#can't believe /i/ have to make the very specific and very niche content i want to see

[ashrifts]

i don't talk ships here often but i need more tenjiku poly in my lifeeee i need them to hold each other's hands (ran voice kisaki and hanma do NOT interact!!!!!!!) (rindou can go play in a sandbox like the little kid he is)

#after all what is tenjiku if not a group of guys in love with izana SOOO true hasen #can't believe /i/ have to make the very specific and very niche content i want to see #anyway im in my ran era i need to take a big nap before i continue my drafts #but i am working on them 🩷 #* ›› / * ooc.

[5ummit]

So there's this post with a troubling number of notes going around insisting that "dead dove" is not a genre, it doesn't inherently have anything to do with darkfic, and that the tag could be applied to fics that are "100% fluffy where everyone's having a good time" if they happen to contain some abnormal (though entirely non-problematic) content like an unusual kink. The claim is that "dead dove: do not eat" is simply a "courtesy tag" that means "this is a very specific niche, mind the tags." And that's just... wrong.

I wrote up a whole rebuttal to this post since I can't stand misinformation and frankly OP was being kinda rude and judgey on top of their wrongness. But right after I posted my reply, OP turned off reblogs because, and I quote, “some fuckwad added some dumb shit onto this post and it is no longer educational” (the “fuckwad” being me and the “dumb shit” being proof that they were wrong). A couple people have asked me to make a rebloggable version of my response, which I've decided to do because this isn't the first time I've heard similar claims and I want to help set the record straight. However, I'm not linking the original post on the off chance this gains traction because OP did the right thing by turning off reblogs, preventing it from circulating further, and I don't want them to get hate for being unfortunately misinformed.

For those who don't know the history, "dead dove: do not eat" was originally proposed as a catchall "hydra trash party" alternative label for any fandom to warn that the content of a fic may be considered problematic or potentially upsetting and to read the tags carefully so you know what you're getting into and won't complain later. Specifically, DD:DNE was intended to convey that the Bad Things in the fic would likely be reveled in and not explicitly condemned by the narrative, which some people tend to get up in arms about, hence the need for the extra warning in addition to the tags. Don't believe me? Here's the original proposal (note DD:DNE can be found on a handful of fics dated before 2015 but this is when it really took off and became a Thing).

There are currently around 50,000 fics tagged as "dead dove: do not eat" on AO3 and close to 50% of those also include the rape/noncon warning (which of course is not the only type of "dead dove" but is one of the most popular and most consistently tagged). The normal percentage of noncon fics in any given fandom? Around 1-3%. That's a HUGE disparity. So don't tell me that dead dove is just a general "courtesy tag" and doesn't or shouldn't have dark connotations. Even the context of the original joke on Arrested Development has a dark undertone. Micheal Bluth casually finds an animal carcass in a bag in his refrigerator with the label "do not eat", as if eating it would be any sane person's first thought. The whole situation is kinda fucked up. And this fucked up vibe very much carries over into fandom usage too, as was intended.

The claim that dead dove has nothing to do with the content's genre and could just as easily be used to describe a 100% fluffy fic in which everyone's having a good time is straight up Wrong, or at the very least, severely warping the original meaning. Also, when someone these days says that they like/dislike "dead dove" most people in fandom automatically understand what that means because of the consistency of its usage over the years and the way language evolves. Whether you like it or not, "dead dove" IS a genre now and the term does carry a specific connotation. I do agree that DD:DNE should definitely still be used in conjunction with other tags, when applicable, to be explicit about the exact type of fucked up content you may find, but to say that the term is meaningless on its own is patently false and I'm tired of people who don't know what they're talking about pushing this narrative and causing even more confusion.

You want a generic term that also means "mind the tags" and doesn't have any inherently dark connotations? Just use good ol' "what it says on the tin" instead of trying to force dead dove to be something it's not.

#fyi I've tweaked my response slightly to remove specific references to OP and make it read better on its own #I hope I don't regret making this post and inviting The Discourse #but dead dove is a topic that is very near and dear to me #I feel like someone has got to say something and put a stop to all of the misinformation around it these days #fandom #long post #my words #psa #wendy's help desk

[writingjourney]

I’m in need of some advice and kind words. As a fellow writer I’m really struggling to believe people will and want to read my stuff. There’s no real engagement anymore and I’m worried that if I post my long-form fic that no one will give it a chance. It’s really bringing me down because I love it so much but it feels like no matter what I try to do my stuff just doesn’t get seen or liked? I’ve even thought about changing my entire way of how I do things since I don’t think the way I write is working for the masses. How do you keep up the motivation as a popular writer and do you have an advice?

Hello anon!! I feel like this is something many of us currently deal with. And first of all I seriously hope that you do share your story!! ♡

To be completely honest with you the lack of engagement in the fandom has for sure impacted my own motivation which is why I haven't been putting as much time into longer fics (nor the Friday Nights series or IKNBS, I do write but I refuse to force myself). I don't feel any urgency because uploading fics hasn't made me as happy as it used to. It feels like only other active writers are reading fic atm and it creates a lot of pressure on creatives to stay super active.

I'm aware that I'm insanely privileged to have the engagement that I do have, that the type of stories I want to write are also the type of stories that generally seem to appeal. However, engagement tells you NOTHING about the quality of your work, only how many people are active in a fandom or like a specific pairing/character/trope. Your own unique voice matters more than numbers.

I also notice that a lot of people who used to read my works have disappeared which I completely understand. The fixation can ebb away during times of inactivity or when a certain hype dies down. People just don't get that dopamine hit anymore and move on. It's also entirely possible they get tired of a certain style of writing and prefer other writers at times, what do I know. I definitely don't blame anyone for that. First and foremost people should read for their own enjoyment and engage with fandom in a way that makes them happy. It makes no sense to pressure people into engaging. A huge issue right now is people overthinking these things which makes support transactional instead of genuine.

I don't care much about notes but I REALLY miss the feeling of sharing a fic with people who are excited for it, that sense of an active community. BUT the activity will come back – the movie will come out, new music and videos, heck even a whole new Papa!!! That's the natural flow of things. We can't be excited and super active all the time, we need phases of calmness as well (which is an act of rebellion in the capitalist hellscape of overproduction and churned out content. I am honestly glad Ghost is taking it easy).

