#because Buck wants to protect Chris from the mess Eddie is making

[chronicowboy]

Eddie isn't sure why he doesn't tell Buck about Marisol. He doesn't mention meeting her at the hardware store, doesn't mention exchanging numbers, doesn't mention the many failed texting attempts, definitely doesn't mention asking her out—or, well, saying yes when she asked him out.

A month ago he'd know exactly why he wasn't telling Buck about her. Most likely because a month ago he'd still believe he and Buck were dancing around something, so he never would have blushed his way through an interaction in front of the epoxy shelf in the first place. But now, with Buck and Natalia, Eddie doesn't know why he wouldn't just tell him.

Buck would be happy for him. He knows that much.

And yet, Eddie doesn't tell him, doesn't want to tell him, wants to keep Marisol as separate from Buck as he can possibly manage given how they met those first two times. He just wants to have something that isn't defined by Buck.

(He already has the heartache when Buck mentions Natalia with that little smile, already has the fear of rejection whenever he asks Buck to hang out now, already has Christopher who tilts his head when he's confused just like Buck.)

But its impossible to keep anything from Buck for long. And really, he should have seen this coming.

"Eddie, that is so embarrassing." Buck is shaking with his laughter at Christopher's colourful retelling of Eddie wiping out in the school parking lot the other day.

"For me or him?" Chris replies without missing a beat, only succeeding in making Buck laugh harder. He falls across the length of the couch as he clutches at his sides and Eddie shakes his head from the kitchen doorway. "Besides, if you think that's embarrassing," Chris snickers, and Eddie blanches, "you should have seen him trying to ask Marisol out."

Buck's laughter stops instantaneously, his whole body freezing up, and the silence consumes Eddie whole. He swallows thickly as Buck drags his eyes away from Christopher to look at Eddie. For once, Eddie can't actually see Buck, not the way he normally he can, all he sees is the Buck who can rip his heart from his sleeve and tuck it back into his chest.

"Marisol?" he prods weakly. "Rosa's mom?"

"No, God, no." Eddie shakes his head vigorously, tries to get back on even ground. "You think any single mom at that school would say yes after the Monday fiasco?"

"Who's Marisol?" Buck asks without even a huff of laughter.

"We went and helped her out after we destroyed the house she was fixing up, remember?" Eddie shrugs, ducks his head to avoid Buck's carefully blank eyes. "Saw her in the hardware store a month ago, finally worked up the courage to ask her out."

"Technically, she asked you," Chris chimes in. "I have no idea why."

"Thanks, kid," Eddie sighs.

"Wait, so I can't date someone I met on a call but you can?" Buck butts in, a heat behind the words that makes Eddie's hackles rise.

"I never said you couldn't date her," Eddie retorts, trying not to let his frustration boil over. "I politely tried to remind you that you dating someone you saved never ends well."

"Oh, wow." Buck scoffs. "I didn't save her, Eddie. She had a scratch on her hand, I patched it up. That's it."

"Yeah, I patched Ana's hand up too," Eddie mutters. He glances down at Christopher and feels a tendril of guilt curl around his heart. He's already had to live through his parents' arguments before, Eddie's not making him do it again.

Eddie purses his lips as he retreats into the kitchen, settling back against the fridge to let the cool metal calm him down. He tries to sort through Buck's reaction, but it doesn't make sense. This goes beyond the protective instincts of a best friend, and it feels like more than just Buck's abandonment issues rearing their head.

Everything gets so fucked up when one of them dates. A mess that neither one of them thinks to clean up until its too late. To Eddie, it makes sense. Now, anyway. Now, he knows why he'd hated Abby's ghost so passionately, why he'd U-turned so sharply from finding Ali perfectly nice to a ticking time bomb, why he'd only hated Taylor more with every day that had passed. And, of course, Natalia who never stood a chance when she was hanging onto Buck's death and running away from his life. Because Buck would never hold a grudge, but Eddie does it gladly and without being asked, simmering at the side-lines.

But Buck's reactions never make sense. Not to Shannon, not to Ana, not to Vanessa, not to Marisol.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Buck asks as soon as the kitchen door closes behind him.

"I don't know." Eddie squeezes his eyes shut and tilts his head towards the ceiling.

"Were you going to tell me?"

"I don't know." Eddie sighs, knocks his head against the fridge once for good measure. He cracks an eye open to look at Buck. "Were you going to tell me that you and Natalia bought a new couch together?"

"I did tell you." Buck frowns.

"No, I came over and saw the new couch and you distractedly told me that your mom's couch was covered in Kameron's amniotic fluid. Which you also didn't tell me about." Eddie folds his arms over his chest and takes a deep breath. "Buck, what are we arguing about here?"

"Our girlfriends apparently," Buck mumbles.

"I don't have a girlfriend. Just a date on Saturday." Eddie rolls his eyes, and a sharp thrill of bravery sparks at the base of his spine as he looks at Buck. "What are we really arguing about?"

"I-I don't know." Buck frowns down at his socked feet

"Maybe you should go back to the loft and figure that out," Eddie says quietly, hating himself for the flicker of hurt on Buck's face.

"Just me?" Buck croaks. "So you know what we're arguing about?"

"Yeah," Eddie whispers. He'd been arguing with himself about the very same thing for years before he'd just let himself feel it. Its only fair that Buck does the same.

"And you aren't going to tell me?" Buck asks wetly.

"Its something you have to figure out yourself, Buck." Eddie bites his lip and shrugs. "You don't have to leave now. I don't want you to leave," Eddie clarifies, "but no more arguing. Not where Chris can hear." And then, Eddie thinks that maybe he should give Buck a place to start even if Eddie never got that luxury himself. "He's already been through this with me and Shannon, doesn't need to go through it again with us."

He leaves Buck in the kitchen with the first clue to this little riddle of theirs.

#sami rambles #i want to know how buck finds out about marisol soooooooooo bad #and how his bitchy possessive nature pops out when he does #911 show #911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #buck x eddie #christopher diaz #911 fic #911 ficlet #911 fanfic #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buddie ficlet #buck x eddie fic #buck and christopher #buckley diaz family fic #buckley diaz family

[eddiebabygirldiaz]

WIP Wednesday

tagged by @forthewolves @shitouttabuck @jeeyuns @rewritetheending @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela @try-set-me-on-fire @wh0re-behavi0r @jesuisici33 @sibylsleaves @eowon

thank you beloveds! <3

been focusing mostly on the calls fic and desperately trying to claw myself out of the scene set during the lightning strike so have some of that

Eddie wraps an arm around his knees, tugging them closer to his chest. Something about being curled up like this makes him feel better, giving him the illusion of being able to protect himself and all of the mess he carries inside.

His hand falls across his knee, right where there is the tiniest hole in the fabric, an seemingly inconsequential and unnoticeable tear where the threads are worn and tired. He brushes his fingers across it, shivering when he doesn’t feel anything, so numb from the weight of three day old rain and unending terror and three minutes and seventeen seconds worth of death, both his and Buck’s.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” he says mournfully while picking at the tear in his jeans. “I just–I want to talk to you. I want to say so many things but I don’t know the words and the one person that I can go to who can help me figure it all out is you. And you’re–you’re not here. Not really.”

The words taste like a lie.

Eddie picks and picks at the tear until he can fit his finger through, hooking it around the material roughly. He thinks about Chris asking if Buck could hear him. He thinks about being unable to answer because he truly had no idea and couldn’t offer his son something that wasn’t undeniably true. He thinks about wanting Buck to hear every word Chris says. He thinks about being unable to believe they can reach Buck now.

Tears sting and pluck at his eyes, demanding to be felt and released. He lets a few fall, more tracks across his face to add to the collection. He turns his face toward the phone in his hand, allowing himself to imagine that it’s not glass and metal but Buck’s warm, soft palm.

“I want you to talk to me,” Eddie whispers like a confession. “I want you to talk to me even though I can’t bear to go in that room and talk to you. I should be able to. Chris did. He’s so brave, Buck. I know he is scared and hurting, but he was able to stand next to you and look at you and touch you and tell you to come back. And I–” can’t, I can’t, I’m not good enough, I want to tell you everything, I don’t want to tell you anything at all because if I keep it then that means there will be another chance for me to tell you.

tagging @elvensorceress @spaceprincessem @lemonzestywrites @anxieteandbiscuits @diazass @bucks118 @housewifebuck @lover-of-mine @butchdiaz @911onabc @arthursdent @bekkachaos @messyhairdiaz @gayedmundodiaz @folk-fae @giddyupbuck @hippolotamus @shortsighted-owl @spotsandsocks @bvckandeddie @fiona-fififi @devirnis @loserdiaz @monsterrae1 @buddierights @rogerzsteven @prettyboybuckley @paranoidbean and anyone else who wants to do it!

#been working on this scene for WEEKS and i need it to end so i can get to the even angstier stuff #buddie #buddie wip #5+1 calls #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #911 #buddie fic #buck x eddie #ryan writes #wip wednesday

[tawaifeddiediaz]

the saints we see (all made of gold)

[AO3 Link]

Word Count: 5610 words

Eddie’s eyes are green when he cries.

Buck hates that he knows that.

It feels like a damning piece of information, one that makes Buck want to scrape every last bit of green from the earth until he uncovers the familiar warm brown that he’s looked for every time he’s felt lost to the point of never coming back. He doesn’t want any of the intermittent shades, flickering between green and hazel and anything but the brown that speaks of laughter and life and everything Eddie isn’t right now.

It hadn’t taken Buck long to corral him onto the couch after coaxing him up from the dining table, his heart breaking at the automatic way Eddie seemed to follow him, like his strings had been tied to Buck’s fingers and all Buck had to do was flick his wrist to make him move.

He’d gently cleaned off Eddie’s face while he sat obediently, staring somewhere beyond Buck’s shoulder with the blankest expression Buck has ever seen on him. Even with his fingertips grazing the salt-stiffness of his skin, Buck had known that Eddie was a million miles away, replaying the last moments he saw his squad. Maybe even replaying the helicopter crash that had secured their discharge back home.

Now, he watches Eddie’s chest rise and fall gradually as he sleeps, his breathing soft and silent as if he doesn’t want to take up space even like this.

Buck doesn’t see how he could — not curled into himself as he is, a wrestled ball of grief, mourning and pain carefully contained to only the destruction of himself, and everything he owns.

Nothing that belongs to Christopher, save for his father, has been touched.

The locked door had been the most peculiar part of the evening — because Eddie never locks his bedroom door. Hell, he hardly ever closes it, leaving it open for Chris to come in if he needs to, not wanting to risk not hearing him call out.

It had been one of those things that Buck learned during the couple weeks he’d crashed at the Diaz home, helping Eddie through his recovery. Even delirious from painkillers, it had been an uphill battle to force Eddie to close his door and let Buck take care of Chris, if he needed someone through the night.

But Eddie had locked it today — trying to protect his kid from the grief he holds close, from the pain that burst out of his chest in a flurry of broken glass and shattered anger.

If he looks closely, he can still see the white scuff of plaster over his knuckles, the smudges of blood drying a rust brown on his sweat-drenched T-shirt — two things Buck hadn’t had the strength to clean off without giving into the hot pressure building behind his eyes. Eddie’s hair is a mess from tugging relentlessly on it, and the two painkillers Buck had pushed into his hand will do nothing for the splitting headache he’s bound to have in the morning.

Buck has the sudden urge to strip all the evidence of the night away from him, to leave him as unharmed as the last time Buck saw him, but he doesn’t move from where he’s perched in the armchair, watching over Eddie as he sleeps.

Restless, he doesn’t sit for long, getting up to pad quietly to Chris’ room.

There’s a furrow that lives between Chris’ eyes even as he sleeps on, soft snuffles filling the room. For a moment, Buck just stands and looks blankly at the hastily discarded headphones on his desk, his laptop still open, a screensaver bouncing in all the corners.

Buck has only heard frantic fear in Christopher’s voice once in his life — while they were being swept away by crashing waves with no end in sight.

Tonight, he heard it again — fear for his dad, never of him. And Chris’ fear had resonated with the part of Buck that’s been trying to hold onto Eddie for months, only to realize that Eddie has been slipping through his fingers anyway — had slipped through his fingers.

He’d known it was a slippery slope, one with no traction, no grip, but he’d tried anyway.

Look man, you need to tell me if something’s wrong.

He seemed different.

The clues had been right there, with the way Eddie’s shirts were beginning to sag over his shoulders, the self-conscious way that he now pushes his food around, the smudges under his eyes that look darker every time Buck sees him. He looks more and more like a single breeze could blow him away, his feet unsteady on the ground he lives on.

The avoidance every time Buck tries to approach the topic, like he’s behind a barrier that Buck hasn’t felt between them in a long, long time — probably ever.

Buck lets the door gently fall shut, the sound of the latch not even a click in the still of the house as he goes back to the armchair.

There’s something here that Buck doesn’t understand — that Buck can’t understand because he doesn’t know what it’s like to live the life Eddie’s lived. But he can be here, holding vigil over him and knocking back the demons that prey on him in his most vulnerable moments.

It’s all he’s got right now, so as he settles in with a blanket across his lap, twisting the old fibers between two restless fingers, he thinks to himself that this will have to be enough.

For now.

------

Morning brings with it that headache that Buck had predicted.

Eddie’s barely able to crack his eyes open before he’s slamming them shut again, his groan piercing through the still of the house.

Buck hasn’t slept at all, spending the night scrolling through article after article about PTSD, trauma, finding counselors, looking at the VA’s website, and trying to figure out how they’re going to patch the drywall in Eddie’s bedroom.

A hysterical part of him wonders what new paint color Eddie will choose.

He’s scrolling through a scientific journal on emotional support animals when movement on the couch catches his eye.

Confusion is clear on Eddie’s face as he stirs again, straightening himself as he carefully cracks his eyes back open to land on Buck sitting a few steps away.

His eyes are still red, the skin underneath dark-bruised and puffy, and his hair is a rat’s nest but in the sun, he looks less gaunt, less likely to keel over from a single touch.

Buck sees the moment embarrassment settles in, because a flush fills Eddie’s face and he drops his eyes away, looking anywhere but at him.

He never wants Eddie to look like that, and never at him.

Slowly, Buck rounds the coffee table and takes a seat, only bare inches separating their knees. “Eddie,” he says quietly.

“Did you stay there all night?”

Buck ignores the question, knowing it’ll just fuel his guilt, but the silence that stretches between them is heavy with half-truths, desperation urging from Eddie to move past this, and Buck’s stubbornness to keep them rooted in place.

When Eddie goes to move, Buck reaches out and catches his wrist.

Too late, it occurs to him that touching Eddie right now is probably not a good idea, and reluctantly, he lets his fingers slip from the fast-beating pulse under them. But Eddie listens, and stays where he is, their knees locked together in an alternating pattern despite the inches that separate them.

Eddie’s head stays bowed, his knee bounces restlessly, and he looks like he’ll flee any minute now but he stays.

Buck knows what this feeling is, what the embarrassment and humiliation that’s colored Eddie’s cheeks a bright red is.

“The first day you came over after the firetruck bombing,” Buck starts.

Eddie’s clearly not expecting that, because his head shoots up, expression stricken.

Buck never talks about the firetruck bombing in anything less than a joke these days, but he remembers every bit of it in a way that’s nowhere near funny. The searing pain, the feeling of icy fingers crawling up his legs, the horrible, horrible feeling of losing sensation in his limb.

The fear when he woke up, and thought his leg was gone.

But above all, he remembers Eddie — giving Ali a chance to go home and shower during the hospital days, sitting with Buck during all the physical therapy that came after, bringing Christopher around to give Buck some semblance of direction in the clusterfuck that had become his life.

Buck plows on, the memories as vivid to him as technicolor, flitting across his mind in quick succession. “The first day you came over after the bombing, you had to pick my sorry ass off the couch and shove me into the shower. Hell, you had to wait in the bathroom to help me with my clothes because I couldn’t put them on and stay standing up. The second time, you had to watch me break from physical therapy, physically and mentally. The third, I blew up on you because I was mad at my body for not working like it was supposed to. The fourth—”

“Buck,” Eddie cuts through like he’s in pain for having to listen to this, but Buck doesn’t stop.

