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mariasont · 9 days

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The Manuscript - A.H

a/n: this was supposed to be based on t.s new song manuscript, but it didn't realllyyy turn out like that

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧

pairings: aaron hotchner x reader

summary: while unpacking you find a series of letters aaron wrote to you in college

warnings: angst, age gap (reader is 20s, hotch is 40s), haley and jack don't exist in this universe

wc: 1.3k

Your gaze swept over the towering stacks of boxes littering your living room floor, and with a resigned sigh, you began the daunting task of unpacking them. Your hands found the nearest box deftly lifting the flaps as you began to pull out its contents. Your felt the soft crinkle of paper beneath your fingers, and gently, you drew out a stack of letters, their edges softened with time, all neatly tied together with a string.

Your heart seized a sudden halt as you realized just what they were. Your throat constricted, parched, as tears stung your eyes, threatening to spill over, your fingers coming to rest over your mouth. Instinctively, your body sank onto the cold hardwood floor, gently placing the papers down beside you. You had forgotten these had even existed, let alone made it with you on the move.

You didn't remember seeing them when you packed, did you? Your fingers shook slightly as they picked apart the knot, and with a hesitant touch, you reached for the first piece of weathered paper.

January 5

Honey,

Your letter was a welcome surprise, far sweeter than any text message could be. I enjoyed spending New Years Eve with you too, and I hope this case ends quickly so I can take you on a real date.

I'm glad to hear college is going well. Should you encounter any more issues with your professor, please let me know. You're a bright young woman, and I have no doubt he'll see that in time. I am looking forward to your next letter.

Yours,

Aaron

March 12

Honey,

I'm glad you enjoyed our date as much as I did. At times, I find my thoughts wandering to you in that dress, and it's a welcome distraction.

I'm glad you look forward to our letters, because I do too. And yes, rest assured, I'm taking all necessary precautions in the field. Don't worry, the team has my back, especially Garcia--she's got more eyes on us than stars in the sky.

Goodluck on your psychology exam. I know you will ace it.

Yours,

Aaron.

May 5

Honey,

I've read your letter several times, and I want you to know that it's perfectly normal to question your path. Trust your instincts--they've led you well thus far. Remember you are allowed to change your mind. Your parents will understand.

No matter what you decide, I have no doubt you will succeed. You have a rare combination of intelligence and empathy that will serve you well in any profession.

Once I'm back, how about we go to that restaurant you love? Consider it a date.

Yours,

Aaron.

July 19

Honey,

Summer suits you, I can tell--even from a distance. I'm proud of the work you're doing--shadowing at the occupational therpay office and working with children is no small feat. You'll have to tell me all about it when I get back.

The case is demanding, as they often are. And as for the sweatshirt, consider it yours. I had a feeling it wouldn't find its way back to me anyway.

We should talk about getting you a key to my place. Then you'll have no need to borrow my things--you'll have access to them whenever you wish.

I love you. I'll say it again when I see you.

Yours forever,

Aaron

January 14

Honey,

Congratulations on your first semester of OT school. I am incredibly proud of you and everything you have accomplished. Smarty pants.

I'm glad to hear you've been using the journal I gave you for Christmas. I would give you a thousand if that's what you wanted.

When I'm back, we'll celebrate your achievements properly. Until then, know I'm grateful for you every day. You've made me the happiest I've been, and I cherish every moment we share. I love you.

Yours forever,

Aaron

May 20

Honey,

Your last letter lingered on the topic of our age difference, and I've been giving it a lot of thought. It's a subject that, admittedly, has crossed my mind more than once. But let me reassure you, to me, it's the person you are, not the years you've lived, that matters most.

I understand the concerns that come with this, and I want you to know that it's okay. Your feelings are valid. We're navigating this together, and I remain certain in my commitment to you and to us.

We'll talk more about this when I'm home. I love you.

Yours forever,

Aaron

August 8

Honey,

I want you to know that I didn't mean to leave things unresolved, I'm sorry I was called away. I'm not writing to rehash the argument. I understand everything you said, and it's given me much to think about.

You are the most important part of my life, and us being at odds is more challenging than any case I've ever face. I love you deeply, and I'm committed to finding a way through this together. When I return, let's sit down and talk--really talk. I'm sorry for the way things were left, and I hope we can move past this.

Yours forever,

Aaron

December 22

Honey,

I find myself at a loss for words yet compelled to write to you. I've had time to reflect on everything that happened between us. I'm deeply sorry for any hurt I've caused, and how things unfolded. My only wish was for us to want the same things.

Please know, I will always be here for you, in any capacity you need. I hope you find someone who is worthy of you and can provide the life you deserve. You deserve someone who can walk with you through all stages of your life--someone who can give you the family you dream of. You have so much to offer.

You are an extraordinary person, and I have no doubt you will find great love and joy. And though it may not be with me, please remember, I still love you.

Yours always,

Aaron.

You hadn't even realized you were crying until your tears began to soak into the page, each droplet distorting the text as it spread. Your hand moved instinctively to your face, the fabric of your sleeve brushing against your wet cheek. A decade-old ache twisted inside you sharply, as fresh as if it were only yesterday.

You returned the letters to their stack, the bow tied as neatly as it was before, and laid them at the bottom of the box. As the papers found their place, your focus shifted, something else catching your attention--the journal he'd given you.

The sudden patter of footsteps coming down the stairs snapped you back to the present. Hastily, you wiped away the lingering tears and secured the lid on the box. As you turned, your face transformed with a practiced smile just as your seven-year-old daughter came skipping into view, her voice bubbling with excitement, "Mommy, mommy!"

Gathering her up in your arms, you showered her cheeks with affectionate kisses, her infectious giggles filling the empty house.

"When is daddy going to be home?"

With a gentle smile, you replied, "Soon, sweetheart," while your fingers danced along her side, eliciting more giggles. "Do you want to help Mommy unpack?"

She quickly scrunched her nose and shook her head. "Mmm, no, not really."

You laughed, and your heart swelled with love so intense it almost hurt. The front door swung open, and your daughter's voice pierced the air once more with a, "Daddy!"

Her little feet dashed off as she rushed to greet him, leaving you to resume unpacking. You barely had time to refocus when you felt a gentle touch in your hair. Aaron was there, kneeling to your level with a tender smile.

"Hi, honey," he said, his hand pausing as he noted the redness around your eyes. "What's wrong angel?"

You reach for the letters, holding them out to Aaron with a half-smile. "Just revisiting the time you were this close to losing the best thing in your life," you tease, a laugh bubbling up. But as the laughter fades, it morphs into a sob.

Aaron's laughter mingled with yours as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest. "Yeah, that was a close one," he admitted, his voice a soft rumble. "Glad I came to my senses."

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner #hotch #hotchner #criminal minds angst #cm #thomas gibson #Spotify

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mightyoctopus · 8 months

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Library posts on here have me so conflicted.

On one hand, libraries can provide a lot of value to a lot of people, and it's good to inform people of this. Like, I was recently talking to a friend (grown man in his 40s) who didn't know that you could read books for free at a library. The more people are informed about this matter, the better.

And of course, some libraries also provide other services such as movies, board games, internet, printers, 3D printers, cheap coffee, meeting rooms, courses, etc. Talking about this is also good, because many people can benefit from these services! Especially people who otherwise wouldn't be able to afford them.

But (and here comes the but), I feel like some people on this site are really insistent on claiming that all libraries offer all these services for free, always. And that no library has any flaws at all. And that anyone can access a library at any time. And if you don't, you're a traitor for not supporting your local library.

