#also this subject is one that like while not related to my major is genuinely kind of useful and interesting shit to know?

[elytrafemme]

obvious preface that academic achievement is in many senses bullshit and intellect is not based off of your scores on things in school that makes zero sense and the structures we deem as objective like academic institutions are at their roots subjective and biased. this being said i must admit that it feels really fucking nice to get a good score on a test

#nightmare.personal #i generally did fine on tests but like. the whole of my last biology class about two years ago #i did REALLY bad on nearly every test and broke down about them frequently #and so i got a test back today and given it is curved to hell and back i don't know what my raw score would've been #but he was like what do you think you got and i was like. he showed us the score distribution beforehand #mentally i was hoping for a 50% but after seeing that most people got over that i got audacious enough for a B #and then he said i got an A+ and i'm just like. processing that #i actually know shit. i know shit! i know shit about things! #and like i studied really hard and studied in groups and studied alone and reread notes #and pushed through a massive fatigue i got when i started the test because i always get test fatigue #and i did good . :') #there's somehow more and less pressure on me now that i'm in college to get good scores but #it's just. idk. it's cool :D i think it's cool! that's all #also this subject is one that like while not related to my major is genuinely kind of useful and interesting shit to know? #like nobody's ever gonna ask me about fucking. the human fossil record. but it's pretty relevant anyway #so it feels more rewarding than scoring well on something that's just actually useless in most manners

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Subversion of expectations in Set Me Free Pt. 2

What makes it all worth it in closely following an artist's career trajectory is having the opportunity to look at their work from various angles. In turn, that opens the possibility to make comparisons, to be able to spot the various inspirations, to see how it's positioned in the appropriate contexts. It's not an easy job, but the result is that by taking into consideration all these elements, it's possible to eventually know what type of interpretation is more suited, without making major leaps for the sake of it or turn the work into an ahistorical event.

I've been thinking all day how I should write about Jimin's pre-release track. I kept postponing it, going back to watching the music video and keeping my involvement in debates to a minimal. In actuality, and for the sake of honesty, after a few hours I was in the avoiding stage. I had thoughts here and there, but nothing that I was able to put together in a coherent way. I wrote and deleted paragraphs several times. The reason was because in the last few months I've become more interested in his projects, wanting to witness the direction he is taking which in turn affected the way I approach each topic regarding Jimin's work.

I'm saying all this because I want to point out the element of subjectivity. Which is ever present. There's no such thing as complete objectivity. It may manifest as neutral or heavily analytical statements, but underneath all that there's the obvious element of our own taste and bias. I think we can't have an honest conversation as long as we don't acknowledge that. Being biased in this context makes us protective of the artist we like, of perhaps thinking but not being ready to admit that we hold them as the highest standard in order for them to become the main point of comparison when we look at other artists. As much as I see this as an expected result of our subjectivity, I strongly believe that stating and being honest about this can make our interpretation and opinions to come from a more genuine place. Otherwise we hide behind our own notions of taste and knowledge which can lead to useless comparisons and connections between artists when that's not the case or more likely, judging a specific work in relation to some standards that have no place in the current conversation.

This is something that I have to remind myself all the time because I can be guilty of, but it's also a type of discussion that I see happening a lot in online spaces (predominantly twitter) which eventually doesn't bring anything of real value to the table.

In this context, I think it's impossible not to look at Set Me Free Pt. 2 (SMFP2 in the following mentions) as a sort of turning point. Not only the song, but the entire album. But for now, I will refer to this track because it's relevant in its connections to other major points in Jimin's career. SMFP2 closes a chapter while also setting the stage for what will come next. Not only that, it shows a versatility that sometimes it's a more relevant point in the context of releasing a first solo album, an EP in this case. The song and its visual representation can be understood in the context of what came before, specifically Lie, but also Jimin's artistic trajectory in the the last decade as a group member, his personal journey and his status and presence in the public life as an artist.

What I appreciate about Jimin's work is that it shows his ability and predisposition to storytelling. Of taking parts of his individual path and turning them into motifs, easily recognizable for the listener who has the availability to try to understand. I want to mention first Lie and Filter because both songs are representative for specific stages in Jimin's life as an artist. Lie was a cry for help and salvation, of not being able to get out of a web of lies that can swallow one whole. By the time Filter came, it showed a maturity and self awareness that came from knowing how he is perceived, of playing the part, but always on his terms. With SMFP2, Jimin doesn't need an outside force to come for help because he is finally able to do that on his own. And that only comes after years of struggle.

As much as the song is liberating, the aggressive element takes center stage. This is the song of an angry man that had enough and he can finally say and do what needs to be done. And he has only himself which makes it all the more scary because it shows his inner power and ability to endure, but also to fight back. It's a stage in which he shows that he's invincible, with lyrics such as ''I won't hide anymore, even if it hurts/I won't stop even if they mock me''. In terms of structure, the song is a conversation between Jimin who acknowledges that he reached a new stage in which he is free because he did it himself and another inner voice, the one that has to remind everyone that he is untouchable now and no meek person. Musically, this is achieved and punctuated by focusing on the hardware version – the rap part and the software element expressed through Jimin's usual vocal signature.

Instead of turning this into a step by step analytical interpretation of the lyrics and imagery, I want to discuss some elements of it through the frame of expectations and the subsequent subversion of them.

If SMFP2 being a hip-hop song might be considered a choice that apparently doesn't fully characterize Jimin or it comes as a surprise based on the teasers alone, I think it manages to show how he can adapt and make use of different genres, including those that we might not immediately associate with him. The reason why this song works is due to the heavy contrast punctuated by the insertion of a heavily artificial element. While from a matter of personal taste, the sound itself here can be quite difficult to digest, the choice makes sense because it creates a distinct voice that helps in distinguishing the two parts of Jimin that are sending different signals and which represent two sides of the story he's telling. The autotune on the rap parts makes his voice almost unrecognizable, but that also means we're seeing a clear case of subversion. That voice sounds foreign and not something we might even associate with him, but we have to keep in mind that it's the aggressive voice. The one who is sincere and clearly states he basically has no fucks left to give.

The music video was also surprising because it presented a type of choreography that is yet again different from what we would expect. And this element is crucial because of what we know of Jimin's background and his status as a dancer. A common observation/criticism is that he didn't dance as much as it would have been possible and that's a thought that also crossed my mind initially. But then I kept thinking about it and I realized that this might be a case of wanting a specific type of dancing from him and instead, receiving something else. Perhaps it should have had strictly moves for every single beat, a more complex choreography for Jimin and not what looks as him taking control over only specific parts, instead of just making some movements that look a bit uncoordinated in order to fill in the space created by the dancers. But on taking a closer look, it becomes obvious how every movement and gesture is purposeful. I see Jimin here as the one who orchestrates and leads the entire choreography, including controlling those around him. It might look like they hold control over him, as in the case of pointing their fingers, or acting almost possessed trying to take him down, but they move based on how Jimin controls the space. I think it makes a show of power, even in the moments in which on the surface it might look like the opposite is happening.

The (melo)dramatic tone of the song and especially that of the music video is achieved through the use of only a handful of elements. In this case it's interesting to note that it happens in the vein of less is more when usually the opposite is the norm. Using only one space, quite minimalist in terms of chromatic elements and lighting and camera techniques, the focus is on the choreography. It's the principal element which can only come from someone who has an established image and known for his dancing abilities. There is no need for props or other artifice in order to elevate or complement the production. The message needs to be straightforward and adding other elements would take away the attention from what is relevant. For a song that makes use of an imposing choir, brass instruments and drums, that is more than enough to convey the epic element of the story.

Ultimately SMFP2 is yet another example of how Jimin always subverts the expectations, of how there is this entire world and parts of himself that we wouldn't even think about. Yes he will rap, but he will do it in way that is unexpected. Of course he will dance, but the choreography will not be entirely like the type we are used from him. And he will have a poem of Rainer Maria Rilke tattooed on his torso which only indicates that we barely know anything about him. Of what is the spectrum of his inspiration, of what are some of his creative influences separate from what we would already expect. There's always the element of surprise and if there's one thing that I know I can expect from Jimin, is him doing more and different than what I could possibly think of.

This might be a song in his first solo album, but Jimin is starting on this path after 10 years of work. It means there's an entire baggage of experience, but also that we're seeing a new direction. Which can prove to be successful entirely, or perhaps only a first step for someone who will have plenty of time in establishing a public identity as a solo artist. I think his future looks bright, regardless if this song is exactly what we would have wished for or not.

*This post is merely an attempt at some sort of generalized view of the song and the music video. I will mostly likely talk more about specific elements in the following days if the occasion arises, probably by having conversations through asks. 

#jimin #jimin set me free pt 2 #jimin face

[tater-tot-jr]

I think I should put in my two cents considering the Hazbin hotel leaked Angel Dust clip. I’ll say that this post should be one absolutely massive trigger warning. If you’re sensitive please don’t read this, I’m pretty blunt. Also I’m only talking about a small leak but SPOILERS!!!

So before I make any points I’ll start by saying that I’m not an inherent fan of vivziepop, this isn’t meat riding, it’s a genuine attempt at open conversation and discussion. I’ll also say I’m a survivor myself and while I don’t claim to speak for anyone else I have some ground to stand on here. I completely understand that people can be triggered by this type of imagery and will at least skip this particular scene or episode, I promise I’m not talking about you guys.

You wanna know who I am talking about though? The weird ass moral police I’ve been watching mobilize. It’s crazy how people are making a big deal out of this. I’ve seen three arguments and all of them are terrible in themselves and being used to justify terrible behavior.

I’ve only seen people claim three major things, this is a bad depiction of a s/a survivor and situation, this is something that’s too graphic and immoral to put in a TV show, the fact that the singing and dancing lightens the tone in a way people find distasteful. I’m going to be trying to prove why I find these arguments mostly ridiculous and unfounded.

As for argument one, s/a survivors come in all shapes and sizes and hyper sexuality happens to be an incredibly common reaction to sexual trauma. I haven’t watched episode one and two but even if I had I’d still have too small of a sample size to determine the entire tone of an incredibly messed up complex dynamic between too incredibly interesting and layered characters. It’s ridiculous to have so many assumptions and expectations of an *11 second leaked clip.*

Secondly. Creative freedom is possible the most important thing in art. If we didn’t have the freedom to put what we wanted on paper or on screen then we wouldn’t have had so much societal change recently. Just because you might find something distasteful and immoral doesn’t mean it absolutely has to be hated on and removed. It’s okay to not like things because you find them gross, it’s okay to not enjoy graphic depictions of serious subjects, it’s not okay to start internet wars over moral bullshit. It’s okay to be mad in silence sometimes, guys.

Thirdly. I kinda get this one, I don’t agree with it but I do understand the point. The idea you don’t want a serious subject framed with a sexy pop song is not inherently bad, it’s just something that makes me think you wouldn’t have liked Hazbin Hotel anyway. I actually appreciate the fact they are using the creative medium to make bold and shocking decisions but I get some people are sensitive to new things, that’s fine. Where this argument gets ridiculous is when people act like this is very out of line for a show like this. This isn’t a Saturday morning kids cartoon it’s and adult animated show about people in hell. It’s highly likely that this won’t be the worst thing we see, you either need to heed the trigger warnings at the beginning of each episode or get over it.