“No, I need you to listen to me. All of that was one month in all the years we’ve known each other. The first year.” Carefully, he reaches forward to grasp Eddie’s shoulder, urging his best friend to look at him. Eddie’s pulse beats a little quicker under his thumb, and for one moment, Buck can feel the phantom touch of his best friend’s hand over his own shoulder, easily saving him from a path of self-destruction and guilt. And now, it’s his turn to do the same. “Eddie, this is who we’ve always been. You’ve been there for me, every time I needed you, without judgment, even in the middle of your own grief. Now, let me be here for you, okay? It’s just me.”

There are a million other words that Buck could use to describe how much it means to have Eddie open up to him, but all of them feel too raw, too sharp with vulnerability. They feel jagged where they lay on Buck’s tongue, ready to give them to Eddie if he needs more convincing about how much Buck wants to be here.

He doesn’t though. Eddie looks at him like he’s insane, a little bewildered, a little confused, but there’s no mistaking the gratitude hidden in his expression.

And there’s no mistaking the surprise, either, which hurts more than Buck expects — a product of what Eddie’s come to learn, but something Buck wants to erase from him.

“I’ve got your back,” Buck whispers, reiterating the promise that’s been a guiding light for him over the years.

His hand slips from Eddie’s shoulder as he takes in Eddie’s eyes.

They’re turning green again.

Buck now knows what that means, and he forces himself to get up from the coffee table and pad to the kitchen, flicking the coffee switch. The rush of water pouring into the carafe fills the silence, but he keeps an ear out for Eddie, his heart breaking when he hears a lone sniff, a whispered curse floating with the dust motes.

It takes another few minutes for him to hear the shuffle of socked feet heading down the hallway, the familiar creak of Christopher’s door hinges, then the soft click of the bathroom door.

Buck wonders what it says about him that he can recognize all the sounds in this home with more familiarity than his own house.

The idle wait filters Eddie’s words back to him, and in the bright rays of sunshine streaming through the kitchen windows, their weight seems all the more heavier, leaving dark shadows at the table Eddie and Chris normally sit.

Buck tries not to take that as an omen as he stares at Eddie’s chair, covered in shadow.

Everyone I saved, they’re all dead

Shot herself last August

That I’m never gonna feel normal again

The click of the coffee machine turning off flinches him away from his thoughts, and mindlessly, Buck prepares his and Eddie’s mugs.

It doesn’t take long for the other man to pad in behind him, this time managing a faint smile as he meets Buck’s eyes. There’s still toothpaste stuck to the corner of his mouth, and Buck hides his smile behind his mug as he studies his best friend.

His hands are clean where they grip the mug tightly, as if trying to absorb every bit of heat from it, and he’s changed into a new shirt, but he still looks off-kilter, like one touch could blister him into a million pieces.

Buck’s thumb taps restlessly against the side of his own mug as he waits for Eddie to say something.

“I scheduled another appointment with Frank today,” Eddie says. “He managed to fit me in for...for an emergency session.”

Eddie won’t admit it to himself right now, but Buck knows that’s a sign of growth — because Eddie from five months ago would’ve run for the hills at the thought of needing any sessions, let alone extra ones. Pride swells in his chest and Buck fights to keep it off his face, lest he make his friend self-conscious.

“Want me to drive you?” A thousand expressions flutter across Eddie’s face, and Buck reads the knee-jerk response to say no, but he also reads the hesitation to say yes. “Come on. I’ll drop Chris off at school, you at therapy, get a couple things done, pick you up and then…we’ll see.”

“Shouldn’t you go home? Or work?”

Buck doesn’t tell him that he called out sick.

“Nah, I’m not on shift today.”

Buck braces himself for Eddie to throw more arguments about why he shouldn’t be here, rehearsing his response to every single one, but to his surprise, the other man doesn’t give him any.

“Okay,” Eddie answers quietly. Too quiet for the man Buck knows, and even that tenor breaks his heart.

But it’s an affirmative sign, and a step in the right direction, so he lets it slide as they share the tentatively peaceful moment in silence.

------

“Where are we?”

“The middle of nowhere,” Buck answers, entirely honest as he drags a large blanket out of the back of his Jeep.

They still have two hours before they need to pick Christopher up from school, and Buck’s taken advantage of the time to drive them to a little nook he found a couple years ago.

The sea winks at them from across the rocks, and Buck hands Eddie their bag of takeout as he locks the car.

“Come on,” he says, beckoning Eddie to follow. His friend’s footsteps fall lightly behind his own, grass, gravel and sand crunching under their feet. Eddie doesn’t put up an argument or ask any more questions as they pick their way down a small slope to a nook hardly the size of Buck’s living room.

There’s a private alcove here, a small beach where Buck comes to think, especially those nights when he can’t fall asleep. It would be presumptuous for him to think that he’s the only one who knows about it in a city of four million people, but in all the time he’s been coming here, he’s never seen anyone else here.

He finds the huge flat rock near the sea, big enough for three people to sit in a line with their feet dipping into the waves crashing against the rocks.

“Here we are,” he says proudly, clambering onto the surface and spreading the blanket out. He holds a hand out for the bag so Eddie can climb on next to him.

There’s enough room for them to sit next to each other cross-legged, the late-day sun shining down on them. Like this, they don’t feel the waves, but with each crash of them against the rock comes a spray of water that dampens the edges of the rock.

“How did you find this place?” Eddie asks, staring warily at the takeout box Buck hands him like the sight of it turns his stomach.

“Too many late night drives after the tsunami,” Buck snorts, pointing up in the direction his Jeep is. “There used to be a sign there about a beach nearby, but I saw this slope and decided to follow it.”

“In the dark?” Eddie’s eyebrows lift as he looks around them. “You come here at night?”

It’s not disapproval, per say, but the concern in Eddie’s voice that makes Buck pause around a mouthful of kung pao chicken and turn his way, reading the skepticism in his friend’s face.

Buck looks around as he swallows his bite, parsing what makes Eddie look that way.

It’s isolated, and at night, Buck knows that there’s hardly a sliver of light anywhere. Anything could be hiding in the shadows, and it’s so far away that no one would hear him if he were to yell for help.

They watch too many true crime documentaries, Buck thinks to himself.

“I’m careful,” is what he says instead, pushing Eddie’s chopsticks towards him in a silent plea to eat. Eddie doesn’t say anything else, but he takes them, opening his box with trepidation, despite the fact that Buck bought lunch from his favorite restaurant.

They eat in silence, knees pressed together. Buck keeps sneaking looks at Eddie as they eat, but Eddie picks at his food, staring off into the horizon.

“Eddie,” Buck prods after he’s gotten through half his food and Eddie’s barely picked up a bite of his chicken. “Eat.”

Eddie obeys, and Buck can’t help but think back to the puppet metaphor from last night, where his words are yet another flick of his wrist.

But at least he’s eating, and Buck’s reluctant to take that away from him.

“Frank wants me to talk to a PTSD specialist. Or other veterans,” Eddie says after a while, surprising Buck. He abandons scraping off the last grains of rice off the bottom of his box, setting it off to the side before leaning back on his palms, looking at his friend’s profile in the sun.

Eddie looks untouchable like this, the sun taking away the harshness of the bruises under his eyes and leaving his skin glowing. Despite that, all Buck can see is the bereft, endless grief in his eyes, the shattered brown of his eyes like stained glass, the paleness of his face under the stained-red cheeks from crying so hard last night.

“Yeah?” he prompts when Eddie doesn’t say anything else.

“Yeah. He has a friend at the VA who runs a group therapy session every Wednesday, for veterans with depression and PTSD. Anyone can come but…”

Buck waits him out, sitting up to press his shoulder against Eddie’s in silent encouragement.

“Anyone can come, but it’s mostly for people who lost their squads,” he finishes quietly. “Whether during their enlistment, or…after.”

The way I did goes unspoken.

Buck takes another risk and drops his hand over Eddie’s, hanging on tight. His eyes are turning that particular shade of hazel-green again, but this time, Buck doesn’t look away. He gives Eddie his space, but refuses to budge.

The silence is peaceful, and Buck breathes in the slight tang of salt mingled with the woody scent of Eddie’s sandalwood cologne in the air as he waits for him to talk again.

“Remember when we got taken hostage?”

Buck’s food turns to lead in his stomach, weighing him down until he feels he’ll never break the surface again. But he knows Eddie has a point in bringing it up today, because they’ve strictly avoided talking about any of the trauma-ridden situations they’ve been thrown into.

His fingers tighten around Eddie’s.

They haven’t talked about the shooting since Eddie was discharged from the hospital, and have strictly avoided talking about the hostage situation. They shouldn’t be avoiding it, but Buck can’t bring himself to talk about the debilitating fear of losing Eddie with Eddie — with anyone really, because it’s not something he understands, not something he can expect anyone else to understand.

And he’s afraid of what he’ll find if he looks too closely at it.

“Can’t forget it,” Buck says, looking away from him, even with all their points of contact. He knows Eddie will read him like a well-read book no matter what, but he knows better than anyone that eyes don’t lie, least of all his.

He remembers the fear that had nearly paralyzed him from inside out at the sound of yet another bullet discharging, and above everything, he remembers the fear of not being able to get to him in time. He remembers the flash of lights around Eddie’s bent over figure, remembers the absolute relief that had flooded him at knowing that Eddie wasn’t shot, threatening to buckle his knees under him.

That Eddie wasn’t shot this time.

“Bullets don’t bounce off of me, Buck,” Eddie had said once, during a scathing argument after he left the 118 — the only one they’d had about it.

Those words had shut Buck right up, because he was right. The shooting was Eddie’s fourth gunshot wound, and that too, nowhere where they’d expect to be hit with one — the fucking streets of LA, in broad daylight.

He couldn’t blame him for wanting to get off the streets after that — couldn’t blame him for doing anything to keep Christopher away from the possibility of losing his last living parent.

So Buck had swallowed every bit of loss that he felt at not having his partner by his side, and moved past it — or so he thought.

In the weeks following Christmas, he’d watched Eddie carefully — the smile that didn’t reach his eyes when Buck told Chris about something that happened at work, the swirl of concern and self-deprecation in his eyes every time Buck showed up at his house with bruises that could’ve been prevented if Buck wasn’t trying to do a temp’s job alongside his own.

Nothing Buck said ever erased that look from Eddie’s eyes, but he kept trying anyway.

“When Dominic took you and left…” Eddie hesitates and Buck straightens further, turning his body to look at him. “Mitchell had a gun, right? And I should’ve been scared of it, but…I wasn’t. After you were gone…it was like my mind just told me that there’s no reason to be scared anymore.”

It’s not the whole truth, but a buzzing rises up in Buck’s ears as he reads between the lines for what Eddie’s trying to say.

“I told him to shut up,” he says, laughing humorlessly. The sound grates down Buck’s spine, so unlike the man he knows. “I told the guy with the gun to shut up.”

Buck isn’t laughing. He doesn’t feel like he could ever laugh — humorlessly or not — about it.

“Eddie,” Buck chokes out, eyes hot.

He doesn’t even know what to feel. The mental image of Eddie standing fearlessly in front of the guy with the gun because he’s so unconcerned about his own life is terrifying.

“I know,” Eddie whispers, setting his food aside. “I never wanted him to shoot me, but that’s…that’s why I started going to Frank. Because it scares me how little I actually care what happens to me as long as Chris is okay, or if you’re okay, or literally anyone else is okay. I needed to go there, for myself.”

“And I’m proud of you for it,” Buck says. “But God, Eddie, losing you would kill me.”

It’s more honest than they’ve been with each other in months. As soon as he says it, he wants to swallow the words from between them, like he’d never said anything at all, but it’s the God-honest truth.

A truth that grates on the silence between them.

“Yeah. Losing you would kill me, too,” Eddie returns, just as strongly as he’d told Buck that he wasn’t expendable. For the first time since they sat down, Eddie looks at Buck, fiddling with the chain around his neck, thumb smoothing over the round St. Christopher’s medallion. “That’s why I’m going to therapy.”

Buck nods, the look in Eddie’s eyes stirring something that Buck tried to make dormant when Ana came back into Eddie’s life, and further when Taylor came back into Buck’s.

He turns to look out at the horizon, the water rippling under the harsh sun. The waves wash over the rocks with reckless abandon, a little how the churning in Buck’s stomach feels.

“It’s just…hard to process,” Eddie tries to explain. “Knowing that my squad came home with just as many demons as I did, and we all tried different ways to escape them. If I hadn’t thrown my whole life into raising Christopher and scraping every dollar to give him the childhood that he deserves from a father that was absent most of life, who knows where I would’ve been?”

Buck gets that — because in so many ways, Eddie doubles down on making sure that Chris is as protected as he can be while leaving himself completely open to take anything that comes his kid’s way. There isn’t a single demon of Christopher’s that Eddie hasn’t been there to help him fight.

But when it comes to Eddie’s demons, that’s when Buck worries — and last night revealed a new one that Buck has no hope of understanding, ever.  

Or rather, it was a new form of a demon lying vacant in Eddie’s closet, but that doesn’t change that everything he learned about his old squad would haunt Eddie for years to come. It would always be a thought in his head.

“Eddie,” he starts, giving voice to the thought that’s been prodding at his mind for hours. “Is there…should I be scared for you? More than I already am?”

Eddie’s quiet as he turns Buck’s question over in his head, turning away when Buck looks at him, and when the silence begins to add to the pit of anxiety in his stomach, Buck can’t help but push.

“Come on, Eds. It’s just me,” Buck whispers.

“No, Buck, it’s not—” Eddie cuts himself off before he can continue the sentence, and Buck, despite the actual question he wants the answer to, can’t help but push to know what he was about to say.

“It’s not what?”

Eddie doesn’t say anything.

Gently, Buck nudges his knee, and the point of contact seems to break him out of whatever he was thinking about.

“It’s not like that,” Eddie says quietly. “That’s the second time you’ve said that but…you’re not — and never have been — just anything, okay? Don’t say that.”

Buck’s…

Honestly Buck doesn’t know how to react to the words, and he’s pretty sure it shows in the way he blinks owlishly at his best friend.

He swallows the lump of emotion in his throat, clearing it before the pressure in his eyes can break open. “Then tell me. Should I be scared for you? Is this…is this something we need to get you more help for?”

Buck’s never been one to beat around the bush, but he physically can’t put the idea of suicide in the same sentence as Eddie’s name without feeling like he’s about to lose his whole lunch.

It’s selfish, he knows, but he knows that Eddie hears him anyway — it’s in the way he turns his palm in Buck’s grip to slide their hands together, a thumb absently brushing over his knuckles.

“Maybe last night, my answer would’ve been different,” Eddie says, looking Buck in the eye. “But no, I’m doing okay. Frank is watching me carefully, and…”

“You have me,” Buck cuts in. He knows that if he were to look in a mirror, his eyes would look wild, pressing and pushing, but this is something he refuses to budge on. He already knows that he’s about to bunk at the Diaz house for the next few days to get rid of the anxiety that’s threatening his whole resolve.

“I have you,” Eddie agrees, the first soft smile rising to his face. Buck squashes the urge to capture it forever as he grins back with relief, his fingers tightening where they’re now slotted between each of Eddie’s. “I’m okay, Buck. I promise. I just need time.”

Time is the one thing that they’ve never had on their side, but Buck would go to the ends of the Earth to make sure Eddie had it.

Buck releases a slow breath, and nods as encouragingly as he can manage. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

The words seem to crack the lingering tension between them, and Buck turns so they’re sitting side by side again, sneaking a look at his watch to make sure they won’t be late to pick Chris up.

Eddie’s shoulders relax where he’s pressed against Buck’s, but he doesn’t let go of his hand, thumb still tracing absent patterns. Each stroke of his thumb soothes another edge of the anxiety in him, and Buck sucks in another breath of salty sea air and his friend’s cologne, letting it center him.

“I still think this is a prime spot for serial killers,” Eddie says suddenly, randomly — so random that Buck bursts out laughing. Despite himself, Eddie smiles too, which feels like the real win. “Don’t come here alone, next time. Especially at some god-awful time where it’s so dark you can’t even see your hand in front of your face.”

“You’ve been watching too many serial killer documentaries,” Buck tells him, smirking as he remembers the laundry list of crime shows they went through during Eddie’s recovery.

“There’s a spot in your own apartment building, on the roof. It’s like this little balcony, but someone’s set up two chairs there, probably to sit and watch the moon.”

Buck’s brow furrows. “How do you even know that?”

Eddie shrugs, looking sheepish. “I found it during quarantine — needed out of the house after a nightmare.”

