#conceptually i don’t believe in soulmates but i do believe there’s at least one person for any other person who could | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aloera · 3 years

Note

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

#AHH ive wanted to answer these for so long...... bro fr i was so happy when u sent these!!! like wow!! finally got sent one!!!#sorry for how long the responses are idk how to be concise #asks #anon #a(lore)a

4 notes · View notes

astraeal · 4 years

Note

hiiii <3 can you do 1-6 & 11 from the dnd oc ask for faelan and novix pls???

oh boy!!! yes i absolutely would love to!! fáelán is my pallid elf twilight domain cleric and novix is my tiefling celestial warlock; the answers got very long so i put them under a read more! thank you for asking 💌💌

fáelán: pallid elf twilight domain cleric

How easy is it to make them angry? Do they show their anger or hide it?

She definitely doesn’t show her anger through violence, I think her anger manifests more as sadness or frustration. If she is angry she’ll often express through words, but in general she’s pretty even keel unless something touches on a personal hot button issue, like the Dynasty, the Luxon, the safety of her party members, and lying.

Do they believe in soulmates?

She absolutely does! But it’s hard not to when her queen has had a continuous lover for several lifetimes. I think it’s more so that she believes that work should be put into the relationship, and that it’s not an instantaneous thing, but she does believe that certain people fit together and should be together for a long time!

Do they have any pet peeves?

Lying!!! She detests lying. The truth will come out anyway, so why bother?? Also when people think they’re better than someone else for superficial reasons.

Do they have a happy place? Somewhere they go to in their heads when they need to relax?

Thinking of the Lucid Bastion and of the long nights spent with Tevkiir and just the feeling of safety that the Bastion has given her. She also thinks of her mom and her time with her bat, Ciaran, and safe places at home, though lately her sense of “home” is changing to include a whole lot more than just her memories of her house in Xhorhas

At what stage of their life were they the happiest?

That’s a big question!!! Honestly I don’t know!!! Working at the temple as an Acolyte was I think when she aligned the most with her personal purpose so she was pretty happy then, but JUST NOW she was allowed to start the cycle of consecution so she’s really happy right now, though when the cycle is complete she’ll, obviously, be even more ecstatic

At what stage of their life were they the least happy?

Probably when she made Tanvir ( owned by @kesselin ) cry; she’d gone down in a fight for the second time, when they were fighting a hag, because she was trying to get to save him, and then when they got back to the tavern he hugged her close and she felt awful for scaring him in such a way.

The second time she felt bad was after the hag when she had tried to side with the rogue and get her more invested in the moral cause for the party; later that night, the rogue had referred to one of the were’s (either Tanvir or Bird, i can’t remember which one) as an “it” and Fáelán was so disgusted that she had tried to buddy up to her that she threw up right there on the spot and had to be comforted by the fighter

Do they have a “type” that they are usually attracted to?

Fáelán’s personal relationship to gender and sexuality is very nuanced and due to that/part of that she’s having a difficult time conceptualizing intimacy beyond that in storybooks. So she's attracted to the typical prince charming: someone strong and brave and honest, but simultaneously someone who can be tender and gentle when the time calls for it. Someone with complementary skills to her is also nice, because if they’re too similar to her it feels like there’s competition.

She’s primarily heterosexual which stems from her own internalized transphobia, feeling like other women won’t consider her a “real” woman and she doesn’t want to open herself up to that kind of rejection. Hence, she’s primarily attracted to men, because she considers them to be the “safer” option.

novix: tiefling celestial warlock

How easy is it to make them angry? Do they show their anger or hide it?

Novix responds to anything that makes him feel any emotion other than pleasure with threat displays. He definitely shows his anger in a very physical way, but again not through violence; more like hissing, baring his teeth, ears back, that sort of thing. When he’s angry, you’ll know.

Do they believe in soulmates?

I don’t think he does? He has a sharp learning curve when it comes to romance, love, and general tenderness. The concept of there being someone destined to be with someone else, and not having that be some kind of subject-to-deity connection, doesn’t compute to him.

Do they have any pet peeves?

I don’t think he has any pet peeves, really; he’s not super socialized with his upbringing so he doesn’t have a lot of common things. But something that does make him extremely angry that others would consider is a pet peeve is when people disrespect Clerics (something due to his upbringing)

Do they have a happy place? Somewhere they go to in their heads when they need to relax?

Curled up in a warm place of sunshine and getting soft pets while he’s purring himself to sleep!!! He’s very cat like. But honestly I don’t know if he has a whole lot of “happy” places.

At what stage of their life were they the happiest?

I don’t think that’s happened yet, really? His campaign kind of left off before it could even start, but his general happiness comes when the inevitable relationship starts up with the Cleric of the group, Kellen ( owned by @kesselin ), and then things start to get better; but that “happiest” moment Remains To Be Seen

At what stage of their life were they the least happy?

Shortly after he killed his parents – or, at least, thought he killed his parents. That’s what lead to him having to leave home and run out into the wilderness and resulted in his semi-feral state, so….that would probably be the lowest.

Do they have a “type” that they are usually attracted to?

Similar to Fáelán, he doesn’t have a concept of romance, but unlike Fáelán, he hasn’t had any type of positive influence from storybooks. His family’s own attitudes towards relationships are less than stellar, and very hierarchical and specifically between Clerics and Warlocks. But over time he does develop his own criteria, and it is similar to Fáelán! But he’s moreso focused on the Cleric who has his eye…..

#inbox #kesselin #d&d: fáelán #d&d: novix #thank you for the ask!!!#please do send more

2 notes · View notes

biglifequestions-blog · 5 years

Text

Big Life Questions

In 1991, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes; an incurable autoimmune disease that would have killed me were it not for the discovery of a breakthrough treatment some 70 years earlier. Had my great grandmother—who lived to be an octogenarian with four grandchildren and eight great grandchildren—been diagnosed with the same condition, natural selection would have swiftly eliminated her and the potential for offspring as unceremoniously as it had thousands of others. By pure chance, my mother, uncle, cousins, brothers, and I would never have been born. Twelve unique progenies, gone; an entire branch of the family tree stunted and withered at the hands of a few faulty genes.

As luck or God or the Universe would have it, I was born at exactly the right moment in history to not only survive type 1 diabetes but thrive. And here I am today at age 29: a walking, talking, breathing, body with blood circulating and nerves firing, alive with not only conscious thoughts, but also feelings, opinions, beliefs, quirks, aptitudes, and proclivities. From this foundation, I’ve created a full and complicated life that includes accomplishments, hobbies, aspirations, and emotional connections to other walking, talking, breathing bodies. That I am even sitting here now in a 600-square-foot apartment in Philadelphia with a Chihuahua named Peanut napping sweetly in my lap, able to freely express myself through the typed English word using an online platform capable of sharing those words with millions of people around the globe, all while my loving husband cooks his take on vegan enchiladas in our tiny kitchen is nothing short of a holy-shit miracle.

I wish I could say that the mind-blowing awareness of my mere existence—never mind the trillions of complex, improbable events that coalesced to have me adopt a Chihuahua—has compelled me to live each of my 10,500+ days on this earth to their absolute fullest. I wish I could say the knowledge of my finite and delicate reality has inspired me to follow my passions, live authentically, and weather life’s storms with grace and fortitude all while dedicating my time and energy toward the betterment of society. Surely a life as precarious as my own would catalyze an ongoing quest to align mind, body, and spirit; to be a role model for overcoming adversity against all odds.

Alas, I am not quite so enlightened.

Last Saturday, for example, I spent the entire day in worn-out sweatpants eating buttered toast and playing Candy Crush on my iPad. Between waiting for more bread to toast, butter to melt, and lives to reload, I scrolled through the bottomless pit that is the /AmITheAsshole sub on Reddit, grappling with the complexity of human social norms while also getting my daily bump of “my life really isn’t so bad” by contrasting my comparatively insignificant problems to the drama of Internet strangers. By sunset, I had succeeded only in eating a half loaf of bread and irritating my husband by finishing off the butter and bringing crumbs into the bed. (AITA?)

