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persnickety-peahen · 2 years

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i saw a post talking about how wild the human brain is, and in the comments, someone mentioned aphantasia, which made me feel things and i just have to talk about it so here ya go all seven of my followers and people interested in whatever tags i end up using:

if you don't know what aphantasia is, no shame at all. although it's becoming more widely known and researched, it's still a fairly obscure neurological condition. heck, i only know about it because i read an article on it once about six years ago and realized, hey, i have that!

essentially, aphantasia is the lack of a mind's eye, an inability to voluntarily produce mental images. sometimes it's acquired after a brain injury, but it's predominantly just something folks are born with. estimates about the number of people it affects vary pretty significantly—i've seen everything from 1% or less to as much as 5% of the global population! that's wild! statistically, that means you might probably know someone with aphantasia . . . or maybe you have it yourself but, like me, didn't even know it was a thing until someone told you it was and now you've got a little mini existential crisis on your hands where you realize that the brains of at least 95% of the people you know work in a fundamentally different way from your brain and you're missing out on an experience they all have in common and aaaaah

i don't know anyone else irl who has aphantasia, so when i find someone online who does it's like that moment when a dog sees another dog and recognizes that they're a dog and just goes absolutely crazy. i am consumed by the desire to overshare infodump about all the ways aphantasia has affected my life and then compare notes like, do you also have such a bad autobiographical memory that more than half of your childhood memories are actually reconstructions based on stories other people have told you about your own life? do you also sometimes get unreasonably anxious about being a victim of a crime someday and getting a good look at the perpetrator but not being able to describe them to police later because you can't picture what they look like and even a sketch artist wouldn't help and would probably only make things worse as whatever they draw would slowly replace what little memory you do have? are you one of those aphantasiacs who never got into reading because you couldn't picture things? or are you like me and loved reading anyway, but a) got really bored and pulled out of it when authors spent time describing what something or someone looked like because it didn't do anything for you and b) got really confused when your friends would talk about how they didn't like the movie adaptation of something because it "wasn't how they pictured it when reading" and you didn't know what the hell they meant by that? and then you went on to become a creative writer obsessively concerned with imagery and if you have enough of it to satisfy those people who actually like when things are visually described? do you want to get into drawing but give up in frustration every time you try because of the lack of direction you experience from not having an image in your mind's eye to that you're trying to draw in the first place? do you need visual aids to really understand certain scientific and mathematical concepts? were you frustratingly bad at making and interpreting graphs for school projects and presentations? and now you hope you picked a career path where you won't ever have to do that ever again?

are you also terrible at estimating distance and length and height because words like "foot" or "meter" mean nothing to you, much less bigger measurements like miles and kilometers? do you also need google maps to get anywhere despite living in the same city your whole life because lacking a mind's eye also means you lack the ability to make mental maps? were your inability to navigate and difficulty with measurements something people made fun of you for the same way they made fun of me for it? and now that you know you have aphantasia you can snap back at them and be all, actually the reason i can't navigate or understand measurements is because of a neurological condition so you're basically making fun of me for being disabled, how about that? do you also sometimes get sad and think about how you don't really remember anymore what your loved ones who've passed away look like? or even what your loved ones who aren't currently in the same room as you look like? how you rarely notice if someone got a haircut or new piercing or tattoo or otherwise changed their appearance because you can't visually compare it to how they looked the last time you saw them?

when you try to picture a loved one's face, what happens? me, i run through a list of traits in my head, oftentimes more focused on personal attributes than physical ones because that's what i'm actually capable of remembering consistently. i don't just know what someone's hair or eye color is—i have to memorize it, like a fact for school. mom and dad have blue eyes. my husband has hazel-ish green eyes. my best friend is blonde, but her hair is darker now than it was when we were kids, and she got glasses while we were going to college in different cities, i should know that by now and stop being surprised when i see her wearing glasses. her mom, my second mother, has straight brown hair and a long face, but i can't remember what color her eyes are even though i've known her for twenty years. i think they're blue, but i can't picture it. i don't know for sure, and if i think about it too long it kills me. when i have kids, will i remember their eye colors? or will i have to ask my husband if he knows?