Buck frowns at that. They’d been sharing a bed, and there hadn’t been a single night he’d noticed Eddie gone.

Eddie picks up on his apprehension, because he turns to Buck. “I wasn’t ready to talk about any of it then. Not even with you. Honestly, I don’t even think I knew what it was, but I’m here now, and I’m trying.”

“I know,” Buck says quietly. “I just hate that you’ve been suffering for so long, alone.”

Eddie shakes his head, smiling so fondly Buck’s heart hurts with it. “I’m not alone when I have you.” He holds up their joined hands with a wry twist of his mouth. “I’m just going to take your hand more, let myself believe I have people that care about me and want me to do well for me.”

“Damn right you do,” Buck chokes out. Eddie’s phone beeps with a preset alarm, and Buck looks at his own watch. They have to get going if they want to beat the traffic outside Christopher’s school.

He reluctantly unfolds himself to stand on wobbly legs. The blood rushing back to his toes makes him wince, but he ignores it to tug Eddie up with their still clasped hands, squeezing once before letting go, his fingers already cold.

“Come on, let’s get Chris and go home.”

“Yeah,” Eddie smiles, marginally relaxing a little more at the thought of his son.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Eddie says as he folds up the blanket.

Buck gathers their takeout containers, and nods. “Yeah. I won’t come here without you, now that you’ve put the fear of God into me about this place.”

Eddie looks satisfied at that as he laughs quietly, nudging Buck’s shoulders as they pick their way back. “I’d rather not see you on the morning news because you wanted some peace at three in the morning. I’ll show you the spot I found. I know it’s not the same as having this little beach to yourself, but it is safer.”

Buck nods, carefully walking past the last turn of rock before turning to make sure Eddie’s behind him.

It’s far lighter between them as they walk back to the Jeep than it was when they came, and Buck feels a sense of pride swell in him as he studies his best friend. Eddie looks…freer, for lack of better word, than he had when they’d first pulled up here.

One break from reality was never going to take the devastation that had wracked Eddie last night away, but it managed to dull the edges of it enough that Eddie looks like he can breathe easier now.

There’s something about the sea that did that, and Buck knew that from experience. It’s as if each crash of the waves breaking against the rocks took yet another worry from him, carrying it away with the salt in the air.

Buck had lost that solace after the tsunami, and there were still days where the tang of sea salt triggered him something fierce, but more often than not, he was recovering the peace he’d felt during his surfing days. He’s glad that he could share a little bit of that with Eddie today.

Buck smiles to himself as he climbs into the driver’s seat.

Things might not be completely okay right now, but for the first time since last night, Buck has full hope that they will be.

When he looks in the passenger seat, Eddie smiles back.

And his eyes are an endless brown.

#zee writes #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #911fic #911 on fox #911 fox #911onfox #post 5x13 #episode coda #oneawkwardcookie #usernymika #userisha #userdahlias #tusercourty #laurenlook #novatracks #useralie #tusersunnystar

[blue-cheeseinmyoffwhites]

Top 10 Buddie Moments

1.) Buck is in the Room (5x13)

Ah yes, the one that collectively broke us. This entire scenario highlights just how much of a family Buddifer really is. Eddie has a panic attack and doesn’t want his son to see, so he locks himself in his room to protect him. Chris hears his dad in danger, and his first instinct is to call Buck to help him. Buck arrives and makes sure each of the Diazes are alright. They all love each other it’s so lovely. Buck being genuinely happy to be getting a call from Chris then switching to “O shit Eddie” mode after hearing him screaming over the phone was great.

When he arrived, the first thing he did was make sure Chris was ok (holding his face the EXACT same way Eddie does..literally 2 dads). Even though getting no responses from Eddie when trying to call out for him, Buck keeps his cool because he knows he has to be strong for Chris. And then it happened….

Buck got in the room. He BROKE IN the room. With one try. No signs of struggling or anything. Nothing was gonna keep Buck away from his partner. When he got in, he called for Eddie again, but this time it’s different. As stated numerous times, Buck fears losing Eddie, the first person who made him feel accepted. He didn’t know what he was gonna see in that room, but he broke in anyway. Now Eddie isn’t even in sight, and this makes Buck start to panic.

On the other side of things, Eddie hears Buck enter the house, he hears Buck breaking in the room. Meaning that he was actively hiding from him when he came in. He didn’t want his partner to see the mess that he currently was, especially since he’s supposed to be a strong support system to him. Eddie has had this long line of repressing his emotions and now he has to do it to his best friend. The thing is, he can’t. Buck is the most trusted person in Eddie’s life, and he can’t bear hide anything from him. So after hearing Buck panicked tone in calling his name, he lets go, letting Buck know he was ok.

Buck is confused. Worried. He is definitely relieved that his partner of ok, but wants to know wtf is going on. This worry only escalates whan Eddie repeats “they’re dead” while holding a baseball bat and bearing bruised knuckles. Buck concludes that Eddie is unwell and takes care of Christopher who is still worried (as a second dad should) before finally talking to Eddie. Eddie, who was very defensive in his therapy sessions, who couldn’t even talk to a professional about his feelings, was able to tell Buck about his fears (character development on his part good for him).

Getting shot brought back serious trauma for him, and now he’s asking Buck for help. Apologizing about scaring Chris (yk like parents do) and admitting that he lost it (the same way Buck “lost it” when telling Chris about Eddie getting shot) and admitting to him that he doesn’t feel like himself anymore. Buck tearing up at the sight of his partner in such distress, yet being complete ears and just letting Eddie talk because he knows he has a hard time communicating his feelings. Buck carries this image of Eddie with him for the rest of the season and vows to never let Eddie get like this again.

BONUS

Frank: “Talk about your trauma with someone who shares it”

Bobby: “What she needs is for someone to step inside with her”

#thanks for tuning in <3 #otp: they’re all dead #otp: stay away from the door #otp: what are you afraid of #buddie #buddie 911 #buddie ship #buck x eddie #911 show #911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buckley diaz family #buddifer #christopher diaz #buddie 101

[lover-of-mine]

okay so: opinions on buddie having a confession similar to the jolink one at the end of 19x20?????

(I know jolink have more of a romantic/sexual past than buddie do currently, but when I first watched that scene all I could think about was buddie, because of the fact that the kids were included as part of the speech but not the main focus, and the whole 'I'm so in love with you. How do you not see that?' bit and so many more reasons that have escaped my brain right now)

(Also full disclosure: I'm not a fan of jolink as a couple, and wish they'd stayed as friends, but I do love the buddie parallels/vibes they give me 😅😅)

((Sorry this was long!!! 💚💚))

(just to get it out of the way, I was fighting and kicking and screaming at them putting jolink together because they had such a great friendship and damnit media needs more friendships between men and women who are straight but not trying to get with each other)

I'm kinda obsessed with the idea of getting something like that now that you mentioned lol. I mean, there would have to be some adjustments, I feel like a lot of it works the way it does because they slept together and decided to say it was just casual, with the way they explicitly draw the line and said "no we are just friends" and I feel like that wouldn't work as long term as they played it with jolink when applied to buddie (not unless they want to make us suffer more for a few seasons but if buddie sleeps together then wakes up and go nah we should just be friends is never gonna happen again, I'll burn something down), but I am legit obsessed with the idea of Buck hiding behind Chris for a change and just snapping, listing things about loving Eddie and Eddie is just staring at him with his exasperated husband face and going "you idiot I love you too". If they kiss in the rain too I would spontaneously combust (with the lightning and the well and every bad thing that happened to Buck involving water and the way the moment they start getting along involves literal fire, the symbolism behind them getting something good in the rain would be everything to me really)

But since we're talking Jo, I rewatched the perfect storm the other day, that's why I ended up making the parallel between April and Buck, and I keep thinking about a situation like when jolex gets together. The whole they have a huge fight, Jo tells Alex to stay away from her, then she shows up hurt, Alex gets all protective, he's about to say it, but then the tree falls into Alex living room, and they ignore it until Jo says she doesn't deserve it, that she'll ruin it and Alex is all you asked yesterday you wanted to hear it I'm gonna say it but them he freezes, and she's all i don't hear anything, and they banter a little bit before Alex finally says he loves her and they kiss. I feel like if we get a proper build up with buddie where everyone is aware of where they are going and they keep fighting against it until something snaps but right before they actually do something the universe intervenes, and have them dance around the fact that they almost said it dealing with an emergency, all while the tension between them keeps getting higher, until they finally get a moment alone and they can talk and Buck is all we should just forget it, you're my best friend, I'll mess it up, depending on the nature of the emergency that stopped them you can even add a line of like "that was a sign, the universe was stopping us from making a mistake" that Eddie could counter with his level is skepticism "I don't believe the universe speaks to anyone and you wanted to hear me saying it so I'm saying it" and then freezing and having them banter back and forth until one of them says I love you and the other goes in for the kiss, could work. And it would be one hell of a scene.

So the conclusion here is that Jo has very buddiecoded love confession since Alex and Link get the best friend place before things evolve and either one of them makes for a killer getting together scenario for buddie.

#this got long and slightly off track lol #but i do agree with you that's a very plausible scene for buddie #and you need an easy buildup to make it work #abc you know what you gotta do #buddie thoughts #sam 💜 #i really need a tag for asks

[silentxxsoul]

The 'this fandom is undefeated and Tim owes us all royalties' reaction dump:

I'm not kidding the way this fandom can sus out what they do and the amount of times they pull from us...Tim have your people reach out for a place to send my check 🥰

This, much like every week during football season is going to be a literal mess as I divide my attention once again. I feel like the Burnie meme, tbh - but it's not my fault the Chiefs play tonight and like its RAIDERS WEEK so what am I supposed to do here?

((pretend I have a modicum of an attention span))

Also: quick predictions to get out of my head:

The bike scene is going to end on a cliffy - we won't actually know if Buck gets squished until next week [if true sedate me fam]

Hen is going to be doing a lot of work to try and set up retaking her exam and/or pushing on to next year with the added caveat that she has to retake the course she failed. Can she do this? No idea, I do corporate/adminy things so...

We get a Hen/Denny moment

The lie Eddie catches Denny in is going to be relatively tame - I'm thinking like lying to miss school because of an assignment he forgot or he broke something relatively expensive and doesn't want his dad to panic.

Alternatively he lies to protect his dad - like he gets in trouble at school because someone makes a bad comment that relates to his dad (racist, possibly homophobic if they make inference about Buck being involved...) and lies about either his involvement or what it was really over. Or even if he's being bullied and doesn't want his dad to get upset like with Ana.

Eddie and Hen/Karen/Both bonding over parenting; or even bonding with Bobby and Athena over parenting

Low key I'm about to go back to streaming on Hulu if only to stop seeing Derek Schmidt's ugly, lying, racist, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic ass face on my TV

The ranger narrating is kinda funny, kinda creepy ngl

I REFUSE to believe that is possible I mean - the CGI on that vaulting back over ???? Babes. Baaaaaaaaaabes.

Captain Hen again ahhhh ♥♥♥

Pls don't lose another one pls pls pls

Bro you can't hit on her right now oh my godddd 🤣 It's giving B99 'Number 5 killed my brother' vibes lmao

BUCKLEY SIBLING MOMENT ON MY SCREEN YES

no no nanny buck could be good

Actually please someone fic that

Skipping science club? The kid who loves science? uh oh

BOBBY CALLING HEN CAP I CAN'T

WAIT NO HEN IT'S A TRAP

RUN

Karen snitched so fast, I love her

Bobby knowing she needs to recharge but knowing she'll never take it willingly

"Just say no" - oh that's gonna be a recurring theme I can feel it

Ok they're adorable

Mr. Fixer is gonna want to do whatever he can regardless of how it actually affect him, isn't he?

Eddie is two seconds from panicking over his kid growing up naturally he needs to deflect to a despondent Buck and boy does his husband need a hug rn

Also can we talk about how easily he believed that Chris would go to Buck over him i mean they're so relationship shaped ?????

Well, this is the drunk driver call and we know that later Buck is fine at Hen's house - so unless that was a dream--

WAIT

THE COMA THING

COULD HEN BE A COMA THING ????????/

--also that fucking bone out of his face I'm gonna vomit--

The song choice oh my god yesssss

Chim put your belt on you are making me so freaking nervous

Buck, babe I can't believe that worked either

"straight to jail"

Kick of timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

look at my lil Bobby Witt jr banging the drum 🥰

OBLIGATORY FUCK THE RAIDERS

It's been :45 seconds and there's already a flag for a chop block. I have a feeling this is going to be a looooong game

If we don't get Buck reflecting on almost getting creamed by the car I'm going to be very upset. Which, isn't unusual for this show but still.

Eddie and his dad having a productive conversation? That is self deprecating in the right ways?!!!!!??!?!?!? IN THIS ECONOMY ?

with words of WISDOM TOO

Why are Buck's arms so biiiiiiiiig in that shirt I mean

Bro, does he ever 💀

he's giving Buck a sweet out, and honestly I'm glad they circled back because yea it was an odd way to ask him to father their child but at the same time having someone from his past call him a good person? That has so, so much weight!!

Buck always talks about his upgrades but he forgets he was always a good person. It isn't like he just started being a good guy with Abby, but a lot of the time I feel like the character does think that, when in reality there were small things about himself he had to refine (thank you Dr. Copeland) but none of those made him inherently bad. It speaks to his self esteem issues and idk if they're going to really give enough attention to how weighty that should have been for Buck.

Ok this next call is going to be so rough for me idk if I can watch this

Yall it was like 4th and 3 on the opposite 30 and you Adams torch you for a TD ???

At first I wasn't too sure about the new dispatcher (I blame Jonah) but I wonder if he's going to fill May's role while we get to watch her explore college life. Honestly I'd love that for them

God this must be so hard for Maddie to listen too

THE COP JUMP SCARED ME HOLY FUCK

ooooooooooohhhh the Hen/Buck scene is coming yessss

Is that a little Lizzo I hear okay, alright I see you

What a way to break into that lmao

"Donor not dad" 😔😭

Patty pls keep feeding Kelce

I'm gonna need yall to drop all the happy Dad!Buck fics ASAP pls and thank you

I really need a Buck-Eddie convo stat like I'm not asking Tim

WILL SOMEONE TEACH MAHOMES HOW TO SLIDE JFC 😂

The obvious PI goes uncalled, shocker

Wait the dog was THIS episode

Buck passed out at her table

"Are you two drunk?"

"Absolutely"

PLS I CANNOT WITH HIM

If by protective custody you mean the firehouse, I approve

"You did math in your HEAD..."

Oh no the Diaz boys are fighting no I don't like this

Honestly big props to Eddie for realizing the conversation was veering into unproductive territory and realizing he needed to take a step back and regroup before getting on the same level as Christopher by sitting in front of him to continue the discussion. Also meeting in the middle and compromising instead of just punishing, and understanding what Chris needed in that moment versus what Eddie was taught growing up.

Hey Chiefs defense I'm gonna need yall to get a stop here please and thank you

If we don't get a Buck-Eddie or a Buck-Maddie scene talking over this sperm donor dilemma I'm going to have to do a fix it fic, I stg

A practical exam ??? Ooooooooohhhhhh shit. Is this going to be going on while she's saving Karen and Denny at the lab? It is, isn't it.

Please don't, please let her fucking nail this

HE KEPT THE DOG

HE KEPT THE DOGGGGGGGGGGG

He's going to do it, isn't he? And it's gonna hit a road block with the Daniel stuff, isn't it?

If not I want this to parlay into Buck having an awakening of wanting a fam and Eddie pointing out he has a fam and like maybe a husband already idk

JFC The Chiefs are playing like their 2009 selves tonight and this is not the vibe

Anyway now I gotta go make a fucking fix it because we got no maddie or eddie insight and like, those are two of the most important people in his life and I refuse to believe he didn't talk to them about what was going on in his head at that time

10/10 loved it tho, so ya know. This season has been phenomenal so far ahhhhhhhhhhhh

#911 fox #911 spoilers #911 fox spoilers #this is a literal mess and im so sorry if anyone actually clicks into it #whoopsie

[tripleaxeldiaz]

rupture to the structure of this house

@extasiswings wrote this and made me Insane so here we are

read on ao3

When the dust settles — literally, when the ashes stop swirling in the air and the last embers of burning apartment complex finally die out — Buck isn’t as messed up as he thought he’d be. 