Now, I recommend you write your story exactly how you want to!!! do NOT change it for the sake of popularity because it will lose its very soul and you will struggle to be happy with it by the end. You know how you want to tell your story and nothing else matters. It will find its readers or you can wait and share it at a later point. I recommend that you approach other writers and readers and intensify that contact, make friends and talk to them about your stories, hype each other up, share snippets. It's even more meaningful to know people you like enjoy what you do. I am currently working on super niche fics for non-Ghost characters and I'm honestly having a great time chasing that dopamine by just writing what I'm really into and sharing it with friends. Fandom is community, fandom is fun and we can work to make it better for everyone.

A few general tips when it comes to making stories accessible: Format them to be readable (paragraphs!!), add a "read more" break, add proper content information and a nice summary to draw people in, add some visual appeal like a banners or stock image edits (like i do for IKNBS) and then tag the fics with relevant tags (and only those). Also make sure to tag the OG post, tags on reblogs do nothing for reach. Engage with the community when you feel like it and it's likely that the community will engage back. Being supportive is worth it, being kind is always worth it even if it amounts to nothing.

#your fear is valid and wanting engagement is valid!!! #but don’t let it stop you from writing :) #asks #anon

[antianakin]

So to start with, if you don't like this blog and the things I post on it, nobody's putting a gun to your head asking you to look at it. Feel free to block me, blacklist my username, block the anti and critical tags I try to use VERY frequently, etc. Nobody's asking you to look at the things I post and, quite honestly, the fact that you felt the need to leave me this message tells me that between the two of us, you're the one being unhealthy because you felt the need to tell someone innocently staying in their own lane that they're participating in fandom wrong rather than just... moving on and doing fandom in a way you enjoy more. If you want to see something else, go look at a different blog or make your own posts. Nobody's stopping you, least of all me.

But to actually answer the question you didn't ask, I made this blog because I wanted a place to make the kind of posts I wanted to see. Yes, it's a venting blog. That means sometimes I vent about the same thing more than once. Breaking news: people in fandom talk about the same hyperfixation more than once sometimes!

My best friend in the Star Wars fandom happens to be someone who really likes Anakin. So whenever I disliked something about Anakin, she was not the person I could go to in order to discuss it. Well, not always anyway. Not when I got particularly bitter about it. And at the time that I made this blog over a year ago, I didn't have anywhere else to go to vent those feelings, so I made one for myself. I made myself a tiny safe haven where I could simply write those feelings out that I never really saw anybody else making or discussing. This wasn't intended to be a popular blog. I expected it to get about two followers total maybe and a LOT of haters.

Instead, I've actually heard from a number of people that this blog let them feel seen. That the things I've written have felt really relatable to people who just can't connect to all of the Anakin love that tends to exist in the fandom. Because yes, Anakin's been the villain since the 1970s, but you must not have spent a lot of time in this fandom because that is NOT a thing that a lot of his fans tend to remember or even believe anymore. According to a good number of Anakin fans, the Jedi are the real villains and Anakin is just a tragic victim who didn't really do anything wrong. And even a lot of the people who DO recognize that Anakin is the villain of the story often still tend to like Anakin as this tragic character and will primarily post positive things about him. So for those of us who just... don't LIKE Anakin very much, there isn't as much content out there for us. You either accept all of the Anakin love along with the content for the other characters you like or you just... don't consume very much content within the fandom. Or you find a very specific niche to try to stay in that you like better, I guess. But Anakin's the main character of the main saga, he's hard to avoid entirely.

So this blog helps provide one little safe haven for others who just... don't like this character much.

And that's not even the entirety of this blog anyway. If you had scrolled through it much, you might've noticed the fic rec lists that have nothing to do with Anakin at all and are actually a lot more aimed at being Pro Jedi. Because this blog is just as much about loving the Jedi as it is about disliking Anakin. You might've also noticed the extensive AU concepts I've written a few times, one of the most recent of which actually ended up leading to Anakin surviving ROTJ and figuring out how to stop being a Sith and getting mentally healthy. And Anakin's not even the only character who's GOTTEN criticism on this blog, the pinned post on this blog lists a good 10 characters I've had to add to it because there IS going to be criticism for them here, too, from Satine and Bo-Katan Kryze, to Aleksander Kallus, to Crosshair and TBB as a show in general, to Padme Amidala herself. Not to mention some criticism of Ahsoka, as well, sometimes. I'm an all access kind of hater I guess, I like to have a varied diet of characters I complain about.

So yes, it's a blog named antianakin because the url wasn't taken, I thought it was funny, and it works as a WARNING for anybody who sees my posts or decides to come onto my blog. Obviously it doesn't keep EVERYBODY out who shouldn't be looking at them, look at yourself for a good example of that. But I like to think it's helpful. Yes, this is a venting blog where I allow myself to be negative and complain about characters I don't like in a space I have created for me to do that in. This does not mean that I am not EVER positive about Star Wars, it doesn't even mean that I'm never positive about Star Wars ON THIS BLOG. It just means that this is a place that I am allowed to be salty in, it is a place where I put my most bitter thoughts and feelings and throw them into the void that is Tumblr just to get them out of me.

This is MY safe space, MY little fandom haven. Nobody asked you to be here, so if it doesn't feel safe or even just entertaining for you, you're more than welcome to leave and go find somewhere else you like better or create your own little fandom space where you can create the kind of things YOU want to see. I can wholeheartedly recommend it.

#fandom wank

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Several small BatFam notes

@moss-covered-thoughts (I'm answering questions and providing information for DPxDC fans.)

lol don't worry about it! Nothing about you talking about your fic will make me feel left out! I'm just happy to help you out with your work! If anything will make me feel left out, it's the lack of rogues content and people within this fanspace underutilizing Vlad and not having much of that juicy, juicy polycule content (specifically Vlad/Jack/Maddie) that I keep coming back to Danny Phantom for. :p Speaking of, I want to be as transparent as I can with the information I'm giving out, because just like all comics fans, I'm not an expert on everything and I am very much in my own specific niche and haven't read everything out there! I'm actually not much of a Batfam fan and am much MUCH more of a rogues fan! (Specifically my hyperfixation is focused around Harvey Dent and Two-Face.) So while I do have some information about the members of the batfamily, my knowledge isn't nearly as comprehensive as someone who's deep dived into that part of the DC universe! I'll give you the information I can, and hopefully someone with more cohesive Batfam knowledge can reblog this post with extra notes to fill in the holes I have in my knowledge. >.<

Adoption Order

So I can't tell you the specific specifics of adoption specifically, but I believe that the order of each member joining the Bat Family would probably be along the lines of: Dick Grayson -> Barbara Gordon -> Jason Todd -> Tim Drake -> Cassandra Cain -> Stephanie Brown -> Damian Wayne -> Duke Thomas.

