#bro this was supposed to be about chocolate why did it end up like this HOW DID WE. GET HERE

[idyllcy]

i've never had somebody, so I don't know how to love

word count: 8.45k

warnings: children (idk), smut, reader has a kid?, fem reader, spoilers

summary: "I shall come back for you." "I shall wait."

Jinshi swears he just wanted a bite. One bite.

He just wanted a taste. That was all. It's called chocolate, Maomao had told him. He was supposed to save a little for you to taste when he got back to your chambers, but he supposes he ate too much, because by the time he arrives in your room, he's warm and flushed, and the only thing on his mind is folding you in half on the mattress. His poor mind.

"My love! Welcome back." You grin, opening your arms for him as he sinks into your touch. His skin is flush against yours as he mumbles something, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck as he lets his hands roam. You squirm under his touch as you try and ask him about his day.

"Maomao made me chocolate," He whispers, tugging at the string around your garment. "When I asked her for an aphrodisiac..."

"Mhm?" You hum, running your hand through his hair to pull off the hair tie. "Why would you need one?"

"I felt bad," He bites your collarbone, sucking gently as he slides the dress down your body. "I have not been paying attention to you all that much these days."

"I told you it was fine, and that I would be fine by myself." You tilt your head back for him to kiss up your neck.

He doesn't answer, hand crawling to the back of your head and kissing you instead. You lean back to comply, tilting your head as you taste the chocolate on his lips, humming in content as his tongue explores your mouth and you get to taste the sugar. You whimper as his fingers brush your bare chest, the fabric pooling around your hips as he fondles your boobs, lips still slotted against yours as you moan into his mouth, mind fuzzy from the lack of oxygen. You whimper when he pulls away to pull his own robes, skin pale under the moonlight as your eyes drink in the color of his skin and the curves of his muscles.

"Staring?"

"Mhm." You mumble. "You are beautiful, my love."

"As are you, beloved." He takes your hand, pressing his lips to your knuckles delicately and turning over to your palm to swipe at it with his tongue, eyes locked on yours as he hums. "I may touch you, yes?"

"Yes." You whisper. "Of course."

He goes back to your skin, lips pressed to the plush of your chest as he bites and such, fingers digging into your waist as he holds you still, the chill of the winter night brushing against your back as you squirm from his touch. You wonder how much longer he will pretend to still like you and convince himself that he needs you. Though, as his lashes flutter against your skin as he pulls from your chest with a pop, you feel it's not too far away.

Each time he sleeps with you, there is less love in his hands than before.

This time, he only holds you like this because of the chocolate presented by the maid, and it makes your heart sour when he stares up at you, eyes sick with affection, affection that you're sure would dry out for you one day— affection that haunts your life an uncanny amount. Yet, you sink into his touch as he kneels to slide the rest of the fabric off of you, parting your legs to slide a finger in and pleasure you, lips latched to your clit as it was with your nipple, and you gasp sharply, a ghost of a moan slipping past your lips.

You wonder if he's going to do this with Maomao one day—

You whimper as he slides a second finger into you with ease, mind fuzzy and empty as you glance down at Jinshi, tears blurring your vision as he fucks you on his fingers with practiced precision, quickly sending you into a blurry high, mind fuzzy as you clench around his fingers with your first orgasm of the night. Though, it isn't enough for him, his fingers still sliding in and out of you, even when your eyes blur over and tears fall from the lack of time you get to breathe. His name breaks past your lips in shattered syllables, tears staining the silk of the pillow as you stare down at him, lips puffy and cheeks red.

Jinshi shushes you instead, pressing a kiss to your clit as one of his hands holds your thighs open, the bottom of his chin wet with your slick, and he hums gently, vibrations brushing against your clit as you jolt. The combination with his fingers becomes too much, and you cream around his fingers again, splashing his face with your cum as he laps at it, eyes half-lidded as he does. He stays there until you're whimpering for him to leave you be, tears in the corner of your eyes. He licks the cum off his fingers as he reaches to wipe your tears, leaning forward to kiss them away as your bottom lip quivers.

"Jinshi, my love." You whimper as he lifts one of your legs to rest the ankle on his shoulder.

"Yes, beloved?"

"Please don't leave in the morning." You whisper, arching your back and closing your eyes as he fits himself into you slowly. He's such a good stretch. It makes you sad to think that he would leave you one day. He waits for you to adjust, hand warm on your thigh as you whimper, shifting your hips to adjust to his size. You let a breath out when it doesn't burn, and Jinshi takes it as a sign to start moving, the roll of his hips deliberate to nudge your sweet spots that have you seeing stars, and you hold a strand of his hair between your fingers as he leans forward, dark hair caging the two of you in as you gasp with each thrust, heart hammering in your chest and making you ditzy. You cry his name in broken sobs, a mix of overstimulation and your own heartbreak making the tears indistinguishable to you.

He reaches to wipe your tears as he makes love to you, concern all over his face, and the flush on his cheeks just tears your heart to pieces. He's only here because he had the chocolate. He doesn't visit you during the day anymore, and he only ever comes when he needs to borrow your wisdom— something he doesn't need anymore. something he has Maomao for now. The thought shatters your heart as it twists and turns in your stomach, the tears becoming too much for you to process as your mind blurs over and you let Jinshi do whatever with you. Maybe that would be your last use to him. To be a shell of what you used to be and let him do whatever with you. Maybe that would be replaced one day as well.

One day, you wouldn't even be worth dirt to him.

The thought makes your mind spin as your rationality slips, and you don't notice the way Jinshi slows down to check on you, fingers brushing your cheek as he legs your leg down. You press your hips flush against his, shaking your head as he pries for why you are crying. It is a worthless reason— it is a hopeless case. You quietly beg him to continue, hoping he would let you keep it to yourself.

"Beloved, I can't do that." He reaches to brush your hair to the side as you flinch, and you stare into his eyes as he stares down at you with the same pain in his eyes, and it kills you. He shouldn't look at you like this. You shouldn't be capable of hurting him. You reach to smoothen out the wrinkle on his skin, mumbling about how he would get wrinkles, and he leans into your touch, eyes glossing over with the same kind of hurt that was all over your face when he was missing. His voice strains as he begs you to tell him. To be honest.

"I can fix it." He chokes out.

"Don't leave in the morning." You whisper.

"You know I can't do that." He breaks.

"Then I can't tell you." You crumble. "If you'd like to stop, then you may—"

His hands fly down to hold your waist down into the bed, eyes wide out of some fear, some fear that you would despise him somehow.

"You have to give me time."

"I've given you almost a month. We've been distant for ages." You cry. "Hurry up and fulfill your marital duties so I can give you a son and you can leave me for the one you really want."

"I don't want her!"

"You don't show that!" You sob. "Just..." You sink into the bed, blinking to get the tears out. "may the heavens let us have a son so you can move on."

"I don't want to move on." He whispers, tears falling on your bare skin as he refuses to look you in the eye. "I love you. You are my beloved. The sun and moon may break and shatter, and the winds could blow in the wrong direction, but it could not stop my love for you. Why do you insist I will leave you?"

You go quiet, turning your head to the side as he gets frustrated.

"Fine. You've always been this way anyway." He picks up the pace again, giving you no time to breathe between his thrusts, and you gasp and throw your head back as he uses you like you wanted him to. It frustrates him to end that you just refused to talk to him, but who was he to ask? Who was he to ask you whether or not you would be honest with him? The most emotion you had ever shown was when he bedded you anyway. Why does it matter what you do? The love you had been so adamant to show when you first got married had gone stale anyway.

Jinshi lets you cum one last time before flooding you with his own seed, bent over your body, his hair imitating bars to cage you in as he hangs his head to catch his breath. You, you, you. You, his first love. You, the love of his life. You, the very wife that he had sworn he would cherish. You who refused to marry into a higher level family and had chosen. You who had gone distant because he had... it was his fault, huh? His issue. He had neglected to spend time with you since the arrival of Maomao. No wonder you were so sad.

He pulls out of you and covers you in a blanket, fetching a maid to help you wash off as he redresses himself.

"Will you... stay?" The maid is the one to ask, and Jinshi shakes his head.

"I must clear something up. Let the madam know I will stay next time."

The next nine months pass in a blur. You bear a son to Jinshi, handing him off to the wet nurse, and you move to another residence in the name of recuperating. Jinshi doesn't pay you a visit once. You wonder if it's because he is busy with palace affairs, but you do not touch upon it. You request the emperor to send you to another residence after recuperation without letting Jinshi know, and the old man lets you go. He knows. The whole palace knows. You have become nothing more than a mockery since your husband flounders around with some new maiden he found, and you are let go. You promise your child will serve the emperor well one day with the care of the maids. The emperor laughs and tells you to focus on yourself.

Thus, your son becomes playmates with the young princess, and you disappear from the records of the imperial palace.

The life the emperor had bestowed upon you is restful and serene. The spring residence is quiet and calm with the other concubines, and you are treated as the empress mother would be. There are no conspiracies and you sit down to enjoy tea with all the ladies, quickly forgetting the life you had to bear before. The maids write to you regarding your son under an alias, and you learn that his first word is neither mother nor father, but grandfather. You smile sadly at the letters each time you receive them, and you are never once paid a visit to your residence.

You wonder if you should have taken your son with you in another life.

Maybe in another life, Jinshi had continued to treasure you.

Then, he comes to visit, and you watch from the street as he carries your son with Maomao, getting asked if the young boy was theirs. You observe to see what kind of an answer he has for the kind merchant. You don't know what force compels you to listen, but you do, going quiet as you stare at the apple in your hand. You shouldn't care, but considering the way Jinshi was carrying your son, he must have learned a lot from the maids.

"Ah, she is not my wife." Jinshi's voice resembles silk as always. "My wife is in recuperation after having our son. Childbirth had taken a toll on her."

You have never been so glad that your son had resembled Jinshi so much.

You pull the veil over your head further, and you slip the woman a copper wen, rushing off with the apples you picked. You pass behind Jinshi with haste, wondering if he would recognize your perfume or such. It doesn't bother you. It shouldn't bother you. You had erased all signs of your existence from the palace forever, so even if he were to recognize the scent, he could simply think it of a maid from the spring residence. It didn't matter. It was years, so even if—

A gust of wind blows your hair as the veil is knocked off, and your son calls.

"Niang!"

You make a run for it.

The palace maids had been showing him the art of you. Of course they had. There was no way that you could have forgotten what they wrote to you. Your heart races in your chest as you make it into the palace walls, and you hide from the footsteps that have been chasing after you. Your heart burns in your chest as you catch your breath, eyes wide as you try your best to remain silent to stay still, and you watch as a maid asks what Jinshi is doing on the residence's grounds with your son. He apologizes and lies that his son had wandered off into the court, and you let a breath out when you no longer hear footsteps. You don't want to face him. You can't. You refuse to.

"So? What was that about? Miss?" The maid raises a brow at your figure between the residence buildings.

"Uh..." You smile awkwardly. "Expect to never see me again. Let's pack up and m—"

"I thought it was you." Jinshi speaks up from behind you, and you turn to look away.

"I am afraid I do not know you, kind sir." You turn to face the maid, nodding.

"Beloved." His voice goes weak. "I understand if you wish not to see me, but at least look at our son."

You stop, not moving.

"I won't... do anything. I promise."

You grimace, setting the bitterness in your chest as you open your arms for your son, eyes weary and tired as look at him. You refuse to look up at Jinshi. You refuse to look at the man who had ruined your life and thrown you away during your pregnancy. Yet, you look at your son, a copy of the man you had loved, and you unconsciously put yourself on the verge of tears.

"No frown." Your son reaches for the furrows between your brows. "Niang, smile."

You muster up a sad smile for him, heart crumbling and crinkling in your chest. It feels like paper. The guilt you had so desperately tucked away in your heart shatters you in the worst of ways, and you smile at your son, holding his head to your chest as you carry him off. Jinshi follows behind you, neither of you speaking up as your son falls asleep on your chest, listening to your heartbeat as you walk around the residence.

"Where are you staying?" You speak up, stopping to stare at Jinshi.

For the first time in forever, Jinshi gets to stare into your eyes again, and his heart crumbles and cracks as he holds his demeanor, trying his best to pretend that it would be fine. You left him because of his own shortcomings. He has no right to beg for you to return without showing that he had improved as a person. So, he stares into your eyes instead, letting the silence pass as he opens his mouth to speak. Right. You... probably moved on and no longer cared for him. The emperor had granted the two of you to live separately, after all.

"The resting quarters in the city center." He stares into your eyes as he talks, hoping you could see the affection in his eyes that he had refused to let go of.

You stare back at him, eyes cold as the winter snow— it hurts him in a way, but he supposes it was deserved for leaving you all alone. You open your mouth to speak, but your son wakes in your arms, blinking slowly as he shifts to stare at you.

"Niang?" Your son wipes his eyes.

"Would you like to go home with diedie?" You ask your son, hand on the back of his head. He's much heavier than when you first had him, but it makes no difference to you. Your son is your son. The day you pass away is the day you would no longer hold him in your arms.

"Will niang go missing again if I do?"

"You have such a big vocabulary." You praise, lips curled into a smile as you press a kiss to his forehead. "Niang has to stay here. Niang promised yeye to stay here."

Jinshi opens his arms for your son, and he clings onto you instead, pouting. "Then I stay with niang."

"What about Maomao auntie?" You hum, raising a brow at him.

"Mm, I like niang better." He clings onto the fabric around your chest, and you give in.

"You will have to return to yeye with diedie when diedie leaves, though." You stroke his hair. "Alright?"

"What if diedie never leaves?"

Your eyes trail to Jinshi, eyes hardening as you warn him not to stay. "That won't happen, er."

"What if you come back with diedie?"

Some sort of weird hope blooms in Jinshi's chest at your son's words. Maybe your son could convince you.

"That would mean breaking yeye's promise, so no to that as well." You press a kiss to his forehead. "Shall we get you rested?"

He nods, leaning back onto your chest, and you wave for a maid.

"Prepare a room for my guests as well." You nod. "Eunuch Jinshi, please let Maomao know to stay at the spring residence for the duration of your stay."

"I thought you hated her."

"I hate you, not her." You turn to stare at him.

"And me?" He points at himself, pout on his lips.

"Prepare a room in the north." You hum.

"...Are you cursing me with feng shui?"

You stick your tongue out at him.

"And for the young one in your arms?" The maid inquires, peering at the eerie similarity between Jinshi and the boy.

"He shall stay with me."

The maid understands, escorting Jinshi away as you continue about your evening with your son, setting him on your bed as you sit next to him to continue embroidering. At night, when you are sure he is resting, you get out of your room, requesting the maids for some rice wine, and you settle in your garden, staring at the stars as you drink. You blink slowly, trying to recall what constellations were visible to the naked eye. You don't remember. Maybe the liquor is getting to you.

"Drinking?" Jinshi stands next to you as you lay on the ground, and you raise a brow at him.

"You shouldn't be allowed here." You hum. "I'll call the guard—"

"Wait." He holds a hand over your mouth, holding you down, and you lick his palm. "Don't scream."

You stare at him as he removes his hand, and you open your mouth to scream before he holds his hand over your mouth again, eyes wide.

"Don't."

"Depends what you want to do to me."

"Nothing bad." He whispers. "I just want to talk. I promise."

You let him remove his hand and sit up, offering him a drink. He goes quiet, drinking it in one sip as he frowns. You sit in the silence, only the wind to whisper your worries, and you don't bother reacting. Perhaps he just needed a drink and wanted to use talking as an excuse.

He finally speaks up, voice wavering.

"Why did you leave?"

"Why wouldn't I? I gave you a son, didn't I?"

"No, why did you..." He hides his face in his hands. "You didn't tell me."

"You didn't come to see me once during my pregnancy. What courtesy did I owe you?" You click your tongue uncomfortably.

"I had Maomao prescribe you medicine to keep the baby healthy—"

"You did not come see me. Maomao is not you." You stare at him. "And you can not expect to make it up by taking care of our son. It is your paternal duty to spend time with your own blood. So if you expect—"

"I don't." He mumbles. "I don't expect you to come back to me because I'm forming a bond with our son. I thought maybe... you would come back if our son asked you to."

"I promised your father I would not step foot back into the imperial palace."

"I will bring you back and bear the blame." He whispers. "As long as you come back to me."

"Not happening." You stand up. "Feel free to finish the rest of the mijiu."

"Belo—"

You don't let him finish, walking off.

You are not his beloved anymore. You are his partner-in-law, but you are not his beloved. You are the woman he left behind at her weakest and caused to spiral. You are the woman who supposedly mattered to him enough to wed you, but not enough to stay with you after the introduction of someone new. You are not his beloved simply because that was not how one treats their beloved.