I’m sure you’re wondering how I’m able to justify such a flagrant misuse of my time. While I don’t exactly know the answer to that question, I can hazard a guess it’s because I’ve collected enough insignia of a successful life—academic degrees, a wedding ring, my handsome husband, a Pinterest-inspired apartment, stamps in my passport—that the pressure to fill my days with meaningful, enlightened activities has lessened. So long as I continue showing up to work, paying taxes, saying “I love you,” and periodically posting #humblebrags on Twitter about some new promotion or my latest vacation, what does it matter if I occasionally splurge on procrastination and carbohydrates?

…right?

Until last year, I had only peripherally considered that there might be more to life than just achieving and owning things. From high school honors to senior job titles to a committed relationship, these milestones were my markers of success, happiness, and security. I craved them, worked for them, plotted how I would make them happen, and invested all my energy into proving to the world and myself that I was smart, hard-working, lovable, deserving; often to the detriment of my own physical, mental, financial, and spiritual health.

Moreover, I was actively encouraged to seek more of these achievements: to play an instrument in both orchestra and band, attend academic summer camps, double major in college, study abroad, work late, work weekends, work, work, work. I believed these tangible symbols would unlock the secrets to all the Big Intangibles: happiness, passion, fulfillment, security, joy, peace, gratitude, love. And when those fleeting moments of accomplishment came and went, and the Big Intangibles didn’t instantly manifest, I turned to my old, worn copy of the “Perfect Life Checklist” (which I wrote myself at the age of 10) and chose my next goal to appease the restlessness and disappointment in my heart.

And then, after years of sacrificing sleep and sanity to acquire these tangibles, it all came to a climax in May 2018: I had just graduated from a prestigious university with my master’s degree, was months away from marrying my soulmate, and had just been offered a dream job in a new city. Life was perfect or as perfect as I could have contrived. I awoke in my fiancé’s bed the morning after graduation expecting to feel elated, happy, fulfilled; or at the very least, well-rested and content. It was the first Tuesday in perhaps my entire life that I technically had nothing to do and I felt completely, inexplicably…. empty.

Where was the happiness I was promised; the light at the end of the tunnel I built, brick by brick? I felt a sudden urge to laugh followed by the very real experience of tears.

And then, in response to those tears, a harrowing, gut-wrenching, pass-me-the-wine-no-the-whole-bottle question materialized before me as if posed by some older, wiser, separate self: Who would you be without all these labels, titles, and accomplishments?

Who am I?

The answer that came was enough to make me want to dive under the covers and let the carbon dioxide build up around me.

Before I go any further, I want to recognize that despite living with a chronic illness, the problems and concerns I’m describing here are distinctly privileged-people-problems. I understand and appreciate that my ability to grapple with questions about my identity and personal fulfillment are luxuries only possible because of that privilege. I don’t have to worry about basic necessities like where I’m sleeping tonight or from where my next meal will come. I don’t wake up worrying about whether I might get arrested, mugged, shot at, or bombed if I walk out my front door or if I might be persecuted for my skin color, openly practicing my religion, or loving who I love. That I even have health insurance to afford the medication that keeps me alive is a blessing that I am keenly aware not everyone with my disease has.

Yet it’s precisely this knowledge—that other people who were born into different circumstances must work a hundred times harder and maybe not ever get to the point I find myself at now—that makes answering these Big Life Questions even more important. With all my privilege and so few barriers standing in the way of me living a magnificent, inspirational, blessed life of service and passion, why am I not making every day, hour, and minute count?

I pondered that question again a few months ago when I was asked to give a presentation at an all-employee meeting for work. “All-employee” meaning, of course, the entire company; hundreds of people in-person and remote gathered in one moment to critically judge my outfit, throat-clearing tic, and the way I pronounce “gala”—or at least, that’s what it felt like. A naturally nervous public speaker, I practiced obsessively to minimize the risk of forgetting my own name and spent copious time working through every worst-case scenario. In the shower, on the train, before bed, in my dreams; I worried and rehearsed that speech so many times that my ultimate irrational fear of a light fixture falling from the ceiling and concussing me mid-word could have come to fruition and my lips would have continued mouthing statistics while my hands, of their own accord, gesticulated to slide 5 bullet point 2 at the 20-minute mark exactly as rehearsed.

This exercise was, like many of my endeavors, not borne out of passion and commitment to a good cause, but a calculated attempt to take on another “professional development opportunity” in the hopes that it would indirectly increase the likelihood of my future happiness by one, maybe two, percent. Because more responsibility at work = more money = more success, stability, and therefore infinite happiness, right? The irony of all this calculation is that an activity I expected to yield happiness had the unintended consequences of increasing my stress levels by 1000 percent and costing valuable time with my friends and family.

And tell me, what exactly is the point of investing all this energy and being so completely exhausted if there’s no greater good, higher purpose, or feeling happy and inspired before, during, and after? What’s the point of tackling any endeavor if it’s only going to lead to a buttered toast/social media binge to cover the feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction?

Until now, I’ve asked but not fully grappled with these Big Life Questions. But I want to. I want to wrestle and spar, analyze and critique until awareness turns into action and potentially transformation. In my short life I’ve had the opportunity to answer some medium life questions whose answers led to amazing, unexpected changes. Questions like, “What more do you have to lose?”, “Would you be willing to relocate?” and “Will you marry me?” I’ve answered and then watched life shift miraculously to accommodate my new conceptualization of what’s possible. And now, I feel myself standing at the edge of another new conceptualization with an ever-present awareness of my own potential, mortality, limitations, limitlessness, and connection to the rest of humanity.

This blog is a chronicle of my attempts to answer and act on life’s biggest questions, including, but not limited to:

Who am I?

What is my greater purpose in life?

How can I find joy in the mundane?

How can I make the most of every day?

How can I be kinder to myself in deed and thought?

How can I honor and love my body?

How can I love unconditionally?

How can I forgive myself and others?

How can I overcome my fears?

How can I have more faith?

How can I live in the present moment more often?

How can I align my career and work with my passions and higher purpose?

How can I be of service to others?

If you decide to follow along, I hope my words can provide some perspective on how to begin answering your own BLQ’s, even if what I’m describing is a case study in what not to do. Consider what follows to be a record of hard lessons learned, a magnifying glass for bad habits, an arena for confronting fears and traumas, a whiteboard for exploring crazy ideas, and with a little luck and determination, a launching pad into the magnificent, inspirational, blessed life of service and passion I hope to live.

#biglifequestions #selfhelp #selflove #newblog #type1diabetes #consciousness #sprirituality #happiness #searchformeaning

1 note · View note

armyhome · 3 years

Text

Jamais Vu | Kim Seokjin

pairing — Seokjin x Reader.

summary — Jamais Vu is the feeling of strangeness towards something totally familiar, like missing someone but not remembering how you know this person, like a piece of you was gone, a void in your heart for a foreign emotion that is living in there.

genre — My tears.

word count — 5.7K.

pt-br version — Jamais Vu

Moonchild

I had never seen her so sad, her eyes were lifeless, she smiled but it was forced. How can Seokjin do nothing about it? How could he have traveled without telling her anything? Why did he abandon all the things he claimed to love?

"What's making you mad?" She puts a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, giving me that fake smile again.

"Seokjin... Even if I try, I can't find a plausible explanation. It's just too surreal for me!" She watches the sea through the gigantic ice cream shop window, probably trying to hide her tears "Do you really have no idea when he'll be back?"

She shakes her head quickly, my heart breaks. I should've said before Seokjin, maybe things were different now, maybe we were happy, but everything became a big one maybe because of my lack of courage. Her eyes met mine as if she expected some answer or miracle...

"Let's go for a walk on the shore?" She asks and holds my hand. Maybe that was the moment Namjoon, maybe not. I smile at her wide enough to make the dimples appear.

We take off our sneakers to feel the sand between our toes. I run to the shoreline and kicked some drops of water on her, who runs away laughing. We started to play tag, we run until we were out of breath and threw ourselves in the sand. I watch her, she had her eyes closed, smiling, feeling the sun against your skin, I think that's what makes her miss home the most.