You’ll notice that I didn’t bring up anything about the merchandise pins or the storyboard artist, I did this because they aren’t arguments but barely related attempts at character assassinations. When you spend five minutes thinking about them critically you come to realize that there is nothing substantial to those arguments.

I’d like to finish up talking about how I think this scene is doing more good than harm. It’s important to make people uncomfortable when you’re talking about things so horrible like s/a and rape. It shouldn’t be meek and palatable for a general audience, it should upset you. I remember hearing something in a video game once that stuck with me. There was a character who said that when you’re sick you need strong medicine and that the strongest medication is very bitter.

I think episode four will be some very bitter medicine.

#hazbin hotel #angel dust #feel free to leave a comment if you disagree #it’s important to engage in discussions and I’d love to hear some other perspectives #if you leave a comment with arguments against any points I made I’ll do my best to respond to you with a potential counter argument #and it should go without saying that if I watch the episode and realize I’m completely wrong I’ll post a public apology

[hxhhasmysoul]

Just found this in twitter, so cool :

"Sukuna about Yuji: “Our souls lived in the same body. I know that this kid, no matter how many times his soul brakes, he'll always come back. He wields an invincible soul” #JJKSpoilers #JJK248"

Thoughts (as SukuIta shipper & non shipper glasses)?

I don't know if my shipper opinion differs much from the non shipper one.

I've been talking about how unique Yuuji's soul is for a long time now. And the story has always acknowledged it. The concept of the soul, what it is, what it can do, how it relates to jujutsu, is one of the recurring issues heavily discussed in universe. All major antagonists mention it. Those who understand the shape of their soul like Mahito or Sukuna are extremely powerful. Sukuna's soul is stronger than Mahito's so he isn't affected by Mahito's touch, he tells Mahito off for trying to touch is soul and easily hurts Mahito when the curse displeases him.

However Sukuna is stuck in Yuuji. In normal circumstances he can't take over, and if Yuuji stayed protected, unharmed and ignorant to the horrors of the world, aka if his soul didn't get damaged physically or emotionally, and he would've been fed the fingers gradually, he would've been able to keep Sukuna as a prisoner for ever.

In the fanbook, Gege said, that if Yuuji consumed a weaker cursed object than Sukuna's fingers, he'd've likely completely absorbed it. This both shows how potent his soul is and how strong is Sukuna's that he survives a prison like that intact. It's curious whether Yuuji would've started to absorb him too in this scenario where he would've lived a relatively peaceful life just consuming the fingers from time to time.

And what Sukuna says here hints that maybe he would've succumbed. Yuuji's soul is extremely strong. Now, on the outside, Sukuna can try and destroy Yuuji. But if he were still stuck inside? Stuck indefinitely with no prospect of getting out?

Yuuji impresses Sukuna, probably has for a while now but Sukuna did everything not to admit that. But the frustration that is Yuuji to him has bean peeking through. The insults, the condescension, the very poorly performed fake indifference? Being stuck in Yuuji he learned of power, of strength that he likely hadn't considered before. Hadn't truly encountered or seen up close. And he'd been testing the boundaries of Yuuji's strength from the beginning by constantly bullying him. Unsuccessfully.

When Sukuna ponders Higuruma's death and as a result his thoughts stray to Yuuji, it's no accident that he is reminded of Jougo.

It's when we see Sukuna be affected by someone with goals, with ideals. He's been long enough in Yuuji to start to see them as valuable even though he doesn't understand that yet, he doesn't get why he talked with Jougo during the curse's death.

He even genuinely asks Yuuji about this. In his fights he's Usually toothy grins and condescending smirks, in this fight he's also mostly that. But here he stops and asks. He looks pensive, curious.

In chapter 248, in his ruminations on Yuuji, he finally puts it together. And takes it personally, he actually starts caring about something even if that something is killing Yuuji. Yuuji interests him on a personal level, and no one else has.

This next part is very subjective, because it's honestly about how you personally read the panels, and they are small and not very detailed. And the way I see them may be coloured by my shipper bias.

But I think he's shown fondness of Yuuji in their fight after he took over Megumi's body.

To me his face here shows that he's satisfied with Yuuji's answer to his question. Because of how his brows and eyes are drawn, his face feels soft, like this is a smile, not a smirk.

Again the line of his brows is soft. He says it's hilarious but here he doesn't look amused to me, more pleased. So this line and the next one feel like excuses. Like he doesn't want Yuuji to die because he hasn't figured Yuuji out yet, and Sukuna is a huge nerd, he likes to know.

#thank you for the ask #jjk spoilers #jjk leaks #jjk 248 #yuuji itadori #sukuna

[hit-song-showdown]

Year-End Poll #47: 1996

[Image description: a collage of photos of the 10 musicians and musical groups featured in this poll. In order from left to right, top to bottom: Los del Tio, Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men, Celine Dion, The Tony Rich Project, Mariah Carey, Tracy Chapman, Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, Donna Lewis, Toni Braxton, Keith Sweat. End description]

More information about this blog here

A lot of major moments to talk about this year. Like my birth. I was born out of the Macarena Summer.

In 1996, the Bayside Boys remix of Los del Rio's Macarena became a cultural phenomenon as well as an incredibly popular song (I'm clarifying it's a remix, because the non-Bayside Boys version also reached the Hot 100 at number 98). The track's record for longevity in the Hot 100 would only be broken almost two decades later by Adele.

Speaking of record-breaking songs, One Sweet Day, the duet between Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men, is a towering R&B number. At 16 weeks, the song held the record for most weeks at the number one spot until Lil Nas X came out with Old Town Road in 2019.

One Sweet Day is a song about grief, specifically the track was inspired by the ongoing AIDS epidemic. It's not the only song on this poll related to this issue. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony wrote Tha Crossroads to honor Eazy-E, one of the establishing figures behind the West Coast rap scene who passed away from AIDS-induced pneumonia in 1995 when he was just 30-years-old.

Sadly, the stretch between 1995 and 1996 would be marked by several losses among legends in rap and hip-hop. In 1996, The Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac Shakur would be murdered with only a few months between their deaths. These losses will be relevant in a direct manner when we get to the next poll, but it's not an exaggeration to say that the music world was shaken by their deaths. There were those who were quick to make bad-faith arguments blaming the violent subject matter of the music itself. And while the coast-based rivalries did get extremely intense, I think this is a reductive conclusion to come to. To many, however, this moment in music history felt like a nation-wide wake up call.

As rap became more mainstream and started to absorb more of pop music influences into its sound, the genre was bound to change. We've already seen this with the increasing number of R&B fusions and rap verses on pop songs. But some mark this year as another turning point for the genre, as the gangster rap era starts to fade in the mainstream music scene. Even outside of rap, after this point pop music starts to feel a lot sunnier, for lack of a better term. Whether this is due to coping with these recent tragedies, a larger demographic of younger music listeners dictating the majority taste, people gearing up for the new millennium, the record industry reaching record numbers in profits, or genuine positivity and optimism (think that might have been still a thing lol), the times are certainly about to change.

#billboard poll #billboard music #tumblr poll #1990s #90s music #1996 #los del rio #mariah carey #boyz ii men #the tony rich project #tracy chapman #bone thugs n harmony #donna lewis #toni braxton #keith sweat

[mariacallous]

The internet sucks now. Once a playground fueled by experimentation and freedom and connection, it’s a flimsy husk of what it was, all merriment and serendipity leached from our screens by vile capitalist forces. Everything is too commercialized. We commodified the self, then we commodified robots to impersonate the self, and now they’re taking our damn jobs. We live in diminished and degrading times. I miss when memes were funny. I miss Vine. I miss Gawker. I miss old Twitter. Blogs—those were the days!

Stop me if these gripes sound familiar. In 2023, the idea that the internet isn’t fun anymore is conventional wisdom. This year, after Elon Musk renamed Twitter “X” and instituted a series of berserk changes that made it substantially less functional, complaints about the demise of the good internet popped up like mushrooms sprouting in dirt tossed over a fresh grave. Some people even complained on the very platforms they were mourning. Type “internet sucks now” into X’s search bar, you’ll see.

The New Yorker published an essay by writer Kyle Chayka on the subject, calling the decline of X a “bellwether for a new era of the Internet that simply feels less fun than it used to be.” People loved it. (Sample comments from X: “Relatable.” “Exactly right.”) Chayka claims that it’s now harder to find new memes, websites, and browser games than it was a decade ago. He also argues that the rising crop of platforms popular with young people—Twitch, TikTok—are inferior, enjoyment-wise, to the social web of the 2010s.

Both of these arguments are baffling. Memes fresher in the past? Yes, it’s tiresome to see Tim Robinson in a hot dog costume for the 500th time, but c’mon. In the early 2010s—the years Chayka longs for—the internet was all doge and doggos. It was the era of reaction GIF Tumblrs, the Harlem Shake, the Ice Bucket Challenge. Give me literally any still from I Think You Should Leave over “You Had One Job” epic fail image macros. Only glasses of the rosiest tint could recast the 2013 internet as a shitposting paradise lost.

The argument that the 2010s social web was superior amusement to the platforms now popular with Gen Z is even stranger. TikTok has major issues, but being unfun is not one of them. It’s been a springboard for some genuinely talented people, from comic Brian Jordan Alvarez to writer Rayne Fisher-Quann to chef Tabitha Brown. Binging Twitch streams certainly isn’t my thing, but people aren’t being held at gunpoint and forced to watch seven straight hours of Pokimane. They like it! They’re having fun! And how can one say with a straight face that gaming got worse? Roblox alone is a gleeful world unto itself; to pretend it doesn’t exist and isn’t a vibrant digital hangout is goofy and obtuse.

Corrosion of specific platforms on the internet—X, to pluck the most obvious example—is an observable phenomenon. (I, too, mourn old Twitter.) Musk’s changes to how X operates have made it harder to surface and verify information; his antics have driven away both advertisers and power users and allowed the cryptogrifter class to spam inboxes with invitations to NFT drops and meme coins, resulting in a digital space that feels abandoned and crowded at once. Other platforms, though, are flourishing.

Look at Discord, for instance. Its siloed structure is a throwback to the pre-Facebook internet era, when socializing online often meant logging on to specific forums. The disintegration of the Big Tech-dominated 2010s internet is creating a more balkanized social web experience, what Kickstarter cofounder Yancey Strickler calls the “dark forest” theory, where people turn away from big, open mega-platforms in favor of more private or niche digital spaces, from nonpublic Slack channels to invite-only WeChat groups or special-interest podcasts. While some people might find that boring and hard to navigate, it’s not universally boring, or inherently difficult to navigate.

There are serious problems with the internet right now. Platform decay—“enshittification”—is real, and it’s not limited to X. Search is in shambles. Plus, the flood of AI spam has just begun. But there were serious problems with the internet 10 years ago too. Arguing that the decline of certain corners of a previous version of the internet means that the entire internet isn’t entertaining anymore is a preposterous leap.