You wake up the next morning to your son out of bed and dressed with Jinshi in the room. You raise a brow at him, questioning what he was doing in your room, but he points at your son, who had been on the ground playing with the toys the maids had prepared. You blink at him, smiling when he tells you good morning sweetly. Jinshi smiles gently at the way you smile at your son, and he continues playing, a smile on his face.

"So? Did the court ladies find out?"

"What?"

"That you can have kids."

"They think he's child that the emperor took in." Jinshi mumbles. "Of course, the palace maids assume I am called diedie because I took him in as soon as I found out, not because he is my son."

"Perhaps they believe he looks like you so the heavens assigned you as his father. Do they know I am the mother?"

"No. The palace maids who assisted with your birth were all executed per the emperor's orders."

"Ah." You hum. "How old is he this year?"

"Five. Do you not know your own son's name?" Jinshi stares down at you almost pitifully.

You turn to stare at Jinshi. "I named him. Of course I do."

"Why do you not call him by name?"

"Jingui." You hum, reaching your hand out for your son as he smiles.

"Yes, niang?" He holds your finger in his free hand.

"Did the maids tell you niang named you?"

"After luxury." He smiles, hugging you. "I love you, niang."

"I love you too, er." You mumble, squeezing him. "Niang's sorry I couldn't watch you grow up."

"It's okay," He whispers back. "Guigui is glad niang is here now."

You let him play again, eyes on him as Jinshi continues staring at you.

"What do you want?"

"Return to the imperial court with me."

"I'd rather die." You grumble. "I promised Agong that I would not return in exchange for residence here. I was a laughingstock there. I do not wish to return."

"You will not be. We can—"

"It doesn't matter." You hum. "You are Gui's father. I am not his mother."

"You are his mother."

"In birth." You stand up, Jinshi catching you as you stumble. You thank him with a nod, continuing. "He only needs his capable father."

"And his mother." Jinshi insists, not letting go of your wrist. "He needs his mother. The maids can not replace you for all of his life, especially since he has met you now."

"He does not need me. He may want me, but he does not need me." You hum. "He is capable of existing without his mother."

"That is not true." Jinshi slides his fingers down to your palm, hurt all over his face. "He needs you. Both he and I need you."

You shake your hand free from his. "Then you should have shown your need earlier."

Jinshi fiddles with his fingers, pout on his lips as you raise a brow incredulously at him. You ignore it, calling for a maid instead to change into the day's garments.

"Do you need—"

"I will stab you." You warn. "Out."

"What about our son? Jingui, don't you want your diedie to stay with you?"

Jingui blinks at Jinshi, and he looks at you before standing up and dusting off his robes, taking Jinshi's hand as he leads him outside of the room.

"The maids said not to watch a woman get dressed to respect her privacy." Jingui waves at you as he steps outside of the room, and you laugh at Jinshi's baffled expression. You stick your tongue out at him, lips curled into a smile as the door shuts.

He looks betrayed.

You wonder what kind of parenting the maids did to end up with Jinshi, but you don't ask. You let the maids dress you for the day, and you yawn as you step out of the room, ruffling Jingui's hair as you walk off. He trails behind you, holding your hand as

"Are you not going out with me?"

"Back to work." You hum. "I manage the estate now, you know? Lotssss of paperwork."

"Like diedie?"

"Kind of." You hum. "Diedie does more than niang, though."

"If you leave, does that mean you will have no more work?" He looks up at you.

"I can't do that. You will have to have yeye send someone else to manage the estate." You hum, pulling the doors to your study open. "Bring some snacks."

The maids nod.

"Oh, and you." You point at Jinshi. "Out."

He feigns offense, raising a brow. "What did I do?"

You open your mouth to start listing, and he grumbles. "I get it."

You smile. "Don't you have errands to run with Maomao?"

"She's looking for medicine."

"You should help her out." You hum. "The wilderness out here is quite scary. You wouldn't want someone to hurt her."

Jinshi hangs his head as he steps out of the room.

The day passes without fret, and you watch as the sun sets and you wash up for bed, the heat in the bath gentle against your skin as you take a bath by yourself. Jinshi stays with Jingui to help him wash up, and you tell the servants to stay out of the bath while you wash up. Jinshi leaves first with Jingui, and you leave last, nodding at the servants as they all rush in to wash up.

"I wanna go with niang." Jingui reaches for you as you carry him, lips curled upward.

"Hear that?"

"But diedie spends so much more time with you!" He feigns hurt.

"Exactly!" Jingui sticks his tongue out, and you laugh, cheeks warm. "I have to leave niang soon!"

"I'll take you to bed with niang." You smile. "Hear that, Jinshi? He's niang's boy."

Jinshi pouts, faking annoyance.

You tuck Jingui in for bed first, looking over a book as you stroke his hair, and a branch snaps outside of your window as your hand flies to the sword on the wall.

You whistle for the hawk to yell, sliding out one of the swords for decoration as you hold your weight against the intruder, and you watch as his eyes dart to your son. He disregards you as he aims for Jingui, and you slide your blade to his stomach, kicking him. He lands on the ground with a thud, and you hold your sword above his neck, forcing him down. Your weight isn't enough, and he throws you off of him as you throw your sword at him. It's not sharp enough. It won't cut him.

You throw yourself at him instead, his blade grazing your face as your hands wrap around his throat, your hair a mess as it falls around him, and you hold down until his face turns purple and he no longer thrashes against your grip.

At this point, you expect the maids to rush in. Instead, the first one to come is Jinshi, his thumb brushing the wound on your face as he checks your body in panic.

"Beloved, are you alright?"

"Jingui is fine." You hum, trying to pull your face from his hands.

He tightens his grip instead, staring into your eyes. "You. You're hurt."

"It's fine." You try again as the maids rush in, and you have the guards pull him to the prison. Jinshi doesn't move once, hands still on your face, only trailing down to your shoulders when you crane your neck to talk to the guards and maids.

"Will you be alright, madam?"

"I'll be fine. It's no—"

"Bring me ointment." He tells the maid. "At least let me do that much for you."

The maid looks at you for confirmation, and you nod.

"Get off of me." You push him gently, standing up as he lands on his butt. "Pretending to be worried now? You didn't bother when we were still married."

"We are married." Jinshi whispers, getting up to hold your face in his hands again. "Come on. Let me treat the wound before it turns into a scar."

"Wouldn't that be better? Then I would be uglier." You tilt your head as he takes the ointment from the maid. His fingers brush over your cheek as he leans in to take a look at you properly, and you look to the side as he applies the ointment. Now that you look at it, his face is awfully close to yours. You take note of the blush on his face as he does, and his fingers are cool against your cheek as he applies the medicine. You don't give him a reaction, and he sighs.

"Beloved, you will never be ugly to me." He mumbles, leaning in further, breath mixing with yours, and you stare at him through your lashes, wondering if he would do something.

"Diedie, are you kissing niang?"

You pull away from Jinshi abruptly, and Jinshi looks to the side, face red.

"You're awake?" You get up to hold Jingui, and he rubs his eyes.

"Niang, are you hurt?"

"It was just an intruder. No worries, er." You smile. Jingui reaches for your cheek, trying to touch the wound as Jinshi holds his wrist gently.

"Mommy has medicine on. You're going to rub it off." He hums, taking Jingui from your arms instead. "Die will hold you instead."

"Can we sleep together?"

Jinshi freezes up, blinking at you as you freeze up too, blinking slowly at Jingui.

"Can we?" He pouts.

"I'll keep watch." Jinshi nods. "Maybe another time. Niang is still mad at Diedie."

"You can rest with diedie for the night. Niang has to clean up after the mess." You hum, kissing his cheek. "Niang will go find you in the morning."

"I can clean up." Jinshi frowns.

"It'll be fine." You hum. "The heavenly emperor assigned me to this residence, so I shall fulfill his will."

"He is my father. He would not mind if I were to help my own wife—"

"There's no need." You smile firmly. "Keep your hands clean of my dirt."

You shut the door behind you as you follow the maids to your office, and Jinshi presses his lips to your son's head, resting your son's head on his shoulder as he hums.

"Um, Sir." One of the maids whispers. "If I may... the mistress has a bed in her office. Perhaps the boy could rest there?"

"You think so?" He chuckles. "I'll keep watch for the night. Please lead me there."

He wanders through the residence, the red poles dark in the night, even with the lanterns lit. The floor is crafted of white, and the intricacies of stone along the pillars are dusted gold, and he wonders how much of it had been brought back to life by you. It eats him alive, even with your son in his arms, he wonders if you had worked out to be able to carry your son one day, even if he were too old to be carried.

The stars twinkle in the distance, and he lets himself smile.

"Mistress? May the child borrow your bed?"

"Meimei," You grumble. "I thought I told you to check on them, not bring them to me."

"The boy missed you."

You sigh. "Come in."

"I shall guard." Jinshi nods.

"You may rest as well." You hum. "I shall be heading to the prison tomorrow. I just need to send the hawk."

Jinshi watches as you attach the note to the hawk, and he gets up to hold your face again. "Why not leave Jingui to Meimei? I'll fetch Maomao to see if there's a better ointment for your face to prevent scarring."

"I told you, I am not bothered by such trivial matters."

"It matters to me." He mumbles. "Tomorrow."

"I must interrogate the criminal tomorrow."

"Then right now."

"You do not dare to wake her up for something so minuscule." You glare at him. "Rest with Xiaogui today. I shall call for the two of you tomorrow after dealing with the assassin."

"You must rest well." Jinshi mumbles, kissing your forehead gently. "Please."

You grimace at the kiss. "Very well."

You interrogate the assassin in the morning, sighing when he reveals the target was your son. It must have been a jealous consort or something. You wonder if she thought he would be next in line for the throne since the emperor let the boy call him Grandpa. The consort is some low-ranking one in the main palace, and you don't bother sparing him any mercy, telling the guards to kill him and send his head as a warning. That ought to teach her.

"The eunuch and boy are looking for you."

"Send them to my tea room. I'll see them there."

"Mistress, would you like a change of clothes?" Another maid asks.

"No need." You mumble. "It's fine to go like this."

"What tea shall I prepare?"

"Honey ginger." You hum. "And some cookies for the child."

They nod as you open the door to the room.

"Niang!" Jingui runs up to hug you, and you hum.

"Did you sleep well?"

He nods. You let Jinshi carry him as you work on the papers, and you speak up after Jingui gets drowsy. Perhaps he had been living in a life of assassinations and you were not aware. It would make you feel most awful if he was.

"Are they common?"

Jinshi raises a brow.

"The assassins."

Jinshi shakes his head. "Not in the imperial palace. The emperor has the most security for him compared to anyone."

"I see." You mumble. "How about Maomao? Surely people try poisoning her because she is close to you?"

"She is immune to poisons."

"Right." Your lips quirk up. "I'll send her with a gift this time. I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

Jinshi raises a brow, significantly worried. "Not a poison, right?"

"No promises." You grin.

Jinshi spends the rest of his time trying to spend more time with you and your son, desperation practically reeking off his skin as he sticks to you like a lost puppy without an owner, and the maids start gossiping with you about the potential marriage partner. You snort, telling them that there was no reason he would want a woman who had been used before. You avoid telling them the truth out of an unknown fear. You don't know what stops you. Perhaps you are still worried that he loves Maomao and is only doing this for his blood. Maybe he isn't being honest with you.

It takes a week for him to get to visit you at night, and another week for him to be allowed in your chambers. Maomao reminds him that he can only spare a week here per the emperor's orders, but he pays no mind. He is sure that the heavenly emperor would not mind him spending more time with you. He's sure the old man knew it. After all, he had given him a knowing smile when he had told him to travel with his son and Maomao. It made him feel as though the emperor were up to something. Perhaps he had known Jinshi would see you here.

It is the third week that he had stayed past his welcome when he sits down for a drink with you.

"Play with me." He holds the board with him. "I miss playing wuziqi with you."

"Hm. What do I get if I win?" You reach for the white, placing it down in the center.

"Whatever you want."

"I haven't played in a long time." You hum. "Your turn."

"May we have a heart to heart talk?"

"Be my guest." You hum.

"Why did you leave?"

"You took an interest in Maomao." You hum, placing another bead down. "And I ran away before you could divorce me."

"I did not wish to divorce you." He frowns.

"The whole palace was talking about it, and the emperor did not stop me, so I decided to leave." You shrug.

"I took Maomao in because I wished that she would prescribe some medicine for fertility."

"We had a son, no?"

"We did, but I had been taking medicine prior to that prescribed by her."

"You wanted her for her wisdom just like you wanted me for mine." You hum. "It was a fear, or maybe I just saw myself in her. She is my age, after all."

"Our age." Jinshi reminds. "We are all the same age."

"I suppose." You shrug. "But it felt like I was replaced."

"You were not."

"There was no way to confirm. Not when you had been trying to shove honey down her throat, anyway." You hum. "Four."

He clicks his tongue, stopping you. "What do I get if I win?"

"I suppose you get to bed me." You mumble. "Assuming you haven't bedded Maomao."

"I have not." He clenches his jaw. "I have not touched another woman in years. I am not as so much of a degenerate as to bed women who are not my wife."

"Who knows." You hum. "Four."

"I am not able to bed women there, anyway. After all, I am an eunuch."

"Except I heard Maomao found out you were not one."

"Ah." He freezes up, stopping your newly formed row of four. "That much was an accident. I suppose I saw fragments of you in her."

"Perhaps you had just found her beautiful." You hum. "I most certainly did. She is quite smart, drawing freckles on her face to hide her radiance."

"I found her beautiful, but only because she had reminded me of the plum blossoms on the day I met you." He smiles. "I win."

"What would you like?"

"Let me bed you, please." He whispers. "My wife. My beloved. Let me bed you."

"You must be desperate for some touch." You take off your outer robe, letting the maids know to retire for the night. "Very well."

"You may say no." He whispers, forehead pressed to yours, eyes genuine as he looks at you. "I am not forcing you."

"I don't care if you are using me for your own pleasure." You mumble. "I have not been bedded in the same amount of time."

"Heavens, that burns me more than it should." He wastes no time in undressing, lips pressed to yours as he leads you to the bed, caging your body in as he leans over you, a leg pressed between yours, lips moving against yours messily as his yearning crashes into your body like a wave, his hands tugging at your robes desperately, freeing your skin from the silk and fabric, lips latching to your collarbone to suck, biting all to desperately, rutting into you as he were some rabid dog, his body craving yours as though you were some drug he could not live without.

His fingers slip past your folds as he had done before all the times he had slept with you, bone of his wrist brushing your clit as he slides a finger in with ease, his mouth moving up to your neck, sucking gently as he listens to the way your breath hitches and you whimper when his fingers brush your sweet spot, and he continues, fingers pressing hard as you squeak, sucking you as he pants, desperate to remember your scent for the next handful of months he would no longer be able to see you during. When you quiver around his fingers and flutter, he slides his fingers out, licking them as he pushes you onto the bed, lining himself up, staring down at you for one last promise of consent.

"We can stop." He whispers.

"No."

And that's all Jinshi needs.

Jinshi presses your hips down into the mattress, hips moving against yours as he fucks you, desperation all over his fingers, lips attached to your neck as he sucks, his own breathy ragged as he spends his own stamina satisfying you, passion bleeding past his fingers as his body consumes you, desperate to make up the lost time with you from before. At this point, he disregards how many passing maids will hear his own moans, too focused on the way your skin felt between his fingers and too focused on the way your head was thrown back in a bliss he hadn't seen you wear before.

He wondered how many years you went without being bedded.

Well, not that it mattered. He had probably gone the same amount of time without bedding someone. How could he? The guilt would have eaten him alive from the inside out. So, he channels all his lost years into you instead, groaning when you cum around him again, eyes teary and cheeks puffy, your lips red from his kissing earlier. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as your words become incoherent, slurred as he moves a hand down to play with your clit. You squeal as he does, squirming under his touch as he continues to hold you down.

"I love you." He whispers, tears in the corner of his eyes as you can barely hear him.

"I love you." He repeats, with his chest this time, tears splattering onto your chest as he whimpers.

"I love you so much." He gasps as his thumb speeds up on your clit, making you gasp sharply at his confession, your head spinning.

You gush around him again as he finally feels himself reach a high, heart racing against his ribcage as he groans, crashing into you as he pumps you full, resting his head on your collar as you both catch your breaths, and Jinshi feels himself get hard in you again, his shoulders tensing as he does. He can't. He's going to break you, and you're never going to talk to him ever again. He's going to ruin you like he did years ago, and the universe is going to punish him by taking you away again—

"More." You whimper. "Until you've had your fill."