"Hi Seok..." She interrupts herself half into his name. I can't say that it didn't hurt me, but I understand the longing that she felt, because besides being in love with her, he was also my hyung, the person who took care of me, who fed me, dried my tears by turning them into laughter from his uncle's jokes... I would also like him to be here, even if it meant seeing them together. I sat shaking the sand out of my hair, it would be good to cut them a bit shorter.

"He's coming back..." I whispered, biting my bottom lip "He can't leave you. He loves you too much, I know this, I saw it with my own eyes!"

She sits up but doesn't even care to clean the sand from her hair, still beautiful like that too. She messes up my hair and caresses my cheek.

"I know, I also saw and felt it..." I bite the inside of my cheek. Should I...

"If it were both of us..." She looks at me not getting what I was saying "If we had fallen in love, do you think it would have worked out?"

"Mmm, would you put up with my bad poetry in your album`s photoshoot?" I nod, her poetry was not bad "We would be a very conceptual couple, right?"

"Yes..." She faces the ocean in front of us, everything around is blurred for me. I can only see her, she had lost too much weight, I hold her hand, pressing her knuckles "Your heart always belonged to him right? I never had a chance..." I can hear your deep breath intertwining our fingers "Don't feel guilty, everything is fine! I hope someday I can find someone who loves me as much as you love him and I want to love them as much as I love you now!"

SUGA

I go down the steps of the stairs that led to the photo studio set up in the basement. It wasn't possible that nothing had happened, I don't spend so much time locked inside my studio that I missed it… Okay maybe I would, but she probably needed something... Like this sandwich I made, I knock three times, no one answers it. Did something happen? I open the door...

"NOOOO" She shouts, I freeze for a few seconds and then I close the door instinctively "Now that you've ruined the photo, just come in."

I put the sandwich inside the room first, then I go in, I give her my best smile. I suck at being cute, even though everyone says it's almost natural for me, I always felt like an idiot.

"I thought you'd be hungry..." I extend the snack to her "I made it for you!"

"You did?" - She looks at me with sparkles in her eyes, as if I made a gourmet dish, full of bloom, and not a salami and cheese sandwich "Did you cook for me?"

"Yes, it's nothing close to what Seokjin would've cooked, but, however, modesty aside... Tastes really good!" I lift a thumbs up for her, who smiles, something in her eyes looks sadder.

"Thanks" She eats slowly, I keep watching her until the last bite, my heart warms when she finishes. How long had she's been since her last meal? She was disappearing into the clothes she was wearing.

"I'm sorry that he can't be here now..." She bites her bottom lip and looks at the ceiling "He'll be back" I say without any conviction, no one knew where the fuck Seokjin had gone.

"Namjoon told me the same thing last week. I hope you are right, even if it was only to fight again, I want him back so much that my heart hurts every time it beats, it seems dramatic. I know that..." I pull her into an embrace and let her cry until she's tired. After a few minutes, she walks away and wipes away tears "Better get back to work. Thanks for the Yoon sandwich, it was as good as his!"

"Can I help you? What do you want to do with these lights?" I point to the lanterns lying on the floor.

-I'm trying to make drawings using long exposure, but it's a bit complicated with the timer... I think you can help me. Hold this here and that and another one..." I let you use me at your will, it was fun to see you concentrated and having fun with what I was doing, I even got some laughter, it was like time was slowing down so we could appreciate the joy that always seemed distant. When we finished, she wouldn't let me see the photos "After I process it and edit, they might be ready for ordinary eyes..."

Seokjin really had found his soulmate in that woman!

HOPE

For the first time since the kidnapping, I feel like the world is getting back on track. I'm the type of guy who always stands solid, no matter how bad the situation is, I always do my best to make things as better as possible for everyone involved, but it’s not humanly conceivable to control everything. And that’s what happened that day, in a way, I feel guilty, even if it’s completely insane to feel like this, I think we all felt it, including her, who was on the other side of the world and couldn't do anything and maybe that's why she feels guilty, for not being able to do anything, about Seokjin's decision to leave... but at least today, she had read again!

My heart was so happy with that image of her sitting in her bungalow in the living room, the glass wall behind showing the sunset. Hyung, how did you leave her behind? I will not blame her if she finds someone else. if there is someone here who deserves to be happy, it is her! When she notices my presence, she smiles and points to the sofa in front of her!

"What are you reading?" I ask, she shows me the cover of “The Notebook” by Nicolas Sparks "Is it good?"

"Yes, it's about a love so deep that neither time nor even the lack of memory can erase the story they lived..."

"But if one of them has no memories, how can they still love the other?" She smiles in a cute way that only she could do and touches her own temple.

"When people say you do not love with the head but with heart, they are partially correct. Even if your memory fails your body is addicted to the things that bring you pleasure and happiness, so the fact that you hear and see the person who loves brings you these sensations, even without your knowledge, your heart races when you hear the their voice, your hands start to sweat, you want to hug them, go out to dance with them, your brain doesn't remember but your body does..." I breathe because she was stealing all my air with that explanation. I control my brain and my body not to act stupid, but then a lock of her hair falls in front of her eyes and my fingers run to place it behind her ear. I hit myself mentally for that, she bites her lip clearly uncomfortable, and looks down "Thank you!"

"Sorry!" I say at the same time "You know, you deserve someone like that, who reminds you every day what it is like to be loved, dear, you deserve more than what you are getting... You deserve something better than waiting forever for something that you are not even sure will return! No one will judge you if you decide to move on and whoever does will have to see me!"

"Is that what you think I should do? Move on?" I nod my head, then she holds my face in her hands and my heart races. "I think I am the one who expects the other party to remember in this book, I still have hope, and in my country, that's the last thing to die!

"Is that why they love me so much there?" I joke making her laugh "Now everything makes sense, my stage name has changed our whole relationship. I'm j-hope, the last thing to die!"

SERENDIPITY

We are sitting watching a drama, I want to distract her as much as possible, I like to think that for a few moments I can make her forget what happened and what is happening. I wanted to take her pain away, only it wasn't possible so I curled up next to her when our favorite scene from that drama starts.

"Put your finger down... if you wished the robot... was human" I imitate the movement from the actor, turning around to face her while she copies the actress' gesture.

"I'm not... a robot..." She sheds some tears. If she wasn't a photographer, she would be a great actress for sure!

"Aish, it must be horrible not being able to tell who you really are ro the person you love" I feel a tingle at the back of my neck just thinking, I run my hand through my hair "Imagine being face to face with the person and not being able to hug, kiss, openly feeling jealous. It must be too awful, I think a person can die buried in their own feelings!"

She rests her head on the back of the sofa, watching me closely, I copy her movement realizing that her hair is longer now, a part of me wants to believe that this is what gives the impression of her face being thinner, every time I remember what hyung is doing to her, I feel like I can hit him.

"I think it is more difficult when you do not remember who you are, imagine not being able to remember the person in front of you, watching her feeling hurt and not being able to do anything, because it goes beyond what can control, your heart lingers on the feeling, but your brain does not have the memories or the reason for those feelings, that discharge of hormones, all of them comes into à conflict, you want to call the name of your loved one, make the inside jokes, but you can't..." She sighs "In the end, both situations are equally sad, aren't they?"

"You should write scripts for dramas and then act on them!" I sit crossing my legs on the couch "We should talk to PDnim, sure he can find an audition for you. I can talk to some friends too or Tae, we should definitely talk to Tae!"

"Thanks for the excitement with my imaginary career" She says, adjusting my bangs to the side, her fingers, so smooth sliding over my forehead "What kind of actress would I be? Cute like Park Min Young? Modest as Park Shin Hye? Strong like Doona Bae? Determined as Kim Taeri? Incredible with Lee Sung Kyung? Or transcendental like Shin Hye Sun? I really want to be a mix of the last three ones!"

"You have really high aspirations" We laugh like two fools "We must start rehearsals now!"

"Good, I want to start with that scene from Angels Last Mission - Love, when Yeon Seo is auditioning for Giselle! You will be my angel" She jumps off the couch "Come on Jimin!"

I stand still as the scene requests, while she does the choreography, as pained as Hye Sun had done it, she was pulling out her pain. I don't move an inch when she approaches my face and looks at me with an expression of desolation. Before she can make the next move, she gets out of balance and I hold her instinctively. We are very close, then suddenly her sobs interrupts the scene, I hug her body. This curse, when will this suffering end?