i take a lot of pictures. all the time, of everything—of people, of scenery, of my food, or myself, of pets and cools animals i see strolling around the city. boomers criticize me for not living in the moment, and it makes me feel awful, like i have to choose between experiencing something and remembering it. cause yeah, without the pictures, i would forget. i keep movie stubs and playbills and fair tickets and museum handouts and even fucking hospital bracelets, and i cherish them the same way other people cherish religious items.

it's lonely sometimes, having aphantasia.

the people close to me know about it, so they know how to accommodate me in relation to it, and they're supportive and interested in learning more. but they don't live with it themselves, so even though they know what it is, they don't know what it is, ya know? their knowledge is all second hand. as wonderful as my people are, when i'm really feeling my aphantasia and getting into those sad thought spirals, talking with them about it just isn't the same as it would be to talk with someone else who has aphantasia and has dealt with the same issues and feelings about it

i guess in the end i just want what we all do: community. when i find someone else with aphantasia, i don't wanna be like a dog seeing another dog because i'm so starved for contact with other folks like me; i wanna be like someone recognizing another member of a long distance club i regularly participate in, like hey! same hat! and then go about the rest of my day because i'm satisfied with the community i have. ya know?

anyways yes this is a free invite to message me if you have aphantasia or think you might have it and you wanna compare notes and chat about shared experiences, or alternately if you know someone who has aphantasia or are just curious about it and want to learn more about it :D

#i almost made the ah longer to better convey the sense of existential panic #but long nonsense words like that or strings of emojis can be hell for folks with screen readers #aphantasia #loneliness #the intense desire for community #just neurodivergent things #maybe #cause like yeah obviously aphantasia impairs my ability to do certain things in a way that causes distress #but does that make it a disability?#cause disability feels like way too big and important a word for my experience with aphantasia #like i'm being overdramatic about something that doesn't actually impact me that much #but then again it does significant affect the way i interact with and see the world #and it is literally a neurological condition #can i call myself neurodivergent?#do i have a right to use that identity and claim it as my own?#language is hard #long post

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emilnikos · 4 months

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I need non autistic people to realise meltdowns are a real debilitating thing that has a serious effect on your mental and physical health NOWWWWW!!! The way its been trivialized and lessened pisses me the fuck off. It's not a tantrum and it doesn't come from "being too weak-willed" it's painful and it's embarrassing AND MOST OF ALL IT'S INVOLUNTARY!! Don't claim to be an ally to autistic or disabled people and then make fun of people who have meltdowns. Literally get the hell out of my sight

#i can't believe i have to day it but autism /is/ a disablity. its disabling. meltdowns are part of that.#'oh this is a lukewarm take' you dumbshit fucks have been throwing the word neurodivergent and meltdown around so #casually they have both been said at me with the same disdain as a swear word. you guys will accept making fun of autistic people #if someone jn your circle who is 'cool' does it first. at your big ages. shut the hell up

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valeria-sage · 7 months

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How can chronic pain patients be “addicted to pain meds?” That’s like telling someone with a prosthetic that they’re addicted to their prosthetic. Or a cardio patient that they’re addicted to their pacemaker. Or a diabetic that they’re addicted to insulin. What is the thought process here?

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shlulkythepissbaby · 5 months

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And I'm too physically disabled to do manual labor too.

I love you, Shlulky, I hope you're able to get the financial aid you need.

#its okay to mourn your disability Shlulky and its okay to recognize that some people have it easier than you #but your worth does not depend on how useful you are to capitalism #in a better life you would be able to lay in a field and eat grapes and you the concept of ''usefulness'' being applies to humans wouldnt #even make sense to you #until then try not to beat yourself up about it.. its not your fault youre disabled.. youre not a failure to the autism community like you #might think you are #actuallyautistic #autism #shlulky

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faust1926 · 2 years

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people always act like there’s such a hard line between “psychotic person” and “normal person”, and I feel like that plays a lot into the dehumanization psychotic people face. cause once a nonpsychotic person internalizes this logic, suddenly we’re attractions and interesting and a fun research subject cause we’re just so fucking other that we become wholly unrelatable. for the nonpsychotic person, it’s unimaginable what psychosis must “really” feel like. so they treat us like a fictional species just trying to understand our existence. and they don’t worry about how their actions might affect us any more than they’d worry about insulting a vulcan by calling the vulcan thought process “just so interesting!”.

but in reality.... the difference between a psychotic person and a nonpsychotic person is not so stark. all human brains are prone to psychosis. all humans are capable of experiencing psychosis in one way or another. anyone could develop a full blown psychotic disorder at any time, no one is born immune to this. and while there’s some contexts in which it’s necessary to differentiate who does or doesn’t experience these symptoms of course, largely I think nonpsychotic people are doing themselves a disfavor - and being ableist in the process - by ignoring the hard truth of the matter: us psychotic people are exactly the same as them.