And like... there is so much wrong with that. First of all, not all libraries offer all these services. And if they do, they might not be available in minority languages. (Spanish in the USA, Turkish in Germany, etc.) And if they do, they're not always free. And this can vary greatly on region and country, too. Not the whole world is the USA. There's places where libraries are rare and spaced very far apart. There's places where libraries are "mobile", meaning they're a car filled with books. Or sometimes a donkey. I think it's great that mobile libraries exist! It's great that people in villages near me can get free books that way. But also, it's absurd to claim that they have the same type of access as someone from a big city. It's absurd to claim that they're class traitors and it's their own fault because they didn't "create demand" and "support their local library." They do not have a "local" library. Not everyone has a local library!

And even if there is a library near you, it's very possibly inaccessible! Most countries do not have laws regarding accessible design, and if they do, they're rarely enforced. Before you go on praising how all libraries are perfect and wonderful, ask yourself, how many are accessible to disabled people? Which disabled people? Wheelchair users? Blind and visually impaired people? Immunocompromised people? There's so many of us. Yet we are so often left out.

Some countries have libraries specifically for disabled people, but most often you need to qualify and prove your disability. I have a membership in such a library. A lot of them will only accept visual impairment and no other disability. I was lucky I was in occupational therapy at the time of my enrollment, because my therapist could approve my paperwork for me. Otherwise I might not have been able to join. It's online only and costs money. It's not free. A lot of books are region-locked since I'm not in the USA. And yet I am so grateful everyday for this opportunity, for this access to books. I know many disabled people aren't so lucky.

My point is not that libraries are bad, but that libraries are very diverse. Pretending like all libraries are not only perfectly alike, but also perfect, helps no one. Libraries can provide vital services, but they do not provide these services equally around the world, and they do not provide these services equally to all people.

If you truly love libraries so much, fight to make them better, fight to make them accessible. Don't silence those of us who are left out.

#library #actually disabled #accessibility #booklr #booktok #I'm the OP

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noowayybroo · 1 year

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Leon Kennedy being Needy AF HC???

Is this called a Headcannon? I feel like such a boomer knowing nothing about fics help me lord :sob:

Ok so I had this thought about Good 'Ol Leon right? Hear me out PLEASE.

No warnings, SFW, Oh wait there is a warning: SiCkLy SwEeT, also you might think this is manipulative or not like tickles so uhhhh please do not be upset :(

Leon is NEEDY. He doesn't get to spend a lot of time with you so the time he DOES get to spend with you, he absolutely cherishes.

I'm not talking about Young Leon, or Old Leon, I'm talking about Leon at every age. He's not too confident in his words, especially when it comes to speaking about emotions, even less so romantic ones, so he prefers by a long shot to just express his feelings through actions:

Whether it's snuggling up flush to you in bed, on the couch or even on public transport sometimes, he's not at all ashamed to make it known that you're the one who makes him comfortable.

Sometimes when you're working from home or watching a film, or even gaming, he'll come and nuzzle up against your arms until you lift them, giving him access to pull you in for a tight hug.

He especially loves playing with your hair, and can be the big spoon sometimes, but in his frequent moments of vulnerability would love to curl up into your arms and feel you play with his hair, massage his head or stroke your hands over his arms, back, chest etc.

When you catch a glimpse of his face during these hugging sessions, he's either staring up at your face in awe, completely enamoured with you and so grateful to have you, or his eyes are closed softly but surely as he smiles to himself, entirely content in his whole existence as his troubles float away. Sometimes you can swear you can even hear him purring in your embrace.

Sometimes, if you enter the room once he's already there, his face lights up and he stops what he's doing to make grabby, needy hands at you, begging you to come to him and submit to his loving cuddles.

When you need support too, he's more than happy to oblige. He'll sit, stand or lay, listening to your every trouble and complaint before easing you into a firm, reassuring hug. He holds you tightly and eventually finds himself more than able to tell you everything he loves about you, and when you try and get away he only squeezes you tighter, joking with you and threatening to tickle you until you're happy.

If he's in your arms and you stop petting him, he'll get stroppy and try to paw at you or nuzzle into you to get your attention, and if you continue to tease him he takes matters into his own hands, playfighting with you!!!

Self indulgence is so cool bro

#leon kennedy x reader #resident evil #leon kennedy #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy fanfic #fluff

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rottenpumpkin13 · 13 days

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Just wanted to say ur posts always make me cackle 😂. Forget them haters!

Thoughts on how AGSZC would react at the dentist??

(thank you ❤️ 😂 )

Angeal: SOLDIER has a dedicated team of dentists who provide dental care for its operatives, and Angeal is eternally grateful for it. Because his family didn't have much money, he rarely had the opportunity to visit the dentist. While Hollander did offer dental treatments on multiple occasions, Angeal's mother was always wary of Hollander being near her son. So when Angeal joins the army and SOLDIER and gets ready access to dental care, he's determined to follow the dentist's instructions. Too determined, really. He thinks it's a competition.

Angeal: So what's my grade? Dentist: You don't get graded on your oral hygiene. Angeal: But how are my teeth? Dentist: They're in perfect condition⏤ Angeal: Perfect I got an A. Dentist: Angeal: Take that, Genesis. Dentist: Angeal: He got an F didn't he?

Sephiroth: His experiences with dentists have been limited to Hojo either performing his dental work himself or closely monitoring professionals during surgeries and unnecessary procedures (like pulling out teeth to observe how fast they grow). Needless to say, he was hesitant about visiting a regular dentist until Angeal suggested it to show him that not all dentist experiences are uncomfortable.

Sephiroth is pleasantly surprised by the dentist's office he visits in Sector 8.

*During his appointment* Dentist: How are you finding things? Sephiroth: Excellent. The waiting area was stocked with books and magazines, there was calming music, the receptionist offered me coffee. Now there's a TV on the ceiling, which I'm so distracted by that I barely notice the treatment being done. You're also being very gentle. Thank you. Dentist: I'm flattered⏤ Sephiroth: It's nice not having to worry about one of my teeth being extracted against my will. Dentist:

Genesis: "He hates the dentist" is what he tells people, when in reality he lives in constant fear that he'll randomly black out one day and wake up strapped to a dentist chair. No one knows why, not even Genesis himself understands why the dentist makes him so uncomfortable. He doesn't like sitting with his mouth open while someone pokes around in there, he doesn't like how sterile the dentist office feels, he doesn't like the prospect of having a cavity or something he'll have to be treated for, so he combats this by simply not going to the dentist. Done. "If you don't know about it, it doesn't exist."

Unfortunately this backfires horribly the day Genesis won't stop complaining about a toothache⏤and refuses to get it checked⏤so Angeal and Sephiroth take matters into their own hands.

*Lazard sees Angeal and Sephiroth carrying an unconscious Genesis into the elevator* Lazard: Please tell me he's still alive. Sephiroth: No, not murder. We cast sleep on him. Angeal: We're taking him to the dentist. Lazard: And what will you do once he wakes up screaming? *Sephiroth produces a hammer out of nowhere* Lazard: ...............

Zack: Loves the dentist. LOVES it. If Zack could go to the dentist every week, he would.

Angeal: Hey buddy, how was the dentist?

Zack, with his face full of stickers and sucking a lollipop: It was great! They got a new gaming setup for the waiting room. And I watched a movie while the dentist worked, plus he was suuuper proud of how white and healthy my teeth are. He praised me, and I even got a gold star. Oh! And on my way out, he gave me a goody bag. *Zack lifts a bag filled with toothbrushes, toy cars and crayons* Sephiroth: Does the sign outside your dentist's office say 'Pediatric' before it? Zack: Yes, why?