SINGULARITY

I show the painting more excited than ever before, a butterfly in violet tones on the white screen as if it were flying and its movements were overlapping, in other words, it was flying without moving, every second that passes I realize the painting had captured its current spirit, it was still beautiful, it knew how to fly, but not how to move.

Her gaze on the screen woke up the butterflies in my stomach. Today she had dressed up, I think it was a good sign, she holds her chin between her forefinger and thumb, watch some more, in a little while my heart would come out through my mouth due to too much anxiety !

"Say something for love's sake, before I have an attack here!" I beg with my hands joined in front of my face, making her smile. Okay, I won the day, that's it.

"It's beautiful, Tae" She runs her fingers over the screen without touching it "Just beautiful! What name will you give?"

"I'm going to call this work YOU, what do you think?" Without taking my eyes off the screen for a second, observing every stroke that I had made, a tear runs down her cheek, reflexively I move my thumb to dry it, unintentionally leaving a trail of purple paint on her cheek.

"This red tulip, will it be your signature" She says looking at me, her eyes were in a frenzy, as if that meant something profound, I nod my head "You are really Kim Taehyung, V member of Bangtan right?" I nod again, what a crazy question "Okay" She sighs and puts her hand over her heart "It's beautiful Tae, really, I loved it!"

"Good because it's yours!" I say sitting on my stool and putting away my painting material "Pin it on a notable spot in your house please, preferably in the living room. I love that glass wall that offers a panoramic view of the sunset, my art is beautiful, it should be seen and it deserves a beautiful view!"

"You can let me pin it where everyone can appreciate VANTE in all its glory!" She approaches and holds a lock of my hair between her fingers "For love's sake, there's even painting on your hair. Come on, let's wash it. There is a bathroom next to this room."

She makes me use the toilet as a stool and supports my neck on her legs, and my head on the edge of the bathtub, I can smell her perfume, close my eyes enjoying the massage on my head, she was so good at that, I even took a nap. At some point my hair looks like a mane what made her burst into a fit of laughter.

EUPHORIA

"Definitely, it is no longer possible for you to be locked in that house and that's it. Let's go out, even if it's just to have an ice cream, it's been almost two days that your skin doesn't know what vitamin D is!" Her astonished look at my attitude, getting her out of that place was harder than making Batman leave the batcave "You need to agree with me that you need to see another human being besides me and the boys!"

"Do you even remember that I'm older than you?" I rolled my eyes, she was never attached to formalities, in fact she always hated "How are we going to get out? Have you forgotten that you are a world famous singer?" I take a mask from the pocket of my sweatshirt and put it on my face, adjust my cap, hold her hand and pull her to walk with me, the smell of the sea invades my nostrils making me dizzy, I lean on the railing of the stairs on the balcony "Kookie, let's go home, you still have a fever, you need to rest..."

"Noona noona, you need to leave the house, you can't stay in here waiting for him forever! It is not fair, I can no longer watch you languishing here" I take a deep breath. Memories that aren't mine, what are they doing in my head? "This is not living! You need to go to the movies, run happily on the beach, meet someone who will make you happy" I sit on the first step taking a deep breath, everything is so confusing, she sits next to me "You need someone to take you to dance... Sorry, it's a little difficult to breathe..."

"Come on Kookie, it will probably start to rain, the tide is very high. We can go out another day when your flu has passed, okay? Promise!" I shake my head "Aish, how can a man be so stubborn?"

"Do you realize that I'm a man, noona?" She takes a deep breath and gets up.

"I'll drag to your bed if you don't stop acting like a spoiled child, Jeon Jungkook!" She stomps her feet so I get up, I see three faces in my head, they're all hers, I stagger until she supports me, even though I'm twice her height, I rest my forehead on her shoulder "Kookie, you're boiling, you need to take the medicine, I told you that all day!

"And you need to be taken to dance..." I whisper, take your hand left and place it on my shoulder and hold the other one, gently place my left hand on your waist. Two steps to the east, two steps to the west, humming nonsense words "The world needs to see your smile, again dear, but this road hurt you so bad, your poetry is no longer from love, your pain is so deep your photographs no longer carry your joy, even the dance has become painful, oh dear, you will always be my favorite butterfly, oh you need to fly, back to your home, unfortunately to be happy, you need to leave me!"

I embrace her trembling body, a short film passes over my head, my non-memories run free, I take a deep breath in the cold air soothes my stomach, I hate that weakness.

"Come on, you need to eat and take your medicine. We have danced already, since you can't go to the movie theater, I can put a movie on television. That's what the internet is for!" I can't help laugh, she carries me inside, she really has an extraordinary strength "Do you have any movie preferences?"

"The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!" My voice breaks, seconds later she puts the pill in my mouth and makes me drink ginger tea. How I hate that.

Please give me some medicine

A medicine that will make my heart beat again

What should I do now?

Please save me

Give me one more chance

I will not give up

We are in the kitchen, eating ice cream while checking the house I intend to buy. The glass walls have always impressed me, with that view, even more! Seokjin watches everything sulky like a spoiled child.

"I already said there is no use pouting, this house is perfect!" I open my arms showing the room "This view of the sea is beautiful, besides having space for my photography studio, a guest room, a kitchen big enough to fit at least ten people inside and also…"

"It is more than three hour's flight from Seoul." He completes my line. I sigh

What do I need to do to make him understand that my work, creations and aspirations are as important as his? I hold his hand and take him out of the house, the ocean would give me tranquility and wisdom to talk and not fight.

"I need to stay here, I have space to breathe" I look into his eyes, I love him so much, we were together for four years and my heart was still racing like crazy "I know you chose the life you have and that I chose you" I put my hand on his cheek and I caress it with my thumb "But you also chose me... In Seoul, we don't have any time to be together. When you come to visit me, I know you'll be entirely in here" He closes his eyes "We are not breaking up or taking a time off from our relationship Seokjin, but rather becoming adults! We have our individual journeys and our journey together, they need to coexist so that we don't kill each other…, I say using an exaggerated sweet tone which ends up making him laugh "I love you so much, it's not a three-hour flight that will prevent me from being with you. If I need to see you, I will walk all the way to Seoul if I have to!"

"I love you" He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my forehead "Sorry I'm being selfish... I'm an idiot."

"Just sometimes" He makes the cutest face in the world "But I'm also an idiot sometimes, so you'll need to promise me you'll forgive me whenever necessary" I hide in your chest, your smell, so good.

"I'll think about your case…"

I take a deep breath, I need to stop dreaming about these memories, it will end up driving me crazy in the end, the doctor said his hopes for healing are so low that it is not even worth having... But I still believe that saying “Hope it is the last that dies”.

I look at the cell phone at 7:30 AM, it's almost time for him to take his medicine, I open the dresser drawer next to my bed, I take two pills and get up, each day it gets harder to do that, but I can't give up. I knock on the door, but I don't get any answers, I open it and find the bed empty.

"SEOKJIN?" I run to the bathroom and nothing, I go down the stairs "WHERE ARE YOU?" Nothing in the kitchen too, in the backyard or in the living room, I throw everything on the couch, ready to turn that city upside down, but when I get to the balcony, I see the seven kids sitting on the beach, my heart beats again.

They were laughing, talking animatedly, I sit on the stairs and allow myself to watch, I take out my cell phone and take some pictures of that moment, then they notice my presence and start waving at me, I smile, they were so beautiful together, Seokjin's eyes meet the mine and there is more than recognition in them… Do not have high hopes, do not have high hope. He walks slowly towards me and sits on a lower step than mine so we can be at the same height.

"I brought your medicine" I offer the pills I was carrying, he doesn't take them in his hands, but uses my hand to drop them in his mouth then leaves a kiss on my palm "Are you okay?" He nods, I'm afraid this is a dream, I hold his head in my hands and analyze every detail.

