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#but i feel like this is more relevant than ever
carlos-in-glasses · 3 days
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Starting us off bright and early and wishing everyone a great day! ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷
Although we do have the sad banner today lads.
From chapter 4 of I Was Thinking About Your Mouth, coming Sunday:
“I think I’m going to skip dinner tonight. I’m not really hungry.” He sounds nasal and faraway and Carlos is standing here, looking at him seriously, but all he wants to do is hold him tight and let him cry into his chest.
“You always say that and then you end up eating at 2 am.”
TK winces with irritation but still politely responds, “I just feel like being alone tonight if that’s okay.” Doesn’t really have the energy to argue.
“No,” Carlos tells him, “It’s not okay. Get up. I mean it.” Risky, using this tone. Sometimes TK is highly amenable to being bossed around. Sometimes Carlos pitches it all wrong.
But TK does get up – softly sulky as he humors Carlos and heaves himself off the bed. He follows Carlos with obvious reluctance, although Carlos is confident he’d have been coaxed anyway by the scent of heating tomato and mozzarella, like always. He knows details about TK that nobody else could ever know because they’d never care enough, except for Owen and Gwyn as his parents. Now one of the people who knows the most about TK is gone forever, and it occurs to Carlos then about the loneliness of it. Every time someone who loves you falls out of the world, they take a part of you with them. They take the facts and the secrets they’ve been privy to, the little details and quirks that they found relevant and charming for reasons of their own. When Carlos told TK he wants all of his pieces, he meant it more than even he realized at the time. He wants not just the addiction and recovery-related aspects of TK’s experiences and emotions – he wants everything that Gwyn took with her when she went. “Send it all back to me and I’ll do it for you,” Carlos prays to her silently, “Send all your love for TK back to me.” 
Open tag and tags below
@nancygillianmvp @safeaswrites @literateowl
@kiwichaeng @fallout-mars @sznofthesticks
@eclectic-sassycoweyes @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad
@carlos-tk @whatsintheboxmh @vineofroses
@three-drink-amy @orchidscript @mikibwrites
@herefortarlos @fitzherbertssmolder
@sugdenlovesdingle @honeybee-taskforce @theghostofashton @freneticfloetry
@lemonlyman-dotcom @chicgeekgirl89 @sanjuwrites @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut
@alrightbuckaroo @liminalmemories21 @heartstringsduet @never-blooms
@ladytessa74 @welcometololaland @rmd-writes @lightningboltreader
@goodways @reyesstrand @paperstorm @bonheur-cafe
@strandnreyes @chaotictarlos @thisbuildinghasfeelings
If you want to share! No pressure ever! ❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🩷
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carooosa · 2 days
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Bound by You: Love is Power, Love is Weakness
Part 1: Exposure (rewrite)
Word count: 1.5k Rating: Explicit Pairing: Ascended Astarion x AFAB Resist Durge/Reader Warnings: 18+, exhibitionism, ear play, violence against an NPC AO3 link: Exposure
Summary: Astarion can exert his control/power as he maintains composure while fucking you, and while he may not be as strict with his council when doing so, the harshness behind his actions is still there. But when you torture him by making him moan in front of everyone who is beneath him? Not only will it show him weak, but it’ll show his weakness.
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It’s another boring day as a consort while you sit on your lover’s bare lap, slowly rolling your hips into him. Ever since the ascension, Astarion has refused to let you out of his sight for too long, always wanting to have some part of him touching you. It upset you, at first, having to sit in on all of the dreadful conferences and dull discussions. But as always, Astarion made sure that it was worth your time.
He’s droning on about some inaccuracies in recent reports he’s received and his fingers dig into your hips as the proprietor of the counting-house stumbles out an excuse. You can’t help but giggle when you picture the proprietor trembling as he tries to talk his way out of this mess. You remember his name being quite the joke as well, something like Sparkleboard or Glimmerbrook.
“Rakath Glitterbeard,” Astarion barks at the dwarf before berating him for his inadequacies. He shoots you a mischievous glance, confirming that he too is bored with this meeting, so much so that his mind had wandered into your own.
Of course the poor sod’s name was something ridiculous. If he was going to have a name as awful as that, he should just change it to Goldcoin or something similar. At least then it’d have relevance to his job.
Astarion pinches your hips in an attempt to stifle any laughter that may come out, and you yelp in surprise. You look at your lover and notice the slightest crinkle in the corner of his eyes. The ramblings from Rakath stop, and Astarion’s head snaps towards him. “Have you run out with excuses already, Glitterbeard? Or have you simply come to your senses and decide to own up to your shortcomings?” Astarion says with a growl.