"I'm going to break you." He whispers.

"I'm sure Jingui wouldn't mind having a sibling..." You whisper back.

Jinshi's pupils dilate as he starts again, and you yelp as he goes without warning, a mix of your cum and his making a squelch with each thrust of his. It's lewd. It sounds like the most sinful thing in the world, yet Jinshi thinks of it as music to his ears, all too focused on pleasing you and getting rid of his pent-up lust, your body finally under his as he's waited all these years. He thinks of it as some kind of blessing, to be able to consume your sense as wholly as he used to, only this time sure that you weren't crying because of something he did. He still had lots of making up to do for you, but he supposes this is a start.

You gush around him another time, crying over how it hurt, but still no safe word. He laughs something between a chuckle and scorn, thrilled at the way that you looked like that under him. The maids had been whispering about how you had never bedded anyone once despite your status as supposedly single in the residence, and it made his head spin with possessiveness at the thought that you had still been loyal despite how much he hurt you. He would make it up, he promised. He would stay until the morning this time, and you would get to wake up in his arms like you used to.

The thought makes his hips stutter into yours as you're flooded with warmth a second time, your moan depraved as you feel him fill you again, the white from the sex staining the sheets and your thighs, and you both catch your breath this time, and Jinshi rests his forehead on yours, heavy breaths slipping past his lips as he stares into your eyes, hand moving to brush the hair from your face as you stare at him through glassy eyes.

"I'll be here when you wake up." He whispers. "I'll be here in the morning."

You close your eyes, nodding to the best of your ability.

"I'll kill you if you aren't."

He laughs, rolling over to rest on his back, fingers intertwined with yours as he rolls to his side to look at you.

"You're sticky." You grimace.

"And?" He hums. "So are you."

"We need a bath." You grumble. "I should call a maid to clean me up."

"That will be tomorrow's problem, beloved." He hums, lips curling upward. "Lay with me, my dear."

"If you insist, my love."

You help Maomao and Jinshi pack up their things to go, sending small gifts for the journey with them, and you laugh when Maomao thanks you profusely for the fritillaria unibracteata, and you wave it off as nothing big, a smile on your lips. She promises you that she'll owe you one the next time you need something from her, and you chuckle as she gets onto the carriage with Jingui. Your son gives you one last kiss before getting on as well, and only Jinshi stays behind and refuses to let you go, brushing his thumb over your knuckles as he talks to you.

"Will you... return?"

You shake your head, lips curled into a smile. "Unless you would like to stay?"

"Would you let me?"

"No. I would let Jingui stay, though." You smile at your son peeking at you through the window.

"You would met Jingui stay?" He gasps.

"Yeye would not be happy." Jinshi reminds. "We will return to pick niang up, alright?"

"I will tell yeye to let you come with Jingui next time." Your son stares into your eyes, eerily serious, and you smile.

"Tell yeye I said hi."

Jingui motions for you to come over instead, pressing his lips to your cheek through the window as you laugh, lips curled into a smile as you give him one back. He giggles, reaching his hand out the window to hold yours, and Jinshi shakes his head at his son. He leans down to press a kiss to your cheek, making Maomao gag in the carriage. He takes your other hand and presses your knuckles to his lips, a smile on his face as he hums against them.

"I shall return for you."

"I shall be waiting."

Jinshi lets go of your fingers, not without one more kiss to your lips, lifting his sleeve to hide the two of you from your son and Maomao as he does. You roll your eyes once he pulls away, and you nod at them as they leave. You stay in place until the carriage is long gone, and you hum, heading back to work with the maids to manage the estate.

When spring comes the next year, the wound on your cheek is gone, a golden carriage arrives, and you laugh as Jingui jumps out of it into your arms, much bigger, smile much brighter. Jinshi steps out next, offering you a hand to pull you up as he introduces the new manager of the estate. Maomao grins at you, whispering about the trade, and you let her know there are farms upon farms of medicine in the land, only for her to grin cheekily at you. You suppose she has her much wanted freedom now.

"Shall we go?" Jinshi offers his hand to help you up as Jingui holds his hand out for you on the carriage, and you smile.

"We shall."

And finally, you are home.

#jinshi x reader #apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries x reader #jinshi #GUHHH #reader insert #it's almost 2 weh #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto x reader #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto #bro this was supposed to be about chocolate why did it end up like this HOW DID WE. GET HERE #☾.nsfw #☾.fics

[moonlitnyx]

"𝙒𝙄𝙇𝙇 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘽𝙀 𝙈𝙔…𝙑𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙀? 🥹"

How do you celebrate Valentine's Day with your boyfriends?

ft. AVENTURINE, VERITAS RATIO, ARGENTI x GN Reader

content. SWF, very much fluff!! Reader's in a relationship with the characters, No confessions just how they spoil you during Valentines Day, :> Ratio is mentioned as Veritas because how am i suppose to write "Dr. Ratio" with a straight face

notes. Can u tell im single because of how im writing fanfic for fictional characters on Valentines day? 🤡 Wish i could've added Sunday but I want to get to know his character better before writing him <33 my pookie <33

ft. AVENTURINE

When it comes to Valentine's Day, Aventurine can be a bit excessive...

It's not like you don't appreciate the gifts that he gives you, but the prices always make your jaw drop. What do you mean he got you 20,000 credits worth of roses just for you? They don't even look that special to begin with!

And don't even get started on all the cheesy things he do for you. The amount of chocolate he gets you, or when he takes millions of pictures with you with his "professional photographer" and pick the worst photo of you to put in his wallet is just one of the million things he does that day.

"Aventurine!" You whine, trying to pry out the photo of yourself and him out of his gloved hand. "Your not seriously planning on using that photo!"

Aventurine cocks his head, feigning innocence as he asks sweetly, "What's wrong with it, babe? I think it looks cute!"

"CUTE? I look like I'm about to sneeze!" Your baffled expression makes Aventurine laugh, his hypnotic amethyst eyes twinkling with amusement.

"That's what makes it cute." Aventurine giggles as you make a face.

ft. VERITAS RATIO

Honestly, the first time you celebrate Valentines Day you tried, and damn did you try, to Veritas to enjoy the holiday

You had taken him to a carnival and had even won him a huge teddy bear, taken him to dinner, bought him roses, (tried) to feed him chocolate. But he was tougher to crack than an oyster

However, he was nice enough to give you a perfectly scripted thank-you note, giving his gratitude for the stuffed teddy that you got for him. (You saved that note in your drawer, cherishing it like a sacred tome)

"Soooo," You grin, eyes alight as you giggle. "has this movie effectively swoon you over with the power of love?" In your hand dangled the remote for the T.V, as you lounged on the couch next to Veritas.

"Get that silly grin off your face." Pink eyes glared at yours with annoyance. "Sometimes I even wonder why I'm dating an imbecile such as yourself."

"Oh c'mon! I thought I saw a glimmer of a teardrop in your eyes when we were reaching the end of the film." You fold your arms across your chest, a slight pout on your face as you lean into him.

Veritas rolled his eyes, but a fond smile played on his face as he saw you pout, squeezing your cheeks as he mused, "It was amateur, at best."

ft. ARGENTI

Bro goes above and beyond when it comes to Valentine's Day, like seriously! He picks you roses, makes you your favorite meals, composes sonnets, and even though his actions make you roll your eyes, it also makes your cheeks heat up.

He's sweet, always trying to make you feel loved, and thats why you want to make him loved too on Valentine's Day. He's always so self-sacrificing that sometimes he doesn't care much for himself.

"I-I got you a gift!" Your face is heating up, your hands warm and clammy as you produce a box of chocolates out of your bag and presenting it to the red-haired man.

"Y'know, I'm very glad that we're dating...because your the best thing that happened to me! And I just wanted you to know how appreciated you make me feel and-" You stop as you watch Argenti's pale face flush red, green eyes filled with fondness.

"I made it myself, so it might not be the best, so if tastes weird just throw it out!" You began again, but Argenti cuts you off.

"No, no, it's perfect." A warm smile graces his face, lips curling at the corners as he stares at the box. "The thought of you spending so much time on me makes my heart almost burst."

©moonlitnyx. do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work without prior permission and or confirmation.

#honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x y/n #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #argenti #veritas ratio #aventurine #hsr argenti #hsr ratio #hsr aventurine #argenti x reader #argenti x you #hsr argenti x reader #ratio x reader #dr ratio x reader #dr ratio x you #dr ratio x y/n #aventurine x reader #aventurine x you #hsr aventurine x reader #dr ratio

[crepes-suzette-373]

One Piece Magazine Reiju short story

I recently bought One Piece Magazine to read the Reiju short story. I don't know how to share this experience other than just straight up translating the whole thing, but it was utterly hilarious chaos with the brothers trying to cook and it just ended up being a disastrous mess.

I'll give a summary, I guess...

Reiju and her brothers went to another kingdom for a diplomatic discussion, but once they were done, the Germa ships that were supposed to pick them up got delayed by the weather. The bros can't wait so they demand the locals to be given a ship.

Niji/Yonji: "Oh good, they understand. So we don't have to steal a ship."

Well, they did tell the people that Germa will compensate them, but still.

And yeah, the guys were so hungry that they were like "Even though royals shouldn't do menial things like cooking, we're dying of hunger here so it can't be helped."

All writers apparently agree that Niji misses Sanji like an utter dumbass because in the kitchen he out of nowhere says "Didn't we used to have a younger brother called Sanji who likes to cook?"

Yonji says "Yeah, he was kind of lame" and Ichiji says there's been wanted posters of him being spread around.

(Edit: I saw another post saying that the one who brought up Sanji first is Ichiji. To be fair, in the actual text there's no dialogue tags indicating who was talking. It's definitely not Yonji, because it specified "younger" brother. I personally read this as Niji because the sentence was more informal-sounding)

Based on the info they got, Reiju is aware of Sanji's history with Baratie and the Straw Hat crew, and thinks that because he's listed as just a cook on the wanted posters and not "fighter/combatant", he's probably still not much stronger than before.

Ichiji found some pork, labelled to be from Broc Coli. Reiju mentioned that Broc Coli specialises in pig farming and the pigs have been selectively bred to improve the meat quality. Ichiji commented "Oh, it's similar to our lineage factor modification, then", but then the next second he suddenly gets mad about it himself, throws the meat to the ground and was like "How could pigs compare to our Vinsmoke royal family."

Reiju: "You brought it up yourself out of nowhere though? :/"

Ichiji is grumpy and wants to go fishing instead. With the Raid Suit. Don't know how, wasn't explained, maybe he Sparking Valkyrie'd the fishes.

Niji wants to make chocolates, but had a meltdown because the recipe calls for cooking/confectioner's chocolate. He was like "Why?? do you?? need chocolate?? to make chocolate??? If the chocolate is already there I'll just eat that directly???"

(Note: It's not making cake or brownies or anything, it's making something along the lines of chocolate truffles or milk chocolates or other forms of chocolate that isn't just straight up dark chocolate/confectioner's chocolate. He's confused because the final product is still just "chocolate")

Yonji wants to make bread because it looks easy. Reiju decided to try to make something too, and wanted to make tamagoyaki (Japanese rolled omelettes) because she remembered reading about it in a story book with Sora before.

Reiju's logic: "If a penguin (in the story book) can cook, then even a beginning like me can do it." (so much for Reiju being the rational one)

Yonji starts shouting for help. His bread is a goopy mess and is a total failure. Apparently he didn't add the yeast because the recipe says 3g of yeast, and that's almost 0, so he didn't add any. Reiju tells him to make sure to follow the steps properly.

Ichiji comes back with a giant fish, and is asking for poison check. No poison, so Reiju left him to cut the fish.

Yonji is still having trouble, and he says he had added the ingredients properly this time. The dough is still gloopy and will not firm up even after kneading. Reiju said that maybe because of the exoskeleton, their skin are too cold for the fermentation process to start activating.

Yonji is grumpy and asks if this means he can't make bread. Reiju suggest using hot water to warm his skin, but he's already really disgruntled and says that it's so lame that they have to rely on microorganisms to make bread (well, at least he knows yeast is microorganisms, not just another type of flour).

(Note: This part really does not sound right to me, honestly. Maybe this was just meant to show that Reiju and Yonji have zero knowledge in cooking, but bread dough not firming up and gloopy is usually not related to yeast or fermentation, but the gluten. Most cases that I know of are either caused by adding too much water, not enough kneading, the flour itself is not suitable for bread, or even the dough being over fermented. I've never heard of sticky dough problems being caused by hand temperature.)

(Edit: I've discovered that Japanese bread making guides do mention temperature affecting the dough, but it's nevertheless because of the gluten and not the yeast. This one might a goof on the author's side.)

Ichiji gave up fileting the fish because there's bones everywhere. he dumped all the dead fishes he caught back to the sea. Yonji gave up trying to make bread and tossed the failed dough away (and also threw away Reiju's egg attempt even though it was fine :/). Niji can't find any chocolate, so he has nothing.

They can't do anything except wait until they reach Germa and then just go "AAAAAAA FOOODD" (well, they act cool in front of the servants, but still).

Reiju herself showered and got cleaned up first before going to eat. Seeing the poisoned stonefish served, she wondered how normal chefs handle the poisonous ingredients and so she went to the kitchen to ask.

There was a young cook on cleaning duty that immediately panics, but then a senior cook named Beryl came out to answer her questions. Reiju says old lady Beryl has been there for a very long time, even before the kids were born.

Beryl explains that to treat the armoured stonefish to make it safe to eat is to let it swim in a tank with Ruby Wakame seaweed. The seaweed will absorb the toxins and after 3 weeks, the fish will change from purple to blue, and this indicates that the toxins is completely gone and it will be safe to eat.

An easier method would be to just skin the fish and take out the poisonous organs, but fish skin is a delicacy, and so the chefs would do this so they can serve cuts of the fish with the skin attached.

Reiju makes a comment that cooking must be very hard because her brothers are all picky eaters (not just Niji, apparently), but Beryl says she and the other chefs are happy to adjust the prep to make the food palatable to the boys.

"Ichiji-sama dislikes green vegetables, but if you chop it up finely and mix it with meat dishes such as hamburg steaks, he will eat it without noticing."

Reiju: Is he a toddler?

(Note: Dunno if this is a universal thing, but it's a Japanese thing that when toddlers hate vegetables, the parents would chop up vegetables and put it in meatballs or the toddler's other favourite food so that they can get the vegetable nutrients even though the child dislikes the vegetable's taste)

"Niji-sama dislikes things with complex seasonings, so things like the sauces and such has to be made to be very simple to the utmost extent."

Reiju: That's dumb.

"Yonji-sama doesn't like food with dry texture, but if it's served to him when he gets hungry between meal times, he'll usually eat it."

Reiju: Is he a dog?

(Note: There is a section where Reiju muses that the cooks "safeguards" their meals just like how "Germa 66 protect peace". What peace? In the main series they're fine with siding with whoever, as long as they get paid. This comment doesn't make sense unless maybe she was being ironic/sarcastic here.)

Reiju apologised for bothering the cooks at this time, and Beryl then lets slip that Sanji has been to the kitchens often. When Reiju presses further, eventually Beryl reveals that Sora likes to make desserts often. Sora would say that she hoped to someday be able to cook together with her kids.

Hearing this Reiju briefly fantasised baking together with her mother and Sanji. Knowing it's just idle fantasy, though, she thanks Beryl for telling her all these and helping her appreciate cooking more.

Reiju thinks of Sanji and reevaluates her opinions on him. He's not "just" a cook. People's lives are basically in the hands of the cook, especially on long voyages at sea. She is glad that him having a place as a ship's cook means that he's found good friends who rely on him and trust him.

She then transforms, and uses her ability to suck out the poison from the fish, saying that the cooks are welcome to ask her for help to take out the poison if they need to cook with the stonefish.

#one piece #vinsmoke family #vinsmoke brothers #vinsmoke #vinsmoke siblings #ichiji #niji #yonji #vinsmoke ichiji #vinsmoke niji #vinsmoke yonji #germa 66 #reiju #vinsmoke reiju

[respectthepetty]

With My Dear Bro Day One

Love Tractor's leads got sent to El Nido in the Philippines by the production company and recorded it for With My Dear Bro. I truly have nothing better to do with my time during this quiet holiday break now that midnight mass is done, and GMMTV didn't give me Safe House this year, so I'm binging it and writing about it in three posts (One, Two, Three) because why not?

First off, the opening credits are adorable.

Next, their only concern when packing was making sure to bring a hairdryer. Not a joke. Very serious business.

There is only ONE BED, and they did not realize that until they get to the house. Yoon Do Jin said he would sleep on the couch.