Physically, he could be better. His lungs are still smoky and his sprained wrist will need at least two weeks to heal, according to Hen. And sure, most of his worldly possessions are burnt to a crisp and he’s technically homeless. 

But Eddie is holding his hand. 

His thumb is stroking across his knuckle in a soothing arc, has been since he was deposited in the back of the ambulance, and it doesn’t look like he’s letting go anytime soon. 

So honestly, all in all, things could be worse. 

He doesn’t have to make any decisions like this, which is nice — Eddie tugs him up after the oxygen mask comes off, pulls him into the back of the truck, leads him to the locker room when they get back to the station. He sits Buck down and lets go so he can change into civvies, and Buck thinks he keeps the whine in his head, but judging by the sympathetic smile Eddie aims at him, he doesn’t do a great job of that. He also doesn’t realize he’s shivering until Eddie hands him a spare sweatshirt.

Wordlessly, they head to Eddie’s truck together. Buck’s too tired to hesitate or second guess assumptions, and he figures Eddie will say something if it’s really going to be an issue. He doesn’t — he just takes Buck’s hand back when they’re out of the parking lot and squeezes, like a reminder, like a reassurance. 

The house is dark, quiet, and it’s shocking compared to the noise and light that surrounded him for the past few hours. They toe off their shoes and make their way down the hallway, stopping at Chris’ door on instinct. His breathing is deep, steady, peaceful. It helps Buck breathe a little easier too. 

In Eddie’s room, they strip down to t-shirts and boxers and fall into Eddie’s bed. Buck probably needs a shower, and his mouth still tastes like smoke, but getting in the shower means being away from Eddie, and he’s just fragile enough for that to be the worst thing in the world at the moment. Yes, even worse than his apartment — his cavernous, impersonal, lonely apartment — burning to the ground. 

Their hands are still clasped together when they fall asleep. 

When Buck wakes up a few hours later, Eddie’s gone. 

He knows he’s not far — the other side of the bed is still warm and he hears rustling in the kitchen. It’d be easy to fall back asleep, to sink into the sheets that smell like home and feel safer than any protective gear he’s ever worn. But even with the sheets and the duvet and the extra blanket, he’s alone and he’s cold. And he doesn’t want to be. He doesn’t have to be. 

He steals Eddie’s sweatshirt from the floor on the way out of the room. 

The only light is coming from the floor lamp in the corner of the living room. Eddie’s on the couch, cross legged, a mug between his hands, staring off into nothingness. He looks tired, but not world weary like he used to, just exhausted from the day. His face will get its color back tomorrow. The dark circles aren’t permanent anymore. 

Even if they were, he’d still be beautiful. 

Buck eases himself down next to him, careful of his wrist and the bruise he can feel growing on his ribs. He faces Eddie, crossing his own legs and scooting forward until his knees are touching Eddie’s thigh. Without looking up, Eddie reaches a hand over, and Buck takes it in both of his. 

He waits. 

Eventually, Eddie sets his mug on the coffee table and scrubs his free hand through his hair with a sigh. 

“I almost lost you today.”

Buck nods. “Wasn’t my fault this time.”

Eddie laughs through his nose. “No, you’re not an arsonist, so that’s something, I guess.” 

Buck smiles, which should be harder to do right now, but it’s not, because it’s Eddie making him smile. There’s nothing more natural than that. 

He’s not sure when he started playing with Eddie’s fingers, but Eddie tangles their hands back together and holds on tight. “But I still almost lost you. And I just—“ He shifts, turning until they’re knee to knee, face to face. The glow from the lamp casts shadows over Eddie’s face, and Buck hates them for not letting him see that face fully, in all its glory. The fact that saved him. The face that always saves him. 

Eddie takes both of Buck’s hands in both of his and takes a deep breath, steeling himself. 

Buck waits again. 

When Eddie looks him in the eye, the exhaustion has disappeared, a steady determination left in its place. “I’m still sorting myself out. There’s a lot of webs I’m still untangling and questions I need answered. But one of the few things I am sure of is that I love you.” 

Buck’s heart skips several beats, maybe stops altogether. A million thoughts fly through his head in a millisecond, but he doesn’t say anything. He just squeezes Eddie’s hands, gives him space and quiet, because this is important, the most important. 

Eddie squeezes back and keeps going. “I almost told you 10 different times today. In the ambulance, in the truck, in the locker room, in bed. I almost lost you, and I just wanted to tell you everything so you’d know. But I couldn’t,” his voice cracks, “because I’m still all tangled up, and you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to give you something half baked or spur of the moment. You deserve everything, and I want to give you everything so badly. I just need to make sure I’m ready for you.”

A tear gets stuck on Eddie’s eyelashes, and Buck reaches up to catch it as it falls. He keeps his hand there, his thumb brushing the same path Eddie’s did earlier, and he hopes it feels half as grounding for Eddie as it did for him. 

“I love you too, you know,” he says. “And I don’t mind a work in progress. You’ll always be a work in progress, but it’s you. That’s all that matters to me.”

“I know,” Eddie nods. “But I want to be ready for me too. I don’t want to close up when things get hard or stop fighting for you because I think I don’t deserve you. And right now, I think I would. I need to figure out how to deal with that.”

Buck nods. Coming from anyone else, a comment like that might have stung him right in the “never good enough” part of his psyche. But it’s Eddie, so he gets it. He knows Eddie better than anyone, and he knows he’s right about this. 

“You’re it for me,” Eddie says quietly, but it echoes in Buck’s head, around his heart. “I know that. I just need to believe it too.”

“I believe it,” Bucks says, no hesitation. “I believe it more than anything. I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”

For the first time all evening, Eddie looks pained, wary. “I don’t know how long it’ll be.”

Buck shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. It could be weeks or months or years. I’ll be here.”

He will be, because this life with Eddie is the last stop on the subway. The train to get him there is delayed, but it’s coming. He’ll wait as long as he needs to for it to get here. 

There’s more they could talk about — more they need to talk about — but the sun is just starting to rise and they both need to go back to sleep. Buck stands, joints crackling in protest, and tries to head towards the bedroom, but Eddie’s still holding his hand, and he’s not getting up. 

“I’m gonna sleep here,” he says, with conviction and a hint of uncertainty. “The bed’s all yours.”

And Buck wants to protest, to pull Eddie up and bully him into bed, to whine like he did earlier until Eddie relents. But he knows it would be entirely counterproductive after the conversation they just had, and Buck will do whatever he has to to prove to Eddie how much he respects him, supports him, trusts him. 

He nods at Eddie and smiles, and it’s not forced even a little bit — it’s full of pride and love that he’ll eventually get to shout from the rooftops. He leans back down to rest their foreheads together for a minute, just a minute, before he lets their hands fall away from each other as he walks back down the hall. 

The door shuts definitively behind him, and he cocoons himself back in the blankets that still smell like Eddie. It’s weird, being this far away from each other at a time like this, after a night like this, but this is what Eddie needs right now. Buck would walk through bigger fires to give him less. 

When he wakes up, the sun is shining through the blinds, he can hear Eddie and Chris talking in the kitchen, and somehow, the world feels brand new. 

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fic #buddie fic #eddie NEEDS time and he DESERVES time and buck will ABSOLUTELY GIVE IT TO HIM and i'm CRYING ABOUT IT #ficcery

[fcntasmas-archive]

also to play the prompt game, buddie + historical au (the period can be dealers choice. 💕)

combining this prompt with one from anon: Anonymous asked: Chris & Buck + arcade because turns out "historical", for the dealer, simply meant the 1980s! i hope you enjoy this mess anyway fadsklf ily <3

The thing about owning an arcade, Buck thinks, is that it’s often filled with asshole teenagers. Buck loves kids. Loves them. He can count on birthday parties pretty much every weekend, which is where most of his revenue comes from, and he’s always happy to accommodate the kiddos. He built this arcade from the ground-up, got it for dirt-cheap after the Atari video game burial of ’83, when the video game industry was predicted to fail and never recover from the E.T. game that was so bad, it’d made Buck cry a little. He bought it at a time when he didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, and it turned into the most successful local endeavor he could have ever thought up in Los Angeles, California, the epicenter for everything coming up tech. Which means, of course, being popular with the kids, but also being popular with asshole teenagers, and having to watch them like a hawk every time they traveled into the arcade in hoards, like they were just waiting for the opportunity to feel Bigger and Stronger than the younger kids, who usually came round after school to wait for their working parents to pick them up outside of the pick-up and drop-off area. Buck’s basically a glorified babysitter, on weekdays. Which he doesn’t totally mind. He meets some interesting kids. There’s Thomas, for example, who wears heavily-prescribed glasses and talks with a lisp but knows more about Star Wars than Buck knows, like, in general; there’s Henry, who owns a pet turtle and always walks in with a surprisingly heavy bag of coins every Tuesday and Thursday; and there’s Raul, who likes to hog Pacman like it’s nobody’s business and Buck has to bribe with a dollar every time to get him to give someone else a turn. But nobody comes close to the bond he’s formed with Christopher Diaz.

If Buck could only choose one thing to thank this place for, it would be Christopher Diaz. His aunt – or, great-aunt, like Christopher’s corrected him about a dozen times – drops him off every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school, then scurries to her evening shift next door at the 24-hour ER center. Buck and Christopher took to each other immediately – they both have an affinity for Mortal Kombat, and the kid’s pure sunshine, hands down. He’s always smiling and he’s always got a nice thing to say about his classmates or his teachers or his aunt – great-aunt – and he laughs at pretty much every single one of Buck’s jokes, which is so totally fair, since Buck is, objectively, hilarious.

(Shut up, Maddie.)

On the days there are asshole teenagers, however, Buck invites Christopher behind the counter and they’ll play a game of cards instead, or work on his homework together. He hasn’t seen them be mean to Chris just yet, and Buck still keeps an eye out for any bullying, but he’d rather not risk it with Chris. He can’t explain it – there’s just something about the kid that makes Buck’s protective instinct kick in, because he’s been coming here for nearly a year and it’s almost like – well, he’s Buck’s friend, weird as it is. Buck’s friends are of limited number and usually just as busy as him, and, sure, he doesn’t burden Christopher with all the weird adult stuff he has no business being burdened with, but they’re still friends, in a sense, and the kid’s aura is absolutely unmatched.

He’s a good kid, is what Buck’s getting at.

And if his dad is easy on the eyes, well.

Right, so Eddie Diaz picks Christopher up after his usual shifts at the fire station. He didn’t seem too happy to be doing so the first month or so, usually eyeing Buck with suspicion, but eventually he seemed to thaw and accept this weird dynamic between Buck and Chris, even going so far as referring to him as “Christopher’s Buck” once, which made him feel all stupidly proud.

Eddie Diaz looks like what Buck imagines someone who wanted to make the perfect man in a lab would at least use as a template. He’s thankful about choosing the low-lighting in this place every time he feels his cheeks warm when Eddie smiles at him, or thanks him for looking after Christopher, or says something like, “did you grow your hair out? I like it” or “Shaved? Bummer”.

It drives him crazy. Because not only is Eddie just – that– but he’s also got the coolest kid on the planet, and Buck is just some weirdo who owns an arcade that Eddie probably doesn’t think about outside of the maybe half-hour he hangs out with them after his shift, if he’s lucky. Sometimes Eddie’s so burnt out he’ll be in and out in less than a minute, offering Buck nothing more than a half-hearted smile and a goodbye.

And he thinks that’s all there is to it, all there usually is to it, just this stupid one-sided crush, until one Wednesday evening, after he’s finished helping Chris with his math homework, Eddie walks in, looking a little bit like a deer in the headlights, and Buck can’t help but furrow his brows in concern and ask him what’s wrong as soon as he’s withing hearing distance.

“Nothing,” Eddie replies, a little too quickly, and he seems to realize this. “I mean – I just—” he clears his throat, watching as Christopher gathers his things at a glacial pace. “We were just – I was, uh, talking to my coworker – my friend, really, we’ve been working together for a while now, and she – she was wondering—”

Buck feels his heart sink to his feet. “You’re not – trying to set me up with her, are you?”

Christopher sighs deeply beside him, but all Buck can focus on is the way Eddie’s face morphs into seven different expressions before settling into a mortified one. “No, no, I was just – she and her, uh, partner – they’re going to dinner this weekend, at – there’s this neighborhood, that, uh—” Eddie rubs at the back of his neck. “Okay, let me try this again.”

Christopher zips up his backpack. “Can I wait outside?” he asks Eddie, looking amused.

Eddie turns his gaze on him, and Buck thinks it’s a little – glare-y. “No, Christopher, you can wait by the door.”

Chris sighs dramatically. “Fine,” he reaches around Buck’s waist in a hug, one that Buck immediately returns. “Good luck with him.”

Before Buck can ask what that means, Christopher’s making his way over to the entrance, and Buck’s left with Eddie Diaz in all his attractive, impressive glory.

“I’m not – I would really appreciate it if you didn’t punch me in the face for asking this,” Eddie says, and Buck feels a little affronted.

“I would never—”

“Yeah,” Eddie snorts. “I know. I know, you would – you’re probably going to – even if—” Eddie sighs irritably and rubs at the bridge of his nose. “You are – infuriatingly kind, is what I’m getting at. And you – my kid loves you, and you have these fucking dimples—”

Buck’s eyebrows shoot upwards.

“—and I feel like if you were to punch anyone, it wouldn’t be for what I’m about to ask you, so—” he clears his throat. “Buck. My friend Hen and her girlfriend Karen asked if I wanted to join them for a date night on Saturday. The only catch is, of course, I, uh, don’t have a date.”

Buck blinks at Eddie, then realizes he’s waiting for a response.

“Oh,” Buck pauses. “That’s…a bummer?”

That sounded genuine, right? Eddie totally buys that Buck thinks it’s a bummer he’s not dating anyone?

Eddie’s chuckle is shaky. “Yeah,” he licks his lips, and Buck pretends he doesn’t follow the motion. “You’re – I was wondering if you would like to. Come with me.”

Buck takes a second. “In lieu of a date?”

Eddie blinks at him. “No,” he replies slowly. “As my date.”

Buck is silent. “That makes more sense.”

“Yes.”

“Than just – in lieu of one.”

“Definitely.”

“Because you’re – it’d be like, a double-date thing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Which you’re asking me on.”

“Correct.”

“And not…as a joke?”

“That’s—” Eddie frowns. “That would be incredibly cruel, why would anyone—”

“Yes,” Buck interrupts, before Eddie finds himself on a tangent. “I mean, yes, I would – that would be good. I would like that. I would – I do – own other clothes than, uh, jeans and my business t-shirt, so, that would be – I would enjoy that very much.”

Eddie’s lips have been turning upwards at the corners this entire time, until they’re set on a full smile. “Happy to see what you look like out of the outfit, then.”

Buck makes a sound that’s somewhere between an aborted laugh and the croak of someone taking their last breath.

“I’ll share the details with you on Friday, yeah?” Eddie asks, and Buck just nods and nods and nods, because he doesn’t think he has motor function over any part of his body anymore. “Okay,” he grins. “I’ll, uh – see you then, then.”

“In a while, crocodile,” Buck replies loudly, then realizes Eddie didn’t – it doesn’t work if he didn’t—

Eddie just laughs, face the same kind of bright Christopher’s contorts into when he’s filled with joy, and suddenly all Buck can think is, God, please, please, let me be so lucky.

Once Eddie and Christopher are out the door – Christopher waving goodbye happily from the exit – Buck can’t do anything but stare at the spot where the Diazes disappear for a good two or three minutes until a tiny Timothy’s walking up to the counter and says, “Mr. Buckley? Someone threw up on Tron again.”

Buck sighs.

“Yep.”

#answered #mellaithwen #amy tag #* #*911 #ok yes this IS 1600 words #but like. ok listen. listen. i love 80s arcade vibes #also the way people would used to just. leave their children around town like it's nbd #anyway #LOVE U AMY TY <333

[tvfangirladdict]

So Buddie was trending today, again, and I was reading some posts, and a couple stuck out to me. People seem to be realizing that even though we all ship the same couple, there's still sides that have been picked. I've noticed it in most ship couples I follow.

With Buddie, I think the majority of shippers tend to side with Buck. I don't know if it's because people relate to him more, or they just see him as the "all-american", wholesome, sweet, cute, blonde they feel sorry for and want to protect because I've noticed a trend in favoritism shown to similar characters in other shows, but that's just how it is. And so this leads to a majority of fics and posts that put him first. And this makes it feel like Eddie's always painted as the bad guy, Buck's the one who's betrayed and hurt, and Eddie's the one who's forced to grovel and chase Buck.