You turn your head as well, excited to see what’s about to unfold. The dwarf readjusts his collar before clearing his throat, and the idiot decides to speak up against your Lord.
With the arrogance of a little kid, he says, “No, Lord Astarion, I just noticed that you seem to be preoccupied and thought I would wait until you regain focus.”
Astarion scoffs and you feel him grab onto your ass with one hand as he stands up and kicks back the chair he was sitting on. With his other hand, he pushes off all the paperwork that lay strewn about the desk. He sets you on the edge of the table before pushing you down so that your back is against the hardwood. He stares directly at that insufferable banker as he begins to thrust into you – hard.
“What was that about losing focus?” Astarion says with a crazed look in his eyes.
Rakath’s face turns bright red as he tries to stammer out a response, but it’s no use, as Astarion has already made up his mind.
“Silence. Pick up those documents and put them back on the table – in their correct order. After that, you will redo all of this week’s reports, as well as the last 4 month’s as well.” Astarion is interrupted by a noise of disapproval, his frustration reaching its highest point today. “I said silence. Perhaps you’ve forgotten how that tongue of yours works, shall I cut it out and show you?”
Rakath drops to the floor and begins frantically gathering the papers, all the while Astarion continues to slam into you with reckless abandon as he addresses the rest of the meeting attendees. 
“Do I need to remind everyone that you’re in the presence of the Vampire Ascendant? I am more powerful than you could possibly comprehend, yet you wager your lowly lives just to make some ridiculous point. I could replace you with the snap of my fingers and no one would even care. I keep you around because I couldn’t be damned to get rid of you – however, give me enough of a reason and I’ll put the dungeon to use.”
You weren’t sure exactly how or when it started, but whenever Astarion would get annoyed or pissed off during a meeting he would yank you closer and begin to fuck you, right there, in front of everyone. Somehow he was able to maintain composure as he catered to your needy whines, asserting his dominance over the room while he dominated you. He always took care of you, and one day, you got the brilliant idea to care for him in return.
You’re once again sat on your lover’s lap with his cock buried deep inside you. His nose is deep in a document, a contract with an architect from Neverwinter, and his shoulders are tensed. You delicately reach your hands behind his shoulders to start massaging the knots. He doesn’t acknowledge you save for a quick twitch in his ears, so you push harder, hoping to alleviate some of the stress the Vampire Lord must feel. Moving up to his neck, you meticulously knead every knot you find, humming a soft melody as each point of tension slowly comes undone. When you finish giving him a massage, one of your hands slightly brushes against his ear, causing a shutter to ripple through Astarion.
You quickly look at his face and notice his lips part, a silent moan leaving them. Interesting, you think to yourself, and you slowly reach out to stroke his ear.
You watch as Astarion gasps, eyes fluttering closed in contentment, the contract falling from his hands. He desperately tries to regain control by focusing on his breath. You caress the helix of his ear and his breathing hitches before a pleased sigh escapes his mouth and he leans into your touch. His hands move to your back to stabilize you as he begins to roll his hips, ever so slightly fucking you.
He looks so beautiful like this, you think to yourself. Astarion’s eyes are hooded when he opens them again, and if your heart was still beating, you’re positive it would’ve skipped a beat.
You can tell from his posture that he’s about to move your hand away, and the mind-link connection you share confirms that. The Vampire Ascendant has an image to upkeep, and he can’t show any vulnerability outside of the bed chambers. He starts to shift in his seat when suddenly, you take his ear lobe in your mouth. He mindlessly bucks his hips forward and grasps the armrests of his chair, splintering the wood. You nibble on the lobe, pressing and flicking your tongue against the soft skin.
He can vaguely see in his peripherals the guests from Neverwinter glance at each other and shift in their seats. One of them clears their throat and Astarion tries again to regain his poise but all he can think about is your lips on his ear. You roll your hips and gingerly reach out to his other ear, pinching and rubbing the tip. A quiet moan starts in the back of Astarion’s throat as you coo at him, telling him that he’s such a good lord, so strong, incredibly smart, your love. All the meeting attendants can do is watch as the Vampire Ascendant comes undone beneath your touch.
Astarion is panting as you whisper sweet nothings in between giving attention to his ears. You bite down on the flesh in your mouth – harsh enough to draw blood – and moan from the sweet ichor that flows into your body. The nobility that would usually cower at the mention of the vampire lord’s name now sit watching, unable to do anything in fear of retaliation. One of the younger nobles, the son of the architect, begins to slowly stroke his fingers against his strained trousers.
Within seconds, Astarion barks an order.
“Stop.”
You pause, concerned that you may have gone too far. Before you can ask if you did something wrong, you’re sat alone on the chair while Astarion is on his feet and holding the young man by his throat. He raises the boy above his head and dangles him above the table, his claws piercing into his flesh. The architect starts to get out of his seat but a nearby guest stops him.