That was a lie.

Yoon Do Jin is very outgoing and travels often while Do Won is introverted and hasn't traveled much. Yoon Do Jin is fine spending all their money. Do Won is frugal. Yoo Do Jin wants to try all the things. Do Won, not so much.

They both speak English often on the trip, but Do Won, who has a degree in hotel management teaches Yoon Do Jin the words for fork, knife, and spoon, plus that the taller glass is for wine and the shorter glass is for water (the more you know). They struggle with the laid-back style of the island aka the speed of service.

Much like their characters in Love Tractor, Yoon Do Jin fills every silence (with horrible dad jokes!). Do Won, not so much.

They have $700 which equals over 40,000 pesos! I'm on Yoon Do Jin's side here. BALLIN'! Treat yo' self! But they are counting the money with ALL THESE PEOPLE WATCHING!

They even had the money changer stressed out. 40,000 pesos is a lot to be counting out in the open like that. No, baby boys, NO!

Oh, lord. Men. Do Won wants to buy a wallet and Yoon Do Jin wants slippers. Then, the walkway is wet, and Yoon Do Jin needs help crossing it. They are 60-year old dads.

They haggle (as they should), but they misunderstand. The price is 3 for 100. They think each item is 300, so the haggling gets lost in translation! The lady is actually really sweet to them and shows them which bill to hand her.

Everyone is watching them and wants to take a picture with them since it's become obvious that they are Korean actors (with the cameras and the 40,000+ pesos!). I am bothered for them, especially Do Won who is anxious, but they don't want to make ALL Koreans look bad because that's what they think will happen.

They take a taxi which was supposed to cost 100, but haggle for 90. Then, they only hand the driver a 50. These men are wildin'!

Yoon Do Jin is haggling his ass off, and the ladies are loving it He ends up getting free fruit!

Oh, God, they spot balut, and Yoon Do Jin, who is down to try everything, goes for it. Do Won lets Yoon Do Jin take the L for both of them.

This is adorable. They shop because Do Won likes to cook. Yoon Do Jin sneaks chocolate into the cart. Do Won wants to carry the bags. Yoon Di Jin says no. Yoon Di Jin wants to help cook. Do Won says no.

Do Won, who is visibly nervous when they sit down to eat, waits for Yoon Di Jon to take a bite, then immediately asks for a score repeatedly as he begins to freak out about how he cooked it.

But Yoon Di Jon comes through with the compliments!

They bought banana blossoms, and have no idea what to do with them or how to eat them, so Do Won tricks Yoon Di Jon into eating it as it is.

They didn't even google or anything. They just ate it. Raw. With the leaves y todo. No bueno.

A bug is spotted. Do Won is terrified of bugs. Yoon Di Jon kills it.

But then he teases Do Won with it. Do Won is not pleased.

They shower, Yoon Di Jon kills a moth for Do Won, they drink, then Do Won attempts to make plans for the next day.

To which Yoon Di Jon responds.

Man's got jokes, all day, every day.

And that was just the first day, so they hop into their one bed and get ready for day two.

#with my dear bro #love tractor #Yoon Do Jin #Do Won #I got time today #episode 1 and 2

[punsmaster69]

15/DEC/20XX

𝘵𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘬.

i hit the floor like a sack of bricks.

toriel lifted me up and set me back on the couch i'd just been accidentally tossed from.

pulling a blanket over me, she whispered sorry.

still not entirely sure what was happening, a few pieces clicked into place when i heard frisk's voice from the entrance of the house.

some things were said back and forth before i heard frisk clomp loudly down the hall to their room.

not thinking to see who else tori was still at the door with, i slipped behind her to see what frisk was up to.

a dinosaur-printed notebook tucked under their arm, still searching around the room for something.

they pulled open a drawer and found a pack of colored pencils.

something like a squeak came from their mouth when they spun around and saw me in the doorway.

their eyebrows furrowed at me slightly.

"You look like you just woke up."

"astute observation."

"You having just woken up and also being here aren't lining-"

"....Up.."

their brows furrowed further.

"You slept here."

"again, you are ever so astute."

"Why?"

"why?"

"Why did-"

"NEVERMIND."

"w-"

"hey. hold on."

"i'm not orderin' you another apology pizza for something that didn't happen."

"What, me walking in on it?"

"𝘪𝘵. at all."

"you've probably gotten word of my bro's plans for my magic whatever, right?"

"Something about magic demonstrations."

"right."

"well, undyne's was on wednesday."

"tori's; yesterday."

"undyne's was... exhausting, to say the least."

"so, sometime during yesterday's, i ended up crashing on the couch in there."

conceding easier than i figured they would, frisk brushed past me to exit the room.

i accompanied them to the front door, taking notice of who the other individual was that they'd arrived with a bit too late.

"...asgore."

"heya."

couldn't tell what the expression on his face meant, seeing me here so casually.

surprise was part of it, for sure.

"Sans."

"Good morning."

"Or, I suppose it is getting a tad bit later in the day... Perhaps deeming it noon is more appropriate."

"probably."

"......"

"........"

he expected me to say something else, but i didn't have any other input.

"..Well then."

we spoke at the same time.

"Have you gotten everything you were going to grab, Frisk?"

"got everything you came for, kiddo?"

turning between me and asgore for a moment, they picked looking at the items in their hands as a good enough middle point.

"Mhm."

"Then."

speaking before any more silences began, tori knelt to hug frisk.

"I will see you again soon, my child."

"When he wakes up, do tell Flowey hello for me."

"Will do."

shrugging my shoulders, i opened my arms to offer a hug as well.

"Will I see you soon too?"

"won't turn you away if you show up."

"Even if you did, Papyrus would let me in."

"true."

"and you'd come bug me anyway."

"Of course."

asgore directed his attention towards tori.

"It was nice to see you."

"Not much time was had."

"That is true."

"Then, sometime, would you like-"

"I am quite a bit busier recently."

"..Ah."

"As are we all, it seems."

he chuckled, but seemed a bit deflated.

"Have a good day, Asgore."

"The same to you."

he nodded towards me.

"Both of you."

with the clunk of the door shutting, tori pat my shoulder.

"Would you like anything in particular for breakfast?"

"whatever's good to me."

" 'Whatever?' "

"That recipe is unknown to me."

"it's a local snowdin dish."

"Hmmm... I will have to look into it."

"In the meantime, how do pancakes sound?'

——

so carefully placing chocolate chips on her pancake, i couldn't help but glance over at her arrangement.

i started laughing stupidly.

she looked over at mine.

she slapped her hand over her mouth.

it bore an identical phallic shape.

we both began cackling terribly in our immaturity.

likely 'cause i haven't had them in a hot minute, but pancakes taste ten times better than i remember.

——

"tv programs aren't all that interesting around this time, huh?"

"What, do you not enjoy the weather channel?"

"you underestimate my love for relative humidity."

"Ahh. Opaque Cloud Coverage, my favorite!"

"really a good one."

"...so, you wanna watch a movie or somethin'?"

fake gasp.

"I cannot believe you would suggest changing from such an interesting watch."

with having already changed the channel herself.

——

don't know how it was decided that i was staying the weekend, but papyrus seemed to pick up on this occurrence faster than i did.

"Oh!"

"Good afternoon, Papyrus."

"Are you taking him home...?"

the disappointment in her voice was noticable.

"NO."

"I DON'T THINK SO."

he peeked inside. i waved, and he waved back.

i then shrugged, quickly switching to shaking my head "no" before realizing i even did.

"AS I THOUGHT."

"I AM SIMPLY HERE TO PROVIDE HIM WITH HIS PHONE, WHICH HE CARELESSLY LEFT AT HOME."

"explains the lack of messages. don't know how i didn't notice sooner. sorry, bro."

"I TRIED TO ASK MS. TORIEL IF THERE WAS ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEEDED, BUT IT SEEMS NEITHER OF YOU CHECK YOUR DEVICES SUDDENLY."

"Sorry. Your brother is quite the distraction."

"got told that when i was younger a lot."

"Were you such a troublemaker?"

"CLASS CLOWN, MORESO."

leaning into it, i made a 'honk-honk' gesture where a clown's nose would be. (or anyone's nose who has a nose.)

his reaction was completely ignoring me. tori enjoyed it.

when he handed my phone to her, it looked like a toy in size.

papyrus is naturally big-handed as well, though unburdened by having fur making the screen even harder to use; a normal-sized phone works just fine for him.

neither use them as much more than messaging devices.

"BLANKETS ARE NOT AN ISSUE, I AM MORE THAN AWARE."

"HE ALREADY HAS HIS JACKET..."

"DO YOU NEED ANYTHING WARMER TO WEAR?"

"i'm good."

"YOU ARE NOT LETTING HIM SKIP MEALS, I'M CERTAIN."

"Of course not."

"IS HE DRINKING WATER?"

i sloshed a water bottle sat beside me loudly in response.

"NO PAIN?"

"all good."

"ALRIGHT,"

he said, deeming his mental checklist complete.

"THANK YOU FOR CARING FOR HIM SO WELL, MS. TORIEL."

"As always, it is more than a pleasure to have him over."

"HAVE A GOOD AFTERNOON-"

"OR, NIGHT, RATHER. IT GOT DARK QUICKLY."

"GOODNIGHT, MS. TORIEL!"

"GOODNIGHT, SANS! TELL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING! DON'T ANNOY HER TOO MUCH."

"no promises."

"I will annoy him just as much, do not worry."

he waved, and soon the door clunked shut after another unexpected arrival today.

——

it was already getting dark, but it felt like the rest of the night slipped away from us so quickly over silly conversations and random banter that i soaked in every minute of.

yesterday night's happening didn't repeat itself.

something felt missing when she bid me goodnight, and she left for her own bed.

there's no reason to feel like anything was missing; yesterday was brand new. hasn't happened before.

when i sleep over, this is always how it is.

it's not that i'm uncomfortable. this is a nice couch, and i've got enough blanketing and pillows at my disposal that i could have a cushiony body double if i wanted.

didn't have anything i needed to do today; papyrus would definitely have reminded me if that were the case.

is it that i'm not in my own bed that feels strange? not the type of guy to get homesick so easily; can't say i really prefer either my bed or here more.

or maybe it doesn't matter at all, and i should just roll over and forget it.

——

don't know why my soul raced when i heard the quiet creak of a door, followed by footsteps making their way into the room.

she spoke softly.

"..Sans, are you awake?"

don't know why the racing got faster.

"what's up?"

"other than both of us, apparently."

she giggled, and stepped a bit closer so we could properly see one another.

her fur, slightly messy, reminded me of a certain video call we'd had.

tori appeared to consider something.

"..Nothing in particular, but..."

"It does feel a bit odd, does it not?"

"i think i agree, but... what feels odd?"

"We are the only two in the house,"

leaning closer.

"But we are sleeping in different rooms."

my soul felt ready to throw itself across 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 room.

"so let's not."

"we can be in the same room all you want."

"your house, right?"

getting on the couch, she crawled so that she was at my side, looking down at me.

"If it being mine is all you care about..."

"Then I hope you do not mind sharing a-"

𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗽.

"....?"

i looked at the screen on my ulna.

red.

"damn it."

𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘯 𝘪𝘵.

"Is that not a watch?"

"it's a meter."

"s'posed to tell me if this overflow stuff's getting too overflow-ey."

"alphys made it."

"How does it work?"

"there's a thing attached to my sternum too. got cords and whatnot. reads my soul that way, i guess."

"Can I see the device?"

"on my... sternum?"

"If you are comfortable with it."

a lot of things bounced around in my skull at that moment, one of them being the probably wrong choice i made.

"...sure. why not?"

"you've seen my ribs before."

"what's one more time?"

"but, let's..."

noticing my glance at our position, she quickly sat up.

"reposition elsewhere for this."

so we turned on a lamp, and sat in the middle of the floor.

no chickening out now, i lifted my shirt and pointed to the monitoring device.

she looked at it, getting closer as she did so.

"That cord."

"Is that one not a bit loose?"

"Allow me to-"

i'm not sure her hand even brushed my soul before i flew backwards, books thumping to the floor around me as i crashed against the shelf.

"......."

"better to do it myself."

whatever i actually mumbled was certainly less coherent than that.

under her shock, she almost seemed slightly amused.

though, embarrassment might have warped my interpretation of her expression.

something about this lady makes me weak to proximity all of a sudden.

"Sorry, Sans."

"I did not mean to startle you in any way."

"it's late; i'm jumpy anyway."

"don't blame yourself."

toriel watched with interest as i refastened the cord.

letting my shirt fall, i sighed.

"well."

taking a look at the meter, it unfortunately didn't magically un-become red on its own.

"you wanna sit here and watch me summon bones for thirty minutes, or go back to bed?"

"I've already made it this far, it would be pointless to leave you now."

"far into what?"

"some plan i don't know about?"

"A plan to have a hug buddy through this cold weather."

"simple plan."

pulling me to her with an amount of ease that will never not surprise me, she wrapped her arms around me.

——

"Is that as large as they are?"

i summoned a longer bone to the floor.

"Is that more effective than the small ones?"

"more about the damage output than size when it comes to how much magic is used for bone attacks."

"So it is not size that matters after all."

"all this dick humor in one day? where'd your maturity go, old lady?"

"There are no children around."

"only one man-child."

"We are both immature."

"i get worse around you."

"And I around you."

"equally terrible influence on each other."

"Couldn't have it any other way."

"nope."

——

𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴.

"eugh. finally."

giving up on caring about anything at this point, i sunk the rest of my weight into toriel, who gently lifted my arm to look at the monitor screen.

"Should it be yellow?"

"that's the middle ground."

"gonna be riding that for a while."

"I see."

"...Let us get to sleep before we end up awake the whole night."

something similar to yesterday was resumed without much thought behind it.

neither of us cared anymore how we laid, or how we looked.

just nestling into however was most comfortable, we slept like two very tired, but happy logs.

#undertale #journal #sans #toriel #sans x toriel #soriel #toriel x sans #frisk #asgore #frisk and sans #papyrus #sans and papyrus #the slowburn suddenly caught fire today.

[aarcanechaoss]

Anon♡ here

Ty soo much for taking the request☆

The fanfic is great♡♡♡♡♡

Can you do a part 2 if possible?

(You xan decide what to put in the part 2 :) )

Masterlist

Eyo glad you enjoyed it. I usually prefer people let me know what they want in their reqs LMAO but sure why not it was fun to write before.

Something was wrong with her co-workers.

Like seriously wrong.

Even her briefest interaction with the ADA this past week had been weird... Ranpo gave her chocolates... Ranpo Edogawa actually shared food with someone and for some reason he chose her.

Stepping into her shared office with the Black Lizard she sighed, if they looked at her weird one more time today she just might hit them.

Yep there it was that weird fucking look- something like pride shining in Hirotsu's eyes but with Tachihara it was pensiveness and the Akutagawa's... no she doesn't want to know what that look between them meant.

"Okay what is it?" She snapped.

"What's what?" Tachihara said a little too quickly.

"Everyone has been acting weird all week and I am on my last nerve." She pouted and some part of her hoped Akutagawa would say something, ease her worries maybe.

Nope, he just looked in the other fucking direction.

"No one's acting weird." Tachihara's hand moved to his neck- a nervous tick she'd noticed near immediately when they first met.

"I can tell you're lying." She deadpanned. "Did I do something wrong again? Have I somehow magically messed up something that I didn't know about?"

Yeah she was mad now- not even her wonderful Akutagawa's presence could halt it.

"Please I can assure you nothing is wrong Higuchi." His eyes shifted left and she just rolled her eyes.

"If you are going to lie I suggest doing it better... this is why I do all the undercover work." She tutted, turning to her desk.

Half an hour and a seething Higuchi later Tachihara caved... something about how he doesn't like Big Sis being angry.

"We know!" He practically shouted across the room. Gin smacked the man across the back of his head.

Higuchi just shot him a confused look.

"Know what?"

"About the kid." He continued.

Oh. Her stomach lurched.

"We were in the area when you went out for a picnic with your sister and that little girl- ya know that bonding thing you didn't make it to." Tachihara's face was burning bright red- embarrassed that he'd just blurted it out she supposed.

"Who have you told?" Was the only important question.

"No one Big Sis I swear. The ADA said that it wasn't their business and left so we followed suit." And she believed them.

"Is she your daughter?" Hirotsu asked calmly. She just nodded.

"Her name is Mai." She said finally. "She's four and yes... my daughter."

The room fell quiet.

"How?" She wanted to laugh- Akutagawa asking her questions about herself felt surreal.

"Hey bro when a man and a woman love-" Rashoumon shoved Tachihara out of his chair in an instant.