#does that make sense?#to me it feels the same as when middle class people dehumanize poor people. like. you're the same. you're exactly the same #the difference between a middle class person and a poor person is just one (1) bad day #same with psychosis...... one bad event is all it can take to push someone out of reality #doesn't even have to be major. a prescription drug withdrawal could do it. sleep deprivation could do it. bad luck could do it.#you can do everything ''right'' and still end up severely mentally disabled.#hopefully this makes sense #pseriouslypsychosis #psychosis

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briarpatch-kids · 1 year

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Friendly reminder that medical transition isn't a requirement to be trans. There's plenty of reasons someone might not pursue medical transition: disability, discriminatory laws, personal preference, etc. Your gender is still your own to decide whether you take hormones or not.

#im kinda in a place disability wise where testosterone could actually make me sicker because of higher metabolic requirements #so ive come to the conclusion that my body does a lot i dont want it to and my sex is just one of those

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hazel2468 · 8 months

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Something that I need people to understand, especially on this hellsite. Is that oppression does not depend on who you actually are.

It depends on how the world sees you.

If the world sees you as X identity. They will treat you as X identity, whether you are or not. If the world sees that you are not X identity, but they can use the oppression of X identity as a cudgel to make you act the way they want you to? They will use it.

Oppression is NOT dependent on who you actually are. It depends on how the world sees you. It depends on how people see you and what they decide to put on you because of that.

Oh. And when someone experiences a form of oppression that is NOT based in the reality of who they are? It's still that kind of oppression. It's not "misdirected"- it is still that kind of oppression being leveraged to maintain the current social climate.

#this is specifically inspired by all those annoying people #who think that trans men cannot experience sexism or misogyny #but let me tell you as a queer disabled Jew that shit also hits me on SO MANY other levels #oppression depends on how the world sees you #and honestly I think so many people are resistant to that idea because it is a fucking SCARY one #if oppression is based solely in who you actually are #then it's easy to say that certain things don't happen to certain people and there are rules to oppression #and like #I understand that is comforting to some but.... that isn't true #the only rule to oppression is that it will be used to keep everyone in line #and it will be swung at anyone and everyone in order to do that #and who you ACTUALLY are does not stop oppression from happening #sometimes it actually even makes it fucking worse

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cistematicchaos · 3 months

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The problem with being crazy (or mad) is that a lot of shitty people will hear you explain how you can't help doing certain things (because of your mental illness) and still get pissed or nasty when you do those things, while simultaneously blaming random things you do (or even opinions you have) on you being crazy (derogatory). Not only are the symptoms of your madness simply a character failing but also, everything you do that they don't like is a symptom of your madness and thus, bad [wrong].

It's so frustrating.

#mad pride #mad punk #neurodivergent #disability #actually mentally ill #ableism #sanism #chaos is speaking #:) i have a lot of thoughts #guess its sharing time #hope this makes sense #ngl im not entirely sure it does #ah well

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uncanny-tranny · 8 months

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Piggybacking off this post I made last night, but I think two things can be true at once:

Being diagnosed or undiagnosed can both be disadvantages. Neither a state of diagnosis nor undiagnosis can be more "beneficial" because both can be harmful dependent on the situation. We need to be open to the possibility that a diagnosis can be helpful, harmful, a mix, or neither, and not having a diagnosis can also be helpful, harmful, a mix, or neither.

Basically, disability is complex. We live in an ableist world that simultaneously demands disabled people adhere to strict standards but also just not exist in the first place. It's hard enough to navigate diagnosis, and making it harder is only going to harm us, not abled people. They don't care about the intricacies of disability, more often than not.