Cloud: Cloud doesn't fear the dentist. The dentist fears Cloud. His dental records come with a warning for every new dentist at the barracks: "WARNING: BITER." He's not doing it on purpose, in fact, he'd rather not have the reflexes that make his jaw clamp shut tightly around foreign objects. His habits are also every dentists worst nightmare. Chewing ice, nail biting, using his teeth as a tool to open things, and drinking a blend of black coffee with soda "because it tastes nice."

Zack: How'd the dentist go? Cloud: He went to the E.R. Zack:

#headcanons #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ffvii crisis core #genesis rhapsodos #ff7 crisis core #angeal hewley #zack fair #crisis core

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flanaganfilm · 1 year

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Hi Mike! I hope you and Kate and your kids are well ☺️

I have a question about Midnight Mass: what was it that killed “Father Paul” in Book III? I’ve seen a few theories on Reddit but I was wondering if you could shed some light for us. Some think it was the amount of blood he’d been ingesting from the creature/vampire. Some think he was poisoned. We saw Bev put the compound 1080 back into the chemicals cupboard a few scenes before his death. Did she poison him? And if so, why would she do that? What motive did she have? Did she believe god would perform a miracle in resurrecting him? Or was this supposed to be left to our interpretation?I’m not exactly sure what I believe, but I think it’s an interesting point in the story to discuss.

Thank you for the time you take to discuss and answer our questions both here and on tiktok! ☺️

SPOILER WARNING

Don't read this if you haven't seen MIDNIGHT MASS!

I've been asked this question a few times. For me, Father Paul died because that was the next step in his transformation. He had been regularly ingesting the blood, and getting younger and younger, but once his body reached its "peak self" the next step would be that it would die, and he'd be "reborn" as a full vampire. This is why he can move around in the daylight freely before this moment, but not after.

You see signs of this earlier, as he coughs blood into the sink and collapses at mass. This is his body finally reaching the tipping point.

This is the same fate that would have befallen everyone on Crockett who was drinking the blood. Given enough time, their bodies would have reverted to their peak selves, and then their hearts would have failed them, only for them to rise anew.

But because Riley rejected the "gift," and told Erin what was going on, Bev and Fr. Paul believe they need to accelerate their agenda before someone can interfere. That's why Bev proposes the poisoning at mass. The rationale is that it is only speeding up what is happening anyway, and since no one will actually die, it's easy for them to rationalize their actions.

The theory that Bev poisoned Fr Paul took me quite by surprise, to be honest. Looking back, I can understand how someone can get to that conclusion, but that isn't how we wrote the show. The idea was that Bev poisoned the dog, and that's the canister you see her returning to the closet (she waited until the attention had died down). That story point exists so that we understood she had access to the poison, and how quickly it kills, to set up the Midnight Mass sequence.

That said, I'm always grateful and amazed by what people will put together on their own. I also believe strongly that once I'm finished with a show and it comes out, it belongs to its audience... so if that's what someone got out of it, I don't like arguing with them!

Hope this is helpful!

#midnight mass #fan theory #beverly keane #father paul hill

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idololivine · 28 days

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"Eiden and Quincy were far from the only trans people in the clan, but they were the only ones who had felt the need to get this specific surgery". i think the entire clan can be trans. As a treat. yakumo was a snake, the way he portrays himself can be seen as a choice. edmond's family is extremely wealthy so he got bougie gender affirming care from an early age. olivine's decent with magic which he could use to change his appearance + there's potential for some neat religious imagery of being reborn a new and/or further religious guilt. altho from what we know abt the church of klein tbh i want to believe there's no religiously motivated transphobia in klein

ANYWAY

kuya has canonically been shown to use illusions to portray himself as other people and even as a woman. garu and karu are like yakumo too, they were a wolf but transformed. blade doesnt know what gender is, but he can swap out his dick for a pussy module if he wants to. dante got free top surgery and hrt from the fire spirits. rei makes unethical diy hrt in his meth lab. They can all be transgender.... (smokes a fat blunt)

THEY CAN ALL BE TRANSGENDER... YOU UNDERSTAND ME...

I generally stick to the idea that there's no transphobia in Klein, religiously motivated or otherwise, same way there's no homophobia. I think it's in line with the setting and it's also just plain wish fulfillment tbh. my personal Oli hc is that he's non op and on fantasy testosterone, big naturals and cute little tdick. I also really like him in relation to the following quote

“As my friend Julian puts it, only half winkingly: “God blessed me by making me transsexual for the same reason God made wheat but not bread and fruit but not wine, so that humanity might share in the act of creation.” ― Daniel Mallory Ortberg, Something That May Shock and Discredit You

which I think is less official doctrine and more how he personally approaches gender and faith. if I were angling for angst maybe the church isn't overtly transphobic but there's a little bit of "be grateful for the body god gave you"... but I also like plain uncomplicated trans joy. but headcanon doesn't have to be consistent so I can have both depending on the mood.

I'm a believer of Kuya's ability to have whatever bits he pleases at whatever time. pussy, cock, whatever, magic lets him do anything. "if magic is so good why does surgery exist" you may ask. because gender affirming surgery is cool and sexy. and most people aren't ancient yokai with access to powerful magicks. and Quincy refused to be in Kuya's debt. anyway, Kuya does whatever he wants because gender is meaningless to a magic fox.

Blade hc is that he was born a ken doll, had a dick made for him in Saia because the sexbot investor guy demanded it (see: Rusted Nation), and asked Rei to make him a pussy module because the vagina-havers of the clan looked like they were having so much fun and he got curious. so he swaps them in and out as he pleases, depending on what the mood is that day.

Rei making his own diy hrt is extremely true and real. he also has the most insane homemade straps.

#asks #my posts #Anonymous #nu carnival

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thatonebirdwrites · 2 months

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I still plan to finish my TLOK: Shared Moments series -- especially Book 3.5 and 4 at least, but I simply cannot do the pace I did last year. I can't. My health is too poor and my heart too broken. So let's talk about it.

For this post in particular, I want to discuss how parts of the Korrasami fandom broke my heart.

I also will talk about how Supercorp fandom is helping me heal. I want to be clear here. This post is not about pitting these fandoms against each other. Both have their flaws, their beauty, their awesome people, and their mean people. I love them both. This is simply my tale of how one broke my heart and how the other helps me heal that.

I also preface that there are wonderfully beautiful people I've met in the Korrasami fandom, some who have become friends over the span of the last year and a half. The kindness and care from @snazzy-korra and the Korrasami friend I talk to on Discord has been life-saving in different ways. I'm forever grateful and highly appreciative of these people's kindness and support and for the kind readers who left kind comments.

I also wish to be clear that I have always been honest in my end-notes about the fact that I have a disability, that my health might slow me down, or I may share an anecdote about my life (my disability impacts my life heavily, but it also is not all I am) to explain why I wrote a scene the way I did. Folks seemed to appreciate learning about the inner workings of the writer's mind and the research I've done. So it's why I tend to have detailed end-notes.

So when readers, who acknowledged these end-notes and commented about my bravery at being a disabled writer, turn around and viciously attack me and pull out every single ableist argument about how the character, who became disabled in my story, is now less than?

That is fucking personal.

That is them directly telling me that they don't see disabled people like myself as their equal in dignity or respect. They don't even respect me as a person worthy of being treated with kindness. Instead, they remind me yet again of how they view disabled people as less than.

Where they wanted the disability written out of the story. They wanted erasure, and thus it felt like a stab in my heart.

Because in the end, such arguments are rooted in a fear of this simple truth:

Anyone can become disabled at any time.

Some people fear that truth. Likely because they would have to face the fact that the horrid ways they treat us disabled people could be how they end up treated if they become disabled.