And this isn't to bash Buck or people who favor him, it's just to express frustration in not seeing the same level of compassion and love for Eddie, for those of us who are on "his side". It can get tiring to see the character you favor always being the one who messes up and acts selfishly and hurting the person they're shipped with.

And it's not always even restricted to issues between the two of them. I saw a few posts where people vented frustration with seeing people putting Eddie down for decisions he's made with Chris's best interests at heart. Like, I'm sorry, but Eddie is his dad, and no matter how good of a guy Buck is, no one loves that kid more than Eddie. So I don't understand why people seem to think Eddie should be putting Buck's feelings ahead of his son's. Like yeah, it'll be tough for Buck, he'll miss his work partner, but Chris is screaming himself awake over his mom and spending Christmas season worrying about his dad dying, his dad who has been shot on multiple occasions, buried alive, walks into fires every day, etc. Like, Chris's fears are valid, and they're logical. Anyone who works in similar fields has to weigh the good they're doing with the possibility of not coming home, and that's a personal decision that I don't think anyone has the right to judge one way or another.

It's bad timing with what Buck's going through, but it doesn't make Eddie a bad person for doing it. Maybe it's true that it won't be the fix or long term solution he's looking for, but neither is it healthy to stay in that situation only to make a friend feel better. He needs to take the time to work on himself and his son first.

One of my favorite parts of being a Destiel shipper is that it seems pretty even. Like the fans love them pretty equally. They don't love just Dean and decide that Cas is good enough for him and write them together or vice versa. They don't pick sides, or at least it seems pretty equal on both sides. There's thoughtfulness and compassion for both sides of the ship from writers. Both characters mess up.

And I think that's where my problem is. Because people's love for the characters can be so blind that they think they could never do anything wrong. I've always been Team Iron Man over Team Cap. Personally, I'm not a fan of Cap. He's too good if that makes sense. Just too squeaky clean and inhuman. And I'm not talking about the super serum. It's like he's some perfect person who always knows what to do and always makes the right decisions and always does good. He never messes up or has thoughts or feelings that aren't 100% good. Tony's flawed and can be selfish and stupid and imperfect. He's human.

I guess I tend to lean towards the characters who are more grey, which makes them more human and relatable to me. They get angry and petty and mean sometimes, but at heart are good people who are doing their best to be good.

I watched the Harry Potter reunion last week and the actor who played Lucious Malfoy (sorry I'll have to look up his name) said something that's really stuck with me. He said that in his opinion, Malfoy was the real hero. Harry wasn't a hero because there was never a question, he was always going to do the right thing, but Draco? Draco was raised to be the worst kind of person, but still found the courage to be good in the end.

I'm as far from perfect as you can get, so I side with the troubled underdogs who try to do good, but still mess up sometimes.

Like with Buddie, I favor the underdog in Sterek too, Derek. I feel like most of the Sterek fics written paint Stiles as some physical badass, but emotionally he's some victim or damsel in distress all the time. Derek's always the one who says or does something stupid and Stiles distances himself to go lick his wounds. He's written like he's infallible and Derek is a monster who feels nothing. Exaggerated a bit maybe, but i swear 80% of Sterek fics are written that way and it's tiring. I get it to a point, I get wanting to give a hurt character you relate to some justice from their relationship partner, but c'mon. Every time? Personally, I think Stiles can be an asshole. That's why we like him. He's not some wilting flower who's going to run and hide when his feeling get hurt. I'm not gonna get into it with Derek because I could write a whole essay on how the writers wronged his character in the name of Scott McCall. Not gonna lie, probably gonna write that next, so if you've made it this far and are interested in some ranting on the behalf of Derek Hale, keep a look out.

But seriously, do you know how hard it is to find a fic where Stiles was the one who screwed up and hurt Derek for a change? And he's the one who has to work to get Derek back? So freaking hard. So if you know of any, seriously, please please please send them! Same goes for hurt!Eddie Buddie stories. Send them all! I could use some Derek or Eddie whump right now.

This started out as another venting about Eddie bashers and kind got off track a bit. But it just sucks when you're on the less popular side of a ship.

And before anyone comes at me and says that people can write whatever Fanfic they want and that writing Buck or Stiles or whoever, that way helps them deal, I'll reiterate. This isn't to say that they're wrong or their characters feelings aren't valid. I'm just venting my frustration that I can't find the same level or amount of writings dedicated to the other half of the ship. It's me trying to accept that I favor the less popular character, so he's gonna be the bad guy in most stories.

Okay, I'm done whining now😅

#911 fox #buddie #eddie diaz #supernatural #destiel #teen wolf #sterek #derek hale #harry potter #draco malfoy #dedicated to the underdogs/real heros #team iron man #tony stark #rant #rambles

[thisissirius]

must i imagine you there [ao3 link] eddie/buck, eddie week day three: competence + “we’re getting out of this.” bombs. hurt/comfort. fear of death. drama :))))

“Buck,” Eddie says, “stop moving.”

It’s a testament to how well they work together that Buck immediately stops. “What?”

Eddie slowly sinks to his knees, studying the device they’ve inadvertently disturbed. “Shit.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s still not moved, and Eddie relaxes a fraction. “What’s going on?”

“It’s a bomb,” Eddie says, because Buck deserves the truth. “Motion sensors. That red light on your chest?”

“The trigger,” Buck says. It’s the lack of inflection that hits Eddie. “You should go.”

Eddie ignores him, reaches for his radio. “Cap, you there?”

There’s a crackle from the other end. “Diaz? You okay?”

Buck shakes his head. Again, Eddie ignores him. “We’re in the basement. Cap, there’s a bomb.”

“You need to move!”

“Uh, not happening, Cap. It’s motion activated and it’s trigger point is right on Buck.”

______

The bomb itself is rudimentary and obviously self-made. Eddie spends the whole time voices crash over the radio in a cacophony of noise analysing it. Buck’s staying still as he can, breathing heavy, and it’s all Eddie can do to focus on the task at hand. 

When he spots the timer, his heart sinks. 

“Cap,” Eddie says. Then, louder, “Captain Nash!”

The voices stop. 

“There’s a timer.” Eddie meets Buck’s eyes. They’re round, scared, and it breaks Eddie’s heart.

Bobby’s voice is shaky when he comes back on the line. “How long, Eddie?”

Eddie closes his eyes. “Not long enough for the bomb squad.”

______

“You have to go.”

“Shut up, Buck,” Eddie says. The radio is next to his knee and he can hear Bobby, Hen, and Chim on the other end arguing with someone else. Eddie knows they won’t get help here in time. 

Buck makes a noise and Eddie looks up. Anger wars with terror on Buck’s face. “You have to go.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No. I’m not leaving. I can defuse this.”

Buck looks more terrified than Eddie's ever seen him. "You were a medic!"

"We were walking into IED fields all the time," Eddie explains as he bends down, studying the homemade device. "You think I didn't learn how to defuse a bomb on the off chance I might have to?"

"Eddie," Buck says, and he sounds wrecked.

"Hey," Eddie says, looking up at him. He lets his confidence shine through; he might not have faced this particular bomb before, but he needs to do this or Buck's dead, they're both dead, and they have a kid to get home to. "I'm not gonna let you die, you hear me?"

Buck doesn't say anything.

Eddie stands smoothly, hands up in front of him. Less to protect himself and more so that he shows Buck he's taking this seriously. "I'm getting you out of this, Buck. I promise.”

“It’s not that.” Buck’s eyes drop to the bomb, then back up. He swallows, shakes his head. “You can’t do that in time.”

“I can,” Eddie says. There’s no other option; Eddie isn’t leaving Buck here to die.

Buck sounds angry when he says, “You can’t stay and watch me die!”

I can, is on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but he doesn’t say. He peels off his gloves and lets out a shaky breath. “Cap?”

“Eddie,” Bobby sounds strong but concerned. “You can’t do this.”

“I have to,” Eddie says, watching the time tick further away from them. “Buck doesn’t have that long.”

Bobby doesn’t want him to do this; the brass probably don’t want him to do this, and the bomb squad definitely won’t, but Eddie’s not about to let his best friend die because of red tape. “Eddie, if this goes wrong—”

Buck dies. 

The words ring out and Eddie refuses to acknowledge them. 

“It won’t.” Looking up at Buck, he begs him to understand. “We’re getting out of this.”

“Chris,” Buck says, a pleading note to his voice. 

Eddie nods. “You think I wanna go home, look him in the eye and tell him I left you alone?”

Buck’s eyes widen, his lips parting and he closes his eyes. “I’m scared.”

“I know,” Eddie says quietly. He shifts closer to the bomb, tries to get a grip on his emotions when his hands shake. He can’t afford anything to go wrong. 

“Eddie.” Buck’s voice is quiet. “If you stay—”

Eddie shrugs, peeling back the debris from around the device. It’s not unlike some of the shoddily made IEDs when he was in Afghanistan. At least the ones he remembers taking apart and putting back together a hundred times until he understood them. Blowing out a slow breath, he ignores the timer, the red light hovering over Buck, and concentrates on the device itself. 

“Tell me about Mango,” he says, when the silence draws on too much. 

Buck huffs a sigh. “You’re trying to distract me.”

“I’m trying to distract us both,” Eddie admits. “I need you to talk, Buck.”

Silence. Then, quietly, “You’ll watch me die.”

It’s not what Eddie wants to talk about and he feels chilled. Swallowing down the urge to snap back, he’s suddenly glad for the kit they brought with them. “Shit.”

“Eddie,” Buck says again, louder. “Please—”

“Buck,” Eddie snaps. “Neither of us is dying, but if I can’t get this bomb to stop, I’m not leaving you to die alone!”

________________

Eddie sheds his jacket. 

It’s hot; sweat running down his forehead and he can only imagine how Buck’s doing. 

The bomb is complex, but Eddie can do this. The timer won’t let him rest for a second more than he needs to. Buck’s breathing heavy. Bobby and the others have stopped talking. 

Silence descends and Eddie takes a deep breath. 

“I’m having a niece,” Buck says, breaking the silence. 

Eddie sends him a silent thanks, and exposes the wires. “Yeah?”

“Maddie told me last night,” Buck explains. His arms are straining from holding still so long and Eddie wishes he could go faster, but he can’t get this wrong. “I was gonna tell you later.”

“They have a name yet?”

Buck shakes his head carefully. “No. I keep trying to convince them Eva is a great name.”

Eddie laughs, sticks the clippers between his teeth and gets his fingers between the wires. The light is dangerously close to his left hand and he takes a few deep breaths. “Why not Edie?”

There’s a laugh there, Eddie knows, but Buck keeps still. “Fuck you. Not while I’m near death.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says. He cuts one of the wires, biting at his bottom lip. 

It takes Buck a little longer to speak; Eddie cuts another wire, thinks he’s narrowed down the one for the timer. He doesn’t wanna cut that one. “I love you.”

Eddie pauses. “Don’t.”

“Please,” Buck says quietly. “I need to—”

“You think I don’t know?” Eddie glances at the timer, then looks up at Buck. 

Buck swallows. “Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head, focuses back on the task at hand and cuts another wire. “Don’t say goodbye,” he says, through gritted teeth. “Please.”

“I love Chris,” Buck says, plowing on as if he can’t hear Eddie loud and clear. Eddie ignores him, tries to pick up a bit of speed because he can’t do this, he can’t. “He’ll be a good cousin.”

Oh.

Fuck no. “Buck.”

“You’ll be a great uncle,” Buck says, his voice wobbling. “Mango’s lucky.” Then, quietly, “I’ve been lucky.”

“Please,” Eddie whispers again, fingers trembling as he narrows down the last couple of wires. The timer’s picked up speed and he can feel worry clawing at his chest. “Buck—”

Buck sobs and Eddie’s heart shatters. “I’m lucky you came to LA. That you listened to Bobby. That you—that you were mine, even for a little—”

“No,” Eddie snaps, isolating the last wire. “You’re not dying and you don’t get to—”

0:10. 

“Eddie—”

0:07. 

“No, stop—”

0:05.

“Eddie!”

__________

“You can let go,” Bobby says. 

Eddie blinks, stares down at the device, then up at Bobby. “Bobby?”

Concerned, Bobby slides a hand down Eddie’s arm, takes the clippers from hands that won’t work. “Eddie, you with me?”

“Buck,” Eddie says, forcing himself to shaky feet. 

“Outside,” Bobby says. He meets Eddie’s gaze, holds it. “You checked out.”

Eddie collapses forward and Bobby catches him. Eddie can’t stop the trembling, from gasping out Buck’s name. 

“You did it,” Bobby says, holding him. “You did it, Eddie, you can breathe.”

_______

The water washes away almost everything. 

The heaviness remains in Eddie’s chest and he can’t stop the racing of his heart. 

When he comes out of the showers, he sits on the bench. 

Buck’s at the hospital, everyone clamouring to make sure he’s okay. Eddie feels adrift without him, like he’s gonna float away if he doesn’t find something to ground him. He’s talked to Chris; made sure Carla can drop him off when he and Buck make it back home. If Buck wants to go with him. He doesn’t know if—

“Hey.”

Eddie’s head snaps up. Buck’s crouched in front of him, hands on Eddie’s knees. 

“You keep checking out on people,” Buck says quietly. 

“You’re okay,” Eddie whispers. 

Buck nods, then breaks, surging forward and dragging Eddie into a hug. Eddie holds on, buries his face in Buck’s neck. “Eddie, fuck, Eddie.”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He holds on, revels in the feel of Buck beneath his hands. 

When Buck pulls back, he presses a hand to Eddie’s face. He’s shaking, Eddie realises. That, or Eddie is and they’re just a mess of shaking and heavy breathing. It should be gross, but it just means they’re both alive. “If you ever do that again, I’ll kill you myself.”

“Do you,” Eddie starts, cuts himself off. “You can’t ask me to leave. Ever. You can’t ask me to leave you alone.”

Buck stares, then nods quickly. “Okay. But you, you think I wanted you there? Chris needs us both, okay?”

Eddie nods. “I couldn’t leave you,” he says again. “I can’t do this if you’re not right next to me.”

The kiss is expected. The hand to the back of his head is soft. 

The ground beneath his feet is solid.         

#buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #fic by me #eddiediazweek2021 #eddieweek2021 #oops #:))))

[wh0re-behavi0r]

for @ktinaj (since you wanted a dance recital fic, I tried.)

Buddie Week Day 5: "Skipping out on work again?"

disclaimer: I've never written anything for the buddie fandom and I have not posted a work in a few months but it feels like years) Its about 1k and it's under the cut!

Buck listened to the phone ring as he waited for Bobby to pick up. Emma’s dance recital was coming up in two weeks and he wanted to make sure both he and Eddie could be there. She hadn’t expressed her nervousness exactly, but there was something about the way the seven-year-old went silent after they asked how rehearsal went. Unlike many of the other parents in Emma’s dance class, Buck and Eddie weren’t able to watch her rehearse. Occasionally she would practice for them in the living room, asking Chris to help keep count as she stumbled over her “big leap”.

(“It’s called a grand jeté, dad!” Emma corrected.)

“Buck, skipping out on work again?” Buck smiled.

“Sorry, Bobby, but Eddie and I would really like the day off for Emma’s dance recital, and the day before, too.”

Even though everything had been set in place, Buck couldn’t help but be nervous the day of. Emma had crawled into their bed and finally opened up to them about her fears.

“What if I mess up and everyone notices?” She looked up at Eddie as he combed through her hair. Buck had been half asleep when she came in and was now trying to catch up on the conversation.

“Well, the audience probably won’t notice that you mess up because they don’t know the routine. And even if you do mess up, that’s alright. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes and the point of you doing ballet is to have fun, right?” She nodded then put her head on his chest.

“What if I mess up so bad the teacher kicks me out?” When Eddie and Buck decided to have a child, they went with surrogacy and had Buck father Emma biologically. As much as Buck was excited to have a kid with his eyes and his smile-

(Eddie says sometimes he stares as Emma and all he sees is Buck, just with softer facial features. Ultimately, she had his heart and this infinite kindness and capacity to love. They were both glad she wasn’t danger prone.)