"I'm really good, love" Listening to what his voice was saying felt surreal "I won't lie saying I'm 100 percent, I still have a headache and a little dizziness. It's been a few days that nothing was making sense except Seokjin, I think you noticed, right? Ice cream, sandwich, books, drama, painting, dancing little by little I was remembering your details and it reminded me of how much Seokjin loved you so much and that I was loving it so much but when the boys showed up this morning, everything in my head seemed to go back to the place…"

"Sorry for coming without warning …" Namjoon says sitting next to Seokjin.

"We didn't think he would come to open the door, noona." Jungkook adds.

"We were missing you!" says Yoongi looking at the sky.

"We spent two years in the army without being able to make direct contact…" Taehyung laments with a beak of a six year old child, they really don't change!

"Therefore, we decided to make this surprise." Jimin says raising his arms and Hoseok imitates him.

"SUPRISE!" Hoseok had the biggest smile in the world on his face "We brought food in the car, I advise you to celebrate with a barbecue!"

"Barbecue, barbecue, barbecue!" The seven begin to sing together.

"Okay, pack up the things, I need to pack up!" I meant to get up, a part of me still thinks that it is certainly a dream!

I go into the bathroom and watch my face in the mirror, it could only be a dream, there is no other explanation, better to take a shower, so if afterwards when I am wide awake this is still the reality, I will accept it wholeheartedly and with all the happiness in the world .

Sitting combing my wet hair half an hour later I still can't believe it, it was surreal that this nightmare of the last two and a half years has come to an end, that my Seokjin is back, that he loves me again ... it's just surreal!

"Can I come in?" His voice on the other side of the door makes my heart do a somersault, I run to the door and open it. I'm staring to make sure that is really my Seokjin, he smiles sweetly, holds my face and kisses the top of my head "Can't believe it, huh? Me neither, it seems I've locked myselves in a dark basement for a long time and now seeing sunlight hurts my eyes."

"What do you think brought you back?" He enters our room and sits on the bed, observes every detail, I haven't changed anything in the house in general since the accident. I face him, Seokjin takes my hands and kisses each other's back.

"Our love and the love I have for boys. In these last few weeks, I was getting very confused among the personalities, I felt too much love for you and I miss the boys too much, it seemed that there was always something missing" Tears flow down your face, I believe for mine too "Yesterday when we danced and you gave me ginger tea i went to sleep thinking, why do i hate ginger tea if it tastes so good? A part of me realized that Jungkook hates ginger tea, Seokjin loves... So when they showed up this morning I realized that what was missing was me, there is no Bangtan without the seven members!"

I hug him very tight and we cried together, we had been through so many things since my kidnapping. I thought we would break at any moment from there, I was weeks unable to speak at the same time that he only recognized my face and the boys were enlisted in the army. How to survive all that at once?

"NOOONAAAA, HYUUUUUNG ALREADY HAVE ROASTED STEAK!" Shouts Jeon Jungkook making us laugh, dry my tears.

"We need to call our parents later and tell them the good news!" He agrees.

"I prefer to tell them tomorrow, it won't make much difference. Later, I just want to be with you, like Kim Seokjin!" He gets up from the bed, still hugging me, leans down leaving his face just inches from mine.

"HYUUUNG, NOOOONAAA MEAT WILL COOL DOWN" It's Jimin's turn to scream, Seokjin swears under his breath towards the window.

"I don't miss them anymore, they can leave!" I laugh and at the same time slap him lightly on the arm.

"Don't talk about my boys like that!" Her eyes widen "What can't they be my boys?"

"They are my boys before they are your boys!" Points to the chest itself.

"I just want to make it clear that I don't belong to anyone" Yoongi declares at the door, after a little smile "But if it were to belong, of course it wouldn't be you, hyung!"

He runs out laughing, I go after him, Seokjin chases us to the yard, they all join in the game of belonging to me or belonging to him, we ran the entire yard for a long time, until we got tired, well until I got tired. Their energy never reach an end! I take as many photos as possible, record a little too. I even take a pic right when Taehyung and Hoseok get tangled up and end up falling on the floor on their asses.

We laugh, they tell us what it was like to go to the army together, about the inside jokes, injuries, pain, sleep, cold and everything in detail. They also tell about plans to return to the stage, the fear of not being received back.

"I think you will be amazed at how the army organized itself to always keep the name and the songs up, it's almost as if you never went, I say almost because they miss you so much" I lean my head on the chest Seokjin who gives me a kiss on the cheek "I think you should make come back as soon as possible…" I put my hand on Seokjin's knee looking deep into his eyes "All of you!"

He smiles at me in the most beautiful way, the backyard lights illuminated us, I want to stop time at that moment, we look like a painting that is so beautiful. I want to cry, winter was finally over and turned to spring.

After arranging the boys in their respective rooms, I return to mine where my incredible boyfriend is waiting for me, sitting at the window with a face not as good as I imagined he would be for finally having time for us...

"Want to tell me what's going on with that beautiful little head of yours?" I kiss his temple, he rests his head on my chest, puts his arm around my waist.

"Can I be on stage again? Write? Sing and perform?" I hug him tightly.

"You will only know if you try and it is like I said in the morning, there is no Bangtan without seven members on top of the board" I kiss your freshly washed hair, smelling like chamomile, so good.

"That means I won't be able to stay here so long, next to you…" I hold his face in my hands.

"I had you just for me for two and a half years, even if lost, you always found a way to say you were here, that you were struggling to get back to me" I kiss your forehead "You didn't let me forget that you loved me someday and I didn’t stop loving you for a second" I kiss the tip of your nose "And I thought of a way, a project, I’ll send it to PDnim, see what he thinks, maybe we can walk together on these individual journeys, maybe I’ve finally find the middle way!"

Together our lips, as I have wanted to do for a long time, they were hot, we are so anxious for each other that I feel the beating of our hearts beating for them, Seokjin hugs me and lifts me up with him, I hug his back with his legs, he holds me by the thighs, the proximity makes me slightly squirm.

"Dear, we can not make much noise today, the children are at home" I do, I didn't even realize that I had done anything "Don't worry, tomorrow I will kick everyone out of here!" I want to laugh, but I can't, he kisses my neck and my sanity gradually fades, he holds my face with one hand and looks deep in my eyes "I love you" Seokjin confesses.

"I can live with that fact as long as you deal well with the fact that I also love you" I give him a peck.

"I think there is nothing I can live better with than this fact!"

Of all the paths we can choose in this life, love is the most beautiful of all. He doesn't have to be romantic, he can be your friend, a dream, a profession, a family member or a goal. I know it seems crazy to say something like that in the crazy world we live in today, but maybe that's why we got to this point, because we forgot to have hope, dreams and to choose love.

THE END

#kim seokjin #seokjin x reader #seokjin fanfic #seokjin fic #jamais vu #seokjin day #jin fanfic #jin fic #jin day

0 notes

davekatweek · 7 years

Text

DaveKatWeek Day 5- Leave it Up to Fate- "Shit....Let's Be Parents

@davekatweek

http://archiveofourown.org/users/Miriage/pseuds/Miriage

Setting: Locker Room

Genre: Fluff

Trope: Soulmates

Prompt: Magically appearing baby

So, this whole “soulmate” thing? This whole “You’re fated to be together because you two fucking match” thing? This “You’re perfect for each other” thing?

Complete and utter bullshit.

It was bullshit!

There was everything working against it, like science and free will and social norms. What made soulmate-ship so damn great and fucking amazing?

This is why you and Dave thanked all amphibious gods above for the special surgery that got rid of the soulmate mark. Because honestly? Fuck all that noise. Fuck all that “destiny” shit that dictated who you had to be with and grow old with and (to a lesser extent) have fucking fucking with.

(Okay, maybe not to a lesser extent per se. Maybe you and Dave had took one look at your formed matching soulmate marks when he turned sixteen and maybe Dave might have said something like “I am not sticking my dick into your troll vag Karks.” And maybe you had said something like, “Nor do I want that human stick you call genitals near my personal fucking equipment Strider!”)