So instead of fixing society and the systems harming us disabled folks, and creating instead accessible and equitable and kinder systems that help all people thrive -- they instead demand erasure. Demand that people like me cease to exist in their space. That our stories not be visible.

It went beyond a fight in comments to direct messages/asks and at least one tumblr blog directly harassing me (referencing my writing as the reason). It felt like my few places where I felt somewhat safe to share my writing had been broken into and trashed.

It's sad and heartbreaking in so many ways, because these people are refusing to see the absolutely beauty and wonder that is disabled people and our creativity.

[Yes, I know the tools that can help protect me like comment moderation, but again, the point of this post isn't about fixing my behaviors.

Because my behaviors weren't the problem. It's about a very real problem in fandoms, where AUs that involve a beloved character becoming disabled turn into an avenue to cause harm to that author. (Instead, of just not commenting and not reading it.)

If this isn't pointed out or ever talked about, then how do we learn and grow and find ways to repair the fandom to be kinder? To call out hurtful behaviors and support those harmed by it? Why should we let folks suffer in silence, when we can talk about it and better support one another? To build better habits and encourage others to build those kinder habits with us?]

Becoming disabled is not a bad thing. It doesn't have to be. We are still beautiful, wonderfully creative, and awesome people who deserve the same love, respect, care, and dignity as any non-disabled person.

Ignoring or running from the pain doesn't make it go away, as I did that and instead it ended up tainting what had been a deep love.

Acknowledging the pain and/or grief and choosing to heal is what alleviates it. The Korrasami fandom introduced me to fanfiction. I'd never written fanfiction in my life before I decided to write How Was Those Three Years to dig into how those years were like for Asami.

I'd never read so much fanfiction before either. I didn't realize the wealth of creativity and wonder that is hidden in the corridors of AO3. It was a beautiful sight to behold. I discovered this truth through Korrasami.

Writing Korrasami helped me rekindle my writing again. Even with my poor health, even when I struggle to get out of bed, even as I lost my ability to do things I used to love to do, fandom helped me re-establish my writing habits. I was writing again. The one thing I love to do the most.

At least my health hadn't taken away my writing and art. Isn't that a beautiful thing to discover? I found a way to grieve what I lost but still rejoice in what I can still do. But at the same time, I've never been more hurt and shattered by a fandom than I have daring to write an alternate universe story, where I learned that the limit of people's care ends at the moment they perceive your disability.

Where you cease to be a person in their eyes.

Where you become less than.

Thus, I truly struggled on how to move forward for months, where writing became harder and harder to do.

I didn't want to lose the joy I had found, but I didn't know how to safely heal either. And I like sharing my stories. The act of sharing them was part of how I redicovered my joy of writing again.

It was here on tumblr, where I found a niche that helped me heal.

It all started with a continuation to one of @fazedlight's ficlets, which randomly appeared on my 'for you' page.

I hadn't even finished Supergirl yet at that point, but the AU in that ficlet, where Kara decides to trust Lena and reveals she's an alien due to the alien detector? How utterly fascinating way to rewrite that scene.

I'm not even sure why I felt the need to write that continuation, but it's like my fingers had a mind of their own. I felt so inspired, and after a few months of being trapped in that well of feeling utterly broken, it was like glimpsing sunlight for the first time in months.

And I found I couldn't stop. I started to write other little ficlets based on GIFs about Supercorp. I started reading fanfiction about Supercorp. I realized Lena Luthor is really just a morally grey Asami Sato, and Kara Zor-El Danvers is basically Avatar Korra. So of course it was easy to write them. I already had practice with Korrasami.

I then went and watched the last three seasons to finally finish Supergirl, and was horrified by just how bad the writing was in 5 and 6, that now I wanted to write my own fix-it fic.

But I was scared to do it. I'd already had my heart broken by Korrasami. I already had a big project there I need to finish for my own sake, because it's so, so important to my own heart.

But at the same time, should I dare to share my stories again? Put myself out there in a different fandom?

Because I can't stress enough how I had seriously considered deleting my AO3 account due to how hurt I was over Korrasami (my two Korrasami buddies kept me from doing that, and they might not ever realize their influence there. I'd downloaded all the fics I'd written and gave myself a due date to decide.)

I was scared to share my stories, and I needed support to decide if I could do it again. If I dared to do it.

Then I discovered thanks to @luthordamnvers and @snowydragonscave a server for Supercorp shippers, and Holy shit.

It was okay to be disabled there.

People from all sorts of walks of life were there. They were supportive (and such enablers, my heavens).

I wasn't seen as less than.

People treated me like a human being.

It gave me courage to start posting the stories I'd written about Supercorp to AO3, and then holy crap.

The comments from Supercorp readers welcomed me as a new writer. They were encouraging. (Sure, there was mean comments here and there, but they weren't so horrifically personal in their attacks like the few hurtful Korrasami readers.)

I wept over those comments. Those people may never know how healing it was to read kind and encouraging comments. These people welcomed me, a stray writer into their shelter, and gently and tenderly offered support, advice, and constructive criticism in ways that uplifted the author.

Sure, it's possible I'll get viciously attacked for who I am again in the Supercorp fandom, but right now, most folks I talk with in the Supercorp fandom have been kind. Mean comments haven't been so acutely personal in their attacks, and it's a reprieve that allows space to heal.

My first love - Korrasami - will always be my first love in terms of ships. This is a truth. Supercorp is second in line, but I feel, right now, it's a little safer for my heart to write Supercorp.

I do promise to finish Shared Moments, but it will take longer simply because I'm still healing.

Parts of the Korrasami fandom broke my heart, but a good portion of the Supercorp fandom is mending it back together.

That's a beautiful thing too.

The stories I write are imperfect. I know I mess up a lot. But I do hope that people walk away from my stories having learned something. Or at the very least walk away with some semblance of hope.

Because in the end, in a world that seems hellbent on reminding marginalized people of how our lives are disposable, choosing hope becomes a radical act in liberation.

Our stories deserve to be told. Deserve to be cherished.

So in conclusion, never underestimate your kindness toward others. You may touch them in ways you may never fully know.

Thank you for all my readers, who have been supportive and kind. You're helping a broken writer heal. I will forever appreciate and treasure all of you.

Thanks for reading.

#korrasami #supercorp #meta stuff about writing fanfiction #disability #disabled characters #tw ableism #idk why i wrote this #was writing this a mistake #thank you to all the kind readers who leave kind and supportive comments for writers #Never underestimate the power of your kindness and joy at sharing your thoughts with us writers

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littlemisspascal · 11 days

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I mean this in the nicest most non-confrontational way possible but what is the point of compiling the pedro library on links alone if so many writers have changed url/deleted/moved works? wouldn’t it have made more sense to compile/preserve the fics rather than signpost them?

Hi Anon 👋 You're right links can and do change often. I've lost count of how many times I've gone through and cleaned up the Library of deactivated writers or those who've changed usernames and thus I also had to delete or edit their fic links. And I miss a lot too cuz I'm just one person doing this.

By preserving the fics I assume you mean downloading them or copying and pasting so that even if fic is deleted then it remains able to be read? And I don't feel comfortable doing that. If a writer chooses to delete everything, that's their choice. A link gives me the same access as everyone else, just a little door that the author can keep open as long as they want.