"That isn't what I mean." She nearly laughed, Diablo's ears were bright pink.

"I was 16 and stupid. Her father was a foreign exchange student in my class, and we hit it off... he left back to Italy, and I was pregnant with no way to tell him... I don't regret it though- she's my favourite person. Had her, turned seventeen and joined the Mafia end of story."

"Ah." Was all Akutagawa replied with.

"You're a badass you know Big Sis."

"Yes my daughter seems to think so."

And though it was still so very weird... she didn't mind the joyful laughter that followed.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd fluff #bungou stray dogs fluff #ichiyo higuchi #Akutagawa will never admit to laughing

[sugarloofy]

Valentine's Day Hcs for the Avatar boys (Modern! AU)

(Seperate) Neteyam, Lo'ak, Ao'nung,& Roxto x gn!reader.

reader and the character is implied to already have an established relationship with each other!

A.N.

This is my first time writing something like this, I hope you enjoy it :D

I apologize if anything is ooc 😭

Also i was supposed to post this like... Months ago but i didn't have the balls, so um.. Enjoy this post 👍👍

- Hana☆

Neteyam ♥

Would prepare a lot beforehand

Like it would be a few weeks before Valentine's and he'd be sweating and thinking about it, change my mind.

His siblings just gotta hear all about it, all the time lol. "do you think [name] would like this color??"

Asks you totally non-suspicious questions regarding about your favorite deserts & flavors a few days before Valentine's...

" Say, do you like cookies or meringues more?" "Do you like chocolate or vanilla? Or maybe strawberry, blueberry... "

Handmade deserts all the way>>>

Definitely uses a box with hearts and stuff on it (he's so cute i, I just can't)

Gives you heartfelt letters + storebought chocolate + homemade deserts + flower bouquet (ABSOLUTELY BOYFRIEND MATERIAL???) (Marry this man already.)

He'll be shy n all when he gives you the giftbox <3 (such a sweetheart istg)...

You were... Safe to say really flustered by the sudden gift from him. You were blushing, and so was he.

You accepted the gift from him happily! Then you decided to hug him, you were just so happy... He was surprised at first but then he welcomed you in his arms, returning the hug with a smile ♡.

Lo'ak ♥

Bro would forget about it until one of his friends or his siblings talk about it 💀

Would absolutely speed run to the nearest supermarket to buy you some chocolate bars and some snacks/drinks you like tho <3

(Accidentally tripped at some point 😭)

Writes you the most cheesiest ass mf Valentine's Day note known to man (would include some cheesy pick up line too omfg)

Comes to you all scuffed and sweaty from all that running. He's outta breath while handing you the things he bought. (He's so silly)

Is being bold and cool about it but he's actually screaming inside.

At first, you were kind of confused. Like?? Why are you out of breath lol??? You asked him but he dodged the question and averted your attention to the gift.

You then accepted the gift while laughing a little because of how ridiculous he looked. He may have almost forgotten that it was Valentine's today, but either way he still made it and you're happy ♡ it's a win for him.

Ao'nung ♥

He would remember about it but pretends to be all clueless and shit about it to you. (MENACE...)

If you ask him about it, he'll tease you for wanting gifts from him.

Actually led you to believing that he didn't prepare a gift for you because he kept dodging the question.

Actually prepared you a big-ass giftbox for you full of your favorite snacks & drinks and some chocolates. (Tsireya told on him lmaoo) (SIMP ALERT 🚨)

(When Tsireya told the big news to you, you couldn't help but smile ♡ just still a tad bit annoyed that he pretended not to remember. /he's so silly)

Roxto & Tsireya keeps teasing it about him the whole time lolol

Ends up giving it to you at the end of the day. Tries to act all cool about it but we all can see you blushing, Ao'nung. ♡

Roxto ♥

Remembers about it and definitely planned on buying you chocolate on secret.

There were so much selections he actually got confused on which one to get but didn't want to spoil the surprise by asking.

Calls Ao'nung for help (spoilers: it did not help) , ended up buying based on what he thinks you would like... He went through many many stages of overthinking. (Stayed long enough for the store employee to approach him and offers to help 😭😭)

"Hey this one looks good.. But what if [name] likes the other one better???" "For Eywa's sake Roxto just pick one!"

Halfway through he overthinks and is hella worried you might not like the stuff he bought. (Tsireya & Ao'nung convinced him that it's the thought that counts!!!).

Just like Ao'nung, he'll try to be cool and sincere when giving it to you, but bro's avoiding eye contact and messes up his words.

(You can see Tsireya & Ao'nung cheering for him in the bushes with their poorly made disguises... )

But at the end of the day, you accepted his gift and gave him a kiss on the cheek for the effort ♡♡

#loak x you #loak sully #lo'ak x reader #loak fluff #lo'ak x you #lo'ak x y/n #lo'ak fluff #neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam x you #neteyam sully #ao'nung #ao'nung x reader #ao'nung x y/n #ao'nung fluff #roxto #roxto x reader #roxto x y/n

[tobiasdrake]

Back in action! Four notes to find and... an amount of time to find them in!

Oh man, last night was a blast. Wasn't anticipating Artificer showing up with a chocolate, gooseberry, and banana pie. What a weirdass combination of flavors. Who would even?

But you know what? It worked.

I don't know why Prophet was so insistent on karaoke when he has the voice of a tortured cat.

Did you know Shopkeeper is a woman!? I've known her for 500 years and never even realized! Not once!

I wouldn't describe that as 'knowing someone for 500 years'. Though it was pretty fun to watch her kick your ass at that old Wheels machine you guys dug out.

Hey, it was my first time playing... anything like that, honestly. And you know what? I didn't lose my temper and start throwing hands, so that makes me a better student than the fucking moon. I'm choosing to be proud of that.

Oh cool. I think this was Yoyo's cottage. That's probably her pear tree with what is clearly a person imprisoned within it, ala Shopkeeper's "magic pear tree that imprisons those who steal from it" tale.

Wonder what ever happened to her? Probably died, I'm guessing. The Three Sisters are a weird metaphysical thing that happened one time but they aren't, like, immortal deities or something. I'm pretty sure they can grow old and die.

That's definitely Pyro. But I can't glide from here. And there's nothing to latch my graplou onto. What is there to...

...

I just had the worst idea ever.

HAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT IT DOES WORK LIKE THAT

How is the surface of the lava not melting my tabi?

Oh, they produce a weak little energy field to resist the liquid underneath. I just thought they used buoyancy. I. Realize now. What a stupid assumption that was. These are tabi, not mizugumo.

Nobody wants to talk about how they ended up at the site of their greatest fears. I'm beginning to think it's a masochism thing. They're too embarrassed to admit that they did this on purpose but then got stuck.

What.

What the fuck happened here?

Guys. Guys. Were you seriously waiting for this stupid flower to grow until you died!?

Oh my goddess, you were seriously waiting for this stupid flower to grow until you died. I will be right back, but retroactively.

...actually, while we're at it....

Fuck yes. This is a perfect spot for growing Astral Leaves. In that we know, 500 years from now, absolutely nothing will have changed.

Gonna make some tea and learn... something about... sharper eyesight? I think? I dunno, the elder somehow manages to be impressively boring when he talks. He opens his mouth and awareness flees from my brain.

...

Never mind. You two don't even know what I'm talking about. Point is, I'm going to brew a tea that's so good, I won't have to get contact lenses. ANYWAYS. Now that that's taken care of, let's tend to your dumbness.

Yes, the one that's in the ground over there. I have it right here. Please do not mind the temporal paradox; In any system of physics in which time travel is possible, there is absolutely nothing wrong with an object existing at two parallel points in space but separated by a great length of time between. Paradoxes are overrated.

Happy to be of service.

...out of curiosity, could I get a taste of that stew? I'm super curious to know what's in it.

...you know what, now that I think about it, it's visibly boiling so maybe I'll hold off until it cools.

Oh goddess, I know exactly where this is going. Guys. Guys. Let's not do anything that we're going to reg--

IS MY PELVIS SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE SHRAPNEL!?

Yeah, I had a feeling they'd punched me into one of these. What is this, the crystallized essence of my ruptured spleen?

...so. Yes. That's a yes, is what I'm hearing.

The power thistle made them so strong that their sheer overwhelming might crystallized into the tapestry of reality itself.

Okay. You know what? That's fair. If I was a Gym Bro, I'd wait 500 years for an herb like that too.

#the messenger #drake plays the messenger

[rgbyshipper101]

Animaniacs Reboot Season 3 Episode 2 Review

Check comments for the rest of the review since tumblr can’t post the whole thing.

Variable verse: Folding paper craneys! -Wakko

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot

They’re walking funny to me. Mint, strawberry, and chocolate flavor ice cream? I can see that.

Why do they all look like Dot? It would make sense they all like her but it seems like Gigi took her look? Gigi Soda is based off of Jojo Siwa. She’s cute. Her song was ok. Love how scared/disgusted the brothers looked. Lol

They didn’t have to do Dot dirty like that.

It’s sweet how Yakko is defending his sister. Then it gets useless since she smacks his head out of frame. What the hell, Dot? He’s defending you!

Yakko did his “uuuuuhhhhh.” The HBO Max joke was great. Too bad it won’t happen (pretty sure that’s confirmed).

I really don’t like the idea of them breaking and entering to steal an award. Now if they bargain for it or do a competition it’s fine. But this isn’t right.

Again, Wakko wouldn’t necessarily do this. He may have trouble reading the room, but he understood the assignment. Dot wouldn’t beat up her brother, either. And the fact that the bruises stay on for several more scenes makes it worse. What’s with the Warner abuse this episode? It gets worse this season trust me.

-_-

Check out her schedule. She has two days for sleep! Aw, dinner with her grandmother. Is that having lunch and dinner like actually eating or is it a luncheon and dinner with people?

I do like this message. Work and no play makes Gigi a dull girl. Not necessarily dull, but taking a break is healthy and is needed to de-stress.

“What’s the point in a lifetime achievement award if you have no life?” - Wakko

Best quote.

Lots of negative things in the first half. Like Gigi getting disgusted with the bugs and Wakko and Dot not liking their games. The scene with Wakko eating dirt has the table and chairs from the theme song as the background. I like the detail of Yakko facepalming when he sees Gigi drawing data charts. Nice detail with Gigi being left-handed because Jojo is. I love how Yakko says “lunch.” It gets better when she opens up. Probably shows her progression and immersion in the song. Did…did Ralph just die? Damn Dot…ouch. Was Wakko gonna say Hooters? It’s an actual place but did they stop because it sounds inappropriate or for copyright?

The song would’ve been so much better if it was completed. I’m so disappointed. It was funny when Nora interrupted (if it was anything else I was gonna say the song was trash) but I would’ve liked for her to do it afterwards.

That is very scary. Deciding on what age she is. I get the joke on kids staying the same age in shows; but in real life…

Good on Gigi for standing up for herself.

Good on Dot for apologizing but I agree with Gigi. She shouldn’t have done that in the first place. Also, the internet made her insane. Sub, like, and follow. It just abruptly ends.

Half of the plot where Dot steals the award was bad. As I’ve said before, she should’ve bargained for it. This isn’t a good message for kids. Now it seems like Gigi didn’t learn anything from them. And that stinks since the second half of the plot was good! Don’t worry about being an influencer or a job especially when you’re a kid. Just enjoy life and have fun. If the Warners went about it differently and the ending was more heart to heart it would’ve been such a good episode.

Starbox and Cindy

I actually really liked this one. I can’t remember season 1 but I think I like this one the best. They’re adding more characters so it’s not stagnant. Good! The ending was funny when Cindy just grabs him. Also, “she died.” Lol Woah Starbox went through a crisis until she brought her back to life.

What I do like is that you’re supposed to focus on the slapstick. Reminds me of the classic Warner Bros. Very good. The animation was nice! I do like these shorts. There’s no attachment like how E,P&TB was so it’s easier to enjoy it. Cute, funny, very good.

Pinky and The Brain

I like the idea. Based off Harry and Megan I think. The song was nice. Like the UK English and American English differences throughout the short. The fries and crisps joke was funny.

Brain keeps selling himself out. Was this from the OG? I know Pinky did it. Brain could’ve asked to be king instead of selling himself out. Or they could’ve had Charles come in and take it. That would’ve been funny. The Royal flush at the end was great.

Warners - 6

S&C - 8

P&TB - 8

Avg - 7.3

I think my disappointment was radiating when I made the rankings. I consider 8 a solid. I didn’t like the resolution in Pinky and The Brain, but the stuff throughout the episode made it great.

#animaniacs #reboot #season 3 #review #analysis #episode 2 #discussion #a!spoilers #animaniacs spoilers

[delcakoo]

HEY SWEET DOUBLE DIP CHOCOLATE CHIP KOOKIE 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

DID YOU HEAR THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND DIED?! MY FRIEND CANT STOP RAVING OVER THE FACT THAT SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO OUTLIVE OUR WHOLE SCHOOL 💀💀💀💀💀 it was literally gym class when we found out. I’m gonna tell you how I found out but you don’t have to read if it’s uninteresting

OK so third day of school 😤 we were in gym class and today we were opening up our gym locks and lockers🔒 (I’ll never use those gym lockers…. Like ever) so we finished that pretty quickly. We had 20 minutes before gym period ended so my creepy ass gym teacher said “alright go ahead and talk to ur friends idc” and I have friends (SHOCKKING😯😯😯😯) so I went and sat down with them on the bleachers. My friends, Rona, Julia, Kayla, Mary, Mona, (fake names btw) and I were in a little huddle.

Then Rona’s other friend walked up to her and was holding her phone saying “THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND DIED 😨” and she showed her phone and it was HER FUCKING FAMILY GROUP CHAT 💀💀💀💀💀 (that’s funny asf to me I understand if you aren’t rolling on the floor laughing until your stomach hurts because I have elite (broken) humour”) SOME BITCHES NAMED DAD AND BARBARA AND NIKO IN THAT FAMILY GC 🙂 so RONA starts yelling “BARBARA STFU NO SHE’S NOT DEAD SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO OUTLIVE OUR WHOLE SCHOOL 😤😤😤😤😤😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😖😖😖😖” AT THE PHONE LMFOAKAOA (again I understand if it’s not funny) so then our whole huddle is like “wtf no huh” everyone’s yelling over eachother while some people are looking over their chrome books searching up if Lizzie died or not 💀 so she did die and Rona’s in disbelief

So after gym I have German and we’re walking through the Halls EVERYONES RAVING ABOUT LIZZIE 🙄🙄 so me and Mary are waking tgt to German and we walk in and start yelling “THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND IS DEAD.” and everyone’s like “wtf stfu” and we’re like NUH SHE DIED everyone starts googling it soon my German teacher hears and she’s like “SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO OUTLIVE USKWKSMSKS” but me and my friend Jena are screaming JAI HIND bc india can finally get their artifacts back 😤😤😤 GIVE US BACK MUMTAZ’S DIAMONDS BISH

So yh 😍 I hope you enjoyed my dry storytelling ily chicken koop

HI MY SCRUNGLY OMfg IM SCRMEIAGFMFBFOGJ BRO I FOUND OUT IN HISTORY IT WAS SO RANDOM AND UNEXPECTED I WAS LIKE 😦😦😦 MY ONLINE FRIEND IN ENGLAND IS LIKE GENUINELY SO DISTRESSED ABOUT IT 💀😭

HELP MFNKEHRJR RONA WAS GOING THROUGH IT FR ☠️☠️☠️ IDK WHY TYE NAME BARBARA MADE ME GIGGLE LMAOOA AND MY SCHOOL WAS ALSO TALKING ABOUT IT I HEARD SHE DIED LIKE IN HER SLEEP THO? SO IT WAS A PRETTY PEACEFUL DEATH AT LEAST 😭😭 ALSO YOUR GYM CLASS SOUNDS SO FUN U HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS IN THERE???

honestly an iconic way to find out, im so proud you have friends pookie 🥹🥹🥹 ILYT KUMIE HEGHE

#delcakoo #kuma <3 #rip queen 🙏

[feuqueerfire]

Bed Friend Live Blogging

agh, I should've started this earlier or later, not 2 days before the end of the month because now it's gonna spill over to next month >:( but I think I'm just in the mood for it, so fine