#disability #disability advocacy #i didn't want that post to come across like diagnosis is INHERENTLY a privilege because it isn't #having a diagnosis can destroy your life in a similar way that not having one can #because what it boils down to is that we live in an ableist world #it isn't the fault of diagnosed people OR undiagnosed people #i was just frusterated about the expectation of having to jump through hoops to please abled people #even if i did get a diagnosis they would then use it to treat me as lesser i imagine #it still does frustrate me though #i just felt like this was a slightly different though related topic if that makes sense

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psychoticallytrans · 5 months

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There are three main models of disability that are in common use. The moral model, the medical model, and the social model.

You may not have heard of the moral model before, but if you are disabled, you have felt the impact of it. The moral model is disability as a failure of character. It sources the problem of disability in the character of the disabled person. It's the people who insist that if you just tried harder, were better, had a better attitude, that you would no longer be disabled. It is a model that is used by ableists in order to conceptualize of disability as a failing of the individual. An extreme example of this mindset are the Christian Scientists, who believe that all illnesses and disabilities should be healed by the grace of their god and that if you are not healed, something is wrong with you. It is the the most cruel of the models, and the least successful at assisting disabled people.

The medical model is the model used by the medical establishment and by those who put their stock in medical authority. It sources the problem of disability in the body. It measures disability against a theoretical average person, and seeks to make disabled people match that average person more closely. This model works very well for disabled people with disabilities that can be measured, have a potential treatment plan, and want their disability gone. It does not work very well for people who do not match all three criteria. If they match the first and second but not the third, then strict adherents of the medical model often fall back on the moral model, stating that they are stupid, lazy, or selfish for not being interested in being cured. This also often happens if treatment fails to improve the condition of the disabled person.

The social model is a newer model, largely designed by disability activists and scholars and often defined in opposition to the medical model. It sources the problem of disability in the interaction between the disabled person and their physical and social environment. It argues that the solution of disability is to change the environment so that impairments are no longer an issue. This model works very well for disabled people who consider their disability not to be an issue when fully accommodated. It does not work well for people who consider their disability an inherent impairment and/or desire a cure. Strict adherents of the social model often fall back on the moral model when considering these people, stating that they are short-sighted or that they worship the medical model. These are the people who state things such as that depression would not exist in a world without capitalism.

When a disabled person fails to behave as expected by the model a person has of disability, the moral model is almost always the fallback position, because many people cannot conceive of why someone would disagree with them other than a lack of good character. This is a problem, because the moral model proposes no solution but to ignore or abuse the disabled person until they behave as expected.

Another notable interaction is that adherents of the medical model can often be persuaded to support the more traditional parts of the social model, such as providing large text resources to people with impaired vision, so long as there is empirical research backing it. However, they rarely support more radical arguments that challenge how we define disability and how society should be structured or restructured.

All three models have major failure points. The moral model fails every disabled person it is applied to. The medical and social models both fail different disabled people when adhered to strictly. The best approach at the moment seems to be hybridizing the social and medical models, so that they cover each other's weak points and fit the needs of the widest spectrum of disabled people. The main barrier to this is that they are often defined in opposition to each other.

#I personally adhere to a hybridized model of the medical and social models that I informally call the independence model #If an individual is disabled or not is their personal call #as is what they do about it.#it does need to be acknowledged who is considered disabled by our society and how that will affect someone #even if they do not consider themselves disabled #Medical care and accommodations should be available to whoever wants it #but should never be forced or pressed on anyone #Public spaces and events should be accessible to as wide a variety of people as possible #The main failure point of the independence model is that it does not call for a single clear solution #and basing a model around personal choice makes it difficult to make policy proposals

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pummelingbat · 13 days

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you can post this if you want or not but i want to let you know that i'm a trans guy too and your comics about herbert-pre!transition-AU is making me super dysphoric. i like ur art and i like your stuff (its great) but it almost feels like youre making fun of dysphoria and trying to make it funny and cute and it almost feels like ur telling jokes about deadnames or looks. its not funny or cute it is really hurtful and makes me feel gross everytime... not telling u what to do but maybe think abt it?

i'm sorry you feel this way, truly.

but writing/drawing this AU is cathartic for me, personally, as a trans guy. i'm depicting a lived experience that i and many others can relate to, not out of mockery but with love. this AU is honestly a lot more personal than most of my other Re-Animator art, so it kind of hurts to be told that my stuff is only good when it's less personal/more broadly appealing to everybody.

i don't want you to feel bad, but at the same time i am not going to feel bad or guilty for making art drawn from from my own trans experience. i have all my HS AU art in one tag specifically for folks to block, for a reason.