The impulse to describe the internet as being in a dire existential crisis is an understandable one, especially if you love going online—it’s easier to get people to pay attention to emergencies, isn’t it? All sorts of decidedly not-dead things get declared dead periodically, from literary criticism to monogamy to Berlin. “My favorite platforms are faltering and I don’t like the new ones” isn’t as compelling a pitch as “The basic experience of goofing off online is on the brink of extinction!!!”

But the basic experience of goofing off and being creative online is not on the brink of extinction. Ten years from now, there will be writers—even if they’re AI chumbots churning out shitty prose on SubstaXitch, the demonic merged iteration of Twitch, Substack, and X our poor children will use—earnestly reminiscing about the good old days of 2023, when that affable menswear guy showed up on everybody’s feeds, and TikTok wasn’t banned in the US. I know this. I know it because during the era that Chayka is now nostalgic for, people were also complaining that they missed the old, good internet. (Real headline from 2015: “The Modern Internet Sucks. Bring Back Geocities.”)

This brings me to my theory about the internet. To understand how people feel about being online, look at how they feel about the long-running sketch comedy television show Saturday Night Live.

Bitching about how SNL is so much worse than it used to be is a time-honored tradition. It has been declared “Saturday Night Dead” regularly since it debuted in 1975, nearly 50 years ago. In 1995, for instance, a New York magazine writer bemoaned the “slow, woozy fall of a treasured pop-culture institution.” The cast at the time included Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Norm Macdonald, and Molly Shannon, all widely considered comedy legends in the present day. In 2017, in fact, New York ranked that cast’s run as the third-best era of SNL, ever, describing it like this: “At its peak, it’s hard to argue the show was ever better.” Quite the reassessment!

In 2014, writer Liz Shannon Miller examined the impulse people have to favor whatever era of Saturday Night Live they grew up with and watched during their formative years. “It’s a generational problem that leads to parents and kids just not being able to agree on the talents of John Belushi versus Will Ferrell,” Miller wrote for IndieWire.

A similar sort of generational problem is playing out right now about what it’s like to spend time online. Millennials grew up logging on in the 2000s and 2010s, maturing alongside Facebook. The internet from this era is the internet of our salad days. Of course watching it get eclipsed by a different iteration hurts. Of course some of us look at TikTok and wish it was Twitter—it’s the same impulse that propels family squabbles about whether the Lonely Island guys were funnier than the Please Don’t Destroy boys. Saturday Night Live has always been wildly uneven. Every era now heralded as golden was once pilloried as corny dreck.

To insist that the fun is over is to adopt an overly nostalgic stance, and one that rests on a pathetic fallacy: Just because you aren’t having fun on the internet doesn’t mean the internet itself is broken. It’s what it always has been, a flawed mirror of the cultural moment. It’s fine not to like it. But don’t pretend there aren’t young people alive right now who are having the most fun they’ll ever have online, just as there are young people alive right now who will be raving to their kids about how hilarious Bowen Yang was on SNL—especially compared to the synthetic clones of Gilda Radner and Jimmy Fallon the AI programmed to imitate Lorne Michaels cast in the 2061 season. We don’t need to make the present sound worse than it is. The future will come, soon enough.

[h-worksrambles]

To be a Good Dog, or an Enemy of the World: Models of Masculinity in Shelter

Shelter is a very easy game to treat lightly when you first start it up. A bright colourful visual novel about anthropomorphic dog men, with clear Shounen anime influences in its tone and aesthetic. Charming, funny and unabashedly horny, Shelter presents itself as a game about a group of aggressively quirky treasure hunting doggos getting into all kinds of shenanigans amidst a post apocalyptic frozen wasteland. But to my surprise, not only did I find a game with unexpectedly rich worldbuilding, some sick action scenes (especially for a visual novel) and some genuinely powerful emotional payoffs. But it turns out Shelter has some surprisingly relevant things to say about constructs of masculinity and how they affect queer people. Full spoilers for the everything up to the most recent public update below.

Much of the story of the game revolves around Luke, the overseer of this technologically advanced home for lost Canines, and, apparently, one of the only known remaining Humans, as well as his three closest friends, and our three route characters: Burry, Rune and Max. We follow three alternate timelines where Luke spends the day bonding with one of the three, and, during the recurring event of Skies Ablaze, struggles with his identity as the only human in a giant facility full of anthropomorphic dog men. When Shelter malfunctions and is overrun by monsters, we witness three alternate ways the attack can play out. And in the course of this, the magical nature of Skies Ablaze as an event causes Luke to experience the memories of one of the three route characters. Through this we see the events that brought them to Shelter and how they became the self actualised people we see in the main game. That’s an extremely basic rundown of the gist of the game. But what I think makes this interesting is what we learn about the what the three used to be like before they joined.

All three of the route characters were in the service of one of the other powers that make up Shelter’s setting. Burry grew up along his many siblings only to be contracted as a scientist by the Wolves. Rune likewise was raised to be a soldier by the Wolves from birth. And Max was a spy and assassin on behalf of the Felines. It’s a common joke in the fandom to say that ‘everyone in Shelter is a war criminal’ but there’s definitely a major component of these dogs all being obligated and indoctrinated to serve corrupt systems of power, that lead then to do deplorable things. Burry begins research into the nature of Monsters, which leads him to turn the Wolves’ living test subjects into Monsters in a series of horrific experiments. Most shockingly, this included all of his own siblings. Rune, as the latest incarnation of the legendary hero, Moon, is trained to become the champion and general of the Wolven army and key to their expansion. Having been wrenched away from the only father figure he ever knew, he has taken countless lives in various campaigns, preparing himself for the moment when the power of his past lives finally manifests and his individual consciousness will fade.

Max is the least clear due to his route being unfinished, but we do know that he along with his brother Atri were trained not just to kill by the Felines, but also to hate and repress their own identity as Canines. To think of themselves as Felines, not being given a chance to choose that for themselves. Even in the present day, this still has an effect on Max. He struggles to relate to the other dogs, to adopt their mannerisms. Because he spent years being told that part of him was shameful and he should aspire to be something else.

So what’s the point of all of this? Well, while on the surface, Shelter is a fairly straightforward story of redemption, of people who have all done bad stuff in the past finding a home where they can make a fresh start and live better lives, it becomes very interesting when read through a queer theory lens. In fact, one starts to see some very pertinent points about the societal cishet masculine constructs that queer people have to exist in every day.

A recurring idea that comes up in the cast’s past is their instinctive desire to be told they’re a ‘good dog’. It’s a validation Burry craves as a scientist and Rune craves as a soldier. And sure, there’s a basic anthropomorphic element that they’re dogs who want to be praised. But what defines a ‘good dog’ in this context? Well, in a word, obedience. To live up to a very rigid social standard of what’s expected of them as a Canine, and crush any impulse that tells them otherwise. Burry must be cold and rational as a scientist, quashing his own empathy to perform disgusting experiments. Rune must be a constant image of strength as the legendary Hero. Always fighting for the sake of others and never showing a hint of weaknesses or vulnerability. As Luke points out, if his purpose is to save others, then who is going to save him? All three characters have to deny a part of themselves to live up to what arbitrary wider forces of power or culture have decided they should be. The realisation of this causes then to voice one of Shelter’s arc phrases:

“This World, truly, is Hell.”

And it is something they are only able to shake off when they are among the other dogs at Shelter. Or, in other words, when they are among other queer non conforming men, both literally and metaphorically. This is marked by then declaring themselves as having become an ‘Enemy of the World’. They have rejected the identity that was assigned to them by those in power, and have chosen one that lets them live as their best and true selves. Even when it may cause others to see them as a deviant or even an enemy.

Another factor that leads me to equate caninehood with queer masculinity is the fact that pretty much every named character in Shelter is male. Only one character with female pronouns has even been so much as mentioned so far in the text. Now there are other meta reasons for this. Shelter is an MLM centric, very NSFW game. One of the core draws of the game is to bang a bunch of hot muscular anthros, with very traditionally hypermasculine bodies. But when the game chooses to explore these themes of repression, identity, rigid social constructs and healthy self expression, it’s hard not to see a commentary on masculinity being made if every character is very pointedly, a guy. Now, I don’t want to imply that only queer men will get anything out of Shelter. I think these themes can resonate with any queer person. But I do think that when Shelter is read through the lens of being about the effects of toxic masculinity on queer people, it gains additional resonance.

In addition I think this lens of caninehood equalling queerness is also seen in the overt, casual sexuality of the dogs at Shelter. Luke is already friends with benefits with all three of the route characters before the game even starts. The player can have Luke hook up with other characters like Thistle and Alon and it has no negative consequences as no one really cares about that sort of thing. Again, this is to be expected in a smutty gay furry VN. But it does serve the point about queer celebration and expression. These characters can now be themselves here, whatever that entails. Homophobia is not really brought up as a concept in this game (again, with practically no female characters there are no straight relationships to be propped up as more desirable). But the spectre of it lingers metaphorically in the game’s subtext. There is a conflict between what other forces claim a ‘good dog’ should be, and what caninehood means to these characters.

So how do our characters break free from these masculine constructs? Well, in many ways, because of Luke. Burry, having left behind his masters after deciding he could no longer work for them, goes into hiding in the snowy wastelands beyond Mozeburk. Trying and failing to save his brothers’ souls. He finally meets Luke, half dead in the snow, where the two band together and ultimately discover and establish Shelter. The two devise a magic to restore the souls of Burry’s brothers which Burry calls on in the present day during the final battle. Burry believed he had been irreparably warped by his complicity in the systems around him. That he was no longer a Canine, but a monster still worse than the ones he created. But he reinvents himself through finding connection with someone who believes in him, and who he believes in too. His love for Luke gives him a new purpose and identity. He now lives not for the sake of obedience but for loyalty. The toxic idea of what it means to be a dog is reimagined as something more positive. Kind of like embracing a healthier understanding of masculinity.

This applies to Rune as well. Before he felt he could never express his own weakness due to his socially mandated role, and awaited the total loss of his sense of self. He even ends up imposing those harsh systems on others by intending to take Shelter away from Luke and Burry and hand its powerful technology over the Wolves. Meeting Luke causes Rune to reconsider everything he once thought about himself. And it culminates in him manifesting the power of the Hero not in himself, but in Luke. He allows himself to be saved, to be emotionally vulnerable, to be sexually liberated (as it is around this point that Rune starts engaging freely in casual sex). He comes out, both literally and symbolically, not as the Hero, but as Rune. He trades closed off stoicism for boisterous earnestness. Again, a newer, healthier form of canine masculinity. And while Max’s flashbacks have not yet been elaborated on, I fully expect them to follow this theme.

There is also something to be said about how, within Shelter, they take on new roles that have sometimes culturally bern labelled as not being stereotypically masculine. Burry is the tavern cook. Rune, while ostensibly the chief of Shelter and head of defence, spends most of his time as a teacher for the other dogs. And Max shines as a musician. There too they take on gentler, nonconforming images of masculinity, ones in which their queerness can shine.