Ep 1 (Apr 29)

chaotic beginning before the intro

chaotic beginning after the intro too we found out about the cheating + Uea's abusive mother flashback oh goodness

persistent King oof but tbh he's so attractive I can't form any objective opinions about his character

why is the kissing/pre-NC scene so funnily edited lmao

I wonder if there was discourse about this being a drunken hookup + Uea surely wouldn't have slept with King if he was sober

okay-good first ep

Ep 2 (Apr 29)

ah both of them dazed at work thinking about the other smh

this mother is so

omg if somebody paid like that for me, I'd have to immediately go to the ATM and pay them back

plsssss King yelling through his car window

STD testing oh interesting + King trying to lessen Uea's nervousness and shame about it. I didn't know you just did a blood test for those

heh Uea's smile when King isn't looking

bro i don't get why you'd say you made a mistake at work for someone else but okay

pls not the dick patting over jeans I looked away cuz I didn't wanna see it but they said something so I had to rewind to read the sub but they didn't even sub that line lmao

almost expected some shirt sniffing ngl a la Bad Buddy and The Eclipse

Ep 3 (Apr 29)

why are the breathing and kissing noises So Much I keep going ew like tone it down a bit pls

but I do love body kissing though so thanks Uea for getting King to kiss up his leg

a monogamous friends-with-benefits relationship lol

them bargaining how many times to have sex a week so funny

i hate the editing for these NC scenes ngl like the show in general has meh to bad editing but it's so :/ during these scenes

pls King always trying for touchy moments with Uea. also that moment when Kind's tryna feed chocolate via mouth and he grabs Uea's arm when he tries to push away? Yeah it's attractive

agh Uea really has so many alone moments in the bathroom that feel uncomfortable

Uea secretly staring at King smoking on the balcony ah

agh why do I love King wrapping his legs around Uea to get to dry Uea's hair and Uea kinda resisting only for 1 second before going still

oh no D: poor Uea

I'm gonna throw up why are they showing this scene with the uncle with the kid and everything I hate it so bad I don't wanna see a child be sexually harassed

dumbass King why would you not only get jealous over Uea helping some kid get dust out of his eye cuz the kid thinks P'Uea's cute but also actually drag Uea away because of it?

oh yeah the gifs of King laying over Uea's body is brain melting and the breathing? I'll actually let it pass this time. This scene is so much esp with King being like "Can I be a good thing in your life?"

pls horror music when King pins Uea's hand down T.T

wtf is this is ex-bf agh I knew this happened from spoilers but agh

at least Jade brought security, good job

why did they make these random female coworkers sooooo cringy and supposed to be funny but not

wtf man ex-bf Pock come back again and this time with thoughts of sexual assault agh

I'm actually still stuck on the stepfather being a creep weirdo freak and I hate that they showed it, I hate that a child had to film it (even if it's not as intense or involved as what adult Uea is going through with Pock)

Ep 4 (Apr 29)

Had a confusing and stressful day, so here's a fun episode time

ah fuck, not very fun, we're starting with attempted sexual assault

why would you ask for sex with somebody who you just had to help stop being attacked like be serious. I think I have a hard time going from The Horrors and trauma and Uea being attacked and attempted sexual assault to like yay fun sexy times

I'm a sucker for King bruising Uea and applying whatever medicine on it because Uea said he doesn't want marks though, that's good brain melty

does Uea live with King or no? since Jade came for his birthday

(Linguistics) Uea using kha with his nong sao

this fucking stepfather dieeeeee

ew ew ew ew ew not this flashback I'm gonna kill this man ew ew ew fast forwarding i can't

oh Uea has a knife good good I wish he'd kill him

this mother kill her too I'm gonna die die die

agh agh agh agh I can't fucking do this

I wish Uea would just take his sister out to lunch or something :< away from this house because I can't imagine she's living a good life here either and he can spend time with her

this sad ass "happy birthday to you" montage

I love peck kisses T.T Uea being hard on King but doesn't move away when King moves his hand up his thigh and even pursues his lips during the little peck the first time so cute

how do I feel about King dragging Uea away from a guy

lol ofc they'll fall on each other

but it's beautiful silhouettes, reminds me of Blueming ah I miss that show

Ep 5 (Apr 29)

"I was a good boy last night. can i get a reward?" "it's supposed to be like that; not taking advantage of me" so true Uea. bare minimum not committing sexual assault isn't something to be praised, it's an expectation

lmfao overreactions during very minor finger injury gets me every time like whyyy are you acting like it's the end of the world lol parents don't even act like this toward toddlers who hurt themselves more

agh "I have too much money. I wanna spend" I need someone like this when I go out to eat

ahhhh Uea's voice turning slightly watery when King said his mother arranged a match for him and trying to change the subject

damn not them slightly touching on whether Uea likes rough sex? or what was that convo?

nepotism and this time the hire isn't just a useless nepo man but rather a creepy nepo man? bc what is this type of interaction he's having with Uea

King too jealous my guy agh don't be mean to Uea >:(

okay that turned into a more lighthearted smiley discussion ig

liar liar pants on fire Uea saying he doesn't have a crush

this King and Krit dick-measuring contest and fighting over Uea, leave the guy alone c'mon

so true Uea just shut down King's questioning about liking Krit

King so annoying why does he wanna show off at the office so much T.T and this stupid pretend phone convo at the office

lol barking in front of the office is in Jade's fate I suppose

sometimes I can't tell how conversations or scenes are flowing, I won't lie. Is that the fault of editing or scriptwriting or both? oh well

Ep 6 (May 1)

this is the cat episode? anyway i'm watching this from my home but during worktime...

Did one of them say "mai" and one say "shai" about whether King and Uea are dating in secret?

lol the way Uea's sucking at King's hand?

ahhhhh cat Uea hi~~~~~ pretty~~~~

Uea giving King a forehead kiss

lakjdsflk;ajdfs Uea asking King if he wants to his slave okayyy dom kitty

(Linguistics) okayyy King leveraging his few extra months of age to be like can you call yourself Uea and me P'King I'm dead

omg Uea sideways stepping on King's chest okay fun

too much licking going on though, I'm not really into that but I'll forgive since I'm getting so much other fun stuff

oh Uea really is with the foot along King's body

so true I literally would not know how to act the next day but they're so cute and smiley

noooooooooo Uea smiling and excited about this vacation but King has to go on an arranged match agh

also usually Uea's straight-faced with King but goes :] when walking away but this time he had to be :) while speaking with King and then :( when walking away

I'm soooo tired of Krit agh

:< Uea pushing King away

Uea resignation letter?

aghh saw one second of preview and already have the creeps

Ep 7 (May 1)

I'm so tired even though technically I did nothing hard at work

aw Uea regrets being harsh toward King but doesn't know how to proceed

also am I in the wrong episode? Where's the resignation stuff?

naurrr King and Uea making eye contact but King walking away first and Uea's little :< face as he stands there

ahhh King napping beside Uea as he works overtime T.T but Krit saw the evil fucker

King going to arranged date with same person again

Krit locking the door for what reason I'm gonna kill him fr fr fr fr fr

I hate this so much I'm skipping through fuck this

I knew there was apparently some part where King makes really accusatory comments toward Uea and I was really hoping it wouldn't be about Uea being assaulted but alas... I have to fucking watch this. Uea gets fucking assaulted by his boss and narrowly escapes and gets these words from King? kill them all fr

I hope Uea does resign

what the fuckkkkkkkk Krit came to Uea's mom's place???? wtf fr fr

I wonder how the nong feels about this? like is her dad weird to her too? does she believe Uea was molested by him?

who are those people outside the gates

fuck every single person fr

except Jade

Uea apologized first? agh kick King

Some comments on the reddit on-air thread helped with understanding King's actions more. that "he feels like he was a moron for sitting next to Uea all night during all the days he worked OT, when maybe Uea was actually over King and wanted him out of the way." and "King is the son of a rich family and is used to speaking up (because as a second-gen rich kid he can speak his mind freely most of the time)." and "I think there’s an income/wealth gap between him and Uea even if they work at the same place. He doesn’t understand why Uea is compelled to somehow be neutral/nice to Krit as an employee. Or what the consequences/what’s on the line for Uea if he becomes aggressive/forceful w rejection as King wants." doesn't mean I don't wanna strangle him a bit but yknow

Ep 8 (May 1)

Probably should do some chores (ah preparing for going to work tomorrow is so agh) but I'm going straight into this next episode instead rip

aww Uea came to his auntie T.T okay at least she loves him T.T I wish I knew whether she was his maternal or paternal aunt I think ป้า (bpâa) is for both side's older sister

oh i see the maternal side

cute. they're "seeing each other"

I feel like they should've gotten Uea's permission to share that clip with everyone

but at least they got Krit outta the company. wish he was brutally murdered though tbh

I like Uea being like "I'm sitting here because I'm beautiful" and then giving his hand to King like ah cute

this much tension and denial, they're gonna straight up ascend to another dimension the next time they have sex

oh kill the stepdad kill him kill him agh he's a serial sexual assaulter

Ep 9 (May 1)

Did my chores for tomorrow morning, so time to reward myself with another episode I suppose

so we don't know who called the cops on Uea's stepdad?

ah this bathroom stall scene I love whining the way King is + I love pecks

mm I love siblings :>

Tonkao looks a bit like Blackpink Lisa

It's cute so far with Uea turning down Boom by saying he has a faen and King overhearing but from the ep 8 on-air, the preview for this ep was probably much more dramatic? so i wonder if we'll get more drama rip

ah Uea saying twisty words to say they're boyfriends

how the heck did we go from becoming boyfriends to introductions with King's parents wtf

damn, Uea thinking a bit much about the mother saying what if it goes bad

okay Uea with the umbrella

ah fuck Uea's gonna pick up King's phone agh

oh that wasn't bad. she panicked but told Uea to take care of King, so is Uea gonna be the one who overthinks instead of being threatened by Kin's mother or smth

oh nvm she shoos away Uea to say she'll take care of King

spoiled whiny King with his mother lol

agh mother supporting King okay

bro I can never tell if the mother's supposed to come in and threaten Uea or not like why did they have such ominous music and her squaring her shoulders just to go be nice to Uea lol

Ep 10 (May 2)

Had my first day at work and I feel so squished and tired, time to watch this

King feeding Uea from his glass yeah

I forgot to watch the hottub scene kinda because I was just playing Solitaire and realized later that I didn't watch it

aksldfj King dying and squeezing things and curling up into a ball at getting a sniff cheek kss from Uea so cute

Jade's like written to appear endearing and sometimes he is (like when he was cute in the blanket and supporting Uea) but often he's just annoying?

lol who buys an engagement ring just like that

dumb proposal like did they even talk about getting married first before a proposal after 1 year of dating? and to do it at workplace... be serious

bruhhh everyone's here what if Uea said no lmfao

not like they got actually married, it's a proposal what's happening

oh yeah here comes Tutor's character. people were annoyed that he wasn't here for the whole show the way he was supposed to be in the novel

I waana know the song that's appeared in a few eps but in this ep at 17:40

Overall:

It was good and cute but still somewhat nonsensical and I don't know how to feel about the mountains of trauma. Beautiful Net and James, the acting's not bad, the editing is bad though. They were cute, which is the most important thing I guess.

I was tired when watching eps 6-10 so like I don't have too many thoughts honestly. Just focused on watching and having fun.

Rating: 6.5/10

Tiktok

[Ep 9] King briefly acts like a cat

#bed friend #ep by ep commentary

[theinsanecrayonbox]

KP watches the live action Monster High Movie

watching the MH movie with review watching thoughts. we started this somewhere around 10 am...ended around 1:30 pm. oh goodie, this is a LONG post

right off the bat that’s not Deena, that’s my Leena. sorry i don’t make the rules. 

but also, how was it comfortable for her ears to be in that helmet? and how has she lived with those for 15 years and no one noticed? was she just homeschooled? and she’s now the tofu eater?? and aren’t almonds dangerous for canine? (i know she’s a people too, but werewolves aren’t supposed to have chocolate (sometimes) due to their canine side so...) and her mom also had constant ears too?? but what? i thought, from the preview texts, that she had JUST started to become a wolf, as in she looked human up until recently? how did her mom hide out in the human world? where even IS her mom? (you’re only a min and  half in KP geeze) that family portrait implies she stuck around longer than Aquaman’s mom did so she didn’t at least drop baby Deena off and ran i guess...but yeah mom and kid had ears and that was a JCP portrait; didn’t the photographer think that was strange?? i just...i’m only a min and  half in and i am having far too many questions, i can’t let this spiral like the netflix death note watch review did, i just...i just can’t...

ok so Deena got a hogwarts letter...i guess she applied online? heh “dark web’ sure i’ll give that for a pun. but her dad knows all about monster stuff? ok...but people at the park don’t? i...what is world consistence?!?!?!? i mean, MH always has that problem about how closely linked the human and monster realms are, how much bleeding into one another there is. but i...no, no, just move past it, we need to get hairy pawter to magic school for the plot. but also, half-monsters are a regular thing????? no, no, moving forward...

i know people pointed out the license plate saying “bark” but i wonder, was 9/25 the original release of MH something or other? also...what state is that plate from??? the closest i know is the DC plate, but it’s not exactly right and the mountainous landscape doesn’t match places around there...is it just a made up plate design?

lol yes walk through the spooky skeleton mouth portal. but dad is kinda far too chill with this...kids’ movie though, so that’s to be expected.

oh musical number 5 minutes in...yeah we are a kids movie. but hey the school’s render, though not super top tier (tv budget) does look good. but yikes that poor backgrounder in the neon yellow body suit who’s face paint does not match. that’s rough buddy.

oh hey Ula. just...dropped in with no introduction. and Abbey is...yeah not  gonna touch that yet. but Frankie, also just dropped in. this really relies on you being familiar with the MH lore and setup going into this, doesn’t it? heh mummies in combat boots. but cleo....is not over the top enough...and being besties with piranha Lagoona is still weird to me...i can *kinda* forgive the “i broke up with Deuce over the summer” plot point because that does open us up to new story lines for them (as in them getting back together, not just them dating other people). and Lagoona’s CGI still looks very cheap ^^; but honestly why isn’t she pink like her doll? everyone else gets colored (though now thinking about it Deuce isn’t really green is her...) the fact you have folks with human skintones really doesn’t help your “no humans allowed” sentiment when a class photo looks like half the student bodies are human passing.

wait Heath is bit more bro-mode and less weenie, but kinda right in the hitting on everything that moves (that was Abbey right?). and no Deuce is green, so yeah why isn’t Lagoona pink?

oh hey Ghoulia

ah Mr OC teacher is the newbie student teacher. that’s nice.

and we are starting with teh anti-witchcraft. but ohho, Dracula calls it a “human practice” so my thought that it’s frowned upon BECAUSE it’s humans pretending to be monsters kinda dealio was right. ok, cool, i’m good with that. i also can’t help but wonder if giving that to Drac to complain about has anything to do with his past employment of romani...but we won’t go there since again, kids’ property, it ain’t really gonna go there.

is that Spectra Deena says hi to in the dorm hallway?? also, hey the dorms! we get to see them for once! i have always liked the idea of the school dorms for those monster kids who have to travel too far from home. i mean, i guess now everyone lives there without question, so that’s cool too. but yay dorms.

wait, Ghoulia speaks normally? uh...ok...well, the trend of taking away the neat unique character bits is a thing for G3. but she her line “that always gets the freshmen” (why not freshmeat boo) implies she’s at least a sophomore? that’s kinda cool, it’s nice to have some grade divisions. and i guess Deuce is too since it seemed this was at least his second year at school.