“You fucking degenerate. How dare you please yourself while looking at my consort,” Astarion bellows.
The boy is unable to respond as blood fills his throat, causing him to suffocate. Astarion slowly closes his grip around his neck, watching as the architect’s son struggles to pull his nails out. The boy stops thrashing, the life drained from his eyes as his body goes limp.
Astarion continues to hold the corpse in the air as he addresses his room. “Leave. Now. And if so much as a word of today’s events is whispered outside of this room,” he pauses, throwing the body onto the table where the group congregates, “I will personally hunt each and every one of you.”
A few days later, a rumor silently spreads across Baldur’s Gate. Astarion, the unforgiving and merciless Vampire Ascendant, has a weakness. While many laugh and make jokes about how the powerful tyrant gets turned on with the touch of his ears, a resistance group takes note of his true weakness, and their key to his demise: you.
Part 2 Here
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aihoshiino · 3 days
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chapter 147 thoughts
you guys ever hear the tale of the monkey's paw. grants your wish but you suffer dire consequences as a result? just felt relevant to this chapter for some reason. anyway.
Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Completely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 4
I'm gonna be up front and say that while I really wanted to like this chapter and it has the bones of interesting ideas, so many of the existing issues with the Movie Arc just bring it crashing back down. I probably dislike it more than I necessarily should because knowing that this definitely is the end and seeing concretely in hindsight just how much time was wasted and how much excellent material has been squandered or flat out skipped over entirely just makes me want to put my head through a brick wall. And it just sucks because, like… man, I don't want to dislike Oshi no Ko! I really don't enjoy feeling like I'm just putting negativity out each chapter because when the story hits, it hits so fucking good!! The Movie Arc has been clunky but it's had some truly breathtaking individual moments and character beats that make me remember why I fell in love with the series so deeply but then chapters like this come along and I wonder why I'm even bothering to keep reading.
anyway. Anyway.
To my genuine shock and surprise, the RBHK conversation happens entirely onscreen and isn't needlessly dragged out which I will take as a W at this point. What is less of a W is how just… underwhelming this ended up being? This is Hikaru's first meeting (that we know of) with the child he fathered and then essentially orphaned… at least as far as Ruby is concerned. So her total lack of reaction to him is baffling. The question currently seems to be whether Ruby is only pretending not to recognize him in order to try and pry the answer she's looking for out of him or whether Akasaka really, genuinely wants me to believe that Ruby does not recognize her father, when Akane recognized him on sight, he looks identical to her twin brother she spent 18 years growing up with and she is in the middle of MAKING A MOVIE THAT STARS HIM. If the latter is the intent then all I can say is that I feel genuinely fucking insulted on Ruby's behalf at her being dumbed down this badly and for myself as a reader that Akasaka thinks I'm stupid enough to buy this. So I am very much hoping it's the former.
The talk they go onto have is also………………………….. man. I want to like it. I really want to pull it apart and analyze it because it is fascinating. It's a really important look into Ruby's feelings and I even myself said this was something I really wanted to see Ruby dealing with - being faced with the realization that the person who killed her mother isn't some ephemeral faceless force of uncomplicated evil, but a fucked up human being who was hurt and suffering and who faced horrific and monstrous abuse just like Ai did. The idea of Ruby wrestling with her conflicting feelings of empathy and resentment, similar to Kana trying to reconcile her lingering hurt with her love for Ruby as her friend, is super compelling.
But like… she didn't! Akasaka having Ruby look into the camera and having her say "uhhh i was totally having all these deep and complicated feelings this whole time trust me bro" is the first we have heard Ruby struggle with literally any of this. It's yet another example of what I've been saying this whole time of Akasaka both lacking enough respect for Ruby to seriously interrogate her as a character and rushing her to the endpoint of what should have been long term characterization in lieu of showing us the work it takes to get there. Rather than organically weaving any of this into the prior story and letting us actually see Ruby work through this, she just starts awkwardly monologing about it to a conveniently placed guy who is, depending on your interpretation of the chapter, either some rando with an umbrella or the guy she's pretty sure killed her mom.
There is no reason her struggling to reconcile these contrasting feelings of resentment and empathy couldn't have been explored as the movie was being filmed. There were countless opportunities for this to have come up while the movie was filming the scenes dealing with Hikaru's abuse - we even get this set up in 139 during the filming of their first meeting but it gets derailed by a dumb brocon joke because I guess that was more important to spend pagetime on than the arc Akasaka is trying to suddenly pretend Ruby was having.