Batgirl and Duke recs

Again, I haven't read much Bat Family stuff because my primary focus is on the rogues. But I do have a handful of recs! If you're willing to watch a long-ass video instead of reading, I would actually highly recommend Linkara's retrospective on Cassandra Cain and here's the link to said video! It's very good and goes into just about every major comic appearance she was in at the time of the video first coming out (in 2019)! You will get a very good image of her character from that, I like Linkara's analysis, and by watching that video, you will definitely be able to come away from it with a number of recommendations for both Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown! (He does talk about Steph some in this video, but it's limited.)

Speaking of Stephnie I'm sorry to say that I don't really have any recommendations for Steph as I sadly have just not really happened to come across any works that have her in them in my poking around in different comics and related media. But honestly, while I can't give you any recs for Steph, maybe you should toss Linkara (@atopfourthwall) a message! He's actually a decently active Tumblr user and given that he wants to do a different retrospective on Stephanie Brown, certainly he would have things to recommend!

As for other Cass reccomendations... The only thing I have in my back pocket is Spirit World. It's not about her, it's a solo series about the brand spanking new character, Xanthe Zhou, but Cass IS a main character in it, and people seem genuinely happy with what they did with her in that story!

If you're looking for good Barbra Gordon content... Well... Personally I would recommend giving her episodes in Batman: the Animated series or the issues that include her in The Batman Adventures a look-see...? It's always a solid time with her around in B:TAS, or in the Batman Adventures! They characterize her very well in those serieses!

If you want both a Cass and a Barbra suggestion... Maybe check out No Man's Land...? Asking you to read all of the comics that were part of that saga might be a little much, but there is a novel adaptation of the No Man's Land storyline out there, and personally I listened to the reading of that novel as done by Graphic Audio and it is genuinely excellent! Like, the marketing may be tacky, but it is on the level of quality as something like an audio drama podcast or a Big Finish Audio. It just happens to be a book reading. :p But No Man's Land IS where Cass was first introduced, (also where Harley Quinn joined the comics universe fun fact!) and it has plenty of good moments from Barbara in it too!

As for Duke... Honestly, if you aren't already reading the Wayne Family Adventures, then you really ought to. >.< That series is available for free on webtoon and the first several strips have him as the main character before it becomes more of an ensemble cast thing. (And in case you were wondering it IS official DC media!) >.< I also haven't read much of Duke's stuff, and so in terms of his backlog, I really don't know what to recommend. The one story that I did happen to read that heavily featured Duke... Was "My Own Worst Enemy" (it's like volume 1 of All-Star Batman) which was... Fine...??? Like, as a Two-Face and Harvey Dent story, it was pretty bad and ablest in how it portrayed Harvey's DID. (But this isn't necessarily unusual for books that include him... SIIIIIGH!) But it was also incredibly stupid and fun, and had a lot of good forwards momentum and offered a number of interesting ideas that I don't entirely hate! So overall I find it... Fine... But as a Duke story... Honestly it's not bad as far as a Duke story can go! And the back-up story for that little arc (the Cursed Wheel) was pretty alright too! I do feel like after I read My Own Worst Enemy that I did understand Duke just a little better as a character! So while it's not good... You might find it to be decent in what you're looking for...? Because I really cannot speak on any other stories he's been in. >.<

So uh... Sorry about my whole limited perspective thing... But I do hope that you find some of this useful at least! I wish you the best of luck in your writing endeavors!

#dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #batfamily #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #barbra gordon #duke thomas #batgirl #batgirls #steph brown #cass cain #bat family #batfam

[beevean]

Yeah, I'm not gonna deny that old ship wars did involve threats, telling other people to kill themselves, etc. But now they do all that and also make it a moral issue

There are many theories that attempt to explain why there's been a sudden shift in mentality on the internet, but for now, the easiest one IMO is that nowadays content is thrown in your face thanks to social media and algoritm.

When I was little, I had to look up ship material. I had to look up porn. I had to stumble upon specific pages like Kink Memes. The worst that could happen was that I browsed the gallery of an artist I liked, and found that they shipped Sonegg :P <- true story

Point is, "don't like don't read" (or see) was the motto for a reason, because it was possible.

Now? Now I see on Twitter how finely attuned the algoritm is to pushing on you the worst material. It's not uncommon that it recommends me posts of people QTing posts about how rapeable Tails and Cream are, and putting their own disgusted comments on them. Which, okay but maybe don't show me that, I'm not interested, I don't follow anyone here. You're making me see content I didn't ask for, and engage with people I want nothing with.

So, first of all, it has become harder to filter content you don't like. Then there is the whittling down of privacy (dash did a thing lol). Again, as a kid, I was more or less allowed to do what I wanted on the internet, including finding "problematic" content (helped also by the language barrier: I learned English very quickly, and my parents did not :P). I can't imagine how it would have been if my parents monitored every place I visited. Of course I'd feel ashamed if I had to restrain myself like that, knowing that my parents would deem me "abnormal" (more than it already happened).

But that's not even the biggest issue. There has been enough talk about how back then, fandom was niche, it was for the freaks, nerds were bullied, girls would be mocked to hell and back for shipping (they still are, as long as you put "straight" and/or "white" lol, but back then you didn't even need to pretend 🙃). Now, again thanks to social media, fandom has become normalized. Much more people are on the internet, and much more people engage in fandom content. And they find the weird shit. And they become the bullies themselves.

The Sonic fandom 20 years ago was a target of mockery for attracting autistic furries, you know, the typical jokes that we all wanted to fuck Big. The Sonic fandom didn't care, and between one discourse about Sonic's eyes and the other, they had fun shipping all the things and being cringe in their corner. Now it has become less socially acceptable to mock autistic furries :P but "normal" people have infiltrated the fandom, and they are demanding normalcy, which results in absurd things like wishing death on Shadria shippers because eww human and anthro or THEY'RE SIBLINGS YOUR HONOR

... now, if you ask me why people (sadly not just teens) nowadays have convinced themselves that fiction is reality, I don't fully know. I do believe in the theory that radical feminism has managed to seep into the fandom and leave some of its core tenets engrained into everyone, even the people who say "punch terfs" or that radfems would despise, such as "engaging in sexual content makes you a deviant", "kinks fetishize my trauma and you're retraumatizing yourself if you indulge in them", and the idea that half of the population is pure and can do no wrong while the other is inherently corrupted and not human...