Frankie is kinda awkward but sweet. although, they’re made from famous people parts huh? not just...general parts...or possibly the Skull Shores lady...made from specific famous people parts...like Herman in the new Munsters movie...and Ula is a witch vampire just like Lilly...uh...moving on.

that window looked like it was just glued onto the wall

ok wow, Ula’s personality feels like a complete 180. she’s not into community? she was president of the vegan vampire club and always doing community outreach before. she was into sharing and group activities. i know she’ll grow out of this through her arc i’m sure, but just wow. she’s got more Cleo attitude than Ula.

oh, ok, i take back a little positive points from the castle, it looks not as good in daylight. but also, why is there daylight in a monster realm? eternal night would seem better for most species wouldn’t it?

ok if Frankie’s parts came from folks that didn’t have schools, how can the parts be viable enough to be useable for them in the modern times? did their parents have super juice that rehydrated them or something? (you’re only 15 min into this 90 min movie, you’re never gonna make it KP)

ok if you have on campus dorms, why would you require lockers? that's more me just asking not critiquing the movie’s choices, because logically that just doesn’t make sense to me. lockers are to store your personal and extra school stuff...but you have a dorm room for that here. maybe to cut back cross-campus traffic i guess? just seems redundant to me.

ok wait, Deuce broke up with Cleo, not the other way around? ok...i’ll take back a few of those “i’m *kinda* alright with it” points because it could still be because of Cleo’s family stuff that caused it...

calling Frankie a “walking jigsaw puzzle” could work as an insult...if they looked more mismatched. but they look pretty uniform, just you know, greenish blue. their outfit even coordinates enough. also Deena that was a tiger roar; you are not Tora. and Abbey and Heath are chatting behind Deuce...those two are still going to be a thing aren’t they...

hey Deena is taller than Frankie here. that doesn’t line up. also, was Deena’s surname Wolf before? was her dad named Mr Wolf? is that how her parents met, cause her mom thought she was meeting another werewolf but turned out to be a funny human dude that she ended up falling for? does the monster and human tinders crossover like that if you don’t hit the right setting? or was it a “my gym partner is a monkey” situation and it stuck dad on the monster’s side? i have no basis for any of this, i guess i’m starting to wonder a bit...only 18 min in, that’s not good

heh Bloodgood’s office is in the clocktower. that’s kinda cool...but would be annoying to get to? all those stairs i’m sure. but wait, joan of Arc gave her the coffee mug? ok, ignoring the “i hate mondays” gag would not have been a thing back then, wasn’t she, oh idk, HUMAN???? WHY would you brag about knowing a human (even in the past) well enough to get gifts when your whole culture is AGAINST humans??? she was burned as a witch; was she really one in this setting? but she still would’ve been human then maybe. i know it’s a stupid gag, but you aren’t even following your own lore rules??

ok lore drop. so...the school was founded when the monsters broke free from human oppression. so...they built this pocket for the school so their kids could grow up safely. ok, i can get behind that. does that mean that adults live out in the human world? is this like BeaStars where the kids are separated until adulthood? also...Bloodgood knows momma Wolf; does she know she ran off with a human dude? if not, where does she think Deena came from? ok she makes a joke about him being human...but does she know? is Bloodgood really pro-human and reunification/integration and that’s why she’s making Deena important? also, why is her mom such a big deal; if she wasn’t just a generic werewolf someone should’ve noticed she went missing when she ran off with dad. also, also, Pierre could totally be a monster name, he’s just french-canadian guys (which oh look, i’ll count a half point on my OC checklist since my Leena *is* canadian-american). oh but now Bloodgood is saying humans bad, and hah did make the french joke...but why would a french wolf be rare? again, canadian solves that easily, lots of space for wolves to be free.

LOL Ula making toilet hooch potion. ok, that’s funny, score a point for you movie. but on the other hand...you should’ve locked that door and that’s a public bathroom, you really should’ve been doing that in your dorm’s (or your dorm floor’s) Ula. i get it, you grew up in a castle with a zillion bathrooms no one used, but still girl, plan your secret spell casting better.

ok so Deena turning human is the new change, not that she became a wolf. ok, i’ll give you a point for switching it up...but again that begs the question on how did she stay hidden for so long, especially when they weren’t really hiding -.-

wait so Mr OC Teacher doesn’t have teaching degree? he just quit an accounting job and decided to teach high school? no wonder he sucks

ok school, if you are sentient, and you *know* Deena is human, why not just lock her out of everything? why be cryptic? unless...you don’t mean Deena and you mean Mr OC. GASP! you do mean him don’t  you! because he’s teaching without a license and encouraging the segregation! Deena is a misdirect! also, MR OC is only in this movie as far as i know, so him being kicked out at the end would clean that up nicely... i cracked the code. now to see if i’m right

oh wow, bright daylight on the castle...yikes...

and more Abbey and Heath...meh. also why woudl you want to eat that foot after playing with it, won’t it be gross? also also, was that a HUMAN foot??? so you hate humans, keep segregated from them, but you’ll still use them a food source? what?

Frankie...why do you have innate monster physiology knowledge? all the smart brains you claimed to have were human related. also, why is everyone ok with you being made of human parts if humans bad? GAH! the inconsistence of what parts of humanity are bad is annoying and we are going to be her all day with me pointing them all out. (spoiler: i’m still going to be pointing them out)

oh goodie the “i hate humans” musical number is about to start. 24-25 min in, so i guess the musical numbers are spaced out well enough, so point there.

ok lore dump; 1071 the school was started, and yes it was to gives the kids a safe space, and again human are bad. but we learn about Jekyll/Hyde...so Jackson does not exist...and hey was that mom Wolf? was her name Selena? and she was in school with Eddy and...Drac?? ok...is Ula’s dad not Vlad then? is he like Dracula the 3rd or something? i could buy Eddy and Mom being in school together sure, but if Ula’s dad is the original Dracula that doesn’t line up at all. also, also, that photo must’ve been taken with a digital camera because vampires don’t photograph due to the silver used in film/developing. so again, that would line up kinda with Mom’s age...but why would Eddy’s attempting to be monster/human be that recent? the school was founded in 1071, there were no halfbreeds from then to the 90s? or were halfbreeds allowed up until Eddy??? because Eddy isn’t really a halfbreed, at least not like Deena here is. he wasn’t integrated, and if he worked like Jackson, was unaware of the two consciousnesses. so yeah, he would be a danger to exposing them. while Deena is a halfbreed, despite her puberty hiccups, is integrated. also Eddy did not look like a teenager...BUT again, he was a liability, so kicking him out could still expose the lot of you you know. i get an angry mob killed him apparently (and labeled a “mutant’ so...could he be Mikey’s foster dad then??? O.o) but if he’d stayed human mode he could’ve blended in and plotted revenger, just saying...

wait does Heath have a mullet?? oh wait that’s his hood, ok it looked like his hair ^^; zomr there’s a backgrounder who’s lime green with fizzy dark roots to blonde hair, and i just laughed cause that’d be Betty-Sue easily XD

oh no Cleo don’t try to seduce your teacher! i know you’re thousands of years older than him, but he’s your teacher!!

oh so the lab they find later is Eddy’s not Sparky’s or Hexikiah’s. but he was making a potion to get rid of his human side? so...the opposite of the original story...that’s cool. but also (i say also A LOT don’t i?) does that mean he might be a descendant of the original Jekyll/Hyde then like Jackson? so he was born this way, but the serum kicked in when he hit puberty and that’s when he discovered his human switch (again, like Jackson but reversed since he grew up thinking he was human (the later retcon not withstanding) ). he’d still not be a halfbreed mind you (unless one of his parents was human and that’s why the dormant serum effects were active in him)

i applaud the actors all talking super clearly with fake fangs on. good job kids, you’re doing wonderfully.

her claws are naturally purple? the  air being naturally purple i guess...and wouldn’t  it hurt more to change out ears? eh, at least Frankie is taking the situation well. but you have WWII brains??? i’m pretty sure that guy was human too here my dude. (though i am once again curious how WWII influenced the monster world and how they interacted with that and other historical events). but realistically, you need a sypher key of some sort to decode things, as far as i can tell Frankie is just making up what that book says without any evidence to back it up (then again, i want “realistic” in this? ha! i’m dumb). however...it was vague enough to suggest that maybe he wasn’t purging his human persona, but was looking to integrate...or he discovered his missing piece was his human heritage...

wait Deena can video chat with dad through dimensional layers? so...my jokes about monster tinder might be right? you’d think the monsters woudl have their own cell service and internet that wouldn’t be able to interact with the human ones...but did she have an iCoffin before coming to school? is that why it works? did they jailbreak it?

ok Deuce usually helps at these yearly dinners...has heard it a bunch...so is he a junior? or does this school also house the Middle School? (i’ll take a point for that) i know species age at different rates, but the school year shouldn’t be repeated over and over until you reach the developmental milestone; you’ll have the knowledge, just go to the next grade. or is this not a yearly event, but a bi-yearly one? he’s still not a freshmen. i guess you could get away with him being held back a year, since they keep suggesting he was a trouble maker (though we have no evidence to support that) so he could be a sophomore, and repeated freshman year once. the other option is his mom’s on the alumni committee so he’s attended the event as a guest before i guess

haha “nocturnal feeders please report to the cafeteria”, thank you for acknowledging the  night class

Phil Hermiton? Frankie’s “uncle”? ok, so if he’s in a monster graveyard, then he probably was a monster...so not all their parts were human, i’ll give you that one. but...why? he died at age 30 in ‘04. ok some monsters are shorter life spanned but...he died 18 years prior, his parts wouldn’t be viable for usage. did Frankie’s parents just collect parts when they became freshly available and invented suspended animation to keep then viable for decades?

aww sweet moment of Deena and Frankie connecting.

and Ghoulia lives in the graveyard. i mean...i guess that makes sense. you could use that as an undead dorm, but housing them in a crypt would be better.

oh NOW you’ve learned toilet potions are bad lol. and again, citing witchcraft is a human thing. and another musical number at the halfway point, about being yourself and having friends who don’t judge your weirdness. yeah, sure. 

i need lunch. this 90 min movie has been going on for 2 hours...and we’re only halfway through...ok 30 min later we are back to the movie

hey wait, is it really wise to be loudly singing about spellwork and stuff there when you know Ghoulia’s bed is like 10 feet to the left? but ooo mysterious shadow, dundundun

wait another musical number? oh no just the radio. and the coffin bean is on-campus? i knew mayo was an evil magic! but oh the lore breaky coffee cup is plot important. 

purple haired backgrounder named Scary??? huh...

waitwaitwait confirmation that humans who die become ghosts, because of that Queen Elizabeth I joke????

oh good, the movie had a decapitation for all of 5 seconds

no don’t talk about magic plans, i wanna hear about the dragon lore girls! historical lore for world building!! and dragons!!!! wait...Mr OC has a two toned outfit...half and half...is he gonna be a Hyde? is  that why he’s a nerd and doesn’t look a thing like a minotaur? cause that’d be dumb...

oh it’s mirror zoom call time with the Darculs. so yeah, Drac is now Ram and Ula is Cleo. and vamps vs witches for centuries??? 

monster biology? not biteology? boo

wait Gorgons are ostracized in the monster community? is it because of their human ancestry? the whole “snake hair and turn to stone” can’t be it, other monster species have more deadly powers than those. and Deuce is the first in his family to go to the school? (doesn’t ruin Seth, that’s fine there) so his mom is not an alumni...so he is older than 15 and possibly was held back.

oh it’s another musical number for real this time, 58 min in. again, his glasses aren’t tinted dark enough; i’d give you they could be the proper prescription to reflect/block the goron gaze, but the “they think i’m sleeping” line does not work. maybe he used to have darker glasses in his “a few years i was on a dark path” phase, but it’s not now. but good on Deuce for not getting mad at Deena for saying “i just waned your snake venom”...though he sorta should have...

see Ghoulia is right there and listening to you guys, she knows all your witchcraft and halfbreed secrets. you guys are just lucky she’s cool and not a narc

ok Cleo just admitted she was once mortal, aka human. WHY is she cool to be here??? you guys hate humans. is it because she’s been undead for X-amount of time? it can’t be because she was affected by/used magic since witchcraft is also bad and hated.

“you should be ashamed for not living up to the standards expected of you” well Bloodgood, that’s your fault for assuming these children should be untouchable paragons of monster purity or whatever; you teach high school, you should know better, kids are dumb idiots who do stupid things, whether they are monsters or not

and Cleo’s going to become good because Deena saved her unlife. well...the power of friendship was good, but this is a good way to start that off i guess. the school throwing a tantrum though; why would it “tear itself apart" because of an internal threat? shouldn’t it be trying to purge itself of that threat? or is it more like it’ll rip apart the pocket space they’re in, and phase the school back into the human realm?

oh musical reprise time, 1:05 into it, ok. but surprised she could run away so easily, since you know just caught galivanting past curfew, no one was watching the dorm? and Ula can travel to the human world too??? Frankie too? so anyone can travel that portal? did the other kids all travel by portal/s?

OH! she needed a HUMAN hand to open the door. ok, i did not notice/think of that, so kudos. but why did you invoke the name of your principal as a declaration of shock?

uhoh you left the crypt open, rookie mistake ghouls.

lol Frankie wanting to make a bomb.

oh look it’s Mr OC...and *sarcastic gasp* no way you’re telling me minotaurs are HALF HUMAN. the guy who looked the most human in eth whole school was HUMAN. who would’ve thunk it! i am in complete and utter shock. and he’s not Eddy but Eddy’s son with a minotaur lady? so...he’s a quarter human? whatever, he’s the bad guy and the unclean spirit, hurray i win. but...if he’s Eddy’s son, and Eddy and Wolf Mom were in school together why is he older? did Eddy knockup his prom date or something? but he did say “mother’s maiden name” implying she and Eddy were married? or she married someone...why do i care, he’s the bad guy now, can we just roll with that. so wait, he couldn’t open the door because he didn’t get the human switch (ignoring his hands look human anyways) so...he’s not half human then, because he only got the Hyde not the Jekyll. he makes no sense. G3 Jackson you are not good sir (thank ra). and yeah, is that’s closer to what pure minotaurs look like (and we go know how Manny looks too mind  you) how did no one think he wasn’t a pureblood to begin with???? yeah sure, go threaten to destroy the place as an act of revenge for your dad, that’s fine. i’m still confused by your biology and the world’s politicking here my dude.

ok, so an uber monster that can steal others’ powers...that’s actually a great idea for a villain.

oh hai Lagoona, sorta forgot you were a character here

oh that’s Abbey being a server at the diner...i thought that was a white werecat. kinda wondering who all the alumni donners are though...we got a Nosferatu and a Minotaur (again, we see him there, HOW did you think Mr OC was a pureblood???) but what are the ladies? is the white haired one a ghost lady?

so powerless Ula can still magic, because witchcraft taps into magic and is not innate. good good.

why is Ghoulia rushing in to help out? i get Heath and Abbey having followed Deuce, but she was dirt napping to the left and didn’t bother to jump in to help until now?

it’s funny how human!Deena looks more like Deena than G3 Deena does

and really, we defat the bad guy THAT easily? uhg, kids’ movie

ok so Deena thinks she’s getting kicked out. but again, letting her run out in the human wilds AS A WOLF would just reveal yourselves. you should lock her up...but again, she’s not getting kicked out, she gets to stay cause everyone decided that centuries of segregation might’ve been a bad idea. uhhu, sure. but i guess confirmation that momma Wolf is dead since the “she would’ve been so proud” line kinda suggests that?

dad, cubs aren’t wolves...but wait he’s Apollo? he’s the sun? and momma the moon?? i...that’s cheesey. lets just roll into the closing musical number as everyone’s arcs are quickly wrapped up. Deena gets to stay, Ula gets to study magic with Drac’s approval, Frankie gets to have friends, and Deuce gets to be a politician.

oh and sequel baiting with some witch thinking Ula can destroy all vampires? meh, sure i guess.

so...wow it took me 3 hours to watch a 90 minute movie. but unlike the netflix death note, it wasn’t from rage i just...i like lore, i’m fairly familiar with the G1 lore, and this couldn’t hold it’s own consistency you know? it’s far from a **bad** adaptation. i honestly like it far better than WtMH as a restart of the property. but it...idk. it was far less Descendants than i thought it’d be, so that’s also good. apparently the series is not directly tied to this, this is semi-stand alone as far as i’m aware? idk. it was good to watch it, but probably not something i’ll watch again on my own.

#kp watches tv #kp watches stuff #monster high #review

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

My cousin is supposed to be staying with us this weekend

She was supposed to be here earlier (she wouldve gotten here yesterday night if she hadn't stopped to get a hotel)

Shes being super dodgy about where she is and how long she's gonna be

She only gave us like 3 days notice that she was gonna be coming up here

Shes been texting my mom this whole time but now my parents have gone to bed cuz my dad is Routine Oriented™️ and Must be in bed by 9pm (preferably by 8 but he stretched it to almost 9 today just in case she showed up)

I am no longer in People Mode

So im just sitting here hoping she hasnt been like murdered or some shit but also hoping that if she's ok she goes to grandmas house to sleep on her couch instead cuz I dont wanna deal with getting her settled in this late

This is ME Time

I want to CHILL

I havent been able to chill all day

I couldnt fall asleep last night cuz of Anticipation but also my allergies were really bad so I couldn't breathe out of my nose so i didn't fall asleep til after 5am

I woke up at like 10am and had to clean the bathtub because we're having company (supposedly) and thats one of my TWO cleaning jobs (not counting keeping my room clean) and I was really proud of myself cuz I managed to get out of bed as soon as I woke up and got the tub cleaned

Then my dads cousin was over and chewby hates him so I was having to babysit a grumbly pitbull and try to keep her calm since my dad doesn't WARN me when Brad is gonna be here so I can't actually work with her on being chill around him

Then when me and my mom got back from the store dipshit was over here hanging out with my dad even tho my dad helped his wife leave him????? Like bro why do you think we want you here???