And key to all of these arcs, is Luke himself. I would posit that, if Shelter is about a bunch of traumatised men learning to embrace and celebrate their queerness, then Luke, narratively, is queerness personified. His own struggles as the only Human among the dogs represents a near universal queer experience. He wants to be accepted, to be as much of a canine as they are. But he is othered for something he was born as, something he can’t control. He is bullied and isolated by Teak, who is himself a walking hotbed of every toxically masculine trait in the book to drive this home further. In fact, between his hang ups over the physical differences between him and the dogs and how this eats away at his perception of his own identity, you could potentially read Luke’s arc as metaphorically being about gender identity, as he comes to realise that those arbitrary differences he was born with don’t make him any less of a canine at heart. But, as a random cis dude, I kinda feel like that’s not really my analysis to make beyond the broad strokes, even though it’s worth bringing that up.

He undergoes many relatable queer hardships But he also embodies the positive transformative power of queerness. Giving Burry someone to love and live for. Becoming the Hero for Rune to allow the latter to be true to himself. And accepting Max even though he is far from a typical Canine. In the present day story, Luke is the one who undergoes a character arc, compared to his friends/lovers who all go through theirs in flashbacks. In an act of queer solidarity, these now self actualised men are able to help him when he struggles with his identity and purpose in a way that mirrors themselves. Like Burry, Luke struggles with his sense of duty, keeping Shelter running smoothly at a distance, versus what he wants in his heart. Like Rune, he bottles up his emotions to act as the support for everyone else, and learns to confide in them and ask for help (all while stepping once more into the role of the Hero during the final battle, taking on a power only a canine could wield and proving his true nature once more). The Enemies of the World find home, support and empathy with each other, even as that World tries to quash them.

Of course, not only is the story incomplete but I’ve only scratched the surface with Shelter as a game. I could go further into characters like Teak, Alon and Cooper and how they all reinforce these themes in various ways. Or mine further details from the rich worldbuilding. Or even discuss the meta significance of the game’s multiple endings through the Barkest Corner. But my point was really to discuss what made Shelter so special to me. It’s a goofy, gorgeous, shameless visual novel with a lot of polish, a lot of porn and an even bigger amount of heart and sincerity at its core. It tells a moving queer narrative draped in a fantastical veneer and does it incredibly well. And I can’t wait to see how Rausmutt plans to bring it to a close.

#thank for listening to me ramble on about the gay furry doggo game #shelter vn #shelter #rune moon #burry tangleroot #max shelter #luke shelter

[gorgeousgalatea]

You know what I'm trying to finally write again and anywhere is a good place to start so here are some bite sized reviews of my bite sized YA binge (including two other books I read a few weeks earlier):

The Narrow, by Kate Alice Marshall: This was a book I borrowed after skimming it with a strong impression I would enjoy it, and thankfully I was right! The main character is the daughter of two well off but neglectful parents who spend way more time on her deeply troubled brother, to the point where she doesn't find out they forgot to pay for her final year at boarding school until she's already arrived. Fortunately the wealthy parent of a sickly student is willing to cover her tuition, as long as she rooms with and takes care of that student for the year. Pity she's pretty sure she's the reason that student is sick. Oh, and their dorm room is haunted as hell.

The Narrows deals a lot with the subject of abuse--both romantic and familial--while couching it in an atmospheric ghost story. I liked the tone and the characters, and one thing I really enjoyed is that it used its first person narrative to paint a very familiar romantic fiction picture of the main character having no one else to relate to or rely on other than their new love interest who is ~the only one who understands them~, and deliberately made that the product of her own insecurities. The ghost and possession element also explored sense of self and identity in a way that pinged pretty hard with my ozqrow days. Bittersweet ending, but would recommend for anyone into sapphic ghost stories.

Before the Devil Knows You're Here, by Autumn Krause: Ehh this was the mediocre apple story. I loved the summary--the main character's struggling single father passes away suddenly, and before she even has time to mourn, the monster her father has been warning her about her entire life shows up on their doorstep to steal away her brother as well, so she sets out to find the monster and save her brother. I dunno, the problem could be me, that summary had me expecting Guillermo del Toro style Labyrinth--which I am now realizing someone could say "don't you just mean Pan's Labyrinth" and no, I mean the relationship with maturity and sexual awakening where the monstrous is outwardly monstrous--and that's...really not what it was at all. It was "what if Johnny Appleseed made a deal with the devil," which kudos, I have not seen before, but wasn't really into in its execution. I do appreciate a heroine with guile, though, and she does have that.

I Fed Her to the Beast and the Beast Was Me, by Jamison Shea: The premise of this one is pretty straightforward--a talented black ballet student makes a deal with a dark entity to have the opportunity to actually make it into the prestigious Parisian ballet troupe she's been chasing after her whole life, and discovers that being part of a cult with monstrous powers is actually less toxic than being a girl of color in the Parisian professional ballet scene. I really liked this one, it wasn't afraid to have its leading lady be monstrous and cruel and wrong, and it also made it clear which parts of her mindset were just the product of spending so long in a cut-throat industry that spent every moment rejecting her. The ending was a bit too neat for me, but overall the atmosphere was great. Genuinely almost anything with a title like that is probably something I'll end up enjoying lmao

What Stalks Among Us, by Sarah Hollowell: Two best friends get stuck in an evil corn maze! This wasn't my favorite, but I still enjoyed it a lot; the main character's habit of self-censoring even among friends was very resonant with me. The story hits the ground running and has good momentum on exploring the mystery of the maze and how it came to be. The nature of the maze is ultimately rooted in [womp womp] trauma, so that's a major element of the story, and unfortunately there is greater focus on the main character's trauma with her best friend supporting her, but I guess that's to be expected in a first person narrative. It still is ultimately about their friendship! Which is portrayed as valuable as is without developing into anything else.

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth, by Andrew Joseph White: Ultimately the most brutal of the books but I think that was what I liked about it. The main character is a trans boy in an 1882 London where mediums are a hot commodity but the women are only prized as potential baby makers for male mediums. The main character is caught trying to escape his conservative family and inevitable impending marriage, and sent to a corrective boarding school designed to turn mentally unwell spiritually sensitive women into demure brides. This boarding school is run about the way you would expect, and most of the story is the main character realizing just how bad it is and figuring out what can be done to escape. The exactly one way he's gotten lucky is that he and his future betrothed turn out to be t4t and are really quite cute together, but the main character is an aspiring surgeon and that means the story is not afraid to get visceral. Which really elevated the tone; there's room for a sequel in the ending to this one that I wouldn't mind reading.

#I did it! I wrote the thing! #don't mind me just nattering on about stuff

[littleblueberryartist]

Some future Percy Jackson headcanons :D

- He never grows facial hair. Yes this is partially because I don't like drawing facial hair but also I feel like Percy would just take one look at the mirror, realise that he looks like a splitting image of his dad and then shave the whole thing off

- Percy is the malewife trophy husband in this relationship. Yes I HC him with a job (I will get to that later) but it's about the vibes

Like he literally says this in Greek heroes!

He is the trophy husband to Annabeth's successful girlboss wife and he knows it! He does the cooking and cleaning!! (His mother is THE Sally Jackson so you better bet he cooks dam well too)

And I refuse to believe that he and Sally aren't like super tidy people after living with Gabe. Like ADHD disorganization real and true just like me fr but Percy would not let there be trash or bad smells /anywhere/

- Related to the above Percy does not drink

- Percy took a GAP year actually

- Like yes he does actually try and jump back into school like he does in ToA because he is tired of godly bullshit and craves normalcy. But my guy. That is a semester of content you missed along with current school AND you're still prepping for college AND you're still recovering from the war. Something something he does this as a distraction from everything but also because he genuinely wants to have normalcy but after burning out somewhere through the year he is convinced to take a damn break!!!!

- I think the road trip at the end of ToA can still happen but like, just them relaxing and exploring during the GAP year (also redesigning Olympus is Annabeth's BABY man she's putting that over school + she has worse school records than Percy because she's been year round at camp since she was 7 I don't think school convention matters that much to her actually)

- Anyway they take a well deserved break!! (And get therapy hopefully) So by the time they get to college they are in a much better place mentally <3

- With the accomodations from NRU for his learning disabilities Percy actually ends up doing really well and gets better grades than Annabeth! I am a believer of "Percy is smart it's just that he wasn't properly accommodated and also lacked interest in certain subjects" and "Annabeth is naturally gifted and never learnt to study because she coasts through school and wings her tests" (they're both just like me fr)

- Percy ends up picking Marine Biology as a major because he's not actually sure what he wants to study (he's never gotten the chance to think about what he wanted for his future because of the great prophecy) and thinks that "hey even if it's cliche it'll be easier for me"

Cuz like I understand the excitement of finally going to a school that accomodates you and having hope that you'll get an actual chance to succeed. But also school is still hard and Percy probably just wants to get through it too sjsjsjdj. So he doesn't think too hard on it and goes with the perceived most obvious and easiest option. (Also an option he's most likely to show interest in)

Okay! Rubs hands. From here I start talking about my marine rehabilitation center Percy hcs :) (this hc is heavily inspired by this post! I really looked at it a few years ago and never stopped thinking about it lmao)

- Something something Percy is canonically the kid who used to sneak out at night to help free sea creatures in fishing nets and is best friends with Grover "lord of the wild" Underwood and Rachel "activist" Dare. That boy is an environmentalist.

- He ends up finding genuine passion in ocean conservation and gets a degree in environmental conservation along with marine biology

- A while after graduating, he sets up a marine rehabilitation/conservation center of sorts

- Annabeth, who probably makes it big as an architect pretty soon (at least in the half-blood community) designed the building, Rachel helps to fund the whole thing. Grover, who goes around doing conservation work and setting up sanctuaries to help preserve the wild helps a ton with setting up too

- The center helps out both mythical and regular sea creatures. It also acts as a demigod safe house (something something Hazel + the Hecate kids help to set up wards to keep monsters out and also to shroud the mythical aspects of the place with the Mist)

- I dunno if the staff will be only consisting of people in the know or if there are mortals too but I feel like even though the wards at the center aren't as strong as those at the camps, the prospect of a safe working environment would be pretty enticing to demigods so a bunch of them end up interning there for a bit

- speaking of safe environment I feel like while Percabeth study in New Rome they wouldn't live there. Instead Annabeth ends up building something similar to it at CHB. But rather than a whole city, it's more of just apartments close to camp with various safe houses all over the country because I feel like they'd end up vibing in the mortal world more. (Much like this post!)

- The center holds educational field trips to encourage more people to care about the oceans. (I've been on a field trip to a marine rehabilitation center before, I think it'd be something like that but with a bigger, more advanced facility)

- I actually like the hc of Percy becoming an educator to help kids like him and also go full circle with the whole "why would anyone want to be a teacher for all time" thing with Chiron in TLT. But rather than become a teacher he ends up being an educator and advocator for environmental conservation. Might be invited to be a guest speaker at schools from time to time.