#this has turned into a ramble lol #fandom

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

tag game~

tagged by the amazing @coquelicoq to list 5 topics i can talk on for an hour without preparing any material! thanksss <3 <3

this is honestly a really difficult one for me cos as much as i love to ramble, the prospect of having to do a talk for an hour about anything would a) make me INCREDIBLY anxious and 2) i would promptly forget everything i know about said subject literally the second i have to do the talk pfft.... wait... the prompt doesnt say i have to do the talk in front of people so hmm... maybe i'd be ok lol

anyway topics time lol (these aren't really in any order btw just writing them as i think of them)!

art history ofc... i could equally talk as much about art i love as much as art i HATE lol (duchamp's goddamn toilet fountain you're going fucking DOWN bitch)... can't promise my hour speech won't just be a list of fun art-y facts lol (like uh in medieval paintings that used gold leaf, artists would put down this red gesso/glue like mixture (called something like boll?) because the red gave the gold a warmer glow than just sticking it onto the plain wooden panel lol) or that it won't be me massively misremembering parts of my degree pfft...

history of the british monarchy lol! ok so i may not currently like the monarchy, but i am a MASSIVE fan of the history of the royals lol... especially the tudor era! a lot of my talk would be me trying to remember the order of the monarchs from william the conqueror until now (which would mean me singing the horrible histories monarchy song lol sorry not sorry)... i would also spend the time being like 'yeh so this one had allegations of being gay, as did this one, and THIS one had several male favourites who he was definitely in relationships with' lol

kpop lol... not really sure what i would talk about? maybe specific groups (exo would be in contention for sure, they have a very interesting history tbh), or just the wider cultural phenomenon and history of kpop? or just like talk about niche kpop groups that basically no one remembers pfft (like that group that jackie chan made lol! already mentioned it on my kpop haveyouheard blog but people in the notes were like 'wait jackie chan did WHAT???' lol...) like i definitely don't know a lot of stuff, but i know more than the average joe so like... it might be fun idk??

queer films lol... i'd also say films in general, but i definitely feel like i have more niche and interesting knowledge specifically of queer films so.... i DEFINITELY could talk for well over an hour about that lol! this would also definitely include me complaining about films like call me by your name and blue is the warmest colour lol... (i actually was speaking to myself the other day about both films and how perceptions of both have changed SO much over the years since they came out lol...) but i'd mainly want to talk about the amazing queer films i've watched over the years!!... i'd also throw in some talk of asian queer media here since i've been watching it for literally 6 or so years at this point lol...

back to history, this time ancient egypt! returning to my childhood roots with this one lol i know a lot of random things about ancient egypt that i could potentially string into an hour long talk? actually recently went to an exhibition at the place where they film downton abbey (it's not called that btw lol) where it had a whole thing about the discovery of tutankhamun's tomb in 1922 which had a lot of interesting info tbh! dont come to this talk if u dont want to hear me talk about all the incest that went on in ancient egyptian royalty pfft... (like...historians believe that tut's mother was also his aunt, and his sister was also his wife, which kinda explain why none of their children survived... royals of all eras really were like 'we have to intermarry to keep the bloodline pure' and it's like (breaking bad bald guy meme) jesse NO that's what's KILLING you!!!!!!!!!!)

for most of these i'd basically say something and then immediately be like 'don't fact check me on that though' because chances are i remembered the thing wrong pfft...

tagging (no pressure to do it ofc!): @abnerkrill @asoftspotforangels @sylvasa @dollopheadsandclotpoles @zelvuska @micamicster & whoever else wants to do it!!

#tag game #realised none of these are fandom things (well... aside from kpop lol) #even though i definitely COULD talk a lot about various fandoms too lol #idrk why i immediately though this was like a nightmare scenario where i'd thrown on a stage &forced to do a speech in front of an audience #like that's literally not what the prompt says i was just adding an extra layer of challenge pfft

[nothing0fnothing]

when i post things about narc abuse on my blog i occasionally get ppl being like "don't classify all ppl with npd as abusers!!!" when i didn't say that? tbh on the whole "is narc abuse ableist" thing i defer to my best friend's wisdom, he recently graduated with a BA in psychology (im so proud!!!) and he said smth to the effect of "if you're trying to diagnose them with npd to demonize them then yeah not good but also narcissistic is a word independent of that diagnosis so context is important" its like how ppl without depression can still say theyre depressed or someone without anxiety can say theyre anxious yknow? context matters! i call my parents narc abusers bc it "fits the bill" as in from the medical studies ive read from professionals, all this criteria fits their behavior, not bc i actually believe they have npd. their actions are narcissistic but actually having npd is a question i can't answer.

the point being: im sure you get a lot more comments like that on your blog than my own. the few i get make me upset for a while bc it feels so invalidating (or maybe im just chronically online lmao.) how do you deal with it all? i'm sure the answer is just "block" but does it go deeper? it must feel awful to be called ableist when all you've done is try to spread awareness about a very real thing that happened to you. i could use some of your strength bc your blog is still going strong even amidst the hate 🙏

This ask was actually so lovely to read. You're eloquent and educated and if you'd like to dm me please do any time I'd love to chat with you and check out your blog.

You're absolutely right about narcissism and NPD. Narcissism is a personality trait. One that most healthy people posses. You can't diagnose someone a narcissist, because "narcissist" isn't a disorder.

There's a misconception that NPD is the clinical diagnosis for excessive narcissism. Actually, the diagnostic criteria for NPD is very clear that one does not even have to have narcissistic traits to be diagnosed with it. And it has nothing to say about abusing others, so how recognising abuse is considered a drive by diagnosis of NPD is beyond me.

Saying your abuser is narcissistic doesn't mean you think your abuser has this specific disorder. We know this so to us it's common sense. Unfortunately common sense isn't so common, especially in the narcissistic positivity side of this app.

It's so easy to feel provoked when you know all this, and you're educated and you just want to make content that will connect you to a community of other survivors. Only for some asshole who barely knows what NPD is, decides they're going to make your trauma all about it. It's not chronically online to be made upset by behaviour like that. People like to tell us the Internet isn't real, but when it's our connection to communities of people who share our niche experiences, it is real. Don't undermine yourself when you feel upset like that. Words can hurt anyone, even when they come from an ignorant low life who thinks they can clean up the internet, one trauma support blog at a time.