The Library from the get-go was just meant to spread awareness of fic writers. It is impossible to suit the needs and wants of every reader. That's why I'm grateful for @pedrostories and @pascalsanctuary existing cuz they organize things differently but promote the same goal of celebrating writers ❤️

#i love getting messages #my library

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trans-cuchulainn · 5 days

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having complicated feelings about how my current read approaches disability and it's very tied up in my own feelings as someone with chronic pain who would take a cure in a heartbeat but also doesn't see my recent wheelchair acquisition as a tragedy

i am neither in camp "disability is purely social and I'm proud to be disabled" nor in camp "disability is purely medical and is a tragedy to be cured" because let's be real. "disability" is too many things to put neatly in a box like that. the fact is that an accessible world wouldn't make being in pain all the time fun, even if it might make it easier to cope with that. we should make the world better and continue working on medical research that might make my fucking body actually work one day

so now we're on the same page you can see why i have complicated feelings about a story in which a former dancer sees an outcome that might leave them unable to walk and therefore "in a wheelchair" (a turn of phrase not quite as grating as "wheelchair-bound" but with a similar lack of agency) as the worst possible scenario. because i was a dancer and not dancing is pretty fucking tragic for me actually and knowing I was losing dance made the whole experience of injury-turning-into-disability much worse. and also the chair is not the problem, stop making the chair the problem, it's not a symptom, it's not a condition in and of itself, it's a tool ahhhh——

like. becoming disabled has been pretty fucking traumatic for me over the last eleven years actually! i get it! and also at the same time there's something uniquely unpleasant about your life – your actual human existence, your everyday reality – being somebody else's worst case scenario, essentially torture, possibly worse than death kind of situation

especially when the bit they focus on is the bit that signifies you accepting your body's limitations and finding a way to do stuff another way, and not the part where you wake up with your hip literally not in its socket, or whatever. my wheels are a pain in the arse sometimes but they are the improvise/adapt/overcome part of this situation (not in an inspo porn kind of way). they are not the symptom or the condition to be feared

#néide has opinions about books #painblogging

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netherworldpost · 29 days

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Been following you since the Evil Supply Co days, was very pleased to place my first order from Netherworld Post recently! I love the "hope this fireball finds you failing to save" design so much! A few people in my d&d group are definitely getting that one.

I hope you have an awesome day and something nice happens to you!

I am incredibly honored that so many folks have been following since Evil Supply Co.

It was nearly four years to do the day from when I first emailed friends "What do you think of this business name change?" to flipping the switch to launch.

One thing that hasn't made it through the transition

(I emphasize)

...yet...

...is the stories.

I used to write 3 - 6 very short stories a week. Sometimes a few paragraphs, sometimes longer. Most got posted here -- started here, on Tumblr!

The structures needed work, more connectivity. The genre, the characters and locations, the softness? All remain. But the structures needed work.

This will take time.

Not four years of time (length of shop closure to rebuild).

But they will come back.

I'm rambling. I'm a bit nervous over how all of this is operating. The nerves are not based in evidence -- the roll out has been smooth, the response bigger than expected. Just personality quirk, I suppose.

Back to sense-making.

I'm grateful you're here and that I am able to do all of this.

Phase One (where we are now) is to launch the shop and get the initial orders out the door. The presses are pressing ink to paper, first batch of orders goes out late next week. Continues onwards at a steady pace forever.

Phase Two (rest of the year) will be slowly adding more. Both to the shop for pay and the downloads "pay if you want."

Phase Three (next year, probably) is when I think we'll have stories again. It won't take that long to launch them -- launch will be part of Phase Two -- but I think it'll be next year until I'm at a steady pace.

I'm rambling again. I'll cut this to the end.

The primary availability of stories for Evil Supply Co. was free via social media posts.

I want to keep that availability. I don't trust social media to maintain its presence as it stands in the next several years (I'm looking at 3, 5, 10, 15 years forward).

The zero-cost-to-read prohibited basic structures such as "hm I like Strawberry, this mermaid, I wish to read more about her wacky antics." There simply wasn't funding to build out any of the million ways to do that.

Part of Phase Three is solving that, finding the balance. There are a million options, with strengths and drawbacks and costs. I'll have a better answer for it as the year progresses.

As I say, I am wary of social media (all platforms) direction -- they will continue to exist, I'll continue to use them to their fullest advantage, but they are growing increasingly hostile to independent creators. I don't work for Tumblr, Tumblr doesn't owe me continued access to audiences at the current pace.

Ultimately, I work for the moon and you come to the Post for the things you're interested in -- neither of us work for a social media platform -- and I'm keeping that tightly in mind to ensure I can continue to service your desires + build new things you'll love but didn't know existed yet.

Thank you for being here.

The something nice you hoped for came true in two ways.

Your note and an afternoon pulling together notes on how to independently publish myths and legends and stories and rambles about the Netherworld.

The scale of this equation is...

...significant.

Fortunately. So is my willingness to tackle it. :)

Cheers to you and thank you again for being here.

Long may we sip potions, in the moonlight, while sitting on our folded cloaks, listening to ghosts, telling stories of dryads and mermaids and witches and more, as the jack-o-lanterns surrounding us wile away the hours with their flickering tongues of flame and smoke.

#evil supply co #evil supply co.#evilsupplyco

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 5 months

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reading update: november 2023

hiiiii, sorry I'm late! I know we're a week past November now, but I've been busy! and struggling to pull my mental health out of an absolute crevasse! I think I've mostly made it at this point, but unfortunately my month of seasonal affective woe did leave me with a pretty paltry reading list for the month of November :/

not that I have a quota to hit, but I'm getting back into reading with a PASSION now and I'm hoping to get a few more really great novels in before the year ends!

what have I been reading?

Exquisite Corpse (published as Poppy Z. Brite, currently known as William Martin, 1996) - man, you guys know how I love a fucked up little story about some nasty freaks? this is a FUCKED UP story about the NASTIEST freaks. gay serial killer Andrew escapes a life sentence in England by faking his own death and flees to America, where he lands in New Orleans and promptly meets a man named Jay, who is - holy shit, what are the odds? ALSO a gay serial killer! they get along like a house on fire, setting their sights immediately on a beautiful young runaway drug deal name Tran who has his sights set on Jay. but Trans' ex-boyfriend, Luke, a bitter writer turned pirate DJ dying of AIDS, is also up in the mix, complicating things for everyone. the tone is unrelentingly gruesome but beautifully written and frequently funnier than should be possible. certainly not a book for everyone, with about every possible trigger warning on the table, but god. WHAT a ride. I savored every second.

Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity (Devon Price, 2022) - any hype you've heard about this book is absolutely worth it. Price is really exemplifying the excellence that comes from in-group writing, the magic that happens when people with firsthand experience living a life outside The Norm infiltrates academia and get the credentials to be recognized as the experts they are. I can't speak to the experience of reading this book as an autistic person, but as someone who's often the token allistic among my friends it clarified things that I had never even thought to wonder about with straightforward, accessible style and firsthand understanding. also, hey, it's so cool to see a book just straight-up advocating for autistic people to get more autistic and worry less about appeasing the allistic people around them. Dr. Price writes great advice, and I strongly recommend checking out this book and more of his work here. reading this also made me absolutely feral to check out Price's first book, Laziness Does Not Exist, so expect notes on that soon!