- Oh also he's still a teacher in that Percy teaches swordfighting and canoeing at camp send tweet

#pjo #hoo #toa #riordanverse #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #headcanon #marine rehabilitation center!percy #aqua's ramblings #heeheehoohoo little do you know that this is also the set-up for my demisona meeting Percy

[amadeusgame]

September Devlog: Full Episode 1 Design Finalized

Per last month's devlog, this month's primary task was to finish the narrative outline and complete game design document for the full Episode 1 release. And I'm happy to announce that this is done, I have a concrete vision to follow, and now it's a matter of ticking off boxes on the to-do list until this thang is RELEASED. I'm getting REALLY excited about this project, and feeling like it is becoming more and more tangible.

Some quick updates before getting into the details:

I'm sure you all heard the kerfuffle about Unity; I've discussed where I'm currently at on the Tumblr blog here.

I went to PAX West (and the Seattle Indies Expo) and talked to a ton of indie devs! I wrote about a lot of upcoming indie games on the Tumblr blog here.

As always check the linktree (https://linktr.ee/amadeusgame) for all resources related to Amadeus. Most frequently updated are the Tumblr blog and Discord server, but these itch.io devlogs will continue monthly as well.

And now, for this month's updates. 

TL;DR--

PAX West & Seattle Indies Expo: more details on these events, specifically how much it helped me as a solo dev meeting and talking with other solo devs.

New Mechanics Envisioned: made a new paper prototype & sought playtester feedback to determine final control scheme vision.

Finishing the Narrative Outline: process for sitting down and mapping out the full Episode 1 narrative to guide the GDD

Completing the Game Design Document: process for taking the new mechanics & full narrative to fully outline the design for Episode 1

Recreation: media I engaged with this month for fun and inspiration!

Details below for those interested.

PAX West & Seattle Indies Expo

This was my first time attending PAX, and it was incredibly valuable. The Seattle Indies Expo (an adjacent, and completely free, event) in particular was fantastic, because I got to have really in-depth, one-on-one conversations with a lot of other small developers. So many of us are working on passion projects in our spare time, and wearing 20 different hats - from music composition to coding to project management to marketing - while also doing something else to pay the bills. So it felt very grounding to have honest discussions with so many other people who are all in the same boat. It also helped to find that a couple other developers came to the same answers I did on certain topics (virtually all of us are in agreement that you absolutely have to have deadlines that you take seriously, or you will never finish...), and one of the developers I spoke with mentioned something really helpful: that if you only have 1-2 hours to work on your game a week, decide EXACTLY WHAT you will work on in that time slot beforehand, so you've already started dedicating brain energy to the topic before the time comes.

I met a handful of developers who I'm likely to keep in touch with for the foreseeable future. It was a fantastic opportunity. Those of us out here making niche little passion projects really do feel the passion coming from each other. Gotta find your people and support each other!

I'll go ahead and plug my Amadeus blog Tumblr post on the subject again, because I'm also genuinely excited about a lot of these games: 10 Upcoming Indie Games to check out!

New Mechanics Envisioned

Never forget that busting out the sticky notes/scratch paper is an essential step in game design & development.

One of the major roadblocks I faced last month standing between me and finishing my GDD was that I knew I needed to rework the main interaction mechanic. I liked that it was WASD/point-and-click interchangeable, but it felt very unpolished. So one of my first tasks for this month was to figure out what, exactly, my vision for a polished interaction mechanic was. To do that, I revisited the very first step of game development, and made a paper prototype.

In doing this, I was able to identify the biggest source of my problem: I really like that you can control Amadeus - and not just a cursor, but this makes it impossible to interact with things that he can't get to (like looking at things in the sky). This is kind of at odds with the control scheme that seems most natural for the genre.

The central source of my problem was this:

The most straightforward control scheme for my game seemed to be point-and-click, where you don't have an actor you control but just directly interact with environments.

However; point-and-click mechanics are very hard on my wrists (because I have massively screwed up wrists), and I want to make a game that I can play comfortably - and for thematic reasons, this is all the more important!

Moreover; I just really like controlling a little guy and walking around as him.

I have come up with a solution that I think works well, at least on paper. One of my big goals this month is to prototype it in-engine, and hopefully get it in front of playtesters soon. The good news is that I got a lot of feedback from playtesters that the hybrid control scheme was a plus, and almost nobody used exclusively WASD or exclusively point-and-click, which tells me that my "utilize both" design philosophy feels right. Now I just need to polish it.

My goal is still to have a rebuilt demo, containing more or less the same content as the existing demo (unless...? but let's not get our hopes up too high!) with the new mechanics and control scheme, out this Winter. So far, still on track for that!

Finishing the Narrative Outline

THIS was truly the largest obstacle between me and a complete GDD. It is not possible to list out all assets needed in a game if you don't have a list of every scene in the game, and you can't have a list of every scene in the game without a complete narrative outline. Making the demo was easy in this respect - I already knew how my story started. I also knew more or less how it would end (or at least, several key climactic events). But there is no catharsis in a climax that lacks a rich, engaging, and well-developed journey to get there. That's the meatiest part of the game, and it's what I did not have.

Truth be told, I don't know whether the journey I am writing counts as rich, engaging, and well-developed. But I've finally made it concrete, and I think it has heart. This process was actually very rewarding, because I found that in asking myself questions (what is CHARACTER doing here, how does EVENT happen) I found really fascinating answers that made the entire story much more interesting than the one I initially set out to write.

I started just by creating a document titled "Episode 1 Outline" that looked something like this:

Intro

Prologue

Placeholder Scene

Placeholder Scene

Placeholder Scene

Climax

Outro

The reason I was actually able to get from that to a complete outline in less than a month is because, while it didn't really feel like it, I actually did a lot of "writing" last month. I spent the whole month watching a ton of werewolf movies and taking scribbled notes in my Amadeus brainstorming notebook, so I had a huge pool of ideas that were already swimming around in my head. This month's task wasn't to write a story I had no ideas about, it was to finally draw from all of my ideas and refine/organize them to a manageable and logical format.

Most importantly, I gave myself a deadline to finish this outline, and so the day of that deadline I sat down and looked at my intro, my climax and just thought of the "path of least resistance" to get from point A to point B that flowed well and made sense. The resulting outline is much, much shorter than I had initially envisioned (I had some utter delusions of an Umineko-length monstrosity of an introductory episode) - but it works, it tells the full story, and it's complete. And, as will be discussed in the next section, even this relatively "short" episode has so much to it that if it were any longer there's almost no way I would finish it on time.

I still don't have every single detail mapped out at this stage. That much was true for the demo as well. Many aspects of the story wrote themselves by building the game and the necessity of flavor text, signposting, etc.; so I'm leaving room for that. It is just specific enough that I know exactly what assets to make for it, and I know the purpose of each scene. This lets me write early scenes setting up to payoff in later scenes more effectively. I think it should be a good length to be engaging for the player while still letting me give it some polish. :)

Completing the Game Design Document

This was the big thing I needed to accomplish this month. I actually made solid progress on this last month, but I was unable to finish it because I didn't have a definite narrative outline, list of scenes, or finalized control scheme. Once I had these from my work this month, I was able to sit down and finish this document.

I want nothing more in the world than to share this document, because seeing it complete feels like such a massive victory. It shows that I know exactly what I'm doing and that I have solid direction for the development of Amadeus. It proves that this game is getting made. It's even color-coded!! Unfortunately, it contains absolutely GINORMOUS spoilers not just for Episode 1 but for Episodes 3, 4, and 5, which won't be out for years. So you'll just have to take my word for it.

The "Level Planning" and "Rule List" sections of this document needed the most attention, but they are also some of the most valuable for directing the full game's development.  

For the Level Planning aspect, I broke the scenes from my narrative outline down by gameplay type (point-and-click, pure dialogue, puzzle/other) and, in doing so, I found that I gave myself additional ideas for some things I wasn't sure about. Thinking about the narrative in a different way, by breaking it down into gameplay concepts, helped me make certain storytelling decisions and continue fleshing out additional narrative details. This is why I was OK leaving some things vague in my outline - I knew other aspects of development would help me fill in the blanks.

Creating the Rule List is something that, in a way, is helpful as a form of "pre-coding." It forced me to put some thought into how I will actually implement the mechanics I have been brainstorming and prototyping. I already have some ideas, and I already know at least a few edge cases/problems that are going to arise--but that means when it comes time to sit down and actually script things out, I won't be starting from scratch. I've already dedicated brainpower to considering the problem! It'll make it way easier to actually DO, since I've done the first step already.

I know I am repeating myself a lot here, but it keeps coming up because it's important. Putting thought into something before you sit down to "do" it makes it SO much easier to actually do it when that time comes. This entire month has been effectively just that for the whole game: in making this GDD, I have put thought into every aspect of the game's development, so now that I can focus on making it, it's going to be so much easier. I already know where I'm going! What a weight off of my shoulders!!

The last thing I needed to flesh out in the GDD were my asset lists and screen mockups, which there isn't much to say about that can't be inferred from the title. I'll include the mockup for a new menu/settings screen I need to create though to tease some features I hope to implement:

I also included some (annotated) screenshots of the demo to remind myself what the game actually looks like with nicely drawn assets and not mockup scribbles...

Recreation

As with last month, I want to take some time to discuss media I've engaged with this month. This is for two reasons. First, I genuinely believe that it is impossible to create good art without engaging with other art. Second, talking about media I enjoy will probably give you a feel for my tastes, which may or may not inform how likely you are to enjoy the game I'm making. Although the best measure for that is still just playing the demo and seeing for yourself!

This month I spent the majority of my time playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night with my roommate. Truthfully, I did not actually expect this to be relevant to Amadeus in any way because the genre is completely different. But I've never been happier to be wrong! The Halloween-y vibes are of course relevant as I am writing about werewolves, but I was also just so inspired by several really brilliant game design choices. This game features something that I like to call "style AS substance," and that is exactly what I want to convey in my own game. I also got a fantastic idea for something I've been brainstorming for Episode 3 thanks to this game, but I can't elaborate on that any further at this time.

Anyway, it was a fantastic game, and also fantastic inspiration. 10/10 would recommend to friends.

That's all for this month! There will be another devlog at the end of November, and now that the GDD is done, there should be a lot of development progress in that one. In the meantime, you can always bookmark the Linktree and check back for new resources.