He was scared she would get his anxiety. Buck reached out to give her a hug, cradling her til she was entirely covered in him as if he could protect her from herself, as if he could absorb all her pain just through touch.

“One time, I messed up so bad that Bobby fired me,” Buck told her in a hushed voice.

Her eyes were wide as she asked, “really? What did you do?” Buck did not anticipate this question.

“Something that he shouldn’t have been doing,” Eddie answered for him with a smirk, all too familiar with the story. She pouted, knowing she wasn’t going to get a clear answer.

“The point is, even though I made a huge mistake, I got my job back because Bobby believed that I could do better. Your teacher’s job is to make sure that you learn how to dance to the best of your abilities. And just like you, she’s made mistakes before, so she’ll understand.”

Emma chewed on her bottom lip and sighed. “It’s okay to make mistakes, Emma.” She nodded her head but Buck wasn’t so sure that they had gotten through to her. In the morning, they sent her and Chris off to school and their conversation was on his mind throughout the whole ride.

It didn’t leave his mind as Chris, Eddie, and Buck had found seats close to the front of the theatre. His leg jittered and he was about to say something before Eddie beat him to it. “Buck.” His voice broke through his thoughts.

“Hmm?” He blinked slowly and turned to look at his husband. Eddie reached out to hold his hand, thumb slowly stroking.

“Do you need me to film?” Eddie questioned. Buck wasn’t sure, he didn’t want the footage to be shaky but one of the things he was looking forward to was mimicking a stage parent.

“Are you not freaking out?” Eddie shrugged.

“I am, but if dance makes Emma sad, then we find another activity for her to do. I don’t want her to feel pressure to continue if she doesn’t want to, but I also want her to see that she can conquer her fears.” Buck felt the same, so he just nodded and braced himself as the lights dimmed, indicating that the show was going to start.

He pulled out his phone and watched the side stage to see if he could see Emma peeking out from behind the curtain. The ballet teacher droned on about the students before she stepped off the stage and the music began.

The children ran out onstage and he followed Emma in her lavender tutu. He wishes they had been there to help her get dressed and make sure she was okay before she went on stage. He watched her move graciously across the stage and he knows he’s a bit biased but she seemed like one of the best dancers out there. His hand drooped a bit as he forgot he was filming.

Once the dance was done, he couldn’t help the tears that welled up in his eyes. They stood up to cheer for Emma, Chris whooping for her so loud, Emma told him to shush. Once she was all ready to leave, she ran to them.

“Dads! Chris! I didn’t mess up, not once!” Buck picked her up and squished her. Chris and Eddie complimented her on her performance.

“A great dancer like you deserves a gift!” Buck rocked her in his arms. She pulled back from the embrace.

“Like my favorite food?” The excitement in her eyes made Buck feel so warm.

“Like your favorite dessert, too.” She squealed so loud and Buck winced. She planted a wet peck on his cheek.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She chanted and wiggled for him to put her down. A part of him knows that there are going be more worries like this to come with Emma, ones that don’t end with her as ecstatic as she is now, but he can’t find it in him to care when his little girl is so happy.

#buddieweek21 #buddie #my writing #oh god im so nervous to post this #if yall hate this dont tell me okay? #i did not spell check or NOTHING #i kinda wanna write more of this verse but i don't even have a title lmfao #okay im leaving this website forever goodbye 🙃

[inawickedlittletown]

Survivors - Buddie meta

Words: 3,112

I thought a lot about 4x14 since watching it on Monday and mostly buddie, and on my re-watch I had a lot of thoughts and since I can’t seem to help myself here we are again. And fair warning, this is very long. 

I think it’s fair to say that Buck is someone that cares a lot. I think it’s fair to say that his reaction to Eddie being shot would be the same if anyone else in the 118 was shot. That said, yes, the way that Buck freezes and the shock that sets in with him is jarring for a character that is always about the action and always about doing something. But then, he does finally get his bearings after being knocked down to safety and after holding eye contact with Eddie as Eddie is bleeding out on the ground, and Buck is the only one present on the scene to get to Eddie. Buck is the only one trying to get to the injured person despite the fact that there are plenty of other first responders around. 

This moment is a lot, and I think it does so much to reiterate and highlight the importance of Eddie in Buck’s life and the love that is felt between them. Up to this point, we cannot call that romantic love — or at least, acknowledged romantic love — but Buck does love Eddie. And vice versa. 

We see Eddie’s love shine through in the moments while they’re heading to the hospital and Eddie comes to and his concern isn’t for himself, but Buck. Eddie has been shot, and he’s well aware of that, and yet it is Buck who he worries about. He has to be sure that Buck is alright. And, well, Buck isn’t. He might be physically alright, but when he’s asked if he’s okay as Eddie is being taken into the hospital, he just says “no” and that is very clear to the audience in that moment and for the rest of the episode. 

The next time that we see Buck, he is still a mess and he’s stepping out of the hospital. He is literally shaking and he is so out of it and in a state of shock that he’s ignored phone calls not just from Taylor, but from Maddie, and likely anyone else that tried to contact him. I don’t want to spend too much time on Taylor here, but I do want to point out that Buck is at first suspicious of why she is present and barely acknowledges that she was worried about him and he also just doesn’t want to allow her to help him. 

Buck’s entire mind is on Eddie and on Chris and we’re aware from Chim’s call with Maddie that the rest of the team are at the hospital as well, and that enough time has passed that it’s likely Eddie’s grandmother and aunt would have heard about what happened, that Carla would have heard, and yet Buck feels like he’s the one of that needs to talk to Chris and no one refutes that. When Albert asks where Buck is later, Chim even says: “he’s got a harder job tonight” because they all know that it is absolutely Buck’s place to be the one to speak to Christopher.  

From the moment that Buck was aware of Christopher’s existence, he’s been involved. Christopher bonded Buck and Eddie in a way perhaps because of how much Buck loves kids, but certainly because Buck admired Eddie as a parent and Eddie’s devotion to being a dad. I think Buck similarly endeared himself to Eddie by making it possible for Eddie to get the help that he needed — namely Carla. But over the past few seasons we’ve seen the Buck and Chris relationship grow. Buck has been acting like another parent for a while and I think this season really took it over the top ever since Chris ran away from home and went straight to Buck. Making Buck his safe space over anyone else. 

Out of the entire episode, the hardest scene to watch for emotional reasons is Buck explaining to Chris that his father is hurt. Between the way that Chris asks questions to understand what happened, to the way that Buck just can’t keep it together. And then Bobby’s text comes in and Buck really cannot hold it in, to know that actually Eddie will be okay. The rollercoaster of emotions is so well acted, so well written, and there is no way to not feel that pain while watching it. 

This whole scene reads like a parent talking to their child about something difficult. It reads like a parent being aware of their own pain and still facing their kid because that’s important and necessary and as a parent it isn’t something that can be ignored. We can go further and parallel the scene to almost any important and emotional conversation between Eddie and Christopher, but especially what we got when Shannon died.It also frames Buck as family and as important in the lives of both Christopher and Eddie. It is difficult then to think about Buck’s place in all of this as only a best friend. As only a work partner. This is glaringly so when we think about Ana. (Also, we have to remember that Buck during all of this knows nothing about Eddie changing his will).

The episode makes it clear where Ana is this entire time because the few times we see her, she’s at the hospital with Eddie. As his girlfriend it makes sense for her to be there for him and yet that is all we are given when instead it would only make sense to use Eddie’s injury as a way to further and strengthen Ana and Eddie’s relationship. And from the last we saw of Ana, she clearly gets on with Christopher, enough that it would have made sense for Ana to step up and offer to care for Chris. It isn’t something that happens. But I think that their relationship would have shown as stronger and as more meaningful in the eyes of the viewer if we’d seen more of them together and certainly if we had seen Ana even just offer to look after Chris. 

Instead, it is Buck that sleeps on Eddie’s couch so he can be there for Christopher even though there are other options such as Carla. It is Buck that picks up the slack of looking after Christopher as worried as Buck is about Eddie and as worried as Buck is about everyone else in light of the firefighters being targets. The way that Buck puts Christopher first is so parental. It is something that Eddie has noticed long before this all the way back in S3 and clearly Buck doesn’t disappoint. And Buck doesn’t do it all alone, because obviously he has work and Carla is around, but he is going out of his way to be there for Christopher. 

The scenes are bittersweet in that there is a slight domestic/parental element to them, but then also the thrumming knowing that this is only happening because Eddie isn’t around. And yet Christopher is adaptable. It gets to the point where he is even joking around and teasing Buck in a very similar way that he does with Eddie. 

I find Buck’s journey through the episode interesting. One of the things about Buck is that he believes he is alone. He knows he has people, but he also realizes that he is alone, and that as much he means something to his team, to his sister, even to his parents, Buck also knows that everyone else has other people. During the sequence in which Bobby explains how things are going to change for them, we see flashes of scenes of the 118 getting ready to go into work with their new bulletproof vests and we see Hen with Karen, we see Chim with Maddie, and we see Bobby with Athena. Buck is on his own. 

Is it because Buck’s partner would naturally be Eddie? Or because Taylor and Buck just aren’t on that level (I mean at this point we’re pre-kiss). Either way, we get Buck on his own all while Bobby voice-overs how difficult this time will be on their family/loved ones who already see the job as risky and now it suddenly comes with possible sniper shots too. So is it a wonder that Buck, who already thinks much less of himself, would want to place more risk on himself than anyone else? Not to mention that there is definitely an element of survivor’s guilt at play. Buck was standing right there on that street with Eddie. Easily, it could have been him that was shot except that dressed as a civilian made him less of a target. 

Bobby tells him that he made himself a target deliberately and Buck has an answer. He can’t handle anyone else being hurt and that shows us the impact that Eddie being hurt has on Buck, the way that emotionally, Buck could not handle much more turmoil. 

About Eddie, Buck says, “I was just the guy standing there when it happened who couldn’t do anything to protect him.” And it is simply amazing how much that statement says about Buck’s state of mind. Add in Oliver Stark’s acting and we get to see so much of Buck’s love for the whole team, for Eddie. This moment comes after Buck’s scene with Carla presumably before he went to work, and in that scene Carla expresses her concern for Buck’s well being, but Buck brushes that off and I think it’s yet another example of Buck’s state of mind in that he doesn’t want to see himself as important, as necessary, as someone that would be missed if they were gone. 

We see Taylor again and I do want to say that I appreciate the role Taylor has played in this episode. Her first appearance has her worried about Buck and caring about that more than possibly getting a scoop for work — yet another instance of showing how much Taylor has changed from S2. Her worry then, and the way that she offers to help Buck continues to translate into her second scene in the episode where she’s also upset at Buck for the crane incident and the danger he placed himself in. I’ve loved the development of Buck and Taylor’s friendship as well as the many moments that we’ve gotten that show Taylor as a different person. The last few episodes have slowly hinted at them as a couple and I cannot be mad at how this was developed or how Taylor is very clearly unsure about how things might go. She is caught up in the moment and after she kisses him she even apologizes. 

Buck says they should talk about it, but Taylor decides to leave. Buck actually goes to say “wait” or to stop her and Taylor, as we learn later, expected or hoped for Buck to chase after her, but Eddie has excellent timing and has woken up. And Ana calls Buck at once. 

I’m curious about when Buck got Ana’s number and saved it on his phone. I’m curious about how Ana got Buck’s number. Before this, we haven’t seen them interact at all and unless Eddie being hurt was the first time they even met, who called Ana to tell her about Eddie? 

Either way, Ana calls him and Buck goes to Eddie. It’s a choice that Buck makes and I don’t think Buck even sees it as a choice. And from the way that Taylor mentions Buck not going after her, I just have to wonder about how Buck made it out of his apartment without running into Taylor on the way to his car to get to the hospital. From the way he was running, we know he didn’t wait to get over there. I also do have to wonder about Ana calling Buck and why she felt that he would need to be informed about Eddie being awake at once. Obviously there’s Christopher to consider, but Ana could have also called Carla. This feels like Ana knowing who she needed to defer to. 

Buck arrives and Ana is all smiles, but she steps aside so Buck and Eddie can see each other. (Me with my shipper goggles on: foreshadowing?) And then, the next thing we see if Eddie having a facetime with Christopher through Buck’s phone and Ana isn’t there? Did she step out to give them some time with the kid? Ana’s place in all of this just dwindles and dwindles and I’ll admit I never liked Ana...but that’s mostly because I was never given a reason to like her. Maybe I just feel ambivalent. 

Eddie asks Buck about how Chris is doing and Buck admits that actually between him and Christopher, it is Buck that is having a harder time. He admits that he lost it when he was telling Christopher and Buck is ashamed of it, of not being able to put away his emotions to focus on Chris. Eddie reassures him: “You were there for him when I couldn’t be. That’s what matters.”

Buck responds with: “Still, it might have been better for him if I was the one that got shot.” And that has been Buck’s state of mind this entire episode. That is what he’s been feeling. But no matter how many times Buck has been asked how he’s doing or been shown that others are worried about him, has he brought that up. It is only to Eddie that he can admit it.

The scene ends and Eddie is left thinking. He’s left considering what Buck’s said, but he’s also considering how he views Buck and how to best make Buck believe that actually he’s not expendable. Not to him or to Christopher or even to the rest of the 118. 

We get to the third Buck and Taylor scene and the first thing that is apparent is that Buck has not reached out to Taylor since the kiss. He hasn’t chased her. In fact, he didn’t expect to see her at his door. And it has been days since. This shows us that Buck while interested in Taylor, isn’t that invested. Taylor on the other hand is. Buck explains himself by saying that he’s done feeling like he isn’t enough and I like that self-confidence and the way that Buck makes it clear that he can’t be the one chasing anyone. 

To bring this back to Buddie, I do wonder if Buck saying this to Taylor isn’t also a statement about where Buck stands in general and how Buck is not going to be the one that pines or that waits for anyone. Not just Taylor, but Eddie. This could be subtle foreshadowing, aided of course by the next Buck and Eddie scene. 

Eddie isn’t someone that talks about how he feels. He isn’t someone that needs to express himself that way and we know this about him which makes this scene all the more poignant. And you can feel how Eddie isn’t too sure of himself when he asks Buck to talk. Not to mention that admitting to going through the trouble of changing his will so that Buck could be Chris’ guardian clearly isn’t something Eddie ever wanted to bring up or mention to Buck seeing as it’s been in his will for about a year. 

Eddie is just displaying such a level of awareness for his understanding of who would be best for Christopher, for the realization that no one else in his life cares for Christopher’s well being like Buck does. And they talk about Eddie’s other family and Eddie says my favorite line of the episode, “No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. That is what I want for him.” Other than “You act like you’re expendable...but you’re wrong.” 

Eddie changed his will, not for Buck, but for Christopher. It is placing all his trust in Buck and making him in many ways the most important person in his life other than his son. But telling Buck is something that Eddie does for Buck. He does it so that Buck knows how highly Eddie views/values him and so that perhaps Buck begins to see himself that way too and so he can value his life if not for himself, but then also because it actually could affect Christopher and Eddie as well. It does make me wonder if during Eddie’s time at the hospital, he heard about Buck and the crane. 

There’s a welcome home party waiting for Eddie at home and Buck is the one to take him to it. The ending sequence is interesting in that everyone is split up by family. Unlike last season where we had everyone together at the end, this time everyone is with their family. In another moment that could have been used to cement Ana and Eddie, it is Buck that picks Eddie up from the hospital and Buck that takes him to the party. For some reason Taylor is there and I feel like that’s more about being able to put her somewhere, but we could have done without her. I wonder if Eddie already knows that Buck and Taylor are a thing by that point. And I wonder what Chris thinks of her. 

All in all, this was a fantastic episode. One of the best of the season and such a strong finale. And I don’t think it gives us any concrete information on if the show is going to actually do Buddie, but it leaves some sprinkling of things that make it a possibility. Most of that is to do with how little development we get out of Ana in any way or form as well as the display of importance that Eddie places on Buck as well as Buck’s emotions when it comes to Eddie being injured. I think we leave the episode on a high note and with a lot of hope that actually maybe something could happen. 

I don’t think I will ever be one of those people that are more than 50% sure it might happen, but this episode does make me question if that percentage shouldn’t be higher. It also cements my other thoughts on Buddie and I will reiterate it again because it’s so important, as it stands we are not in any place to call Buddie queerbaiting. We are, however, possibly in the midst of a slow burn. 

