static, filling it with Alastor's sinister magic.

"Aw never mind, pff. Just a little sloppy. I wanted to make pancakes for our new arrival. He just woke up and is still a bit clumsy."

Sheer willpower kept Lucifer from falling for his weakness. Black spots kept dancing across his view. Alastor was the last person he wanted him to know that the ruler of hell was weak. In this state, he would not be able to cast higher magic without losing consciousness for a few days. During this time, he and especially Charlie would be defenseless.

With a far too friendly smile, the redhead strolled around Lucifer and watched him beat the dough.

Lucifer swallowed down the urge to turn around to face him. He was used to Alastor's games by now. The demon was always dancing to shadows to draw his interlocutor out.

"As careful as his daughter, our king. How's he doing? Charlie is already excited to get more help. But you know the others are pretty nervous. Not all of them think it's a good idea to have the man who tried to kill them here," the demon remarked, cleaning his monocle.

Of course, push the others forward. Instead of saying that you absolutely don't like it. The only question was why, did it seem to affect the demon so much? Could he get Adam to keep an eye on the demon?

"Well, they'll have to come to terms. We all have to. But I already have a task in mind for Adam that will keep him on track."

Lucifers stifled a wince as the demon suddenly emerged from the shadows on his other side.

"But of course, how could I think you wouldn't be thoughtful and keep everything in mind, Your Highness."

Alastor's politeness towards him was nothing but a mockery and fueled his rage. However, a power struggle was the last thing he needed right now.

"Yes, and now that we have him as support, there will be a lot less work for you. So you have more free time too. It's a perfect solution."

Whatever happened. Lucifer would not allow Alastor the opportunity to gain power over him and Charlie. He just had to find a way to compensate for his weakness in some other way.

"How clever. Well then, I'll leave you to plan my new free time."

Lucifer breathed a sigh of relief as the presence receded and he was safe to be alone.

Now he could devote himself to his other problem child.

The time would be more than exhausting for him, having two enemies around him at once. And in his immediate vicinity, who were not allowed to notice how weak he currently was. Of course he was magically superior to them. But one false step. One moment of inattention would bring him down. Thousands of demons were just waiting out there, hoping to gain more power. To get their hands on his blood and flesh. True to the motto: the king is dead, long live the king.

Gasping, he slumped to the ground and pulled his knees under his chin. He gave his circulation a few moments' peace. With Adam blocking his bed, he had gotten even less sleep than usual. In the first few days, the wounds had opened up again and again. Healing them was complicated and exhausting. He was simply at the end of his tether and there was no rest in sight. Hoping that Adam would be on his side at some point was by far the most ridiculous dream he could ever have.

Sighing, he stood up again. He would regret it one day, but for now he had to make his guest something to eat.

*

Lucifer carefully placed the tablet on the small bedside cabinet. Unsure what to do next, he scratched the back of his head.

Adam had decided to stare silently in the other direction of the room after another barrage of insults. His eyes showed that his thoughts were not here in reality. His conscience prickled his mind inexpressibly. He should have explained it to him in a different way.

"What are you planning to do to me?" The anger still resonated in Adam's voice, but he seemed to be trying to hold himself back.

"I'm going to guide and help you." He explained tersely. "That's all you need to know right now. Now eat your pancakes. They taste better hot."

"Tz. Yes, exactly because you're a saint and have no hidden agendas. Are you that bored? I didn't know it was a hobby in hell to keep your enemies as pets. That's okay for lesser demons, but you? Damn pervert!"

Lucifer's right eyelid began to twitch in stress. After Alastor, his nerves were hanging by a thread. It was clear he was far from happy to see Adam sitting in his bed and being insulted, but he had no choice in the matter as well. There was no going back for both of them, the price of such magic was too high.

I made you a promise a long time ago, even if you can't remember it... It doesn't really matter.

Lucifer thought wistfully.