Momfluenced: Inside the Maddening, Picture-Perfect World of Mommy Influencer Culture (Sara Petersen, 2023) - listen, we can be honest here: that title is too long. but the read is worth it, even if I do have some mixed feelings about Petersen's messaging. she's not a momfluencer, but she is a mom who has been and still is very invested in momfluencers, letting that fascination fuel this book's creation. I found Petersen a bit too quick to come to the defense of influencing as a profession, which could grate. yes, women influencers are often the targets of a particular hostility that certainly stems from misogyny. yes, it certainly is true that being a full-time Instagram poster on top of raising living human children requires a lot of time and effort, which I guess does make it a "real job". but there are lots of "real jobs" that I disrespect on principle, and influencers are certainly on the list. Petersen has analysis on the stark hegemony of momfluencers, particularly the insidious white supremacy that controls which mothers are seen as aspirational, and she's certainly not lacking in self-reflection about the role momfluencers have played in her own parenting decisions, but it would have been nice to see more pushback on the concept of influencers existing at all, not just creating space for more diverse moms to take up the title. having said that: the chapter in which Petersen reflects on her own mother's lifelong dissatisfaction and grapples with learning to see her mother as a person, rather than just a perfectly happy crafty homemaker, was one of the most riveting things I've ever read and attacked me right in my own maternal baggage. she's a chatty writer who sometimes pulls back the conversational curtain to say the most haunting shit you've ever read in your life, particularly if you're like me and regard motherhood as a sort of horror movie scenario.

Unfortunately Yours (Tessa Bailey, 2023) - god, more like UNFORTUNATELY THIS BOOK, am I right? Unfortunately Yours was November's romance novel, which I finally got around to reading after it was gifted to me this summer by my housemate who clearly hates me. I already bitched about it at length in this month's hater roundup over on my Patreon, but god. jesus christ. I've had a lot of fun reading romance novels that are pretty charmingly crappy, but Bailey just fucking sucks. this book has it all: incessant references to the size difference between our hulking he-man protag and his itty bitty love interest, WEIRD gender dynamics, the most half-assed alleged "enemies-to-lovers" I've ever seen (they just kind of don't get along, it's nothing), convoluted fake marriage, "witty" "banter" that really reads like Bailey has never heard two clever or funny people talk to each other before and has to guess, and some viscerally upsetting sex scenes including one that takes place IN THE MIDDLE OF A FLASH FLOOD. also, the male protag is a war criminal. nobody ever shuts up about how he's an ex-Navy SEAL, but they never seem to want to talk about what SEALs actually do. might be kind of a boner killer.

what am I reading now?

The Bandit Queens (Parini Shroff, 2023) - I started this novel a couple days ago and I'm absolutely devouring it; I've got about 100 pages left and cannot wait to see how the story resolves. it's tremendous fun but also hits on emotional depths that I didn't expect going into a black comedy about rural Indian women killing their husbands! I'm very excited to finish it up and talk about it in my next recap; I think it's one of my favorite novels of the year for sure.

Out There Screaming: An Anthology of New Black Horror (edited by Jordan Peele, 2023) - I meant to read this for October but oops, there were too many holds at the library! regardless, the stories have been nothing but bangers so far.

Small Game (Blair Braverman, 2022) - I haven't started this novel yet, but it's been on my list for a while and after listening to several of Braverman's guest episodes on You're Wrong About in a row, I had to check it out. her episode on the Flight 571 crash in the Andes almost had me in tears; cannot recommend it enough.

#bookblr #reading updates

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ghostradiodylan · 1 month

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What type of music would the counselors listen to?

I know some of my mutuals have answered this question before and I'm sure my headcanons will be influenced by theirs, AND I'm also significantly older than the counselors so they're probably listening to gen z stuff my late millennial ass doesn't even know about but here goes nothing!

Laura So much SIØBHAN! Just kidding. Laura feels like two completely different characters in the game so I have a hard time deciding what I think spunky but straight-laced, ‘this is my first cop,’ over-achieving pre-vet student Laura Kearney would listen to vs badass avenging murder spree Laura Kearney (but maybe she always had that inside her). Part of me wants to say, like, 80’s pop (Prince, Blondie, Tiffany, Michael Jackson, Pat Benetar, etc.) and part of me wants to put her in the hard rock/metal zone with Ryan. Maybe she’s a bit of both.

Max I believe it was Addie (@insertlovelyperson) who said Max would listen to country music where women murder their cheating or abusive husbands. That tracks to me. Maybe it's the use of Alma Cogan's version of 'Fly Me to the Moon' in the game, but I also tend to associate him with crooner type singers of the 40's and 50's (Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, Dean Martin, etc), which is what I said he'd choose for karaoke. And because of this fanart I have no choice but to HC him as a major Ariana Grande fan, he's probably the one who chose the music for the drive to camp. So. Max has range.

Abi is the K-Pop/J-Pop stan to me but I know so little about that music beyond the crossover bands like BTS that I can't speak to it a whole lot. I think she'd also like some emo, pop-punk and moodier alt/pop. Avril Lavigne, Paramore, Melanie Martinez, Florence and the Machine, Metric, Lorde, Halsey, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Billie Eilish, Phoebe Bridgers/boygenius, etc. I feel like she's really into female fronted bands for some reason.

Jacob likes pretty much whatever is on the radio. He's a top 40 guy and has no shame about his enjoyment of Ed Sheeran and Justin Beiber, or about ugly crying to Taylor Swift and Coldplay. He rarely listens closely to the actual lyrics (and often gets them humorously wrong), he just goes on vibes. He discovers half the music he listens to via TikTok (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Emma is a theater kid through and through and loves broadway musicals. She goes through phases with each popular one. She's had a Waitress phase, a Mamma Mia phase, a Wicked phase, and a Hamilton phase, of course, and now she's into Mean Girls, Heathers, and Hadestown. Beyond that, I think she'd be a dedicated Swiftie, big Adele fan, and a lover of Britney Spears's entire body of work from the 90's through today.

Nick probably listens to stoner bro music. Like jam bands and psychedelic rock and stuff. He probably likes Dave Matthews Band and the Grateful Dead/Dark Star Orchestra, Sublime, Widespread Panic, Tame Impala, and O.A.R. Googling jam bands to remind myself which ones exist led me to the knowledge that there's an Australian psychedelic rock band called King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard and that name is so bonkers that I've decided without listening to more than a few bars that it has to be Nick's favorite band.

Ryan is a little bit emo and a little bit goth and a little bit old school punk. He needs music that's loud and moody to help sort out his feelings about life and drown out all the excess noise inside his head. He's into metal, the harder side of emo/screamo, goth rock, hard rock, punk, and post-punk. He definitely listens to Nightwish, GOJIRA, Mastodon, Lacuna Coil, Linkin Park, Rage Against the Machine, Bauhaus, Joy Division, Nine Inch Nails, Deftones, Thursday, Alkaline Trio, My Chemical Romance, AFI, Bad Religion, Black Flag, Minor Threat, The Misfits, Ramones, etc. He doesn't hate more accessible pop and rock music, but the closest he gets to choosing it for himself is probably something like The Cure or The Smashing Pumpkins or Depeche Mode, maybe some of the creepier Weeknd songs and Muse tracks too heavy to go on the Twilight soundtracks. He and Abi listen to Babymetal together.

Kaitlyn classic rock and 90's alternative. This girl likes the Stones more than the Beatles, though she'll listen to both. Led Zeppelin, Joan Jett, Pink Floyd, The Doors, Black Sabbath, the occasional hair band. She especially loves the 90's girl rockers like Alanis Morisette, Garbage, Hole, Veruca Salt, and No Doubt (Kaitlyn can't believe Gwen Stefani is married to pop-country dork Blake Shelton who sings that song about being your honey bee, because Gwen used to be so cool [I'm definitely not projecting]). I feel like she'd also love Bikini Kill and Sleater Kinney, Le Tigre, and The Donnas.

Dylan is the Music Guy ™ (and my personal bias/url namesake), so I've admittedly thought about his musical tastes more than most of the others'. The official Quarry website mentions his 'deep musical knowledge' and I imagine he has pretty broad views on what constitutes good music. He's got kind of a vintage vibe to him, maybe it's the reproduction band shirt from 1988, or the fact that he's into analog technology, or both, but I've noticed he's often depicted playing Queen or Bowie or something of that era in fics, which I think is realistic. This kid goes to the used record store and just buys whatever looks cool.