-

Tagging: @vivalabandoms @sevensoulmates @greenasher @whenyougoquiet-ihatemyself @seylaaurora @scifitheatre1995 @yramesoruniverse @laura2594-me @selfiethechaosfan @lilyemrys 

#911 fox #911 meta #buddie #buddie meta #911 on fox #meta #spoilers #911 spoilers #tagged anyone that liked my post last night hope I didn't miss any of you #long post #over 3k long #clearly I can't ever keep anything short #and this wasn't even focused on the whole episode #can you tell I have an english degree?

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Buddie Moodboard - Supernatural AU

It's me. Again. Teehee. Just to clarify this beforehand - we are definitely only sampling through the first few seasons for some inspiration. The rest was a dumpster fire I'm not touching with a ten-feet pole. Also, of course, I will take any opportunity and shamelessly exploit it to run with the "oh no, there's only one bed in this shabby motel room" trope. I will die on this hill. And then go to hell. RIP.

Eddie honestly thought this was going to be a normal, boring day like any other. All he did was to take Christopher to a library for a project. But then he nearly had to punch a guy's teeth out after his son told him that the creep gave him a bag filled with weird things and told him to keep it in his room.

He just really wants to fall into bed once they make it back home and Chris finally called it a day. But no such luck. Apparently, it's his luck to move into a house and be robbed two weeks into having settled in. Eddie is ready to activate his military training to protect his son, all the more shocked to walk in on the creep from earlier fighting... a ghost? Because that thing is floating above the ground and looks just like in the horror movies.

After the stranger from the library makes a hole in the floor and retrieves what looks like a doll and burns it, the ghost vanishes.

"What the fuck?"

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

"What was that?"

"I get that a lot, too. How about I tell you - but only if you leave the baseball bat where it is. Deal?"

Even though every fiber in Eddie's being tells him not to, he leaves the bat aside to learn more about what just happened. The guy introduces himself as Buck, a hunter for supernatural creatures. Because apparently, they are a thing. And as much as Eddie would like to deny, he just saw one. And that was not just some illusion at a show.

"Criss Angel will have to eat his heart out over it forever and always."

As it turns out, Buck was investigating the case of a ghost turned vengeful after Eddie and Christopher moved in. She died as a teenager about twenty years ago, but her doll from childhood still kept her in this world. By burning it, Buck ended her haunting.

Though the bigger revelation is yet to come: Buck was actually pursuing another case, one that is much more dangerous than a vengeful spirit. Strange occurrences have been following Eddie and Christopher, something he himself can attest to. But Buck says that what he witnessed, coupled with some other things, actually speaks for a demon being after them. The same demon that killed his brother. Buck gave Christopher a protective charm to throw the demons off-track.

"It may not be much, but it's still better than nothing."

"I threw it out."

"Don't sweat it. Where this one came from, there's many more. Speaking of, you may want to pick one out, too. Just in case."

Buck warns Eddie that this yellow-eyed demon is not to be messed with. He spent years, trying to find a lead on this creature from the other side. But from what he can tell, that demon is up to a bigger game than most of his peers, normally satisfied screwing people over by making deals with them.

For the small feed of their eternal souls.

To ensure Christopher's safety, Buck takes the two to a friend's house, who is also a fellow hunter. Bobby is a kind man, Eddie can tell, instantly welcoming them inside with the promise of lodgings and food. Soon, more people pour in. Hen and Chim are both hunters, too. Karen supports her wife by running some calculations. And Bobby's wife sometimes helps out by granting them access to some police files. A mad bunch, but a loving one, against all odds.

Buck wants to pursue the demon on his own, he lets Eddie know, suggesting that he and Christopher stay with Bobby and Athena for a while. Bobby is a capable hunter, and Chim and Hen would surely keep around as well. Eddie isn't having it, though. He won't just stand by when literal monsters try to do harm to his son.

Despite the younger man's efforts to shake him off, Eddie insists on coming along and getting the demon after his son. And so, the two embark on the kind of roadtrip no sane person would sign up for, encountering monsters and demons along the way as they dive deeper and deeper into the other world.

And it may well be that the darkness they keep staring at may long since be staring back at them, to pull them under and away...

Find more moodboards here.

#buddie #buck x eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz x evan buckley #buddie moodboard #moodboard #aesthetic #fanfic #in smol

[because-i-am-barely-even-human]

Omegaverse

Omega!Buck, Alpha!Eddie

Post-lawsuit, Eddie and Buck made up and are back together again. Eddie relapses with street fighting.

Eddie comes home after the fight at the ring. Chris is at abuela’s, so he’s not worried for his son seeing him like this. Buck is home though.

Eddie is beat up but not too bad. Buck patches him up quietly, doesn’t talk, even when Eddie tries to say something. The only time he spoke is to tell Eddie harshly to be quiet.

Eddie is sitting in a living room, when he hears Buck crying. He feels so much guilt because he knows he’s the cause of this. Eddie went to Buck, tries to comfort him:

Buck: Don’t-… don’t touch me!

Eddie: Buck-…

Buck: You promised you’ll stop fighting. You lied to me.

Eddie: Evan, please-…

Buck: You looked me in the eye, told me you would stop fighting, for Christopher, for me, and you lied! How could you?

Eddie doesn’t know how to make it better. Buck’s breathing becomes erratic. He’s having a panic attack, then he faints. It all happens so fast.

Eddie is scared, calls 911, they rush him into the hospital.

They don’t know Buck is pregnant.

Because of all of the stress, Buck almost lost the baby. Eddie is devastated, terrified for both Buck and the baby, while doctors checking him up.

Buck calls Pepa to pick him up (they are close, cuz Pepa is awesome). He and Chris are going to stay with her for a few days.

Eddie wants to be close to Buck but knows it’s for the best. He needs to sort his head out if he wants to keep his family together.

A few days later Buck and Eddie sit down and talk everything out. Buck knows that not everything is on Eddie, they have issues, relationship is a two-way street. They need a therapy, which is surprisingly Eddie’s idea.

Buck doesn’t tell Maddie about any of this because as much as he loves her and fire family, he doesn’t trust her not to tell Chimney, who’s in turn gonna tell everyone, and before you know it everyone will have some unwanted opinion and advice about this. They would judge Eddie (he speaks from his own past experience with their attitude towards him when Buck just started at 118), which is the last thing he needs right now. Not to mention that this time he could be fired for good. No, what Eddie needs are help and support and he’s gonna get it (Buck, Chris, Pepa and Abuela will provide it, believe that 💙).

Bonus:

Ramon and Helena somehow found out about Buck and Eddie’s family issues and decided to show up unannounced to take Chris with them because he needs stability (do you see my eyes rolling skywards? 🙄).

They start to berate Eddie like they always do. He’s getting angry and ready to explode on them, when Buck steps out of the kitchen, heavily pregnant (which Diaz parents apparently didn’t know) and in the most menacing voice tell them to butt the fuck out of their business. They are a little bit scared (and who’s not gonna be? Buck is terrifying force of nature when he wants to be, but when he’s pregnant and protects his mate? Double trouble for you). Still, they try to protest (ha! your funeral). When Eddie finally goes off:

"You may be my parents but that’s all you are. You’re not my pack. Buck, Christopher and our unborn child are. Abuela and Pepa are. But you? You are not it. With the way you treated me, Adriana and Sophia? I doubt you ever really were. Half of my fucking problems stems from your whole messed up “suck it up and move on, Edmundo. Real men don’t cry about their feelings, mijo."

And just when you think it can’t get worse (for Ramon and Helena, of course)…

Oh, would you like at that? Christopher heard all of his grandparents’ berating and negativity and told them that he never wants to see them again:

"Did you think I can’t hear how you speak to and about dad all the time? How you spoke about mom? Why do you think I stopped calling you? I might be a kid but I’m not stupid."

If someone's interested in writing this, please tag me when you're done.

#buddie #buddie prompt #Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Christopher Diaz #Diaz family #Omegaverse #mpreg!Buck #Post-lawsuit #street fighting #Buddie angst #protective Buck #Dr Copeland for the rescue #eddie x buck #Angst with happy ending #9-1-1 #kinda drabble

[diazevan]

these little words (somehow they're changing us)

Christopher can make anybody smile, even when they feel like they can't.

Christopher Diaz Week, Day 7: ANYTHING CHRIS GOES + “I love you.”

Read on AO3 (This is a long one lol)

TW: For ‘Part 4: Harry’ there are mentions of a bully who teased Harry for having a gay dad. 

1: Bobby

Washing up, Bobby could turn his back on the team and couldn’t be asked a million questions about how he was feeling. At home, with Athena and May, they spoke to him with their gentlest voices, then at work, the team did the same, it was too much.

The anniversary of the fire was creeping up, the single worst day of Bobby’s life, that he wished he could lock in a box and throw to the bottom of a lake.

He knew that his family cared.

It was why Athena was up early to make him breakfast every morning, why Hen and Chimney let him win their Mario Kart tournament, why Eddie did the grocery run, and why Buck saved him the last cupcake from the bundle Taylor had dropped off to celebrate Buck and Eddie’s engagement.

Those gestures, Bobby didn’t mind, but it was the talking; the mindless head tilts and the usual, “How are you doing?”

There was no answer for that, unless he lied, nodding his head, and saying he was doing okay, but when he closed his eyes, he saw his kids laying across those white sheets.

Bobby celebrated – internally, of course - when Eddie asked if Christopher and Carla could stopover for lunch. He adored Christopher, and so did everybody else, it was impossible not to. So, while everybody was distracted by Christopher’s wonderous tales, Bobby could escape the constant questions and the worried glances.

Running his hand through the lukewarm water, Bobby turned off the faucet and turned, swinging open the dishwasher.

He skipped over to the table, gathering as many plates as he could with two hands.

Christopher grabbed his empty plastic cup and jumped onto his feet, “I’ll help!”

Bobby couldn’t help but smile, “Thank you.” He turned, starting to place the plates into the dishwasher, “Those cups can’t go in here, do you wanna put it in the sink for me?”

“Okay!” Christopher bounced over, tossing the cup into the water, “I’m very good at washing up.”

Bobby raised his eyebrows, “Yeah?”

Christopher lowered his voice, “Better than Buck.”

Bobby pressed a hand on his stomach, barking a laugh, “I bet you are.”

Buck couldn’t wash up, not without making a mess; Eddie couldn’t cook, even after many one-to-one lessons with Bobby. Together, it worked.

Christopher stood on his tiptoes, looking into the sink, “Do you want my help?”

“Sure,” Bobby held up his hands, “I’ll grab the other cups.”

Before he could, Christopher was hugging him, locking his arms firmly around Bobby’s middle.

Bobby knelt, folding his arms behind Christopher’s shoulders, letting the kid press his chin on his shoulder, “Hey,” Bobby hung his head back, “What was that for?”

“I don’t know,” Christopher lifted his shoulders with a shrug, “But I think you needed a hug.”

A warmth spread across Bobby’s chest as a grin gradually grew across his face, “I guess I did.”

Christopher patted his shoulder, “Love you, Bobby.”

Bobby lifted his hands, ruffling Christopher’s hair, “Love you too, kid.”

Standing to collect the cups together, Bobby searched the room for Eddie, he found him on the couch, grinning up at his fiancée who had laid his legs across Eddie’s lap, trapping him. Eddie locked eyes with Bobby, nodding slowly, with a knowing smile, he knew better than anyone that reassurance from Christopher was exactly what Bobby needed.

2: Maddie

Maddie understood that she couldn’t protect Jee-Yun from everything unless she planned to take helicopter parenting to the next most extreme level.

Jee-Yun was teething and despite knowing that her daughter would never remember the pain or the tears, it didn’t ease Maddie’s worry. She hated knowing that Jee-Yun was in pain, there was nothing she could do to soothe her, aside from cradle her, and buy her toys to chew on to her heart’s content.

“I know, baby,” Maddie pressed a kiss to Jee-Yun’s temple, “It sucks, doesn’t it?” Her daughter hung her head, wailing as loud as she could, Maddie tried to shush her, “Daddy’s sleeping.”

“No, Daddy’s awake,” Chimney emerged from the bedroom, with a yawn, he rubbed his eyes with the backs of his fingers.

“Oh, Chim,” Maddie squeaked her empathy, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not her fault,” Chimney clapped his hands, taking Jee-Yun into his arms, “It’s a part of growing up.”

She sighed, “But you have to work tonight.”

“I’ve had five hours,” He shrugged as he patted Jee-Yun’s back, “That’s enough.”

Maddie pressed her hands on her hips, trying to conceal a yawn, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Chimney, who raised his eyebrows, tilting his head to his shoulder, she jabbed a finger in his direction, “Shut up.”

Chimney laughed, “I didn’t say anything,”

There was a knock at the door.

Maddie narrowed her eyes, considering she hadn’t buzzed anybody in, she reached for the handle, pulling open the door.

She was greeted by three familiar faces; Buck, Eddie, and Christopher.

“Aunt Maddie!” Christopher locked his arms around her legs, greeting her in his usual fashion.

“Hey, honey,” She tapped his back as she darted her eyes up to her brother, “What are you guys doing here?” She asked through a yawn, “I thought you were venue hunting.”

“We are,” Eddie shrugged, “But not until later.”

Christopher headed inside, wearing a grin as he stopped by Buck’s side.

“So, we’re here…” Buck moved inside, pressing a kiss to Maddie’s cheek, “To help.”

Maddie raised her eyebrows, “Help?”

Buck pressed his hands together, resting them under his chin, as he turned on his heel, “Consider this an intervention.”

Maddie stepped closer to Chimney, “An intervention?”

Buck tilted his ear to his shoulder, “You two need sleep.”

“Desperately,” Eddie added as he pushed the front door shut, pressing a hand to his son’s back.

Chimney scoffed a laugh, “We’re fine.”

Buck snorted, “Sure.”

Eddie crossed his arms, “Is that why you look like you’re about to fall over?”

Chimney exclaimed, “Hey!”

“Now, there’s my favorite niece,” Buck held out his arms, scooping Jee-Yun, with a smile, not phased by her sobs, “Oh, no.”

Maddie sighed, “You really don’t have to do this.”

“We want to,” Eddie assured her, “You two deserve some time.”

“I mean,” Chimney met her gaze, “It’s basically free babysitting, right?”

“Yeah…” Maddie nodded, “Um, are you sure?”

Buck smiled, “Get some rest.”

Going into the bedroom, Maddie and Chimney fell onto their bed, not even bothering with the covers, curling into one another.

She couldn’t work out when she fell asleep, but Maddie was suddenly woken up, by somebody prodding her arm.

“What?” She turned, meeting Chimney’s tired gaze, “What is it?”

He raised his head, “Can you hear that?”

She couldn’t hear anything, “No.”

“Exactly,” Chimney mused, “Jee-Yun’s not crying.”

Maddie needed to see this, she sat up, crawling out of the bed, cracking the door open, and leaning her head out.

Jee-Yun was laying in the crib, blabbering happily, her eyes on the ceiling.

Eddie and Buck were dancing around the kitchen, finishing the washing up, while gazing into each other’s eyes, like they always did.

Maddie’s eyes found Christopher, who was kneeling beside the crib, poking his fingers through the slates, letting Jee-Yun grip onto one of them with all her might.

Christopher grinned, fascinated by his cousin, he sang, “Hey.”

Jee-Yun spun her head, watching Christopher, squeezing his finger as she did, she giggled loudly, staring at him like he held all the answers to the universe.

Christopher lowered his voice, whispering, “Love you, Jee.”

Tears filled Maddie’s eyes as she smiled, turning back to Chimney.

Jumping back into her bed, she couldn’t drop her smile.

Her family was the best.

3: Denny

Denny skipped into his bedroom, placing Christopher’s bag on the end of his bed.

They were having a double sleepover; two nights with Christopher, while Eddie and Buck were out wedding planning, which meant they could play games all day and talk through the night.

Christopher was having Denny’s bed while Denny took the inflatable mattress that they’d blown up by the window and covered in a spare quilt.

Denny bent beside the toy box, opening the lid, and searching for his new Star Wars Lego set to take into the living room. He stopped when he noticed something buried at the bottom, under the scrabble box, he dug his hands inside, pulling out a pink horse plushie, “Oh.”

It was Nia’s.

All his happiness was gone, Denny climbed onto his bed, laying on his side, hugging her horse under his arm as he let out a long sigh.