Speaking of Dave, you were happy that he was on board with the whole “get this fucking thing off me” dilemma. Because honestly? You saw Dave as just a friend, just like he saw you as just a friend. You didn’t see him as anything more than a bro who had, once upon a time, dated Terezi, Jade, and John (who were all, ironically, your crushes at one point.) You saw Dave as nothing more than a “Romance Rival Enemy” who somehow morphed and melted into “Number One Human Bro.” Sure, Dave was attractive and any-fucking-one could see it (you once took a trip to the mall with him and he got stopped seven different times by seven different recruitment agents) but that didn’t mean you had to go all goo-goo-gaa-gaa-I-fucking-want-your-panties on him.

(“Briefs Karkat. They’re called briefs. My dick is too strong for all that lacy and see through shit.”).

Maybe, because you had such a long complicated “I hate you, you suck” stage with him and all his pre-soulmate dating that you were immune to his “natural Strider charm.” Or maybe because you two had been forced to grudgingly begin a friendship out of necessity (your other friends had literally threatened to leave the two of you in Feferi’s, possibly haunted, cabin in the woods all “’Parent Trap’ staring Lindsey Lohan” style) then somehow had turned that friendship into a bro-ship, that the thought of anything other than what you had now was unimaginable.

So, two months after Dave turned sixteen (which were a very long two months of awkward conversations, teasing, blushing, and eye contact avoidance) you and Dave decided to go through with the soulmate removing surgery when the two of you turned eighteen.

It seemed like the best course of action: the mark would be gone, you two would just stay bros, and the two of you could choose your own path without conforming to the rules of fucking mother nature.

At least, it was a perfect plan.

Then you two turned seventeen.

It happened when the two of you were alone in the locker room after your respective sports team’s practices. Dave was the star player for Ultimate Frisbee (his flash steps were a good sent for Skaia High) and you were the Track and Field team’s best cheerleader (“RUN YOU PATHETIC NOOKSNIFFER! RUN!”) and most consistent sprinter (meaning you actually showed the fuck up for practice) and the both of you were sweaty, disgusting and gross. Definitely gross.

You had just gotten out of the shower, towel around your waist, trying to dry off your unmanageable hair and also give a middle finger to Dave (who had just playfully and obnoxiously swatted your “Vant-ass”) when suddenly, all at once, out of fucking nowhere with a literal poof noise,

A baby.

A fucking newborn.

A fucking shot-right-out-of-the-egg-vag-womb tiny tot was in your arms.

You instantly yelped like a kicked dog, stumbled over yourself, fell to the ground (towel dipping dangerously too low) to catch/hold/support this fucking baby.

“What…the…fuck….?”

You glared at Dave. “Really? Those are your fucking first words?!” you begin to scream at him because holy hell there is a baby in your hands. Dave suddenly shushes you, eyes wide, but it’s too late. The volume of your monstrous raspy troll voice is too much and the baby grub thing (because holy hell part two, this blob had fucking troll horns and gray skin even though it had a human’s blonde hair, wriggly arms, legs, and fucking bellybutton) began crying.

And cry it did. So fucking loudly.

You instantly recognized the chirping noises of a grub’s cry for “protector” (closest thing to a human’s cry for “mother”) but there were also the human sounds of nothing but gurgles and sobs. And the human screaming.

Did you mention this thing in your arms was so. Fucking. Loud?

“Aw shit! Hey! Be quiet you bag of gray mashed potatoes! Shh! Shh!” you say desperately. You try, clumsily, to bounce the baby but that only makes them cry and chirp even louder for their “protector.” You desperately look at Dave with a “Fuck do I do?” look on your face.

Luckily, your look of total desperation manages to break Dave the fuck out of his stupor and he’s quickly at your side and he’s moving the crying wriggler-babe out of your arms and into his (clothed) arms.

“Hey it’s okay. Shh. Everything’s going to be all right.” he says softly. The baby is still crying but, after a few more minutes of this soft cooing from Dave of all people (you never thought that someone who was so shitty at words could actually use them for fucking good) the little guy (or girl) had finally calmed down.

Dave looks to you and gives you a nervous smile. “Guess they were just scared and shit for, y’know, falling out of the fucking air?”

You can only wordlessly nod.

The two of you take the baby home because really, where the fuck were you two going to put them (the baby)? It didn’t feel right to just stick them into the nearest fucking adoption center or grub center and who would believe you when you told them that it just appear-a-fied out of fucking nowhere? Not to mention that the tiny one looked both human and grub and, even though the culling was long over and done with, there was still that insistent red blooded fear in you that the child would be executed.

So, babe in hand and clothes on your body, you and Dave carpool together and take the wriggler back to your house which you both agreed would be better (“We are not sticking this child into a house where your creepy brother moans into a mic with a puppet shoved up his ass at who knows fucking A.M. Dave!”)

After placing the sleeping baby on the couch (they gurgled softly in their sleep. Aww.) You and Dave sat and just…. looked at them.

The baby.

This weird grub thing.

“They’re cute.” you mumble. Out of the corner or your eye you think you can see Dave nod.

“They’re so tiny too. And soft.” he adds. This time you nod. A silence comes between you two that neither of you want to break because…well….

You two had to address the elephant in the room eventually. The “what the fuck’s” in this room eventually. The “what now’s” in the room eventually.

But for now, you two just watch this child.

“What are we going to do about them Dave?”

You don’t know how Dave is going to respond so you press your shoulder into his and ask again, more hushed this time so you could whisper it directly into his fucking earhole, “What the fuck are we going to do?”

Dave doesn’t say anything, just looks at the sleeping, adorable, drooling mess in front of him and sighs.

“Shit Karkat,” he mumbles. “I guess…. I guess this means were going to be parents.”

Those first few days of juggling the heavy thought of “Holy shit I am now a part of a dad unit with Dave fucking Strider” with school, practice, and the baby (Dave wanted to name it “Nebbie” after some Pokémon shit but after an adamant no from you, Dave had “compromised” and began calling the grub “Nubbie”) were so fucking weird.

Because not only was practice and studying a pain in your ass, but the thought of anything happening to “Nubbie” (fuck it, the name stuck) plagued you like the yellow fucking fever of the eighteenth century.

You knew from your own experience growing up (at least, from what you remembered) that troll grubs didn’t need to be watched twenty four-seven and could fend for themselves. But you also knew from the health class videos your school forced all ninth graders to watch that human babies needed constant attention from at least one parental unit all the time. According to the smiley woman on the grainy VCR tape (who, in Dave’s words, looked like a woman stripper version of Chris Pratt), lack of attention from parents could lead to emotional discrepancies in children later in life. Discrepancies that made the child turn to sex, drugs, alcohol, and various forms of crime. At the time you hadn’t really paid much attention to Woman Chris Pratt and her lecture-y antics.

But now, staring down at Nubbie, those lessons began hitting your thinkpan hard.

So, after spending that first night watching Nubbie on the coach while Dave ransacked your pantry for any “baby-grub food”, you decided that in order to be a good parent-protector-guardian to this baby, you needed back up. You needed someone who could help you. Someone who had the time in their schedule to watch this new child you and Dave were now parents to.

And so, with much, much deliberation, hesitation, and unwillingness (but this was for the grub’s sake you kept telling yourself),

You called Kankri.

With Kankri’s help, being a parent became less conceptual idea and more of a physical one. Despite his annoying tendencies (his talk rambling was definitely not as entertaining to listen to as Dave’s word vomit) Kankri had suggested a couple of good ideas to you and Dave.

Those good ideas being going to the library to actually find fucking books about being a parent, going to the supermarket to get food and diapers for the baby (because apparently apple juice didn’t make the cut for “Best Item to Give to Newborns” and diapers were just a must have in general), and going to the mall to actually get clothes and toys and bedding and strollers and shit for the grub (because currently, said grub was wearing Dave’s red hoodie that, despite looking adorable on Nubbie, wasn’t really “proper” clothes for them).

And each of those shopping trips were so. Fucking. Embarrassing.

For one, you had to go with Dave (because there was no way you could carry all the shit you were about to borrow and buy back to your hive alone and also because you didn’t have your driver’s license yet) and you had to take Nubbie with you (because those thoughts of this cute baby-grub hybrid becoming a pot-smoking, sex-seeking, drug store stealing adult terrified you).

And again, it was fucking embarrassing.