Fun Fact: According to the datamine, the chapters originally had literary or musical quotes at the beginning of each, and Chapter 5: White Noise (the radio hut chapter) was originally headed by the opening lyrics from Queen's 'Radio Ga Ga':

He's also the only character we see play music in canon, so we know he likes... songs from random compilation albums with inexpensive royalties. XD Just kidding, but these are the diegetic (in-universe) songs we get to hear from Dylan's playlist at the bonfire party:

All pop music of varying subtypes, so we know he appreciates a well-crafted pop song. I honestly am a fan of all of these. I think Dylan genuinely listens to everything but he seems like the type to especially like alt and indie pop, classic rock, garage rock, a bit of the more melodic side of punk, emo, and pop-punk, new wave, synth pop, electronic, and a little bit of hip hop that’s sufficiently nerdy white boy friendly (probably Beastie Boys, Run the Jewels, Post Malone, emo rap like Blackbear, etc). I also tend to gravitate towards early-mid aughts indie for him, like MGMT, Arctic Monkeys, The Strokes, OK Go, LCD Soundsystem, etc. Just seems to match his vibe. I think he'd really like BØRNS, Hozier, COIN, Mitski, and K.Flay and probably have a fair amount of overlap with Ryan's more melodic picks (MCR, Muse, The Cure, etc). Dylan probably hates Morrissey but begrudgingly loves The Smiths and definitely cranks up The Killers in his car. He’s also listening to bands right now that you’ve never heard of but will be huge in a couple years. He can probably tell you the difference between subgenres like chillwave, dream pop, and shoegaze but don’t ask me about it because I have no fucking clue.

Since we’re on the subject, here’s my absurdly long and ever-growing Rylan/Radioheads playlist because I have a problem.

And my Sweet Summer Jams playlist, that’s just a bunch of random songs I think would be clean enough to play at a summer camp as long as the kids/your boss don’t ask too many questions.

#the quarry #I just really love music okay #one of the many reasons I relate so much to Dylan #I don't actually listen to every artist mentioned but... a lot of them yes #I spent way too long on this #hacketteer headcanons #Hackett’s quarry radio hut #dylan lenivy #ryan erzahler #kaitlyn ka #abigail blyg #jacob custos #emma mountebank #laura kearney #max brinly #nick furcillo #ask bunny #hello beautiful anon #bunny blathers

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thefringespod · 3 months

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Finally got smart enough to make my #AudioDramaSunday list ahead of time so I wouldn't forget anything for once! We're gonna start today with the newest Magus Protocol episode which was phenomenal. Cole Weavers wrote this one and I just adore his writing. Also: Augustus is here 👀

Early access for the newest ep of @souloperatorpod was this week and y'all have a TREAT waiting for you tomorrow. Tot continues to astound me with her many talents and we also get to meet a new character who I'm already in love with

@tellnotalespod has brought us back to Julia and Riley who are overworking themselves (especially Riley. Let them sleep.) I love getting to hear from them in these mini eps but they DO make me want to shake Leo even harder Leo please talk to your friends please

@camlannpod episode 2 released this week and my gods it was so much fun. A blend of deep and emotional scenes and comedy (I'm still thinking about "The CW lied to me") I love every character with my whole heart and have been loving all the theories on tumblr about the show

New @innbetween was so sweet I love hearing the Lowlifes become actual friends. Phoebe thinking that everyone wanted her to leave squeezed my heart so hard and everyone insisting she stay because she was the one that they wanted for the quest??? Just so so good

@somewhereohio has once again knocked me flat with this episode. The worldbuilding around Jasmine and what's going on with her memories is incredible! I am an Orange Splice stan 1st and person 2nd. Also the Nadia/Alex scene breaks my heart because I know how they end 😭.

New Technomancy Project was SO GOOD!! And I was FUCKING RIGHT!!! I said this before but I love having all of them play Belial's game this time around and I don't think there's a single EPO agent who didn't make me cry this ep. The Technomancy Project continues to kick ass

Caught up on last weeks @thesiltverses and gods it fucked me up (affectionate) B Narr does such a fantastic job with Faulkner. I love him. I hate him. I want him to get whats coming to him & I want to protect him from it at the same time. B's performance knocks me flat every time

There was another special episode of @wakeofcorrosion this week featuring the Fringes' very own @totcoc0a and @taytayheyhey! I will never forgive them for what they did to my heart <3 Shaun Pellington wrote a killer script and deserves none of the blame even if it did break me

Continuing to make my way through the Storage Papers this week and episodes 13-19 were VERY good. I said "Nope, don't like that" out loud multiple times while listening to 19 which is the exact reaction you want from a horror pod.

This isn't a new episode listen but @wpwcpod has announced their existence and cast and im SO FUCKING EXCITED!! Not only do I love CL Hendry's writing but it will also feature the Fringes' very own Ollie Bannerman and @chainofbeing Cai Gwilym Pritchard I'm so hyped

Also not a new episode listen but Athan (creator of The Grotto) has announced that his album is coming out on March 29! If you've listened to The Grotto then you know Athan writes killer music. And if you dont listen to the Grotto: DO IT GO LISTEN RIGHT NOW ITS SO GOOD

Here on the Fringes we're preparing for the second half of the season! Episode 19 is available RIGHT NOW at patreon.com/PineTreePods and will be available to the public this Wednesday! Also gearing up to finish the last 3 episodes of season 3 which I'm super excited for

And over on @forgedbondspod the first half of the show is written! The cast has been thrown into a discord and has access to scripts now which is super exciting, I can't wait for yall to hear what's going to come from the first 24 eps

And that's all for this week! It's a long audiodrama Sunday post but there's just. So much good stuff going on. Every day I'm so grateful to exist in this audiodrama space and to share my work with yall <3

#audiodrama sunday #audio drama sunday #pines notes #recommendation post

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kedreeva · 1 year

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hi Ked! hope the snakewatching is going well. I've been meaning to ask, because I know you've been writing fanfiction for quite a while: do you ever feel as though community engagement has trended down over the years? and if so, do you have any advice for fighting the feeling that you're wasting your time/energy for a silent audience that just consumes and moves on?

I think it has, but I think it hasn't. But I think our perspective on it has changed, vastly.

The thing is, fandom back in the day was just plain old smaller and more tightly-knit by necessity. Before the net was so big, spaces we could go were limited, mostly fan-controlled, often difficult to find, sometimes clunky to use if you were learning (waving at IRC, hello, I hate you still), and due to all of this were often just... smaller. You could know MOST of the people in a fandom space. You had some degree of genial relationship with readers because you talked to them. Archives outside of ff.net were common, curated spaces with amounts of fic that were relatively consumable in total, as in you could go to a fan-run archive, read every piece of fiction there, and then have to find a new one, which probably had at least some of the same fic on it. Even ff.net, a lot of the fandoms present in the early days it was just like. you had 20 fics, you had 100 fics, whatever the number was, and because the spaces were small and the population online was smaller than now, there just... weren't enough creators to constantly have access to new fic or art. I remember waiting for archives to update their collections because most of them you couldn't just add your work to yourself. And I remember that the best way to encourage that to happen faster was to go and get the creator worked up/excited about their thing again by talking to them about it.

Now, fandom is easily accessible. Now, there are platforms all over the place. If you don't like the section of fandom you're in, it's easy to find another, even within the same platform. Don't like this part of tumblr? Block some people and follow others. Don't like this discord server? leave and join a different one (or make one). Don't like twitter/instagram/tiktok/tumblr/livejournal/wattpad/pillowfort/whatever the fuck other platform? Try a different one!

