#cardio rambles

[system-of-a-feather]

To preface this, this is not at all meant to be a response, retort or anything to the post on this topic that had us internally talking about it and quite frankly, that post is fair and they have a right to say it, so our direct commentary on that will end there

But when the topic of "unforgivable parts" come up, Riku and I always look at one another and go ".... ehhhh" and have a short sentimental giggle cause as far as parts doing horrible shit to another, we both have piles of dirt on the other that we wouldnt be wrong at all for being angry at each other about. I'm a lot more of a typical sounding "ex persecutor" (I dont ID with the term because I dont agree with the term as a role in the first place beyond system community common verbage) but a case could be made that Riku was by far a worse one - a thing theyd admit. The whole dynamic of ours is why we threw the role "persecutor" out the window and changed it to "persecutory behavior".

But anyways, we really fucked eachother up pretty bad and as far as other "persecutory" parts go, we've had some really really shitty internal interactions, one of which can be partially "blamed" for the reason "Riku" as a part is a subsystem - but honestly? I don't think our system has ever found something that was "unforgivable" if solely on the account that there really doesn't seem to be anything that we could do to one another that would allow us to foster that sort of self hate at this point in our healing as a system.

That being said, not all systems are equipt to handle the more extreme persecutors, not all systems are able to hold the understanding that even their most "atrocious parts" are still them, and just in general, the mind set is not practical or fit for every system in every situation and while theoretically you shouldnt force persecutors silent or whatever, chasing theoretical ideals when living as a system is honestly how you probably ended up with DID.

The need to live to a theoretical healthy standard and best practices is good and important to keep in mind, but you have to leave space for the reality of the moment as well as the genuine experiences that come with it and work with what you genuinely can give at the moment. Trying to work above that, 9/10 pushes and reinforces an EP/ANP divide that is foundational in DID so its important to learn to accept that while you know the theoretical healthy and best thing to do, from time to time you have to accept that you AREN'T perfect and can't live to an ideal perfect standard of healing and that you first have to focus on the reality of your moment and what you can bear right now.

You are allowed to experience your mental illness as a mental illness and honestly, people who criticize you healing "imperfectly" really need to focus on themselves and their own life rather than people on the internet (exceptions apply imo but thats another topic)

... lol this post went an entirely different way than I intended, cause I was originally planning on talking about persecutors and the nuances of their behavior as I'm our systems "persecutor wrangler" but I think what ended up being said is more important anyways lol

Anyways, thats my gym cardio ramble of the day.

#alter: xiv #persecutor recovery #persecutor alter #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #xiv rambling #xiv rambles #jock posting #cardio rambles #recovery #healing

[foldingfittedsheets]

Just turned on the light and thought, “How dare you,” at myself.

#ramblies #it’s early and I’m so tired #woke up at 5 to pee and couldn’t sleep more after traveling to Mordor (downstairs) to urinate #I just laid in bed for an hour and a half wishing to sleep more with an activated cardio system

[eebie]

went tok fast on my bike and almodt fucking dieddc

#not a crash or anythin i just underestimated how eak my fucking heart is #im Like a little wet rag i was goin at lightning speeds cos of ky STRONG ass legs my cardio couldnt keep upppp #almost passed out on my bike i #had to sit on the side of the road for a minute feelin like i was suffocating #not funnn #my rambles

[rainia]

starting dancing ballroom which has been the absolute best decision for my social life who knew that there are so many social dances being organised in my city??? like literally apparently there are constant open salsa/swing/whatever evenings wtfff

#gotta learn swing next lmaoooo they look so fun #so much cardio though rip my fucking calves #anyway the sister and just need to get better at latin #then we can go to these open evenings hahahaha #rain rambles

[lurkiestvoid]

I actually did my physical therapy exercises tonight for the first time in a long time and I am Sore and probably gonna regret it tomorrow, but it was very much needed. I did a thing to take care of myself! The bar is low but I'm proud!!

#rambles #personal #fr tho like. i cannot describe how Bad my health/mobility has gotten in the last couple years alone #to illustrate: I have about the same strength and range of motion as my near-70 y/o mama #who is also severely disabled and on oxygen #and I'm in my 30s #i avoid exercise and activity a lot bc im so scared of the pain. I've dislocated and subluxed so many times #but avoiding it is actively and drastically worsening my health #and im getting to the age where it's time to stop fucking around and actually make changes #if i want to live longer AND have any kind of quality of life #so. PT to start #work back up to walking longer distances and cardio #and quit fucking smoking (which i have an appt to get some help with) #chronic pain

[spinningblueberry]

ourghg started using a dating app and I've rarely been so stressed in my life

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO TEXT W STRANGERS???