At the library everywhere you walked there would be murmurs and gasps and little “awws” from everyone who looked at you two. You and Dave (and to a lesser extent, Nubbie) were pointed out, gaped at, and talked about very loudly (the librarian had to say “SHUSH!” at least thirty times) in the whole hour you three were there. You could feel your face coloring when some old guy said that that was what a good soulmate-son-ship was all about (“Kids your age should be bonding within your soulmates, not just texting them!”) and couples came up to you, with wide eyes, asking how the two of you had made a baby (“Because, y’know, he’s like a human and your like a troll.”)

Your face was absolutely burning when Dave, trying to fend off the herds, said, “Fucking leave my family out of this!” at one smirking teenage asking if it hurt when you got fucked in the troll vag because wow those were not words you were expecting.

A fucking family.

Was that what the three of you looked like to others? A family? Did you, Dave, and Nubbie actually look like a fucking family?

(Your cheeks feel warm at just the thought of being “family” with Dave.)

It only got worse as the day continued. More people, more stares, more cooing, and more Nubbie crying.

When the three of you had finally, finally returned to your hive, you were not only exhausted to the point of hallucination, but also more than a thousand dollars lighter, and covered in baby-troll products for Nubbie.

You and Dave looked at each other then, in perfect harmony, let go of the entire baby shit and, with Nubbie in hand, plopped on the coach, groaning.

“M’ tired…” you mumbled, curling into yourself and holding to your chest Nubbie. “Let me sleep for all eternity Strider.” To your right you could here Dave moan in agreement.

“Let’s take…a power nap…” he mumbled, sleep already clouding his words. “Then we can build…. shit…. up…. from…. IKEA….”

You were asleep before he even finished his sentence.

When you woke up again, the first thing you noticed was that Nubbie was crawling on the ground grub style, all curious and with the troll “exploratory” look in their eyes.

It was adorable and made you smile.

The second thing you noticed was where you were on the coach. Where you were and who was with you. Or really, who was under you.

You and Dave had basically moved into a cuddling position on your fucking coach.

The third thing you noticed was when you moved to push yourself off of sleeping Dave (did he always have freckles or did you never look at his face this closely before?) was that the back of your right hand, your soulmate marked hand, had fucking changed.

For one thing, the soulmate mark no longer held just a cancer symbol enlarged on top of a time gear (like it always had had). Now, there was fucking more.

There was now a red string-like mark that moved from your hand to a little past your wrist and, sticking out of the string, there were buds that all looked un-bloomed albeit for the first one: A gray daisy with blonde petals.

Your breath catches in your throat and you shake Dave awake (he snorts and raises the glasses onto his head to give you his best grumpy-cat “I hate you for waking me up” look) and you quickly shove your wrist into his face.

“Look.” you say. “Fucking look at my wrist Dave. Fucking look at it and tell me that fucking flower on it isn’t Nubbie.”

Any signs of sleepiness disappears as Dave stares at your wrist then, scrambling from his position still beneath you (because you still haven’t fucking moved off of him since you had gotten up) he raises his own arm to see that, in a perfect matching mirror image to yours, his soulmate mark now also has the same flower. The same gray and blonde colored Nubbie daisy.

“Shit.” he whispers, looking to his wrist and to you and back to his wrist. “Shit Karkles shit.”

You nod. “Now fucking what? It seems that our fucked up little fate marks are trying to bring us even closer together.”

Dave sighs a pathetically weak sounding sigh and motions you to get off of him. You comply and, with slow movements, Dave sits up.

There’s a silence between the two of you as Dave stares into space and you stare at Dave, waiting on some kind of response or comment or even a shitty rap from Dave. But you get nothing from him.

Nothing at all.

It’s when it feels like hours and hours and hours of awkward silence have passed that you realize what you have to do to make this right. What you have to do in order to get Dave out of this twisted, weird fate shit.

So you open your mouth and tell him that you were not getting rid of Nubbie. You were not sending them anywhere that wasn’t the safety of your hive. You were not giving them up.

“But,” you say, “But Dave…if you want to back the fuck out you can.”

Dave’s head whips to yours and he stares at you like you’ve grown twelve fucking dragonheads and asks in a raspy voice what the fuck you just said.

You sigh. “Look Dave,” you say, “Having Nubbie is…. is only going to bring us closer as ‘more than friends’ than ‘just friends.’ And we already agreed on that whole ‘get rid of the mark shit’ last year remember? So what I propose,” you stop and let the knot in your throat (which for some reason had formed while you were speaking), “I propose you let me take care of Nubbie alone.”

Dave continues to just fucking stare at you, this time like you grew thirty heads and you have to force yourself to continue (the knot in your throat has since grown bigger.)

“I mean it makes sense doesn’t it? The closer we are…romantically and shit the more difficult it will be for the surgery to work. And having Nubbie…having Nubbie is only going to make us get closer. This flower mark wasn’t even here two weeks ago!”

Dave is still silent but his eyes have since gotten wider and his mouth is hanging open.

“So let me do this for us Dave.” you say, “Let me take care of Nubbie by my fucking self.”

It’s so fucking quiet that you think you can hear a literal pin drop and explode. It’s so quiet that you can hear Dave fucking breathing and Nubbie scratching up the wood floor with their nail-claw hybrids. It’s so quiet that you can hear the cars passing by outside your apartment building.

It’s so quiet…. that it’s almost unsettling.

When Dave finally speaks though, it’s not quiet.

“Bullshit.” he says. “Bullshit Karkat…. That is bullshit. What you just said is bullshit! That’s the shittiest bull that ever shitted!”

Dave is loud. He is very loud. You know he can be very loud, but you’ve never actually heard him be loud before. Usually his remarks were overly long and complicated but they were soft.

Now, Dave is fucking loud.

“Why would you-?! You seriously think-?! That is fucking-?!” Dave groans as the words he’s trying to say (and probably wants to say) keeps getting stuck in his esophagus and choking him. He shakes his head at your (apparent) “bullshittiness” and, grabbing both of your hands, looks you straight in the eyes.

(Your face was not turning red when he did this.)

“When I said we’re going to be parents I meant it Karkat.” he said, his red eyes burning two fucking holes into you. “I’m not going to abandon you and Nubbie because of some soulmate bullshit. I’m not going to turn away when I know you two are right fucking here.”

He grips your hands tighter.

“I want to be part of whatever the fuck is happening right now. I want to raise this weirdly adorable troll human hybrid being and I want to be with you to raise them.”

He leans in closer and says it again.

“I want to fucking be with you Karkat. Fuck whatever predetermined shit is forcing us together. Fuck whatever fate we’re unwillingly falling into. I don’t fucking care anymore! Let me be with you Karkat. Fucking please.”

(He’s very close to you when he says this.)

There’s a warmth that erupts on your wrist (and to a lesser extent, in your heart) and you look down, surprised and confused, only to see that a flower bud is quivering and almost vibrating on your mark.

You watch mesmerized as the flower bud tilts itself up on your skin and then fucking blooms a flower, a new flower, right there on your wrist. You feel your eyes widen at the newly formed petals of a bright red carnation that is sitting right there, right across from the gray and blonde daisy.

“…Wow….” is all you can say, enchanted by the new flower on your wrist. “Holy fucking wow.”

(The two flowers, next to each other, are beautiful.)

You stare at the carnation on your wrist before slowly, slowly looking back up at Dave.

Dave looks up from his own wrist that, just like yours, holds the same carnation. He sheepishly smiles at you.

“Shit…. let’s be parents?” you ask hesitantly. Dave just nods.

“Shit, let’s be parents.” He answers.

#fic #day five #DaveKat Week 2017 #miriage #submission

23 notes · View notes

vettyandberonica · 7 years

Text

Archie Andrews Soulmate!AU

‘Technicolor’

Request: aa can you do a soulmate au with archie wherein all you see is black and white until you touch your soulmate? like he bumps into you in the hallway or something and color just blooms before your eyes?? i dunno of that makes sense or not but your writing it great!! <3

Summary: (a Soulmate!AU) [In a black and white world where you find your soulmate when you touch for the first time. After your skin touches theirs, the two people can see each other in color, later on expanding into seeing the whole world in color.] Y/n has just moved to Riverdale and is starting her first day at Riverdale High. Will today be the day where she’ll find the one she’s been looking for?