And it's not like it even matters! Unless the next arc is also going to be about 15 Year Lie where we interrogate the content of the movie not shown to us, Ruby's struggle here comes to nothing. That overhanging question of "Will Ai('s actress) forgive her killer or not?" is cut short and goes unanswered. So what was the point of this?
I also just really can't get my head around this continued thread of Ruby wanting to be an idol who 'surpasses' Ai. I had a whole rant about it here I ended up deleting lol but the long and the short of it is it feels entirely incongruous with the series' broader portrayal and Ruby's own attitude about chasing Ai's light and what being an idol did to Ai but at this point I've given up.
The exchange with Kamiki that follows is like, the one part of this chapter I think is just uncomplicatedly interesting and worth interrogation. He actually gives Ruby a lot of genuinely good advice here - that she can only find an answer to that question by interrogating it herself and an answer from someone else won't solve the issue. Does she actually want suffering and revenge? Are those really at the core of who she is as a person?
The framing here is obviously and overtly sinister and suspicious and we're pretty clearly supposed to think he was about to shove Ruby down the stairs, but a few things jumped out to me. The first is that if you pay attention to the backgrounds, they seem to have actually already been close to if not at ground level by the time Akane caught up to them, so… what exactly was a push from that height going to do if he did, in fact, push her?
Not only that but uh… holy shit! His white hoshigan!!!!
Like, am I misremembering, or is this not the one and only time we have ever seen adult Hikaru - maybe even the real Hikaru full stop - without black hoshigans??? Given what we've seen of him so far and how the black hoshigans have been used as a symbol, if he really was about to kill Ruby… where did THAT come from?
Added together with the deeply sympathetic portrayal of his younger self in the movie, it continues to raise a lot of questions for me as to exactly what we're supposed to be thinking of Hikaru and how we're supposed to feel about him that I am finding very compelling. ambiguity enjoyers when the
NINO IS HERE!!!! MISS NINO I'M FREE THURSDAY NIGHT IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HANG OUT
Joking aside, I'm really glad Nino is here because it implies her whatever the fuck is going on situationship with Kamiki is going to continue into the final arc(s?) of the series and that we'll get to see more of her as a result. Nino's been one of my favourite OnK characters since I first read 45510 so any more content of her in the main story is a treat.
Kamiki's words about the movie killing him via public opinion also lines up with what I was expecting to happen more or less… I'm curious to see how this is all going to play out and what this means for Aqua given that, if last chapter is anything to go by, he's still very much struggling with suicidal ideation. can someone PLEASE give my son a bone crushing hug.
akane stalking kamiki is up there as one of the funniest things ever in this manga btw. what is wrong w her <3
This is unfortunately where me having nice things to say about this chapter ends because the chapter - and therefore the Movie Arc as a whole - ends with this transparently rushed sequence absolutely mach speech blasting through the remaining material of the movie in one and a half's pages worth of silent single panels. Honestly, I really can't properly articulate how mad and frustrated I am about this lmao. It really just feels like Akasaka admitting to the reader that he's stopped giving a shit about what the movie was supposed to be about. The HKAI breakup that was given a huge amount of setup and weight at the start of filming? Ai's pregnancy? AI'S DEATH???? It's all skipped over and brushed aside as if it never mattered in the first place. Never mind any of the interesting characterization we could've gotten out of it. Never mind that the Movie Arc was promised to be about Ai and untangling her past. Never fucking mind Ruby having literally any interiority about having to act out the death of her beloved mother and reliving the event that destroyed her and her brother's lives. If Akasaka doesn't care, why should I?
It feels like a slap in the face for getting invested in the story's promises and trying to engage with it. But of course, I'm going to be back like a clown doing just that when the next chapter drops anyway.
at least we're finally moving on to a new arc but by god. at what fucking cost.
break next week……………………………………………..