Then I took althea to get food for the week and lawrence is fucking stupid when it comes to planning roadwork. 6th street is a fucking mess. Getting to just food was fine cuz 7th street is alright until Kentucky street. But on the way back I took 9th street like I did last week to get back to Michigan street but Michigan street was CLOSED between 9th and 7th so then I had to turn around and go back to Maine street to get back to 7th street to get back to Michigan street. And there was so much fucking traffic cuz its the middle of the semester and yeah its spring break but its also the Friday at the end of spring break so people are starting to come back so there's like twice as many people as there would be if it was summer break.

Then I got home and dipshit was still here AND STAYED HERE FOR HOURS til my dad and Mike bribed the neighbors kid with weed (shes 18 and we're friends with her mom) to take him and his dog to a hotel cuz his (hopefully soon to be ex) wife is selling the house and kicked his ass out so he's effectively homeless now (he fucked around and found out. He's got a bus to somewhere next Wednesday. Hopefully not to where his wife is. Bobbi says she is living her best life now that she's back home with her parents and all her friends)

Like I have had a fucking day dealing with people and I do not have the patience to deal with getting my cousin settled at almost midnight. I am fried. I want to sit in my dark room with a bowl of yogurt with chocolate granola and raspberries and snuggle with my cat and watch horror game playthroughs on youtube until im ready to go to bed

[kawaiitragedygoatee]

Soft Bf x Fem Reader (Pt. 6)

Despite being battered and bruised, Pico, Bf, and (Y/N) find solace in one anther's company. While healing, a treacherous month flies by, which they spend tending to wounds.

 Soon the three feel well and brave enough to face the streets once again. Signs of the holiday season littler the scene, with snowflakes dancing in the air, golden bells ringing, and children laughing.

A crowed of strangers whisper to one anther in excitement, waiting beside a sign that reads: 'Annual Holiday Fairest and (L/N) Meet and Greet!' The three enjoy the winter season with smiles, distracted by one anther's company.

Pico: "I can't believe you both are actually making me wear this..."

(Y/N)/Ben: "What? You look adorable!"

Pico: "I know... Thats the problem."

(Y/N): "Come on Toughie, this is out first time out and about in a month. At least-"

Pico: "Uh softie? You okay?"

(Bf is staring at your 'twin sisters' if you know what I mean *wink, wink* 😜)

(Y/N): "...Babe lasted I checked my eyes are up here."

Ben: "! Sorry sweetie. It's just so your so damn beautiful I can't take my eyes of you-"

???: "THERE THEY ARE!"

Pico/(Y/N): "?!"

Ben: "...Funk"

Pico: "A crowd?"

Ben: "...Oh no..."

(Y/N): "What day is it?"

Pico: "The 17th...Why?"

Marilyn: "OUR SON!"

(F/N): "MY LITTLE GIRL!"

(Y/N)/Ben: "That's why..."

Frank: "Just in time for the holidays!"

(M/N): "We were beginning to fear the worst..."

(Y/N)/Ben: "..."

Frank: "How about we celebrate, s p o r t?"

(M/N): "Wonderful idea Frank. Don't you agree ( N / N )?"

(Y/N)/Ben: "..."

Marilyn: "Aaaaaand finally get you two back home!"

((M/N) and (F/N) and standing beside Frank and Marilyn)

(After Eggnog)

Marilyn: "YOU LITTLE SHITS!"

Pico/(Y/N)/Ben: "!"

Frank: "You know...If you both just did as you were told. Neither of you wouldn't need to wear long sleeve shirts all the time. You'd have nothing to hide."

(M/N): "You BOTH be a good children and listen to your parents this instant!"

Ben: "DON'T CALL US YOUR CHILDREN!"

Frank/Marilyn/(F/N)/(M/N): "!"

(Y/N): "Ben?"

Ben: "You tried to make us mindless slaves! Just like gf's parents did to her!"

Marilyn: "SHUT IT-"

Ben: "NO! Parents are supposed to protect and care about their children. You took away my dreams... My happiness.... My trust in others... My childhood. For so long I thought that was what love was. But in reality...You were never my parents...And never will be!"

(Y/N): ❤

Ben: "Pico Hit it!"

Pico: "You got it bro!"

(After Hope)

(Insert your head on the tree)

Ben: "?! (Y/N)?!"

(Insert Chrismass Monster)

???: "..."

Ben: "YOU!"

???: "..."

Ben: "SAY SOMETHING FOR ONCE DAMMIT!"

???: "..."

Ben: "You know. I never really understood what you were...But I know very well who you are. Well... who you're supposed to be."

???: "..."

Ben: "Anyways. Things are different now. You don't scare me anymore. THEY don't scare me anymore!

???: "?"

Ben: "I'm done letting you or anyone take control my life! This ends now!"

(After Genesis)

Ben: "...?...!"

(Y/N): "You okay baby?

Ben: "It's over. It's finally over."

(Y/N): "Heh. I'm afraid it's long from being over babe. But I think I get what you mean..."

Ben: "Hey did they..."

(Y/N): "..."

Ben: "I don't even wanna know. Wheres Pico?"

(Y/N): "He went to go get us all some hot chocolate to celebrate you being so brave. I'm so proud of you babe."

Ben: "I'm just so glad to have you in my life. I love you so much and there is nothing I wouldn't do to prove how much I love you."

(Y/N): "I love you too."

[miyaur]

Genshin Impact Characters Baking Hcs!

AU; Modern | GN!READER ! | oh yeah, you have a sibling too 〃˚₊﹕pt 1 | includes; diluc, childe, zhongli, and kaeya!

ᶻz﹒ auth0r n0tes: So like, I'll be continuing the stray bunny series a little later! but i always wanted to learn baking soo i wanted to make some hcs with some of my favorite character's doings during baking! ᶻz﹒ Childe

He just loves to make a huge mess

At the end of it, who's gonna clean his mess? His beautiful/handsome partner of course .. !

You'd scold him about it too lmao

He'd always ask you 24/7 how to bake, because he can't [can't bake cleanly]

Favorite snack you make for him?? Brownies.

He'd always end up making you bake for him, if he bakes, its frosting hell for you

There'd always be frosting. EVERYWHERE.

ESPECIALLY VANLLA FROSTING

He would not stop putting vanilla frosting on a cake that's supposed to be CHOCOLATE FLAVORED?!?!1!?!?!?!??

LIKE BRO STOP

if you had a younger sibling, you'd always cook/bake the cake instead of your parents/guardians buying thy cake

And the sibling really wants chocolate cake, BUT THEN CHILDE HAS TO RUIN THE CAKE BY PUTTING FUCKING VANILLA FROSTING ON TOP OF THE BEAUITUFLLY BAKED CHOCOLATE CAKE

"YOU BITCH-" You told him harshly, "ARE YOU CALLING ME A BITCH WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE IT CHOCOLATE YOU WEIRDO" Childe shouted back, "MY YOUNGER SIBLING LIKES CHOCOLATE BETTER ACCEPT THE FACT ChIlDe"

Then you'd have to redo the cake again and you'd be 10-30 minutes late :(

your sibling was really happy though

boNuS; Childe loves to makeout with you in the kitchen right after the kid's bitrhday party on god ᶻz﹒ Zhongli

Very clean man when it comes to baking honestly

He loves it when you bake anything for him at all <3

Like brownies, cupcakes, anything!

Safe to say,, we have ourselves a keeper! jk he always has been a keeper

He loves licking frosting off your nose

Finds it extremely adorable

Loves to hug you from behind while he watches you bake

HE PUTS HIS HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDER WHILE HUGGING YOU FROM BEHIND TAKE NOTE OF THAT

While he does that, he corrects you if you do anything wrong :)

Just imagine like, him doing it for you if you still do shit wrong like THIS MAN IS SO ADORABLE AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME

Then instead, when if its your younger sibling's birthday, he helps decorate the cake :D

THIS TIME, he knows that the kid wants a chocolate cake, unlike someone.

Anyways, the kid really likes Zhongli now :) [as the kid should]

When he's near your nose just after licking the frosting off it, he kisses it

If he's near your hands he kisses your wrist or the back of your palm <3

A real gentleman ..

He loves to praise you for your good baking too

ANOtHer BoNuS; Probably makeout on the couch together after a huge session of baking, or maybe just go out for coffee, depends on this man's mood <3 ᶻz﹒ Kaeya

Undeniably, and surprisingly, clean?

He's pretty good at baking, cooking? Nahh

He always bakes something big or extremely good in general if he's in the mood

Always cleans after himself

He likes to help correct you too

Probably, from behind, or just pushes you out of the way to show you correctly

Loves to kiss the back of your head, for everything you do right <33

"Hmm~ You did that right *kiss*" He said as he hugged you from behind <3

You wouldn't show it for how flustered you were, but you very much liked it when he kissed you from behind..

ESPECIALLY WHEN HE KISSES YOU NECK FROM BEHIND INSTEAD

Sometimes messes gifts for you up, but quickly remakes it

Looks wonky and suspicious but you eat it anyway

So, it's your younger sibling birthday right?

He messes up the cake twice.

THIS BITCH-

The kid likes chocolate but he made vanilla the first time, then he makes it fuckin strawberry again as if that aint enough.

The kid doesn't mind how long you both took on the cake, as long as their older sibling is there,, y'know!

his bONus hehehehehe; gives you hickies while you both makeout on the couch, or- the kitchen counter while your pinned to the table ;) ᶻz﹒ Diluc

Just straight up clean

Doesn't really know how to bake properly

You teach him while he watches you from behind

He likes to ties his hair in a high ponytail before anything, and you just. start. MELTING.

LIKE THAT MAN IS SO HOT IN A HIGH PONYTAIL.

Loves to burry his face in your hair, short or long, he loves it, 10/10

Every time you make cool deserts or bake cupcakes, he gets so happy, doesn't show it, but he pats your head as an award

DONT LIE, YOU LIKE THAT.

Likes to kiss your forehead once you both are done doing stuff in the kitchen [not that way bestie, but look at it in whatever way you want ig]

Very fast learner, memorizes every step, if he doesn't really get it or can memorize, he notes it down, every word.

"Wait hold on, dear, say that again, please, I didn't catch that."

He loves to bake now, a hobby he can do with you, even after work, he has no shame of cooking you brownies in bed, watching netflix, as you lean on his shoulder to sleep!

Your sibling's birthday party was coming up, and they want, strawberry!

SO UH; Diluc loves and I mean loves strawberry cake.

He had fun baking the cake definitely

So, he ate a bit of the cake when you both arrived to give the cake for the kid

The kid loved it so much, he even hugged Diluc's leg to thank him

Diluc turned red but even redder when you kissed him to help your sibling to get some more cake slices!

#genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin fluff #genshin diluc #genshin zhongli #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin kaeya #kaeya #genshin childe #➜ series 1 // baking hcs

[osakunt]

「𝟭:𝟮𝟯 𝗽𝗺」 - 𝗧𝗼𝗷𝗶.𝗙

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

"Megumi, you can let go now"

"Thank you do being an amazing mother figure in my life"

"Of course sweetheart. Thank you for letting me be that figure" smiling you ruffle the teenage boys hair glad to see that he was alright. When he came back looking dead from retrieving Sukuna's finger and fighting the curse with the death paintings you were rushing towards him once Yuuji and Nobara came running towards you saying that your beloved child was dead.

"Let me make sure that head of yours is alright. You were bleeding pretty badly when you got back" you inspect him making sure he was fully okay before dressing the wound on his head and kissing it, giving him another motherly hug.

"There she is !!! (Y/n)-san !!!"

"Not now, child" you quickly hush up Gojo who walked in whining about a small cut on his hand he had done to himself on purpose to go see you.

"What's the real reason you're here ?"

"To greet the most gorgeous women on earth" he smiles hugging you, smooshing his cheek with yours.

"Bullshit. You want something. What is it ?" You look up from the twin dogs Megumi had summoned.

Gojo smiles swiping his phone then turning towards you shoving it up to you face. Snatching the phone from away from your face you look at the picture of the man. Your eyebrow quirking up you let out a low chuckle.

"Greet him for me" you give back the phone, going back to check on the dogs in front of you. Megumi starting to get curious he looks over at the phone that was now locked.

Forgetting about it in a second he turns to you asking if his dogs were fine. " they'll be fine. Just let 'em rest." Sending him off and making sure he was no longer around your infirmary - you close the door and lock it.

Sitting back down on your rolling chair you look at the blue eyes dumb ass in front of you. "Is he back or did you stalk him ?" 

Taking his sun glasses off he gives you an offended look ,clutching his chest. "That hurted you know !!!"

"hUrTeD....same lol"

"But no. I was walking by when I saw him. Just had to take a picture ya know ? I mean you did have a little fling with him after all~" he boops your nose cackling

"I sure fucking did. Best sex I've ever had, like bro what !! All in all fuck him. He ain't shit" you turn to your phone pointing at the pigtailed male on the screen "He can get it though" you smirk at the younger male whose eyes went wide for a minute.

"The death painting ?!! But he's like 150 or something !!" Gojo yells finding it a bit weird.

"Close the door for me, I'll be heading out now. Might stop by that bakery Kento talks about" 

"Oh oh get me something"

"Sure whatever"

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

"Come again !!" The girl from behind the counter smiles, waving you off as you smile leaving the establishment already digging in your bag of baked goods.

"Damn, sis knows who to make a mean ass cookie" munching away on the soft cookie you turn a corner to a busy street killing any little cursed creature that popped up in your sight.

Digging in the back for something more to munch on, your arm gets grabbed dragging you into some ally.

"Of course you aren't. You kill curses for a living. Killed a man too but that's not my business" The man speaks up, putting his gun away in his pants and letting you go.

"Toji,huh. So why'd you bring me to an ally ? Looks suth af fuk" your words muffled from the piece of cake you had taken a bite from.

Grabbing the plastic container and fork from you hands, Toji presses you against a wall kissing your jaw line. "Long time no see, (y/n)" his voice seductively going into your ear.

"We saw each other last week,sir"

"Exactly. last week." He kisses your lips tasting the chocolate frosted cake that was suppose to be for Gojo.

"How's Megumi ?" His eyes soften as soon as he asked for his son.

You smile patting his chest "Got into it with some cursed thingy mabob. Patched him up and sent him to rest. He'll be fine though. Gave him some pain killers to chill him out. Probably knocked out, from how strong those are"

"Please take care of him for me. I trust that he'll be safe if you're around" Toji sighs burying his face into your hair as he came in for a hug.

"Sooooo no sex ?" You joke then feel his arms tighten around you. "Fine, fine. Megumi is in good hands with me. The work he does is dangerous - can't lie about that. I'll always be there to intervene if things go wrong."

His once tight embrace now looser from getting the assurance that you'd do anything for the kid. And of course you would. You were the first person after Gojo who he was introduced to. Having more trust in you he became like your own. Though you and Toji did indeed have a little something something going on, you never had anything against the boy. Now all you'd do with Toji was hook up when needed.

"I wish I got to meet his mom. Bet she was nice."

"She was. Thank you for stepping in"

"I'm tired of you people saying "thank you"- even though I knew whose kid he was, I just felt like I needed to be in his life. Not because of you, cause fuck you but because of him. As soon as Gojo brought him into the school, first thing the kid did was look at me and ran towards me. After that I felt an attachment to him. As is I were his guardian. By all means I did it willingly. No need to thank me" you finally hug back receiving a kiss on your lips.

"I know but still thank you......So back to what I was saying...." Toji unlatches himself from you giving you a knowing look, making your way out the ally.

"Yea I'm down for some rough, back blowing sex" you beam at the male making him wonder why you were like this.

"Don't shy away tonight either,mister." You smirk; that same smirk disappearing when the cake you were still eating was taken from your grasp and eaten.

"You know what ? I don't think I wanna smoosh with you anymore. By the way where's the ugly worm that's always around you ?"

Feeling himself revive at your antics, Toji swings an arm around you to bring you closer, kissing your temple. "Sure are the charmer, ain't you ?"

「𝘼 𝙛𝙚𝙬 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙥𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪」

"I thought she said she had ended things with Megumi's dad." Gojo glares at the back of your head not understanding why you were with Toji.

"Probably fuck buddies" Shoko shrugs letting out the smoke from her lungs.

"Probably, but she said she wanted the pigtailed death painting !!"

"And she'll get him. Just let her do Toji, first. Take a picture so we have proof that we saw them. She won't tell us the details unless we show evidence"

"She also ate the cake that was suppose to be for me.."

"Fuck man. Let's go get your damn cake. Fucking cry baby, I swear" Shoko drags the white haired male to the same bakery, buying him three slices of the same cake you had gotten to shut his ass up.

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