"Think what you want. Go and get dressed. The others are waiting for you downstairs. They're very excited that you're going to help Charlie at the hotel. I hear you were a good craftsman on earth. That's why you're the new hotel janitor from now on. Alastor is totally unsuitable for the job."

Adam, who had already stuffed both cheeks, looked at him in surprise. "Wu bufundn unf m huftl?" Lucifer rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Yes, we're at the hotel and now swallow!"

"And what the heck is an Alaser? I can't believe I'm supposed to play the bitch for your little princess. Next you'll be telling me that I'm supposed to help you with kinky night games because I'm lying in your fucking bed."

"Alastor, demon, radio - something. You punched him, remember?"

Lucifer asked incredulously, stifling a triumphant grin. Oh, that would drive Bambi up the wall.

Adam thought about it. "Oh, that one. Hehe that was funny, took off like a bitch. Pussy. I gave him a good smack with my guitar." Suddenly the expression in Adam's eyes changed and he began to look around the room.

Confused by the sudden change in mood, Lucifer asked what was going on. The answer surprised him.

"My guitar..." It sounded like a question and a sad realization at the same time. He shook his head sympathetically as he realized how important this thing might have been to him. It was part of his heavenly power and therefore no longer existed. Direct proof of his fall.

"Ah, I see." Adam stared down blankly and pushed the half-eaten plate aside. The awkward silence made Lucifer nervous.

"You're actually in my bed, by the way." He couldn't think of anything better to say in response to the mood.

For a moment, Adam just looked at him, but you could see the cogs in his head start to turn

"WHAT?"

As if stung by a wasp, the brown-haired man jumped up, tangled himself in the sheet and crashed to the floor.

Unimpressed, Lucifer strolled over to the man and looked down at him from above.

"Your condition was critical and I'd never done anything like this before. It was important to keep you close to me and guaranteed your protection. I slept in the office next door during that time. So don't make such a fuss. Your huge body takes up enough space on its own."

With a skillful grip, he helped Adam to stand up and directed the much larger man towards the bathroom.

He set Adam down on the bath rim and began to wet the bandages.

"What are you doing, ey!"

"Stop fidgeting Adam, I want to have a look at the wounds."

,.....................

Chapter 3 (later the day)

Chapter 4 (tomorrow)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel fanfiction #adamapple #enemies to lovers

[nancyqueerler]

a very cute ronance idea: max is their unofficially adopted daughter, and her birthday is coming closer, so Robin suggests they should bake a cake for Max and Nancy agrees while Steddie will take care of the decorations and Jonathan and Argyle will take the kids out. but the thing is, Robin is so bad at baking (or cooking in general), and Nancy spends half of the time staring and smiling at a serious (yet also attractive) Robin with her tongue out. when Steddie is done, Steve walks in to announce just to see Robin back hugging Nancy and spinning her gently in the air, both covered in flour and wearing the brightest smiles he's ever seen.

June 20th. Summer was raw. Its fresh heat seeped in through the walls of the Wheeler abode, and dug fiery fangs into the skin of two girls. They were breathless and tight-chested from the weight of the torridity. Muscles burned, throats ached dry, soles of their feet cramped.

But it was June 20th, so they had a job to do. They whacked at cake batter, bolted to and fro around the kitchen, and hollered at the two boys in the living room who would not shut their mouths. It was June 20th, an esteemed day because a particular sun-headed girl claimed another year to her life this day. A particular sun-headed girl that Nancy and Robin would work themselves dry for.

"Where the hell are the eggs?!" Robin side-stepped Nancy, pushing out her hips to not collide. Around her arm sat a steel bowl unstinting with brown batter, and in the other, a whisk danced around the substance. "This needs more eggs!"

"Maybe if you'd let me read the instructions—"

"We don't have time for that!" Robin cracked a stray egg on the rim. "They'll be here soon!"

"No, they won't." Nancy crouched under to not get knocked over by Robin's elbow, who walked by with it held high as she beat the batter recklessly.

"Lower your elbow, Robin."