#Amadeus game #devlog #indie game #indie game dev #indie dev

[turboacek-blog]

I do like XY #xy10thanniversary

Saw it was the 10th anniversary today (or yesterday by the time I posted this) and saw people decided to talk nicely about it so figured I should as well lol

I do genuinely like the series despite the discourse online about it being one of the most annoying things to me

XY I think unlike a majority of the series as I think about it had one of the strongest openings in the anime, as the whole Lumiose City-Garchomp-Froakie stuff was genuinely captivating and I feel that you will always have people hooked on XY just because of that as it’s to me on par with the first episode of the whole series with Ash and Pikachu which is also generally seen as one of the best episodes

And on a similar note, as I have issues with the team flare finale it also has one of the stronger ends to a series as well

So you have a series with a strong opening and, relatively strong ending, then you sprinkle in other generally accepted great moments in between like Ash vs Clemont it’s no surprise people love this series

And I think that’s the success of the XY, when it hits those highs it’s some of the best the anime ever has given us

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Other thoughts

I think of the six formulaic series (OS-XY) I think I like XY’s pacing the best, and that’s part of the reduced number of episodes compared to earlier series but also didn’t have the random side island adventure like BW, for the most part, the gap between gym badges and princess keys were not bad at all and I think we did spend a decent amount of time with characters that would end up recurring such as the rivals, the family members, mentors, etc

I already made a post about it but I think Clemont is my favorite male companion of Ash’s as I think he fills that sweet spot of being a smarter intelligent member of the group to explain things not only for the audience but the rest of the group but he’s also not so smart that Ash Serena and Bonnie can’t give their intelligence about subjects, and also the balance of since Clemont is close in age to Ash we get to see a Psuedo brotherly bond, rivalry and friendship between them where other companions lack at least one of those aspects, and I think he’s also a nice balance between each two members as he’s not as fit and adventurous as Serena which plays off of Ash and Bonnie, but he’s also more battle-ready like Ash contrasting Serena and Bonnie, yet has the sibling dynamic with Bonnie that Ash and Serena don’t relate to

Serena is this weird mix of I definitely see why people like her and she’s not my fav girl companion but I’m not going to say that her story wasn’t handled well at all, as any non super positive feelings about her is my personal feelings and nothing with her, I think tiring her and Ash together via camp was a That brilliant move without it being too soul-cross lovers, the crush added a unique aspect to the show that hasn’t really been touched on since maybe OS, I enjoyed each of her three Pokémon, and the sister's bond with Bonnie was adorable as we never really got something like that excluding maybe the SM girls

Bonnie grew on me a lot, when I was first watching it it’s hard to relate to the kid character but over time I appreciate the nice story work they did for her while also not shoving her to the front until kinda the Team Flare finale stuff, I think while I did like Max Bonnie was able to be a lot more likable as a character and it’s interesting because I think in a lot of ways she’s like the little girl Ash

Ash is the controversial one I noticed and while I see where both sides are coming from I am neutral on this Ash but he’s not the boring Ash but he’s also not the badass Ash I think he’s the Ash that was finally able to relax, early on we see that fire in him to get stronger and go things head first and through XY we see him slow down and be more at peace with what’s going on around him which is why I think people say he’s the most mature Ash, which he’s definitely more mature than OS Ash for sure but I think the maturity gets confused with lack of childishness, Ash while having his moments wasn’t as goofy here which I think is what I missed here as I think a “core” part of Ash is his fun side which was nonexistent was less here it felt like which obviously has the pros of viewers getting what seems to be a more grown-up Ash also I think loses a crucial part of him

Side characters

While not my favorite batch of side characters I think to say they were bad would be a disservice as they all played their role well, I think the standouts are Tierno Shauna and Korinna

Battles

I know there’s discourse about the animation and art style and just general battle decisions but I do think that the battles looked great and I think visually wise they peaked gym battle-wise here, each battle felt like each person had some experience to them as even the more rookie trainers were using moves that you never see from a previous series early on or even later in that journey

As I can (I’m not) be in the camp that thinks Pikachu losing to Surskit was stupid but I think the battle did show that Surskit was a problem and to be taken seriously despite it being a Surskit

Pokémon

Despite some personal feelings, I do think this was maybe the most solid cast of Pokémon (as in Ash and companions) only behind a few like maybe an OS and SM

I think despite some losses that you can argue about this is one of the most consistent Pikachu’s as no electric “reset”, I think Ash’s other five had distinct personalities and traits, same with Serena’s and Clemont's and Dedenne

And should point out that you can’t convince me Ash-Greninja isn’t the most fanfiction thing the show has done, but it is admittedly very cool, I even used one for my Pokémon Moon play-through as I just thought it would be cool to use

Mega Evolution Specials

I never got the same attachment to these specials as I watched them much later but they were very good specials and I’m glad they did the thing of making them in the same universe and tiring them into Ash and the gang's storylines

As I’m not an Alain fan I do like him as a second protagonist and of the few that probably think that him being the one to beat Ash in the league was acceptable (more thoughts on that in a separate post maybe lol)

Marron and Chespy were cute, Steven was cool, Team Flare was a big upgrade over their game counterparts, etc

Overall not my favorite series definitely one of the series where I can just put a gym battle on or see certain things over without it feeling dated

#xy10thanniversary #pokemon #pokemon anime #anipoke #pokeani #pokemon xy #pokemon xyz #XY10周年

[sol-draws-sometimes]

20-24 inclusive and 44

Oooo hello Anon, you're a nosy-nelly, but that's fine cause I love to talk! Tho strap in cause this is gonna be a long one! Questions can be found here!

20: What I hate most about myself

Oof starting off on a downer. I'd say it's my passiveness. Which some may say is weird cause a lot of people would describe me as passionate and on the outside I do appear very organized. But I just have so many things I want to do, that I just don't. Like, I want to learn to sew, compose music, archery, read books, play video games, watch certain shows or movies, etc, but I just... don't. Yah part of it is that there's so much I want to do it's hard to pick one. And yeah I have ADHD, aka the "I can't do shit disorder," where executive dysfunction is my worse symptom. But even if I didn't have ADHD, I still feel like I'd be like this. Also, it's not just hobbies. I had flying ants in my room, and I told my parents about it, but then I stopped pushing them about it and I just sucked it up for serval months. Or I end up going to Community College because I put off applications until the last second, and I am currently really behind on transferring applications for my BA. Or I'm not as informed politically as I'd like to be because it's stressful to me, but then I'm not acting according to my beliefs which is also stressful. That's not to say I have no initiative. I taught myself cursive and how to touch type in middle school. I started posting my art on the internet, all of my art has been self-taught. I took my mental health into my own hands and hyper-fixated on mental health for years so that I could be in a better place. It's not good to be dwelling on the parts you hate about yourself, but I do genuinely believe it's trait about myself that I want to work on.

21: What I love most about myself

Okay, something more positive! Uh, people tend to say I'm a very bright person, or that I make their day and I'm glad I make people feel comfortable around me!

22: What I want to be when I get older

Okay here's the problem, I want to do everything yet I don't know exactly what I want to be(I'm literally only 19), but I do know the average person has multiple jobs/careers in their lifetime(rn google is saying 12), so here are a couple I know I want to do!

Teacher: I've always wanted to be a teacher since I was a kid, and while many people assume I want to be a music teacher, I'd honestly love to do any subject. Preferably STEM or History, tho being a music teacher would genuinely be fun I'd love to conduct a choir. I think rn I'm more interested in learning about the world than learning about pedagogy, but definitely a job I plan to have at some point in the future

Museum worker: My twin asked me if I'd ever considered working at a museum last year, and I'd never had but honestly it sounds like a perfect job for me! I love history and science, I could still teach people, and I love going to museums. Also, the behind-the-scenes research or archiving sounds very up my alley!

Archivist: Kinda related to the previous one since you can be an archivist at a museum, but idk it sounds like the type of work that my brain would vibe with. Organizing and researching stuff. Also, it's pretty cool to be able to work with primary sources of stuff, like that's so cool! And I get to preserve information so that down the line people aren't crying about how little information there is about [insert topic]. (also haha yah, yah I like tma, hardy har, shhhh, that isn't even one of the reasons, just a coincidence)

Scientist: Pretty vague term cause idk in what field but I know I've always liked science! For a frame of reference, I would probably doing some stem major if I wasn't a musician. I had finished my science course my second year of high school, I didn't have any science classes for two years. Then at the end of senior year, I listened to Stella Firma and there in b/w sections where they had a scientist fact check the show was so interesting and made me remember I liked science and it's actually super cool! I'm hoping that next year once I transfer, I'll be able to take steps to at the very least minor in Physics and start doing some STEM stuff. Tho tbh I'm just choosing physics cause I'm good at math and astrophysics/cosmology sounds very cool to me. But finding @a-dinosaur-a-day on Tumblr made me remember my dino phase in middle school! I'm less interested in learning about individual dinosaurs and more on the big-picture evolutionary side of things, but the schools I want to transfer to don't have geology majors and I prefer physics over bio. Also, paleontology is a neat combination of history and science! Tbh, I'm still figuring out what I want to do science-wise, but I know it's something that I'd find interesting as a job!

Choir/Band/Singer/Theater: I'm a singer but I don't want it to be my main job, job, since I'm never wanted to be a super famous, but I do like singing and I'm good at it, so I could always make money on the side. Also I've also preferred singing in choir than solo rep, so if I joined a travling choir or band with an emphasis on harmony(like abba for ex), I think that would be really fun as a job for a while. As far as solo singing, I prefer musical theater so I can see myself doing that for a bit(even if it is ensemble since I like that kind of thing), and who knows, I am intrested in writing some solo music, but I haven't really done that

Composer: I want to learn how to compose music but I haven't. Oddly enough, I am more interested in composing instrumental stuff than songwriter music, tho I do want to do that. Or compose musicals, especially one in Spanish, that would be so cool. Tho I'd probably have to work with a lyricist. Even if it's not my main job, I'd love to do it on the side

Sound Design: Now this one you can blame on tma. I listened to the Q&As where they talk about Sound Design, it's absolutely fascinating to me, plus, if I learn how to compose, both could work pretty good together!

Art: Idk if I want to be an artist for a job, but once I'm good enough at drawing, I'd love to do commissions, or if I learn how to animate, working on an indie animation project would be such a cool thing! Or do a comic! I'd love to do a comic, doesn't even have to be my story! Years down the line, after graduating, I want to go back to school and get some degree in art! Doesn't need to be from an expensive school, probably will be from some local college near me at the time. Not that you need one to be a professional, but I find I learn best in a school setting and it's something I'd love to do to improve my art!

Can't believe Rusty Quill has inspired two possible job careers I-

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

Oldest to youngest! My older brother didn't grow up with me but we visted his house alot! Tbh, I'm closer to my niece than I am him. He's got some beliefs/politics I don't agree with and he can be intense sometimes, but generally I have a good relationship with him. I don't talk to him much tho. And he's homophobic, so yah, don't plan to be too close to him anyway. Next should be my other brother but he died when I was 4, and he was in Cuba so I have no memories of him, so neutral I guess. Things were pretty rocky with my older sister growing up but we're pretty good now! She's like the one "adult figure"(I'm an adult but you know what I mean) in my life that I feel the most comfortable around. Then my twin is the person I'm the closest to. Yah we bicker and stuff, and we do things that the other doesn't like, but overall I'm the most comfortable around her. I also feel like she's the person who understands me the most, I genuinely don't know how I would've been in middle school if my twin didn't exist. Idk if anyone remembers the scene in the season 3 final of Bright Sessions, but you know when Mark goes to Adam's room and they sit and silence and Mark is like"I know we both know what we're feeling but we should still talk about what happened" I feel like that's kinda my twin and I. Anyways, I love my sisters very much!