This feels like using regular social media again

get me out of here DD:

#rambles #I think I'm gonna endure this for another week and then flee #just so I can say I've tried them #AAAAAAAHHHHH #<-me for the entire day #if you'd strap one of those fitness watches onto me it would start screeching that I'm doing cardio #probably isnt healthy now that I'm thinking about it

[sophsicle]

NAAAAAUUUUR SOPH IM APPREHENDING YOU

You will never catch me

I'll go on the lamb

me and Fabian

#hopefully fabian can drive because otherwise we will very literally be on the run #which sounds like a lot of cardio #and not very cool #soph rambles #kyd

[pearl-kite]

There's something about manually repairing something that isn't working that just makes me feel insanely capable, powerful even. How do I package that feeling for later

#kite rambles #i changed out the tire on my bike all by myself like a big kid #now i can start using the bike path that's almost literally next door to start improving my leg muskles and cardio endurance #cause OOF last time i tried to ride my bike before it went flat i did NOT get far #but hopefully this helps #it'd be REALLY neat if i could work up the endurance to actually bike to work #which is not unfeasible i used to bike a similar distance to Walmart #downside is the store manager at work is too stubborn to put in a bike rack so I'd have to chain up to a fucking tree or something

[teabutmakeitazure]

i did one hour of cardio and also walked like 11 km. my feet are dead

#the cardio didnt hurt it was the walking #dk why i thought it was a good idea to do that #also my thighs chaffed very badly #i didnt have any cream and vaseline didnt help so i used bandages 👍 #zuri rambles

[chronically-ghosted]

unintentional tumblr hiatus hopefully over 😮‍💨

back to what matters - horny old man smut

#taylor rambles #i started hotworx everybody #that should tell you the state of how things are going #i need to be in a room thats 120 degrees while I do cardio to fully shut off my brain #so that's fun #but we're getting thai food tonight and im gonna FUCKITUP #dont look at me i no longer have a corporeal form #hmm is this enough tags to bury the lede? #dust bowl daddy #yeah if you got here you are more than welcome to ask me anything you want about that tag #lets get wild up in hur

[capetowncapers]

Did the babiest bit of yoga today for the first time in weeks despite being So Mother Fucking Tired i am so brave

#moving all my shit out of old apartment -> into new apartment yesterday… I feel Wretched #the devil works hard. chronic fatigue works harder. #cape town rambles #I Wanna see if I can get back to the gym sometimes cause I miss it… but it wears me out so fucking bad #last time I did a good day of cardio + weights I felt like shit for days after… ridiculous

[healingheartdogs]

It's so funny looking on my patient portal for my doctors and seeing "patient looks well nourished" on all my visit summaries when it is documented by my blood work that I am, in fact, very much NOT well nourished and have been prescribed multiple high dose supplements now to make up for how malnourished I actually am.

#its pretty clear that what they actually want to say is that they think i could lose some weight #but trying not to use ED triggering or fatphobic language lol #im within the healthy weight range for my height too im just on the higher end of it #my weight is actually not a problem (to me mentally or physical health-wise) #the bigger issue is being deconditioned as FUCK from basically a year of being partially bedbound #thanks to covid kicking my (suspected) POTS into high gear #actually seeing my cardiologist today for a follow up on my exercise stress test and cardio ultrasound and week long heart monitor results #my chart right now says 'unspecified heart condition' but she said if all those tests came back showing nothing then it's most likely POTS #also have a rheumatologist appt next month to attempt to start figuring out what autoimmune condition I have #cuz clearly going based off my chronic pain and positive antinuclear antibody test there's SOMETHING #but all the lupus tests came back negative #which apparently doesn't mean much because they're very unreliable #rambling in the tags again #basically a whole 'nother separate post down here #whoops #ndr #not dog related #health stuff

[daisychain-unchained]

Female hormones are the worst, literally had to look at a monthly chart yesterday like a fucking storm tracker just to see wtf is wrong with me

#sometimes you still don’t know if it’s hormonal or not #so often it’s like a flip switches in my brain #and suddenly nothing tastes right and something you could accomplish easily days before is a sudden weight #i couldn’t understand why my breathing was suddenly short and my stamina couldn’t keep up for cardio #turns out that can be common during the luteal phase #I’m actually managing a walk out of sheer determination #my roaring 20s just became a catastrophic stock crash #rambling on

[the-cactus-taco]

Got spooked by an owl (?) while running around outside on this fine evening and thought I was gonna die .

#this is the price I pay for doing cardio outside at 10 o’clock at night #not actually sure if it was an owl #but it was definitely a little creature! #I think #happy Halloween! #have an owl! #shit posting #brain rambling #owls #animals #memes

[spiriteddreams]

hit the gym again be proud 💪💪💪

#i’ve been avoiding the gym since i got home for fear of seeing people from elementary school #bc EVERYTIME i come home. without fail. I SEE SOMEONE #but today was not that day 🫡 #i think i’m just scared of seeing men so i just do cardio and then run to the back to do pilates :) #spirit rambles

[rainia]

I should start properly working out again huh

#it’s been a hot minute since I did anything other than yoga #and don’t get me wrong I do shittons of yoga #but there was a stage where I was lifting/doing high intensity cardio #and it felt really good to be so strong #then I broke my arm and that was that for fuckkng ages #maybe I should try go back to some of that again #rain rambles