I am grateful for this sprawl. I'm grateful for fandom being easy for everyone to access, for it being so much easier to find somewhere you can settle and have others who like things you like. I think everyone should have a home.

But that does mean sometimes fandom spreads thin. It does mean that instead of 100 creators, there could be a thousand. There could be two thousand. And instead of one place to find it all, there's a gabillion.

But... the amount of story and art a single human being is physically capable of finding and interacting with (reading, viewing, commenting on etc) hasn't gone up. I can only read at the pace I read at, same for anyone. The fandom I'm in has created AT LEAST 29,000 works in the last 11 months, on one platform (AO3). That's almost 90 fics a day for 11 months. And I know for a fact that not all of the stuff that's been written gets posted there, that's just the stuff I KNOW for SURE has been written since a specific date because I searched a character tag for a character that didn't exist before a certain date.

I don't know about you, but I'm not Readers Georg. I can't engage with every fic in a fandom anymore. I can't even engage with a tenth of the fic in fandom anymore just to purely read it, and by the time I'm done reading one, there's 7 more to take its place.

So, I don't think engagement has trended downward so much as I think it's spread out as fandom spreads out. I think it's more important now than it was before, to try to actively engage with creators, because of this. And I think it's important for creators to try to engage back, too. But I also know it's impossible to go back to how things were, and impossible to make a large fandom behave the way a small fandom did. I also also know that if you ever go into a small fandom, like a rarepair, you will almost certainly see an echo of the past with regards to engagement. I wrote a couple things for small fandoms more recently, and because they have far, far less fic available, they seemed to comment more on what was there. They engaged in community ways, going back and forth in comments instead of just "good job""thanks" the end. they have more time for it. A small enough fandom may go days or weeks without new fic, leaving them time to do those sorts of things, without the fear they're missing out on one of today's 90+ fics.

I can't offer any kind of quick fix, because I don't think it's necessarily broken. But I can say that you should always try to be the change you want to see. When you read something, leave the kind of comment you'd want to get. There's another fic around the corner, yes, but you can't read 90+ fics a day for 11 months straight. And neither can anyone else, and remembering that might put it into perspective.

If you want community, read the OTHER COMMENTS when you read stuff, and engage with the other readers; if anything, THAT is the major missing factor in this day... readers engaging each other over fan creations, rather than just creator-> consumer or consumer-> creator. The most fun i ever had writing on AO3 was when I was writing Siren's Song and readers started talking to each other in the comments about what would happen. A whole little community sprung up around readers talking to each other about what happened after one of my other fics ended. I think that's a missing element that often goes unspoken, and maybe that could help a lot if you feel like the audience is silent. Maybe they are. Maybe they don't know it's okay to talk to each other, too. Go into the audience and make some noise.

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lesbian-forte · 2 months

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Criticisms of Vocaloid and why I like SynthV

I'm not trying to change anyone's mind here, but I would like to say my piece after certain takes seem to miss the point entirely. This might be a bit of a rant.

Vocaloid has gone stagnant in recent years. Yamaha doesn't care. Yamaha doesn't need Vocaloid and is a large corporation that gets much more money off of their DAW software and actual instruments as opposed to something as niche as vocal synths that are both only big in Japan and also only if they're in the top ten or so.

Yamaha stopped putting effort into Vocaloid during the V4-V5 transition. There is a reason V4 has so many cancelled voicebanks. Several developers were working on V4 and Yamaha rendered their devkit suddenly worthless. Devs would have to purchase a V5 devkit and start work over, or quit Vocaloid. And as vocal synth companies are generally very small, few of them would want to continue or even be able to afford it.

So they moved. Miku splitting off for Piapro gave them an opening, and others started looking for alternatives. Then IA went to CeVIO. And more and more. And by the time V5's sun was setting, all the third parties that worked on that were gone too.

But for a while, you didn't hear much from most of them. If a company released a V4 at the tailend of its lifespan or a V5, they had to wait for exclusivity to expire. And Yamaha's exclusivity deals are harsh (ending distribution of existing song voicebanks in the case of utaus with the same VP) and long, borderline predatory. So voices that companies wanted to update couldn't receive them until those expired, or else refresh that deal and stay constrained by a company that didn't even want to bother with them.

So, come V6, Yamaha was desperate. Internet Co had made an ultimatum that if a Vocaloid 6 didn't come out soon, then they'd be going too. That was their last, and after Crypton packed their bags, most important third party. So they accelerated their plans and looked at what the new guys were doing to be so successful.

They took the wrong lesson.

AI is not inherently better. Sample-based voicebanks will always have their place. Traditional samples can allow an unnaturally large range and harsher voice acting than would be possible to maintain. AI is more accurate to the voice provider, and you have a greater degree of freedom with its tone, plus updates and additional features are so much easier- but Yamaha took 'AI' at face value and made a low-quality copy that sounds significantly worse than prior Vocaloid versions and pushed it with Gumi. They could have stuck to improving their concatenative synthesis render quality further- that's what SynthV started as, R1 was just a very well-rendered sample-based program that is probably just a fancy utau under the hood.

But Vocaloid jumped on the bandwagon by doing the absolute bare minimum and claiming the ear-grating engine noise that can cause actual nausea is remaining faithful to the 'Vocaloid sound' even though styrofoam on the mic and a sometimes pleasant metallic twang sound nothing alike. They didn't improve accessibility, V6 has the same stability issues as V5, and the shiny new feature Vocalochanger is just RVC but worse.

Then, less than a year after product launch, they start up VxB and don't do anything to improve the software they're actively selling. Internet Co themselves called this out in the form of a Gumi tweet. Then Internet Co got in talks with Tokyo6 and saw a possible out, so they gave it a go. They're still under contract by Yamaha so what they can do is limited, but we saw them stray as well. And the result is a much better quality version (though arguably still worse than her V4) despite being an exact port.

We're still getting a Gumi Solid V6 because V6 can't do emotions and they still have to be separate banks, and VxB still got a major update even though it's dying in April with radio silence for V6 development, while CeVIO/VoiSona is releasing 2.0s that get major acclaim like Ci Flower's reputation totally getting turned around, and SynthV is sitting pretty with several voicebanks announced and several coming out in December alone, and the most recent in-progress update including both voice-to-midi (which is what vocalochanger should've been) and Spanish.

I do not like V6, V5, or Yamaha. It could've been amazing for Gumi or Una to get updates so they'd have crosslang (or better crosslang) capabilities, as I work in English. But the result was extremely poorly implemented and Yamaha has made no effort to fix that.

I use SynthV all the time, I'd do the same for CeVIO if it offered crosslang as well rather than just dictionaries and a couple English banks. I'm not against trying new things. But I either want the other programs to have the things to suit my needs in a quality manner that's intuitive to use or for the voicebanks I love to get versions on programs that already do. It's not that complicated.

The jokes and the yammering from rabid SynthV fans dissing Vocaloid can get to be too much sometimes. But you have to consider where that actually comes from. It's in response to suddenly being spoiled with a cheap, accessible, high-quality program when the expensive, poorly constructed, difficult one has been dominating the market with anti-consumer, anti-third party practices for years.

P.S.: Also you can do robotic tuning and mixing on realistic vocal synths, it's called doing the same thing as before and then adding it in post. You think utaites swallow vocoders or something? No, they just use different tools to get the same result as engine noise. Not fighting the voice when you're trying to go for realistic vs manual tuning and adding some very easy effects on when doing it the other way around is better, actually.

#synth v #synthesizer v #vocaloid #rant #vocal synths #i still like the old vocaloids but 5 and 6 just aint it

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