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

Kinda rocky and I don't want to get into it too much but they're immigrant parents™. However, for literal boomers, they're actually pretty good. I'd say they're good parents but there's alot about them that frustrates me. Also living with them makes problems exacerbated. They're trying their best to understand me, but they don't and I don't feel comfortable talking to them about my problems with them. I'm also not out to them, so there's always a part of me they're not really seeing. But when it matters they're there. And they've been pretty supportive of me being in the arts. My dad was also pretty present in my life, which sucks that I have to specify, but I do.

44: A random fact about anything

There are two versions of the Latino dub of Sleeping Beauty and people fight about I think. I grew up with the 2001 ver but people prefer the original 1959 dubbing. My preliminary stance on this without having seen the full 1959 dub and only some clips is that the Queen's acting is better in 1959, but the songs are bettered dubbed in the 2001 version(suck it up nostalgia is winning)

Okay, that was a lot! BUT, there are more questions so ask away!

#sol talks #my post #it me! #sol asks

[crimson--phantom]

INFO

This is an RP blog for my DoL PC, Clara (the phantom) Loveday! Run by @degrees-of-fuck the thing the myth the absentee.

Major canon character relationship under cut for useful info just in case, but any and all interactions are welcome! (cw for sibling pseudocest. Also in general on the blog, cw for the usual assault related in-game horrors and possibly occasional references to suicide.)

Not necessary reading, but it's here and might inspire some interactions idk.

ROBIN: Robin and Clara have a sibling-like relationship, with an unacknowledged undercurrent of something Else that Clara finds too alarming to actually think about. Robin is the subject of most of Clara's paranoia and OCD obsessions. Clara would kill and die for Robin (but she isn't very good at verbalizing this.)

SYDNEY: Clara's presence is kind of automatically somewhat corrupting, even if not specifically in a sexual way. Goth Effect. So I currently tend to imagine Clara's Sydney as being fairly neutral on the purity front. Clara and Syd are academic rivals -> lovers, with Clara helping Sydney in the library on certain days. They share their writing with each other and are both so so mentally ill.

EDEN: Clara feels genuine guilt for not loving Eden the way Eden loves her and it fucking Sucks. girl you were abducted. Still, she does... Care for them. Even if she is also absolutely terrified. She tries to make the best of the situation, visiting once weekly, trying to make the place comfortable and learning skills while she's out there. It's mostly a source of turmoil for her though lol.

BAILEY: Clara's family has been stuck at this orphanage for GENERATIONS and Bailey knows this. Maybe knew her mother? I imagine Bailey trusts Clara possibly Less far than they could throw her, but generally, Clara is quiet, courteous and consistent enough with the money to stay out of the line of fire for the most part. On account of her family being so tied to the place via Debt Cycles, I like to imagine her having lowkey Potential Future Caretaker disease. She hates this.

AVERY: Clara is knowledgeable, well-spoken, polite, has a funny way of picking up nice things to accentuate her fancy outfits and is the sort of person to read about how to use different kinds of silverware - even if more for writing reasons than for Avery. So I think Avery liked her. HOWEVER, she's also so so so autistic and being around Avery is a TRULY DRAINING AND MISERABLE experience. So as soon as she could afford to she started turning them down every week. This uhhh didn't go well and now she's back to going out with them feeling like she has a gun to her head every single time. One of the people she's lied about Clarabelle being her real name to out of spite.

REMY: OUGHH the rat... Remy dreams are one of many reasons Clara refuses to sleep. She still calls them Master in her head sometimes and despises it. Every time she is taken to the farm, she gets a little closer to starting a cow uprising, yet closer to losing her goddamn mind. While with Remy, she's obedient, quiet and affectionate - but only when prompted. (I think of her Remy Trauma as a microcosm for the whole thing tbh <3 Tfw you are acutely aware you are meat on a hook and exist for others' consumption)

ALEX: Clara sometimes works at the farm - mostly during school holidays. She knows her botany and she likes being away from the town lol. She's very knowledgeable, prefers to be very independent when she can and she's at least a little stronger than she looks, but lacks stamina. Also she keeps getting horrendously sunburnt while she's there because she keeps forgetting to protect her skin lmao. I think Alex's dominance stat would be on the high side, but not full. I tend to imagine Alex having a one-sided Thing at her, but that's not necessary to play out. I can easily picture Clara sometimes having Remy Flashbacks while at Alex's and trying to hide that.On that note, she is 100% on board with helping Alex with the Remy thing. And also just with any opportunity to fuck with Remy.

#infoposting

[c1tyhaunts]

— 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓.

name: Avian "Avi" Delilah Esparza

name meaning:

Avian— of, relating to, or derived from birds (I always considered Avi to be a "baby bird" to some degree; she was just pushed out of the nest without much guidance. Naive, to some degree)

Delilah—Means "delicate, weak, languishing" in Hebrew. In the Old Testament she is the lover of Samson, whom she betrays to the Philistines by cutting his hair, which is the source of his power. (Avian, at her core, is a delicate soul trying to travel a cruel world with kindness.)

Esparza— One who came from Esparza (barren; place where feather grass grew), in Spain. From the latin "sparsus" - spread abroad, scattered. Hence it probably refers to land that yields little.

alias/es: 

Avi is a common moniker for those she's close/affectionate with. Birdy is also one that's floated around occasionally, mainly mockingly but could be used in a flirtatious context; her dad used to call her his baby bird as a joke and teasing of her particular nature.

ethnicity: Black/Biracial || Dominican/Italian/Cuban (Afro-Latina)

one picture / icon you like best of your character:

It's hard to put a definitive one (1) photo that really captures Avian because in general, her resemblance claim (Lisa Bonet) has probably been the closest to really capturing Avian's essence for me (and I've had Avian as an OC for nearly 10+ years). Like, I always saw Avian having an "Old School" glam to her that Lisa represented during her time in the 80s-90s. the photo in the middle really represents how Avian is 90% of the time, very "my fair lady" core looking for a knight to sweep her off her feet so she can STOP DOING SO MUCH FUCKING WORK.

three h/cs you never told anyone:

Avian cannot lie nor can she lie convincingly, in fact, she aims to avoid those kinds of deceptive situations if she can. It's a weakness that she actively knows she has due to her disdain for social dynamics & social "subtleties"; if there is a situation where lying or deception is necessary, if she's alone she's going to fall right on her face. Otherwise, she'll look to the others to come up with something more creative. But, a benefit of that is that Avian always keeps her emotions on her sleeve and won't misguide someone in how she feels or thinks. She's never one to lead someone on, as long as they don't do that to her.

It's mentioned briefly, but Avian was homeschooled for the majority of her adolescence due to her ASD; James thought it was best to assist her development directly up until she turned 14, allowing her to engross herself in the subjects she'll enjoy instead of keeping her in situations that will constantly make her uncomfortable. James pushed her into a private high school afterward because he knew it wasn't wise to shelter his daughter the entire time. Of course, due to Avian's naivety and lack of social etiquette, she was a quick target for bullying & harassment, which made her cold on the exterior to protect her gentle interior.

Although her adolescence has taken a major toll on her perception of intimate relationships/friendships, Avian still considers herself a "kind" person and will go out of her way to help others even if they don't directly ask for it. Avian will come off as curt and rather weary with individuals as she first meets them, but she will not hesitate to try to make their lives better. It's what her father taught/showed her, after all. The man gave his whole heart and trust to others without question, and while Avian, in age, learned he was more cautious than he put on, Avian still believes in the best in others and will keep her kindness/heart open to those who need it.

three things your character likes doing in their free time: 

Baking/Cooking; James wasn't that great of a cook, unfortunately, so when Avian was old enough to hold a knife, she started to dive deep into cooking, gastronomy, and baking. This was her first genuine "fixation" that led her to her love of pharmaceutical sciences. Exact measurements, complex flavors & combinations, the idea of mixing things together to make something new, helpful, and innovative? That's fascinating to her. Avian probably would have been a cook in another life if it was more financially lucrative. But, at least those close to her get tasty treats.

Shopping or doing her makeup; this is something Avian definitely leans more heavily into in her adulthood. She always dressed so homely as a teen, being one of those "I'm not like other girls" teens for a minute, not enjoying pink or wearing dresses or makeup... now she's obsessed and she's an absolute princess. If she has nothing to do in her downtime, she's messing with her looks.

Reading; Avian, at her core, is a fucking NERD. Most of the books she reads are nonfiction or scientific.

people your character likes / loves:

James; her father and always her number one. That man was her best friend, her confidant, and critic. Anything her dad said usually went. He always challenged her to be better, and even in death, that influence follows her. Avian has grown to be more hesitant about her father's teachings the more she corresponds with her uncle, Che, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love her dad. James just may have not been the beacon she set himself up to be.

Che; her estranged uncle whom she has been corresponding with more and more this past year. Now, it's more of a borderline of liking him - she still doesn't know him well - but it is nice for Avian to have some sort of family outside of those she lost. Even if Che's methods/intentions are cruel to those outside the Esparza/Ferraro family line, he's kind to her and that's all that matters.

Almyra; her childhood friend, the only kid on the block who came to visit her when she was homeschooled. They had a falling out their senior year of high school due to Avian's open crush on her, but that doesn't mean Avian hates her. The two occasionally pass on social media comments, liking each other photos. She wonders if Almyra thinks of her... But she won't dwell on it.

(BONUS) Lilith; @shivasdarknight's OC and Avian's partner in crime and main ship depending on the universe. Lilith may be one of Avian's only true friends out there, and the first person Avian has actually fallen head over heels for. He's literally a walking knight, reckless but full of soul, and the right fit for Avian and her brashness. They're a match made in heaven.

two things your character regrets:

Ironically with how much influence she takes from her dad, she regrets not being more critical of his actions and his perspective. She followed blindly because her heart needed it, but she wasn't growing from her father's sheltering. She needed more, and she should have asked for it.

It's a funny one, but Avian regrets not dating more; she'll admit it, she's a woman, she has needs, she's interested in people. She wants to explore her sexuality more, and never got a chance to do so yet! But now she's broaching her mid-twenties without even having sex yet! What a scam. That's why she's on dating apps just experimenting. Her realizing she's bisexual made her realize "Oh god, now I have a larger pool of disappointment to jump into."

one phobia your character has:

LARGE CROWDS OF PEOPLE; Avian can handle a small group of between 4-5 people, but anything larger than that gives her anxiety. She's used to being ganged up by a large group, so being surrounded by a mess of people will rev up her anxiety to high levels.

tagged : @cartelheir mwah tagging: @ohshadow, @waterdepths, @bellecosebabe, @tinzony (for the least developed OC/character), @nezemny (Same thing!) and whoever's interested

#// long post #SORRY Y'ALL I POPPED OFF #▶⌜ch. avian delilah esparza⌟ #▶⌜avian esparza. lore⌟ #I realized I haven't talked about Avian in a minute and she's the Original oc so

[idrellegames]

Hey there! I come bearing a question, and I'll be honest. I don't know if you've answered it in the past, and Tumblr is a pain in the ass when it comes to trying to look backwards to see if something has been asked before.