"Sorry!" Robin placed the bowl on the flour-dusted counter. There was twice as much because Robin dropped the flour bag on the counter before starting. "I'm just—I'm so nervous."

"I know, Robs." Nancy swatted her hands on her apron and placed them on Robin's shoulders. "But I promise that it'll turn out fine. Can you take a few deep breaths for me?" One hand smoothed over to just below the hollow of Robin's neck. Robin let her chest rise and fall four times, eyes deep into Nancy's. Between each breath, Nancy counted five seconds.

"How do you feel?" Nancy's voice was low, feathery. One hand on Robin's chest and the other cupping her jaw, she kissed her chin, then the corner of her lip.

"...Great," she creaked, fingers loose around Nancy's wrists.

"Good." Nancy let her hands drop and went back to her station, cutting up pieces of fruit and dropping them into a glass bowl.

Robin stared at the back of her head, bottom lip ensnared between her teeth. Even though they had been together for a couple of months now, Robin's stomach went chock-full with butterflies whenever there was less than two feet between her and Nancy. It was pathetic, Robin thought, just how much she yearned for Nancy's proximity.

"Nance?"

"Hm— Robin!" In a hot flash, Nancy was up in the air with firm arms circled around her waist. It was a tight, love-filled embrace with how Robin burrowed her face into Nancy's back. She nuzzled kisses up her spine till she reached the spot just below her nape—the spot Robin knew Nancy was ticklish enough to lurch in her arms.

So, she did just that and planted a loud kiss right there.

"Rob—Robin! No, no, no!" Nancy laughed out, throwing her head back over Robin's. Nancy's fists curled over the girl's forearms, willing her to let go, but Robin was far too amused to do that.

At the door way, Steve stood with an arm as support. A doting grin showed his teeth as he watched two of his best friends share the moment of laughter and love.

"Idiot lovebirds," he said under his breath, tossing a streamer over his shoulder.

--

Thanks for the prompt! Hope this is what you had in mind. I want to write a Max-Nancy-Robin dynamic real bad now.

#ronance #heron's writing

[esteemedproblem]

Gamzee & Karkat

[Plain text: Gamzee & Karkat]

These two are tragic. They care about each other, but in the world they were in, they weren't made for each other.

Gamzee was never in a mental position to be able to really help other people. Lil cal, no lusus, the pie. People either treated him high a mighty (Equius), with fear (Karkat & Tavros) or like shit (all of them minus Tavros I think.) They just shrugged off his addiction as that just being his personality. He needed help, likely help none of them could have provided, but they still could have been there for him. There is nothing wrong with needing more help than what you can mentally or physically give, but none of the trolls were really in the position to be able to do that for him. At best, they could have tried to help him get professional help if that even existed on alternia, and maybe as they all got older, they would have gotten him that help. However, the game would never allow them that growth he had to get through that with all his preexisting issues and get to deal with the struggle of being cut off completely unready which if you know anything about addiction is really bad. The game and doc scratch really did everything they could to make him a rage player and gave him none of the tools to become a healthy, stable rage player. In the canon story he really never stood a chance and that's so tragic to me.

On the other side of this ship is Karkat, who has spent his entire life afraid. He doesn't trust anyone, and his desire to attempt to help everyone, but especially highbloods, is probably influenced by that fear. He keeps avoiding his own problems, claiming he'll be a great government hero, so maybe he has a chance at living. His friends probably could have helped him survive if Condy wasn't receiving power from Lord English. Maybe Feferi could have stood a chance once she became an adult. Or even using technology to get him clothes that help mask his heat signature. I understand why he didn't, but I feel like he stood slightly better chance at his friends being able to help him if they were cool about it.

Specifically with his relationship to Gamzee, as long as he stayed afraid, it would never work out, and as a kid, he just assumed Gamzee was an idiot and not someone who needed help. Thought he was easy to deal with, annoying, passive idiot. I feel if he wasn't worried about dying every moment of every day he might have actually noticed what Gamzee was doing to himself and the harm it was causing the the aura of sadness that Gamzee accidentally slips through sometimes whenever people talk shit about him.