Me personally? I like to wait to hit the block button till after I've goaded them into an absolute breakdown. It entertains me to no end to watch them rage like toddlers as they start to realise they know next to nothing on a topic I've absolutely schooled them in. It sounds cruel but I have no sympathy for arseholes, especially when they're intentionally spamming random accusations and slurs on my vent posts in hopes they can get a rise out of a vulnerable person. I might make a "narcissists rage at facts and logic" compilation for my own amusement... But that's not really helpful advice to anyone who isn't a bitter hag, like me.

When I first started on this platform I kept my most common response paragraphs in my notes and clipboard to paste and post when I got the same asks day in and day out. It really helped me to reply in a measured way I knew was proof read and edited without having to exert the mental energy it takes to type out a whole reply every time you get one. This of course is if you're so inclined to engage with them.

I also have a limit for how long I'll engage. Usually my rule is I stop responding when they stop asking questions, because my blog is here to be supportive, not to receive criticism from the pro narcissist community. When they stop being coherent and and start being belligerent, that's when will always I block them and that's usually the end of it.

I did have one guy who I'd blocked on 3 or 4 seperate accounts for being belligerent. He was making new accounts every time to spam my asks and reblogs with increasingly ridiculous, heinous and obviously ragebaity shit. I just reposted his replies onto reddit where the crowd is, let's say, more critical of behavior like that. He had an epic meltdown and I've never seen his username ever again. If you're not comfortable doing that, let me know and I'll do it for you. You'd be doing me a favour because I'm a little shit and I love to watch the fireworks.

My last bit of advice to you is to make mutuals and make them friends. I struggle with being sociable in any consistent way, but a few messages back and forth to foster a good relationship with the community is so helpful. It makes your blog feel like an actual supportive environment. It puts your content across the dashboards of more sympathetic people and less losers thanks to the algorithm. Most importantly, when you have friends on this app they're more likely to back you up when an absolute cretin who snuck onto earth decides to pick on you for no reason. Having that back up is invaluable to blogs like ours and it's so important to have it when you're just starting out, especially if you're already getting the narc apologists in your notifs.

That being said, I genuinely do hope you reach out to me. I'd love to be able to send you some more of my strength when you need it. 💛🤎💛

#narcissistic abuse #narcissistic people #narcissist #surviving narcissism #raised by narcissists #narcissistic abuse support #narcissistic abuse awareness #narcissistic abuse recovery #narcissistic abuse survivor #trauma support #mental health recovery #mental health support #ptsd support #narcissism is not a disability #narcissism is not npd

[averytiredfanfictionwriter]

Where have I been?

Not entirely sure who'll care what I have to say, but I'm gonna say it anyways just like with the Skydoesminecraft situation. I will not be writing for Minecraft youtubers anymore, save for the Hermitcraft community. They seem to be the only ones that I watch that are consistently good creators. Unfortunately, I will not be writing for anything dsmp related, even though I'd stopped a while ago. Trying to write any of the remaining ideas I had concerning Techno is just too painful still, and I don't know if it'll ever stop being painful. And with the allegations that came out against Wilbur and most recently George, I don't feel comfortable engaging with their content/the streamers who are still friends with them. This extends to all of the "dream team" and the band Lovejoy, seeing as they have yet to make a public statement, at least that I'd seen.

All that said, what will my content look like seeing as I haven't posted in at least a year? Well, there's going to be some changes. I've grown out of fandoms, and into new ones in the last year. I got really into the Modern Warfare series and Call of Duty: Ghosts throughout last year, so some of those guys and girls might make an appearance on my page occasionally. Hermitcraft might also make an appearance, with the fics being in the same style as the other hermit fic I'd posted. Outside of that, I can't give an exact list anymore because I haven't felt truly interested in anything. I'd lost the ability to enjoy all the things I used to enjoy as I got further into my depression, and it all culminated in my making a few drastic changes in May of last year. I left my job and got a better paying one working overnights because I would cry going home at just how awful my days were and how poorly treated I'd been for the 4 years I worked there. I made a bunch of new friends online and got into some niche internet drama outside of Tumblr that I might share my side of in the next few months- not to drag up old fights, but to warn people who might be thinking of or currently watch a certain TikTok creator. I'm about to DM my first D&D campaign with some of my new friends and I'm very excited about it because I've spent more than 7 months planning and creating it.

But most importantly, in my time away I realized a lot. I've been dealing with major writers block for more than a year because every time I tried to write I compared myself to the other writers I follow on here. Specifically in the modern warfare community. I had so many ideas for fics, but every time I sat down to write them they wouldn't come out as good as I wanted them, or it wasn't up to the standard that I was trying to meet because I thought that no one would read it if I didn't meet that. Even now, just venting, I'm worried about how many likes and how much engagement this post will get and that's such an awful mentality to have. I used to love writing, and I still do. But I've learned to accept that it's okay to be at a different level of writing than the others on here, and that I shouldn't stop just because my characterization sucks or sometimes the plot is a little rocky. I shouldn't be worried about all of that, because writing fanfiction started as me writing for myself. It all started, way back when I was a young teenager, making a Wattpad account and writing my first fic, which I believe was a purge fanfiction with Skydoesminecraft and the rest of Sky Media. I'm 21 now, and I can definitely say I've improved, but I'm tired of trying to base my improvement on how good everyone else is. I'm tired of being depressed about how other writers make it look so easy to just have these great, cinematic moments in their fics with wonderful lines that stick with you after you finish reading them.

So, back to the question. What will my content look like? It'll look like whatever I want it to look like. I'm going to write for who I want, when I want. If that means posting 20 batman fanfics in a row, and then making a complete 180 to Hermitcraft or Criminal Minds or even House, then so be it. But I'm going to be doing it for me, and not for how many likes and followers a particular character or fandom will get me.

If you read all this, thank you. I really do appreciate everyone who's ever engaged with my stuff on this site, it truly does mean the world to me.

(Also, quick aside. If you're from the HermitCraft fandom and you write weird nsfw with them, for the love of god block me now. I saw a fic where Grian rapes Docm, and I'm never going to be able to unsee it thanks to it not being tagged right. They are all real, grown people with families. What the fuck.)