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front-facing-pokemon · 9 months
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sonknuxadow · 9 hours
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they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it
#i pirated that shit Btw just so we're clear. also gonna talk about it a little bit in the tags#nothing too spoilery but also might not wanna read if you want to go in knowing absolutely nothing? idk#anyway he WAS a main character still he was present for a decent amount of the first couple episodes#but the amount of screentime he gets just starts dropping after that . hes barely there at all in the second half ???#and it feels like theres a lot of scenes mostly focusing on wade and his problems and not near as many for knuckles and his whole deal#overall it feels more like a wade show with knuckles in it than a knuckles show with wade in it. which sucks#and human characters having plot relevance isnt the problem here i dont mind human characters at all i think they can be really fun#its the fact that the human characters are taking over the story and spotlight when the show is called knuckles#and all the marketing makes it look like knuckles is the main focus#and i also would have preferred if they just went with a differnet character to be knuckles' human friend#because i dont particulraly care about wade. and the knuckles (and sonic and tails) i know would not be friends with cops </3#well at least the story wasnt knuckles training wade to be a better cop like a lot of people were expecting but thats like.the bare minimum#also aside from the issues relating to knuckles' screentime (or lack of screentime) i thought the ending was unsatisfying#regardless of all that though there WERE some parts i enjoyed or found kind of funny or whatever. because knuckles so cutesy as always#knuckles being a cute little guy is the most important part of the show actually#and i liked the parts with sonic tails and maddie even if they were only there for like 5 minutes#(i really wish those three had gotten more screentime. i feel like they could have easily worked in at least one more scene with them)#and its a minor thing but the opening sequence is cute. was honestly expecting just a title card or something#overall the show is just . kind of okay i guess. not the worst thing ive ever seen but still disappointing ? idk how to explain..#my expectations also werent very high in the first place#so maybe im being a bit more generous than i would have been otherwise. idk#and i definitely would not recommend this to anyone who already dislikes the sonic movies . youll probably hate this more#like people who thought the human characters got too much screentime in the second movie would lose their minds if they saw this
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cornerful · 1 month
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Sméagol and the Gift
'Now!' said Sam. 'At last I can deal with you!' He leaped forward with drawn blade ready for battle. But Gollum did not spring. He fell flat upon the ground and whimpered.
'Don't kill us,' he wept. 'Don't hurt us with nassty cruel steel! Let us live, yes, live just a little longer. Lost lost! We're lost. And when Precious goes we'll die, yes, die into the dust.'
Devastated by this. Just a little longer, he begs. Even though his existence is a torment. Even though the will that holds him to life is barely his own anymore. He has long outlived his time but it's such a cruelty that now the only freedom for him is in death. I'm glad Sam didn't kill him but the whole scenario is awful.
When a mortal keeps a ring of power he does not gain more life, he continues, denied natural mortality as the fear of death is amplified and twisted into fear of separation, nothing matters anymore but the keeping, the continuing. In that miserable existence there is no peace, and at its end there is no graceful goodbye to life, there is only dust. Sudden, empty, and final.
It would take murder to spare him that. Or falling with the ring into the fire.
Bilbo let it go in time (did he feel anything when it was destroyed?) Frodo is freed of it now, though the toll it extracted for the separation was at very least a finger. It was too late for Gollum for the price to be anything other than it was, and that's brutal.
If you live long enough, death is no longer the enemy. What Sauron did to Gollum ensured that it would always be the enemy, to be feared and avoided for ever, once time and the ring had fashioned it into the only escape left. Evil.
#lotr newsletter#suicide mention in tags#haunted by the au in which gollum goes into the fire with the ring On Purpose#bc he still couldnt separate himself from it but frodo's compassion had somewhat released him from its evil#in a way an honor to frodo's quest and in a way an act of mercy to be able to give up the self-torment#which gives me shrimp feelings bc of the everything but also back to the original point that it is so tragic that death is all that awaits#bc death is natural and that was taken from him. what is the will to live in the absence of natural death?#smth deeply horrible about that#matt bugg screaming we'll be dust. so famous and rent free#lotrn325#damn it im having more thoughts#wraiths vs gollum: discuss#the nature of the ring kept affects the nature of its possession no? those rings were made FOR thralldom#sauron has power over gollum but not That Much and his own ring is all abt the domination#what would a 2000 year old gollum even be like ._.#the wraiths are probably even more tragic bc at this point they're like...undead. even death isn't freedom#on that topic what happened to the witch-king's spirit fr#I'm pretty sure he isn't ever actually called that in the book but it's epic and gender and way snappier than lord of the nazgul#anyway shoutout to i think yambits for breaking the lore and giving them peace that was sick#where's my gollum rehab fic#i know he's a horrible little man who is constantly trying to murder my boys but i love him so#the au...gollum gaining the willpower to destroy himself because he was given trust and kindness and companionship for once. FUCKED UP.#fucked up horrible i need a minute. being shown compassion and then becoming more self-compassionate. epic#that compassion entailing seeking the freedom of death your soul was denied bc this is fantasy and somehow the exact#arc that usually leads to fighting to live is now flipped. HUH.#yeah jirt alluded to his motivation being For Frodo but i maintain that the willingness to die is HUGE there and extremely relevant#me and my red string keeping me company#ugh tag championships i win i think but at what cost#who wants to spin around miserably in a pool like franknfurter with me as we listen to gollum's song#tam you're already invited i have a floaty for u
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orange-punch · 1 year
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you're bisexual
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i'm bisexual
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we're not the same
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thefirstknife · 9 months
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Is the Witness cutscene viewable to people who did not pay for access to the season (or will it be post-year)? Like people who only bought the expansion and not the season pass? I know they shove important story and lore info behind timegated paywalls constantly (reason I hate the season model), but that seems like a really especially vital scene I would hope would be viewable in-game by everyone
Right now, it's only a part of the season. Obviously it's available for free online on their official and non-official channels, but in-game it's only for those that have Season of the Deep, for now, since it's a part of this season.