#ask #anonymous #i know you said you arent telling me what to do but. like.#it really does hurt that somebody would assume i was portraying a life experience that is very close to my own heart to be belittling.#i get that we are all going thru it but im a trans artist too. i do not just make content i have experiences and feelings too.#and i make art reflecting that.#idk. bummer. disabling anon now.

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mar-im-o · 2 years

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Okay so here's the interesting thing about c!scar from a disability studies perspective...

Social perceptions of disability is a cycle

It's really easy for us to fall in line with ideas of truth and reality which aren't really THERE. Notably, stereotyping.

Today, media is a HUGE part of that. We consume content, see stereotypes portrayed, then when we MAKE said content, portray the stereotypes ourselves.

And normally media is created in an echo chamber. One white guy pitches an idea, a table of nodders nod and say "hm yes of course i get it" and that's that

But when we move into media consumption in the forms of podcasts or minecraft where the media form itself isn't as solidified it gets INTERESTING

We get to see the cycle break

Because NOW the larger groups of individuals are helping design the media, not just a small group. An individual says "Grian's a parrot" and it bounces around hundreds, maybe thousands, of heads which ALL take it and ALL tweak it and make something new. There was no larger force establishing it. It was a group of individuals

Which is POWERFUL. Because it allows opinions and perceptions to be changed.

So THAT'S why I push so hard for people to represent c!Scar as a wheelchair user and disabled. Because up until now, the larger force of society has told us that disabled people are "tragedies, unappealing, pitiful, incapable, helpless" but now you have a character who is BADASS and a SLUT whose titties are OUT and who is doing awesome WATER CLUTCHES and ALSO he's disabled

Just as easily as a group can decide a couple of pixels are actually a trigger-happy scarlet macaw man with eye imagery, we can all decide to stop reinforcing stereotypes and just depict c!Scar as a disabled man!

So fuck it! Don't be a coward! Break the cycle and draw the man scitties out in a WHEELCHAIR

#does this make sense?#social science is simply fascinating to me and fandom subcultures have always been interesting #especially in media without solid characters and designs #so i see a group of people collaborately come up with a vaguely common design depite working with literal cubes and it's FASCINATING #like wow you go you funky little humans #love humanity #anyways #actually disabled #mcyt #hermitcraft #double life #gtws #grian #trafficblr #desert duo #goodtimeswithscar

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grapejuicegay · 4 months

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there is a parallel between mhok fixing day's shoes the moment day wants to use them again and august not only not finding a replacement for day's hair band but also not being able to find day a gift that isn't hie own head band which is tne thing they shared and that day has no possible use for anymore and more than just pity it was the very clear implication that august made that day's life has ended with his lack of vision and that everything in his life is the things that used to be there before. where even with the shoes mhok had been asking day to go for a run for a while and he refused to until august asked but mhok never touched the shoes until day asked him to and he also added some changes like the bright neon shoelaces (easier for day to see so he can maybe tie them himself? don't talk to me....) and a little pin of his favorite flower because that is a thing day still likes and the bright colour is a thing he likes NOW and the shoes are something he wants to use NOW do you see what I'm saying here

#and mhok fixes day's headband for the marathon later on #and it's for DAY to use NOW #and just the way mhok looks at day today as a person with likes and dislikes and interests and hobbies #and how august can't look beyond who he was #and how gee maybe is somewhere in the middle but as a person from his past #one who tries her best #and that MATTERS #because when day gets overwhelmed and mhok isn't there he calls her #and he can call her #and through august you can really see what day means when he says that mhok #is the only person who doesn't make him feel like he's disabled #and also gee now #and how that does make a difference #because look at day at the beginning who would barely leave his room #to day today who comes back home and his mom is surprised that he's back so early #oh god i love this show so much i wanna cry #last twilight #last twilight series