The bedroom door creaked, and Christopher asked, “What’s wrong?”

Denny hummed before saying, “Nothing.”

Christopher climbed up onto the bed, lying next to him, patting Denny’s arm, “I miss Nia too.”

Denny lifted his head, looking at his friend.

“It’s okay to miss people,” Christopher told him, “I miss my mom sometimes, but she’s not coming back, but she was here,” He squeezed the plushie, “Dad says that the important thing.”

Denny couldn’t imagine losing one of his moms; Christopher was one of the strongest people that he knew because he never stopped smiling.

“Nia is with her mom,” Christopher said, “She’s happy but she probably misses you too.”

Denny nodded slowly.

“You might see her again one day,” Christopher smiled, “That would be fun.”

“Yeah, it would,” Denny reached over, pulling Christopher into a hug, squeezing his eyes shut.

Christopher tapped his back, “I’m not going anywhere, Denny.”

“I know.” Denny scrunched his nose, “Love you, Chris.”

“Love you too.”

4: Harry

Harry was unloading the dishwasher, ignoring the glances that his mom and Bobby were sending his way as they muttered between themselves.

He knew he was in trouble, his parents had made that very clear when they collected him from school and grounded him, being suspended from school for a week was a big deal, he understood that.

He couldn’t tell them the whole truth, he knew how extravagant his parents were when they were angry, especially his mom. If he told Bobby, it would reach the station, and then everybody would be mad; he could already picture Hen and Buck storming the school with his mom.

Harry would rather handle it, by himself, and not stress his family out, yet. It wasn’t long until Eddie and Buck’s wedding, he didn’t want to put a dent in that, because it definitely would.

“Harry,” Bobby leaned on the kitchen surface, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” Harry closed the dishwasher, “I pushed Ben over; that’s all.”

“That’s all,” Athena muttered, shaking her head as she buried her hands in his pockets.

“We know you, Harry,” Bobby said, clearly being the ‘good cop,’ “You wouldn’t have just pushed him.”

Ben’s torments filled Harry’s head as he met his stepdad’s gaze.

Your dad’s got a boyfriend?

Harry shrugged, “It’s nothing, Bobby.”

That’s so gross.

Harry adored his family, that included David, and when Ben came for him, Harry saw red, pushing Ben to the ground; Ben had seen the engagement party pictures for Eddie and Buck on Harry’s Instagram, that added fuel to the fire, but Harry would defend his family until the end.

The doorbell rang.

Bobby hung his head, looking to Harry’s mom, “That will be the boys.”

Harry rolled his shoulders; he forgot that Buck, Eddie, and Christopher were visiting for dinner.

“Harry,” Athena said strictly, “Christopher’s gonna wanna play games with you, but no video games, you hear me?”

Harry nodded.

Athena put on a grin, skipped up the stairs, and opening the door, with a joyous, “Hey!”

“Sorry, we’re so early,” Buck said, “Christopher was very excited to see Harry.”

Harry stepped over with Bobby, looking up to the door, as his mom turned to face him, with a knowing glance.

“Well, Harry’s grounded,” She pressed a hand to her hip, “But if Christopher is okay with board games.”

“We love board games,” Eddie sang, “Don’t we, bud?”

Christopher jumped, “Yeah!”

“This way, Chris,” Harry nodded his head to the couch, pulling out the Scrabble and Monopoly boards from under the coffee table, as he sat down, leaning his back on the edge of the couch.

Bobby skipped into the kitchen, to prepare drinks, while the others sat at the dinner table, jumping right into talking about the wedding.

Harry was happy for the distraction while he played games with Christopher.

Christopher balanced his crutches on the floor before jumping down to see near Harry, he lowered his voice, leaning his head, “What happened?”

Harry lifted his hands, “I got grounded.”

Christopher muttered, “Why?”

“I pushed a kid over,” Harry told him as he got out the parts for Scrabble, laying the board across the table, “I don’t wanna talk about it.” The thing was, he did want to talk about it, he wanted everybody to know that he didn’t do it without a reason, but he couldn’t.

Christopher asked, “Was he a bully?”

Harry nodded, keeping his voice quiet, “Yeah.”

“Oh,” Christopher let go of a long breath, “Did he push you?”

“No,” Harry shook his head, “But—”

“He was mean?”

“Very.” Harry sighed, darting his eyes to his mom, who was caught up in her conversation, she wouldn’t be able to hear them, “Can I tell you what happened?”

“Yeah.”

“The kid, Ben, he was being mean,” Harry looked over at Buck and Eddie, before turning his face back to Christopher, “He said it was gross that my dad is gay.”

“That’s wrong!” Christopher cupped a hand over his mouth, shushing himself, “He can’t say that—”

“I know.”

Christopher held out his hands, “I would have pushed him over too.”

Eddie was on his feet, pacing over, “What did you say, Chris?”

Harry cursed their luck, he forgot that his parents could hear everything.

Christopher lied, “Nothing.”

“No…” Eddie shook his head slowly, “We all heard.”

Buck, like Bobby, seemed to take the role of ‘good cop’ so he stood back, crossing his arms, eyes locked onto the boys.

While Harry’s mom stepped over, stopping next to Eddie, the pair crossing their arms.

Christopher explained, “Harry pushed him because Ben was making fun of Michael for being gay.”

Harry sighed, slouching, as the adults were stunned into silence.

Harry’s mom met Eddie’s gaze, while Bobby clamped a hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“And—” Christopher breathed, “If somebody said that about you, I’d be mad.”

“Yeah, buddy, I know,” Eddie sighed gently, “Ben is wrong.”

“Harry,” Athena spoke softly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t wanna hurt Dad or David.”

“Still, sweetheart…” Athena sighed, bending down to cup his cheek in her hand, “You have to tell us these things, so we can understand.”

“Okay, Mom.”

“And pushing him over, wasn’t the best move,” She scolded, “But I get it, next time, you come to me, or one of your teachers, okay?”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, “I will.”

“We’ll talk to your school tomorrow,”

Standing up, Bobby stepped over, wrapping an arm behind her back, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

Harry turned, tugging Christopher into a hug, “Thank you,” He whispered into his ear.

Christopher frowned, “Why?”

“For helping.” Harry pulled back, “I didn’t know how to tell them.”

“Ben has to be told off,” Christopher told him, “And he will be.”

“Yeah,” Harry tapped his friend’s shoulder, “He will.”

Christopher reached out, grabbing the bag of letters for Scrabble, he looked up with a smile, “Love you, Harry.”

Harry grinned, happy to have a friend in Christopher, “Love you too, Chris.”

5: Buck

Sometimes Buck would wake up, panicked by memories of the tsunami. In a few short months, it would be the third anniversary of when the wave came crashing down, and he couldn’t understand where the time had gone.

Buck could feel the rush of the water; the pressure gathering him up and pushing him back, away from Christopher.

The ringing in his ears, his heart racing in his chest, and his arms thrashing through the cold avoiding debris as he swept past, Buck remembered it all.

He leaned back in the chair at the kitchen table, slowing his breathing as his eyes found the clock on the wall.

4:48 am.

He was surprised he hadn’t woken Eddie when he got out of bed, his fiancé wasn’t exactly a heavy sleep, and usually, with the slightest hint of unfamiliar movement, Eddie would be up on his feet before Buck could reassure him that he was only getting up to grab a glass of water.

It had been two hours since Buck had left the bedroom, taking his place in the kitchen, to sit with a cup of cocoa and stare at the wall, thoughts running through his head, at a mile a minute.

Eddie hadn’t been distributed when Buck slipped away, likely because they’d had a long shift at work, and when they made it home, Eddie had been out like a light.

Buck rubbed his hand down his face, wanting nothing more than for Eddie to gather him up in his arms, and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

He knew that if he knocked on the door and woke Eddie, then he would be exactly what he would get; Eddie didn’t show it, but he was a softy at heart.

As much as Buck wanted that, he couldn’t.

Buck? Wait, what are you doing here? Are you okay? Wait, where's Christopher?

Memories of that day, that moment when he thought he’d lost Christopher and had to tell Eddie, they weighed heavy, keeping him sitting in the chair.

Me and Christopher, we were...at the beach, and--um...and listen to me, okay?

Oh, he’d never shake the look in Eddie’s eyes.

I swear to you... okay, I tried...

Tears filled his eyes, he brushed them away, bracing his fingers together and planting them on the table, as he slowed his breathing.

Buck had been in love with Eddie for as long as he could remember, but when that day, he thought any potential relationship was buried.

Eddie and Christopher were two of the most important people in Buck’s life, two who pulled him to shore while he was sinking fast. He let them down that day, let Christopher slip through his fingers, but his soon-to-be stepson was adamant that Buck was a hero, but he didn’t feel like one.

Shortly after the whole lawsuit debacle, Eddie caught Buck off-guard, asking him out on a date, and explained that he was done wasting time that they didn’t have.

Buck was sure that he’d never been happier, than in that very moment, and then a year later, Eddie asked him to marry him, that day quickly took the top spot.

Buck fiddled with his engagement ring, leaning his head against his hand as he shuddered, feeling like he needed to wade through water before he could make it back to bed.

Christopher’s tired voice caught his attention, “Buck?”

Buck plastered on a false smile, lifting his head, as he turned in his chair, “Hey, buddy.” He tried to clear his throat, but his voice came out hoarse, “What are you doing up?”

Christopher tilted his head, “Are you okay?”

Buck thought he could lie but as he stared into Christopher’s eyes he knew he could, but his words escaped him, so he simply shook his head, his lower lip trembling.

Christopher sped over, opening up his arms.

Buck crumpled to the floor, on his knees, collecting Christopher in a hug, tucking his forehead against his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Buck,” Christopher whispered in his ear, brushing his hand through Buck’s hair, “Nothing bad is going to happen.”

Buck squeaked, closing his eyes as he let out of a sob, “I’m sorry.”

“You can be sad,” Christopher assured him, “It’s normal.”

“Yeah,” Buck nodded as he clung on tighter, “It is.”

The bedroom door clicked open, and a half-asleep Eddie emerged, stopping by the wall, eyes on them.

Buck leaned, pressing a hand to Christopher’s cheek, “I love you, Superman.”

Christopher smiled, as wide as he could, “I love you too, Papa.”

Eddie raised a hand, laying it under his chin as he struggled to hide the fondest of grins.

Buck chuckled through his tears, as he clung onto Christopher, his feet finally on dry land.

6: Eddie

Eddie kept going to the mirror to make sure that his tie was positioned properly, if he sat still for too long, his leg started bouncing and his heart would race.

He’d been a groom before, but his and Shannon’s wedding was quick, not many people attended the ceremony, it was a spur-of-the-moment decision that the pair made together.

With Buck, Eddie knew that this commitment was one he was making, until the end; he and Buck were entangled, in more ways than one.

God, Eddie loved him, he really did; sometimes he’d focus on the time they’d lost while they were idiots who never discussed their feelings, but he couldn’t concentrate on that.

Buck was more than perfect because they were best friends first, and still were, to this day, which made that step to boyfriends, that much easier; Buck loved Christopher like his own, before he and Eddie were together, which was beautiful.

There's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.

When Eddie had muttered those words, he should have realized, there and then, his true feelings but he left it too long, pushed his future further away.

He wouldn’t let that happen again.

That didn’t relieve the pressure that had rested on his chest, he was terrified of getting it wrong, or tripping up when he needed his balance the most.

He’d never considered the dangers of his job until he started counting the odds with Buck’s life, as well as his own.

He couldn’t lose another, his heart wouldn’t be able to take another blow, and Buck wasn’t exactly known for his level-headedness.

Despite that, since they started dating, both of them were far more responsible on calls, Bobby wished they’d been together since the beginning.

Christopher was sitting on the chair, in the corner of the room, dangling his legs in anticipation, “Are you okay, Dad?”

Eddie clapped his hands together, “I’m fine,” He rubbed the nape of his neck, “Just a little nervous.”

Christopher sang loudly, “It’s gonna be so cool.”

Eddie chuckled with a nod, “It is.”

“Pepa helped me with my speech,” Christopher beamed, happy with his Best Man role.

Eddie moved over, pushing Christopher’s hair out of his eyes, “You excited about that?”

“Yeah!” Christopher nodded, “Chimney is doing his first.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, knowing what that was going to entail, “He is, is he?”

“Then me!” Christopher exclaimed, “Auntie Karen typed it up on cards for me.”

Eddie smiled; this day was a serious family affair, “I can’t wait, buddy.”

Christopher chuckled, “Athena said Bobby will cry first today.”

“I bet,” Eddie sat beside him, breathing slow, leaning his arm against Christopher’s side.

“Dad,” Christopher held up his head, “You’re gonna be Eddie Diaz-Buckley, and Papa is gonna be Buck Diaz-Buckley?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Eddie smiled, he and Buck couldn’t wait for all the pranks they would pull at work with the name changes.

“Can I change mine?” Christopher asked, “To Christopher Diaz-Buckley?”

The pressure shifted off Eddie, for a moment, as he folded an arm around Christopher’s back, “If you want.”

“I do!” Christopher threw up his arms, “I love Buck.”

Eddie smiled, “I do too.”

Christopher leaned his head on his arm, “I love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, buddy,” He bowed down, pressing a kiss in Christopher’s hair.

There was a knock at the door, Eddie’s dad poked his head around, “It’s time, boys.”

Christopher held Eddie’s hand, tight, “We got this, Dad.”

As they piled into the corridor, and Eddie was met by a wall of his family, he let go of a slow breath, he was more than ready.

Meeting Buck at the altar, holding his hands tight, smiling with tears in his eyes, and seeing their son a couple of steps away; he’d never been happier.

#911 fanfiction #911 #911onfox #chrisdiazweek2021 #christopher diaz #bobby nash #eddie diaz #evan buck buckely #evan buckley #maddie buckley #chimney han #denny wilson #harry grant #athena grant #buddie #buddie wedding because why notttt #liberty writes

[carolinahope]

I didn't want to hijack the original post (there is more to the post but only these lines are really relevant to my own rant, so) but I have a lot of feelings about the lawsuit arc (that were brought up again by this post and ones like it) and I think the anon summed them all up pretty much in one sentence. Also, Buck is my favorite character and I am very protective of those so there is some bias on my part. I can acknowledge that. But it still doesn’t make the way they concluded the lawsuit arc satisfying or epitome of good writing. 

I don’t remember the first two interactions mentioned in the reply but fair enough. But Chim and Hen’s reactions have never really been my big issue in this story. 

Even if they happened that still doesn’t erase the fact that as far as I recall Bobby never acknowledged the fact he too fucked up. That actually he was the one to set the clusterfuck in motion. But please, correct me if I’m wrong. He acted all pissy and then just “forgiven” Buck and it was as if nothing happened. And it to this day leaves a bad feeling in my mouth. (That is why I liked his scene with Eddie so much in 5x11, even if it fricking hurt, he did learn from his mistakes.)

As for Eddie, he was going through a lot. And handling it piss-poorly. But would it had been so hard to just throw in a line where he said to Buck I was going through a lot of shit, the lawsuit didn’t help but sorry for taking it out on you. I don’t think so. It would have put them back on equal footing. It would also have shown Eddie acknowledging and communicating his feelings. Something he is continually shown to be struggling with but he tries to get better at. If not for himself then for Chris. It would definitely be better writing choice, IMHO, then Buck just taking on all the blame.  

There was also another thing in the writing that often happens in fiction and I fucking hate. When a character speaks the truth about a situation/person and it is dismissed by the narrative because the character is not a good person or is the villain of the story. That’s how the whole arbitration meeting read to me. The lawyer was a self-serving asshole. It doesn’t make what he said untrue or invalid. 

And I think lastly, it was said the city wanted to settle, which to me says that Buck was well within his rights and it was LAFD/Bobby who messed up. Again, correct me if I’m wrong. 

I do think suing was a rather extreme and knee-jerk reaction and Buck jumped right over about five other possibilities but he met the lawyer, he defended his family to the lawyer only to be on the next turn proven wrong. Given what we know about Buck and given the situation, his thought process is pretty understandable. 

In regards to this particular storyline I’m extremely thankful for fan fiction. Because as said above, the canon resolution left me on many instances profoundly unsatisfied and I read many stories that, at least partially, soothed the ache. And managed to handle the story way better than canon. 

#9-1-1 #Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Bobby Nash #stophurtingevanbuckley2022 #Evan 'Buck' Buckley