As for the future, honestly no clue. I will assume yes because of one simple fact: you will no longer be able to buy the past seasons when Lightfall year ends. That would mean that only people who bought the season during this year would continue to have access to the cutscene going forward, but no new players would have the same access, which kinda defeats the purpose of having it accessible in the game later.
So I can assume that they might be working on some universally accessible cutscene viewer that will allow all players to see cutscenes from content no longer in the game, regardless of whether they've previously purchased it or not. That's the best scenario because it would mean we'd get all other cutscenes in the game too. The middle scenario is that only the Witness cutscene will be viewable somewhere as part of another mission or some quest, also without having to have purchased Season of the Deep (since you won't be able to once TFS starts: technically you'll be able to purchase Lightfall so maybe it will require you to at least have purchased that, but the season itself will no longer exist).
We'll have to wait for more info on that. As of now, I would assume that once this year is done and the season is no longer purchasable, the cutscene will be a part of content that is available to everyone. While it's still purchasable, it's only in-game for those that bought it, but can be viewed with no problem on their official channel (and elsewhere).
#destiny 2#ask#season of the deep#i completely understand the frustration of it if you decided to skip this season#i still think that this isn't too big of a deal and would 100% still advise people to skip any content when they're not into it#all of the content will be online#obviously it feels better to play it yourself but at this point we go into a more complex issue of seasons and vaulting#you'd have to pay for this content either way. delivering this whole story in an expansion would've made the expansion too long#which means it would've probably had to have split into even more pieces. putting it into a season relevant to this year makes sense#there's also the longstanding complaint about how seasons used to not really be relevant to the plot that much#especially not relevant to the expansion. people were fairly mad about that. it was a frequent point of critique in the past#but now that they are relevant people are mad again. it's an unwinnable scenario#i don't think anyone will ever be satisfied until destiny is a singleplayer rpg with a book series and an audiodrama#but hey. even then people would have to buy all that stuff. so i really don't know what the solution here is outside of just...#... 'put everything in the same spot and release it all at once for a smaller price'. balancing that is nearly impossible#as it stands destiny is still the live service game with the lowest monthly cost. even with all of the outrage.#the effective monthly sub for an annual pass of the expansion is less than you pay netflix.#that being said. never spend more than you can or more than you need to. seeing content online will always be better than feeling ...#... like you're wasting money. or worse. actually wasting money. nothing in the story really changes if you see it on youtube#i'm a big proponent of not spending money if you're 100% sure you are into something. even if it means missing out#it's an incredibly complex situation that people boil down to somethinig simple and it's just not the case
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elytrafemme · 7 months
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obvious preface that academic achievement is in many senses bullshit and intellect is not based off of your scores on things in school that makes zero sense and the structures we deem as objective like academic institutions are at their roots subjective and biased. this being said i must admit that it feels really fucking nice to get a good score on a test
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arsenicflame · 7 months
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'im doing great!!!' <- had to read through old messages from their [????] to remind themselves that was a legitimate thing that happened and not just a delusion
#tw for tags- allusions to kidnapping and abuse and grooming and various sentiments around that. a vent.#genuinely had myself questioning if it actually occurred or if it was all in my head like the recurring kidnap Thoughts#i dont honestly remember much that occured around that time so#retraumatise urself a little to remind yourself how fucked up that was#i put ??? because i honestly. dont know what to call him. now stalker; then? abuser? groomer?#i honestly struggle w words because i struggle to give myself the grace about what happened.#but i spent some time with [removed because they could see this + Who holds no relevance] and i just. it really clicked here#what the fuck i was a child. i look at them and i see a baby and they remind me so much of myself and i was a child#and they are older than i was!! what the fuck#i struggle to give myself the grace because i know i made a lot of mistakes and i was stupid and i knew better but also what the fuck#sorry syrry. looking at them and thinking who would ever. fucked me up#and then i started questioning if it even happened or if i made it uo#and im deeply upset now rereading all of this and theres more than i remember becuase i went looking to find something with another person#acknowledging it happened and i. i dont remember it and i dont know why i did it and hes still following me and i want him to STOP#i want to feel safe again#i want my actions as a 15 y/o to not be held against me until he dies#im fucked up#but i think i needed to say these things. to put them out into the world. i feel a little better. ill probably delete this later#nyxtalks#jesus this is a swing from my last post sorry guys#ik nobody read this far but i feel the need to say it. this is not the kind of person i want to be online
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jvzebel-x · 8 months
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🦋
x. polite because no one deserves to be purposefully treated rudely. kind because kindness keeps a person gentle. sweet because making people smile is uplifting. helpful for the same reason. supportive because if you dont have anything nice to say, it's extremely easy not to say anything at all. above all, do unto others what you would have them do unto you.