So here goes: With how widely the lifespans of the different races vary, how common is it for the longer lived races like elves and dwarves, to actually be romantically involved with the more 'fickle' races? I can see it swing both ways honestly depending on the person of course, but I'm primarily curious whether it's something people in general don't care about, or if the longer lived races are more reserved due to the inherent differences in life span? I'd imagine a dwarf who can easily be expected to reach well past 200, being apprehensive about being involved with a human that won't even reach half of that.

Obviously that's very much a person by person situation when it comes down to it, but what's the general view on that? Like do the dwarves and elfs in general tend to stick with one of their own, if only to avoid the inevitable heartbreak of out-living their partner, or are they all "share the love" heartbreak be damned? Granted that obviously won't influence player romances, but I'm curious about what it looks like for the average person in the setting of your game.

Reading your FAQ too, I noticed that conversations with RO's will involve compatibility in terms of romance and sexuality etc. so I won't beat around the bush. Can an allosexual MC, still get in a viable relationship with our favorite savant? I'm personally the type of person who isn't overly concerned about sex in a relationship, so although I enjoy and like sex quite a lot, I'm also more than willing to put it aside if I really connected with someone who's asexual. If there's a genuine connection between me and them, then sex isn't all that important to me in determining the longevity of a relationship. So I guess my second question boils down to whether or not we'll be able to address it that way, so that our character can still be allosexual while also being fine with a potential relationship without sex. You don't have to spill the tea so to speak, as for how that conversation goes in the game though. I just don't want to get my hopes up for a romance with her, if I'll end up heartbroken because her asexuality is written as to her only wanting to be with other ace people 😩

Sorry if that last bit was a bit of a ramble, it's kinda a subject close to my heart, since people somehow often find it hard to understand how I can both love sex a lot, but simultaneously also be completely fine without it if the person I'm with is worth it. So I guess I'm a little self-conscious about it, which tends to lead to rambling. Especially since I don't really know if there's a label for how I feel about it, since it hasn't really been something I've looked into in the past x3

So now I'll just quietly shut up, before I embarrass myself further than I already have 😖

Hi! Thanks so much for your ask. 💕 Hopefully I can clear up a few things!

Different Lifespans

The majority of people in long-term relationships in this world tend to find themselves in relationships with other members of the same species. But, like most things, it does depend on culture, location, and the individual person. Cross-species relationships are more common in urban areas and large cities, as are mixed family units. The general understanding in most Rhesainian cultures is that some folks may have more than one "life partner" and it's not something to bat an eye at.

Ace/Allo Relationships

I don't want to spoil anything, but this will be a topic of conversation on most romance paths. Allosexual MCs who want to romance acespec characters (Alexia and Ren) will have a chance to talk about what they want their relationship to look like. The same is true for asexual MCs who want to romance allosexual characters (and, on a related topic, monogamous MCs who want to romance polyamorous characters and vice versa). Romantic and sexual compatibility is a theme for all romanceable characters. Some characters are fine with pretty much anything, others are not. If it doesn't line up between the MC/LI, there will be a conversation to be had, compromises to be made, and things to work out.

Hope that makes sense!

#wayfarer #wayfarer if #romances #answered

[pruning-the-minds-garden]

Towards a Safe(r) Hypnokink

I was asked some time ago by mrhypnob to do a post laying out the safety steps I take in practicing hypnokink. It has been a bit of a busy few months, but I care deeply about this. So, now that things have “calmed down” somewhat and reached that “new normal” everyone is talking about, I’ve got the spare mental bandwidth to do this.

Before I get to the individual steps, though, I want to break the safety-related things I do down into three categories (seems I love to do that, today): 1) the foundation of trust I lay before a trance ever happens, 2) the walls I build to guide things while trances are happening, and 3) the maintenance I do after a given trance has ended. That second category includes both the things I do within a given trance, and the things I do between trances that are done fairly close together. For the purposes of this post, when I say “hypnotic relationship” I mean any relationship – short- or long-term, one-time or not, in person or online – that includes significant elements of hypnokink, not just ones where it is a major or ongoing element. That time where a guy whose name you can’t even remember tranced you at NEEHU was, for the purpose of this post, a hypnotic relationship – as was that 24/7 M/s relationship reinforced through daily recitation of mantras and hypnotic suggestions, and everything in between. Also, this is my mental model not anyone else’s, and I’m not saying that straying from this model is an inherently bad thing – if all are happy and no one is getting hurt, then what you’re doing is probably fine. I’m not judging you for doing things differently than me, and there are many roads to the same destination. All that said, lets get started.

Laying the Foundation

Before any hypnosis ever happens in a relationship that looks to be headed in that direction, I always try and do a few things. If I think that the relationship will be long term, then I will take these more seriously; if I think the relationship will be short-term/one-time, I may only cover them briefly. But, I try to always do them one way or another.

Making Expectations Clear Up Front. By this I mean not only the expectations of my subject, but also the expectations they can have of me. So, things like “I will respect your given consent” and “you are free to leave at any time with no resentment or rancor from me” are fair game, though the exact nature of things changes with the relationship – but so too are “my PM window is always open when I am home” and “you are permitted to tell me ‘no’ if I do something you genuinely do not want to do.” It is important to me to make as many of these parameters explicit as possible, especially if the partner I am working with is strongly submissive and thus strongly wired to need permission in order to do something. Do not leave something unsaid. Now is the time to form good, clear, comprehensive channels of communication that can be relied upon later – so do that.

Defining Consent. Consent is not a blanket thing, and there is major benefit to defining it up front. If you are the Dominant in a D/s relationship, or the hypnotist in a trance relationship, or anything vaguely equivalent to either of those things, then you need to take the lead on defining precisely what you can – and precisely what you can’t – do. Unless you have a relationship wherein a person gives you total dominion, knowing and accepting precisely what that means, even being provided extreme or unreasonable examples of what it could mean – body modification, actual injury, piss/scat – then you need to find the edge of their consent and define that as much as you can. What I like to use is the “rule of no”: I keep asking for things they will allow me to do, until they tell me “no.” I don’t ask that because I intend to do any of those things, but because I need to know their yes is meaningful and the only way I can is if I get them to say no. Make sure they feel comfortable and secure telling you that before you succeed, because if they can’t tell you no then they have never really told you yes, either.

Fail to Plan, and You Plan to Fail. Even if the plan is very, very loose - “we’re going to explore a variety of hypnotic suggestions and techniques like [list] so I can get more experience with hypnokink” - you need to have one, up front. If you stray from it, you need to either get permission, or ask forgiveness, for not living up to the bargain that has been struck. This is often your first test as a Dominant and as a hypnotist, and if you can’t live up to it than your subject has that much less reason to trust you. Without trust, your hypnosis will be less effective, rapport will be undermined, and ultimately the relationship itself will lose meaning… so don’t let that happen.

Building the Walls

Note: the topic of hypnotic safeties is a controversial one. Some people feel that they give a false sense of safety to the subject; while others feel they are an essential tool in keeping themselves safe. I see where the former group is coming from, but I also consider them a significant part of my hypnotic toolkit. Every mousetrap can always be defeated by a more evolved mouse; but PPE, used properly, still saves lives. I see hypnotic safeties like I do gloves or a mask – used improperly they can be worse than useless, but they are still not without value.

Extrinsic Safeties. These are the safeties that you set up in one trance, that have or take effect in subsequent trances. The most common one that I use is the “red/yellow” trigger, where the named triggers – used by the hypnotist or the subject, aloud or (in the latter case) mentally - either suspend or terminate altogether any ongoing trance and/or trance effects. These can be modified if I feel another version would work better, such as simply reinforcing that a subject can or will bring themselves out of a trance they are not comfortable with. If they express a wish to have the ability for their own sub-conscious to bring them out of a trance then I will do that, also, but it isn’t always a given that I use such. In all cases, I make sure that they consent to the given suggestions, agree with their structure, and if there is a particular concern for their efficacy then I test the triggers within the trance. To do that, I ask the subject before the trance ever begins for an example of something they are not comfortable doing, and then suggest they do that within the trance, testing whether they are able and willing to use their safe word to escape the trance. There are other details to the process that change from time to time, according to the needs of my partner and the parameters of our relationship, but that’s the general shape of things.

Intrinsic Safeties. These are the things I do in every trance, to keep my partner safe. They include physical things like “you can adjust your position at any time if you feel discomfort, and when you do you fall deeper into trance” or “get into a comfortable position before we begin,” if I have less than complete confidence those conditions aren’t already fulfilled, or mental things like “if you ever feel less than completely comfortable with what we are doing, or you have any concern at all, you feel completely safe and secure in making those concerns known.” In addition, for at least the first few trances, I might intentionally call to or test the extrinsic safeties, in order to reinforce their power. Additional safeties could also be required based on the nature of the trance, such as the subject getting water if they need it or being willing to suspend the trance for a time if they need to take care of real-life business, but that has to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

Practices of Elevated Concern. There are certain practices that, while hardly verboten, ought to prompt additional concern from subjects and hypnotists alike. Things like memory play (“you will forget what we have done here once you wake up”), long-term behavioral conditioning (like brainwashing a subject to be unable to resist your suggestions), open triggers (like giving a subject a trigger that, when used by anyone anywhere at any time, makes them have a screaming orgasm), or exclusivity suggestions (i.e. “you will drop for me and only me”) ought to prompt some additional scrutiny and consideration, especially for participants who are not thoroughly experienced with them. These additional points of scrutiny and consideration will vary with the comfort level of the partners and the goals of the hypnotic relationship, of course, but they should always focus on minimizing the specific risks inherent to those practices, like making sure that things done in memory play happen according to pre-existing agreements, or that exclusivity suggestions can be overridden if the hypnotist ever drifts away or the relationship ends.

Maintaining the Structure

Aftercare, aftercare, aftercare. I cannot stress the importance of aftercare enough. Hypnokink brings up all kinds of unexpected feelings and thoughts, and scenes can often bring up very conflicting sensations as a person’s mind slowly settles back into reality. Even if things like humiliation play, pain play, gaslighting, drug play, resistance play, or others aren’t involved, just the nature of hypnosis can make a subject need reassurance that a hypnotist sees them as more than a kink receptacle or a hypnotist is seen by that subject as more than a kink dispenser. Acknowledging feelings is a vital part of any relationship, and even something as simple as making sure that your partner is taking care of their physical needs will help that process along. So, aftercare, people – learn it, live it, love it.

Check in, Revise, Reassess. It’s said about war that “no plan survives contact with the enemy” and the same is true of friendships or relationships, too, hypnotic or not. These need constant checking-in, revisiting, and a reassessment of goals, talking about where you are and whether the goals you agreed to are really where you want to go. When you reach a milestone or achieve your goal, you need to figure out what that means. When you fail to do the same thing, you need to figure out what that means. Then, you need to both agree to do something about it. This sort of communication should be ongoing, but it needs to happen well outside of any trance in order to make sure everyone is level- and clear-headed when taking part in it.

Included in my Index of Writings on Safety & Consent. Read more on the topic, by me and by others, at the link!

#hypnokink #safety