#dream smp #dream team #lovejoy #wilbur soot #wilbur situation #mcyt #hermitcraft #fanfic #georgenotfound #dreamwastaken #sapnap #skydoesminecraft #lizzy rambles #lizzy writes

[drdemonprince]

Hi! I'm not sure what the best way to address this is, but I recently bought your unmasking autism book at my local barns and noble. And personally their placement of the book makes me uncomfortable. I had staff help me find it and they took me up to the parenting section, and then it's subsection of "special needs" books for parents. I said to the staff that I thought it was somewhat weird, and then got gaslit over it. Anyways, I'm just not sure how you felt about having your book in parenting

My publisher chose to have it listed it as a parenting book (among other categories such as mental health), because they believe that by putting it there, it will capture additional readers beyond my target audience of Autistic folks themselves: worried/newly adapting parents of Autistic kids (and other caretakers and educators who work with Autistics). That’s a population that’s desperate for help and receives very little of it -- and they buy a lot of books. 

Based on the content of the reviews I've seen and emails I get, I think my publisher was correct.  Many masked Autistics find out they’re Autistic following a child’s diagnosis. And I want Autistic kids to have a way better time in life than most of us did growing up, so my book getting in the hands of a lot of parents and educators is a wonderful thing. 

Autistic children are powerless in our society, whereas adult masked Autistics have some power and autonomy in our lives. So, reaching children by reaching parents is something I really support here. I had not anticipated reaching as many parents (or getting as many emails from children!) as I have. im really glad that it shook out that way. 

but yes, it was decided by people who are not me for purely capitalistic reasons. penguin random house only chose to sell my book at all because they thought they could reach a wide contingency of people -- originally, i was going to have to write the book for a general audience, not autistics themselves. i was lucky as hell to get an editor who encouraged me to write a book for autistics specifically. she managed to convince publicity and marketing that a book that niche could still be “saleable” -- by pointing out that parents and teachers would also want it. and she was right. 

I can't speak to the "special needs" subsection because that's not how the book is listed on the publisher side. every store subcategorizes differently. a massive corporation like B&N using ignorant yet very widely adopted ableist language sounds about par for the course unfortunately. 

I try not to worry too much about the nuts and bolts of distribution and sales because I have no authority over any of it and am not even *told* most of it. and if i were to tell you ever ignorant or undermining thing that has happened to me and my books in the years ive been a writer it would be a very very long post that might begin to convey how few spoons i have left to fight certain battles. right now i’m just happy and relieved to see my book doing well and meaning a lot to people, knowing it got to exist in the form i wanted it to. thanks for your question, and I hope you enjoy the book.

#as an aside i do not think a retail worker not agreeing with or understanding a customers concern about book listings is gaslighting #gaslighting has a very specific meaning and requires an extensive campaign of leveraging power over a person to make them doubt their sanity

[trueffelmaiden]

hey! this is the anon who wanted your opinion on "milky" and drawings of bosomy L and Light. I wanted those as a joke, i thought it would be your sense of humor. i apologize if i made you uncomfy, i thought it would amuse you and i have a bad time guessing what other people consider "too" nsfw as i am asexual and have a dirty sense of humor.

for "milky", did you like the style of writing? was it well-written? also, who else do you think would want to read it? i am an aspiring content creator, and would appreciate somes tips.

sorry again... i shall draw big tiddy light yagami on my own... fill an non-existent niche

Hey Anon, no you didn't make me uncomfortable at all (tbh I don't think anything can do that at this point in my life asdjkhas), but be aware that i'm a bit of a weirdo and others might not feel the same!

Anyway, and don't take this the wrong way, but with the frequency and the nature of your requests there wasn't really any other way for me to interpret them other than, well, as kinks. And I guess I kinda shot myself in the foot (heh) with all the jokes about foot fetishes but that's still all in good fun, I just don't really want to do kink requests on my blog. I will absolutely do some non-serious goofing around with prompts when I can think of sth funny, but when I'm not feeling it I'm not feeling it. I guess I'm just not the kind of artist to fulfill this particular service. You could probably find someone who does comissions if you're still interested?

In the same vein, I also can't give you constructive feedback for the fic since it caters to a very specific interest that does not really apply to me. I guess if I had to give you some kind of tip, it would be to think about why you're writing for these specific characters and make use of that. Like, play up parts of their dynamic that makes ppl drawn to them in the first place, and transfer that to your specific scenario. Basically, and I can't believe I'm writing this, if you're writing Lawlight kinkfic, don't be afraid to give us some mindgames and brainy foreplay???

OK, I hope this helps and clears things up a bit!! Toodles, anon!

#answered asks #cw kink #kink discussion #I'm just spewing words at this point my brain is leaking like those male tiddies #ok bye!!

[vintage-bentley]

You explained it so eloquently and easy to follow and yet I know there's people who would look at our opinion and label us as the bigots for having those boundaries in the first place. Gay men can get away with not being forced to sleep with people they aren't attracted to but as soon as lesbians say the same thing, we get labeled as some type of phobic person. It's been frustrating as a lesbian to see the difference between how lesbian and bisexual women are treated in the community versus how gay or bisexual men get treated. This also extends to the content. I'm sure you've seen the difference in reception of shows like First Kill versus shows out there about m/m couples. W/W content gets all these high standards and expectations and people say it's "honest criticism" when the same standards aren't used on the m/m content. At this point I can't even tell the difference between how straight people would treat me as a lesbian versus how my supposed own community treats me. But it gives me a little hope when I find people who also feel these frustrations because then I know I'm not alone in my experience and I have to believe that reason will eventually win.

Thank you! I'm guessing you're referring to this?

(Warning, this got long because I have Lots Of Thoughts)

It's sad, but you're right. Somehow it's become the popular take within our own "community" that boundaries are bad.

I wouldn't say that gay men are able to avoid the "cotton ceiling" rhetoric, since there's the "boxer ceiling" too. It's just that this has been happening to lesbians for much longer, and since nobody helped us fight back, homophobes felt emboldened to target gay men too. To be completely honest I'm not sure things would be as bad as they are now if people had just listened to lesbians.

Still, even though it does happen to gay men too, I agree that women (specifically lesbians) are still the most affected. I genuinely think the TQ+ community hates us, or at least dislikes us. They really do treat us just like regular straight homophobes do. Then again, I think lots of them literally are just straight homophobes who've convinced themselves that they can change gender and become gay.

I'll put my thoughts on the response to First Kill under a read more since again, it got long.

As far as the response to lesbian/bisexual woman content goes, I'll be honest and say that I'm probably not in the best place to judge right now. On my old blog I was following a ton of artists and blogs from different fandoms I'd been in since making the account, so I saw a fair bit of response to whatever new thing was out. I still haven't gotten around to combing through the blogs I was following there and following more people here, so I'm really only following the few blogs I remembered when making this one. I also followed a bunch of tags before and am following none here because I want to be at peace lol.