This is again just a ship that never stood a chance with the game in place, and doc scratches adjustments. I love them. I do. I believe in a hundred different worlds as they grow together, they find a balance. Karkat helping him and Gamzee protect him, but I don't think it would get better till they were at least 25. Both adults, have several years of therapy under their belt and being part of each others support system. (and maybe when they feel like it making out idk) I think the best thing for them the best trope per say is childhood friends that have a big falling out and meet each other years later and reconnect both nervous but genuinely missing each other despite their troubled past relationship so happy to see how far the other has gone.

We ship them both flushed, pale, both and fluctuating. We love our sad little gay men. They had no hope in HS tho.

#gamkar #gamkat #gamzee makara #karkat vantas #gamzee x karkat #karkat x gamzee #jests hs ship hell

[heyharoldsboo]

Been lurking on the Percy stuff on twitter, tumblr and insta these past few days. Found your blog, I read everything. I dont think I believe these girls but tbh it makes me feel like im a crap human being. I legit feel like shit because what if he did something to someone and those victims are getting shut down and bullied online.

But if he didnt do anything and they are just using this for revenge over some petty high school drama and falling out then omg. I cant even imagine what this kid went through in the past month. The humiliation, the name calling, the worry about his future, those freaking nudes. I would be in a depression by now no joke. I would be thinking about killing myself. If he is innocent for the love of God I hope he has good, supportive and calm people around him.

Im sorry to write to you while everyone seems to be caught up, but I just have this awful feeling in my chest about all this. I miss the days when I just used to fight about Xavier vs Tyler. Those were the days. Now I just feel like an disgusting human being for not believing everything these girls have said. Its been hard as a fan not gonna lie and not knowing the actual truth ever will be so hard to deal with.

I know that this is still relatively new and that maybe once he appears with Jenna somewhere or Georgie things will be better maybe, hopefully I dont know. But until then I dont think that little rock in the middle of my chest will go away every time I think about this.

This Wednesday fandom is very toxic I find, more than any other I have been a part of so far. I hope things get better, thats all I can do at this point, just hope

Hey anon. Please don't apologise, I am sorry it took me so long to find you buried under the other asks.

It's okay to not be "caught up". And it's okay to not believe in these girls. You aren't disbelieving on them to be a horrible person, you are because their stories have changed so many times. I have thought a lot about what you said - what if he did do something? And the conclusion to my thought process is this: these girls had 2 weeks where they were heavily supported online. They could have brought forth evidence. Gone to the police. Found anyone that he actually did something to, even if he never did anything to them, and their stories really are all lies. But they didn't. And they tried. They tried a lot to imply that there were more victims. No one came forth. Only victims of people Percy had been friends with. And that he isn't friends with anymore. He isn't responsible for anyone's actions other than his.

If he did do something to someone (and I don't believe this because no one came forth with actual evidence while he was being heavily canceled by the internet...) these girls screwed any chance of anyone believing. They have wronged this so much, that they made it way more difficult to any victim to come forth about a celebrity abusing them in the future. They are hurting real victims.

My best friend @heavenlyvixen has made a couple of posts about this. You should read it. And if you ever need, come to my chat.

You are NOT a horrible person for not believing them. It just means you have critical thinking skills.

And I agree with you - Wednesday fandom is the most toxic one I have been in a decade. There are some really good people here though, and they make it worth it.

#i stand with percy #percy is innocent #heyharoldsboo

[dimonds456]

I may have not always been honest Though now I speak in earnest To live, to die, is a natural cycle Though dying young has always hurt us.

My body stops and stutters The cogs rusty and battered There has been no replacement For my machines predicament.

I shake and stumble and cough And fall to a floor not so soft This blood on my hands is my own From this internal battle I've been thrown

I wave my flag high and stand my ground Though the fights namesake is underground For I fight below the dirt under the Graves Of those who fought this war and never gave.