o. polite because it's the best way to fade all the way into the background. kind because i'm too afraid to let myself be cruel. sweet because of overwhelming&pathetic desperation to make people happy. helpful because it's too exhausting to cause waves. supportive because other's goals are a great distraction from my own. above all, a smile makes the best camouflage as long as no one can ever see you sweat.
x. lonely+isolated because of mental+physical health restrictions. i miss people-- i miss being surprised, i miss relating to people on any level that isn't abject pain. i miss connection, communion, community.
o. alone+introspective because it pays off to be so. i don't miss people at all-- in fact it is a true sign of growth that it is not my knee-jerk reaction to say that i hate them for everything that (an admittedly small sampling of) people have done to me.
x. i am so terrified of communication at this point, &traumatized by Other People just in general, that i regularly shut my notifications off on everything because the sound of any form of notification ring that i recognize can literally kick off vicious panic attacks and send me running for dark corners, lmao. i am pathetic-- but i am a survivor.
o: i am charming, fun, &social to varying degrees dependent on the work. i am adaptable, everything from the center of attention to support staff with ease. smiling through blood in my mouth&talking to basically anyone for minutes to hours is child's play-- literally, since that is when i learned it.
x. pride over the skills i've developed over a lifetime of nonsense. made possible by mania, perhaps.
o. shame over the skills i've developed over a lifetime of nonsense. put off by disassociation, definitely.
x. i am kind and small and smiling and invisible. please just leave me alone. please don't even look at me, i literally cannot bear it, i just want to be alone again, please do not hurt me, i will do anything to make you happy if you just promise not to hurt me.
o. i am vicious and bloody and loud, and i will make you look at me, i will make you see me. i will give you a reason for that sneer, &i have no problem giving and taking blood in the process. my blood is worth so much less that i will win this no matter what-- i am braver than you could ever be because i have nothing that i'm afraid i'll lose.
x: i just want to make people smile.
o: i just want to never see another living person ever again.
x: like me, like me, like me. please just like me. i just want to be safe from abject hatred. i just want to be likeable. i can be anything, anyone-- it isn't like i want to keep all my parts, anyway, just tell me what i need to toss to be normal. just tell me what to chop off to be loveable.
o: i will give you every reason to fucking hate me if that is what's going to happen, anyway. i have spent a lifetime becoming who i am, usually against my will-- i can finally look in the mirror without flinching, &i won't let anyone take that away from me. you'll pry my forced self-acceptance out of my cold, dead hands.
x: i have been so lucky. i have been so fucking lucky. every single day i am reminded of all the many ways it could have been worse, things could have been worse, life could have been worse. i am so lucky. i owe the red string everything for letting me finally be someone i like sometimes.
o: i might have been lucky, but somehow i doubt anyone treating my gratitude or happiness like a red flag would be capable of living a day in my life-- or any singular one of the days i've lived thus far. but i can definitely give them a taste if that's what they need to wipe the snide looks off their faces. i'll hate myself after for giving in to the temptation, though. i always do.
x: there's good in everything. if you look for it, there will always be good somewhere. you just need to look. happiness is a conscious decision. kindness is a conscious decision. being a decent person is a perpetual and conscious decision.
o: there's bad in everything, too, and the second i see it, i cannot unsee it. or forgive it, usually. why is it so much easier to see how much people fucking suck?
x: i want perfection. practice, constant effort, dedication-- i need perfection, i'll get perfection. if i can't, what's the point? if there's not even the possibility, what is the fucking point? how am i supposed to live if i know my lifelong goal is&always has been unattainable?
o. perfection isn't an objective possibility. how many times&different ways do i need to fail at the impossible reality before it actually settles in. it isn't possible. i'm dedicating my life to an impossible pursuit. more specifically, i'm committing myself to eternal&constant punishment for failure. why, though. why am i like this.
x. i hate myself so much sometimes i feel like i might actually lose my mind.
o. i am so full of pride sometimes i feel like i might burst at the fucking seams with it all.
x. i am terrified that i'm not capable of living unless it's fighting uphill. who am i without the struggle? who am i past the trauma?
o. if fighting uphill is what made me what i am, what does it matter if i never lose the edge? why should it matter if i need the extra motivation? if i can handle it, why should the struggle be a bad thing?