What I'm getting at is that I used to be seeing widespread response to media so I'd be able to see how people reacted to different things, but now I'm really just seeing a small circle of people. So while I could easily say that I saw a shit ton of Good Omens fan art before even knowing what it was, but am seeing hardly any First Kill fan art on my dash, and could blame it on different attitudes towards M/M and F/F...it's more likely that I was following far more people than I am now.

However, just to compare the little that I have seen...Good Omens was all "yay queer representation!!!!" despite nothing being remotely explicit. Our Flag Means Death seemed to have SO MANY articles about how amazing and "queer" it was. But I saw an article about First Kill is falling into the trope of teen lesbian vampires or something?? As if that's not a very niche genre.

The show is still fairly new so I'm not expecting fireworks and fanfare just yet...but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it didn't get the same attention and praise that OFMD or even GO did. Despite doing OFMD's kiss scene far more often and intensely, and GO's star-crossed-lovers trope as actual star-crossed-lovers instead of star-crossed-Not Gay Best Friends Who Could Be Queer (on tumblr/twitter, not on screen) But Certainly Not Gay.

Here's what came up when I searched the show up, make of this what you will.

Fairly positive, but I'm just skimming through the top right article and here's an excerpt;

Like First Kill, the queer love story [Heartstopper] was a whole season drop with only eight episodes. In Heartstopper, however, with its dreamy, melodic music and palpable longing, the romance felt tangible. Unlike First Kill it was able to pull viewers wholeheartedly into Nick and Charlie's love story in the most breathtaking way.

You really feel their wants, desires and their connection. You ache for their yearning so badly that some have to watch between laced fingers pressed over eyes because their agony and angst is just too much for some. (Us, we are some).

Yet despite the mortal peril and the forbidden nature of Jules and Cal's romance – the ingredients for a hot and steamy love story – it's just not believable.

So what I'm getting is that soft sanitised boys in love set to "dreamy" music = believable love story...but horny teenage girls in love = not believable. Ok. Sure.

The idea that Calliope and Juliette got together too fast is a critique I see a lot about this show...and to some extent I get it. Maybe people were going in hoping for a slow burn and are disappointed. It did move fairly fast, but I was okay with it. Personally, I went in wanting F/F romance so I got what I came for. It was nice to just be guaranteed a love story without dealing with all the tension first. With gay romance I'm very used to tons of build up despite straight romance happening right away, so it was nice to see a gay relationship get the straight treatment. And I really don't see what's so unrealistic about teenagers being quick to move things along...that's just the teen love trope for you.

I also don't get why First Kill, a vampire/monster hunter show, needs to be "realistic" about its romance. People certainly didn't care about realism when it was Jim from OFMD being canonically they/themmed instead of being a realistic woman disguising as a man, which is arguably the bigger stray from reality than horny teenagers (and a sexist one!).

People make excuses for OFMD all the time ("it's just a silly pirate show, they didn't care about historical accuracy! Look at the costumes!") but are harping on the fantasy show for being unrealistic? I can't help but feel that part of the enchantment with OFMD is that it's men, and part of the "honest criticism" with First Kill is that it's women. People seem to like F/F content much less than they do M/M. Ao3 tags prove it.

Despite the seemingly higher standards placed on First Kill, I've luckily seen plenty positive feedback about it! But just like I was curious what the reaction to OFMD would've been had it been about women...I'm very curious about what the reaction to First Kill would've been had it been about men. I almost wonder if OFMD wouldn't have been as big as it was/is, and First Kill would have taken its place.

#idk if this is coherent lmao #i think it is #it's my blog I can ramble all I want >:D #anon #asks

[this-thing-saved-me]

CONTEXT ALERT!

Welcome to my little corner of the internet. Thanks for coming, grab a tea and get comfy.

This blog is going to be dedicated to the various forms of content that have had a hand in keeping me (reasonably) sane and alive over the past 35 years.

A couple of years ago I suffered from severe burnout that affected my mental health significantly and helped contribute to being diagnosed with PTSD after a workplace assault. Phew, and that's just the cole's notes of the journey.

I have always found myself in words, so its fitting that I dedicate some words to the specific saviours in return.

I'll be talking about moments from movies, books, songs, little things that made me stop over the years and say, "yes that, more of that."

I feel it's important to disclose that while I firmly believe that Taylor Swift's music has been eerily timely ever since I first downloaded Teardrops on my Guitar VERY LEGALLY DEFINITELY NOT ON LIMEWIRE DON'T FACT CHECK THIS. Point being, I will endeavour to at least SPACE OUT the Taylor appreciation.

I'll update this later with relevant tags as I feel out how and what I want to write about. I was originally going to make this all about music, make playlists, yaddah yaddah. But there's also too many moments from the content I've been fed over the years that I didn't want to get into too much of a niche.

Because I'm also late-diagnosed ADHD and Bipolar girl. And the road to those diagnoses were not smooth let me tell you.

But this isn't a BLOG just about mental health. Or maybe it will be. Again, feeling it out. I know from my personal branding class that it's important to know yourself and define your niche.

HOWEVER, my fun little blog (and possible YouTube channel if I feel so inclined to read passages or share clips and talk about them...we'll see) may be a rambly mess because, well hey, that's kind of my brand.

Organized chaos, overly enthusiastic, Gilmore-level talking speeds, that's me. And sharing what I'm passionate about has always made me a happy girl.

And since I can't talk customers ears off at the video store anymore (and it's been 13 years since I could. blech) here I am. Talking to the void about any number of fandoms.

(Insert gif of Jeff Blim saying "Get Excited Everyone" from The Trail to Oregon (YouTube/Team StarKid))

I am also gif girl. I'm going to try and make gifs I can't find if I can find clips for them. Because practising simple internet skills at my age is important. Or so I assume.

Anyway, inaugural ramble over and out. Looking forward to sharing the things I get excited about. <3

#personal blog #recommendations #youtube recommendations #content recommendations #all the recommendations #this is me

[should-be-a-dilf]

Hello Internet people! My name is Courtney and I like older anime dudes, a niche of which I don't find many others like myself.

If you like older anime/manga/comic/video game/etc. guys but can't find many stories about them, then look no further!

I will be doing both SFW and NSFW one-shots, and maybe even a few longer stories here and there.