Blood, sweat, and tears have all been shed The blood on me knee as I kissed pavement Sweat as I tried to lift a plate over my head All I've yet to shed are teads, but my soul cries instead.

I wave my flag high though my arm grows tired And the thing keeping it up is a very small fire This flame of fame and courage and valor Determination keeps me tough and towered.

I see you, Death, with hand outstreched But I think it'd be pretty far fetched To think I would take it so easily If so I'd have gone with you early.

As the Valkyries fly and before the sun dies I will hold my ground. I see you, my Graves, with distance falling. No surrender can be found.

This hardened potion in my veins Perseverance through the pains I will keep fighting until the end No matter how much my own body wants me dead.

I'm not usually one to focus on the negative side of things, but Graves is kicking my ass. I'm becoming more and more convinced it's gonna win.

If you don't know, Graves Disease is a chronic illness I've had for years. It means my metabolism doesn't exist, my heart rate is always too high, I'm constantly off balance, my hands shake, and I cant exercise very long or I'll hyperventilate or faint.

I don't have a doctor's appointment for another month.

If I die, I want to let you all know that I love everyone of you. I love Tumblr, I love my friends, and I love the huge amount of support I've gotten. I will never take that for granted.

I've always tried to be nice, kind, supportive, and loving. If I ever failed this, I am so sorry. That was never my intention.

Thank you to @/joyflameball for pulling me from the dark and being my partner in crime for these past few months. I wish I could do more for you.

Thank you to @/artsycooky13 for giving me so much inspiration and being such a good friend. I'll never forget you.

Thank you to @/hugthesquids for sticking it out and being the voice of reason when the world came crashing down, who was able to show me the way several times.

Thank you to @/doodlegirl for being one of my best mutuals. Your support has had an impact on me I'll never forget.

Thank you to @/mudwingprince for also being a great mutual. Your support has meant so much. You were the first person to ever draw Follychromatic fanart, and I cherish it every day.

Thank you @/mouseinabucket for your unconditional support and love when I needed it the most.

Thank you @/axolotluv for being a wonderful mutual and friend for a short time. I wish we'd gotten to know each other better.

Thank you to my mom, who may not have completely understood me, but tried her hardest to support me anyway.

Thank you to my brother, who I love more than life itself. I'm sorry if I wasn't there enough, or if I didn't give you the support you needed. If I live, you better believe I'm going to fix that.

Thank you to everyone ever that has supported me and my wild dreams. Each positive word has only boosted me up, pulling me from the dark and adding to my reasons to push on.

I'm not done fighting- not yet. But I fear that fight may be nearing it's climax. When that happens, I'll know I have a ton many amazing people behind me. You guys give me courage.

Either I live with Graves, or I live in a grave. Well see what happens.

Come on out, Graves, and FIGHT.

#death #tw death mention #death mention #tw death #chronic illness #(the day i wrote this) chronic illness attacking me hard today to the point i think i almost maybe suffocated #actually chronically ill #chronically ill #graves disease #hyperthyroidism #dimond speaks #dimonds456 #poem #poetry #determination #pain #mental pain #tw possible death #possible death #today when i posted: i woke up feeling out of breath. nothing unusual. but it usually regresses after an hour. #its been three and i still feel awful #i have to go to work soon #im going to have to rip open boxes and lift things up

[sweettsubaki]

I'll be honest. As much as I love Buddie I don't want it to take up any part in the BuckTaylor break up.

At least aside from Buck maybe thinking "oh that's what partnership is supposed to be like" which could still work if he watched others but there's a difference between being on the outside looking in(to how other partnerships seem to work) and actually experiencing one. Because he technically had one with Abby, more than with Ali or Taylor but he can't trust what they had the same way he has trouble trusting his family won't leave him behind (it's actually the one issue I have with the Buck is Taylor's Abby parallel).

more under the cut because it got a bit long.