Word Count: 1804

a/n: First of all lmao the summary I just wrote for this was so cheesy I apologize. I had fun writing this so I hope you have fun reading it but if not sorry I suck. I’m posting it without editing it so if you see any mistakes I promise I’ll fix them tomorrow I’m just currently being lazy. Don’t forget to request!

---

You heard it happened to another girl from your old school last week. She’d been visiting family in another town when it happened. You heard it happened like some sort of rom-com. Apparently, she’d dropped her wallet and he’d tapped on her shoulder to return it to her. She turned and saw him, like actually saw him, in color. You’d heard it a billion times. When you touch the right person for the first time, you finally start to see in color. At first, it’s just them you see in color, everything else stays black and white, but after a while you can see everything. Something in you goes right with something in them and the rest is history.

It was hard to even conceptualize. You’d lived your whole life seeing black and white, what did it even mean to see in color. They compared it to The Wizard of Oz, like seeing in Technicolor. Before you touch them is like Dorothy in Kansas, but after was like when she went over the rainbow to Munchkinland. People who could see it had tried to explain it to you many times before, but they always ended up saying it was impossible to explain to someone who couldn’t see it; you’d see one day. But what if you didn’t? There were people who lived their whole lives and dies still seeing black and white. Maybe you would be one of those people.

You felt stupid even thinking about it. You were only in high school after all. There were people who didn’t see their person until they were 30, people who didn’t see their person until they were 60! Why were you so anxious?

You knew you didn’t need another person to survive or anything, you could take care of yourself. It’s just the thought of spending your whole life by yourself sounded pretty unappetizing. Even though so many people hadn’t found their person yet you couldn’t help the feeling like you were late. You knew a couple that had seen each other since second grade. You were patient, but you just wanted to know what you were missing.

Your first day at a new school. You’d moved into your new house in Riverdale a couple days ago, and it seemed like a nice town. All the people you’d met seemed welcoming enough and your room was bigger than in your old house. You hadn’t moved here to find your person or anything, your mom’s job had a great opportunity here for her, but you thought maybe this would be that place where it would happen. You didn’t want to get your hopes up… but what if?

You pulled up into a spot on the far side of the parking lot at Riverdale High. You took a deep breath before ripping the band-aid off and opening the car door, making you way toward the entrance. Various other students were laughing and talking with their friends. To say you were nervous would be to say that Mount Everest was a bit of a hike: a huge understatement. It was the first day back from summer, but you’d never been the new kid before. You didn’t know a soul.

You’d been to the office once before over the weekend to register for classes so you found your way there relatively easily once you got inside. You walked into the bustling office and tried to avoid getting hit by a receptionist who at that speed could have easily passed for a linebacker. You hesitantly approached a woman behind a desk who looked busy, but at least noticeably less busy than everyone else. She was typing up something with a level of ferocity that had to be breaking some sort of record. You waited uncomfortably for her to finish what she was doing and notice you standing in front of her. Was she going to finish?

After half a minute and a few final loud smacks on her keyboard, she pushed up her glasses and looked up at you with a weary but genuine smile. “Can I help you with something, honey?”

“Oh, yeah,” you said fumbling through the front pocket of your backpack for the right paper. “Here it is.” You slid the paper to her with your name and information they had given you when you’d registered. “I’m new.”

Her eyes scanned the paper and she turned to grab something from behind the desk. She turned back to you and passed a piece of paper to you. “So, this is your schedule. The school is a bit of a maze so let me see if I can find someone…” She looked around the office and her eyes landed on someone. “Aha!” You followed her line of sight and saw a boy with his arms full of books walking toward the door. You strained your neck to see his face but he was turned away. “Mr. Andrews?!” The boy stopped in his tracks and swiveled around in search for the source of his name. Whoa. The receptionist waved him over and he made his way over to you.

You had tried your whole life not to think about the boys you met too much so you wouldn’t get too attached to them only for them to see someone else. But boy, oh boy, he was kind of a babe.

“Mr. Andrews, she doesn’t know her way around the school yet; Could you show her to her to her first class?”

He glanced quickly at you then back to the receptionist, “Oh, yeah. No problem!”

You smiled graciously at the receptionist and she turned back to her work.

“So we’re going to…” He looked over the schedule and mumbled to himself. “Ah, cool.” He looked up at you and smiled. “That’s not far at all.” You could feel your heart flutter. He started walking down the hall way and you stayed by his side, a couple inches away. “I would shake your hand but I don’t really have a free one at the moment,” he said nodding down to the comically large pile of books he was carrying. “I’m not trying to be rude, I promise.”

“No, don’t even worry about it.” You replied. Secretly though, you were kind of upset you couldn’t shake his hand. You wanted to touch him for a second, just to rule him out as your person. Now you were going to be thinking about him all day.

“So, are you a freshman? Or just new?” he asked while maneuvering through the populated hallway.

“Just new. My mom got a promotion so we moved to Riverdale last week. I’m actually a sophomore.” You explained. You had a feeling you would have to be telling this story pretty frequently in the near future.

“Oh, hey, cool! I’m a sophomore too! Maybe we’ll have classed together and stuff.” He said with a hint of excitement. You didn’t even know why you were getting your hopes up. For all you know he had already seen his person.

“I hope so. So far you’re the only person I’ve met at this school. It would be nice to have a familiar face in a class or two.” You tried to keep the sound of desperation in your voice to a minimum.

He stopped in front of a classroom on the right side of the hallway, “Well, here we are.”

You didn’t want to leave yet, but you knew you had to. “Thank you so much for helping me out, by the way.

He smiled and turned to face you, backing away in the opposite direction “Yeah, maybe I’ll see you around later?” It only hit you then that you didn’t know his first name. And he didn’t know your name either. You opened your mouth to speak, some guy rammed into him, knocking down all his books and making him fall right onto you.

The guy looked at the pile up he’d caused, “Oh, sorry dude,” and walked away.

“I’m so sorry,” he said lifting himself off you and turning to pick up his books without looking at you.

You looked down at your backpack and fixed everything that was misplaced. “It wasn’t your fault,” you comforted without looking up. “It was that stupid guy, he came out of nowhere.”

It was then that you looked up at him, and it happened. You could see him. You, quite literally, could not believe your eyes. You could see the way he really looked, with all the colors that belonged to him. He looked even more beautiful that you had thought. His hair was bright – you didn’t know what everyone else’s hair looked like, or what color to call his, but you knew it was special. You could see the blush in his cheeks as he fumbled with his books, you hadn’t known what blushing really looked like. You could see him, and for now, only him.

He still hadn’t looked up from the books. An overwhelming feeling of fear washed over you. What if he didn’t see you in color back? That happened sometimes. What if it happened to you? You looked at him and you wanted to say something, to ask him, but nothing could come out.

“Hey,” he said, “I just realized that I never got to ask you--” He glanced up and you and back down before he knew what he had seen. He froze, calculating in his head. He slowly turned his head up to face you. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at you and for a while, you just looked back.

You broke the silence, “Can, can you see me? In color?”

He nodded his head yes but remained silent. You could see his eyes scanning all over you, looking like it was the first time he had his eyes, because it kind of was.

With wide eyes he darted his to yours, realizing, “What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t,” you laughed lightly.

“Well can you? Please?” He laughed back.

“It’s Y/n.”

“Y/n,” he said more to himself than to you, like he was feeling how it felt on him. “I’m Archie.”

“It’s a real pleasure to meet you Archie.”

“So… we’re…?”

“I guess so,” You were in as much shock as he was. This was definitely not how you had expected your first day at Riverdale High to start, but you certainly weren’t complaining.

“Do you want to get out of here? We can talk and stuff,” he asked standing up.

“There is nothing more I want in the world.” You reached out your hand and he pulled you up. You walked right out the school and onto the street abandoning all the papers and books. You had more important things to do. You were finally seeing in Technicolor.

#archie #archie andrews #archie andrews imagine #archie Andrews imagines #archie andrews au #riverdale #riverdale imagine #archie writing #kj apa #kj apa imagine #writing

1K notes · View notes