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yuribeam · 10 months

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my family’s disabled. EDS and tethered cord confirmed in some but everyone has roughly the same progression of symptoms. my mom and sibling have already had tethered cord release surgery and we’re in the process of looking at my spine.

im in the process of figuring out what’s normal and what’s not, how to identify sensations, how to take care of myself, how to cope with a body that works less and less. i am also autistic, so for me, that means identifying specific feelings and sensations can be difficult

so earlier today i was woken up from a nap by my mom telling me she’s leaving for dinner with my stepdad. im always down for pad thai so i get myself up, together, and out the door in about five minutes. which is not really enough time to assess how my body is feeling, which is difficult for me anyway.

before dinner im already feeling a little lightheaded and clammy and i figure i just need to eat, which i do, and it is in fact worse. i excuse myself for the restroom, thinking it’s because my stomach’s been weird, don’t feel better. silently rushing my mom to wrap up chatting with my family bc i feel like i need to be home. make it home, curl up on the recliner, feel some sharp pains along my spine, watch a little star trek, eat some leftovers, yknow

then my mom comes into my room before bed and says that she recognized how i was feeling at dinner. cold but feeling overheated, clammy, pale, almost a bit dizzy, hungry but not hungry, needing to put my head in my hands and shift around, uncomfortable but unable to pinpoint what's wrong. she says, i've felt like that a lot too, for decades, and i always think did i eat enough protein did i drink enough did i do something wrong to trigger something i can’t recognize, and actually?

i think it’s just pain.

which is currently kind of blowing my mind a bit to realize, that although i know people with chronic pain will not recognize their pain the same as able bodied people

i am more likely to feel the side effects of pain than the pain itself

put another way, i am experiencing my body reacting to pain whether or not i feel more or less than usual of what i think of as pain (sharp, shooting, twinge, spasm, pointy ache..).

I thought of general pain or the constant background pain as just a low ache that maybe comes with some stiffness and soreness, but I am feeling it through other senses and manifestations as well

so im really rethinking about how to recognize and predict and categorize and classify pain. it made me think of the emotions wheel, which you probably recognize a version of if you’ve had therapy

and i think something like this with words for physical sensations like restless, queasy, tight, collapsible, unsteady, foggy, tensed, and probably better words i’m not thinking of, would be a helpful start to identify how to communicate what is going on with my body

is this relatable to anyone? how do you recognize and communicate feelings in your body that you’ve gotten used to but are not medically “normal”? what words would you put on the sensation wheel?

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bowiebond · 2 years

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Deaf Billy signing onto Blind Max’s hands and them just giggling because he’s signing dirty jokes into her palms. They start laughing harder when Max signs back, making fun of his boyfriends singing. Billy makes fun of her partners clothes because Lucas and El now exclusively wears stuff that feels nice to the touch instead of things that match and they both look a little silly.

Just Billy and Max bonding even though he can’t hear her voice anymore and she can’t see his grin, so he’ll laugh, raspy and little off because he can’t hear it himself, and she’ll be honest with her expressions, beaming at him so he can see she really does enjoy having him back.

#I hc that Billy could have gone deaf after his death because of the mindflayer ripping itself from his head #and the disconnect ruptured his eardrums and probably left it a little hard to emote properly #so his reactions are a little off or hard to read #but he really does mean well #max & billy <3 #it took him a while to learn ASL but El and Lucas dedicated a lot of their time to teaching him just for Max #so they sort of understand what they're talking about but they don't hold it against them #steve and eddie are still learning so they can't make out a lot #but they practice with each other a bunch #which just leads to them knowing a lot of swear words honestly #Max is pretty much fluent in it because she refused to be unable to talk to her undead brother #steve and eddie also learn a bunch of really cheesy phrases because they love watching Billy get giddy over it #just max and billy being disabled and still being little shits #harringroveson #elumax

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tabooballoonpolice · 9 months

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Concept: a movie where the protagonist is in a wheelchair. It's never addressed. It's not a personality trait. Nobody cares. They just exist.

#did you know #disability does not equal personality #being disabled is not a personality trait #being disabled does not make you inspiring #disabled #invisible disability #mobility aids #cripple punk

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