Because outside of Buck's themes of needing to put his own boundaries and not stick to someone just because they stayed and do things for himself, their relationship is based mostly on a very fragile basis. We still don't know why Taylor refused to date Buck at first and maybe we'll never know but the circumstances that brought this change of heart matter. None of the "deepening" of their relationship happened "just because", they happened as reactions. - They first kissed because Buck didn't think about his own well being after a huge trauma and it worried Taylor - They got together because Buck did bring up one boundary (which, I'm still proud of him): not chasing after people, and it forced Taylor to make a move - Taylor said "I love You" because Buck broke his one boundary (well technically there's the "let's not tell Taylor sensitive information" he hasn't broken but it's not exactly an official one) - Buck asked Taylor to move in because he kissed somebody else. The only one that wasn't a direct reaction was Taylor accepting to stay in the relationship after he told her about the cheating.

One of the reasons I considered that Buck's kiss with Lucy wasn't that big a deal (especially in comparison to how he dealt with it), is because he was never especially emotionally involved in his relationship with Taylor. It's the "you can't [do something] if you don't [basis for the thing to be done] meme.

We've seen before and after they got together that Taylor cannot meet Buck's emotional needs and doesn't really understand how empathy works. She tried a bit but it's surface level. And Buck is a very emotional person with a pretty high level of trauma. Now ofc a romantic partner shouldn't be the sole person responsible for helping with their partner's needs but if the general support system can't be there for a while and they're in a mostly functional relationship, the partner needs help to compensate even a bit for the loss of support so finding ways to do that is important. It's not so much about trying to replace the others but supporting your partner while they try to find something that could help them. Taylor doesn't do that and while she's not off base in most of her comments when she tries to help, she never seems to understand the whole truth and core of the problem (smthg smthg about Taylor wanting the truth but never bothering to look too deep into Buck and keeping things surface level). And she doesn't seem to have a Bobby to help her learn as far as we know (granted that could also be bc she's fairly 2 dimensional) .

Aside from the general lack of trust in their relationship + ethical conflict, this is one of the main reasons why Buck never really tried to be more open with her than strictly necessary for his own well being. So he basically kept doing what he used to do: be vulnerable with his family. Specifically Maddie and Eddie. Except these two were not able to meet his needs either because they had their own needs which needed to be met. Maddie hid with her baby then away from said baby and Eddie hid in general (partly in pretending his relationship with Ana was a good thing). And Buck tried to 'work' at his relationship with Taylor to fill that void while falling back on some of his old defense mechanism. Recklessness when it comes to Christopher (during the kidnapping) because it's one of the rare time his recklessness is...not allowed but understood, and Clinging to Taylor. Obviously the clinging to Taylor is obvious through the sheer fact that they're still together and making each other (and us) miserable but the first time it was made completely obvious was when he broke his first ever boundary, one of the big steps he had started to make namely, not chasing after others.

Now that he and Eddie are back to being Buck&Eddie a lot of his emotional needs are being met because while not perfect obviously, Eddie still understands how Buck works and knows him and can validate his feelings and help him through them which is very helpful for Buck's method of repression (which I'll get into in a different post) but also for his well being which I know may seem contradictory but it is linked to Buck needed to be hit over the head directly and repeatedly in order to change his course of action when he's doing anything. Which means that emotionally he's technically been cheating on Taylor since before they even got together but especially since Eddie's breakdown. That's why he's not that worried about Taylor&Lucy. He knows instinctively where his emotional needs will be met.

But this means that Eddie isn't the problem in the BT relationship. He's outside of it. The BT relationship is not stable, never has been and would need years (if not decades) of work to become even relatively stable. It doesn't need Eddie to destroy it. Eddie merely highlights most of what is wrong with BT.

That's why Eddie might finally help the lightbulb light up in Buck's head that he really needs to stop trying to force his relationship with Taylor but using Eddie directly would feel like a cope out or a cheap way out.

#BuckTaylor #Evan 'Buck' Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Buddie #Taylor Kelly #NOTP: BuckTaylor #911 fox #911 Meta