You may notice that I will write certain words with different spellings within the same story. This is a stylistic choice I use to represent differences in speech patterns, cultural and religious beliefs, etc. The example that comes to mind and will probably be seen the most is "hell" and "hel". Spoken words, thoughts, diary entries, etc. from characters that are specifically Norse pagan will use "hel" while other characters will use "hell". Other text, minus writings within the story (ex. a sign or something), will also use "hel". This is simply because I'm Norse pagan and that's how I spell it. Yes, they are two very different places, but the words' connection and general idea is obvious.

My rules are as follows (and are subject to be added to, removed from and/or amended at any time):

1) ALL NSFW acts (including lime content) will ONLY be between 18+ characters (meaning I don't care that the age of consent in [insert country] is 16 or whatever, anyone doing anything even remotely sexual is AT LEAST 18)

2) I will gladly write for OCs. However, you must prove that the OC is yours. I will not write stories about others' OCs unless they give me the go-ahead. Just a weird conflict of interest type deal that applies to OCs but not to mainstream media in my head, I suppose.

3) This blog is a safe place for all walks of life. Intolerance will be dealt with swiftly; I want everyone to be able to enjoy my stories. However, this isn't to say anything and everything any one other person disagrees with will be deleted/reported/etc. Basically just be a decent human being who understands everyone is equally complex, alive and deserving of respect as you are.

These stories will be X Readers. Please specify what gender you wish the reader to present as (this applies primarily for the NSFW stories, but I'll make exceptions where needed). If you don't happen to specify, I will default to writing as gender neutrally as possible for all to enjoy. If you believe I should fix how I wrote a specific gender please let me know. I wish to represent everyone equally and correctly, but I don't know all there is to know about other genders (hel, I probably don't even know all there is to know about cis women, and I'm one myself!) and I will more than likely make mistakes along the way. However, it's never my intention to insult or degrade anyone. If you believe the way I wrote a certain gender in a story comes off insulting, degrading or simply incorrect, please let me know so I can take the post down, reevaluate it, and make any and all necessary changes before reposting!

Also, if you make a request, please tell me what anime/manga/comic/video game/etc. he's from so I can look up his personality and looks. In all truthfulness I am not incredibly well-versed in many of these things and I don't wish to make anyone OOC where I can avoid it. If you want me to write for an OC I ask that you describe him/show me his reference sheet.

Thank you and happy simping!

As this blog's owner I reserve the right to refuse any request that makes me uncomfortable for any reason and I don't have to specify why if I don't want to.

#a bit of a long read but at least you know what to expect of my stories #blog rules #welcome

[ismirkatmidgets]

How to Succeed as an Amazing Affiliate

Becoming a successful affiliate marketer requires dedication, persistence, and a well-thought-out strategy. In this guide, we will outline the essential steps and best practices for achieving affiliate marketing success. Let's dive in!

-Choose the Right Niche

Select a niche that aligns with your interests, expertise, and target audience. By focusing on a specific niche, you can establish yourself as an authority and effectively cater to your audience's needs. You don't want to be in a situation where an interested party has a question and you can't fully explain the product you are trying to sell them.

-Research Affiliate Programs

Thoroughly research and choose reputable affiliate programs relevant to your niche. Look for programs that offer fair commissions, reliable tracking systems, and quality products or services that your audience will find valuable. There are tens of thousands of services that you can take advantage of. I like to use the affiliate program Amazon has to offer. All the regulations are about the same.

-Build Your Website, Blogs and Social Media Accounts

Create a professional, user-friendly website or blog to serve as the central hub for your affiliate marketing efforts. Optimize it for search engines, ensure easy navigation, and provide high-quality content that resonates with your target audience. Also, use your social media pages to throw an occasional product on there to sell. I am very positive they had the largest selection of products also.

-Generate Quality Traffic

Implement effective strategies to drive traffic to your website. This includes utilizing SEO techniques, creating compelling content, engaging on social media platforms, building an email list, and exploring paid advertising options if suitable for your budget. Google offers a bunch of different options you can take advantage of. But, even better Amazon AWS has all the products anyone could ever imagine.

-Select and Promote Relevant Products or Services

Carefully select products or services that align with your audience's needs and preferences. Focus on promoting high-quality offerings that provide genuine value. Craft persuasive content, such as informative reviews, tutorials, or comparison articles, to encourage conversions. If you have a blog about raising goats on a farm but you are using that platform to advertise tampons, chances are it wouldn't be very successful.

-Build Trust and Credibility

Establish trust and credibility with your audience through transparency, authenticity, and by providing helpful and unbiased information. Only recommend products or services you truly believe in, as this will strengthen your brand and improve long-term success. Following all the above steps will make all these great qualities he wants you to have an easy task to achieve. When you do show yourself as a professional trying to make a living as salesman people will stop being skeptical of you.

-Measure and Analyze Performance

Take advantage of analytics tools to track your website's performance and evaluate the success of your affiliate marketing efforts. Monitor click-through rates, conversion rates, and other relevant metrics to identify areas for improvement and optimize your strategies accordingly. Then, use these results to see what didn't work, what did work, and why.

-Foster Relationships

Nurture relationships with your audience by engaging with them through comments, email newsletters, and social media. Respond to their queries, address concerns, and provide value beyond affiliate promotions. Building a loyal community will result in higher engagement and increased conversions. By responding to comments, emails, and social media you will make your audience feel closer to you and more appreciated. But, you cannot use a default response or an automated system to respond to all your correspondence. At least not until you have a huge base and it would be impossible to. But, if you have 100 followers and maybe 8 comments on something.

-Stay Updated and Adapt

The affiliate marketing landscape constantly evolves, so it's crucial to stay informed about industry trends, new product releases, and changes in consumer behavior. Continuously refine your strategies, adapt to changes, and seek new opportunities to grow and expand your affiliate business.

Becoming an amazing affiliate marketer requires time, effort, and a willingness to learn and adapt. By following these steps and incorporating them into your affiliate marketing strategy, you can increase your chances of achieving long-term success. But, the same formula doesn't work for everyone. You need to just pay attention to your surroundings. Remember to stay authentic, prioritize your audience's needs, and provide value at every step of the way. Good luck!

#amazon #affiliatemarketing #profit #salesman #guide #tutorial

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

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*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

#long post #writing #ethical non-monogamy #relationship styles #relationship models in fiction #also that kindle link is an affiliate link #because fuck giving amazon free recs