#so my bipolar diagnosis has been a central theme in my life for the past couple months right.#&i have a really. specific. relationship w my diagnosis lmao. bc its not like i can pretend im not certifiable lmao#but like also this diagnosis up until i literally lost parts of my sanity over turbo had only ever been used for several types#of negligence lmao.#&bc its been a Conversation lately ive been having to reflect on how i feel about it more than i have in. years probably lmao.#&like my thing is i have trouble telling the difference between being an unstable person vs being a complex person.#idk. something something what is the self without the Other? something something tree falls in the woods&no one hears it ect ect.#something something what makes anything real in regards to things so abstract&subjective?#bc until someone actually has the balls to slice me open&test my brain chemistry to put me out of my misery its all just a debate lmao.#idk lots of polarizing thoughts lately maybe.#... as always i dont really have a trigger warning specific for anything but it feels relevant anyway.#........... my doc is gonna have a field day. i dont want new meds but i have a feeling an adjustment is coming soon. 🫠🫠🫠#on the plus side tho! i have successfully kept my weight up past 105lbs for a solid week. so. solid win in all my other med departments.#(... i just remembered i had a bf once who used to HATE reading all my ramblings lmao he said i talked way too much&it showed.#i'm so fucking happy we broke up before that could actually sink in enough to ruin my big fucking mouth LMAO)#(edit: my doc had a field day lmao.)
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goldensunset · 1 year
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Happy one month until tears of the kingdom 🎉
WAUGH YOU’RE RIGHT
#time is passing soso quickly…#june 2019 feels like it was only yesterday#we’ve really been waiting for this game for almost four years huh#now suddenly it’s like that’s way too soon oh man just a month#can’t believe it’s even happening feels like this was never supposed to be a real game just a myth#i’m gonna be out of school in less than a month… probably working in less than a month…#funny my brother has been saying for years now ‘once botw2 comes out i’m gonna request an entire week off of work’ LOL#imagine if i did that lol. hey i know i’ve been here for two days but it’s really important i need to play this game right now#man this summer is about to be lit… a real and interesting job… a game i’ve been waiting for for years…#i’ll be in class for the final trailer tomorrow AUGH#maybe i just shouldn’t watch it anyway. like just to avoid spoilers#i wanna go in as blind as possible actually#me from a year or so ago would’ve NEVER passed up the chance to get more info on totk but that’s bc i needed crumbs to sustain me#but now it’s like. hey it’ll be here in a month anyway and i’ve got other stuff to do in that time#same with the gameplay showcase i haven’t seen that#i’ve had all the relevant tags filtered on here for like a month ever since the art book leaked#just gonna leave ‘em on#once we get closer to the date itself i might eventually log off indefinitely#actually that’s probably gonna happen anyway#if it’s anything like last summer having a job and a game to play over the summer means i don’t need tumblr to fill my time#anyway this has been a ramble sorry#asks#rosie-kairi
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havesomeballs · 2 years
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Roger Federer as Religious Experience by David Foster Wallace, 2006
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maaaxx · 11 months
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Introduced my mom to the concept of individuality and autonomy 4 dead 1 injured
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likeabxrdinflight · 8 months
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I'm gonna find a way to shoehorn Mary into this good omens fic if it kills me
#I can't think of any plot relevance I just want to write Jesus and his mom interacting#...also wanna write Mary pissed at Heaven because you know what? she deserves it#all my life Mary was depicted as this meek woman who just went along with whatever God asked of her up to and including murdering her son#and like you know what? nah#fuck that narrative#you're telling me a Jewish woman never screamed and raged at God for her son's brutal crucifixion? for being tortured by the Romans?#I'm not Jewish but everything I know from my Jewish friends tells me that screaming and raging at God is not only normal but expected#meek and mild Mary feels like a specifically Christian invention#this whole 'I am the handmaid of the lord' deal like I don't think 'oh btw this kid's gonna be killed in 30 years' was part of the deal#like the most famous depiction of Mary after the crucifixion is the pieta which is this very serene and docile image#and I'm just like...under no circumstances could that have ever been the reality you know#where's the paintings that show Mary's actual pain#where are the sculptures that are ugly#and why is this woman not allowed to be angry#she's only ever allowed to be sad but like in a pretty and docile and obedient way#as if anyone deserves to fist fight god in a denny's parking lot /more/ than Mary#..............and all of this would be character relevant for Aziraphale because he needs to really see how fucking terrible Heaven is#I just need a plot reason to bring her into it
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hezuart · 2 years
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For Chelsa AU: would Charlie or Helsa mind if one of them became… softer, so to speak?
I think they've both become a little softer, in different ways
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